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While 19 per cent of Canadians 65 and older said they had no religion, that number rose to 36.5 per among those ages 15-64."}]},{"type":"html","tag":"ul","attribs":null,"content":[{"type":"text","content":" "},{"type":"html","tag":"li","attribs":null,"content":[{"type":"html","tag":"a","attribs":{"href":"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.cbc.ca\u002Fnews\u002Fcanada\u002Fkitchener-waterloo\u002Fcanadian-census-religious-affiliation-none-1.6631293"},"content":[{"type":"text","content":"More Canadians than ever have no religious affiliation, census shows"}]}]},{"type":"text","content":" "},{"type":"html","tag":"li","attribs":null,"content":[{"type":"html","tag":"a","attribs":{"href":"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.cbc.ca\u002Fradio\u002Fideas\u002Fafter-atheism-new-perspectives-on-god-and-religion-part-2-1.2914001"},"content":[{"type":"text","content":"After Atheism: New Perspectives on God and Religion, Part 2"}]}]},{"type":"text","content":" "}]},{"type":"html","tag":"p","attribs":null,"content":[{"type":"text","content":"Rex and Murphy use the word \"deconstruction,\" a common term in Christian communities, to describe their journey of rethinking their faith."}]},{"type":"html","tag":"p","attribs":null,"content":[{"type":"text","content":"For Murphy, it was a lonely experience, as losing one's belief systems can also mean losing one's community."}]},{"type":"html","tag":"p","attribs":null,"content":[{"type":"text","content":"\"It feels very isolating having these conversations in a small community like the Ottawa Valley, because there's a lot at stake,\" said Murphy."}]},{"type":"html","tag":"p","attribs":null,"content":[{"type":"text","content":"\"It's such a small town and people talk,\" added Rex. "}]},{"type":"html","tag":"p","attribs":null,"content":[{"type":"polopoly_image","attribs":{"localCaption":"Josiah Mohan grew up the son of an evangelical pastor, participating in the church's praise and worship band in London, Ont. 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focusable="false" class="chevronIcon" width="10px" height="10px" aria-label="chevron" aria-hidden="true"><g><path d="M10,0v3L5,7L0,3V0l5,4L10,0z"></path></g></svg></span></button><ul class="moreItemsList" data-cy="more-items-list" id="responsive-nav-more-items-list" aria-hidden="true"></ul></div></li></ul></div></nav></header><div class="ad-risingstar-container"></div><div id="a11yNotification" class="a11y" role="alert" aria-live="polite">They broke up for their faith. Asking questions brought them back together | CBC News Loaded</div><main class="feed-content content" id="content"><div class="detail detailBody pageComponent"><div class="detailBodyContainer withSidebar"><div class="withFlex"><div class="detailMainCol sclt-storycontent" id="detailContent"><span class="detail-link-label sclt-storySectionLink"><a class="" href="/news/canada/ottawa"><span>Ottawa</span></a><span><span>·</span><span data-live="false" data-breaking="false">Creator Network</span></span></span><h1 class="detailHeadline" lang="en" data-cy="detailHeadline">They broke up for their faith. Asking questions brought them back together</h1><div class="detailSummary">Josh Murphy and Caroline Rex share how questioning the teachings of their evangelical faith helped them find a path back to each other and their faith, for CBC Ottawa’s Creator Network.</div><h2 class="deck" lang="en">'We almost lost each other forever,' said filmmaker who documented couple's journey for Creator Network</h2><div class="byline"><figure class="imageMedia author-image full"><div class="placeholder"><img loading="lazy" alt="" src="https://i.cbc.ca/1.6750756.1676636956!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/square_1180/ash-abraham.jpg?im=Resize%3D140" data-cy="author-image-img"/></div></figure><div class="bylineDetails"><span class="authorText" data-cy="author-text"><a class="" href="/news/canada/ottawa/author/ash-abraham-1.5395900">Ash Abraham </a>, <a class="" href="/news/canada/ottawa/author/christine-maki-1.4876828">Christine Maki</a></span> <span class="bullet"> · </span>CBC News <span class="bullet"> · </span><time class="timeStamp" dateTime="2024-04-01T08:00:00.973Z">Posted: Apr 01, 2024 4:00 AM EDT | Last Updated: April 1</time></div></div><div data-cy="storyWrapper"><span><span class="mediaEmbed mediaIsLead sclt-mediaIsLead"><div class="player-placeholder-ui-container " data-cy="player-placeholder-ui-container"><div class="player-placeholder-video-ui" title="We broke up for our faith. How our doubts helped us reconcile with each other and our beliefs." role="button" tabindex="0"><div class="player-placeholder"></div><div class="player-placeholder-ui"><div class="video-item video-card-overlay" title="We broke up for our faith. How our doubts helped us reconcile with each other and our beliefs."