Gender Fluidity 101 — The Everyday

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//images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5d5c37f683feb60001837bbe/fcb8e786-00ef-4e14-bba6-7769de97fdfa/Transparent.jpg?format=1500w 1500w, //images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5d5c37f683feb60001837bbe/fcb8e786-00ef-4e14-bba6-7769de97fdfa/Transparent.jpg?format=2500w 2500w" loading="lazy" decoding="async" data-loader="sqs"> </a> <div class="Header-tagline" data-nc-element="tagline">We Are Not 9-5</div> </div> <div data-nc-container="bottom-right"> <nav class="Header-nav Header-nav--secondary" data-nc-element="secondary-nav" data-content-field="navigation"> </nav> </div> </div> </header> <div class="Content-outer"> <main class="Main Main--blog-item" > <section class="Main-content" data-content-field="main-content"> <article id="post-5ff1e5680db4f45ccbcaf45c" class="BlogItem hentry category-wellbeing author-guest-user post-type-text has-categories" data-item-id="5ff1e5680db4f45ccbcaf45c"> <h1 class="BlogItem-title" data-content-field="title">Gender Fluidity 101</h1> <div class="sqs-layout sqs-grid-12 columns-12" data-layout-label="Post Body" data-type="item" data-updated-on="1609689214242" id="item-5ff1e5680db4f45ccbcaf45c"><div class="row sqs-row"><div class="col sqs-col-12 span-12"><div class="sqs-block html-block sqs-block-html" data-block-type="2" id="block-6887db31610ab7e31735"><div class="sqs-block-content"> <div class="sqs-html-content"> <p class="" style="white-space:pre-wrap;"><strong>Gender Fluidity, even among trans and non-binary spaces, is frequently misunderstood. “Sometimes a man, sometimes a woman” is a common phrasing and while that is one possibility, it is a gross oversimplification of an enormous breadth of experience. Two people might fall under the gender fluid umbrella and have experiences no more similar to each other than either has with even a cisgender person. So, let’s start with some terminology:</strong><br><br><strong>Genderfluid: </strong>A gender that changes.<br><br>I realised I was genderfluid because my facial hair at different times has given me either gender dysphoria or gender euphoria.<br><br><strong>Genderflux:</strong> A gender that changes in intensity. Genderflux is often separated out from gender fluidity because of the implication that gender fluidity represents a person who shifts between multiple different genders, but strictly speaking, genderflux is itself a subtype of gender fluidity. A common example of genderflux is when a person shifts among man, demiboy, and agender.<br><br>For me, genderflux is experienced as a kind of water level. Or fluid level, if you will. Sometimes it’s high, sometimes, it’s low, or even dry, and since I’m fluid more generally, it often ends up filling different shapes and containers. <br><br><strong>Multigender: </strong>A person who has multiple genders, possibly simultaneously. Often seen as bigender, trigender, etc…. specifying the number of genders.<br><br>I notice multigender modes when I want disparate acknowledgments with gendered language simultaneously.<br><br><strong>Non-binary:</strong> Any gender experience outside of a strict, static, binary gender.<br><br>I knew I was non-binary because man hurt and woman was just incorrect, though today, due to my transition, and my presentation, they both hurt a bit.<br><br><strong>Genderstatic:</strong> Having a stable gender.<br><br><strong>Monogender:</strong> Having a single-gender.<br><br><strong>Cis(gender):</strong> Gender experience is that assigned at birth.<br><br>Trans(gender) is a word I am not going to define, as it has come to take on more meaning than a single definition can do justice. Anyone whose gender is not strictly that assigned to them at birth is welcome to the term trans, but trans now expresses a certain community, a certain set of expectations that is neither accurate nor useful for many people that fit that criteria. So many people that could claim the word trans nonetheless choose not to, using other identifiers such as metagender (neither cis nor trans) or just “non-binary/nonbinary” without further specification. Additionally, given that the cisgender/transgender dichotomy is borne of a colonialist Western perspective, imposing it on the culturally specific gender experiences of indigenous people, in particular, can be a form of imperialist/racist othering. Trans is a good word certainly, I am trans and have found enormous value in that self-identification, but I want to caution anyone on forcing the identification on anyone. Ultimately, our experience is so often one of the imposed labels, and imposing trans on non-binary experiences across the board is just one more such imposition.