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-30px}}.pba-foot[_ngcontent-serverApp-c3840075257]{font-size:14px;color:#6e6f70;margin-top:5px}</style><meta name="title" content="Can someone help? - Mental health"><meta name="robots" content="index,follow"><meta name="description" content="Hi, I'm Lowri and I'm new to this page. I'm 19 and for the last 4 years of my life I have been struggling with things I have yet to have diagnosed"><meta name="author" content="lowriball59"><meta name="publish date" content="2020-10-13T23:17:43Z"><meta name="article:published_time" content="2020-10-13T23:17:43Z"><meta name="article:author" content="lowriball59"><meta property="fb:app_id" content="2690922271156375"><meta property="og:title" content="Can someone help?"><meta property="og:description" content="Hi, I'm Lowri and I'm new to this page. 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ng-app-id="serverApp">.bookmark-component-block[_ngcontent-serverApp-c3349184846]{position:relative;z-index:0}.bcb-btn[_ngcontent-serverApp-c3349184846]{display:flex;align-items:center;color:#6e6f70;-moz-column-gap:10px;column-gap:10px;font-size:14px;cursor:pointer;font-weight:500}.bcb-btn.active[_ngcontent-serverApp-c3349184846]{color:#009dfc}@media (max-width: 767px){.bcb-text[_ngcontent-serverApp-c3349184846]{display:none}}.bcb-tooltip[_ngcontent-serverApp-c3349184846]{border:1px solid #005cc9;border-radius:10px;color:#001a72;text-align:center;padding:10px 16px;line-height:1.2;background:#e5f5ff;font-size:12px;width:160px;position:absolute;z-index:1;top:100%;right:0;left:auto;visibility:hidden;opacity:0;transform:translateY(20px);transition:all .1s ease-in-out .5s}.bcb-tooltip.active[_ngcontent-serverApp-c3349184846]{visibility:visible;opacity:1;transform:translateY(10px)}@media (min-width: 992px){.bcb-tooltip[_ngcontent-serverApp-c3349184846]{transform:translate(-50%) 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type="application/ld+json">{"@context":"http://schema.org/","@type":"DiscussionForumPosting","@id":"https://www.inspire.com/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/can-someone-help-cdpbyt/","discussionUrl":"https://www.inspire.com/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/can-someone-help-cdpbyt/","mainEntityOfPage":"https://www.inspire.com/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/can-someone-help-cdpbyt/","url":"https://www.inspire.com/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/can-someone-help-cdpbyt/","accessMode":"auditory, tactile, textual, visual, textOnVisual","datePublished":"2020-10-13T23:17:43Z","dateModified":null,"headline":"Can someone help?","articleBody":"<p>Hi, I'm Lowri and I'm new to this page.</p><p>I'm 19 and for the last 4 years of my life I have been struggling with things I have yet to have diagnosed because I'm too scared to know the answers.</p><p>Mostly everyday I have felt like a let down to my family. </p><p>Being the middle child who's older sister has a good career a husband and child and who's youngest sister has a life plan and a boyfriend, I just feel like I have done nothing with my life except disappoint people.</p><p>To make matters worse I came out as lesbian to my family, my dad said he had to accept it because I'm his daughter even though he is homophobic. </p><p>And even though my older sister said she accepts me she still hints at me getting married to a man. </p><p>As the years have progressed the feeling have gotten worse, I struggle to sleep because I can't stop thinking about things, when I do sleep I sleep until the afternoon. </p><p>In the past I have kept things to myself and never told anyone, my family still ditn know and only one friend knows and I met her online so we've never met face to face. I just feel like I'm putting all of unnecessary stress and pointless worries on others so I stopped saying anything to everyone. I pushed people away I lost friends.</p><p>I was hesitant to put this up too. </p><p>For a while it got really bad, I started thinking what my family would react like if I was gone, I started thinking how I would do it, what I would write in my notes for them. </p><p>I began to self harm a lot, I hated how I looked to the point I got rid of my mirror in my room and refused to look in any others. </p><p>I despised myself so much I began to starve myself just wanting to be thinner and prettier. </p><p>Everytime I ate I hurt myself just a little like a punishment. </p><p>One time I hurt myself worse than the others but I just covered it up and I regret it so much looking back on it. My parents and family still don't know because I never where short sleeves, my sister saw it one but I denied it and then broke down alone in my room. </p><p>For a while I felt like I was getting better my thoughts about myself got more positive and I began accepting who I was and started lessening the internal homophobia that I was carrying around.</p><p>But then almost like nothing changed I fell back into it again. </p><p>The temptation of harming myself whenever I got upset, had an argument with someone or just felt pointless started growing. </p><p>I hate myself and with every negative homophobic comment my dad makes just causes more of an issue.</p><p>I'm slowly giving up again, I feel overwhelmed, anxious and panicked all the time, I hate where I work because I feel so overwhelmed all the time but there's nowhere else close by to work and I just feel like I'm going to be stuck doing the same job for the rest of my life because I don't have talents like my siblings. I don't have a life like them, I don't have hobbies.</p><p>I can't see myself with a life int he future, I can't see myself with someone with a house and kids and a job that doesn't scare me. I just feel alone and lost with no guidance at all and I'm ready to give up I don't want it anymore I just want to close my eyes and not wake up but there's one thing that stops me from doing it all and just saying fuck it and that's the one friend I had who I could tell it all to. Although we never met she means a lot to me. </p><p>I couldn't do that to her not when she has a lot of struggles to. </p><p>If I could get diagnosed with just something so I can finally get help it might give me a bit of hope that I can do soemthing for once, maybe I could get a bit better and see the positive things. </p><p>Or maybe nothing will change and I'll say goodbye but I just want help I need help I don't want to be alone anymore.</p>","author":{"@type":"Patient","name":"lowriball59","sameAs":"https://www.wikidata.org/wiki/Q181600"},"interactionStatistic":[{"@type":"InteractionCounter","interactionType":"https://schema.org/LikeAction","userInteractionCount":5}],"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","@id":"kg:/g/11g7zdf6gx","name":"Inspire","url":"https://www.inspire.com","naics":"519130","additionalType":["https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Online_health_communities%22","%22https://www.wikidata.org/wiki/Q210980"],"logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/p/AF1QipMwBXZHE-6QKo7bBWUG2BmvCNNBDQejirerHnP3=w1808-h768-k-no"}},"publishingPrinciples":"https://www.inspire.com/about/guidelines/","commentCount":7,"audience":{"@type":"Patient","sameAs":"https://www.wikidata.org/wiki/Q181600"},"comment":[{"@type":"Comment","datePublished":"2020-10-14T05:55:12Z","text":"<p>Hi Lowri I’m kinda going through the same thing, my name is Charles I’m 22 and I have absolutely no clue what the fuck I want to do with my life and it makes me so depressed, I live with my grandparents who have raised me and they are so supportive of me and just want me to be happy but lowkey I feel like I’m a disappointment because I’m not in a great career or anything like that yet, I also have a girlfriend who is wonderful and so supportive as well. I’m getting ready to go back to school here soon hopefully I Just wanna give it a shot maybe I love it maybe I hate it. I 100% can relate to feeling like your letting your family down or feeling like a loser because your not in a position other people feel you should be in. My advice is to take it one day at a time and try to find something you love and care about and pursue it and hold on to your dear friend because she seems like a rock for you, be yourself because I’m sure your amazing don’t give up ever!!</p>","upvoteCount":3,"interactionStatistic":[{"@type":"InteractionCounter","interactionType":"https://schema.org/AgreeAction","userInteractionCount":1},{"@type":"InteractionCounter","interactionType":"https://schema.org/LikeAction","userInteractionCount":1}],"author":{"@type":"Patient","name":"chuck_toni","sameAs":"https://www.wikidata.org/wiki/Q181600"}},{"@type":"Comment","datePublished":"2020-10-14T13:10:17Z","text":"<p>Same I completely understand I’m an middle child also and the fact that my siblings can do more things like move out etc due to my mild cp and constantly being verbally emotionally abuse by my stepparent bc of my physical challenge I cannot even begin to tell you what he has said about me</p>","upvoteCount":3,"interactionStatistic":[{"@type":"InteractionCounter","interactionType":"https://schema.org/LikeAction","userInteractionCount":4}],"author":{"@type":"Patient","name":"Emotionaldestress30","sameAs":"https://www.wikidata.org/wiki/Q181600"}},{"@type":"Comment","datePublished":"2020-10-14T23:41:10Z","text":"<p>Same</p>","upvoteCount":3,"interactionStatistic":[{"@type":"InteractionCounter","interactionType":"https://schema.org/LikeAction","userInteractionCount":1}],"author":{"@type":"Patient","name":"Emotionaldestress30","sameAs":"https://www.wikidata.org/wiki/Q181600"}},{"@type":"Comment","datePublished":"2020-10-15T15:42:32Z","text":"<p>Hi Lawrie. My name is Jade. This is also my first time on this page but your post just spoke to me and I couldn't let it go. I'm 27 now and struggle with bipolar disorder. I can sympathize with what you are going through because I have some of the same thoughts and feelings that you are describing. They started when I was very young and it wasn't until I got help that I knew why I was having these thoughts and feelings. I am a very blunt person and believe lies are just some BS to hide behind. Trust me when I say I will be real and not lie to you. While I still struggle with my gender identity, harmful thoughts and my emotions it does get better! I finally decided to get help after two suicide attempts. Please don't let it get that far for you. I finally decided that it was time to get help and things got so much better for me. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I got on my medication and I am in therapy once a week. The fear that you talk about seems like the same things I thought. I thought if I got diagnosed then people would think I was crazy and all the other stigma that goes along with mental illness. BUT...that fear is just the negative thoughts winning. The fact that you are posting on here shows that you want help. You have taken a big step. Now it is time to reach out and get the help that you may need from mental health professionals. The nice part is that you are old enough that your parents don't even have to know that you are going to get this help. If you decide that they need to know then you have the freedom to let that be your choice. I'm not saying it won't be hard. Mental illness is hard. That's not to say that it isn't worth fighting. In the meantime there is an app that I use called Calm Harm. It helps give you distractions so that you can calm yourself and ride the wave so that you don't feel the need to self harm as much. Keep fighting and keep fucking going. We are here if you need us.</p>","upvoteCount":3,"interactionStatistic":[{"@type":"InteractionCounter","interactionType":"https://schema.org/EndorseAction","userInteractionCount":1},{"@type":"InteractionCounter","interactionType":"https://schema.org/LikeAction","userInteractionCount":1}],"author":{"@type":"Patient","name":"JRawl93","sameAs":"https://www.wikidata.org/wiki/Q181600"}},{"@type":"Comment","datePublished":"2020-10-15T16:30:38Z","text":"<p>It's very difficult at times but you have to reach out and keep trying. It's like being in a relay race, keep jumping over the hurdles and if you feel you just cant do that or you run out of steam, stop and be kind to yourself... You can do this, have faith and keep pushing on, no matter how hard it gets. Remember life is not easy and things may appear to be great for others in your point of view, but everyone has issues and struggles what ever it might be. </p><p>Be GOOD TO YOURSELF! Don't give up, don't give in and don't be afraid to ask for help! Seek support groups that deal with anger, depression whatever it may be you are NOT alone. So many of us struggle with those types of issues. Block out politics, news and everything negative. </p><p>When you feel better about yourself doors will open and the "insignificant things" in life are easier to deal with. Do what YOU want in life as long as you can provide for yourself and know you are not alone. If that road is to difficult ASK for help. God Bless. ; )</p>","upvoteCount":3,"interactionStatistic":[{"@type":"InteractionCounter","interactionType":"https://schema.org/AgreeAction","userInteractionCount":2}],"author":{"@type":"Patient","name":"Cherie53","sameAs":"https://www.wikidata.org/wiki/Q181600"}},{"@type":"Comment","datePublished":"2020-12-28T13:54:47Z","text":"<p>Well if you want you can talk to me I can try to help x</p>","upvoteCount":3,"interactionStatistic":[],"author":{"@type":"Patient","name":"lowriball59","sameAs":"https://www.wikidata.org/wiki/Q181600"}},{"@type":"Comment","datePublished":"2020-12-28T13:56:34Z","text":"<p>Thank you so much xx</p>","upvoteCount":3,"interactionStatistic":[],"author":{"@type":"Patient","name":"lowriball59","sameAs":"https://www.wikidata.org/wiki/Q181600"}}]}</script><style ng-app-id="serverApp">.rbw-bar[_ngcontent-serverApp-c467064033]{padding:18px 20px;border-radius:28px;background:#f8f9fb;border:1px solid #e2e5e4;color:#787878;font-size:14px}@media (max-width: 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Told my liver was damaged. </a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-desc"> Bear with me cause this me venting finally and hoping someone can help me or just talk to.... </div></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-author"><figure _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-avatar"><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 loading="lazy" src="/assets/images/you-small.png" alt="Mpdq"></figure><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-name"> Mpdq </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-stamp"> 10 Comments - Posted Aug 21 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-item"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-content"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-title" href="/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/need-advice-on-coping-with-separation/"> Need advice on coping with separation. </a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-desc"> Hello, everyone! 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I feel like I can't get away from these thoughts, I'm dri... </div></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-author"><figure _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-avatar"><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 loading="lazy" src="/api/member/Oliversworlddd/avatar/s" alt="Oliversworlddd"></figure><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-name"> Oliversworlddd </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-stamp"> 9 Comments - Posted Nov 13 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-item"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-content"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-title" href="/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/mom-often-sleeps-all-day/"> Mom often sleeps all day </a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-desc"> My 82 year old mom is suffering from depression. It was recently diagnosed. She has diabet... </div></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-author"><figure _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-avatar"><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 loading="lazy" src="/assets/images/you-small.png" alt="David-51"></figure><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-name"> David-51 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-stamp"> 4 Comments - Posted Aug 22 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-item"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-content"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-title" href="/m/ConfusedandAlone/journal/my-background-part-3-high-school-in-texas/"> My Background, Part 3: High school in Texas </a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-desc"> My first journal post covers the most recent struggles I'm facing with my current Major De... </div></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-author"><figure _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-avatar"><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 loading="lazy" src="/assets/images/you-small.png" alt="ConfusedandAlone"></figure><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-name"> ConfusedandAlone </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-stamp"> 0 Comments - Posted May 26 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-item"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-content"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-title" href="/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/origins-of-porn-addiction/"> Origins of porn addiction </a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-desc"> For me, the main problem as a kid was child abuse. While I wasn't ever sexually abused, it... </div></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-author"><figure _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-avatar"><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 loading="lazy" src="/assets/images/you-small.png" alt="jerussell623"></figure><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-name"> jerussell623 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-stamp"> 23 Comments - Posted Jan 23 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-item"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-content"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-title" href="/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/depression-v-pessimism-sadness/"> Depression v. Pessimism/Sadness </a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-desc"> How can I tell the difference between being mildly depressed and being pessimistic/sad? ... </div></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-author"><figure _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-avatar"><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 loading="lazy" src="/assets/images/you-small.png" alt="alyjoye"></figure><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-name"> alyjoye </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-stamp"> 1 Comments - Posted Jun 24 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-item"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-content"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-title" href="/m/ConfusedandAlone/journal/my-background-part-1-the-early-years/"> My Background, Part 1: The early years </a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-desc"> My first journal post covers the most recent struggles I'm facing with my current Major De... </div></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-author"><figure _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-avatar"><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 loading="lazy" src="/assets/images/you-small.png" alt="ConfusedandAlone"></figure><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-name"> ConfusedandAlone </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-stamp"> 0 Comments - Posted May 26 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-item"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-content"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-title" href="/m/Chuck_Waygone/journal/a-recent-setback-in-my-battle-aginst-depression/"> A recent setback in my battle aginst depression. </a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-desc"> This post is a copy of my "Facebook" post. It might be insightful or maybe not. It centers... </div></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-author"><figure _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-avatar"><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 loading="lazy" src="/api/member/Chuck_Waygone/avatar/s" alt="Chuck_Waygone"></figure><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-name"> Chuck_Waygone </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-stamp"> 0 Comments - Posted Jul 03 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-item"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-content"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-title" href="/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/took-daughter-for-outpatient-they-kept-her-due-to-mania/"> Took daughter for outpatient, they kept her due to mania </a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-desc"> I’m hoping someone can help what wrongly happened to my daughter not happen again…to anyon... </div></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-author"><figure _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-avatar"><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 loading="lazy" src="/assets/images/you-small.png" alt="Cliffordeb"></figure><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-name"> Cliffordeb </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-stamp"> 2 Comments - Posted Dec 27 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-item"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-content"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-title" href="/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/how-to-feel-better-vd41qr/"> How to feel better </a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-desc"> My name is Andrie Praditya Nugroho, I'm 14 years old, living in Indonesia. Yesterday, I tr... </div></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-author"><figure _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-avatar"><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 loading="lazy" src="/assets/images/you-small.png" alt="Andrie_Praditya_Nugroho"></figure><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-name"> Andrie_Praditya_Nugroho </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-stamp"> 3 Comments - Posted Nov 30 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-item"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-content"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-title" href="/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/this-is-a-deterrent-to-suicide-think/"> This is a deterrent to suicide ...think </a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-desc"> Someone close to me shot himself. No one could believe it. He was always so happy..like th... </div></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-author"><figure _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-avatar"><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 loading="lazy" src="/api/member/pixieblu82/avatar/s" alt="pixieblu82"></figure><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-name"> pixieblu82 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-stamp"> 2 Comments - Posted Mar 18 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-item"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-content"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-title" href="/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/coping-with-loneliness/"> Coping with loneliness </a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-desc"> I suffer from extreme loneliness and a need for perfection which caused a chain of negativ... </div></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-author"><figure _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-avatar"><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 loading="lazy" src="/assets/images/you-small.png" alt="caleb518"></figure><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-name"> caleb518 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-stamp"> 9 Comments - Posted Feb 14 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-item"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-content"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-title" href="/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/cross-addicted-functionally-mentally-ill-person/"> Cross-Addicted, functionally mentally ill person </a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-desc"> Hi I just joined and thought I would introduce myself and my mental disorders. I have been... </div></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-author"><figure _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-avatar"><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 loading="lazy" src="/api/member/Catlady62/avatar/s" alt="Catlady62"></figure><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-name"> Catlady62 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-stamp"> 4 Comments - Posted Dec 05 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-item"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-content"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-title" href="/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/borderline-personality-disorder-hikfe8/"> Borderline personality disorder </a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-desc"> My daughter has recently been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. Can someone... </div></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-author"><figure _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-avatar"><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 loading="lazy" src="/assets/images/you-small.png" alt="4Josie"></figure><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-name"> 4Josie </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-stamp"> 1 Comments - Posted Sep 15 </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-item"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-content"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-title" href="/m/ConfusedandAlone/journal/my-background-part-2-high-school-and-the-move/"> My