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The Rise of the Friend Vacation - The Atlantic
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Move Away From Your Friends."/><meta property="og:description" content="Distance, as it turns out, isn’t the barrier to deep relationships that some may think."/><meta property="og:url" content="https://www.theatlantic.com/culture/archive/2022/06/how-vacations-make-friendships-stronger/661349/"/><meta property="og:type" content="article"/><meta property="og:image" content="https://cdn.theatlantic.com/thumbor/7K3h8bhyr5Osog-rIoLrQ3zB8Nw=/0x43:2000x1085/1200x625/media/img/mt/2022/06/Image_from_iOS-1/original.jpg"/><meta property="twitter:card" content="summary_large_image"/><meta name="FacebookShareMessage" content="Living far away from friends isn’t necessarily an impediment to closeness, thanks in part to a way some of us are keeping our relationships alive: the friend vacation."/><meta name="TwitterShareMessage" content="Living far away from friends isn’t necessarily an impediment to closeness, thanks in part to a way some of us are keeping our relationships alive: the friend vacation."/><link rel="alternate" type="application/rss+xml" title="The Atlantic" href="/feed/all/"/><link rel="alternate" type="application/rss+xml" title="Best of The Atlantic" href="/feed/best-of/"/><meta name="referrer" content="unsafe-url"/><meta name="apple-mobile-web-app-capable" content="yes"/><meta name="apple-mobile-web-status-bar-style" content="black"/><meta name="apple-mobile-web-app-title" content="The Atlantic"/><meta name="keywords" content="friend vacation, Adult friendships, 31-year-old executive recruiter, Catherine Hovell, William Chopik, good friends, Heather Ahearn, close friendships, Intentional travel, new locale, Kathryn Stephenson, friends, group of co-workers, good time, lot of life changes, college town, convenient ways, technological advances, friendshipThe friend trip, Logan Rockmore, Chopik’s research, early adulthood, long-distance relationship, large group, 35-year-old software engineer, good chance, old memories, Russian River, Real closeness, important things, previous generations, original group, trip, social media, social-personality psychologist, best friend, frivolous personal indulgence, 39-year-old civil structural engineer, travel opportunities, new people, weekend vacation, vacation time, long-distance friends, natural response, hockey tournament, People, vacation rental, Los Angeles, grad-school friends, article" itemID="#keywords"/><meta name="news_keywords" content="friend vacation, Adult friendships, 31-year-old executive recruiter, Catherine Hovell, William Chopik, good friends, Heather Ahearn, close friendships, Intentional travel, new locale, Kathryn Stephenson, friends, group of co-workers, good time, lot of life changes, college town, convenient ways, technological advances, friendshipThe friend trip, Logan Rockmore, Chopik’s research, early adulthood, long-distance relationship, large group, 35-year-old software engineer, good chance, old memories, Russian River, Real closeness, important things, previous generations, original group, trip, social media, social-personality psychologist, best friend, frivolous personal indulgence, 39-year-old civil structural engineer, travel opportunities, new people, weekend vacation, vacation time, long-distance friends, natural response, hockey tournament, People, vacation rental, Los Angeles, grad-school friends, article"/><meta name="sailthru.title" content="Want Closer Friendships? Move Away From Your Friends."/><meta name="sailthru.description" content="Distance, as it turns out, isn’t the barrier to deep relationships that some may think."/><meta name="sailthru.tags" content="america-in-person,culture,one-story-read-today,author-maggie-mertens"/><meta name="sailthru.date" content="2022-06-22T21:15:00Z"/><link rel="preload" as="font" type="font/woff2" href="https://www.theatlantic.com/packages/fonts/garamond/AGaramondPro-Regular.woff2" crossorigin=""/><link rel="preload" as="font" type="font/woff2" href="https://www.theatlantic.com/packages/fonts/graphik/Graphik-Regular-Web.woff2" crossorigin=""/><link rel="preload" as="font" type="font/woff2" href="https://www.theatlantic.com/packages/fonts/graphik/Graphik-Semibold-Web.woff2" crossorigin=""/><link rel="preload" as="font" type="font/woff2" href="https://www.theatlantic.com/packages/fonts/logic/LogicMonospace-Medium.woff2" crossorigin=""/><link rel="preload" as="font" type="font/woff2" href="https://www.theatlantic.com/packages/fonts/logic/LogicMonospace-Regular.woff2" crossorigin=""/><script type="application/ld+json">{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","headline":"The Rise of the Friend Vacation","alternativeHeadline":"Want Closer Friendships? 