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How to Be Assertive: 11 Tips for Confident Communication
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href="/Category:Communication-Skills" title="Category:Communication Skills">Communication Skills</a></li><li><a href="/Category:Assertiveness" title="Category:Assertiveness">Assertiveness</a></li></ul><h1 id="section_0" class="title_md"><a href="https://www.wikihow.com/Be-Assertive">How to Communicate Assertively</a></h1></div><div id="bodyContent" class="content"><script>window.WH=window.WH||{};window.WH.c=function(){function C(){var a=D().split("x")[0];return"undefined"!=typeof g.largeScreenMinWidth&&a&&parseInt(a,10)<g.largeScreenMinWidth?1:0}function p(){var a=E;if(h){var b=+new Date-h;0<b&&(a+=b)}return a}function F(a){if("undefined"!==typeof a&&"undefined"!==typeof a.target&&"undefined"!==typeof a.target.getAttribute&&(a=a.target.getAttribute("id"),"undefined"!==typeof a&&0!==a.indexOf("whvid-player")))return;G||(G=!0,k&&6>=k||(a=q({d:x?C()?"vm":"vw":"pv",m:g.pageName+" btraw "+p()/1E3,b:"6"}),delete a.dl,r("exit",a,!0)))}function H(){h&&(E+=+new Date-h,h=!1)}function 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<span class="header_toc">Explore this Article</span> <div id="method_toc_list"> <div class="toc_header">IN THIS ARTICLE</div> <div class="method_toc_item toc_method " id="" data-section=""> <a class="method_toc_item_a" href="#Embrace-assertive-thought-patterns."> <span class="method_toc_item_a_span">1</span> Embrace assertive thought patterns. </a> </div> <div class="method_toc_item toc_method " id="" data-section=""> <a class="method_toc_item_a" href="#Speak-calmly-and-clearly."> <span class="method_toc_item_a_span">2</span> Speak calmly and clearly. </a> </div> <div class="method_toc_item toc_method " id="" data-section=""> <a class="method_toc_item_a" href="#Use-cooperative.2C-constructive-language."> <span class="method_toc_item_a_span">3</span> Use cooperative, constructive language. </a> </div> <div class="method_toc_item toc_method toc_hidden " id="" data-section=""> <a class="method_toc_item_a" href="#Display-assertive-body-language."> <span class="method_toc_item_a_span">4</span> Display assertive body language. </a> </div> <div class="method_toc_item toc_method toc_hidden " id="" data-section=""> <a class="method_toc_item_a" href="#Express-emotions-without-losing-control-of-them."> <span class="method_toc_item_a_span">5</span> Express emotions without losing control of them. </a> </div> <div class="method_toc_item toc_method toc_hidden " id="" data-section=""> <a class="method_toc_item_a" href="#Journal-about-your-emotions."> <span class="method_toc_item_a_span">6</span> Journal about your emotions. </a> </div> <div class="method_toc_item toc_method toc_hidden " id="" data-section=""> <a class="method_toc_item_a" href="#Learn-to-manage-stress."> <span class="method_toc_item_a_span">7</span> Learn to manage stress. </a> </div> <div class="method_toc_item toc_method toc_hidden " id="" data-section=""> <a class="method_toc_item_a" href="#Make-decisions-effectively."> <span class="method_toc_item_a_span">8</span> Make decisions effectively. </a> </div> <div class="method_toc_item toc_method toc_hidden " id="" data-section=""> <a class="method_toc_item_a" href="#Set-healthy-boundaries."> <span class="method_toc_item_a_span">9</span> Set healthy boundaries. </a> </div> <div class="method_toc_item toc_method toc_hidden " id="" data-section=""> <a class="method_toc_item_a" href="#Project-confidence."> <span class="method_toc_item_a_span">10</span> Project confidence. </a> </div> <div class="method_toc_item toc_method toc_hidden " id="" data-section=""> <a class="method_toc_item_a" href="#Seek-professional-help."> <span class="method_toc_item_a_span">11</span> Seek professional help. </a> </div> <div class="method_toc_item toc_method toc_hidden toc_questionmethod" id="" data-section=""> <a class="method_toc_item_a" href="#questionmethod_How-Can-I-Be-More-Assertive.3F"> How Can I Be More Assertive? </a> </div> <div class="method_toc_item toc_method toc_hidden toc_sample" id="sample_toc" data-section=""> <a class="method_toc_item_a" href="#sample_Help-Sounding-Assertive"> Help Sounding Assertive </a> </div> <div class="method_toc_item toc_method toc_nav" id="toc_showmore" data-section=""> <a class="method_toc_item_a" href="#"> <span class="method_toc_item_a_span">+</span> Show 10 more... </a> </div> <div class="method_toc_item toc_method toc_nav" id="toc_showless" data-section=""> <a class="method_toc_item_a" href="#"> <span class="method_toc_item_a_span">-</span> Show less... </a> </div> <div class="toc_header">Other Sections</div> <div class="method_toc_item toc_post" id="qa_toc" data-section="#qa_headline"> <a class="method_toc2_item_a" href="#qa_headline"> Expert Q&A </a> </div> <div class="method_toc_item toc_post" id="othervideo_toc" data-section="#Video"> <a class="method_toc2_item_a" href="#Video"> Video </a> </div> <div class="method_toc_item toc_ignore toc_post" id="rwh_toc" data-section="#relatedwikihows"> <a class="method_toc2_item_a" href="#relatedwikihows"> Related Articles </a> </div> <div class="method_toc_item toc_post" id="toc_ref" data-section="#References"> <a class="method_toc2_item_a" href="#References"> References </a> </div> <div class="method_toc_item toc_post" id="summary_toc" data-section="#summary_wrapper"> <a class="method_toc2_item_a" href="#summary_wrapper"> Article Summary </a> </div> </div> <div id="toc_line"></div> </div> </div> <div id="coauthor_byline" class="article_byline "> <div id="byline_info"> <span class=""> <b>Written by</b> <a href="/Author/Guy-Reichard" class="coauthor_link coauthor_checkstar">Guy Reichard</a> </span> <span class="coauthor_pipe">|</span> <b>Edited by</b> <a href="/Author/Dev-Murphy-MA" class="coauthor_link">Dev Murphy, MA</a> <p id="coauthor_byline_p"> <a href="#" class="byline_info_link hover_pop"> <span class="last_updated_highlighted">Last Updated: June 7, 2024</span> </a> <a href="#" class="eat_tag">Fact Checked</a> </p> </div> </div> <a class="small_pdf_link pdf_link disabled " href="#"> <img class="pdf_link-img" loading="lazy" src="/extensions/wikihow/socialstamp/images/icon-pdf.svg" alt="PDF download" width="150" height="150"> <span class="pdfText">Download Article</span> </a> <div id="byline_hover" hidden> <div id="byline_hover_close">X</div> <div id="byline_hover_body"> <p> This article was written by <a href="/Author/Guy-Reichard">Guy Reichard</a> and by wikiHow staff writer, <a href="/Author/Dev-Murphy-MA">Dev Murphy, MA</a>. Guy Reichard is an Executive Life Coach and the Founder of HeartRich Coaching & Training, a professional life coaching and inner leadership training provider based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. He works with people to create more meaning, purpose, well-being, and fulfillment in their lives. Guy has over 10 years of personal growth coaching and resilience training experience, helping clients enhance and transform their inner worlds, so they can be a more positive and powerful influence on those they love and lead. He is an Adler Certified Professional Coach (ACPC), and is accredited by the International Coach Federation. He earned a BA in Psychology from York University in 1997 and a Master of Business Administration (MBA) from York University in 2000. <br><br> There are <a href="#References">8 references</a> cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. <br><br> This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources. <br><br> This article has been viewed 1,488,636 times. </p> </div> </div> <div class="mf-section-0" id="mf-section-0"> <p>It might feel sometimes as if you have to be a bully to get what you want, but in fact, you can be calm and respectful while still having your voice heard and getting your needs met. If you struggle to be assertive, you're in the right place! We've developed a guide for becoming more assertive and confident so you can ask for what you want with authority. 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subheadline"> <div class="altblock"><div> <span>1</span> </div> </div> <div class="headline_info"><h3><span class="mw-headline" id="Embrace-assertive-thought-patterns.">Embrace assertive thought patterns.</span></h3></div> <a class="large_pdf_link pdf_link disabled pdf_link_steps " href="#"> <img class="pdf_link-img" loading="lazy" src="/extensions/wikihow/socialstamp/images/icon-pdf.svg" alt="PDF download" width="150" height="150"> <span class="pdfText">Download Article</span> </a> </div> <div id="steps_1" class="section_text"> <ol class="steps_list_2"> <li class="questions_as_methods_step" id="step-id-00"> <a name="step_1_1" class="stepanchor"></a><div class="mwimg largeimage floatcenter " style="max-width:728px"><a href="#/Image:Be-Assertive-Step-1-Version-4.jpg" class="image"><div class="content-spacer" style="padding-top:75%"> <img alt="To become a more assertive person, practice thinking like one." decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/e/e5/Be-Assertive-Step-1-Version-4.jpg/v4-728px-Be-Assertive-Step-1-Version-4.jpg" data-firstimage="1" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="f8187c320a9ab345786c81e34dc705f2" onload="WH.performance.clearMarks('image1_rendered'); WH.performance.mark('image1_rendered');" data-src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/e/e5/Be-Assertive-Step-1-Version-4.jpg/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-1-Version-4.jpg"><script>WH.shared.addScrollLoadItem('f8187c320a9ab345786c81e34dc705f2')</script> </div> <noscript><img alt="To become a more assertive person, practice thinking like one." src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/e/e5/Be-Assertive-Step-1-Version-4.jpg/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-1-Version-4.jpg" decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/e/e5/Be-Assertive-Step-1-Version-4.jpg/v4-728px-Be-Assertive-Step-1-Version-4.jpg" data-firstimage="1" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="f8187c320a9ab345786c81e34dc705f2" onload="WH.performance.clearMarks('image1_rendered'); WH.performance.mark('image1_rendered');"></noscript> <script>WH.performance.clearMarks('image1_rendered'); WH.performance.mark('image1_rendered');</script><div class="image_details" style="display:none;"><span style="display:none;">{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/e\/e5\/Be-Assertive-Step-1-Version-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-1-Version-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/e\/e5\/Be-Assertive-Step-1-Version-4.jpg\/v4-728px-Be-Assertive-Step-1-Version-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}</span></div></a></div><div class="step"> <b class="whb" aria-hidden="true">To become a more assertive person, practice thinking like one.</b> If you tend to be more aggressive or more passive, thinking somewhere in the middle might not come easy, but with practice, it’ll become second nature. An assertive person might adopt the following mantras: <ul> <li><i>I won’t be taken advantage of, or attack another person.</i></li> <li><i>I will stand up for myself in a respectful manner.</i></li> <li><i>I will express myself directly and openly.</i></li> </ul> <script>WH.performance.mark('step1_rendered');</script> </div> <div class="clearall"></div> </li> <div class="wh_ad_inner w_label al_grey dfpsmall dfpsmallmethod containerless_ad fluid" data-service="adsense" data-slot="7710650179" data-width="728" data-height="90" data-smallheight="250" data-type="method" data-small="1" data-channels="2414719621" data-smallservice="dfp" data-adunitpath="/10095428/engl/engl_gam_sma_meth0" data-size='[[300, 250],"fluid"]' data-apsload="1" data-prebidload="1" data-aps-timeout="800" data-containerless="1" data-fullwidthadsense="1" data-fluidsize="1" data-mediumchannels="2642708467,4066873649" data-smallchannels="5069754771,8156154280" data-aditudetarget="pb-slot-engl-meth" data-largechannels="2060152247,5763098696" data-insertslotvalue="1" data-pagetype="list" data-observerloading="1" data-sizes-array='[[300, 250],"fluid"]' data-gptdisplaylate="1" data-pbadunits='{"appnexus":29111279,"pubmatic":"4926794","ix":"944751","amx":"d2lraWhvdy5jb20","rubicon":"2756126","shemedia":"2952570","openx":"558892622","triplelift":"Wikihow_engl_gam_sma_meth0_300x250_Prebid","yieldmo":"3204666393567896410","grid":383057,"medianet":"521047606","rise":"engl_gam_sma_meth0","sharethrough":"xZq2HSiUJL1GRBHUi49ybeLd"}'><div id="mobilemethod_ad_1"></div></div> <div class="al_method">Advertisement</div> <script>WH.ads.addBodyAd('mobilemethod_ad_1')</script> </ol> <div class="clearall"></div> </div> </div> <div class="section steps sticky hide_step_numbers"> <div class="headline_container block_header in-block subheadline"> <div class="altblock"><div> <span>2</span> </div> </div> <div class="headline_info"><h3><span class="mw-headline" id="Speak-calmly-and-clearly.">Speak calmly and clearly.