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<!DOCTYPE html><html lang="en"><head><meta charSet="utf-8"/><meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width"/><link rel="alternate" type="application/rss+xml" title="The Spinoff" href="/feed"/><title>Help Me Hera: Should I have children? | The Spinoff</title><meta property="fb:pages" content="585595504882807"/><meta name="author" content="Hera Lindsay Bird"/><meta name="article name" content="Help Me Hera: Should I have children?"/><meta property="og:locale" content="en_US"/><meta property="og:site_name" content="The Spinoff"/><meta property="og:title" content="Help Me Hera: Should I have children?"/><meta property="og:url" content="https://thespinoff.co.nz/society/27-02-2025/help-me-hera-should-i-have-children?utm_source=spinoff-share-button&utm_medium=spinoff-web-mobile"/><meta property="og:type" content="article"/><meta property="og:description" content="The more I think about it, the more confused I feel. 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class="avatar-mask"><span style="box-sizing:border-box;display:block;overflow:hidden;width:initial;height:initial;background:none;opacity:1;border:0;margin:0;padding:0;position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0"><img alt="avatar" src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" decoding="async" data-nimg="fill" class="avatar" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%;object-fit:cover"/><noscript><img alt="avatar" sizes="110px" srcSet="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/09/GiJ-Hera-Linsay-Bird-035-modified.jpg?w=70 70w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/09/GiJ-Hera-Linsay-Bird-035-modified.jpg?w=250 250w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/09/GiJ-Hera-Linsay-Bird-035-modified.jpg?w=640 640w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/09/GiJ-Hera-Linsay-Bird-035-modified.jpg?w=768 768w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/09/GiJ-Hera-Linsay-Bird-035-modified.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/09/GiJ-Hera-Linsay-Bird-035-modified.jpg?w=1290 1290w" src="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/09/GiJ-Hera-Linsay-Bird-035-modified.jpg?w=1290" decoding="async" data-nimg="fill" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%;object-fit:cover" class="avatar" loading="lazy"/></noscript></span></div></a></div><div><div aria-label="written by Hera Lindsay Bird" class="name "><a aria-label="view all posts by Hera Lindsay Bird," title="view all posts by Hera Lindsay Bird" rel="author" href="/authors/hera-bird">Hera Lindsay Bird</a></div><div aria-label="role Contributing writer" class="position">Contributing 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cy="38.77" rx="68.9" ry="28.14" transform="rotate(-25.07 63.572 38.773)"></ellipse></svg></span><span class="shareBg shareBgBottom"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 151.36 90.46"><ellipse cx="75.68" cy="45.23" rx="38.86" ry="79.13" transform="rotate(-70.4 75.681 45.224)"></ellipse></svg></span></div></section></div><div class="image"><span style="position:relative"><span style="box-sizing:border-box;display:block;overflow:hidden;width:initial;height:initial;background:none;opacity:1;border:0;margin:0;padding:0;position:relative"><span style="box-sizing:border-box;display:block;width:initial;height:initial;background:none;opacity:1;border:0;margin:0;padding:0;padding-top:60%"></span><img alt="an angel baby and a devil baby, on a fluorescent green background" sizes="(max-width: 767px) 100vw, 850px" srcSet="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/HMH_FeatureImage-5.png?w=640 640w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/HMH_FeatureImage-5.png?w=768 768w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/HMH_FeatureImage-5.png?w=1024 1024w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/HMH_FeatureImage-5.png?w=1290 1290w" src="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/HMH_FeatureImage-5.png?w=1290" decoding="async" data-nimg="responsive" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%"/></span></span></div><div class="article-content burgandy"><p>The more I think about it, the more confused I feel. Is this a sign I’m not ready?</p> <p><em>Want Hera’s help? Email your problem to helpme@thespinoff.co.nz</em></p> <p><strong>Dear Hera,</strong></p> <p><strong>I’ve been thinking about it for a year and I still can’t decide if I want to try to become a parent. I’m in my early 30s so the decision is not yet urgent, but becoming more so. I see the appeal of both being a parent *and* choosing to remain childfree. I’ve been talking to friends (both parents and non-parents) about it, and I’ve been reading endlessly about the experiences of both sides, but all this research only seems to have pulled me deeper into indecision. Bringing kids into a burning world such as this one terrifies me. Not getting a full night’s sleep for three or so years also terrifies me. But I can also see the potential for immense joy, wonder and creativity.</strong></p> <p><strong>I’m in a relationship and lucky to be relatively financially stable. My partner feels similar to me, and essentially said it’s my decision since I’m the one who would have to carry another human inside my body.</strong></p> <p><strong>If I’m having to ponder this so much, does this mean I actually *don’t* want this? Do I just crave the certainty of someone who has always known what they want? I’m curious about parenthood – but is this only because I’m scared of missing out on some kind of essential human experience?! Do I actually like babies? Sometimes – but they also scare me.</strong></p> <p><strong>Sincerely,</strong></p> <p><strong>Undecided!</strong></p> <p><img src="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2023/04/W3gHsPEx-HMH_LineBreaks_BrightBlue.png?w=1290"/></p> <p>Dear Undecided,</p> <p><span>I’ve reviewed your letter carefully, weighed up the pros and cons, and am happy to tell you that you should definitely have children. Twin boys, in fact. Named Excelsior and Blade. </span></p> <p><span>Setting aside the caveat that I might be the single worst person to answer this particular question, I wanted to give you a brief moment of fraudulent certainty, because it sounds like you’re getting splinters from sitting on the fence for so long. </span></p> <p><span>Obviously I can’t answer this question for you. But I don’t think your inability to decide means you secretly don’t want kids. I think it’s a reflection of the fact that for most of human history, children were something that happened to you, whether you liked it or not. Birth control, abortion rights, changing social expectations, financial independence, women’s liberation, not needing to raise seven burly sons to plough the beet fields – all of these developments have made parenthood a lot more optional than it used to be. Some people are lucky enough to know what they want, but these people occupy a small minority, and everyone else has to hedge their bets and take the same leap of faith.</span></p>  <p><span>In regards to the burning world, I understand your concern, but it pays to remember the perilous circumstances most of our ancestors were born into. Whenever I feel convinced we’re in a uniquely fucked situation, I think of the babies born during plagues, famines, wars and ice ages. The future may be frightening, but at least it’s not the past. Climate change is a grave existential threat, but so was giving birth before the invention of the caesarean section.</span></p> <p><span>As for the sleep problem – I have nothing consoling to add. It is what it is, and what it is (according to 99% of sources) is brutal. </span></p> <p><span>One of the reasons this question is so hard to answer is nobody has any idea what having children will be like until it’s already too late. It’s hard to trust the advice of others, which is frequently contradictory, full of hidden agendas, and not always entirely honest. Even when the advice is genuine, it’s definitely not one-size-fits-all. </span></p> <p><span>I’ve heard some people say you shouldn’t have kids until you’re absolutely 100% certain that you want them. I’ve talked to others who never wanted kids but had kids anyway, and whose lives were transformed by joy. We’ve all read the anonymous think-pieces from people who secretly regret their decision, and heard stories from friends who said that if they truly understood what having children entailed before they would never have done it <em>and yet</em> are glad they did anyway. Ask someone who has adult children and someone who has two kids under the age of five, and they’re sure to give you completely different answers. It’s equally hard to talk about deciding to be child-free, both because your curiosity is never really satisfied <em>and</em> because “childfree” is a hideous term, that sounds like some kind of luxury allergy. </span></p> <p><span>None of this is particularly helpful. But I do think it’s impossible to truly make an informed decision. You could spend years researching the facts and interrogating your deepest desires and you’ll still never really be prepared. Even people who have always dreamed of kids, and spent their childhoods begging for dolls that shit themselves must still make the leap into the same unknowable abyss. </span></p> <div id="" style="display:none" class="ad ad-inline"></div> <div class="related-links"><h5>More Reading</h5><ul></ul></div><p><span>I can’t tell you what to do. But I do think you sound very alone in this and would like to recommend your partner gets a bit more involved in the decision-making process. </span></p> <p><span>I appreciate they’re trying to be understanding by acknowledging that pushing a human out of your body is, as a concept, completely fucked. But it sounds like you could use some help here. It’s scary to make a unilateral life-shaping decision, without any real enthusiasm coming from the person you’re planning to share a life