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S233.448,304,234,304h68c0.552,0,1.052,0.224,1.414,0.586S304,305.448,304,306v116c0,0.552-0.224,1.052-0.586,1.414 S302.552,424,302,424z"></path><path fill="#EB0000" d="M422,280H234c-0.552,0-1.052-0.224-1.414-0.586S232,278.552,232,278V90c0-0.552,0.224-1.052,0.586-1.414 S233.448,88,234,88h188c0.552,0,1.052,0.224,1.414,0.586S424,89.448,424,90v188c0,0.552-0.224,1.052-0.586,1.414 S422.552,280,422,280z"></path><path fill="#D30000" d="M206,328H90c-0.552,0-1.052-0.224-1.414-0.586S88,326.552,88,326V210c0-0.552,0.224-1.052,0.586-1.414 S89.448,208,90,208h116c0.552,0,1.052,0.224,1.414,0.586S208,209.448,208,210v116c0,0.552-0.224,1.052-0.586,1.414 S206.552,328,206,328z"></path></g></svg><span>News</span></a></li><li class="orb-nav-sport"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20220711014235/https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport"><svg class="product-icon" version="1.1" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" xmlns:xlink="http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink" x="0px" y="0px" viewbox="0 0 512 512" enable-background="new 0 0 512 512" xml:space="preserve" focusable="false" aria-hidden="true"><g><path fill="#FFD230" d="M90,184h332c0.552,0,1.052-0.224,1.414-0.586S424,182.552,424,182V90c0-0.552-0.224-1.052-0.586-1.414 S422.552,88,422,88H90c-0.552,0-1.052,0.224-1.414,0.586S88,89.448,88,90v92c0,0.552,0.224,1.052,0.586,1.414S89.448,184,90,184z"></path><path fill="#FFA100" d="M306,424h116c0.552,0,1.052-0.224,1.414-0.586S424,422.552,424,422v-92c0-0.552-0.224-1.052-0.586-1.414 S422.552,328,422,328H306c-0.552,0-1.052,0.224-1.414,0.586S304,329.448,304,330v92c0,0.552,0.224,1.052,0.586,1.414 S305.448,424,306,424z"></path><path fill="#FFBA00" d="M210,304h212c0.552,0,1.052-0.224,1.414-0.586S424,302.552,424,302v-92c0-0.552-0.224-1.052-0.586-1.414 S422.552,208,422,208H210c-0.552,0-1.052,0.224-1.414,0.586S208,209.448,208,210v92c0,0.552,0.224,1.052,0.586,1.414 S209.448,304,210,304z"></path></g></svg><span>Sport</span></a></li><li class="orb-nav-weather"><a 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d="M258,166h164c0.552,0,1.052-0.224,1.414-0.586S424,164.552,424,164V90c0-0.552-0.224-1.052-0.586-1.414 S422.552,88,422,88H258c-0.552,0-1.052,0.224-1.414,0.586S256,89.448,256,90v74c0,0.552,0.224,1.052,0.586,1.414 S257.448,166,258,166z"></path></g></svg><span>Weather</span></a></li><li class="orb-nav-iplayer"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20220711014235/https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer"><svg class="product-icon" version="1.1" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" xmlns:xlink="http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink" x="0px" y="0px" viewbox="0 0 512 512" enable-background="new 0 0 512 512" xml:space="preserve" focusable="false" aria-hidden="true"><g><path fill="#DC2878" d="M182,358h-68c-0.55,0-1.05-0.225-1.412-0.587C112.225,357.05,112,356.55,112,356V156 c0-0.552,0.224-1.052,0.586-1.414S113.448,154,114,154h68c0.55,0,1.05,0.225,1.413,0.587C183.775,154.95,184,155.45,184,156v200 c0,0.552-0.224,1.052-0.586,1.414S182.552,358,182,358z"></path><path fill="#FF4C98" d="M372.106,248.243l34-58.89c0.275-0.476,0.33-1.022,0.197-1.517c-0.133-0.495-0.453-0.94-0.93-1.215 l-173.205-100c-0.478-0.276-1.023-0.332-1.518-0.2c-0.494,0.132-0.938,0.454-1.214,0.932l-34,58.89 c-0.275,0.476-0.33,1.022-0.197,1.517c0.133,0.495,0.453,0.94,0.93,1.215l173.205,100c0.478,0.276,1.023,0.332,1.518,0.2 C371.386,249.042,371.83,248.721,372.106,248.243z"></path><path fill="#AF0D5B" d="M372.106,263.757l34,58.89c0.275,0.476,0.33,1.022,0.197,1.517c-0.133,0.495-0.453,0.94-0.93,1.215 l-173.205,100c-0.478,0.276-1.023,0.332-1.518,0.2c-0.494-0.132-0.938-0.454-1.214-0.932l-34-58.89 c-0.275-0.476-0.33-1.022-0.197-1.517c0.133-0.495,0.453-0.94,0.93-1.215l173.205-100c0.478-0.276,1.023-0.332,1.518-0.2 C371.386,262.958,371.83,263.279,372.106,263.757z"></path></g></svg><span>iPlayer</span></a></li><li class="orb-nav-sounds"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20220711014235/https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds"><svg class="product-icon" version="1.1" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" 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Getty Images)" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20220711014235im_/https://ychef.files.bbci.co.uk/976x549/p0b76bbm.jpg" alt="(Credit: Getty Images)" id=""/></picture></div></div><div class="article__container"><div class="article__main"><div class="article__subcontainer"><article class="article__body"><div class="article__author-unit"><div class="author-unit"><div class="author-unit__container author-unit__container--desktop"><a class="author-unit__text b-font-family-serif" target="" rel="" id="">By Maddy Savage</a><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20220711014235/https://twitter.com/@maddysavage" class="author-unit__icon" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" id=""><div class="gelicon--twitter"></div></a><span class="b-font-family-serif b-font-weight-300">1st December 2021</span></div><div class="author-unit__line"><div class="styled-line styled-line--dark-grey styled-line--large"></div></div></div></div><div class="article__body-content"><div class="article__intro b-font-family-serif">Polarised politics and a growing awareness of how difficult relationships can impact our mental health are fuelling family estrangement, say psychologists.</div><div><div class="body-text-card b-reith-sans-font"><div class="drop-capped b-reith-sans-font" style="border-color:#005a5a">A</div><div class="body-text-card__text body-text-card__text--worklife body-text-card__text--drop-capped body-text-card__text--flush-text"><div><p><em>As we head into 2022, Worklife is running our best, most insightful and most essential stories from 2021. When you’re done with this article, check out our <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20220711014235/https://www.bbc.com/worklife/columns/best-of-worklife-2021/">full list of the year’s top stories</a>. </em></p> <p>It was a heated Skype conversation about race relations that led Scott to cut off all contact with his parents in 2019. His mother was angry he’d supported a civil rights activist on social media, he says; she said “a lot of really awful racist things”, while his seven-year-old son was in earshot.</p> <p>“There was very much a parental feeling like ‘you can’t say that in front of my child, that's not the way we're going to raise our kids’,” explains the father-of-two, who lives in Northern Europe. Scott says the final straw came when his father tried to defend his mother’s viewpoint in an email, which included a link to a white supremacist video. He was baffled his parents could not comprehend the reality of people being victimised because of their background, especially given his own family history. “‘This is insane – you're Jewish’, I said. ‘Many people in our family were killed in Auschwitz’.”</p> <p>It wasn’t the first time Scott had experienced a clash in values with his parents. But it was the last time he chose to see or speak to them.</p> <p>Despite a lack of hard data, there is a growing perception among therapists, psychologists and sociologists that this kind of intentional parent-child ‘break-up’ is on the rise in western countries.</p> <p>Formally known as ‘estrangement’, experts’ definitions of the concept differ slightly, but the term is broadly used for situations in which someone cuts off all communication with one or more relatives, a situation that continues for the long-term, even if those they’ve sought to split from try to re-establish a connection.</p> <p>“The declaration of ‘I am done’ with a family member is a powerful and distinct phenomenon,” explains Karl Andrew Pillemer, professor of human development at Cornell University, US. “It is different from family feuds, from high-conflict situations and from relationships that are emotionally distant but still include contact.”</p></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body__pull-quote"><blockquote class="inline-quote b-font-family-serif b-font-weight-300" style="border-left:3px solid #005a5a"><h2 class="simple-header b-reith-sans-font b-font-family-serif b-font-weight-300 simple-header--serif-light-italic simple-p-tag--medium simple-p-tag--quote">The declaration of ‘I am done’ with a family member is a powerful and distinct phenomenon – Karl Andrew Pillemer</h2></blockquote></div><div><div class="body-text-card b-reith-sans-font"><div class="body-text-card__text body-text-card__text--worklife body-text-card__text--flush-text"><div><p>After realising there were few major studies of family estrangement, he carried out a nationwide survey for his 2020 book Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them. The survey showed more than one in four Americans reported being estranged from another relative. Similar research for British estrangement charity Stand Alone <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20220711014235/https://www.standalone.org.uk/about/">suggests the phenomenon affects one in five families in the UK</a>, while academic researchers and therapists in <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20220711014235/https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life-and-relationships/we-aren-t-family-the-adults-divorcing-their-parents-20200907-p55t98.html">Australia</a> and <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20220711014235/https://broadview.org/family-estrangement/">Canada</a> also say they’re witnessing a “silent epidemic” of family break-ups.