Background, Part 2: High school and The Move </a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-desc"> My first journal post covers the most recent struggles I'm facing with my current Major De... </div></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-author"><figure _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 routerlinkactive="router-link-active" class="rpw-avatar"><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 loading="lazy" src="/assets/images/you-small.png" alt="ConfusedandAlone"></figure><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-name"> ConfusedandAlone </div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="rpw-stamp"> 0 Comments - Posted May 26 </div></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="wp-foot"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c2483577242 class="wp-link"> View more </a></div></section></ins-related-post></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c268690243 class="widget-box"><ins-community-topics _ngcontent-serverapp-c268690243 _nghost-serverapp-c1881580236><section _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="widget-pack community-topics-widget"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="wp-head"><h3 _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 id="community-topics-title" class="wp-title">Community topics</h3></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="wp-body"><ul _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-list"><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-0" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/lgbtq-health/">LGBTQ+ health</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-1" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/bipoc-health/">BIPOC health</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-2" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/addiction-and-co-occurring-disorders/">Addiction and co-occurring disorders</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-3" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/anxiety-and-phobias/">Anxiety and phobias</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-4" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/bipolar-disorder/">Bipolar disorder</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-5" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/childrens-mental-health/">Children's mental health</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-6" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/co-dependency/">Co-dependency</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-7" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/depression/">Depression</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-8" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/eating-disorders/">Eating disorders</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-9" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/grief-and-bereavement/">Grief and bereavement</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-10" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/obsessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd/">Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-11" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/personality-disorders/">Personality disorders</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-12" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/paranoia/">Paranoia</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-13" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/">Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-14" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/schizoaffective-disorder/">Schizoaffective disorder</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-15" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/schizophrenia/">Schizophrenia</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-16" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/dissociative-identity-disorder/">Dissociative Identity Disorder</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-17" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/self-injury/">Self-injury</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-18" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/suicide/">Suicide</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-19" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/wellness-and-overall-health/">Wellness and overall health</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-20" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/other-issues/">Other issues</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-21" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/access-to-treatment/">Access to treatment</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-22" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/family-and-caregivers/">Family and caregivers</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-23" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/teens-and-young-adults/">Teens and young adults</a></li><li _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-item"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 class="ctw-link" id="community-topic-24" href="/groups/mental-health-america/topic/coping-with-the-stigma-of-mental-illness/">Coping with the stigma of mental illness</a></li></ul></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c1881580236 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_ngcontent-serverapp-c3073719069 class="pb-avatar" _nghost-serverapp-c160424285><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c160424285 id="post-avatar-link" class="member-avatar-container"><figure _ngcontent-serverapp-c160424285 id="post-avatar" class="member-avatar-block"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c160424285><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c160424285 loading="lazy" id="post-avatar-image" src="/api/member/lowriball59/avatar/m"></div></figure></div></ins-member-avatar><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c3073719069 class="pb-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c3073719069 class="pb-username" id="post-author-name-link"> lowriball59 </a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c3073719069 id="post-date" class="pb-stamp"> Oct 13, 2020 • 11:17 PM </div></div></div></ins-post-head><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c719915444 class="pb-ortho no-print"><app-bookmark _ngcontent-serverapp-c268690243 bookmarkwrapper _nghost-serverapp-c233444020><ins-bookmark _ngcontent-serverapp-c233444020 id="bookmark" _nghost-serverapp-c3349184846><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c3349184846 class="bookmark-component-block"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c3349184846 class="bcb-btn"><ins-svg-icon _ngcontent-serverapp-c3349184846 class="svg-icon" _nghost-serverapp-c33518352><svg _ngcontent-serverapp-c33518352="" fill="currentColor" width="1em" height="1em" viewBox="0 0 1024 1024"><use _ngcontent-serverapp-c33518352="" href="/assets/svgs/symbol-defs.svg?t=7#bookmark-o"/></svg></ins-svg-icon></a><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c3349184846 class="bcb-tooltip">Sign in or join to bookmark</div></div></ins-bookmark></app-bookmark><ins-ellipsis-menu _ngcontent-serverapp-c719915444 _nghost-serverapp-c2062330557><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2062330557 id="ellipsis-icon" class="ellipsis-more"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c2062330557><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c2062330557 id="ellipses_menu_btn" class="em-btn"><ins-svg-icon _ngcontent-serverapp-c2062330557 icontype="more" class="svg-icon" _nghost-serverapp-c33518352><svg _ngcontent-serverapp-c33518352="" fill="currentColor" width="1em" height="1em" viewBox="0 0 1024 1024"><use _ngcontent-serverapp-c33518352="" href="/assets/svgs/symbol-defs.svg?t=7#more"/></svg></ins-svg-icon></a></div></div></ins-ellipsis-menu></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c719915444 class="pb-body"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c719915444 insclicktoinnerhtmlanchor id="post-snippet" class="pb-desc"><p>Hi, I'm Lowri and I'm new to this page.</p><p>I'm 19 and for the last 4 years of my life I have been struggling with things I have yet to have diagnosed because I'm too scared to know the answers.</p><p>Mostly everyday I have felt like a let down to my family. </p><p>Being the middle child who's older sister has a good career a husband and child and who's youngest sister has a life plan and a boyfriend, I just feel like I have done nothing with my life except disappoint people.</p><p>To make matters worse I came out as lesbian to my family, my dad said he had to accept it because I'm his daughter even though he is homophobic. </p><p>And even though my older sister said she accepts me she still hints at me getting married to a man. </p><p>As the years have progressed the feeling have gotten worse, I struggle to sleep because I can't stop thinking about things, when I do sleep I sleep until the afternoon. </p><p>In the past I have kept things to myself and never told anyone, my family still ditn know and only one friend knows and I met her online so we've never met face to face. I just feel like I'm putting all of unnecessary stress and pointless worries on others so I stopped saying anything to everyone. I pushed people away I lost friends.</p><p>I was hesitant to put this up too. </p><p>For a while it got really bad, I started thinking what my family would react like if I was gone, I started thinking how I would do it, what I would write in my notes for them. </p><p>I began to self harm a lot, I hated how I looked to the point I got rid of my mirror in my room and refused to look in any others. </p><p>I despised myself so much I began to starve myself just wanting to be thinner and prettier. </p><p>Everytime I ate I hurt myself just a little like a punishment. </p><p>One time I hurt myself worse than the others but I just covered it up and I regret it so much looking back on it. My parents and family still don't know because I never where short sleeves, my sister saw it one but I denied it and then broke down alone in my room. </p><p>For a while I felt like I was getting better my thoughts about myself got more positive and I began accepting who I was and started lessening the internal homophobia that I was carrying around.</p><p>But then almost like nothing changed I fell back into it again. </p><p>The temptation of harming myself whenever I got upset, had an argument with someone or just felt pointless started growing. </p><p>I hate myself and with every negative homophobic comment my dad makes just causes more of an issue.</p><p>I'm slowly giving up again, I feel overwhelmed, anxious and panicked all the time, I hate where I work because I feel so overwhelmed all the time but there's nowhere else close by to work and I just feel like I'm going to be stuck doing the same job for the rest of my life because I don't have talents like my siblings. I don't have a life like them, I don't have hobbies.</p><p>I can't see myself with a life int he future, I can't see myself with someone with a house and kids and a job that doesn't scare me. I just feel alone and lost with no guidance at all and I'm ready to give up I don't want it anymore I just want to close my eyes and not wake up but there's one thing that stops me from doing it all and just saying fuck it and that's the one friend I had who I could tell it all to. Although we never met she means a lot to me. </p><p>I couldn't do that to her not when she has a lot of struggles to. </p><p>If I could get diagnosed with just something so I can finally get help it might give me a bit of hope that I can do soemthing for once, maybe I could get a bit better and see the positive things. </p><p>Or maybe nothing will change and I'll say goodbye but I just want help I need help I don't want to be alone anymore.</p></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c719915444 class="pb-condition"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c719915444 id="community-link" class="pb-community" href="/groups/mental-health-america"><img _ngcontent-serverapp-c719915444 loading="lazy" src="/resources-design/groups/mental-health-america/logo.png"><span _ngcontent-serverapp-c719915444>Mental Health America</span></a></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c719915444 id="post-footer-container" class="pb-foot no-print"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c719915444 class="pb-share"><app-share-post 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_ngcontent-serverapp-c1759620688 class="cabp-inner"><h3 _ngcontent-serverapp-c1759620688 class="cabp-title">By joining Inspire, you can give and receive support from members</h3><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c1759620688 class="bttn bttn-navy cabp-btn">Join now</a></div></section></app-call-to-action-prompt><article _ngcontent-serverapp-c3335267229 observeelement class="reply-listing-section"><section _ngcontent-serverapp-c3335267229 id="reply-list-item" class="reply-post-block" data-ins-parent-element="true" data-post-type="disc_cmnt" data-post-id="8119554660602778150" data-tracking-id="8119554660602778150"><ins-anon-reply _ngcontent-serverapp-c3335267229 _nghost-serverapp-c467064033><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="reply-block-wrapper"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="preview-reply-block"><section _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 id="reply_content" class="prb-body"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="prb-head"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="rhb-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="rhb-name">chuck_toni </a><span _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="rhb-stamp">Oct 14, 2020 • 5:55 AM</span></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="prb-stamp"></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 id="replyContent" insclicktoinnerhtmlanchor><p>Hi Lowri I’m kinda going through the same thing, my name is Charles I’m 22 and I have absolutely no clue what the fuck I want to do with my life and it makes me so depressed, I live with my grandparents who have raised me and they are so supportive of me and just want me to be happy but lowkey I feel like I’m a disappointment because I’m not in a great career or anything like that yet, I also have a girlfriend who is wonderful and so supportive as well. I’m getting ready to go back to school here soon hopefully I Just wanna give it a shot maybe I love it maybe I hate it. I 100% can relate to feeling like your letting your family down or feeling like a loser because your not in a position other people feel you should be in. My advice is to take it one day at a time and try to find something you love and care about and pursue it and hold on to your dear friend because she seems like a rock for you, be yourself because I’m sure your amazing don’t give up ever!!</p></div><span _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="rbw-foot">2 Reactions</span><ins-photo-carousel _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 _nghost-serverapp-c12763384></ins-photo-carousel></section></div></div></ins-anon-reply></section><section _ngcontent-serverapp-c3335267229 id="reply-list-item" class="reply-post-block" data-ins-parent-element="true" data-post-type="disc_cmnt" data-post-id="11639643437429821037" data-tracking-id="11639643437429821037"><ins-anon-reply _ngcontent-serverapp-c3335267229 _nghost-serverapp-c467064033><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="reply-block-wrapper"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="preview-reply-block"><section _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 id="reply_content" class="prb-body"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="prb-head"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="rhb-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="rhb-name">Emotionaldestress30 </a><span _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="rhb-stamp">Oct 14, 2020 • 1:10 PM</span></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="prb-stamp"></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 id="replyContent" insclicktoinnerhtmlanchor><p>Same I completely understand I’m an middle child also and the fact that my siblings can do more things like move out etc due to my mild cp and constantly being verbally emotionally abuse by my stepparent bc of my physical challenge I cannot even begin to tell you what he has said about me</p></div><span _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="rbw-foot">4 Reactions</span><ins-photo-carousel _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 _nghost-serverapp-c12763384></ins-photo-carousel></section></div></div></ins-anon-reply></section><section _ngcontent-serverapp-c3335267229 id="reply-list-item" class="reply-post-block" data-ins-parent-element="true" data-post-type="disc_cmnt" data-post-id="3318899161609715712" data-tracking-id="3318899161609715712"><ins-anon-reply _ngcontent-serverapp-c3335267229 _nghost-serverapp-c467064033><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="reply-block-wrapper"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="preview-reply-block"><section _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 id="reply_content" class="prb-body"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="prb-head"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="rhb-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="rhb-name">Emotionaldestress30 </a><span _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="rhb-stamp">Oct 14, 2020 • 11:41 PM</span></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="prb-stamp"><span _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 id="inreplyto">In reply to <a _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033>chuck_toni's comment</a></span></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 id="replyContent" insclicktoinnerhtmlanchor><p>Same</p></div><span _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="rbw-foot">1 Reactions</span><ins-photo-carousel _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 _nghost-serverapp-c12763384></ins-photo-carousel></section></div></div></ins-anon-reply><app-inspire-ad _ngcontent-serverapp-c3335267229 class="inspire-ad-replies" _nghost-serverapp-c3840075257><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c3840075257 class="post-block-ad"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c3840075257 class="inspire-reply-ads pba-body" id="interstitial-ad-300x250-post-reply-3"></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c3840075257 class="pba-foot">Advertisement</div></div></app-inspire-ad></section><section _ngcontent-serverapp-c3335267229 id="reply-list-item" class="reply-post-block" data-ins-parent-element="true" data-post-type="disc_cmnt" data-post-id="4665754537897963980" data-tracking-id="4665754537897963980"><ins-anon-reply _ngcontent-serverapp-c3335267229 _nghost-serverapp-c467064033><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="reply-block-wrapper"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="preview-reply-block"><section _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 id="reply_content" class="prb-body"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="prb-head"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="rhb-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="rhb-name">JRawl93 </a><span _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="rhb-stamp">Oct 15, 2020 • 3:42 PM</span></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="prb-stamp"></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 id="replyContent" insclicktoinnerhtmlanchor><p>Hi Lawrie. My name is Jade. This is also my first time on this page but your post just spoke to me and I couldn't let it go. I'm 27 now and struggle with bipolar disorder. I can sympathize with what you are going through because I have some of the same thoughts and feelings that you are describing. They started when I was very young and it wasn't until I got help that I knew why I was having these thoughts and feelings. I am a very blunt person and believe lies are just some BS to hide behind. Trust me when I say I will be real and not lie to you. While I still struggle with my gender identity, harmful thoughts and my emotions it does get better! I finally decided to get help after two suicide attempts. Please don't let it get that far for you. I finally decided that it was time to get help and things got so much better for me. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I got on my medication and I am in therapy once a week. The fear that you talk about seems like the same things I thought. I thought if I got diagnosed then people would think I was crazy and all the other stigma that goes along with mental illness. BUT...that fear is just the negative thoughts winning. The fact that you are posting on here shows that you want help. You have taken a big step. Now it is time to reach out and get the help that you may need from mental health professionals. The nice part is that you are old enough that your parents don't even have to know that you are going to get this help. If you decide that they need to know then you have the freedom to let that be your choice. I'm not saying it won't be hard. Mental illness is hard. That's not to say that it isn't worth fighting. In the meantime there is an app that I use called Calm Harm. It helps give you distractions so that you can calm yourself and ride the wave so that you don't feel the need to self harm as much. Keep fighting and keep fucking going. We are here if you need us.</p></div><span _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="rbw-foot">2 Reactions</span><ins-photo-carousel _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 _nghost-serverapp-c12763384></ins-photo-carousel></section></div></div></ins-anon-reply></section><section _ngcontent-serverapp-c3335267229 id="reply-list-item" class="reply-post-block" data-ins-parent-element="true" data-post-type="disc_cmnt" data-post-id="17526761454289244973" data-tracking-id="17526761454289244973"><ins-anon-reply _ngcontent-serverapp-c3335267229 _nghost-serverapp-c467064033><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="reply-block-wrapper"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="preview-reply-block"><section _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 id="reply_content" class="prb-body"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="prb-head"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="rhb-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="rhb-name">Cherie53 </a><span _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="rhb-stamp">Oct 15, 2020 • 4:30 PM</span></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="prb-stamp"></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 id="replyContent" insclicktoinnerhtmlanchor><p>It's very difficult at times but you have to reach out and keep trying. It's like being in a relay race, keep jumping over the hurdles and if you feel you just cant do that or you run out of steam, stop and be kind to yourself... You can do this, have faith and keep pushing on, no matter how hard it gets. Remember life is not easy and things may appear to be great for others in your point of view, but everyone has issues and struggles what ever it might be. </p><p>Be GOOD TO YOURSELF! Don't give up, don't give in and don't be afraid to ask for help! Seek support groups that deal with anger, depression whatever it may be you are NOT alone. So many of us struggle with those types of issues. Block out politics, news and everything negative. </p><p>When you feel better about yourself doors will open and the "insignificant things" in life are easier to deal with. Do what YOU want in life as long as you can provide for yourself and know you are not alone. If that road is to difficult ASK for help. God Bless. ; )</p></div><span _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="rbw-foot">2 Reactions</span><ins-photo-carousel _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 _nghost-serverapp-c12763384></ins-photo-carousel></section></div></div></ins-anon-reply></section><section _ngcontent-serverapp-c3335267229 id="reply-list-item" class="reply-post-block" data-ins-parent-element="true" data-post-type="disc_cmnt" data-post-id="1246503535676440105" data-tracking-id="1246503535676440105"><ins-anon-reply _ngcontent-serverapp-c3335267229 _nghost-serverapp-c467064033><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="reply-block-wrapper"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="preview-reply-block"><section _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 id="reply_content" class="prb-body"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="prb-head"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="rhb-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="rhb-name">lowriball59 </a><span _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="rhb-stamp">Dec 28, 2020 • 1:54 PM</span></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="prb-stamp"><span _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 id="inreplyto">In reply to <a _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033>Emotionaldestress30's comment</a></span></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 id="replyContent" insclicktoinnerhtmlanchor><p>Well if you want you can talk to me I can try to help x</p></div><span _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="rbw-foot">0 Reactions</span><ins-photo-carousel _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 _nghost-serverapp-c12763384></ins-photo-carousel></section></div></div></ins-anon-reply><app-inspire-ad _ngcontent-serverapp-c3335267229 class="inspire-ad-replies" _nghost-serverapp-c3840075257><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c3840075257 class="post-block-ad"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c3840075257 class="inspire-reply-ads pba-body" id="interstitial-ad-300x250-post-reply-6"></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c3840075257 class="pba-foot">Advertisement</div></div></app-inspire-ad></section><section _ngcontent-serverapp-c3335267229 id="reply-list-item" class="reply-post-block" data-ins-parent-element="true" data-post-type="disc_cmnt" data-post-id="344403980937339529" data-tracking-id="344403980937339529"><ins-anon-reply _ngcontent-serverapp-c3335267229 _nghost-serverapp-c467064033><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="reply-block-wrapper"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="preview-reply-block"><section _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 id="reply_content" class="prb-body"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="prb-head"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="rhb-meta"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="rhb-name">lowriball59 </a><span _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="rhb-stamp">Dec 28, 2020 • 1:56 PM</span></div></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="prb-stamp"><span _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 id="inreplyto">In reply to <a _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033>JRawl93's comment</a></span></div><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 id="replyContent" insclicktoinnerhtmlanchor><p>Thank you so much xx</p></div><span _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 class="rbw-foot">0 Reactions</span><ins-photo-carousel _ngcontent-serverapp-c467064033 _nghost-serverapp-c12763384></ins-photo-carousel></section></div></div></ins-anon-reply></section></article><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c3335267229 class="comment-control-bottom" hidden></div><ins-custom-modal _ngcontent-serverapp-c3335267229 id="modal_privilege_delete_reply" class="cmw-hide" _nghost-serverapp-c342721892><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c342721892 id="ins-modal-wrapper" class="custom-modal-wrapper"><div _ngcontent-serverapp-c342721892 class="cmw-dialog"><a _ngcontent-serverapp-c342721892 id="custom_modal_close" class="cmw-close"><ins-svg-icon _ngcontent-serverapp-c342721892 icontype="close" _nghost-serverapp-c33518352><svg _ngcontent-serverapp-c33518352="" fill="currentColor" width="1em" height="1em" viewBox="0 0 1024 1024"><use _ngcontent-serverapp-c33518352="" 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type="application/json">{"environment":"live","platformID":2,"getWhoAmI":"anon","getDiscussion":{"status":"success","data":{"post":{"id":"15428067106371457114","tracking_id":"15428067106371457114","slug":"disc-can-someone-help-cdpbyt","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/can-someone-help-cdpbyt/","title":"Can someone help?","content":"\u003Cp>Hi, I'm Lowri and I'm new to this page.