CINXE.COM

<!DOCTYPE html><html lang="en-US" prefix="og: http://ogp.me/ns#" class="html_stretched responsive av-preloader-disabled av-default-lightbox html_header_top html_logo_left html_main_nav_header html_menu_right html_custom html_header_sticky_disabled html_header_shrinking_disabled html_mobile_menu_phone html_header_mobile_behavior html_header_searchicon html_content_align_center html_header_unstick_top_disabled html_header_stretch_disabled html_minimal_header html_entry_id_13395 "><head><script type="text/javascript" src="/_static/js/bundle-playback.js?v=HxkREWBo" charset="utf-8"></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="/_static/js/wombat.js?v=txqj7nKC" charset="utf-8"></script> <script>window.RufflePlayer=window.RufflePlayer||{};window.RufflePlayer.config={"autoplay":"on","unmuteOverlay":"hidden"};</script> <script type="text/javascript" src="/_static/js/ruffle/ruffle.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> __wm.init("https://web.archive.org/web"); __wm.wombat("https://folks.pillpack.com/my-mother-murdered-my-grandmother-my-decade-of-ptsd/","20210118071438","https://web.archive.org/","web","/_static/", "1610954078"); </script> <link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="/_static/css/banner-styles.css?v=S1zqJCYt" /> <link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="/_static/css/iconochive.css?v=3PDvdIFv" />  <meta charset="UTF-8"/><meta property="og:image" content="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/5262256284_2b449792e3_o.jpg"/><meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1, maximum-scale=1"><meta property="og:locale" content="en_US"/><meta property="og:type" content="article"/><meta property="og:title" content="My Grandmother's Murder and My Decade Of PTSD"/><meta property="og:description" content="Today, I’m still finding ways to cope, and I probably always will be. This is my reality after living with PTSD for a decade."/><meta property="og:url" content="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/my-mother-murdered-my-grandmother-my-decade-of-ptsd/"/><meta property="og:site_name" content="Folks"/><meta property="article:tag" content="footer-favorite"/><meta property="article:tag" content="homepage-hero"/><meta property="article:tag" content="mental health"/><meta property="article:tag" content="ptsd"/><meta property="article:section" content="Mental Health"/><meta property="article:published_time" content="2018-08-07T09:25:48-04:00"/><meta property="article:modified_time" content="2019-01-22T11:58:04-05:00"/><meta property="og:updated_time" content="2019-01-22T11:58:04-05:00"/><meta property="og:image" content="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/http://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/5262256284_2b449792e3_o.jpg"/><title>My Grandmother's Murder and My Decade Of PTSD - Folks</title><meta name="robots" content="index, follow"/><meta name="googlebot" content="index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1"/><meta name="bingbot" content="index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1"/><link rel="canonical" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/my-mother-murdered-my-grandmother-my-decade-of-ptsd/"/><meta property="og:locale" content="en_US"/><meta property="og:type" content="article"/><meta property="og:title" content="My Grandmother's Murder and My Decade Of PTSD - Folks"/><meta property="og:description" content="Today, I’m still finding ways to cope, and I probably always will be. This is my reality after living with PTSD for a decade."/><meta property="og:url" content="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/my-mother-murdered-my-grandmother-my-decade-of-ptsd/"/><meta property="og:site_name" content="Folks"/><meta property="article:published_time" content="2018-08-07T13:25:48+00:00"/><meta property="article:modified_time" content="2019-01-22T16:58:04+00:00"/><meta property="og:image" content="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/5262256284_2b449792e3_o-1030x684.jpg"/><meta property="og:image:width" content="1030"/><meta property="og:image:height" content="684"/><meta name="twitter:card" content="summary_large_image"/> <script type="application/ld+json" class="yoast-schema-graph">{"@context":"https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/#website","url":"https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/","name":"Folks","description":"A PillPack Magazine","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":"https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/?s={search_term_string}","query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/my-mother-murdered-my-grandmother-my-decade-of-ptsd/#primaryimage","inLanguage":"en-US","url":"https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/5262256284_2b449792e3_o.jpg","width":2784,"height":1848},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/my-mother-murdered-my-grandmother-my-decade-of-ptsd/#webpage","url":"https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/my-mother-murdered-my-grandmother-my-decade-of-ptsd/","name":"My Grandmother's Murder and My Decade Of PTSD - Folks","isPartOf":{"@id":"https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/my-mother-murdered-my-grandmother-my-decade-of-ptsd/#primaryimage"},"datePublished":"2018-08-07T13:25:48+00:00","dateModified":"2019-01-22T16:58:04+00:00","author":{"@id":"https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/#/schema/person/3c259037fcb378dd5347c28b36e380bd"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/my-mother-murdered-my-grandmother-my-decade-of-ptsd/"]}]},{"@type":["Person"],"@id":"https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/#/schema/person/3c259037fcb378dd5347c28b36e380bd","name":"Kristi DiLallo","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/#personlogo","inLanguage":"en-US","url":"https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/e04ae4a0cb81a76e9797d4d59d03f6cb?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Kristi DiLallo"}}]}</script> <link rel="dns-prefetch" href="//web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/"/><link rel="dns-prefetch" href="//web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://s.w.org/"/><link rel="alternate" type="application/rss+xml" title="Folks » Feed" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/feed/"/><link rel="alternate" type="application/rss+xml" title="Folks » Comments Feed" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/comments/feed/"/><link rel="stylesheet" id="avia-google-webfont" href="//web.archive.org/web/20210118071438cs_/https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Lora" type="text/css" media="all"/> <script type="text/javascript" data-cfasync="false">var em_version = '6.1.0'; var em_track_user = true; var em_no_track_reason = ''; var disableStr = 'ga-disable-UA-37235447-1'; /* Function to detect opted out users */ function __gaTrackerIsOptedOut() { return document.cookie.indexOf(disableStr + '=true') > -1; } /* Disable tracking if the opt-out cookie exists. */ if ( __gaTrackerIsOptedOut() ) { window[disableStr] = true; } /* Opt-out function */ function __gaTrackerOptout() { document.cookie = disableStr + '=true; expires=Thu, 31 Dec 2099 23:59:59 UTC; path=/'; window[disableStr] = true; } if ( 'undefined' === typeof gaOptout ) { function gaOptout() { __gaTrackerOptout(); } } if ( em_track_user ) { (function(i,s,o,g,r,a,m){i['GoogleAnalyticsObject']=r;i[r]=i[r]||function(){ (i[r].q=i[r].q||[]).push(arguments)},i[r].l=1*new Date();a=s.createElement(o), m=s.getElementsByTagName(o)[0];a.async=1;a.src=g;m.parentNode.insertBefore(a,m) })(window,document,'script','//web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://www.google-analytics.com/analytics.js','__gaTracker'); window.ga = __gaTracker; __gaTracker('create', 'UA-37235447-1', 'auto'); __gaTracker('set', 'forceSSL', true); __gaTracker('send','pageview'); __gaTracker( function() { window.ga = __gaTracker; } ); } else { console.log( "" ); (function() { /* https://developers.google.com/analytics/devguides/collection/analyticsjs/ */ var noopfn = function() { return null; }; var noopnullfn = function() { return null; }; var Tracker = function() { return null; }; var p = Tracker.prototype; p.get = noopfn; p.set = noopfn; p.send = noopfn; var __gaTracker = function() { var len = arguments.length; if ( len === 0 ) { return; } var f = arguments[len-1]; if ( typeof f !== 'object' || f === null || typeof f.hitCallback !== 'function' ) { console.log( 'Not running function __gaTracker(' + arguments[0] + " ....) because you are not being tracked. " + em_no_track_reason ); return; } try { f.hitCallback(); } catch (ex) { } }; __gaTracker.create = function() { return new Tracker(); }; __gaTracker.getByName = noopnullfn; __gaTracker.getAll = function() { return []; }; __gaTracker.remove = noopfn; window['__gaTracker'] = __gaTracker; window.ga = __gaTracker; })(); }</script> <script type="text/javascript">window._wpemojiSettings = {"baseUrl":"https:\/\/web.archive.org\/web\/20210118071438\/https:\/\/s.w.org\/images\/core\/emoji\/13.0.0\/72x72\/","ext":".png","svgUrl":"https:\/\/web.archive.org\/web\/20210118071438\/https:\/\/s.w.org\/images\/core\/emoji\/13.0.0\/svg\/","svgExt":".svg","source":{"concatemoji":"https:\/\/web.archive.org\/web\/20210118071438\/https:\/\/folks.pillpack.com\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-emoji-release.min.js?ver=5.5.3.1610939965"}}; !function(e,a,t){var r,n,o,i,p=a.createElement("canvas"),s=p.getContext&&p.getContext("2d");function c(e,t){var a=String.fromCharCode;s.clearRect(0,0,p.width,p.height),s.fillText(a.apply(this,e),0,0);var r=p.toDataURL();return s.clearRect(0,0,p.width,p.height),s.fillText(a.apply(this,t),0,0),r===p.toDataURL()}function l(e){if(!s||!s.fillText)return!1;switch(s.textBaseline="top",s.font="600 32px Arial",e){case"flag":return!c([127987,65039,8205,9895,65039],[127987,65039,8203,9895,65039])&&(!c([55356,56826,55356,56819],[55356,56826,8203,55356,56819])&&!c([55356,57332,56128,56423,56128,56418,56128,56421,56128,56430,56128,56423,56128,56447],[55356,57332,8203,56128,56423,8203,56128,56418,8203,56128,56421,8203,56128,56430,8203,56128,56423,8203,56128,56447]));case"emoji":return!c([55357,56424,8205,55356,57212],[55357,56424,8203,55356,57212])}return!1}function d(e){var t=a.createElement("script");t.src=e,t.defer=t.type="text/javascript",a.getElementsByTagName("head")[0].appendChild(t)}for(i=Array("flag","emoji"),t.supports={everything:!0,everythingExceptFlag:!0},o=0;o<i.length;o++)t.supports[i[o]]=l(i[o]),t.supports.everything=t.supports.everything&&t.supports[i[o]],"flag"!==i[o]&&(t.supports.everythingExceptFlag=t.supports.everythingExceptFlag&&t.supports[i[o]]);t.supports.everythingExceptFlag=t.supports.everythingExceptFlag&&!t.supports.flag,t.DOMReady=!1,t.readyCallback=function(){t.DOMReady=!0},t.supports.everything||(n=function(){t.readyCallback()},a.addEventListener?