with. If your partner came to you and said “I really do/don’t want this”, would that feel like a relief or unwanted pressure? There’s a fine line between politeness and apathy, and seeing as they’re the only other person who is actually qualified to weigh in on this, I think they have a responsibility, both to themselves and to you, to partake in some genuine soul-searching. Even if it doesn’t make your joint decision any easier, it would be nice to feel you had an ally during this process. </span></p> <p><span>Whatever you decide, I don’t think there’s necessarily any such thing as a “wrong decision.” Whatever you choose, I believe you can find a way to make it right for you. You might decide you want to and not get what you want. You might not want to, and find it happens anyway. Either way, it’s all about the execution. But stop trying to hash this one out alone. Your body, your choice is an affirmation of bodily autonomy, not a cop out. </span></p> </div></div><div class=""><div id="" style="display:none" class="ad ad-sidebar"></div><aside class="sidebar"><div class="header"><a href="#" class="tab-header popular-tab selected"><div class="crown-container"><div class="crown-mask"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 106.116 71.836" class="spinoji"><g><path d="M86.879 35.765c-.047.688.123 1.592.151 2.5.015.483-.061.969-.043 1.451.028.74.047 1.483.047 2.221s-.021 1.481.006 2.216c.05 1.382-.008 2.764.026 4.146.024.983.026 1.966.042 2.949.012.726.007 1.452.024 2.178.013.538-.029 1.08-.017 1.621.018.811.008 1.622.046 2.431.014.317-.047.63-.014.939.107 1.009.017 2.019.035 3.029.009.568-.052 1.138-.057 1.708a17.61 17.61 0 0 0-.039 1.963c.027.26-.093.51-.067.765.1 1.029-.17 2.039-.143 3.066a3.059 3.059 0 0 1-.194 1.132 3 3 0 0 1-1.1 1.381 1.128 1.128 0 0 1-.736.188 29.631 29.631 0 0 0-3.069.015c-1 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popular"><div></div></div></aside></div></article><div class="article-footer"><div id="" style="display:none" class="ad ad-footer"></div></div><div></div></div></section><section class="block patchwork"><div class="container patchwork"><div class="layout-grid-nine"><div class="item" style="position:relative"><article class="card post" data-tags="opinion"><div class="image"><a href="/media/01-03-2025/the-weekend-leaders-with-poor-convictions-and-scripted-communications"><span style="box-sizing:border-box;display:block;overflow:hidden;width:initial;height:initial;background:none;opacity:1;border:0;margin:0;padding:0;position:relative"><span style="box-sizing:border-box;display:block;width:initial;height:initial;background:none;opacity:1;border:0;margin:0;padding:0;padding-top:60%"></span><img alt="The Weekend: Leaders with poor convictions and scripted communications" src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" decoding="async" data-nimg="responsive" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%"/><noscript><img alt="The Weekend: Leaders with poor convictions and scripted communications" sizes="(max-width: 767px) 100vw, 850px" srcSet="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/Gabi-Lardies-1.jpg?w=640 640w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/Gabi-Lardies-1.jpg?w=768 768w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/Gabi-Lardies-1.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/Gabi-Lardies-1.jpg?w=1290 1290w" src="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/Gabi-Lardies-1.jpg?w=1290" decoding="async" data-nimg="responsive" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%" loading="lazy"/></noscript></span></a></div><div class="body"><a href="/media/01-03-2025/the-weekend-leaders-with-poor-convictions-and-scripted-communications"><div class="label">Opinion</div><h3 class="title">The Weekend: Leaders with poor convictions and scripted communications</h3><div class="summary">Gabi Lardies reflects on the week that was.</div><div class="bylines-container"><div class="byline"><div class="avatar"><div class="avatar-mask"><span style="box-sizing:border-box;display:block;overflow:hidden;width:initial;height:initial;background:none;opacity:1;border:0;margin:0;padding:0;position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0"><img alt="avatar" src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" decoding="async" data-nimg="fill" class="avatar" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%;object-fit:cover"/><noscript><img alt="avatar" sizes="110px" srcSet="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/02/gabi-feb2024.png?w=70 70w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/02/gabi-feb2024.png?w=250 250w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/02/gabi-feb2024.png?w=640 640w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/02/gabi-feb2024.png?w=768 768w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/02/gabi-feb2024.png?w=1024 1024w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/02/gabi-feb2024.png?w=1290 1290w" src="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/02/gabi-feb2024.png?w=1290" decoding="async" data-nimg="fill" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%;object-fit:cover" class="avatar" loading="lazy"/></noscript></span></div></div><div><div aria-label="written by Gabi Lardies" class="name "><span class="pre-text">By </span>Gabi Lardies<time class="date" dateTime="2025-03-01T05:15:42"> | 1st March, 2025</time></div><div aria-label="role Staff writer" class="position">Staff writer</div></div></div></div></a></div></article></div><div class="item" style="position:relative"><article class="card post"><div class="image"><a href="/books/01-03-2025/the-rise-of-the-healing-novel-and-our-sad-need-to-cry"><span style="box-sizing:border-box;display:block;overflow:hidden;width:initial;height:initial;background:none;opacity:1;border:0;margin:0;padding:0;position:relative"><span style="box-sizing:border-box;display:block;width:initial;height:initial;background:none;opacity:1;border:0;margin:0;padding:0;padding-top:60%"></span><img alt="Bookshops, cat shops and coffee: examples of ‘healing’ books that are selling in their millions. " src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" decoding="async" data-nimg="responsive" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%"/><noscript><img alt="Bookshops, cat shops and coffee: examples of ‘healing’ books that are selling in their millions. " sizes="(max-width: 767px) 100vw, 850px" srcSet="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/Healing-Books-Feature.png?w=640 640w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/Healing-Books-Feature.png?w=768 768w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/Healing-Books-Feature.png?w=1024 1024w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/Healing-Books-Feature.png?w=1290 1290w" src="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/Healing-Books-Feature.png?w=1290" decoding="async" data-nimg="responsive" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%" loading="lazy"/></noscript></span></a></div><div class="body"><a href="/books/01-03-2025/the-rise-of-the-healing-novel-and-our-sad-need-to-cry"><h3 class="title">The rise of the ‘healing’ novel and our sad need to cry</h3><div class="summary">What's behind the soaring popularity of these little books designed to give us big feelings?</div><div class="bylines-container"><div class="byline"><div class="avatar"><div class="avatar-mask"><span style="box-sizing:border-box;display:block;overflow:hidden;width:initial;height:initial;background:none;opacity:1;border:0;margin:0;padding:0;position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0"><img alt="avatar" src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" decoding="async" data-nimg="fill" class="avatar" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%;object-fit:cover"/><noscript><img alt="avatar" sizes="110px" srcSet="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/09/clairemabey2024.png?w=70 70w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/09/clairemabey2024.png?w=250 250w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/09/clairemabey2024.png?w=640 640w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/09/clairemabey2024.png?w=768 768w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/09/clairemabey2024.png?w=1024 1024w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/09/clairemabey2024.png?w=1290 1290w" src="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/09/clairemabey2024.png?w=1290" decoding="async" data-nimg="fill" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%;object-fit:cover" class="avatar" loading="lazy"/></noscript></span></div></div><div><div aria-label="written by Claire Mabey" class="name "><span class="pre-text">By </span>Claire Mabey<time class="date" dateTime="2025-03-01T05:11:43"> | 1st March, 2025</time></div><div aria-label="role Books editor" class="position">Books editor</div></div></div></div></a></div></article></div><div class="item" style="position:relative"><article class="card post"><div class="image"><a href="/pop-culture/01-03-2025/one-womans-quest-to-watch-all-the-best-picture-nominees-in-time-for-the-oscars"><span style="box-sizing:border-box;display:block;overflow:hidden;width:initial;height:initial;background:none;opacity:1;border:0;margin:0;padding:0;position:relative"><span style="box-sizing:border-box;display:block;width:initial;height:initial;background:none;opacity:1;border:0;margin:0;padding:0;padding-top:60%"></span><img alt="My nemeses and friends – just some of the 2025 Oscar nominees. (Image: Anna Rawhiti-Connell) " src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" decoding="async" data-nimg="responsive" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%"/><noscript><img alt="My nemeses and friends – just some of the 2025 Oscar nominees. (Image: Anna Rawhiti-Connell) " sizes="(max-width: 767px) 100vw, 850px" srcSet="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/5waGIK4E-Untitled-design-9.png?w=640 640w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/5waGIK4E-Untitled-design-9.png?w=768 768w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/5waGIK4E-Untitled-design-9.png?w=1024 1024w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/5waGIK4E-Untitled-design-9.png?w=1290 1290w" src="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/5waGIK4E-Untitled-design-9.png?w=1290" decoding="async" data-nimg="responsive" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%" loading="lazy"/></noscript></span></a></div><div class="body"><a href="/pop-culture/01-03-2025/one-womans-quest-to-watch-all-the-best-picture-nominees-in-time-for-the-oscars"><h3 class="title">One woman’s quest to watch all the best picture nominees in time for the Oscars</h3><div class="summary">Three cinemas, 1,315 minutes, two streaming platforms, too much sand and one vaping cardinal.