\u003C/p>\u003Cp>I'm 19 and for the last 4 years of my life I have been struggling with things I have yet to have diagnosed because I'm too scared to know the answers.\u003C/p>\u003Cp>Mostly everyday I have felt like a let down to my family. \u003C/p>\u003Cp>Being the middle child who's older sister has a good career a husband and child and who's youngest sister has a life plan and a boyfriend, I just feel like I have done nothing with my life except disappoint people.\u003C/p>\u003Cp>To make matters worse I came out as lesbian to my family, my dad said he had to accept it because I'm his daughter even though he is homophobic. \u003C/p>\u003Cp>And even though my older sister said she accepts me she still hints at me getting married to a man. \u003C/p>\u003Cp>As the years have progressed the feeling have gotten worse, I struggle to sleep because I can't stop thinking about things, when I do sleep I sleep until the afternoon. \u003C/p>\u003Cp>In the past I have kept things to myself and never told anyone, my family still ditn know and only one friend knows and I met her online so we've never met face to face. I just feel like I'm putting all of unnecessary stress and pointless worries on others so I stopped saying anything to everyone. I pushed people away I lost friends.\u003C/p>\u003Cp>I was hesitant to put this up too. \u003C/p>\u003Cp>For a while it got really bad, I started thinking what my family would react like if I was gone, I started thinking how I would do it, what I would write in my notes for them. \u003C/p>\u003Cp>I began to self harm a lot, I hated how I looked to the point I got rid of my mirror in my room and refused to look in any others. \u003C/p>\u003Cp>I despised myself so much I began to starve myself just wanting to be thinner and prettier. \u003C/p>\u003Cp>Everytime I ate I hurt myself just a little like a punishment. \u003C/p>\u003Cp>One time I hurt myself worse than the others but I just covered it up and I regret it so much looking back on it. My parents and family still don't know because I never where short sleeves, my sister saw it one but I denied it and then broke down alone in my room. \u003C/p>\u003Cp>For a while I felt like I was getting better my thoughts about myself got more positive and I began accepting who I was and started lessening the internal homophobia that I was carrying around.\u003C/p>\u003Cp>But then almost like nothing changed I fell back into it again. \u003C/p>\u003Cp>The temptation of harming myself whenever I got upset, had an argument with someone or just felt pointless started growing. \u003C/p>\u003Cp>I hate myself and with every negative homophobic comment my dad makes just causes more of an issue.\u003C/p>\u003Cp>I'm slowly giving up again, I feel overwhelmed, anxious and panicked all the time, I hate where I work because I feel so overwhelmed all the time but there's nowhere else close by to work and I just feel like I'm going to be stuck doing the same job for the rest of my life because I don't have talents like my siblings. I don't have a life like them, I don't have hobbies.\u003C/p>\u003Cp>I can't see myself with a life int he future, I can't see myself with someone with a house and kids and a job that doesn't scare me. I just feel alone and lost with no guidance at all and I'm ready to give up I don't want it anymore I just want to close my eyes and not wake up but there's one thing that stops me from doing it all and just saying fuck it and that's the one friend I had who I could tell it all to. Although we never met she means a lot to me. \u003C/p>\u003Cp>I couldn't do that to her not when she has a lot of struggles to. \u003C/p>\u003Cp>If I could get diagnosed with just something so I can finally get help it might give me a bit of hope that I can do soemthing for once, maybe I could get a bit better and see the positive things. \u003C/p>\u003Cp>Or maybe nothing will change and I'll say goodbye but I just want help I need help I don't want to be alone anymore.\u003C/p>","updated":null,"created":"2020-10-13T23:17:43Z","reply_count":7,"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false,"active":"2020-12-28T13:56:34Z","cmnt_policy":"open","class":"disc","privacy":"public","muted":false,"solicit_ai":false,"author":{"nickname":"lowriball59","status":4,"avatar":{"large":"/assets/images/you-large.png","medium":"/assets/images/you.png","small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"join_date":"2020-10-13T22:49:33Z","site_roles":[],"is_followed":false,"city":null,"state":null,"__typename":"User"},"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health 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This service provides referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organizations.\u003C/li>\u003Cbr>\u003Cli>If it is more comfortable for you, you can also send your zip code via text message: 435748 (HELP4U) to find help near you.\u003C/li>\u003C/ul>"}]},"facebook":{"links":[{"code":"mentalhealthamerica","longname":"Mental Health America","name":"MHA"}]},"group_description_text":"","heading_links":{"links":[]},"hide_ads":false,"hide_ct_ads":true,"hide_member_count":true,"hide_treatment_suggestions":false,"resource":{"sections":[{"heading":"Resources","links":[{"label":"9-8-8 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline","link":"https://988lifeline.org/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=web&utm_campaign=onebox"},{"label":"Crisis Text Line","link":"https://www.crisistextline.org/"},{"label":"Warmlines","link":"https://warmline.org/"},{"label":"National Helpline","link":"https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline"},{"label":"Alternatives to Calling the Police in a Crisis","link":"https://screening.mhanational.org/content/alternatives-calling-police-crisis/?layout=actions_a"},{"label":"What Happens if I Call the Suicide Prevention Hotline?","link":"https://screening.mhanational.org/content/what-happens-if-i-call-suicide-prevention-lifeline/?layout=actions_a"},{"label":"Finding Help","link":"https://www.mhanational.org/finding-help-when-get-it-and-where-go"},{"label":"Questions on finding help?","link":"http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/finding-help"},{"label":"Mental Health Crisis Plan","link":"https://screening.mhanational.org/content/think-ahead-mental-health-crisis-plan/?layout=actions_a"},{"label":"LGBTQ+ Mental Health Resource Center","link":"https://mhanational.org/lgbtq"},{"label":"Call BlackLine","link":"https://www.callblackline.com/"},{"label":"Veterans Crisis line","link":"https://www.veteranscrisisline.net/"},{"label":"BIPOC Mental health resources","link":"https://mhanational.org/bipoc"},{"label":"Trans Lifeline","link":"https://translifeline.org/"},{"label":"Thrive Lifeline","link":"https://thrivelifeline.org/"}]}]},"sticky_disc_name_id":"","tagline":"Mental health support group and discussion community","title_name":"Mental Health America Support Group & Forum","twitter":{"feeds":[{"code":"MentalHealthAm","color":"#006699","name":"MHA"}]}},"description":null,"descriptor":"Support Community","email":"info@mhanational.org","enable_inspire_ai":"0","fax":"","filter_cat":"chronic","former_name_id":["bipolar-disorder","obsessive-compulsive-disorder","schizophrenia","stress","suicide-prevention"],"group_description_text":"Connect with individuals impacted by mental health conditions for support. 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Stopping the medicine helps.","imagetitle":"The hands of a woman with Parkinson's disease tremble very strongly","imageurl":"https://static.inspire.com/sponsored-resource-center/images/gb21x26ak63g_3B0YlekvlJkY8Qvc9YgqZX_9878b21785c694666f2b1f7a1d12d34d_Drug-Induced_Parkinsonism_Hands_Tremor_Tardive__Sm_.jpg","pageid":"/resources/mental-health/drug-induced-parkinsonism","parenttitle":"Mental Health","parenturi":"/resources/mental-health","posted":"2021-09-28","title":"What Is Drug-Induced Parkinsonism?"},{"desc":"Tardive myoclonus causes involuntary shock-like movements in people who have tardive syndromes like tardive dyskinesia. 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Get the facts about tardive dyskinesia.","imagetitle":"Woman sitting on a sofa and feeling anxious about mental health and tardive dyskinesia.","imageurl":"https://static.inspire.com/sponsored-resource-center/images/gb21x26ak63g_2DBapnWSwr4Hn8pXlaW2z2_9929163c29974c47856291130cd74f76_Tardive_Dyskinesia_Mental_Health_Facts_and_Figures__Sm_.jpg","pageid":"/resources/mental-health/tardive-facts","parenttitle":"Mental Health","parenturi":"/resources/mental-health","posted":"2021-07-08","title":"Facts About Tardive Dyskinesia"},{"desc":"Mental health conditions pose special challenges for the loved ones of ill individuals. These steps can help a loved one with a mental condition.","imagetitle":"Young woman holding hands of elderly parent with mental disorder","imageurl":"https://static.inspire.com/sponsored-resource-center/images/gb21x26ak63g_2EiHQcU6oLqEJrKeyb77J1_83f224c1cd45b3711ee392f07c241bcd_Ways_to_help_loved_one_with_a_mental_disorder_holding_hands__Sm_.jpg","pageid":"/resources/mental-health/loved-one-mental-disorder","parenttitle":"Mental Health","parenturi":"/resources/mental-health","posted":"2021-10-26","title":"4 Ways to Help a Loved One With a Mental Condition"},{"desc":"Psychotherapy, or talk therapy, helps people with mental disorders or life struggles learn to cope. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a common type.","imagetitle":"In this closeup, a young man wearing a military issue t-shirt and holding a camouflage cap looks down with a pained expression. He is sharing his problems with an unrecognizable counselor.","imageurl":"https://static.inspire.com/sponsored-resource-center/images/gb21x26ak63g_6nz6oM8P7kcyZpmdrzOXQm_7d8c433001119d9bae6e28ca16521294_What_is_Psychotherapy__Sm_.jpg","pageid":"/resources/mental-health/what-is-psychotherapy","parenttitle":"Mental Health","parenturi":"/resources/mental-health","posted":"2022-02-24","title":"What Is Psychotherapy?"},{"desc":"Caregivers of people who have a mental health disorder and tardive dyskinesia are at risk for their own health struggles. These steps can help.","imagetitle":"Parkinson and Alzheimer female senior elderly patient with caregiver in hospice care. Doctor hand with stethoscope check up older woman people. Old aging person seeing medical physician in hospital.","imageurl":"https://static.inspire.com/sponsored-resource-center/images/gb21x26ak63g_01F6U0gQJsvl08LPkReOKm_c6e5fafbb152362f7878bcf9706a8c93_Caregiving_for_Tardive_Dyskinesia__Sm_.png","pageid":"/resources/mental-health/tardive-caregiving","parenttitle":"Mental Health","parenturi":"/resources/mental-health","posted":"2022-05-31","title":"Caregiving for Tardive Dyskinesia"},{"desc":"More people are experiencing mental health issues like depression and anxiety during the COVID-19 pandemic. These tips can help you cope.","imagetitle":"A mother and her daughter are both wearing masks during the covid-19 pandemic.","imageurl":"https://static.inspire.com/sponsored-resource-center/images/gb21x26ak63g_1sih9x1cNPqiBiuF5IA5ot_a88fdf20dca30229fb055a3aa5147bf6_Mental_Health_Pandemic_Masked_Mother_Daughter_Sm.jpg","pageid":"/resources/mental-health/mental-health-tips-pandemic","parenttitle":"Mental Health","parenturi":"/resources/mental-health","posted":"2021-04-02","title":"6 Tips to Improve Mental Health During a Pandemic"},{"desc":"Schizophrenia is a psychotic disorder that causes hallucinations and delusions. People with schizoaffective disorders also have depression or bipolar disorder.","imagetitle":"A psychiatrist is listening to a female patient explaining her experience with schizophrenia","imageurl":"https://static.inspire.com/sponsored-resource-center/images/gb21x26ak63g_5fUMf5OMnDBTLcEl7cVcLM_70d2d6878b9a0723c3c0f56252c32bf0_What_Is_Schizophrenia_Woman_Explaining_to_Psychologist__Sm_.jpg","pageid":"/resources/mental-health/what-is-schizophrenia","parenttitle":"Mental Health","parenturi":"/resources/mental-health","posted":"2021-06-15","title":"What Is Schizophrenia?"},{"desc":"Depression is a mood disorder that makes you feel hopeless, irritated, or withdrawn for weeks or years. Psychotherapy and antidepressants can help.","imagetitle":"Sad businessman sitting head in hands on the bed in the dark bedroom with low light environment, dramatic concept, vintage tone color","imageurl":"https://static.inspire.com/sponsored-resource-center/images/gb21x26ak63g_3dnvMq0LCXx3eWBeVfaEaL_7d8c2fbe9e0afa32fc448bd357034de2_What_Is_Depression__sm_.jpg","pageid":"/resources/mental-health/what-is-depression","parenttitle":"Mental Health","parenturi":"/resources/mental-health","posted":"2022-06-24","title":"What Is Depression?"},{"desc":"A panic attack is an episode of intense fear that comes on suddenly. Although it’s impossible to stop a panic attack once it begins, there are some things you can do to help manage the situation","imagetitle":"Woman in station having a panic attack covering face","imageurl":"https://static.inspire.com/sponsored-resource-center/images/gb21x26ak63g_38745h3I8acq4r4MyxdHAK_fc71a92f103b78d4038e568ff6b22e70_5_ways_to_manage_panic_attacks__Sm_.jpg","pageid":"/resources/mental-health/ways-to-manage-panic-attacks","parenttitle":"Mental Health","parenturi":"/resources/mental-health","posted":"2022-01-31","title":"5 Ways to Manage Panic Attacks"},{"desc":"Delusional disorders cause paranoia and false beliefs (delusions). For example, you may think people are plotting to hurt you or that they’re madly in love with you.","imagetitle":"Close up unhappy woman suffering from paranoia and delusional disorders, depressed young female sitting on couch alone, touching temples, feeling unwell","imageurl":"https://static.inspire.com/sponsored-resource-center/images/gb21x26ak63g_5q4VxQ5y0idLjktSPvUSPV_c676ffcd18870bb189936a34ded52f40_Paranoia_and_Delusional_Disorders__Sm_.jpg","pageid":"/resources/mental-health/paranoia-delusional-disorders","parenttitle":"Mental Health","parenturi":"/resources/mental-health","posted":"2021-08-31","title":"Paranoia and Delusional Disorders"},{"desc":"Mental conditions affect how you think, feel, and behave. Common mental illnesses include anxiety, depression, ADHD, eating disorders, and schizophrenia. ","imagetitle":"Young man with depression sits alone contemplating.","imageurl":"https://static.inspire.com/sponsored-resource-center/images/gb21x26ak63g_2Ar7hBhFj5Sz5ExsnudtbZ_622e563faf43e357faab33c0db2e7d2f_5_Types_of_Mental_Disorders__sm_.jpg","pageid":"/resources/mental-health/5-types-mental-disorders","parenttitle":"Mental Health","parenturi":"/resources/mental-health","posted":"2021-03-16","title":"5 Types of Mental Health Conditions"},{"desc":"Grief is a normal response to a loss. Steps to cope with grief include talking to a therapist, honoring your loved one, and prioritizing your health.","imagetitle":"Two sad women embracing coping with grief","imageurl":"https://static.inspire.com/sponsored-resource-center/images/gb21x26ak63g_SC0Pj160kpAwA1VU1S4YL_e3ed42596a06ea6948fccde9c65662b4_TD_Coping_with_Grief__sm_.jpg","pageid":"/resources/mental-health/coping-with-grief","parenttitle":"Mental Health","parenturi":"/resources/mental-health","posted":"2022-09-27","title":"3 Ways to Cope With Grief"},{"desc":"Whether you have a mental disorder or need help coping with life stressors, mental health counseling can help. Use these 4 tips to find the right therapist.","imagetitle":"Unrecognizable female mental health professional and patient discuss the patient's issues. The doctor gestures while holding the patient's chart.","imageurl":"https://static.inspire.com/sponsored-resource-center/images/gb21x26ak63g_4dyHgjpl4Vpi5k9G6Jfko8_368ce38cc96aa08132abc5157585f9c9_4_Tips_to_Find_the_Right_Therapist__Sm_.png","pageid":"/resources/mental-health/finding-therapist","parenttitle":"Mental Health","parenturi":"/resources/mental-health","posted":"2022-05-27","title":"4 Tips to Find the Right Therapist"},{"desc":"People with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) may be hyperactive, inattentive, or a mix of both. Medications and psychotherapy can help.","imagetitle":"Child writing Abbreviation ADHD on a blackboard. ADHD is Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.","imageurl":"https://static.inspire.com/sponsored-resource-center/images/gb21x26ak63g_5oIULLehOVtQPmxv8wwSrt_cbd05b9a19d64be2ba93a0bdbf47af66_What_is_ADHD__Sm_.jpg","pageid":"/resources/mental-health/what-is-adhd","parenttitle":"Mental Health","parenturi":"/resources/mental-health","posted":"2022-03-10","title":"What Is ADHD?"},{"desc":"Many mental health conditions appear during childhood. Children and teens are more likely to develop ADHD, anxiety disorders, depression, and eating disorders.","imagetitle":"Young girl having a conversation with her doctor about her mental health","imageurl":"https://static.inspire.com/sponsored-resource-center/images/gb21x26ak63g_62GX0Sxus7rfcKim9gQk38_5138b3d98e77c3e38f5f9dad018580ba_Mental_Health_in_Children__Sm_.jpg","pageid":"/resources/mental-health/mental-disorders-children","parenttitle":"Mental Health","parenturi":"/resources/mental-health","posted":"2021-11-23","title":"4 Common Mental Conditions in Children"}],"desc":"Mental health is your state of emotional and psychological well-being. You may face challenges in your mental health at different stages of life. If these challenges continue to affect you over the long term, they may develop into mental health illnesses requiring medication, such as schizophrenia or bipolar disorder. Other disorders can arise as antipsychotic drug side effects, such as tardive dyskinesia.","imagetitle":"Doctor discussing mental health with tardive dyskinesia patient","imageurl":"https://static.inspire.com/sponsored-resource-center/images/gb21x26ak63g_1F58w7Dm7vSBX6V4H4x17S_3e5b29fa726fb702ce95f89a913067c3_Tardive_Dyskinesia_Treatment__OG_.jpg","pageid":"mental-health","title":"Mental Health"}],"state":"Virginia","topics":[{"description":null,"f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"LGBTQ+ health","name_id":"lgbtq-health","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"1","topic_id":"4040"},{"description":null,"f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"BIPOC health","name_id":"bipoc-health","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"2","topic_id":"4041"},{"description":"Alcohol and other drug abuse and addiction constitute major health and safety concerns. For people struggling with co-occurring mental health and substance abuse disorders, physical safety and overall health risks are greater. Treatment is proven to be effective, but very few who need it have access to and receive care.","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Addiction and co-occurring disorders","name_id":"addiction-and-co-occurring-disorders","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"3","topic_id":"2240"},{"description":"Most people experience feelings of anxiety before an important event such as a big exam, business presentation or first date. Anxiety disorders, however, are illnesses that cause people to feel frightened, distressed and uneasy for no apparent reason. Left untreated, these disorders can dramatically reduce productivity and significantly diminish an individual's quality of life.\n\nPhobias are the most common form of anxiety disorders, and fall into three categories. Specific (simple) phobias are the most common and focus on specific objects. Social phobia causes extreme anxiety in social or public situations. And agoraphobia, which is the fear of being alone in public places from which there is no easy escape.","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Anxiety and phobias","name_id":"anxiety-and-phobias","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"4","topic_id":"2241"},{"description":"Bipolar disorder, also known as manic depression, is an illness involving one or more episodes of serious mania and depression. The illness causes a person's mood to swing from excessively high and/or irritable to sad and hopeless, with periods of a normal mood in between. More than 2 million Americans suffer from bipolar disorder.","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Bipolar disorder","name_id":"bipolar-disorder","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"5","topic_id":"2242"},{"description":"Children are affected by a wide range of mental health issues, including ADD/ADHD, anxiety disorders, autism, bipolar disorder, bullying, conduct disorders, depression, and schizophrenia.","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Children's mental health","name_id":"childrens-mental-health","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"6","topic_id":"2243"},{"description":"Co-dependency is a learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual's ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as \"relationship addiction\" because people with co-dependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive.","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Co-dependency","name_id":"co-dependency","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"7","topic_id":"2244"},{"description":"Clinical depression is one of the most common mental illnesses, affecting more than 19 million Americans each year. Depression causes people to lose pleasure from daily life, can complicate other medical conditions, and can even be serious enough to lead to suicide. Unfortunately, though treatment for depression is almost always successful, fewer than half of those suffering from this illness seek treatment.","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Depression","name_id":"depression","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"8","topic_id":"2245"},{"description":"People with eating disorders experience serious disturbances in their eating patterns, such as a severe and unhealthy reduction in their food intake or overeating, as well as extreme concern about body shape or weight. Eating disorders usually develop during adolescence or early adulthood. Eating disorders are not due to weak willpower or bad behavior; rather, they are real, treatable illnesses. The two main types of eating disorders are anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa.","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Eating disorders","name_id":"eating-disorders","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"9","topic_id":"2246"},{"description":"The loss of a loved one is life's most stressful event and can cause a major emotional crisis. When a death takes place, you may experience a wide range of emotions, even when the death is expected. It takes time to fully absorb the impact of a major loss. You never stop missing your loved one, but the pain eases after time and allows you to go on with your life.","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Grief and bereavement","name_id":"grief-and-bereavement","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"10","topic_id":"2247"},{"description":"People with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) suffer intensely from recurrent unwanted thoughts (obsessions) or rituals (compulsions), which they feel they cannot control. Rituals, such as handwashing, counting, checking or cleaning, are often performed in hope of preventing obsessive thoughts or making them go away. Performing these rituals, however, provides only temporary relief, and not performing them increases anxiety. Left untreated, obsessions and the need to perform rituals can take over a person's life. OCD is often a chronic, relapsing illness.","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)","name_id":"obsessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"11","topic_id":"2289"},{"description":"Those who struggle with a personality disorder have great difficulty dealing with other people. They tend to be inflexible, rigid, and unable to respond to the changes and demands of life. Although they feel that their behavior patterns are \"normal\" or \"right,\" people with personality disorders tend to have a narrow view of the world and find it difficult to participate in social activities. There are many types of help available for the different personality