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Move Away From Your Friends.</h1></div><div class="ArticleHero_dek__EqdkK" data-flatplan-description="true"><p class="ArticleDek_root__P3leE">Distance, as it turns out, isn’t the barrier to deep relationships that some may think.</p></div><div class="ArticleHero_byline__iFT6A"><div class="ArticleBylines_root__IBR5V"><address id="byline">By <a class="ArticleBylines_link__kNP4C" href="https://www.theatlantic.com/author/maggie-mertens/" data-event-element="author" data-flatplan-author-link="true">Maggie Mertens</a></address></div></div></div><div class="ArticleLeadArt_root__nRSLU"><figure class="ArticleLeadFigure_root__Bj81R ArticleLeadFigure_standard__20Izv"><div class="ArticleLeadFigure_media__R1npW" data-flatplan-lead_figure_media="true"><picture><img alt="A bicycle with three seats" class="Image_root__XxsOp ArticleLeadArt_image__HZS4B" sizes="(min-width: 976px) 976px, 100vw" srcSet="https://cdn.theatlantic.com/thumbor/aUxFAY6ICOc9EyHgU4aHhmD3E5M=/0x0:2000x1125/750x422/media/img/mt/2022/06/Image_from_iOS-1/original.jpg 750w, https://cdn.theatlantic.com/thumbor/LaTQhDTdohdUKOwU1tthAM6VOL4=/0x0:2000x1125/828x466/media/img/mt/2022/06/Image_from_iOS-1/original.jpg 828w, https://cdn.theatlantic.com/thumbor/nbATd4UuIBAXJGLhRnhsiuH9eko=/0x0:2000x1125/960x540/media/img/mt/2022/06/Image_from_iOS-1/original.jpg 960w, https://cdn.theatlantic.com/thumbor/Ip9x5GgXcTzjFeqCtl-0av1uzC0=/0x0:2000x1125/976x549/media/img/mt/2022/06/Image_from_iOS-1/original.jpg 976w, https://cdn.theatlantic.com/thumbor/GrM0bzXTQVrXs47GOatpGzZEP-Y=/0x0:2000x1125/1952x1098/media/img/mt/2022/06/Image_from_iOS-1/original.jpg 1952w" src="https://cdn.theatlantic.com/thumbor/nbATd4UuIBAXJGLhRnhsiuH9eko=/0x0:2000x1125/960x540/media/img/mt/2022/06/Image_from_iOS-1/original.jpg" id="article-lead-image" width="960" height="540"/></picture></div><figcaption class="ArticleLeadFigure_caption__Byu7W ArticleLeadFigure_standardCaption__PsDkd" data-flatplan-lead_figure_caption="true"><span>The friend trip is a natural response to our technological advances.</span> (<!-- -->Alex Cochran<!-- -->)</figcaption></figure></div></div><div class="ArticleHero_articleUtilityBar__JbQFj"><div class="ArticleHero_timestamp__bKhcB"><time class="ArticleTimestamp_root__b3bL6" dateTime="2022-06-22T21:15:00Z" data-flatplan-timestamp="true">June 22, 2022</time> </div><div class="ArticleHero_articleUtilityBarTools__ZHw8s"><div class="ArticleShare_root__Mq0RB" tabindex="-1"><button class="ArticleShare_shareButton__X0cIe" aria-haspopup="true" aria-controls=":Rp2pb32qm:" aria-expanded="false" aria-label="Open Share Menu" data-action="click share - expand" data-event-verb="shared" data-event-element="share dropdown">Share<svg width="15" height="15" fill="none" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" class="ArticleShare_buttonIcon__B86vV"><path fill-rule="evenodd" clip-rule="evenodd" d="M7.335.272a.25.25 0 01.337 0l4.623 4.204a.25.25 0 01.017.353l-.336.37a.25.25 0 01-.353.016L8.004 1.926v7.9a.25.25 0 01-.25.25h-.5a.25.25 0 01-.25-.25V1.924l-3.62 3.291a.25.25 0 01-.353-.016l-.336-.37a.25.25 0 01.016-.353L7.335.272zM.5 7.545a.25.25 0 00-.25.25v6.75c0 .138.112.25.25.25h14a.25.25 0 00.25-.25v-6.75a.25.25 0 00-.25-.25H14a.25.25 0 00-.25.25v6H1.25v-6a.25.25 0 00-.25-.25H.5z" fill="currentColor"></path></svg></button></div><button class="SaveButton_saveButton__7LYFZ" aria-label="Save"><span class="SaveButton_text__fiZgx">Save<!-- --> </span><svg width="12" height="16" fill="none" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" class="SaveButton_icon__HFNiD SaveButton_unsaved__bP4MN"><path fill-rule="evenodd" clip-rule="evenodd" d="M6 10.828l5 3.31V1H1v13.139l5-3.31zM.776 15.486A.5.5 0 010 15.07V.5A.5.5 0 01.5 0h11a.5.5 0 01.5.5v14.57a.5.5 0 01-.776.416L6.138 12.12a.25.25 0 00-.276 0L.776 15.486z" fill="currentColor"></path><path fill-rule="evenodd" clip-rule="evenodd" d="M5.572 8.75c0 .138.111.25.25.25h.5a.25.25 0 00.25-.25V6.57H8.75A.25.25 0 009 6.32v-.5a.25.25 0 00-.25-.25H6.572V3.25a.25.25 0 00-.25-.25h-.5a.25.25 0 00-.25.25v2.32H3.25a.25.25 0 00-.25.25v.5c0 .138.112.25.25.25h2.322v2.18z" fill="currentColor"></path></svg></button></div></div><gpt-ad class="GptAd_root__pAvcS ArticleInjector_root__I7x9v LeadArticleAd_root__tdCqm s-native s-native--standard