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How to Overcome Your Fear of Conflict
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<a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cbpra.2012.05.003" class="pseudoStyle" data-component="link" data-source="inlineLink" data-type="externalLink" data-ordinal="1">Social mishap exposures for social anxiety disorder: An important treatment ingredient</a>. <em>Cogn Behav Pract</em>. 2013;20(2):213–220. doi:10.1016/j.cbpra.2012.05.003", "Bandelow B, Michaelis S, Wedekind D. <a href="https://doi.org/10.31887%2FDCNS.2017.19.2%2Fbbandelow" class="pseudoStyle" data-component="link" data-source="inlineLink" data-type="externalLink" data-ordinal="1">Treatment of anxiety disorders</a>. <em>Dialogues Clin Neurosci</em>. 2017;19(2):93–107. doi:10.31887%2FDCNS.2017.19.2%2Fbbandelow" ] ,"mainEntityOfPage": { "@type": ["MedicalWebPage"] ,"@id": "https://www.verywellmind.com/how-do-i-get-over-my-fear-of-conflict-with-others-3024828" ,"breadcrumb": { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@id": 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She has a Master's degree in clinical psychology.</p>" tabindex="0" data-inline-tooltip="true"> <a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/arlin-cuncic-3024162" rel="nocaes" data-trigger-link="true" class="mntl-attribution__item-name" tabindex="-1" >Arlin Cuncic, MA</a> <div id="mntl-author-tooltip_1-0" class="comp mntl-author-tooltip mntl-tooltip mntl-group"> <div class="mntl-author-tooltip__top "> <div class="mntl-author-tooltip__image-wrapper"> <div class="img-placeholder" style="padding-bottom:100.0%;"> <img data-srcset="https://www.verywellmind.com/thmb/iax_dnultbFliB661qKudhPacWg=/40x0/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/ArlinCuncic_1000-21af8749d2144aa0b0491c29319591c4.jpg 40w, https://www.verywellmind.com/thmb/b2GFFXh4VexYuNyHs0WpQwqbMc8=/58x0/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/ArlinCuncic_1000-21af8749d2144aa0b0491c29319591c4.jpg 58w, https://www.verywellmind.com/thmb/a4oynkmKbBXNATuztjfU-N1esis=/76x0/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/ArlinCuncic_1000-21af8749d2144aa0b0491c29319591c4.jpg 76w, https://www.verywellmind.com/thmb/pe2T6dWGwtNoDmMpd7GuumPiz2A=/94x0/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/ArlinCuncic_1000-21af8749d2144aa0b0491c29319591c4.jpg 94w, https://www.verywellmind.com/thmb/VhnseoBpK_PLcpcOR2BrD1qghCo=/112x0/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/ArlinCuncic_1000-21af8749d2144aa0b0491c29319591c4.jpg 112w" data-sizes="80px" data-src="https://www.verywellmind.com/thmb/4NmbHnuUKuJHrYxVfSk5fj73zPA=/200x200/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/ArlinCuncic_1000-21af8749d2144aa0b0491c29319591c4.jpg" alt="Arlin Cuncic" class="lazyload mntl-author-tooltip__image" width="200" height="200" /> <noscript> <img src="https://www.verywellmind.com/thmb/4NmbHnuUKuJHrYxVfSk5fj73zPA=/200x200/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/ArlinCuncic_1000-21af8749d2144aa0b0491c29319591c4.jpg" srcset="https://www.verywellmind.com/thmb/iax_dnultbFliB661qKudhPacWg=/40x0/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/ArlinCuncic_1000-21af8749d2144aa0b0491c29319591c4.jpg 40w, https://www.verywellmind.com/thmb/b2GFFXh4VexYuNyHs0WpQwqbMc8=/58x0/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/ArlinCuncic_1000-21af8749d2144aa0b0491c29319591c4.jpg 58w, https://www.verywellmind.com/thmb/a4oynkmKbBXNATuztjfU-N1esis=/76x0/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/ArlinCuncic_1000-21af8749d2144aa0b0491c29319591c4.jpg 76w, https://www.verywellmind.com/thmb/pe2T6dWGwtNoDmMpd7GuumPiz2A=/94x0/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/ArlinCuncic_1000-21af8749d2144aa0b0491c29319591c4.jpg 94w, https://www.verywellmind.com/thmb/VhnseoBpK_PLcpcOR2BrD1qghCo=/112x0/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/ArlinCuncic_1000-21af8749d2144aa0b0491c29319591c4.jpg 112w" alt="Arlin Cuncic" width="200" height="200" class="img--noscript mntl-author-tooltip__image" /> </noscript> </div> </div> <div id="mntl-author-tooltip__name_1-0" class="comp mntl-author-tooltip__name mntl-attribution__item "> <a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/arlin-cuncic-3024162" rel="nocaes" class="mntl-attribution__item-name" tabindex="0" >Arlin Cuncic, MA</a> </div> <div class="mntl-author-tooltip__bio"> <p>Arlin Cuncic, MA, is the author of The Anxiety Workbook and founder of the website About Social Anxiety. She has a Master's degree in clinical psychology.