<br><br><strong>Transphobia:</strong> prejudice or actions that specifically target or disproportionately impact trans folks.</p><p class="" style="white-space:pre-wrap;">The fact that I need to be very careful using bathrooms in public is a function of transphobia. My safety is at stake if someone decides that a) I’m in the wrong place and b) they’re going to make that my problem.<br><br><strong>Exorsexism: </strong>(sometimes called enbyphobia) prejudice/actions that negatively reinforce the gender binary.<br><br>An example of exorsexism is that the UK does not recognize non-binary identities. If you live in the UK and are non-binary, there’s a strong likelihood that even the limited gender affirming care available to binary trans people will be barred from you. Binary trans people often have to lie about their identities to get care, and it is all the worse for folks like me. Exorsexism occurs at the structural level and the personal. Even within the trans community, exorsexism is rampant, with binary trans individuals, due to their proximity to the patriarchal cishet assumptions of desires, even independently of the somewhat problematic notion of “passing,” have power we do not.<br><br><strong>Monogenderism: </strong>prejudice/actions that negatively reinforce assumptions of monogender experience.<br><br><strong>Genderstaticism:</strong> prejudice/actions that negatively reinforce gender static assumptions. For example, reluctance to handle shifting names and pronouns specifically harms genderfluid people more so than other groups.<br><br>For me, my experiences of monogenderism and genderstaticism are tightly linked, due to the nature of my gendered experience. But combined, the phrase “<em>why can’t you just pick one?</em>” becomes a lightning rod around which critiques and gatekeeping abound. There’s a lack of desire and a lack of willingness to support changing identities, even in non-binary spaces, where we are seen as “playing both sides” or trending. I am not the same person I was 10 years ago, or 10 weeks, or 10 days, but only certain types of change are seen as valid, and when I shift presentation, names, pronouns, or other markers to stay comfortable, so many think me indecisive, rather than fluid. The worst is with names, my current names are my names, even if they are not always my name.</p><p class="" style="white-space:pre-wrap;">As a personal summary, I am multifluidflux. I experience anywhere from 0 to multiple simultaneous genders, though typically somewhere between 0 and 1. I often describe this as multiple dials for each gender that shift somewhat independently of each other. Importantly to note, I am never a man nor a woman. My multiple gender experiences are all under the non-binary umbrella individually, though I do experience demigirl states, which are the closest I get to binary gender experience. For me, gender becomes an interference pattern of combining genderfluid shifts; maverique, neutrois, agender, demiboye, demigirl, transfemme, faesari, these are words I use for my gender(s) or lack thereof. However, I would like to dig further into the types of genderfluidity, although, other forms of identity fluidity might also be cataloged similarly, such as abrosexuality.<br><br>My experience is just one of many, but there are words available to describe some higher-level patterns I have seen within the genderfluid community. I am going to separate genderfluidity into 5 Types, each with two subtypes, but two or more types or subtypes can coexist and interact with each other in the same person.<br><br><strong>Type 1: Temporal: </strong>Changes happen due to differences in time. This can be predictable, based on time of day, year, etc., or more stochastic. The classic example can be found in the question “Is this a boy day or a girl day?” This is generally what is in the common consciousness when genderfluidity is mentioned.<br><br><strong>Type 2:</strong> <strong>Contextual:</strong> Changes happen due to differences in space. Someone might be a man at work and a woman at home, for example. Activity, surroundings, ultimately, context, decide gender in these scenarios. Even the impact of clothes could feasibly be considered under contextual fluidity.<br><br><strong>Type 3: Relational:</strong> Changes are due to differences in relationships that a person is engaging in. The classic example of this can be found in the phrase “my sister had a kid, I can’t wait to find out if I’m an uncle or an aunt.” Ultimately, gender, as we experience it, is socially constructed, even if rooted in some level of biological underpinnings for at least some individuals, the notions and performances of gender exist within the context of a given society. As relationships are the building blocks of society, so too can they become the building blocks of gender, and a person with relational genderfluidity experiences the social construction of gender in real-time. This can even change as relationships change. Additionally, when interacting with multiple people at a time, all the different components can layer together.