</span></h3></div> <a class="large_pdf_link pdf_link disabled pdf_link_steps " href="#"> <img class="pdf_link-img" loading="lazy" src="/extensions/wikihow/socialstamp/images/icon-pdf.svg" alt="PDF download" width="150" height="150"> <span class="pdfText">Download Article</span> </a> </div> <div id="steps_2" class="section_text"> <ol class="steps_list_2"><li class="questions_as_methods_step" id="step-id-11"> <a name="step_2_1" class="stepanchor"></a><div class="mwimg largeimage floatcenter " style="max-width:728px"><a href="#/Image:Be-Assertive-Step-2-Version-3.jpg" class="image"><div class="content-spacer" style="padding-top:75%"> <img alt="Proper enunciation and a calm tone will help you get your point across." decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/9/94/Be-Assertive-Step-2-Version-3.jpg/v4-728px-Be-Assertive-Step-2-Version-3.jpg" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="ebcc88deeb0d1c574902bb51402dd2ca" data-src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/9/94/Be-Assertive-Step-2-Version-3.jpg/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-2-Version-3.jpg"><script>WH.shared.addScrollLoadItem('ebcc88deeb0d1c574902bb51402dd2ca')</script> </div> <noscript><img alt="Proper enunciation and a calm tone will help you get your point across." src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/9/94/Be-Assertive-Step-2-Version-3.jpg/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-2-Version-3.jpg" decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/9/94/Be-Assertive-Step-2-Version-3.jpg/v4-728px-Be-Assertive-Step-2-Version-3.jpg" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="ebcc88deeb0d1c574902bb51402dd2ca"></noscript> <div class="image_details" style="display:none;"><span style="display:none;">{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/9\/94\/Be-Assertive-Step-2-Version-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-2-Version-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/9\/94\/Be-Assertive-Step-2-Version-3.jpg\/v4-728px-Be-Assertive-Step-2-Version-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}</span></div></a></div><div class="step"> <b class="whb" aria-hidden="true">Proper enunciation and a calm tone will help you get your point across.</b> Maintain a considerate, non-threatening tone, but speak confidently and enunciate your words. Speak loudly enough to be heard, but avoid yelling or talking over anyone else. In a respectful dialogue, there’s no need to raise your voice. <ul><li>Even if you disagree with the person you’re addressing, try to maintain an even tone anyway. This doesn’t mean hiding your displeasure: you may frown or state that you disagree, but keeping your emotions in check will help both of you remain calm so you can come to a compromise more readily.</li></ul> </div> <div class="clearall"></div> <div class="scrolltomarker" data-isstep="1"></div> </li></ol> <div class="clearall"></div> </div> </div> <div class="section steps sticky hide_step_numbers"> <div class="headline_container block_header in-block subheadline"> <div class="altblock"><div> <span>3</span> </div> </div> <div class="headline_info"> <span id="Use-cooperative,-constructive-language."></span><h3><span class="mw-headline" id="Use-cooperative.2C-constructive-language.">Use cooperative, constructive language.</span></h3> </div> <a class="large_pdf_link pdf_link disabled pdf_link_steps " href="#"> <img class="pdf_link-img" loading="lazy" src="/extensions/wikihow/socialstamp/images/icon-pdf.svg" alt="PDF download" width="150" height="150"> <span class="pdfText">Download Article</span> </a> </div> <div id="steps_3" class="section_text"> <ol class="steps_list_2"> <li class="questions_as_methods_step" id="step-id-22"> <a name="step_3_1" class="stepanchor"></a><div class="mwimg largeimage floatcenter " style="max-width:728px"><a href="#/Image:Be-Assertive-Step-3-Version-3.jpg" class="image"><div class="content-spacer" style="padding-top:75%"> <img alt="Assertive language is confident but considerate." decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/9/9d/Be-Assertive-Step-3-Version-3.jpg/v4-728px-Be-Assertive-Step-3-Version-3.jpg" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="87db37894532817a68ac6dc83acbadeb" data-src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/9/9d/Be-Assertive-Step-3-Version-3.jpg/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-3-Version-3.jpg"><script>WH.shared.addScrollLoadItem('87db37894532817a68ac6dc83acbadeb')</script> </div> <noscript><img alt="Assertive language is confident but considerate." src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/9/9d/Be-Assertive-Step-3-Version-3.jpg/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-3-Version-3.jpg" decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/9/9d/Be-Assertive-Step-3-Version-3.jpg/v4-728px-Be-Assertive-Step-3-Version-3.jpg" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="87db37894532817a68ac6dc83acbadeb"></noscript> <div class="image_details" style="display:none;"><span style="display:none;">{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/9\/9d\/Be-Assertive-Step-3-Version-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-3-Version-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/9\/9d\/Be-Assertive-Step-3-Version-3.jpg\/v4-728px-Be-Assertive-Step-3-Version-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}</span></div></a></div><div class="step"> <b class="whb" aria-hidden="true">Assertive language is confident but considerate.</b> When you speak assertively, you’ll convey respect, sincerity, and firmness. Be patient and specific when communicating your needs, offering constructive (rather than destructive) comments and compromising as needed. <ul> <li>Try to use “I” statements when asking for what you want or confronting someone. “I” statements convey that you are willing to take responsibility for your own thoughts and behaviors: “I feel upset when you talk over me,” or “I would appreciate it if you CC’d me on future emails.” </li> <li>State your feelings, wants, opinions, and needs in simple sentences. This will help the other person clearly understand what you’re asking.<sup id="_ref-4" class="reference trusted" aria-label="Link to Reference 4"><a href="#_note-4">[1]</a><span class="ts_popup trustedsource" hidden id="ts_popup_4" style="display: none;"> <span class="ts_close">X</span> <a class="ts_trustworthy" href="/wikiHow:Delivering-a-Trustworthy-Experience">Trustworthy Source</a> <span class="ts_name">HelpGuide</span> <span class="ts_description">Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.</span> <a href="#" class="ts_source" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Go to source</a> </span> </sup> </li> <li>For example, instead of speaking to a family member in long sentences full of hints and indirect statements, be brief and direct: "I love when you call me just to talk! It's hard for me to have a long conversation during work hours, though. I'd appreciate it if you called during the evening instead."</li> </ul> </div> <div class="clearall"></div> </li> <div class="wh_ad_inner w_label al_grey dfpsmall dfpsmallmethod containerless_ad fluid" data-service="adsense" data-slot="7710650179" data-width="728" data-height="90" data-smallheight="250" data-type="method" data-small="1" data-channels="2414719621" data-smallservice="dfp" data-adunitpath="/10095428/engl/engl_gam_sma_meth0" data-size='[[300, 250],"fluid"]' data-apsload="1" data-prebidload="1" data-aps-timeout="800" data-containerless="1" data-fullwidthadsense="1" data-fluidsize="1" data-mediumchannels="2642708467,4066873649" data-smallchannels="5069754771,8156154280" data-aditudetarget="pb-slot-engl-meth" data-largechannels="2060152247,5763098696" data-insertslotvalue="2" data-pagetype="list" data-observerloading="1" data-sizes-array='[[300, 250],"fluid"]' data-gptdisplaylate="1" data-pbadunits='{"appnexus":29111279,"pubmatic":"4926794","ix":"944751","amx":"d2lraWhvdy5jb20","rubicon":"2756126","shemedia":"2952570","openx":"558892622","triplelift":"Wikihow_engl_gam_sma_meth0_300x250_Prebid","yieldmo":"3204666393567896410","grid":383057,"medianet":"521047606","rise":"engl_gam_sma_meth0","sharethrough":"xZq2HSiUJL1GRBHUi49ybeLd"}'><div id="mobilemethod_ad_3"></div></div> <div class="al_method">Advertisement</div> <script>WH.ads.addBodyAd('mobilemethod_ad_3')</script> </ol> <div class="clearall"></div> </div> </div> <div class="section steps sticky hide_step_numbers"> <div class="headline_container block_header in-block subheadline"> <div class="altblock"><div> <span>4</span> </div> </div> <div class="headline_info"><h3><span class="mw-headline" id="Display-assertive-body-language.">Display assertive body language.</span></h3></div> <a class="large_pdf_link pdf_link disabled pdf_link_steps " href="#"> <img class="pdf_link-img" loading="lazy" src="/extensions/wikihow/socialstamp/images/icon-pdf.svg" alt="PDF download" width="150" height="150"> <span class="pdfText">Download Article</span> </a> </div> <div id="steps_4" class="section_text"> <ol class="steps_list_2"><li class="questions_as_methods_step" id="step-id-33"> <a name="step_4_1" class="stepanchor"></a><div class="mwimg largeimage floatcenter " style="max-width:728px"><a href="#/Image:Be-Assertive-Step-4-Version-3.jpg" class="image"><div class="content-spacer" style="padding-top:75%"> <img alt="Assertive body language is respectful, but confident." decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/a/a4/Be-Assertive-Step-4-Version-3.jpg/v4-728px-Be-Assertive-Step-4-Version-3.jpg" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="0cdf4bf2233e47bd392845b64dd447c5" data-src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/a/a4/Be-Assertive-Step-4-Version-3.jpg/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-4-Version-3.jpg"><script>WH.shared.addScrollLoadItem('0cdf4bf2233e47bd392845b64dd447c5')</script> </div> <noscript><img alt="Assertive body language is respectful, but confident." src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/a/a4/Be-Assertive-Step-4-Version-3.jpg/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-4-Version-3.jpg" decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/a/a4/Be-Assertive-Step-4-Version-3.jpg/v4-728px-Be-Assertive-Step-4-Version-3.jpg" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="0cdf4bf2233e47bd392845b64dd447c5"></noscript> <div class="image_details" style="display:none;"><span style="display:none;">{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/a\/a4\/Be-Assertive-Step-4-Version-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-4-Version-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/a\/a4\/Be-Assertive-Step-4-Version-3.jpg\/v4-728px-Be-Assertive-Step-4-Version-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}</span></div></a></div><div class="step"> <b class="whb" aria-hidden="true">Assertive body language is respectful, but confident.</b> Non-verbal assertive communication conveys consideration, sincerity, and self-esteem. Use your body language to show you’re paying careful attention to what someone else is saying and to express confidence in your own stance. <ul> <li>Practice <a href="/Actively-Listen" title="Actively Listen">active listening</a> to show you respect the other person. Even if you disagree with them, face them as they speak and nod occasionally to show you’re paying careful attention.</li> <li> <a href="/Maintain-Eye-Contact" title="Maintain Eye Contact">Maintain eye contact</a> with them to indicate interest. Experts recommend holding eye contact for about 4-5 seconds at a time before glancing away.<sup id="_ref-5" class="reference" aria-label="Link to Reference 5"><a href="#_note-5">[2]</a><span class="ts_popup " hidden id="ts_popup_5" style="display: none;"> <span class="ts_close">X</span> <span class="ts_name">Research source</span> <span class="ts_description"></span> <a href="#" class="ts_source" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"></a> </span> </sup> </li> <li> <a href="/Communicate-With-Body-Language" title="Communicate With Body Language">Have confident body language</a>. Keep your shoulders squared and your chin up. Avoid fidgeting or covering your mouth when you speak.