(a.addEventListener("DOMContentLoaded",n,!1),e.addEventListener("load",n,!1)):(e.attachEvent("onload",n),a.attachEvent("onreadystatechange",function(){"complete"===a.readyState&&t.readyCallback()})),(r=t.source||{}).concatemoji?d(r.concatemoji):r.wpemoji&&r.twemoji&&(d(r.twemoji),d(r.wpemoji)))}(window,document,window._wpemojiSettings);</script> <style type="text/css">img.wp-smiley, img.emoji { display: inline !important; border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; height: 1em !important; width: 1em !important; margin: 0 .07em !important; vertical-align: -0.1em !important; background: none !important; padding: 0 !important; }</style><link rel="stylesheet" id="wp-block-library-css" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438cs_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-includes/css/dist/block-library/style.min.css?ver=5.5.3.1610939965" type="text/css" media="all"/><link rel="stylesheet" id="avia-grid-css" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438cs_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/themes/enfold/css/grid.css?ver=2.1610939965" type="text/css" media="all"/><link rel="stylesheet" id="avia-base-css" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438cs_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/themes/enfold/css/base.css?ver=2.1610939965" type="text/css" media="all"/><link rel="stylesheet" id="avia-layout-css" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438cs_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/themes/enfold/css/layout.css?ver=2.1610939965" type="text/css" media="all"/><link rel="stylesheet" id="avia-scs-css" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438cs_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/themes/enfold/css/shortcodes.css?ver=2.1610939965" type="text/css" media="all"/><link rel="stylesheet" id="avia-popup-css-css" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438cs_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/themes/enfold/js/aviapopup/magnific-popup.css?ver=1.1610939965" type="text/css" media="screen"/><link rel="stylesheet" id="avia-media-css" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438cs_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/themes/enfold/js/mediaelement/skin-1/mediaelementplayer.css?ver=1.1610939965" type="text/css" media="screen"/><link rel="stylesheet" id="avia-print-css" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438cs_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/themes/enfold/css/print.css?ver=1.1610939965" type="text/css" media="print"/><link rel="stylesheet" id="avia-dynamic-css" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438cs_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/dynamic_avia/enfold_child.css?ver=5d56d0566a67a.1610939965" type="text/css" media="all"/><link rel="stylesheet" id="avia-custom-css" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438cs_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/themes/enfold/css/custom.css?ver=2.1610939965" type="text/css" media="all"/><link rel="stylesheet" id="avia-style-css" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438cs_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/themes/enfold-child/style.css?ver=2.1610939965" type="text/css" media="all"/><link rel="stylesheet" id="upw_theme_standard-css" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438cs_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/plugins/ultimate-posts-widget/css/upw-theme-standard.min.css?ver=5.5.3.1610939965" type="text/css" media="all"/><link rel="stylesheet" id="easy-social-share-buttons-css" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438cs_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-social-share-buttons3/assets/css/easy-social-share-buttons.min.css?ver=7.2.1610939965" type="text/css" media="all"/><link rel="stylesheet" id="popup-maker-site-css" href="//web.archive.org/web/20210118071438cs_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/pum/pum-site-styles.css?generated=1594736873&ver=1.11.0.1610939965" type="text/css" media="all"/><link rel="stylesheet" id="bfa-font-awesome-css" href="//web.archive.org/web/20210118071438cs_/https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/fontawesome/4.7.0/css/font-awesome.min.css?ver=4.7.0.1610939965" type="text/css" media="all"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438js_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-includes/js/jquery/jquery.js?ver=1.12.4-wp.1610939965" id="jquery-core-js"></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438js_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/plugins/subscribe_to_folks_form/js/subscribe_to_folks_form.js?ver=5.5.3.1610939965" id="subscribe_to_folks_form_script-js"></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438js_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/themes/enfold-child/js/quote_share.js?ver=2.1610939965" id="quote_share-js"></script> <script type="text/javascript" id="exactmetrics-frontend-script-js-extra">var exactmetrics_frontend = {"js_events_tracking":"true","download_extensions":"zip,mp3,mpeg,pdf,docx,pptx,xlsx,rar","inbound_paths":"[{\"path\":\"\\\/go\\\/\",\"label\":\"affiliate\"},{\"path\":\"\\\/recommend\\\/\",\"label\":\"affiliate\"}]","home_url":"https:\/\/web.archive.org\/web\/20210118071438\/https:\/\/folks.pillpack.com","hash_tracking":"false"};</script> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438js_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/plugins/google-analytics-dashboard-for-wp/assets/js/frontend.min.js?ver=6.1.0.1610939965" id="exactmetrics-frontend-script-js"></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438js_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/themes/enfold/js/avia-compat.js?ver=2.1610939965" id="avia-compat-js"></script> <link rel="EditURI" type="application/rsd+xml" title="RSD" href="https://folks.pillpack.com/xmlrpc.php?rsd"/><link rel="wlwmanifest" type="application/wlwmanifest+xml" href="https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-includes/wlwmanifest.xml"/><link rel="shortlink" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/?p=13395"/><link rel="alternate" type="application/json+oembed" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-json/oembed/1.0/embed?url=https%3A%2F%2Ffolks.pillpack.com%2Fmy-mother-murdered-my-grandmother-my-decade-of-ptsd%2F"/><link rel="alternate" type="text/xml+oembed" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-json/oembed/1.0/embed?url=https%3A%2F%2Ffolks.pillpack.com%2Fmy-mother-murdered-my-grandmother-my-decade-of-ptsd%2F&format=xml"/><meta name="google-site-verification" content="7Prpw7VrgGDLgRzpNJv7BDB448qEKEzn4fzOIEFX-FQ"/><link rel="profile" href="http://gmpg.org/xfn/11"/><link rel="alternate" type="application/rss+xml" title="Folks RSS2 Feed" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/feed/"/><link rel="pingback" href="https://folks.pillpack.com/xmlrpc.php"/><style type="text/css" media="screen">#top #header_main > .container, #top #header_main > .container .main_menu ul:first-child > li > a, #top #header_main #menu-item-shop .cart_dropdown_link{ height:45px; line-height: 45px; } .html_top_nav_header .av-logo-container{ height:45px; } .html_header_top.html_header_sticky #top #wrap_all #main{ padding-top:43px; }</style><link rel="icon" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/http://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/favicon-1.png" type="image/png"> <script type="text/javascript">var essb_settings = {"ajax_url":"https:\/\/web.archive.org\/web\/20210118071438\/https:\/\/folks.pillpack.com\/wp-admin\/admin-ajax.php","essb3_nonce":"32ef97acd6","essb3_plugin_url":"https:\/\/web.archive.org\/web\/20210118071438\/https:\/\/folks.pillpack.com\/wp-content\/plugins\/easy-social-share-buttons3","essb3_stats":false,"essb3_ga":false,"blog_url":"https:\/\/web.archive.org\/web\/20210118071438\/https:\/\/folks.pillpack.com\/","post_id":"13395"};</script> <style type="text/css" id="wp-custom-css">/* You can add your own CSS here. Click the help icon above to learn more. */</style><style type="text/css">@font-face {font-family: 'entypo-fontello'; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; src: url('https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/themes/enfold/config-templatebuilder/avia-template-builder/assets/fonts/entypo-fontello.eot?v=3'); src: url('https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/themes/enfold/config-templatebuilder/avia-template-builder/assets/fonts/entypo-fontello.eot?v=3#iefix') format('embedded-opentype'), url('https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/themes/enfold/config-templatebuilder/avia-template-builder/assets/fonts/entypo-fontello.woff?v=3') format('woff'), url('https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/themes/enfold/config-templatebuilder/avia-template-builder/assets/fonts/entypo-fontello.ttf?v=3') format('truetype'), url('https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/themes/enfold/config-templatebuilder/avia-template-builder/assets/fonts/entypo-fontello.svg?v=3#entypo-fontello') format('svg'); } #top .avia-font-entypo-fontello, body .avia-font-entypo-fontello, html body [data-av_iconfont='entypo-fontello']:before{ font-family: 'entypo-fontello'; }</style> <script>window.twttr = (function(d, s, id) { var js, fjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0], t = window.twttr || {}; if (d.getElementById(id)) return t; js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id; js.src = "https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"; fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, fjs); t._e = []; t.ready = function(f) { t._e.push(f); }; return t; }(document, "script", "twitter-wjs"));</script> <style>/* PillPack Banner Above Header */ .header-banner { position: relative; width: 100%; background-color: #f0faff; } .header-banner-inner{ position:relative; max-width: 1310px; padding: 13px 50px 45px 50px; margin: 0 auto; } .banner-website-link { position: relative; float: left; font-family: 'HelveticaNeue', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; color: #00aaff; font-weight: bold !important; font-size: 14px !important; padding: 6px 15px 8px 0px !important; text-decoration: none !important; letter-spacing: 0.02em; } .banner-arrow { margin-right: 8px; } .banner-website-link:hover { color: #294A64 !important; text-decoration: none; } .banner-cta-link { position: relative; float: right; font-family: 'HelveticaNeue', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; color: #ffffff; font-weight: bold !important; font-size: 14px !important; padding: 6px 15px 8px !important; background-color: #00aaff !important; text-decoration: none !important; border-radius: 30px !important; letter-spacing: 0.02em; } .banner-cta-link:hover { background-color: #294A64 !important; text-decoration: none !important; } @media only screen and (max-width: 768px) { .header-banner-inner{ padding: 13px 20px 49px 20px; } }</style></head><body id="top" class="post-template-default single single-post postid-13395 single-format-standard stretched lora no_sidebar_border" itemscope="itemscope" itemtype="https://schema.org/WebPage"><div id="wrap_all"><div class="header-banner"><div class="header-banner-inner"> <a class="banner-website-link" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://www.pillpack.com/"><span class="banner-arrow">‹</span>Visit PillPack.com</a> <a class="banner-cta-link" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://my.pillpack.com/signup">Sign up for PillPack</a></div></div><header id="header" class="all_colors header_color light_bg_color av_header_top av_logo_left