</p> <p>On social media, there’s been a boom in online support groups for adult children who’ve chosen to be estranged, including one Scott is involved in, which has thousands of members. “Our numbers in the group have been rising steadily,” he says. “I think it’s becoming more and more common.” </p> <p>The fact that estrangement between parents and their adult children seems to be on the rise – or at least is increasingly discussed – seems to be down to a complex web of cultural and psychological factors. And the trend raises plenty of questions about its impact on both individuals and society.</p> <p><strong>Past experiences and present values</strong></p> <p>Although research is limited, most break-ups between a parent and a grown-up child tend to be initiated by the child, says Joshua Coleman, psychologist and author of The Rules of Estrangement: Why Adult Children Cut Ties and How to Heal the Conflict. One of the most common reasons for this is past or present <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20220711014235/https://www.standalone.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/HiddenVoices.FinalReport.pdf">abuse</a> by the parent, whether emotional, verbal, physical or sexual. <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20220711014235/https://www.google.com/url?q=https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/02654075211046305?journalCode%3Dspra&sa=D&source=docs&ust=1637244794712000&usg=AOvVaw0W0kn3ppJjZMZ2jWUtahBV">Divorce</a> is another frequent influence, with consequences ranging from the adult child “taking sides”, to new people coming into the family such as stepsiblings or stepparents, which can fuel divisions over both “financial and emotional resources”. </p> <p>Clashes in values – as experienced by Scott and his parents – are also increasingly thought to play a role. A study published in October by Coleman and the University of Wisconsin, US, showed value-based disagreements were mentioned by <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20220711014235/https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2021-85856-001">more than one in three mothers of estranged children</a>. Pillemer’s recent research has also <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20220711014235/https://www.karlpillemer.com/books/fault-lines/">highlighted value differences</a> as a “major factor” in estrangements, with conflicts resulting from “issues such as same sex-preference, religious differences or adopting alternative lifestyles”.</p> <p>Both experts believe at least part of the context for this is increased political and cultural polarisation in recent years. In the US, an Ipsos poll reported a <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20220711014235/https://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-trump-relationships-insight/from-disputes-to-a-breakup-wounds-still-raw-after-u-s-election-idUSKBN15M13L">rise in family rifts</a> after the 2016 election, while research by academics at Stanford University in 2012 suggested a larger proportion of parents could be unhappy if their children <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20220711014235/https://academic.oup.com/poq/article-abstract/76/3/405/1894274">married someone who supported a rival political party</a>, which was far less true a decade earlier. A recent UK study found that one in 10 people had <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20220711014235/https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/brexit-family-friends-argument-remain-leave-eu-opinion-poll-bmg-survey-a9147456.html">fallen out with a relative over Brexit</a>. “These studies highlight the way that identity has become a far greater determinant of whom we choose to keep close or to let go,” says Coleman.</p></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body__image-text article-body__image-text--landscape"><div id="worklife/article/20211201-family-estrangement-why-adults-are-cutting-off-their-parents-p0b765ck"><div><picture><source media="(min-width:1200px)" srcset="https://web.archive.org/web/20220711014235im_/https://ychef.files.bbci.co.uk/1600x900/p0b765ck.webp" type="image/webp"/><source media="(min-width:1200px)" srcset="https://web.archive.org/web/20220711014235im_/https://ychef.files.bbci.co.uk/1600x900/p0b765ck.jpg" type="image/jpeg"/><source media="(min-width:880px)" srcset="https://web.archive.org/web/20220711014235im_/https://ychef.files.bbci.co.uk/1280x720/p0b765ck.webp" type="image/webp"/><source media="(min-width:880px)" srcset="https://web.archive.org/web/20220711014235im_/https://ychef.files.bbci.co.uk/1280x720/p0b765ck.jpg" type="image/jpeg"/><source media="(min-width:576px)" srcset="https://web.archive.org/web/20220711014235im_/https://ychef.files.bbci.co.uk/976x549/p0b765ck.webp" type="image/webp"/><source media="(min-width:576px)" srcset="https://web.archive.org/web/20220711014235im_/https://ychef.files.bbci.co.uk/976x549/p0b765ck.jpg" type="image/jpeg"/><source media="(min-width:224px)" srcset="https://web.archive.org/web/20220711014235im_/https://ychef.files.bbci.co.uk/624x351/p0b765ck.webp" type="image/webp"/><source media="(min-width:224px)" srcset="https://web.archive.org/web/20220711014235im_/https://ychef.files.bbci.co.uk/624x351/p0b765ck.jpg" type="image/jpeg"/><img draggable="false" title="Children can also be affected by severed ties, as they lose out on relationships with their grandparents (Credit: Getty Images)" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20220711014235im_/https://ychef.files.bbci.co.uk/976x549/p0b765ck.jpg" alt="Children can also be affected by severed ties, as they lose out on relationships with their grandparents (Credit: Getty Images)" id=""/></picture><div class="inline-image__description b-reith-sans-font inline-image__description--desktop"><div class="text-summary"><p class="text-summary__text text-summary__text--grey text-summary__text--left">Children can also be affected by severed ties, as they lose out on relationships with their grandparents (Credit: Getty Images)</p></div></div></div></div></div><div><div class="article-body__callout-box"><div class="callout-box-card" style="width:342px"><div class="callout-box-card__container"><h3>Family Tree</h3><h4></h4><div class="body"><div><p>This story is part of BBC's <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20220711014235/https://www.bbc.com/worklife/family-tree">Family Tree</a> series, which examines the issues and opportunities parents, children and families face today – and how they'll shape the world tomorrow. Coverage continues on <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20220711014235/https://www.bbc.com/future/family-tree">BBC Future</a>.</p></div></div></div></div></div></div><div><div class="body-text-card b-reith-sans-font"><div class="body-text-card__text body-text-card__text--worklife body-text-card__text--flush-text"><div><p>Scott says he’s never discussed his voting preferences with his parents. But his decision to cut them off was partly influenced by his and his wife’s heightened awareness of social issues, including the Black Lives Matter movement and MeToo. He says other adult children in his online support group have fallen out due to value-based disagreements connected to the pandemic, from older parents refusing to get vaccinated to rows over conspiracy theories about the source of the virus.</p> <p><strong>The mental health factor</strong></p> <p>Experts believe our growing awareness of mental health, and how toxic or abusive family relationships can affect our wellbeing, is also impacting on estrangement.</p> <p>“While there’s nothing especially modern about family conflict or a desire to feel insulated from it, conceptualising the estrangement of a family member as an expression of personal growth, as it is commonly done today, is almost certainly new,” says Coleman. “Deciding which people to keep in or out of one’s life has become an important strategy.”</p> <p>Sam, who’s in her twenties and lives in the UK, says she grew up in a volatile household where both parents were heavy drinkers. She largely stopped speaking to her parents straight after leaving home for university, and says she cut ties for good after witnessing her father verbally abusing her six-year-old cousin at a funeral. Having therapy helped her recognise her own experiences as “more than just bad parenting” and process their psychological impact. “I came to understand that ‘abuse’ and ‘neglect’ were words that described my childhood. Just because I wasn't hit didn't mean I wasn't harmed.”</p> <p>She agrees with Coleman it’s “becoming more socially acceptable” to cut ties with family members. “Mental health is more talked about now so it’s easier to say, ‘These people are bad for my mental health’. I think, as well, people are getting more confident at drawing their own boundaries and saying ‘no’ to people.”</p> <p><strong>The rise of individualism</strong> </p> <p>Coleman argues our increased focus on personal wellbeing has happened in parallel with other wider trends, such as a shift towards a more “individualistic culture”. Many of us are much less reliant on relatives than previous generations.