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Who can help me fight for my kids? - Mental health
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1200px){.give-receive-support[_ngcontent-serverApp-c1555552141] .cabp-figure[_ngcontent-serverApp-c1555552141]{width:220px;top:10px;bottom:auto}}</style><script class="structured-data" type="application/ld+json">{"@context":"http://schema.org/","@type":"DiscussionForumPosting","@id":"https://www.inspire.com/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/who-can-help-me-fight-for-my-kids/","discussionUrl":"https://www.inspire.com/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/who-can-help-me-fight-for-my-kids/","mainEntityOfPage":"https://www.inspire.com/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/who-can-help-me-fight-for-my-kids/","url":"https://www.inspire.com/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/who-can-help-me-fight-for-my-kids/","accessMode":"auditory, tactile, textual, visual, textOnVisual","datePublished":"2020-08-29T16:48:58Z","dateModified":null,"headline":"Who can help me fight for my kids?","articleBody":"<p>I'll share what happened at my job last year in a different post to keep these things short, but I do need to share the fact that I'm on long term disability right now for anxiety/PTSD.</p><p>This last year has been a nightmare, issues with my job and lack of adequate medical care led me to end up on long term disability. Along with that, I lost my house (sale fell through), then had to file for bankruptcy. I ended up with a very bad attorney, and lost my home, lost my rental, lost both of my vehicles, and went for an entire month without pay because my bank was taking all of my direct deposits, which then resulted in me getting my electricity and cell phones disconnected. I ended up doing all of my paperwork myself, and then paid an attorney to help me file it and go to the hearing with me. I lost $5000, along with everything else.</p><p>In February, a month before I was going to end up on long term disability, I tried to get my ex to take care of our kids (he never does) so I could go out of town for medical care. He lives 85 north of us, in a different state, but he works in the town that we live in. He just didn't feel it was his responsibility to help me. So, once my bankruptcy was discharged, I sent him the official letter, telling him I wanted to move to AZ, which is where my oldest son and step-daughter lived. I wanted to move out there primarily for our daughter, who is extremely gifted in both music and art, and they had a school out there that I hoped she'd be able to attend.</p><p>I didn't think my ex would have any issues with this, he didn't bother much with our kids, and he knew I was doing this for our daughter. He didn't, but his mother did, she's got an unhealthy attachment to our seven year old son. He told me that he agreed to let us relocate so I began to plan the move out there. Two weeks before we were supposed to move, I was served. He was not only objecting to the move, he was also asking the courts to give him sole custody. Why? He alleged that I had a severe mental illness (didn't have to say which one), and that I took drugs (which drugs?), and that I was planning to take off with our kids (that's why he told me he agreed, to get me to start making plans to move out there). Included in that objection was a restraining order that prevented me from taking our kids out of the county.</p><p>I, fortunately, had just taken money out of my 401k, or I'd have been unable to hire an attorney. I hired one, didn't meet her until the first hearing, which was to see if the judge would allow us to go out to AZ temporarily. She should have known better, this judge doesn't allow temporary relocations of children, but that was minor in comparison to my attorney telling the judge, as soon as she called on her, that she wasn't prepared for the hearing. It didn't go well, and the judge denied my request to relocate. </p><p>While we waited for the judge to make a decision, we remained restricted to the county, and then I started getting the subpoenas that his attorney was issuing, along with a HIPAA waiver, so they could get approval to access my medical records. I was horrified, I felt so violated by this, you'd think there'd have to be some basis for this, other than an allegation. It seemed as though they were just going to let him keep fishing through my records until he found something he thought he could use to get custody.</p><p>I hired another attorney, I had to pay him $8000 up front before he'd start working on my case, but he never did anything other than send emails to me and my ex's attorney. It'd been almost two months, I was still under the restrainer order, I had hoped to at least go visit my sister before my kids went back to school, but my ex's attorney wouldn't agree to let us go. </p><p>By now my discovery documents were almost a month overdue, this attorney still hadn't even filed a notice of appearance, much less done anything productive with my case, so, on to attorney number three, and another $7500.</p><p>She was, by far, the cruelest person i've dealt with in a very long time. I was optimistic that she'd help us (I'm a fool), bu four days after I paid her, she started telling me that she thought I woudl end up losing my children This was based on what my doctor had put in my file in June 2019, that said I was withdrawing from my children. I don't know why she felt it was necessary to tell me that when she had no strategy or game plan to follow it up with. I have PTSD, but I imagine any parent who was told something l9ike that would panic. I spent the weekend torturing myself as I went through all of the emails from back when we were still married (2014 - 2015). I didn't know if that would help, but I figured it might help demonstrate where my anxiety issues started. I didn't send them to her though, I just sent a quick email asking if she thought they'd help. For that, she spent three hours chastising me about trying to play the victim. This happened two more times, and her accusations just kept getting worse, and she continued to tell me I was going to lose my children. </p><p>I didn't feel I had a choice but to let this woman do this to me, I knew I wasn't going to find another attorney, I had trouble finding her! I asked her earlier this week if she'd be willing to just speak to my brother, I knew she'd be less likely to do that to him than she had been to me. For that, she told me she was going to withdraw from my case, and now I'm probably going to have to go up against a very nasty father's rights lawyer. I've lost $35,000 since June, $25,000 of it was through these attorney's. </p><p>I don't feel like anyone cares about me or my kids, my ex hasn't been impacted at all by this, since his legal fees are covered by his mother. I feel like I'm being held hostage. I can leave, but I'd have to give up my kids. This is also why I can't get new medical care, not when he can subpoena my records. </p><p>I'm holding it together, but I'm all alone here, if nothing else it'd be nice to have people that i could talk to that understand what I'm going through. Hopefully someone out there knows someone who might be able to help me.</p>","author":{"@type":"Patient","name":"k209216","sameAs":"https://www.wikidata.org/wiki/Q181600"},"interactionStatistic":[{"@type":"InteractionCounter","interactionType":"https://schema.org/EndorseAction","userInteractionCount":1},{"@type":"InteractionCounter","interactionType":"https://schema.org/AgreeAction","userInteractionCount":1},{"@type":"InteractionCounter","interactionType":"https://schema.org/LikeAction","userInteractionCount":3}],"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","@id":"kg:/g/11g7zdf6gx","name":"Inspire","url":"https://www.inspire.com","naics":"519130","additionalType":["https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Online_health_communities%22","%22https://www.wikidata.org/wiki/Q210980"],"logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/p/AF1QipMwBXZHE-6QKo7bBWUG2BmvCNNBDQejirerHnP3=w1808-h768-k-no"}},"publishingPrinciples":"https://www.inspire.com/about/guidelines/","commentCount":0,"audience":{"@type":"Patient","sameAs":"https://www.wikidata.org/wiki/Q181600"},"comment":[]}</script><style 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class="wp-body"><p _ngcontent-serverapp-c2439603976 id="community-about-text" class="caw-desc">The Mental Health America Support Community connects individuals who have a passion for mental wellness, prevention and early intervention. Those with lived experiences of mental health conditions, their loved ones, and community stakeholders are encouraged to use this space for support and inspiration.</p></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2439603976 class="wp-foot"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c2439603976 id="learn-more-link" class="wp-link" href="/groups/mental-health-america/about/"> Learn more </a><!----></div></section><!----></ins-about-community><!----></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c4271925896 class="widget-box"><!----><ins-community-resources _ngcontent-serverapp-c4271925896 _nghost-serverapp-c1879118710><section _ngcontent-serverapp-c1879118710 class="widget-pack community-resources-widget"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1879118710 class="wp-head"><!----><h3 _ngcontent-serverapp-c1879118710 id="community-links-title" class="wp-title">Information and resources</h3></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1879118710 class="wp-body"><ul _ngcontent-serverapp-c1879118710 class="crw-list"><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1879118710 class="crw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1879118710 target="_blank" class="crw-link cursor-pointer" id="community-section-link-0" href="https://988lifeline.org/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=web&utm_campaign=onebox"> 9-8-8 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline </a><!----></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1879118710 class="crw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1879118710 target="_blank" class="crw-link cursor-pointer" id="community-section-link-1" href="https://www.crisistextline.org/"> Crisis Text Line </a><!----></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1879118710 class="crw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1879118710 target="_blank" class="crw-link cursor-pointer" id="community-section-link-2" href="https://warmline.org/"> Warmlines </a><!----></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1879118710 class="crw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1879118710 target="_blank" class="crw-link cursor-pointer" id="community-section-link-3" href="https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline"> National Helpline </a><!----></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1879118710 class="crw-item"><!----></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1879118710 class="crw-item"><!----></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1879118710 class="crw-item"><!----></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1879118710 class="crw-item"><!----></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1879118710 class="crw-item"><!----></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1879118710 class="crw-item"><!----></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1879118710 class="crw-item"><!----></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1879118710 class="crw-item"><!----></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1879118710 class="crw-item"><!----></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1879118710 class="crw-item"><!----></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1879118710 class="crw-item"><!----></li><!----></ul></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1879118710 class="wp-foot"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1879118710 id="community-resources-toggle" class="wp-link"> See All Resources </a></div><!----></section><!----></ins-community-resources><!----><!----></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c4271925896 class="widget-box"><!----><ins-related-post _ngcontent-serverapp-c4271925896 _nghost-serverapp-c1195444802><section _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="widget-pack related-post-widget"><!----><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="wp-head"><h3 _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="wp-title">Related posts</h3></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="wp-body rpw-less"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-item"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-content"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-title" href="/m/lost-and-fearing/journal/so-many-secrets/"> so many secrets </a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-desc"> I am a man who managed to mature only through drug abuse brilliancy, that ability to 'see ... </div></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-author"><figure _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-avatar"><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 loading="lazy" src="/assets/images/you-small.png" alt="lost-and-fearing"></figure><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-name"> lost-and-fearing </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-stamp"> 4 Comments - Posted Dec 15 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-item"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-content"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-title" href="/m/MsPoppit/journal/not-going-to-live-like-my-mother/"> Not Going to Live Like My Mother </a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-desc"> How do you heal as a person when your Mother tells you that you're worthless? 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Keep busy at home, work and socially, a sh... </div></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-author"><figure _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-avatar"><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 loading="lazy" src="/api/member/millym/avatar/s" alt="millym"></figure><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-name"> millym </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-stamp"> 0 Comments - Posted Sep 09 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-item"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-content"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-title" href="/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/my-boyfriend-left-me-because-he-blames-me-why-he-is-in-the-mental-hospital/"> My boyfriend left me because he blames me why he is in the mental hospital. </a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-desc"> I went to ICU in the local hospital that day frantic, crying, scared and in love with a ma... </div></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-author"><figure _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-avatar"><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 loading="lazy" src="/api/member/webby1/avatar/s" alt="webby1"></figure><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-name"> webby1 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-stamp"> 8 Comments - Posted May 07 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-item"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-content"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-title" href="/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/new-older-lady-help/"> New--older lady--help? </a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-desc"> I am just looking for someone who might know what I am going through. I'm older, history o... </div></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-author"><figure _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-avatar"><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 loading="lazy" src="/assets/images/you-small.png" alt="SadNConfused71"></figure><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-name"> SadNConfused71 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-stamp"> 6 Comments - Posted Sep 07 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-item"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-content"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-title" href="/m/NikE/journal/titleless/"> Titleless </a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-desc"> I always feel like people don't understand Bipolar Disorder enough to believe me when I ta... </div></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-author"><figure _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-avatar"><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 loading="lazy" src="/api/member/NikE/avatar/s" alt="NikE"></figure><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-name"> NikE </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-stamp"> 18 Comments - Posted Mar 06 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-item"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-content"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-title" href="/m/Ogbuja/journal/family-and-children-with-autism-syndrome/"> FAMILY AND CHILDREN WITH AUTISM SYNDROME </a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-desc"> What is Autism? Autism, also called autistic disorder, appears in early childhood, usua... </div></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-author"><figure _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-avatar"><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 loading="lazy" src="/api/member/Ogbuja/avatar/s" alt="Ogbuja"></figure><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-name"> Ogbuja </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-stamp"> 0 Comments - Posted Oct 10 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-item"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-content"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-title" href="/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/can-someone-help-cdpbyt/"> Can someone help? </a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-desc"> Hi, I'm Lowri and I'm new to this page. I'm 19 and for the last 4 years of my life I have ... </div></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-author"><figure _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-avatar"><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 loading="lazy" src="/assets/images/you-small.png" alt="lowriball59"></figure><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-name"> lowriball59 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-stamp"> 7 Comments - Posted Oct 13 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-item"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-content"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-title" href="/m/Billie_Jo/journal/all-about-me-long-awaited-by-a-few-sandy-corley-memorial-run/"> All About Me... Long awaited by a few... Sandy Corley Memorial Run </a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-desc"> First, let me say, I apologize for my absence and recent decline in participation. It's a ... </div></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-author"><figure _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-avatar"><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 loading="lazy" src="/api/member/Billie_Jo/avatar/s" alt="Billie_Jo"></figure><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-name"> Billie_Jo </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-stamp"> 8 Comments - Posted Aug 06 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-item"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-content"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-title" href="/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/dealing-with-my-daughters-depression/"> Dealing with my daughter's depression </a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-desc"> Hello. I just joined this community this morning because I can use some support and advice... </div></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-author"><figure _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-avatar"><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 loading="lazy" src="/assets/images/you-small.png" alt="njlibrn"></figure><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-name"> njlibrn </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-stamp"> 1 Comments - Posted Jan 19 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-item"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-content"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-title" href="/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/delusional-disorder/"> Delusional Disorder </a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-desc"> For the last 18 months my wife of 38 years has been accusing me of gaslighting her by taki... </div></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-author"><figure _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-avatar"><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 loading="lazy" src="/assets/images/you-small.png" alt="Member_Lemur1125"></figure><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-name"> Member_Lemur1125 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-stamp"> 1 Comments - Posted Jul 01 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-item"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-content"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-title" href="/m/noelab/journal/stuff-is-not-great/"> Stuff is not great </a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-desc"> I'm having my gallbladder removed on Monday. Nobody told me after gastric bypass surgery I... </div></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-author"><figure _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-avatar"><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 loading="lazy" src="/api/member/noelab/avatar/s" alt="noelab"></figure><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-name"> noelab </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-stamp"> 7 Comments - Posted Mar 06 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-item"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-content"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-title" href="/m/Jewels_Kidd/journal/who-am-i-18/"> Who am I? </a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-desc"> I am lost and not sure how to find my way back. I feel like a child at school calling home... </div></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-author"><figure _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-avatar"><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 loading="lazy" src="/api/member/Jewels_Kidd/avatar/s" alt="Jewels_Kidd"></figure><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-name"> Jewels_Kidd </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-stamp"> 12 Comments - Posted Aug 11 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-item"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-content"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-title" href="/m/chantelr/journal/creek-snap-twang-no-its-not-a-ghost-in-the-house-just-my-bones/"> *Creek, snap, twang* No, it's not a ghost in the house.. just my bones.. </a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-desc"> After a full day of ABSOLUTELY NOTHING yesterday I took it upon myself to do something tod... </div></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-author"><figure _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-avatar"><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 loading="lazy" src="/api/member/chantelr/avatar/s" alt="chantelr"></figure><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-name"> chantelr </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-stamp"> 2 Comments - Posted Jun 17 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-item"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-content"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-title" href="/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/my-boyfriend-has-paranoid-schitzophrenia/"> my boyfriend has paranoid schitzophrenia </a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-desc"> Hello eyeryone, I just recently found out that my 44 year old boyfriend (I am 43) has par... </div></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-author"><figure _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-avatar"><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 loading="lazy" src="/assets/images/you-small.png" alt="ocean260"></figure><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-name"> ocean260 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-stamp"> 21 Comments - Posted Mar 20 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-item"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-content"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-title" href="/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/wisometimes-feel-like-the-only-way-to-go-from-hear-is-off-the-ledge-majori/"> wisometimes feel like the only way to go from hear is off the ledge majori. </a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-desc"> Not sure what to do and more. First like I said if you read all of this super impressed!!!... </div></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-author"><figure _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-avatar"><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 loading="lazy" src="/api/member/faeriepenguin/avatar/s" alt="faeriepenguin"></figure><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-name"> faeriepenguin </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-stamp"> 3 Comments - Posted Jul 24 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-item"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-content"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-title" href="/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/chronic-pain-trd-ptsd-ocd-scapegoat-etc-smorgasboard-need-advice/"> Chronic pain, TRD, PTSD, OCD, scapegoat,ETC, SMORGASBOARD😊! Need advice! </a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-desc"> Hi, I'm the scapegoat in a family of devout Christians, my mom is...an INFJ NARCISSIST, C... </div></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-author"><figure _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-avatar"><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 loading="lazy" src="/assets/images/you-small.png" alt="HeidifromVA"></figure><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-name"> HeidifromVA </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-stamp"> 5 Comments - Posted Mar 04 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-item"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-content"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-title" href="/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/depression-and-suiside/"> Depression and suiside </a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-desc"> I have had a Ton of loss in my life. I grew up in a huge family and loss was always hard ... </div></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-author"><figure _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-avatar"><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 loading="lazy" src="/api/member/Theoneandonlybubba/avatar/s" alt="Theoneandonlybubba"></figure><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-name"> Theoneandonlybubba </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-stamp"> 0 Comments - Posted Feb 28 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-item"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-content"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-title" href="/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/screw-loose/"> Screw loose </a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-desc"> I don't know if this falls specifically under depression, or maybe it's OCD or a combinati... </div></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-author"><figure _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-avatar"><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 loading="lazy" src="/api/member/j7653/avatar/s" alt="j7653"></figure><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-name"> j7653 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-stamp"> 6 Comments - Posted Sep 08 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-item"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-content"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-title" href="/m/chantelr/journal/fat-acceptance-movement/"> Fat Acceptance Movement??? </a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-desc"> I read 2 articles today that really got my heart rate going. YAY for my type of cardiac t... </div></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-author"><figure _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-avatar"><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 loading="lazy" src="/api/member/chantelr/avatar/s" alt="chantelr"></figure><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-name"> chantelr </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-stamp"> 19 Comments - Posted Jan 16 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-item"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-content"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-title" href="/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/how-do-you-cope-with-life-after-a-serious-injury/"> How do you cope with life after a serious injury? </a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-desc"> I'm a 19 year old female I have been diagnosed several years ago with what I consider "the... </div></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-author"><figure _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-avatar"><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 loading="lazy" src="/assets/images/you-small.png" alt="ashleygarbinsky"></figure><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-name"> ashleygarbinsky </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-stamp"> 5 Comments - Posted May 05 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-item"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-content"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-title" href="/m/Bellableu/journal/why-do-i-not-feel-like-i-feel/"> Why do I not feel like I feel....... </a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-desc"> I am in words going to try and explain why I feel like my life is pretty much worthless. ... </div></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-author"><figure _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-avatar"><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 loading="lazy" src="/api/member/Bellableu/avatar/s" alt="Bellableu"></figure><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-name"> Bellableu </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-stamp"> 4 Comments - Posted Jul 11 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-item"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-content"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-title" href="/m/Glorybee86/journal/leaving-the-past-of-emotional-abuse-behind-me/"> Leaving the past of emotional abuse behind me </a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-desc"> It took so many years to reconcile what happened to me as a result of having a narcissist ... </div></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-author"><figure _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-avatar"><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 loading="lazy" src="/assets/images/you-small.png" alt="Glorybee86"></figure><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-name"> Glorybee86 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-stamp"> 0 Comments - Posted Dec 16 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-item"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-content"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-title" href="/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/looking-for-incite-from-people-who-actually-get-it/"> Looking for incite from people who actually 'get it' </a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-desc"> I have suffered my some form of mental illness throughout my life. Shyness so intense, my ... </div></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-author"><figure _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-avatar"><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 loading="lazy" src="/api/member/BipolarMeds_victim/avatar/s" alt="BipolarMeds_victim"></figure><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-name"> BipolarMeds_victim </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-stamp"> 1 Comments - Posted Mar 02 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-item"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-content"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-title" href="/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/i-live-in-fear-every-moment-of-every-day/"> I live in fear every moment of every day </a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-desc"> I can forgive but I can't forget when i was 8 and a 1... </div></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-author"><figure _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-avatar"><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 loading="lazy" src="/assets/images/you-small.png" alt="Mel2005"></figure><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-name"> Mel2005 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="rpw-stamp"> 0 Comments - Posted Oct 04 </div></div><!----></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="wp-foot"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1195444802 class="wp-link"> View more </a><!----><!----></div></section><!----></ins-related-post><!----></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c4271925896 class="widget-box"><!