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'New Happy' Author Stephanie Harrison On How to Be Happier This Holiday Season
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</div> </div> </header> <div class="sticky-leaderboard-ad"></div> <!-- marker for pmc-sticky-ad (aka Mobile Adhesion Ads) --> <div class="u-padding-b-1@mobile-max lrv-u-text-align-center lrv-u-display-none@desktop"> </div> <main class="content-wrapper"> <a name="pagetop"></a> <div id="eventListHolder" class="nodisplay"></div> <div id="post-1234745627" class="a-article-grid // lrv-a-wrapper lrv-u-padding-t-1 lrv-u-padding-t-2@desktop lrv-u-padding-b-2 lrv-u-padding-lr-1@desktop post-1234745627 post type-post status-publish format-standard has-post-thumbnail hentry category-health-and-wellness category-mind-body tag-happiness tag-holiday-stress tag-holidays-2018 tag-stress editorial-two-column-sk-daily"> <header class="a-article-grid__header // lrv-u-text-align-center@mobile-max"> <div class="breadcrumbs // "> <h2 id="optional-screen-reader" class="lrv-a-screen-reader-only"> optional screen reader </h2> <nav class="o-nav lrv-u-color-brand-primary" data-dropdown="" > <ul 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48rem) 250px" height="" width=""> </div> <a class="lrv-u-cursor-pointer lrv-a-glue lrv-a-glue--b-0 lrv-a-glue--r-0 lrv-u-margin-a-1 u-width-50 u-height-50" href="https://www.pinterest.com/pin/create/button/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.sheknows.com%2Fhealth-and-wellness%2Farticles%2F1234745627%2Fholiday-season-happiness-new-happy-stephanie-harrison%2F&media=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.sheknows.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2024%2F11%2FAdobeStock_294879723.jpeg%3Fw%3D695%26h%3D391%26crop%3D1&description=Woman%20relaxing%20with%20a%20cup%20of%20coffee%20and%20reading%20a%20book." target="_blank" data-pin-custom="true"> <span class="lrv-a-screen-reader-only" title="Plus Icon">Plus Icon</span> <svg class="c-icon u-display-inline-flex lrv-u-border-a-1 lrv-u-padding-a-075 lrv-u-border-radius-50p lrv-u-background-color-white u-width-50 u-height-50 u-social-icon-svg-fill" aria-hidden="true" > <use xlink:href="#pinterest" /> </svg> </a> </div> <div class="o-figure__figcaption-outer "> <figcaption class="c-figcaption a-font-secondary-regular-xs lrv-u-flex lrv-u-flex-direction-column lrv-u-padding-tb-050@desktop lrv-u-padding-t-025"> <div class="c-figcaption__inner "> <cite class="lrv-u-display-block lrv-u-color-grey-dark lrv-u-font-size-12 lrv-u-padding-t-02">Анастасія Стягайло - stock.adobe.com</cite> </div> </figcaption> </div> </figure> </a> </div> </div> <article class="a-article-grid__main //"> <div class="a-content"> <p class="paragraph larva // lrv-u-margin-lr-auto lrv-a-font-body-m "> The <a href="https://www.sheknows.com/tags/holidays-2018/" id="auto-tag_holidays-2018_1" data-tag="holidays-2018">holidays</a> may have been branded the happiest time of year, but parents know how much effort goes into making it that way for their children. Moreover, the holiday season often involves dealing with tricky family situations, worrying about finances, or feeling grief for loved ones who aren’t present — all stressors that can make <a href="https://www.sheknows.com/tags/happiness/" id="auto-tag_happiness_1" data-tag="happiness">happiness</a> feel even further out of reach. <div class="admz " id="adm-mid-article"> <div class="adma boomerang " data-device="Desktop" data-width="300"> <div style="" class="pmc-adm-boomerang-pub-div " data-priority="10" > <div id="div-gpt-ad-dsk-tab-ros-native-midde-uid0" class=" adw-300 adh-250" data-is-adhesion-ad=""> <script type="application/javascript"> blogherads.adq.push(function () { blogherads .defineSlot( 'mobileincontentnativecontent', 'div-gpt-ad-dsk-tab-ros-native-midde-uid0' ) .setTargeting( 'pos', 'mid' ) .addSize([[300,250]]) ; }); </script> </div> </div> </div> </div> </p> <p class="paragraph larva // lrv-u-margin-lr-auto lrv-a-font-body-m "> But you, as a parent, also deserve to experience joy this time of year. As an expert in the science of happiness, I’ve spent years researching how to experience joy in your life, even in difficult or stressful times. There are small yet powerful ways to transform this year’s holiday season, and in the process, set a new pattern to make your future holidays happier, too. <section class="article-related-links // lrv-u-padding-a-050 a-background-color-body-inset-b-2@mobile-max"> <!