</div><div class="bylines-container"><div class="byline"><div class="avatar"><div class="avatar-mask"><span style="box-sizing:border-box;display:block;overflow:hidden;width:initial;height:initial;background:none;opacity:1;border:0;margin:0;padding:0;position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0"><img alt="avatar" src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" decoding="async" data-nimg="fill" class="avatar" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%;object-fit:cover"/><noscript><img alt="avatar" sizes="110px" srcSet="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2023/05/Untitled-design-1.png?w=70 70w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2023/05/Untitled-design-1.png?w=250 250w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2023/05/Untitled-design-1.png?w=640 640w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2023/05/Untitled-design-1.png?w=768 768w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2023/05/Untitled-design-1.png?w=1024 1024w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2023/05/Untitled-design-1.png?w=1290 1290w" src="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2023/05/Untitled-design-1.png?w=1290" decoding="async" data-nimg="fill" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%;object-fit:cover" class="avatar" loading="lazy"/></noscript></span></div></div><div><div aria-label="written by Anna Rawhiti-Connell" class="name "><span class="pre-text">By </span>Anna Rawhiti-Connell<time class="date" dateTime="2025-03-01T05:10:45"> | 1st March, 2025</time></div><div aria-label="role Senior writer" class="position">Senior writer</div></div></div></div></a></div></article></div><div class="item" style="position:relative"><article class="card post"><div class="image"><a href="/pop-culture/01-03-2025/i-cant-believe-that-happened-brynley-stent-on-the-tv-moment-shell-never-forget"><span style="box-sizing:border-box;display:block;overflow:hidden;width:initial;height:initial;background:none;opacity:1;border:0;margin:0;padding:0;position:relative"><span style="box-sizing:border-box;display:block;width:initial;height:initial;background:none;opacity:1;border:0;margin:0;padding:0;padding-top:60%"></span><img alt="Brynley Stent’s life in TV (Photo: Todd Karehana / Design: Tina Tiller) " src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" decoding="async" data-nimg="responsive" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%"/><noscript><img alt="Brynley Stent’s life in TV (Photo: Todd Karehana / Design: Tina Tiller) " sizes="(max-width: 767px) 100vw, 850px" srcSet="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/MLITV_Brynley-Stent-1.png?w=640 640w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/MLITV_Brynley-Stent-1.png?w=768 768w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/MLITV_Brynley-Stent-1.png?w=1024 1024w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/MLITV_Brynley-Stent-1.png?w=1290 1290w" src="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/MLITV_Brynley-Stent-1.png?w=1290" decoding="async" data-nimg="responsive" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%" loading="lazy"/></noscript></span></a></div><div class="body"><a href="/pop-culture/01-03-2025/i-cant-believe-that-happened-brynley-stent-on-the-tv-moment-shell-never-forget"><h3 class="title">‘I can’t believe that happened’: Brynley Stent on the TV moment she’ll never forget</h3><div class="summary">She once eliminated The Bachelor on Celebrity Treasure Island. Now Brynley Stent is the one on a televised quest for love.</div><div class="bylines-container"><div class="byline"><div class="avatar"><div class="avatar-mask"><span style="box-sizing:border-box;display:block;overflow:hidden;width:initial;height:initial;background:none;opacity:1;border:0;margin:0;padding:0;position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0"><img alt="avatar" src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" decoding="async" data-nimg="fill" class="avatar" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%;object-fit:cover"/><noscript><img alt="avatar" sizes="110px" srcSet="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2023/06/Spinojis-TV.png?w=70 70w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2023/06/Spinojis-TV.png?w=250 250w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2023/06/Spinojis-TV.png?w=640 640w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2023/06/Spinojis-TV.png?w=768 768w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2023/06/Spinojis-TV.png?w=1024 1024w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2023/06/Spinojis-TV.png?w=1290 1290w" src="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2023/06/Spinojis-TV.png?w=1290" decoding="async" data-nimg="fill" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%;object-fit:cover" class="avatar" loading="lazy"/></noscript></span></div></div><div><div aria-label="written by My Life in TV" class="name "><span class="pre-text">By </span>My Life in TV<time class="date" dateTime="2025-03-01T05:05:53"> | 1st March, 2025</time></div><div aria-label="role Guest writer" class="position">Guest writer</div></div></div></div></a></div></article></div><div class="item" style="position:relative"><article class="card post"><div class="image"><a href="/society/01-03-2025/pacific-profiles-meet-teuila-field-first-assistant-director-on-tina-mulan-and-sweet-tooth"><span style="box-sizing:border-box;display:block;overflow:hidden;width:initial;height:initial;background:none;opacity:1;border:0;margin:0;padding:0;position:relative"><span style="box-sizing:border-box;display:block;width:initial;height:initial;background:none;opacity:1;border:0;margin:0;padding:0;padding-top:60%"></span><img alt="Teuila field – pacfic profiles. photo by Geoffery Matautia. " src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" decoding="async" data-nimg="responsive" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%"/><noscript><img alt="Teuila field – pacfic profiles. photo by Geoffery Matautia. " sizes="(max-width: 767px) 100vw, 850px" srcSet="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/TEUILAFIELDFP.jpg?w=640 640w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/TEUILAFIELDFP.jpg?w=768 768w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/TEUILAFIELDFP.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/TEUILAFIELDFP.jpg?w=1290 1290w" src="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/TEUILAFIELDFP.jpg?w=1290" decoding="async" data-nimg="responsive" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%" loading="lazy"/></noscript></span></a></div><div class="body"><a href="/society/01-03-2025/pacific-profiles-meet-teuila-field-first-assistant-director-on-tina-mulan-and-sweet-tooth"><h3 class="title">Pacific profiles: Meet Teuila Field, first assistant director on Tinā, Mulan and Sweet Tooth</h3><div class="summary">'Helping tell a Samoan story was just so soul-filling.'</div><div class="bylines-container"><div class="byline"><div class="avatar"><div class="avatar-mask"><span style="box-sizing:border-box;display:block;overflow:hidden;width:initial;height:initial;background:none;opacity:1;border:0;margin:0;padding:0;position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0"><img alt="avatar" src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" decoding="async" data-nimg="fill" class="avatar" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%;object-fit:cover"/><noscript><img alt="avatar" sizes="110px" srcSet="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2020/10/5f3253b797748d5ee5a8af64_Litia.jpg?w=70 70w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2020/10/5f3253b797748d5ee5a8af64_Litia.jpg?w=250 250w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2020/10/5f3253b797748d5ee5a8af64_Litia.jpg?w=640 640w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2020/10/5f3253b797748d5ee5a8af64_Litia.jpg?w=768 768w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2020/10/5f3253b797748d5ee5a8af64_Litia.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2020/10/5f3253b797748d5ee5a8af64_Litia.jpg?w=1290 1290w" src="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2020/10/5f3253b797748d5ee5a8af64_Litia.jpg?w=1290" decoding="async" data-nimg="fill" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%;object-fit:cover" class="avatar" loading="lazy"/></noscript></span></div></div><div><div aria-label="written by Litia Tuiburelevu" class="name "><span class="pre-text">By </span>Litia Tuiburelevu<time class="date" dateTime="2025-03-01T05:00:49"> | 1st March, 2025</time></div><div aria-label="role Guest writer" class="position">Guest writer</div></div></div></div></a></div></article></div><div class="item" style="position:relative"><article class="card post"><div class="image"><a href="/politics/28-02-2025/treaty-principles-bill-hearings-day-12-the-end-of-the-road-or-is-it"><span style="box-sizing:border-box;display:block;overflow:hidden;width:initial;height:initial;background:none;opacity:1;border:0;margin:0;padding:0;position:relative"><span style="box-sizing:border-box;display:block;width:initial;height:initial;background:none;opacity:1;border:0;margin:0;padding:0;padding-top:60%"></span><img alt="Tāme Iti was one of the submitters heard on the final day of the Treaty principles bill hearings. " src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" decoding="async" data-nimg="responsive" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%"/><noscript><img alt="Tāme Iti was one of the submitters heard on the final day of the Treaty principles bill hearings. " sizes="(max-width: 767px) 100vw, 850px" srcSet="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/9m7kqeft-5.jpg?w=640 640w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/9m7kqeft-5.jpg?w=768 768w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/9m7kqeft-5.