</p> </div> </div> <div class="mntl-author-tooltip__bottom"> <span class="mntl-author-tooltip__learn-more-text">Learn about our </span> <a href="/our-editorial-process-4778006" rel="nocaes" class="mntl-author-tooltip__learn-more-link" >editorial process</a> </div> </div></div> </div> <div class="mntl-attribution__item-date">Updated on April 07, 2024</div></div> <div id="mntl-bylines__group_2-0" class="comp mntl-bylines__group mntl-block mntl-bylines__group--medical_reviewer "><div id="mntl-bylines__item_2-0" class="comp mntl-bylines__item mntl-attribution__item "><svg class="icon reviewer-icon mntl-attribution__item-icon" > <use xmlns:xlink="http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink" xlink:href="#reviewer-icon" href="#reviewer-icon"></use> </svg> <span id="review-descriptor-override_2-0" class="comp review-descriptor-override "><span data-tooltip="Verywell Mind articles are reviewed by board-certified physicians and mental healthcare professionals. Medical Reviewers confirm the content is thorough and accurate, reflecting the latest evidence-based research. Content is reviewed before publication and upon substantial updates. <a class="review-descriptor-tooltip__learn-more" href="/review-board-4796494">Learn more</a>." tabindex="0" data-inline-tooltip="true"> <span class="review-descriptor-override__descriptor mntl-attribution__item-name">Medically reviewed</span> <div id="review-type-tooltip_2-0" class="comp review-type-tooltip review-descriptor-tooltip mntl-tooltip mntl-group"><div id="tooltip_2-0" class="comp tooltip mntl-text-block">Verywell Mind articles are reviewed by board-certified physicians and mental healthcare professionals. Medical Reviewers confirm the content is thorough and accurate, reflecting the latest evidence-based research. Content is reviewed before publication and upon substantial updates. <a class="review-descriptor-tooltip__learn-more" href="/review-board-4796494">Learn more</a>.</div></div></span> by </span> <div data-tooltip="<p>Amy Morin, LCSW, is a psychotherapist and international bestselling author. Her books, including "13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do," have been translated into more than 40 languages. Her TEDx talk, "The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong," is one of the most viewed talks of all time.</p>" tabindex="0" data-inline-tooltip="true"> <a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/amy-morin-4842552" rel="nocaes" data-trigger-link="true" class="mntl-attribution__item-name" tabindex="-1" >Amy Morin, LCSW</a> <div id="mntl-author-tooltip_2-0" class="comp mntl-author-tooltip mntl-tooltip mntl-group"> <div class="mntl-author-tooltip__top "> <div class="mntl-author-tooltip__image-wrapper"> <div class="img-placeholder" style="padding-bottom:100.0%;"> <img data-srcset="https://www.verywellmind.com/thmb/k0E1S5qZXuPBJ8Xi0G5nfAVxLCg=/40x0/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/VW-MIND-Amy-2b338105f1ee493f94d7e333e410fa76.jpg 40w, https://www.verywellmind.com/thmb/Znx-CWH8a4PCR0q3m6t7X9PLfRE=/58x0/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/VW-MIND-Amy-2b338105f1ee493f94d7e333e410fa76.jpg 58w, https://www.verywellmind.com/thmb/M8UbmiEp2R-ONeWF8zOpSPiarQA=/76x0/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/VW-MIND-Amy-2b338105f1ee493f94d7e333e410fa76.jpg 76w, https://www.verywellmind.com/thmb/69SfyW7boTGpmrVSDpP5gMcl4jw=/94x0/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/VW-MIND-Amy-2b338105f1ee493f94d7e333e410fa76.jpg 94w, https://www.verywellmind.com/thmb/JHhMUB-uHidF2o3p5L2sdIbVK-8=/112x0/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/VW-MIND-Amy-2b338105f1ee493f94d7e333e410fa76.jpg 112w" data-sizes="80px" data-src="https://www.verywellmind.com/thmb/6w-MU4IiNC6Ybaigog3YKa3jl0w=/200x200/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/VW-MIND-Amy-2b338105f1ee493f94d7e333e410fa76.jpg" alt="Amy