-- disable-pmc_link_tags_to_related_posts-starts --> <article class="o-card a-background-color-body-offset-tl-n1@tablet lrv-u-padding-lr-1 lrv-u-padding-b-1 u-padding-a-1@tablet lrv-u-margin-t-1 lrv-u-border-a-1 lrv-u-border-color-brand-secondary"> <a tabindex="0" href="https://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1234746651/eva-amurri-blended-family-holiday-celebrations/" class="lrv-u-flex@tablet" > <div class="c-lazy-image lrv-u-display-none@mobile-max"> <div class="lrv-a-crop-4x3 u-width-125@tablet" style=""> <img decoding="async" class="c-lazy-image__img lrv-u-background-color-grey-lightest lrv-u-width-100p lrv-u-display-block lrv-u-height-auto" src="https://www.sheknows.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/EvaAmurri_FI.png?w=150&h=150&crop=1" data-lazy-src="https://www.sheknows.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/EvaAmurri_FI.png?w=150&h=150&crop=1" alt="Eva Amurri." data-lazy-srcset="" data-lazy-sizes="" height="" width=""> </div> </div> <div class="o-card__content u-margin-l-1@tablet"> <span class="c-span u-letter-spacing-015 lrv-u-text-transform-uppercase a-font-secondary-bold-s lrv-u-font-size-14 lrv-u-margin-t-050 lrv-u-margin-t-1@desktop lrv-u-margin-b-025 u-margin-tb-00@tablet lrv-u-display-block"> Related story </span> <span class="c-title a-font-secondary-medium-s@mobile-max a-font-primary-xs@tablet lrv-u-line-height-normal lrv-u-color-black lrv-u-margin-b-1 u-margin-t-050@tablet lrv-u-padding-b-025 lrv-u-color-brand-primary:hover"> Eva Amurri On Co-Parenting & Celebrating the Holidays as a Blended Family </span> <div class="o_card__meta // lrv-u-flex lrv-u-flex-wrap-wrap"> </div> </div> </a> </article> <!-- disable-pmc_link_tags_to_related_posts-ends --> </section> </p> <h2 class="heading larva // lrv-a-font-accent-l "> Define Your Values for the Holiday Season </h2> <p class="paragraph larva // lrv-u-margin-lr-auto lrv-a-font-body-m "> We live in a culture defined by capitalist values, which has transformed the holidays from a time of love into a time of rampant consumerism. If we’re not mindful, we can get pulled into that mentality and start to believe that this is what we should strive for in our families.</p> <p class="paragraph larva // lrv-u-margin-lr-auto lrv-a-font-body-m "> I encourage you to push back on this by setting your own intention, rooted in your own core values, for the holiday season. For example: if your intention is:</p> <p class="paragraph larva // lrv-u-margin-lr-auto lrv-a-font-body-m "> <strong>Connection</strong>: “Our intention for the holidays is to spend meaningful time together.” </p> <p class="paragraph larva // lrv-u-margin-lr-auto lrv-a-font-body-m "> If it’s <strong>Generosity</strong>: “Our intention for the holidays is to give back to those who need it most.” </p> <p class="paragraph larva // lrv-u-margin-lr-auto lrv-a-font-body-m "> And if it’s <strong>Well-being</strong>: “Our intention for the holidays is to slow down and relax together.” </p> <p class="paragraph larva // lrv-u-margin-lr-auto lrv-a-font-body-m "> Once you have set an intention, it’s a lot easier to be more deliberate with your holiday plans. For example, if your intention is to spend meaningful time with your loved ones, you might want to throw a gathering for your closest friends and family or say no to certain