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src="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/shop-promo-img.png" alt="Official The Onion merchandise that can be found in The Onion store." class="wp-image-114" srcset="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/shop-promo-img.png 752w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/shop-promo-img.png?resize=300,86 300w" sizes="(max-width: 752px) 100vw, 752px" /></a></figure> <p class="has-primary-1-color has-text-color has-link-color has-tablet-gothic-semi-condensed-font-family has-foxtrot-font-size wp-elements-b29e5a32210fe00d65a1b051f74011ad" style="font-style:normal;font-weight:700;text-transform:none"><a href="https://store.theonion.com">Black Friday Sale: Get Merch.</a></p> </div> <hr class="wp-block-separator has-text-color has-shade-2-color has-alpha-channel-opacity has-shade-2-background-color has-background" style="margin-top:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40);margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40)"/> <div class="wp-block-group 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class="wp-block-gridible-grid-column gridible-col gridible-col__12 gridible-col__md-12 gridible-col__lg-12"><h1 style="font-style:normal;font-weight:700; margin-bottom:0px;" class="has-text-align-center wp-elements-6023f3c57aa6c35070c09da40869c9cf wp-block-query-title has-text-color has-primary-2-color has-mega-font-size has-rocky-compressed-font-family">DNC</h1></div> </div> <hr class="wp-block-separator has-text-color has-shade-2-color has-alpha-channel-opacity has-shade-2-background-color has-background is-style-double" style="margin-bottom:0px"/> </header> <section class="wp-block-group alignwide is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow" style="padding-top:var(--wp--preset--spacing--50)"> <div class="wp-block-gridible-responsive-spacer gridible-hidden--sm gridible-hidden--md" style="height:32px" aria-hidden="true"></div> <div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-container gridible-row gridible-row--flex gridible-row__all-start gridible-row__md-normal gridible-row__lg-normal gridible-row__all-standard gridible-row__md-standard gridible-row__lg-standard pat-news-package"> <div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-column gridible-col gridible-col__12 gridible-col__md-8 gridible-col__lg-8"> <div class="wp-block-query pat-news-pack-arch-list is-layout-flow wp-block-query-is-layout-flow"><ul class="wp-block-post-template is-layout-flow wp-block-post-template-is-layout-flow"><li class="wp-block-post post-1851675091 post type-post status-publish format-standard has-post-thumbnail hentry category-politics tag-dnc tag-news-in-photos tag-vol-60-issue-47"> <article class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow" style="border-bottom-color:var(--wp--preset--color--shade-2);border-bottom-width:1px;margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40);padding-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40)"> <div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-container gridible-row gridible-row--flex gridible-row__all-start gridible-row__md-start gridible-row__lg-start gridible-row__all-reverse-row gridible-row__md-reverse-row gridible-row__lg-standard" style="padding-bottom:0px"> <div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-column gridible-col gridible-col__5 gridible-col__md-4 gridible-col__lg-4"><figure style="aspect-ratio:3/2; margin-bottom:0px;" class="wp-block-post-featured-image"><a href="https://theonion.com/dnc-chair-its-not-a-waste-of-money-if-it-makes-you-happy/" target="_self" ><img width="1024" height="776" src="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/DNC_Chair_SB_PH-2-1.jpg?w=1024" class="attachment-post-thumbnail size-post-thumbnail wp-post-image" alt="DNC Chair: It’s Not A Waste Of Money If It Makes You Happy" style="width:100%;height:100%;object-fit:cover;" decoding="async" srcset="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/DNC_Chair_SB_PH-2-1.jpg 2000w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/DNC_Chair_SB_PH-2-1.jpg?resize=300,227 300w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/DNC_Chair_SB_PH-2-1.jpg?resize=768,582 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wp-block-post-title has-text-color has-primary-2-color has-rocky-condensed-font-family"><a href="https://theonion.com/dnc-chair-its-not-a-waste-of-money-if-it-makes-you-happy/" target="_self" >DNC Chair: It’s Not A Waste Of Money If It Makes You Happy</a></h3> </div> </div> </article> </li></ul> <div class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow"> </div> </div> <hr class="wp-block-separator has-text-color has-shade-2-color has-alpha-channel-opacity has-shade-2-background-color has-background is-style-double block-visibility-hide-large-screen block-visibility-hide-medium-screen"/> <div class="wp-block-gridible-responsive-spacer gridible-hidden--md gridible-hidden--lg" style="height:32px" aria-hidden="true"></div> </div> <div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-column gridible-col gridible-col__12 gridible-col__md-4 gridible-col__lg-3 gridible-offset__lg-1 pat-news-package-list"><div class="has-full-height wp-block-template-part"> <aside class="wp-block-group has-full-height is-vertical is-content-justification-stretch is-nowrap is-layout-flex wp-container-core-group-is-layout-21 wp-block-group-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-group has-full-height is-vertical is-content-justification-stretch is-nowrap is-layout-flex wp-container-core-group-is-layout-18 wp-block-group-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-group has-background is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow block-visibility-hide-medium-screen" style="background-color:#f3f3f3;margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--50);padding-top:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);padding-right:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);padding-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);padding-left:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30)"> <p class="has-text-align-center has-shade-1-color has-text-color has-link-color has-tablet-gothic-semi-condensed-font-family has-golf-font-size