Morin" class="lazyload mntl-author-tooltip__image" width="200" height="200" /> <noscript> <img src="https://www.verywellmind.com/thmb/6w-MU4IiNC6Ybaigog3YKa3jl0w=/200x200/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/VW-MIND-Amy-2b338105f1ee493f94d7e333e410fa76.jpg" srcset="https://www.verywellmind.com/thmb/k0E1S5qZXuPBJ8Xi0G5nfAVxLCg=/40x0/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/VW-MIND-Amy-2b338105f1ee493f94d7e333e410fa76.jpg 40w, https://www.verywellmind.com/thmb/Znx-CWH8a4PCR0q3m6t7X9PLfRE=/58x0/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/VW-MIND-Amy-2b338105f1ee493f94d7e333e410fa76.jpg 58w, https://www.verywellmind.com/thmb/M8UbmiEp2R-ONeWF8zOpSPiarQA=/76x0/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/VW-MIND-Amy-2b338105f1ee493f94d7e333e410fa76.jpg 76w, https://www.verywellmind.com/thmb/69SfyW7boTGpmrVSDpP5gMcl4jw=/94x0/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/VW-MIND-Amy-2b338105f1ee493f94d7e333e410fa76.jpg 94w, https://www.verywellmind.com/thmb/JHhMUB-uHidF2o3p5L2sdIbVK-8=/112x0/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/VW-MIND-Amy-2b338105f1ee493f94d7e333e410fa76.jpg 112w" alt="Amy Morin" width="200" height="200" class="img--noscript mntl-author-tooltip__image" /> </noscript> </div> </div> <div id="mntl-author-tooltip__name_2-0" class="comp mntl-author-tooltip__name mntl-attribution__item "><svg class="icon reviewer-icon mntl-attribution__item-icon" > <use xmlns:xlink="http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink" xlink:href="#reviewer-icon" href="#reviewer-icon"></use> </svg> <span class="mntl-attribution__item-descriptor">Medically reviewed by</span> <a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/amy-morin-4842552" rel="nocaes" class="mntl-attribution__item-name" tabindex="0" >Amy Morin, LCSW</a> </div> <div class="mntl-author-tooltip__bio"> <p>Amy Morin, LCSW, is a psychotherapist and international bestselling author. Her books, including "13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do," have been translated into more than 40 languages. Her TEDx talk, "The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong," is one of the most viewed talks of all time.</p> </div> </div> <div class="mntl-author-tooltip__bottom"> <span class="mntl-author-tooltip__learn-more-text">Learn about our </span> <a href="/review-board-4796494" rel="nocaes" class="mntl-author-tooltip__learn-more-link" >Medical Review Board</a> </div> </div></div> </div></div> </div> <div id="social-share-container_1-0" class="comp social-share-container mntl-block"><form id="print-button_1-0" class="comp print-button" method="POST" action="/how-do-i-get-over-my-fear-of-conflict-with-others-3024828?print" data-tracking-container="true" target="_blank"> <button class="btn"> Print <svg class="icon icon-print text-btn-icon" > <use xmlns:xlink="http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink" xlink:href="#icon-print" href="#icon-print"></use> </svg> </button> <input type="hidden" value="true" name="print" /> <input type="hidden" value="4ae1c39fab924d756af010c788eae008" name="CSRFToken" /> </form></div></div></div> </div><div class="loc article-post-header"><figure id="figure-article_1-0" class="comp figure-article mntl-block lock-journey" data-tracking-container="true"><div id="figure-article__media_1-0" class="comp figure-article__media mntl-block"><figure id="figure-article__image_1-0" class="comp figure-article__image mntl-universal-primary-image primary-image"> <div class="primary-image__media"> <div class="img-placeholder" style="padding-bottom:66.6%;"> <img src="https://www.verywellmind.com/thmb/TgDuRowXKgnUQYBwmfXYUgnAdo8=/1500x0/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/GettyImages-556459381-56bea9c43df78c0b138d64aa.jpg" width="3868" height="2578" srcset="https://www.verywellmind.com/thmb/KlkykoI_m_pL1cpRdvmTWhThyRY=/750x0/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/GettyImages-556459381-56bea9c43df78c0b138d64aa.jpg 750w" sizes="750px" alt="upset woman with arms crossed" class=" primary-image__image mntl-primary-image--blurry" 