----><ins-community-topics _ngcontent-serverapp-c4271925896 _nghost-serverapp-c1881580236><section _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="widget-pack community-topics-widget"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="wp-head"><h3 _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 id="community-topics-title" class="wp-title">Community topics</h3></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="wp-body"><ul _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-list"><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-0" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/lgbtq-health/">LGBTQ+ health</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-1" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/bipoc-health/">BIPOC health</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-2" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/addiction-and-co-occurring-disorders/">Addiction and co-occurring disorders</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-3" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/anxiety-and-phobias/">Anxiety and phobias</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-4" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/bipolar-disorder/">Bipolar disorder</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-5" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/childrens-mental-health/">Children's mental health</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-6" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/co-dependency/">Co-dependency</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-7" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/depression/">Depression</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-8" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/eating-disorders/">Eating disorders</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-9" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/grief-and-bereavement/">Grief and bereavement</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-10" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/obsessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd/">Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-11" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/personality-disorders/">Personality disorders</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-12" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/paranoia/">Paranoia</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-13" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/">Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-14" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/schizoaffective-disorder/">Schizoaffective disorder</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-15" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/schizophrenia/">Schizophrenia</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-16" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/dissociative-identity-disorder/">Dissociative Identity Disorder</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-17" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/self-injury/">Self-injury</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-18" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/suicide/">Suicide</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-19" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/wellness-and-overall-health/">Wellness and overall health</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-20" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/other-issues/">Other issues</a></li><li 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class="ch-title"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c2693255913 href="/groups/mental-health-america/">Mental Health America</a><!----></h3><!----><p _ngcontent-serverapp-c2693255913 id="community-description-link" class="ch-desc"> Mental health support group and discussion community </p><!----><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2693255913 class="ch-btn-group"><!----><button _ngcontent-serverapp-c2693255913 type="button" id="join_button" class="ch-action-btn" style="background: #005696;"><ins-svg-icon _ngcontent-serverapp-c2693255913 class="svg-icon" _nghost-serverapp-c33518352><svg _ngcontent-serverapp-c33518352="" fill="currentColor" width="1em" height="1em" viewBox="0 0 1024 1024"><use _ngcontent-serverapp-c33518352="" href="/assets/svgs/symbol-defs.svg?t=7#community"/></svg></ins-svg-icon> Join Inspire </button><!----><!----><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2693255913 id="create-a-post-button" class="ch-create-actions"><button _ngcontent-serverapp-c2693255913 id="post_button" class="bttn bttn-md bttn-navy 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id="post-title-link"> Who can help me fight for my kids? </a></h1><!----><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c3309694327 class="pb-head"><ins-post-head _ngcontent-serverapp-c3309694327 _nghost-serverapp-c1585460719><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1585460719 class="pb-profile"><ins-member-avatar _ngcontent-serverapp-c1585460719 class="pb-avatar" _nghost-serverapp-c3637496220><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c3637496220 id="post-avatar-link" class="member-avatar-container"><figure _ngcontent-serverapp-c3637496220 id="post-avatar" class="member-avatar-block"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c3637496220><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c3637496220 loading="lazy" id="post-avatar-image" src="/api/member/k209216/avatar/m"><!----></div><!----></figure><!----></div><!----></ins-member-avatar><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1585460719 class="pb-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1585460719 class="pb-username" id="post-author-name-link"> k209216 </a><!----><!----><!----><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1585460719 id="post-date" class="pb-stamp"> Aug 29, 2020 • 4:48 PM <!----></div><!----></div></div></ins-post-head><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c3309694327 class="pb-ortho no-print"><app-bookmark _ngcontent-serverapp-c4271925896 bookmarkwrapper _nghost-serverapp-c233444020><ins-bookmark _ngcontent-serverapp-c233444020 id="bookmark" _nghost-serverapp-c228830071><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c228830071 class="bookmark-component-block"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c228830071 class="bcb-btn"><ins-svg-icon _ngcontent-serverapp-c228830071 class="svg-icon" _nghost-serverapp-c33518352><svg _ngcontent-serverapp-c33518352="" fill="currentColor" width="1em" height="1em" viewBox="0 0 1024 1024"><use _ngcontent-serverapp-c33518352="" href="/assets/svgs/symbol-defs.svg?t=7#bookmark-o"/></svg></ins-svg-icon><!----></a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c228830071 class="bcb-tooltip">Sign in or join to bookmark</div><!----></div><!----><!----></ins-bookmark></app-bookmark><!----><!----><ins-ellipsis-menu _ngcontent-serverapp-c3309694327 _nghost-serverapp-c2062330557><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2062330557 id="ellipsis-icon" class="ellipsis-more"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2062330557><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c2062330557 id="ellipses_menu_btn" class="em-btn"><ins-svg-icon _ngcontent-serverapp-c2062330557 icontype="more" class="svg-icon" _nghost-serverapp-c33518352><svg _ngcontent-serverapp-c33518352="" fill="currentColor" width="1em" height="1em" viewBox="0 0 1024 1024"><use _ngcontent-serverapp-c33518352="" href="/assets/svgs/symbol-defs.svg?t=7#more"/></svg></ins-svg-icon></a><!----></div><!----></div><!----></ins-ellipsis-menu><!----></div></div><!----><!----><!----><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c3309694327 class="pb-body"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c3309694327 insclicktoinnerhtmlanchor id="post-snippet" class="pb-desc"><p>I'll share what happened at my job last year in a different post to keep these things short, but I do need to share the fact that I'm on long term disability right now for anxiety/PTSD.</p><p>This last year has been a nightmare, issues with my job and lack of adequate medical care led me to end up on long term disability. Along with that, I lost my house (sale fell through), then had to file for bankruptcy. I ended up with a very bad attorney, and lost my home, lost my rental, lost both of my vehicles, and went for an entire month without pay because my bank was taking all of my direct deposits, which then resulted in me getting my electricity and cell phones disconnected. I ended up doing all of my paperwork myself, and then paid an attorney to help me file it and go to the hearing with me. I lost $5000, along with everything else.</p><p>In February, a month before I was going to end up on long term disability, I tried to get my ex to take care of our kids (he never does) so I could go out of town for medical care. He lives 85 north of us, in a different state, but he works in the town that we live in. He just didn't feel it was his responsibility to help me. So, once my bankruptcy was discharged, I sent him the official letter, telling him I wanted to move to AZ, which is where my oldest son and step-daughter lived. I wanted to move out there primarily for our daughter, who is extremely gifted in both music and art, and they had a school out there that I hoped she'd be able to attend.</p><p>I didn't think my ex would have any issues with this, he didn't bother much with our kids, and he knew I was doing this for our daughter. He didn't, but his mother did, she's got an unhealthy attachment to our seven year old son. He told me that he agreed to let us relocate so I began to plan the move out there. Two weeks before we were supposed to move, I was served. He was not only objecting to the move, he was also asking the courts to give him sole custody. Why? He alleged that I had a severe mental illness (didn't have to say which one), and that I took drugs (which drugs?), and that I was planning to take off with our kids (that's why he told me he agreed, to get me to start making plans to move out there). Included in that objection was a restraining order that prevented me from taking our kids out of the county.</p><p>I, fortunately, had just taken money out of my 401k, or I'd have been unable to hire an attorney. I hired one, didn't meet her until the first hearing, which was to see if the judge would allow us to go out to AZ temporarily. She should have known better, this judge doesn't allow temporary relocations of children, but that was minor in comparison to my attorney telling the judge, as soon as she called on her, that she wasn't prepared for the hearing. It didn't go well, and the judge denied my request to relocate. </p><p>While we waited for the judge to make a decision, we remained restricted to the county, and then I started getting the subpoenas that his attorney was issuing, along with a HIPAA waiver, so they could get approval to access my medical records. I was horrified, I felt so violated by this, you'd think there'd have to be some basis for this, other than an allegation. It seemed as though they were just going to let him keep fishing through my records until he found something he thought he could use to get custody.</p><p>I hired another attorney, I had to pay him $8000 up front before he'd start working on my case, but he never did anything other than send emails to me and my ex's attorney. It'd been almost two months, I was still under the restrainer order, I had hoped to at least go visit my sister before my kids went back to school, but my ex's attorney wouldn't agree to let us go. </p><p>By now my discovery documents were almost a month overdue, this attorney still hadn't even filed a notice of appearance, much less done anything productive with my case, so, on to attorney number three, and another $7500.</p><p>She was, by far, the cruelest person i've dealt with in a very long time. I was optimistic that she'd help us (I'm a fool), bu four days after I paid her, she started telling me that she thought I woudl end up losing my children This was based on what my doctor had put in my file in June 2019, that said I was withdrawing from my children. I don't know why she felt it was necessary to tell me that when she had no strategy or game plan to follow it up with. I have PTSD, but I imagine any parent who was told something l9ike that would panic. I spent the weekend torturing myself as I went through all of the emails from back when we were still married (2014 - 2015). I didn't know if that would help, but I figured it might help demonstrate where my anxiety issues started. I didn't send them to her though, I just sent a quick email asking if she thought they'd help. For that, she spent three hours chastising me about trying to play the victim. This happened two more times, and her accusations just kept getting worse, and she continued to tell me I was going to lose my children. </p><p>I didn't feel I had a choice but to let this woman do this to me, I knew I wasn't going to find another attorney, I had trouble finding her! I asked her earlier this week if she'd be willing to just speak to my brother, I knew she'd be less likely to do that to him than she had been to me. For that, she told me she was going to withdraw from my case, and now I'm probably going to have to go up against a very nasty father's rights lawyer. I've lost $35,000 since June, $25,000 of it was through these attorney's. </p><p>I don't feel like anyone cares about me or my kids, my ex hasn't been impacted at all by this, since his legal fees are covered by his mother. I feel like I'm being held hostage. I can leave, but I'd have to give up my kids. This is also why I can't get new medical care, not when he can subpoena my records. </p><p>I'm holding it together, but I'm all alone here, if nothing else it'd be nice to have people that i could talk to that understand what I'm going through. 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enable JavaScript to continue using this application.</noscript><script src="/inspire-web/runtime.37decc6049e89bb7.js" type="module"></script><script src="/inspire-web/main.0d07b69c752ec29c.js" type="module"></script> <script id="serverApp-state" type="application/json">{"environment":"live","platformID":2,"getWhoAmI":"anon","getCommunity":{"data":{"address_1":"500 Montgomery Street","address_2":"Suite 820","adunit":"mental-health-america","assets":{"accent_color":"#005696","background_image":"","canvas_image":"https://www.inspire.com/resources-design/groups/mental-health-america/canvas_image.jpg","group_name_id":"mental-health-america","header_color":"#005696","iconnect_link":null,"logo_image":"https://www.inspire.com/resources-design/groups/mental-health-america/logo.png","partners":[{"donate":{"links":[]},"facebook":{"links":[]},"instagram":{"links":[]},"logo_image":"https://www.inspire.com/resources-design/partners/mental-health-america/logo.png","name":"Mental Health 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Learn how to detect the signs of an eating disorder.","imagetitle":"mental health and eating disorders image of measuring tape and person standing on scale","imageurl":"https://static.inspire.com/sponsored-resource-center/images/gb21x26ak63g_3pZMKEZt0vfKYuW8QKC5gh_ac7f2ec46773f07109f724f08b83faa4_Mental_Health_and_Eating_disorders__Sm_.jpg","pageid":"/resources/mental-health/eating-disorder-signs","parenttitle":"Mental Health","parenturi":"/resources/mental-health","posted":"2022-09-15","title":"What Are the Signs of an Eating Disorder?"},{"desc":"After insomnia treatments led to tardive dyskinesia, Kathleen Shea founded the National Organization for Tardive Dyskinesia and wrote a book to help others.","imagetitle":"An unrecognizable woman sits on her bed at home, holding a cup of coffee while writing in her journal. ","imageurl":"https://static.inspire.com/sponsored-resource-center/images/gb21x26ak63g_74RszLFvWDdon8uwYsJh5A_19e89b9bda7901cf9edf7971982e1c55_Insomnia_Sufferer_Writes_Book_About_TD__Founds_National_Organization__Sm_.jpg","pageid":"/resources/mental-health/td-advocate-shea","parenttitle":"Mental Health","parenturi":"/resources/mental-health","posted":"2021-08-18","title":"Insomnia Sufferer Writes Book About Tardive Dyskinesia, Founds National Organization"},{"desc":"A tardive dyskinesia diagnosis is certain to lead to questions about this medication side effect. We have answers to help you understand this movement disorder.","imagetitle":"Newly diagnosed tardive dyskinesia doctor's office","imageurl":"https://static.inspire.com/sponsored-resource-center/images/gb21x26ak63g_1uYNHuEEeA3rz6E7LkWiEe_c3d4e2ddc40e4bc5525e8079ac19159a_Newly_Diagnosed_Tardive_Dyskinesia__Sm_.jpg","pageid":"/resources/mental-health/newly-diagnosed-tardive","parenttitle":"Mental Health","parenturi":"/resources/mental-health","posted":"2021-10-12","title":"What to Expect: Newly Diagnosed With Tardive Dyskinesia "},{"desc":"Panic attacks cause intensely fearful reactions when a clear danger doesn’t exist. Chronic panic attacks can lead to panic disorder, a type of anxiety disorder.","imagetitle":"Stressed woman is suffering from a chest pain. Pressure in the chest","imageurl":"https://static.inspire.com/sponsored-resource-center/images/gb21x26ak63g_2Fa4mtFJ5BYgdK4tGs6KFB_6105d4432e147950058f071c6b1310ee_About_Panic_Attacks_and_Panic_Disorders__Sm_.jpg","pageid":"/resources/mental-health/panic-attacks-and-disorder","parenttitle":"Mental Health","parenturi":"/resources/mental-health","posted":"2022-06-21","title":"About Panic Attacks and Panic Disorder"},{"desc":"Certain antipsychotics can cause drug-induced parkinsonism. You may have involuntary tremors, slowed movements, and rigidity. Stopping the medicine helps.","imagetitle":"The hands of a woman with Parkinson's disease tremble very strongly","imageurl":"https://static.inspire.com/sponsored-resource-center/images/gb21x26ak63g_3B0YlekvlJkY8Qvc9YgqZX_9878b21785c694666f2b1f7a1d12d34d_Drug-Induced_Parkinsonism_Hands_Tremor_Tardive__Sm_.jpg","pageid":"/resources/mental-health/drug-induced-parkinsonism","parenttitle":"Mental Health","parenturi":"/resources/mental-health","posted":"2021-09-28","title":"What Is Drug-Induced Parkinsonism?"},{"desc":"Tardive myoclonus causes involuntary shock-like movements in people who have tardive syndromes like tardive dyskinesia. Anti-seizure medications may help.","imagetitle":"Elderly woman suffering with symptoms on hand","imageurl":"https://static.inspire.com/sponsored-resource-center/images/gb21x26ak63g_44mrDqFKHXm5lOgrC2mHAw_334cd4002808ece35b7e89324a3ca4d0_What_is_tardive_myoclonus__sm_.jpg","pageid":"/resources/mental-health/tardive-myoclonus","parenttitle":"Mental Health","parenturi":"/resources/mental-health","posted":"2022-07-28","title":"What Is Tardive Myoclonus?"},{"desc":"Antiemetic medicines for digestive disorders like GERD and gastroparesis treat nausea and vomiting. They also increase your risk of tardive dyskinesia.","imagetitle":"Senior woman suffering from stomach ache sitting on a bed in the bedroom. Photo of Senior woman sitting on her bed has a stomach ache in the bedroom. Senior woman suffering from stomach pain while sitting on a gray sofa during the day.","imageurl":"https://static.inspire.com/sponsored-resource-center/images/gb21x26ak63g_1hC80RjD5Hf3CAvwBiSSMe_e8c84d474a36cf1c82d4e35f98c93087_tardive_dyskinesia_and_digestive_disorders__sm_.jpg","pageid":"/resources/mental-health/tardive-digestive-disorders","parenttitle":"Mental Health","parenturi":"/resources/mental-health","posted":"2022-04-25","title":"Digestive Disorders and Tardive Dyskinesia"},{"desc":"Schizoaffective disorder causes you to have psychosis (schizophrenia), and depression or bipolar disorder. Learn more about this rare psychotic disorder.","imagetitle":"Young woman on couch holding head unsure what's happening, mental health concept","imageurl":"https://static.inspire.com/sponsored-resource-center/images/gb21x26ak63g_6Wq6qR30yGLEizmrtvFGw7_c5ab999d1e479188f0a4d2f177b1b07c_Mental_Health_Schizoaffective_Disorders_Tardive_Woman_on_Couch__Sm_.jpg","pageid":"/resources/mental-health/schizoaffective-disorder","parenttitle":"Mental Health","parenturi":"/resources/mental-health","posted":"2021-12-07","title":"What Is Schizoaffective Disorder?"},{"desc":"Nearly half a million Americans have tardive dyskinesia. This medication side effect causes involuntary facial tics. Get the facts about tardive dyskinesia.","imagetitle":"Woman sitting on a sofa and feeling anxious about mental health and tardive dyskinesia.","imageurl":"https://static.inspire.com/sponsored-resource-center/images/gb21x26ak63g_2DBapnWSwr4Hn8pXlaW2z2_9929163c29974c47856291130cd74f76_Tardive_Dyskinesia_Mental_Health_Facts_and_Figures__Sm_.jpg","pageid":"/resources/mental-health/tardive-facts","parenttitle":"Mental Health","parenturi":"/resources/mental-health","posted":"2021-07-08","title":"Facts About Tardive Dyskinesia"},{"desc":"Mental health conditions pose special challenges for the loved ones of ill individuals. These steps can help a loved one with a mental condition.","imagetitle":"Young woman holding hands of elderly parent with mental disorder","imageurl":"https://static.inspire.com/sponsored-resource-center/images/gb21x26ak63g_2EiHQcU6oLqEJrKeyb77J1_83f224c1cd45b3711ee392f07c241bcd_Ways_to_help_loved_one_with_a_mental_disorder_holding_hands__Sm_.jpg","pageid":"/resources/mental-health/loved-one-mental-disorder","parenttitle":"Mental Health","parenturi":"/resources/mental-health","posted":"2021-10-26","title":"4 Ways to Help a Loved One With a Mental Condition"},{"desc":"Psychotherapy, or talk therapy, helps people with mental disorders or life struggles learn to cope. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a common type.","imagetitle":"In this closeup, a young man wearing a military issue t-shirt and holding a camouflage cap looks down with a pained expression. He is sharing his problems with an unrecognizable counselor.","imageurl":"https://static.inspire.com/sponsored-resource-center/images/gb21x26ak63g_6nz6oM8P7kcyZpmdrzOXQm_7d8c433001119d9bae6e28ca16521294_What_is_Psychotherapy__Sm_.jpg","pageid":"/resources/mental-health/what-is-psychotherapy","parenttitle":"Mental Health","parenturi":"/resources/mental-health","posted":"2022-02-24","title":"What Is Psychotherapy?"},{"desc":"Caregivers of people who have a mental health disorder and tardive dyskinesia are at risk for their own health struggles. These steps can help.","imagetitle":"Parkinson and Alzheimer female senior elderly patient with caregiver in hospice care. Doctor hand with stethoscope check up older woman people. Old aging person seeing medical physician in hospital.","imageurl":"https://static.inspire.com/sponsored-resource-center/images/gb21x26ak63g_01F6U0gQJsvl08LPkReOKm_c6e5fafbb152362f7878bcf9706a8c93_Caregiving_for_Tardive_Dyskinesia__Sm_.png","pageid":"/resources/mental-health/tardive-caregiving","parenttitle":"Mental Health","parenturi":"/resources/mental-health","posted":"2022-05-31","title":"Caregiving for Tardive Dyskinesia"},{"desc":"More people are experiencing mental health issues like depression and anxiety during the COVID-19 pandemic. These tips can help you cope.","imagetitle":"A mother and her daughter are both wearing masks during the covid-19 pandemic.","imageurl":"https://static.inspire.com/sponsored-resource-center/images/gb21x26ak63g_1sih9x1cNPqiBiuF5IA5ot_a88fdf20dca30229fb055a3aa5147bf6_Mental_Health_Pandemic_Masked_Mother_Daughter_Sm.jpg","pageid":"/resources/mental-health/mental-health-tips-pandemic","parenttitle":"Mental Health","parenturi":"/resources/mental-health","posted":"2021-04-02","title":"6 Tips to Improve Mental Health During a Pandemic"},{"desc":"Schizophrenia is a psychotic disorder that causes hallucinations and delusions. People with schizoaffective disorders also have depression or bipolar disorder.","imagetitle":"A psychiatrist is listening to a female patient explaining her experience with schizophrenia","imageurl":"https://static.inspire.com/sponsored-resource-center/images/gb21x26ak63g_5fUMf5OMnDBTLcEl7cVcLM_70d2d6878b9a0723c3c0f56252c32bf0_What_Is_Schizophrenia_Woman_Explaining_to_Psychologist__Sm_.jpg","pageid":"/resources/mental-health/what-is-schizophrenia","parenttitle":"Mental Health","parenturi":"/resources/mental-health","posted":"2021-06-15","title":"What Is Schizophrenia?"},{"desc":"Depression is a mood disorder that makes you feel hopeless, irritated, or withdrawn for weeks or years. Psychotherapy and antidepressants can help.","imagetitle":"Sad businessman sitting head in hands on the bed in the dark bedroom with low light environment, dramatic concept, vintage tone color","imageurl":"https://static.inspire.com/sponsored-resource-center/images/gb21x26ak63g_3dnvMq0LCXx3eWBeVfaEaL_7d8c2fbe9e0afa32fc448bd357034de2_What_Is_Depression__sm_.jpg","pageid":"/resources/mental-health/what-is-depression","parenttitle":"Mental Health","parenturi":"/resources/mental-health","posted":"2022-06-24","title":"What Is Depression?"},{"desc":"A panic attack is an episode of intense fear that comes on suddenly. Although it’s impossible to stop a panic attack once it begins, there are some things you can do to help manage the situation","imagetitle":"Woman in station having a panic attack covering face","imageurl":"https://static.inspire.com/sponsored-resource-center/images/gb21x26ak63g_38745h3I8acq4r4MyxdHAK_fc71a92f103b78d4038e568ff6b22e70_5_ways_to_manage_panic_attacks__Sm_.jpg","pageid":"/resources/mental-health/ways-to-manage-panic-attacks","parenttitle":"Mental Health","parenturi":"/resources/mental-health","posted":"2022-01-31","title":"5 Ways to Manage Panic Attacks"},{"desc":"Delusional disorders cause paranoia and false beliefs (delusions). For example, you may think people are plotting to hurt you or that they’re madly in love with you.","imagetitle":"Close up unhappy woman suffering from paranoia and delusional disorders, depressed young female sitting on couch alone, touching temples, feeling unwell","imageurl":"https://static.inspire.com/sponsored-resource-center/images/gb21x26ak63g_5q4VxQ5y0idLjktSPvUSPV_c676ffcd18870bb189936a34ded52f40_Paranoia_and_Delusional_Disorders__Sm_.jpg","pageid":"/resources/mental-health/paranoia-delusional-disorders","parenttitle":"Mental Health","parenturi":"/resources/mental-health","posted":"2021-08-31","title":"Paranoia and Delusional Disorders"},{"desc":"Mental conditions affect how you think, feel, and behave. Common mental illnesses include anxiety, depression, ADHD, eating disorders, and schizophrenia. ","imagetitle":"Young man with depression sits alone contemplating.","imageurl":"https://static.inspire.com/sponsored-resource-center/images/gb21x26ak63g_2Ar7hBhFj5Sz5ExsnudtbZ_622e563faf43e357faab33c0db2e7d2f_5_Types_of_Mental_Disorders__sm_.jpg","pageid":"/resources/mental-health/5-types-mental-disorders","parenttitle":"Mental Health","parenturi":"/resources/mental-health","posted":"2021-03-16","title":"5 Types of Mental Health Conditions"},{"desc":"Grief is a normal response to a loss. Steps to cope with grief include talking to a therapist, honoring your loved one, and prioritizing your health.","imagetitle":"Two sad women embracing coping with grief","imageurl":"https://static.inspire.com/sponsored-resource-center/images/gb21x26ak63g_SC0Pj160kpAwA1VU1S4YL_e3ed42596a06ea6948fccde9c65662b4_TD_Coping_with_Grief__sm_.jpg","pageid":"/resources/mental-health/coping-with-grief","parenttitle":"Mental Health","parenturi":"/resources/mental-health","posted":"2022-09-27","title":"3 Ways to Cope With Grief"},{"desc":"Whether you have a mental disorder or need help coping with life stressors, mental health counseling can help. Use these 4 tips to find the right therapist.","imagetitle":"Unrecognizable female mental health professional and patient discuss the patient's issues. The doctor gestures while holding the patient's chart.","imageurl":"https://static.inspire.com/sponsored-resource-center/images/gb21x26ak63g_4dyHgjpl4Vpi5k9G6Jfko8_368ce38cc96aa08132abc5157585f9c9_4_Tips_to_Find_the_Right_Therapist__Sm_.png","pageid":"/resources/mental-health/finding-therapist","parenttitle":"Mental Health","parenturi":"/resources/mental-health","posted":"2022-05-27","title":"4 Tips to Find the Right Therapist"},{"desc":"People with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) may be hyperactive, inattentive, or a mix of both. Medications and psychotherapy can help.","imagetitle":"Child writing Abbreviation ADHD on a blackboard. ADHD is Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.","imageurl":"https://static.inspire.com/sponsored-resource-center/images/gb21x26ak63g_5oIULLehOVtQPmxv8wwSrt_cbd05b9a19d64be2ba93a0bdbf47af66_What_is_ADHD__Sm_.jpg","pageid":"/resources/mental-health/what-is-adhd","parenttitle":"Mental Health","parenturi":"/resources/mental-health","posted":"2022-03-10","title":"What Is ADHD?"},{"desc":"Many mental health conditions appear during childhood. Children and teens are more likely to develop ADHD, anxiety disorders, depression, and eating disorders.","imagetitle":"Young girl having a conversation with her doctor about her mental health","imageurl":"https://static.inspire.com/sponsored-resource-center/images/gb21x26ak63g_62GX0Sxus7rfcKim9gQk38_5138b3d98e77c3e38f5f9dad018580ba_Mental_Health_in_Children__Sm_.jpg","pageid":"/resources/mental-health/mental-disorders-children","parenttitle":"Mental Health","parenturi":"/resources/mental-health","posted":"2021-11-23","title":"4 Common Mental Conditions in Children"}],"desc":"Mental health is your state of emotional and psychological well-being. You may face challenges in your mental health at different stages of life. If these challenges continue to affect you over the long term, they may develop into mental health illnesses requiring medication, such as schizophrenia or bipolar disorder. Other disorders can arise as antipsychotic drug side effects, such as tardive dyskinesia.","imagetitle":"Doctor discussing mental health with tardive dyskinesia patient","imageurl":"https://static.inspire.com/sponsored-resource-center/images/gb21x26ak63g_1F58w7Dm7vSBX6V4H4x17S_3e5b29fa726fb702ce95f89a913067c3_Tardive_Dyskinesia_Treatment__OG_.jpg","pageid":"mental-health","title":"Mental Health"}],"state":"Virginia","topics":[{"description":null,"f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"LGBTQ+ health","name_id":"lgbtq-health","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"1","topic_id":"4040"},{"description":null,"f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"BIPOC health","name_id":"bipoc-health","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"2","topic_id":"4041"},{"description":"Alcohol and other drug abuse and addiction constitute major health and safety concerns. For people struggling with co-occurring mental health and substance abuse disorders, physical safety and overall health risks are greater. Treatment is proven to be effective, but very few who need it have access to and receive care.","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Addiction and co-occurring disorders","name_id":"addiction-and-co-occurring-disorders","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"3","topic_id":"2240"},{"description":"Most people experience feelings of anxiety before an important event such as a big exam, business presentation or first date. Anxiety disorders, however, are illnesses that cause people to feel frightened, distressed and uneasy for no apparent reason. Left untreated, these disorders can dramatically reduce productivity and significantly diminish an individual's quality of life.