av_main_nav_header av_menu_right av_custom av_header_sticky_disabled av_header_shrinking_disabled av_header_stretch_disabled av_mobile_menu_phone av_header_searchicon av_header_unstick_top_disabled av_minimal_header av_bottom_nav_disabled av_header_border_disabled" role="banner" itemscope="itemscope" itemtype="https://schema.org/WPHeader"> <a id="advanced_menu_toggle" href="#" aria-hidden="true" data-av_icon="" data-av_iconfont="entypo-fontello"></a><a id="advanced_menu_hide" href="#" aria-hidden="true" data-av_icon="" data-av_iconfont="entypo-fontello"></a><div id="header_main" class="container_wrap container_wrap_logo"><div class="container av-logo-container"><div class="inner-container"><strong class="logo"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/"><img height="100" width="300" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wpinhere/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/folks-logo-1.png" alt="Folks"/></a></strong><nav class="main_menu" data-selectname="Select a page" role="navigation" itemscope="itemscope" itemtype="https://schema.org/SiteNavigationElement"><div class="avia-menu av-main-nav-wrap"><ul id="avia-menu" class="menu av-main-nav"><li id="menu-item-4183" class="menu-item menu-item-type-custom menu-item-object-custom menu-item-has-children menu-item-top-level menu-item-top-level-1"><a href="#" itemprop="url"><span class="avia-bullet"></span><span class="avia-menu-text">Topics</span><span class="avia-menu-fx"><span class="avia-arrow-wrap"><span class="avia-arrow"></span></span></span></a><ul class="sub-menu"><li id="menu-item-15312" class="menu-item menu-item-type-taxonomy menu-item-object-category"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/category/chronic-illness/" itemprop="url"><span class="avia-bullet"></span><span class="avia-menu-text">Chronic Illness</span></a></li><li id="menu-item-15311" class="menu-item menu-item-type-taxonomy menu-item-object-category"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/category/disability/" itemprop="url"><span class="avia-bullet"></span><span class="avia-menu-text">Disability</span></a></li><li id="menu-item-15313" class="menu-item menu-item-type-taxonomy menu-item-object-category current-post-ancestor current-menu-parent current-post-parent"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/category/mental-health/" itemprop="url"><span class="avia-bullet"></span><span class="avia-menu-text">Mental Health</span></a></li><li id="menu-item-15314" class="menu-item menu-item-type-taxonomy menu-item-object-category"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/category/chronic-pain/" itemprop="url"><span class="avia-bullet"></span><span class="avia-menu-text">Chronic Pain</span></a></li><li id="menu-item-15315" class="menu-item menu-item-type-taxonomy menu-item-object-category"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/category/advice/" itemprop="url"><span class="avia-bullet"></span><span class="avia-menu-text">Advice</span></a></li></ul></li><li id="menu-item-16065" class="menu-item menu-item-type-post_type menu-item-object-page menu-item-top-level menu-item-top-level-2"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/about/writers-guidelines/" itemprop="url"><span class="avia-bullet"></span><span class="avia-menu-text">Writer’s Guidelines</span><span class="avia-menu-fx"><span class="avia-arrow-wrap"><span class="avia-arrow"></span></span></span></a></li><li id="menu-item-3731" class="menu-item menu-item-type-post_type menu-item-object-page menu-item-has-children menu-item-top-level menu-item-top-level-3"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/about/" itemprop="url"><span class="avia-bullet"></span><span class="avia-menu-text">About</span><span class="avia-menu-fx"><span class="avia-arrow-wrap"><span class="avia-arrow"></span></span></span></a><ul class="sub-menu"><li id="menu-item-15865" class="menu-item menu-item-type-custom menu-item-object-custom"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://www.pillpack.com/terms-of-use" itemprop="url"><span class="avia-bullet"></span><span class="avia-menu-text">Terms of Use</span></a></li><li id="menu-item-15866" class="menu-item menu-item-type-custom menu-item-object-custom"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://www.pillpack.com/privacy-policy" itemprop="url"><span class="avia-bullet"></span><span class="avia-menu-text">Privacy Policy</span></a></li></ul></li><li id="menu-item-45" class="menu-item menu-item-type-post_type menu-item-object-page menu-item-top-level menu-item-top-level-4"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/subscribe/" itemprop="url"><span class="avia-bullet"></span><span class="avia-menu-text">Subscribe</span><span class="avia-menu-fx"><span class="avia-arrow-wrap"><span class="avia-arrow"></span></span></span></a></li><li id="menu-item-15383" class="menu-item menu-item-type-custom menu-item-object-custom menu-item-top-level menu-item-top-level-5"><a target="_blank" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://www.inspire.com/groups/?utm_source=Inspire&utm_medium=bannerad&utm_campaign=Inspire%20Banner%20on%20Folks" itemprop="url"><span class="avia-bullet"></span><span class="avia-menu-text">Discuss on Inspire</span><span class="avia-menu-fx"><span class="avia-arrow-wrap"><span class="avia-arrow"></span></span></span></a></li><li id="menu-item-search-mobile" class="folks-mobile-menu-search menu-item menu-item-type-post_type menu-item-object-page current-menu-item page_item page-item-18 current_page_item menu-item-top-//level menu-item-top-level-5"><form action="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/" id="searchform" method="get" class=""><div> <input type="submit" value="" id="searchsubmit" class="button avia-font-entypo-fontello"/> <input type="text" id="s" name="s" value="" placeholder="Search"/></div></form></li><li id="menu-item-search" class="noMobile menu-item menu-item-search-dropdown menu-item-avia-special"> <a href="?s=" data-avia-search-tooltip=" <form action="https://folks.pillpack.com/" id="searchform" method="get" class=""> <div> <input type="submit" value="" id="searchsubmit" class="button avia-font-entypo-fontello" /> <input type="text" id="s" name="s" value="" placeholder='Search' /> </div> </form>" aria-hidden="true" data-av_icon="" data-av_iconfont="entypo-fontello"><span class="avia_hidden_link_text">Search</span></a></li></ul></div></nav><div id="text-3" class="widget clearfix widget_text"><div class="textwidget"><a href="/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/"><img class="folks-logo" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/folks-logo-1.png"></a> <span class="folks-logo-text">A PillPack Magazine</span></div></div></div></div></div><div class="header_bg"></div></header><div id="main" class="all_colors" data-scroll-offset="0"><div class="container_wrap container_wrap_first main_color fullsize"><div class="container template-blog template-single-blog "><main class="content units av-content-full alpha " role="main" itemscope="itemscope" itemtype="https://schema.org/Blog"><article class="post-entry post-entry-type-standard post-entry-13395 post-loop-1 post-parity-odd post-entry-last single-big with-slider post-13395 post type-post status-publish format-standard has-post-thumbnail hentry category-mental-health tag-footer-favorite tag-homepage-hero tag-mental-health tag-ptsd" itemscope="itemscope" itemtype="https://schema.org/BlogPosting" itemprop="blogPost"><div class="folks-article-header-hr"></div><div class="folks-article-header-container"><div class="folks-social-sharing-icons-desktop"><div class="essb_links essb_counters essb_displayed_shortcode essb_share essb_template_grey-circles-outline-retina essb_1189414621 print-no" id="essb_displayed_shortcode_1189414621" data-essb-postid="13395" data-essb-position="shortcode" data-essb-button-style="icon" data-essb-template="grey-circles-outline-retina" data-essb-counter-pos="hidden" data-essb-url="https://folks.pillpack.com/my-mother-murdered-my-grandmother-my-decade-of-ptsd/" data-essb-fullurl="https://folks.pillpack.com/my-mother-murdered-my-grandmother-my-decade-of-ptsd/" data-essb-instance="1189414621"><ul class="essb_links_list essb_force_hide_name essb_force_hide"><li class="essb_item essb_link_facebook nolightbox"> <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Ffolks.pillpack.com%2Fmy-mother-murdered-my-grandmother-my-decade-of-ptsd%2F&t=My+Grandmother%5C%26%23039%3Bs+Murder+and+My+Decade+Of+PTSD" title="Share on Facebook" onclick="essb.window('https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Ffolks.pillpack.com%2Fmy-mother-murdered-my-grandmother-my-decade-of-ptsd%2F&t=My+Grandmother%5C%26%23039%3Bs+Murder+and+My+Decade+Of+PTSD','facebook','1189414621'); return false;" target="_blank" rel="nofollow" class="nolightbox"><span class="essb_icon essb_icon_facebook"></span><span class="essb_network_name essb_noname"></span></a><span class="essb_counter_hidden" data-cnt="59" data-cnt-short=""></span></li><li class="essb_item essb_link_twitter nolightbox"> <a href="#" title="Share on Twitter" onclick="essb.window('https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=My%20Grandmother%27s%20Murder%20and%20My%20Decade%20Of%20PTSD&url=https://folks.pillpack.com/my-mother-murdered-my-grandmother-my-decade-of-ptsd/&counturl=https%3A%2F%2Ffolks.pillpack.com%2Fmy-mother-murdered-my-grandmother-my-decade-of-ptsd%2F','twitter','1189414621'); return false;" target="_blank" rel="nofollow" class="nolightbox"><span class="essb_icon essb_icon_twitter"></span><span class="essb_network_name essb_noname"></span></a><span class="essb_counter_hidden" data-cnt="86" data-cnt-short=""></span></li><li class="essb_item essb_totalcount_item" data-counter-pos="hidden"><span class="essb_totalcount essb_t_r_big " title="" data-shares-text="shares"><span class="essb_t_nb">145<span class="essb_t_nb_after">shares</span></span></span></li></ul></div></div><div id="folks-article-meta-container"><div class="folks-article-cat"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/category/mental-health/" alt="View all posts in Mental Health">Mental Health</a></div><div class="folks-article-block-title"><h1 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="headline"> <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/my-mother-murdered-my-grandmother-my-decade-of-ptsd/" rel="bookmark" title="Permanent Link: My Grandmother’s Murder and My Decade Of PTSD">My Grandmother’s Murder and My Decade Of PTSD <span class="post-format-icon minor-meta"></span> </a></h1></div><div class="folks-article-excerpt">Today, I’m still finding ways to cope, and I probably always will be. This is my reality after living with PTSD for a decade.