Gaslighting | Psychology Today Singapore

<!DOCTYPE html> <html lang="en-SG" dir="ltr" prefix="og: https://ogp.me/ns#" itemscope="" itemtype="https://schema.org/FAQPage"> <head> <title>Gaslighting | Psychology Today Singapore</title>  <script> dataLayer = window.dataLayer || []; </script>  <meta charset="utf-8" http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html" /> <meta name="description" content="Gaslighting is an insidious form of manipulation and psychological control. Victims of gaslighting are deliberately and systematically fed false information that leads them to question what they know to be true, often about themselves. They may end up doubting their memory, their perception, and even their sanity. Over time, a gaslighter’s manipulations can grow more complex and potent, making it increasingly difficult for the victim to see the truth." /> <link rel="canonical" href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/basics/gaslighting" /> <meta property="og:site_name" content="Psychology Today" /> <meta property="og:url" content="https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/basics/gaslighting" /> <meta property="og:title" content="Gaslighting" /> <meta property="og:description" content="Gaslighting is an insidious form of manipulation and psychological control. Victims of gaslighting are deliberately and systematically fed false information that leads them to question what they know to be true, often about themselves. They may end up doubting their memory, their perception, and even their sanity. Over time, a gaslighter’s manipulations can grow more complex and potent, making it increasingly difficult for the victim to see the truth." /> <meta property="og:image" content="https://cdn2.psychologytoday.com/assets/styles/magazine_384x504/public/magazine/2024-12/2025-01.png.jpg?itok=m79gU9iw" /> <meta property="fb:app_id" content="220580041311284" /> <meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0, maximum-scale=1.0, user-scalable=0" /> <meta http-equiv="X-UA-Compatible" content="IE=edge,chrome=1" /> <meta http-equiv="x-dns-prefetch-control" content="on" /> <meta name="theme-color" content="#191C1F" media="(prefers-color-scheme: dark)" /> <meta name="theme-color" content="#F2F2F2" media="(prefers-color-scheme: light)" /> <meta name="alexaVerifyID" content="ruuD3Gzrr-EaY185APFbxF69Va4" /> <meta name="google-site-verification" content="G-wasBQCXXJoehIaVW5BsO9VYKt4oqmWGo155wSSakQ" /> <meta name="y_key" content="0f29d521db0a2863" /> <meta name="msvalidate.01" content="9AD6650A37790044983CFB6B27D77607" /> <meta name="apple-mobile-web-app-capable" content="yes" /> <meta name="apple-mobile-web-app-title" content="Psych Today" /> <meta name="robots" content="index,follow" /> <script type="application/ld+json">{ "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "WebPage", "dateCreated": "2017-11-07T16:39:31-0500", "dateModified": "2024-07-01T16:02:41-0400", "mainEntityOfPage": "https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/basics/gaslighting", "url": "https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/basics/gaslighting", "name": "Gaslighting", "alternateName": [ "Gaslighting" ], "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Gaslighting" }, "mainEntity": { "@type": "DefinedTerm", "inDefinedTermSet": "https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/basics", "name": "Gaslighting", "url": "https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/basics/gaslighting" }, "mainContentOfPage": { "@type": "WebPageElement", "name": null, "text": "Gaslighting is an insidious form of manipulation and psychological control. Victims of gaslighting are deliberately and systematically fed false information that leads them to question what they know to be true, often about themselves. They may end up doubting their memory, their perception, and even their sanity. Over time, a gaslighter’s manipulations can grow more complex and potent, making it increasingly difficult for the victim to see the truth.\r\n" }, "relatedLink": [ "https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/basics/sociopathy", "https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/basics/psychopathy", "https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/basics/relationships", "https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/basics/narcissism", "https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/basics/cluster-b", "https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/basics/personality-disorders", "https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/basics/identity", "https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/basics/self-esteem", "https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/basics/dark-triad", "https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/conditions/antisocial-personality-disorder", "https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder" ], "publisher": { "@type": "Organization", "name": "Psychology