\n\nPhobias are the most common form of anxiety disorders, and fall into three categories. Specific (simple) phobias are the most common and focus on specific objects. Social phobia causes extreme anxiety in social or public situations. And agoraphobia, which is the fear of being alone in public places from which there is no easy escape.","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Anxiety and phobias","name_id":"anxiety-and-phobias","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"4","topic_id":"2241"},{"description":"Bipolar disorder, also known as manic depression, is an illness involving one or more episodes of serious mania and depression. The illness causes a person's mood to swing from excessively high and/or irritable to sad and hopeless, with periods of a normal mood in between. More than 2 million Americans suffer from bipolar disorder.","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Bipolar disorder","name_id":"bipolar-disorder","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"5","topic_id":"2242"},{"description":"Children are affected by a wide range of mental health issues, including ADD/ADHD, anxiety disorders, autism, bipolar disorder, bullying, conduct disorders, depression, and schizophrenia.","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Children's mental health","name_id":"childrens-mental-health","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"6","topic_id":"2243"},{"description":"Co-dependency is a learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual's ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as \"relationship addiction\" because people with co-dependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive.","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Co-dependency","name_id":"co-dependency","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"7","topic_id":"2244"},{"description":"Clinical depression is one of the most common mental illnesses, affecting more than 19 million Americans each year. Depression causes people to lose pleasure from daily life, can complicate other medical conditions, and can even be serious enough to lead to suicide. Unfortunately, though treatment for depression is almost always successful, fewer than half of those suffering from this illness seek treatment.","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Depression","name_id":"depression","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"8","topic_id":"2245"},{"description":"People with eating disorders experience serious disturbances in their eating patterns, such as a severe and unhealthy reduction in their food intake or overeating, as well as extreme concern about body shape or weight. Eating disorders usually develop during adolescence or early adulthood. Eating disorders are not due to weak willpower or bad behavior; rather, they are real, treatable illnesses. The two main types of eating disorders are anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa.","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Eating disorders","name_id":"eating-disorders","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"9","topic_id":"2246"},{"description":"The loss of a loved one is life's most stressful event and can cause a major emotional crisis. When a death takes place, you may experience a wide range of emotions, even when the death is expected. It takes time to fully absorb the impact of a major loss. You never stop missing your loved one, but the pain eases after time and allows you to go on with your life.","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Grief and bereavement","name_id":"grief-and-bereavement","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"10","topic_id":"2247"},{"description":"People with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) suffer intensely from recurrent unwanted thoughts (obsessions) or rituals (compulsions), which they feel they cannot control. Rituals, such as handwashing, counting, checking or cleaning, are often performed in hope of preventing obsessive thoughts or making them go away. Performing these rituals, however, provides only temporary relief, and not performing them increases anxiety. Left untreated, obsessions and the need to perform rituals can take over a person's life. OCD is often a chronic, relapsing illness.","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)","name_id":"obsessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"11","topic_id":"2289"},{"description":"Those who struggle with a personality disorder have great difficulty dealing with other people. They tend to be inflexible, rigid, and unable to respond to the changes and demands of life. Although they feel that their behavior patterns are \"normal\" or \"right,\" people with personality disorders tend to have a narrow view of the world and find it difficult to participate in social activities. There are many types of help available for the different personality disorders. Treatment may include individual, group, or family psychotherapy. Medications, prescribed by a patient's physician, may also be helpful in relieving some of the symptoms of personality disorders, including problems with anxiety and perceptions.","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Personality disorders","name_id":"personality-disorders","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"12","topic_id":"2248"},{"description":"","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Paranoia","name_id":"paranoia","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"13","topic_id":"3881"},{"description":"If you have gone through a traumatic experience, it is normal to feel lots of emotions, such as distress, fear, helplessness, guilt, shame or anger. You may start to feel better after days or weeks, but sometimes, these feelings don't go away. If the symptoms last for more than a month, you may have post-traumatic stress disorder or PTSD.","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)","name_id":"post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"14","topic_id":"2249"},{"description":"About one in 100 people are affected with schizoaffective disorder. It has features that are similar to schizophrenia, depression and bipolar disorder. An individual with schizoaffective disorder will experience hallucinations, delusions and symptoms similar to other mood disorders.","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Schizoaffective disorder","name_id":"schizoaffective-disorder","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"15","topic_id":"2760"},{"description":"Schizophrenia is a serious disorder which affects how a person thinks, feels and acts. Someone with schizophrenia may have difficulty distinguishing between what is real and what is imaginary; may be unresponsive or withdrawn; and may have difficulty expressing normal emotions in social situations.","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Schizophrenia","name_id":"schizophrenia","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"16","topic_id":"2250"},{"description":"","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Dissociative Identity Disorder","name_id":"dissociative-identity-disorder","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"17","topic_id":"3846"},{"description":"Self-injury, also known as cutting or self-mutilation, occurs when someone intentionally and repeatedly harms herself/himself. Its estimated that about two million people in the U.S. injure themselves in some way. The majority are teenagers or young adults with young women outnumbering young men. They are of all races and backgrounds.","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Self-injury","name_id":"self-injury","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"18","topic_id":"2251"},{"description":"A suicide attempt is a clear indication that something is gravely wrong in a person's life. No matter the race or age of the person; how rich or poor they are, it is true that most people who die by suicide have a mental or emotional disorder. The most common underlying disorder is depression; 30% to 70% of suicide victims suffer from major depression or bipolar (manic-depressive) disorder. If you think someone you know is considering suicide, trust your instincts that the person may be in trouble and get help. Call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) to reach a 24-hour crisis center or dial 911 for immediate assistance.","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Suicide","name_id":"suicide","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"19","topic_id":"2290"},{"description":"This topic covers general wellness and overall health -- managing stress, coping with day-to-day problems, work/life balance, improving your mental health, recovery and more.","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Wellness and overall health","name_id":"wellness-and-overall-health","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"20","topic_id":"2252"},{"description":"Discuss mental health issues not covered by one of our other topics here.","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Other issues","name_id":"other-issues","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"21","topic_id":"2253"},{"description":"Discuss issues related to access to treatment here, such as health insurance and Medicare/Medicaid. Share information and tips on getting access to the treatment you need.","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Access to treatment","name_id":"access-to-treatment","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"22","topic_id":"2254"},{"description":"Caring for a family member or friend who is dealing with mental health issues can be overwhelming. This is your place to meet others who know what it's like, and share support and information.","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Family and caregivers","name_id":"family-and-caregivers","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"23","topic_id":"2255"},{"description":"A place for teens and young adults to connect and share information and support. You're not alone!","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Teens and young adults","name_id":"teens-and-young-adults","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"24","topic_id":"2256"},{"description":"Despite everything we have learned about mental illness, misconceptions are still common, and those dealing with mental illness feel the stigma. Connect with others who know what it's like here. Share tips for coping, and increasing awareness and understanding of mental illness.","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Coping with the stigma of mental illness","name_id":"coping-with-the-stigma-of-mental-illness","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"25","topic_id":"2257"}],"web_site":"https://www.mhanational.org","isPrivate":null},"status":"success"},"getDiscussion":{"status":"success","data":{"post":{"id":"12243049423718252897","tracking_id":"12243049423718252897","slug":"disc-who-can-help-me-fight-for-my-kids","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/who-can-help-me-fight-for-my-kids/","title":"Who can help me fight for my kids?","content":"\u003Cp>I'll share what happened at my job last year in a different post to keep these things short, but I do need to share the fact that I'm on long term disability right now for anxiety/PTSD.\u003C/p>\u003Cp>This last year has been a nightmare, issues with my job and lack of adequate medical care led me to end up on long term disability. Along with that, I lost my house (sale fell through), then had to file for bankruptcy. I ended up with a very bad attorney, and lost my home, lost my rental, lost both of my vehicles, and went for an entire month without pay because my bank was taking all of my direct deposits, which then resulted in me getting my electricity and cell phones disconnected. I ended up doing all of my paperwork myself, and then paid an attorney to help me file it and go to the hearing with me. I lost $5000, along with everything else.\u003C/p>\u003Cp>In February, a month before I was going to end up on long term disability, I tried to get my ex to take care of our kids (he never does) so I could go out of town for medical care. He lives 85 north of us, in a different state, but he works in the town that we live in. He just didn't feel it was his responsibility to help me. So, once my bankruptcy was discharged, I sent him the official letter, telling him I wanted to move to AZ, which is where my oldest son and step-daughter lived. I wanted to move out there primarily for our daughter, who is extremely gifted in both music and art, and they had a school out there that I hoped she'd be able to attend.\u003C/p>\u003Cp>I didn't think my ex would have any issues with this, he didn't bother much with our kids, and he knew I was doing this for our daughter. He didn't, but his mother did, she's got an unhealthy attachment to our seven year old son. He told me that he agreed to let us relocate so I began to plan the move out there. Two weeks before we were supposed to move, I was served. He was not only objecting to the move, he was also asking the courts to give him sole custody. Why? He alleged that I had a severe mental illness (didn't have to say which one), and that I took drugs (which drugs?), and that I was planning to take off with our kids (that's why he told me he agreed, to get me to start making plans to move out there). Included in that objection was a restraining order that prevented me from taking our kids out of the county.\u003C/p>\u003Cp>I, fortunately, had just taken money out of my 401k, or I'd have been unable to hire an attorney. I hired one, didn't meet her until the first hearing, which was to see if the judge would allow us to go out to AZ temporarily. She should have known better, this judge doesn't allow temporary relocations of children, but that was minor in comparison to my attorney telling the judge, as soon as she called on her, that she wasn't prepared for the hearing. It didn't go well, and the judge denied my request to relocate. \u003C/p>\u003Cp>While we waited for the judge to make a decision, we remained restricted to the county, and then I started getting the subpoenas that his attorney was issuing, along with a HIPAA waiver, so they could get approval to access my medical records. I was horrified, I felt so violated by this, you'd think there'd have to be some basis for this, other than an allegation. It seemed as though they were just going to let him keep fishing through my records until he found something he thought he could use to get custody.\u003C/p>\u003Cp>I hired another attorney, I had to pay him $8000 up front before he'd start working on my case, but he never did anything other than send emails to me and my ex's attorney. It'd been almost two months, I was still under the restrainer order, I had hoped to at least go visit my sister before my kids went back to school, but my ex's attorney wouldn't agree to let us go. \u003C/p>\u003Cp>By now my discovery documents were almost a month overdue, this attorney still hadn't even filed a notice of appearance, much less done anything productive with my case, so, on to attorney number three, and another $7500.\u003C/p>\u003Cp>She was, by far, the cruelest person i've dealt with in a very long time. I was optimistic that she'd help us (I'm a fool), bu four days after I paid her, she started telling me that she thought I woudl end up losing my children This was based on what my doctor had put in my file in June 2019, that said I was withdrawing from my children. I don't know why she felt it was necessary to tell me that when she had no strategy or game plan to follow it up with. I have PTSD, but I imagine any parent who was told something l9ike that would panic. I spent the weekend torturing myself as I went through all of the emails from back when we were still married (2014 - 2015). I didn't know if that would help, but I figured it might help demonstrate where my anxiety issues started. I didn't send them to her though, I just sent a quick email asking if she thought they'd help. For that, she spent three hours chastising me about trying to play the victim. This happened two more times, and her accusations just kept getting worse, and she continued to tell me I was going to lose my children. \u003C/p>\u003Cp>I didn't feel I had a choice but to let this woman do this to me, I knew I wasn't going to find another attorney, I had trouble finding her! I asked her earlier this week if she'd be willing to just speak to my brother, I knew she'd be less likely to do that to him than she had been to me. For that, she told me she was going to withdraw from my case, and now I'm probably going to have to go up against a very nasty father's rights lawyer. I've lost $35,000 since June, $25,000 of it was through these attorney's. \u003C/p>\u003Cp>I don't feel like anyone cares about me or my kids, my ex hasn't been impacted at all by this, since his legal fees are covered by his mother. I feel like I'm being held hostage. I can leave, but I'd have to give up my kids. This is also why I can't get new medical care, not when he can subpoena my records. \u003C/p>\u003Cp>I'm holding it together, but I'm all alone here, if nothing else it'd be nice to have people that i could talk to that understand what I'm going through. Hopefully someone out there knows someone who might be able to help me.\u003C/p>","updated":null,"created":"2020-08-29T16:48:58Z","reply_count":0,"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false,"active":"2020-08-29T16:48:58Z","cmnt_policy":"open","class":"disc","privacy":"public","muted":false,"solicit_ai":false,"author":{"nickname":"k209216","status":4,"avatar":{"large":"/assets/images/you-large.png","medium":"/assets/images/you.png","small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"join_date":"2020-08-29T15:38:53Z","site_roles":[],"is_followed":false,"city":null,"state":null,"__typename":"User"},"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","topics":[{"id":2257,"name_id":"coping-with-the-stigma-of-mental-illness","name":"Coping with the stigma of mental illness","__typename":"Topic"}],"__typename":"Group"}],"reactions":[{"type":"USEFUL","count":1,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":["mich_can_sing"],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":1,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":["mich_can_sing"],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"SUPPORT","count":3,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":["mich_can_sing","VHopeGold","Mary5220"],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"__typename":"Post","files":[]}}},"getPostReplies":{"status":"success","data":{"post":{"reply_count":0,"comments":[],"__typename":"Post"}}},"getRelatedPosts":{"status":"success","data":{"Search":{"posts":{"total_hits":76,"hits":[{"__typename":"Post","id":"12243049423718252897","tracking_id":"12243049423718252897","slug":"disc-who-can-help-me-fight-for-my-kids","class":"disc","created":"2020-08-29T16:48:58Z","active":"2020-08-29T16:48:58Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"k209216","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"I'll share what happened at my job last year in a different post to keep these things short, but I do need to share the fact that I'm on long term disability right now for anxiety/PTSD.\n\nThis last year has been a nightmare, issues with my job and lack of adequate medical care led me to end up on long term disability. Along with that, I lost my house (sale fell through), then had to file for bankruptcy. I ended up with a very bad attorney, and lost my home, lost my rental, lost both of my vehicles, and went for an entire month without pay because my bank was taking all of my direct deposits, which then resulted in me getting my electricity and cell phones disconnected. I ended up doing all of my paperwork myself, and then paid an attorney to help me file it and go to the hearing with me. I lost $5000, along with everything else.\n\nIn February, a month before I was going to end up on long term disability, I tried to get my ex to take care of our kids (he never does) so I could go out of town for medical care. He lives 85 north of us, in a different state, but he works in the town that we live in. He just didn't feel it was his responsibility to help me. So, once my bankruptcy was discharged, I sent him the official letter, telling him I wanted to move to AZ, which is where my oldest son and step-daughter lived. I wanted to move out there primarily for our daughter, who is extremely gifted in both music and art, and they had a school out there that I hoped she'd be able to attend.\n\nI didn't think my ex would have any issues with this, he didn't bother much with our kids, and he knew I was doing this for our daughter. He didn't, but his mother did, she's got an unhealthy attachment to our seven year old son. He told me that he agreed to let us relocate so I began to plan the move out there. Two weeks before we were supposed to move, I was served. He was not only objecting to the move, he was also asking the courts to give him sole custody. Why? He alleged that I had a severe mental illness (didn't have to say which one), and that I took drugs (which drugs?), and that I was planning to take off with our kids (that's why he told me he agreed, to get me to start making plans to move out there). Included in that objection was a restraining order that prevented me from taking our kids out of the county.\n\nI, fortunately, had just taken money out of my 401k, or I'd have been unable to hire an attorney. I hired one, didn't meet her until the first hearing, which was to see if the judge would allow us to go out to AZ temporarily. She should have known better, this judge doesn't allow temporary relocations of children, but that was minor in comparison to my attorney telling the judge, as soon as she called on her, that she wasn't prepared for the hearing. It didn't go well, and the judge denied my request to relocate. \n\nWhile we waited for the judge to make a decision, we remained restricted to the county, and then I started getting the subpoenas that his attorney was issuing, along with a HIPAA waiver, so they could get approval to access my medical records. I was horrified, I felt so violated by this, you'd think there'd have to be some basis for this, other than an allegation. It seemed as though they were just going to let him keep fishing through my records until he found something he thought he could use to get custody.\n\nI hired another attorney, I had to pay him $8000 up front before he'd start working on my case, but he never did anything other than send emails to me and my ex's attorney. It'd been almost two months, I was still under the restrainer order, I had hoped to at least go visit my sister before my kids went back to school, but my ex's attorney wouldn't agree to let us go. \n\nBy now my discovery documents were almost a month overdue, this attorney still hadn't even filed a notice of appearance, much less done anything productive with my case, so, on to attorney number three, and another $7500.\n\nShe was, by far, the cruelest person i've dealt with in a very long time. I was optimistic that she'd help us (I'm a fool), bu four days after I paid her, she started telling me that she thought I woudl end up losing my children This was based on what my doctor had put in my file in June 2019, that said I was withdrawing from my children. I don't know why she felt it was necessary to tell me that when she had no strategy or game plan to follow it up with. I have PTSD, but I imagine any parent who was told something l9ike that would panic. I spent the weekend torturing myself as I went through all of the emails from back when we were still married (2014 - 2015). I didn't know if that would help, but I figured it might help demonstrate where my anxiety issues started. I didn't send them to her though, I just sent a quick email asking if she thought they'd help. For that, she spent three hours chastising me about trying to play the victim. This happened two more times, and her accusations just kept getting worse, and she continued to tell me I was going to lose my children. \n\nI didn't feel I had a choice but to let this woman do this to me, I knew I wasn't going to find another attorney, I had trouble finding her! I asked her earlier this week if she'd be willing to just speak to my brother, I knew she'd be less likely to do that to him than she had been to me. For that, she told me she was going to withdraw from my case, and now I'm probably going to have to go up against a very nasty father's rights lawyer. I've lost $35,000 since June, $25,000 of it was through these attorney's. \n\nI don't feel like anyone cares about me or my kids, my ex hasn't been impacted at all by this, since his legal fees are covered by his mother. I feel like I'm being held hostage. I can leave, but I'd have to give up my kids. This is also why I can't get new medical care, not when he can subpoena my records. \n\nI'm holding it together, but I'm all alone here, if nothing else it'd be nice to have people that i could talk to that understand what I'm going through. Hopefully someone out there knows someone who might be able to help me.","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":0,"url":"/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/who-can-help-me-fight-for-my-kids/","title":"Who can help me fight for my kids?","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"USEFUL","count":1,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":["mich_can_sing"],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":1,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":["mich_can_sing"],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"SUPPORT","count":3,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":["mich_can_sing","VHopeGold","Mary5220"],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[{"id":2257,"name":"Coping with the stigma of mental illness","__typename":"Topic"}],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"250096822554931872","tracking_id":"250096822554931872","slug":"jrnl-so-many-secrets","class":"jrnl","created":"2014-12-15T12:32:06Z","active":"2014-12-17T05:11:57Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"lost-and-fearing","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"I am a man who managed to mature only through drug abuse brilliancy, that ability to 'see myself for somewhat the same' rather than the 'less than equal' person I play for public perusal. I have had no guidance but my own survival through hiding who I really am., even though my idea of who I am isn't true or nearly as evil as I call myself constantly.\r\nI am way confused and sick from child abuse I received and still feel every day- even though I am 53. In truth I am sick and pathetic because I am scared and lonely and afraid and I act out at times by bragging to be something I am not, and the drugs accelerate this problem.\r\n\r\nI have sobered up before and licked the addicted part incompletely, always needful to return my self hatred into truth, by bragging or behaving 'cool', though I never quite succeed in happy life. Before it was different. I now have a eleven-year-old daughter whose mom died of cancer in 05. I am finding I can't hold onto my old behaviors and be a bad example. I must now go to the 54th rung on that ladder and I am afraid that I must accept responsibility and change completely. Truth is, I have been changing all my life.\r\n\r\nI kneeled on gravel as a punishment for my mom, who showed me she would get even for her fears that kept her in self banishment from public view -- by telling me \"if only joe could behave' she could go get a job and not be stuck caring for kids who never clean up or do right or \"help her to keep from\" cold-cocking my non-kneeling brain that dared I profess too brazenly (and honestly) that she is \"whack,\" and earned me another 'stupid failure' lobotomy-like badge to be etched on my nakedly shocked and nerve-feeling, tender-foot scalp, as well as a sadly confused and tear-screamingly innocent, not yet first-grade mature, nor graduated face. \r\n\r\nI am finally coming full cycle and growing to be a man. WHILE I CAN USE ENCOURAGEMENT--I need to search for humility and not accept myself for \"just being that way\". I may have to pay by losing my daughter custody. But I see from her own maturity that the lieing can't continue. Please forgive and pray for my bravado.","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":4,"url":"/m/lost-and-fearing/journal/so-many-secrets/","title":"so many secrets","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"SUPPORT","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"drug-abuse","group_id":200074,"name":"Drug Abuse","url":"/groups/drug-abuse/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"},{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"13160495776081325505","tracking_id":"13160495776081325505","slug":"jrnl-not-going-to-live-like-my-mother","class":"jrnl","created":"2011-03-13T17:00:40Z","active":"2011-03-27T12:15:19Z","updated":"2011-03-13T17:35:11Z","depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/api/member/MsPoppit/avatar/s","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"MsPoppit","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"How do you heal as a person when your Mother tells you that you're worthless? That you're not smart, not pretty, not worth spending time or money on? How do you, 30 years later, become a loving, forgiving, understanding and supportive human being yourself, with that kind of beginning?\r\n\r\nMy Mom never completed college, but her dream had been to become a judge. In my childhood, she made her dream come true. My sister and I were summoned into the living room after she had considered our \"crimes\" (letting the neighbor's cat in, reading \"Gone with the Wind). There, her second or third martini by her side, her voice dripping with disdain, she would eviscerate our behavior, our morals, our worth as human beings, and our huge failings as daughters of a divorced woman with no support. \r\n\r\n She scared the living s*&() out of me. It was like living with a time bomb, not knowing what would set it off, and when it would go off, and how big the explosion would be. She imposed strict order and discipline on the smallest aspects of our lives: every Saturday, I would carefully iron and fold everything from sheets to our cotton underpants and put them away in their proper places. \r\n\r\n One day I came home from school and found all my dresser drawers dumped out on my bedroom floor. My mother, who had coolly watched me from the sofa where she had been enjoying \"General Hospital\" called out, \"Next time, you'll remember to fold your underpants properly, won't you.\" (I hate you, Mom, I hate you.)\r\n\r\nMom found me unpleasingly plump, and ordered that desserts would never cross my lips, so I learned to steal whatever food I could find. One horrible day, my grandmother was over, and pulled me into a warm embrace, rubbing my tummy. \"What's this?\" she cried out, swiftly pulling up my dress and tugging my underpants away from my body. She pulled out a piece of folded bread and held it up.\r\n\r\n\"She's a pathological liar,\" pronounced my Mother. \"You're grounded for the next two weeks.\" That meant no bike-riding, NO EXERCISE THAT WOULD HELP ME LOSE WEIGHT, just sitting around reading in my bedroom, staying out of her way.\r\n\r\nBut becoming invisible in a small house is impossible, especially when my Mother needed an audience for her boozy tirades (yes, she drank martinis every day at 5:00 and snuck gin into a glass of diet coke as early as 10:00 a.m.). She actually seemed to take a grim pleasure in showing us that she really only had $7.00 in her checkbook. The first time she did that, I left my entire wordly savings of $9.00 under her pillow, with a note not to feel so bad and that I loved her (she thanked me and kept the money--I'm serious, this happened) .\r\n\r\n On my 11th birthday, Mom decreed that she could only afford $5 to spend on my present, and took us to a huge drug store. In the 60's, Nancy Drew's were $1.25 a mystery, and I proudly took 4 books over to my Mom, who was in the liquor department, talking to a cashier ringing up her purchases. \r\n\r\n\"I like Tanquery Gin and Rossi vermouth for my martinis,\" she was saying. \"Did you say it came to $21.79?\"\r\n\r\nThat day I learned how a broken heart feels.\r\n\r\nWithin two years, my mother would dump all our clothes on the porch for \"being belligerent and having an attitude (seriously?).\" My Nana would take pity on us and keep us at her house for 3 weeks, so my Mother could \"have a break.\" One time, just before Thanksgiving the year I turned 13, Mom got furious with my older sister for wanting to go out on a date, threw all her clothes in the back seat, and drove her over to my Dad's apartment. \"And then I'm coming back to teach you a lesson, \" she screamed at me as she rolled out the driveway.\r\n\r\nAs soon as she was gone, I jumped on my bike and rode 2 miles in 5:00 pm Los Angeles traffic to the police station (near the library we went to every Saturday), \"I want to report my mother,\" I said breathlessly to the cop at the desk. \"I think she's going to hurt me.\"\r\n\r\n\"Now,\" he said kindly, \"you really don't think your own mother is going to hurt her daughter, now do you? Just had a disagreement, didn't you, and if you just go back home, it'll be all right, just blown over.\"\r\n\r\n\"No, no, no!\" I shrieked. \"She's been drinking all day, she threw my sister out, and now she's coming back to teach me a lesson--I won't go back, I won't!\"\r\n\r\nThe cop looked at me for a minute, then shook his head. \"Ok, sit over there. I have to make a phone call.\"\r\n\r\nIn 5 minutes, two of the tallest men in uniform I'd ever seen were asking me to drive with them back to my Mother's house in their squad car. I told them I didn't want to see her, and asked them to drop me and my bike on the corner. They did, and I saw them park the squad car in front of the house, get out, and walk to the front door. Mom's car was in the driveway, so I knew she was home. I waited, along with several neighbors in their driveways, not knowing what would happen next.\r\n\r\nAfter a few minutes, the tall cops got into their car and drove to my corner. They seemed exasperated. \"Well, your Mom wouldn't answer the door and we can't force her to talk to us,\" one said. \"Can we call someone to pick you up?\"\r\n\r\nMy grandmother came, and we stayed with her for another three weeks until Mom \"felt better\" and we were returned, without hope, to her unloving embrace. It was over the following February: my sister turned 18, my Dad and Nana found a two bedroom apartment, and we moved in with him.\r\n\r\nLife is complicated, Like so many children of alcoholics, I hated and feared my Mom, but never stopped trying to please her, to earn her approbation as I completed my BA, started a career, and got married. My life never seemed really interesting enough to merit her genuine attention.\r\n\r\nI finally went to dinner with her in October, 1985, drank 4 glasses of wine in quick succession, and told her what a lousy mother she'd been and was still, begging her to help my sister and her kids, who were living in poverty after my brother-in-law had left them. Nothing doing, and I didn't see her until I got a call the following June that she was in the hospital dying ing of cancer.\r\n\r\nI count it an expression of Grace that we were able to tell each other, \"I love you,\" and I'm glad for my own peace of mind that I said it, and I heard it..\r\n\r\nI was 32 when we buried her ashes with my father. I had gone through several years of therapy prior to her death, and had learned how her treatment of my sister and I was not justifiable under any circumstances, and I had a right to my pain and anger. i didn't really believe that until I was over 50. \r\n\r\nI also believed that the best way not ever to be like my Mom was to never have children, and my husband and I didn't. Along the way, I read a lot about alcoholism, joined NAMI (the National Alliance on Mental Illness), took classes, taught classes, and talked with many, many people whose tender young lives had been cursed with their parents' alcoholism and mental illness.\r\n\r\nI know now that my mother's alcoholism was probably \"self-medication\" for chronic depression and possibly a personality disorder. I also know that my childhood and my mother's illness have profoundly helped me to be a far more sensitive, caring and compassionate human being, though I didn't recognize and claim these gifts until my 50's.\r\n\r\nIt's raining today in Bellingham, WA where I live. This morning, in the house we bought 18 years ago, with my husband of 30 years upstairs, with our 9 year adopted granddaughter soon to wake up and ask for waffles, with 6 cats snuggled in various furry poses around the living room, with peace in my heart and so much love in my life, I can tell you all this:\r\n\r\nTo not live like my mother, I had to live with my mother.\r\n\r\n(Guys, since I've been laid off I've been writing blogs--this was posted yesterday on BlogHer, but I wanted to share my journey with my trusted Inspire Community)","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":9,"url":"/m/MsPoppit/journal/not-going-to-live-like-my-mother/","title":"Not Going to Live Like My Mother","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"SUPPORT","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"10436885983407542788","tracking_id":"10436885983407542788","slug":"disc-coping-strategies-for-stress","class":"disc","created":"2008-09-09T10:25:01Z","active":"2008-09-09T10:25:01Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/api/member/millym/avatar/s","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"millym","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"Believe that it will not always feel this way.\r\nKeep busy at home, work and socially, a short period set aside each day to worry can help, otherwise fight it keep busy. Acknowledge \"pockets of normality\" and feeling ok, believe these will become more and more frequent as you learn to cope.\r\nThink positive, avoid people who drain you or take advantage of you, choose friends carefully.\r\nSeek help friends who will litsten, or professional councelling. Write in a journal every day, reread it each week, try to gain a perspective that calms you.