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mishaps I’ve made along the way</em></strong></h2><div><div class="speechify-ignore ab cp"><div class="speechify-ignore bh l"><div class="in io ip iq ir ab"><div><div class="ab is"><div><div class="bm" aria-hidden="false"><a rel="noopener follow" href="/@carriehayz?source=post_page---byline--b45c0b0c33f4--------------------------------"><div class="l it iu by iv iw"><div class="l fj"><img alt="Carrie Hayes" class="l fd by dd de cx" src="https://miro.medium.com/v2/resize:fill:88:88/2*Sk9RTKwlC_nwNDfXIBdIDg.jpeg" width="44" height="44" loading="lazy" data-testid="authorPhoto"/><div class="ix by l dd de fs n iy ft"></div></div></div></a></div></div><div class="iz ab fj"><div><div class="bm" aria-hidden="false"><a href="https://medium.com/middle-pause?source=post_page---byline--b45c0b0c33f4--------------------------------" rel="noopener follow"><div class="l ja jb by iv jc"><div class="l fj"><img alt="Middle-Pause" class="l fd by br jd cx" 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700px) 50vw, (-webkit-min-device-pixel-ratio: 4) and (max-width: 700px) 50vw, (min-resolution: 3dppx) and (max-width: 700px) 67vw, (-webkit-min-device-pixel-ratio: 3) and (max-width: 700px) 65vw, (min-resolution: 2.5dppx) and (max-width: 700px) 80vw, (-webkit-min-device-pixel-ratio: 2.5) and (max-width: 700px) 80vw, (min-resolution: 2dppx) and (max-width: 700px) 100vw, (-webkit-min-device-pixel-ratio: 2) and (max-width: 700px) 100vw, 700px" type="image/webp"/><source data-testid="og" srcSet="https://miro.medium.com/v2/resize:fit:640/1*vaJ25GzvmzXb95Nbf-pk1w.jpeg 640w, https://miro.medium.com/v2/resize:fit:720/1*vaJ25GzvmzXb95Nbf-pk1w.jpeg 720w, https://miro.medium.com/v2/resize:fit:750/1*vaJ25GzvmzXb95Nbf-pk1w.jpeg 750w, https://miro.medium.com/v2/resize:fit:786/1*vaJ25GzvmzXb95Nbf-pk1w.jpeg 786w, https://miro.medium.com/v2/resize:fit:828/1*vaJ25GzvmzXb95Nbf-pk1w.jpeg 828w, https://miro.medium.com/v2/resize:fit:1100/1*vaJ25GzvmzXb95Nbf-pk1w.jpeg 1100w, https://miro.medium.com/v2/resize:fit:1400/1*vaJ25GzvmzXb95Nbf-pk1w.jpeg 1400w" sizes="(min-resolution: 4dppx) and (max-width: 700px) 50vw, (-webkit-min-device-pixel-ratio: 4) and (max-width: 700px) 50vw, (min-resolution: 3dppx) and (max-width: 700px) 67vw, (-webkit-min-device-pixel-ratio: 3) and (max-width: 700px) 65vw, (min-resolution: 2.5dppx) and (max-width: 700px) 80vw, (-webkit-min-device-pixel-ratio: 2.5) and (max-width: 700px) 80vw, (min-resolution: 2dppx) and (max-width: 700px) 100vw, (-webkit-min-device-pixel-ratio: 2) and (max-width: 700px) 100vw, 700px"/><img alt="Picture of the author considering the statement, ‘I am the curator of my own misery,’ which was written on a wall of the Tate Modern Museum in London" class="bh mx od c" width="700" height="934" loading="eager"/></picture></div></div><figcaption class="oe ff of nq nr og oh bf b bg z du">The author at the Tate Modern last summer</figcaption></figure><p id="0743" class="pw-post-body-paragraph oi oj hd ok b hx ol om on ia oo op oq or os ot ou ov ow ox oy oz pa pb pc pd gw bk">It was 2008. I was a kitchen designer and the construction industry had imploded. Lehman Brothers had collapsed and the rest of it went haywire.</p><p id="4f0a" class="pw-post-body-paragraph oi oj hd ok b hx ol om on ia oo op oq or os ot ou ov ow ox oy oz pa pb pc pd gw bk">At home, we were on the cusp of losing everything, so what else was there to lose?</p><p id="5e34" class="pw-post-body-paragraph oi oj hd ok b hx ol om on ia oo op oq or os ot ou ov ow ox oy oz pa pb pc pd gw bk">“Tell me what you’re into,” I said, thinking it would be easy. I have a good voice and know how to purr on the phone.