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class="loaded primary-img--noscript primary-image__image mntl-primary-image--blurry" srcset="https://www.verywellmind.com/thmb/KlkykoI_m_pL1cpRdvmTWhThyRY=/750x0/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/GettyImages-556459381-56bea9c43df78c0b138d64aa.jpg 750w" sizes="750px" alt="upset woman with arms crossed" /> </noscript> </div> </div> <figcaption id="primary-image__figcap_1-0" class="comp primary-image__figcap mntl-figure-caption figure-article-caption"> <span class="figure-article-caption-owner">Westend61/Getty Images</span> </figcaption></figure></div></figure> </div><div class="loc article-left-rail"><div id="sticky-toc-wrapper_1-0" class="comp sticky-toc-wrapper mntl-block js-sticky-container"></div> </div><div class="loc article-content"><div id="article__broad-video-jw_1-0" class="comp article__broad-video-jw mntl-jwplayer-broad mntl-block is-hidden" data-pixel-depth="100"><div id="mntl-jwplayer-broad__video_1-0" class="comp mntl-jwplayer-broad__video mntl-jwplayer mm-video lazyload" data-bgset data-sizes="auto"></div> <div id="mntl-jwplayer-broad__title_1-0" class="comp mntl-jwplayer-broad__title mntl-block"><div id="mntl-jwplayer-broad__title--text_1-0" class="comp mntl-jwplayer-broad__title--text mntl-text-block type--mouse"></div> <button id="mntl-jwplayer-broad__title-icon--close_1-0" class="comp mntl-jwplayer-broad__title-icon--close mntl-block type--shrew-bold" data-click-tracked="false"><span id="mntl-text-block_1-0" class="comp mntl-text-block">Close</span> <svg class="icon close-icon " > <use xmlns:xlink="http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink" xlink:href="#close-icon" href="#close-icon"></use> </svg></button></div></div> <div id="wellness-sc-page_1-0" class="comp wellness-sc-page mntl-sc-page mntl-block structured-content article-content expert-content right-rail__offset lock-journey" data-sc-sticky-offset="60" data-sc-ad-label-height="24" data-sc-ad-track-spacing="100" data-sc-min-track-height="250" data-sc-max-track-height="600" data-sc-breakpoint="50em" data-sc-load-immediate="4" data-sc-content-positions="[400, 1400, 1400, 1700, 2000, 2200, 2400, 2600, 2800]" data-bind-scroll-on-start="true"><p id="mntl-sc-block_1-0" class="comp mntl-sc-block mntl-sc-block-html"> The fear of conflict is common, especially among those with social anxiety. You might worry about saying something that others will disagree with or have general fears about doing things that will annoy or bother other people. This can also lead to <a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-stop-being-a-people-pleaser-5184412" data-component="link" data-source="inlineLink" data-type="internalLink" data-ordinal="1">people-pleasing tendencies</a> where you put other people's feelings above your own. </p> <div id="mntl-sc-block_2-0" class="comp mntl-sc-block mntl-sc-block-adslot mntl-block"></div> <p id="mntl-sc-block_3-0" class="comp mntl-sc-block mntl-sc-block-html"> Although avoiding conflict alleviates your anxiety in the short term, in the long term it perpetuates your fear and the belief that you can't handle situations involving conflict. </p> <div id="mntl-sc-block_4-0" class="comp mntl-sc-block mntl-sc-block-adslot mntl-block"></div> <p id="mntl-sc-block_5-0" class="comp mntl-sc-block mntl-sc-block-html"> Read on to discover ways to overcome your fear of conflict with exposure therapy that you can practice on your own. </p> <div id="mntl-sc-block_6-0" class="comp mntl-sc-block mntl-sc-block-adslot mntl-block"></div> <div id="wellness-sc-block-featuredlink--related_1-0" class="comp wellness-sc-block-featuredlink--related wellness-sc-block-featuredlink-base mntl-sc-block-featuredlink mntl-block related-link related-link theme-related"><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-boost-your-self-confidence-4163098" rel="nocaes" id="mntl-sc-block-featuredlink__link_1-0" class="mntl-sc-block-featuredlink__link mntl-text-link " data-tracking-container="true" data-tracking-id="featured-link" ><span class="link__wrapper">Want to Boost Your Confidence? Give These Tips a Try</span></a></div> <div id="mntl-sc-block_8-0" class="comp mntl-sc-block mntl-sc-block-adslot