Today", "url": "https://www.psychologytoday.com", "logo": 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<div> <div id="block-pt-content" class="block">       <article data-history-node-id="1108508" class="basics-full"> <div class="content-header d-flex reference-header"> <div class="content-header--image"> <article> <img loading="lazy" src="https://cdn2.psychologytoday.com/assets/styles/manual_crop_1_1_75x75/public/shutterstock_495313921.jpg?itok=65_knYyE" width="75" height="75" alt="Olena Yakobchuk/Shutterstock" title="Olena Yakobchuk/Shutterstock" /> </article> </div> <div class="content-header--text"> <h1 class="reference__title section-title">Gaslighting</h1> <p class="reference__review-info fine-print"> <a href="/sg/docs/editorial-process" class="reference__review-info-link"> <span class="reference__review-info-icon"></span> <span class="reference__review-info-text">Reviewed by Psychology Today Staff</span> </a> </p> </div> </div> <div> <div class="reference__body"> <div class="field-name-body"> <p>Gaslighting is an insidious form of manipulation and psychological control. Victims of gaslighting are deliberately and systematically fed false information that leads them to question what they know to be true, often about themselves. They may end up doubting their <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/basics/memory" title="Psychology Today looks at memory" class="basics-link" hreflang="en-SG">memory</a>, their perception, and even their sanity. Over time, a gaslighter’s manipulations can grow more complex and potent, making it increasingly difficult for the victim to see the truth.</p> </div> </div> <div class="table-of-contents border-top"> <h4 class="table-of-contents--title">Contents</h4> <ul> <li class="table-of-contents--item"> <a href="#how-gaslighting-works"> How Gaslighting Works </a> </li> <li class="table-of-contents--item"> <a href="#how-to-recognize-a-gaslighter-"> How to Recognize a Gaslighter </a> </li> <li class="table-of-contents--item"> <a href="#leaving-a-gaslighter"> Leaving a Gaslighter </a> </li> </ul> </div> <div class="reference__sections"> <div> <div> <div class="section section--separator"> <div id="how-gaslighting-works" class="section-anchor skip-inline-link-filter"></div> <div class="h2 section-title"> How Gaslighting Works </div> <div class="section__body"> <article> <img loading="lazy" src="https://cdn2.psychologytoday.com/assets/styles/manual_crop_1_1_180x180/public/2019-10/shutterstock_1207123216.jpg?itok=NwDCdPgI" width="180" height="180" alt="fizkes/Shutterstock" title="fizkes/Shutterstock" /> </article> <p>The term gaslighting comes from <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/blog/pura-vida/201803/gaslighting-dummies">a 1938 play, <em>Gas Light</em>,</a> and its film adaptation. Gaslighting can occur in personal or professional relationships, and victims are targeted at the core of their being: their sense of <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/basics/identity" title="Psychology Today looks at identity" class="basics-link" hreflang="en-SG">identity</a> and <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/basics/self-esteem" title="Psychology Today looks at self-worth" class="basics-link" hreflang="en-SG">self-worth</a>. Manipulative people who engage in gaslighting do so to attain power over their victims, either because they simply derive warped enjoyment from the act or because they wish to emotionally, physically or financially control their victim.</p> </div> <div class="faqs"> <div class="faq faq--1"> <div itemscope itemprop="mainEntity" itemtype="https://schema.org/Question"> <div class="faq--title d-flex"> <div itemprop="name" class="h3 faq--question"> How does gaslighting begin? </div> <div class="faq--control-container"> <button class="faq--control"> <div class="faq--control-icon"> <svg width="13px" height="8px" viewBox="0 0 13 8" version="1.1" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" xmlns:xlink="http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink">  <desc>Created with Sketch.</desc> <defs></defs> <g id="-small" stroke="none" stroke-width="1" fill="none" fill-rule="evenodd"> <g id="Tests---Listing-Page---SM" transform="translate(-490.000000, -597.000000)" fill="#2C2D30"> <g id="Left-col" transform="translate(74.000000, 162.000000)"> <g id="Table" transform="translate(0.000000, 426.000000)"> <polygon id="navigatedown" points="422.310547 16.3125 428.621094 10.0019531 427.62793 9 422.310547 14.3173828 416.993164 9 416 10.0019531"></polygon> </g> </g> </g> </g> </svg> </div> </button> </div> </div> <div itemscope="" itemprop="acceptedAnswer" itemtype="https://schema.org/Answer" class="faq--answer"> <div itemprop="text"> <p>A relationship with a gaslighter may seem to start out quite well. They may praise the victim on a first date and immediately confide in them. Such disclosure, before any <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/basics/relationships" title="Psychology Today looks at intimacy" class="basics-link" hreflang="en-SG">intimacy</a> has been established, establishes trust quickly; it’s part of <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/blog/brainstorm/201712/5-things-psychopaths-and-narcissists-will-do-in-conversation">a tactic known as love bombing</a>. The more quickly a victim becomes enamored, the more quickly the next phase of manipulation can begin.