\r\nValue what you actually do have and make the most of the good things around you, healthy kids, kind friends, kind strangers. Take good care and pride in yourself, reflect on the good things in life. And finaly what I still need to do is to learn to love and trust in myself.... Have a mantra to calm you eg. 'everything will be allright', Best wishes to you and keep off the drugs because they do not work!","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":0,"url":"/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/coping-strategies-for-stress/","title":"coping strategies for stress","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"SUPPORT","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[{"id":2252,"name":"Wellness and overall health","__typename":"Topic"}],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"1490817166711211329","tracking_id":"1490817166711211329","slug":"disc-my-boyfriend-left-me-because-he-blames-me-why-he-is-in-the-mental-hospital","class":"disc","created":"2012-05-07T06:35:30Z","active":"2012-05-07T22:20:53Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/api/member/webby1/avatar/s","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"webby1","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"I went to ICU in the local hospital that day frantic, crying, scared and in love with a man who had attempted suicide now going on three times that I heard of since, meeting him only 3 months ago. I didn't know it when I met him, but found out his issues in the 2nd month, including the personal family issues he was experiencing in a recent divorce, loss of his home, his business, his personal belongs and money being stolen by his ex who cheated on him and then flashed her boyfriend around with her everywhere she went including their home they shared. She also during that time, put out a restraining order against him so she and her boyfriend could move back into their house that he and his ex owned since her unemployment ran out. During all this hardship, I took him in my home for a brief time, gave him all I had, and I stood by his side and supported him. I went with him to the Sherrifs office to get a restraining order against her and get her out of his house, since she had noted on the divorce agreement that she was living with her boyfriend. The heartaches that he takes on are mentally and physically especially if his children are hurting by what his ex has been doing. He take on my hurts as well and supported my recovery, by taking me to AA when I didn't want to go. He'd run by my side if I needed him and I wanted to do the same for him.\r\nHe told me he loved me and wanted to marry me in our second month of dating. I gradually fell head over heels for him as well as the issues, experiences we had seemed to encompass a year or mores worth boiled down into two months. It made us fall in love with supporting each other and sharing our hearts. Although we were constantly battling issues, our for each other to be together both day and night kept us together and made us stronger. Yet, we battled depression and he battled it inside more deeply as he would leave. But I never forgot the support for my alcholism, anxiety disorder issues and dependent personality disorder I showed when he could've left like many before him. He is the only one I have dated who I felt \"got\" me and I got him right back in understanding how unique and special we both were. We saw this daily during these issues we shared in our lives when we talked all night til dawn over phone and in person, through our cries to God for help, in our equally shared thoughts of love and our future together to be stable one day, through our beliefs in God and our overall similar symptoms of depression we both shared, some stronger than the other.\r\n\r\nUnfortunately, a trigger for the third suicide attempt was lurking in the shadows to separate us through out our dating. We are both so alike it is scary we would say, in that we both feel this tremendous need to want to help each other, and people who are hurting and to make our world together perfect, but reality set in each and every time that it was going to be a battle and most of the fight was weakening our relationship towards the end. But, we always kept in mind what we said when we first met, which was that God has miraculously brought us together to help each other first then we could help others as well with God as our center. \r\n\r\n After much prayer, weekly church attendance, and constantly trying to support each other. But, a trigger happened while I was away that took him to give into his depression and thoughts as he tried to commit suicide by taking mucsle relaxers in his home alone. I was out of town, i should've left. But, I had no idea this would happen. I was told by others, and I'm not blaming myself, but he has been hinting its becaue of me since he was admitted to ICU that night. He said to me on the bed in ICU when I asked him what happened that the last thing he can remember our discussion/argument that night before he took the pills. He lost trust in me and thought I left him for my ex the weekend I left. He didnt believe me and he was tire of people hurting him. Not just me but a combination of everything he said. \r\n\r\nI visited him every day, every week and he was always on my mind when I wasn't visiting him. I have three children, who met him and he has done so much for them. They like him and the feeling was mutual with him. I would care for my kids when they got home from school, who are ranging ages 17, and twins 10 yrs old. I would fix snacks, dinner, go over homework and rush out the door to see my heart in the hospital. I never wanted him to feel I wasnt there for him again. \r\n\r\n In the beginning, he seemed to appreciate it, then over time he grew more frustrated and lashed his anger and impatience with our conversations out on me. He would yell at me, tell me to leave , he seemed to not even want to kiss me goodbye anymore. I began to feel discouraged and regretted going some days just because i needed us to connect again. But, I knew it had to be because of what he was going through. Most nights when I left the hospital, I felt so depressed and ultimately cried my way back home most nights. I drank more often as well. His issues, attitude, lack of care about me made me feel useless, and my visiting pointless. But he would call and ask if I was on my way everyday. I was glad he needed me, but I was trying to deal with and handle on my own life and issues and kids along with all of his as well. I loved him and I kept going with a prayer book in my hand so I could read to him nightly and pray for his recovery. He got better and back to himself, but he wanted to leave the hospital now, felt he was wasting his time and that they were keeping him there against his will. Eventually, he pestered the hospital staff enough to get them to move quicker with communication with at them mental hospital that would be giving him the eval, then set up counseling and he thought he would leave that next day. \r\n\r\n But his family, which only consisted of his three children under the ages of 23 already told me from when he was in ICU that they wanted him to stay until the professionals at the mental hospital could give him counseling and treatment before they would let him go from the mental hospital. \r\n\r\nBack in ICU, I asked him privately what happened what did he do, and he whispered that he took a handful of muscle relaxers, then proceeded for me not to tell anyone. While in the medical hospital I never told anyone, but if a nurse asked me I would have told them if it was to determine how to help him, I never assumed medical staff should be excluded. But no medical staff member asked me. Eventually, he finally got moved out of the hospital to a local mental hospital, and a Dr. called me when he was admitted and asked me what had originally happened to him and if I knew what he took? I told the Dr. he took muscle relaxers, and the events that led him to do this. Well, my boyfriend got wind of what I told the Dr. and he called me angry and he yelled over the phone that he never wanted to be with me again because of what I did. He then hung up. The next day I called the mental hospital to get more info on what he meant by \"what i did,\" and he said \"you know what you did you gave that Dr. details of what I took, and its your fault I can't leave now.\" He then proceeded to yell at me to \"shut up,\" and again hung up on me again. I was so hurt, distraught and I finally got the message. I finally heard in his voice what I thought I never would from him, blame, hate and no love anymore. I was crushed I cried, but I knew God would help. I did drink a little, but I said I wouldn't let the alchohol be the leader here, not now. I had to stay sober, and move on and better myself. I haven't heard from him since he has been in the mental hospital, and I so badly want to reach out and be there again. I still love him. My heart is still broken and not healed, but I pray everyday he will see that I only wanted him to get well for his own future and for the triggers he may experience again to make him do this again. I wanted him to get help like his children did and do, and for my children and our love and future we planned to have together. I don't know if he will ever forget and truly realize he was wrong to take all of this out on me and blame me for speaking to the Dr. at the mental hospital. I would like to know if anyone has had a similiar sitiuation with a loved one who blamed them for their disease and getting them help by talking to a medical Dr. about their issue? And if so, has that loved one ever realized after getting help in the mental facility that that person who did that was doing on their behalf, and did it for love not to have them committed? Any reassurance during this difficult time for me would be greatly appreciated. All in all, I will never give up hope.","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":8,"url":"/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/my-boyfriend-left-me-because-he-blames-me-why-he-is-in-the-mental-hospital/","title":"My boyfriend left me because he blames me why he is in the mental hospital.","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"SUPPORT","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[{"id":2290,"name":"Suicide","__typename":"Topic"}],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"15376228961329316480","tracking_id":"15376228961329316480","slug":"disc-new-older-lady-help","class":"disc","created":"2018-09-07T14:54:52Z","active":"2018-09-09T18:45:47Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"SadNConfused71","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"I am just looking for someone who might know what I am going through. I'm older, history of impulse control problems and mental health issues (self-harm, alcoholism, suicide attempts, dx with Major Depressive Disorder, General Anxiety and a history of Anorexia Nervosa) and now, an event has triggered something buried deep inside me for a long time. I start fires. Not big fires (I am indoors and being older, I have to be very careful when and where I burn so the kids don't find out), but small, contained fires. I have control over it to a large degree, and it is a struggle when the urges hit. I never know when or where...that part is scary. Nobody understands this, as it is supposedly \"rare\" especially in a grown adult--and a female at that. Help. I can't get help for this. I don't trust the doctors and have been called a liar and attention-seeker too many times to trust anyone else. Please someone tell me they know what I am going through?","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":6,"url":"/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/new-older-lady-help/","title":"New--older lady--help?","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"SUPPORT","count":2,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":["houseofwolves","sthatumatt"],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[{"id":2253,"name":"Other issues","__typename":"Topic"}],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"9065495417335412788","tracking_id":"9065495417335412788","slug":"jrnl-titleless","class":"jrnl","created":"2009-03-06T04:22:30Z","active":"2009-03-09T01:57:44Z","updated":"2010-02-01T20:18:47Z","depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/api/member/NikE/avatar/s","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"NikE","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"I always feel like people don't understand Bipolar Disorder enough to believe me when I talk about what I go through...\r\nI just always think I'll seem as though I'm exaggerating, and am just looking for sympathy, so I've never talked to anyone other than people who have it or people who live with others who have it (meaning, I have no peers my age who I talk to about it).\r\nI think that's my biggest fear, is being misunderstood. No one at school or work would ever guess that I have mood swings unless they're observant enough to see the indications.\r\nThat really hit me yesterday, when a girl said \"Man, you always seem so happy-go lucky, nothing ever bothers you\" and a few other kids agreed. The fake smile just comes so naturally when around other people, I guess I'm actually overly cheery.\r\n\r\nI've never lied about it, but I don't come out and say it unless someone asks \"Why are you taking those pills?\" or whatever.\r\nI know sometimes it helps to act like you're happy...sometimes you forget you're pretending, and you actually find yourself really laughing instead of faking it.\r\nBut I think the bigger reason I fake it in public, or around people I'm not \u003CB>really\u003C/B> comfortable with, is because I don't want to show my true emotions, and be misunderstood. I guess it's sort of...I'm not giving them a chance to misunderstand me.\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\nOn a different, yet relevant subject, I'm tired of the extremes...\r\nIt seems like my brain only works in extremes. Everything is extreme...and I mean everything.\r\nI know my moods are extreme, but the way I talk, the way I dress, the way I hear, how much I eat, how much I sleep...\u003CB>everything\u003C/B>.\r\n\r\nWhen I'm depressed, I'm very quiet, although I'm cheery and nice when spoken to(because I fake it). But all in all, I'd rather be left alone. During lunch, this entire year I've gone to the library and sat quietly by myself, sort of hiding in a corner so I can sleep or read alone.\r\nA few years ago, in comparison, when I was manic, everyday lunch was like, I was just dieing to get to the lunch table to tell my friends something funny that happened to me or whatever, and I would rant and everyone would be laughing and talking etc. I also was always too loud. You know when you are accidentally louder than you mean to be? That's like, how I talked normally: too loud.\r\n\r\nWeekends are what I wait for all week. Often times I go into a manic mood when with my boyfriend, I'm extremely hyper and happy. I always dress up, wearing dresses and leggings, etc.\r\nDuring the week, I'm never excited to get dressed. I always wear a t-shirt and I alternate between 4 pairs of pants, all dark.\r\nWhen I was really manic, like my Freshman year, I had a new hair color/style every few months (purple, blue, striped red and black...) always had striped stockings, plaid skirt, polka dotted shirt...my wardrobe was an art project.\r\n\r\n\r\nI didn't know this was a symptom of Bipolar Disorder until just recently, but sometimes when I'm manic(the not-fun type of manic), I get extremely agitated by noises. To me, they are WAY too loud. I mean, I get annoyed when people chew too loud...with their mouth closed! It's ridiculous. I can't help it though, I know it's stupid, but that just feeds how annoyed I am. Then there's always people at school screaming for no reason and all, and it literally makes me so mad I want to cry.\r\nNormally, I have really bad hearing, and I usually rely on looking at people's lips...doing that plus listening to what they're saying and the context, I can always figure out what they're talking about and it doesn't even seem like I can't hear.\r\nBut, when I'm really stressed out and depressed, I have this weird condition, some minor form of hysterical deafness, where I can't make out what anyone is saying AT ALL.\r\n\r\nWhen I'm manic I'm cleaning and doing art for hours and I forget to eat. I just never get hungry. I remember being really underweight when I was like 11 or so, and my parents were scared I might be anorexic...it had nothing to do with that.\r\nWhen I'm depressed, all I think about is food. I binge, and just overeat all the time...I've been overweight plenty of times.\r\nI also eat specific foods in extremes...actually, I do this with movies, music etc.:\r\nI'll eat one thing for months, every other day or so. Recently it's been breakfast. I remember one time I did it for a particularly long time with spaghetti-my mom didn't mind for the first couple months, but afterward she just told me to make my own spaghetti and she'd make herself something different. hen, after my eating-jag is over I can't stand to be near the food for a long time...I HATED spaghetti and it made me sick just thinking about it for months after that.\r\n\r\nI'm either tired all the time, or I have insomnia. When I first started going out with my boyfriend, it put me in a manic state for quite a few months. We'd stay up til all hours of the night on the phone, then he'd go to sleep, I'd stay up, and when he woke up late the next day, I'd already be up.\r\nNow, whenever I want to, I can literally put my head down and fall asleep within 15 minutes(I sleep a lot in school since I don't have much work).\r\nI also always either have really happy and weird dreams...or nightmares. The nightmares will be every night...because I'll start to get scared about going to sleep, and then of course that makes me have a nightmare. So a few months ago I'd wake up crying every night. It lasted 4 months-ugh it was terrible. I'd always remember disturbing parts of them throughout the next day...\r\n\r\nI'm not really sure how to wrap this up, haha.\r\nIt definitely makes me feel better sharing. Especially because I feel like there are people on this site who go through what I do...like Squirrel.\r\nIt really helps to know someone understands.\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\nEdit:\r\nEven though I ended with how happy I was to have someone on here understand...I always feel a little guilty...no, ashamed, to have posted the journal a few minutes later. I guess maybe I'm scared people will see me differently...especially because this is new, sharing what I go through with people other than those who go through the same thing...because I'm also sharing this post with my friends who help me with weight loss.\r\nI thought about deleting it, but I'm leaving it. I can't imagine anyone on this site ridiculing me or anything-everyone is always so supportive-it's very comforting, thank you all so much.","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":18,"url":"/m/NikE/journal/titleless/","title":"Titleless","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"SUPPORT","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"teen-health","group_id":200144,"name":"Teen Health","url":"/groups/teen-health/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"},{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"7512371921689722786","tracking_id":"7512371921689722786","slug":"jrnl-family-and-children-with-autism-syndrome","class":"jrnl","created":"2010-10-10T20:29:34Z","active":"2010-10-10T20:29:34Z","updated":"2010-10-10T21:02:13Z","depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/api/member/Ogbuja/avatar/s","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"Ogbuja","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"What is Autism?\r\n\r\nAutism, also called autistic disorder, appears in early childhood, usually before age 3 (National Institute of Health, 2001). Autism can develop during different stages of infancy and early childhood, but it is classified as autism only if it arises by the age of three (American Psychiatric Association, 1994). Autism affects more than six out of every 1,000 children. Conceptually, autism is not a disease but is categorized as a symptom. It ranges in severity from a handicap that limits an otherwise normal life to a devastating disability requiring institutional care (WebMD, 2008). Since this handicap requires institutional care, Autism is considered the most disabling of pervasive development disorders, a series of disorders that affect intellectual skills; responses to senses; and the ability to communicate. The etiology of autism, with its pervasive, disabling effects on child developmental processes, is still not known, although all evidence points to biological factors as being prominent in its etiology (Urdang 2002). Biological factors make autism pervasive in developmental delay in children. Developmental delay is milder form of autism known as pervasive developmental disorder or PDD. Pervasive developmental disorders which seriously affect language, socialization, and behavior, include several specific syndromes (such as Asperser disorder and Rett disorder). Studies estimate that as many as 12 in every 10,000 children have autism or a related condition (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 1999). The word autism which has been in use indiscriminately for about 100 years, comes from the Greek word autos meaning self. This very term describes conditions in which a person is removed from social interaction hence an isolation of self. Eugene Blecher, a Swiss psychologist was the first person to use the term in assessment and diagnosis. Blecher started using the term around 1911 to refer to one group of symptoms of Schizophrenia. But in 1940 some researchers in the U.S began to use the term autism to describe children with emotional or social problems. The description between Autism and Schizophrenia then remained linked in the mind of researchers until the 1960s. It was only then that medical professionals began to have a separate understanding of autism in children and families.\r\n\r\nAutistic children who are very sensitive maybe greatly troubled-sometimes even painted-by sound, touches, smells or sight that seem normal to others. They may have repeated body movements such as rocking or hand flapping. They may have unusual responses to people, attachment to objects, resistance to change in routines and/or aggressive or self injurious behavior. As a result, Autistic children fail to develop normal relationship with anyone, including parents. As infants, they may resist affection or consistently cling to someone. As they grow older, they may not seek comfort if they are hurt, and may generally like to play alone. At times, they may seem not to notice people, objects or activities in their own given surroundings. Some children with Autism develop seizures in some cases not until the age of adolescence. Many remain mentally retarded, although most people with PDD have normal or even above-average intelligence. Often times they show uneven skill development. Some have problems in certain areas especially the ability to communicate or relate to other children. While these children may have problems in communication, they also have the tendency to developed skills in other areas of life, such as drawing, creative music, solving math problems or memorizing facts. For some unknown reason, autistics children may test higher-perhaps even in the average or above average range-On non verbal intelligence tests. Permit me to sound imaginary here. John has great difficulty interacting with other students and family members. He has strong receptive language skills, but has difficulty expressing himself in writing and in speaking. He has trouble understanding what fellow students think and what family members feel. This makes it hard for him to express himself either in words or through gestures, facial expressions and touch. John uses a computer for writing at all times. Despite the fact that he uses computer, John is fascinated with algebra and numbers. Sometimes, it is difficult to get him to do anything but mathematics in the classroom or at home because it is his favorite thing to do. He also has great difficulty attending activities or displays any organizational skills. These characteristics make John an autistic student for special education teachers or autistic patient to psychiatric care providers. \r\n\r\nAutism spectrum disorder (ASD) has a broad diagnosis that includes people with IQs and mental retardation. Exploratory as well as quantitative studies have shown that it is three times more common in boys than in girls (National Institute of health, 2001). Because it is common in children (boys), this disorder prevents children and adolescents from interacting normally with other people and this affects almost every aspect of their social, psychological development and wellbeing. Autism affects social and communication skills and, to a greater or lesser degree, motor and language skills (Rudy, 2007). Children with Autism can be chatty or silent, affectionate or cold, methodical or disorganized. Despite the fact that Autistic children have difficulty in speech and communication skills, studies lack adequate demonstration when it comes to differences in communication and non communication skills. In a recent study conducted by Hsu-Min Chiang and Yueh-Hsien Lin (2007) on expressive communication skills of children of Australian and Taiwanese children with Autism who had limited spoken language reveal no significant differences existed in the characteristics of expressive communication between children with speech and those without speech. Both authors admit that no significant differences existed in characteristics of expressive communication between children who used aided augmentative and alternative communication (AAC) and those who did not use aided AAC. Children with this disorder initiates fewer bids for interactions, commented less often, continued ongoing interactions through fewer conversational turns, and responded less often to family member communication bids (Jones et al, 2008).\r\n\r\nOften times these children are visual thinkers. They think in pictures and not in language. All their thoughts are like videotapes running in their cerebral imagination. In trying to educate children with autism Grandin (2002) enjoined parents and classroom teachers to take a toy airplane and say up as they make airplane take off from a desk. Grandin further state that some children with autism learns better if cards with words up and down are attached to toy airplanes. The up card is attached when the plane takes off. The down card is attached when the plane lands. This analysis brings us to a quarry. Should we then query whether adults who love to play draft (Uno) morning and night are autistic when they were young? This question requires further exploration by psychiatrists and special education teachers. While we wait for answers to this query, new studies show that children with autism have problems with remembering reality in sequence or in coherence. Because they are not good in this area, many of them compensate their weakness in drawing art and computer programs. Majority of autistic children are quickly fixated on new area of strength. Many have problem with motor control in their heads. They hate sound like fire alarm; fire crackers or the sound of a chair scraping on the floor or the sound of siren (fight-fighters). In fact, they are bothered by visual distractions and fluorescent lights. Autistic children who are hyperactive always fidget. They sing better than they can speak. They respond better when words and sentences are sung to them like bed time lullabies. They lack the ability to process visual and auditory input at the same time. Sequencing is difficult for these lovely kids. Also, fussing-eating has been found to be associated with this disorder. \r\n \r\nMatthew' s Story of his experiences (As narrated by Mary)\r\n\r\nMarys son, Matt is a highly accomplished professional jazz musician, with many public appearances and several CDS to his name-and he was not even a teenager yet! Matt lives with his parents and his little sister in Boston Massachusetts. According to Mary, Matt was born different. He was always different from other children, even from birth. He was colicky for four months, crying inconsolably everyday for five hours. None of any standard calming techniques worked with him. None of the baby-setting ploy worked with him either. Matthew would not ride in a car seat like most children do. He would scream hysterically until we stopped and took him out of the seat. As you can guess, we never went anywhere and we never arrives our destination in time. Changing Dippers and giving baths were traumatic time consuming and exhausting. All Matthew wanted to do was to be nursed, in the dark, with nothing going on around him. He was very jumpy, never slept, and was very fussy. He would line-up toys and does things over and over again. Matt would be traumatized if one of his rituals could not be followed exactly as he expected it should be. He’d usually be dismantling something he should be touching, or running away from any sort of interactive experience. Every outing ended in a tantrum. What misled us was the fact that Matthew had an extensive vocabulary power (because he was hyper-lexical), and he was highly intelligent. We thought his hyperactivity and distinction were due to his constant curiosity about how things worked. Matthew was extremely defensive in response to sensory input. We could not watch television when he was around. Vacuum noise, popcorn poppers, any unusual sound around the house or outside the play ground would cause him to cover his ears and become angry and agitated. He was also tacitly defensive and highly preservative. His saving graces were his hyperplasia and extreme intelligence.\r\n\r\nSigns/symptoms of autism\r\n\r\nAutism has a wide variety of characteristics ranging in intensity from mild to severe. A child with autism does not behave like other children with the same diagnoses. Children and adolescents with autism typically:\r\n-have difficulty communicating with others children because of language need.\r\n-They have extreme difficulty learning language. Sometimes, they make inappropriate response to people.\r\n-A child with Autism may avoid eye contact with people, and can resist being picked up or cuddled. Often times appear to be tuned out from this world.\r\n-He can have inability to do things in a normal way or have reduced ability to play cooperatively with other people’s feelings.\r\n-May need a rigid, highly structured routine and can become very distressed by changes in routines.\r\n-Show extreme hyperactivity or unusual passivity and extreme resistance to change.\r\n-Repetitive body movements including pacing, hand flicking, twisting, spinning, rocking or hitting oneself.\r\n-Insensitive to pain or lack of response to cold or heart.\r\n-Impulsive behavior and no real fear of changes.\r\n- An unusual attachment to inanimate objects such as toys, strings or spinning objects.\r\n-Frequent crying and a display of continuous tantrum for no apparent reason.\r\n-He can have peculiar speech patterns. An autistic child may use words without understanding their meaning.\r\n-An Autistic children show abnormal responses to sensation such as lights sound and touch. At times a child may appear deaf. At other times he may be extremely distressed by everyday noises.\r\n-Some of these symptoms occur in children with other disabilities where symptoms change as the child grows old.\r\n-Exhibit repetitious behaviors, such as rocking back and forth, head banging, or touching or twisting objects.\r\n-Have a limited range of interests and activities.\r\n-An Autistic child may become upset by a small change in his environment or daily routine.\r\n\r\nChildren and adolescents with autism experience hypersensitivity to hearing, touch, small, or taste (NMHIC, 2008). Other symptoms can be seen in early infancy, but the condition may appear after months of abnormal development. In most cases, it is not possible to identify a specific event that triggers this particular trait. Judy (2007) and some psychiatric researchers identified common traits as: failure to tell how it actually happened. For them saying one thing and meaning another thing simply a misnomer. To them reality-show is real and a good word from a person on the spectrum is real deal. People with Autism spectrum live in the moment. They love practical issues that confront them. They love to attend sensory input that surrounds them. Judy further notes that confronting practical issues have helped autistic patients to achieve the ideals of mindfulness. Autistic children are talented in professional skills like engineering, technology, craft, architecture and music. They hardly judge other individuals or criticize their conduct. Sometimes, they see things just on the surface appearance to discover real life situation on the inside. Because they do not judge people, Autistic children seem to be passionate. They are passionate about beautiful houses, about flashy cars, about good paying jobs and about animals. They are passionate and idealistic about abstract things, ideas and the people in their lives. \r\n\r\nChildren with Autism are not tied down to any social expectations. What matters to them are true liking, interest and passion, not keeping up with the Joneses (Rudy, 2007) People with Autistic syndrome have terrific memories. They have photographic memory compared to their peers in matters of critical details. They are capable of remembering what happened two years with accurate precision. In overall, they love to keep to appointment. Autistic individuals are always on time to important ceremonies and events. In professional matters, they feel less concerned with outward appearance. Many of these children are less materialistic. Women with Autism are very much perturbed about make-up and fashion. But they worry less about brand names, hairstyles and other expensive externals than most women do. Autistic men and women are very outspoken. They play fewer head games. Majority of them do not play mind games or head games. As a result, they have fewer hidden agendas. With no hidden agendas, they tell you what they want you to hear. Always, they bare their minds without holding back. Autistic people do not beat around bush and they do not beg the question. In sum, individuals with Autism open new doors for Neuro-typicals.\r\n\r\nWhat Causes Autism in Children and Adolescents?