mntl-block"></div> <span class="heading-toc" id="toc-exposure-therapy"></span><h2 id="mntl-sc-block_9-0" class="comp mntl-sc-block wellness-sc-block-heading mntl-sc-block-heading"> <span class="mntl-sc-block-heading__text"> Exposure Therapy </span> </h2> <p id="mntl-sc-block_10-0" class="comp mntl-sc-block mntl-sc-block-html"> One way to gradually overcome your fear of conflict is to face the situations that cause you anxiety. This process is known as <a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/exposure-therapy-definition-techniques-and-efficacy-5190514" data-component="link" data-source="inlineLink" data-type="internalLink" data-ordinal="1">exposure therapy</a> and is usually carried out as part of a larger treatment program like <a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-cognitive-behavior-therapy-2795747" data-component="link" data-source="inlineLink" data-type="internalLink" data-ordinal="2">cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT)</a>.<span class="ql-inline-citation" data-cite="1"></span> However, you can practice exposure therapy on your own as part of a self-help plan. </p> <div id="mntl-sc-block_11-0" class="comp mntl-sc-block mntl-sc-block-adslot mntl-block"></div> <div id="wellness-sc-block-callout--takeaway_1-0" class="comp wellness-sc-block-callout--takeaway wellness-sc-block-callout-base mntl-sc-block-callout mntl-block theme-takeaway theme-takeaway" data-tracking-id="mntl-sc-block-callout" data-tracking-container="true"><div id="mntl-sc-block-callout-body_1-0" class="comp mntl-sc-block-callout-body mntl-text-block expert-content"><p>The idea is not to run out and start an argument with the first stranger you see. On the contrary, part of exposure training is to gradually engage in feared scenarios at a pace that you can tolerate.</p></div></div> <p id="mntl-sc-block_13-0" class="comp mntl-sc-block mntl-sc-block-html"> This means starting with situations that cause you the least anxiety and eventually working up to what causes you the most fear. </p> <div id="mntl-sc-block_14-0" class="comp mntl-sc-block mntl-sc-block-adslot mntl-block"></div> <p id="mntl-sc-block_15-0" class="comp mntl-sc-block mntl-sc-block-html"> You can practice these exposures either in real life (in vivo) or in your imagination to start.<span class="ql-inline-citation" data-cite="2"></span> </p> <div id="mntl-sc-block_16-0" class="comp mntl-sc-block mntl-sc-block-adslot mntl-block"></div> <p id="mntl-sc-block_17-0" class="comp mntl-sc-block mntl-sc-block-html"> If you find it difficult to construct the exact scenarios that cause you to fear, visualizing them might be the better option. Eventually, however, you will want to experience those situations in real life. </p> <div id="mntl-sc-block_18-0" class="comp mntl-sc-block mntl-sc-block-adslot mntl-block"></div> <div id="wellness-sc-block-featuredlink--related_2-0" class="comp wellness-sc-block-featuredlink--related wellness-sc-block-featuredlink-base mntl-sc-block-featuredlink mntl-block related-link related-link theme-related"><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/practice-social-anxiety-disorder-exposure-therapy-3024845" rel="nocaes" id="mntl-sc-block-featuredlink__link_2-0" class="mntl-sc-block-featuredlink__link mntl-text-link " data-tracking-container="true" data-tracking-id="featured-link" ><span class="link__wrapper">How to Practice Exposure Therapy for Social Anxiety Disorder</span></a></div> <div id="mntl-sc-block_20-0" class="comp mntl-sc-block mntl-sc-block-adslot mntl-block"></div> <span class="heading-toc" id="toc-how-to-practice-it-safely"></span><h2 id="mntl-sc-block_21-0" class="comp mntl-sc-block wellness-sc-block-heading mntl-sc-block-heading"> <span class="mntl-sc-block-heading__text"> How to Practice It Safely </span> </h2> <p id="mntl-sc-block_22-0" class="comp mntl-sc-block mntl-sc-block-html"> Unlike other exposures, those involving conflict with others carry the potential to cause other people to become impatient and annoyed. Remember to approach each situation using assertive behaviors (rather than an <a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-aggressiveness-aggressiveness-in-communication-3145097" data-component="link" data-source="inlineLink" data-type="internalLink" data-ordinal="1">aggressive</a> stance) and