</div><div class="folks-article-author-date-container"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/author/kristi-dilallo/" title="Posts by Kristi DiLallo" rel="author">Kristi DiLallo</a></a> — <span class="folks-article-date">August 7</span></div><div class="post-tags"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/tag/mental-health/" title="mental health Tag" class="mental-health">mental health</a><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/tag/ptsd/" title="ptsd Tag" class="ptsd">ptsd</a></div><div class="folks-social-sharing-icons-mobile"><div class="essb_links essb_counters essb_displayed_shortcode essb_share essb_template_grey-circles-outline-retina essb_2012047891 print-no" id="essb_displayed_shortcode_2012047891" data-essb-postid="13395" data-essb-position="shortcode" data-essb-button-style="icon" data-essb-template="grey-circles-outline-retina" data-essb-counter-pos="hidden" data-essb-url="https://folks.pillpack.com/my-mother-murdered-my-grandmother-my-decade-of-ptsd/" data-essb-fullurl="https://folks.pillpack.com/my-mother-murdered-my-grandmother-my-decade-of-ptsd/" data-essb-instance="2012047891"><ul class="essb_links_list essb_force_hide_name essb_force_hide"><li class="essb_item essb_link_facebook nolightbox"> <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Ffolks.pillpack.com%2Fmy-mother-murdered-my-grandmother-my-decade-of-ptsd%2F&t=My+Grandmother%5C%26%23039%3Bs+Murder+and+My+Decade+Of+PTSD" title="Share on Facebook" onclick="essb.window('https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Ffolks.pillpack.com%2Fmy-mother-murdered-my-grandmother-my-decade-of-ptsd%2F&t=My+Grandmother%5C%26%23039%3Bs+Murder+and+My+Decade+Of+PTSD','facebook','2012047891'); return false;" target="_blank" rel="nofollow" class="nolightbox"><span class="essb_icon essb_icon_facebook"></span><span class="essb_network_name essb_noname"></span></a><span class="essb_counter_hidden" data-cnt="59" data-cnt-short=""></span></li><li class="essb_item essb_link_twitter nolightbox"> <a href="#" title="Share on Twitter" onclick="essb.window('https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=My%20Grandmother%27s%20Murder%20and%20My%20Decade%20Of%20PTSD&url=https://folks.pillpack.com/my-mother-murdered-my-grandmother-my-decade-of-ptsd/&counturl=https%3A%2F%2Ffolks.pillpack.com%2Fmy-mother-murdered-my-grandmother-my-decade-of-ptsd%2F','twitter','2012047891'); return false;" target="_blank" rel="nofollow" class="nolightbox"><span class="essb_icon essb_icon_twitter"></span><span class="essb_network_name essb_noname"></span></a><span class="essb_counter_hidden" data-cnt="86" data-cnt-short=""></span></li><li class="essb_item essb_totalcount_item" data-counter-pos="hidden"><span class="essb_totalcount essb_t_r_big " title="" data-shares-text="shares"><span class="essb_t_nb">145<span class="essb_t_nb_after">shares</span></span></span></li></ul></div></div></div></div><div class="folks-sidebar"><div class="form" id="form"><h3>Send Me More Stories About Mental Health</h3><form> <input class="email" id="email" type="email" name="email" placeholder="Email Address"><p class="thank-you">Thank you! We will notify you when there are new stories about this topic.</p> <input class="submit" id="submit" type="submit" value="Sign Up"></form></div><div class="related"><h3>Related Stories</h3><article class="clearfix"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/warrior-surf/"><img width="80" height="80" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/DSC_9188-80x80.jpg" class="attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail wp-post-image" alt="" loading="lazy" srcset="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/DSC_9188-80x80.jpg 80w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/DSC_9188-36x36.jpg 36w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/DSC_9188-180x180.jpg 180w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/DSC_9188-120x120.jpg 120w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/DSC_9188-450x450.jpg 450w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/DSC_9188-1472x1472.jpg 1472w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/DSC_9188-1104x1104.jpg 1104w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/DSC_9188-912x912.jpg 912w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/DSC_9188-550x550.jpg 550w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/DSC_9188-470x470.jpg 470w" sizes="(max-width: 80px) 100vw, 80px"/></a><h4 class="folks-new-stories-big-title"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/warrior-surf/">Warrior Surf</a></h4><div class="folks-new-stories-big-author"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/author/stephanie-burt/">Stephanie Burt</a></div></article><article class="clearfix"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/when-alcoholism-killed-my-partner-the-covid-shutdown-helped-me-heal/"><img width="80" height="80" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_95365812-80x80.jpeg" class="attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail wp-post-image" alt="" loading="lazy" srcset="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_95365812-80x80.jpeg 80w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_95365812-36x36.jpeg 36w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_95365812-180x180.jpeg 180w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_95365812-120x120.jpeg 120w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_95365812-450x450.jpeg 450w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_95365812-1472x1472.jpeg 1472w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_95365812-1104x1104.jpeg 1104w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_95365812-912x912.jpeg 912w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_95365812-550x550.jpeg 550w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_95365812-470x470.jpeg 470w" sizes="(max-width: 80px) 100vw, 80px"/></a><h4 class="folks-new-stories-big-title"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/when-alcoholism-killed-my-partner-the-covid-shutdown-helped-me-heal/">When Alcoholism Killed My Partner, The COVID Shutdown Helped Me Heal.</a></h4><div class="folks-new-stories-big-author"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/author/robin-kavanaugh/">Robin Kavanaugh</a></div></article><article class="clearfix"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/ask-ada-should-i-disclose-my-depression-on-my-dating-profile/"><img width="80" height="80" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_232438327-80x80.jpeg" class="attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail wp-post-image" alt="" loading="lazy" srcset="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_232438327-80x80.jpeg 80w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_232438327-36x36.jpeg 36w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_232438327-180x180.jpeg 180w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_232438327-120x120.jpeg 120w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_232438327-450x450.jpeg 450w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_232438327-1472x1472.jpeg 1472w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_232438327-1104x1104.jpeg 1104w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_232438327-912x912.jpeg 912w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_232438327-550x550.jpeg 550w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_232438327-470x470.jpeg 470w" sizes="(max-width: 80px) 100vw, 80px"/></a><h4 class="folks-new-stories-big-title"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/ask-ada-should-i-disclose-my-depression-on-my-dating-profile/">Ask Ada: Should I Disclose My Depression On My Dating Profile?</a></h4><div class="folks-new-stories-big-author"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/author/ask-ada/">Ask Ada</a></div></article></div></div><div class="big-preview single-big"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/5262256284_2b449792e3_o-1030x684.jpg" title="My Grandmother’s Murder and My Decade Of PTSD"><img width="1210" height="680" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/5262256284_2b449792e3_o-1210x680.jpg" class="attachment-entry_without_sidebar size-entry_without_sidebar wp-post-image" alt="" loading="lazy"/></a></div><div class="blog-meta"></div><div class="entry-content-wrapper clearfix standard-content"><header class="entry-content-header"></span></header><div class="entry-content" itemprop="text"><p><span class="folks-article-into-text">Two weeks after the murder, my tenth-grade biology teacher</span> sent me an oversized greeting card in the mail. In different colors and sizes, students I knew—and some I didn’t—had filled it with condolences. I went to a small school in a small town and everyone knew what had happened. Mom’s mug shot had appeared on the local news just hours after she’d been taken to the county jail in handcuffs. <i>WOMAN STABS MOTHER 20 TIMES </i>had floated across a blue banner under her face.</p><p>Everyone knew I was there when my grandmother was killed, and there were no condolence cards for that kind of thing. Mr. M. had made his own by folding a large white poster board in two and stuffing it in a giant envelope. There were no instructions on what to write in a card like that either, so most students wrote <i>I’m so sorry</i> or <i>time heals all wounds</i> or <i>she’s in a better place. </i>Some notes were long, some short, some in ink, some in pencil, but they all shared the same sentiment: <i>it will get better someday</i>.</p><blockquote><p>Everyone knew I was there when my grandmother was killed, and there were no condolence cards for that kind of thing.</p></blockquote><p>The day before it happened, I was awkward and shy and ready for summer break to finally start in two weeks. I loved reading mystery novels and writing poems and posting funny surveys in MySpace bulletins. I hoped to become a writer one day, to write book reviews or interview interesting people about the things that mattered to them. I watched and rewatched the recordings of <i>Pulp Fiction </i>and<i> Kill Bill</i> I’d saved on the DVR so I could quote them on my personal blog of poetry and angst. Back then, I didn’t believe in the idea that life could change in an instant. But then it did: one day I was worried about the grade I’d get on my math test and the next I was hiding in my bedroom listening to my grandmother’s murder.</p><p><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://www.pillpack.com/folks-7"><img loading="lazy" class="alignright size-medium wp-image-12357" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/http://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/folks-7.png" alt="" width="300" height="300" srcset="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/folks-7.png 300w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/folks-7-80x80.png 80w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/folks-7-36x36.png 36w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/folks-7-180x180.png 180w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/folks-7-120x120.png 120w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px"/></a>I’m 25 years old now and I have never forgotten the sounds she made when she died. I have never forgotten what her blood looked like when I walked into the room after it was over—how it was nothing like the kind I’d seen in movies, not even the goriest Tarantino scenes. Last month marked a decade since I received that card from Mr. M., and sometimes I wonder if what I really wanted all those little notes to say was <i>it will go away</i> <i>someday</i>.