s-native--streamline" format="injector" sizes-at-0="mobile-wide" targeting-pos="injector-article-start" sizes-at-976="desktop-wide"></gpt-ad><div class="ArticleInjector_clsAvoider__dqIAm" style="--placeholderHeight:298px"></div></header><section class="ArticleBody_root__2gF81" data-event-module="article body" data-flatplan-body="true"><p class="ArticleParagraph_root__4mszW" data-flatplan-paragraph="true"><small><i>This article was featured in One Story to Read Today, a newsletter in which our editors recommend a single must-read from </i>The Atlantic<i>, Monday through Friday. </i><a data-event-element="inline link" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://www.theatlantic.com/newsletters/sign-up/one-story-to-read-today/&source=gmail&ust=1656004265745000&usg=AOvVaw36ZaJ2k7sHAJG4_l5AqJyh" href="https://www.theatlantic.com/newsletters/sign-up/one-story-to-read-today/" target="_blank"><i>Sign up for it here.</i></a><i> </i></small></p><p class="ArticleParagraph_root__4mszW" data-flatplan-paragraph="true">Adult friendships can be tricky to maintain. People move away from their college town as schooling ends, careers begin and monopolize our time, socializing at happy hours can start to lose its appeal as you get older. And during the pandemic, hundreds of thousands of Americans <a data-event-element="inline link" href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2020/06/01/city-relocate-pandemic/">moved from cities</a> full of their friends to less populated areas. Consequently, the close friendships we’ve cultivated from early adulthood might seem more prone to ending as we lose convenient ways of staying in contact, such as living in the same locale. But Millennials and Gen Zers are getting married and having children later than previous generations (or eschewing these milestones altogether), as well as <a data-event-element="inline link" href="https://www.theatlantic.com/culture/archive/2022/02/quitting-job-identity/622934/">redefining their relationship to work</a>, making friendships more important. Distance, as it turns out, isn’t the barrier it used to be, thanks in part to a way some of us are keeping these relationships alive: the friend vacation.</p><p class="ArticleParagraph_root__4mszW" data-flatplan-paragraph="true"></p><p class="ArticleParagraph_root__4mszW" data-flatplan-paragraph="true">A trip to meet up with far-flung friends is typically born out of a desire to simply have some fun and maybe relive old memories. For Kathryn Stephenson, a 31-year-old executive recruiter in Atlanta, that used to be true. While living in Los Angeles in 2017, Stephenson met her sorority sisters from the University of Oregon for a weekend vacation in Las Vegas. “It was a very silly, totally ridiculous weekend,” she told me by phone. But the trip was about more than living out stereotypical Vegas debauchery—they found that traveling together was a way to stay authentically connected.</p><p class="ArticleParagraph_root__4mszW" data-flatplan-paragraph="true"></p><p class="ArticleParagraph_root__4mszW" data-flatplan-paragraph="true">Since then, the trio have become more deliberate about nurturing their long-distance relationship. They’ve met up in Minneapolis and in Bend, Oregon, and are thinking about another trip soon. “In 10 years we’ve had a lot of life changes, from college to our early 30s, and our interactions have gotten deeper,” Stephenson said. And hanging on to those relationships helps her know herself better. “There’s some superficiality in the way we think of friendship these days; the Instagram or Facebook world gives us this feeling of needing more friends, more everything. But being able to travel to see good friends shows you don’t need a huge network; you need an intentional one.”</p><p id="injected-recirculation-link-0" class="ArticleRelatedContentLink_root__VYc9V" data-view-action="view link - injected link - item 1" data-event-element="injected link" data-event-position="1"><a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2022/06/six-ways-make-maintain-friends/661232/">Read: The six forces that fuel friendship</a></p><p class="ArticleParagraph_root__4mszW" data-flatplan-paragraph="true">The friend trip is a natural response to our technological advances, William Chopik, a social-personality psychologist who heads up the <a data-event-element="inline link" href="https://chopiklab.com/">Close Relationships Lab</a> at Michigan State University, told me. Thanks to social media and smartphones that allow us to text, email, and videochat anyone at will, “people are <a data-event-element="inline link" href="https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2022/01/not-sorry-for-my-delay/621264/">more accessible</a> than ever before, but not necessarily closer to each other,” he said. Real closeness, Chopik’s research shows, often comes from opportunities for mutual disclosure—in other words, sharing and listening deeply. “If you’re going on trips once or twice a year, you’ll have many disclosure opportunities to update people about the big, important things in your life.”