<br><br><strong>Type 4: Emotional:</strong> Changes happen due to emotional state. For example, someone might find masculinity in sorrow, or femininity in anger.<br><br><strong>Type 5: Secondary: </strong>Changes happen due to and secondary to some other fluidity. For example, abrosexuality dependent gender fluidity.<br><br>The subtypes in each case are A (State-based) and B (Switch based). In subtype A, state-based, gender changes are sustained alongside the changes mentioned by the overall type. In subtype B, switch-based, the overall type determines the context under which gender will change, but the gender change may persist well beyond the underlying cause.<br><br>The complex intersections of these different types and subtypes can result in highly mutable and unpredictable gendered experience.<br><br>My gender is primarily state-based relational with some state-based contextual, and a specific emotional fluidity tied into my depression/anxiety. I suspect the emotional fluidity is partly relational in the sense that my ability to relate to others changes and is impacted by the neurodivergence inherent in my depression/anxious states. When I am in nature, I tend to shift towards demigenders, so this may also be a lack of relational connection causing a sort of gender leak, if you will, the genderfluid can get quite low. Whereas, near one of my friends not long after we got to know each other, I found myself self-referring as she/her. In other contexts and relationships, those pronouns make my dysphoric, but when ze uses she/her for me, I get gender euphoria.<br><br>And that feeds into the biggest takeaway from this whole discussion. Genderfluidity is hard to document, hard to predict but is often more a matter of just being aware of shifting understanding. Creating a space where people can explore themselves is good for all trans, non-binary, metagender, and even gnc cis people, but genderfluid people gain particular benefit from that space because for most of us there is no finish line. There is no done, where we stabilize into a coherent and fully consistent sense of our (un)gendered selves. Therefore, creating spaces where people are allowed to experiment with names, with pronouns, with presentation will also create spaces where genderfluid people are able to exist more comfortably. The best way to support genderfluid people is to embrace exploration and change.<br><br>So, how *does* one create such a space? Start with introductions. Many types of meetings involve nametags, names, pronouns, etc.. at the beginning. There are a dozen quick ways to include these the first time you speak in a space, or every time, in a lot of digital formats. If you include these in every meeting, not just the first time you have a meeting with a group, you’ll let people change names and pronouns as they need for comfort. But don’t require anyone to provide that information, just do so yourself to create a space where it’s understood to be acceptable and respected.<br><br>Next, systems and structure. Most systems don’t need to have a sex, gender, title, etc… field. It’s extra clutter at the best of times and can be deeply uncomfortable for a person who knows those values aren’t stable. Furthermore, make it easy to change these values if necessary. Don’t use a name as an ID key, it is not even a good idea for cis folks, who might get married or change their name for any number of reasons, and it is much worse when it comes to genderfluidity. Reducing unnecessary fields, and increasing the ease of users changing them will not only reduce overhead but will be meaningfully helpful for genderfluid individuals in particular. To use two common media modalities as examples, Discord allows users to have different nicknames per server and change as frequently as needed. Facebook meanwhile enormously restricts name changes out of a misplaced fervor for authenticity. I cannot authentically present myself on Facebook because of this restriction and have even had to get complaints about my name dismissed to preserve my account.<br><br>While the specific implementations will be situational, the easiest way to start supporting us, in the end, is to listen. Consider paying a genderfluid person to examine your processes if you can, and be open to feedback either way.