</p><p>The summer I’d been waiting for all year turned out to be the hardest time of my life. I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD, and was told I needed to see a therapist once a week. I was told it was normal to experience night terrors for a while, but for three months, I dreaded falling asleep. I knew that when I did finally sleep, I’d hear the screams again, see the blood again, relive that night again and again and again. All summer, I slept with the lights on and the door locked and a silver flashlight next to my pillow, and I’d wake up at the same time every night with a circle of cold sweat on the back of my shirt.</p><blockquote><p>On the hardest nights, I experienced sleep paralysis… It was like having an endless panic attack while being stuck flat on my back, completely frozen.</p></blockquote><p>On the hardest nights, I experienced sleep paralysis, a condition that makes you feel trapped in the space between sleeping and waking in which your body cannot move at all. It was like having an endless panic attack while being stuck flat on my back, completely frozen. I confused reality with dreams, and I’d often hallucinate, seeing figures on the ceiling above my bed. In the mornings, I would imagine myself two, five, seven, ten years older and wiser and <i>better</i>. Healed. Fixed. Normal. But time went on and the pain was still there.</p><p>Eventually, I could sleep with the lights off or go through a whole night without waking up, but there were triggers everywhere. Anything could spark a flashback. I jumped because a baby screamed while I was waiting in line to take my driving test at the DMV or I ran out of a movie theater because there was a pool of blood on the screen. Friends and family and therapists and books said it would go away eventually. Someday I’d be able to watch a horror movie again. Someday my eyes wouldn’t well up when someone jokingly said, “I’m going to kill you!” Someday I’d wake up and my first thought would be about something other than the murder.</p><div id="attachment_13397" style="width: 310px" class="wp-caption alignright"><img aria-describedby="caption-attachment-13397" loading="lazy" class="size-medium wp-image-13397" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/http://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/IMG_6162-300x300.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="300" srcset="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/IMG_6162-300x300.jpg 300w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/IMG_6162-80x80.jpg 80w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/IMG_6162-768x768.jpg 768w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/IMG_6162-36x36.jpg 36w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/IMG_6162-180x180.jpg 180w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/IMG_6162-705x705.jpg 705w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/IMG_6162-120x120.jpg 120w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/IMG_6162-450x450.jpg 450w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/IMG_6162-550x550.jpg 550w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/IMG_6162-470x470.jpg 470w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/IMG_6162.jpg 800w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px"/><p id="caption-attachment-13397" class="wp-caption-text">Kristi DiLallo was 15 when her grandmother was murdered while she was in the next room. The symptoms of that trauma still persist; they are very real, and very physical.</p></div><p>Now that the tenth anniversary has come and gone, and as I get further away from the event itself, I feel like the opposite is happening: triggers have gotten louder, more constant. I’ve tried so many times to turn the volume down—through talk therapy, journaling, meditation, and even hypnosis. Over the years, there have been quieter weeks and months, but I’ve still never experienced complete <i>silence</i>. Most of the narratives that actually name PTSD are trauma-to-recovery stories in which time really does heal all wounds and survivors are heroes. And maybe that’s true for some people, but lately, even after all these years, I feel more sensitive than ever to the sight of blood or even hearing the word “murder.”</p><blockquote><p>Now that the tenth anniversary has come and gone, and as I get further away from the event itself, I feel like the opposite is happening: triggers have gotten louder, more constant.</p></blockquote><p>In the beginning, my most frequent symptoms were nightmares. For the most part, they didn’t even have to be triggered by anything; I’d simply fall asleep and have a nightmare about the murder because it was so fresh in my mind. These days, I’m having nightmares again—about twice a month or more—and the triggers can be unpredictable. Of course, some are more obvious, like an unexpected violent scene in a movie, but some are hidden in small pockets of my daily life. PTSD is a difficult condition to explain, because it’s the kind of thing people have to see to believe. We live in a time when trauma is either completely misunderstood or used as the punchline of a joke—the word “triggered” itself has <i>literally</i> become a meme. One of the most difficult aspects of living with PTSD is that it really is invisible: nobody sees those nightmares but me.</p><p>Six years ago, I binge-watched the original two seasons of <i>Twin Peaks</i> in one weekend in my college dorm room. I loved the show because it was silly but not stupid, spooky but not gory. It was one of the only crime shows I could watch without covering my eyes, and it offered a meaningful, unique portrait of teenagers grappling with the trauma and grief of a murder in a small town. I recognized myself in many of the characters, even the adults, and I admired them because their grief was loud and absurd all the time: Laura’s mother screaming and crying hysterically, her father dancing with the now-iconic photo of his dead daughter, her best friend searching for the truth about the crime. When you lose someone you love, especially when the loss <i>feels</i> like the stuff of horror movies, you want to scream at the top of your lungs and you want to remember what it was like to look at their face instead of a photo and you want to find out <i>why</i> any of this ever had to happen.</p><blockquote><p>PTSD is a difficult condition to explain, because it’s the kind of thing people have to see to believe.</p></blockquote><p>Last year, I was excited about the long-awaited return of the show, but it gave me the worst nightmares I’ve had in years. Eventually, after watching the first six episodes with a pillow in front of my face, I stopped watching it altogether—after a particularly gruesome episode depicting a bloody car accident involving a child, as well as two stabbing deaths. Friends who knew I loved the original show would text me after new episodes, and I would feel too embarrassed to tell them I’d stopped watching it. I worried about making them feel uncomfortable with the reality of my condition: because of a single night when I was fifteen, I just couldn’t watch the same TV show as them. Recently, I started to ask myself, why am I so ashamed of something I cannot control? Surviving a violent crime is difficult for so many reasons, and the grief and guilt manifest differently almost every single day. Some days I wake up wanting to tell everyone I meet what has happened to me; other days, I want to change my name and move somewhere new and never tell anyone ever again.</p><p>Maybe my shame comes from the expectations that other (well-meaning) people have about my trauma. When I do tell people about the murder, the usual response is, “I never would have guessed” or “You look so <i>normal</i>.” There have also been times when I’ve told someone and it made them so uncomfortable that they changed the subject or laughed because they thought I was joking. Even though I often feel completely consumed by the murder on the inside, there will always be people who want me to either <i>perform</i> my pain—in ways that they can recognize from shows and movies about tragedy—or pretend it never happened at all.</p><div id="attachment_13396" style="width: 250px" class="wp-caption alignright"><img aria-describedby="caption-attachment-13396" loading="lazy" class="size-medium wp-image-13396" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/http://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/IMG_0056-240x300.jpg" alt="" width="240" height="300" srcset="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/IMG_0056-240x300.jpg 240w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/IMG_0056-768x960.jpg 768w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/IMG_0056-824x1030.jpg 824w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/IMG_0056-1200x1500.jpg 1200w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/IMG_0056-564x705.jpg 564w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/IMG_0056-450x563.jpg 450w" sizes="(max-width: 240px) 100vw, 240px"/><p id="caption-attachment-13396" class="wp-caption-text">“Today, I’m still finding ways to cope, and I probably always will be. This is my reality after living with PTSD for a decade.”</p></div><p>When I think of Mr. M’s condolence card, which I continue to be grateful for, I think of how much other people’s perceptions of my trauma affected my own understanding of it. All these years later, the <i>time heals all wounds</i> narrative just doesn’t make space for wounds like mine—the kind that still sting. Most of those standard clichéd condolences suggest that you won’t be in pain forever, and as a fifteen-year-old girl in the thick of my grief, I saw that as a promise and I clung to it. So what was I supposed to do when the pain <i>didn’t</i> go away? Pretend it wasn’t there and be ashamed that it was.</p><p>In the last ten years, I’ve hidden my PTSD from many people in my life—family, boyfriends, close friends—to the point that I hurt myself by not bringing it up. Once, I watched a <i>Scream</i> marathon with a group of friends because I was too embarrassed to say why I didn’t want to. This, of course, resulted in a flood of flashbacks and nightmares I dealt with on my own. In a college sociology course on family relationships, I ran out of the classroom when the professor played a 911 call of a child screaming, “Something bad is happening in my house,” because it reminded me of the night I had to make that call. Again, I felt embarrassed and hysterical and childish, but later, when I told the professor about my situation during office hours, she responded with care and concern. Her only question was, “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”</p><blockquote><p>I’ve learned that the only way I can expect others to try to understand my PTSD is to acknowledge it myself—and to cut myself some slack.</p></blockquote><p>Since then, I’ve learned that the only way I can expect others to try to understand my PTSD is to acknowledge it myself—and to cut myself some slack. Last summer, after I stopped watching <i>Twin Peaks</i>, I made myself a promise: I challenged myself not to watch any shows or movies depicting murders, especially stabbing murders, for one month. My Netflix queue got a lot shorter, and the challenge definitely wasn’t something I planned on announcing to the world, but almost immediately, I could feel my mental health improve. I slept better. I didn’t wake up crying. I spent more time reading and writing and exercising. There were still other triggers around me, but I learned that setting my own boundaries gave me a feeling of control over a condition that has rendered me powerless so many times.