choose situations where there is little risk. </p> <div id="mntl-sc-block_23-0" class="comp mntl-sc-block mntl-sc-block-adslot mntl-block"></div> <p id="mntl-sc-block_24-0" class="comp mntl-sc-block mntl-sc-block-html"> For example, don't practice conflict exposures with someone who you fear could become overly agitated or violent. </p> <div id="mntl-sc-block_25-0" class="comp mntl-sc-block mntl-sc-block-adslot mntl-block"></div> <div id="wellness-sc-block-featuredlink--related_3-0" class="comp wellness-sc-block-featuredlink--related wellness-sc-block-featuredlink-base mntl-sc-block-featuredlink mntl-block related-link related-link theme-related"><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/how-can-i-be-more-assertive-when-i-have-social-anxiety-3024311" rel="nocaes" id="mntl-sc-block-featuredlink__link_3-0" class="mntl-sc-block-featuredlink__link mntl-text-link " data-tracking-container="true" data-tracking-id="featured-link" ><span class="link__wrapper">How Can I Be More Assertive When I Have Social Anxiety?</span></a></div> <div id="mntl-sc-block_27-0" class="comp mntl-sc-block mntl-sc-block-adslot mntl-block"></div> <p id="mntl-sc-block_28-0" class="comp mntl-sc-block mntl-sc-block-html"> Also remember that the point of these exposures is to increase your ability to tolerate the conflict, and some of your actions may mildly inconvenience others. </p> <div id="mntl-sc-block_29-0" class="comp mntl-sc-block mntl-sc-block-adslot mntl-block"></div> <p id="mntl-sc-block_30-0" class="comp mntl-sc-block mntl-sc-block-html"> Although you might feel like what you are doing is terrible, those on the receiving end will probably see it as a minor issue. After all, these types of interactions happen to all of us in some form every day. </p> <div id="mntl-sc-block_31-0" class="comp mntl-sc-block mntl-sc-block-adslot mntl-block"></div> <div id="wellness-sc-block-callout--takeaway_2-0" class="comp wellness-sc-block-callout--takeaway wellness-sc-block-callout-base mntl-sc-block-callout mntl-block theme-takeaway theme-takeaway" data-tracking-id="mntl-sc-block-callout" data-tracking-container="true"><div id="mntl-sc-block-callout-body_2-0" class="comp mntl-sc-block-callout-body mntl-text-block expert-content"><p>Think about how you would feel or react if you were on the receiving side of being inconvenienced, told "no" when you asked a favor, or confronted when you (accidentally) cut in line. Most likely, you would be temporarily bothered but quickly forget about the incident.</p></div></div> <span class="heading-toc" id="toc-fear-hierarchy"></span><h2 id="mntl-sc-block_33-0" class="comp mntl-sc-block wellness-sc-block-heading mntl-sc-block-heading"> <span class="mntl-sc-block-heading__text"> Fear Hierarchy </span> </h2> <p id="mntl-sc-block_34-0" class="comp mntl-sc-block mntl-sc-block-html"> The following brief list gives you some examples of items that you might place on a fear hierarchy related to <a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/confrontation-strategies-8718857" data-component="link" data-source="inlineLink" data-type="internalLink" data-ordinal="1">conflict with others</a>. </p> <div id="mntl-sc-block_35-0" class="comp mntl-sc-block mntl-sc-block-adslot mntl-block"></div> <p id="mntl-sc-block_36-0" class="comp mntl-sc-block mntl-sc-block-html"> You should create your own list that is tailored to your particular fears and anxiety triggers. Be sure that the list starts with the easiest task and gradually works up to the hardest.<span class="ql-inline-citation" data-cite="3"></span> </p> <div id="mntl-sc-block_37-0" class="comp mntl-sc-block mntl-sc-block-adslot mntl-block"></div> <ol id="mntl-sc-block_38-0" class="comp mntl-sc-block mntl-sc-block-html"> <li><strong>Take a long time doing something</strong>.<strong> </strong>Be indecisive when a salesperson is helping you. Parallel park and take a long time doing it. Spend a long time when using an automated teller machine. Use a bunch of coupons at the grocery store or ask them to do a price match with a competitor.