</p><p class="ArticleParagraph_root__4mszW" data-flatplan-paragraph="true"></p><p class="ArticleParagraph_root__4mszW" data-flatplan-paragraph="true">So while you may see a friend who lives nearby more often, you may actually run out of stuff to talk about with them, according to Chopik. But when you see a friend rarely, and then you’ve invested energy and money to hang out, you’re likely going to have a more intense connection during that time: “That kind of intent listening often happens in person,” he said. Stephenson agrees: “I’m a terrible texter,” she told me, and she and her long-distance friends are “not in constant communication. But these trips are kind of the antidote to having to do that.”</p><p id="injected-recirculation-link-1" class="ArticleRelatedContentLink_root__VYc9V" data-view-action="view link - injected link - item 2" data-event-element="injected link" data-event-position="2"><a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2020/10/people-who-prioritize-friendship-over-romance/616779/">Read: What if friendship, not marriage, was at the center of life?</a></p><p class="ArticleParagraph_root__4mszW" data-flatplan-paragraph="true">Intentional travel with friends, where folks catch up on the more profound moments in life, can also foster the kinds of deep connections many of us may think are reserved for family reunions. Logan Rockmore, a 35-year-old software engineer in Brooklyn, first booked a vacation rental with a group of co-workers/friends when they all lived in San Francisco in 2014. The group went to the Russian River for the Fourth of July and had such a good time that they went on two more vacations later that year. Today Rockmore invites more than 30 people—who now live all across the country—to two trips annually, many of them in a new locale. Just one of the attendees still works at the company where the original group met. “Over the years, friends have started dating new people and brought them into the fold, and others have brought new friends who have been welcome additions,” Rockmore told me by email. While the large group includes some of Rockmore’s friends (and now his wife) and some people who, like him, currently live in New York, there are also folks whom he sees only on these trips. “But I even feel really close to [them] as we have a good chance to catch up and talk about ‘real’ things while we’re there … which I think helps contribute to the Family Reunion vibes and keeps us all really close.”</p><p class="ArticleParagraph_root__4mszW" data-flatplan-paragraph="true"></p><p class="ArticleParagraph_root__4mszW" data-flatplan-paragraph="true">Many long-distance friendships also have the advantage of seeming like high-stakes engagements. When scheduling time with a friend nearby, for instance, canceling might not feel like a big deal. But coordinating vacation time and booking a rental house with someone is harder to flake on when the strains of daily life get in the way. That’s the case for Catherine Hovell and her best friend, Heather Ahearn, who have never once lived in the same city together. Hovell, a 39-year-old civil structural engineer in Seattle, has moved to several cities over the years because of her work, which has made it hard to maintain local friendships. She and Ahearn first met on a 2006 trip where they both played in a hockey tournament, which then became an annual occurrence for them. Still, their friendship took time to grow. When Hovell moved cities again in 2015 to Montreal, she made plans to see Ahearn, who lived a five-hour drive away in Salem, Massachusetts, more often. Since then they’ve been on weekend trips in New England and longer, more time-intensive vacations: Iceland for 10 days, Phoenix for six days, and the Caribbean twice. Hovell told me that Ahearn’s willingness to jump at varied travel opportunities and take on new experiences together has helped foster a deep relationship between the two. So much so that Ahearn’s become the person Hovell calls when she has a big life decision to make: “It’s basically my husband, my family, and her.”