</p> <p>“Not needing a family member for support or because you plan to inherit the family farm means that who we choose to spend time with is based more on our identities and aspirations for growth than survival or necessity,” he explains. “Today, nothing ties an adult child to a parent beyond that adult child’s desire to have that relationship.”</p></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body__pull-quote"><blockquote class="inline-quote b-font-family-serif b-font-weight-300" style="border-left:3px solid #005a5a"><h2 class="simple-header b-reith-sans-font b-font-family-serif b-font-weight-300 simple-header--serif-light-italic simple-p-tag--medium simple-p-tag--quote">People are getting more confident at drawing their own boundaries and saying ‘no’ to people – Sam</h2></blockquote></div><div><div class="body-text-card b-reith-sans-font"><div class="body-text-card__text body-text-card__text--worklife body-text-card__text--flush-text"><div><p>Increased opportunities to live and work in different cities or even countries from our adult families can also help facilitate a parental break-up, simply by adding physical distance.</p> <p>“It’s been much easier for me to move around than it would have been probably 20 years ago,” agrees Faizah, who is British with a South Asian background, and has avoided living in the same area as her family since 2014. </p> <p>She says she cut ties with her parents because of “controlling” behaviours like preventing her from going to job interviews, wanting an influence on her friendships and putting pressure on her to get married straight after her studies. “They didn’t respect my boundaries,” she says. “I just want to have ownership over my own life and make my own choices.” </p> <p><strong>The impact of estrangement</strong></p> <p>There are strong positives for many estranged adult children who’ve detached themselves from what they believe are damaging parental relationships. “The research shows that the majority of adult children say it was for the best,” says Coleman.</p> <p>But while improved mental health and perceived increased freedom are common outcomes of estrangement, Pillemer argues the decision can also create feelings of instability, humiliation and stress.</p> <p>“The intentional, active severing of personal ties differs from other kinds of loss,” he explains. “In addition, people lose the practical benefits of being part of a family: material support, for example, and the sense of belonging to a stable group of people who know one another well.” </p> <p>Feelings of loneliness and stigma seem to have been exacerbated for many estranged people during the pandemic. While the <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20220711014235/https://www.bbc.com/news/technology-52772428">‘Zoom boom’</a> enabled some families to feel closer and stay in touch more regularly, recent UK research suggests that adults with severed ties <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20220711014235/https://www.cam.ac.uk/research/news/stigma-of-broken-family-relationships-compounded-by-lockdown">felt even more aware of missing out</a> on family life during lockdown. Other studies point to Christmas and religious festivals being <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20220711014235/https://theconversation.com/christmas-is-the-hardest-time-of-year-for-those-estranged-from-close-family-51699">especially challenging periods for estranged relatives</a>.</p> <p>“I have my own family and my partner and my close friends, but nothing replaces those traditions you have with your parents,” agrees Faizah. Now in her thirties, she still finds the Muslim holiday Eid al-Fitr particularly tricky, even though she’s distanced herself from her parents’ religion. “It’s so tough. It’s so lonely... and I do miss my mum’s cooking.”</p></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body__image-text article-body__image-text--landscape"><div id="worklife/article/20211201-family-estrangement-why-adults-are-cutting-off-their-parents-p0b765mt"><div><picture><source media="(min-width:1200px)" srcset="https://web.archive.org/web/20220711014235im_/https://ychef.files.bbci.co.uk/1600x900/p0b765mt.webp" type="image/webp"/><source media="(min-width:1200px)" srcset="https://web.archive.org/web/20220711014235im_/https://ychef.files.bbci.co.uk/1600x900/p0b765mt.jpg" type="image/jpeg"/><source media="(min-width:880px)" srcset="https://web.archive.org/web/20220711014235im_/https://ychef.files.bbci.co.uk/1280x720/p0b765mt.webp" type="image/webp"/><source media="(min-width:880px)" srcset="https://web.archive.org/web/20220711014235im_/https://ychef.files.bbci.co.uk/1280x720/p0b765mt.jpg" type="image/jpeg"/><source media="(min-width:576px)" srcset="https://web.archive.org/web/20220711014235im_/https://ychef.files.bbci.co.uk/976x549/p0b765mt.webp" type="image/webp"/><source media="(min-width:576px)" srcset="https://web.archive.org/web/20220711014235im_/https://ychef.files.bbci.co.uk/976x549/p0b765mt.jpg" type="image/jpeg"/><source media="(min-width:224px)" srcset="https://web.archive.org/web/20220711014235im_/https://ychef.files.bbci.co.uk/624x351/p0b765mt.webp" type="image/webp"/><source media="(min-width:224px)" srcset="https://web.archive.org/web/20220711014235im_/https://ychef.files.bbci.co.uk/624x351/p0b765mt.jpg" type="image/jpeg"/><img draggable="false" title="Estrangement, though difficult to navigate, may not be permanent as people can successfully reconcile (Credit: Getty Images)" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20220711014235im_/https://ychef.files.bbci.co.uk/976x549/p0b765mt.jpg" alt="Estrangement, though difficult to navigate, may not be permanent as people can successfully reconcile (Credit: Getty Images)" id=""/></picture><div class="inline-image__description b-reith-sans-font inline-image__description--desktop"><div class="text-summary"><p class="text-summary__text text-summary__text--grey text-summary__text--left">Estrangement, though difficult to navigate, may not be permanent as people can successfully reconcile (Credit: Getty Images)</p></div></div></div></div></div><div><div class="body-text-card b-reith-sans-font"><div class="body-text-card__text body-text-card__text--worklife body-text-card__text--flush-text"><div><p>Choosing not to stay in touch with parents can have a knock-on effect on future family bonds and traditions, too. “For me, the biggest regret is my kids growing up without grandparents,” says Scott . “It’s preferable to [my parents] saying – gosh, I don’t know what – to them [but] I feel like my kids are missing out.”</p> <p>Of course, all of this also has an impact on the parents who have, often unwillingly, been cut out of their children’s – and potentially grandchildren’s – lives. “Most parents are made miserable by it,” says Coleman. As well as losing their own footing in the traditional family unit, they typically “describe profound feelings of loss, shame and regret”.</p> <p>Scott says his mother recently tried calling him. But he texted her saying he’d only consider re-establishing contact with his children if she recognised her comments had been “horribly racist” and apologised. So far, he says she hasn’t done that. “Even if all those things happened, I would always limit what I tell them about my life and certainly supervise any visits with the kids. Unfortunately, I don’t see any of that happening.” </p> <p><strong>Attempting to bridge rifts?</strong></p> <p>With political divisions centre-stage in many nations, as well as increasing individualism in cultures around the world, many experts believe the parent-child ‘break-up’ trend will stick around.</p> <p>“My prediction is that it's either going to get worse or stay the same,” says Coleman. “Family relationships are going to be based much more on pursuing happiness and personal growth, and less on emphasising duty, obligation or responsibility.”</p> <p>Pillemer argues that we shouldn’t rule out attempting to bridge rifts, however, particularly those stemming from opposing politics or values (as opposed to abusive or damaging behaviours). </p> <p>“If the prior relationship was relatively close (or at least not conflictual), I think there is evidence that many family members can restore the relationship. It does involve, however, agreeing on a ‘demilitarised zone’ in which politics cannot be discussed,” he says.</p></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body__pull-quote"><blockquote class="inline-quote b-font-family-serif b-font-weight-300" style="border-left:3px solid #005a5a"><h2 class="simple-header b-reith-sans-font b-font-family-serif b-font-weight-300 simple-header--serif-light-italic simple-p-tag--medium simple-p-tag--quote">It’s so tough. It’s so lonely... and I do miss my mum’s cooking – Faizah</h2></blockquote></div><div><div class="body-text-card b-reith-sans-font"><div class="body-text-card__text body-text-card__text--worklife body-text-card__text--flush-text"><div><p>For his book, he interviewed over 100 estranged people who had successfully reconciled, and found the process was actually framed by many as “an engine for personal growth”. “It is of course not for everyone, but for a number of people, bridging a rift, even if the relationship was imperfect, was a source of self-esteem and personal pride.” </p> <p>He argues that both more detailed longitudinal studies and clinical attention are needed to get the topic of estrangement further “out of the shadows and into the clear light of open discussion”. “We need researchers to find better solutions – both for people who want to reconcile, and for help in coping with people in permanent estrangements.”