</li> <li><strong>Say "no" to something</strong>. If a telemarketer calls, ask to be put on a "do not call" list. Say no to a friend who asks too much of you. Say "no" to a coworker who asks you to do more than your fair share of work.</li> <li><strong>Return something or complain about something</strong>. Return an item to the store without the receipt. Tell the hairdresser you aren't satisfied with your haircut and ask for a change. Let your server know that you are not satisfied with your food and request a new meal be prepared. Be careful to choose valid complaints that you can realistically convey.</li> <li><strong>Create a problem</strong>. Get to the checkout and realize you don't have enough money to pay for everything so you have to put an item back. Take an item to the cashier that doesn't have a price tag. Try to pay with a debit card that you know won't work.</li><span class="mntl-sc-block-adslot mntl-sc-block-adslot-inline"></span> <li><strong>Ask someone to stop doing something</strong>. If someone cuts in front of you in line, say something assertive like "Excuse me, the line is back here." If someone is being bullied, stand up for that person. If you disagree with someone's opinion, tell them in a polite way.</li> <li><strong>Communicate your boundaries in a relationship. </strong>If someone does or says something that makes you uncomfortable, then it is time to let them know. Learn <a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/learn-assertive-communication-in-five-simple-steps-3144969" data-component="link" data-source="inlineLink" data-type="internalLink" data-ordinal="1">assertive communication</a> techniques to clearly state your position without attacking the other person's character. For example, "I know you don't mean to hurt my feelings, but when you say those things about me in front of my friends (provide examples), I feel really embarrassed." Start with something small to get your footing and gain more confidence each time you do it.</li> </ol> <div id="mntl-sc-block_39-0" class="comp mntl-sc-block mntl-sc-block-adslot mntl-block"></div> <div id="wellness-sc-block-callout--takeaway_3-0" class="comp wellness-sc-block-callout--takeaway wellness-sc-block-callout-base mntl-sc-block-callout mntl-block theme-takeaway theme-takeaway" data-tracking-id="mntl-sc-block-callout" data-tracking-container="true"><div id="mntl-sc-block-callout-body_3-0" class="comp mntl-sc-block-callout-body mntl-text-block expert-content"><p>Getting over your fear of conflict with others will take time. Be sure to stay in the situation and fully experience your anxiety instead of choosing to escape. Use <a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/manage-your-anxiety-2584184#:" data-component="link" data-source="inlineLink" data-type="internalLink" data-ordinal="1">positive coping mechanisms</a> to help you through the anxiety. Unless you remain in the situation until your fear decreases you will not learn that <em>there is nothing to fear</em>.</p></div></div> <span class="heading-toc" id="toc-a-word-from-verywell"></span><h2 id="mntl-sc-block_41-0" class="comp mntl-sc-block wellness-sc-block-heading mntl-sc-block-heading"> <span class="mntl-sc-block-heading__text"> A Word From Verywell </span> </h2> <p id="mntl-sc-block_42-0" class="comp mntl-sc-block mntl-sc-block-html"> If you find that your anxiety is severe and debilitating, self-help strategies may not be enough. It is important to reach out to your doctor or a mental health professional for a diagnosis and treatment. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and medication have both been empirically shown effective in the treatment of social anxiety disorder (SAD).