</li> </ul> </div> <div class="clearall"></div> <div class="scrolltomarker" data-isstep="1"></div> </li></ol> <div class="clearall"></div> </div> </div> <div class="section steps sticky hide_step_numbers"> <div class="headline_container block_header in-block subheadline"> <div class="altblock"><div> <span>5</span> </div> </div> <div class="headline_info"><h3><span class="mw-headline" id="Express-emotions-without-losing-control-of-them.">Express emotions without losing control of them.</span></h3></div> <a class="large_pdf_link pdf_link disabled pdf_link_steps " href="#"> <img class="pdf_link-img" loading="lazy" src="/extensions/wikihow/socialstamp/images/icon-pdf.svg" alt="PDF download" width="150" height="150"> <span class="pdfText">Download Article</span> </a> </div> <div id="steps_5" class="section_text"> <ol class="steps_list_2"> <li class="questions_as_methods_step" id="step-id-44"> <a name="step_5_1" class="stepanchor"></a><div class="mwimg largeimage floatcenter " style="max-width:728px"><a href="#/Image:Be-Assertive-Step-5-Version-3.jpg" class="image"><div class="content-spacer" style="padding-top:75%"> <img alt="Assertive communication doesn’t mean being a robot." decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/2/28/Be-Assertive-Step-5-Version-3.jpg/v4-728px-Be-Assertive-Step-5-Version-3.jpg" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="4916f168f8f62b02b61004bfc345c89c" data-src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/2/28/Be-Assertive-Step-5-Version-3.jpg/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-5-Version-3.jpg"><script>WH.shared.addScrollLoadItem('4916f168f8f62b02b61004bfc345c89c')</script> </div> <noscript><img alt="Assertive communication doesn’t mean being a robot." src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/2/28/Be-Assertive-Step-5-Version-3.jpg/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-5-Version-3.jpg" decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/2/28/Be-Assertive-Step-5-Version-3.jpg/v4-728px-Be-Assertive-Step-5-Version-3.jpg" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="4916f168f8f62b02b61004bfc345c89c"></noscript> <div class="image_details" style="display:none;"><span style="display:none;">{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/2\/28\/Be-Assertive-Step-5-Version-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-5-Version-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/2\/28\/Be-Assertive-Step-5-Version-3.jpg\/v4-728px-Be-Assertive-Step-5-Version-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}</span></div></a></div><div class="step"> <b class="whb" aria-hidden="true">Assertive communication doesn’t mean being a robot.</b> While aggressive people may get their way by being a bully, assertive people may have to compromise from time to time, because assertive communication is about finding the balance between aggression and passiveness. You’re bound to disagree with someone now and again, and authentic communication means expressing your feelings without letting them take control of an interaction. <ul> <li>Smile when you’re happy or when negotiations are going your way, but don’t fake being OK if you’re not. Remember that a sincere smile engages the whole face, not just the mouth.</li> <li>If you’re unhappy, say so or show it, but keep your emotions in check. Remember that being angry is not the same thing as being aggressive, and hiding your true feelings about something that displeases you is passive (or passive-aggressive). </li> <li>You might express displeasure by frowning, or you might say so directly but calmly while still making it clear you’d like to find a solution that works for everyone: “I’m not happy with that idea. Could we keep hashing this out a bit?”</li> </ul> </div> <div class="clearall"></div> </li> <div class="wh_ad_inner w_label al_grey dfpsmall dfpsmallmethod containerless_ad fluid" data-service="adsense" data-slot="7710650179" data-width="728" data-height="90" data-smallheight="250" data-type="method" data-small="1" data-channels="2414719621" data-smallservice="dfp" data-adunitpath="/10095428/engl/engl_gam_sma_meth0" data-size='[[300, 250],"fluid"]' data-apsload="1" data-prebidload="1" data-aps-timeout="800" data-containerless="1" data-fullwidthadsense="1" data-fluidsize="1" data-mediumchannels="2642708467,4066873649" data-smallchannels="5069754771,8156154280" data-aditudetarget="pb-slot-engl-meth" data-largechannels="2060152247,5763098696" data-insertslotvalue="3" data-pagetype="list" data-observerloading="1" data-sizes-array='[[300, 250],"fluid"]' data-gptdisplaylate="1" data-pbadunits='{"appnexus":29111279,"pubmatic":"4926794","ix":"944751","amx":"d2lraWhvdy5jb20","rubicon":"2756126","shemedia":"2952570","openx":"558892622","triplelift":"Wikihow_engl_gam_sma_meth0_300x250_Prebid","yieldmo":"3204666393567896410","grid":383057,"medianet":"521047606","rise":"engl_gam_sma_meth0","sharethrough":"xZq2HSiUJL1GRBHUi49ybeLd"}'><div id="mobilemethod_ad_5"></div></div> <div class="al_method">Advertisement</div> <script>WH.ads.addBodyAd('mobilemethod_ad_5')</script> </ol> <div class="clearall"></div> </div> </div> <div class="section steps sticky hide_step_numbers"> <div class="headline_container block_header in-block subheadline"> <div class="altblock"><div> <span>6</span> </div> </div> <div class="headline_info"><h3><span class="mw-headline" id="Journal-about-your-emotions.">Journal about your emotions.</span></h3></div> <a class="large_pdf_link pdf_link disabled pdf_link_steps " href="#"> <img class="pdf_link-img" loading="lazy" src="/extensions/wikihow/socialstamp/images/icon-pdf.svg" alt="PDF download" width="150" height="150"> <span class="pdfText">Download Article</span> </a> </div> <div id="steps_6" class="section_text"> <ol class="steps_list_2"><li class="questions_as_methods_step" id="step-id-55"> <a name="step_6_1" class="stepanchor"></a><div class="mwimg largeimage floatcenter " style="max-width:728px"><a href="#/Image:Be-Assertive-Step-6-Version-3.jpg" class="image"><div class="content-spacer" style="padding-top:75%"> <img alt="Journaling can help you understand your feelings and keep them in check." decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/2/21/Be-Assertive-Step-6-Version-3.jpg/v4-728px-Be-Assertive-Step-6-Version-3.jpg" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="a22f0237bbc8e5d231e1faa8d24fd2d7" data-src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/2/21/Be-Assertive-Step-6-Version-3.jpg/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-6-Version-3.jpg"><script>WH.shared.addScrollLoadItem('a22f0237bbc8e5d231e1faa8d24fd2d7')</script> </div> <noscript><img alt="Journaling can help you understand your feelings and keep them in check." src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/2/21/Be-Assertive-Step-6-Version-3.jpg/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-6-Version-3.jpg" decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/2/21/Be-Assertive-Step-6-Version-3.jpg/v4-728px-Be-Assertive-Step-6-Version-3.jpg" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="a22f0237bbc8e5d231e1faa8d24fd2d7"></noscript> <div class="image_details" style="display:none;"><span style="display:none;">{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/2\/21\/Be-Assertive-Step-6-Version-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-6-Version-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/2\/21\/Be-Assertive-Step-6-Version-3.jpg\/v4-728px-Be-Assertive-Step-6-Version-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}</span></div></a></div><div class="step"> <b class="whb" aria-hidden="true">Journaling can help you understand your feelings and keep them in check.</b> In order to learn how to communicate assertively, it is important that you learn how to effectively manage your emotions. <a href="/Keep-a-Journal" title="Keep a Journal">Keeping a daily journal</a> can be a helpful way to get your feelings out so you can understand what caused them and therefore manage them a bit better. <ul> <li>Write down situations that trigger your emotions. Stick to facts and try not to make any interpretations yet. For example, you may simply write, “I asked my friend to go out to eat, and she said ‘no.’”</li> <li>Identify the emotions and thoughts you experienced in the situation. Be honest about how you felt. Specify what emotions you were aware of at the time and what thoughts, assumptions, and beliefs you had.</li> </ul> </div> <div class="clearall"></div> <div class="scrolltomarker" data-isstep="1"></div> </li></ol> <div class="clearall"></div> </div> </div> <div class="section steps sticky hide_step_numbers"> <div class="headline_container block_header in-block subheadline"> <div class="altblock"><div> <span>7</span> </div> </div> <div class="headline_info"><h3><span class="mw-headline" id="Learn-to-manage-stress.">Learn to manage stress.</span></h3></div> <a class="large_pdf_link pdf_link disabled pdf_link_steps " href="#"> <img class="pdf_link-img" loading="lazy" src="/extensions/wikihow/socialstamp/images/icon-pdf.svg" alt="PDF download" width="150" height="150"> <span class="pdfText">Download Article</span> </a> </div> <div id="steps_7" class="section_text"> <ol class="steps_list_2"> <li class="questions_as_methods_step" id="step-id-66"> <a name="step_7_1" class="stepanchor"></a><div class="mwimg largeimage floatcenter " style="max-width:728px"><a href="#/Image:Be-Assertive-Step-7-Version-3.jpg" class="image"><div class="content-spacer" style="padding-top:75%"> <img alt="Stress can negatively affect the way you communicate with others." decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/3/36/Be-Assertive-Step-7-Version-3.jpg/v4-728px-Be-Assertive-Step-7-Version-3.jpg" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="cb472d31a34e5d932402710de522c8c2" data-src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/3/36/Be-Assertive-Step-7-Version-3.jpg/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-7-Version-3.jpg"><script>WH.shared.addScrollLoadItem('cb472d31a34e5d932402710de522c8c2')</script> </div> <noscript><img alt="Stress can negatively affect the way you communicate with others." src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/3/36/Be-Assertive-Step-7-Version-3.jpg/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-7-Version-3.jpg" decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/3/36/Be-Assertive-Step-7-Version-3.jpg/v4-728px-Be-Assertive-Step-7-Version-3.jpg" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="cb472d31a34e5d932402710de522c8c2"></noscript> <div class="image_details" style="display:none;"><span style="display:none;">{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/3\/36\/Be-Assertive-Step-7-Version-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-7-Version-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/3\/36\/Be-Assertive-Step-7-Version-3.jpg\/v4-728px-Be-Assertive-Step-7-Version-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}</span></div></a></div><div class="step"> <b class="whb" aria-hidden="true">Stress can negatively affect the way you communicate with others.</b> It can be challenging to keep your emotions under control when you’re stressed, especially if you feel like the person you're talking to doesn’t understand you or won’t help you meet our needs. Take steps to acknowledge and <a href="/Deal-With-Stress" title="Deal With Stress">manage the stress in your life</a> so that you’re better equipped to communicate with others directly and respectfully.<sup id="_ref-8" class="reference" aria-label="Link to Reference 8"><a href="#_note-8">[3]</a><span class="ts_popup " hidden id="ts_popup_8" style="display: none;"> <span class="ts_close">X</span> <span class="ts_name">Research source</span> <span class="ts_description"></span> <a href="#" class="ts_source" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"></a> </span> </sup> <ul> <li>Try to <a href="/Meditate" title="Meditate">meditate</a> every day for at least 5-10 minutes. Meditation has a calming effect on the brain that lasts well after your meditation session.<sup id="_ref-9" class="reference" aria-label="Link to Reference 9"><a href="#_note-9">[4]</a><span class="ts_popup " hidden id="ts_popup_9" style="display: none;"> <span class="ts_close">X</span> <span class="ts_name">Research source</span> <span class="ts_description"></span> <a href="#" class="ts_source" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"></a> </span> </sup> </li> <li>Progressive muscle relaxation may also help relieve stress: clench different parts of your body for 10 seconds at a time, then release. Start with your upper arms, shoulders, neck, head, and face. Then continue with your chest, stomach, back, buttocks, thighs, calves and feet.