</p> <p>Scott welcomes the growing interest in adult break-ups. “I think it will help lots of people,” he says. “There is still a big stigma around estrangement. We see these questions in the group a lot: ‘What do you tell people?’ or ‘How do you bring it up when dating?".</p> <p>But he’s unlikely to reconcile with his own parents, unless they recognise they’ve been racist. “The whole ‘blood is thicker than water’ - I mean, that's great if you have a cool family, but if you're saddled with toxic people, it's just not doable.”</p> <p><em>Scott, Sam and Faizah are all using one name to protect their and their families’ privacy</em></p></div></div></div></div><div class="article__end"><div class="article-end article-end--desktop"><div class="article-end__line--long"><div class="styled-line styled-line--medium" style="background-color:#005a5a"></div></div><div class="article-end__share-tools"><div class="article-share-tools article-share-tools--popout article-share-tools--dark"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20220711014235/mailto:/?subject=Shared from 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It may feel awkward, but you don't actually have to rekindle every relationship you once had.","businessUnit":"worldwide","cards":[{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EIf you’re vaccinated and heading back into the world, you may realise something: there are a lot of people you haven’t spoken to in a year and a half.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThen you realise something else: you may want to keep it that way. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EMore of us are starting to pick back up the strands of our pre-pandemic social lives. As we figure out who the first people we want to meet up with are, we’re recognising there are friendships from the ‘before times’ we didn’t keep up during lockdown – and aren’t particularly excited to re-ignite now that we can.  \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EShould we feel bad about not caring for these relationships?\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWhile people have known for years that friendships are unquestionably good for your health, experts say it’s only natural for acquaintances and even friends to fall by the wayside as time goes on – and it’s nothing to feel guilty about. If you really do miss someone, you can always reach back out. But if you feel obliged, or like doing so is emotional labour, take that as a sign you can cut that person loose.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EGut check\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“When there’s a friend that you haven’t kept up with during the pandemic – if you didn’t feel the need to check up on this person, and they weren’t checking in on you – then kind of believe what your gut is telling you,” says Suzanne Degges-White, professor of counselling at Northern Illinois University, US. “Not every friendship is meant to last forever. It goes both ways.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EShasta Nelson, a San Francisco-based author and speaker who specialises in friendship, agrees “it’s absolutely normal that relationships ebb and flow all throughout life”. It’s impossible to keep up with every single friend you’ve ever had, she says, especially as you add new relationships when your life circumstances change, such as moving cities or changing jobs. These kinds of life experiences change your friendship networks, as you re-prioritise the people you want to spend your time with.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"infographic","imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","pullQuoteImageAlignment":"centre","videoImageAlign":"centre","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210623-why-its-ok-to-let-friendships-fade-out-0"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210623-why-its-ok-to-let-friendships-fade-out-1"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EThe pandemic is a perfect example of how life circumstances re-shuffled our friendship groups. As we had to literally isolate from each other during the last year, Degges-White says this led to forming selective “pandemic pods” – a selective, close group of family and friends who were part of your ‘bubble’, and who also took the same health precautions as you. We’ve had to be choosy about who we let in, and we suddenly couldn’t see all the people from our pre-pandemic lives in person like we could before. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWe only had so much bandwidth to keep in contact with people outside our pods, which caused us to naturally narrow the friendships we kept going. Keeping up with people outside these pods took extra effort – and while we were busy disinfecting doorknobs and \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20200304-coronavirus-covid-19-update-why-people-are-stockpiling\"\u003Epanic-buying toilet paper\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, we didn’t have the emotional capacity to reach out to \u003Cem\u003Eeveryone\u003C\u002Fem\u003E with whom we used to interact, both intimately and casually.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd now that we have the opportunity to reach out again, we may find that we didn’t necessarily miss the people we didn’t talk to. All of this can help explain why you might be reluctant to reach out – and, in some cases, hoping that old friends and acquaintances don’t reach out to you, too.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003ECurating ‘friendscapes’\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAlthough you may feel guilty picking and choosing your circle if it means fading out on friends, it’s not necessarily a bad thing. There’s value in curating that network of friends and acquaintances of your own volition. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EYou’re making what Degges-White calls a “friendscape”: “who’s close by, who do we want to be around and who do we want to surround us?” Your friendscape can change during certain, specific situations during life – going away to university or a summer camp, or being in a certain job – and you often begin curating new friends to fit that current life situation. Not everyone can fit into your current friendscape. That was quite literally the case in the age of lockdowns and social distancing. “In life, as we go through certain stages and ages, our attention shifts and we want to be around people who are like us,” says Degges-White, whether those people are fellow married parents or people away at school with you.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210623-why-its-ok-to-let-friendships-fade-out-2"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"It’s impossible to keep up with every single friend you’ve ever had, especially as you add new relationships when your life circumstances change","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210623-why-its-ok-to-let-friendships-fade-out-3"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003E“The pandemic shifted a lot of things,” she says. “It showed us the people who we feel are valuable, and who we think will keep us safe, psychologically and physically.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESince our friendscapes are ever evolving throughout our lives, it’s natural to drift away from some people as life goes on. It’s also unrealistic to think we can keep in touch with literally everyone – even research \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fnews.ku.edu\u002F2018\u002F03\u002F06\u002Fstudy-reveals-number-hours-it-takes-make-friend\"\u003Eindicates it’s impossible to devote enough time to all your friends and acquaintances\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. “It’s completely legitimate for all of us to make an assessment now of where we want to invest our energy,” says Nelson.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003ESaying hello again\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EStill, if you are wondering if you should reach out again to the friends who’ve fallen by the wayside, be thoughtful and strategic about it.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFirst, listen to your gut, as Degges-White suggests. If you really do miss someone, that’s a sign that the relationship \u003Cem\u003Eis \u003C\u002Fem\u003Eworth investing in.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EA good litmus test to decide whether to reach back out, she says, is ask yourself if six months from now, would you be upset that you and this person weren’t in touch? If you would be, then feel free to contact them. And if you decide not to, but feel guilty, Nelson says acknowledge that, but also realise it might not be “actual guilt, but kind of an awareness, more sadness for acknowledging that this relationship isn’t going to keep deepening”.