</p><p class="ArticleParagraph_root__4mszW" data-flatplan-paragraph="true"></p><p class="ArticleParagraph_root__4mszW" data-flatplan-paragraph="true">Ultimately, though, just planning a trip with a friend won’t magically make them a bestie. Chopik says there’s one major predictor for whether a friendship will be a fulfilling one: “The convenience of having a friend a few blocks away, or if a friend is someone you’ve known for 20 years—none of that is as important as if you like spending time with them.” As Hovell put it, whether she and Ahearn are on a beach doing crossword puzzles or sightseeing abroad doesn’t matter. She’s willing to travel wherever to see Ahearn, because the important part is “just the person.” Chopik pointed to evidence from his research lab showing that more people say they’ll prioritize friends over finding a life partner. And though a friendship getaway can sometimes seem like a frivolous personal indulgence, Chopik can personally attest to these trips improving one’s well-being: He and his grad-school friends have been traveling together nearly every year for the past eight years.</p><div class="ArticleBody_divider__GpNxD" id="article-end"></div></section><div data-event-module="footer"><div class="ArticleWell_root__fueCa"><div data-event-module="author footer" class="ArticleFooter_authorFooter__5NsdY"><div class="SectionHeading_root__3GnqT"><h3 class="SectionHeading_heading__iNkek">About the Author</h3></div><div class="ArticleBio_root__ua8zj"><address id="article-writer-0" class="ArticleBio_author__6pDyl" data-event-element="author" data-event-position="1" data-flatplan-bio="true"><div class="ArticleBio_content__O0ZVF ArticleBio_noHeadshotContent__RrLmd"><div class="ArticleBio_topContainer__QYRU4"><div><div class="ArticleBio_bioNameMulti__gvg_b"><a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/author/maggie-mertens/" data-event-element="author name">Maggie Mertens</a></div></div></div><div class="ArticleBio_bioSection__Hef4P"><div class="ArticleBio_bioSection__Hef4P" data-flatplan-bio="true"><a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/author/maggie-mertens/" class="author-link" data-label="https://www.theatlantic.com/author/maggie-mertens/" data-action="click author - name" >Maggie Mertens</a> is a writer in Seattle and the author of the recent book <a href="https://www.hachettebookgroup.com/titles/maggie-mertens/better-faster-farther/9781643753355"><em>Better Faster Farther: How Running Changed Everything We Know About Women</em></a>.</div><div class="ArticleBio_moreStories__LKpwT"><p class="ArticleBio_contentHeading__cmbmT">More Stories</p><a class="ArticleBio_storyLink__xuRiU" href="https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2024/08/olympics-marathon-women/679424/" data-event-element="more stories" data-event-position="1"><p>A Dam-Break Moment for Women in Olympics</p></a><a class="ArticleBio_storyLink__xuRiU" href="https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2024/04/running-marathon-quarter-life-crisis/678156/" data-event-element="more stories" data-event-position="2"><p>The New Quarter-Life Crisis</p></a></div></div></div></address></div></div></div></div><gpt-ad class="GptAd_root__pAvcS ArticleInjector_root__I7x9v s-native s-native--standard s-native--streamline" format="injector" sizes-at-0="mobile-wide,native,house" targeting-pos="injector-most-popular" sizes-at-976="desktop-wide,native,house"></gpt-ad><div class="ArticleInjector_clsAvoider__dqIAm"></div></article><div></div></main><div></div><div></div></div></div><script id="__NEXT_DATA__" type="application/json">{"props":{"isLoggedIn":false,"hasPaywallAccess":false,"hasAdFree":false,"pageProps":{"id":"BlogArticle:661349","isTnfCompatible":true,"layout":"standard","hasMeter":true,"url":"https://www.theatlantic.com/culture/archive/2022/06/how-vacations-make-friendships-stronger/661349/","dateModified":"2022-06-23T16:56:05Z","__typename":"BlogArticle","notFound":false,"urqlState":{"2021745665":{"data":"{\"breakingNews\":null}"},"2465852807":{"data":"{\"article\":{\"__typename\":\"BlogArticle\",\"id\":\"BlogArticle:661349\",\"authors\":[{\"url\":\"https://www.theatlantic.com/author/maggie-mertens/\",\"displayName\":\"Maggie Mertens\",\"__typename\":\"Author\",\"id\":\"Author:9086\",\"isFollowable\":false,\"biography\":{\"default\":\"\u003ca href=\\\"https://www.theatlantic.com/author/maggie-mertens/\\\" class=\\\"author-link\\\" data-label=\\\"https://www.theatlantic.com/author/maggie-mertens/\\\" data-action=\\\"click author - name\\\" \u003eMaggie Mertens\u003c/a\u003e is a writer in Seattle and the author of the recent book \u003ca href=\\\"https://www.hachettebookgroup.com/titles/maggie-mertens/better-faster-farther/9781643753355\\\"\u003e\u003cem\u003eBetter Faster Farther: How Running Changed Everything We Know About Women\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/a\u003e.