<sup id="_ref-10" class="reference trusted" aria-label="Link to Reference 10"><a href="#_note-10">[5]</a><span class="ts_popup trustedsource" hidden id="ts_popup_10" style="display: none;"> <span class="ts_close">X</span> <a class="ts_trustworthy" href="/wikiHow:Delivering-a-Trustworthy-Experience">Trustworthy Source</a> <span class="ts_name">Harvard Medical School</span> <span class="ts_description">Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public</span> <a href="#" class="ts_source" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Go to source</a> </span> </sup> </li> </ul> </div> <div class="clearall"></div> </li> <div class="wh_ad_inner w_label al_grey dfpsmall dfpsmallmethod containerless_ad fluid" data-service="adsense" data-slot="7710650179" data-width="728" data-height="90" data-smallheight="250" data-type="method" data-small="1" data-channels="2414719621" data-smallservice="dfp" data-adunitpath="/10095428/engl/engl_gam_sma_meth0" data-size='[[300, 250],"fluid"]' data-apsload="1" data-prebidload="1" data-aps-timeout="800" data-containerless="1" data-fullwidthadsense="1" data-fluidsize="1" data-mediumchannels="2642708467,4066873649" data-smallchannels="5069754771,8156154280" data-aditudetarget="pb-slot-engl-meth" data-largechannels="2060152247,5763098696" data-insertslotvalue="4" data-pagetype="list" data-observerloading="1" data-sizes-array='[[300, 250],"fluid"]' data-gptdisplaylate="1" data-pbadunits='{"appnexus":29111279,"pubmatic":"4926794","ix":"944751","amx":"d2lraWhvdy5jb20","rubicon":"2756126","shemedia":"2952570","openx":"558892622","triplelift":"Wikihow_engl_gam_sma_meth0_300x250_Prebid","yieldmo":"3204666393567896410","grid":383057,"medianet":"521047606","rise":"engl_gam_sma_meth0","sharethrough":"xZq2HSiUJL1GRBHUi49ybeLd"}'><div id="mobilemethod_ad_7"></div></div> <div class="al_method">Advertisement</div> <script>WH.ads.addBodyAd('mobilemethod_ad_7')</script> </ol> <div class="clearall"></div> </div> </div> <div class="section steps sticky hide_step_numbers"> <div class="headline_container block_header in-block subheadline"> <div class="altblock"><div> <span>8</span> </div> </div> <div class="headline_info"><h3><span class="mw-headline" id="Make-decisions-effectively.">Make decisions effectively.</span></h3></div> <a class="large_pdf_link pdf_link disabled pdf_link_steps " href="#"> <img class="pdf_link-img" loading="lazy" src="/extensions/wikihow/socialstamp/images/icon-pdf.svg" alt="PDF download" width="150" height="150"> <span class="pdfText">Download Article</span> </a> </div> <div id="steps_8" class="section_text"> <ol class="steps_list_2"><li class="questions_as_methods_step" id="step-id-77"> <a name="step_8_1" class="stepanchor"></a><div class="mwimg largeimage floatcenter " style="max-width:728px"><a href="#/Image:Be-Assertive-Step-8-Version-3.jpg" class="image"><div class="content-spacer" style="padding-top:75%"> <img alt="Think through a problem carefully before making a decision." decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/a/a8/Be-Assertive-Step-8-Version-3.jpg/v4-728px-Be-Assertive-Step-8-Version-3.jpg" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="38a145073d9e15d2372e7238b5a2526e" data-src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/a/a8/Be-Assertive-Step-8-Version-3.jpg/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-8-Version-3.jpg"><script>WH.shared.addScrollLoadItem('38a145073d9e15d2372e7238b5a2526e')</script> </div> <noscript><img alt="Think through a problem carefully before making a decision." src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/a/a8/Be-Assertive-Step-8-Version-3.jpg/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-8-Version-3.jpg" decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/a/a8/Be-Assertive-Step-8-Version-3.jpg/v4-728px-Be-Assertive-Step-8-Version-3.jpg" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="38a145073d9e15d2372e7238b5a2526e"></noscript> <div class="image_details" style="display:none;"><span style="display:none;">{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/a\/a8\/Be-Assertive-Step-8-Version-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-8-Version-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/a\/a8\/Be-Assertive-Step-8-Version-3.jpg\/v4-728px-Be-Assertive-Step-8-Version-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}</span></div></a></div><div class="step"> <b class="whb" aria-hidden="true">Think through a problem carefully before making a decision.</b> Being assertive means taking control of your life and making decisions that best suit you, rather than letting someone else make decisions for you or allow yourself to become swayed by someone else against your better judgment. By identifying the problem and considering all the possible solutions and outcomes, you’ll become better equipped to make decisions under pressure and to feel confident about your choices. <ul><li>Consider the IDEAL method for decision-making:<sup id="_ref-11" class="reference" aria-label="Link to Reference 11"><a href="#_note-11">[6]</a><span class="ts_popup " hidden id="ts_popup_11" style="display: none;"> <span class="ts_close">X</span> <span class="ts_name">Research source</span> <span class="ts_description"></span> <a href="#" class="ts_source" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"></a> </span> </sup> <ul> <li>I – Identify the problem. What is the basic situation that needs to be addressed?</li> <li>D – Describe all possible solutions. These might include handling it yourself, asking for intervention from someone else, or doing nothing.</li> <li>E – Evaluate the consequences of each solution. Evaluate your feelings and needs to determine the best outcome for yourself.</li> <li>A – Act. Choose a solution and try it. Use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs.</li> <li>L – Learn. Did the solution work? Evaluate why or why not. If it didn’t work, look at the other solutions on your list and work through them.</li> </ul> </li></ul> </div> <div class="clearall"></div> <div class="scrolltomarker" data-isstep="1"></div> </li></ol> <div class="clearall"></div> </div> </div> <div class="section steps sticky hide_step_numbers"> <div class="headline_container block_header in-block subheadline"> <div class="altblock"><div> <span>9</span> </div> </div> <div class="headline_info"><h3><span class="mw-headline" id="Set-healthy-boundaries.">Set healthy boundaries.</span></h3></div> <a class="large_pdf_link pdf_link disabled pdf_link_steps " href="#"> <img class="pdf_link-img" loading="lazy" src="/extensions/wikihow/socialstamp/images/icon-pdf.svg" alt="PDF download" width="150" height="150"> <span class="pdfText">Download Article</span> </a> </div> <div id="steps_9" class="section_text"> <ol class="steps_list_2"> <li class="questions_as_methods_step" id="step-id-88"> <a name="step_9_1" class="stepanchor"></a><div class="mwimg largeimage floatcenter " style="max-width:728px"><a href="#/Image:Be-Assertive-Step-9-Version-2.jpg" class="image"><div class="content-spacer" style="padding-top:75%"> <img alt="Protect your physical and emotional space." decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/6/6a/Be-Assertive-Step-9-Version-2.jpg/v4-728px-Be-Assertive-Step-9-Version-2.jpg" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="ea80ef2bd4d7bddfabf968dfe8e02d33" data-src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/6/6a/Be-Assertive-Step-9-Version-2.jpg/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-9-Version-2.jpg"><script>WH.shared.addScrollLoadItem('ea80ef2bd4d7bddfabf968dfe8e02d33')</script> </div> <noscript><img alt="Protect your physical and emotional space." src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/6/6a/Be-Assertive-Step-9-Version-2.jpg/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-9-Version-2.jpg" decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/6/6a/Be-Assertive-Step-9-Version-2.jpg/v4-728px-Be-Assertive-Step-9-Version-2.jpg" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="ea80ef2bd4d7bddfabf968dfe8e02d33"></noscript> <div class="image_details" style="display:none;"><span style="display:none;">{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/6\/6a\/Be-Assertive-Step-9-Version-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-9-Version-2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/6\/6a\/Be-Assertive-Step-9-Version-2.jpg\/v4-728px-Be-Assertive-Step-9-Version-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}</span></div></a></div><div class="step"> <b class="whb" aria-hidden="true">Protect your physical and emotional space.</b> Boundaries are the physical, emotional, and intellectual barriers that you create to protect yourself from harm. <a href="/Establish-Boundaries" title="Establish Boundaries">Setting healthy boundaries</a> will help you protect your personal space and self-esteem as well as make it easier to separate your own feelings from those of others. Unhealthy boundaries increase your likelihood of exposure to being adversely affected by others’ feelings, beliefs, and behaviors.<sup id="_ref-12" class="reference" aria-label="Link to Reference 12"><a href="#_note-12">[7]</a><span class="ts_popup " hidden id="ts_popup_12" style="display: none;"> <span class="ts_close">X</span> <span class="ts_name">Research source</span> <span class="ts_description"></span> <a href="#" class="ts_source" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"></a> </span> </sup> <ul> <li>Identify what your needs are and how you want to be treated. This will help you understand your expectations in interactions with other people.</li> <li> <a href="/Learn-to-Say-No" title="Learn to Say No">Learn to say no</a>. If you do not feel right doing something, then don't do it. It's okay to reject someone.</li> <li>State your own opinions in a respectful manner. Don't be silent if you have something to say. Share your feelings freely: it's your right. </li> </ul> </div> <div class="clearall"></div> </li> <div class="wh_ad_inner w_label al_grey dfpsmall dfpsmallmethod containerless_ad fluid" data-service="adsense" data-slot="7710650179" data-width="728" data-height="90" data-smallheight="250" data-type="method" data-small="1" data-channels="2414719621" data-smallservice="dfp" data-adunitpath="/10095428/engl/engl_gam_sma_meth0" data-size='[[300, 250],"fluid"]' data-apsload="1" data-prebidload="1" data-aps-timeout="800" data-containerless="1" data-fullwidthadsense="1" data-fluidsize="1" data-mediumchannels="2642708467,4066873649" data-smallchannels="5069754771,8156154280" data-aditudetarget="pb-slot-engl-meth" data-largechannels="2060152247,5763098696" data-insertslotvalue="5" data-pagetype="list" data-observerloading="1" data-sizes-array='[[300, 250],"fluid"]' data-gptdisplaylate="1" data-pbadunits='{"appnexus":29111279,"pubmatic":"4926794","ix":"944751","amx":"d2lraWhvdy5jb20","rubicon":"2756126","shemedia":"2952570","openx":"558892622","triplelift":"Wikihow_engl_gam_sma_meth0_300x250_Prebid","yieldmo":"3204666393567896410","grid":383057,"medianet":"521047606","rise":"engl_gam_sma_meth0","sharethrough":"xZq2HSiUJL1GRBHUi49ybeLd"}'><div id="mobilemethod_ad_9"></div></div> <div class="al_method">Advertisement</div> <script>WH.ads.addBodyAd('mobilemethod_ad_9')</script> </ol> <div class="clearall"></div> </div> </div> <div class="section steps sticky hide_step_numbers"> <div class="headline_container block_header in-block subheadline"> <div class="altblock"><div> <span>10</span> </div> </div> <div class="headline_info"><h3><span class="mw-headline" id="Project-confidence.">Project confidence.