><div class="thumbnail-wrapper"><img src="https://i.cbc.ca/ais/1.7158460,1717224410710/full/max/0/default.jpg?im=Crop%2Crect%3D%280%2C0%2C1280%2C720%29%3BResize%3D%28620%29" srcSet="" alt="" class="thumbnail" loading="eager"/></div><div class="video-card-overlay-container"><div class="video-info-container"><p class="video-item-title">We broke up for our faith. How our doubts helped us reconcile with each other and our beliefs.</p><div class="video-time-container"><div class="play-button-container"><svg class="videoItemPlayBtn" role="img" width="34px" height="34px" viewBox="0 0 34 34" aria-label="Play"><circle fill="#FFFFFF" cx="16.5" cy="16.5" r="16.5"></circle><path d="M12.0627845,9.87071431 L24.510661,16.6074648 C24.6396791,16.677289 24.6876652,16.8384825 24.617841,16.9675006 C24.5925502,17.0142319 24.553825,17.0523041 24.5066704,17.0767967 L12.0587939,23.5423393 C11.9286072,23.6099595 11.768253,23.5592393 11.7006328,23.4290526 C11.6809874,23.3912301 11.6707317,23.3492356 11.6707317,23.3066154 L11.6707317,10.1043222 C11.6707317,9.95762156 11.7896561,9.8386972 11.9363567,9.8386972 C11.9805052,9.8386972 12.0239575,9.84970124 12.0627845,9.87071431 Z" fill="#000000"></path></svg></div><span class="formattedDate video-time-stamp">8 months ago</span><div class="videoTimeLabel"><div class="durationLabel"><span><span class="a11y">Duration </span>9:44</span></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div><span class="media-caption">A small-town journey of rediscovery, Josh Murphy and Caroline Rex created "Those who wrestle with God" in collaboration with CBC Ottawa's Creator Network.</span></span></span><div class="engagement-widgets"><div class="share"><h2 class="a11y">Social Sharing</h2><div class="viafoura"></div></div></div><div class="story"><p><a href="https://www.cbc.ca/news/topic/Tag/Creator%20Network%20Ottawa"><em><strong>CBC Ottawa's Creator Network</strong></em></a><em><strong> is a place where young digital storytellers from diverse backgrounds can produce original video content to air on CBC and tell stories through their own lens.</strong></em></p><p><em><strong>Get in touch to pitch your idea, or check out our other Creator Network stories at </strong></em><a href="https://www.cbc.ca/news/topic/Tag/Creator%20Network%20Ottawa"><em><strong>cbc.ca/creatornetworkott</strong></em></a><em><strong>.</strong></em></p><hr/><p>Career. Relationship. Josh Murphy and Caroline Rex, who both grew up in strict religious communities, say they almost lost it all because of their faith. </p><p>Rex was raised evangelical baptist in Lubbock, Texas, before moving to Pembroke, Ont., in Grade 8. She met Murphy, an aspiring filmmaker, in high school.</p><p>He grew up mostly evangelical, and the two attended a youth group together at a church in the Ottawa Valley. </p><p>As a teenager, Rex's goal was to become a missionary overseas, and she imagined a future married to a pastor with the same dream. At the time, Murphy was struggling to reconcile his religion with his love of movies.</p><p>"For so long, I believed I wasn't good enough for Christianity, and that my desire to do film was incompatible with my faith," he recalled. </p><p>Murphy went so far as to quit film to be with Rex — but it wasn't enough.</p><div><figure class="imageMedia image full"><div class="placeholder"><img loading="lazy" alt="Josh Murphy and Caroline Rex smiling at the camera. They both are wearing glasses. Caroline has red hair. Josh has brown hair." srcSet="https://i.cbc.ca/1.7157082.1711570701!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/original_300/creatore-network-ottawa.jpg 300w,https://i.cbc.ca/1.7157082.1711570701!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/original_460/creatore-network-ottawa.jpg 460w,https://i.cbc.ca/1.7157082.1711570701!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/original_620/creatore-network-ottawa.jpg 620w,https://i.cbc.ca/1.7157082.1711570701!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/original_780/creatore-network-ottawa.jpg 780w,https://i.cbc.ca/1.7157082.1711570701!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/original_1180/creatore-network-ottawa.jpg 1180w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 300px,(max-width: 460px) 460px,(max-width: 620px) 620px,(max-width: 780px) 780px,(max-width: 1180px) 1180px" src="https://i.cbc.ca/1.7157082.1711570701!