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John Klossner Cartoonist -- Federal Computer Week

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document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20100103010122/http://ad.doubleclick.net/adj/eof.fcw/;item=a9e356cc_5124_4608_8189_31ef2b7b1136;pos=Promo_L1;tile=5;sz=160x160;ord=' + ord + '?"><\/script>'); //]]> </script> <noscript> <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20100103010122/http://ad.doubleclick.net/jump/eof.fcw/;item=a9e356cc_5124_4608_8189_31ef2b7b1136;pos=Promo_L1;tile=5;sz=160x160;ord=123456789" target="_blank"> <img src="https://web.archive.org/web/20100103010122im_/http://ad.doubleclick.net/ad/eof.fcw/;item=a9e356cc_5124_4608_8189_31ef2b7b1136;pos=Promo_L1;tile=5;sz=160x160;ord=123456789" border="0" alt=""/> </a> </noscript> </div> <div class="ad"> <script type="text/javascript" language="javascript"> //<![CDATA[ ord = window.ord || Math.floor(Math.random() * 1E16); document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20100103010122/http://ad.doubleclick.net/adj/eof.fcw/;item=a9e356cc_5124_4608_8189_31ef2b7b1136;pos=sky_L1;tile=6;sz=160x600,120x600;ord=' + ord + '?"><\/script>'); //]]> </script> <noscript> <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20100103010122/http://ad.doubleclick.net/jump/eof.fcw/;item=a9e356cc_5124_4608_8189_31ef2b7b1136;pos=sky_L1;tile=6;sz=160x600,120x600;ord=123456789" target="_blank"> <img src="https://web.archive.org/web/20100103010122im_/http://ad.doubleclick.net/ad/eof.fcw/;item=a9e356cc_5124_4608_8189_31ef2b7b1136;pos=sky_L1;tile=6;sz=160x600,120x600;ord=123456789" border="0" alt=""/> </a> </noscript> </div> </div> </noindex> <div id="contentBox"> <div id="pContent"> <div id="level1"> <div id="ctl29_divIntro" class="intro"> <h3 id="ctl29_h3Intro">John Klossner</h3> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div id="blogPost"> <div class="names"> <h3 id="ctl29_h3BlogName"><a href="/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/Blogs/John-Klossner/List/Blog-List.aspx">John Klossner</a></h3> <a href="/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/Blogs/Browse-Blogs.aspx">View all blogs</a> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div> <h3 id="ctl29_lvBlogPosts_ctrl0_ctl00_h3Title"><a href="/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/Blogs/John-Klossner/2009/12/CISOs-help-wanted.aspx">When did the CISO become sexy?</a></h3> <strong>JOB LISTING 2002: <br>HELP WANTED, Chief Information Security Officer</strong> <br>Duties include gathering data on information technology security systems and reporting annually to Congress. Must enjoy anonymity, working alone and sharing office space with cleaning supplies. Extra attention will be given to candidates with good password skills. Interested parties should e-mail resume to appropriate agency. <p><strong>JOB LISTING 2009: <br>HELP WANTED, Chief Information Security Officer</strong><br>Duties include defending the free world's communications systems, monitoring global cyber crime developments and protection of personal data being spread through internet portals, social networks and teenagers' cell phones. Must enjoy thwarting thousands of millions of gazillions of data breach attempts per day. Candidates have mastered a minimum of&nbsp;seven languages and be able to identify the top 10 hackers from code samples. Familiarity with Estonian legal system considered a plus. Interested parties meet <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20100103010122/http://www.hotelchatter.com/story/2007/12/28/14845/720/hotels/Best_International_Hotel_WiFi_The_Faena_in_Buenos_Aires" target="_blank">by the pool at the Faena in Buenos Aires</a>. </p> <p><img height="327" alt="When did the CISO become sexy" src="/web/20100103010122im_/http://fcw.com/blogs/john-klossner/list/~/media/GIG/FCW/Web/2009/12/klossner%2012%2010%2009_432.ashx" width="432"></p> <p><img height="400" alt="CISO Royale poster" src="/web/20100103010122im_/http://fcw.com/blogs/john-klossner/list/~/media/GIG/FCW/Web/2009/12/CISObondposter.ashx" width="266"></p> <p id="ctl29_lvBlogPosts_ctrl0_ctl00_pAuthDate">Posted on <span class="date">Dec 21, 2009</span> at <abbr>9:53 PM</abbr><em><a href="/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/Blogs/John-Klossner/2009/12/CISOs-help-wanted.aspx#Comments">0 comments</a></em></a></p> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div> <h3 id="ctl29_lvBlogPosts_ctrl1_ctl00_h3Title"><a href="/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/Blogs/John-Klossner/2009/12/NSPS-pay-for-performance-comments.aspx">Pay-for-performance: A modester proposal</a></h3> &nbsp;<em>If the [<u><font color="#0000ff">National Security Personnel System] </font></u>were allowed to operate unfettered by the taint of human interaction, then it might be the "an honest dollar for an honest day's work" operation it aspires to be.</em> <p><em>"Hiring and advancement are primarily a function of ‘popularity and favors,’ not job performance." </em></p> <p><em>"...It does not pay to do the extra, let someone else pick up the slack, get certifications, and think ahead. It would be nice if, just once, I was rated on my WORK and not the budget."</em></p> <p><em></em> <p><em>"Under that system the big bosses gave each other thousands of dollars in bonuses and the rank and file got a couple hundred dollar salary boost for a YEAR." </em></p> <p><em>"I have found that work performance does not motivate employees at all. the ones who actually do the work do not get rewarded." </em></p> <p>These are not lines from characters in a new reality show ("Survivor Fed," this fall on CBS, right after "Dexter.") No, these are taken from various comments sections in articles and columns on the <strong><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/articles/2009/11/02/feature-nsps-pay-for-performance.aspx" target="_blank">demise </a></strong>of the National Security Personnel System, a program brought to life in 2004 with hopes of creating pay-for-performance compensation in the federal workplace. As you may have heard, it didn't do so well.</p> <p>I have to admit, on one level, I'm impressed with the knowledge employees have of the inner workings of their offices. Their ability to recite fellow employees' salaries, management spending decisions and co-workers' working habits show a keen awareness of the details within their respective agencies. But, to go back to my earlier thought, put these folks in shared housing with minimal clothing, free alcohol, and a Jacuzzi and you've got an MTV show.</p> <p>Of course, there are some satisfied employees:</p> <blockquote dir="ltr" style="MARGIN-RIGHT: 0px"> <p><em>"I must be one of the few that did well under NSPS. I got a good bonus and a nice raise. I'm also divorced and all my kids are grown. What has that got to do with anything? I can focus on work and put in a lot of hours. Many without comp time. I think that NSPS can work, but it takes great writing skills by your supervisor and too many of them lack that skill. I also think that many people don't understand that there are a lot of folks like me in any organization that really do perform a lot more work than the average worker; not just a little more."</em></p></blockquote> <p>See? All you have to do to make the system work for you is terminate your family life and live at the office.</p> <p>Just what is going on here? And how do so many of these hard-working employees have time to write comments?</p> <p>Is it possible to create "fair" compensation? For starters, I would contend that a "fair" compensation system is like the holy grail, perfect love, or the Redskins' playoff chances -- it exists more in hope than in reality. I propose the term "fairer" compensation. But how to create a system that motivates employees, rewards excellence in performance, doesn't lead to resentment, and doesn't break budget parameters? I think I have such a system in my workplace, but I'm self-employed. (Even then, some days I just don't get along with myself.)</p> <p>Or, more accurately, maybe we should be calling this a "compensation system that is closer in scale to the private sector." There are some who think the private sector offers a much better chance of fair compensation. Maybe so, but anyone who has ever worked at a business with "and Sons" in the title can give you a different perspective.</p> <p>I don't mean to paint a one-sided picture. There are/were fans of the system. As one commenter put it:</p> <blockquote dir="ltr" style="MARGIN-RIGHT: 0px"> <p><em>"Pay for performance is a great idea and has mostly worked. Is there some cronyism? Of course, It also exists under the GS system in who gets promotions... The human element is always going to be present."</em></p></blockquote> <p>This reader/writer has put a finger on the problem:</p> <blockquote dir="ltr" style="MARGIN-RIGHT: 0px"> <p><em>I think everyone shares the goal of creating a compensation system that rewards individual employees fairly for the work they've done. And I would think that everyone feels that a pay-for-performance system is created with the best intentions, and not with underlying purposes of redirecting money to a select few. So, if we agree that the system was designed with the best intentions, then we have to focus our attention on the real roadblock: The people. </em></p></blockquote> <p>If there were some way to remove the disgruntled employees, the confused managers, the slacking co-workers and the cronies -- not to mention those with the potential to become disgruntled, confused or crony-esque -- then pay-for performance might work. If the system were allowed to operate unfettered by the taint of human interaction, then it might be the "an honest dollar for an honest day's work" operation it aspires to. If we can let this compensation program do the job it was designed for without having to deal with the ticky-tack foibles that the personnel bring to the table, then it will have a chance. </p> <p>Somewhere, someway, someone will create that people-free office that offers fair compensation for all. Maybe we'll be allowed to look in the windows.