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/9m7kqeft-5.jpg?w=1290 1290w" src="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/9m7kqeft-5.jpg?w=1290" decoding="async" data-nimg="responsive" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%" loading="lazy"/></noscript></span></a></div><div class="body"><a href="/politics/28-02-2025/treaty-principles-bill-hearings-day-12-the-end-of-the-road-or-is-it"><h3 class="title">Treaty principles bill hearings, day 12: The end of the road – or is it?</h3><div class="summary">Everything you missed from the final day of oral submissions on the Treaty principles bill.</div><div class="bylines-container"><div class="byline"><div class="avatar"><div class="avatar-mask"><span style="box-sizing:border-box;display:block;overflow:hidden;width:initial;height:initial;background:none;opacity:1;border:0;margin:0;padding:0;position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0"><img alt="avatar" src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" decoding="async" data-nimg="fill" class="avatar" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%;object-fit:cover"/><noscript><img alt="avatar" sizes="110px" srcSet="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/08/lyrichs-august2024.png?w=70 70w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/08/lyrichs-august2024.png?w=250 250w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/08/lyrichs-august2024.png?w=640 640w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/08/lyrichs-august2024.png?w=768 768w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/08/lyrichs-august2024.png?w=1024 1024w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/08/lyrichs-august2024.png?w=1290 1290w" src="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/08/lyrichs-august2024.png?w=1290" decoding="async" data-nimg="fill" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%;object-fit:cover" class="avatar" loading="lazy"/></noscript></span></div></div><div><div aria-label="written by Lyric Waiwiri-Smith" class="name "><span class="pre-text">By </span>Lyric Waiwiri-Smith<time class="date" dateTime="2025-02-28T18:06:36"> | 28th February, 2025</time></div><div aria-label="role Politics reporter" class="position">Politics reporter</div></div></div></div></a></div></article></div><div class="item" style="position:relative"><article class="card post"><div class="image"><a href="/politics/28-02-2025/the-local-auckland-streets-where-speed-limits-are-rising-at-a-cost-of-8-8m"><span style="box-sizing:border-box;display:block;overflow:hidden;width:initial;height:initial;background:none;opacity:1;border:0;margin:0;padding:0;position:relative"><span style="box-sizing:border-box;display:block;width:initial;height:initial;background:none;opacity:1;border:0;margin:0;padding:0;padding-top:60%"></span><img alt="AT’s map shows the streets where speed limits are being reversed (Image: The Spinoff) " src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" decoding="async" data-nimg="responsive" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%"/><noscript><img alt="AT’s map shows the streets where speed limits are being reversed (Image: The Spinoff) " sizes="(max-width: 767px) 100vw, 850px" srcSet="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/Untitled-design-2-2.png?w=640 640w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/Untitled-design-2-2.png?w=768 768w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/Untitled-design-2-2.png?w=1024 1024w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/Untitled-design-2-2.png?w=1290 1290w" src="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/Untitled-design-2-2.png?w=1290" decoding="async" data-nimg="responsive" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%" loading="lazy"/></noscript></span></a></div><div class="body"><a href="/politics/28-02-2025/the-local-auckland-streets-where-speed-limits-are-rising-at-a-cost-of-8-8m"><h3 class="title">The local Auckland streets where speed limits are rising, at a cost of $8.8m</h3><div class="summary">Speed limits are being increased on 1,500 Auckland streets, many neighbouring schools, after a council objection failed to sway the government.</div><div class="bylines-container"><div class="byline"><div class="avatar"><div class="avatar-mask"><span style="box-sizing:border-box;display:block;overflow:hidden;width:initial;height:initial;background:none;opacity:1;border:0;margin:0;padding:0;position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0"><img alt="avatar" src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" decoding="async" data-nimg="fill" class="avatar" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%;object-fit:cover"/><noscript><img alt="avatar" sizes="110px" srcSet="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2023/11/alnevcrop.jpg?w=70 70w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2023/11/alnevcrop.jpg?w=250 250w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2023/11/alnevcrop.jpg?w=640 640w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2023/11/alnevcrop.jpg?w=768 768w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2023/11/alnevcrop.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2023/11/alnevcrop.jpg?w=1290 1290w" src="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2023/11/alnevcrop.jpg?w=1290" decoding="async" data-nimg="fill" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%;object-fit:cover" class="avatar" loading="lazy"/></noscript></span></div></div><div><div aria-label="written by Alice Neville" class="name "><span class="pre-text">By </span>Alice Neville<time class="date" dateTime="2025-02-28T14:39:14"> | 28th February, 2025</time></div><div aria-label="role Deputy editor" class="position">Deputy editor</div></div></div></div></a></div></article></div><div class="item" style="position:relative"><article class="card post"><div class="image"><a href="/pop-culture/28-02-2025/the-gone-is-back-with-another-moody-mystery-but-is-that-enough"><span style="box-sizing:border-box;display:block;overflow:hidden;width:initial;height:initial;background:none;opacity:1;border:0;margin:0;padding:0;position:relative"><span style="box-sizing:border-box;display:block;width:initial;height:initial;background:none;opacity:1;border:0;margin:0;padding:0;padding-top:60%"></span><img alt="Richard Flood and Acushla-Tara Kupe star in The Gone (Photo: TVNZ) " src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" decoding="async" data-nimg="responsive" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%"/><noscript><img alt="Richard Flood and Acushla-Tara Kupe star in The Gone (Photo: TVNZ) " sizes="(max-width: 767px) 100vw, 850px" srcSet="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/The-Gone-2-1.jpg?w=640 640w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/The-Gone-2-1.jpg?w=768 768w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/The-Gone-2-1.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/The-Gone-2-1.jpg?w=1290 1290w" src="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/The-Gone-2-1.jpg?w=1290" decoding="async" data-nimg="responsive" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%" loading="lazy"/></noscript></span></a></div><div class="body"><a href="/pop-culture/28-02-2025/the-gone-is-back-with-another-moody-mystery-but-is-that-enough"><h3 class="title">The Gone is back with another moody mystery – but is that enough? </h3><div class="summary">What makes The Gone unique are the NZ stories woven through the well-trodden murder mystery – so why don’t they take centre stage? </div><div class="bylines-container"><div class="byline"><div class="avatar"><div class="avatar-mask"><span style="box-sizing:border-box;display:block;overflow:hidden;width:initial;height:initial;background:none;opacity:1;border:0;margin:0;padding:0;position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0"><img alt="avatar" src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" decoding="async" data-nimg="fill" class="avatar" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%;object-fit:cover"/><noscript><img alt="avatar" sizes="110px" srcSet="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/08/tarahs-aug2024.png?w=70 70w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/08/tarahs-aug2024.png?w=250 250w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/08/tarahs-aug2024.png?w=640 640w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/08/tarahs-aug2024.png?w=768 768w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/08/tarahs-aug2024.png?w=1024 1024w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/08/tarahs-aug2024.png?w=1290 1290w" src="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/08/tarahs-aug2024.png?w=1290" decoding="async" data-nimg="fill" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%;object-fit:cover" class="avatar" loading="lazy"/></noscript></span></div></div><div><div aria-label="written by Tara Ward" class="name "><span class="pre-text">By </span>Tara Ward<time class="date" dateTime="2025-02-28T14:00:18"> | 28th February, 2025</time></div><div aria-label="role Staff writer" class="position">Staff writer</div></div></div></div></a></div></article></div><div class="item" style="position:relative"><article class="card post"><div class="image"><a href="/pop-culture/28-02-2025/the-friday-poem-moon-dogs-by-mikaela-nyman"><span style="box-sizing:border-box;display:block;overflow:hidden;width:initial;height:initial;background:none;opacity:1;border:0;margin:0;padding:0;position:relative"><span style="box-sizing:border-box;display:block;width:initial;height:initial;background:none;opacity:1;border:0;margin:0;padding:0;padding-top:60%"></span><img alt="snarling poodles " src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" decoding="async" data-nimg="responsive" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%"/><noscript><img alt="snarling poodles " sizes="(max-width: 767px) 100vw, 850px" srcSet="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/moondogs.jpg?w=640 640w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/moondogs.jpg?w=768 768w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/moondogs.