</p> </div> </div> </div> </div> <div class="faq faq--2"> <div itemscope itemprop="mainEntity" itemtype="https://schema.org/Question"> <div class="faq--title d-flex"> <div itemprop="name" class="h3 faq--question"> What are a gaslighter’s tactics? </div> <div class="faq--control-container"> <button class="faq--control"> <div class="faq--control-icon"> <svg width="13px" height="8px" viewBox="0 0 13 8" version="1.1" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" xmlns:xlink="http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink">  <desc>Created with Sketch.</desc> <defs></defs> <g id="-small" stroke="none" stroke-width="1" fill="none" fill-rule="evenodd"> <g id="Tests---Listing-Page---SM" transform="translate(-490.000000, -597.000000)" fill="#2C2D30"> <g id="Left-col" transform="translate(74.000000, 162.000000)"> <g id="Table" transform="translate(0.000000, 426.000000)"> <polygon id="navigatedown" points="422.310547 16.3125 428.621094 10.0019531 427.62793 9 422.310547 14.3173828 416.993164 9 416 10.0019531"></polygon> </g> </g> </g> </g> </svg> </div> </button> </div> </div> <div itemscope="" itemprop="acceptedAnswer" itemtype="https://schema.org/Answer" class="faq--answer"> <div itemprop="text"> <p>A gaslighter will initially lie about simple things, but <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/blog/think-act-be/201811/when-is-it-gaslighting-and-when-is-it-not">the volume of misinformation soon grows</a>, and the gaslighter may accuse the victim of <a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/deception">lying</a> if he or she questions the narrative. They typically deploy occasional positive reinforcement to confuse the victim, but at the same time, they may attempt to turns others against the victim, even their own friends and family, by telling them that the victim is <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/basics/deception" title="Psychology Today looks at lying" class="basics-link" hreflang="en-SG">lying</a> or delusional.</p> </div> </div> </div> </div> <div class="faq faq--3 collapsed"> <div itemscope itemprop="mainEntity" itemtype="https://schema.org/Question"> <div class="faq--title d-flex"> <div itemprop="name" class="h3 faq--question"> How do you know that you're being gaslighted? </div> <div class="faq--control-container"> <button class="faq--control"> <div class="faq--control-icon"> <svg width="13px" height="8px" viewBox="0 0 13 8" version="1.1" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" xmlns:xlink="http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink">  <desc>Created with Sketch.</desc> <defs></defs> <g id="-small" stroke="none" stroke-width="1" fill="none" fill-rule="evenodd"> <g id="Tests---Listing-Page---SM" transform="translate(-490.000000, -597.000000)" fill="#2C2D30"> <g id="Left-col" transform="translate(74.000000, 162.000000)"> <g id="Table" transform="translate(0.000000, 426.000000)"> <polygon id="navigatedown" points="422.310547 16.3125 428.621094 10.0019531 427.62793 9 422.310547 14.3173828 416.993164 9 416 10.0019531"></polygon> </g> </g> </g> </g> </svg> </div> </button> </div> </div> <div itemscope="" itemprop="acceptedAnswer" itemtype="https://schema.org/Answer" class="faq--answer"> <div itemprop="text"> <p>A victim experiences increased self-doubt as the gaslighter insists that what he or she remembers, thinks, and feels is wrong. The manipulative individual will introduce lies in more sensitive arenas, aiming to <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/201701/11-warning-signs-gaslighting">disrupt and distort foundational aspects of the victim’s being</a>, wearing them down, establishing confusion, and forcing them to rely on the gaslighter’s version of reality.</p> </div> </div> </div> </div> <div class="faq faq--4 collapsed"> <div itemscope itemprop="mainEntity" itemtype="https://schema.org/Question"> <div class="faq--title d-flex"> <div itemprop="name" class="h3 faq--question"> Is gaslighting ever unintentional? </div> <div class="faq--control-container"> <button class="faq--control"> <div class="faq--control-icon"> <svg width="13px" height="8px" viewBox="0 0 13 8" version="1.1" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" xmlns:xlink="http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink">  <desc>Created with Sketch.