disorders. Treatment may include individual, group, or family psychotherapy. Medications, prescribed by a patient's physician, may also be helpful in relieving some of the symptoms of personality disorders, including problems with anxiety and perceptions.","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Personality disorders","name_id":"personality-disorders","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"12","topic_id":"2248"},{"description":"","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Paranoia","name_id":"paranoia","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"13","topic_id":"3881"},{"description":"If you have gone through a traumatic experience, it is normal to feel lots of emotions, such as distress, fear, helplessness, guilt, shame or anger. You may start to feel better after days or weeks, but sometimes, these feelings don't go away. If the symptoms last for more than a month, you may have post-traumatic stress disorder or PTSD.","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)","name_id":"post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"14","topic_id":"2249"},{"description":"About one in 100 people are affected with schizoaffective disorder. It has features that are similar to schizophrenia, depression and bipolar disorder. An individual with schizoaffective disorder will experience hallucinations, delusions and symptoms similar to other mood disorders.","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Schizoaffective disorder","name_id":"schizoaffective-disorder","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"15","topic_id":"2760"},{"description":"Schizophrenia is a serious disorder which affects how a person thinks, feels and acts. Someone with schizophrenia may have difficulty distinguishing between what is real and what is imaginary; may be unresponsive or withdrawn; and may have difficulty expressing normal emotions in social situations.","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Schizophrenia","name_id":"schizophrenia","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"16","topic_id":"2250"},{"description":"","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Dissociative Identity Disorder","name_id":"dissociative-identity-disorder","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"17","topic_id":"3846"},{"description":"Self-injury, also known as cutting or self-mutilation, occurs when someone intentionally and repeatedly harms herself/himself. Its estimated that about two million people in the U.S. injure themselves in some way. The majority are teenagers or young adults with young women outnumbering young men. They are of all races and backgrounds.","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Self-injury","name_id":"self-injury","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"18","topic_id":"2251"},{"description":"A suicide attempt is a clear indication that something is gravely wrong in a person's life. No matter the race or age of the person; how rich or poor they are, it is true that most people who die by suicide have a mental or emotional disorder. The most common underlying disorder is depression; 30% to 70% of suicide victims suffer from major depression or bipolar (manic-depressive) disorder. If you think someone you know is considering suicide, trust your instincts that the person may be in trouble and get help. Call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) to reach a 24-hour crisis center or dial 911 for immediate assistance.","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Suicide","name_id":"suicide","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"19","topic_id":"2290"},{"description":"This topic covers general wellness and overall health -- managing stress, coping with day-to-day problems, work/life balance, improving your mental health, recovery and more.","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Wellness and overall health","name_id":"wellness-and-overall-health","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"20","topic_id":"2252"},{"description":"Discuss mental health issues not covered by one of our other topics here.","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Other issues","name_id":"other-issues","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"21","topic_id":"2253"},{"description":"Discuss issues related to access to treatment here, such as health insurance and Medicare/Medicaid. Share information and tips on getting access to the treatment you need.","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Access to treatment","name_id":"access-to-treatment","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"22","topic_id":"2254"},{"description":"Caring for a family member or friend who is dealing with mental health issues can be overwhelming. This is your place to meet others who know what it's like, and share support and information.","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Family and caregivers","name_id":"family-and-caregivers","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"23","topic_id":"2255"},{"description":"A place for teens and young adults to connect and share information and support. You're not alone!","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Teens and young adults","name_id":"teens-and-young-adults","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"24","topic_id":"2256"},{"description":"Despite everything we have learned about mental illness, misconceptions are still common, and those dealing with mental illness feel the stigma. Connect with others who know what it's like here. Share tips for coping, and increasing awareness and understanding of mental illness.","f_suppressed":"0","group_id":"200202","name":"Coping with the stigma of mental illness","name_id":"coping-with-the-stigma-of-mental-illness","parent_id":null,"sort_order":"25","topic_id":"2257"}],"web_site":"https://www.mhanational.org","isPrivate":null},"status":"success"},"getPostReplies":{"status":"success","data":{"post":{"reply_count":7,"comments":[{"id":"8119554660602778150","parent":{"__typename":"Post","url":"reply/undefined"},"tracking_id":"8119554660602778150","created":"2020-10-14T05:55:12Z","page_num":1,"__typename":"FullComment","content":"\u003Cp>Hi Lowri I’m kinda going through the same thing, my name is Charles I’m 22 and I have absolutely no clue what the fuck I want to do with my life and it makes me so depressed, I live with my grandparents who have raised me and they are so supportive of me and just want me to be happy but lowkey I feel like I’m a disappointment because I’m not in a great career or anything like that yet, I also have a girlfriend who is wonderful and so supportive as well. I’m getting ready to go back to school here soon hopefully I Just wanna give it a shot maybe I love it maybe I hate it. I 100% can relate to feeling like your letting your family down or feeling like a loser because your not in a position other people feel you should be in. My advice is to take it one day at a time and try to find something you love and care about and pursue it and hold on to your dear friend because she seems like a rock for you, be yourself because I’m sure your amazing don’t give up ever!!\u003C/p>","class":"disc_cmnt","author":{"nickname":"chuck_toni","status":4,"avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"__typename":"User"},"reactions":[{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":1,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":["lowriball59"],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"SUPPORT","count":1,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":["donnaofnc"],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"files":[],"level":"second","noOfChildRepliesToShow":2,"url":"reply/8119554660602778150","comments":[],"isChainDeleted":false,"counter":1},{"id":"11639643437429821037","parent":{"__typename":"Post","url":"reply/undefined"},"tracking_id":"11639643437429821037","created":"2020-10-14T13:10:17Z","page_num":1,"__typename":"FullComment","content":"\u003Cp>Same I completely understand I’m an middle child also and the fact that my siblings can do more things like move out etc due to my mild cp and constantly being verbally emotionally abuse by my stepparent bc of my physical challenge I cannot even begin to tell you what he has said about me\u003C/p>","class":"disc_cmnt","author":{"nickname":"Emotionaldestress30","status":4,"avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"__typename":"User"},"reactions":[{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"SUPPORT","count":4,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":["Emotionaldestress30","chuck_toni","donnaofnc","lowriball59"],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"files":[],"level":"second","noOfChildRepliesToShow":2,"url":"reply/11639643437429821037","comments":[],"isChainDeleted":false,"counter":2},{"id":"3318899161609715712","parent":{"id":"8119554660602778150","slug":"disc_cmnt-8119554660602778150","content":"Hi Lowri I’m kinda going through the same thing, my name is Charles I’m 22 and I have absolutely no clue what the fuck I want to do with my life and it makes me so depressed, I live with my grandparents who have raised me and they are so supportive of me and just want me to be happy but lowkey I feel like I’m a disappointment because I’m not in a great career or anything like that yet, I also have a girlfriend who is wonderful and so supportive as well. I’m getting ready to go back to school here soon hopefully I Just wanna give it a shot maybe I love it maybe I hate it. I 100% can relate to feeling like your letting your family down or feeling like a loser because your not in a position other people feel you should be in. My advice is to take it one day at a time and try to find something you love and care about and pursue it and hold on to your dear friend because she seems like a rock for you, be yourself because I’m sure your amazing don’t give up ever!!","created":"2020-10-14T05:55:12Z","author":{"nickname":"chuck_toni","avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"__typename":"User"},"__typename":"FullComment","url":"reply/8119554660602778150"},"tracking_id":"3318899161609715712","created":"2020-10-14T23:41:10Z","page_num":1,"__typename":"FullComment","content":"\u003Cp>Same\u003C/p>","class":"disc_cmnt","author":{"nickname":"Emotionaldestress30","status":4,"avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"__typename":"User"},"reactions":[{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"SUPPORT","count":1,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":["lowriball59"],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"files":[],"level":"second","noOfChildRepliesToShow":2,"url":"reply/3318899161609715712","comments":[],"isChainDeleted":false,"counter":3},{"id":"4665754537897963980","parent":{"__typename":"Post","url":"reply/undefined"},"tracking_id":"4665754537897963980","created":"2020-10-15T15:42:32Z","page_num":1,"__typename":"FullComment","content":"\u003Cp>Hi Lawrie. My name is Jade. This is also my first time on this page but your post just spoke to me and I couldn't let it go. I'm 27 now and struggle with bipolar disorder. I can sympathize with what you are going through because I have some of the same thoughts and feelings that you are describing. They started when I was very young and it wasn't until I got help that I knew why I was having these thoughts and feelings. I am a very blunt person and believe lies are just some BS to hide behind. Trust me when I say I will be real and not lie to you. While I still struggle with my gender identity, harmful thoughts and my emotions it does get better! I finally decided to get help after two suicide attempts. Please don't let it get that far for you. I finally decided that it was time to get help and things got so much better for me. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I got on my medication and I am in therapy once a week. The fear that you talk about seems like the same things I thought. I thought if I got diagnosed then people would think I was crazy and all the other stigma that goes along with mental illness. BUT...that fear is just the negative thoughts winning. The fact that you are posting on here shows that you want help. You have taken a big step. Now it is time to reach out and get the help that you may need from mental health professionals. The nice part is that you are old enough that your parents don't even have to know that you are going to get this help. If you decide that they need to know then you have the freedom to let that be your choice. I'm not saying it won't be hard. Mental illness is hard. That's not to say that it isn't worth fighting. In the meantime there is an app that I use called Calm Harm. It helps give you distractions so that you can calm yourself and ride the wave so that you don't feel the need to self harm as much. Keep fighting and keep fucking going. We are here if you need us.\u003C/p>","class":"disc_cmnt","author":{"nickname":"JRawl93","status":4,"avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"__typename":"User"},"reactions":[{"type":"USEFUL","count":1,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":["lowriball59"],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"SUPPORT","count":1,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":["donnaofnc"],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"files":[],"level":"second","noOfChildRepliesToShow":2,"url":"reply/4665754537897963980","comments":[],"isChainDeleted":false,"counter":4},{"id":"17526761454289244973","parent":{"__typename":"Post","url":"reply/undefined"},"tracking_id":"17526761454289244973","created":"2020-10-15T16:30:38Z","page_num":1,"__typename":"FullComment","content":"\u003Cp>It's very difficult at times but you have to reach out and keep trying. It's like being in a relay race, keep jumping over the hurdles and if you feel you just cant do that or you run out of steam, stop and be kind to yourself... You can do this, have faith and keep pushing on, no matter how hard it gets. Remember life is not easy and things may appear to be great for others in your point of view, but everyone has issues and struggles what ever it might be. \u003C/p>\u003Cp>Be GOOD TO YOURSELF! Don't give up, don't give in and don't be afraid to ask for help! Seek support groups that deal with anger, depression whatever it may be you are NOT alone. So many of us struggle with those types of issues. Block out politics, news and everything negative. \u003C/p>\u003Cp>When you feel better about yourself doors will open and the \"insignificant things\" in life are easier to deal with. Do what YOU want in life as long as you can provide for yourself and know you are not alone. If that road is to difficult ASK for help. God Bless. ; )\u003C/p>","class":"disc_cmnt","author":{"nickname":"Cherie53","status":4,"avatar":{"small":"/api/member/Cherie53/avatar/s","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"__typename":"User"},"reactions":[{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":2,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":["donnaofnc","lowriball59"],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"SUPPORT","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"files":[],"level":"second","noOfChildRepliesToShow":2,"url":"reply/17526761454289244973","comments":[],"isChainDeleted":false,"counter":5},{"id":"1246503535676440105","parent":{"id":"11639643437429821037","slug":"disc_cmnt-11639643437429821037","content":"Same I completely understand I’m an middle child also and the fact that my siblings can do more things like move out etc due to my mild cp and constantly being verbally emotionally abuse by my stepparent bc of my physical challenge I cannot even begin to tell you what he has said about me","created":"2020-10-14T13:10:17Z","author":{"nickname":"Emotionaldestress30","avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"__typename":"User"},"__typename":"FullComment","url":"reply/11639643437429821037"},"tracking_id":"1246503535676440105","created":"2020-12-28T13:54:47Z","page_num":1,"__typename":"FullComment","content":"\u003Cp>Well if you want you can talk to me I can try to help x\u003C/p>","class":"disc_cmnt","author":{"nickname":"lowriball59","status":4,"avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"__typename":"User"},"reactions":[{"type":"SUPPORT","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"files":[],"level":"second","noOfChildRepliesToShow":2,"url":"reply/1246503535676440105","comments":[],"isChainDeleted":false,"counter":6},{"id":"344403980937339529","parent":{"id":"4665754537897963980","slug":"disc_cmnt-4665754537897963980","content":"Hi Lawrie. My name is Jade. This is also my first time on this page but your post just spoke to me and I couldn't let it go. I'm 27 now and struggle with bipolar disorder. I can sympathize with what you are going through because I have some of the same thoughts and feelings that you are describing. They started when I was very young and it wasn't until I got help that I knew why I was having these thoughts and feelings. I am a very blunt person and believe lies are just some BS to hide behind. Trust me when I say I will be real and not lie to you. While I still struggle with my gender identity, harmful thoughts and my emotions it does get better! I finally decided to get help after two suicide attempts. Please don't let it get that far for you. I finally decided that it was time to get help and things got so much better for me. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I got on my medication and I am in therapy once a week. The fear that you talk about seems like the same things I thought. I thought if I got diagnosed then people would think I was crazy and all the other stigma that goes along with mental illness. BUT...that fear is just the negative thoughts winning. The fact that you are posting on here shows that you want help. You have taken a big step. Now it is time to reach out and get the help that you may need from mental health professionals. The nice part is that you are old enough that your parents don't even have to know that you are going to get this help. If you decide that they need to know then you have the freedom to let that be your choice. I'm not saying it won't be hard. Mental illness is hard. That's not to say that it isn't worth fighting. In the meantime there is an app that I use called Calm Harm. It helps give you distractions so that you can calm yourself and ride the wave so that you don't feel the need to self harm as much. Keep fighting and keep fucking going. We are here if you need us.","created":"2020-10-15T15:42:32Z","author":{"nickname":"JRawl93","avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"__typename":"User"},"__typename":"FullComment","url":"reply/4665754537897963980"},"tracking_id":"344403980937339529","created":"2020-12-28T13:56:34Z","page_num":1,"__typename":"FullComment","content":"\u003Cp>Thank you so much xx\u003C/p>","class":"disc_cmnt","author":{"nickname":"lowriball59","status":4,"avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"__typename":"User"},"reactions":[{"type":"SUPPORT","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"files":[],"level":"second","noOfChildRepliesToShow":2,"url":"reply/344403980937339529","comments":[],"isChainDeleted":false,"counter":7}],"__typename":"Post"}}},"getRelatedPosts":{"status":"success","data":{"Search":{"posts":{"total_hits":576,"hits":[{"__typename":"Post","id":"15428067106371457114","tracking_id":"15428067106371457114","slug":"disc-can-someone-help-cdpbyt","class":"disc","created":"2020-10-13T23:17:43Z","active":"2020-12-28T13:56:34Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"lowriball59","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"Hi, I'm Lowri and I'm new to this page.\nI'm 19 and for the last 4 years of my life I have been struggling with things I have yet to have diagnosed because I'm too scared to know the answers.\nMostly everyday I have felt like a let down to my family. \nBeing the middle child who's older sister has a good career a husband and child and who's youngest sister has a life plan and a boyfriend, I just feel like I have done nothing with my life except disappoint people.\nTo make matters worse I came out as lesbian to my family, my dad said he had to accept it because I'm his daughter even though he is homophobic. \nAnd even though my older sister said she accepts me she still hints at me getting married to a man. \nAs the years have progressed the feeling have gotten worse, I struggle to sleep because I can't stop thinking about things, when I do sleep I sleep until the afternoon. \nIn the past I have kept things to myself and never told anyone, my family still ditn know and only one friend knows and I met her online so we've never met face to face. I just feel like I'm putting all of unnecessary stress and pointless worries on others so I stopped saying anything to everyone. I pushed people away I lost friends.\nI was hesitant to put this up too. \nFor a while it got really bad, I started thinking what my family would react like if I was gone, I started thinking how I would do it, what I would write in my notes for them. \nI began to self harm a lot, I hated how I looked to the point I got rid of my mirror in my room and refused to look in any others. \nI despised myself so much I began to starve myself just wanting to be thinner and prettier. \nEverytime I ate I hurt myself just a little like a punishment. \nOne time I hurt myself worse than the others but I just covered it up and I regret it so much looking back on it. My parents and family still don't know because I never where short sleeves, my sister saw it one but I denied it and then broke down alone in my room. \nFor a while I felt like I was getting better my thoughts about myself got more positive and I began accepting who I was and started lessening the internal homophobia that I was carrying around.\nBut then almost like nothing changed I fell back into it again. \nThe temptation of harming myself whenever I got upset, had an argument with someone or just felt pointless started growing. \nI hate myself and with every negative homophobic comment my dad makes just causes more of an issue.\nI'm slowly giving up again, I feel overwhelmed, anxious and panicked all the time, I hate where I work because I feel so overwhelmed all the time but there's nowhere else close by to work and I just feel like I'm going to be stuck doing the same job for the rest of my life because I don't have talents like my siblings. I don't have a life like them, I don't have hobbies.\nI can't see myself with a life int he future, I can't see myself with someone with a house and kids and a job that doesn't scare me. I just feel alone and lost with no guidance at all and I'm ready to give up I don't want it anymore I just want to close my eyes and not wake up but there's one thing that stops me from doing it all and just saying fuck it and that's the one friend I had who I could tell it all to. Although we never met she means a lot to me. \nI couldn't do that to her not when she has a lot of struggles to. \nIf I could get diagnosed with just something so I can finally get help it might give me a bit of hope that I can do soemthing for once, maybe I could get a bit better and see the positive things. \nOr maybe nothing will change and I'll say goodbye but I just want help I need help I don't want to be alone anymore.","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":7,"url":"/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/can-someone-help-cdpbyt/","title":"Can someone help?","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"SUPPORT","count":5,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":["Mary5220","jessica82C","chuck_toni","JRawl93","donnaofnc"],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[{"id":2245,"name":"Depression","__typename":"Topic"}],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"12165061181765167504","tracking_id":"12165061181765167504","slug":"disc-can-someone-help-me-without-medication","class":"disc","created":"2019-12-01T04:01:23Z","active":"2019-12-02T02:15:41Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"Bri188","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"I have depression. I know I do. But speaking about it, out loud is hard. At least when alcohol is not involved. I have triggers that I don't know how to deal with. I don't want a therapist, or meds. I want someone who understands how I feel when my chest tightens and I either want to fight or flight. I just want a little bit of help. Just doing this is difficult... Please just a little help.","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":2,"url":"/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/can-someone-help-me-without-medication/","title":"Can someone help me without medication?","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"SUPPORT","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[{"id":2245,"name":"Depression","__typename":"Topic"}],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"2891653648334346588","tracking_id":"2891653648334346588","slug":"disc-can-someone-help-me-14","class":"disc","created":"2018-09-01T00:30:03Z","active":"2018-09-02T04:09:37Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"Starfire911","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"hey guys im new here and i just recently got diagnosed with PTSD (I was not a veteran) i went through several traumatic experiences in my childhood, which caused it. I am 21 years old i think i've had it for quite some time but haven't been officially diagnosed with it. I do have many other mental health problems such as Major Depressive Disorder, ADHD, Social Anxiety and General Anxiety. I just don't know what to do with my life now, i feel like im stuck. some help would be very appreciated.","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":3,"url":"/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/can-someone-help-me-14/","title":"Can Someone Help Me","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"SUPPORT","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[{"id":2249,"name":"Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)","__typename":"Topic"}],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"9035784174724156936","tracking_id":"9035784174724156936","slug":"disc-how-can-i-let-my-bp-husband-know-how-im-feeling-without-him-feeling-bad","class":"disc","created":"2019-02-11T19:57:42Z","active":"2019-02-21T18:51:04Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"support_loves_you","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"Hello. I