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/moondogs.jpg?w=1290 1290w" src="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/moondogs.jpg?w=1290" decoding="async" data-nimg="responsive" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%" loading="lazy"/></noscript></span></a></div><div class="body"><a href="/pop-culture/28-02-2025/the-friday-poem-moon-dogs-by-mikaela-nyman"><h3 class="title">The Friday Poem: ‘Moon Dogs’ by Mikaela Nyman</h3><div class="summary">A new poem by by Mikaela Nyman.</div><div class="bylines-container"><div class="byline"><div class="avatar"><div class="avatar-mask"><span style="box-sizing:border-box;display:block;overflow:hidden;width:initial;height:initial;background:none;opacity:1;border:0;margin:0;padding:0;position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0"><img alt="avatar" src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" decoding="async" data-nimg="fill" class="avatar" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%;object-fit:cover"/><noscript><img alt="avatar" sizes="110px" srcSet="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/Mikaela-Nyman-2024-Taranaki.jpeg?w=70 70w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/Mikaela-Nyman-2024-Taranaki.jpeg?w=250 250w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/Mikaela-Nyman-2024-Taranaki.jpeg?w=640 640w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/Mikaela-Nyman-2024-Taranaki.jpeg?w=768 768w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/Mikaela-Nyman-2024-Taranaki.jpeg?w=1024 1024w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/Mikaela-Nyman-2024-Taranaki.jpeg?w=1290 1290w" src="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/Mikaela-Nyman-2024-Taranaki.jpeg?w=1290" decoding="async" data-nimg="fill" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%;object-fit:cover" class="avatar" loading="lazy"/></noscript></span></div></div><div><div aria-label="written by Mikaela Nyman" class="name "><span class="pre-text">By </span>Mikaela Nyman<time class="date" dateTime="2025-02-28T13:59:30"> | 28th February, 2025</time></div><div aria-label="role Guest writer" class="position">Guest writer</div></div></div></div></a></div></article></div><b></b><b></b><b></b><b></b><b></b><b></b><b></b><b></b><b></b><b></b><b></b><b></b><b></b><b></b><b></b><b></b><b></b><b></b><b></b><b></b><b></b><b></b><b></b><b></b><b></b><b></b><b></b><b></b></div></div></section><section class="block newsletter-trio"><div class="container newsletter-trio"><div class="layout-newsletter-trio"><div class="heading"><h2>Get The Spinoff<br/>in your inbox <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 96.638 93.824" class="spinoji"><g><path d="M75.71 49.275a7.9 7.9 0 0 0 .748-1.419c.292-.7.588-1.39.938-2.06a5.906 5.906 0 0 1 .615-.872c.289-.368.626-.7.946-1.042a3.452 3.452 0 0 1 1.028-.6 3.833 3.833 0 0 1 1.988-.393 6.478 6.478 0 0 1 1.017.057 4.018 4.018 0 0 1 1.423.654 1.213 1.213 0 0 1 .425.414 4.119 4.119 0 0 1 .58 1.138.527.527 0 0 0 .194.335.844.844 0 0 0 .376-.259 3.811 3.811 0 0 1 .973-.69 3.018 3.018 0 0 1 1.233-.313 3.234 3.234 0 0 1 2.839 1.169 3.346 3.346 0 0 1 .648 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class="newsletter-card bulletin"><div class="content"><div class="text"><h3>The Bulletin</h3><div class="description">The biggest stories from across Aotearoa, every weekday <span>at 7am.</span></div></div></div><div class="sign-up-container"><iframe src="https://thespinoff.substack.com/embed" width="100%" height="100%" frameBorder="0" scrolling="no"></iframe></div></div><div class="newsletter-card the-daily"><div class="content"><div class="text"><h3>The Daily</h3><div class="description">The Spinoff in review, every weekday <span>at 5pm.</span></div></div></div><div class="sign-up-container"><iframe src="https://thespinoffdaily.substack.com/embed" width="100%" height="100%" frameBorder="0" scrolling="no"></iframe></div></div><div class="newsletter-card the-weekly"><div class="content"><div class="text"><h3>THE WEEKEND</h3><div class="description">The best of The Spinoff with editor Madeleine Chapman, every Saturday.</div></div></div><div class="sign-up-container"><iframe src="https://thespinoffweekly.substack.com/embed" width="100%" height="100%" frameBorder="0" scrolling="no"></iframe></div></div></div></div></section><div class="outerWrap"><section class="matrixWrapper" id=""><header class="headerTextOuter matrixHeader self nosponsor"><a aria-label="Society" id="society-header" class="categLink" href="/society"><h1 id="society-inner" class="headerText">Society</h1></a></header><section class="col1 flexFeature"><article class="card post"><div class="image"><a tabindex="0" aria-label="Feature image description : Image: The Spinoff ," href="/society/24-02-2025/windbag-the-unsolved-case-of-the-wellington-emu-murder"><span style="box-sizing:border-box;display:block;overflow:hidden;width:initial;height:initial;background:none;opacity:1;border:0;margin:0;padding:0;position:relative"><span style="box-sizing:border-box;display:block;width:initial;height:initial;background:none;opacity:1;border:0;margin:0;padding:0;padding-top:60%"></span><img alt="Image: The Spinoff " sizes="(max-width: 767px) 100vw, 850px" srcSet="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/Untitled-design-90-4.png?w=640 640w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/Untitled-design-90-4.png?w=768 768w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/Untitled-design-90-4.png?w=1024 1024w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/Untitled-design-90-4.png?w=1290 1290w" src="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/Untitled-design-90-4.png?w=1290" decoding="async" data-nimg="responsive" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%"/></span></a></div><div class="body"><a href="/society/24-02-2025/windbag-the-unsolved-case-of-the-wellington-emu-murder"><h4 aria-label="Windbag: The unsolved case of the Wellington emu murder," class="title">Windbag: The unsolved case of the Wellington emu murder</h4><div class="summary" aria-label="summary: Investigating a 118-year-old mystery about Wellington Zoo.,">Investigating a 118-year-old mystery about Wellington Zoo.</div><div style="position:relative" class="bylines-container"><div class="byline"><div class="avatar"><div class="avatar-mask"><span style="box-sizing:border-box;display:block;overflow:hidden;width:initial;height:initial;background:none;opacity:1;border:0;margin:0;padding:0;position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0"><img alt="avatar" src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" decoding="async" data-nimg="fill" class="avatar" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%;object-fit:cover"/><noscript><img alt="avatar" sizes="110px" srcSet="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/08/joelhs-august2024.png?w=70 70w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/08/joelhs-august2024.png?w=250 250w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/08/joelhs-august2024.png?w=640 640w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/08/joelhs-august2024.png?w=768 768w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/08/joelhs-august2024.png?w=1024 1024w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/08/joelhs-august2024.png?w=1290 1290w" src="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/08/joelhs-august2024.png?w=1290" decoding="async" data-nimg="fill" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%;object-fit:cover" class="avatar" loading="lazy"/></noscript></span></div></div><div><div aria-label="written by Joel MacManus" class="name b"><span class="pre-text">By </span>Joel MacManus<time class="date" dateTime="2025-02-24T05:00:14"> | 24th February, 2025</time></div><div aria-label="role Wellington editor" class="position">Wellington editor</div></div></div></div></a></div></article></section><section class="col2 concertinaList"><article class="card post"><div class="image" style="overflow:hidden"><a tabindex="0" aria-label="Feature image description : digital illustration of a map of New zealand holding a cardboard sign saying "looking for a job"," href="/society/24-02-2025/one-position-1200-applications-a-snapshot-of-new-zealands-job-market-right-now"><span style="box-sizing:border-box;display:block;overflow:hidden;width:initial;height:initial;background:none;opacity:1;border:0;margin:0;padding:0;position:relative"><span style="box-sizing:border-box;display:block;width:initial;height:initial;background:none;opacity:1;border:0;margin:0;padding:0;padding-top:60%"></span><img alt="digital illustration of a map of New zealand holding a cardboard sign saying "looking for a job"" src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" decoding="async" data-nimg="responsive" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%"/><noscript><img alt="digital illustration of a map of New zealand holding a cardboard sign saying "looking for a job"" sizes="(max-width: 767px) 100vw, 850px" srcSet="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/l3fl07RZ-3.png?w=600 640w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/l3fl07RZ-3.png?w=600 768w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/l3fl07RZ-3.png?w=600 1024w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/l3fl07RZ-3.png?w=600 1290w" src="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/l3fl07RZ-3.png?w=600" decoding="async" data-nimg="responsive" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%" loading="lazy"/></noscript></span></a></div><div class="body"><a href="/society/24-02-2025/one-position-1200-applications-a-snapshot-of-new-zealands-job-market-right-now"><h4 class="title" aria-label="One position, 1,200 applications: A snapshot of New Zealand’s job market right now,">One position, 1,200 applications: A snapshot of New Zealand’s job market right now</h4><div class="summary" aria-label="summary: For jobseekers, ‘New Zealand really fucking sucks right now’. Applications are being ignored, job listings are drying up and Australia is calling.,">For jobseekers, ‘New Zealand really fucking sucks right now’. Applications are being ignored, job listings are drying up and Australia is calling.