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/original_780/creatore-network-ottawa.jpg" style="aspect-ratio:1.7765042979942693" data-cy="image-img"/></div><figcaption class="image-caption">Caroline Rex and Josh Murphy started dating in high school in the Ottawa Valley. (Submitted by Josh Murphy)</figcaption></figure></div><p>"I broke up with Josh, because I was taught we were 'unequally yoked,' which means we were on different spiritual levels," said Rex, who ended things in 2016.</p><p>"Thankfully, our story doesn't end there," Murphy added.</p><ul dir="ltr"> <li><strong><em>Got a Creator Network pitch? Check out <a href="https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/ottawa/creator-network-pitch-cbc-ottawa-1.6288349">our pitch form here</a>.</em></strong></li> </ul><p>The couple document how questioning what they'd been taught helped them find a path back to each other, and to their faith, in a video produced in collaboration with CBC Ottawa's Creator Network — a topic that became even more urgent as they prepare to welcome their first child.</p><p>"It was very scary to find out that you were pregnant, especially with having these questions linger," Murphy said, explaining why they set out to tackle some of that uncertainty in their video titled <em>Those who wrestle with God</em>.</p><div><figure class="imageMedia image full"><div class="placeholder"><img loading="lazy" alt="A video montage of journal entries from Josh Murphy and Caroline Rex. " src="https://i.cbc.ca/1.7157410.1711635921!/fileImage/httpImage/creator-network.gif" data-cy="image-img"/></div><figcaption class="image-caption">Josh Murphy and Caroline Rex used old journal entries they'd written to tell the story of their struggle to reconcile their faith and relationship.  (Josh Murphy)</figcaption></figure></div><h2>Fewer faithful</h2><p>Statistics Canada's latest numbers reveal more and more Canadians, particularly younger generations, are re-evaluating the role faith plays in their lives. </p><p>The 2021 census showed the proportion of non-religious Canadians has more than doubled in the past 20 years to 34.6 per cent, up from 16.5 per cent in 2001, while the share of the population who identifies as Christian has shrunk. While 19 per cent of Canadians 65 and older said they had no religion, that number rose to 36.5 per among those ages 15-64.</p><ul> <li><a href="https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/kitchener-waterloo/canadian-census-religious-affiliation-none-1.6631293">More Canadians than ever have no religious affiliation, census shows</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.cbc.ca/radio/ideas/after-atheism-new-perspectives-on-god-and-religion-part-2-1.2914001">After Atheism: New Perspectives on God and Religion, Part 2</a></li> </ul><p>Rex and Murphy use the word "deconstruction," a common term in Christian communities, to describe their journey of rethinking their faith.</p><p>For Murphy, it was a lonely experience, as losing one's belief systems can also mean losing one's community.</p><p>"It feels very isolating having these conversations in a small community like the Ottawa Valley, because there's a lot at stake," said Murphy.</p><p>"It's such a small town and people talk," added Rex. </p><div><figure class="imageMedia image full"><div class="placeholder"><img loading="lazy" alt="First photo is of Josiah Mahon playing guitar in youth group in 2006. Picture on the right is a current portrait of Josiah sitting in his living room." srcSet="https://i.cbc.ca/1.7157672.1711636004!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/original_300/creator-network-ottawa.jpg 300w,https://i.cbc.ca/1.7157672.1711636004!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/original_460/creator-network-ottawa.jpg 460w,https://i.cbc.ca/1.7157672.1711636004!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/original_620/creator-network-ottawa.jpg 620w,https://i.cbc.ca/1.7157672.1711636004!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/original_780/creator-network-ottawa.jpg 780w,https://i.cbc.ca/1.7157672.1711636004!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/original_1180/creator-network-ottawa.jpg 1180w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 300px,(max-width: 460px) 460px,(max-width: 620px) 620px,(max-width: 780px) 780px,(max-width: 1180px) 1180px" src="https://i.cbc.ca/1.7157672.1711636004!