</desc> <defs></defs> <g id="-small" stroke="none" stroke-width="1" fill="none" fill-rule="evenodd"> <g id="Tests---Listing-Page---SM" transform="translate(-490.000000, -597.000000)" fill="#2C2D30"> <g id="Left-col" transform="translate(74.000000, 162.000000)"> <g id="Table" transform="translate(0.000000, 426.000000)"> <polygon id="navigatedown" points="422.310547 16.3125 428.621094 10.0019531 427.62793 9 422.310547 14.3173828 416.993164 9 416 10.0019531"></polygon> </g> </g> </g> </g> </svg> </div> </button> </div> </div> <div itemscope="" itemprop="acceptedAnswer" itemtype="https://schema.org/Answer" class="faq--answer"> <div itemprop="text"> <p>It is possible for an individual to manipulate someone without realizing they are doing so. Importantly, though, the gaslighter still enjoys wielding control over the mind and behavior of the victim, even if they <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/201701/are-gaslighters-aware-what-they-do">cannot articulate or acknowledge</a> this fact. Some people engage in manipulative behavior because they witnessed it frequently as a child, most often in their parents. Regardless of a gaslighter's level of self-awareness, the behavior is never acceptable, and ignorance of the phenomenon should not be accepted as an excuse for manipulative actions.  </p> </div> </div> </div> </div> <div class="faq faq--5 collapsed faq--last"> <div itemscope itemprop="mainEntity" itemtype="https://schema.org/Question"> <div class="faq--title d-flex"> <div itemprop="name" class="h3 faq--question"> What is medical gaslighting? </div> <div class="faq--control-container"> <button class="faq--control"> <div class="faq--control-icon"> <svg width="13px" height="8px" viewBox="0 0 13 8" version="1.1" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" xmlns:xlink="http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink">  <desc>Created with Sketch.</desc> <defs></defs> <g id="-small" stroke="none" stroke-width="1" fill="none" fill-rule="evenodd"> <g id="Tests---Listing-Page---SM" transform="translate(-490.000000, -597.000000)" fill="#2C2D30"> <g id="Left-col" transform="translate(74.000000, 162.000000)"> <g id="Table" transform="translate(0.000000, 426.000000)"> <polygon id="navigatedown" points="422.310547 16.3125 428.621094 10.0019531 427.62793 9 422.310547 14.3173828 416.993164 9 416 10.0019531"></polygon> </g> </g> </g> </g> </svg> </div> </button> </div> </div> <div itemscope="" itemprop="acceptedAnswer" itemtype="https://schema.org/Answer" class="faq--answer"> <div itemprop="text"> <p>Medical gaslighting refers to a scenario in which a medical provider ignores or downplays an individual's legitimate medical concerns. This is a colloquial use of the term "gaslighting" and  refers to situations in which a medical provider may not have meant to mislead or manipulate the patient, rather, they failed to take their concerns seriously or to pursue them in an attempt to reach a diagnosis.  </p> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <div class="pt-ad pt-ad--300x250 d-block d-none d-md-block d-lg-none block" id="block-ad-subpage-300x250-programmatically-rendered"> <div class="pt-ad--container pt-ad-show-text"> <div class="pt-ad--text"> <span>article continues after advertisement</span> </div> <div id="div-gpt-ad-1404853927369-9" class="pt-ad--content"> <script type="text/javascript"> if (!window.ptAdSlots || window.ptAdSlots.length === 0) { window.ptAdSlots = []; } window.ptAdSlots.push('div-gpt-ad-1404853927369-9') </script> </div> </div> </div> <div> <div class="section section--separator"> <div id="how-to-recognize-a-gaslighter-" class="section-anchor skip-inline-link-filter"></div> <div class="h2 section-title"> How to Recognize a Gaslighter </div> <div class="section__body"> <article> <img loading="lazy" src="https://cdn2.psychologytoday.com/assets/styles/manual_crop_1_1_180x180/public/2020-04/shutterstock_721658176.jpg?itok=e68upUUq" width="180" height="180" alt="Olena Yakobchuk/Shutterstock" title="Olena Yakobchuk/Shutterstock" /> </article> <p>Gaslighting can be more effective and successful than many people imagine. Almost anyone can be susceptible to gaslighting tactics, which have been deployed throughout history, and continue to be used today, by domestic abusers, dictators, narcissists, and cult leaders. The most effective gaslighters are often the hardest to detect; they may be better recognized by their victims' actions and mental state.</p> </div> <div class="faqs"> <div class="faq faq--1"> <div itemscope itemprop="mainEntity" itemtype="https://schema.org/Question"> <div class="faq--title d-flex"> <div itemprop="name" class="h3 faq--question"> Who becomes a gaslighter? </div> <div class="faq--control-container"> <button class="faq--control"> <div class="faq--control-icon"> <svg width="13px" height="8px" viewBox="0 0 13 8" version="1.1" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" xmlns:xlink="http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink">  <desc>Created with Sketch.