</div><div class="bylines-container"><div class="byline"><div class="avatar"><div class="avatar-mask"><span style="box-sizing:border-box;display:block;overflow:hidden;width:initial;height:initial;background:none;opacity:1;border:0;margin:0;padding:0;position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0"><img alt="avatar" src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" decoding="async" data-nimg="fill" class="avatar" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%;object-fit:cover"/><noscript><img alt="avatar" sizes="110px" srcSet="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/02/gabi-feb2024.png?w=70 70w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/02/gabi-feb2024.png?w=250 250w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/02/gabi-feb2024.png?w=640 640w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/02/gabi-feb2024.png?w=768 768w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/02/gabi-feb2024.png?w=1024 1024w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/02/gabi-feb2024.png?w=1290 1290w" src="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/02/gabi-feb2024.png?w=1290" decoding="async" data-nimg="fill" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%;object-fit:cover" class="avatar" loading="lazy"/></noscript></span></div></div><div><div aria-label="written by Gabi Lardies" class="name "><span class="pre-text">By </span>Gabi Lardies<time class="date" dateTime="2025-02-24T05:00:11"> | 24th February, 2025</time></div></div></div></div></a></div></article><article class="card post"><div class="body"><a href="/society/22-02-2025/the-spinoff-essay-little-bud"><h4 class="title" aria-label="The Spinoff Essay: Little bud,">The Spinoff Essay: Little bud</h4><div class="summary" aria-label="summary: On the lonely pain of miscarriage.,">On the lonely pain of miscarriage.</div><div class="bylines-container"><div class="byline"><div class="avatar"><div class="avatar-mask"><span style="box-sizing:border-box;display:block;overflow:hidden;width:initial;height:initial;background:none;opacity:1;border:0;margin:0;padding:0;position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0"><img alt="avatar" src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" decoding="async" data-nimg="fill" class="avatar" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%;object-fit:cover"/><noscript><img alt="avatar" sizes="110px" srcSet="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2023/09/heidi-north-author-pic.jpeg?w=70 70w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2023/09/heidi-north-author-pic.jpeg?w=250 250w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2023/09/heidi-north-author-pic.jpeg?w=640 640w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2023/09/heidi-north-author-pic.jpeg?w=768 768w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2023/09/heidi-north-author-pic.jpeg?w=1024 1024w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2023/09/heidi-north-author-pic.jpeg?w=1290 1290w" src="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2023/09/heidi-north-author-pic.jpeg?w=1290" decoding="async" data-nimg="fill" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%;object-fit:cover" class="avatar" loading="lazy"/></noscript></span></div></div><div><div aria-label="written by Heidi North" class="name "><span class="pre-text">By </span>Heidi North<time class="date" dateTime="2025-02-22T05:30:58"> | 22nd February, 2025</time></div></div></div></div></a></div></article><article class="card post"><div class="body"><a href="/society/22-02-2025/pacific-profiles-meet-symone-tafunai"><h4 class="title" aria-label="Pacific profiles: Meet Samoan sprinter and sports journalist Symone Tafuna’i,">Pacific profiles: Meet Samoan sprinter and sports journalist Symone Tafuna’i</h4><div class="summary" aria-label="summary: 'I used to think that I had to achieve a certain goal, like making the New Zealand team, to achieve happiness. But I’ve learnt to enjoy the process.' ,">'I used to think that I had to achieve a certain goal, like making the New Zealand team, to achieve happiness. But I’ve learnt to enjoy the process.' </div><div class="bylines-container"><div class="byline"><div class="avatar"><div class="avatar-mask"><span style="box-sizing:border-box;display:block;overflow:hidden;width:initial;height:initial;background:none;opacity:1;border:0;margin:0;padding:0;position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0"><img alt="avatar" src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" decoding="async" data-nimg="fill" class="avatar" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%;object-fit:cover"/><noscript><img alt="avatar" sizes="110px" srcSet="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2020/10/5f3253b797748d5ee5a8af64_Litia.jpg?w=70 70w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2020/10/5f3253b797748d5ee5a8af64_Litia.jpg?w=250 250w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2020/10/5f3253b797748d5ee5a8af64_Litia.jpg?w=640 640w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2020/10/5f3253b797748d5ee5a8af64_Litia.jpg?w=768 768w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2020/10/5f3253b797748d5ee5a8af64_Litia.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2020/10/5f3253b797748d5ee5a8af64_Litia.jpg?w=1290 1290w" src="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2020/10/5f3253b797748d5ee5a8af64_Litia.jpg?w=1290" decoding="async" data-nimg="fill" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%;object-fit:cover" class="avatar" loading="lazy"/></noscript></span></div></div><div><div aria-label="written by Litia Tuiburelevu" class="name "><span class="pre-text">By </span>Litia Tuiburelevu<time class="date" dateTime="2025-02-22T05:00:18"> | 22nd February, 2025</time></div></div></div></div></a></div></article><article class="card post"><div class="body"><a href="/society/21-02-2025/a-vision-of-the-90s-james-camerons-vision-for-wellington-event-reviewed"><h4 class="title" aria-label="A vision of the 90s: James Cameron’s Vision for Wellington event, reviewed,">A vision of the 90s: James Cameron’s Vision for Wellington event, reviewed</h4><div class="summary" aria-label="summary: The new political group's first event drew a large crowd whose ideas for the city's future mostly involved going back to the past.,">The new political group's first event drew a large crowd whose ideas for the city's future mostly involved going back to the past.</div><div class="bylines-container"><div class="byline"><div class="avatar"><div class="avatar-mask"><span style="box-sizing:border-box;display:block;overflow:hidden;width:initial;height:initial;background:none;opacity:1;border:0;margin:0;padding:0;position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0"><img alt="avatar" src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" decoding="async" data-nimg="fill" class="avatar" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%;object-fit:cover"/><noscript><img alt="avatar" sizes="110px" srcSet="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/08/joelhs-august2024.png?w=70 70w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/08/joelhs-august2024.png?w=250 250w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/08/joelhs-august2024.png?w=640 640w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/08/joelhs-august2024.png?w=768 768w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/08/joelhs-august2024.png?w=1024 1024w, https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/08/joelhs-august2024.png?w=1290 1290w" src="https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/08/joelhs-august2024.png?w=1290" decoding="async" data-nimg="fill" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizing:border-box;padding:0;border:none;margin:auto;display:block;width:0;height:0;min-width:100%;max-width:100%;min-height:100%;max-height:100%;object-fit:cover" class="avatar" loading="lazy"/></noscript></span></div></div><div><div aria-label="written by Joel MacManus" class="name "><span class="pre-text">By </span>Joel MacManus<time class="date" dateTime="2025-02-21T05:02:55"> | 21st February, 2025</time></div></div></div></div></a></div></article></section><aside class="col3"><section tabindex="0" aria-label="Podcasts" class="podSection"><div class="multimedia-surround"><a class="multimediaTitle" href="/podcasts">PODCASTS</a><div class="inner"><div></div><div></div></div></div></section><section class="newsletterSection"><div class="newsletter-surround"></div></section></aside></section><section class="block newsletter-alternate"><div class="container newsletter-alternate"><div 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Is this a sign I’m not ready?"