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/original_780/creator-network-ottawa.jpg" style="aspect-ratio:1.7765042979942693" data-cy="image-img"/></div><figcaption class="image-caption">Josiah Mohan grew up the son of an evangelical pastor, participating in the church's praise and worship band in London, Ont. Now he hosts a podcast called Slow Train to Heck, which shares stories of people rethinking their faith. (Josiah Mahon/Josh Murphy)</figcaption></figure></div><h2>Asking questions</h2><p>That's why they were relieved to meet Josiah Mahon, host of <em>Slow Train to Heck</em>, a podcast about people who've changed their religious beliefs, based in London, Ont.</p><p>Mahon, who grew up the son of a pastor, said he knew what it was like to feel unable to ask questions.</p><p>"The church is positioned at the centre of your whole life," he said. "I was so steeped in certainty as a requirement for how you do faith. The more certain you are, the less in danger of going to hell you are."</p><p>Mahon left his faith in his 20s, and decided to create his podcast so others could hear about these experiences.</p><p>"These kinds of stories are not heard often, or you're told to keep them quiet," he said.</p><ul> <li><a href="https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/london/london-church-podcast-1.6242236">If you've left the church, this made-in-London, Ont., podcast may be for you</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/fundamentalist-christian-movement-1.6793677">Inside the fundamentalist Christian movement that wants to remake Canadian politics</a></li> </ul><p>For Murphy and Rex, meeting Mahon felt like finding a different type of church community.</p><p>"Discovering this podcast ... was a really inspiring experience for us because we got to see that we weren't alone," said Murphy.</p><div><span><figure class="imageMedia image full"><div class="placeholder"><img loading="lazy" alt="Matthew Burkholder with neutral background. Matthew is wearing a plaid shirt and glasses. He has brown hair. " srcSet="https://i.cbc.ca/1.7157086.1711570660!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/original_300/creator-network-ottawa.jpg 300w,https://i.cbc.ca/1.7157086.1711570660!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/original_460/creator-network-ottawa.jpg 460w,https://i.cbc.ca/1.7157086.1711570660!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/original_620/creator-network-ottawa.jpg 620w,https://i.cbc.ca/1.7157086.1711570660!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/original_780/creator-network-ottawa.jpg 780w,https://i.cbc.ca/1.7157086.1711570660!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/original_1180/creator-network-ottawa.jpg 1180w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 300px,(max-width: 460px) 460px,(max-width: 620px) 620px,(max-width: 780px) 780px,(max-width: 1180px) 1180px" src="https://i.cbc.ca/1.7157086.1711570660!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/original_780/creator-network-ottawa.jpg" style="aspect-ratio:1.8960244648318043" data-cy="image-img"/></div><figcaption class="image-caption">Matthew Burkholder told Murphy and Rex that he, too, had questions about his faith, but has since found community at a church in London, Ont.  (Josh Murphy)</figcaption></figure></span></div><h2>Returning</h2><p>The couple also met Matthew Burkholder, who also grew up the son of an evangelical pastor. After questioning his beliefs and faith, he has decided to remain in his church community.</p><p>Burkholder said it was the "purity culture" of the 1990s, with its focus on sexual abstinence before marriage, that led to his biggest struggles with his faith.</p><p>"I really experienced a lot of pain because of that. I felt very conflicted with who I was as a person and the failure I felt after losing my virginity," he recalled.</p><p>But after Burkholder began speaking openly about how this had hurt him, he received an unexpected call. </p><p>"My dad called me up and he just said, 'I owe you an apology, and I am really sorry.' That's all I needed," said Burkholder, who's currently a PhD candidate in theology and attends church regularly.</p><div><figure class="imageMedia image full"><div class="placeholder"><img loading="lazy" alt="Dwane Parsons sitting on a red sofa. We also see the bak of Caroline Rex's head and her hand gesturing like she is talking. Dwane is listening to Caroline." srcSet="https://i.cbc.ca/1.7157093.1711570639!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/original_300/creator-network-ottawa.jpg 300w,https://i.cbc.ca/1.7157093.1711570639!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/original_460/creator-network-ottawa.jpg 460w,https://i.cbc.ca/1.7157093.1711570639!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/original_620/creator-network-ottawa.jpg 620w,https://i.cbc.ca/1.7157093.1711570639!