</desc> <defs></defs> <g id="-small" stroke="none" stroke-width="1" fill="none" fill-rule="evenodd"> <g id="Tests---Listing-Page---SM" transform="translate(-490.000000, -597.000000)" fill="#2C2D30"> <g id="Left-col" transform="translate(74.000000, 162.000000)"> <g id="Table" transform="translate(0.000000, 426.000000)"> <polygon id="navigatedown" points="422.310547 16.3125 428.621094 10.0019531 427.62793 9 422.310547 14.3173828 416.993164 9 416 10.0019531"></polygon> </g> </g> </g> </g> </svg> </div> </button> </div> </div> <div itemscope="" itemprop="acceptedAnswer" itemtype="https://schema.org/Answer" class="faq--answer"> <div itemprop="text"> <p>Those who employ this tactic often have a <a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/personality-disorders">personality disorder</a>, <a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/narcissism">narcissistic</a> <a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/personality">personality</a> disorder and <a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/psychopathy">psychopathy</a> chief among them. Manipulators have a tendency to present one face to their prey and another to the rest of the world, leading victims to assume that if they ask for help or speak out, no one will believe that they have been manipulated and emotionally abused. Gaslighters typically repeat the tactics across several relationships. </p> <p> </p> </div> </div> </div> </div> <div class="faq faq--2"> <div itemscope itemprop="mainEntity" itemtype="https://schema.org/Question"> <div class="faq--title d-flex"> <div itemprop="name" class="h3 faq--question"> What’s the difference between gaslighting and manipulation? </div> <div class="faq--control-container"> <button class="faq--control"> <div class="faq--control-icon"> <svg width="13px" height="8px" viewBox="0 0 13 8" version="1.1" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" xmlns:xlink="http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink">  <desc>Created with Sketch.</desc> <defs></defs> <g id="-small" stroke="none" stroke-width="1" fill="none" fill-rule="evenodd"> <g id="Tests---Listing-Page---SM" transform="translate(-490.000000, -597.000000)" fill="#2C2D30"> <g id="Left-col" transform="translate(74.000000, 162.000000)"> <g id="Table" transform="translate(0.000000, 426.000000)"> <polygon id="navigatedown" points="422.310547 16.3125 428.621094 10.0019531 427.62793 9 422.310547 14.3173828 416.993164 9 416 10.0019531"></polygon> </g> </g> </g> </g> </svg> </div> </button> </div> </div> <div itemscope="" itemprop="acceptedAnswer" itemtype="https://schema.org/Answer" class="faq--answer"> <div itemprop="text"> <p>Manipulation is a key part of gaslighting, but manipulation is a fairly common tactic, and almost anyone is capable of employing it while gaslighting, and gaslighters, are more rare. Children try to manipulate parents at an early age, and marketers aim to manipulate consumers, but gaslighting involves a pattern of abusive behaviors with the intent not just to influence someone, but to control them.</p> </div> </div> </div> </div> <div class="faq faq--3 collapsed faq--last"> <div itemscope itemprop="mainEntity" itemtype="https://schema.org/Question"> <div class="faq--title d-flex"> <div itemprop="name" class="h3 faq--question"> What’s the difference between gaslighting and narcissism? </div> <div class="faq--control-container"> <button class="faq--control"> <div class="faq--control-icon"> <svg width="13px" height="8px" viewBox="0 0 13 8" version="1.1" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" xmlns:xlink="http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink">  <desc>Created with Sketch.</desc> <defs></defs> <g id="-small" stroke="none" stroke-width="1" fill="none" fill-rule="evenodd"> <g id="Tests---Listing-Page---SM" transform="translate(-490.000000, -597.000000)" fill="#2C2D30"> <g id="Left-col" transform="translate(74.000000, 162.000000)"> <g id="Table" transform="translate(0.000000, 426.000000)"> <polygon id="navigatedown" points="422.310547 16.3125 428.621094 10.0019531 427.62793 9 422.310547 14.3173828 416.993164 9 416 10.0019531"></polygon> </g> </g> </g> </g> </svg> </div> </button> </div> </div> <div itemscope="" itemprop="acceptedAnswer" itemtype="https://schema.org/Answer" class="faq--answer"> <div itemprop="text"> <p>Gaslighting can be part of a <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/basics/narcissism" title="Psychology Today looks at narcissistic" class="basics-link" hreflang="en-SG">narcissistic</a> <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/basics/personality" title="Psychology Today looks at personality" class="basics-link" hreflang="en-SG">personality</a>, but it is not a core trait of narcissistic <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/basics/personality-disorders" title="Psychology Today looks at personality disorder" class="basics-link" hreflang="en-SG">personality disorder</a>. A narcissist may be self-promoting and feel superior to others; a gaslighter aims to make another person question their own self-value.