Family Life and Spiritual Warfare | A Russian Orthodox Church Website

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Lord in our Own Lives</a> </li> </ul> </div> </li> <li id="id-942" class=""> <a href="https://www.pravmir.com/tag/family/">family</a> <div class="down_menu"> В данной категории нет материалов. </div> </li> <li class=""><a href="https://www.pravmir.com/multimedia/">Multimedia</a></li> <li class=""> <a href="https://www.pravmir.com/contact-us/">Contact us</a> </li> </ul> <form action="https://www.pravmir.com/" method="get" class="search clearfix"> <button type="button" class="slidedn" id="slidedn">Искать</button> <div class="slider"> <input type="text" name="s" value="" > <button type="submit" class="submit submit-native">Искать</button> </div> </form> </div> </div> </div> <div class="limit hh-site-content"> <div class="content"> <div class="article "> <h1>Family Life and Spiritual Warfare</h1> <div class="source">Source: <a href="https://blogs.ancientfaith.com/prayingintherain/2022/05/family-life-and-spiritual-warfare/" target="_blank">Praying in the Rain</a></div> <div class="h3-style"></div> <div class="author big"><a href="https://www.pravmir.com/author/user_1416911421/">Archpriest Michael Gillis</a> | 19 May 2022</div> <div id="con"> <div class="preview"> <div class="graphics-block"> <div class="hh-thumb-container"> <img src="https://www.pravmir.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/05/Busy-Family-600x507.jpeg" class="hh-article-thumb" alt="Family Life and Spiritual Warfare"> </div> <div class="toolbar" id="hh-toolbar"> <div class="font_up" ></div> <div class="font_dn" ></div> <div class="print" onclick="window.print()"></div> <a href="mailto:?subject=Family%20Life%20and%20Spiritual%20Warfare"><div class="letter"></div></a> </div> </div> <div class="newsline"> <ul class="diamond"> <li><a href="https://www.pravmir.com/notes-on-spiritual-growth/" class="" >Notes on Spiritual Growth</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.pravmir.com/the-peace-of-god-is-a-great-treasure/" class="" >The Peace of God is a Great Treasure</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.pravmir.com/the-poison-of-pride/" class="" >The Poison of Pride</a></li> </ul> </div> </div> <div class="hh-post-content"> <p>Someone recently wrote me the following:</p> <blockquote><p>Can you please give us a word regarding the topic of “how to overcome thoughts of pride in our hearts that inevitably come after labouring on good works for our families and people around us.”<br /> I have been struggling with that lately. How is it that we can reach a point where we don’t count and remember the good we have done for others?<br /> I would appreciate it if there are any councils from Sts. Barsanuphius and John on this topic.</p></blockquote> <p>Since proud thoughts are a very common problem, although they take different forms, I’d like to comment on it.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Unfortunately, I don’t have a specific quote from Sts. Barsanuphius and John.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>There are 844 letters, and if I were to underline every significant sentence, half the book would be underlined (the other half is also significant, but too profound for me to understand).<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>However, this shouldn’t be a problem, if your willing to take my word for it because this is a struggle that not only Barsanuphius and John write about, but also many other Orthodox Fathers write about.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></p> <p>Furthermore, this is a struggle that I also experience.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I don’t like to give spiritual advice about things I have only read and heard about.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Luckily (or unluckily), this is a struggle I have a lot of experience with.</p> <p>The struggle with pride takes many forms, but one of the most common forms that devout Orthodox Christians experience is really a two-pronged demonic attack.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Using the scenario mentioned above, I will describe what the attack looks like.</p> <p>Before I do the good work, thoughts nag at me like the following:<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></p> <blockquote><p>“I don’t have to do it”</p> <p>“It’s my turn to take a break”</p> <p>“It’s not fair that I always do it”</p></blockquote> <p>And as I think about such thoughts—and these are just examples, there are thousands of variations—as I think about such thoughts I get angry.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>And the more angry I get, the more the thoughts torment me and become a vicious cycle of thoughts and feelings.</p> <p>However, if I overcome the first attack and do the kind, helpful, loving or gracious thing for my family member or person close to me, immediately the thoughts change and now they sound something like this:</p> <p>“My sister (wife, brother, friend) doesn’t realize how lucky s/he is to have me in their life”</p> <p>“S/he had better thank me this time”</p> <p>“I must be progressing in my spiritual life”</p> <p>“I did a good job overcoming those bad thoughts in the beginning”</p> <p>Again these are just a few of the thousands of variations these prideful, second-prong thoughts can take.