\",\"__typename\":\"Biography\"},\"headshot\":null,\"river\":{\"edges\":[{\"cursor\":\"MjAyNC0wOC0xMCAwNzowMDowMHw2Nzk0MjQ=\",\"node\":{\"id\":\"BlogArticle:679424\",\"title\":\"A Dam-Break Moment for Women in Olympics\",\"url\":\"https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2024/08/olympics-marathon-women/679424/\",\"__typename\":\"BlogArticle\"},\"__typename\":\"PromoEdge\"},{\"cursor\":\"MjAyNC0wNC0yMyAwNzowMDowMHw2NzgxNTY=\",\"node\":{\"id\":\"BlogArticle:678156\",\"title\":\"The New Quarter-Life Crisis\",\"url\":\"https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2024/04/running-marathon-quarter-life-crisis/678156/\",\"__typename\":\"BlogArticle\"},\"__typename\":\"PromoEdge\"},{\"cursor\":\"MjAyMy0wMy0xMyAxODoxMjowMHw2NzMzNzc=\",\"node\":{\"id\":\"BlogArticle:673377\",\"title\":\"The Surprising Truth About Seasonal Depression\",\"url\":\"https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2023/03/seasonal-affective-disorder-winter-depression/673377/\",\"__typename\":\"BlogArticle\"},\"__typename\":\"PromoEdge\"}],\"__typename\":\"RiverConnection\"},\"slug\":\"maggie-mertens\",\"socialMedia\":[{\"platform\":\"TWITTER\",\"url\":\"https://twitter.com/maggiejmertens\",\"__typename\":\"SocialMedia\"}]}],\"authorContext\":null,\"categories\":[{\"slug\":\"one-story-read-today\",\"__typename\":\"Category\"}],\"content\":[{\"__typename\":\"ArticleParagraphContent\",\"subtype\":null,\"idAttr\":\"\",\"innerHtml\":\"\u003csmall\u003e\u003ci\u003eThis article was featured in One Story to Read Today, a newsletter in which our editors recommend a single must-read from \u003c/i\u003eThe Atlantic\u003ci\u003e, Monday through Friday. \u003c/i\u003e\u003ca data-event-element=\\\"inline link\\\" data-saferedirecturl=\\\"https://www.google.com/url?q=https://www.theatlantic.com/newsletters/sign-up/one-story-to-read-today/\u0026amp;source=gmail\u0026amp;ust=1656004265745000\u0026amp;usg=AOvVaw36ZaJ2k7sHAJG4_l5AqJyh\\\" href=\\\"https://www.theatlantic.com/newsletters/sign-up/one-story-to-read-today/\\\" target=\\\"_blank\\\"\u003e\u003ci\u003eSign up for it here.\u003c/i\u003e\u003c/a\u003e\u003ci\u003e \u003c/i\u003e\u003c/small\u003e\"},{\"__typename\":\"ArticleParagraphContent\",\"subtype\":null,\"idAttr\":\"\",\"innerHtml\":\"Adult friendships can be tricky to maintain. People move away from their college town as schooling ends, careers begin and monopolize our time, socializing at happy hours can start to lose its appeal as you get older. And during the pandemic, hundreds of thousands of Americans \u003ca data-event-element=\\\"inline link\\\" href=\\\"https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2020/06/01/city-relocate-pandemic/\\\"\u003emoved from cities\u003c/a\u003e full of their friends to less populated areas. Consequently, the close friendships we’ve cultivated from early adulthood might seem more prone to ending as we lose convenient ways of staying in contact, such as living in the same locale. But Millennials and Gen Zers are getting married and having children later than previous generations (or eschewing these milestones altogether), as well as \u003ca data-event-element=\\\"inline link\\\" href=\\\"https://www.theatlantic.com/culture/archive/2022/02/quitting-job-identity/622934/\\\"\u003eredefining their relationship to work\u003c/a\u003e, making friendships more important. Distance, as it turns out, isn’t the barrier it used to be, thanks in part to a way some of us are keeping these relationships alive: the friend vacation.\"},{\"__typename\":\"ArticleParagraphContent\",\"subtype\":null,\"idAttr\":\"\",\"innerHtml\":\"\"},{\"__typename\":\"ArticleParagraphContent\",\"subtype\":null,\"idAttr\":\"\",\"innerHtml\":\"A trip to meet up with far-flung friends is typically born out of a desire to simply have some fun and maybe relive old memories. For Kathryn Stephenson, a 31-year-old executive recruiter in Atlanta, that used to be true. While living in Los Angeles in 2017, Stephenson met her sorority sisters from the University of Oregon for a weekend vacation in Las Vegas. “It was a very silly, totally ridiculous weekend,” she told me by phone. But the trip was about more than living out stereotypical Vegas debauchery—they found that traveling together was a way to stay authentically connected.