</p><p>Today, I’m still finding ways to cope, and I probably always will be. This is my reality after living with PTSD for a decade: I Google movie and TV spoilers so I’ll know if I have to cover my eyes before a particular scene or if I should avoid watching it completely. I cry a lot, sometimes about the smallest things, and when I start, I don’t know how to stop. I get flashbacks on the subway or while I’m teaching a class or while I’m reading a book at home. And all of that is okay. I can allow myself to say no to a slasher movie and I can leave a room if I don’t feel comfortable and I can allow myself to enjoy the beautiful parts of my life, too. I don’t have to feel like a hero when I talk about PTSD, but I don’t have to feel weak or worthless or ashamed either. I know that although this will never completely go away, it does get better. Mine is not a story of trauma-to-recovery, but it is a story of trauma-to-hope, and I’m still learning how to tell it.</p><p><em>Creative Commons photo by <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://www.flickr.com/photos/r80o/5262256284/in/photolist-921rsC-dzbgEr-uPcygt-aMFrki-asX4Pk-8d92FP-oCSD5y-7QrYei-5EsYGJ-bPBgcr-paFtpv-JQEGT-b4cgzx-enG1uS-83fSik-3cSdPf-qhTPz6-PcyEjw-9rzdqf-ANFjPt-3pyPAP-asZH2b-67e2Zr-qzf1Gf-5Y48UE-pCxG7p-6DM5Cn-5LL7UK-cZEGRf-cYgh2d-qz96Az-6RLTtV-5NPuAU-4gCqAx-6uX14Y-24ec5UJ-bPBgcp-c5ZMQw-pCxGEi-kH3fJa-53Evvd-6xH4K3-6vBnnK-dprp8D-6RPQ6W-76pQqQ-quRbbw-939ouL-af1gKU-8ZxzRs">Mark Strozier.</a></em></p><div class="essb_break_scroll"></div></div><footer class="entry-footer"><span class="blog-tags minor-meta"><strong>Tags:</strong><span> <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/tag/footer-favorite/" rel="tag">footer-favorite</a>, <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/tag/homepage-hero/" rel="tag">homepage-hero</a>, <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/tag/mental-health/" rel="tag">mental health</a>, <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/tag/ptsd/" rel="tag">ptsd</a></span></span></footer><div class="post_delimiter"></div></div><div class="post_author_timeline"></div><span class="hidden"> <span class="av-structured-data" itemscope="itemscope" itemtype="https://schema.org/ImageObject" itemprop="image"> <span itemprop="url">https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/5262256284_2b449792e3_o.jpg</span> <span itemprop="height">1848</span> <span itemprop="width">2784</span> </span><span class="av-structured-data" itemprop="publisher" itemtype="https://schema.org/Organization" itemscope="itemscope"> <span itemprop="name">Kristi DiLallo</span> <span itemprop="logo" itemscope itemtype="http://schema.org/ImageObject"> <span itemprop="url">http://folks.pillpack.com/wpinhere/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/folks-logo-1.png</span> </span> </span><span class="av-structured-data" itemprop="author" itemscope="itemscope" itemtype="https://schema.org/Person"><span itemprop="name">Kristi DiLallo</span></span><span class="av-structured-data" itemprop="datePublished" datetime="2018-08-07T09:25:48-04:00">2018-08-07 09:25:48</span><span class="av-structured-data" itemprop="dateModified" itemtype="https://schema.org/dateModified">2019-01-22 11:58:04</span><span class="av-structured-data" itemprop="mainEntityOfPage" itemtype="https://schema.org/mainEntityOfPage"><span itemprop="name">My Grandmother's Murder and My Decade Of PTSD</span></span></span></article><div class="folks-sidebar mobile"><div class="form" id="form"><h3>Send Me More Stories About Mental Health</h3><form> <input class="email" id="email" type="email" name="email" placeholder="Email Address"><p class="thank-you">Thank you! We will notify you when there are new stories about this topic.</p> <input class="submit" id="submit" type="submit" value="Sign Up"></form></div><div class="related"><h3>Related Stories</h3><article class="clearfix"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/warrior-surf/"><img width="80" height="80" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/DSC_9188-80x80.jpg" class="attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail wp-post-image" alt="" loading="lazy" srcset="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/DSC_9188-80x80.jpg 80w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/DSC_9188-36x36.jpg 36w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/DSC_9188-180x180.jpg 180w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/DSC_9188-120x120.jpg 120w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/DSC_9188-450x450.jpg 450w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/DSC_9188-1472x1472.jpg 1472w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/DSC_9188-1104x1104.jpg 1104w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/DSC_9188-912x912.jpg 912w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/DSC_9188-550x550.jpg 550w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/DSC_9188-470x470.jpg 470w" sizes="(max-width: 80px) 100vw, 80px"/></a><h4 class="folks-new-stories-big-title"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/warrior-surf/">Warrior Surf</a></h4><div class="folks-new-stories-big-author"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/author/stephanie-burt/">Stephanie Burt</a></div></article><article class="clearfix"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/when-alcoholism-killed-my-partner-the-covid-shutdown-helped-me-heal/"><img width="80" height="80" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_95365812-80x80.jpeg" class="attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail wp-post-image" alt="" loading="lazy" srcset="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_95365812-80x80.jpeg 80w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_95365812-36x36.jpeg 36w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_95365812-180x180.jpeg 180w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_95365812-120x120.jpeg 120w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_95365812-450x450.jpeg 450w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_95365812-1472x1472.jpeg 1472w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_95365812-1104x1104.jpeg 1104w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_95365812-912x912.jpeg 912w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_95365812-550x550.jpeg 550w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_95365812-470x470.jpeg 470w" sizes="(max-width: 80px) 100vw, 80px"/></a><h4 class="folks-new-stories-big-title"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/when-alcoholism-killed-my-partner-the-covid-shutdown-helped-me-heal/">When Alcoholism Killed My Partner, The COVID Shutdown Helped Me Heal.</a></h4><div class="folks-new-stories-big-author"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/author/robin-kavanaugh/">Robin Kavanaugh</a></div></article><article class="clearfix"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/ask-ada-should-i-disclose-my-depression-on-my-dating-profile/"><img width="80" height="80" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_232438327-80x80.jpeg" class="attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail wp-post-image" alt="" loading="lazy" srcset="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_232438327-80x80.jpeg 80w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_232438327-36x36.jpeg 36w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_232438327-180x180.jpeg 180w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_232438327-120x120.jpeg 120w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_232438327-450x450.jpeg 450w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_232438327-1472x1472.jpeg 1472w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_232438327-1104x1104.jpeg 1104w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_232438327-912x912.jpeg 912w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_232438327-550x550.jpeg 550w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/AdobeStock_232438327-470x470.jpeg 470w" sizes="(max-width: 80px) 100vw, 80px"/></a><h4 class="folks-new-stories-big-title"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/ask-ada-should-i-disclose-my-depression-on-my-dating-profile/">Ask Ada: Should I Disclose My Depression On My Dating Profile?</a></h4><div class="folks-new-stories-big-author"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/author/ask-ada/">Ask Ada</a></div></article></div></div><div class="single-big"></div> <script type="text/javascript">var _cio = _cio || []; (function() { var a,b,c;a=function(f){return function(){_cio.push([f]. concat(Array.prototype.slice.call(arguments,0)))}};b=["load","identify", "sidentify","track","page"];for(c=0;c<b.length;c++){_cio[b[c]]=a(b[c])}; var t = document.createElement('script'), s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; t.async = true; t.id = 'cio-tracker'; t.setAttribute('data-site-id', '59228fa01c735737d3de'); t.src = 'https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://assets.customer.io/assets/track.js'; s.parentNode.insertBefore(t, s); })();</script> <script type="text/javascript">function getUrlVars() { var vars = {}; var parts = window.location.href.replace(/[?&]+([^=&]+)=([^&]*)/gi, function(m,key,value) { vars[key] = value; }); return vars; } var email = getUrlVars()["email"]; if(email){ var address = email.replace("%40", "@"); var id_array = address.split("@", 1); var id = id_array[0] + "-folks-" + "mental-health"; var timeStamp = Math.floor(Date.now() / 1000); _cio.identify({ id: id, email: address, created_at: timeStamp, folks_category: "mental-health" }); document.getElementById("form").className += " submitted"; }</script> <div class="folks-related-mentions-container"><div class="folks-related-mentions-line"></div><div class="folks-related-mentions-title">Useful Resources</div><div class="folks-related-mentions-links"><ul><li class="folks-org"> <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://adaa.org/" target="_blank"> Anxiety and Depression Association of America </a></li><li class="folks-org"> <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://www.nami.org/" target="_blank"> National Alliance on Mental Illness </a></li></ul></div></div><div class="container"><div class="folks-related-container clearfix"><div class="flex_column av_one_half flex_column_div first avia-builder-el-0 el_before_av_one_half avia-builder-el-first"><div class="folks-related-share-container"><div class="folks-related-share-title">Do you know someone else who would enjoy this story?