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>These thoughts produce a very different kind of feeling.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> Instead of anger, t</span>hese thoughts make me feel good about myself, feel happy and proud of myself, feel as though I have earned God’s favour. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></p> <p>These thoughts and feelings are much more dangerous than the first set.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>It’s usually pretty easy for us to notice that something is wrong when we are angry—even if we think or feel that we have a right to be angry.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>But when we have the feeling of being right, the feeling that we are pleasing God, then we have to watch out because that’s exactly what pride and self-righteousness feels like.</p> <p>Jesus instructed his Disciples that when they had done what was right (what was commanded of them) that they were to say to themselves only, “We are unprofitable servants; we have done only what was our duty to do” (Luke 17:10). <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I think this verse is one of the reasons why the Church Fathers recommend that we constantly recite the Jesus Prayer: “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me the sinner.”</p> <p>Of course even prayer can be fodder for the demons’ attacks on our mind.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>We can be proud that we have prayed.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I have even experienced thoughts of pride for my supposed humility. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></p> <p>All of these confused thoughts and feelings is what the Church calls spiritual warfare.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>And the important thing to remember is that the warfare in my mind is not me.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>So long as I am resisting or trying to discern my thoughts, my thoughts are not me.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>My thoughts only become me when I accept them, but even then I can repent.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Sometimes I accept a thought, usually accompanied by a feeling, only to slowly realize that the thought/feeling is inappropriate.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>When I realize it, I repent.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I change my mind and ask for forgiveness.</p> <p>My spiritual father is a hermit monk, yet he constantly tells me that the “trenches” of spiritual warfare are in family life.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Loving those we live with is hard work, and it produces confusing and conflicting thoughts.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>But it is this very warfare in our thoughts that transforms us into the image of Christ.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>As we struggle to love in our words and actions, we also have to struggle with the flood of conflicting thoughts and feelings. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></p> <p>Sometimes the thoughts and feelings try to keep us from doing the loving thing and urge us to speak unkind words.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>However, sometimes the thoughts and feelings urge us to a self-satisfied self righteousness and pride.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>We forget that even when we do well, we are merely doing our duty, we are only doing what God has given us to do. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></p> <p>What has helped me immensely in this spiritual warfare in my mind is the thought that, in the end, whatever I do is not really between me and my loved one.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>It’s between me and God.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>When I remember this, then whenever a thought of pride or laziness or boredom or selfishness that comes to me, I can take the thought immediately to God.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>The issue is not the situation or the people, the issue concerns my relationship with God, and I need to let my relationship with God determine what I do and how I think about it.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>It’s not easy, but what do we expect?<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>It’s warfare.</p> <p>Now as to the part of the question that asks if we ever get to the place where we no longer count or remember the good we do to others: my word is, I don’t know. It has been reported that some saints have gotten there, but for most of us, I think spiritual warfare in our thoughts will be with us until the end of our lives. In fact, many Church fathers say this very thing: that we should not expect to experience anything but struggle in this life.