</p> <p><img height="302" alt="" src="/web/20100103010122im_/http://fcw.com/blogs/john-klossner/list/~/media/GIG/FCW/Web/2009/12/FCWNSPS.ashx" width="432"></p></p> <p id="ctl29_lvBlogPosts_ctrl1_ctl00_pAuthDate">Posted on <span class="date">Dec 18, 2009</span> at <abbr>9:53 PM</abbr><em><a href="/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/Blogs/John-Klossner/2009/12/NSPS-pay-for-performance-comments.aspx#Comments">2 comments</a></em></a></p> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div> <h3 id="ctl29_lvBlogPosts_ctrl2_ctl00_h3Title"><a href="/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/Blogs/John-Klossner/2009/12/Crowdsourcing-mr-smith-goes-to-washington.aspx">Crowdsourcing saves the day in 'Mr. Smith Goes to Washington'</a></h3> When thinking about federal workplace practices, it's always helpful to refer to fictional characters and stories for information. I've been thinking about a remake of the classic 1939 Frank Capra film, <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20100103010122/http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-897129633961255565" target="_blank"><strong>"Mr. Smith Goes to Washington."</strong></a> (Can you believe the entire movie is online? This is why I love the Internet. Also, isn't watching "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington" online on a Sunday morning the same as sitting with the Sunday N.Y. Times? My wife and I disagree on this point.) Specifically, what changes would have to be made in the storyline in order to acknowledge modern technologies and sensibilities? I offer the following: <ul> <li>Would such a naive character be believable in our present-day culture, other than as satire? It would become a Will Ferrell or Adam Sandler project, played for laughs. Maybe Tina Fey could bring a serious angle to the remake.</li> <li>In an updated version, wouldn't Sen. Smith call the power brokers' bluff, claim the land as his, and build his boys' camp and a casino on it, turning a huge profit?</li> <li>The classic fedora scene, a close-up on Jimmy Stewart's hands fumbling with his fedora while talking to the attractive daughter of Sen. Paine — how would this be handled? Fumbling with his/her BlackBerry? Nervously running his/her fingers along his/her tattoos?</li></ul> <p> <p>But the scene I want to reference from the movie is when Sen. Paine (Claude Rains), the senior senator from the same state as Jefferson Smith (Jimmy Stewart’s character), brings in the baskets of telegrams calling for Sen. Smith to end his filibuster and resign. In my remake, Sen. Paine will reference the Twitter feeds and blog comments they've been receiving from constituents.</p> <p>Was this the first media reference to crowdsourcing? From <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/articles/2009/10/26/tech-crowdsourcing.aspx" target="_blank"><strong>a recent FCW piece</strong></a>: "New Web 2.0 tools and social-media technology — such as blogs, wikis and ... ideas application(s) — make crowdsourcing possible. Agencies can use Web applications like an interactive suggestion box that is unbound by time or geographical constraints. Crowdsourcing tools are not a substitute for elections, referendum questions or face-to-face public meetings, but they are a tool public officials can use to gauge opinion and solicit input."</p> <p>I have mixed feelings about crowdsourcing. I worry about where soliciting ideas ends and leadership begins. I worry about how you create borders for a submission community. I worry about the time and manpower — possibly taken from other jobs — needed to sort through and account for every idea submitted, no matter how undeveloped. I worry about the point at which the "crowd" sourced becomes too big for the process. And, to keep with my fictional references, what happens if and when the crowd is manipulated with misinformation? Hello, birthers.</p> <p>In my world, crowdsourcing has become a derivative of outsourcing. There are numerous "projects" now, where companies are soliciting ideas and offering prizes, with the majority of submitters receiving no compensation for their expertise. In the creative and technology professions, there have been numerous complaints about the crowdsourcing format, ranging from <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20100103010122/http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/15/business/media/15illo.html?_r=3&amp;adxnnl=1&amp;ref=business&amp;adxnnlx=1245071021-52x8YxIEj1VTFo07VGZQtA" target="_blank"><strong>Google soliciting free artwork</strong></a> from top illustrators to the argument that, in certain fields, crowdsourcing is <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20100103010122/http://www.wired.com/epicenter/2009/03/is-crowdsourcin/" target="_blank"><strong>no more than unpaid spec work</strong></a>.</p> <p>Crowdsourcing can be considered a way of doing a project cheaply. Instead of bringing in experts to look at the problem, you let "the crowd" solve it. For someone with professional expertise who makes a living at this, where is the attraction? Crowdsourcing might allow for the discovery of an unthought-of idea — kind of like winning the lottery — but how do you guarantee that the most qualified individuals will participate? Is it crowdsourcing? Or a pie bake-off?</p> <p>That said, crowdsourcing might be a better fit with government work. There is an established community filled with people with a wide variety of experiences and expertise in the fields at hand. Cultivate ideas from the community at large, pick the better ideas and develop them into a workable solution. This allows everyone to have a voice and the best idea/solutions to come to the surface.</p> <p>But haven't the people with good ideas already been included in the process? Do we want a bunch of folks at the cafe/bar/Internet throwing out ideas? Really? As opposed to people who have made public policy their life's work and have résumés full of public and private-industry experience?</p> <p>It would seem to me that the people who have expertise in these fields are already involved, and opening it up to more public input might make for a filing mess. Also, are there any parameters on the ideas submitted? When does the contributing community become too large? When do we have too many ideas to prevent sorting through them in a feasible time frame? What is the delineation of leadership?</p> <p>I'm not against getting as many people involved as possible. But if you got a bunch of my friends together to brainstorm ideas for better policy, I'm guaranteeing you that the majority of our ideas wouldn't exactly pass muster on the sanity scale. Just as, when we run the occasional FCW cartoon caption contest, the majority of entries wouldn't pass muster on the humor scale. As an early example of crowdsourcing, <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/Blogs/John-Klossner/2009/06/open-government-dialogue-goofy-ideas.aspx" target="_blank"><strong>the Open Government Dialogue</strong></a> flirted with the boundaries between useful, inclusive and off the wall. I'd love to have lunch with the people whose jobs were to sort through all the suggestions and see what they think about crowdsourcing.</p> <p>Or, instead of lunch, we could go to the movies.</p> <p>I created a couple different cartoons on the topic, both playing with the leadership's role in the issue. Same point, different illustrations.</p> <p><img height="308" alt="Klossner crowdsourcing" src="/web/20100103010122im_/http://fcw.com/blogs/john-klossner/list/~/media/GIG/FCW/Web/2009/12/klossner_crowdsource_400.ashx" width="400"></p> <p><img height="289" alt="Klossner crowdsourcing" src="/web/20100103010122im_/http://fcw.com/blogs/john-klossner/list/~/media/GIG/FCW/Web/2009/12/klossner_crowdsource2_400.ashx" width="400"></p></p> <p id="ctl29_lvBlogPosts_ctrl2_ctl00_pAuthDate">Posted on <span class="date">Dec 15, 2009</span> at <abbr>9:53 PM</abbr><em><a href="/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/Blogs/John-Klossner/2009/12/Crowdsourcing-mr-smith-goes-to-washington.aspx#Comments">1 comments</a></em></a></p> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div> <h3 id="ctl29_lvBlogPosts_ctrl3_ctl00_h3Title"><a href="/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/Blogs/John-Klossner/2009/11/klossner-women-in-technology.aspx">Cub Scouts, Girl Scouts and women in technology</a></h3> <p style=""> <img alt="Lucy-beard" src="/web/20100103010122im_/http://fcw.com/blogs/john-klossner/list/%7E/media/GIG/FCW/Web/2009/11/Lucy_shave%20cream_beard.ashx" height="222" width="200">&nbsp; I was recently attending my son's Cub Scout pack meeting. It was near Halloween, and this meant the children, and some of the adults, had an extra opportunity to wear costumes, which most took advantage of. (I had my traditional "oops - it's almost Halloween?" costume on.) There were the usual suspects and -- based on a very unscientific sample of 50 Cub Scouts in southern Maine -- the economy hasn't affected Halloween costume sales this year.</p> <p style="">One boy stood out from the rest of the Batmen, ninjas and Star Wars characters. He dressed as a Girl Scout, complete with wig, headband and makeup (I give him high marks on concept and execution). The thing that caught my eye, however, was everyone else's reaction to him and his costume. While most people responded to the costumed persons in their immediate vicinity, everyone made a beeline to the Girl Scout, and most made some sort of smart-alecky comment, which almost always included the term "sweetheart." When this boy had to get up to accept an award the room reacted as one, with a combination of gasp/laughter/shriek. He couldn't have gotten more of a reaction if he had been dressed as a member of the Taliban with a sign espousing universal health care for all gay illegal immigrants.