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210623-why-its-ok-to-let-friendships-fade-out-4"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210623-why-its-ok-to-let-friendships-fade-out-5"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003E“Relationships aren’t all or nothing,” says Nelson. If there’s someone you truly want to reach back out to but feel awkward doing so because it’s been so long, you could say something like: “’Oh my goodness, my head is finally above water. I have thought about you so many times over the past year, and I am so sorry that we lost touch’,” she says. “I just wanted to let you know that you were missed. If you have time, I would love to meet you for that walk we always talk about’ or ‘I can’t wait to get back into the office’.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“Just acknowledge it and say, ‘I wish we were able to keep in touch, but we weren’t able to’,” continues Nelson. “I think everybody understands that.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnother situation many people find themselves in \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.wsj.com\u002Farticles\u002Fzoom-reconnects-family-and-friends-in-the-coronavirus-pandemicbut-will-it-last-11595379600\"\u003Eis having reconnected with old friends\u003C\u002Fa\u003E from years ago during the pandemic, like old pals from university. And while that was a gift for many amid the health crisis, you may feel obliged to keep corresponding as often as you did during lockdown, which might feel a bit draining. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“A lot of my text threads are kind of slowing down on their own,” says Nelson. She’s sent messages to show that while she wants to keep the door open, she wants to be upfront that there isn’t an expectation to keep messages going with the same regularity. “I just said, ‘it’s so cool to see so many of you getting out and doing more stuff on Facebook, and just wanted to say it was so special to journey a little bit closer to you this year, and I’m just wishing you the very best as you re-emerge back into life’. I’m validating and appreciating what was, and naming that, and also stating, ‘best to you going forward’.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe pandemic profoundly changed the way we socialise and how we approach relationships. As we enter a new phase of life, and begin to re-examine many of these relationships, experts say you definitely shouldn’t go around burning bridges, but don’t feel pressured to try and fit everyone back into your life. And try not to feel guilty that the friendship lapsed during the pandemic – experts say we should be easy on ourselves and forgive ourselves and each other, because the last 15 months really have been unprecedented.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“If there’s a friend who you didn’t speak to at all during the pandemic, and things just totally chilled out – I mean, they got the message,” says Degges-White. “And they were probably sending you a message, too.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210623-why-its-ok-to-let-friendships-fade-out-6"}],"collection":null,"disableAdverts":false,"displayDate":"2021-06-24T13:39:19Z","embeddedCustomHtml":"","embeddedInfographicUrl":"","embeddedType":"infographic","headlineLong":"Why it's OK to let friendships fade out","headlineShort":"Is it OK to ghost on friends?","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"","isSyndicated":true,"latitude":"","longitude":"","mpsVideo":"","option":[],"partner":null,"primaryVertical":"worklife","promoAlignment":"centre","promoAltText":"","promoImage":[],"relatedStories":[],"relatedTag":null,"summaryLong":"We've fallen out of touch with friends and acquaintances. It may feel awkward, but you don't actually have to rekindle every relationship you once had.","summaryShort":"You've lost touch with people during the pandemic. Do you have to reach out?","tag":[],"textToSpeech":false,"creationDateTime":"2021-06-24T20:05:13.481364Z","entity":"article","guid":"ac40610b-f3b8-44b6-a9cb-139bfad72550","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210623-why-its-ok-to-let-friendships-fade-out","modifiedDateTime":"2022-02-25T07:10:33.706225Z","project":"wwverticals","slug":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210623-why-its-ok-to-let-friendships-fade-out","cacheLastUpdated":1657503756258},"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210610-why-more-women-identify-as-sexually-fluid-than-men":{"urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:article:worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210610-why-more-women-identify-as-sexually-fluid-than-men","_id":"62b420591f4b7b2942657447","ambientVideo":"","articleType":"story","assetVideo":null,"author":[],"bodyIntro":"As definitions of sexuality change and expand, women’s orientations are becoming less rigid than men's. Why?","businessUnit":"worldwide","cards":[{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cem\u003EAs we head into 2022, Worklife is running our best, most insightful and most essential stories from 2021. When you’re done with this article, check out our \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Fcolumns\u002Fbest-of-worklife-2021\u002F\"\u003Efull list of the year’s top stories\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. \u003C\u002Fem\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe way we think about sexuality is changing. Where there was once a single, well-known rainbow pride flag, today, a wide array of colourful flags fly to showcase the diversity of orientations. People seem increasingly open to discussing their sexuality, and more unconventional, even \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210507-asexuality-the-ascent-of-the-invisible-sexual-orientation\"\u003Eformerly “invisible”\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, identities have become part of an increasingly mainstream discourse. With the open dialogue, sexual identities are becoming less rigid and more fluid.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut new data show that this shift is more prevalent in one group: in many countries, women are embracing sexual fluidity now at much higher rates than they have in the past, and more significantly than men are overall.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESo, what accounts for this discrepancy? Experts believe there are many factors that feed into this progression, especially changes in social climate that have let women break out of conventional gender roles and identities. With these new insights, however, the question remains: what does this mean for sexual fluidity in the future for all genders?\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EA notable shift\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESean Massey and his colleagues at the Binghamton Human Sexualities Research Lab in New York have been studying sexual behaviours for about a decade. In each of their studies, they asked participants to report their sexual orientation and gender. They’d never before looked at how that data changed over time – until Massey and colleagues recently realised they were sitting on a treasure trove of information about sexual attraction.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“We thought, gosh, we've collected this data for 10 years,” says Massey, an ssociate professor of women’s, gender and sexuality studies at Binghamton University. “Why don't we go back and look and see if there's been any trends?”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThey found that between 2011 and 2019, college-age women had \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Ftheconversation.com\u002Ffeminisms-legacy-sees-college-women-embracing-more-diverse-sexuality-159023\"\u003Eincreasingly moved away from exclusive heterosexuality\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. In 2019, 65% of women reported only being attracted to men, a notable decrease from 77% in 2011. The number of women exclusively having sex with men also dropped between those years. Meanwhile, men’s attraction and sexual behaviour stayed mostly static in the same time frame: about 85% reported sexual attraction to women only, and close to 90% reported engaging in sex exclusively with women.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"infographic","imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","pullQuoteImageAlignment":"centre","videoImageAlign":"centre","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210610-why-more-women-identify-as-sexually-fluid-than-men-0"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"couple embracing with pride flag on hand","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210610-why-more-women-identify-as-sexually-fluid-than-men-1"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EOther surveys from around the world, including in \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fpubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\u002F29293516\u002F\"\u003Ethe UK\u003C\u002Fa\u003E and \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fpubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\u002F19882423\u002F\"\u003Ethe Netherlands\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, present similar findings. Across the board, more women have been reporting more same-sex attraction, year-over-year, than their male counterparts.