</span></h3></div> <a class="large_pdf_link pdf_link disabled pdf_link_steps " href="#"> <img class="pdf_link-img" loading="lazy" src="/extensions/wikihow/socialstamp/images/icon-pdf.svg" alt="PDF download" width="150" height="150"> <span class="pdfText">Download Article</span> </a> </div> <div id="steps_10" class="section_text"> <ol class="steps_list_2"><li class="questions_as_methods_step" id="step-id-99"> <a name="step_10_1" class="stepanchor"></a><div class="mwimg largeimage floatcenter " style="max-width:728px"><a href="#/Image:Be-Assertive-Step-10-Version-2.jpg" class="image"><div class="content-spacer" style="padding-top:75%"> <img alt="Seeing yourself in a positive light makes it easier to be assertive." decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/8/80/Be-Assertive-Step-10-Version-2.jpg/v4-728px-Be-Assertive-Step-10-Version-2.jpg" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="ca7832b4cfe50d0bdb0392514dbc47e0" data-src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/8/80/Be-Assertive-Step-10-Version-2.jpg/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-10-Version-2.jpg"><script>WH.shared.addScrollLoadItem('ca7832b4cfe50d0bdb0392514dbc47e0')</script> </div> <noscript><img alt="Seeing yourself in a positive light makes it easier to be assertive." src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/8/80/Be-Assertive-Step-10-Version-2.jpg/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-10-Version-2.jpg" decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/8/80/Be-Assertive-Step-10-Version-2.jpg/v4-728px-Be-Assertive-Step-10-Version-2.jpg" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="ca7832b4cfe50d0bdb0392514dbc47e0"></noscript> <div class="image_details" style="display:none;"><span style="display:none;">{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/8\/80\/Be-Assertive-Step-10-Version-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-10-Version-2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/8\/80\/Be-Assertive-Step-10-Version-2.jpg\/v4-728px-Be-Assertive-Step-10-Version-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}</span></div></a></div><div class="step"> <b class="whb" aria-hidden="true">Seeing yourself in a positive light makes it easier to be assertive.</b> If you don’t hold a high enough opinion of yourself, you might experience great difficulty asserting your own thoughts, beliefs, needs, and feelings. Furthermore, you may feel intimidated or reluctant to ask questions when you need clarification, focus too heavily on your own negative traits, and lack trust in yourself. Thankfully, if you’re not naturally confident, you can fake it till you make it: act and look confident, and practice speaking assertively in the mirror before talking to people.<sup id="_ref-14" class="reference" aria-label="Link to Reference 14"><a href="#_note-14">[14]</a><span class="ts_popup " hidden id="ts_popup_14" style="display: none;"> <span class="ts_close">X</span> <span class="ts_name">Research source</span> <span class="ts_description">Murphy, J. (2011). Chapter 1: How do you see yourself? In Assertiveness: How to stand up for yourself and still win the respect of others. Kindle Books.</span> </span> </sup> <ul> <li>Maintain good hygiene and wear clean, matching, unwrinkled clothes. It may garner other people’s respect—and it’ll also make <i>you</i> feel good about yourself.</li> <li>Rehearse what you're going to say. Practice in front of the mirror, into a recording, or even with a trusted friend, pretending he or she is your boss, significant other, or whomever you plan to speak with.</li> </ul> </div> <div class="clearall"></div> <div class="scrolltomarker" data-isstep="1"></div> </li></ol> <div class="clearall"></div> </div> </div> <div class="section steps sticky hide_step_numbers"> <div class="headline_container block_header in-block subheadline"> <div class="altblock"><div> <span>11</span> </div> </div> <div class="headline_info"><h3><span class="mw-headline" id="Seek-professional-help.">Seek professional help.</span></h3></div> <a class="large_pdf_link pdf_link disabled pdf_link_steps " href="#"> <img class="pdf_link-img" loading="lazy" src="/extensions/wikihow/socialstamp/images/icon-pdf.svg" alt="PDF download" width="150" height="150"> <span class="pdfText">Download Article</span> </a> </div> <div id="steps_11" class="section_text"> <ol class="steps_list_2"> <li class="questions_as_methods_step" id="step-id-1010"> <a name="step_11_1" class="stepanchor"></a><div class="mwimg largeimage floatcenter " style="max-width:728px"><a href="#/Image:Be-Assertive-Step-11-Version-2.jpg" class="image"><div class="content-spacer" style="padding-top:75%"> <img alt="Visit a counselor or psychologist if necessary." decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/0/0a/Be-Assertive-Step-11-Version-2.jpg/v4-728px-Be-Assertive-Step-11-Version-2.jpg" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="fd9fb7d1a776f7c5103df5ec7e0877ec" data-src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/0/0a/Be-Assertive-Step-11-Version-2.jpg/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-11-Version-2.jpg"><script>WH.shared.addScrollLoadItem('fd9fb7d1a776f7c5103df5ec7e0877ec')</script> </div> <noscript><img alt="Visit a counselor or psychologist if necessary." src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/0/0a/Be-Assertive-Step-11-Version-2.jpg/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-11-Version-2.jpg" decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/0/0a/Be-Assertive-Step-11-Version-2.jpg/v4-728px-Be-Assertive-Step-11-Version-2.jpg" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="fd9fb7d1a776f7c5103df5ec7e0877ec"></noscript> <div class="image_details" style="display:none;"><span style="display:none;">{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/0\/0a\/Be-Assertive-Step-11-Version-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-11-Version-2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/0\/0a\/Be-Assertive-Step-11-Version-2.jpg\/v4-728px-Be-Assertive-Step-11-Version-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}</span></div></a></div><div class="step"> <b class="whb" aria-hidden="true">Visit a counselor or psychologist if necessary.</b> If you feel you still need help becoming assertive, it can help to see a professional. Counselors, coaches, and psychologists have education and training specifically in helping people communicate in healthy and meaningful ways. <ul><li>If you don’t or can’t see a counselor, and you’re a college student, keep in mind that many universities offer assertiveness training to students. This will help you practice assertiveness techniques and control your stress as you navigate different situations.</li></ul> </div> <div class="clearall"></div> </li> <div class="wh_ad_inner w_label al_grey dfpsmall dfpsmallmethod containerless_ad fluid" data-service="adsense" data-slot="7710650179" data-width="728" data-height="90" data-smallheight="250" data-type="method" data-small="1" data-channels="2414719621" data-smallservice="dfp" data-adunitpath="/10095428/engl/engl_gam_sma_meth0" data-size='[[300, 250],"fluid"]' data-apsload="1" data-prebidload="1" data-aps-timeout="800" data-containerless="1" data-fullwidthadsense="1" data-fluidsize="1" data-mediumchannels="2642708467,4066873649" data-smallchannels="5069754771,8156154280" data-aditudetarget="pb-slot-engl-meth" data-largechannels="2060152247,5763098696" data-insertslotvalue="6" data-pagetype="list" data-observerloading="1" data-sizes-array='[[300, 250],"fluid"]' data-gptdisplaylate="1" data-pbadunits='{"appnexus":29111279,"pubmatic":"4926794","ix":"944751","amx":"d2lraWhvdy5jb20","rubicon":"2756126","shemedia":"2952570","openx":"558892622","triplelift":"Wikihow_engl_gam_sma_meth0_300x250_Prebid","yieldmo":"3204666393567896410","grid":383057,"medianet":"521047606","rise":"engl_gam_sma_meth0","sharethrough":"xZq2HSiUJL1GRBHUi49ybeLd"}'><div id="mobilemethod_ad_11"></div></div> <div class="al_method">Advertisement</div> <script>WH.ads.addBodyAd('mobilemethod_ad_11')</script> </ol> <div class="clearall"></div> </div> </div> <div class="section steps questionmethod sticky"> <div class="headline_container block_header in-block subheadline"> <div class="altblock"><div></div> </div> <div class="headline_info"> <span id="How-Can-I-Be-More-Assertive?"></span><span class="questionmethod"></span><h3><span class="mw-headline" id="questionmethod_How-Can-I-Be-More-Assertive.3F"> How Can I Be More Assertive?</span></h3> </div> </div> <div id="steps_12" class="section_text"> <center> <div id="Expert-Video" class="embedvideocontainer" style="max-width: 100%; width: 100%; height: 100%; background-image: url(https://i.ytimg.com/vi/pSizxEoXGPM/hqdefault.jpg); background-size: cover; background-repeat: no-repeat; background-position: center;"> <iframe class="embedvideo lazy content-fill" id="youtube_embed_iframe_pSizxEoXGPM" data-src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/pSizxEoXGPM?enablejsapi=1" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe><script type="application/ld+json">{ "@context": "http:\/\/schema.org", "@type": "VideoObject", "publisher": { "@context": "http:\/\/schema.org", "@type": "Organization", "name": "wikiHow", "url": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/skins\/owl\/images\/wikihow_logo_nobg_60.png", "width": 326, "height": 60 }, "sameAs": [ "https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/wikiHow\/", "https:\/\/twitter.com\/wikiHow", "https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/wikihow\/", "https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/company\/wikihow\/", "https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/user\/WikiHow" ] }, "name": "How can I be more assertive?", "description": "Curious? Watch this short video!", "thumbnailUrl": [ "https:\/\/i.ytimg.com\/vi\/pSizxEoXGPM\/default.jpg", "https:\/\/i.ytimg.com\/vi\/pSizxEoXGPM\/hqdefault.jpg" ], "contentUrl": "https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=pSizxEoXGPM", "embedUrl": "https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/pSizxEoXGPM", "interactionStatistic": { "@type": "InteractionCounter", "interactionType": { "@type": "http:\/\/schema.org\/WatchAction" }, "userInteractionCount": "271" }, "uploadDate": "2023-08-22T09:02:54Z" }</script><!-- Video Schema Report Video ID: pSizxEoXGPM API Cache Key: 33102fe57ddf71bf8b1c1383b6e85065 API Cache Status: ok API Response Status: valid Object Cache Status: ok --><script>WH.shared.addScrollLoadItem("youtube_embed_iframe_pSizxEoXGPM")</script> </div> </center> <p><br> </p> <div class="clearall"></div> </div> </div> <div class="section steps sample sample_initial_location sticky" id="sample_headline"> <div class="headline_container in-block subheadline"><div class="headline_info"><h3><span class="mw-headline" id="sample_Help-Sounding-Assertive">Help Sounding Assertive</span></h3></div></div> <div id="steps_13" class="section_text"> <div id="sd_container" class="sd_lightbox sd_obscured"> <div class="sd_thumb sd_normal"><div class="sd_content"><a href="/Sample/Sounding-Assertive-at-Work" rel="nofollow" class="sd_link" data-sample-title="Sounding Assertive at Work" data-sample-link="/Sample/Sounding-Assertive-at-Work"><img class="whcdn" width="340" height="440" data-src="/images/thumb/6/68/Sounding-Assertive-at-Work_sample.png/340px-Sounding-Assertive-at-Work_sample.png" id="67416c24b694c"><script>WH.shared.addScrollLoadItem('67416c24b694c')</script><noscript><img class="whcdn" src="/images/thumb/6/68/Sounding-Assertive-at-Work_sample.png/340px-Sounding-Assertive-at-Work_sample.png" width="340" height="440"></noscript> <span>Sounding Assertive at Work</span></a></div></div> <div class="sd_thumb sd_normal"><div class="sd_content"><a 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data-caid="735540" data-sqid="" data-qa_inactive="0" data-votes_up="7" data-votes_down="2" data-verifier_id="161314" data-submitter_id="4322739"> <div class="qa_divider"></div> <div class="qa_li_container"> <div class="qa_question_tab">Question</div> <div class="qa_q_txt">How can I be more assertive with a boss at work? </div> <div class="qa_answers"> <div class="qa_expert_area"> <div class="qa_badge"></div> <div class="qa_user_hover hint_box"> <a href="/Author/Jessica-Notini-JD" class="sp_namelink qa_person_circle" target="_blank"> <picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="/images/thumb/0/03/Jessica_Notini.png/-crop-200-200-200px-Jessica_Notini.png.webp"></source><img src="/images/thumb/0/03/Jessica_Notini.png/-crop-200-200-200px-Jessica_Notini.png" alt="Jessica Notini, JD" loading="lazy" width="52" height="52" style="max-width: 52px"></picture> </a> <div class="qa_expert_name"> <a href="/Author/Jessica-Notini-JD" class="sp_namelink click_out" target="_blank"> Jessica Notini, JD </a> <br> Negotiation & Mediation Coach </div> Jessica Notini is a Negotiation and Mediation Coach practicing in California and internationally in many Latin countries. She is also a Lecturer at Stanford Law School and an Adjunct Professor at Boalt School of Law, Hastings College of the Law, and Mills College's MBA Program. She is the past Chair of the California State Bar Alternative Dispute Resolution Committee, served as the President of the Association for Dispute Resolution of Northern California (formerly NCMA), and was a member of the Board of Directors for the Mediation Society of San Francisco. She was recognized for her leadership and years of dedication with the California Dispute Resolution Council’s 2012 Don Weckstein Award. She has a BA in Psychology from Wesleyan University and a JD from the University of Michigan. </div> <a href="/Author/Jessica-Notini-JD" class="sp_namelink qa_person_circle" target="_blank"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="/images/thumb/0/03/Jessica_Notini.png/-crop-200-200-200px-Jessica_Notini.png.webp"></source><img src="/images/thumb/0/03/Jessica_Notini.png/-crop-200-200-200px-Jessica_Notini.png" alt="Jessica Notini, JD" loading="lazy" width="52" height="52" style="max-width: 52px"></picture></a> <div class="qa_answerer_info"> <div class="qa_user_name"> <a href="/Author/Jessica-Notini-JD" target="_blank">Jessica Notini, JD</a> </div> <div class="qa_user_title">Negotiation & Mediation Coach</div> <div class="qa_user_label">Expert Answer</div> </div> </div> <div class="qa_answer answer "> In that case, you don't want to frame the assertion like, "You need to get with the program and do it my way," because clearly that wouldn't work out very well. Instead, try to get on the same page with them and focus on a shared interest or goal that you both care about. For example, you could focus the conversation on how you want to make sure the project gets done on time or within budget and that's why you're suggesting doing things differently than what your boss initially asked for or wanted. </div> <div class="qa_answer_footer"> <div class="wh_vote_container qa_vote_buttons"> <span class="wh_thumb_response wh_thumb_msg"> <span class="wh_thumb_helpful"><b>Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.