}]},{"type":"text","text":"\n"},{"type":"tag","name":"p","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"tag","name":"em","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"text","text":"Want Hera’s help? Email your problem to helpme@thespinoff.co.nz"}]}]},{"type":"text","text":"\n"},{"type":"tag","name":"p","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"tag","name":"strong","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"text","text":"Dear Hera,"}]}]},{"type":"text","text":"\n"},{"type":"tag","name":"p","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"tag","name":"strong","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"text","text":"I’ve been thinking about it for a year and I still can’t decide if I want to try to become a parent. I’m in my early 30s so the decision is not yet urgent, but becoming more so. I see the appeal of both being a parent *and* choosing to remain childfree. I’ve been talking to friends (both parents and non-parents) about it, and I’ve been reading endlessly about the experiences of both sides, but all this research only seems to have pulled me deeper into indecision. Bringing kids into a burning world such as this one terrifies me. Not getting a full night’s sleep for three or so years also terrifies me. But I can also see the potential for immense joy, wonder and creativity."}]}]},{"type":"text","text":"\n"},{"type":"tag","name":"p","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"tag","name":"strong","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"text","text":"I’m in a relationship and lucky to be relatively financially stable. My partner feels similar to me, and essentially said it’s my decision since I’m the one who would have to carry another human inside my body."}]}]},{"type":"text","text":"\n"},{"type":"tag","name":"p","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"tag","name":"strong","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"text","text":"If I’m having to ponder this so much, does this mean I actually *don’t* want this? Do I just crave the certainty of someone who has always known what they want? I’m curious about parenthood – but is this only because I’m scared of missing out on some kind of essential human experience?! Do I actually like babies? Sometimes – but they also scare me."}]}]},{"type":"text","text":"\n"},{"type":"tag","name":"p","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"tag","name":"strong","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"text","text":"Sincerely,"}]}]},{"type":"text","text":"\n"},{"type":"tag","name":"p","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"tag","name":"strong","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"text","text":"Undecided!"}]}]},{"type":"text","text":"\n"},{"type":"tag","name":"p","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"tag","name":"img","attributes":{"src":"https://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2023/04/W3gHsPEx-HMH_LineBreaks_BrightBlue.png?w=1290"},"children":[]}]},{"type":"text","text":"\n"},{"type":"tag","name":"p","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"text","text":"Dear Undecided,"}]},{"type":"text","text":"\n"},{"type":"tag","name":"p","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"tag","name":"span","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"text","text":"I’ve reviewed your letter carefully, weighed up the pros and cons, and am happy to tell you that you should definitely have children. Twin boys, in fact. Named Excelsior and Blade. "}]}]},{"type":"text","text":"\n"},{"type":"tag","name":"p","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"tag","name":"span","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"text","text":"Setting aside the caveat that I might be the single worst person to answer this particular question, I wanted to give you a brief moment of fraudulent certainty, because it sounds like you’re getting splinters from sitting on the fence for so long. "}]}]},{"type":"text","text":"\n"},{"type":"tag","name":"p","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"tag","name":"span","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"text","text":"Obviously I can’t answer this question for you. But I don’t think your inability to decide means you secretly don’t want kids. I think it’s a reflection of the fact that for most of human history, children were something that happened to you, whether you liked it or not. Birth control, abortion rights, changing social expectations, financial independence, women’s liberation, not needing to raise seven burly sons to plough the beet fields – all of these developments have made parenthood a lot more optional than it used to be. Some people are lucky enough to know what they want, but these people occupy a small minority, and everyone else has to hedge their bets and take the same leap of faith."}]}]},{"type":"text","text":"\n"},{"type":"donate-inline","data":{"customComments":" donate-inline "}},{"type":"text","text":"\n"},{"type":"tag","name":"p","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"tag","name":"span","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"text","text":"In regards to the burning world, I understand your concern, but it pays to remember the perilous circumstances most of our ancestors were born into. Whenever I feel convinced we’re in a uniquely fucked situation, I think of the babies born during plagues, famines, wars and ice ages. The future may be frightening, but at least it’s not the past. Climate change is a grave existential threat, but so was giving birth before the invention of the caesarean section."}]}]},{"type":"text","text":"\n"},{"type":"tag","name":"p","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"tag","name":"span","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"text","text":"As for the sleep problem – I have nothing consoling to add. It is what it is, and what it is (according to 99% of sources) is brutal. "}]}]},{"type":"text","text":"\n"},{"type":"tag","name":"p","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"tag","name":"span","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"text","text":"One of the reasons this question is so hard to answer is nobody has any idea what having children will be like until it’s already too late. It’s hard to trust the advice of others, which is frequently contradictory, full of hidden agendas, and not always entirely honest. Even when the advice is genuine, it’s definitely not one-size-fits-all. "}]}]},{"type":"text","text":"\n"},{"type":"tag","name":"p","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"tag","name":"span","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"text","text":"I’ve heard some people say you shouldn’t have kids until you’re absolutely 100% certain that you want them. I’ve talked to others who never wanted kids but had kids anyway, and whose lives were transformed by joy. We’ve all read the anonymous think-pieces from people who secretly regret their decision, and heard stories from friends who said that if they truly understood what having children entailed before they would never have done it "},{"type":"tag","name":"em","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"text","text":"and yet"}]},{"type":"text","text":" are glad they did anyway. Ask someone who has adult children and someone who has two kids under the age of five, and they’re sure to give you completely different answers. It’s equally hard to talk about deciding to be child-free, both because your curiosity is never really satisfied "},{"type":"tag","name":"em","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"text","text":"and"}]},{"type":"text","text":" because “childfree” is a hideous term, that sounds like some kind of luxury allergy. "}]}]},{"type":"text","text":"\n"},{"type":"tag","name":"p","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"tag","name":"span","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"text","text":"None of this is particularly helpful. But I do think it’s impossible to truly make an informed decision. You could spend years researching the facts and interrogating your deepest desires and you’ll still never really be prepared. Even people who have always dreamed of kids, and spent their childhoods begging for dolls that shit themselves must still make the leap into the same unknowable abyss. "}]}]},{"type":"text","text":"\n"},{"type":"inline-ad","data":{"type":"inline","pagetype":"post","showSurround":true,"pos":503}},{"type":"text","text":"\n"},{"type":"related-links","data":{"slug":"help-me-hera-should-i-have-children"}},{"type":"tag","name":"p","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"tag","name":"span","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"text","text":"I can’t tell you what to do. But I do think you sound very alone in this and would like to recommend your partner gets a bit more involved in the decision-making process. "}]}]},{"type":"text","text":"\n"},{"type":"tag","name":"p","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"tag","name":"span","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"text","text":"I appreciate they’re trying to be understanding by acknowledging that pushing a human out of your body is, as a concept, completely fucked. But it sounds like you could use some help here. It’s scary to make a unilateral life-shaping decision, without any real enthusiasm coming from the person you’re planning to share a life with. If your partner came to you and said “I really do/don’t want this”, would that feel like a relief or unwanted pressure? There’s a fine line between politeness and apathy, and seeing as they’re the only other person who is actually qualified to weigh in on this, I think they have a responsibility, both to themselves and to you, to partake in some genuine soul-searching. Even if it doesn’t make your joint decision any easier, it would be nice to feel you had an ally during this process. "}]}]},{"type":"text","text":"\n"},{"type":"tag","name":"p","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"tag","name":"span","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"text","text":"Whatever you decide, I don’t think there’s necessarily any such thing as a “wrong decision.” Whatever you choose, I believe you can find a way to make it right for you. You might decide you want to and not get what you want. You might not want to, and find it happens anyway. Either way, it’s all about the execution. But stop trying to hash this one out alone. Your body, your choice is an affirmation of bodily autonomy, not a cop out. "}]}]},{"type":"text","text":"\n"}],"feature_image":{"source":"image://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/HMH_FeatureImage-5.png","title":"HMH_FeatureImage-5.png","alt":"an angel baby and a devil baby, on a fluorescent green background"},"_category":"society","summary":"The more I think about it, the more confused I feel. Is this a sign I'm not ready?","coverstory_highlight":"burgandy","categories":[{"id":2215,"slug":"society","name":"Society"}],"tags":[{"id":1778,"slug":"advice","name":"Advice"},{"id":133476,"slug":"comments-enabled","name":"Comments Enabled","description":"Please add this tag to any articles that have the 'comments enabled' layout tag - it is critical for parse.ly reporting."