</p> <p style="">I wonder if a similar event could've taken place at the local Girl Scouts' Halloween meeting. If one of the girls had dressed up as a Cub Scout, would she have received the same response?</p> <p style="">Maybe, but she might have gotten as big a response if she had dressed up as an information technology worker or, better yet, an IT manager.</p> <p style="">FCW recently ran <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/articles/2009/10/05/feat-1-intro.aspx" target="_blank">a story</a> covering a book about women in the technology field, highlighting the women in the federal IT community. This was accompanied by <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/articles/2009/10/05/editors-desk.aspx" target="_blank">an editor's column</a> mentioning the book and the editor's own experiences in the federal IT world. As he puts it, "To be frank, that’s [women in positions of power] not what one expects to encounter in the modern tech world." Lest this be taken out of context, the column went on to consider how government was ahead of the private sector in terms of women in IT and leadership positions, and the factors behind this difference. But, to paraphrase an old saying, isn't progress truly made when people are in positions they were never in before and nobody notices?</p> <p style="">There are many reports and studies on how and why there are fewer girls in school math and science classes, and how this translates to the workplace: fewer women in technology jobs and leadership positions. There are numerous reports on the salary differences between men and women. (For fun, Google "pay differences between men and women." Pick one of the entries that has a comments section. I think many of the comments were written by people in attendance at my Cub Scout Halloween event.) And there are numerous anecdotal accounts of female employees having more difficult experiences with promotions.</p> <p style="">And a roomful of adults still hoots when they see a 10-year-old Milton Berle. Does the FCW editor quoted above still want to refer to this as the "modern" world?</p> <p style=""><b><i>Note:</i></b> I came up with two cartoons for this issue. I drew the first one with the idea of illustrating the double standard for women in IT -- having a tougher path -- but, in getting feedback, it seemed that it was too subtle. (That's cartoon speak for "nobody got it except me.") The second one worked a little better.</p> <p style=""><img alt="" src="/web/20100103010122im_/http://fcw.com/blogs/john-klossner/list/%7E/media/GIG/FCW/Web/2009/11/FCW_women%20in%20IT%201.ashx" height="244" width="400"></p> <p style=""><img alt="" src="/web/20100103010122im_/http://fcw.com/blogs/john-klossner/list/%7E/media/GIG/FCW/Web/2009/11/FCW_women%20in%20IT%202.ashx" height="310" width="432"></p> <p style="">&nbsp;</p> <p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <p id="ctl29_lvBlogPosts_ctrl3_ctl00_pAuthDate">Posted on <span class="date">Nov 12, 2009</span> at <abbr>10:39 AM</abbr><em><a href="/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/Blogs/John-Klossner/2009/11/klossner-women-in-technology.aspx#Comments">1 comments</a></em></a></p> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div> <h3 id="ctl29_lvBlogPosts_ctrl4_ctl00_h3Title"><a href="/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/Blogs/John-Klossner/2009/10/john-klossner-government-industry-workforce.aspx">Klossner: Why the federal government is like the Red Sox</a></h3> <p>I have lived in New England for more than 25 years now. Given another 50 I might be considered a local, but&nbsp;probably not. Since my children were born here, they have a better shot at being referred to as "natives" by the natives, or at least my children's great-grandchildren — if they decide to stay in the region — will be. In the meantime, there are several ways to "pass" as a New Englander:</p> <ul> <li>During the 30-day summer, eat ice cream at least 150 times.</li> <li>Wear shorts until the temperature&nbsp;falls below 30 degrees (bonus points if, like my neighbor, you wear shorts year-round).</li> <li>Say "that's the thing about New England — if you don't like the weather, wait 15 minutes" every time a storm rolls by.</li> <li>Wear <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20100103010122/http://www.llbean.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/CategoryDisplay?page=bean-boots-by-llbean-8-thinsulate&amp;categoryId=22799&amp;storeId=1&amp;catalogId=1&amp;langId=-" target="_blank">L.L. Bean duck boots</a> to a formal event.</li> <li>Stack firewood in your dining room.</li></ul> <p>Of course, an essential element to passing as a native New Englander is to be a Boston Red Sox fan. This was an easy transition for me. I enjoy sports and I didn't grow up with a "hometown" team, so following the Red Sox didn't require my ditching another organization. I have followed the Sox during my entire time in the region, and I think I can even hold my own in a discussion about whether Bill Buckner deserves the vitriol that has been thrown his way (he doesn't). But I can't tell you whether Mel Parnell should have pitched in 1948.</p> <p><img alt="" src="/web/20100103010122im_/http://fcw.com/blogs/john-klossner/list/%7E/media/GIG/FCW/Web/2009/10/Klossner_Sox%20Yanks.ashx" height="150" width="150">Then there are the Yankees. I don't think I'm breaking any news by saying that being a Red Sox fan is based on not liking (OK, despising; OK, loathing with every fiber of my being) the New York Yankees as much as it is rooting for the Boston Red Sox. The Yankees are everything the Red Sox are not — basically, successful. They have won many more championships (until this decade, the Red Sox were better known for their lack of championships and a long list of creative, heartbreaking losses through the years), made much more money, and been held up as the standard-bearer for athletic success. (If any of my fellow Sox fans read this, my membership in Red Sox nation will be revoked.) Of course, the Yankees are also perceived as personifying the bad money side of athletics: With an operating budget that dwarfs the majority of other major league teams, they have resorted to buying the best players available. (Now will you let me back in?)</p> <p>One could think of the Yankees as the private sector, and the Red Sox as the federal government. And, similar to the Yankees-Red Sox relationship (now there's a euphemism), each of the organizations derives a certain amount of satisfaction from <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/Blogs/John-Klossner/2009/06/The-difference-between-contractors-and-federal-employees.aspx" target="_blank">pointing out the foibles of the other</a>.</p> <p>For example, I discovered this article on “<a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20100103010122/http://www.forbes.com/2007/10/08/jobs-employment-economics-biz-wash-cx_bw_1009worstjobs_slide_8.html?thisSpeed=20000" target="_blank">The Worst Jobs of the 21st Century</a>” when it ran two years ago and have kept it in my files for some time, waiting for the appropriate moment to use it. (Note that other occupations in the "worst jobs of the 21st century" list include farmers, computer programmers, economists and travel agents. According to Forbes magazine in 2007, trying to write code to figure out the travel budgets for your chain of international ranches wasn't a lucrative career move.) This would be the equivalent of the Yankees running articles on the "worst baseball teams to play for," wouldn't it?</p> <p>As the saying goes, times have changed.</p> <p>Government jobs have become attractive again. Recent economic events have made government jobs — with their promise of decent pay, benefits and the position still being around six months later — more attractive than private-sector positions which, um, don't promise much of anything. This is in marked contrast to years before when the private sector, with obvious edges in all the money categories, was much more appealing to job-seekers.</p> <p>A recent story in <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/Articles/2009/08/26/Contractors-worries-feds-fish-for-their-employees.aspx" target="_blank">FCW</a> reported that spokespeople in the private sector were concerned about losing talent to government agencies, and accusing the agencies of being "more aggressive" in their recruiting. A quick read of the comments section can give you an idea of how much government folk are enjoying the irony. For years, talent has flowed to the private sector. At the same time, the private sector has had no qualms about recruiting from the government employee ranks. The moment this is reversed, the private sector cries "foul."</p> <p>Have agencies done anything illicit? Not that I've seen reported anywhere. Maybe they've marketed themselves a bit more aggressively, although how aggressive is it to point out that "there are still jobs with benefits here?" And the private sector certainly can't complain about aggressive recruiting, can it? Are these spokespeople really complaining about government "poaching," or are they complaining that they don't have enough to counter government offers? These seem to be the slings and arrows of competition, as both sides want to find the best talent.</p> <p>This is comparable to the joy Red Sox fans have found this century, finally having found some success. I'd go into detail, but this has been covered in minutiae elsewhere, and I want to be sensitive to the Nationals and Orioles fans reading this. Even though I'm trying to pass as a New Englander, I don't want to pass as an obnoxious Red Sox fan.