</b><br></span> <span class="wh_thumb_unhelpful"><b>Thank you for your feedback.</b><br></span> <span class="wh_thumb_contribute"> If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. 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class="mw-headline" id="References">References</span> </h2></div></div> <div id="references" class="section_text"><ol class="firstref references"> <li id="_note-4"> <a href="#_ref-4" target="_blank">↑</a> <span class="reference-text"><a target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" class="external free" href="http://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/effective-communication.htm">http://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/effective-communication.htm</a></span> </li> <li id="_note-5"> <a href="#_ref-5" target="_blank">↑</a> <span class="reference-text"><a target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" class="external free" href="https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/eye_contact_dont_make_these_mistakes">https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/eye_contact_dont_make_these_mistakes</a></span> </li> <li id="_note-8"> <a href="#_ref-8" target="_blank">↑</a> <span class="reference-text"><a target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" class="external free" href="http://dujs.dartmouth.edu/fall-2010/the-physiology-of-stress-cortisol-and-the-hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal-axis#.VM_XLy4epPI">http://dujs.dartmouth.edu/fall-2010/the-physiology-of-stress-cortisol-and-the-hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal-axis#.VM_XLy4epPI</a></span> </li> <li id="_note-9"> <a href="#_ref-9" target="_blank">↑</a> <span class="reference-text"><a target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" class="external free" href="http://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2012/11/meditations-positive-residual-effects/">http://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2012/11/meditations-positive-residual-effects/</a></span> </li> <li id="_note-10"> <a href="#_ref-10" target="_blank">↑</a> <span class="reference-text"><a target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" class="external free" href="http://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/relaxation-techniques-breath-control-helps-quell-errant-stress-response">http://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/relaxation-techniques-breath-control-helps-quell-errant-stress-response</a></span> </li> <li id="_note-11"> <a href="#_ref-11" target="_blank">↑</a> <span class="reference-text"><a target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" class="external free" href="https://www.peelregion.ca/health/talk-to-me/download/lesson-plans/lesson4-pdf/lesson4b.pdf">https://www.peelregion.ca/health/talk-to-me/download/lesson-plans/lesson4-pdf/lesson4b.pdf</a></span> </li> <li id="_note-12"> <a href="#_ref-12" target="_blank">↑</a> <span class="reference-text"><a target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" class="external free" href="http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Boundaries_the_importance.html">http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Boundaries_the_importance.html</a></span> </li> <li id="_note-14"> <a href="#_ref-14" target="_blank">↑</a> <span class="reference-text">Murphy, J. (2011). Chapter 1: How do you see yourself? In Assertiveness: How to stand up for yourself and still win the respect of others. Kindle Books.</span> </li> </ol></div> </div> <div class="section aboutthisarticle sticky" id="aboutthisarticle"> <div class="headline_container"> <div class="headline_info"> <h2 id="sp_h2"><span class="mw-headline">About This Article</span></h2> </div> </div> <div id="social_proof_mobile"> <a name="social_proof_anchor" id="social_proof_anchor"></a> <div class="sp_inner"> <div class="sp_top_box sp_person sp_expert"> <div class="coauthor_avatar_badge "></div> <div class="ar_avatar" style="max-width: 50px"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="/images/thumb/3/38/Guy_Reichard.png/-crop-100-100-100px-Guy_Reichard.png.webp"></source><img src="/images/thumb/3/38/Guy_Reichard.png/-crop-100-100-100px-Guy_Reichard.png" alt="Guy Reichard" loading="lazy" width="50" height="50" style="max-width: 50px"></picture></div> <div class="sp_expert_text "> <div> <div class="sp_coauthor_label"> Written by: </div> <div class="sp_expert_name"><a href="/Author/Guy-Reichard" class="sp_namelink">Guy Reichard</a></div> <div class="sp_expert_blurb">Executive Life Coach</div> </div> </div> </div> <div id="sp_expert_desc"> This article was written by <a href="/Author/Guy-Reichard">Guy Reichard</a> and by wikiHow staff writer, <a href="/Author/Dev-Murphy-MA">Dev Murphy, MA</a>. Guy Reichard is an Executive Life Coach and the Founder of HeartRich Coaching & Training, a professional life coaching and inner leadership training provider based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. He works with people to create more meaning, purpose, well-being, and fulfillment in their lives. Guy has over 10 years of personal growth coaching and resilience training experience, helping clients enhance and transform their inner worlds, so they can be a more positive and powerful influence on those they love and lead. He is an Adler Certified Professional Coach (ACPC), and is accredited by the International Coach Federation. He earned a BA in Psychology from York University in 1997 and a Master of Business Administration (MBA) from York University in 2000. This article has been viewed 1,488,636 times. </div> <div class="sp_box sp_box_hoverable sp_helpful_hoverable sp_helpful_box " data-helpful="86"> <div class="sp_star_section_upper"> <div class="sp_star_section_hoverable"> <div class="sp_star_container star1"> <div class="sp_helpful_icon_star pretty_star" style="width:100%"></div> </div> <div class="sp_star_container star2"> <div class="sp_helpful_icon_star pretty_star" style="width:100%"></div> </div> <div class="sp_star_container star3"> <div class="sp_helpful_icon_star pretty_star" style="width:100%"></div> </div> <div class="sp_star_container star4"> <div class="sp_helpful_icon_star pretty_star" style="width:100%"></div> </div> <div class="sp_star_container star5"> <div class="sp_helpful_icon_star pretty_star" style="width:30%"></div> </div> </div> </div> <div class="sp_helpful_lower"> <div class="sp_star_rating_text"></div> <div class="sp_helpful_rating_count">10 votes - 86%</div> <div class="helpfulness_text"></div> </div> </div> <div class="sp_box sp_stats_box "> <div class="sp_text"> Co-authors: <span class="sp_text_data">80</span> </div> <div class="sp_text"> <span id="sp_modified">Updated: <span class="sp_text_data">June 7, 2024</span></span> </div> <div class="sp_text"> Views: <span class="sp_text_data">1,488,636</span> </div> </div> <div class="sp_box sp_fullbox"> Categories: <span dir="ltr"><a href="/Category:Featured-Articles" title="Category:Featured Articles">Featured Articles</a></span> | <span dir="ltr"><a href="/Category:Assertiveness" title="Category:Assertiveness">Assertiveness</a></span> </div> <div class="clearall"></div> </div> </div> <div id="summary_wrapper" class="section_text"> <a href="#summary_wrapper" class="collapse_link"><span id="summary_toc_heading_text">Article Summary</span><span id="summary_close">X</span></a><p class="text_summary_wrapper" id="summary_text">If you want to be assertive, speak in a firm, relaxed voice at a volume that fits the situation. Maintain an open body stance and direct eye contact to demonstrate confidence. Additionally, try to use simple sentences when you’re conveying thoughts and feelings, which can help you avoid misunderstandings. It’s okay to say “no,” as long as you’re calm and respectful about it. Finally, practice having conversations in a mirror so being more assertive becomes second nature to you. <span id="summary_last_sentence">For more suggestions from our reviewer on being assertive, including setting healthy boundaries, scroll down!</span><span id="summary_position" class="sumpos_bottom"></span><div class="s-help-wrap" data-type="summarytexthelp"> <span class="s-help-prompt">Did this summary help you?</span><button class="s-help-response" data-value="1" data-type="summarytexthelp" data-prompt-text="We are so glad to have helped!" data-finish-prompt="Thank you! <a href='#' class='firststeplink'>Return to the article to learn more...</a>" data-textarea-prompt="Please describe what was helpful in the video..." type="submit">Yes</button><button class="s-help-response" data-value="0" data-type="summarytexthelp" data-prompt-text="Sorry that the video wasn't helpful." data-finish-prompt="Sorry the summary wasn't helpful. <a href='#' class='firststeplink'>Return to the article to learn more...</a>" data-textarea-prompt="Please tell us what you would have liked to see in the video..." type="submit">No</button><div class="s-help-feedback-wrap"> <textarea class="s-help-textarea"></textarea><input type="button" class="s-help-submit button primary" value="Submit"> </div> </div></p> </div> <div id="other_languages" class="section_text"> <a href="#other_languages" class="collapse_link">In other languages</a><div id="language_links"> <div class="language_link"><a href="https://www.wikihow.it/Essere-Assertivi">Italian</a></div> <div class="language_link"><a href="https://es.wikihow.com/ser-asertivo">Spanish</a></div> <div class="language_link"><a href="https://fr.wikihow.com/s%E2%80%99affirmer">French</a></div> <div class="language_link"><a href="https://pt.wikihow.com/Ser-Assertivo">Portuguese</a></div> <div class="language_link"><a href="https://de.wikihow.com/Durchsetzungsf%C3%A4hig-sein">German</a></div> <div class="language_link"><a href="https://zh.wikihow.com/%E5%8F%98%E5%BE%97%E7%A7%AF%E6%9E%81%E4%B8%BB%E5%8A%A8">Chinese</a></div> <div class="language_link"><a href="https://nl.wikihow.com/Assertief-zijn">Dutch</a></div> <div class="language_link"><a href="https://ru.wikihow.com/%D0%BF%D1%80%D0%BE%D1%8F%D0%B2%D0%BB%D1%8F%D1%82%D1%8C-%D1%83%D0%B2%D0%B5%D1%80%D0%B5%D0%BD%D0%BD%D0%BE%D1%81%D1%82%D1%8C-%D0%B2-%D1%81%D0%B5%D0%B1%D0%B5">Russian</a></div> <div class="language_link"><a href="https://www.wikihow.cz/Jak-b%C3%BDt-asertivn%C3%AD">Czech</a></div> <div class="language_link"><a href="https://id.wikihow.com/Menjadi-Orang-yang-Tegas">Indonesian</a></div> <div class="language_link"><a href="https://www.wikihow.vn/Tr%E1%BB%9F-n%C3%AAn-Quy%E1%BA%BFt-%C4%91o%C3%A1n">Vietnamese</a></div> <div class="language_link"><a href="https://th.wikihow.com/%E0%B9%80%E0%B8%9B%E0%B9%87%E0%B8%99%E0%B8%84%E0%B8%99%E0%B8%81%E0%B8%A5%E0%B9%89%E0%B8%B2%E0%B9%81%E0%B8%AA%E0%B8%94%E0%B8%87%E0%B8%88%E0%B8%B8%E0%B8%94%E0%B8%A2%E0%B8%B7%E0%B8%99">Thai</a></div> <div class="language_link"><a href="https://ar.wikihow.com/%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%AA%D8%AD%D9%84%D9%8A-%D8%A8%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%AD%D8%B2%D9%85-%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%84%D9%82%D9%88%D8%A9">Arabic</a></div> </div> </div> <ul id="end_options" class="section_text"> <li><a href="#" id="printLink">Print</a></li> <li><a href="#" id="gatThankAuthors">Send fan mail to authors</a></li> <div class="clearall"></div> </ul> <div class="page_stats section_text">Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 1,488,636 times.