\"},{\"__typename\":\"ArticleParagraphContent\",\"subtype\":null,\"idAttr\":\"\",\"innerHtml\":\"\"},{\"__typename\":\"ArticleParagraphContent\",\"subtype\":null,\"idAttr\":\"\",\"innerHtml\":\"Since then, the trio have become more deliberate about nurturing their long-distance relationship. They’ve met up in Minneapolis and in Bend, Oregon, and are thinking about another trip soon. “In 10 years we’ve had a lot of life changes, from college to our early 30s, and our interactions have gotten deeper,” Stephenson said. And hanging on to those relationships helps her know herself better. “There’s some superficiality in the way we think of friendship these days; the Instagram or Facebook world gives us this feeling of needing more friends, more everything. But being able to travel to see good friends shows you don’t need a huge network; you need an intentional one.”\"},{\"__typename\":\"ArticleRelatedContentLink\",\"idAttr\":\"injected-recirculation-link-0\",\"innerHtml\":\"\u003ca href=\\\"https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2022/06/six-ways-make-maintain-friends/661232/\\\"\u003eRead: The six forces that fuel friendship\u003c/a\u003e\",\"index\":0},{\"__typename\":\"ArticleParagraphContent\",\"subtype\":null,\"idAttr\":\"\",\"innerHtml\":\"The friend trip is a natural response to our technological advances, William Chopik, a social-personality psychologist who heads up the \u003ca data-event-element=\\\"inline link\\\" href=\\\"https://chopiklab.com/\\\"\u003eClose Relationships Lab\u003c/a\u003e at Michigan State University, told me. Thanks to social media and smartphones that allow us to text, email, and videochat anyone at will, “people are \u003ca data-event-element=\\\"inline link\\\" href=\\\"https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2022/01/not-sorry-for-my-delay/621264/\\\"\u003emore accessible\u003c/a\u003e than ever before, but not necessarily closer to each other,” he said. Real closeness, Chopik’s research shows, often comes from opportunities for mutual disclosure—in other words, sharing and listening deeply. “If you’re going on trips once or twice a year, you’ll have many disclosure opportunities to update people about the big, important things in your life.”\"},{\"__typename\":\"ArticleParagraphContent\",\"subtype\":null,\"idAttr\":\"\",\"innerHtml\":\"\"},{\"__typename\":\"ArticleParagraphContent\",\"subtype\":null,\"idAttr\":\"\",\"innerHtml\":\"So while you may see a friend who lives nearby more often, you may actually run out of stuff to talk about with them, according to Chopik. But when you see a friend rarely, and then you’ve invested energy and money to hang out, you’re likely going to have a more intense connection during that time: “That kind of intent listening often happens in person,” he said. Stephenson agrees: “I’m a terrible texter,” she told me, and she and her long-distance friends are “not in constant communication. But these trips are kind of the antidote to having to do that.”\"},{\"__typename\":\"ArticleRelatedContentLink\",\"idAttr\":\"injected-recirculation-link-1\",\"innerHtml\":\"\u003ca href=\\\"https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2020/10/people-who-prioritize-friendship-over-romance/616779/\\\"\u003eRead: What if friendship, not marriage, was at the center of life?\u003c/a\u003e\",\"index\":1},{\"__typename\":\"ArticleParagraphContent\",\"subtype\":null,\"idAttr\":\"\",\"innerHtml\":\"Intentional travel with friends, where folks catch up on the more profound moments in life, can also foster the kinds of deep connections many of us may think are reserved for family reunions. Logan Rockmore, a 35-year-old software engineer in Brooklyn, first booked a vacation rental with a group of co-workers/friends when they all lived in San Francisco in 2014. The group went to the Russian River for the Fourth of July and had such a good time that they went on two more vacations later that year. Today Rockmore invites more than 30 people—who now live all across the country—to two trips annually, many of them in a new locale. Just one of the attendees still works at the company where the original group met. “Over the years, friends have started dating new people and brought them into the fold, and others have brought new friends who have been welcome additions,” Rockmore told me by email. While the large group includes some of Rockmore’s friends (and now his wife) and some people who, like him, currently live in New York, there are also folks whom he sees only on these trips. “But I even feel really close to [them] as we have a good chance to catch up and talk about ‘real’ things while we’re there … which I think helps contribute to the Family Reunion vibes and keeps us all really close.”