},{"id":132264,"slug":"help-me-hera","name":"Help Me Hera","visible_tag":true},{"id":2450,"slug":"new-parenthood","name":"New parenthood"}],"layouts":["enable-comments"],"author":{"id":160,"slug":"hera-bird","wp_user_avatar":"undefined","name":"Hera Lindsay Bird","display_in_commercial_section":"no","display_in_audience_and_operations_section":"no","display_in_operations_section":"no","display_in_senior_leadership_section":"no","display_on_editorial_about_page":"No","bio":"Hera Lindsay Bird is the Spinoff's advice columnist and poetry editor.","avatar":"image://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/09/GiJ-Hera-Linsay-Bird-035-modified.jpg","position":"Contributing writer","display_on_inline_banners":"no","display_on_header_banners":"no","order":0}},"patchwork":[{"id":498101,"slug":"the-weekend-leaders-with-poor-convictions-and-scripted-communications","date":"2025-03-01T05:15:42","modified":"2025-03-01T07:38:09","type":"post","title":"The Weekend: Leaders with poor convictions and scripted communications","feature_image":{"source":"image://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/Gabi-Lardies-1.jpg","title":"Gabi-Lardies-1.jpg"},"_category":"media","summary":"Gabi Lardies reflects on the week that was.","coverstory_highlight":"burgandy","categories":[{"id":505,"slug":"media","name":"Media","sponsor":{"name":"The Spinoff Members","url":"https://thespinoff.co.nz/members/?utm_source=website\u0026utm_medium=sponsor\u0026utm_campaign=media","logo":"image://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2023/10/members-scaled.png","tagline":"Made possible by","footer_content":[{"type":"tag","name":"p","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"tag","name":"em","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"text","text":"The Spinoff’s media coverage is powered by the generous support of our "},{"type":"tag","name":"a","attributes":{"href":"https://thespinoff.co.nz/members/?utm_source=footer\u0026utm_medium=sponsor\u0026utm_campaign=media","target":"_blank","rel":"noopener"},"children":[{"type":"text","text":"members"}]},{"type":"text","text":". If you value what we do and believe in the importance of independent and freely accessible journalism – tautoko mai, "},{"type":"tag","name":"a","attributes":{"href":"https://thespinoff.co.nz/members/?utm_source=footer\u0026utm_medium=sponsor\u0026utm_campaign=media","target":"_blank","rel":"noopener"},"children":[{"type":"text","text":"donate today"}]},{"type":"text","text":"."}]}]},{"type":"text","text":"\n"}]}}],"tags":[{"id":1626,"slug":"opinion","name":"Opinion","visible_tag":true},{"id":3603,"slug":"the-best-of-the-spinoff","name":"The Best of The Spinoff"},{"id":133617,"slug":"the-weekend","name":"The Weekend"}],"layouts":["related-hidden"],"author":{"id":3267,"slug":"gabi-lardies","wp_user_avatar":"undefined","name":"Gabi Lardies","display_in_commercial_section":"no","display_in_audience_and_operations_section":"no","display_in_operations_section":"no","display_in_senior_leadership_section":"no","display_on_editorial_about_page":"Yes","bio":"Gabi Lardies is a Spinoff staff writer.\r\nEmail her at gabi@thespinoff.co.nz","avatar":"image://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/02/gabi-feb2024.png","position":"Staff writer","inline_donation_banner_copy":"Help keep The Spinoff funny, smart, tall and handsome – become a member today.","display_on_inline_banners":"yes","display_on_header_banners":"no","signature":"image://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/02/iZU41M6e-Gabi-LardiesTSO.png","order":0}},{"id":497796,"slug":"the-rise-of-the-healing-novel-and-our-sad-need-to-cry","date":"2025-03-01T05:11:43","modified":"2025-03-01T22:51:20","type":"post","title":"The rise of the ‘healing’ novel and our sad need to cry","feature_image":{"source":"image://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/Healing-Books-Feature.png","title":"Healing-Books-Feature.png","alt":"Pictures of book covers with a background of books and cats.","caption":"Bookshops, cat shops and coffee: examples of ‘healing’ books that are selling in their millions. \n"},"layouts":[],"_category":"books","summary":"What's behind the soaring popularity of these little books designed to give us big feelings?","coverstory_highlight":"burgandy","categories":[{"id":508,"slug":"books","name":"Books","sponsor":{"name":"Unity Books + Creative New Zealand","url":"#sponsor_post_footer","logo":"image://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2022/09/cnz-unity.png","tagline":"Made possible by","footer_content":[{"type":"tag","name":"p","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"tag","name":"strong","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"text","text":"The Spinoff Books section is proudly brought to you by Unity Books and Creative New Zealand. 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If you value what we do and believe in the importance of independent and freely accessible journalism – tautoko mai, "},{"type":"tag","name":"a","attributes":{"href":"https://thespinoff.co.nz/members/?utm_source=website\u0026utm_medium=sponsor\u0026utm_campaign=politics","target":"_blank","rel":"noopener"},"children":[{"type":"text","text":"donate today"}]},{"type":"text","text":"."}]}]}]},{"type":"text","text":"\n"}]}}],"tags":[{"id":3115,"slug":"government","name":"government"},{"id":734,"slug":"parliament","name":"Parliament"},{"id":133853,"slug":"select-committee","name":"Select Committee"},{"id":1072,"slug":"treaty-of-waitangi","name":"Treaty of Waitangi"},{"id":133348,"slug":"treaty-principles","name":"Treaty Principles"},{"id":133763,"slug":"treaty-principles-bill","name":"Treaty Principles Bill"}],"layouts":["homepage-feature"],"author":{"id":3905,"slug":"lyric-waiwirismith","wp_user_avatar":"undefined","name":"Lyric Waiwiri-Smith","display_in_commercial_section":"no","display_in_audience_and_operations_section":"no","display_in_operations_section":"no","display_in_senior_leadership_section":"no","display_on_editorial_about_page":"Yes","bio":"Lyric Waiwiri-Smith is a politics reporter at The Spinoff.","avatar":"image://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2024/08/lyrichs-august2024.png","position":"Politics reporter","inline_donation_banner_copy":"Become a member to help us deliver news and features that matter most to Aotearoa.","display_on_inline_banners":"yes","display_on_header_banners":"no","order":0},"related_reading":[{"type":"tag","name":"p","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"tag","name":"a","attributes":{"href":"https://thespinoff.co.nz/politics/27-02-2025/treaty-principles-bill-hearings-day-11-live-from-te-matatini-lake-rotokakahi-and-mitre-10"},"children":[{"type":"text","text":"Treaty principles bill hearings, day 11: Live, from Te Matatini, Lake Rotokākahi and Mitre 10"}]}]},{"type":"text","text":"\n"},{"type":"tag","name":"p","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"tag","name":"a","attributes":{"href":"https://thespinoff.co.nz/politics/27-02-2025/treaty-principles-bill-hearings-day-10-ruth-richardson-criticises-treaty-overreach"},"children":[{"type":"text","text":"Treaty principles bill hearings, day 10: Ruth Richardson criticises ‘Treaty overreach’"}]}]},{"type":"text","text":"\n"},{"type":"tag","name":"p","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"tag","name":"a","attributes":{"href":"https://thespinoff.co.nz/politics/25-02-2025/treaty-principles-bill-hearings-day-nine-tory-whanau-challenges-government-priorities"},"children":[{"type":"text","text":"Treaty principles bill hearings, day nine: Tory Whanau challenges government priorities"}]}]},{"type":"text","text":"\n"},{"type":"tag","name":"p","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"tag","name":"a","attributes":{"href":"https://thespinoff.co.nz/politics/25-02-2025/treaty-principles-bill-hearings-day-eight-racist-canine-trumpets-and-bloody-history"},"children":[{"type":"text","text":"Treaty principles bill hearings, day eight: ‘Racist canine trumpets’ and ‘bloody history’"}]}]},{"type":"text","text":"\n"},{"type":"tag","name":"p","attributes":{},"children":[{"type":"tag","name":"a","attributes":{"href":"https://thespinoff.co.nz/politics/20-02-2025/treaty-principles-bill-hearings-day-seven-another-ex-pm-submits-and-tears-are-shed"},"children":[{"type":"text","text":"Treaty principles bill hearings, day seven: Another ex-PM submits, and tears are shed"}]}]},{"type":"text","text":"\n"}]},{"id":498083,"slug":"the-local-auckland-streets-where-speed-limits-are-rising-at-a-cost-of-8-8m","date":"2025-02-28T14:39:14","modified":"2025-02-28T14:40:47","type":"post","title":"The local Auckland streets where speed limits are rising, at a cost of $8.8m","feature_image":{"source":"image://images.thespinoff.co.nz/1/2025/02/Untitled-design-2-2.png","title":"Untitled-design-2-2.png","alt":"A map of Auckland in the background; 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