\r\n\r\nIn the field of psychopathology, there is little knowledge of what cause this disorder in children. Research is unsure about what causes autism in general. Some studies suggest that autism might be caused by a combination of biological or environmental factors, or both, including viral expose before birth, a problem with the immune system, or genetics. Studies conducted by Autism Research Institute (1988) confirmed that environmental factors-including unprecedented exposure to toxic substances and over vaccination of infants and young children are key factors that trigger autism. Candida albicans have been found another contributing factor (Research Review, 1988). An abnormal slowing down of brain development before birth may cause autism too. This is the more reason why brains of children with autism may function differently from those considered “normal. Poor brain development and function is as a result of chemicals flowing in wrong direction. Normal brain develops the level of serotonin- a chemical found in the brain which declines in most children. A small but significant proportion of children diagnosed as autistic are victim of severe Candida infection. This infection produces toxins which causes severe long-term disruption of the immune system and attack the brain. When the immune and brain systems are affected, autistic children would display an unusual level of interest in their family and surroundings. When this happens, series of ear infection may occur, soon after an ominous charge begins to occur. Speech development would drop, and then regresses, often to the point of muteness. Within a few week or months, these children become unresponsive and lose interest in the love of their life (parents or caregivers) and in their surroundings. Many scientific investigations have examined the possible connection between autism and the measles, mumps, and rubella (MMR) vaccine.\r\n\r\nDifferent Types of Autism\r\n\r\nGeneral symptoms of Autism led modern science to identify three Autism spectrum disorders (ASDs) subtypes, namely: (Autism, Asperger and PDDNOS). In terms of clinical and demographic characteristics, these three subtypes are different (Andrea et al, 2008). The first type is called Autism Disorder: - This is what people think of when they hear the word Autism. People with Autism disorder suffer from social interactions, communication and imaginative play in children younger than 3 years. The second type is called Asperger Syndrome: - Children who have Asperger have problem with language per se. They have a normal language development. They also score average or above average range on intelligence tests. Most often, these children continuously exhibit the same type of social problems with limited scope of interest as children with autistic disorder (WebMD, 2008). The third type is called Pervasive Developmental Disorder or PDD- This is known as atypical autism. PDD is a psychiatric catch word expression for all categories for children who have some autistic problems but who do not fit strictly into other psychiatric categories. The fourth type is called Rett Disorder: This form of Autism is known to occur only in girls. It is different from Autism. Rett children begin to develop rapidly and later begin to lose their communication and social skills. Beginning at the age of 1-4yrs, repetitive hand movements replaces purposeful use of hands (WebMD, 2008). The fifth type of Autism is described as: Childhood disintegrative disorder: Here children develop normally for at least two years, and then lose some or most of their communication and social skills by the age of 10. When communication and social skills are lost, the child is said to have child disintegrative disorder.\r\n\r\nTreatment of Autism\r\n\r\nEvaluation and treatment of Autism must center on diagnostic reliability and validity of assessment in psychotherapy. Assessment and evaluation must center on problems with communication, language, motor skills, speech, success at school and finally thinking abilities. Treatment also must focus on psychopharmacological efficacy. Assessment and treatment must aim at advancing the understanding of autism, including potential causes and prevalence outcomes e.g. genetic, immunological and environmental. Study has shown that there is no established cure for Autism in Psychopathology. Because there is no prescribed cure, there is need for prolonged behavior modifications. Behavior modification includes positive reinforcement and social skills training. At all times, this has been found the treatment of choice (Groden & Baron, 1988). There are some modalities that can help manage autism symptoms, as well as help teach social and behavioral skills. The primary goal of social and behavioral skills in treatment is to improve the overall ability of the child to function well. Early diagnosis and treatment helps children in the long run. Today, there are many obstacles in achieving effective treatment. According to Autism Research Institute (2008), a major obstacle in autism research has been the lack of a valid means of measuring the effectiveness of various treatments. Parents of autistic children represent a vast and important reservoir of information on the benefits or adverse effects of the large variety of drugs and other interventions that have been tried with children. Against these backdrops, there are three treatment approaches that are capable of treating Autism. Since the need of children are different, treatment modalities according to Autism Research Institute are: Drug, Biomedical/ Non-Drug/Supplements & Special diets.\r\n\r\nMedication\r\n\r\nResearchers have published hundreds of studies attempting to evaluate different biomedical and psycho-educational interventions intended to benefit autistic children. Experiemntal studies show that medicine can be used to treat behaviors and emotional dysfunctions associated with Autism (New York Times, 2010). Therapists and medical critics believe that much of these researches have produced inconclusive, incoherent or, worse still, a misleading results because there are useful tests, beneficial traditional therapies or scales designed to measure treatment effectiveness. The inability to apply traditional therapeutic treatments (Herbs/roots (mgborogwu), Qigong, acupressure & acupuncture) before bio-medical options can be viewed as therapeutic suicide, a treatment in a wrong direction. In classical literary expression it is like when one is running well but outside the track (Hebrew expression meaning Hamasia). There is lack of adequate scale in our health care centers and hospitals, such as childhood Autism Rating Scale (CARS), the Gilliam Autism Rating Scale (GARS), or the Autism Behavior Checklist (ABC). These lacks pose a danger and a big problem to assessment and treatment. Generally, these scales are designed to diagnose autism to tell whether or not a child is autistic. On the other hand, biomedical therapies are often based on the DAN (Defeat Autism Now) model. Pharmacists and psychiatrists trained in DAN Protocol are most likely to prescribe special diets, supplements and alternative treatments as the case may be. This medication is beneficial to children with irritability and aggression associated with autism. Some children appear to respond to a gluten-free or Casein-free diet. Gluten is found in food containing wheat, rye, and barley. Casein is found in milk, cheese and other dairy products (New York Times, 2010). Nutritional supplement such as DMG is safe for young children too. Medication is beneficial to children with irritability and aggression associated with autism. There are multiple brands of medications for treatment purposes. For example: Prozac, Paxil, and Zoloft. Risperidon is another approved medication of choice. Some children would do better on Prozac while others on Zoloft. These medications are positive relief to high functioning Autism spectrum children with co morbidity anxiety disorders. These medications are effective because children with autism have a very sensitive nervous system. As far as I know, many biomedical therapies have offered positive results in many treatment cases. But Autism treatment Evaluation Checklist (ATEC) is totally different (CARS, GARS & ABC) but shares some enduring commonalities. ATEC was developed by Bernard Rimland and Stephen M Edison (1988) of the Autism Research Institute to fill this yearning lacuna that is especially urgent right now because of the 20 or more studies beginning to evaluate the secrets and privy of Autism. Their study was designed in a form of assessment checklist to be completed by parents, special education teachers, or caretakers. This study consists of 4 subtests (1) Speech/ Language Communication (14 items) (2) Sociability (20 items) (3) Sensory/cognitive awareness (18) (4) health/physical/behavior (25 items). Other treatment modalities include:\r\n\r\nApplied Behavioral Analysis (ABA)\r\n\r\nApplied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) is defined as the science in which the principles of the analysis of behavior are applied systematically to improve socially significant behavior, and in which experimentation is used to identify the variables responsible for change in behavior (Cooper et al, 2007).The word Applied means practice to develop skills while behavioral analysis refers to learning and understanding that leads to a new skill in life. Behavioral analysis was a common treatment model adopted by Skinner and other behaviorists after him. ABA is the oldest treatment modality for the treatment of autism syndrome disorder. The applied behavioral analysis focuses on reward based training on the child. This method centers on teaching autistic children some basic skills. Besides ABA, many types of treatments have been developed including assessment and education of Autistic and related communication Handicapped children (TEACCH) and sensory integration.\r\n\r\nSpeech Therapy (ST)\r\n\r\nStudies show that almost all people with autism have issues with speech and language (Judy, 2007). People with this disorder are challenged by articulation, grammar and speech pragmatics (i.e. the use of speech to build social relationships. Speech therapy becomes best treatment option for kids with language disorders; having trouble understanding people or has trouble putting words together to express thoughts). Speech and language therapies are helpful to kids who have the following medical conditions: swallowing disorder, cleft-lip or palate, weak muscles around the mouth, hearing impairment and breathing disorder (Nelson, 2005). \r\n\r\nIf your kids have trouble expressing certain words or trouble understanding others, they would need to see a speech language pathologist, also known as speech therapist. Speech pathologists help children with articulation disorder to say certain sounds/words correctly. Kids who repeat certain words or have trouble saying the complete word (fluency disorder) receive treatment through speech therapy. In fluency disorder, speech pathologists assist children to overcome sound stutter (st-a-a-y, i.e. stay) which is called fluency disorder. When kids start a sentence loud and clear, but become quiet and mumbling at the end, these types of kids need treatment in voice disorder. Children with voice disorder need help to overcome the act of speaking through their noise. According to Bureau of labor statistics (2008-2009) speech language pathologists select augmentative or alternative communication methods, including automated devices and sign language, and teach their use to individuals with little or no speech capability. They also teach those with little or no speech capability how to make sounds, improve their voices, or increase their language skills to communicate more effectively. They help patients who have suffered loss of speech to develop, or to recover, and have reliable communication skills so that patients can fulfill their educational, vocational, and social roles. \r\n\r\nOccupational Therapy (OT)\r\n\r\nThis is a treatment method of focusing on building daily living skills. Occupational therapy focuses on enabling people to do the activities of daily life (American Occupational therapy Association). Such activities include helping children in care unites or CPS learn of their new environment that is different from their family of origin. Occupational therapists help adolescents in high school to learn reading, learning and writing assignments. Another goal is to help individuals resume as much as their patterns of living as possible (Punwar et al, 2000). Its primary strategy is helping children in washing, using the toilet, grooming, and dressing. According to Punwar these strategies were medically prescribed form of treatment and were usually conducted in a hospital, sanitarium, or community workshops. Other duties performed by occupational therapists include: hand washing, computer use, driving, cooking, housekeeping or the tasks a person is expected to perform on the job (Kalb, 2004). Participation in these activities is vital in maintaining the overall wellness of patients. Occupational therapists focuses on strategies to enhance the performance of activities at home and at work, including energy management to improve productivity and reduce fatigue (National multiple sclerosis, 2008). During treatment, therapists try by strengthening and stretching exercises for the upper body, and activities designed to improve coordination and unpresumptuous interventions especially tailored to individual’s level of functioning. Most health care professionals employ this methodology because patients have delayed motor skills. Besides Occupational therapy, therapists can employ integration therapy- a technique which may help autistic children manage hypersensitivity to sound, light and touch and finally help them develop an individualized plan of care tailored to each patient's needs. \r\n\r\nPhysical Therapy (PT)\r\n\r\n Mary Kolb (2005) described the definition of physical therapy in the dictionary of occupational titles as narrow, technical, and obsolete. In modern studies, physical therapy helps build up strength, coordination and basic sports skills. This treatment option is beneficial to individuals with any form of developmental or gross motor delays. The history of physical therapy as a profession began in 1914-1919 after the First World War in the United States. According to Dreeben (2007), this period in the physical therapy profession is called “the reconstruction. It was created because the first and second world war brought a greater number of causalities and distress to American people. The post-war impact challenged American society to develop this therapeutic method to care for returning veterans. As a result, Dreeben concludes that a handful of physicians called orthopedists and 1200 young women called reconstruction aides were physical therapy and occupational therapy pioneers who treated injured soldiers. \r\n\r\nSpecialized Therapies (ST)\r\n\r\nUnder normal circumstances, specialized treatment includes Speech, Occupational and physical therapies. These therapies are important components of managing autism and should be included in various aspects of the child treatment. These three therapies can help in many different ways: Speech therapy can help a child with autism improve language and social skills to communicate more effectively. There are other therapies that could be of benefit namely:\r\n-Occupational and physical therapy can help improve any differences in coordination and motor skills\r\n-Occupational therapy may help to learn to process information from the senses (light, sound, hearing, touch and smell), in more manageable way\r\n-Medications-Mostly and commonly used to treat related conditions and problems including depression, anxiety, hyperactivity and obsessive-compulsive behavior (Web MD, 2008).\r\n\r\nSocial Skills Therapy (SST)\r\n\r\nSocial skills training (SST) is a form of behavior therapy used by teachers, therapists, and trainers to help persons who have difficulties relating to other people. Children with autism have core deficits in social relation to others. They lack social and communication skills too. Here, therapy focuses on building skills they need to strike and hold conversation, connect with new friends or even navigate the playground (Judy, 2007). A major goal of social skills training is teaching persons who may or may not have emotional problems about the verbal as well as nonverbal behaviors involved in social interactions. Social skills training helps patients to learn to interpret these and other social signals, so that they can determine how to act appropriately in the company of other people in a variety of different situations (see Encyclopedia of mental disorder). Social skills leaning and therapy groups are offered in many private and public facilities to help children who have difficulty making and keeping friends and coping with aggression and peer pressure.\r\n\r\nPlay Therapy (PT)\r\n\r\nAll work and no play make a jack a doll boy. Unlike adults, whose natural medium of communication is verbalization, the natural medium of communication for children is play and activity (Landreth, 2002). Play therapy is generally employed with children aged 3 through 11 and provides a way for them to express their experiences and feelings through a natural, self-guided, self-healing process. Children with autism syndrome experience the skills and ability to play. Again, drama or play can serve as tool for building speech communication, and social skill. Psychiatrists and therapists incorporate play therapy into speech, occupational or physical therapies. Play therapy is often used as a tool of diagnosis. The objects and patterns of play, as well as the willingness to interact with the therapist, can be used to understand the underlying rationale for behavior both inside and outside the session. By engaging in the process of play, children learn to live in our symbolic worlds of meanings and values, at the same time exploring and experimenting and learning in their own individual ways (Landreth, 2002).\r\n\r\nBehavior Therapy (BT)\r\n\r\nBehaviorism is the philosophy behind the science of behavior. Gombosi (1998) recognizes the importance of behavioral approach commenting that for those of us raised in the psychodynamic tradition, it is both inspiring and humbling to see improvement some autistic children can make within a strictly behavioral, intensive program, sometimes to the point where they attend school without aids in a regular classroom. Children with autism are hyper and often frustrated. They are often times misunderstood, and have a tough time communicating their needs, as a result they suffer from hypersensitivities to sound, light and touch no wonder they act out (Judy, 2007). In behavior therapy therefore, psychiatrists must try to figure out what motivates negative behavior and replace it with positive behavior and skills. They must recommend change to the environment and routine to facilitate better and positive behavior. According to American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) Behavioral training and management uses positive reinforcement, self-help and social skills training to improve behavior and communication.\r\n\r\nDevelopmental Therapies (DT)\r\n\r\nDevelopmental Therapy is the assessment, treatment and instruction of individuals with disabilities in activities of daily living. This therapy help children, teens and adults become more independent and involved in their community. Professionals who engage in this form of treatment mode work to develop the skills of children for daily living. They also assist in helping patients in socialization, self-help and communication. Studies in Psychopathology reveal that relationship development intervention is best therapy in strengthening family dynamics. This therapy is the best developmental treatments for children with autism. In this form of treatment, therapists engage in building child own interests, strengths and potentials for strengths to increase emotional, social and intellectual abilities. In developmental therapy, children are taught to learn skills such as brushing their teeth, tying their shoes, washing plates after each meal and packing books in the school bag after assignment.\r\n\r\nVisually-Based Therapies (VBT)\r\n\r\nMargarete Naumburg was known to be the original mother of Art therapy in the U.S, because she substituted the easel for the couch (Ulman, 1987). As a result of this substitution, Kaplan (2007) note that her focus was on exploring the individual's unconscious, and the painting or drawing by client was the object of free association in a manner similar to the Freudian approach to dreams. Researches on children abilities indicate that children with autism are great visual thinkers. Great visual thinkers often are not sound receptors. In trying to treat children, therapist must employ picture-based communication systems such as PECS, (picture Exchange Communication) when assisting them in skill development. Video modeling, video games and electronic communications systems often taps into autistic visual strength to build further skills and community enrichment (Kaplan, 2007). Screen of Autism is designed to identify children with potential disabilities that may qualify them for special program in school or at home. Children with Autism have language difficulties and parents are worried because they are not talking. These children also worry because other people cannot understand them too. Autistic children can have learning problems. Statistics show that 2% of children with Autism have difficulty learning new concepts such as color identification or counting of numbers. These children can have emotional problems as well. Emotional problems often cause people to have multiple fears and worries or be constantly afraid of the night and dark environment (Ulman, 1987). Autistic children tend to be overly aggressive or withdrawn and unresponsive. Many Autistic children I talked to in school tend to express some physical difficulties. They seem to have trouble hearing voices or other sounds. Many of them have been diagnosed as having severe hearing loss with special health or physical problems. And the problem of these children in my understanding is the problem of families and societies.","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":0,"url":"/m/Ogbuja/journal/family-and-children-with-autism-syndrome/","title":"FAMILY AND CHILDREN WITH AUTISM SYNDROME","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"USEFUL","count":1,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":["PROFHMJ"],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"SUPPORT","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"alzheimers-foundation-of-america","group_id":200038,"name":"Alzheimer's Foundation of America","url":"/groups/alzheimers-foundation-of-america/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"},{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"15428067106371457114","tracking_id":"15428067106371457114","slug":"disc-can-someone-help-cdpbyt","class":"disc","created":"2020-10-13T23:17:43Z","active":"2020-12-28T13:56:34Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"lowriball59","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"Hi, I'm Lowri and I'm new to this page.\nI'm 19 and for the last 4 years of my life I have been struggling with things I have yet to have diagnosed because I'm too scared to know the answers.\nMostly everyday I have felt like a let down to my family. \nBeing the middle child who's older sister has a good career a husband and child and who's youngest sister has a life plan and a boyfriend, I just feel like I have done nothing with my life except disappoint people.\nTo make matters worse I came out as lesbian to my family, my dad said he had to accept it because I'm his daughter even though he is homophobic. \nAnd even though my older sister said she accepts me she still hints at me getting married to a man. \nAs the years have progressed the feeling have gotten worse, I struggle to sleep because I can't stop thinking about things, when I do sleep I sleep until the afternoon. \nIn the past I have kept things to myself and never told anyone, my family still ditn know and only one friend knows and I met her online so we've never met face to face. I just feel like I'm putting all of unnecessary stress and pointless worries on others so I stopped saying anything to everyone. I pushed people away I lost friends.\nI was hesitant to put this up too. \nFor a while it got really bad, I started thinking what my family would react like if I was gone, I started thinking how I would do it, what I would write in my notes for them. \nI began to self harm a lot, I hated how I looked to the point I got rid of my mirror in my room and refused to look in any others. \nI despised myself so much I began to starve myself just wanting to be thinner and prettier. \nEverytime I ate I hurt myself just a little like a punishment. \nOne time I hurt myself worse than the others but I just covered it up and I regret it so much looking back on it. My parents and family still don't know because I never where short sleeves, my sister saw it one but I denied it and then broke down alone in my room. \nFor a while I felt like I was getting better my thoughts about myself got more positive and I began accepting who I was and started lessening the internal homophobia that I was carrying around.\nBut then almost like nothing changed I fell back into it again. \nThe temptation of harming myself whenever I got upset, had an argument with someone or just felt pointless started growing. \nI hate myself and with every negative homophobic comment my dad makes just causes more of an issue.\nI'm slowly giving up again, I feel overwhelmed, anxious and panicked all the time, I hate where I work because I feel so overwhelmed all the time but there's nowhere else close by to work and I just feel like I'm going to be stuck doing the same job for the rest of my life because I don't have talents like my siblings. I don't have a life like them, I don't have hobbies.\nI can't see myself with a life int he future, I can't see myself with someone with a house and kids and a job that doesn't scare me. I just feel alone and lost with no guidance at all and I'm ready to give up I don't want it anymore I just want to close my eyes and not wake up but there's one thing that stops me from doing it all and just saying fuck it and that's the one friend I had who I could tell it all to. Although we never met she means a lot to me. \nI couldn't do that to her not when she has a lot of struggles to. \nIf I could get diagnosed with just something so I can finally get help it might give me a bit of hope that I can do soemthing for once, maybe I could get a bit better and see the positive things. \nOr maybe nothing will change and I'll say goodbye but I just want help I need help I don't want to be alone anymore.","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":7,"url":"/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/can-someone-help-cdpbyt/","title":"Can someone help?","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"SUPPORT","count":5,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":["Mary5220","jessica82C","chuck_toni","JRawl93","donnaofnc"],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[{"id":2245,"name":"Depression","__typename":"Topic"}],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"17231144284484824029","tracking_id":"17231144284484824029","slug":"jrnl-all-about-me-long-awaited-by-a-few-sandy-corley-memorial-run","class":"jrnl","created":"2013-08-06T13:24:06Z","active":"2013-08-09T18:19:37Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/api/member/Billie_Jo/avatar/s","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"Billie_Jo","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"First, let me say, I apologize for my absence and recent decline in participation. It's a whole other area... Bi PolarCoaster... But, I promised an account of my camp week at the Bike benefit for Cancer, So, here we go.\r\n\r\nIt started out pretty bumpy. It's only about half an hour away, if that. I don't own a camper, and tents are rough these days, but I do have a mini van. We decided we would take a tent and the van to sleep in if it got wet. And, I had to get an air mattress. No way I can ride my bike AND sleep on the ground. I would never be able to move. \r\n\r\nOriginally, there were supposed to be six of us. A couple from our area, and a couple from the other side of the state. That fell apart one day before camp. I decided that I could take the van and get a ride back to get my bike. No big deal, I would just pay my sister to drive down with her husband to get the van back to town on Sunday. \r\n\r\nI stay up all night, the night before, anxious, doing last minute everything. Triple checking everything. More than one list. I do not want this to end up like last year. We had almost nothing we needed with us. It's a learning experience. You go in totally green the first time, and kind of know what to expect the next time, and so on. I learned a few new tricks this year that I will apply next year.... \r\n\r\nAnyway, back to it. I was told the camp ground would open for sites at noon. I know this is a Huge event, so I planned to get down there and in line by 11 at the latest. I was, but, it didn't matter. Evidently, they started letting people in at about 6:30 am. That meant that by the time I got there, the front of the grounds were already completely taken up. I wanted to be closer to the front, as it's about a half a mile walk to anywhere, and in bike boots, on sloppy, muddy, pasture just gets rough. It rains every season, so it becomes a giant mud pit and it's just crazy. It's not just motorcycles. People bring all kinds of motorized frankenvehicles. For example. My cousin took a four wheel drive train, built a platform, and square steel tube rails, like the side of a pontoon, it is the LandBarge. It has a captains chair, life preservers, a pool ladder, and on deck is a picnic table, coolers, some extra beach chairs.... the deck is about 6 1/2 feet off of the ground. He even went so far as to add a \"No Wake Zone\" sign to the back, and ground effects lighting to make it that much more like a party barge. He drives around, gives people rides all over, if you have a couple bucks to drop in the fuel bucket, cool, if not, jump on anyway.\r\n\r\nAnother neat one this year was an Old tractor, a smaller one, with a trailer which held a kiddy pool and people. They just drive around and enjoy the moving pool. It's all a huge party.... what happens at Corley stays at Corley... with a few exceptions. The best part, as said in my previous entry, ALL PROCEEDS go to help those who can't afford cancer treatment in West Michigan. I'm not much of a partier these days, but, this is for a good cause and bonus, it gives me an excuse to just forget everything that's wrong and have fun, and live Normal for a few days. That is a huge draw. I'm surrounded by bikers. All walks of life. From Doctors, Lawyers, and Judges, to broke down, hard core, old school \"uh oh' bikers. And I love them all!!!\r\n\r\nSee, there I went. LOL. and this is why it's taking so long to write my book. side tracking. \r\n\r\nI got the van down there, only to find that Star Tickets had misinformed me. I ordered the tickets online, and they said I could pick them up there at the event as \"will call\". Wrong. I had to convince the gate to let me put the van on site, come back home, re print my receipt, and then I could register. Well. Registration is where you get the cool freebies. Like the Silver Anniversary Patch that is not available for purchase, and a bunch of bike related info and coupons, frisbee, cards, dice, just a cool little welcome pack.... I wanted the patch! Because I have no tickets, they won't let me register until I get back. Last year, we won tickets, so it was last minute. We didn't get the freebies, so we did not have the patches.\r\n\r\nNow, bipolar starts in and I'm in a panic. I have to wait for a ride back to Ludington, get my bike, go to the store, get the tickets, and get back before everything is gone. Which is a small window.. I believe there were 4700 registered bikes this year. I know that in auction, there was a $5000 quilt (not a typo), and the auction alone raised 40k. \r\n\r\nI get home, scurrying around, it's only about 1, so I figure, with my running I should be back there by 2:30. NOPE. I could not get out of this town. No matter what I tried to do, I kept running into delays. Allen was working and planned to meet me at camp when he got done. \r\n\r\nFinally, I got everything done in Ludington, and I looked at the clock, it was already almost 4. I decided, I better call Allen and let him know I am just finally getting out of town and did he need anything else from the house. He was already home, showered, and almost ready to walk out the door. So I met him at the house, and we headed out together. \r\n\r\nBy this point, my anxiety level is Through the Roof! I get extremely frustrated when I get delayed like that. So, he is ready and we go. I get down about half way, and I notice wet spots on the pavement. Not a lot. Most looked like a vehicle had pulled a boat, and there were dry tracks in the road. We got to camp, I shut my bike off, and it started to down pour. My phone rings, and it's my mom, wanting to know if we made it yet, because a wicked storm just hit Ludington, and she was concerned we might have been caught on the Highway. A few minutes later, a neighbor came over to our site and said.... \"Girl, you've got some timing. It rained from about ten minutes after you left, until about ten minutes before you pulled in, and it was worse than this!!\" At that point, I took a deep breath and apologized to God for my nasty attitude. Obviously, I wasn't supposed to be on the highway while I was delayed in Ludington.\r\n\r\nAs stated, when I am there, life is just minute to minute. I am who ever I want to be without reservation. It is my time to break my own rules and just have fun without a care in the world. Kind of like being a teenager again. The police are on grounds for one reason, crowd control. There are so many substances there, they would never even attempt to write tickets. It's private property, so drinking and driving (max 10mph on bike, 5 in vehicle) is a normal thing. No helmets, no clothes, no kids, no pets. I know people that work in our court house, hospital, and local FIA, that attend this party, and when they are there, they are not who they are either.\r\n\r\nI don't do drugs these days, except my medical marijuana. And, that is the second of three times a year that I will have drinks. I won't ride my bike when I drink. Even at 10mph, that can be devastating, so why chance it. I try to stay out of the sun as much as I can, but it's literally, an open field. So, unless you have a canopy, an umbrella is your best friend. \r\n\r\nI had a riot! Met a few new \"friends\".... and just felt no stress, no responsibility, no pressure for five days. It was beautiful. The concerts were amazing. I love the venue. It's All general admission, and twice we had band members in the audience. Like the good ole days.