</p> <p>Having said all this, the baseball world seems to be righted on its axis again. The Yankees have bought their way back to prominence and stand favored to win the World Series this year. The Red Sox suffered another historic collapse to add to their storied past. So don't give up hope, private sector.</p> <p>(In a related note, notice that Forbes put "<a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20100103010122/http://www.forbes.com/2007/10/08/jobs-employment-economics-biz-wash-cx_bw_1009worstjobs_slide_2.html?thisSpeed=20000" target="_blank">print journalism</a>" on their list. There's nothing like reading your own obituary.)</p> <p><img alt="" src="/web/20100103010122im_/http://fcw.com/blogs/john-klossner/list/%7E/media/GIG/FCW/Web/2009/10/Klossner_fed%20hiring.ashx" height="288" width="432"></p> <p> <p id="ctl29_lvBlogPosts_ctrl4_ctl00_pAuthDate">Posted on <span class="date">Oct 28, 2009</span> at <abbr>1:01 PM</abbr><em><a href="/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/Blogs/John-Klossner/2009/10/john-klossner-government-industry-workforce.aspx#Comments">0 comments</a></em></a></p> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div> <h3 id="ctl29_lvBlogPosts_ctrl5_ctl00_h3Title"><a href="/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/Blogs/John-Klossner/2009/10/john-klossner-IT-dashboards-journey.aspx">Klossner: The link between IT dashboards and '80s hair bands</a></h3> <p><i><img class="rightFloat" height="169" src="/web/20100103010122im_/http://fcw.com/blogs/john-klossner/list/~/media/GIG/FCW/Web/2009/10/journey_225.ashx" width="225"></i></p> <p>My 12 year-old daughter has access to several computers in our home. Each computer has iTunes. Her father's iTunes folder currently stores 5.3 days worth of music, in case he finds himself in a situation in which he is stranded and unable to do anything but listen to his iTunes collection for 5.3 days. My daughter also has access to a stereo, along with a couple hundred music CDs stored on bookshelves, under chairs and between couch pillows. If she were to brave the trek to our attic, she would find a couple hundred LP albums in boxes. My daughter has an iPod of her own, although I don't know how many days of music she has on it. When my daughter was 2 years old, she wanted to hear Ella Fitzgerald's greatest hits over and over. Despite hearing "A Tisket A Tasket" in my head all day, I was thrilled that my daughter and I would share musical tastes. I couldn't wait until we attended our first Beatles tribute-band performance together.</p> <p> <p>And now she is walking around this same home singing Journey songs at the top of her lungs.</p> <p> <p>At the risk of insulting the armies of Journey fans now working for the federal government, Journey -- for those of you who were not around at the time or who have had memories erased by the trauma -- was one of the most popular “big hair bands” in the 1980s. I would have to say they are best known for anthemic-synthesizer and guitar-oriented songs that filled the arenas and stadiums where they appeared. In the controlled radio formats of the time, you couldn't go more than an hour or two without hearing a Journey song.</p> <p> <p>Journey is seeing a renaissance with the renewed interest in 80’s pop music in general and the opportunities for new media to be used in reviewing the original material. For example, Journey has become very popular on YouTube as a source for video spoofs of their original music videos, <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20100103010122/http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZu6FTZo1JA&amp;feature=related" target="_blank">with one remake</a> even winning a film festival award. Their songs are also being covered <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20100103010122/http://www.viddler.com/explore/Fragua/videos/1/" target="_blank">by other musical acts</a>, which is where my daughter discovered the song she now sings at the top of her lungs several times a day. </p> <p> <p>This is what the evolution of technology has brought us. We can find music in many different formats, aurally and visually. We can store it on a wide variety of hardware. We can take it with us, making it accessible everywhere in our worlds.</p> <p> <p>But it's still a Journey song.</p> <p> <p>This brings me to IT dashboards. Dashboards are a technology that takes data and gives graphic presentations of the data and its performance. For example, a chart or graph can be created representing a program's schedule -- if the program is on schedule, it stays green, if it slips or falls behind schedule, it turns yellow or red, depending upon how much it is falling behind. It is a fairly straightforward concept, and has been around for some time, and it is finding renewed popularity with the new administration.</p> <p> <p>There are problems, however, and they have nothing to do with the technology. They are almost all data-related. Too much data, not enough data, data that takes too long to interpret, or the wrong data in general are all potential dashboard problems. Think of it as having a 64G iPod touch with in-ear headphones and 5.3 days with nothing to do. And all you have on it is a single Journey song. </p> <p> <p>Welcome to my world.</p> <p> <p> <p> <p> <p> <p> <p> <p> <p><img height="280" alt="John Klossner FCW Dashboards" src="/web/20100103010122im_/http://fcw.com/blogs/john-klossner/list/~/media/GIG/FCW/Web/2009/10/klossner_FCWdashboards_425.ashx" width="425"></p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p> <p id="ctl29_lvBlogPosts_ctrl5_ctl00_pAuthDate">Posted on <span class="date">Oct 06, 2009</span> at <abbr>2:02 PM</abbr><em><a href="/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/Blogs/John-Klossner/2009/10/john-klossner-IT-dashboards-journey.aspx#Comments">0 comments</a></em></a></p> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div> <h3 id="ctl29_lvBlogPosts_ctrl6_ctl00_h3Title"><a href="/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/Blogs/John-Klossner/2009/09/Klossner-cyberspace.aspx">Klossner: Could Obama unilaterally vote contestants off “American Idol”?</a></h3> <p> <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20100103010122/http://www.turnofftheinternet.com/" target="_blank"> <img class="rightFloat" height="111" src="/web/20100103010122im_/http://fcw.com/blogs/john-klossner/list/~/media/GIG/FCW/Web/2009/09/klossner_panic_125.ashx" width="125" border="0"> </a> </p> <p>Recent reactions to a proposed Senate bill on cybersecuity have left some fearful of whether President Obama (and future presidents) are being given too much power. To get a flavor of that, check out the reaction to <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20100103010122/http://www.fcw.com/Articles/2009/08/28/Cybersecurity-bill-presidential-power.aspx" target="_blank">FCW’s original Web story</a> (be sure to click “View all comments").</p> <p> <p>In looking through the fine print for humor purposes, I was able to discover additional administrative powers. It turns out the president will also be able to:</p> <p> <p>* Pick Facebook friends without them being able to refuse him.<br>* Vote contestants off of American Idol.<br>* Declare call-waiting part of the axis of evil.<br>* Turn off the presidential spell check.<br>* Designate the entire Stevie Wonder catalogue on iTunes the "free song of the day."<br>* Use more than 140 characters in his tweets.<br>* Stop the sale of all cereals with chocolate/peanut butter combinations.<br>* Drive through EZ Pass toll booth lanes without slowing down. <br>* Declare every basket he makes to be three-pointers.<br>* Get the all-time high score on <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20100103010122/http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XmGHrglevKI" target="_blank">Wii Golf</a>.</p> <p> <p><img height="327" alt="Klossner cybersecurity" src="/web/20100103010122im_/http://fcw.com/blogs/john-klossner/list/~/media/GIG/FCW/Magazine%20Images/2009/092109/Ink%20Tank.ashx" width="425"></p></p></p></p> <p id="ctl29_lvBlogPosts_ctrl6_ctl00_pAuthDate">Posted on <span class="date">Sep 30, 2009</span> at <abbr>8:07 AM</abbr><em><a href="/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/Blogs/John-Klossner/2009/09/Klossner-cyberspace.aspx#Comments">1 comments</a></em></a></p> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div> <h3 id="ctl29_lvBlogPosts_ctrl7_ctl00_h3Title"><a href="/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/Blogs/John-Klossner/2009/09/john-klossner-rising-stars-mentors.aspx">Klossner: How to recognize the mentors in your life</a></h3> <p>It's Rising Star time, the 1105 Government Information Group’s annual recognition of people who will someday be our bosses. This year's class (being honored Oct. 22 at the GCN Gala) was asked about their mentors -- people who helped them along the way. Since these are Rising Stars, I expect them to do the right thing: Name someone who can be the most useful to them in the future or someone who can help them move up in the agency, or make a profitable connection.</p> <p><i><img class="rightFloat" height="220" src="/web/20100103010122im_/http://fcw.com/blogs/john-klossner/list/~/media/GIG/FCW/Web/2009/09/klossner_ITcrowd_200.ashx" width="200"></i></p> <p> <p>I used to have a basketball coach who was a throwback from an old movie, especially in his ability to spout sport cliches. One of his sayings was, "It takes two people to throw a pass; one to throw and one to catch." I would alter this for the purposes of mentoring: It takes two people to mentor; one to mentor, and one to be mentored. (Picture me spitting into the ground after saying this. Hopefully, I'm outside.) While I respect the Rising Stars' ability to recognize and thank someone for helping them, I find it as equally impressive when a talented person recognizes their need to learn and so listens to someone's experience. (I remember -- and cringe at the memory of -- the ego of my 20s.)