</p> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <div> <div class="section section--separator"> <div id="leaving-a-gaslighter" class="section-anchor skip-inline-link-filter"></div> <div class="h2 section-title"> Leaving a Gaslighter </div> <div class="section__body"> <article> <img loading="lazy" src="https://cdn2.psychologytoday.com/assets/styles/manual_crop_1_1_180x180/public/2020-04/shutterstock_90896342.jpg?itok=Nhw0tjsn" width="180" height="180" alt="wavebreakmedia/Shuterstock" title="wavebreakmedia/Shuterstock" /> </article> <p>A primary goal of gaslighters is to keep the victim hooked. If a victim disagrees with or questions their abuser, he or she may try to make themselves seem as if they themselves are being victimized by their targets. Alternately, they may try to lure a partner back with positive reinforcement. Many people eventually find a way to escape a gaslighter’s influence, leaving the manipulator to search for a new target; often, they already have another victim in mind.</p> </div> <div class="faqs"> <div class="faq faq--1"> <div itemscope itemprop="mainEntity" itemtype="https://schema.org/Question"> <div class="faq--title d-flex"> <div itemprop="name" class="h3 faq--question"> What is “hoovering”? </div> <div class="faq--control-container"> <button class="faq--control"> <div class="faq--control-icon"> <svg width="13px" height="8px" viewBox="0 0 13 8" version="1.1" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" xmlns:xlink="http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink">  <desc>Created with Sketch.</desc> <defs></defs> <g id="-small" stroke="none" stroke-width="1" fill="none" fill-rule="evenodd"> <g id="Tests---Listing-Page---SM" transform="translate(-490.000000, -597.000000)" fill="#2C2D30"> <g id="Left-col" transform="translate(74.000000, 162.000000)"> <g id="Table" transform="translate(0.000000, 426.000000)"> <polygon id="navigatedown" points="422.310547 16.3125 428.621094 10.0019531 427.62793 9 422.310547 14.3173828 416.993164 9 416 10.0019531"></polygon> </g> </g> </g> </g> </svg> </div> </button> </div> </div> <div itemscope="" itemprop="acceptedAnswer" itemtype="https://schema.org/Answer" class="faq--answer"> <div itemprop="text"> <p>When someone tries <strong>t</strong>o leave a gaslighter, they may employ the tactic of  "hoovering," which takes its name from the vacuum brand. They will tell the victim how much they love him or her, and praise all of their positive qualities. They may also explain how things are going to change between them. But soon after the victims agrees to stay, things tend to go back to the way they were.</p> </div> </div> </div> </div> <div class="faq faq--2 faq--last"> <div itemscope itemprop="mainEntity" itemtype="https://schema.org/Question"> <div class="faq--title d-flex"> <div itemprop="name" class="h3 faq--question"> How does gaslighting change a victim? </div> <div class="faq--control-container"> <button class="faq--control"> <div class="faq--control-icon"> <svg width="13px" height="8px" viewBox="0 0 13 8" version="1.1" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" xmlns:xlink="http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink">  <desc>Created with Sketch.</desc> <defs></defs> <g id="-small" stroke="none" stroke-width="1" fill="none" fill-rule="evenodd"> <g id="Tests---Listing-Page---SM" transform="translate(-490.000000, -597.000000)" fill="#2C2D30"> <g id="Left-col" transform="translate(74.000000, 162.000000)"> <g id="Table" transform="translate(0.000000, 426.000000)"> <polygon id="navigatedown" points="422.310547 16.3125 428.621094 10.0019531 427.62793 9 422.310547 14.3173828 416.993164 9 416 10.0019531"></polygon> </g> </g> </g> </g> </svg> </div> </button> </div> </div> <div itemscope="" itemprop="acceptedAnswer" itemtype="https://schema.org/Answer" class="faq--answer"> <div itemprop="text"> <p>Gaslighting can be psychologically devastating. It violates trust, upends a person’s view that people are generally good, and can make them suspicious of everyone who is close to them. Falling victim to a gaslighter also <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/201907/why-relationships-narcissists-or-gaslighters-can-be-so">erodes a person’s trust in themselves</a> and makes them forget what they once valued about themselves; after all, it’s easy to blame themselves for having been too trusting, vulnerable, or dependent. The experience may make a victim never want to be part of a relationship again.