<div class="clearall"></div> <div class="scrolltomarker"></div> </div> </div> <div id="userreviews_mobile" class="section sticky"> <a id="comments"></a> <div class="headline_container"> <div class="headline_info"> <h2 id="ur_h2"><span class="mw-headline">Reader Success Stories</span></h2> </div> </div> <div id="ur_mobile" class="section_text"> <ul> <li class="ur_review ur_review"> <div class="ur_user"> <picture class="ur_avatar"> <source type="image/webp" srcset="/images/thumb/f/f5/CommunityAvatar4.png/-crop-72-72-72px-CommunityAvatar4.png.webp"></source> <img src="/images/thumb/f/f5/CommunityAvatar4.png/-crop-72-72-72px-CommunityAvatar4.png" width="36" height="36" style="max-width:36px" loading="lazy" alt="Lorri Stasko"> </picture> <div class="ur_author"> <p class="ur_name">Lorri Stasko</p> <p class="ur_date">Feb 26, 2017</p> </div> </div> <div class="ur_review_text"> "I have a mother-in-law who constantly undermines me as a mother and thinks she know more than me about my own<span class="ur_review_more" hidden> children. 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I always put others before myself and find myself allowing her to walk all over me, realizing that I am a little passive. I don't like to hurt people's feelings. It's time to learn how to be assertive. Wish me luck!"</span><span class='ur_ellipsis'>..." </span><a href='#' class='ur_review_show'>more</a> </div> <div class="ur_rating"> </div> </div> <div class="ur_the_rest" hidden> <div class="ur_review ur_review1"> <div class="ur_user"> <picture class="ur_avatar"> <source type="image/webp" srcset="/images/thumb/0/0a/CommunityAvatar1.png/-crop-72-72-72px-CommunityAvatar1.png.webp" /> <img src="/images/thumb/0/0a/CommunityAvatar1.png/-crop-72-72-72px-CommunityAvatar1.png" width="36" height="36" style="max-width:36px" loading="lazy" alt="Tosha M." /> </picture> <div class="ur_author"> <p class="ur_name">Tosha M.</p> <p class="ur_date">Jul 5, 2023</p> </div> </div> <div class="ur_review_text"> "It, so far, helped me to know I'm not a bad person for not being a doormat for people, and that I'm<span class='ur_review_more' hidden> allowed the opportunity to say yes or no to things, just like anybody else, and that it is a good thing. So as to not second guess myself."</span><span class='ur_ellipsis'>..." </span><a href='#' class='ur_review_show'>more</a> </div> <div class="ur_rating"> </div> </div> <div class="ur_review ur_review2"> <div class="ur_user"> <picture class="ur_avatar"> <source type="image/webp" srcset="/images/thumb/f/f2/CommunityAvatar3.png/-crop-72-72-72px-CommunityAvatar3.png.webp" /> <img src="/images/thumb/f/f2/CommunityAvatar3.png/-crop-72-72-72px-CommunityAvatar3.png" width="36" height="36" style="max-width:36px" loading="lazy" alt="Deborah Jones" /> </picture> <div class="ur_author"> <p class="ur_name">Deborah Jones</p> <p class="ur_date">May 1, 2016</p> </div> </div> <div class="ur_review_text"> "Extremely helpful in how to successfully be assertive. Remaining calm and confident at all times via body language,<span class='ur_review_more' hidden> voice and manner defuses anger and a controlling attitude of the other person and actually confuses them too."</span><span class='ur_ellipsis'>..." </span><a href='#' class='ur_review_show'>more</a> </div> <div class="ur_rating"> </div> </div> <div class="ur_review ur_review3"> <div class="ur_user"> <picture class="ur_avatar"> <source type="image/webp" srcset="/images/thumb/b/b0/CommunityAvatar2.png/-crop-72-72-72px-CommunityAvatar2.png.webp" /> <img src="/images/thumb/b/b0/CommunityAvatar2.png/-crop-72-72-72px-CommunityAvatar2.png" width="36" height="36" style="max-width:36px" loading="lazy" alt="Albana Spahiu" /> </picture> <div class="ur_author"> <p class="ur_name">Albana Spahiu</p> <p class="ur_date">Dec 25, 2017</p> </div> </div> <div class="ur_review_text"> "I am girl that never put my interest above others, but this article helps me to remind myself who is the most<span class='ur_review_more' hidden> important an who will care for me if I don't."</span><span class='ur_ellipsis'>..." </span><a href='#' class='ur_review_show'>more</a> </div> <div class="ur_rating"> </div> </div> <div class="ur_review ur_review4"> <div class="ur_user"> <picture class="ur_avatar"> <source type="image/webp" srcset="/images/thumb/f/f2/CommunityAvatar3.png/-crop-72-72-72px-CommunityAvatar3.png.webp" /> <img src="/images/thumb/f/f2/CommunityAvatar3.png/-crop-72-72-72px-CommunityAvatar3.png" width="36" height="36" style="max-width:36px" loading="lazy" alt="Shridhar B. G." /> </picture> <div class="ur_author"> <p class="ur_name">Shridhar B. G.</p> <p class="ur_date">Jun 17, 2016</p> </div> </div> <div class="ur_review_text"> "The whole content is good and well organized. It's been put in a very simple way and is very easy to<span class='ur_review_more' hidden> understand the things."</span><span class='ur_ellipsis'>..." </span><a href='#' class='ur_review_show'>more</a> </div> <div class="ur_rating"> </div> </div> </div> <div class="ur_nav_container"> <a href="#" class="ur_share">Share yours!</a> <a href="#" class="ur_more ur_nav">More success stories</a> <a href="#" class="ur_hide ur_nav">Hide success stories</a> </div> </div> </div> <div class="rrdoublewrap"><div class="rrdoubleinner"><div class="wh_ad_inner rr_container" data-service="dfp" data-adunitpath="/10095428/engl/engl_gam_lgm_rght2" data-size="[300, 250]" data-prebidload="1" data-apsload="1" data-refreshable="1" data-viewablerefresh="1" data-first-refresh-time="30000" data-refresh-time="28000" data-aps-timeout="800" data-width="300" data-height="250" data-innerclass="w_label al_grey rightrail_ad rightraildouble_ad" data-type="rightrail" data-large="1" data-channels="2414719621" 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blockthrough"></div></div><script>WH.ads.addBodyAd('rightrail18_ad_1')</script></div></div></div><br class="clearall"></div><br class="clearall"><script type="application/ld+json">{ "@context": "http:\/\/schema.org", "@type": "Article", "headline": "How to Be Assertive: 11 Tips for Confident Communication", "name": "How to Be Assertive: 11 Tips for Confident Communication", "mainEntityOfPage": { "@type": "WebPage", "id": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Be-Assertive" }, "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/0\/0a\/Be-Assertive-Step-11-Version-2.jpg\/v4-1200px-Be-Assertive-Step-11-Version-2.jpg", "width": 1200, "height": 900 }, "author": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Guy Reichard", "sameAs": [ "https:\/\/www.heartrich.ca\/", "https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/in\/guyreichard\/", "https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/heartrich.ca" ] }, "datePublished": "2006-06-23", "dateModified": "2024-06-07", "publisher": { "@context": "http:\/\/schema.org", "@type": "Organization", "name": "wikiHow", "url": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/skins\/owl\/images\/wikihow_logo_nobg_60.png", "width": 326, "height": 60 }, "sameAs": [ "https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/wikiHow\/", "https:\/\/twitter.com\/wikiHow", "https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/wikihow\/", "https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/company\/wikihow\/", "https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/user\/WikiHow" ] }, "description": "Strike the right balance between passiveness and aggression so you can get what you wantIt might feel sometimes as if you have to be a bully to get what you want, but in fact, you can be calm and respectful while still having your voice..." }</script><script type="application/ld+json">{ "@context": "http:\/\/schema.org", "@type": "HowTo", "headline": "How to Be Assertive: 11 Tips for Confident Communication", "name": "How to Be Assertive: 11 Tips for Confident Communication", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/0\/0a\/Be-Assertive-Step-11-Version-2.jpg\/v4-1200px-Be-Assertive-Step-11-Version-2.jpg", "width": 1200, "height": 900 }, "author": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Guy Reichard", "sameAs": [ "https:\/\/www.heartrich.ca\/", "https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/in\/guyreichard\/", "https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/heartrich.ca" ] }, "datePublished": "2006-06-23", "dateModified": "2024-06-07", "publisher": { "@context": "http:\/\/schema.org", "@type": "Organization", "name": "wikiHow", "url": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/skins\/owl\/images\/wikihow_logo_nobg_60.png", "width": 326, "height": 60 }, "sameAs": [ "https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/wikiHow\/", "https:\/\/twitter.com\/wikiHow", "https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/wikihow\/", "https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/company\/wikihow\/", "https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/user\/WikiHow" ] }, "step": [ { "@type": "HowToSection", "name": "Embrace assertive thought patterns.", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "HowToStep", "text": "To become a more assertive person, practice thinking like one. If you tend to be more aggressive or more passive, thinking somewhere in the middle might not come easy, but with practice, it\u2019ll become second nature. An assertive person might adopt the following mantras:\n\nI won\u2019t be taken advantage of, or attack another person.\nI will stand up for myself in a respectful manner.\nI will express myself directly and openly.", "image": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/e\/e5\/Be-Assertive-Step-1-Version-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-1-Version-4.jpg", "url": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Be-Assertive#step-id-00" } ] }, { "@type": "HowToSection", "name": "Speak calmly and clearly.", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "HowToStep", "text": "Proper enunciation and a calm tone will help you get your point across. Maintain a considerate, non-threatening tone, but speak confidently and enunciate your words. Speak loudly enough to be heard, but avoid yelling or talking over anyone else. In a respectful dialogue, there\u2019s no need to raise your voice.\nEven if you disagree with the person you\u2019re addressing, try to maintain an even tone anyway. This doesn\u2019t mean hiding your displeasure: you may frown or state that you disagree, but keeping your emotions in check will help both of you remain calm so you can come to a compromise more readily.", "image": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/9\/94\/Be-Assertive-Step-2-Version-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-2-Version-3.jpg", "url": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Be-Assertive#step-id-11" } ] }, { "@type": "HowToSection", "name": "Use cooperative, constructive language.", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "HowToStep", "text": "Assertive language is confident but considerate. When you speak assertively, you\u2019ll convey respect, sincerity, and firmness. Be patient and specific when communicating your needs, offering constructive (rather than destructive) comments and compromising as needed.\n\nTry to use \u201cI\u201d statements when asking for what you want or confronting someone. \u201cI\u201d statements convey that you are willing to take responsibility for your own thoughts and behaviors: \u201cI feel upset when you talk over me,\u201d or \u201cI would appreciate it if you CC\u2019d me on future emails.\u201d\n\nState your feelings, wants, opinions, and needs in simple sentences. This will help the other person clearly understand what you\u2019re asking.\n\nFor example, instead of speaking to a family member in long sentences full of hints and indirect statements, be brief and direct: \"I love when you call me just to talk! It's hard for me to have a long conversation during work hours, though. I'd appreciate it if you called during the evening instead.