\r\n\r\nI drank a lot more than I would any other place, and I ate on the grill, we had bonfires and smores.... played cards, listened to music, just enjoyed life. The down side. Payment for abusing myself. I am a Jack Daniels die hard when I do decide to drink. And it always hurts after you think you are not going to. \r\n\r\nI drank a fifth of whiskey, and a little pop in a two day span. No, do not mistake that for pride. I was amazed, and a little scared. I haven't done that in several years. However, I allow myself that specific week to be naughty. I know I will suffer the consequences.... but it's worth it to me for the sober days, and the relaxation. Oh, and I will say here that the relaxation happened before I would drink. I would not drink in an anxious state. I know how bad that can turn out.\r\n\r\nThere is a real balancing act to all of this. I guess I reward myself for abstaining with specific dates that I allow myself to let loose and just forget all of the problems I am dealing with. For example, I've put around 3000 miles on my bike this season, and Sandy Corely is the only place I had any drinks at all. That IS pride. I do have control over it.\r\n\r\nI think that it is essential to go to a happy place at least once a year to keep your sanity, as best as you can. It took almost a week to recover physically from camping. But, what I got out of the 5 days at camp is priceless. I had peace. Utter Peace. I was away from technology, responsibility, and the rat race for five whole days!! And, I can remember what it felt like, and I know I will go again in June next season, so I have memories and I know I will create more.\r\n\r\nI guess that makes this my version of a retreat. Yea, Hawaii would be nice, but you can't take two people to Hawaii for almost a week for under $400. I doubt we spent that much. \r\n\r\nI'm a county girl at heart, so, it makes sense that I am happiest in the tent or the camper.... I prefer the tent, my body prefers the camper. Either way. I will do this every year until I can't. It's such a big event. we had people from 31 states and 7 countries. No arrests or tickets, or even fights that I am aware of. It wasn't in the paper, and it's always front page news, with numbers. \r\n\r\nIt was a beautiful year. Vendors from all over, people from all walks of life, but for that five days,.... we were all the same.\r\n\r\nIf you ride a bike, and want to take a vacation, I would suggest checking out the Sandy Corely Memorial Run in Rothbury Michigan June of 2014.\r\nPerfect excuse to meet in person!!!\r\n\r\nI know this is long and vague at the same time, just felt like sharing....\r\n\r\nTake Care\r\nBillie","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":8,"url":"/m/Billie_Jo/journal/all-about-me-long-awaited-by-a-few-sandy-corley-memorial-run/","title":"All About Me... Long awaited by a few... Sandy Corley Memorial Run","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"SUPPORT","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"arthritis","group_id":200041,"name":"Arthritis","url":"/groups/arthritis/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"},{"name_id":"center-for-autism-and-related-disorders","group_id":200043,"name":"Center for Autism and Related Disorders","url":"/groups/center-for-autism-and-related-disorders/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"},{"name_id":"autoimmune-disease","group_id":200044,"name":"Autoimmune Disease","url":"/groups/autoimmune-disease/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"},{"name_id":"bones-joints-and-muscles","group_id":200052,"name":"Bones, Joints and Muscles","url":"/groups/bones-joints-and-muscles/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"},{"name_id":"cancer","group_id":200058,"name":"Cancer","url":"/groups/cancer/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"},{"name_id":"headaches-and-migraines","group_id":200087,"name":"Headaches and Migraines","url":"/groups/headaches-and-migraines/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"},{"name_id":"rare-disease-and-genetic-conditions","group_id":200128,"name":"Rare and Genetic Disorders","url":"/groups/rare-disease-and-genetic-conditions/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"},{"name_id":"sleep-disorders","group_id":200137,"name":"Sleep Disorders","url":"/groups/sleep-disorders/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"},{"name_id":"fibromyalgia","group_id":200192,"name":"Fibromyalgia","url":"/groups/fibromyalgia/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"},{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"},{"name_id":"psoriasis-community","group_id":200211,"name":"Psoriasis Community","url":"/groups/psoriasis-community/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"14461050046846345412","tracking_id":"14461050046846345412","slug":"disc-dealing-with-my-daughters-depression","class":"disc","created":"2018-01-19T14:57:10Z","active":"2018-01-21T13:36:44Z","updated":"2018-01-20T04:15:46Z","depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"njlibrn","status":2,"__typename":"User"},"content":"Hello. I just joined this community this morning because I can use some support and advice in dealing with my teen-age daughter who suffers from anxiety and depression. She's very smart and always excelled at school and activities. Almost three years ago, things came to a head when she refused to get out of bed and go to school for two weeks. My county has a group of magnet schools that are very difficult to get into and they only accept 1-2 kids from each school district. She was attending one of these, and I had to withdraw her because of her excessive absences. I tried a number of things to help her and many failed. I don't think she'll graduate from HS, and I've tried some alternatives such as enrolling her in a program for HS students at a local community college. She took one class last semester and did well and she's taking 2 this semester. For another person, getting up and going to the college and taking two classes might not be a big deal. For her, it is. \r\n\r\nJust getting my daughter to the doctor or to appointments is a major undertaking. I have a lot of vacation time from my job and I end up using a lot of it to take her places. I just wasted a vacation day this morning since she's unable to go to the dentist. I know her condition is beyond her control but I wish she could regain her confidence and have more energy than she has. I worry she'll never be able to live independently, hold a job or even learn to drive.\r\n\r\nMy younger daughter also attends one of the magnet schools I mentioned and is doing extremely well. She resents the time she feels I spend on her sister and often feels I don't value her and her accomplishments. This isn't true and I'm really proud of her. I support her as much as I can, emotionally, with my time and financially when she needs things.\r\n\r\nMy husband is a jerk and contributes to the problem. He's very controlling and bossy and an alcoholic. I feel that he has alcohol related dimentia, even though he's just 55. My daughter hates him and keeps pressuring me to get rid of him. I hate to take her to see her psychiatrist because they gang up on me over this issue. I fear for my life if I tried to divorce him. I also don't want to disrupt my younger daughter's life when she's in her junior year of high school. I know there are services for women and restraining orders, but I also don't think those things will help. I have no support network. Any friends I had are long gone due to my husband. Both my parents are dead, as well as my in-laws.\r\n\r\nI feel lonely and trapped in my mattiage, and hopeless. My once vibrant daughter now spends most of her time sleeping and neglects her hygiene. The friends who have stuck with her are preparing to go off to college and she'll have no one. We’ve discussed how she might make new friends, but she feels hopeless. She’s gone to therapists who did help but she’s not going now and I feel it would benefit her.","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":1,"url":"/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/dealing-with-my-daughters-depression/","title":"Dealing with my daughter's depression","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"closed","reactions":[{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"SUPPORT","count":2,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":["jmw826","katekatz"],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[{"id":2245,"name":"Depression","__typename":"Topic"}],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"13867797569139524912","tracking_id":"13867797569139524912","slug":"disc-delusional-disorder","class":"disc","created":"2024-07-01T21:06:14Z","active":"2024-07-01T22:59:21Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"Member_Lemur1125","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"\u003Cp>For the last 18 months my wife of 38 years has been accusing me of gaslighting her by taking things of hers and moving them, hiding them and even stealing them. It started very slowly with her accusing me of taking one of her jackets out of the closet and then putting it back to make her think she was crazy. She has become a very angry, withdrawn and paranoid person. She says I have cameras and microphones in our home tracking her. She is frequently screaming at me that I took her blood pressure medications and hid them on her. I have never even seen her medications. She moved into our guest bedroom and will not let me in for fear I am going to take something of hers. My sons put a camera and new locks on the guest room to show her that I am not going into the room and she still believes somehow I can get in the room to take her things. She is now asking me for a divorce because she tells me I am trying to control her by taking her things. I have talked to mental health support professionals who tell me it sounds like Delusional Disorder of the Persecutory type. She tells me that she is not sick that I am the sick one. Sounds like Anosognosia right? My kids have noticed a 180 degree change in her personality. Can anyone help me with advice or discuss a similar situation that you have had with a loved one? I am losing my mind and am now looking to move out to save my sanity from living with a woman I love but cannot coexist with in her present mental state. .\u003C/p>","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":1,"url":"/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/delusional-disorder/","title":"Delusional Disorder","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":1,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":["ers1943ers"],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"SUPPORT","count":1,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":["AsecludedIsland"],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[{"id":2248,"name":"Personality disorders","__typename":"Topic"}],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"12060907469447821552","tracking_id":"12060907469447821552","slug":"jrnl-stuff-is-not-great","class":"jrnl","created":"2015-03-06T11:05:22Z","active":"2015-03-10T06:56:51Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/api/member/noelab/avatar/s","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"noelab","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"I'm having my gallbladder removed on Monday. Nobody told me after gastric bypass surgery I would start to develop gall stones... they feel the size of soccer balls, but I'm sure that's just me being melodramatic. So finally on Monday the thing is coming out!\r\n\r\nIt means a week off work though and I can't help but be worried about the effect of that. My boss doesn't like me much as it is, and I'm sure if I wasn't the only one right now who actually knew what was going on this office then she'd find a reason to terminate me. I do my job, I keep my head down and try not to make mistakes, but it all seems so obsolete sometimes.\r\n\r\nI'm on the up curve of the manic cycle, but I can feel the down curve sneaking up behind me. Why does it do that? I worry if my kids like me? I wonder if my husband still likes me? (we've been married for nineteen years, I'm pretty sure he still loves me, but try telling my anxiety that). \r\n\r\nI feel weird, as if I'm standing outside my body staring at myself, and wondering what the hell is going on.\r\n\r\nI am manic depressive, and I am a \"proud\" carrier of the borderline personality disorder and I have some social anxiety issues. I don't answer phones (except at work, and then I try to make sure people don't have a reason to call me), I never answer a number I don't recognize. I hate going to the store alone, asking for help, making any kind of friends. My daughter is my best friend, she's sixteen, and so unlike me. I think I live vicariously through her experiences. I never experienced school and life like she did. I was too scared. She's not afraid of anything. I'm scared of all of it.\r\n\r\nToday is Friday though, yay, and we're visiting friends tonight. Luckily the wife is a wonderful person who completely understands when I shut down and go all quiet. She is the only other friend I have at this stage.\r\n\r\nI feel a bit less burdened after writing, and I write a lot, but I should do more of it here.\r\n\r\nThanks for reading.","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":7,"url":"/m/noelab/journal/stuff-is-not-great/","title":"Stuff is not great","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"SUPPORT","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"ifred-anxiety-and-depression","group_id":200040,"name":"iFred Anxiety and Depression","url":"/groups/ifred-anxiety-and-depression/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"},{"name_id":"womens-health","group_id":200155,"name":"Women's Health","url":"/groups/womens-health/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"},{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"15877710375799010721","tracking_id":"15877710375799010721","slug":"jrnl-who-am-i-18","class":"jrnl","created":"2015-08-11T10:20:17Z","active":"2015-08-12T10:20:29Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/api/member/Jewels_Kidd/avatar/s","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"Jewels_Kidd","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"I am lost and not sure how to find my way back. I feel like a child at school calling home to daddy:\r\n\r\nMe: Father, they don't like me here. I don't fit it. I don't belong. Can you please give me permission to leave early? Just come get me?\r\nFather: No child, not yet. You only have a few more hours, you can stick it out.\r\n\r\nFor those of you who didn't pick it up, I am speaking of my Heavenly Father and hours are not literal. My grandparent's are gone, my little brother has a fiancee who has 3 kids and suddenly I have went from some dignity to their live in nanny. Pay is room and bored. I recently got a letter, they are going to foreclose on my grandparent's house which means I need to somehow come up with a lot of money or start packing. I have tried to come up with ways to help but I seem to be the only one who cares. I made a gofundme.com account but no donations and not many shares on it though I did get one response \"Get a damn job\" So then I had a nightmare that the clinic I go to for my bipolar told me that I was faking it all that I needed to get over it and stop wasting their time. It went on to weird embarrassing things happening and ultimately me crying and ashamed of myself. I can not seem to get out of this hole I am in and right now would welcome a mania episode. I question myself, am I really sick, am I really sick as I think. Could I handle a job? When I feel like I am about to collapse is that me being a pansy and quitting could I do more? The worst part is the feelings and thoughts I have that I want to talk about but can't because I know someone would want to admit me if I said it out loud. My caseworker will be in in 5 hours or so but I can't tell her because she will not like it. Tonight I looked for job openings and sent a couple applications out. Figured worst can happen I can't work and I am not just a pansy, I either go to hospital or die, best case, I can do it and I am being a pansy, I make money get back on my feet and save my house. Either way...problem solved. Morbid I know but honestly at this point I really feel like I just don't give a damn if I live or if I die. And a big part of me just wants to go \"Home\". The big fear have is taking the job and not having medicaid anymore. The state will probably not continue my medicaid if I prove able to work and not disabled. Whats worse than having problems is not being able to pay for them. \r\n\r\nI am holding out till Thursday to find out what the doctor says but its really hard not to get scared. The yearly scopes this year results showed pre-cancerous tissues again. Crossing my fingers that they just go in with EDG remove it and go on with life but last time they said pre-cancer they took a whole dang organ. Seems every time I turn around I get punched one way or another and I just don't know why it happens or how to handle it all. I saw something the other day was a picture of a girl in bed praying saying \"I don't think I can do this anymore\" and Jesus standing over her with his hand on her shoulder saying \"It's OK Sweetie, I will take care of it\" I know he is there but I still feel like I am getting blow after blow and no answers. I am not sure what I am supposed to learn from this but so far I feel like I am learning that I don't matter. So I sit here and say do I push myself till I fall over or do I actually say whats on my mind and see which institution they put me in? No I don't say whats on my mind because it will only upset everyone and no one has time for it right now. So I guess push on and find out if I am a pansy or not on my own......","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":12,"url":"/m/Jewels_Kidd/journal/who-am-i-18/","title":"Who am I?","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"SUPPORT","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"rare-disease-and-genetic-conditions","group_id":200128,"name":"Rare and Genetic Disorders","url":"/groups/rare-disease-and-genetic-conditions/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"},{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"},{"name_id":"ostomy","group_id":200209,"name":"Ostomy","url":"/groups/ostomy/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"14087144006646414116","tracking_id":"14087144006646414116","slug":"jrnl-creek-snap-twang-no-its-not-a-ghost-in-the-house-just-my-bones","class":"jrnl","created":"2014-06-17T00:39:26Z","active":"2024-11-20T03:40:23Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/api/member/chantelr/avatar/s","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"chantelr","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"After a full day of ABSOLUTELY NOTHING yesterday I took it upon myself to do something today. I brought the girls down to my mommy's house and took my nieces and nephews on a walk down to the lake. It was nice. My girls ran and swam, lily strengthened her legs and the rest got wore out! :) For some foolish reason I thought it was a BRILLIANT idea to mimic a 2 year old!! (Who in their right mind would ever think it's smart to mimic a 2 year old?) She began to jump up on and down on the dock. So what do I do? I jump up on and down on the dock! (I'm so going to regret this later I know that much) She splashes in the water, (After I JUST bathed her at home!) I splash in the water! (To the point, I ALMOST FALL IN!) She laughed, I laughed. I'm sure anyone watching us would have been laughing too! I'm sure we were all a site to see, 6 dogs, 3 kids, and me. *sigh* Why do I get myself into these things?\r\n\r\nWe head back and I bring her up to my house with me. I make her some lunch of a grilled cheese and I began to crave a grilled ham and cheese. It was quite yummy! I haven't had one in AGES! We sat down, had our sandwiches and watched cartoons until we just had to be outside some more. Too nice of day to be in. I was doing fine until a twinge in my back told me to slow down. :( NO! I'm not going to let you go out! Like my body listens to me! Puh-Leaze! I only wish right?\r\n\r\nBut never the less, my love bug was here and she wanted to play. At least needed Auntie to be outside with her! I sat on the swing as she found her new outdoor toys. A shovel, a rake, a hoe, a sandpail. Uncle Bob made her a small little sandbox for just the right size for her. It's maybe 3 feet by 3 feet. Nothing to big. Just right for someone her size.\r\n\r\nShe sat on the ground with her bright orange bucket next to her scooping sand inside when I hear, \"OH!\" She grabbed the bigger plastic shovel I found for her at a garage sale for a quarter. Placed it on the ground near her, filled the shovel with her little bucket shovel, then lifted the BIG blue plastic shovel of sand and emptied it into her pail! Why all the added steps? I don't know. It's Monday. I already mimicked a 2 year old, I didn't want to think like one. \r\n\r\nShe soon carried the very heavy bright orange sand pail over to me. \"Here go!\" \"Thank you my love bug.\" As she sauntered back over filling her shovel with her little shovel then carrying it over to me at the swing. I shake my head in amusement and wonder. Once we were all done, \"Aunchie?\" \"Yes love bug?\" \"Help pweesh\" \"What do you need?\" With a big sigh she pointed to her bucket and over to the sand box. \"Do you need me to care it over there?\" \"Yes.\" \"Okay baby let's go.\" We walked hand in hand over to the sandbox where I emptied out her sand pail. Such a busy day for such a bitty baby girl.\r\n\r\nBob was gone throughout the day today and he came home and I started supper. I BBQ ribs tonight and they were PHENOMENAL! Couldn't do any better than I did tonight. They were spicy, yet tangy and melted in your mouth! It was AMAZING! After we ate I felt my body continue to give in more. My ankle continued to hurt, my back got stiffer, but I wasn't done yet!\r\n\r\nI ran outside and began to play with my dog Rosie. Bob said I was quite the site tonight to watch, zebra slip on shoes, a gray cut off tshirt with white shorts, running around the yard chasing a white ball with a black dog following. He said he didn't know if he could even call what I was doing running! HE HAD NO IDEA WHAT I WAS DOING!! I just looked, apparently HYSTERICAL! I just turned around and scoffed, \"Well ya know what man of mine? There comes a time in EVERY persons' life when they just don't give a damn anymore! And since mine has busted a LONG time ago... Well clearly then. I don't care how I look! So there! :P *pfffttthhhh* I win!\" Bob: Laughed even harder.\r\n\r\n\r\nBut honestly why should I? Sure it hurt, and I probably did look ridiculous outside, doing God only knows what, but honestly, who care? It was great exercise. :) Prednisone has done such a number to my body I'm finally to the point where I no longer see my faults and wish I was the person I was before, I'm to the point where things are livable and the days I can take full advantage of everything, the better I am! Yes I am envious of those who can hit the gym and do all this cardio etc. But today, well today I was thankful for my 4 jumps, my 2 minute run, and an amazing ability to cook! ;) So if you are near my house tonight and hear strange noises, don't worry, nothing is wrong! It's just my joints snapping from my fun time today. :)","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":2,"url":"/m/chantelr/journal/creek-snap-twang-no-its-not-a-ghost-in-the-house-just-my-bones/","title":"*Creek, snap, twang* No, it's not a ghost in the house.. just my bones..","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"SUPPORT","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"connective-tissue-disorders","group_id":200069,"name":"Connective Tissue Disorders","url":"/groups/connective-tissue-disorders/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"},{"name_id":"womenheart","group_id":200156,"name":"WomenHeart Connect","url":"/groups/womenheart/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"},{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"4032084978042470558","tracking_id":"4032084978042470558","slug":"disc-my-boyfriend-has-paranoid-schitzophrenia","class":"disc","created":"2014-03-20T19:50:37Z","active":"2014-04-05T01:12:40Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"ocean260","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"Hello eyeryone,\r\nI just recently found out that my 44 year old boyfriend (I am 43) has paranoid schitzophrenia. He stopped taking his abilify for two months and ended up in the mental hospital because he almost killed himself..he prefered to die rather than to let \"them\" get him and torchure him n cut off his arms and legs.. The first time he stopped taking his meds was 6 months ago but only for a week..his mom noticed his personality change and got him back on his meds. This first time he broke up with me because he fell out of love with me..when he got off his meds.. now he broke up with me again.. he lost his love for me again..but this time he has started dating other people.. He says that he suddenly decided that it is extremely important to him to be a father..and since i cant get pregnant, he dont want to be with me anymore. We have been living together in the basement apartment of his mother's house for a year and 3 months.. i still live there because he just broke up with me to find a girl who can have kids just 3 weeks ago! I need about 4 months to save money to move out.. he has already met a young girl who wants to have kids.. i still love him as he is openly developing feelings right in front of me with this new girl..who has no idea he is mentally ill.. I still love him..and I am hoping and asking IF he is acting this way because he was off his meds for 2 months..or IF this is how he truly feels?? How do i know?? His mom says that he is still not normal yet..but he has been back on his meds again and his dosage got raised to 15mg this time.. he has been back on his meds for almost 5 weeks and he seems almost like his old self..except that he was never mean to me like this before.. the first time he broke up with me he said i could move out when i was ready.. this time he demands that i move out in 2 weeks and says he dont care where i go..he says he met \"the one\" and eants to bring her back to OUR basement apartment and cant do that if im still living there.. I have never seen this side of him..so selfish..so mean.. and so desperate to have kids!! I have lived with him for a year and 3 months and he has always been the kindest and most considerate person to me, even when he broke up with me for just one week..the first time..(when he got off his meds for about a week). This time he is sooo selfish and couldnt care less for my well being or my feelings at all.. he is on a mission to get this girl and have kids with her!! (This time he was off his meds for 2 months and has only been back on them about 3 weeks and at a higher dose of 15mg). His hallucinations have stopped, he no longer thinks they are after him, he is getting nicer to me.. but really just eants me out of there so he can start a relationship with this new girl.. How do I know if this sudden change of his about extremely wanting to have kids is part of him being off his meds for so long..or if this is the way he truly feels?? We never even argued!! We were very happy!! He just woke up one day n decided he wanted kids..badly.. when he was off his meds.. but he has been back onhis meds now for 5 weeks!! A week ago he still had a hallucination that i was standing over his bed and screaming at him..and he thinks i try to wake him at 3am when he dont take a sleeping pill and cant sleep.. and im totally asleep! He imagines it when he cant sleep n blames me!! So are his meds not working?? His mom thinks so.. but is it possible that this is the NEW person?? Will he come back to normal and lose this desire to have kids?? I still love who he was for over a year but dont know or understand this selfish hurtful side of him!! Please help!!\r\nAt least help me understand...please..","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":21,"url":"/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/my-boyfriend-has-paranoid-schitzophrenia/","title":"my boyfriend has paranoid schitzophrenia","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"SUPPORT","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[{"id":2250,"name":"Schizophrenia","__typename":"Topic"}],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"3339827905325702210","tracking_id":"3339827905325702210","slug":"disc-wisometimes-feel-like-the-only-way-to-go-from-hear-is-off-the-ledge-majori","class":"disc","created":"2015-07-24T10:21:08Z","active":"2015-07-30T00:07:39Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/api/member/faeriepenguin/avatar/s","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"faeriepenguin","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"Not sure what to do and more. First like I said if you read all of this super impressed!!!!\r\nBe for the long shortened version of why, I think my family would be much better off with \"dead fantasy version of me then the real me\"is\r\n I am told I have friends but I feel like it is a seen out of a PTSD movie where we talk about meds and what works. I was laughing at a seen like that in a military movie but then my dad said \"it's not the same you didn't serve\", and I felt ashamed .\r\n Then with my boyfriend we have auto immune disorders especially psoriasis, and psoriatic arthritis mine starting at 11 his at 20 but both still for about 20 years. The ridicule and torment with that took mild depression and morphed it so we laughed at silver linings play book. Again topic of doctors wanting you to be a vegetable (one of my doctors killed 3 people. From over prescribing years ago and taking kick backs) came up. After this Rafael place where a few doctors said I was lucky, I discussedmy thoughts on therapy animals. How since I don't think I would ever qualify, so I to a hobby that mad me feel good and tried a job in the veterinary field. o\r\nIt seems oddf combining my 2 degrees; of social work and veterinary science and asking to borrow frommy mom's PhD in grief, death and dying into something more. Even if your pet was just your baby. Yet the family that just wanted me to pass then just try and get through college \"even though no one thought I could\" could help but won't because they already know that I am going to fail\" what if these clients really only have there pets in the world and like me are drowning to talk to someone?\r\nI am having a hard time health wise but working so hard not to prove them right. I have always had a hard time fitting in with people. I can't keep work because in addition to everything else, I love to lean and ask questions. Worst of all though I miss important social cues. This costs not just friends and jobs but family. Just as this is long so are my talks and I have a hard time getting to the point. \r\nI don't want to just \"off myself\" but I feel as though the only reason I am hear is to stop others as when I go MIA THERE IS WHERE IS SHE SHE OK? Or less so I was in the hospital with daily crippling migraines my whole family knows about and my dad is upset the meds made me gain weight. Now though my boyfriend totaled my truck it is why are you not out looking for work. \r\nEven down to my sister in law who corrects the kids to call my one brother uncle I have never been called aunt. Every day I am more convinced, I could better myfamil y dead and made up then real stories of me. I bring nothing to the table so why am I here. \r\nIf you have been thru anything like this, pleas held. I feel so hollow and being told I am the only reason --------- isn't dead is good because I am so happy to help but I need something to feel I d to make life have purpose. \r\nThank you for any help","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":3,"url":"/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/wisometimes-feel-like-the-only-way-to-go-from-hear-is-off-the-ledge-majori/","title":"wisometimes feel like the only way to go from hear is off the ledge majori.","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"SUPPORT","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[{"id":2245,"name":"Depression","__typename":"Topic"}],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"2844292358067736201","tracking_id":"2844292358067736201","slug":"disc-chronic-pain-trd-ptsd-ocd-scapegoat-etc-smorgasboard-need-advice","class":"disc","created":"2016-03-04T20:38:19Z","active":"2016-03-06T19:45:00Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"HeidifromVA","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"Hi, I'm the scapegoat in a family of devout Christians, my mom is...an INFJ NARCISSIST, COVERT NARCISSIST, 95 yrs old, SHES VERY SICK, IM HER PRIMARY CARETAKER, SHE COMPLAINS ABOUT EVERY SINGLE THING I DO, AND, STATES THE REASON MY SIBS DONT LIKE ME, IS BC I DESERVE IT, IM UNLIKEABLE. Since she's had episodes of delirium, she's HONESTLY, UNBELIEVABLY, BEEN SHARING HOW SHE ORCHESTRATED THEIR HATRED TOWARDS ME, MAKING SURE IM EXCLUDED from all events, AND THEN, TELLING THEM ALL HOW EVIL I AM, IVE BEEN SO VERY CLOSE TO SUICIDE. I believe I got PTSD WHEN I ENDURED A DIVORCE, MY MOM SIDED WITH MY SPOUSE, AND, THERAPISTS HAD ME READ ALL THE ALICE MILLERS BOOKS,M SCOTT PECK, ETC. SO, IVE GONE FROM HATING MYSELF W A VENGEANCE AND BLAMING MYSELF FOR EVERYTHING THATS EVER GONE WRONG, ESP DEEP SELF HATRED FOR AN EPISODE OF ANOREXIA THAT WAS TOTALLY OVERLOOKED BY ALL FAMILY, EXCEPT FOR LAUGHING AT ME, IN HS, FOR A YEAR, DURING WHICH MY MOM USED ME AS A COUNSELOR FOR HER MARRIAGE, AND MADE ME HATE MY DAD. THE 3 sibs were in college in the states, and, I was alone in Europe w my parents. \r\n\r\nIVE GOT TREATMENT RESISTANT MAJOR DEPRESSION, CHRONIC PAIN FROM EHLERS DANLOS HYPERMOBILITY TYPE, OCD, AND PTSD. I spend inordinate hrs since leaving work(for medical reasons, at basic retirement age) reading about narcissists, SCAPEGOATS, PROJECTION, SOCIOPATHY, LACK OF EMPATHY, NO HEALTHY GUILT-or any guilt for that matter. It often makes things worse, although, instead of blaming me, I now blame them. Which leads me to my heinous victim energy/VICTIM EGO! And it's strangely wrapped around a profound feeling Jesus(my deity) was also a victim/scapegoat/doormat, etc...which, makes me feel I'm doing the right thing, by basically asking for it...it's weird being a ministers kid! If I'm a Christian, then, shouldn't I try and be as CHRISTLIKE AS POSSSIBLE? I've spent my life in church, almost went to seminary after getting my masters in counseling and becoming a certified rehabilitation counselor, but, the church, normal mainstreamecumenical types...and ESP the less mainstream more fundamentalist approaches, they literally make me have panic attacks. Only more radical Episcopalean types like Bishop Spong make me feel sane now, and some new agey type/the 1930's stuff, like science of the mind, plus ironically some televangelist types, Joyce Meyer, oh, also, NORMAN VINCENT PEALE, and STILL LOVE BILLY GRAHAM TOO,as HE QUESTIONED HELL! And ironically my dear Hindu friend, my teacher from my \"art of living group,\" she knows Jesus better than anyone I know. Still, old paradigms linger. \r\n\r\nI'm sceptical about folks like Eckart Tolle, however, his victim ego/pain body paradigm, it's VERY HELPFUL. I SINCERELY BELIEVE I SPEND MY DAYS FEEDING MY PAIN BODY, VICTIM EGO, HOPEFULLY MY \"false self.