currently struggling with feeling like I can no longer speak to my husband about my feelings. I'm worried about anything that I say will cause him to spiral further down then he already is. He says that he doesn't know if we should be married(19yrs). He was recently diagnosed about a month ago. He says that he loves me and is in love with me. I have a hard time knowing what I believe. I do feel like if he is on the fence he is leaning more towards not being married. I tell him everyday that I love him and that I'm not going anywhere. It is heartbreaking to see him in o much pain. But I feel like the person I could speak to about anything, is gone. I can't share with him big decisions I'm thinking I have to make. I don't share with him that I want to go back to school. I can't share with him about how I'm feeling without feeling like it's going to make him feel bad. I don't tell him how broken I feel about not knowing what is going to happen to our marriage and how that is going to affect our children. I don't tell him that I feel disrespected when he hangs out with a woman that I have previously asked if he was having an affair with. Which he says he is not. I often wonder if he even remembers the conversations we have because I have reminded him of thing he has said to me and he doesn't remember. I just don't know what to do and I'm struggling. Please can someone help me. Thank you","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":5,"url":"/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/how-can-i-let-my-bp-husband-know-how-im-feeling-without-him-feeling-bad/","title":"How can I let my BP husband know how I'm feeling without him feeling bad?","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"SUPPORT","count":4,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":["ADLinda","mrsrow","mylifeisgood","scaredycat2016"],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[{"id":2248,"name":"Personality disorders","__typename":"Topic"}],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"88760740558583005","tracking_id":"88760740558583005","slug":"disc-where-can-i-find-real-help-human-support-local","class":"disc","created":"2019-06-20T17:38:10Z","active":"2019-06-21T00:45:23Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"MrsCTS","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"I grew up hearing nice people finish last. I'm so depressed bc the nicer i am or try to be the more i get hurt. I'm scared bc I am becoming dissociative and I am having a hard time trusting anyone. My ptsd ,bipolar1&2,anxiety and depression are getting bad wo support in addition to my medication. I'm scared to even go out alone. I need support and dont know what to do or where to find it. Not having insurance makes it extremely difficult. I hope maybe someone can help.","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":1,"url":"/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/where-can-i-find-real-help-human-support-local/","title":"Where can i find real help, human support, local.","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"SUPPORT","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[{"id":2249,"name":"Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)","__typename":"Topic"}],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"18417263926407440072","tracking_id":"18417263926407440072","slug":"jrnl-scared-about-the-future-told-my-liver-was-damaged","class":"jrnl","created":"2018-08-21T03:09:54Z","active":"2018-08-26T03:26:19Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"Mpdq","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"Bear with me cause this me venting finally and hoping someone can help me or just talk to. \r\n\r\nIm 25yrs old, have been drinking liquor heavily for 6yrs. I went to get help. and saw a psychiatrist that was supposedly an expert in alcohol addiction and what not, a little over a month ago( also stopped drinking entirely as well when i started the sessions)\r\n\r\nHe had me do some blood work so he can see where i was at. He told me my liver enzymes levels were high, but if i kept up not drinking and seeing him, I'd see a difference in 6months. Everything was good till about a week ago when i had extreme pain in my abdominal area that lasted for an hour. I kept feeling nauseas afterward for 3 days. I finally went to a walk in clinc were they ran test. \r\n\r\nThey told me my liver enzymes were way too high, triple levels. Told me if i kept up another year i would've killed myself. Testing me now for type 2 diabetes and acute alcoholics hepatitis. I did the mistake of looking online and obviously freaked myself out. So, I went back to the clinc to better understand, maybe i was dumb. I just wanted someone to walk me through this. \r\n\r\nBut the doctor were kinda dicks. Looking me like an idiot for asking questions, not really answering anything. All i got was the same grim and doomed speech the first time and that he's seen people with worse cases of liver disease still work it out. That i was young and I'd have to do many changes in my life, get treatment and i should be alright. Told him i was just scared and maybe i had stage 3 cirrhosis. He just gave me a slight chuckle, still looking at me like an idiot and walked out. It didnt help my aniexty at all. \r\n\r\nI have to see a specialist so we can know how badly my liver is. Im scared shitless, i stopped doing searches about about any of it other then what is good for me to eat. But even then, most of the articles just start of about all the shit im trying not to read about before they get to what im looking for. And it makes my anexity just stay.\r\n\r\nIm scared about my future, im scared about having no money for this, my family is already having money issues. I know i did this to myself and i accepted that, i do feel like i did severe damage especially since i had my gallbladder removed when i was 23yrs old. \r\n\r\nI feel like im too late, i feel like my psychiatrist was just pulling one on me and just wanted the money. Ive been in constant aniexty these past couple of days and i dont know how to handle it now that im sober since drinking was my coping mechanism. \r\n\r\nI guess thats it for now, sorry for the long rant but i just needed write it out. If anyone has some knowledge about this or has been through this, please message me. I just want somebody to walk me through this and undersatnd im just scared.","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":10,"url":"/m/Mpdq/journal/scared-about-the-future-told-my-liver-was-damaged/","title":"Scared about the future. Told my liver was damaged.","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"SUPPORT","count":5,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":["tlopez1","Jenifer2","rdbellew81","HotLady","CariBa"],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"alcohol-abuse","group_id":200035,"name":"Alcohol Abuse","url":"/groups/alcohol-abuse/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"},{"name_id":"american-liver-foundation","group_id":200174,"name":"Liver Disease","url":"/groups/american-liver-foundation/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"},{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"17533859951724830240","tracking_id":"17533859951724830240","slug":"disc-need-advice-on-coping-with-separation","class":"disc","created":"2011-08-20T14:50:32Z","active":"2011-09-30T03:37:23Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"9isenough","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"Hello, everyone! I am new to the community and this will be my first post. I hope to get some advice regarding my separation from my husband and the depression that I am dealing with. \r\nI am a mother of 9 children, the last two being twins born in May. My husband and I have been married 13 years and we separated in January. I am not a person who copes well with drastic change so this has just devastated me. We moved to a new city almost 2 years ago so we could open a couple of grocery stores. We worked everyday, 13 hours a day together for over a year. It got to the point we would argue daily about the littlest thing. I became pregnant with the twins and it just got worse. So he finally decided he needed a break. Well, its been 8 months now. I still help him with the stores by doing paperwork. He comes over about 3 or 4 times a week and sees the kids or takes them out. He'll come to the house and we'll talk but it always ends up with me wanting him to come home and he gets agitated. He keeps saying he will come back soon but no specifics. I miss him dearly. He was my rock and now that has crumbled. I cry daily and all I can do is think about how things used to be. I try to distract myself by cleaning or playing with the kids but it doesn't last long. I am so sad and upset and think I may need professional counseling. I love my husband so much and sometimes feel like I don't want to go on in life. But then I think about my children and struggle through the day. Can someone help and give me advice on the depression aspect of my problem?","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":8,"url":"/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/need-advice-on-coping-with-separation/","title":"Need advice on coping with separation.","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"SUPPORT","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[{"id":2245,"name":"Depression","__typename":"Topic"}],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"17364645884666231456","tracking_id":"17364645884666231456","slug":"disc-why-am-i-going-through-this","class":"disc","created":"2019-06-27T23:54:35Z","active":"2019-06-28T03:52:45Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"gen0116","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"I have been cheated by my ex and it hurts so much. It's been 3 months now, but I can still feel the pain as if it just happened yesterday. Because of what happened, I had a really bad depression and anxieties and sometimes I had panic attacks. I had no one to talk to about my feelings so I usually just keep it in and when the time comes that I'm full of it, I just cried and cried alone. I feel so pathetic and worthless. I never thought someone I loved the most would make me feel this so much pain and it makes me feel so bad. It made me feel so worthless and lost my self-confidence. I have been so demotivated and messed up that I don't know if everything I am doing right now is even right or will it be worth doing. I lost interest in planning my future, cause all I have ever thought was our future together, I didn't even think that a day will come that we will have separate ways. I was so focused in our future, that I didn't think I'll survive going forward alone. I am feeling so left out and ignored, everyone around me does not even care or bother to seriously talk about my feelings when I vent out to them. They just think it's just a simple thing to deal with. How will I ever survive this alone? I just keep having negative thoughts and it keeps dominating over the good ones. Sometimes I wanted to quit and give up. I hope I'll meet someone who'll understand and will have patience on me. I just can't keep up anymore with this feelings everyday. I am so sick feeling this way. It's like I am slowly sinking through my mind, no matter how hard I try. I am still struggling everyday. I hope someone can help me. I'm just so tired of this.","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":1,"url":"/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/why-am-i-going-through-this/","title":"Why am I going through this?","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"SUPPORT","count":2,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":["Alex104","Soccer8796"],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[{"id":2245,"name":"Depression","__typename":"Topic"}],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"16764338839785861501","tracking_id":"16764338839785861501","slug":"disc-one-year-update-to-after-math-of-dealing-with-a-partner-with-porn-addiction","class":"disc","created":"2022-01-06T01:36:17Z","active":"2022-01-06T06:38:36Z","updated":"2022-01-06T01:37:58Z","depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"peehjay","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"Hi all,\n\nLast year I posted my dilemma of being with a partner with 9 years with porn addiction. I wanted to leave an update to that discussion but I realized old discussions get closed from comments so I decided to post a separate update. Here is the original post if you'd like to read: https://www.inspire.com/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/after-math-of-dealing-with-a-partner-with-porn-addiction-for-9-years/\n\nFirst off, I wanted to thank everyone that offered their support and advice. It really helped me get things out and gave me reassurance.\n\nMy partner and I had a break for a few months and we decided to give each other some air to work on ourselves and healing. After about a month or so we decided to try seeing each other once a week to check up on each other. The few moments we had with each other were rough but also necessary - we talked through a lot of things. Like, A LOT. Not just porn addiction, but his addiction tendencies in general, and our relationship issues. We spent hours on the couch just getting everything out. l think it was the first time we were both able to let everything out without any guarded or dismissive responses. Just a lot of intent active listening. Eventually, when we felt comfortable enough, we spent that one day every week to go out and spend time with each other. Something my partner wouldn't allow himself to make time for. \n\nOne day a week turned into the weekend. And eventually we were back living with each other. Now, it wasn't as smooth as it sounds. There were definitely issues prevalent along the way. But I believe with the help of therapy and unguarded conversations, the understanding of one another helped tremendously. We could get through our arguments in a much healthier way. And we grew more intimate too. \n\nHonestly, my partner probably still watches porn, and I'm completely ok with that, because our sex life has improved drastically. He also doesn't consume it every day habitually like he used to. He's more available to me, and so my desire is much more manageable because of that. It was through a lot of communication, openness, and our strong love for each other that we have gotten through everything and are in a better place than we've ever been before. It was certainly not just the porn that left challenges for us. A lot of things from both of us made things more difficult. But we too talked openly about these issues as well.\n\nI hope this can help someone with similar issues to so they can assess if things will work out. Both parties need to be open and willing to try.","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":1,"url":"/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/one-year-update-to-after-math-of-dealing-with-a-partner-with-porn-addiction/","title":"One year update to After math of dealing with a partner with porn addiction","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"USEFUL","count":1,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":["kristina07206"],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":2,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":["kristina07206","AndrewDawood"],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"SUPPORT","count":2,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":["kristina07206","candy60"],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[{"id":2240,"name":"Addiction and co-occurring disorders","__typename":"Topic"}],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"16431497017492290694","tracking_id":"16431497017492290694","slug":"disc-coping-with-loneliness-nm8o3w","class":"disc","created":"2019-02-14T21:06:13Z","active":"2019-02-14T21:06:13Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"caleb518","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"I suffer from extreme loneliness and a need for perfection which caused a chain of negative behaviors. Alcohol abuse, verbally hurting my now ex girlfriends, sexual addictions. I don’t have any family near me to go to and feel like I’m a burden on them if I try to talk to them. I’m hoping someone can help me fix my behaviors and thoughts and in turn maybe I can help too","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":0,"url":"/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/coping-with-loneliness-nm8o3w/","title":"Coping with loneliness","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"SUPPORT","count":3,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":["MimStronger","diofono","skrewdup8"],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[{"id":2245,"name":"Depression","__typename":"Topic"}],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"16227400789980288358","tracking_id":"16227400789980288358","slug":"jrnl-her-heart-attack-changed-my-purpose","class":"jrnl","created":"2015-12-18T16:40:19Z","active":"2015-12-20T21:01:45Z","updated":"2015-12-20T20:22:38Z","depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"iUDAME","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"She was my sister, my motivator, my inspiration, my protector and my best friend.\r\nWhen she passed away, it left a hole in my heart that can never be filled. \r\n\r\nIn 2010 my sister, at the young age of 32 years old, had a massive heart attack while her two beautiful daughters were asleep in the next room. \r\nShe did not survive. \r\nNo matter what we do or where we go in life, there is no way to know what moment will be our last.\r\nShe was a veteran, and a week before she died, my sister Samantha, just graduated as an RN.\r\nShe dedicated her life and career to helping people.\r\n\r\nOn May 19th, 2010, she was proud and excited about her life and where it was heading.\r\nSamantha went jogging with her daughter, came home, cooked dinner for her children and updated her Facebook status.\r\nShe called my mom and sister to check in. Her plan was to put her children to bed, take a shower and call my mom and sister back.\r\n\r\nShe called, but not excited anymore. Now she was terrified. \r\nSamantha had just been awoken by the scalding hot water in the shower. Yes I said Awoken!\r\nShe found herself on the floor of the tub with no idea of how she had gotten there.\r\nHer first thought was to call the family.\r\nThey told her to call 911 and she said she would call her ex husband first to come watch the children, so she can go to the hospital. \r\nHe told her to leave the door unlocked he is rushing over and will be there in 5 minutes.\r\n\r\nWhen he arrived it was too late. She was on the couch unresponsive.\r\nCPR didn't work and when EMS arrived she was too far gone.\r\n\r\nWe found out later that her next door neighbor was an EMT and he was home.\r\nWhat if she could have told him something was wrong and she needed help?\r\nWhat if she didn't have to choose between calling family and calling emergency services?\r\nWhat if someone could have gotten there sooner?\r\nWhat if.....?\r\nWhat if.....?\r\nWhat if.....?\r\n\r\nThis question haunts me everyday. I had to do something about it.\r\nSo I created an app. The app is called iUDAME (pronounced eye-you-da'-may) or Ayudame'.\r\nIn spanish Ayudame' means \"Help Me.\"\r\n\r\nIn the push of a button, this app allows you to notify emergency services and your loved ones that something is wrong and you need help. \r\nThe app shows your real-time location and tells you when people are on the way to help.\r\n\r\nI know what it is like to lose someone to sudden crisis, so I want to help others to avoid that pain an suffering.\r\nAutistic children and the elderly go missing everyday. Rough numbers estimate, one goes missing every 45 seconds in the US alone. For this reason, we have added features that allow you to monitor the whereabouts of your children or elderly parent.\r\nIf they go missing, you will have the ability to identify their location and if necessary, alert emergency services. \r\n\r\nPlease download this app and help protect yourself and your loved ones.\r\nDownload it for Android (https://goo.gl/61C3Qo) or Apple (https://goo.gl/KyFoov)\r\nOur website is www.iUDAME.com\r\n\r\nThank You for reading. \r\nI hope my hurt can help someone else. \r\nBe safe. Be well.","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":4,"url":"/m/iUDAME/journal/her-heart-attack-changed-my-purpose/","title":"Her Heart Attack changed my Purpose!","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"SUPPORT","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"center-for-autism-and-related-disorders","group_id":200043,"name":"Autism","url":"/groups/center-for-autism-and-related-disorders/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"},{"name_id":"american-brain-tumor-association","group_id":200054,"name":"American Brain Tumor Association","url":"/groups/american-brain-tumor-association/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"},{"name_id":"mended-hearts-heart-disease","group_id":200089,"name":"Cardiovascular and Heart Disease","url":"/groups/mended-hearts-heart-disease/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"},{"name_id":"kidney-and-urology","group_id":200095,"name":"Kidney and Urology","url":"/groups/kidney-and-urology/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"},{"name_id":"american-sexual-health-association","group_id":200133,"name":"Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) and Sexual Health","url":"/groups/american-sexual-health-association/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"},{"name_id":"womenheart","group_id":200156,"name":"WomenHeart Connect","url":"/groups/womenheart/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"},{"name_id":"charcot-marie-tooth-cmt","group_id":200186,"name":"Charcot-Marie-Tooth (CMT)","url":"/groups/charcot-marie-tooth-cmt/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"},{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"},{"name_id":"eos-connections","group_id":200230,"name":"EOS Connections","url":"/groups/eos-connections/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"15338102126729627265","tracking_id":"15338102126729627265","slug":"jrnl-my-background-part-4-off-to-college","class":"jrnl","created":"2017-05-27T02:31:07Z","active":"2017-05-27T02:31:07Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"ConfusedandAlone","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"My first journal post covers the most recent struggles I'm facing with my current Major Depressive Episode (MDE) but it also mentions the fact that I've struggled with chronic depression and MDEs my whole life. These posts are really just to get things off my mind I guess. And give some background for what I've struggled with throughout my life. Some of the things I've dealt with, but a lot of them I don't think I have. I'm not sure what order makes the most sense but I think I'll start young and work my way up. Maybe someone can relate to some of the things I write about. Maybe someone can help me work through the issues. But My purpose for these posts titled \"My Background\" are kinda just to put my story down in words for myself. Not to seek attention or say I had anything particularly bad- because I have friends who have had much more strenuous lives than myself- but really just to put it out there and hopefully let go of it, for myself\r\n\r\nI really can't complain much about my first year of college. I had the most fun then, and really look back to that first year and a half as my glory days. From graduating high school all the way till Christmas of my sophomore year of college I was just living life for the most part. I had some ups and downs but I rolled with the punches pretty easily. When I would get emotionally overwhelmed my metaphorical cup would overflow and I would call one of my friends and sob and cry and talk it out, on a weekly to monthly basis. It was a system that worked. The only big worry I really had was if or when my parents would split up. My brother and I knew they loved each other but the way they fought and acted around one another it was pretty clear that they were mostly staying together for us. We both had the feeling that as soon as we were both out of the house and in college they would separate. So other that waiting for that shoe to drop, which I figured wouldn't be for a few more years when my brother graduated, I was just enjoying life. I was losing a lot of weight and getting really healthy, both with my diet and exercise. I took a body positivity seminar as part of a research study and it really changed the way I think about my self image, at least as it relates to my body and my looks. I was becoming a social butterfly, finally truly away from the negativity and immaturity and ignorance of my youth. I was free of my hovering mother and finally felt the desire to express myself and decorate my room. I was exploring and discovering my sexuality and loving every minute of it. I was making friends of all different races and religions and learning about new cultures and exploring new cuisines. I learned to ride a motorcycle and then bought one and I got a tattoo. I really was finding myself. I traveled on my own for the first time and had a blast! I realized that at least some of my lingering depression was related directly to my reproductive hormones and got on birth control meds which really leveled me out. I was working at a job rolling sushi, my favorite food, and getting remarkably discounted sushi on a weekly basis. I was finally being challenged academically and socially in a positive way. I was doing great in my classes getting into a really great study groove. I even took classes over the summer to get ahead and did well in them. I was the most happy I had ever and have ever been in my whole life. \r\n\r\nThat all pretty much changed when I went home for christmas break sophomore year. \r\n\r\nMy dad, seeing both me and my brother getting more active and more healthy began working out and getting fit. He lost a bunch of weight and was starting to have some indigestion problems that were making it really hard for him to eat, which was making him lose weight a bit dangerously. I took him to the doctor's appointment for an outpatient endoscopy; they found some ulcers and biopsied them. As a pre-med student I saw all the photos of the endoscopy and it all seemed really straight forward. The test