activities and events that get in the way of togetherness. <em>You</em> get to define what a happy holiday season is for you and your family. </p> <h2 class="heading larva // lrv-a-font-accent-l "> On Stressful Days, Plan Ahead </h2> <p class="paragraph larva // lrv-u-margin-lr-auto lrv-a-font-body-m "> During the holiday season, you probably rise every day determined to power through your to-do list (shopping, wrapping, writing cards) and your events (parties, volunteering, holiday meals.) These demands can quickly lead to overwhelm. </p> <p class="paragraph larva // lrv-u-margin-lr-auto lrv-a-font-body-m "> Here is a technique that can help: it takes just a minute or two but can save you both time and <a href="https://www.sheknows.com/tags/stress/" id="auto-tag_stress_1" data-tag="stress">stress</a> later in the day. </p> <p class="paragraph larva // lrv-u-margin-lr-auto lrv-a-font-body-m "> Before you jump into those tasks, though, pause and consider: “Where might I run into challenges today?” Then, make a plan for how you will cope with them. This is a research-backed strategy that is highly effective for minimizing stress. I call it a Stress Plan, and here’s how to make one: </p> <p class="paragraph larva // lrv-u-margin-lr-auto lrv-a-font-body-m "> First, looking at your day, identify moments that you anticipate being stressful or challenging. Next, decide how you would like to respond when it does happen (a helpful way to do this is to ask yourself, what would my best self do?) Finally, write down your plan. </p> <p class="paragraph larva // lrv-u-margin-lr-auto lrv-a-font-body-m "> Imagine that, today, you have a busy day of back-to-back meetings at work, after which you need to rush home, pack up the kids and all of the family’s gifts, and get everyone to a relative’s house for a holiday meal. Your plan might look like: </p> <div class="container // lrv-u-margin-lr-auto lrv-a-font-body-m "> <ul> <li>“When I’m commuting home on the train, I’ll take a few minutes to meditate so I can reset.” </li> <li>“To make it easier to transport my kids to my parents, I’ll pack up the car with all the gifts this morning.”</li> <li>“After I get to my parents’ house, I’ll ask them to watch the kids for a few minutes so I can eat a quick snack and rejuvenate.” </li> </ul> </div> <p class="paragraph larva // lrv-u-margin-lr-auto lrv-a-font-body-m "> These small, proactive steps can make a big difference. </p> <h2 class="heading larva // lrv-a-font-accent-l "> When You Feel Difficult Emotions, Practice Meeting Them With Compassion </h2> <p class="paragraph larva // lrv-u-margin-lr-auto lrv-a-font-body-m "> During busy, high-pressure times, it’s easy to become emotionally dysregulated, which means experiencing more intense emotions, being sensitive to triggers, and struggling to feel calm and present. That could look like:</p> <div class="container // lrv-u-margin-lr-auto lrv-a-font-body-m "> <ul> <li>Being quicker to anger or more reactive to common stresses</li> <li>Feeling sadness, loneliness, or grief out of nowhere </li> <li>Having trouble calming down or relaxing </li> </ul> </div> <p class="paragraph larva // lrv-u-margin-lr-auto lrv-a-font-body-m "> You see this all the time in your children, and meet their emotions with compassion—but how often do you do that for yourself? You might, in fact, be far more used to meeting those emotions with judgment: believing that it means that there’s something wrong with you. That judgment might sound like, “I’m ruining this lovely family moment because I’m sad,” or “I shouldn’t feel this angry right now.” In reality, though, these emotions are a sign that we need our own love —and when we offer it to ourselves, we experience profound benefits, such as reduced stress and greater resilience. </p> <p class="paragraph larva // lrv-u-margin-lr-auto lrv-a-font-body-m "> To fulfill that need, practice naming what you are