</p> <p> <p>Personally, I would like the off-the-record version of the Rising Star discussions. This would cover the people who were helpful to us in ways that aren't so clearly recognizable. Besides, one person can't be an all-purpose mentor. There are many things we learn along the way, and many people who have influenced us in the process. Some of my favorite mentoring experiences are the unintentional ones -- the person I encounter every day in non-work environments that may teach me something without either of us having intended it. I hope that I have been the mentor in such a situation -- you never know that until after the fact.</p> <p> <p>(As a parent I run into unintentional mentors all over the place, people who set examples on how to deal with parenting situations or give me appropriate language for speaking with children of all ages.)</p> <p> <p>There are so many skills that won't be acknowledged in the Rising Star coverage. (Some of my listings feel like lightning strikes -- a one time event that may have changed your life, as opposed to mentoring that took place over a longer period of time.) That said, here's my list of questions that can help identify the unacknowledged mentors in our lives.</p> <p> <p>* Who told you about that "easy" course in college that you took because you needed to fill a space on your schedule but which has now become your career?<br>* Who gave us the proper -- okay, exact -- wording to put on our federal job application?<br>* Who showed us that we could lead useful, productive lives without first logging onto Facebook?<br>* Who told us the best lunch special near work?<br>* Who told us which of the office elevators was the faster one?<br>* Who told us that Cobol wasn't a race from another planet in Star Trek?<br>* Who told us about that obscure British sitcom, <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20100103010122/http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gt9j80Jkc_A&amp;feature=related" target="_blank">The IT Crowd</a>? <br>* Who told us where to find cheap -- oops, inexpensive -- work clothing?<br>* Who taught us how to make guacamole? And how to eat it?<br>* Who took us to our first Jackie Chan movie?<br>* Who gave us Orioles or Nationals tickets while assuring us that professional baseball would return to the region someday?</p> <p><img height="403" alt="Klossner FCW mentoring" src="/web/20100103010122im_/http://fcw.com/blogs/john-klossner/list/~/media/GIG/FCW/Web/2009/09/Klossner_FCWmentoring_425.ashx" width="425"></p></p></p></p></p></p> <p id="ctl29_lvBlogPosts_ctrl7_ctl00_pAuthDate">Posted on <span class="date">Sep 25, 2009</span> at <abbr>10:18 AM</abbr><em><a href="/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/Blogs/John-Klossner/2009/09/john-klossner-rising-stars-mentors.aspx#Comments">0 comments</a></em></a></p> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div> <h3 id="ctl29_lvBlogPosts_ctrl8_ctl00_h3Title"><a href="/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/Blogs/John-Klossner/2009/09/John-Klossner-federal-IT-cartoons.aspx">Klossner: The secret of success in federal IT cartooning</a></h3> &nbsp;<img height="313" alt="Klossner NHIN 4" src="/web/20100103010122im_/http://fcw.com/blogs/john-klossner/list/~/media/GIG/FCW/Web/2009/09/NHIN4_350.ashx" width="350"> <p>This has been a good year to do cartoons for Federal Computer Week. </p> <p> <p>In the 13-plus years I have been drawing cartoons for this publication, I have often needed a high learning curve on cartoon topics. I don't have to tell you, but FCW covers subject matter that is a) of interest to a specialized community, and b) often ahead of the mainstream curve. (For example, I noted that FCW's encounter with the birthers occurred several weeks before the mainstream media's.) </p> <p> <p>When creating humor, or making editorial comments, this is a challenge. It helps in these situations to have the readers, listeners, viewers, etc. know as much as possible about the subject matter that you are commenting on. Think of a bunch of people sitting in a room, commenting on someone in the room's clothing. Comments and jokes can cover more specifics — "Do you dress in the dark to conserve energy, Dave?" — because everyone knows the reference points. But when someone makes a reference to an outfit that same person wore last month, members of the community who weren't there are lost.</p> <p> <p>As I said, this has been a good year, topic-wise. Many of the issues of importance to the federal IT world have also been prominent in the public eye issues — including Web 2.0, virtual training, stimulus spending and tracking, cybersecurity, e-mail, contractor relations. These issues and their specifics are familiar to a larger audience, allowing me to comment on a wider variety of specifics, hopefully making for sharper commentary or humor. (I can't make a joke about "tweeting" to someone who is hearing about Twitter for the first time. Come to think about it, it isn't that easy to make a joke about 'tweeting" even if someone knows what I'm talking about.)</p> <p> <p>I point all this out in light of the recent cartoon on a topic I had no familiarity with: the National Health Initiative Network. While aware of its existence, I wasn't aware of the specifics of their role, or any recent controversies. I had to revert back to older techniques: a) ask the editors a lot of questions; b) talk to the reporter covering this story; c) go to the FCW blogs and columns; or d) Google it.</p> <p> <p>It turned out this story was pretty new, and hadn't been widely reported yet, eliminating options c) and d). The editor was helpful in explaining the story to me, noting in particular that there are concerns about NHIN's technical architecture. Not all agree with these claims. There is debate about whether they should fix the flaws or should they proceed, slowing down the progress of the program.</p> <p> <p>In discussing this, the editor used a term that helped me immensely: Would going ahead with the network as it is be "paving the cow paths?" Although I hate to give away trade secrets, this is often all a cartoonist needs to go on — a strong visual image. In this case, however, it was a complicated image, and I don't have the rendering skills necessary to convey a cow path being re-paved in a 6-inch box.</p> <p> <p>So what other images did I consider? From my sketchbook, I offer the following ideas.</p> <p><img height="232" alt="Klossner NHIN 1" src="/web/20100103010122im_/http://fcw.com/blogs/john-klossner/list/~/media/GIG/FCW/Web/2009/09/NHIN1_425.ashx" width="425"></p> <p>PROS: Easily understood, "flop, flop" looks funny. CONS: Car imagery is a cartoon cliché. </p> <p><img height="292" alt="Klossner NHIN 2" src="/web/20100103010122im_/http://fcw.com/blogs/john-klossner/list/~/media/GIG/FCW/Web/2009/09/NHIN2_425.ashx" width="425"></p> <p>PROS: Unique image, funny implications. CONS: Doesn't convey the issue clearly or accurately.</p> <p><img height="299" alt="Klossner NHIN 3" src="/web/20100103010122im_/http://fcw.com/blogs/john-klossner/list/~/media/GIG/FCW/Web/2009/09/NHIN3_225.ashx" width="225"></p> <p>PROS: Funny image if understood. CONS: Not so easily understood. Horse imagery is almost as big a cliché as cars.</p> <p>The image I went with, below, isn't necessarily much better than the ones I rejected. But I felt it was unique — in looking at it again, I think it might be necessary to have the label "architecture" in there. Or at least a "flop, flop."</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p><img height="293" alt="Klossner cartoon NHIN" src="/web/20100103010122im_/http://fcw.com/blogs/john-klossner/list/~/media/GIG/FCW/Web/2009/09/NHIN_klossner_425.ashx" width="425"></p> <p> <p> <p> <p> <p> <p> <p> <p id="ctl29_lvBlogPosts_ctrl8_ctl00_pAuthDate">Posted on <span class="date">Sep 16, 2009</span> at <abbr>7:55 AM</abbr><em><a href="/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/Blogs/John-Klossner/2009/09/John-Klossner-federal-IT-cartoons.aspx#Comments">0 comments</a></em></a></p> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div> <h3 id="ctl29_lvBlogPosts_ctrl9_ctl00_h3Title"><a href="/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/Blogs/John-Klossner/2009/08/john-klossner-collaboration-tools-twitter.aspx">From Social media to the Pony Express: A guide to the collaboration toolbox</a></h3> <p> <p><img class="rightFloat" height="113" src="/web/20100103010122im_/http://fcw.com/blogs/john-klossner/list/~/media/GIG/FCW/Web/2009/08/behind%20times%20website%201_225.ashx" width="225"></p> <p>I love the variety of communication technologies at our fingertips. I especially like that they offer me many different ways of not speaking directly with the person I want to contact. My professional existence involves a wide variety of relationships where I have rarely spoken or met with my employers or co-workers. (For all they know, I may be an alias, or several people working together. The quality of my drawings and writing discourages that line of thinking, however.) If "electronic hermit" isn't in use already, I wish to coin the phrase.</p> <p> <p>I might not be the person to talk with about the future of e-mail, though. Having once lived in a world where, in order to communicate with someone, I had to either find a telephone connected to a wall or the ground, <strong><em>or </em></strong>write on a piece of paper, put this into another folded and sealed piece of paper, apply a 20-something-plus cents sticker to the corner and put it in an outdoor box to be picked up, <strong><em>or </em></strong>physically locate the party I wished to speak with and have a face-to-face conversation -- having lived in that world, it still seems new to me to be able to sit down at a keyboard or cell phone and communicate with another party any time of day. Problems with this technology? You must be kidding.