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/original_780/creator-network-ottawa.jpg 780w,https://i.cbc.ca/1.7157093.1711570639!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/original_1180/creator-network-ottawa.jpg 1180w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 300px,(max-width: 460px) 460px,(max-width: 620px) 620px,(max-width: 780px) 780px,(max-width: 1180px) 1180px" src="https://i.cbc.ca/1.7157093.1711570639!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/original_780/creator-network-ottawa.jpg" style="aspect-ratio:1.878787878787879" data-cy="image-img"/></div><figcaption class="image-caption">Dwane Parsons was Rex and Murphy's pastor for 10 years in the Ottawa Valley.  (Josh Murphy)</figcaption></figure></div><h2>Embracing the mystery</h2><p>For Rex and Murphy, it was a conversation with their former pastor that helped them find their footing in the faith again.</p><p>Dwane Parsons, now a pastor in Port Hope, Ont., said he went through his own type of deconstruction, and shared this advice to those struggling with their faith.</p><p>"Often we move from wrestling with God to walking with God. God is bigger than our deconstruction, so that doesn't have to be the end of your journey with God," said Parsons.</p><p>Murphy adds that filmmaking helped, too, with its acceptance of the unknown.</p><p>"Some of my favourite movies are the ones that have a mystery and that encourage questions," he said, adding the couple plans to pass down the idea of faith as a mystery to their child, which is due this month.</p><p>"I'm excited for a family. I think I'm coming to have peace in the mystery and just knowing that whatever happens we're going to love him," Murphy said. </p><p>"He could become the most rigid Christian and think we're going to hell," he added, laughing. </p><p>"I'd still love him," said Rex.</p><p>"I would love him, too," said Murphy.</p><div><span><figure class="imageMedia image full"><div class="placeholder"><img loading="lazy" alt="Josh Murphy and Caroline Rex. Josh is holding a video camera and Caroline is holding a camera. " srcSet="https://i.cbc.ca/1.7157043.1711570601!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/original_300/creator-network-ottawa.jpg 300w,https://i.cbc.ca/1.7157043.1711570601!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/original_460/creator-network-ottawa.jpg 460w,https://i.cbc.ca/1.7157043.1711570601!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/original_620/creator-network-ottawa.jpg 620w,https://i.cbc.ca/1.7157043.1711570601!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/original_780/creator-network-ottawa.jpg 780w,https://i.cbc.ca/1.7157043.1711570601!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/original_1180/creator-network-ottawa.jpg 1180w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 300px,(max-width: 460px) 460px,(max-width: 620px) 620px,(max-width: 780px) 780px,(max-width: 1180px) 1180px" src="https://i.cbc.ca/1.7157043.1711570601!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/original_780/creator-network-ottawa.jpg" style="aspect-ratio:1.5012106537530265" data-cy="image-img"/></div><figcaption class="image-caption">Murphy and Rex worked with CBC Ottawa Creator Network to make Those who wrestle with God. (Caroline Rex)</figcaption></figure></span></div></div></div><div class="authorprofile"><h2 class="title-reUIw">ABOUT THE AUTHOR</h2><div class="authorprofile-container"><div class="authorprofile-image-container"><figure class="imageMedia author-image full"><div class="placeholder"><img loading="lazy" alt="" srcSet="https://i.cbc.ca/1.6750756.1676636956!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/square_1180/ash-abraham.jpg?im=Resize%3D620 300w,https://i.cbc.ca/1.6750756.1676636956!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/square_1180/ash-abraham.jpg?im=Resize%3D620 460w,https://i.cbc.ca/1.6750756.1676636956!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/square_1180/ash-abraham.jpg?im=Resize%3D620 620w" sizes="(max-width: 258pxpx) 258pxpx" src="https://i.cbc.ca/1.6750756.1676636956!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/square_1180/ash-abraham.jpg?im=Resize%3D620" data-cy="author-image-img"/></div></figure></div><div class="authorprofile-name-container"><a class="" href="/news/canada/ottawa/author/ash-abraham-1.5395900">Ash Abraham </a><p class="authorprofile-title">CBC Ottawa Cross-Platform Producer and Reporter </p></div></div><p class="authorprofile-biography">Ash Abraham is a producer and reporter with CBC's Creator Network and Content Diversification project. 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