</p> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <div class="views-element-container"><div class="js-view-dom-id-0f288198f1e0ce7bcc4537da2aa794d35d2b51985dcee3323255113cbd08bfce"> <section class="basics--essential-reads"> <div class="h2 page-section-header">Essential Reads</div> <div class="teaser--card-inset-details--row"> <article class="teaser--card-inset-details blog_entry--teaser--card-inset-details" data-nid="5030699"> <div class="card-inset-details__image"> <a href="/sg/blog/liking-the-child-you-love/202502/4-gaslighting-phrases-that-can-break-you-stop-them-cold"><img loading="lazy" src="https://cdn2.psychologytoday.com/assets/styles/manual_crop_3_2_600x400/public/teaser_image/blog_entry/2025-02/alex-wolowiecki-ie3fYjnAxAM-unsplash%20Gaslight.jpg?itok=8b_mhvFH" width="600" height="400" alt="" title="Alex Woloweicki/Unsplash" /> </a> </div> <div class="card-inset-details__body"> <div class="card-inset-details__title"> <a href="/sg/blog/liking-the-child-you-love/202502/4-gaslighting-phrases-that-can-break-you-stop-them-cold" title="4 Gaslighting Phrases That Can Break You—Stop Them Cold"> 4 Gaslighting Phrases That Can Break You—Stop Them Cold </a> </div> <div class="card-inset-details__teaser-text"> Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic that makes you question your reality—here are the most common phrases. Protect yourself with confidence. </div> </div> </article> <article class="teaser--card-inset-details blog_entry--teaser--card-inset-details" data-nid="5029370"> <div class="card-inset-details__image"> <a href="/sg/blog/love-them-or-leave-them/202501/are-they-actually-gaslighting-you"><img loading="lazy" src="https://cdn2.psychologytoday.com/assets/styles/manual_crop_3_2_600x400/public/teaser_image/blog_entry/2025-02/shutterstock_2470951411.jpg?itok=_vTzRv-6" width="600" height="400" alt="" title="Srdjan Randjelovic/Shutterstock" /> </a> </div> <div class="card-inset-details__body"> <div class="card-inset-details__title"> <a href="/sg/blog/love-them-or-leave-them/202501/are-they-actually-gaslighting-you" title="Are They Actually Gaslighting You?"> Are They Actually Gaslighting You? </a> </div> <div class="card-inset-details__teaser-text"> Lying and invalidation are frustrating. That doesn't mean it's gaslighting. </div> </div> </article> </div> <div class="teaser--card-inset-details--row"> <article class="teaser--card-inset-details blog_entry--teaser--card-inset-details" data-nid="5029185"> <div class="card-inset-details__image"> <a href="/sg/blog/power-in-relationships/202501/under-the-influence-gaslighting-in-cults"><img loading="lazy" src="/assets/styles/manual_crop_3_2_600x400/public/teaser_image/blog_entry/2025-01/cdd20-Ia3Dwq_azas-unsplash.jpg?h=cdfc8410&itok=wmg6w0i5" width="600" height="400" alt="" title="愚木混株 cdd20/Unsplash" /> </a> </div> <div class="card-inset-details__body"> <div class="card-inset-details__title"> <a href="/sg/blog/power-in-relationships/202501/under-the-influence-gaslighting-in-cults" title="Under the Influence: Gaslighting In Cults"> Under the Influence: Gaslighting In Cults </a> </div> <div class="card-inset-details__teaser-text"> Gaslighting underpins cults as leaders use emotional manipulation to gain trust and control, making outside support systems vital for identifying harm and safe exit strategies. </div> </div> </article> <article class="teaser--card-inset-details blog_entry--teaser--card-inset-details" data-nid="5028834"> <div class="card-inset-details__image"> <a href="/sg/blog/stress-fracture/202412/three-ways-to-stop-gaslighting-in-its-tracks"><img loading="lazy" src="https://cdn2.psychologytoday.com/assets/styles/manual_crop_3_2_600x400/public/teaser_image/blog_entry/2025-01/shutterstock_2494846323.jpg?itok=GflORxrr" width="600" height="400" alt="" title="PeopleImages com - Yuri A/Shutterstock" /> </a> </div> <div class="card-inset-details__body"> <div class="card-inset-details__title"> <a href="/sg/blog/stress-fracture/202412/three-ways-to-stop-gaslighting-in-its-tracks" title="3 Ways to Stop a Gaslighter"> 3 Ways to Stop a Gaslighter </a> </div> <div class="card-inset-details__teaser-text"> 2. Speak to them only from scripts. </div> </div> </article> </div> </section> </div> </div> </div> <div class="views-element-container"><div class="js-view-dom-id-342d2962cc6602fdca1f6ad154ec27e6d8fcda2cd68374eee8e74d7d4ede6c63 layout-container--grid--content-main-additional basics--recent-posts"> <div class="layout-content-main"> <div class="teaser-listing-item"> <article class="teaser teaser-lg blog-entry--teaser" data-nid="5030915"> <div class="teaser-lg--main"> <div class="teaser-lg__image"> <a href="/sg/blog/the-wisdom-of-anger/202502/the-silent-killer-of-relationships"><img loading="lazy" src="https://cdn2.psychologytoday.com/assets/styles/manual_crop_1_1_288x288/public/teaser_image/blog_entry/2025-02/pexels-ba-tik-3754287.jpg?itok=esLjU6E5" width="288" height="288" alt="" title="Ba Tik / Pexels" /> </a> </div> <div class="teaser-lg__details"> <div class="h2 teaser-lg__title"> <a href="/sg/blog/the-wisdom-of-anger/202502/the-silent-killer-of-relationships" rel="bookmark">The Silent Killer of Relationships</a> </div> <p class="teaser-lg__summary teaser-lg__teaser--desktop"> Invalidation erodes love, trust, and emotional safety from the inside out. Replace invalidation with validation, creating a relationship in which both partners feel valued and understood. </p> </div> </div> <p class="teaser-lg__summary teaser-lg__teaser--mobile"> Invalidation erodes love, trust, and emotional safety from the inside out. Replace invalidation with validation, creating a relationship in which both partners feel valued