\"},{\"__typename\":\"ArticleParagraphContent\",\"subtype\":null,\"idAttr\":\"\",\"innerHtml\":\"\"},{\"__typename\":\"ArticleParagraphContent\",\"subtype\":null,\"idAttr\":\"\",\"innerHtml\":\"Many long-distance friendships also have the advantage of seeming like high-stakes engagements. When scheduling time with a friend nearby, for instance, canceling might not feel like a big deal. But coordinating vacation time and booking a rental house with someone is harder to flake on when the strains of daily life get in the way. That’s the case for Catherine Hovell and her best friend, Heather Ahearn, who have never once lived in the same city together. Hovell, a 39-year-old civil structural engineer in Seattle, has moved to several cities over the years because of her work, which has made it hard to maintain local friendships. She and Ahearn first met on a 2006 trip where they both played in a hockey tournament, which then became an annual occurrence for them. Still, their friendship took time to grow. When Hovell moved cities again in 2015 to Montreal, she made plans to see Ahearn, who lived a five-hour drive away in Salem, Massachusetts, more often. Since then they’ve been on weekend trips in New England and longer, more time-intensive vacations: Iceland for 10 days, Phoenix for six days, and the Caribbean twice. Hovell told me that Ahearn’s willingness to jump at varied travel opportunities and take on new experiences together has helped foster a deep relationship between the two. So much so that Ahearn’s become the person Hovell calls when she has a big life decision to make: “It’s basically my husband, my family, and her.”\"},{\"__typename\":\"ArticleParagraphContent\",\"subtype\":null,\"idAttr\":\"\",\"innerHtml\":\"\"},{\"__typename\":\"ArticleParagraphContent\",\"subtype\":null,\"idAttr\":\"\",\"innerHtml\":\"Ultimately, though, just planning a trip with a friend won’t magically make them a bestie. Chopik says there’s one major predictor for whether a friendship will be a fulfilling one: “The convenience of having a friend a few blocks away, or if a friend is someone you’ve known for 20 years—none of that is as important as if you like spending time with them.” As Hovell put it, whether she and Ahearn are on a beach doing crossword puzzles or sightseeing abroad doesn’t matter. She’s willing to travel wherever to see Ahearn, because the important part is “just the person.” Chopik pointed to evidence from his research lab showing that more people say they’ll prioritize friends over finding a life partner. And though a friendship getaway can sometimes seem like a frivolous personal indulgence, Chopik can personally attest to these trips improving one’s well-being: He and his grad-school friends have been traveling together nearly every year for the past eight years.\"}],\"editorialProject\":{\"river\":{\"edges\":[{\"node\":{\"__typename\":\"BlogArticle\",\"url\":\"https://www.theatlantic.com/culture/archive/2022/09/sports-gender-sex-segregation-coed/671460/\",\"title\":\"Separating Sports by Sex Doesn’t Make Sense\",\"authors\":[{\"url\":\"https://www.theatlantic.com/author/maggie-mertens/\",\"displayName\":\"Maggie Mertens\",\"id\":\"Author:9086\",\"slug\":\"maggie-mertens\",\"__typename\":\"Author\"}],\"riverImage\":{\"id\":\"Image:1580516:80x80:1x,2x\",\"url\":\"https://cdn.theatlantic.com/thumbor/YfmwiDKURx03US42Mrj1puAN1Io=/206x0:746x540/80x80/media/img/mt/2022/09/Sports_Gender_960x540_2/original.gif\",\"srcSet\":\"https://cdn.theatlantic.com/thumbor/YfmwiDKURx03US42Mrj1puAN1Io=/206x0:746x540/80x80/media/img/mt/2022/09/Sports_Gender_960x540_2/original.gif, https://cdn.theatlantic.com/thumbor/d8G6mA-B_SXHVFo-zfDgXyOw1sk=/206x0:746x540/160x160/media/img/mt/2022/09/Sports_Gender_960x540_2/original.gif 2x\",\"reducedMotionSrcSet\":\"https://cdn.theatlantic.com/thumbor/1RKZFwgH3dIb_eihzJcknnKNLIM=/206x0:746x540/80x80/filters:still()/media/img/mt/2022/09/Sports_Gender_960x540_2/original.gif, https://cdn.theatlantic.com/thumbor/UTBrxZSwXhf4blT-Fue3jQLHD94=/206x0:746x540/160x160/filters:still()/media/img/mt/2022/09/Sports_Gender_960x540_2/original.gif 2x\",\"width\":80,\"height\":80,\"altText\":\"illustration of a pink white and blue football spinning\",\"__typename\":\"BasicImage\"}},\"__typename\":\"PromoEdge\"},{\"node\":{\"__typename\":\"MagazineArticle\",\"url\":\"https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2022/09/toxic-person-tiktok-internet-slang-meaning/670599/\",\"title\":\"That’s It. 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