\"", "image": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/9\/9d\/Be-Assertive-Step-3-Version-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-3-Version-3.jpg", "url": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Be-Assertive#step-id-22" } ] }, { "@type": "HowToSection", "name": "Display assertive body language.", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "HowToStep", "text": "Assertive body language is respectful, but confident. Non-verbal assertive communication conveys consideration, sincerity, and self-esteem. Use your body language to show you\u2019re paying careful attention to what someone else is saying and to express confidence in your own stance.\n\nPractice active listening to show you respect the other person. Even if you disagree with them, face them as they speak and nod occasionally to show you\u2019re paying careful attention.\n\nMaintain eye contact with them to indicate interest. Experts recommend holding eye contact for about 4-5 seconds at a time before glancing away.\n\n\nHave confident body language. Keep your shoulders squared and your chin up. Avoid fidgeting or covering your mouth when you speak.", "image": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/a\/a4\/Be-Assertive-Step-4-Version-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-4-Version-3.jpg", "url": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Be-Assertive#step-id-33" } ] }, { "@type": "HowToSection", "name": "Express emotions without losing control of them.", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "HowToStep", "text": "Assertive communication doesn\u2019t mean being a robot. While aggressive people may get their way by being a bully, assertive people may have to compromise from time to time, because assertive communication is about finding the balance between aggression and passiveness. You\u2019re bound to disagree with someone now and again, and authentic communication means expressing your feelings without letting them take control of an interaction.\n\nSmile when you\u2019re happy or when negotiations are going your way, but don\u2019t fake being OK if you\u2019re not. Remember that a sincere smile engages the whole face, not just the mouth.\nIf you\u2019re unhappy, say so or show it, but keep your emotions in check. Remember that being angry is not the same thing as being aggressive, and hiding your true feelings about something that displeases you is passive (or passive-aggressive).\n\nYou might express displeasure by frowning, or you might say so directly but calmly while still making it clear you\u2019d like to find a solution that works for everyone: \u201cI\u2019m not happy with that idea. Could we keep hashing this out a bit?\u201d", "image": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/2\/28\/Be-Assertive-Step-5-Version-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-5-Version-3.jpg", "url": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Be-Assertive#step-id-44" } ] }, { "@type": "HowToSection", "name": "Journal about your emotions.", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "HowToStep", "text": "Journaling can help you understand your feelings and keep them in check. In order to learn how to communicate assertively, it is important that you learn how to effectively manage your emotions. Keeping a daily journal can be a helpful way to get your feelings out so you can understand what caused them and therefore manage them a bit better.\n\nWrite down situations that trigger your emotions. Stick to facts and try not to make any interpretations yet. For example, you may simply write, \u201cI asked my friend to go out to eat, and she said \u2018no.\u2019\u201d\nIdentify the emotions and thoughts you experienced in the situation. Be honest about how you felt. Specify what emotions you were aware of at the time and what thoughts, assumptions, and beliefs you had.", "image": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/2\/21\/Be-Assertive-Step-6-Version-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-6-Version-3.jpg", "url": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Be-Assertive#step-id-55" } ] }, { "@type": "HowToSection", "name": "Learn to manage stress.", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "HowToStep", "text": "Stress can negatively affect the way you communicate with others. It can be challenging to keep your emotions under control when you\u2019re stressed, especially if you feel like the person you're talking to doesn\u2019t understand you or won\u2019t help you meet our needs. Take steps to acknowledge and manage the stress in your life so that you\u2019re better equipped to communicate with others directly and respectfully.\n\nTry to meditate every day for at least 5-10 minutes. Meditation has a calming effect on the brain that lasts well after your meditation session.\n\nProgressive muscle relaxation may also help relieve stress: clench different parts of your body for 10 seconds at a time, then release. Start with your upper arms, shoulders, neck, head, and face. Then continue with your chest, stomach, back, buttocks, thighs, calves and feet.", "image": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/3\/36\/Be-Assertive-Step-7-Version-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-7-Version-3.jpg", "url": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Be-Assertive#step-id-66" } ] }, { "@type": "HowToSection", "name": "Make decisions effectively.", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "HowToStep", "text": "Think through a problem carefully before making a decision. Being assertive means taking control of your life and making decisions that best suit you, rather than letting someone else make decisions for you or allow yourself to become swayed by someone else against your better judgment. By identifying the problem and considering all the possible solutions and outcomes, you\u2019ll become better equipped to make decisions under pressure and to feel confident about your choices.\nConsider the IDEAL method for decision-making:\n\nI \u2013 Identify the problem. What is the basic situation that needs to be addressed?\nD \u2013 Describe all possible solutions. These might include handling it yourself, asking for intervention from someone else, or doing nothing.\nE \u2013 Evaluate the consequences of each solution. Evaluate your feelings and needs to determine the best outcome for yourself.\nA \u2013 Act. Choose a solution and try it. Use \u201cI\u201d statements to express your feelings and needs.\nL \u2013 Learn. Did the solution work? Evaluate why or why not. If it didn\u2019t work, look at the other solutions on your list and work through them.", "image": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/a\/a8\/Be-Assertive-Step-8-Version-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-8-Version-3.jpg", "url": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Be-Assertive#step-id-77" } ] }, { "@type": "HowToSection", "name": "Set healthy boundaries.", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "HowToStep", "text": "Protect your physical and emotional space. Boundaries are the physical, emotional, and intellectual barriers that you create to protect yourself from harm. Setting healthy boundaries will help you protect your personal space and self-esteem as well as make it easier to separate your own feelings from those of others. Unhealthy boundaries increase your likelihood of exposure to being adversely affected by others\u2019 feelings, beliefs, and behaviors.\n\nIdentify what your needs are and how you want to be treated. This will help you understand your expectations in interactions with other people.\n\nLearn to say no. If you do not feel right doing something, then don't do it. It's okay to reject someone.\nState your own opinions in a respectful manner. Don't be silent if you have something to say. Share your feelings freely: it's your right.", "image": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/6\/6a\/Be-Assertive-Step-9-Version-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-9-Version-2.jpg", "url": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Be-Assertive#step-id-88" } ] }, { "@type": "HowToSection", "name": "Project confidence.", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "HowToStep", "text": "Seeing yourself in a positive light makes it easier to be assertive. If you don\u2019t hold a high enough opinion of yourself, you might experience great difficulty asserting your own thoughts, beliefs, needs, and feelings. Furthermore, you may feel intimidated or reluctant to ask questions when you need clarification, focus too heavily on your own negative traits, and lack trust in yourself. Thankfully, if you\u2019re not naturally confident, you can fake it till you make it: act and look confident, and practice speaking assertively in the mirror before talking to people.\n\nMaintain good hygiene and wear clean, matching, unwrinkled clothes. It may garner other people\u2019s respect\u2014and it\u2019ll also make you feel good about yourself.\nRehearse what you're going to say. Practice in front of the mirror, into a recording, or even with a trusted friend, pretending he or she is your boss, significant other, or whomever you plan to speak with.", "image": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/8\/80\/Be-Assertive-Step-10-Version-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-10-Version-2.jpg", "url": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Be-Assertive#step-id-99" } ] }, { "@type": "HowToSection", "name": "Seek professional help.", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "HowToStep", "text": "Visit a counselor or psychologist if necessary. If you feel you still need help becoming assertive, it can help to see a professional. Counselors, coaches, and psychologists have education and training specifically in helping people communicate in healthy and meaningful ways.\nIf you don\u2019t or can\u2019t see a counselor, and you\u2019re a college student, keep in mind that many universities offer assertiveness training to students. This will help you practice assertiveness techniques and control your stress as you navigate different situations.", "image": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/0\/0a\/Be-Assertive-Step-11-Version-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Be-Assertive-Step-11-Version-2.jpg", "url": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Be-Assertive#step-id-1010" } ] } ], "description": "Strike the right balance between passiveness and aggression so you can get what you wantIt might feel sometimes as if you have to be a bully to get what you want, but in fact, you can be calm and respectful while still having your voice..." }</script><script type="application/ld+json">{ "@context": "http:\/\/schema.org", "@type": "FAQPage", "headline": "How to Be Assertive: 11 Tips for Confident Communication", "name": "How to Be Assertive: 11 Tips for Confident Communication", "mainEntity": [ { "@type": "Question", "name": "How can I be more assertive with a boss at work?", "acceptedAnswer": { "@type": "Answer", "text": "In that case, you don't want to frame the assertion like, \"You need to get with the program and do it my way,\" because clearly that wouldn't work out very well. Instead, try to get on the same page with them and focus on a shared interest or goal that you both care about. For example, you could focus the conversation on how you want to make sure the project gets done on time or within budget and that's why you're suggesting doing things differently than what your boss initially asked for or wanted." } } ] }</script><script type="application/ld+json">{ "@context": "http:\/\/schema.org", "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@id": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com", "name": "wikiHow" } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@id": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Category:Education-and-Communications", "name": "Education and Communications" } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "item": { "@id": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Category:Communication-Skills", "name": "Communication Skills" } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "item": { "@id": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Category:Assertiveness", "name": "Assertiveness" } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 5, "item": { "@id": 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