and understood. </p> </article> </div> <div class="teaser-listing-item"> <article class="teaser teaser-lg blog-entry--teaser" data-nid="5030895"> <div class="teaser-lg--main"> <div class="teaser-lg__image"> <a href="/sg/blog/invisible-chains/202502/soldiers-who-are-domestic-violence-victims"><img loading="lazy" src="https://cdn2.psychologytoday.com/assets/styles/manual_crop_1_1_288x288/public/teaser_image/blog_entry/2025-02/pexels-liza-summer-6383267.jpg?itok=XJM5JRG8" width="288" height="288" alt="" title="Lisa Summer/Pexels" /> </a> </div> <div class="teaser-lg__details"> <div class="h2 teaser-lg__title"> <a href="/sg/blog/invisible-chains/202502/soldiers-who-are-domestic-violence-victims" rel="bookmark">Soldiers Who Are Domestic Violence Victims</a> </div> <p class="teaser-lg__summary teaser-lg__teaser--desktop"> Military training ideas such as "embrace the suck" can make people more likely to submit to domestic abuse. Knowledge of these ideas and resources available promotes empowerment. </p> </div> </div> <p class="teaser-lg__summary teaser-lg__teaser--mobile"> Military training ideas such as "embrace the suck" can make people more likely to submit to domestic abuse. Knowledge of these ideas and resources available promotes empowerment. </p> </article> </div> <div class="teaser-listing-item"> <article class="teaser teaser-lg blog-entry--teaser" data-nid="5030044"> <div class="teaser-lg--main"> <div class="teaser-lg__image"> <a href="/sg/blog/the-bullied-brain/202501/the-tv-series-severance-dramatizes-workplace-mental-illness"><img loading="lazy" src="https://cdn2.psychologytoday.com/assets/styles/manual_crop_1_1_288x288/public/teaser_image/blog_entry/2025-01/Tomasz_Mikolajczyk.jpg?itok=TNJjyjum" width="288" height="288" alt="" title="Tomasz Mikolajczyk / Pixabay" /> </a> </div> <div class="teaser-lg__details"> <div class="h2 teaser-lg__title"> <a href="/sg/blog/the-bullied-brain/202501/the-tv-series-severance-dramatizes-workplace-mental-illness" rel="bookmark">The TV Series Severance Dramatizes Workplace Mental Illness</a> </div> <p class="teaser-lg__summary teaser-lg__teaser--desktop"> Focused on mental illness at work, season one of the TV series Severance garnered critical acclaim. It links mental illness directly to workplace bullying and gaslighting. </p> </div> </div> <p class="teaser-lg__summary teaser-lg__teaser--mobile"> Focused on mental illness at work, season one of the TV series Severance garnered critical acclaim. It links mental illness directly to workplace bullying and gaslighting. </p> </article> </div> <div class="teaser-listing-item"> <article class="teaser teaser-lg blog-entry--teaser" data-nid="5029735"> <div class="teaser-lg--main"> <div class="teaser-lg__image"> <a href="/sg/blog/the-bullied-brain/202501/how-the-tv-series-severance-dramatizes-workplace-bullying"><img loading="lazy" src="/assets/styles/manual_crop_1_1_288x288/public/teaser_image/blog_entry/2025-01/sithuarkaryangon.jpg?h=bc968137&itok=gA3Yn9U9" width="288" height="288" alt="" title="Sithuarkaryangon / Pixabay " /> </a> </div> <div class="teaser-lg__details"> <div class="h2 teaser-lg__title"> <a href="/sg/blog/the-bullied-brain/202501/how-the-tv-series-severance-dramatizes-workplace-bullying" rel="bookmark">How the TV Series 'Severance' Dramatizes Workplace Bullying</a> </div> <p class="teaser-lg__summary teaser-lg__teaser--desktop"> When a workplace is built on bullying and responds with gaslighting, you can feel torn in two. 'Severance' dramatizes the destructive impact of workplace abuse on the brain. </p> </div> </div> <p class="teaser-lg__summary teaser-lg__teaser--mobile"> When a workplace is built on bullying and responds with gaslighting, you can feel torn in two. 'Severance' dramatizes the destructive impact of workplace abuse on the brain. </p> </article> </div> <div class="teaser-listing-item"> <article class="teaser teaser-lg blog-entry--teaser" data-nid="5029905"> <div class="teaser-lg--main"> <div class="teaser-lg__image"> <a href="/sg/blog/an-interpersonal-lens/202501/narcissism-and-manipulation-the-attachment-model"><img loading="lazy" src="https://cdn2.psychologytoday.com/assets/styles/manual_crop_1_1_288x288/public/teaser_image/blog_entry/2025-01/pexels-keira-burton-6147245.jpg?itok=6LlNwxRg" width="288" height="288" alt="" title="Keira Burton/Pexels" /> </a> </div> <div class="teaser-lg__details"> <div class="h2 teaser-lg__title"> <a href="/sg/blog/an-interpersonal-lens/202501/narcissism-and-manipulation-the-attachment-model" rel="bookmark">Narcissism and Manipulation: The Attachment Model</a> </div> <p class="teaser-lg__summary teaser-lg__teaser--desktop"> Narcissism often stems from insecure attachment and low empathy. Recognize manipulation, set boundaries, and prioritize self-care to build healthier relationships. </p> </div> </div> <p class="teaser-lg__summary teaser-lg__teaser--mobile"> Narcissism often stems from insecure attachment and low empathy. 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