feeling out loud. That might include saying words like, “I’m feeling really sad right now,” or “I’m overwhelmed and don’t know what to do to address it.” Then, ask yourself what would make you feel loved right now. You might want to do something kind for yourself take a bath, give yourself a hug, or take deep breaths.) You might need to take a few minutes of quiet in the backyard or go for a walk with your favorite podcast. All it takes is a simple gesture of kindness towards yourself to start feeling better. </p> <h2 class="heading larva // lrv-a-font-accent-l "> Tap Into Your Playful Side </h2> <p class="paragraph larva // lrv-u-margin-lr-auto lrv-a-font-body-m "> One of the best ways to feel more joy is by reconnecting with your inner child. </p> <p class="paragraph larva // lrv-u-margin-lr-auto lrv-a-font-body-m "> Children play naturally and instinctively, as adults, life can weigh us down, making it harder to tap into that expression of delight, ease, and interest. Not only is being playful good for your mood, but it’s also supportive of your mental health: research shows that playfulness can lead to enhanced resilience during hard times. </p> <p class="paragraph larva // lrv-u-margin-lr-auto lrv-a-font-body-m "> Here are a few ways to tap into your inner child: </p> <p class="paragraph larva // lrv-u-margin-lr-auto lrv-a-font-body-m "> <strong>Set realistic expectations: </strong>In the holiday season, it can be easy to get carried away with ideas about what you want to do or are “supposed” to do. But scaling back those commitments and expectations can help open up opportunities for playfulness, joy, and connection to emerge. Take a look at your calendar and decide if you’d like to opt out of any obligations or events — and make the space for what really nourishes you. </p> <p class="paragraph larva // lrv-u-margin-lr-auto lrv-a-font-body-m "> <strong>Turn obligations into adventures</strong>: Ask your kids to help you with chores by making it into a game or a challenge. For example, you might ask them to run around the house and pick up all of the dirty laundry, and whoever fills their basket first wins. </p> <p class="paragraph larva // lrv-u-margin-lr-auto lrv-a-font-body-m "> <strong>Do something just for the joy of it:</strong> You might find yourself, as a parent, prioritizing your kids’ play above all else. Your play matters, too, though. At least one day during this season, set aside an hour or two to engage in activities or events that you are genuinely excited about — whether that’s a workout, coffee with a friend, or a hobby that matters to you</p> <h2 class="heading larva // lrv-a-font-accent-l "> Don’t Try To Do It All Alone </h2> <p class="paragraph larva // lrv-u-margin-lr-auto lrv-a-font-body-m "> As a parent juggling so many responsibilities, your instinct might be to take on everything entirely by yourself: buying all the gifts, doing all the shopping, baking the cookies for neighbors and teachers, and on and on the list goes. </p> <p class="paragraph larva // lrv-u-margin-lr-auto lrv-a-font-body-m "> Wherever possible, though, I’d encourage you to find ways to lean on others. While not all of us can afford to bring on paid help or have family nearby, we can find ways to be creative through connecting with our existing support systems and finding ways to share the load. In fact, research shows that we wildly underestimate how much other people want to help us, so reach out and ask for what you need. For example, you might ask your siblings to come over and help you prep the holiday meal and spend time together, or see if your parent friends want to have a simultaneous kids playdate and adult gift-wrapping party.</p> <p class="paragraph larva // lrv-u-margin-lr-auto lrv-a-font-body-m "> The more we ask for help, the more opportunities we create for connection with other people. 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