</p> <p>Actually, I have accepted this for myself and it has made the struggle a little easier. Since I expect to have conflicting thoughts, I am not as much disturbed when I experience them. I just deal with it. And, in fact, I think over time I have gotten a little better at dealing with it. Not that I don’t continue to experience proud, lazy, lustful and sinful thoughts. It’s just that with practice I recognize them a bit sooner in the process and generally (but not always) deal with them sooner. And as a result, the roller coaster ride of feelings is not as extreme as it used to be.</p> <p>I’d like to end with a longish word by Mother Teresa of Calcutta. I know she isn’t Orthodox, but this word she gave truly is Orthodox:</p> <blockquote><p>People are often unreasonable, irrational and self-centred: Forgive them anyway.</p> <p>If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives: Be kind anyway.</p> <p>If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies: Succeed anyway.</p> <p>If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you: Be honest and sincere anyway.</p> <p>What you spent years creating, others could destroy overnight: Create anyway.</p> <p>If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous: Be happy anyway.</p> <p>The good you do today will often be forgotten: Do good anyway.</p> <p>Give the best you have, and it will never be enough: Give your best anyway.</p> <p>In the final analysis, it is between you and God: It was never between you and them anyway.</p></blockquote> </div> </div> <div id="hh-likes-marker"></div> <div class="recomended"> <div class="hh-aside-info-row clearfix">  <div class="social_but fb"> <div class="fb-like" data-send="false" data-layout="button_count" data-width="90" data-show-faces="false" ></div> </div>  <div class="social_but tweet"> <a href="https://twitter.com/share" class="twitter-share-button">Tweet</a> <script>!function(d,s,id){var js,fjs=d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0];if(!d.getElementById(id)){js=d.createElement(s);js.id=id;js.src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js";fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js,fjs);}}(document,"script","twitter-wjs");</script> </div> <div class="social_but social_help_button"> <a href="https://www.pravmir.com/donate/" target="_blank">Donate</a> </div> </div> </div> <div class="hh-aside-info-row clearfix"> <div class="hh-social-share-container clearfix"> <div class="hh-share-block-text">Share</div> <div class="hh-share-block-buttons"> <div class="yashare-auto-init" data-yashareL10n="ru" data-yashareType="none" data-yashareQuickServices="twitter,lj" ></div> </div> </div> <div class="hh-get-code-container"> <button id="get_code" class="get-code-button"><\> Code for blog</button> </div> </div> <div class="hh-aside-info-row hh-get-code-textarea-container clearfix"> <textarea id="info_content" rows="8" onClick="this.select();" class="hh-get-code-textarea"><div style="border:1px solid #d3d3d3; padding:12px 15px; clear:both; background-color:#F6F6F6; font-family:Verdana, sans-serif;"> <a target="_blank" href="https://www.pravmir.com" title="Pravmir.com" style="float: right; display: block; border-bottom:0; padding-left: 10px; padding-bottom: 5px; text-decoration:none;" > <img border="0" src="https://www.pravmir.com/wp-content/uploads/pravmir-static-files/pravmir-logo-get-code.png" alt="Pravmir.com" title="Pravmir.com" style="border:0" /> </a> <a target="_blank" href="https://www.pravmir.com/family-life-and-spiritual-warfare/" style="text-decoration:none; border-bottom:0;"> <img style="float: left; margin:0 20px 10px 0; " src="https://www.pravmir.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/05/Busy-Family-168x112.jpeg" alt="Family Life and Spiritual Warfare" /> </a> <p style="font-size:12px;"><a target="_blank" href="https://www.pravmir.com/family-life-and-spiritual-warfare/"><strong style="font-size:20px; font-weight:bold;">Family Life and Spiritual Warfare</strong></a></p> <p style="font-size:12px;"><a target="_blank" href="https://www.pravmir.com/family-life-and-spiritual-warfare/">Archpriest Michael Gillis</a></p> <p style="font-size:12px;"><a target="_blank" href="https://www.pravmir.com/family-life-and-spiritual-warfare/">Someone recently wrote me the following: Can you please give us a word regarding the topic of “how to overcome thoughts of pride in our hearts that inevitably come after labouring on good works for our families and people around us.” I have been struggling with that lately. How is it that we can ...</a></p> <div style="clear:both;"></div></div></textarea> </div> <div style="margin-bottom: 25px;"></div> <div class="hh-donation-block-v8 hh-donation-block-v8_light-blue js-donation-block-after-article"> <div class="hh-donation-block-v8__title">Since you are here…</div> <div class="hh-donation-block-v8__description"> <p>…we do have a small request. More and more people visit Orthodoxy and the World website. However, resources for editorial are scarce. In comparison to some mass media, we do not make paid subscription. It is our deepest belief that preaching Christ for money is wrong. </p> <p>Having said that, Pravmir provides daily articles from an autonomous news service, weekly wall newspaper for churches, lectorium, photos, videos, hosting and servers. Editors and translators work together towards one goal: to make our four websites possible - Pravmir.ru, Neinvalid.ru, Matrony.ru and Pravmir.com. 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