</div><div class="folks-related-share-icons"><div class="essb_links essb_counters essb_displayed_shortcode essb_share essb_template_grey-circles-outline-retina essb_706493188 print-no" id="essb_displayed_shortcode_706493188" data-essb-postid="13395" data-essb-position="shortcode" data-essb-button-style="icon" data-essb-template="grey-circles-outline-retina" data-essb-counter-pos="hidden" data-essb-url="https://folks.pillpack.com/my-mother-murdered-my-grandmother-my-decade-of-ptsd/" data-essb-fullurl="https://folks.pillpack.com/my-mother-murdered-my-grandmother-my-decade-of-ptsd/" data-essb-instance="706493188"><ul class="essb_links_list essb_force_hide_name essb_force_hide"><li class="essb_item essb_link_facebook nolightbox"> <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Ffolks.pillpack.com%2Fmy-mother-murdered-my-grandmother-my-decade-of-ptsd%2F&t=My+Grandmother%5C%26%23039%3Bs+Murder+and+My+Decade+Of+PTSD" title="Share on Facebook" onclick="essb.window('https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Ffolks.pillpack.com%2Fmy-mother-murdered-my-grandmother-my-decade-of-ptsd%2F&t=My+Grandmother%5C%26%23039%3Bs+Murder+and+My+Decade+Of+PTSD','facebook','706493188'); return false;" target="_blank" rel="nofollow" class="nolightbox"><span class="essb_icon essb_icon_facebook"></span><span class="essb_network_name essb_noname"></span></a><span class="essb_counter_hidden" data-cnt="59" data-cnt-short=""></span></li><li class="essb_item essb_link_twitter nolightbox"> <a href="#" title="Share on Twitter" onclick="essb.window('https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=My%20Grandmother%27s%20Murder%20and%20My%20Decade%20Of%20PTSD&url=https://folks.pillpack.com/my-mother-murdered-my-grandmother-my-decade-of-ptsd/&counturl=https%3A%2F%2Ffolks.pillpack.com%2Fmy-mother-murdered-my-grandmother-my-decade-of-ptsd%2F','twitter','706493188'); return false;" target="_blank" rel="nofollow" class="nolightbox"><span class="essb_icon essb_icon_twitter"></span><span class="essb_network_name essb_noname"></span></a><span class="essb_counter_hidden" data-cnt="86" data-cnt-short=""></span></li><li class="essb_item essb_totalcount_item" data-counter-pos="hidden"><span class="essb_totalcount essb_t_r_big " title="" data-shares-text="shares"><span class="essb_t_nb">145<span class="essb_t_nb_after">shares</span></span></span></li></ul></div></div></div></div></div><div class="flex_column av_one_half flex_column_div avia-builder-el-2 el_after_av_one_half avia-builder-el-last"><div class="folks-related-article-container"><div class="folks-related-article-container-title">You might also like...</div><div class="folks-related-article-block-container"><span class="folks-related-article-block-image"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/destigmatizing-mental-illness-church-beyond/"><img width="150" height="150" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/San_Gerolamo_Caravaggio_September_2015-1a-180x180.jpg" class="attachment-150x150 size-150x150 wp-post-image" alt="" loading="lazy" title="San_Gerolamo_Caravaggio_September_2015-1a" srcset="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/San_Gerolamo_Caravaggio_September_2015-1a-180x180.jpg 180w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/San_Gerolamo_Caravaggio_September_2015-1a-80x80.jpg 80w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/San_Gerolamo_Caravaggio_September_2015-1a-36x36.jpg 36w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/San_Gerolamo_Caravaggio_September_2015-1a-120x120.jpg 120w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/San_Gerolamo_Caravaggio_September_2015-1a-450x450.jpg 450w" sizes="(max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px"/></a></span><span class="folks-related-article-block-title"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/destigmatizing-mental-illness-church-beyond/">Destigmatizing Mental Illness In The Church And Beyond</a></span><br/><span class="folks-related-article-block-author">Carey Dunne</span></div></div></div></div><div class="comment-entry post-entry"></div></main></div></div><div class="container_wrap footer_color" id="footer"><div class="container"><div class="flex_column av_one_half first el_before_av_one_half"><section id="text-2" class="widget clearfix widget_text"><div class="textwidget"><div class="folks-col-wrapper"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/http://folks.pillpack.com/"><img src="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/folks-standalone-logo-white.png" class="folks-footer-logo"></a><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://www.facebook.com/pillpack/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"><div class="social-style1"><i class="fa fa-facebook fa- "></i></div></a><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://twitter.com/pillpack" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"><div class="social-style1"><i class="fa fa-twitter fa- "></i></div></a><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/mailto:folks@pillpack.com"><div class="social-style1"><i class="fa fa-envelope fa- "></i></div></a></div><div class="folks-footer-about"><p class="folks-footer-paragraph">Folks is an online magazine dedicated to telling the stories of remarkable people who refuse to be defined by their health issues. By sharing the experiences of these individuals, we hope to change people’s notions about what it means to be ‘normal’.</p><p class="folks-footer-paragraph">Editorially independent, Folks is sponsored and published by <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://www.pillpack.com/" title="PillPack" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">PillPack</a>. Part of our mission at PillPack is to create healthcare experiences that empower people. We don’t believe people are defined by their conditions. We pay our contributors, and we don’t sell advertising.</p><p class="folks-footer-paragraph">If you’d like to partner with Folks, or share a story, let us know at <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/mailto:folks@pillpack.com">folks@pillpack.com</a>.</p><p class="folks-footer-paragraph"><span class="folks-footer-editor">John Brownlee, Editor-in-Chief</span></p></div></div> <span class="seperator extralight-border"></span></section></div><div class="flex_column av_one_half el_after_av_one_half el_before_av_one_half "><section id="sticky-posts-3" class="widget clearfix widget_ultimate_posts"><div class="folks-footer-heading">Favorite Stories From the Editor</div><ul><li class="current-post-item"><div class="folks-footer-article-wrapper"><div class="folks-footer-article-title"> <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/my-mother-murdered-my-grandmother-my-decade-of-ptsd/" title="My Grandmother’s Murder and My Decade Of PTSD"> My Grandmother’s Murder and My Decade Of PTSD </a></div><div class="folks-footer-article-author"> <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/author/kristi-dilallo/" title="Posts by Kristi DiLallo" rel="author">Kristi DiLallo</a></div></div></li><li class=""><div class="folks-footer-article-wrapper"><div class="folks-footer-article-title"> <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/why-the-world-needs-more-disabled-superheroes/" title="Why The World Needs More Disabled Superheroes"> Why The World Needs More Disabled Superheroes </a></div><div class="folks-footer-article-author"> <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/author/amy-ridout/" title="Posts by Amy Ridout" rel="author">Amy Ridout</a></div></div></li><li class=""><div class="folks-footer-article-wrapper"><div class="folks-footer-article-title"> <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/the-memory-queen/" title="The Memory Queen"> The Memory Queen </a></div><div class="folks-footer-article-author"> <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/author/kimberly-lew/" title="Posts by Kimberly Lew" rel="author">Kimberly Lew</a></div></div></li></ul> <span class="seperator extralight-border"></span></section></div></div></div></div> <a class="avia-post-nav avia-post-prev with-image" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/how-chronic-illness-caused-me-to-accidentally-get-a-tattoo/"> <span class="label iconfont" aria-hidden="true" data-av_icon="" data-av_iconfont="entypo-fontello"></span> <span class="entry-info-wrap"> <span class="entry-info"> <span class="entry-title">How Chronic Illness Caused Me To ‘Accidentally’ Get A Tattoo</span> <span class="entry-image"><img width="80" height="80" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/6819799924_c316d99e89_k-80x80.jpg" class="attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail wp-post-image" alt="" loading="lazy" srcset="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/6819799924_c316d99e89_k-80x80.jpg 80w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/6819799924_c316d99e89_k-36x36.jpg 36w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/6819799924_c316d99e89_k-180x180.jpg 180w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/6819799924_c316d99e89_k-120x120.jpg 120w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/6819799924_c316d99e89_k-450x450.jpg 450w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/6819799924_c316d99e89_k-1104x1104.jpg 1104w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/6819799924_c316d99e89_k-912x912.jpg 912w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/6819799924_c316d99e89_k-550x550.jpg 550w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/6819799924_c316d99e89_k-470x470.jpg 470w" sizes="(max-width: 80px) 100vw, 80px"/></span> </span> </span></a><a class="avia-post-nav avia-post-next with-image" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/how-to-deal-with-chemotherapy-everything-you-need-to-know/"> <span class="label iconfont" aria-hidden="true" data-av_icon="" data-av_iconfont="entypo-fontello"></span> <span class="entry-info-wrap"> <span class="entry-info"> <span class="entry-image"><img width="80" height="80" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/15547420221_e75f880a35_k-80x80.jpg" class="attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail wp-post-image" alt="" loading="lazy" srcset="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/15547420221_e75f880a35_k-80x80.jpg 80w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/15547420221_e75f880a35_k-36x36.jpg 36w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/15547420221_e75f880a35_k-180x180.jpg 180w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/15547420221_e75f880a35_k-120x120.jpg 120w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/15547420221_e75f880a35_k-450x450.jpg 450w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/15547420221_e75f880a35_k-1104x1104.jpg 1104w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/15547420221_e75f880a35_k-912x912.jpg 912w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/15547420221_e75f880a35_k-550x550.jpg 550w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438im_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/15547420221_e75f880a35_k-470x470.jpg 470w" sizes="(max-width: 80px) 100vw, 80px"/></span> <span class="entry-title">How To Deal With Chemotherapy: Everything You Need To Know</span> </span> </span></a></div><div id="pum-4231" class="pum pum-overlay pum-theme-4221 pum-theme-default-theme popmake-overlay pum-click-to-close click_open auto_open" data-popmake="{"id":4231,"slug":"subscribe","theme_id":4221,"cookies":[{"event":"on_popup_close","settings":{"name":"pum-4231","key":"folks-subscription-modal-closed","time":"1 year","path":1}}],"triggers":[{"type":"click_open","settings":{"extra_selectors":"#menu-item-45","do_default":null,"cookie":{"name":null}}},{"type":"click_open","settings":{"extra_selectors":".subscribe-to-folks-modal-trigger","do_default":null,"cookie":{"name":null}}},{"type":"auto_open","settings":{"delay":"10000","cookie_name":["pum-4231"]}}],"mobile_disabled":null,"tablet_disabled":null,"meta":{"display":{"responsive_min_width":false,"responsive_max_width":false,"position_bottom":false,"position_right":false,"position_left":false,"stackable":false,"overlay_disabled":false,"scrollable_content":false,"disable_reposition":false,"size":"tiny","responsive_min_width_unit":"px","responsive_max_width_unit":"px","custom_width":"640px","custom_width_unit":false,"custom_height":"380px","custom_height_unit":false,"custom_height_auto":false,"location":"center ","position_from_trigger":false,"position_top":"100","position_fixed":false,"animation_type":"fade","animation_speed":"350","animation_origin":"center top","overlay_zindex":"1999999998","zindex":"1999999999"},"close":{"text":"","button_delay":"0","overlay_click":"true","esc_press":"true","f4_press":false},"click_open":[]}}" role="dialog" aria-hidden="true" aria-labelledby="pum_popup_title_4231"><div id="popmake-4231" class="pum-container popmake theme-4221 pum-responsive pum-responsive-tiny responsive size-tiny"><div id="pum_popup_title_4231" class="pum-title popmake-title"> Don’t miss one more amazing story.