results came back 4 days later and we were all in shock. \r\n\r\nAt 42 years of age my father was diagnosed with stage 4b Gastroesophageal adenocarcinoma cancer. It was the same location and the same aggressive type of cancer that his father had died of years ago at 52 yo. Things moved very fast during that break. After the family meeting where we found out about this diagnosis we spent the next 2 weeks on the phone with practically every oncologist and doctor. We went to numerous doctor's appointments and scans. We waited until just after the holidays to tell the rest of the family first by phone and then for the majority of the extended family I set up a Facebook page and added all the family and friends I could find. Over the following years it became the source for any information related to my Dad's condition and treatment. Practically everything that happened to him went on that facebook page. \r\n\r\nDuring that break I took him to every doctor's appointment and sat in so I could know what was going on straight from the doctor. I took him to get his Chemotherapy port placed and to get his first round of chemo and we went out to eat after that together. I picked up all his meds and tended to practically his every need that first two weeks of his cancer treatment. \r\n\r\nI wanted to stay. I wanted to help. I wanted to be there for my dad. He was kinder when I was around and he let me take care of him and tolerated me telling him what to do. But he didn't want my education to suffer for him. He wouldn't hear of me staying to help him. So I went back to school. I tried and tried and tried to focus on my schoolwork. That first month back I was finally finding a balance between school work and worrying about my dad. And that was when the first major setback hit. \r\n\r\nI had had a late night studying and was sleeping in when I was woken up by my phone going off. I groggily answered and it was my mom, frantic and crying. My Dad had a complication and one of my family members was already on their way down to get me from my college and bring me back to see him. He had lost a lot of blood and was in the ICU when I got there that night. I was a wreck all day and seeing him in the hospital hooked up and pale from losing blood was a huge emotional blow. \r\n\r\nFrom that point forward it was practically impossible for me to strike a reasonable balance between schoolwork and worrying about my Dad's condition. By memorial day of that year he was through an intensive schedule of radiation and chemotherapy but he was diagnosed as being in clinical remission. Which basically means any measurable cancer cells were gone. They scheduled regular imaging scans to catch any possible growth. \r\n\r\nWe managed to get a year of recovery from chemo and without having to worry too much. I met a guy and fell in love. And just as we start getting comfortable, thinking we've beat the cancer, it pops back up in the same spot. \r\n\r\nMidway between Valentine's day and my birthday of my junior year of college I find out that my Dad's cancer is back and it devastated me. They scheduled and prepared him for surgery before my head stopped spinning and I couldn't manage to afford to take any time off let alone to book any bus, train or airfare to go see him off into surgery. Luckily for me my new boyfriend had a car, a few days off in the middle of the week and a heart of pure gold. We raced through the night and conspired with one of my uncles to surprise my dad before he went off to surgery. I managed to get there just 15 mins before they took him off to get drugged up to go under the knife, but I got there and my Dad was so happy to see me before he had to go under. But still, it was time away from classes. I think I missed a test or two. It was crazy. That rest of the spring and summer was full of worry and doubt. My dad was still weak from the first battle and fighting the second battle with aggressive chemo and radiation after surgery which reduced the size of his esophagus and his stomach made it all the harder. There were more complications and he was starting to get really grouchy and mean to my mom and brother and other caregivers. \r\n\r\nI came back to visit him and help out as often as I could afford. And as before he listened to me and was nicer when I was around. He even tried to spoil me every time I was in town. Teaching me his best recipes and making sure my favorite dishes got prepared. All the while he became meaner and meaner to his daily caregivers. \r\n\r\nBy the end of July he was once again in clinical remission. He was weaker than he was after the first battle and he was fighting to learn how to eat with his smaller stomach, but he had survived round 2 with the big C. \r\n\r\nAgain they scheduled regular scans and check ups. This time there were a few problem sites that the doctors determined were other things. So every few months the waiting games were excruciating one week at a time. \r\n\r\nBut again we managed to get over a year of clean scans before the cancer came back. \r\n\r\nBetween all the stress and the multiple class failures my self esteem and confidence about practically everything had plummeted. I was yet again living functionally chronically depressed but worked as hard as I possibly could to maintain a passing GPA, maintain a positive bank account balance- to be self sufficient so as not to cause the rest of my family to worry about me in more ways than just financial- maintain a positive attitude about my Dad's medical condition, and to distract myself from all the stress as much as I possibly could. It was hard work and I struggled constantly but I managed to keep my head above what I called these mediocre goals. At the time it felt like I was barely surviving, but now, looking back at everything I was dealing with, and everything I accomplished in those 2-3 years, I amaze myself with my strength and perseverance and the short-lived small victories and happinesses I was able to attain during those times. I wonder where the F**K it went! and HOW in the H*LL do I get it back! and JUST now, right this minute as I'm typing this I'm sobbing and I've realized that part of what kept me going, what kept me strong, was my Dad. Watching him fight and persevere gave me the strength to keep going myself. Because as long as he fought, I fought. We were both super determined to see each other succeed and he held out until I graduated college. Or at least until he thought I graduated college. But I'm jumping the gun now... \r\nback to the timeline... \r\n\r\nAll this time, while all this was going on, I was in school AND working a part time job AND my boyfriend had moved 6 hours across the state AND we were dating long distance AND all this time I'm worrying about how my Dad is doing. He has cancer and we fight it, complications and chemo side effects and then he's in remission. Cancer's back, again we fight it, more complications and more chemo side effects and then he's in remission. During the second remission we have a few scans that scare us and so the waiting game is crippling dread. I was in what was supposed to be my senior year of college during the multiple scan scares. Over the years my grades had suffered tremendously due to the stress. I ended up having to drop a bunch of classes and I even failed some classes I didn't manage to drop. It was lucky that I took those classes in the summer that first year and got pretty far ahead. I would struggle and drop classes and fall behind when he was battling cancer, and I would catch up and make up the grades while he was in remission. Still, I repeated classes and I took summer classes and worked every summer to keep up with everything. Even so, I ended up not graduating on time. I had to take an extra year.\r\n\r\nSome time in March, right before my original graduation date, I had my first MDE. For nearly a week I moved for 3 reasons: to relieve myself, to eat, or to answer the phone and lie to my family and friends about what and how I was doing. That was it. The shame of not graduating on time, of not succeeding while my father was battling cancer, of spending all this time away from him just to fail to finish on time hit me like an avalanche. I stopped going to class. I stopped leaving the house. I stopped talking to my friends and roommates. I stopped grooming myself. I couldn't bring myself to function anymore. \r\n\r\nAt some point I woke up and I realized how bad I had let myself get. I broke down crying on the phone with my boyfriend sobbing and releasing all the emotions I'd been holding in for God only knows how long. Unfortunately he had never dealt with anyone's emotional breakdown, let alone anyone with chronic depression or suffering from an MDE and suicidal thoughts; So when he heard me sob about my suicidal thoughts- despite saying I would not act on them- and then my phone died and I jumped in the shower- as we had talked about just seconds before my phone died- He got worried and called EMS on me. My roommate let them in, at which point proceeded to I have an argument with EMS about the fact that none of my doors were locked and they were welcome to come in while I finished my shower, but that I would not step out of the shower until I was good and ready. Because I'm that kind of person. \r\n\r\nAnyway, I got some help via the school's intensive outpatient group therapy program for anxiety and depression. I managed to loose my job but I also managed to salvage what was left of that semester for most of my classes, and I was able to drop a few of them too. I came to terms with needing to take another year and I buckled down and caught up. \r\n\r\n14 months. We got 14 months from the scan that said he was in remission to the scan that said it came back. \r\n\r\nRight at the beginning of that extra year(and supposedly my final year) of college, my Dad was admitted to the hospital with chest pain and we found out that the cancer had spread after surgery to the abdominal wall. It wasn't directly growing on any of his organs but it was diffusely growing throughout the abdominal wall of his chest and body cavity. Basically the thin layer of cells that separate your organs and the muscle of your abdomen and chest was cancerous; it was getting thicker and pressing on practically all of his organs and intestines, causing problems in his GI tract, kidneys and eventually his liver and spleen. They put him back on chemo. Ironically, it's just as likely that the cancer spread to this area due to the radiation as it is that it spread due to the surgeries. A diffuse spread like that is possible but it isn't very typical of \"natural metastasis.\" Either way, round 3 commenced and he was eating better this time around. Unfortunately he was also more cranky and meaner this time around. Again I returned home when I could, helping and doing everything I could when I could afford to do so. The number of times I beat myself up or cried myself to sleep feeling like a the most selfish, insensitive daughter on the planet because I was in school three hours away while my mom and brother complained about how mean my dad was or told me how he was reacting to the treatments, were matched only by the number of times I repeated my mantra \"Don't quit school. Dad wants me to finish school.\" \r\n\r\nHe was on chemo for 3 months before he had a setback that sent him to the hospital in early November. He was in the hospital for nearly a month before he was allowed back home. At that point the doctor had determined the battle was over. Hospice was brought into the house and I spent Christmas break at home helping care for him. Somehow they convinced me that he was feeling better. He'd worked out some sort of work plan where he could go to work and ride around the home improvement store on a floor waxer to maintain a paycheck and benefits for himself and the family. Still, he was working and they convinced me to go back to school for my final semester. I went back and held it together for as long as I could. I struggled in my classes and I managed to get through all but one of my classes. Due to my extenuating circumstances however, I managed to get an incomplete in one class and just had to turn in a few assignments over the summer to pass the class. I didn't tell my Dad about not fully passing that class and I walked out of my last final feeling a little shaky about whether or not I passed. I knew I would walk at graduation regardless so I didn't worry too much about it. I planned to take the next week or two before graduation and rush through the projects and turn them in before I walked anyway. Then my family would come down for my graduation and I'd go home and spend all the time I could with my Dad. \r\n\r\nThat didn't happen. \r\n\r\nWhen I got home from my last exam my best friend called and asked if I was all done with my exams. I told her I was and she said \"good come let me in, I'm outside.\" I was so confused but then I let her in and she told me to call my mom. We both went into my room and she proceeded to help me pack a bag while my mom told me that my Dad was NOT doing well and I needed to come home IMMEDIATELY. My friend then drove me the 3 hours home and I walked in only to find that my dad who I had seen going to work just a few months ago was barely skin and bones. He needed to be hooked up to oxygen constantly to breath and he nearly fell every time he stood up to relieve himself. For those two weeks before my graduation ceremony I spent the entire time waiting on my father for his every need. If he moved I was up helping him stand, if he was asleep I was laying on the couch right next to him checking to make sure he kept breathing, if he needed to eat I already had something ready and trying to coax him into taking a few more sips or a few more bites. It broke my heart when he couldn't manage to eat enough to have enough strength for the trip down to Austin to see me graduate. I had to talk with him and convince him that it was more important that he stay behind for his safety than for him to come see me walk across a stage, the one thing he was holding out for for so long. I'm definitely not over that yet. \r\n\r\nBut I convinced him and after the 3 hour trip turned out to be 5 hours in traffic in a cramped car, we all knew it was for the best that he hadn't come just based on that. \r\n\r\nWhen I got home I felt another stab of guilt because apparently there was a larger, televised ceremony that I did not attend that he watched and he could have seen me walk in my cap and gown if I had gone. If I had known it would have been televised I wouldn't have bothered with the smaller first ceremony at all, I would've only focused on going to the bigger one.\r\n\r\nEither way, I graduated and I went directly back to visiting and taking care of my Dad. We had planned a much larger trip for later in the summer to go back to visit all the family in Ohio. We got all packed up for that trip and as we were leaving the rental house in Dallas I turned around and looked at my dad in the back of the van, and as the rental house faded into the distance I a voice deep in my soul told me \"This is the last time your Dad will see this house.\" \r\n\r\nWe went up to Ohio to celebrate both my graduation from college and my cousin's graduation from high school with my family. We were scheduled to spend 2 weeks in Ohio. While there we saw all of our friends and family and family friends. There were countless parties and cookouts and potlucks. I spent some time with my old high school friends. My Dad got to see practically everyone he cared about over the years. On the second night I was spending with my friends I got a call from my mom telling me to get back to the house we were all staying at because we were leaving early. I rushed back home and was told to pack up and get some sleep. In the middle of the night I was then woken up by my dad's mom and told to go get my dad some medication from the pharmacy. We nursed my dad for a few hours and then we went back to sleep. In the morning I was woken up in a frenzy as my mom was cursing and throwing bags into the car. Telling me to get everything packed up and that Dad wanted to leave now! So I did as I was told and we packed up everything into the car. The only thing left to do was get my Dad and put him in the back seat. But when it was time he started hyperventilating and he changed his mind. He wanted to stay. He needed an albuterol treatment. He wanted my cousin that just graduated, the one who was practically my second brother, the one my father had directly helped raise until he was 5 years old. I was in charge of getting the hospice nurse to come with the albuterol treatment. My grandmother and aunts were frantically trying to find my cousin on his way to work. My grandfather was calling all my Dad's brothers and they and family friends nearby all started arriving at the house. Eventually my cousin got to the house. My brother was sitting on the couch next to my Dad, holding his hand, My mother and my Lola were standing in front of my Dad and I was on the ground, at my Dad's feet, massaging his feet and calves like I'd done millions of times before. My cousin walked in and squeezed right in between my mom and my Lola and hugged my Dad. And then my Dad stopped hyperventilating. He stopped breathing. He passed away and I looked away and found the clock on the cable box. It was 7:45 am on Friday morning, June 28th. After 3 long, hard years of fighting, my father passed away.","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":0,"url":"/m/ConfusedandAlone/journal/my-background-part-4-off-to-college/","title":"My Background, Part 4: Off to College","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"USEFUL","count":1,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":["joannemarie8558"],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"SUPPORT","count":1,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":["joannemarie8558"],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"14251334044216365969","tracking_id":"14251334044216365969","slug":"disc-almost-ready-to-just-give-up","class":"disc","created":"2016-11-13T13:01:01Z","active":"2016-11-18T03:59:49Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/api/member/Oliversworlddd/avatar/s","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"Oliversworlddd","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I can't get away from these thoughts, I'm driving everyone I love away. Almost feel like dying sometimes then maybe no one will have to deal with me anymore and I won't have to deal with myself anymore. No matter what I've tried everything, from meditation, taking zoloft, talking to a therapist, exercise and more. It feels like my girlfiend is going to leave me, I lost all my friends. I'm so sick of living I don't know what to do anymore. Can someone help me..?","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":9,"url":"/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/almost-ready-to-just-give-up/","title":"Almost ready to just give up","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"SUPPORT","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[{"id":2245,"name":"Depression","__typename":"Topic"}],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"14198350503292190277","tracking_id":"14198350503292190277","slug":"disc-mom-often-sleeps-all-day","class":"disc","created":"2016-08-22T18:04:15Z","active":"2016-08-30T18:06:35Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"David-51","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"My 82 year old mom is suffering from depression. It was recently diagnosed. She has diabetes as well. She is taking Escitalopram to treat it. She has been taking it for a little over 5 weeks. She has good days and bad days. On her good days she is alert and eating her meals and taking her medications. On her bad days she just wants to sleep - either in her bed or in her recliner. She does not eat or take her medications. I think the Escitalopram is being somewhat effective since she often has one or two good days followed by one or more bad days? Anyone have any idea what is going on? She had been really active up till this point in her life. Her depression always centers around money. She is not broke but always seems to think she is. Hope someone can help.","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":4,"url":"/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/mom-often-sleeps-all-day/","title":"Mom often sleeps all day","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"SUPPORT","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[{"id":2245,"name":"Depression","__typename":"Topic"}],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"13134179190034471282","tracking_id":"13134179190034471282","slug":"jrnl-my-background-part-3-high-school-in-texas","class":"jrnl","created":"2017-05-26T16:42:38Z","active":"2017-05-26T16:42:38Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"ConfusedandAlone","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"My first journal post covers the most recent struggles I'm facing with my current Major Depressive Episode (MDE) but it also mentions the fact that I've struggled with chronic depression and MDEs my whole life. These posts are really just to get things off my mind I guess. And give some background for what I've struggled with throughout my life. Some of the things I've dealt with, but a lot of them I don't think I have. I'm not sure what order makes the most sense but I think I'll start young and work my way up. Maybe someone can relate to some of the things I write about. Maybe someone can help me work through the issues. But My purpose for these posts titled \"My Background\" are kinda just to put my story down in words for myself. Not to seek attention or say I had anything particularly bad- because I have friends who have had much more strenuous lives than myself- but really just to put it out there and hopefully let go of it, for myself. \r\n\r\nAfter moving to Texas I was already emotionally and physically exhausted. I had moved so many times in preparation to be in Texas. I never wanted to move at all, let alone to the south, let alone to somewhere without a winter. I love the snow. I hate the heat. I love the change of seasons. I hate the heat. I love winter sports and activities and clothes and layers. I hate the heat. I HATE THE HEAT!! \r\n\r\nThe first week we moved into our brand new house in Texas its the hottest week of the summer. We spent 2 hours in that heat lifting and moving heavy boxes and furniture into the house. Then the very next day our electricity gets shut off. No A/C. We melted like snowmen in the desert. As it turns out, changing the electricity company from the commercial construction electricity provider to the residential electricity provider takes 4 days of non-service that we didn't know about or plan for. So for the first week of living in Texas I had to suffer through the hottest week of summer with no A/C in a brand new, spider infested house. I immediately hated Texas. I still haven't really gotten over that initial hatred for the entire state. Parts of it have grown on me, but especially Dallas and the majority of Texas still reside in a fiery pit of hatred in my heart to this day. \r\n\r\nI started my junior year of high school in the Dallas area. The school my parents moved me to, in retrospect, was a really great school. They had an amazing science department and a wonderful staff. They had really great AP courses and for the most part I caught up relatively quickly to the other students. This school really prepared me for college. Unfortunately, I was a moody, brooding, pissed off, hormonal teenager and I couldn't think logically about any of that. I didn't want to be there and it was ruining my life. \r\n\r\nDuring my junior year of high school I hated that school. I hated practically everything about it. I kept my mouth shut pretty tight so my parents would only hear a modicum of my complaining, but they still knew pretty well that I didn't want to be there. The problems began before I even stepped foot on the campus. First, my mom didn't do any sort of research about summer assignments for my classes and I found out with 2 weeks before classes started that I had to read 3 books for a total of over 1,000 pages before school started for my english class. Lucky for me the three books included what turned out to be one of my favorite and one of my least favorite books of all time, such that 700 pages flew by in a matter of days while 200 pages took a full week to read. The last, or actually first since I read it first, 100 pages was a simple play, not to difficult not terribly easy, I was done in a day and a half. \r\n\r\nAfter that fiasco I was faced with the massive culture shock of the first day of school. At my old high school I knew and practically grew up with everyone there. The staff all knew either my mom from her copious parental involvement, or knew my dad's family because they all went there as kids too. In Ohio I had just taken the graduation test and was for all intents and purposes done with my high school requirements; my last two years were set to be focused on preparing me for the rest of my life, for me meaning college. I was planning on having a half full schedule of classes and being free to take classes at the local community college and work to save up money for college. I had friends I was finally going to be able to hang out with without having my mother hovering nearby, because I finally had the freedom of a driver's license. \r\n\r\nNot anymore. \r\n\r\nThis school was more than twice the size of my old high school. This school was mostly white, where I had been used to a mostly black school. This school was very rural, I had been in a city. The kids here were much smarter and I was no longer at the top of my class. Everyone here knew each other at least for the two years they'd already spent together, but I knew nobody. Worst of all, in my opinion at the time, Texas took their graduation test in Junior year and the Ohio graduation test was not compatible nor transferable. So not only did I have two years of VERY FULL schedules to look forward to but I also STILL had to study and prepare for a whole other bullsh*t standardized graduation test with a whole new set of bullsh*t standard rules and practices to get used to. PLUS, I found out that I had to take a FRESHMAN level geography class because the half year long geography elective I took in Ohio didn't count, despite us having used the EXACT same book that the new school used. There was no way to test out of it. So I was forced to take geography