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EPower and freedom\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“All of this is too complicated to pin on one thing,” says Elizabeth Morgan, associate professor of psychology at Springfield College in Massachusetts, US. But gender roles – and how they both have and have not changed – may be a significant factor.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EMassey and his colleagues largely chalk up the notable change to cultural shifts, like the progress of feminism and the women’s movement, which both changed the socio-political landscape significantly over the past several decades. However, these changes affected men and women differently.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“Progress has really been made around the female gender role and less around the male gender role,” says Massey. Though he doesn’t discount \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fnews.gallup.com\u002Fpoll\u002F329708\u002Flgbt-identification-rises-latest-estimate.aspx\"\u003Ethe LGBTQ+ movement’s effect on people identifying as sexually fluid today\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, Massy believes feminism and the women’s movement play a role in why more women identify this way than men – especially as no equivalent men’s movement has enabled men to break out of historical, gender-based restrictions in the same way.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210610-why-more-women-identify-as-sexually-fluid-than-men-2"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"In 2019, 65% of women reported only being attracted to men, a notable decrease from 77% in 2011","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210610-why-more-women-identify-as-sexually-fluid-than-men-3"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003E“Fifty years ago, you couldn’t have a life if you didn’t marry a man and settle down because he needed to provide for you,” adds Morgan. In that sense, eschewing exclusive heterosexuality could be seen as part of women breaking out of traditional gender roles. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EMeanwhile, as women have been able to find more freedom, men’s gender roles have stayed relatively static as they continue to hold power in society. “[Men] need to uphold a very masculine gender role to maintain that power, and part of masculinity is heterosexuality,” says Morgan. Expressing same-sex interest could reduce that power. As Massey puts it, masculinity is a “fragile concept”. It can be “violated” by same-sex attraction.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESex coach and educator Violet Turning, 24, also points out the “fetishisation” of two women having sex or making out, specifically under the male gaze. It’s made same-sexual attraction between women more socially acceptable, albeit for the wrong reasons. Meanwhile, people seem to find notions of two men having sex far less palatable. A \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fjournals.sagepub.com\u002Fdoi\u002F10.1177\u002F1948550619887785\"\u003E2019 study\u003C\u002Fa\u003E that looked at attitudes toward gay men and women in 23 countries found, across the board, that \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fjournals.sagepub.com\u002Fdoi\u002F10.1177\u002F1948550619887785\"\u003E“gay men are disliked more than lesbian women\u003C\u002Fa\u003E”.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EAn open dialogue\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EVenues for women to talk about their sexuality openly have also increased over time.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWhen Lisa Diamond, a psychology and gender studies professor at The University of Utah, US, began studying sexual fluidity in the early 1990s, her research focused on men. Many study participants, she says, came from gay support groups, with mostly male members, so men were “easier for researchers to find”.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210610-why-more-women-identify-as-sexually-fluid-than-men-4"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210610-why-more-women-identify-as-sexually-fluid-than-men-5"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EBut Diamond wanted to look at women’s sexuality. She began a study in which she checked in with 100 women about their sexual orientations and behaviours every two years over a decade. Her book, Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women’s Love and Desire, was published in 2008. It discusses how for some women, love and attraction are fluid and can change over time. This was at odds with the previous line of thought that depicted sexual orientation as rigid – a view those studies Diamond had found looking at men only espoused.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAround the time her book was published, US celebrities who’d previously dated men, like Cynthia Nixon and Maria Bello, went public about experiencing same-sex attraction. Oprah Winfrey then asked Diamond to come on her show to talk about female sexual fluidity. The concept and practice had officially entered the mainstream dialogue.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAdditionally, Turning notes that language has evolved to recognise women as sexually non-binary. For example, Turning says her lesbian partner had a “Gay Straight Alliance” at her high school, around 2007. That phrasing encouraged a binary – members were either gay or straight, with no real options for those who might have identified somewhere in between – and no word that specifically embodied female sexuality, the ‘L’ left conspicuously out of the GSA acronym.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210610-why-more-women-identify-as-sexually-fluid-than-men-6"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"[Men] need to uphold a very masculine gender role to maintain that power, and part of masculinity is heterosexuality – Elizabeth Morgan","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210610-why-more-women-identify-as-sexually-fluid-than-men-7"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003E“Now, it's like everybody has the option to identify as queer, because it’s so acceptable,” says Turning, who says that speech and terminology have evolved to include people of all genders – women included.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EWhat’s the future of sexual fluidity?\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESexual fluidity may be on its way to entering more masculine spaces. On TikTok, it’s become popular for young, straight men to play as gay in their videos. \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.nytimes.com\u002F2020\u002F10\u002F24\u002Fstyle\u002Ftiktok-gay-homiesexuals.html\"\u003ETheir mostly female followers enjoy it\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, according to a New York Times article about the trend. Regardless of whether or not these creators are truly comfortable playing as queer or doing it for clicks, this trend still suggests shifting attitudes toward masculinity, which may pave the way for more men to embrace sexual fluidity in the future.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESexually fluid women may also help pave the way. More women openly discussing their fluid orientations means more people discussing alternatives to rigid sexuality in general.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“Our culture puts a lot of shame around sexuality,” says Diamond. “Anything that makes it easier, and more socially acceptable for people to reflect on their desires in a non-judgmental, non-shaming way,” she adds, has the potential to open up their sexual possibilities – or at least let them consider the idea of doing so.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“We need to start liberating men from compulsory heterosexuality [and] traditional masculinity,” adds Massey.  “And that may have a different result, or maybe have a similar result [to women] in terms of allowing more diversity in sexuality.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210610-why-more-women-identify-as-sexually-fluid-than-men-8"}],"collection":[],"disableAdverts":false,"displayDate":"2021-06-15T14:57:04Z","embeddedCustomHtml":"","embeddedInfographicUrl":"","embeddedType":"infographic","headlineLong":"Why more women identify as sexually fluid than men","headlineShort":"Why women are more sexually fluid","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"","isSyndicated":true,"latitude":"","longitude":"","mpsVideo":"","option":[],"partner":null,"primaryVertical":"worklife","promoAlignment":"centre","promoAltText":"","promoImage":null,"relatedStories":[],"relatedTag":null,"summaryLong":"As definitions of sexuality change and expand, women’s orientations are becoming less rigid than men's. Why?","summaryShort":"Why more women are embracing less rigid sexual identities – and men aren't","tag":[],"textToSpeech":false,"creationDateTime":"2021-06-14T20:00:05.248181Z","entity":"article","guid":"18a59e2e-9310-4c62-9fdd-82ddcf4c300d","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210610-why-more-women-identify-as-sexually-fluid-than-men","modifiedDateTime":"2022-02-25T07:09:40.075409Z","project":"wwverticals","slug":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210610-why-more-women-identify-as-sexually-fluid-than-men","cacheLastUpdated":1657503756258},"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20200121-why-promoted-women-are-more-likely-to-divorce":{"urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:article:worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20200121-why-promoted-women-are-more-likely-to-divorce","_id":"62b420551f4b7b430628e375","ambientVideo":"","articleType":"story","assetVideo":null,"author":[],"bodyIntro":"Getting a top job dramatically increases women’s chances of divorce, even in egalitarian countries. Why isn’t it the same for men?","businessUnit":"worldwide","cards":[{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EHaving a successful and enjoyable career alongside a fulfilling romantic relationship is a life goal for many of us. But even in the most gender-equal countries, finding a partnership that lasts is trickier for high-flying women than men.