\" \r\n\r\nIs it dumb to stay w my mom, I wonder often if it precludes my recovery...I enjoy caring for her...it gives me purpose, when I'm able to ignore the abundant degradation. The sibs, the children of my mothers, who she approves of, they won't live with her, or vice verse. She treats me as if I'm the Boston strangler, and they are all angels. I point out to her how unfair and cruel her comments are. Oh, I left work, after being in pain clinics since my 20's, and, one of my sisters works for social security, she loathes all who are in SSDI OR SSI-lazy welfare recipients in her eyes, I'm fortunate my former workplace had generous economic protection for when an employee becomes disabled. Still, they've been incredibly cruel, seemingly trying to push me over the edge, one pastor friend tells me if I did take my own life, they'd quickly chose a new scapegoat. lately, they like to shove in my face, how loving and close they all are. Soc sec sis(oh, she forced all four of her kids to go to West Point...she found later that one son got married on Facebook, and her only daughter won't visit her), she's recruited the golden child, to do what she can to damage me, honestly, I've got much self doubt, but, they are so very flagrant w the scapegoating, it's very transparent. Still, I'm clearly NOT PERFECT-often think of the Biblical reference about \"throwing the first stone,\" or \"pointing out the spec in my \"brothers eye, when there's a board in my own\", so, I want to believe that love will win out, if I could be more loving, after all, \"GOD IS LOVE!\" ARENT we called to love those who despise us,\" even the heathen love those who love them, we must love those who persecute us, right? AND, THERE ARE financial incentives too. Still, I'm now VERY RECLUSIVE, ALL MY ENERGY GOES TO CARING FOR MY MOM, AND, IVE LOST WHAT WERE VERY ABUNDANT FRIENDS IN THE PROCESS. THAT LEAVES ME VULNERABLE. PLUS THE CHRONIC WORSENING PAIN, DOESNT MAKE ME A PARTY ANIMAL EITHER. I could survive, away from them, although, now, I don't have my friends! So, I hope I could😤😔😔😔! I hate being alone! My mom will go to a \"home\" if I go! \r\n\r\nSO, SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME, WHAT WOULD GOD DO? I think I want to do that. And, I pray the FDA WILL LET US ALL GE KETAMINE INFUSIONS TOO. THIS PAIN OS SO HEINOUS! I'd love your help!\r\n\r\nThx for reading!","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":5,"url":"/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/chronic-pain-trd-ptsd-ocd-scapegoat-etc-smorgasboard-need-advice/","title":"Chronic pain, TRD, PTSD, OCD, scapegoat,ETC, SMORGASBOARD😊! Need advice!","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"SUPPORT","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[{"id":2255,"name":"Family and caregivers","__typename":"Topic"}],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"2139325772764472557","tracking_id":"2139325772764472557","slug":"disc-depression-and-suiside","class":"disc","created":"2018-02-28T19:10:25Z","active":"2018-02-28T19:10:25Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/api/member/Theoneandonlybubba/avatar/s","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"Theoneandonlybubba","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"I have had a Ton of loss in my life. I grew up in a huge family and loss was always hard to deal with. It started with my grandpa (my Mom's Dad), aunts, uncles, and cousins that I was very close too then hit home big time all in a few year period when I lost my Grandpa and Dad... My mother at the time lived in another state so she tried to help but all the pain and suffering was left to me and my Grandma whom I moved in with with my Dad just prior to him dying. It destroyed us both. My Grandma told me during this time she just didn't care about anything anymore. I never told anyone but I felt the same. I tried moving from San Diego to Las Vegas mostly because everywhere I looked I seen my Dad. We did everything together even my friends from high school did because he was like a Dad to all of them. Another thing I lost I believe because of this. My Dad's loss was huge for all of us and our group of friends fell apart not soon after. My Mom also helped and agreed moving would be a new start to life. I thought it would be easy because of all the time I spent in Vegas growing up but, it was so hard. I failed miserably at trying to start over in Vegas. My Grandma that backed me in the decision to move died not just a month or 2 after which I blame myself for, because I left her, even though her 2 daughter's said they would and did take care of her. They plain and simply and obviously did not. I moved back and forth from my Uncles in Missouri. He thought i would like it there but, being from a big city made me want to try again and again. I finally thought I was okay back in Vegas, I went to visit my Mom and Stepdad in Missouri and they inspired me to give Vegas another shot. With my Mom's help after a huge bump trusting strangers in Las Vegas. I got my own apartment. I got a good job and had an amazing loving relationship with a girl I loved since high school that now lives in Vegas. Everything was amazing until the loneliness of the road made me a mess to deal with. Then the struggles of being alone at work too much (I was a truck driver) and all my Mental issues hit me super hard because I never dealt with or told anyone about them. I just ran from them. My depression, bipolar, and anxiety came boiling up so hard \r\nAgain, that I ruined that relationship. I fell apart soon after and always had thoughts of suicide. The only thing that kept me alive at first was falling in love with a good friend I met through my ex girlfriend. She understood some of what I was going through and helped me and calmed me at first. I should have talked with her more and told her about all my grief. I focused to much on my ex and not enough on my grief which is the cause of my Mental disabilities. Also not talking with my ex at all crushed me because she was always my best friend before we were together. Another thing that was tough on my new girlfriend because even though I know she loved me she also was good friends with my ex. After struggling through our relationship and my girlfriend finally getting me to like and understand my truck driving job disaster struck. I fell climbing down in my work truck and blew out my knee, back and hip. Being home and depressed majorly took a toll on me and my girlfriend. The process of work comp was so slow money issues came into play on my end only so it hurt me worse. I finally attempted too take me life one day while my girlfriend was at work. I took an entire bottle of Excedrin and called her. She came rushing home to save my life. But I don't know how bad I hurt her by hurting myself. Our relationship was hurt but she stood by me until we got into an argument the same week we were going to move into a new apartment. She stormed out then I broke up with her by phone. I again destroyed the only thing good in my life. A few days later without telling her I packed one bag of a few items and made a deal with my company to go on light duty in Tennessee. Again running not dealing with anything. I left my girlfriend with all my burdens. All our problems. Everything. A few days after I got there I realized i not only lost everything, I lost my best friend for what i thought was too long to get back and the person I loved more than life itself my girlfriend. I have never told anyone this but I took an entire bottle of Advil jel caps 500's. Probably 100 of them, I played down in my hotel bed and went to sleep hopping to never wake up. No one was there to care or check on me but luckily I woke up. I don't know what else to say about that. I met with some drivers in training at the company I worked for and me being a driver trainer prior to getting hurt inspired me to try to get by there. I started enjoying my light duty job there and within a month I talked again with my best friend and then my girlfriend in Las Vegas. This got me by. Me and my girlfriend had an awesome although very emotional call were we cried out everything together and agreed to try again. She called it a redo. I was so happy. I even got to fly home and see her and my best friend during my light duty time. Then again disaster struck at work. My work comp injury too my knee was permanent and they said my hip was Degenerative joint disease at a horrible stage and my back was due to me having Scheuermann's disease since I was a lil boy. All of this costing me my job and because of the Tennessee work comp laws leaving me with no type of lawsuit possible at all. I even met with different lawyers who all agreed. They abruptly sent me back to Las Vegas with nothing. I rented a car I tried to stay with someone who agreed to help me the first few days but they turned on me right away. I could not trust them or stay there because money, what little I had left, disappeared out of my wallet in there presence only. Enough money to be unforgivable. Especially with me not having any income. I met with my girlfriend and did not tell her how bad everything was. I tried after a week of sleeping in my car to tell my best friend but she has dealt with a close suicide before so it did not sit well with her. She tried her best to get me to ask someone for help. I figured that was it. I went out that night and had as much fun as I could knowing in my head what I was going to do the next morning. I drove to the store and bought this time what i thought would work. Over 250 Tylenol night times called PM's 500s. I drove to a parking lot in a mall. I got all the pills out and thought to myself it might be easier to take them if I actually dissolved them in a bottle of water. What saved my life in the long run. I poorer out some of the water in the bottle and put all the pills in with what was left. I sat there and shook the bottle until they all dissolved turning the water into a light blue thick liquid. I messaged my best friend that I was done with life and attempted to drink it all. Luckily about a third of the way through the taste of the pills dissolved was so strong I couldn't finish. I opened the car door through the bottle on the ground and began to vomit. I drove to a friend's house were him and his roommate and her kids lived and they took care of me the rest of the day until I felt well enough to drive again. They had no idea what I had done just thought I was sick. I slept in my car that night and the next day. My best friend messaged me begging me to go to the emergency room for help. Finally I did. I told her, my girlfriend and my Mom which hospital I was going to and walked into emergency with a note explaining everything I had done. I was to overcome with tears to explain it. They took really good care of me. They moved me across town to a behavior hospital were I stayed for almost 2 weeks and got therapy until they felt I could be released. I was not ready at all. They put me in a group home. I struggled there to find a way to live. Having no money was so hard on me. I had to turn in my rental car finally so I had no transportation except the bus and me being barley able to walk hurt so much I could not get around to do anything. My girlfriend kept trying to come see me but there's no way I wanted her near the horrible group home full of criminals and drug addicts. Finally I got a call from a friend that was a driver broker about a job. Even though I could barely do it I took the job so I could get out of that horrible group home that was killing me slowly even keeping my meds and not giving them to me. The company I took the job with was in Los Angeles but had a yard in Las Vegas were they kept there trucks. No employees there at all so they never seen how mentally or physically messed up I was. They just told me the code to get in after meeting me by phone and gave me a truck to make pick ups and deliveries in. Luckily I did not have to load or unload. They paid a doctor to hand me a approved physical without even checking me because they needed help that bad. I even worked the first few days without getting my Comercial licence reinstated so I could make the money to do so. Like I said before I could barley do it. The work days were one day too delivery stay in a hotel then one day back. I struggled but got by at first. With my second paycheck I got my clothes from the hell house of a group home and moved into a weekly rental. They let me park my work truck there so I got by with no car. My girlfriend tried her best to be with me but it was so hard on her. I was such a mess physically and mentally. My best friend through this time was diagnosed with cancer and the thought of loosing her made things unbearable. I tried to bottle everything in. I could not make anything work. I could not physically or mentally keep my job. I did not tell anyone. I cried alone for a week barricaded in my apartment because I couldn't do my job. They came and took there truck away and let me go. The police came and through me out of my apartment with only 24 hour notice. No one could understand why. I spent 2 nights in the 110 degree heat of Las Vegas not knowing what to do. My girlfriend was trying to start a new job and was trying so hard to think of a way to help but was staying somewhere I could not live at the time. I do not blame her at all. I for some stupid reason disappeared from everyone else. I did not tell my best friend anything. I thought to myself this heat is suicide in itself and I thought again and again about doing it again... Finally I called for help. An ambulance took me to the hospital and I spent a few days there. They tried to release me. I called my girlfriend too pick me up but she was working then I thought there is no way I am okay I went back into the emergency room and told them if I left I was sure I would kill myself. They put me back in. I messed up and did not think about the fact that they take everything from you at this point. They put me in a gound and I could not reach anyone except one call to my girlfriend to leave a message that I was going back in. My Mom and best friend had no idea were I was this whole time. I know I hurt them with worry. I know I hurt my girlfriend so bad by never just sitting her down and explaining all this... After one night they took me to the top floor which is that hospitals behavior clinic. I spent 3 weeks there. Therapy helped but not that much. I called my girlfriend and left her a message every day i could. My mother found me there after searching for me and we talked as much as I could. Finally they needed to release me not because I was better but because my insurance finally got cancelled due to not having the job anymore. I took the bus from Las Vegas to California to attempt to get 2 different jobs but they would not hire me at either because I could not pass the physical agility test or climb in and out of the trucks at all. I couldn't even sit through the few hours of orientation classes... Finally the head of the second company called me in and told me how sorry he was but they needed to send me home. I asked for a few minutes. I texted with my girlfriend explaining the situation and my idea to go to my Mom's from there in Missouri to figure out my next move. She agreed and even thought that it was time that maybe even she move out of Las Vegas and join me there after I got settled. I asked the company if they wouldn't mind busing me to my Mom's in Missouri instead of back to Las Vegas and they were very understanding and agreed to pay for my ticket to there. Since I got here it's been tough on all of us, but my Mom and Stepdad have been really understanding and supportive. I am stuck in the very long process of getting on disability and medicade. It is going okay but it's been 6 months and I'm told it could take up to a year to get. Good news is both there physical and psychological doctors both agreed I am in dire need of both and told me such plus my lawyer I hired to assist me agreed and only gets paid after I get my first disability paycheck. The bad news is my girlfriend kept in touch at first and I'm not saying we have broke up yet because she did say she was going through a lot in Vegas but we have not talked in the last few months. I can not reach her. I am praying she is just working on herself and giving me the time to do the same. The last time we talked she did express her wanting to move here and asked me in my spare time to look at jobs in her field for her, she also said I love you too me last. So I am trying hard to hold onto that. I must say though it is very hard to deal with all this without her by my side. Good news is my best friend told me about inspire and how it helps her deal with what she went through with her cancer. Even better news she finished chemotherapy and has beat cancer. It is in remission. Thank god! Writing this has helped me get through this day and hopefully will help me get through this struggle one day at a time. Specially with any help or input anyone reading this might have. Thank you for your time...","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":0,"url":"/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/depression-and-suiside/","title":"Depression and suiside","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"SUPPORT","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[{"id":2245,"name":"Depression","__typename":"Topic"}],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"14545631026461345152","tracking_id":"14545631026461345152","slug":"disc-screw-loose","class":"disc","created":"2015-09-08T20:59:30Z","active":"2015-09-16T02:35:36Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/api/member/j7653/avatar/s","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"j7653","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"I don't know if this falls specifically under depression, or maybe it's OCD or a combination of the two, but since I've suffered from depression before and feel the constant battle to keep my head above water I thought I'd dump my feelings here. I'm using this also as a way to get stuff out of my head, chest, and gut, and onto paper so please excuse the excess..\r\n\r\nLately I started dating a woman who, although she is not my \"typical\" type in terms of physical appearance, she seems to have many of the traits, hobbies, and activities that I like. So I decided to give it a fair shake by getting off all the dating websites I'm on and focusing on her. Well, things have gotten closer, we started to see more of each other, and started to sleep together. The sex was good and I enjoyed it. Better than in a long time with the promise for more good stuff. I feel comfortable sharing the \"dirty little secrets\" that I carry around with me about depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and loneliness. She listened, was compassionate, and handled them all in stride and made me feel very comfortable.\r\n\r\nOne problem that I do see however is that up to now her free time has been somewhat limited. She has two kids, gets very little help from her ex-husband, and has a demanding, busy job. I, on the other hand, have too much free time on my hands and on my mind which is not a good thing for me. My only daughter shares time with her mom, she goes away to Boarding School, and my job isn't that demanding. I exercise, try to stay busy, but in short I find that I have more free time than I'd like to have.\r\n\r\nOver the past weekend our contact became very sparse. As a result I found myself wondering what was going on? Why is she not writing to me, writing me back, etc... So I texted her a few times. I didn't hear back right away or got minimal messages back from her. I started worrying why she wasn't replying in time and I chased her more but got some concise but friendly replies.\r\n\r\nI don't believe that she's cheating on me but it's just strange. We texted so many times a day, and responded to each other quickly. Now we've exchanged barely more than a handful of lines over the past 3 days.\r\n\r\nI know that I need to get a life, I need to be less clingy. One way or another things will work themselves out. Either she's busy or she she's trying to back off. But my mind and body feel sick and don't want to let go of it. I feel distracted all the time. My mood and appetite is depressed.\r\n\r\nI'd like to call her attention to the change in our correspondence and see what her reaction is. See if she is putting some distance between us or if it's my imagination. I hate to think that this could be a conscious decision on her part because I hate playing games. I'm as straight as they come, no poker face, no games. I was cheated on in my marriage so the idea of someone playing games is a hot button\r\n\r\nI know that the level of correspondence has changed, but my reaction to it feels excessive.\r\n\r\nSo that's my first entry. Feel free to comment, or not...","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":6,"url":"/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/screw-loose/","title":"Screw loose","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"SUPPORT","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[{"id":2245,"name":"Depression","__typename":"Topic"}],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"12458530186731401001","tracking_id":"12458530186731401001","slug":"jrnl-fat-acceptance-movement","class":"jrnl","created":"2015-01-16T14:18:38Z","active":"2015-01-21T15:07:03Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/api/member/chantelr/avatar/s","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"chantelr","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"I read 2 articles today that really got my heart rate going. YAY for\r\nmy type of cardiac therapy! ;) The first one was Can you be Fat but\r\nFit? I LOVED IT! It really does prove that NOT all heavy people are\r\nunhealthy. Check it\r\nout.http://www.fitnessmagazine.com/health/conditions/obesity/fat-but-fit/\r\n\r\nThen the other one I read was:\r\n6 Things I don't understand about The Fat Acceptance Movement.\r\nhttp://thoughtcatalog.com/carolyn-hall/2014/04/6-things-i-dont-understand-about-the-fat-acceptance-movement/\r\n\r\nOk critics. Get ready for this one. (I never realized I had so many\r\ncritics out there but whatever. Bring it on! Let me just start by, the\r\n6 things I don't understand about the fact acceptance movement, part\r\nof it, REALLY pissed me off! It really pissed me off to the regards\r\nthat some bigger people really do think that because I weigh 500\r\npounds from eating myself to death, yes you better accept me. I will accept ANYONE despite their race, disability what have you. I don't care that you weigh 600 pounds but I do care that you think it's acceptable to continue to eat yourself to death! That I won't accept! GET HELP! Our lives are so short! Don't waste it! And it\r\nreally pisses me off that they so many think it is okay to feed your\r\nchildren nothing but garbage! REALLY?! You know what, there are ways to get your kids to eat their veggies and it doesn't have to be doused in cheese and CHIPS ARE NOT A VEGETABLE! \r\n\r\nOkay, let me slow down here a bit. The article touched on some very\r\nserious subjects. Food portions: OMG! YES! Seriously fast food joints?\r\nDo we really need a triple cheese burger? Do we really need donuts the\r\nsize of our heads? No. But as Americans we really are stuck on the\r\nbigger the better and we don't care what the circumstances of that\r\nare! We really begin to think that there is never enough of a good\r\nthing. Despite that 10 pound pizza you just split with 4 of your\r\nbuddies could have really fed how many people who truly are starving\r\nand haven't had a meal in days. But it's okay now because you engorged\r\nyourself and say that HEY! I did it! Do we really need to it that ENTIRE bucket of chicken to ourselves? Or say, I polished off 20 trays of oysters because it was on a dare? Really? Or that whole pound of pancakes smothered in syrup? Ish. And then wash it down with A DIET COKE! REALLY?! You just ate an entires year of calories!!! HAVE A REAL COKE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! \r\n\r\nI also agree that YES! Food addiction is a SERIOUS problem! But just\r\nlike people with mental health issues such as depression, bi-polar\r\ndisorder, ADD, you need to seek help. YOU need to be the one to decide\r\nto say, I have had enough of living this way and I need to get help\r\nfor it. Too many people choose NOT too seek help because they are\r\nashamed of it. What is there to be ashamed of? Getting yourself better\r\nis something to be ashamed of? Asking for help makes you weak? Right,\r\nlet's just stay sick and potentially die because I am choosing NOT to\r\nwalk into that doctors office and say I can't do this anymore! That\r\nmakes total sense to me!\r\n\r\nThen it was the part of the \"no fatties\" in the dating profile site.\r\nHere we go! Look, I'm not attracted to certain races, or body types\r\nmyself. BUT that is just MY preference! For the simple fact that I may\r\nchoose not too date a Native American man, and I myself are native\r\namerican, doesn't make me racist against my \"own people\" it's my\r\npreference. But does it need to be said that way? If a man said, \"No\r\nskinny bitches. or No twigs.\" How would that make skinny girls feel?\r\nWould some feel the same way that some big girls do? Probably. So I am\r\nnot saying that people SHOULD be attracted too all body types, races\r\netc. But there should be a better way in making that known. I don't know how. But not just for big girls, ALL body types in general! \r\n\r\nBody positivity, I am a big girl. Always have been a big girl. And I\r\nLOVE ME! I really do! I have my days like every other person out there\r\nbut I know with me being a big girl and accepting myself I know my\r\nflaws but I know me better than everyone else there and I agree when\r\nit says shouldn't it mean health too? YES! I am not going to sit there\r\nand say, \"YUP! I'm a big girl let me chomp down on this meat lovers\r\ndeeep dish pizza with extra cheese!\" Ugh. I just made myself thinking\r\nthat. No. For me, I will say, YUP! I am loving myself! Even more so\r\nwith this fresh green salad in front of me! Because loving me means I\r\nam taking care of me! I love me enough to walk everyday even when I\r\nwant to do nothing more but crawl to bed. Drinking that water instead\r\nof that pop. And eating that salad when I really want fries. So yes,\r\nwhen you love yourself, love you. Keep YOU healthy! Be happy at all\r\ntimes. But be happier making the right decisions.\r\n\r\nAnd I am sorry but there is one thing I hate to try and accept is\r\nchildhood obesity. :( I know what it's like! I wish there someone in\r\nmy life that made me stop and I spoke up and said what the root of my\r\nproblem all of those years ago. Maybe things would have been different\r\nnow. I don't know. But really, these kids need to get off the\r\ntechnology and get their butts outside where they belong!!! What did\r\nwe have when we were kids to play with? Sticks and mud! Get back to\r\nthat! Get outside and begin to use that thing.. what is it called again?? Oh yeah! YOUR IMAGINATION!!! It's where you pretend that a box is a car, or a house, or a fort and your dog is a dragon! Why? BECAUSE IT'S FUN!!! YOU ARE A CHILD!! You'll have your entire adult life glued to technology! You're 7!! ACT LIKE IT!!! GOODNESS! \r\n\r\nBut in all reality when it comes to the whole \"fat acceptance\" this is what I have to say. You have to love you. I don't care if you are 60 pounds or 600. You need to love you. You need to love you enough to know when things are taking a turn for the worse and you need to do something about it. No one can read your mind and tell you and do it for you. You need to be the one to put your foot down and say I've had enough. Now I know it's hard for those of us who have gained so much weight to due to our medications or illness. Believe me! I know it's hard and I know it's even harder to accept! But we still need to. We still need to look in that mirror everyday and say, \"I love you. We can overcome this!\" It's that positive thinking that will help keep us sane at the end of the day. it's also time for parents to stop being so afraid of your children and tell them no! I was told no when I was growing up. I had spanks on the ass and my mouth slapped if I talked back. Now I know today it's considered a form of child abuse. Leaving bruises on your child is a form of abuse. A swat on the butt is not abuse. Calling your child horrible names. That is abuse! Time out's, not. Do you get what I'm saying? \r\n\r\nAlso the fat but fit. That was me before I was sick. I would walk 5 miles a day, I was beginning to run. Signed up for a couple of 5K's, I was doing great. Still a big girl but I was healthy! I was eating fruits and veggies more than anything else. Yoga, hiking, fishing. I was unstoppable. Until September 6th when my life changed for the worst. Things went down hill from there. Now I'm just big and not that fit but that doesn't mean that's not where I want to be again! And I will continue to do things until I get there again someday. Will it be in the near future? Probably not. But is it a goal? You bet it is! \r\n\r\nAlso, have I mentioned I am just in a bad ass mood today? My car decided to break down and cost me an extra $300 this month. Since August, that's all I've been doing!! Dishing out $500 here, $400 there. $1,000 one month. When is it going to stop?! Or that's right, it won't. I'm an ADULT!! UGH! Being a grown up sucks!!! And I hate the sayiing \"Life's not fair.\" No kidding? Just this week alone, JUST THIS WEEK! Monday through THURSDAY! We haven't hit TODAY yet! My thigh muscles felt like they were ripping off, I lost my stepsister, my steering pump on my car went out, along with the belt! ($200 there in parts that's not including cost to fix it yet) My cousin texts me last night AFTER SHE GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH MY MOM who told her NOT TO CALL ME and tell me this right now, but she has Uterine and cervical cancer and she will be having a complete hysterectomy on the 30th. But she'll know be okay because she had to bring up our DEAD COUSIN! REALLY?! I miss him like crazy right now because he's one person I want to cry too and I can't!!! I've barely had any sleep. The kids at work have been bad! Nora won't stop eating poop. I'm just DONE! \r\n\r\nSo am I venting, complaining, whining, bitching, yelling? You bet I am! Do I care what anyone thinks right now? Nope! :D *sigh* time to put that fake smile on and go about my day! \r\n\r\nTTFN!","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":19,"url":"/m/chantelr/journal/fat-acceptance-movement/","title":"Fat Acceptance Movement???","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"SUPPORT","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"arthritis","group_id":200041,"name":"Arthritis","url":"/groups/arthritis/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"},{"name_id":"autoimmune-disease","group_id":200044,"name":"Autoimmune Disease","url":"/groups/autoimmune-disease/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"},{"name_id":"connective-tissue-disorders","group_id":200069,"name":"Connective Tissue Disorders","url":"/groups/connective-tissue-disorders/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"},{"name_id":"epilepsy-and-seizures-support","group_id":200131,"name":"Epilepsy & Seizures Support","url":"/groups/epilepsy-and-seizures-support/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"},{"name_id":"womens-health","group_id":200155,"name":"Women's Health","url":"/groups/womens-health/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"},{"name_id":"womenheart","group_id":200156,"name":"WomenHeart Connect","url":"/groups/womenheart/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"},{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"8285034421857988168","tracking_id":"8285034421857988168","slug":"disc-how-do-you-cope-with-life-after-a-serious-injury","class":"disc","created":"2021-05-05T09:40:07Z","active":"2021-05-07T21:26:30Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"ashleygarbinsky","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"I'm a 19 year old female\nI have been diagnosed several years ago with what I consider \"the most severe\" anxiety and also depression, I also struggle daily with anger\nIn mid December, I was in a bad car wreck and had a complete compound fracture to my arm and my femur. I also fractured my wrist and dislocated my elbow, while also losing a tremendous amount of blood. I was hospitalized and in a therapy for over a month. About 5 months after this, my femur is barely healing and I still need to get my acl and pcl repaired. My leg is barely bending to 48 degrees and really concerns my doctor. If my leg isn't bending or healing or maybe both (its sometimes hard to remember), then my doctor wants to take the rod and nails out of my femur and put a screw going straight in through the knee with a bone graft. I am walking with only 25-50% weight bearing on my bad leg, walking mostly with a walker and crutches. \n\nI have three children oldest being 4 and youngest just being born before my wreck. I have no vehicle(and can't drive anyway now). I have to meet my kids absolute needs. I'm a mother and can't even care for her own children. I cannot work due to the medical issues and losing everything financially. I need help, I need advice. My husband said the other day we have an open marriage and is texting his ex and many other women. He hardly helps around the house whether it is cleaning or helping the kids even if its something they truly need. We have always had a very unstable relationship due to becoming parents at such a young age, to losing our daughter at 8 months pregnant, cheating, betrayal, drug issues with him, and I highly believe he is a narcissist. \n\nI feel absolutely miserable and feel I have taken a great great loss with all this happening. Not only am I practically a medical miracle lucky as ever to be alive, but still highly affected by the incident, I have major family issues and relationship issues. My husband has told me that I deserved this and that the wreck was my karma. I also feel this way sometimes because I am far from perfect. Having such a limited life frustrates me more than anything, especially having to use a walker or crutches. I am embarrassed of myself. I make myself sick thinking about everything. This incident has caused me great great stress, to where my hair is falling out. I am very sad. Sometimes I think it would be easier if my life was taken that day. I have always been absolutely terrified of dieing, but now I actually consider it. I think I'm selfish, as I have kids and many many people and family have gone out of their way to help me and make me as comfortable and happy and stress free as they can. \n\nPoint is I am very sad. I feel like a waste and I believe for some reason I'll just die soon anyway or I just won't heal and I'll never be able to walk on my own or bend my knee again. I am heavily depressed and cry often. I am so so stressed and scared of what is to come and what is happened. I'm scared shitless to be in a vehicle, especially on curves. It is as if I can see a wreck happening right in front of me and I tense up, flinch and try to convince the driver to slow down. This bothers my husband he typically says to stop or he defends his driving. It aggravates the hell out of me that he is this disrespectful about how I feel about being in a vehicle. I have been in a few wrecks my luck with vehicles is awful. I am scared to death to be in another wreck.