with a bunch of freshmen, the first semester of which was repeat of what I took the previous year. And of course because I was taking this freshman level geography class it meant I couldn't take the AP history course with my ACTUAL peers, even though it would have been a repeat of a history course I already had credit for in Ohio, but didn't have AP credit for because it wasn't offered as AP in Ohio. And as a cherry on top, Texas required an extra year of PE which included I be able to run a mile in under 10 mins to pass. For an overweight, ungraceful, asthmatic, non-athletic nerd who hates the Texas heat like me, it was practically a death sentence! \r\n \r\nI hated this school but I made the best of it and did what I could to get through it. I would've liked it more if I had been allowed to join the clinical classes where you graduated as a CNA, an EMT, a Pharmacy Tech or all three, but for some GODFORSAKEN reason you had to join those classes as a sophomore, trying to sign up as a junior wasn't allowed. Nor was it allowed to join the IT classes that taught you how to program and build and repair computers after your freshman year. Basically, all the things that I thought were cool about the school were off limits to me. \r\n\r\nI struggled to make friends. I made acquaintances and we enjoyed what little time we had together, but I didn't expect to and still to this day don't have any contact with most of them after graduating. \r\n\r\nFor the majority of my high school career in Texas I kept to myself. I locked myself away in my room. I read lots of books and stories online. I watched lots of TV and movies. I stayed in contact with a handful of my friends from Ohio. I worked at the local grocery store to help provide for my family and tried desperately to save up for college. I studied really hard, something I had never done in Ohio. I brooded and wrote poems to try to express my emotions. Some of them were positive but most of them were negative and still to this day make me cry. I was massively depressed and suicidal and it stained any fun or successes I had during that time. \r\n\r\nLike I said at the top, in retrospect the new high school was a great move for me and I wish I had fought to join some of those programs. I wish I had been able to spend less time angry and sad and depressed and been able to spend more time happy and enjoying the possibilities and learning how to study and take notes more. I wish I had used my time more wisely and been able to be better informed about what college would be like and what I would need to do in college. \r\n\r\nFor anyone reading this who's just moved in the middle of your high school career my advice is just what I said in the last paragraph. Stop lying to your parents and yourself if you're upset with it. Express it, talk to a counselor, deal with the grief of seemingly losing all those close relationships. Allow yourself to open up and make some lasting friendships, if you want to, you can still hold onto the old friendships but don't be afraid to make new ones. Find something positive about your new school and exploit it's every advantage. If there is a program that you want to join don't stop with the first no! push through, work hard and make them accept you in that program. If the new school has a more advanced curriculum exploit it and the teacher's knowledge to it's fullest potential and learn as much as you can from them. Whatever you want to do after graduating explore it, learn about what you'll need to do for it, and plan out as much of it as you can and then go do it. I placed too much focus on the wrong things and while it's hard to say that I would have done things differently, because I enjoyed a lot of what I did focus on, I also made a lot of mistakes that I really didn't need to make and I am paying for those mistakes now.","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":0,"url":"/m/ConfusedandAlone/journal/my-background-part-3-high-school-in-texas/","title":"My Background, Part 3: High school in Texas","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"SUPPORT","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"12329624870470847181","tracking_id":"12329624870470847181","slug":"disc-origins-of-porn-addiction","class":"disc","created":"2023-01-23T00:58:52Z","active":"2023-01-28T10:26:51Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"jerussell623","status":2,"__typename":"User"},"content":"\u003Cp>For me, the main problem as a kid was child abuse. While I wasn't ever sexually abused, it was a weird household scenario at my mother's house.\u003C/p>\u003Cp>She literally has no boundaries when it comes to her sexuality. I am about to post things that aren't even my business, let alone yours, but I think the only way I am actually going to improve on this aspect of my life is if I write it all down.\u003C/p>\u003Cp>She would keep me awake for hours on end telling me stories about her sex life, down to the nitty gritty disgusting details that I had no desire to know about. I went to live with her once when I was 14 and once when I was 17. I don't honestly think I need to type the details of everything, but she hates giving blowjobs and had a really great sex life with my sister's father.... she is younger than me. I have two sisters and a brother from my mother's side as well as on my father's side. Then the time when she had sex for the first time which... um.... you know when you are 14 and learning how to navigate the world and have puberty going on at the same time? Yeah.... a confusing time where I need to discover myself, not discover what my mother enjoys in bed. And I certainly did not need the details of how their bodies were positioned when they went to sleep.\u003C/p>\u003Cp>She also had this thing where she would say, \"There is no privacy with family\". The number of times she would go into the bathroom to talk to me about whatever bullshit came into her head. Parents of small children: I sympathize with the children constantly going into the bathroom with you while trying to use it. It was definitely creepy. She actually hated it when I would go change my clothes in the bathroom due to this idea of what privacy is to her. We were destitute living with my mom. The living arrangements were atrocious. We all had to sleep in the same bed and to be honest, I preferred the couch.\u003C/p>\u003Cp>Perhaps the most bizarre thing that I have ever seen in regard to sexuality is the obsession she has with having sex and yet at the same time, views herself as a lady who has never done anything promiscuous. She very seriously has a sex addiction problem. She also has her mental health issues. She claimed that she has had over 12,000 boyfriends and showed me thousands of index cards with these men's names on them, what their favorite color was, what their favorite food was, and how many times they have had sex. She also had their race and ethnicity written out. Plus, phone numbers.... She used to be a stripper and yet has a problem with Miley Cyrus swinging naked on a wrecking ball because that's not \"lady-like\". Like it isn't but.... why are you throwing the first stone, again? I am hoping someone can help explain this to me in more detail. Also, Miley Cyrus has the song \"Flowers\" out and I have been jamming to that ever since its release since I need to apply that song to my life.\u003C/p>\u003Cp>She is hopeless. I have told her several times that she needs to get help with her mental issues. She refuses to acknowledge that she has any and is easily offended when everyone else around her says the same thing and giving her numbers to a psychiatrist.\u003C/p>\u003Cp>Back to the topic though. It was also creepy how she judged my body after I changed my clothes. She told me I needed to shave my pubic hair, which I flat out refused to do. She made comments about my boobs looking deformed and that I had no waist and no butt. The bodily critiques that started at 14 years old was flat out embarrassing and shameful. I thought there was something wrong with me. Then my own mother telling me I had pretty legs is uh... cringeworthy.... I have never felt like my mother hit on me in the moments where she told me that she liked my legs, lips, and hair. I am wondering about this now... it is so weird.\u003C/p>\u003Cp>Cringe.\u003C/p>\u003Cp>It got to a point where I really did feel like I was the \"ugly duckling\" she told everyone around her that I was.\u003C/p>\u003Cp>She asked me once if I was gay, which was a really interesting question.... because I am bisexual. She told me that, \"No gays are allowed in my house\". Ok... so.... your critique of my body as if you want a picture-perfect body out of your daughter is ok, but not the bisexual daughter? Ok then... Good to know.\u003C/p>\u003Cp>She also said some rather... unorthodox things that no one should ever say to a child. We were watching the Flintstones movie and then the scene with the dinosaur Fred and Wilma owned came up. I don't quite remember the whole scene, but they were evidently talking about how the dinosaur was fixed? I can't remember anything other than being flustered by mother saying, \"I am surprised your father didn't get you fixed.\" At least at that time I was 17, but... yikes. In front of my younger siblings too.\u003C/p>\u003Cp>There was also the time that a Spanish soap opera she was watching on one of the tape cassettes she recorded it on. We are talking about the world of VCRs that Gen Z have no knowledge of... back when the dinosaurs roamed the Earth. Anyways, she was translating the soap opera because it was in Spanish and I don't speak it. She was describing a scene where evidently the girl in the show was named \"Eloise\", which is my name, was being raped by a group of men. It was disturbing. Why tell me that and why are we watching this? Another one of those things that at least I was 17, but damn. \u003C/p>\u003Cp>The lack of self-confidence about my sexuality was not only the thing that allowed me to be sexually groomed by a man 45 years older than me, but also the thing that messed up my brain on how a woman is supposed to look and feel about herself. The porn is an outlet to drown out my insecurities about my body image. It shows that I do at least have some control to decide what I do and do not like as far as a body type and some form of relief that I can enjoy sex and sexual content even if it isn't the prettiest porn out there on the internet. These things took me to another dark place in my life which was an identity crisis. Who am I supposed to be? Who am I supposed to look like? How can I become pretty? Why am I ugly? Why do I have all of these zits on my face? \u003C/p>\u003Cp>I took one drastic measure that I wish I had never taken. I took a belt and wrapped it around my waist as tight as I could get it so I could develop an \"accurate waist\" and covered it up with my shirt. It was excruciating and I couldn't do it to myself anymore which was disappointing to me. I have never had an eating disorder. I consider myself thankful for that. But the lingering effects ultimately led me to porn. Here are people who are comfortable with their bodies. Here are people who are allowed to do whatever the hell it is they want to do. They aren't me. They aren't as insecure as I am. They don't think about their appearance as much as I do. They have sex with whoever they choose to do so even in the most dark and wild ways possible. \u003C/p>\u003Cp>There was a time when I was 23 that I called CPS on my mother because one of my younger sisters told me that our mom was having sex in the same bed they were all supposed to be sleeping in. Nothing was ultimately done about it after CPS went to her house. This is because my sister said she lied about what she said to me. I would love to see a man get away with the same crime due to that answer. The case was archived, but not closed. It doesn't do any good now though because now they are full grown adults. I believe that this sister of mine told the truth. I was very upset about the outcome. When I say this system is really fucked up, it's because it is really fucked up. To all men out there, can you imagine having that accusation being made against you by your child and get away with it because that child said she lied? No? Right, because no is the correct answer. They would hang you out in public for that. \u003C/p>\u003Cp>That is literally the origin story of porn addiction. I wanted some confidence booster and porn gave that to me. \u003C/p>","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":23,"url":"/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/origins-of-porn-addiction/","title":"Origins of porn addiction","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"SUPPORT","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[{"id":2240,"name":"Addiction and co-occurring disorders","__typename":"Topic"}],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"12009064859892080056","tracking_id":"12009064859892080056","slug":"disc-depression-v-pessimism-sadness","class":"disc","created":"2018-06-24T20:40:24Z","active":"2018-06-24T21:38:52Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"alyjoye","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"How can I tell the difference between being mildly depressed and being pessimistic/sad? \r\n\r\nI have realized lately that the sadness I feel is something that close friends and loved ones don't understand. Recently, my sister went through a break-up and she said she was feeling depressed, listing some symptoms. I told her how I cope with it and she seemed surprised when I told her that I felt sad/depressed on occasion. I just don't know how to tell the difference between depression and normal sadness/pessimism. I'm a sarcastic and negative, I can be sensitive. I have a short temper on occasion. I don't know whether these are symptoms of mild depression or just me living a normal life? \r\n\r\nI know that this is silly because many people on here suffer from clinical depression (which I'm sure that I don't) and deal with suicidal thoughts. I hope that someone can help me because at this point web searches and online screening tests are useless. Thank you for your help and I'm sorry if this is a silly scenario to be posting about.","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":1,"url":"/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/depression-v-pessimism-sadness/","title":"Depression v. Pessimism/Sadness","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"USEFUL","count":1,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":["rachelloo"],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"SUPPORT","count":1,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":["rachelloo"],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[{"id":2245,"name":"Depression","__typename":"Topic"}],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"11624474659608783856","tracking_id":"11624474659608783856","slug":"jrnl-my-background-part-1-the-early-years","class":"jrnl","created":"2017-05-26T12:57:20Z","active":"2017-05-26T12:57:20Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"ConfusedandAlone","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"My first journal post covers the most recent struggles I'm facing with my current Major Depressive Episode (MDE) but it also mentions the fact that I've struggled with chronic depression and MDEs my whole life. These posts are really just to get things off my mind I guess. And give some background for what I've struggled about throughout my life. Some of the things I've dealt with, but a lot of them I don't think I have. I'm not sure what order makes the most sense but I think I'll start young and work my way up. Maybe someone can relate to some of the things I write about. Maybe someone can help me work through the issues. But My purpose for these posts titled \"My Background\" are kinda just to put my story down in words for myself. Not to seek attention or say I had anything particularly bad- because I have friends who have had much more strenuous lives than myself- but really just to put it out there and hopefully let go of it, for myself. \r\n\r\nSo I guess the earliest thing I can say is that my earliest memory is one of sadness. My earliest memory is the death of my Lolo, or Filipino grandfather, my dad's dad. He died when I was 3 or 4 and I remember the day he died we went into the house and paid our respects not even hours after he died in his bed. Then I remember seeing him in his white barrong (Traditional Filipino formal wear) in his casket. That's my earliest memory. Not really a great start if you ask me. \r\n\r\nAnother really early set of memories is caring for my Grammy. She was my great grandmother, my mom's maternal grandmother. She had Alzheimer's and she deteriorated very quickly. From the ages 5-11 I helped care for her, feeding her, cleaning her, wiping her, and bathing her. I only had a little bit of time with her while she was still lucid, the majority of what I remember about her was the disease. Watching her deteriorate has had a profound affect on me and I never want to end up like her. I never want to become a burden on my loved ones, never want to lose my self that way, and also never want to live life as a vegetable. \r\n\r\nOther than that, growing up for me was relatively good. I had a pretty good childhood. I had discipline and loving parents. I wanted for very little. I took swimming lessons and played sports every summer. I had lots of family around dotting on me. I was oldest and only girl for a long time so I was somewhat spoiled for attention and praise. I was smart and witty and outgoing. My parents fought, as most do, and my dad could be a bit mean, but he was never physical; sometimes he could be a bit verbally abusive but nothing so bad as to ever have warranted any sort of CPS involvement, I never questioned his love for me, and my mom typically made up for it in her nurturing ways. My childhood wasn't perfect but it was as near as I've heard to it. \r\n\r\nThere was one thing that I'm not really comfortable sharing in such a public forum. I have kept it a secret my entire life and I have trusted VERY FEW people with it. It used to haunt me and made me feel extremely self conscious. It was definitely the secret root of a lot of my childhood and teenage insecurities and self esteem issues. Thankfully, I worked through it in therapy while I was in college and though I still don't like sharing it, it doesn't have the same hold over me. *I* always felt it was this terrible thing that I did, but my therapist helped me to realize that it wasn't so bad after all. I was young, it happened once, and it was a normal exploration that some children go through and that's all I'll say about it. \r\n\r\nEither way, my childhood was as happy and normal as a sitcom character's and I really don't have much to complain about when it comes to my family. I lucked out and got very supportive and open-minded parents, grandparents, and aunts and uncles on both sides of my family, and I got to grow up surrounded by all of them on a near weekly basis. I was the oldest, my brother and my one other cousin grew up together as the three musketeers, and all the rest of my cousins were so much younger that I helped to raise/nanny nearly all the rest of my first cousins. They fostered my nurturing spirit and taught me the valuable lesson that I don't want kids until I'm good and ready! \r\n\r\nMy family life was my refuge. My school life was my hell. \r\n\r\nIn school I excelled academically. Practically the only thing I had problems with was the repetition. I was too smart for the regular classes but nobody realized that until I was in 3rd grade. I got bad grades early on because I refused to do work I felt I had already done. I would get bored with the lesson and not work hard and act out. In 3rd grade my teacher got a student teacher who grew up with my mom and she took a special interest in me. She discovered that my bad grades were due to a lack of challenging material rather than a lack of understanding. After that my teachers challenged me more and my family taught me the value of working hard and striving for excellence. \r\n\r\nBut it was around that same time that I started being bullied in school. I became known as the teacher's pet, the smart one, the goody-two-shoes and everyone seemed to hate me for it. Also around that time, my Grammy was rapidly deteriorating and I was helping to take care of her at home. \r\n\r\nEither way, the bullying at school became so bad that at around 11 or 12 years old I started being chronically depressed and was suicidal. I hid it very well. I was a high functioning chronically depressed, suicidal. At home and around adults at school there weren't any problems. My grades never suffered and I was cheerful and outgoing. But when the adults weren't around the kids would bully me and I only had a small group of other bullied friends. We stayed away from the others as much as we could. I didn't handle the bullying well, emotionally. I would hit myself and run into things to cause bruises and I would poke at the bruises to feel the pain. My family just thought I was active and clumsy. If I was feeling sad I would hide in the back of a dark closet and cry for a few hours, wishing someone would find me, but no one ever did. When they did find me or call for me I would hide my tears and say that I was playing hide and go seek or something. Whenever something bad happened I wouldn't tell any adults because it would just further the \"teacher's pet\" notion that the other kids had of me. The few times I did express my frustration with bullies to adults they would just say the typical things, \"Don't let it get to you\" \"they're just jealous\" \"it'll get better\". \r\n\r\nNo one knew how much I suffered throughout 3rd-8th grade. No one knew I was suicidal that whole time. no one knew how often I thought of death being a sweet release from my torment. No one understood how much I loved the academic but hated the social parts of school. \r\n\r\nAnd as puberty set in in 7th and 8th grade the hormones just made everything worse, emotionally. The only thing that kept me going was how much I excelled at school, and the logic that all I had to do was get through the public school nonsense and go to college and escape these horrible people.","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":0,"url":"/m/ConfusedandAlone/journal/my-background-part-1-the-early-years/","title":"My Background, Part 1: The early years","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"SUPPORT","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"10919783450040464800","tracking_id":"10919783450040464800","slug":"jrnl-a-recent-setback-in-my-battle-aginst-depression","class":"jrnl","created":"2011-07-03T00:34:24Z","active":"2011-07-03T00:34:24Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/api/member/Chuck_Waygone/avatar/s","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"Chuck_Waygone","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"This post is a copy of my \"Facebook\" post. It might be insightful or maybe not. It centers around a recent incident, which may seem trivial, but matters. \r\nI am considered through proof located at a blog and my face book page to be very intelligent, 145age13,154@age14 and the results of a DVR test in 2004. These can be located at Charles Chas Kovacs @ Face book under photo album:\" Me by the numbers, sort of, IQ and other stuff, or http://inter-spem-et-metum.blogspot.com/\r\nThe following is a copy of that post, I hope someone can help me find solutions beyond the obvious and already tried.\r\n\r\nI am still trying to find some self respect and belief, after another set back in a fight against my once suicidal severe depression, yesterday, I was again treated as though I am a stupid kid as the 20inch TV they originally had in the room I rent started to give up. I talked to the son of the landlords stating how helpful it would be for me if I replaced the TV with my 32 inch Zenith which is just sitting in storage and he agreed. Right now I do not go to the movies anymore because of expense and some physical issues I have to deal with. I instead rely on my Netflix rentals. It just makes sense, because watching two movies in a theater can cost more than my monthly Netflix, especially if a soda and snack are involved. Also, I only have basic cable and there is really nothing that I can join or do that is not very expensive in the Somerville area. Being basically a rural area the only person I interact with is the landlord’s 50plus year old son, who is basically a nice guy, but has a very limited education and due to his parents constant belittling probably has never had a serious relationship in his life. So the parents really run the show and instead of letting me bring my TV into the room I am renting Rich the landlord went out and got another 20inch TV from who knows where as the remote is not even for the set. I tried to explain that being able to watch my bigger screen TV would help me feel better and handle my depression better, especially watching the movies. They even agreed that the 20watt power difference is no problem. Of course as it can be and has been when I talk to these 80plus year olds, who claim to be Christian, I am obviously stupid about such matters and do not have any rights at all. Their son said it ‘s a control thing and I believe it because these people are so destructive that their son is as I described and at times he does get brow beaten a fair amount. They have a daughter who has recurring stays in the hospital because she smokes and has asthma and does not want any part of living with her parents, due to their nature They also had a younger son who died because of some accident while walking near the local highway route 202 when he was a teenager and the story has never been clear to me, but after the last couple years I wonder if the way these supposed good Christian parents act, that they may have been part of the reason for their son’s death. If all of that is not enough, an older man occupied the room I now have and died here, they did not notice until he began to smell. I was told he had decaying teeth like me and was often high or wasted and something interacted. But after experiencing the treatment I have for the past years, no wonder he could not build any self-esteem which can be a very important issue in dealing with depression. \r\n I have been nothing less than a model broader here, they know it and have admitted it but instead of any cooperation, understanding from these Christian individuals I am treated like just a dumb dollar sign. In my heart I try desperately to find my way back to some real level of dignity and self-respect, but I have come to realize that the attitudes that prevail here not to mention the living conditions help to prohibit such efforts. I am sure this place would definitely not pass any real inspections and there is probably mold issues which could be some of the reasons I suffer illnesses at times.