</div><div class="pum-content popmake-content"><div class="folks-subscribe-popup-excerpt">Every week, we’ll send a few of our favorite stories to inspire you.</div><form id="subscribe-to-folks-form" action="javascript:void(0);"><input class="modal-newsletter-input" name="email" type="text" placeholder="Email Address"/><br/> <button class="inline modal-newsletter-sub-btn" type="submit">Subscribe</button></form><div id="subscribe-to-folks-form-message-container"></div></div> <button type="button" class="pum-close popmake-close" aria-label="Close"> × </button></div></div> <script type="text/javascript">var avia_framework_globals = avia_framework_globals || {}; avia_framework_globals.frameworkUrl = 'https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/themes/enfold/framework/'; avia_framework_globals.installedAt = 'https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/themes/enfold/'; avia_framework_globals.ajaxurl = 'https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php';</script> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438js_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/themes/enfold/js/avia.js?ver=3.1610939965" id="avia-default-js"></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438js_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/themes/enfold/js/shortcodes.js?ver=3.1610939965" id="avia-shortcodes-js"></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438js_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/themes/enfold/js/aviapopup/jquery.magnific-popup.min.js?ver=2.1610939965" id="avia-popup-js"></script> <script type="text/javascript" id="mediaelement-core-js-before">var mejsL10n = {"language":"en","strings":{"mejs.download-file":"Download File","mejs.install-flash":"You are using a browser that does not have Flash player enabled or installed. Please turn on your Flash player plugin or download the latest version from https:\/\/get.adobe.com\/flashplayer\/","mejs.fullscreen":"Fullscreen","mejs.play":"Play","mejs.pause":"Pause","mejs.time-slider":"Time Slider","mejs.time-help-text":"Use Left\/Right Arrow keys to advance one second, Up\/Down arrows to advance ten seconds.","mejs.live-broadcast":"Live Broadcast","mejs.volume-help-text":"Use Up\/Down Arrow keys to increase or decrease volume.","mejs.unmute":"Unmute","mejs.mute":"Mute","mejs.volume-slider":"Volume Slider","mejs.video-player":"Video Player","mejs.audio-player":"Audio Player","mejs.captions-subtitles":"Captions\/Subtitles","mejs.captions-chapters":"Chapters","mejs.none":"None","mejs.afrikaans":"Afrikaans","mejs.albanian":"Albanian","mejs.arabic":"Arabic","mejs.belarusian":"Belarusian","mejs.bulgarian":"Bulgarian","mejs.catalan":"Catalan","mejs.chinese":"Chinese","mejs.chinese-simplified":"Chinese (Simplified)","mejs.chinese-traditional":"Chinese (Traditional)","mejs.croatian":"Croatian","mejs.czech":"Czech","mejs.danish":"Danish","mejs.dutch":"Dutch","mejs.english":"English","mejs.estonian":"Estonian","mejs.filipino":"Filipino","mejs.finnish":"Finnish","mejs.french":"French","mejs.galician":"Galician","mejs.german":"German","mejs.greek":"Greek","mejs.haitian-creole":"Haitian Creole","mejs.hebrew":"Hebrew","mejs.hindi":"Hindi","mejs.hungarian":"Hungarian","mejs.icelandic":"Icelandic","mejs.indonesian":"Indonesian","mejs.irish":"Irish","mejs.italian":"Italian","mejs.japanese":"Japanese","mejs.korean":"Korean","mejs.latvian":"Latvian","mejs.lithuanian":"Lithuanian","mejs.macedonian":"Macedonian","mejs.malay":"Malay","mejs.maltese":"Maltese","mejs.norwegian":"Norwegian","mejs.persian":"Persian","mejs.polish":"Polish","mejs.portuguese":"Portuguese","mejs.romanian":"Romanian","mejs.russian":"Russian","mejs.serbian":"Serbian","mejs.slovak":"Slovak","mejs.slovenian":"Slovenian","mejs.spanish":"Spanish","mejs.swahili":"Swahili","mejs.swedish":"Swedish","mejs.tagalog":"Tagalog","mejs.thai":"Thai","mejs.turkish":"Turkish","mejs.ukrainian":"Ukrainian","mejs.vietnamese":"Vietnamese","mejs.welsh":"Welsh","mejs.yiddish":"Yiddish"}};</script> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438js_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-includes/js/mediaelement/mediaelement-and-player.min.js?ver=4.2.13-9993131.1610939965" id="mediaelement-core-js"></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438js_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-includes/js/mediaelement/mediaelement-migrate.min.js?ver=5.5.3.1610939965" id="mediaelement-migrate-js"></script> <script type="text/javascript" id="mediaelement-js-extra">var _wpmejsSettings = {"pluginPath":"\/wp-includes\/js\/mediaelement\/","classPrefix":"mejs-","stretching":"responsive"};</script> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438js_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-includes/js/mediaelement/wp-mediaelement.min.js?ver=5.5.3.1610939965" id="wp-mediaelement-js"></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438js_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-includes/js/comment-reply.min.js?ver=5.5.3.1610939965" id="comment-reply-js"></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438js_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-includes/js/jquery/ui/core.min.js?ver=1.11.4.1610939965" id="jquery-ui-core-js"></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438js_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-includes/js/jquery/ui/position.min.js?ver=1.11.4.1610939965" id="jquery-ui-position-js"></script> <script type="text/javascript" id="popup-maker-site-js-extra">var pum_vars = {"version":"1.11.0","pm_dir_url":"https:\/\/web.archive.org\/web\/20210118071438\/https:\/\/folks.pillpack.com\/wp-content\/plugins\/popup-maker\/","ajaxurl":"https:\/\/web.archive.org\/web\/20210118071438\/https:\/\/folks.pillpack.com\/wp-admin\/admin-ajax.php","restapi":"https:\/\/web.archive.org\/web\/20210118071438\/https:\/\/folks.pillpack.com\/wp-json\/pum\/v1","rest_nonce":null,"default_theme":"4219","debug_mode":"","disable_tracking":"","home_url":"\/","message_position":"top","core_sub_forms_enabled":"1","popups":[]}; var ajaxurl = "https:\/\/web.archive.org\/web\/20210118071438\/https:\/\/folks.pillpack.com\/wp-admin\/admin-ajax.php"; var pum_sub_vars = {"ajaxurl":"https:\/\/web.archive.org\/web\/20210118071438\/https:\/\/folks.pillpack.com\/wp-admin\/admin-ajax.php","message_position":"top"}; var pum_popups = {"pum-4231":{"disable_on_mobile":false,"disable_on_tablet":false,"custom_height_auto":false,"scrollable_content":false,"position_from_trigger":false,"position_fixed":false,"overlay_disabled":false,"stackable":false,"disable_reposition":false,"close_on_form_submission":false,"close_on_overlay_click":true,"close_on_esc_press":true,"close_on_f4_press":false,"disable_form_reopen":false,"disable_accessibility":false,"theme_slug":"default-theme","theme_id":4221,"size":"tiny","responsive_min_width_unit":"px","responsive_max_width_unit":"px","custom_width":"640px","custom_height":"380px","location":"center ","position_top":"100","animation_type":"fade","animation_speed":"350","animation_origin":"center top","overlay_zindex":"1999999998","zindex":"1999999999","close_button_delay":"0","triggers":[{"type":"click_open","settings":{"extra_selectors":"#menu-item-45","do_default":null,"cookie":{"name":null}}},{"type":"click_open","settings":{"extra_selectors":".subscribe-to-folks-modal-trigger","do_default":null,"cookie":{"name":null}}},{"type":"auto_open","settings":{"delay":"10000","cookie_name":["pum-4231"]}}],"cookies":[{"event":"on_popup_close","settings":{"name":"pum-4231","key":"folks-subscription-modal-closed","time":"1 year","path":1}}],"id":4231,"slug":"subscribe"}};</script> <script type="text/javascript" src="//web.archive.org/web/20210118071438js_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/uploads/pum/pum-site-scripts.js?defer&generated=1594736873&ver=1.11.0.1610939965" id="popup-maker-site-js"></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438js_/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-includes/js/wp-embed.min.js?ver=5.5.3.1610939965" id="wp-embed-js"></script> <div class="essb_mailform" data-error="Please fill all form fields"><div class="essb_mailform_header"><div class="heading">Send this to a friend</div></div><div class="essb_mailform_content"><input type="text" id="essb_mailform_from" class="essb_mailform_content_input" placeholder="Your email"/><input type="text" id="essb_mailform_from_name" class="essb_mailform_content_input" placeholder="Your name"/><input type="text" id="essb_mailform_to" class="essb_mailform_content_input" placeholder="Recipient email"/><div class="essb_mailform_content_buttons"><button id="essb_mailform_btn_submit" class="essb_mailform_content_button" onclick="essb_mailform_send();">Send</button><button id="essb_mailform_btn_cancel" class="essb_mailform_content_button" onclick="essb_close_mailform(); return false;">Cancel</button></div><input type="hidden" id="essb_mail_salt" value="1180492095"/><input type="hidden" id="essb_mail_instance" value=""/><input type="hidden" id="essb_mail_post" value=""/></div></div><div class="essb_mailform_shadow"></div><style type="text/css" id="easy-social-share-buttons-inline-css" media="all">.essb_totalcount, .essb_totalcount .essb_t_nb_after { color: #bfbfbf !important;} /* Change Color */ .essb_links.essb_template_grey-circles-outline-retina li a { color: #bfbfbf !important; border: 1px solid #bfbfbf !important; } /* Turn Pintrest Icon into Website Link Icon */ .essb_icon_pinterest:before { content: "\38" !important; }</style><script type="text/javascript">(function() { var po = document.createElement('script'); po.type = 'text/javascript'; po.async=true;; po.src = 'https://web.archive.org/web/20210118071438/https://folks.pillpack.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-social-share-buttons3/assets/js/essb-core.min.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(po, s); })();</script><script type="text/javascript"></script><a href="#top" title="Scroll to top" id="scroll-top-link" aria-hidden="true" data-av_icon="" data-av_iconfont="entypo-fontello"><span class="avia_hidden_link_text">Scroll to top</span></a><div id="fb-root"></div></body></html>