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn Sweden, which ranks first in the \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Feige.europa.eu\u002Fpublications\u002Fgender-equality-index-2019-sweden\"\u003EEU’s gender equality index\u003C\u002Fa\u003E thanks to factors like generous parental leave, subsidised daycare and flexible working arrangements, economists recently studied how promotions to top jobs affected the probability of divorce for each gender. The result: women were much more likely to pay a higher personal price for their career success.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“Promotion to a top job in politics increases the divorce rate of women but not for men, and women who become CEOs divorce faster than men who become CEOs,” summarises Johanna Rickne, a professor at Stockholm University and co-author of the research, which was published earlier this month in \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.aeaweb.org\u002Farticles?id=10.1257\u002Fapp.20180435\"\u003EAmerican Economic Journal\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe paper, which looked at the lives of heterosexual men and women working for private companies with 100 or more employees, found that married women were twice as likely to be divorced three years after their promotion to CEO level compared to their male counterparts. In the public sector, using three decades’ worth of records, women mayors and parliamentarians promoted after an election doubled their chances of splitting from their partners; 75% were still married eight years after the vote compared with 85% of those who didn’t get promoted, while there was no evidence of a similar effect for men. Female medical doctors, police officers and priests who progressed in their careers also followed the trend.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"infographic","imageAlignment":"centre","pullQuoteImageAlignment":"centre","videoImageAlign":"centre","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20200121-why-promoted-women-are-more-likely-to-divorce-0"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20200121-why-promoted-women-are-more-likely-to-divorce-1"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EThe authors noted that while the majority of participants in the study had children, most had left home by the time their parents divorced, so the marriage stressors in the run-up to these separations were not connected to more generalised pressures of having small children.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ERickne argues that although Sweden has provided the legislation and societal structures to create “the expectation that you shouldn’t need to choose between family and career”, the research reveals that what happens to families when women progress up the career ladder is often a different story.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EMany couples experience “stress and friction” when there are changes in the division of their economic and social roles, for example due to the impact on the amount of leisure time they can spend together or how they divide up household tasks. But this, the research team argues, is often amplified when it is the woman who is promoted, because it creates more of a mismatch of expectations.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20200121-why-promoted-women-are-more-likely-to-divorce-2"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"It is ‘still seen as quite unusual for men to be the main supportive spouse in someone else’s career’ – Johanna Rickne","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20200121-why-promoted-women-are-more-likely-to-divorce-3"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EWhile Rickne’s research did not measure which party initiated divorce in each case, one theory is that the husbands of top managers who got promoted found the situation harder to deal with than wives who were married to high-performing men. She points out that the marriage market has not kept up with the labour market when it comes to gender equality, since it is “still seen as quite unusual for men to be the main supportive spouse in someone else’s career”.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“I think this norm changing is pretty far off,” she adds. Her team’s research, she argues, might therefore act as a lesson about what lies ahead for other countries that are moving towards more egalitarian economies.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EA common concern\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFor Charlotte Ljung, 39, a CEO within a luxury bed and furniture group in Sweden who also runs an online advice platform for people getting divorced, Rickne’s research reflects common concerns within her own network of high-achieving women.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“The joke is ‘the better you do at work, the more likely you are going to get a divorce’,” she laughs.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20200121-why-promoted-women-are-more-likely-to-divorce-4"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20200121-why-promoted-women-are-more-likely-to-divorce-5"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EShe got divorced while her two children were still small and says that for her, juggling parenthood and a senior role was a key source of friction within her marriage. But Ljung believes that “the practical aspects” of being a CEO, such as frequent travel, long hours and the pressures having a high public profile can often cause struggle for the partners of senior female managers even if the couple doesn’t have kids.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“It is also the power perception – who wears the pants, who brings in more money,” she argues. “Men today often find it intriguing in the beginning and want to be seen to support you and root for you – and I think that is a very positive thing – but I think a few steps down the line, when reality kicks in, it can be more difficult for men to deal with.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EChoosing the right partner\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESo how might women aiming for top jobs mitigate their chances of entering into a relationship that destabilises when they reach the top of their career ladder?\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ERickne points out that, even in egalitarian countries like Sweden, women still tend to marry older men who start out having more money than them, harking back to traditional “prince in the fairytale” narratives that “try and teach us to find as successful a husband as possible”.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“High-income high-status women – they don’t marry a low-income man who wants to be a house husband. They tend to seek an even more high-income husband. But thinking forward to your possibilities in the labour market, this might not be ideal,” she argues. “Maybe try and get into a more egalitarian relationship from the start.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20200121-why-promoted-women-are-more-likely-to-divorce-6"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"Couples who were closer in age and took a more egalitarian approach to childcare were less likely to divorce following a wife’s promotion.","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20200121-why-promoted-women-are-more-likely-to-divorce-7"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EHer research in Sweden found that divorces after promotions were most likely in couples where the wife was younger than her husband by a larger margin and took a bigger share of parental leave (which, in Sweden, partners legally have the \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fsweden.se\u002Fquickfact\u002Fparental-leave\u002F\"\u003Eright to split evenly\u003C\u002Fa\u003E between them).\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ECouples who were closer in age and took a more egalitarian approach to childcare were less likely to divorce following a wife’s promotion. The paper calls for more research to explore the conditions that might encourage “women at the top of the ability distribution to expand their choice set of partners to ‘marry down’ and for men to do the opposite”.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EPositive examples\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ECharlotte Sundåker, 38, was promoted to interim CEO of a global education company in Stockholm two years after having her first child with her long-term partner Christian Hagman, who is 31. She believes his younger age played a positive role in their relationship surviving “lots of friction” after she got the job; there was “less pressure for him to be more successful” since he was in a different phase of his career.