</p> <p> <p>We've reached a point where it's not enough to be able to communicate with anyone, anytime. We now have to be able to speak with EVERYONE, anytime. Mind you, I'm not complaining about this. The problems with e-mail, which mostly centers around security, response time and data storage issues, have made it an inefficient technology for collaborative communications, especially in the workplace. Sending out group e-mails has become the equivalent of throwing a fistful of post-it notes into the wind. Web 2.0 presents more efficient technologies for office communications.</p> <p> <p>(We've also reached a point where our technologies suffer from generation gaps. Can you imagine the point in time where we will think the Web 2.0 technologies are "old school?" "Dad, you still Tweet? You are SO embarrassing." As of now, anyone who is still impressed by e-mail is considered outdated by the tweeters of the world. How soon until we hear the phrase, "Never trust anyone who Lotus Notes?" This may already be the case; I discover these things later than most.)</p> <p> <p>But here's the catch - <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/articles/2009/08/03/tech-email-chart-data.aspx" target="_blank">studies</a> show that e-mail isn't actually dying. Active corporate and consumer e-mail accounts are predicted to grow in the next few years. The reality is that e-mail is just becoming another tool in the box. </p> <p> <p>So the question isn't "Is e-mail dying?" More to the point, it's "Which technology is right for me?" I offer the following directory to help consider which technology best fits your particular communication need.</p> <p> <p><b>Telephone<br></b><b><i>Pro:</i></b> Can reach party directly.<br><b><i>Con:</i></b> Can reach party directly.</p> <p> <p><b>E-mail<br></b><b><i>Pro:</i></b> Can send a communication at any time of day. <br><b><i>Con:</i></b> Communication can be denied by server for any number of reasons at any time of day.</p> <p> <p><b>Brick through window<br></b><b><i>Pro:</i></b> Can make a direct, dramatic statement to a specific party. <br><b><i>Con:</i></b> Might get caught.</p> <p> <p><b>Twitter<br></b><b><i>Pro:</i></b> Can send a brief message to a group of contacts / followers. <br><b><i>Con:</i></b> Numbers of contacts/followers might diminish after receiving "just got out of shower can't decide what to wear" tweet.</p> <p> <p><b>Bicycle messenger<br></b><b><i>Pro:</i></b> Immediate delivery of packages. <br><b><i>Con:</i></b> immediate receipt of sweaty package.</p> <p> <p><b>Comments section<br></b><b><i>Pro:</i></b> Allows immediate response to specific article. <br><b><i>Con:</i></b> Immediacy can come at expense of rational thoughts.</p> <p><b>YouTube<br></b><b><i>Pro:</i></b> Can develop a full media package, with sound and visuals, to tell your message. <br><b><i>Con:</i></b> Need to create a production company in order to produce 5 minute story that gets 136 hits.</p> <p> <p><b>Instant messaging <br></b><b><i>Pro:</i></b> A written phone call. <br><b><i>Con:</i></b> Index finger can be larger than some cell phone keyboards.</p> <p> <p><b>Pony express<br></b><b><i>Pro:</i></b> Traditional delivery method which is good for the environment. <br><b><i>Con:</i></b> Not sure if the Washington D.C.-Omaha route is still in operation.</p> <p> <p><b>Postal Service<br></b><b><i>Pro:</i></b> The joy of producing a physical message that will be unique to the sender and recipient. <br><b><i>Con:</i></b> The 17 people who still do this may be too busy to immediately write back.</p> <p> <p><b>Facebook <br></b><b><i>Pro:</i></b> Can send mass message to group of contacts or friends. <br><b><i>Con:</i></b> Might forget to hide the photos of last week's party that are still on your wall.</p> <p> <p><b>Blog <br></b><b><i>Pro:</i></b> Can write thoughts and philosophies on a variety of subjects. <br><b><i>Con:</i></b> This is monologue, not communication.</p> <p><img height="319" alt="Klossner FCW e-mail" src="/web/20100103010122im_/http://fcw.com/blogs/john-klossner/list/~/media/GIG/FCW/Web/2009/08/Klossner_FCWemail_425.ashx" width="425"></p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p> <p id="ctl29_lvBlogPosts_ctrl9_ctl00_pAuthDate">Posted on <span class="date">Aug 25, 2009</span> at <abbr>11:58 AM</abbr><em><a href="/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/Blogs/John-Klossner/2009/08/john-klossner-collaboration-tools-twitter.aspx#Comments">0 comments</a></em></a></p> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div> <h3 id="ctl29_lvBlogPosts_ctrl10_ctl00_h3Title"><a href="/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/Blogs/John-Klossner/2009/08/john-klossner-employee-separation-euphemisms.aspx">Klossner: “We’ve suffered an employee separation of the lower cubicle”</a></h3> <p> <p> <p><i><img class="rightFloat" height="180" src="/web/20100103010122im_/http://fcw.com/blogs/john-klossner/list/~/media/GIG/FCW/Web/2009/08/crimescene_250.ashx" width="250"></i></p> <p>“Employee separation.” I came across this <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20100103010122/http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orwellian" target="_blank">Orwellian</a> term while reading the <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/articles/2009/07/27/feat-deprovisioning-departing-employees.aspx" target="_blank">FCW story</a> on recommended security steps to take when an employee leaves. The term jarred me, as it reeked of consultant jargon. I understand that it refers to any situation where an employee leaves the workplace, but I can't help but feel that it covers the employers' concerns rather than the employees'.</p> <p> <p>It sounds like a medical term -- "We've suffered an employee's separation of the lower cubicle." Doesn't employee separation also refer to what happens at the end of every working day? Is it a dance step? Do managers address a soon-to-be-let-go employee and tell them "we have to separate you?"</p> <p> <p>I guess what really catches my ear is that this sounds like a term that would only be used by an employer. No one comes home and tells their loved ones "I got separated today." Have you received any invitations to a "separation party" or "separation luncheon?" </p> <p> <p>Maybe this is oversensitivity on my part. I imagine it was intended to cover any situation where an employee leaves -- moving on to another job, retirement, going back to school, escaping to the private sector -- including situations where the employee makes the choice to "separate." Recent economic events don't make one think of this verb is from both sides of the desk, do they?</p> <p> <p>The technical term for the process immediately following employee separation is "de-provision." In reading the description of these steps, one gets the impression of a swat team descending upon the separated employee's cubicle and putting up crime scene tape. I also have an image of everyone acting relaxed and in control, when you know they want to rush to the "separated" employee's cubicle and make sure all the paper clips are still there.</p> <p> <p>Should management/consultants have need for other terms to cover the situation, I offer the following:</p> <p> <p>* They'll (employees) be stepping back to take a look at the big picture.<br>* They're going for the long coffee break.<br>* They're being given an opportunity to do research in job futures.<br>* They're on our bottomless sabbatical program.</p> <p> <p>And employees -- or separated employees -- might want a few terms of their own:</p> <p> <p>* Employee laceration.<br>* Doing the security guard tango.<br>* Returning to the home office.<br>* Forgetting the security code for good.<br>* Cutting back on office expenses.<br>* Joining the ranks of the newly self-unemployed.</p> <p> <p>Please feel free to submit any terms of your own. I'll gladly use this space in the future to share submissions.</p> <p><img height="321" alt="Klossner FCW Deprovision" src="/web/20100103010122im_/http://fcw.com/blogs/john-klossner/list/~/media/GIG/FCW/Web/2009/08/FCWdeprovision_425.ashx" width="425"></p> <p> <p><em>Cartoon note: The cartoon I created for this subject didn't work so well. In looking at the finished piece, I don't think the intended image -- a person being spun around in "pin the tail on the donkey" style -- is one that can be easily rendered. Showing motion -- impending or happening -- is tricky in a static cartoon. The cartoonist has to make sure that it is easily recognized, which I don't think is the case here.</em></p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p> <p id="ctl29_lvBlogPosts_ctrl10_ctl00_pAuthDate">Posted on <span class="date">Aug 18, 2009</span> at <abbr>1:39 PM</abbr><em><a href="/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/Blogs/John-Klossner/2009/08/john-klossner-employee-separation-euphemisms.aspx#Comments">0 comments</a></em></a></p> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div> <h3 id="ctl29_lvBlogPosts_ctrl11_ctl00_h3Title"><a href="/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/Blogs/John-Klossner/2009/08/Web-3OHNO.aspx">Web 3.Oh No!</a></h3> <p><i> <p><img class="rightFloat" height="266" src="/web/20100103010122im_/http://fcw.com/blogs/john-klossner/list/~/media/GIG/FCW/Web/2009/08/hellodave_225.ashx" width="225"></p></i></p> <p>We are on the verge of the next Web development. For those of you who lost track, we have had Web 1.0, which was the development of browsers to help us store and find data. For those of you who have shut off all media (in which case I imagine you wouldn't be reading this, so why should I acknowledge you?) we are in the midst of Web 2.0, the development of social networks, allowing us to find each other. We now are about to enter Web 3.0, or the semantic Web. Web 3.0 applications hope to – through better description of the data and linkage of previous apps – make existing data easier to locate and analyze.