</p> </div> </div></div><div class="sqs-block horizontalrule-block sqs-block-horizontalrule" data-block-type="47" id="block-yui_3_17_2_1_1609689216050_14241"><div class="sqs-block-content"><hr /></div></div><div class="row sqs-row"><div class="col sqs-col-3 span-3"><div class="sqs-block image-block sqs-block-image" data-block-type="5" id="block-yui_3_17_2_1_1609689216050_4743"><div class="sqs-block-content"> <figure class=" sqs-block-image-figure image-block-outer-wrapper image-block-v2 design-layout-card combination-animation-none individual-animation-none individual-text-animation-none image-position-left " data-scrolled data-test="image-block-v2-outer-wrapper" > <div class="intrinsic"> <div class=" image-inset" data-animation-role="image" data-description="" > <div class="sqs-image-shape-container-element content-fit " style=" position: relative; overflow: hidden;-webkit-mask-image: -webkit-radial-gradient(white, black); "> <img data-stretch="false" data-src="https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5d5c37f683feb60001837bbe/1609689935729-ERQNL5IJ90M9W6T83N7O/Profileumbrella.jpg" data-image="https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5d5c37f683feb60001837bbe/1609689935729-ERQNL5IJ90M9W6T83N7O/Profileumbrella.jpg" data-image-dimensions="1201x901" data-image-focal-point="0.5,0.5" alt="Profileumbrella.jpg" data-load="false" elementtiming="system-image-block" src="https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5d5c37f683feb60001837bbe/1609689935729-ERQNL5IJ90M9W6T83N7O/Profileumbrella.jpg" width="1201" height="901" alt="" sizes="(max-width: 640px) 100vw, (max-width: 767px) 25vw, 25vw" style="display:block;object-fit: contain;" onload="this.classList.add("loaded")" srcset="https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5d5c37f683feb60001837bbe/1609689935729-ERQNL5IJ90M9W6T83N7O/Profileumbrella.jpg?format=100w 100w, https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5d5c37f683feb60001837bbe/1609689935729-ERQNL5IJ90M9W6T83N7O/Profileumbrella.jpg?format=300w 300w, https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5d5c37f683feb60001837bbe/1609689935729-ERQNL5IJ90M9W6T83N7O/Profileumbrella.jpg?format=500w 500w, https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5d5c37f683feb60001837bbe/1609689935729-ERQNL5IJ90M9W6T83N7O/Profileumbrella.jpg?format=750w 750w, https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5d5c37f683feb60001837bbe/1609689935729-ERQNL5IJ90M9W6T83N7O/Profileumbrella.jpg?format=1000w 1000w, https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5d5c37f683feb60001837bbe/1609689935729-ERQNL5IJ90M9W6T83N7O/Profileumbrella.jpg?format=1500w 1500w, https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5d5c37f683feb60001837bbe/1609689935729-ERQNL5IJ90M9W6T83N7O/Profileumbrella.jpg?format=2500w 2500w" loading="lazy" decoding="async" data-loader="sqs"> <div class="image-overlay" style="overflow: hidden;-webkit-mask-image: -webkit-radial-gradient(white, black);"></div> </div> </div> </div> </figure> </div></div></div><div class="col sqs-col-9 span-9"><div class="sqs-block html-block sqs-block-html" data-block-type="2" id="block-yui_3_17_2_1_1610912344399_49835"><div class="sqs-block-content"> <div class="sqs-html-content"> <p class="" style="white-space:pre-wrap;"><strong>Written by </strong>Archangel|December</p><p class="" style="white-space:pre-wrap;">Archangel|December is white, ND, non-binary transfemme, omniromantic, abrosexual, and polyamorous. While faer degree is in neuroscience, they work in IT for a day job. In faer spare time they try to help with trans education and activism, run an intermittent podcast, and play tabletop games. Fae loves their cat dearly.</p> </div> </div></div></div></div></div></div></div> <div class="Blog-meta BlogItem-meta"> <span class="Blog-meta-item Blog-meta-item--categories"><a href="/opinion/category/Wellbeing" class="Blog-meta-item-category">Wellbeing</a></span><a href="/opinion?author=617bee6a1cdbab6e3691fc07" class="Blog-meta-item Blog-meta-item--author">Guest User</a><time class="Blog-meta-item Blog-meta-item--date" datetime="2021-01-17">January 17, 2021</time> </div> <div class="BlogItem-share"> <div class="Share sqs-share-buttons" data-item-identifier="5ff1e5680db4f45ccbcaf45c" data-item-path="opinion/gender-fluidity-101"> <div class="Share-buttons"> <a href="https://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Ftheeverydaymagazine.co.uk%2Fopinion%2Fgender-fluidity-101" class="Share-buttons-item Share-buttons-item--social" target="_blank" data-service="facebook"> <svg class="Share-buttons-item-icon" viewBox="0 0 64 64"> <use 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