<span class="ql-inline-citation" data-cite="4"></span> </p> <div id="mntl-sc-block_43-0" class="comp mntl-sc-block mntl-sc-block-adslot mntl-block"></div> <div id="wellness-sc-block-featuredlink--related_4-0" class="comp wellness-sc-block-featuredlink--related wellness-sc-block-featuredlink-base mntl-sc-block-featuredlink mntl-block related-link related-link theme-related"><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/social-anxiety-disorder-overview-4581773" rel="nocaes" id="mntl-sc-block-featuredlink__link_4-0" class="mntl-sc-block-featuredlink__link mntl-text-link " data-tracking-container="true" data-tracking-id="featured-link" ><span class="link__wrapper">Social Anxiety Disorder</span></a></div></div> <div id="post-article_1-0" class="comp post-article mntl-block"><div id="sources_1-0" class="comp sources mntl-block"><div id="mntl-article-sources_1-0" class="comp mntl-article-sources mntl-expandable-block" data-scroll-offset="70"><div class="loc toggle-content"><div id="mntl-article-sources__wrapper_1-0" class="comp mntl-article-sources__wrapper mntl-block" data-click-tracked="true" tabindex="0"><span id="mntl-article-sources__heading_1-0" class="comp mntl-article-sources__heading mntl-text-block">4 Sources</span> <svg class="icon show-icon " > <use xmlns:xlink="http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink" xlink:href="#show-icon" href="#show-icon"></use> </svg> <svg class="icon hide-icon " > <use xmlns:xlink="http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink" xlink:href="#hide-icon" href="#hide-icon"></use> </svg></div> </div><div class="loc expandable-content"><div id="source-guidelines_1-0" class="comp source-guidelines mntl-text-block">Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our <a href=/our-editorial-process-4778006>editorial process</a> to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.</div> <div id="mntl-article-sources__citation-sources_1-0" class="comp mntl-article-sources__citation-sources mntl-citation-sources mntl-sources" data-tracking-container="true"> <ol class="mntl-sources__content"> <li class="mntl-sources__source" id="citation-1"><p>Sars D, van Minnen A. <a href="https://doi.org/10.1186/s40359-015-0083-2" data-component="link" data-source="inlineLink" data-type="externalLink" data-ordinal="1">On the use of exposure therapy in the treatment of anxiety disorders: A survey among cognitive behavioural therapists in the Netherlands</a>. <em>BMC Psychol</em>. 2015;3(1):26. doi:10.1186/s40359-015-0083-2</p></li> <li class="mntl-sources__source" id="citation-2"><p>American Psychological Association. <a href="https://www.apa.org/ptsd-guideline/patients-and-families/exposure-therapy" data-component="link" data-source="inlineLink" data-type="externalLink" data-ordinal="1">What is exposure therapy?</a></p></li> <li class="mntl-sources__source" id="citation-3"><p>Fang A, Sawyer AT, Asnaani A, Hofmann S. <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cbpra.2012.05.003" class="pseudoStyle" data-component="link" data-source="inlineLink" data-type="externalLink" data-ordinal="1">Social mishap exposures for social anxiety disorder: An important treatment ingredient</a>. <em>Cogn Behav Pract</em>. 2013;20(2):213–220. doi:10.1016/j.cbpra.2012.05.003</p></li> <li class="mntl-sources__source" id="citation-4"><p>Bandelow B, Michaelis S, Wedekind D. <a href="https://doi.org/10.31887%2FDCNS.2017.19.2%2Fbbandelow" class="pseudoStyle" data-component="link" data-source="inlineLink" data-type="externalLink" data-ordinal="1">Treatment of anxiety disorders</a>. <em>Dialogues Clin Neurosci</em>. 2017;19(2):93–107. doi:10.31887%2FDCNS.2017.19.2%2Fbbandelow</p></li> </ol> </div> </div></div></div> <div id="author-bio_1-0" class="comp author-bio "> <div class="loc author-bio__image"><img data-src="https://www.verywellmind.com/thmb/rteYxHeAp4AlLuOxTH_Qtd92OQc=/144x144/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/ArlinCuncic_1000-21af8749d2144aa0b0491c29319591c4.jpg" width="144" height="144" alt="Arlin Cuncic" class="lazyload universal-image__image" data-expand="300" /> <noscript> <img src="https://www.verywellmind.com/thmb/rteYxHeAp4AlLuOxTH_Qtd92OQc=/144x144/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/ArlinCuncic_1000-21af8749d2144aa0b0491c29319591c4.jpg" width="144" height="144" class="img--noscript universal-image__image" alt="Arlin Cuncic" /> </noscript> </div> <p class="author-bio__bio-text" > <span class="author-bio__bio-title">By <a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/arlin-cuncic-3024162">Arlin Cuncic, MA</a></span> <br> Arlin Cuncic, MA, is the author of The Anxiety Workbook and founder of the website About Social Anxiety. 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