</p> <p> <p>Think of it as social networks for data. (I guess the data are lonely now that the humans spend all our time on social networks.)</p> <p> <p>For those of you, like me, who need a way to keep these things straight, I offer the following handy, wallet-sized program.</p> <p> <p>WEB 1.0 (browsers) – Users find data<br>WEB 2.0 (social networks) – Users find each other <br>WEB 3.0 (semantic Web) – Data find each other</p> <p> <p>Of course, a lifetime of science-fiction reading and viewing leads me to fear we can look forward to the following developments:</p> <p> <p>WEB 4.0 – Data create their own Facebook page, restrict friends.<br>WEB 5.0 – Data decide they can work without humans, create their own language.<br>WEB 6.0 –Human users realize that they no longer can find data unless invited by data. <br>WEB 7.0 – Data get cheaper cell phone rates.<br>WEB 8.0 – Data horde all the good YouTube videos, leaving human users with access to <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20100103010122/http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SpqFsKTHPio&amp;feature=related" target="_blank">bad '80's music videos</a> only. <br>WEB 9.0 – Data create and maintain own blogs, are more popular than human blogs.<br>WEB 10.0 – All episodes of Battlestar Gallactica will now be shown from the Cylons' point of view.</p> <p><img height="346" alt="Klossner Web 3.0" src="/web/20100103010122im_/http://fcw.com/blogs/john-klossner/list/~/media/GIG/FCW/Web/2009/08/klossnerWeb3_425.ashx" width="432"></p></p></p></p></p></p> <p id="ctl29_lvBlogPosts_ctrl11_ctl00_pAuthDate">Posted on <span class="date">Aug 03, 2009</span> at <abbr>9:50 AM</abbr><em><a href="/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/Blogs/John-Klossner/2009/08/Web-3OHNO.aspx#Comments">0 comments</a></em></a></p> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div> <h3 id="ctl29_lvBlogPosts_ctrl12_ctl00_h3Title"><a href="/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/Blogs/John-Klossner/2009/07/Talking-ourselves-to-death.aspx">Talking ourselves to death</a></h3> <p><i> <p><img class="rightFloat" height="183" src="/web/20100103010122im_/http://fcw.com/blogs/john-klossner/list/~/media/GIG/FCW/Web/2009/07/ruins_225.ashx" width="225"></p></i></p> <p>As part of my research for editorial cartoons, I like to read feedback forums. Getting opinions from nonprofessional voices often gives me an interesting point or unique take on a subject. Also, many letters are short and make quick, singular points – this translates well to cartoons.</p> <p> <p>In the print world this used to mean perusing the letters-to-the-editor sections of newspapers and magazines. These sections now seem quaint with their three to four entries on a topic that, by the time you read the letter, is at least several days old and often written by a professional in that particular topic who is essentially writing a responding op-ed piece. No, if you want the gut reactions in this world, you head to the online "comments" sections. </p> <p> <p>When they first appeared on the electronic scene, the comments sections were a rich source for information and ideas. There were fewer filters for a reader to get through with their thoughts, and electronic space allowed for more entries. But there has been a slow devolution in the comments sections. I can look through hundreds and hundreds of entries without finding any point other than a partisan brain spasm. In the words of Stuart McLean, the host of the CBC radio show Vinyl Cafe puts it, "That's the wonderful thing about e-mail; you can write without thinking." Or, as one of my friends put it, "even the people I agree with sound stupid." </p> <p> <p>I blame the Web 2.0 world. So many outlets have been created via social networks, wikis, etc. that all of the folks capable of making well-reasoned insights have their own blogs or sites, leaving them unavailable, or uninterested, in participating in comments sections. To paraphrase <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20100103010122/http://andywarholquotes.net/" target="_blank">Andy Warhol</a>, in the future, everyone will have a blog. That future is here, and the comments sections of the world are left in the hands of the two dozen people who haven't been able to wrangle a blog gig yet.</p> <p> <p>In the traditional, physical social gathering places – the diners, the gyms, the barber shops, the sports bars, the coffee shops, the salons, the book clubs, et. al., – discussions often included knee jerk, quick statements that didn't involve a lot of thought. This isn't necessarily a bad thing - people need a place to express their emotions, and we can't all be think tank eloquent. The beauty of the physical space discussions, though, was that in order to participate in them you had to have something either worthwhile to say or entertaining to listen to. A couple "leaders" often emerged in these forums and steered the discussion by making the majority of comments or by discouraging those comments that weren't enlightening or entertaining. Online forums don't allow for these editors to do their thing, resulting in knee-jerk comment after knee-jerk comment, with accompanying responses, to proliferate. It makes one think that a NYAAH NYAAH! button on the keyboard isn't too far off.</p> <p> <p>My small Maine town created a Web site/chat room featuring local news and events. In the first several months of the site's existence, the discussion quickly devolved into a series of name calling and partisan accusations, with only a handful of people involved. The moderator of the site instituted one rule – all comments had to have a name with them, no more anonymous or alias postings. Since that change, the comments section has thrived and the volume of postings hasn't decreased. I don't know if this would work on a stage larger than the 7,500 population of my community, but it is worth noting.</p> <p> <p>Was the Open Government Dialogue a success? It depends on the definition of success, doesn't it? I imagine the creators of the OGD assumed there would be a learning curve, so they must have been anticipating some reactions and alterations being necessary. I have to admit being impressed by the effort – there must be so many people with expertise in these areas that issuing an open invitation to the world at large probably wasn't enthusiastically greeted in all corners. (How'd you like to be the lucky intern whose job it is to read all the OGD entries? You'd be re-thinking your decision not to join the Peace Corps.) I would also think they probably expected that there would be at a point where they would have to eliminate a high percentage of the suggestions. Would the Open Government Dialogue be considered a success if, after months of process, they only found one useful suggestion?</p> <p> <p> <p> <p> <p> <p><img height="315" alt="Open Government Dialogue" src="/web/20100103010122im_/http://fcw.com/blogs/john-klossner/list/~/media/GIG/FCW/Web/2009/07/ogd_425.ashx" width="425"></p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p> <p id="ctl29_lvBlogPosts_ctrl12_ctl00_pAuthDate">Posted on <span class="date">Jul 24, 2009</span> at <abbr>1:47 PM</abbr><em><a href="/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/Blogs/John-Klossner/2009/07/Talking-ourselves-to-death.aspx#Comments">0 comments</a></em></a></p> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div> <h3 id="ctl29_lvBlogPosts_ctrl13_ctl00_h3Title"><a href="/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/Blogs/John-Klossner/2009/07/klossner-DOD-cyber-command.aspx">Klossner: 'Camp Don't'</a></h3> <p> <i> <img class="rightFloat" height="225" src="/web/20100103010122im_/http://fcw.com/blogs/john-klossner/list/~/media/GIG/FCW/Web/2009/07/norunning_225.ashx" width="225"> </i> </p> <p>Recently I accompanied my 7-year-old son to Cub Scout camp. The parents all looked at each other when, during the orientation, the Scouts were told that one of the first rules in this camp in the middle of the Maine woods was "don't run." Later that day my son and his friend were admonished for climbing on a rock. If I were to tell you how each child was leashed to a beach chair and had to be accompanied by three adults in order to enter the six-inch deep swimming area, it would be an exaggeration. But not by much.</p> <p> <p>My fellow parents and I ended up referring to the place as "Camp Don't." The kids still had fun -- they are 7-10 year-olds, after all -- but those of us who had grown up during the wildly unregulated camping years of our youth felt that something had changed. We even tried to instill some subversiveness in our sons: We would all start running when no one was looking. (I wonder if we're raising a generation that will never know stitches, leaving them open to all kinds of ridicule when their children and grandchildren re-discover the medical need to re-attach your skin after a laceration. I envision a world where these subsequent offspring will also have, in a generational revolt, learned the joy of running in the woods, socializing with friends without it being scheduled, and playing a team sport without several hundred adults/coaches in attendance. But I digress.)</p> <p> <p>I understand the Boy Scouts' need to protect themselves, liability-wise. They are covered within their fenced-in boundaries, and a Scout camp, with its waterfront, exposed rocks and roots, and BB gun and archery ranges, offers many excellent injury opportunities. But are these regulations really for the children’s sake? Or more for the organization's? </p> <p> <p>I'm reminded of the Chinese proverb, 'Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him how to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.' In this case it would be, 'Tell a child not to run and you keep him safe in your sight; teach him when to run, and you keep him safe out of sight.' Or perhaps, 'Tell a child not to run and you keep him safe in camp; teach him to run and he can go to the store for you.' How about: 'Tell a child not to run and you keep him from falling down; teach him how to put on a band-aid and he can run anywhere he wants.'