\r\n I would love to see a familiar face and have a more learned conversation about things. Depression can affect a lot in a person and now I am trying to muster the courage to make an appointment with a local eye doctor, because due to what I believe are cataracts my left eye is useless for reading and an aberration has appeared on the peripheral vision of my right eye. At least Medicare should cover the eye surgery. I say that because thanks to the laws in New Jersey I am not allowed Medicaid, due to the level of my monthly SSD. This means I do not have any dental to repair my broken, missing and decaying teeth. Also I self medicate using OTC drugs for illness and pain. God forbid I should get seriously ill. This is another reason I avoid a lot of social contact.\r\nI have often looked at finding a new place to live, but the logistics I still have to overcome can make it prohibitive. I have a storage space full of mostly memories and stuff that can be recycled and/or sold on Ebay, but both my spinal complications and depression make it hard to sort through it. I once dealt with local auctions but found the financial return and the attitude to be extremely disappointing. I have in the past sold of f basically a whole home workshop comprised of mostly “Sears Best” tools, arc welder, compressor, radial , table saw, etc., etc. all types of collector stuff, but as I stated I probably would have faired better selling them myself on Ebay. Some of these auctions try tp proclaim they are doing a service top those in need, but from my experience it is really making profit off of someone’s misfortune. It was the attitudes that confirmed that for me. Unfortunately the cost of maintaining that storage space interferes with my ability to save for any kind of security payment. Another complication is that according to the law, if you are receiving SSD you can only have under $2,000.00 in total in an account. As I have found through this whole experience the laws and the complications they cause can greatly impede a person’s ability to get back on their feet in any manner. \r\nThe point of this writing/posting for those who have read this far, is an out reach to any body who thinks they can help in anyway. I sort of got this idea when I checked an Email from “Apartments.com” last night which suggested involving Facebook friends in a search for potential apartments, but I did not necessarily want to get anyone involved with what ever ads or Email stuff they might get from “Apartments” website, so I thought I would try this. I really have no family to speak-of or rely-on any more and have no attachments to keep me in this state except watching the “Giants” on TV. I even stopped attending the Nationals at Raceway Park in 2006 after seeing 33 straight event finals. It was very lonely on the drive home and not much fun anymore. I now mostly watch TV and the rented movies and dabble with my computers, I have some models, HO trains, but there is no place for them here. I have often thought of leaving, especially due to the expense of living in this state. I toyed with moving to Florida, because with Disney World etc. there would be so much good stuff to do there, but I am not sure how I would fare with the heat and the critters. \r\nI am going on the sixth year of living in this room and dealing with a roommate who shares the main living, kitchen, bathroom areas and openly proclaimed from the start that he lives ONLY for himself. I therefore basically avoid him, to make things work and perform garbage chores, etc.. I see very little hope at times of anything changing for the better. I would love to find my way back to those things I am so desperately missing, in basic life possibly even having some type of relationship with a learned woman, if I could find any confidence. With all this said and if anyone has hung in to this point I ask if anyone can help in any way it is greatly appreciated and if you cannot, well with the way things are today it’s very understandable. \r\nThank you for letting me band your ear, so to speak.\r\nSincerely\r\nChas Kovacs\r\nP.S.: I hope everyone enjoys the cartoons and vids I share.","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":0,"url":"/m/Chuck_Waygone/journal/a-recent-setback-in-my-battle-aginst-depression/","title":"A recent setback in my battle aginst depression.","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"SUPPORT","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"ifred-anxiety-and-depression","group_id":200040,"name":"Anxiety and Depression","url":"/groups/ifred-anxiety-and-depression/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"},{"name_id":"chronic-pain","group_id":200120,"name":"Chronic Pain","url":"/groups/chronic-pain/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"},{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"10585250888149083953","tracking_id":"10585250888149083953","slug":"disc-took-daughter-for-outpatient-they-kept-her-due-to-mania","class":"disc","created":"2021-12-27T12:33:03Z","active":"2022-01-28T05:44:21Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"Cliffordeb","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"\u003Cp>I’m hoping someone can help what wrongly happened to my daughter not happen again…to anyone. Why wife and I have been caring for my daughter Sarah all her life, and the past 4 years have helped her deal with her bipolar disorder. But when looking for help last week, we were referred to the local psych hospital which has outpatient services. We asked about this and was assured we could take her there for evaluation of what’s going on with her and at least explore treatment options. After keeping her in some back exam room for over 2 1/2 hours she was determined to need a 1013, taking her by force to an inpatient facility. They quit communicating with us, didn’t ask what mental health support we are providing…which is a psychiatrist, psychologist and even following up with a neurologist. They, Ridgeview Monroe, wouldn’t even show us the form, nor give my daughter a chance. After 2 1/2 hrs, she said a thought of hurting herself did pass her mind, but she didn’t think much of it, nor did she have a plan. Then when they told her she wasn’t able to leave the room, go home, nor see her parents for an undetermined amount of time…she did her version of losing control— she yelled at the staff about wanting to go home. next thing we knew we had to rush home to get a bag of clothes ready and follow an ambulance about an hour and a half to their sister facility. Thing is the ambulance drivers didn’t see anything but a regular young girl who likes band, the intake staff wondered to us about why was she there. They let us see her and she was tearyeyed but stable as most people. One even left the room to see if their doctor could see her and maybe send her home. But, he had gone. The staff at both places didn’t even help us when we asked about maintaining her birth control pills she takes for hormone control. So they made her miss 2 days.\u003C/p>\u003Cp>They did let her go after 4 days since they never saw her do anything, since this isn’t who she is. She had no more outbursts even, only cried quite a few times.\u003C/p>\u003Cp>I’d like to know who to tell this to, what advocy group covers wrongly putting bipolar teens in psych hospitals for being manic?\u003C/p>\u003Cp> \u003C/p>\u003Cp> \u003C/p>","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":2,"url":"/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/took-daughter-for-outpatient-they-kept-her-due-to-mania/","title":"Took daughter for outpatient, they kept her due to mania","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"SUPPORT","count":1,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":["lazycat"],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[{"id":2242,"name":"Bipolar disorder","__typename":"Topic"}],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"10297595280406209676","tracking_id":"10297595280406209676","slug":"disc-how-to-feel-better-vd41qr","class":"disc","created":"2020-11-30T01:34:27Z","active":"2020-12-02T03:31:11Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"Andrie_Praditya_Nugroho","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"My name is Andrie Praditya Nugroho, I'm 14 years old, living in Indonesia. Yesterday, I tried to take a Depression Screen on MHA website, the results is I'm having a Mild Depression. Before that, I've a moments that makes me scared to my parents. First, I'm scared to my father, because he's really scary to me when he's angry. And then my mother, because I feel dissapointed (for this, I'll keep it classified until someone asks me personally). Every time my parents do something that I don't like, it triggers that memories again. I escaped that feeling by watching Youtube, playing games, goes out with my friend sometimes. But because my parents is really restrict my game access, my pressure becomes more. When I feel happy, I just do my activity normally. When I don't feel happy, I feel just like I'm a garbage. Can someone help me? Please let me know.","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":3,"url":"/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/how-to-feel-better-vd41qr/","title":"How to feel better","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"SUPPORT","count":1,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":["claricemorales2020"],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[{"id":2245,"name":"Depression","__typename":"Topic"}],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"9956673113225848265","tracking_id":"9956673113225848265","slug":"disc-this-is-a-deterrent-to-suicide-think","class":"disc","created":"2023-03-18T10:32:19Z","active":"2023-05-02T02:39:01Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/api/member/pixieblu82/avatar/s","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"pixieblu82","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"\u003Cp>Someone close to me shot himself. No one could believe it. He was always so happy..like the happiest guy I knew. So nice and had a lot of friends. No one knew he was suffering. His last minutes were probabl horrific. A neighbor of mine who was a nurse for decades said there are wards full of people, hundreds that she alone had seen, who tried suicide and failed. Guns, pills, slitting wrists, or throat...their life now is full of pain for the rest of the decades they have to live. I remember she told me one day she walked down the hall and in one room was a 24 yo who needed a kidney, and was dying. On the other side was a teen who tried to shoot himself in the head and failed to die. She thought it was so weird that one side the guy wanted so much to live but ultimately died. On the other side the guy wanted to die but will ultimately live the rest of his life in pain with no choices, they will just keep him alive (and in pain). Nothing is painless, pills are not painless— nothing is painless, especially if you fail. Because brain damage hurts and physical damage hurts. The harder you try and think you are going to succeed, the worse it is going to hurt if you don't. So I wrote this poem about 9 years ago after I crashed my car— not to kill myself just a kind of self harm I guess...I just wanted things to change...to stop hurting inside. I am glad I didn't hurt anyone but me, and I'm glad it I wasn't permanenly hurt, I'm glad I didn't die. Cutting wasn't doing it anymore. This reminds me of it all, everything I just told you. I hope it can help someone else to think twice. I hope this doesn't offend anyone. It's just reality.\u003C/p>\u003Cp> \u003C/p>\u003Cp>Remember This Advice\u003C/p>\u003Cp>\u003Cbr>\u003Cbr>I started smoking \u003Cbr>Just so I could quit. \u003Cbr>\u003Cbr>It is a kind of punishment\u003Cbr>No matter how\u003Cbr>It plays out\u003Cbr>It is still going to hurt. \u003Cbr>\u003Cbr>Like a car accident.\u003Cbr>They hurt.\u003Cbr>One way or another. \u003Cbr>\u003Cbr>You can try to shake the world up\u003Cbr>By crashing your car\u003Cbr>Or swinging from a noose but\u003Cbr>It is gonna sting a bit...or most likely A lot\u003Cbr>\u003Cbr>Overdose.\u003Cbr>Gunshot. \u003Cbr>\u003Cbr>Spend your days in a \u003Cbr>Nursing home bed if you fail. \u003Cbr>\u003Cbr>A gunshot? Seriously?\u003Cbr>Did you really think that\u003Cbr>Wasn't gonna be torcherous?\u003Cbr>Fail at that or not, that punishment \u003Cbr>Will literally last a lifetime. \u003Cbr>\u003Cbr>No one deserves that. \u003Cbr>\u003Cbr>Some methods will hurt more than others.\u003Cbr>Because death hurts. \u003Cbr>And almost death hurts.\u003Cbr>And it is the only thing that you really\u003Cbr>Do alone. \u003Cbr>\u003Cbr>Even if you take someone\u003Cbr>With you.\u003Cbr>They don't go with you.\u003Cbr>Ya know what I mean?\u003C/p>\u003Cp>\u003Cbr>If you fail, you most likely\u003C/p>\u003Cp>Are inside looking out for years\u003C/p>\u003Cp>In pain, lonely, only visitors once a month for a few years\u003C/p>\u003Cp>Then none\u003C/p>\u003Cp>You think you're depressed now?\u003C/p>","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":2,"url":"/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/this-is-a-deterrent-to-suicide-think/","title":"This is a deterrent to suicide ...think","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"SUPPORT","count":3,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":["Member_Aardvark319","candy60","Delvadear1234"],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[{"id":2290,"name":"Suicide","__typename":"Topic"}],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"9856029919292080230","tracking_id":"9856029919292080230","slug":"disc-coping-with-loneliness","class":"disc","created":"2019-02-14T21:01:08Z","active":"2019-04-17T13:41:53Z","updated":"2019-02-17T12:33:19Z","depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"caleb518","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"I suffer from extreme loneliness and a need for perfection which caused a chain of negative behaviors. Alcohol abuse, verbally hurting my now ex girlfriends, sexual promiscuity. I don’t have any family near me to go to and feel like I’m a burden on them if I try to talk to them. I’m hoping someone can help me fix my behaviors and thoughts and in turn maybe I can help too","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":9,"url":"/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/coping-with-loneliness/","title":"Coping with loneliness","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"SUPPORT","count":2,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":["mylifeisgood","Girlblue"],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[{"id":2240,"name":"Addiction and co-occurring disorders","__typename":"Topic"}],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"8752003900120063972","tracking_id":"8752003900120063972","slug":"disc-cross-addicted-functionally-mentally-ill-person","class":"disc","created":"2011-12-05T19:53:25Z","active":"2011-12-11T19:40:32Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/api/member/Catlady62/avatar/s","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"Catlady62","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"Hi I just joined and thought I would introduce myself and my mental disorders. I have been dx with Major Depressive disorder, anxiety d/o, panic attack, OCD, Agoraphobia and many many health issues to many to go into. I'm also addicted to pain pills and don't know how to quit since I do go to pain mangement and do actually have severe pain issues. I went to college and became a social worker and was employed in the mental health capacity and worked with severely mentally handicapped individuals and actually got burned out, then laid off, then became disabled. I receive disability and more than likely got my decision on my mental illness not my physical issues. I'm what people call cross-addicted with a MH issue Dx and addiction. I would like to share my insights, trials, tribulations with others in hopes that someone can help me and I can help someone in the process","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":4,"url":"/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/cross-addicted-functionally-mentally-ill-person/","title":"Cross-Addicted, functionally mentally ill person","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"SUPPORT","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[{"id":2240,"name":"Addiction and co-occurring disorders","__typename":"Topic"}],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"7526150619797793016","tracking_id":"7526150619797793016","slug":"disc-borderline-personality-disorder-hikfe8","class":"disc","created":"2018-09-15T20:54:32Z","active":"2018-09-17T07:14:49Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"4Josie","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"My daughter has recently been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. Can someone help me in how to parent her?","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":1,"url":"/groups/mental-health-america/discussion/borderline-personality-disorder-hikfe8/","title":"Borderline personality disorder","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"SUPPORT","count":1,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":["mmontgomery36"],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[{"id":2242,"name":"Bipolar disorder","__typename":"Topic"}],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false},{"__typename":"Post","id":"7092951972499391608","tracking_id":"7092951972499391608","slug":"jrnl-my-background-part-2-high-school-and-the-move","class":"jrnl","created":"2017-05-26T15:21:42Z","active":"2017-05-26T15:21:42Z","updated":null,"depth":0,"author":{"avatar":{"small":"/assets/images/you-small.png","__typename":"Avatar"},"friendship":null,"site_roles":[],"nickname":"ConfusedandAlone","status":4,"__typename":"User"},"content":"My first journal post covers the most recent struggles I'm facing with my current Major Depressive Episode (MDE) but it also mentions the fact that I've struggled with chronic depression and MDEs my whole life. These posts are really just to get things off my mind I guess. And give some background for what I've struggled about throughout my life. Some of the things I've dealt with, but a lot of them I don't think I have. I'm not sure what order makes the most sense but I think I'll start young and work my way up. Maybe someone can relate to some of the things I write about. Maybe someone can help me work through the issues. But My purpose for these posts titled \"My Background\" are kinda just to put my story down in words for myself. Not to seek attention or say I had anything particularly bad- because I have friends who have had much more strenuous lives than myself- but really just to put it out there and hopefully let go of it, for myself. \r\n\r\nNear the end of Middle school (8th grade) my Dad got a job that forced him to travel. Growing up he had worked at UPS as a delivery man but around 3rd or 4th grade he quit that job because the company had him working in a very dangerous area of Cleveland. At that time my mom stopped working as a homemaker and a self-run daycare and started working outside the home as a receptionist at a local hospital, then later as the attendance secretary at my middle school. My dad bounced around a bit, career wise, working a few years here or there. Eventually though, he got the job that had him traveling all over the east coast; from New york to Florida to Iowa to Texas. At first it was just weekend trips, then it became Monday through Friday, eventually he'd be gone 2, 3, maybe 4 weeks on this job or that job. The one good thing to come from my dad traveling though was that with him gone a lot of the time, there was a lot less fighting and arguing. We put petty things aside and enjoyed our time together as a family more. Still, it put a lot of strain on the family, especially my mom. She claims she was depressed for years when I was growing up but I didn't really notice until my dad got that job. She practically became a recluse. She would go to work and then come home, do whatever little errands we needed run or drive us to whatever events we needed to go to but then she would come home and do nothing. Absolutely nothing. If she didn't get take-out or delivery then I was the one cooking. I was the one doing the laundry and cleaning the kitchen and the house. I would keep on my brother to take out the trash and clean the bathroom but everything else was my responsibility. \r\n\r\nIt was a lot of responsibility for a 13-16 year old. \r\n\r\nWe also found out we were moving. It started at the end of 8th grade, they told us we would be moving to Florida, to be closer to my dad's job. We put the house on the market but it didn't sell right away. While we were waiting for it to sell my parents were constantly changing plans and trying to figure out the best course of action. They went back and forth on if we were moving or if we weren't. The location we were moving to changed three times before it finally landed on Dallas, Texas. By the time the house sold I was a moody, hormonal teenager, 10th grade had JUST started- my sophomore year of high school- and my friends and I were totally skeptical that we would actually move. \r\n\r\nThe bullying had gotten marginally better in high school because the classes were even more separated by intelligence. I was in all honors and there was only really one honors class in the whole school. For the most part, the 20 of us would just move as a big group from one class to the next, with only the occasional 5 or 6 students who were in only one or two honors subjects; lunch and our electives were the only times we had classes with non-honors students. With everyone being at a similar academic level, I found my true peers and developed my core group of friends; I had finally found some social peace at school. It was slightly easier to ignore but, I was still getting bullied for my weight and my looks at school by the non-honors students, especially in PE. \r\n\r\nSo with my dad constantly traveling and my mom a shell of the 'productive-force-to-be-reckoned-with' that she used to be, I had all my honors class work and had to take care of the house at home. I felt the pressure immensely. I resented my parents, especially my mom and I was high functioning but still depressed and suicidal. \r\n\r\nWhen our house sold my parents decided that we would stay for the school year and then move in the summer. So in the winter of my sophomore year of high school we moved out of the house I grew up in and moved into the basement of my Lola's, or Filipino grandmother (dad's mom's) house. We moved most of our stuff into the basement of my Grammy's old house, where my Aunt and her new husband were living, and moved just the essentials into my Lola's basement. 3, sometimes 4 people were living in one room in the basement, about 10x20 ft room. With 4 sometimes 5 people sharing one bathroom and one small kitchen. We spent 4 months cramped in there, until in the spring my Aunt and her new husband moved into their newly built house and we moved into Grammy's old house. We spent about 6 months in that house. We were supposed to move-out in May but over spring break my mom had surgery. It was supposed to be an outpatient DNC ablation for her endometriosis but when the GYN got a look inside they decided it was too severe and instead opened my mom up and gave her a hysterectomy and a partial ovariectomy. After that we moved in with my mom's parents while she recovered from the surgery for about a month. We were having to be driven an hour to and from school every day while she recovered enough to move and drive on her own again. My mom's recovery from that unexpected surgery pushed our move-out date until July. Then in one weekend we drove down from Cleveland, Ohio to Dallas, Texas and moved into a brand new house. \r\n\r\nIt was nice, for a while. \r\n\r\n3 months after we moved my dad was fired from the job that moved us down to Texas. At least he got some benefits from being fired, because 3 months later the whole company was sold off and all the other employees were left floating in the wind with nothing. It took my Dad a few months of unemployment but he eventually found a job. \r\n\r\nWe visited Ohio that christmas and I was gifted an old car by my aunt. With it I got a job at the local grocery store back in Texas and started earning money to help out. I bought groceries for my family and I helped pay some bills when they needed it, but the house still got foreclosed and we had to move out immediately after the school year ended. We moved into a rental house and both my parents cars got repossessed. My parents replaced their cars with some older, less reliable cars from craigslist. \r\n\r\nIn the end we had moved 7 times and lived in 6 different houses in the course of 18 months. \r\n\r\nThe whole time I was tired. Emotionally, and physically exhausted. Hated the idea of moving and leaving my big extended family and the friends I was just starting to really grow and learn with. It was during all that moving I started writing my first poem. It was a suicide poem. My plan was to fill it with all the things that I hated, that I was tired of, and at the end, the last thing I would say I was tired of was life, and I'd kill myself. I never told anyone about that poem at the time, but thankfully I never finished it.","is_bookmarked":false,"reply_count":0,"url":"/m/ConfusedandAlone/journal/my-background-part-2-high-school-and-the-move/","title":"My Background, Part 2: High school and The Move","privacy":"public","muted":false,"cmnt_policy":"open","reactions":[{"type":"SUPPORT","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"THANKS","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"},{"type":"USEFUL","count":0,"reacted_by_me":false,"nicknames":[],"__typename":"PostReactions"}],"groups":[{"name_id":"mental-health-america","group_id":200202,"name":"Mental Health America","url":"/groups/mental-health-america/","topics":[],"__typename":"Group"}],"is_followed":false,"ti_followed":false,"sticky":false}],"__typename":"PostSearchResult"},"__typename":"SearchResult"}}}}</script></body></html>