\n\nAnother major issue is my anger. I want to try and blame everyone and everything else for my sadness, depression and any feelings or hardships. I put it off as I'd be happy if you'd just help me clean or if for once I could just sleep in or \"stop working outside and help me with the kids\". My husband is very hard to work with. He will do bare minimum and then work outside or on any thing he can to not care for the kids or deal with me. He considers me lazy but I feel I do most of the work since I mainly dress the kids, I'm the only one who cooks for them and he would NEVER be caught playing with them. He claims he does all of this and more so it brings me great great anger during any argument which happens throughout the day, about everything and anything. This man has made my heart just jump in pure anger for the ridiculous things he says and the things he says out of spite. He will take everything and consider anything even a little bit of value and hold it over my head so i will act as he pleases. anything we try to work out never goes far because he changes the topic, literally won't speak, claims I'm running him down or tries to say im yelling or being mean. This causes my anger to constantly be out of control to where I can't control it.\n\n Please anyone I need advice I can't live like this anymore","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":5,"url":"/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/how-do-you-cope-with-life-after-a-serious-injury/","title":"How do you cope with life after a serious injury?","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"SUPPORT","count":3,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":["lazycat","melanie89","PaliRiff"],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[{"id":2252,"name":"Wellness and overall health","__typename":"Topic"}],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"6422050544206157238","tracking_id":"6422050544206157238","slug":"jrnl-why-do-i-not-feel-like-i-feel","class":"jrnl","created":"2011-07-11T15:57:30Z","active":"2011-07-16T14:23:27Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/api/member/Bellableu/avatar/s","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"Bellableu","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"I am in words going to try and explain why I feel like my life is pretty much worthless. There are moments when I feel like all is ok and then it blows up again. My childhood was very rough, my father killed my mother and I was raised by grandparents who tried, but had their own issues. First of all they lost their daughter, they ended up with 2 grandchildren to raise, my grandfather was an alcoholic, and their other daughter has schzophernia. So their plate was already full. I grew up knowing that my presence was somewhat of a burden. My mother left them with two kids, no child support to help them get by, and no nothing pretty much. I remember y grandmother telling me how much social security she got for me and that was what I was worth. It was always about what I had to bring to the table for her. She was emotionally abusive to me throughout my lifetime until she died last year, and I stuck by her side, never ever giving up and waiting for approval. She was cruel in ways that one should never subject their \"child\" to. I am trying to work thru forgiving her its a process. With my grandfather, I always knew where I stood, he had no interest in anyone, only when he needed something. Other than that he was off to himself. He did not get into anyones business, simply because he did not care. My birth father comes in and out of life occasionally, but there is nothing there. I have my little brother, whom is my lifeline. I trust him, love him, and understand him and he understands me. I married a man who wanted to control me and use me for waht I was good for. That lasted about 18 months and we divorced. He has since grown up and married another woman and I wish them happiness, he and I are friends now. My second relationship was beautiful, I loved him dearly with all my heart. We lived together for 5 years and I loved him more than words. We went thru a miscarriage and cancer together, he dumped me out of the blue for a 22 year old town slut. SO, to get even with him I dated like crazy and got pregnant. I married a wonderful man and had a beautiful daughter. Thankfully, I got lucky enough to get a great husband. He is wonderful and kind and with all my heart I wish that I could love him like I loved the person before. I think that eventually I will learn to, but right now its hard. I lovemy husband, but I loved JR more than anything ever before. I have had a really hard time getting over JR. It is not normal to hurt like this even years later. JR wants to be friends and calls here and there when he needs financial advise or something that I can so for him financially. There is nothing in his heart for me anymore. This breaks my heart. I never thought that he and I would be apart, we spent years apart, we were best friends growing up. We were neighbors and we spent mayn summers together playing but never were a couple until we were adults. So, I harbour feelings for someone who doesn't love me, I am married to a man that I wish that I could love more. I struggle with religion, not knowing what the right thing to do is. I have always been this very attractive girl and now I have just let myself go. I cannot even look in the mirror it makes me sick. I have never weighed this much in my life and I cannot stand myself. yet I do NOTHING about it. So there is my story advise would be welcomed!!!! thanks again","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":4,"url":"/m/Bellableu/journal/why-do-i-not-feel-like-i-feel/","title":"Why do I not feel like I feel.......","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"SUPPORT","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"242485094701570742","tracking_id":"242485094701570742","slug":"jrnl-leaving-the-past-of-emotional-abuse-behind-me","class":"jrnl","created":"2013-12-16T22:05:07Z","active":"2013-12-16T22:05:07Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"Glorybee86","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"It took so many years to reconcile what happened to me as a result of having a narcissist as a caregiver. I trusted the family members and honestly believed that they meant me no harm. (It was much later that learned that I could actually set a limit to how i allowed myself to be treated. I believe that my kids suffered immensely because they were taught by someone ( who chose not to have kids) That something was wrong with me and also that I did not have their best interest in mind. I think that that if you are taught not to obey to or trust your mother then who can you trust and whom's directions will you learn to follow ? My kids have legal trouble in my opinion because they were not taught to respect authority. Later in my life she told my kids that they did not have to listen to my husband because \" he is not your real father\" ). The narcissist is still causing havoc . (My poor brother has been married three time because he still listens to her foolishness.) Now i feel karma or something is taking its toll on her . Because she is not pure evil, only self centered (which can feel like evil) ) and I am not evil, I hate to see her suffer.\r\n\r\nIn some way as a child in order to get a positive self image , I determined that moral value and character would be something that I could be or do that no one could take from me. This made me feel good about myself when at home all I heard about me was negative. I was able to develop some of my greatest accomplishments because 1.the narcissist told me that I would never amount to anything and 2. I most assuredly did not want to depend on her for the rest of my life.\r\n\r\n I don't believe that getting over abuse can had be done overnight. I feel for me that it has been a slow but steady process to get away from the pain that had control over my life , so much as to impact how I deal with any and every other relationship in my life. I got away from this caregiver about 25 yrs ago. But her effect on my life to this very day to me is so much a part of me as every breath that I take. For me that is way to much power to have misdirected because of some poor misguided soul. I don't want my breath to spew out germy mess that will only cause hurt and harm to others lives. So I pray that God will help me say do things things that are positive and encouraging. I am a work in progress. I have not arrived. I just know where and what I don't want to be ! \r\nWhat helps me\r\n1. Getting my opinion of who I am from my creator rather than from other folks who try to make me what they want me to be is one of the most beneficial choices that I have ever made.\r\n\r\n2. I work in effort to avoid being sad, angry , lonely and sick and tired of being sick and tired. As you can well imagine that is a full time job ((some might even believe this is impossible, it is possible); but,the benefits in my opinion are well worth the effort. I know from living the sad, angry, lonely life myself for so many years that I do well to focus on what I can do help myself or someone else today instead of revisiting yesterdays pains over and over. They will still be there if and when i turn around to look backward. BUT !! the main thing to me is that was THEN, and NOW I am so thankful to know that even if the only thing I take with me Is a smile or a kind word. I am moving forward .\r\n In conclusion, for me learning to love and respect myself and allowing the past be just what it is, (and that is farther and farther away from controlling me each and every day) is the key to moving foreward . For me the former wanna be companions to me of Sad , lonely, angry and sick and tired of being sick and tired, gotta go when i say go! They come in and try to stay but then I catch my breath , focus and say to those thoughts , I don't want to go that way today. No way !!","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":0,"url":"/m/Glorybee86/journal/leaving-the-past-of-emotional-abuse-behind-me/","title":"Leaving the past of emotional abuse behind me","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"SUPPORT","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"15235740444561803636","tracking_id":"15235740444561803636","slug":"disc-looking-for-incite-from-people-who-actually-get-it","class":"disc","created":"2017-03-02T17:12:42Z","active":"2017-03-03T19:19:16Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/api/member/BipolarMeds_victim/avatar/s","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"BipolarMeds_victim","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"I have suffered my some form of mental illness throughout my life. Shyness so intense, my mother described it as \"Painful to watch\" my extreme anguish. At age 11, I was hospitalized for my first intense, week-long migraine. My teen years were consumed by my depression and my chronic, intense, near-daily migraines. I was put on prosaic at age 17 and went full-blown manic within weeks. I spend my last nickel on a greyhound bus ticket to New Orleans. On the ride down, I created an entire new identity and life story. I was to be 'Shakira LaShae Morgon' for the next three months of my residency at the Covenant House, a homeless shelter for kids 21 and under. I somehow snapped out of it after a few months and made contact with my best friend. She got me back home to the Northeast. My mother had thought I was dead. I did that to my own mother. Immediately, I was taken to the psychiatrist who told my mom, in that condescending voice that some unkind doctors enjoy using, that I should go immediately back on Prozac! The drug that very clearly triggered my first ever manic episode! All those years of medical and psychological training and they were unfamiliar with the fact that kids under 18 can often become manic as a side effect of Prozac. But my mom stuck to her guns, she knew in her guns that that medication had caused a mental break. By the end, because my mom's fiesty, they had booted us from the practice for not taking the harmful med the insisted on. I attempted to manage my illness with herbal supplements (5-HTP) and exercise. I got a puppy, I got married, I maintained a job. Then, life started getting too dramatic and complicated for my sensibities. My relationship was full of over-the-top drama, harassment, and actually physicall attacks (from the 'other woman'). My psyche had been fragile since I had to start kindergarten. I dealt with unbelievably, over-the-top, scare tactics. The young rednecks of my town often used racial slurs to my face, would say terrifying things they wanted to do to my little six-year-old body. We had only just moved from San Francisco and I was starting to think that this new, country town was full of demons. I even developed a deep fear that our house in that town was haunted. I was constantly terrified. Of white men (especially young ones and especially in groups) and of these spirits inside my own home. We finally moved out of that racist town and I truly thought that this simple move across state would change my life. Allow me to deal with regular teenage issues...homework, friends...I never really did go through a boy-crazy phase. Even at that young age, I knew I didn't have control of my emotions, fully. My mom also helped by scaring me with the idea that having sex MAKES you fall in love, so think long and hard. Women don't have much power in this world, but the dream is to at least have SAME power over your own destiny. Don't give up the power of your womanhood, just because you're bored, or gotta scratch an itch, or you're already hooked on some young boy's steady flow of compliments and attention and don't want to lose it. Well the idea of feeling even more powerless than I already did at that point in my life, was enough to make me very protective of my virginity, very proud of it.\r\nThen, when I was 19, I was date-raped by someone I barely knew. I immediately left town (one of my coping mechanisms) and signed up with Job Corp to get out of town ASAP. Then, I quite simply kept repeating the lie to myself that I just had to trick my brain into forgetting. Repeating, \"that did not happen. You are still powerful.\" Then, a sexless four years later I meet the man I did eventually marry. Our relationship had a third person in the mix... his college girlfriend who I was apparently pissing off more and more, simply by not handing him over lol. So from the start it was full of unhealthy drama. He and I had very little sex life. Here I was, completely inexperienced except for the rape four years ago. I was too young and dumb to realize that getting married to a serial cheater who completely neglected me in bed might be a recipe for some new, fresh issues lol. And it took me over 10 years, post-divorce, to realize that I was effected deeply by my life experience to that point. In 2006, in the huge 'Waiting to Exhale' style of leaving a marriage, I found his car parked near her house way past when he should have been home. I had been pushed and pushed and pushed...and honestly, I was a little afraid of the intensity of rage I felt. I abused his vehicle, thoroughly, then went to the girl's front door. Banging a screaming for my husband at 3am on a crowded block. One of my most humiliating memories. Who was I letting myself become? My self-esteem couldn't have been lower. My ex is a gifted poets, and I was raised by artists, so his way with words kept me around WAY longer than I should have. But I kicked him out after my humiliation in the street and made plans to move back to where I was born, San Fransco. I thought it'd be a great place to find myself, and I was right. The pacific air seemed to lessen the intensity and frequency of my migraines. I stopped treating pain with narcotic pain meds for the first time since my first prescription of Fioricet was given to me at age 11. There IS a certain magic in the air....maybe those Silicon Valley billionaires are pumping it in lol. Anyway, so I spent two full years working on myself, primarily really using exercise to combat my inner demons. My self-esteem was as low as it had ever been. I knew my only cure was to really learn about myself. Train myself to love myself and look out for myself. After two years of 'healing' (no friends, no dates, never even gave out the digit lol. I had my own little place to call home, my guardian angel (German Shepherd, at the time aged 2-4), and that Treadclimber that I was religious about. It became as nessessary as my morning coffe, my morning shower. I was strict as a nun in that little house in East Oakland. My job eliminated my position, so instead of job hunting (If I could turn back time smh, you couldn't drag me out of the Bay Area kicking and screaming) and allowed my slight homesickness to influence this huge life upheaval. I wanted my family. But everything has not been so magical since moving back East. My ex had written to me the entire time we were apart. I do believe that he is that rare man that WANTS so badly to be able to make it right. I was still angry, but he won me over eventually, and now we have a rock-solid friendship! We're even roommates. Two introverts sharing a nice-sized condo had turned out kinda nice. When get along wonderfully, yet I will never be with him again. Now I saw the power he had to hurt me simply with sex. For us to stay family (which we now consider each other), our complicated and hurtful sexual history has been buried mostly. We don't talk about it. I know that me telling him that I partly blame him for my current (and probably lifelong) sexual dysfunctions. I feel disconnected from my body. I feel inadequate.\r\nCutting past a few years, let's fast forward to June 2012. My bright idea was to join the Navy...maybe that'd save me, or at least help. I went to Navy Bootcamp and was medically discharged after the most intense migraine I had experienced in years. Tunnel vision, loss of consciousness...the took me by ambulance to the nearby medical center. The nurse's face made my stomach turn as he read my blood pressure and immediately layed me I room and told me to breath slow. He said \"your blood pressure is scarily close to causing a stroke\". They used meds to get it under control, then started the Medical Discharge paperwork to send me home. A failure, yet again. I went into a very dark depression that scared me so bad, I did what I had been resisting for many, many years...sought mental health treatment. I was sick to my stomach and sobbing when I was told my diagnosis was 'Bipolar Disordef'. It's sounded like a dirty word, it sounded shameful. To be honest, hearing or saying the word Bipolar makes me fight back tears to this day, 4 and a half years later. It's a life sentence of wearing this humiliating, shameful label. I became even more introverted, if possible. And the social anxiety that had been my major struggle throughout my life, now was being analyzed and seen as a possible indicator of decline of mental health later in life (the 30's seem to be the age when most people are finally able to identify an underlying mental illness, usually because this age group, the 30's, have the highest occurrence of first-time manic episodes. I heard Schizophrenics are often not diagnosed until around the same age. So, I've had to take some meds throughout my life, but nothing could have prepared me for how much these new Mental Health meds they kept prescribing would take my life away from me. I stayed on pretty much the same meds for for years, only occasionally adjusted disages. I felt my brain slowly tuning off. It felt damaged. Thoughts could not be fully forms, I'd lose a train of thought mid-sentence (embarrassing!), my less-than-stellar reading comprehension was most upsetting to me. I had always found a lot of peace in novels and short stories. Everyone in my family has asked me, individually, to stay on my meds. They like me nice and peaceful, and half-dead apparently. I have finally found a Medical Healthcare Privider that actually listens to my input. She doesn't tell me that I better become ok with my life's current status, because Bipolar Disorder is a lifelong illness, which is how I'm usually dismissed if I attempt to ask questions or discuss a new drug I googled... Nope, you are no longer that person listed on your birth certificate. You ARE Bipolar Disorder. I'm DESPERATE to find a regiment that would allow me interact positively with my loved ones and all humans, and all stressful situations with calmness and peace. I'm constantly either too ill (these chemicals cause a slow death, I can truly feel my organs fighting hard to stay healthy) or too paralyzed by anxiety to have any semblance of a normal life. These medications control my life, my abilities, I feel like I'm walking through water and have a malfunctioning brain. I'm terrified and Google new medication possibilities, but a lot seem to simply be slight variation of same drug. Is anyone out there Bipolar and have found a new drug that makes you excited and hopefully??","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":1,"url":"/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/looking-for-incite-from-people-who-actually-get-it/","title":"Looking for incite from people who actually 'get it'","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"SUPPORT","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[{"id":2257,"name":"Coping with the stigma of mental illness","__typename":"Topic"}],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"13647474251776087808","tracking_id":"13647474251776087808","slug":"disc-i-live-in-fear-every-moment-of-every-day","class":"disc","created":"2017-10-04T15:36:32Z","active":"2017-10-04T15:36:32Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"Mel2005","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"I can forgive but I can't forget\r\n\r\n when i was 8 and a 1/2 years old i was in my dad's bedroom and i had to use the restroom so i went from my dad's bedroom into the family room and then the living room and i stopped i seen something on t.v. that was neat or funny and i told my dad i had to use the restroom. That is when he grabbed me and put his hand down the front of my pants and stated to touch my private part.. that is when i got Sexually abused by my dad at 2:30 pm when my mom was on her way home from work.. I finally got up and i didn't use the restroom instead i went to a friends house and told them and the cops came with dolls so i showed them with the dolls what he done to me step for step and then i ended up going to the police station and talked and i wrote my name on the computer and when they asked me if i wanted to talk to my dad i cried and climbed under a chair...\r\n\r\nThe next day at school i went into a foster home...\r\n\r\nI moved to a foster home in Colfax\r\n\r\nThey enrolled me in the Colfax-Mingo School District.\r\n\r\nI went to Colfax to live with The Kruckenbergs.\r\n\r\nThey adopted Shelly, Matt and Keri.\r\n\r\nShelly was the oldest of all of us kids..\r\n\r\nWhen i went into the foster home i could not sleep for days trying to get adjusted was very very hard.. i didnt have my own privacy. They other kids would pick on me and call me names...\r\n\r\nI would have a vent in my room where they would look down it and scream at me to get out of bed or they would throw water on me ....\r\n\r\nthey would get mad at me and tell me go find your dad so he can sexually abuse you again.. or they would threaten me with telling on me for no reason there oldest daughter shelly chased us around the house with sharp knives and I got the blame so I had to sit in the living room away from the tv and play with dolls.. or go clean matts room and Keri's room and clean up the yard by my self without help from the others.. I didn't have friends at school because I always got picked on and called names...\r\n\r\nI got taken to a respite home when they needed a break from me and I love it there and when it was time to go back to the foster house I would act out because I didn't want to go back there and get hurt or called a retard or every name in the book besides Melissa....\r\n\r\nThey would have to go through my stuff to see what I had and would just throw my stuff away... I didn't have any pictures of my parents and I could not talk to them.. I had to get a paper route to pay for the things that I wanted at the age of 9 years old. They sent me to orchard place thinking that I had a eating problem at the age of 10 years old. I was there for 1 year and I went back to the kruckenbergs and we sat down and we would have a family meeting on who would do what chores and I got stuck doing all of them and if they were not done I could not eat supper or watch TV or anything like a child would do...the only time that I got to go outside was to take out the trash or to pick up the yard... I walked to school rain sun winter blizzards hot days freezing cold days you name it I walked to school in it.. One day I took a short cut and found some dry ice and I had on a pair of really think gloves and my hands hurt when we got to the school in the winter time.. And in the summer time I took a cactus to school and had all these little like needles things in my hands and my gloves.. I went out for music and band so I practiced.. And then I had to quit those and I had to help out at the state fair at tri-met a church group thing... \r\nWhen I went and took showers down stairs they would run water or come pour ice ice cold water over the shower on me.. Or would throw my clothes in the water or take my only towel....\r\nWhen we went camping I would always sleep in the tent and they would shake the tent or pour water on me so I was wet and cold or they would pull me out of the tent in the morning when I was sleeping... They would take my pillow and blanket... So I couldn't sleep...I slept in the tent when it was cold outside and it was flooding out when we were camping... I slept in the tent when it was raining and I woke up in the morning and I would be in the tent all day long without food or water.... We went camping and I had to change a tire when it was raining outside while they sat around.. One night I slept in the back end of the truck it had a topper on it and in the morning they would take it for a drive trying to get me awake well I woke up after hitting my head a few times.. They threw water on top of me and hit me with sticks and rocks.. When we went back to the house and I didn't feel good I got kicked down 3 flights of steps and I could not get up because the kicking hurt me so bad.. So I would go to my room and get into bed and cry my eyes out just for someone to help me out..then I would get up in the morning and get dressed and go to school... I would come to the house worried about what I have to do today..\r\n\r\n I took care of the animals and did the dishes and laundry cleaned up the house and if I didn't do my chores I got sent to my room and I could not come out until the next day.. I didn't have nice clothes to wear like the other kids I had rugged clothes to wear.. \r\nThen when we moved to Ogden in the country I happened to get sick running a fever of 105.1 and they had me lay in bed for a week straight they never took me to the hospital.. But I had to use my shoulder to hold my head up to help sue look for her dress shoes then I went back up to bed.. Because I was so so sick... If I went to a friends house after school in grand junction Iowa it was because I had a game to go to.. But I had very very few friends... One time all I got to eat was bread and water.. We would go camping and I got hurt and they would laugh at me and call me names like Missy pissy.. And if I asked to get something I got told no when they all got something and when we went out to eat I had to stay in the vehical because I was embarrassing to them.. I felt like I lived in a jail.... When we got another foster sister in her name was heather and she went to a party one night and got drunk and took off... I got the blame and I got kicked around and slapped and punched called names like you stupid idiot or bitch you are not going to melt to nothing when you get older because you lie all the time or you are just a retard and they would throw up in my face why don't you go find your dad so he can sexually abuse you again..and about 2 months later we got 2 more foster sisters Jackie and jenny they both were trouble. Jackie got so drunk one night I went to the basement to use the restroom and she was drinking liquid foundation for your face so we took her to the newton hospital and we didn't get out of there until like 3am and we went home and went to bed...and I got the blame for that too and I had no clue what was going on... One night before we moved from the Colfax house it got broken in to and there where candles all over and wax on the carpet they went through everything besides my room and I got the blame for it to...\r\nAnd when they got my Ssi they stole love ten thousand dollars from me... This is what my childhood was all about so I had tho grow up really quickly..and they physically emotionally mentally abused me.. But now I'm married and have my own kids.... When we went to a motel for the foster child thing we went swimming and Shelly took my swimming suit off me and I was so scared that I was crying.. Shelly would tease me to death... Shelly almost drounded me in the deep end of the pool I would sleep on the cold hard floor because there was not enough bed room for me and they would walk on top of me and kick me... When I played ball my wisdom teeth came in and they hurt me so bad I would cry and get sick... When sue kicked me down the stairs I would cry and tell her that it hurt me but she didn't care she just kept on doing it... So when I could get up I went to my room and cried my eyes out... When we went to sues moms in independence Iowa we had to stay in the house and in the basement to watch TV unless sues mom needed help at the bar cleaning or stripping straws...there were times when I had to sleep on the floor because they didn't want me in a bed..this lie was so bad I would not to wish it on anyone....and I'm not saying that I was not bad but this is not called for... I lived in a prison I swear I did... We would out to these abondaded houses and scare people to death but not me I always got scared... I lived with the same family from 8 1/2 years old until I was 21.. And all that time I could not get them into trouble..\r\nThey didn't trust me to go anywhere or do anything... They would accuse me of lieing and not telling the truth when I was telling the truth finally at the age of 21 I was in my own apartment and starting my life but the only way that I could tolerate sue now is by doing meth or weed but I was not into it big time I was in it until 3 years and I quit cold turkey when I found out that I was pragnat with Tyler as I quit and I got Jeremy to quit to... In 02 when my grandmother died it kinda took me over the top she was my mom/grandmother and I just loved her to death... If she knew what happened to me she would have of done something about it...I did let the foster care people know and she can not become a foster parent in the state of Iowa ever..I'm just glad that I don't live there anymore and that I have nothing and I mean nothing to do with any of them I'm better off...\r\nWhen we went camping I rode my bike on a little pot hole and face planted... I was walking through grass and I went to go step on a log as I did it was raining out and I got on top of the fence and my foot slipped off the log and I have a mark on my right side by where my ribs are at now.. We were camping on the 4th of July and I went running to the camper and my leg slid under the step and I went to pull it out and I got hurt. And they didn't care..\r\nThey are heartless shellfish unloving uncaring money theaving people....... Sorry but the way they treated me was like I was the lost girl who was trying so hard to help herself but they were making me fail... But by the grace of god he has helped me through all this in Jesus name amen\r\n\r\nThis was hard for me to type out..\r\n\r\nJust remember I can forgive but not forget\r\n\r\nMelissa Helms\r\n\r\nI did do drugs and I did drink but I quit the month I found out that I was pregnant back in 2004... \r\n\r\nI do have a beer here and then but not to get drunk... \r\nI was in placement because I tried to kill myself... I was taking over 30 pills a day but they were for the same thing... if you have any questions or want to chat email me at melissahelms2005@gmail.com","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":0,"url":"/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/i-live-in-fear-every-moment-of-every-day/","title":"I live in fear every moment of every day","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":1,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":["tipton321"],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"SUPPORT","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[{"id":2252,"name":"Wellness and overall health","__typename":"Topic"}],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false}],"__typename":"PostSearchResult"},"__typename":"SearchResult"}}}}</script></body></html>