wp-elements-398065caccd2e998f33db55a72b9615d" style="margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;text-transform:uppercase">Advertising</p> <div class='htlad-medrec'></div> </div> <div class="wp-block-group single-post-rail__post-list is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow block-visibility-hide-small-screen" style="margin-bottom:0"> <div class="wp-block-group is-nowrap is-layout-flex wp-container-core-group-is-layout-14 wp-block-group-is-layout-flex"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full is-resized"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="64" height="52" src="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/trending-news-icon.png" alt="trending news icon" class="wp-image-681" style="width:32px"/></figure> <p class="has-primary-1-color has-text-color has-link-color has-tablet-gothic-semi-condensed-font-family has-echo-font-size wp-elements-b1f7f5562b36fc95300da50b2bf47aef" style="font-style:normal;font-weight:700;text-transform:none">Trending News</p> </div> <div 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href="https://theonion.com/announcement-of-fourth-child-contains-conspicuous-lack-of-exclamation-points/" target="_self" >Announcement Of Fourth Child Contains Conspicuous Lack Of Exclamation Points</a></h2> </li><li class="wp-block-post post-1851674980 post type-post status-publish format-standard has-post-thumbnail hentry category-politics tag-donald-trump tag-elon-musk tag-vol-60-issue-47 featured-post-trending"> <figure style="aspect-ratio:16/9; margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);" class="wp-block-post-featured-image"><a href="https://theonion.com/trump-locks-bathroom-door-so-elon-musk-cant-follow-him-in/" target="_self" ><img width="1024" height="576" src="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Trump_Locks_Bathroom_NIB_IHA_GR.webp?w=1024" class="attachment-post-thumbnail size-post-thumbnail wp-post-image" alt="Trump Locks Bathroom Door So Elon Musk Can’t Follow Him In" style="width:100%;height:100%;object-fit:cover;" decoding="async" loading="lazy" srcset="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Trump_Locks_Bathroom_NIB_IHA_GR.webp 2000w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Trump_Locks_Bathroom_NIB_IHA_GR.webp?resize=300,169 300w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Trump_Locks_Bathroom_NIB_IHA_GR.webp?resize=768,432 768w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Trump_Locks_Bathroom_NIB_IHA_GR.webp?resize=1024,576 1024w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Trump_Locks_Bathroom_NIB_IHA_GR.webp?resize=1536,864 1536w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></a></figure> <div style="text-transform:none;padding-top:0;padding-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30)" class="taxonomy-category wp-block-post-terms has-foxtrot-font-size"><a href="https://theonion.com/politics/" rel="tag">Politics</a></div> <h2 style="margin-bottom:0;" class="has-link-color wp-elements-ebb0f7e05e6f58e9a930fdd12728be7a wp-block-post-title has-text-color has-primary-2-color has-delta-font-size"><a 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has-echo-font-size"><a href="https://theonion.com/fda-bans-captain-morgan-rum-after-having-way-too-much-of-that-shit-in-college/" target="_self" >FDA Bans Captain Morgan Rum After Having Way Too Much Of That Shit In College</a></h2> </li><li class="wp-block-post post-1851675298 post type-post status-publish format-standard has-post-thumbnail hentry category-cartoons tag-vol-60-issue-48"> <h2 style="margin-bottom:0px;" class="has-link-color wp-elements-b8eea333f8f8e654207ae0ab9896632f wp-block-post-title has-text-color has-primary-2-color has-echo-font-size"><a href="https://theonion.com/manifest-dunce-ity/" target="_self" >Manifest Dunce-ity</a></h2> </li><li class="wp-block-post post-1851675271 post type-post status-publish format-standard has-post-thumbnail hentry category-news tag-vol-60-issue-48 featured-post-primary-post"> <h2 style="margin-bottom:0px;" class="has-link-color wp-elements-b8eea333f8f8e654207ae0ab9896632f wp-block-post-title has-text-color has-primary-2-color 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style="height:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30)" aria-hidden="true"></div> <hr class="wp-block-separator has-text-color has-shade-2-color has-alpha-channel-opacity has-shade-2-background-color has-background is-style-double"/> </section> <section class="wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained" style="padding-top:var(--wp--preset--spacing--50)"> <div class="wp-block-gridible-responsive-spacer gridible-hidden--sm gridible-hidden--md" style="height:32px" aria-hidden="true"></div> <div class="wp-block-group alignwide has-fluid-spacing has-shade-2-background-color has-background is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow" style="padding-top:var(--wp--preset--spacing--60);padding-right:var(--wp--preset--spacing--60);padding-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--60);padding-left:var(--wp--preset--spacing--60)"> <div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-container gridible-row gridible-row--flex gridible-row__all-start gridible-row__md-normal gridible-row__lg-start gridible-row__all-reverse-column gridible-row__md-reverse-column gridible-row__lg-standard"> <div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-column gridible-col gridible-col__12 gridible-col__md-12 gridible-col__lg-4"> <h2 class="wp-block-heading has-primary-2-color has-text-color has-link-color has-tablet-gothic-semi-condensed-font-family has-charlie-font-size wp-elements-ac9ca578b9ef7430d7135a4982dd873b" id="h-unlock-the-onion-vault" style="margin-top:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40);margin-right:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40);margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40);font-style:normal;font-weight:700">Unlock ‘The Onion’ Vault</h2> <p class="has-primary-2-color has-text-color has-link-color has-tablet-gothic-semi-condensed-font-family has-echo-font-size wp-elements-67c6936bb8e1594be37051cc5db547b8" style="margin-right:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40)">Journey through 268 years of highly acclaimed, universally revered reporting. <em>The Onion</em>‘s archives comprise the most 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