</p><p id="1243" class="pw-post-body-paragraph oi oj hd ok b hx ol om on ia oo op oq or os ot ou ov ow ox oy oz pa pb pc pd gw bk">And yes, I was a failed phone sex worker, but that is not what this essay is about.</p><p id="9deb" class="pw-post-body-paragraph oi oj hd ok b hx ol om on ia oo op oq or os ot ou ov ow ox oy oz pa pb pc pd gw bk">What it’s about is making sense of the grief and craziness it’s impossible not to feel when the norms we take for granted are no longer sacrosanct.</p><p id="f393" class="pw-post-body-paragraph oi oj hd ok b hx ol om on ia oo op oq or os ot ou ov ow ox oy oz pa pb pc pd gw bk">Before this last election, there were rumblings from the experts to prepare ourselves. Those who bet money and know the odds, were ready to call it. But, not unlike the certainty we had before the Great Recession, one said to oneself that these things could never happen.</p><p id="e444" class="pw-post-body-paragraph oi oj hd ok b hx ol om on ia oo op oq or os ot ou ov ow ox oy oz pa pb pc pd gw bk">I mean, look at me! I was a kitchen designer. It was unthinkable to imagine myself auditioning to be a phone sex worker.</p><p id="89a1" class="pw-post-body-paragraph oi oj hd ok b hx ol om on ia oo op oq or os ot ou ov ow ox oy oz pa pb pc pd gw bk">The Great Recession was 16 years ago, and we managed to get through it. But during that time, we nearly lost everything.</p></div></div></div></div></section></div></div></article></div><div class="l"></div><footer class="pe pf pg ph gv ab q pi jc c"><div class="l ae"><div class="ab cb"><div class="ci bh fz ga gb gc"><div class="ab cp pj"><div class="ab q lp"><div class="pk l"><span class="l pl pm pn e d"><div class="ab q lp lq"><div class="pw-multi-vote-icon fj gt lr ls lt"><span><a class="af ag ah ai aj ak al am an ao ap aq ar as at" data-testid="footerClapButton" rel="noopener follow" href="/m/signin?actionUrl=https%3A%2F%2Fmedium.com%2F_%2Fvote%2Fmiddle-pause%2Fb45c0b0c33f4&operation=register&redirect=https%3A%2F%2Fmedium.com%2Fmiddle-pause%2Fi-was-a-failed-phone-sex-worker-b45c0b0c33f4&user=Carrie+Hayes&userId=76962fa8d001&source=---footer_actions--b45c0b0c33f4---------------------clap_footer-----------"><div><div class="bm" aria-hidden="false"><div class="lu ao lv lw lx ly am lz ma mb lt"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="24" height="24" 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href="/middle-pause/my-moms-baked-macaroni-makes-everything-all-better-86f50a06f876?source=post_page---post_publication_info--b45c0b0c33f4--------------------------------">Last published 14 hours ago</a></div></div><div class="rm l"><p class="bf b bg z bk"><span class="gw">We are the voices of women who encourage, inspire, and empower each other to live lives of meaning and purpose. 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1-.346 0 .25.25 0 0 1-.072-.177v-2.5c0-.332-.13-.65-.359-.884A1.21 1.21 0 0 0 6.84 5.5h-1.47a.49.49 0 0 0-.346.146A.5.5 0 0 0 4.88 6v4c0 .133.051.26.143.354a.49.49 0 0 0 .347.146z"></path></svg></div></div></div></div></div></a><div class="rl ab is"><div class="l js"><span class="pw-follower-count bf b bg z du"><a class="af ag ah ai aj ak al am an ao ap aq ar ji" rel="noopener follow" href="/@carriehayz/followers?source=post_page---post_author_info--b45c0b0c33f4--------------------------------">722 Followers</a></span></div><div class="bf b bg z du ab jy"><span class="jm l" aria-hidden="true"><span class="bf b bg z du">·</span></span><a class="af ag ah ai aj ak al am an ao ap aq ar ji" rel="noopener follow" href="/@carriehayz/following?source=post_page---post_author_info--b45c0b0c33f4--------------------------------">215 Following</a></div></div><div class="rm l"><p class="bf b bg z bk">writes historical fiction and is the host of the podcast Angry Dead Women. <a class="af ag ah ai aj 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