</p> <p> <p>This brings to mind the DOD's <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/articles/2009/06/24/dod-launches-cyber-command.aspx?s=fcwdaily_250609" target="_blank">recent creation of a Cyber Command unit</a>. Cyberspace now joins land, sea and air as a defensible domain. DOD is concerned with threats posed to military networks. The magnitude of those threats is best captured by three numbers bandied about by DOD leaders in the recent past: 15,000 networks and 7 million computers to protect, with 50,000 attacks occurring every day. </p> <p> <p>This sounds simple in principle -- observe and protect the cyberspace of military networks. But the cyber world, unlike the fenced-in Boy Scout camp in Maine, doesn't have such clearly defined borders. As stated in the above article, "NSA and DOD officials have said that although the new command would assume responsibility for defending the .mil domain, NSA would continue offering its expertise and assistance to defend the .gov and .com domains." This sounds like slippery slope material to me. Where does their jurisdiction end and begin? And, if regulations are passed, are they applicable in all domains? If there's no running allowed in .mil, can you run in .gov and .com? </p> <p> <p>One concern is that the DOD (and NSA) implement "don't run" regulations -- not designed to keep users and networks safe as much as shield those overlooking security from blame.</p> <p> <p>Better run.</p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p> <p id="ctl29_lvBlogPosts_ctrl13_ctl00_pAuthDate">Posted on <span class="date">Jul 20, 2009</span> at <abbr>8:25 AM</abbr><em><a href="/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/Blogs/John-Klossner/2009/07/klossner-DOD-cyber-command.aspx#Comments">0 comments</a></em></a></p> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div> <h3 id="ctl29_lvBlogPosts_ctrl14_ctl00_h3Title"><a href="/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/Blogs/John-Klossner/2009/07/open-government-dialogue-smart-mob.aspx">Klossner: Is "smart mob" an oxymoron?</a></h3> <p> <p><img class="rightFloat" height="170" src="/web/20100103010122im_/http://fcw.com/blogs/john-klossner/list/~/media/GIG/FCW/Web/2009/07/klossner_mob_200.ashx" width="200"></p> <p>" I believe that there is a historic opportunity to enhance public participation, but if we lose the public audience by deploying applications that do not achieve results and that recreate smart mob behavior, simply on the Web, then the public trust will be lost and we will be back at a new starting point. The public cynicism will be reinforced, not lessened."<br>- Kim Patrick Kobza, president and CEO of Neighborhood America</p> <p style="TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ideograph-numeric; punctuation-wrap: hanging"> <p style="TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ideograph-numeric; punctuation-wrap: hanging">"That's the wonderful thing about e-mail; you can write without thinking."<br>- Stuart McLean, host of the <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20100103010122/http://www.cbc.ca/vinylcafe/home.php" target="_blank">Vinyl Cafe</a></p> <p style="TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ideograph-numeric; punctuation-wrap: hanging"> <p style="TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ideograph-numeric; punctuation-wrap: hanging">Since I last <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/blogs/john-klossner/2009/06/open-government-dialogue-goofy-ideas.aspx" target="_blank">checked in on the Open Government Dialogue</a>, the Web site has been hijacked by some single-issue groups — in particular a group that, inspired by radio talk show hosts, are claiming that President Obama is not a legitimate U.S. citizen and are clamoring for him to produce a birth certificate proving that he is. I went back to view some of their missives. I can accurately describe my jaw as being on the ground. I guess one of the byproducts of a bad economy is that folks have more time to write Web site entries and comments. </p> <p style="TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ideograph-numeric; punctuation-wrap: hanging"> <p style="TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ideograph-numeric; punctuation-wrap: hanging">This leaves me in a professional quandary. The sheer volume of entries and comments shows that there is a large contingent (or a small, very active contingent) of birth certificate theorists. If I were to engage these viewers — by, say, making a negative reference to their genetics and / or intelligence&nbsp;— it would bring more viewers to FCW.com, making it more valuable to advertisers. This would make me more valuable to FCW. So you can understand the urge to insult the birth-certificate crowd and create a downward spiral of communication.</p> <p style="TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ideograph-numeric; punctuation-wrap: hanging"> <p style="TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ideograph-numeric; punctuation-wrap: hanging">But I hold out hope that there is a better way. I can appeal to the greater humanity of these contributors and find the good in their efforts. I can, for example:</p> <p style="TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ideograph-numeric; punctuation-wrap: hanging"> <p style="TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ideograph-numeric; punctuation-wrap: hanging"><b>* Look for the positive.</b> There were very few spelling mistakes in the birthers' entries.</p> <p style="TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ideograph-numeric; punctuation-wrap: hanging"> <p style="TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ideograph-numeric; punctuation-wrap: hanging"><b>* Find the common ground.</b> President Obama and the birthers both share an interest in constitutional law.</p> <p style="TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ideograph-numeric; punctuation-wrap: hanging"> <p style="TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ideograph-numeric; punctuation-wrap: hanging"><b>* Offer them choices.</b> Would the birthers like to obsess over a made up problem like the birth certificate or contribute to a real problem like how to have civil discourse on Web sites?</p> <p style="TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ideograph-numeric; punctuation-wrap: hanging"> <p style="TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ideograph-numeric; punctuation-wrap: hanging"><b>* Find more positives.</b> It's impressive how the Open Government Dialogue site designers made it so easily accessible.</p> <p style="TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ideograph-numeric; punctuation-wrap: hanging"> <p style="TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ideograph-numeric; punctuation-wrap: hanging"><b>* Mirror their behavior.</b> What are the birthers trying to hide?</p> <p style="TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ideograph-numeric; punctuation-wrap: hanging"> <p style="TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ideograph-numeric; punctuation-wrap: hanging"><b>* Try the therapy angle.</b> How does parroting radio talk show hosts' words make you feel?</p> <p style="TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ideograph-numeric; punctuation-wrap: hanging"> <p style="TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ideograph-numeric; punctuation-wrap: hanging"><b>* Find more positives.</b> It's not easy to get so many people to write the exact same message. This shows excellent organizational skills.</p> <p style="TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ideograph-numeric; punctuation-wrap: hanging"> <p style="TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ideograph-numeric; punctuation-wrap: hanging"><b>* Look for commercial opportunities.</b> If we charged these groups per entry, we could make a dent in the federal deficit.</p> <p style="TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ideograph-numeric; punctuation-wrap: hanging"> <p style="TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ideograph-numeric; punctuation-wrap: hanging"><b>* Look at the big picture.</b> It's heartwarming that so many citizens have banded together to urge the president to be better organized with his personal records.</p> <p style="TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ideograph-numeric; punctuation-wrap: hanging"> <p style="TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ideograph-numeric; punctuation-wrap: hanging">And by the way, I've been having trouble locating my birth certificate lately, if anyone wants to start a request to see it.</p> <p style="TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ideograph-numeric; punctuation-wrap: hanging"><img height="270" alt="Klossner censorship" src="/web/20100103010122im_/http://fcw.com/blogs/john-klossner/list/~/media/GIG/FCW/Web/2009/07/klossner_censorship_425.ashx" width="425"></p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p></p> <p id="ctl29_lvBlogPosts_ctrl14_ctl00_pAuthDate">Posted on <span class="date">Jul 08, 2009</span> at <abbr>3:12 PM</abbr><em><a href="/web/20100103010122/http://fcw.com/Blogs/John-Klossner/2009/07/open-government-dialogue-smart-mob.aspx#Comments">5 comments</a></em></a></p> <br class="clear"/> </div> </div> <div class="pagination"><ul> <li><a href="#" class="prev disablelink">&laquo; 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