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESundåker describes him as being “of another generation that tries to challenge the old ways of being a man”, which made him more supportive of her tough workload. But both partners argue that the core reason they remained together was frequent and honest conversations about the challenges they were facing.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“When she actually started, she was obviously consumed by it. That is the nature of being a CEO,” says Hagman. “I was a bit sad about not connecting with her on a daily basis from a relationship standpoint... But she saw me and she listened to me, and I did the same.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20200121-why-promoted-women-are-more-likely-to-divorce-8"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20200121-why-promoted-women-are-more-likely-to-divorce-9"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EThe couple says that having a long-term perspective was also essential, with an understanding that Hagman would want to have his own more career-focused period in the future. He has since started his own design consultancy, while Sundåker now runs her own business and heads up Ownershift, a Swedish think tank designed to empower more women to do the same.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EDivorced CEO Charlotte Ljung believes that increased awareness of the common challenges faced by couples after women are promoted into more senior jobs could also improve the chances of relationship survival, even for those who start off in more gender-traditional roles.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“One has to be careful about putting on a feminist hat and pointing fingers, because nothing has really prepared men for this change, practically,” she says. “We need to provide better tools and raise awareness of the subject by talking about it. In the same way we have destigmatised therapy in Sweden, is there is a similar thing we can do to help men?”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EThe benefits of divorce\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EMeanwhile, divorce isn’t always a bad thing. Molly Malm, a lawyer for Swedish law firm Lexly, points out that Sweden’s \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fec.europa.eu\u002Feurostat\u002Fstatistics-explained\u002Findex.php?title=Archive:Marriages_and_births_in_Sweden&direction=next&oldid=396647#High_number_of_divorces\"\u003Eoverall high divorce rate\u003C\u002Fa\u003E compared to the rest of the EU is linked to its gender equality goals. The high level of female participation in the workforce and a norm of shared custody of children following a split makes it easier for \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.theatlantic.com\u002Finternational\u002Farchive\u002F2018\u002F02\u002Fwhen-divorce-is-an-opportunity\u002F552230\u002F\"\u003Edivorcees of all economic backgrounds\u003C\u002Fa\u003E to leave partnerships that aren’t working.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“Getting a divorce doesn’t always need to be the end of the world,” says Malm, who points out that is has become normalised in Scandinavia to get married multiple times or have several long-term partners across a lifetime. “Sweden is not very religious… You get married because it’s romantic and joyful, it goes hand in hand with a big celebration. If it doesn’t work out, you know that you can file for divorce.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20200121-why-promoted-women-are-more-likely-to-divorce-10"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"‘Society has accepted divorce more, and it might be a positive thing’ – Johanna Rickne","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20200121-why-promoted-women-are-more-likely-to-divorce-11"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003ERickne’s data suggests that women who divorce after scoring top promotions are less likely than men to remarry or have a serious relationship. But from her work it’s not possible to conclude whether they are happier without a partner or if they found it harder to find someone new compared to their male counterparts. However, one constructive consequence of high divorce rates, she argues, is that it has become much easier for both men and women in Sweden to hold senior roles in business and politics without a partner.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“In other places... if you are on the campaign trail and you want to appeal to voters, you almost have to have a spouse by your side. The same thing might happen for CEOs – that their spouse becomes a necessary asset in their world of work, but in Sweden that’s not really the case,” says Rickne.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“Society has accepted divorce more, and it might be a positive thing,” she argues. “If women get into unequal relationships with a spouse that will not support their career, divorce lets them continue their careers alone and possibly look for a new partner... It’s not necessarily ideal to stay with the same person your whole life.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20200121-why-promoted-women-are-more-likely-to-divorce-12"}],"collection":null,"disableAdverts":false,"displayDate":"2020-01-22T16:12:38Z","embeddedCustomHtml":"","embeddedInfographicUrl":"","embeddedType":"infographic","headlineLong":"Why promoted women are more likely to divorce","headlineShort":"Why female CEOs get divorced more","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"","isSyndicated":true,"latitude":"","longitude":"","mpsVideo":"","option":[],"partner":null,"primaryVertical":"worklife","promoAlignment":"centre","promoAltText":"","promoImage":null,"relatedStories":null,"relatedTag":null,"summaryLong":"Getting a top job dramatically increases women’s chances of divorce, even in egalitarian countries. Why isn’t it the same for men?","summaryShort":"Could a promotion cost you your partner? Maybe, if you’re a woman","tag":[],"textToSpeech":false,"creationDateTime":"2020-01-21T21:23:07.999361Z","entity":"article","guid":"fe621dcb-58fb-49ad-9f02-c5620fba2595","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20200121-why-promoted-women-are-more-likely-to-divorce","modifiedDateTime":"2022-02-28T15:07:46.187768Z","project":"wwverticals","slug":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20200121-why-promoted-women-are-more-likely-to-divorce","cacheLastUpdated":1657503756258},"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210804-birdnesting-the-divorce-trend-in-which-parents-rotate-homes":{"urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:article:worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210804-birdnesting-the-divorce-trend-in-which-parents-rotate-homes","_id":"62b4205a1f4b7b430049d801","ambientVideo":"","articleType":"story","assetVideo":null,"author":["worklife\u002Fauthor\u002Fmaddy-savage"],"bodyIntro":"Millennial divorcees are increasingly keeping their kids in their former family home, while rotating in and out of the property themselves.","businessUnit":"worldwide","cards":[{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cem\u003EAs we head into 2022, Worklife is running our best, most insightful and most essential stories from 2021. When you’re done with this article, check out our \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Fcolumns\u002Fbest-of-worklife-2021\u002F\"\u003Efull list of the year’s top stories\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. \u003C\u002Fem\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESplitting up from a partner is always hard, especially if children are caught up in the process. And with reams of international research suggesting how \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.psychologytoday.com\u002Fus\u002Fblog\u002Fbetter-divorce\u002F201912\u002Funderstanding-the-effects-high-conflict-divorce-kids\"\u003Eunsettling divorce can be for young people\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, some parents are turning to an innovative solution to try and help ease the process. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E‘Birdnesting’ or ‘nesting’ is a way of living that enables children to remain in the family home and spend time with each parent there. Each legal guardian stays at the home during their agreed custody time, then elsewhere when they’re ‘off duty’. The concept gets its name from bird parents, who keep their chicks safe in a nest and alternately fly in and out to care for them.  \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“We wanted to keep stability for the kids, and not just tear up everything all at once,” says 38-year-old Niklas Björling from Stockholm, whose young family nested for eight months after he and his wife separated. “The children could keep their home, school and friends as before,” he explains, plus they’d avoid the stress of shuttling between two properties. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAlthough still a relatively unknown concept globally, nesting seems to be on the rise in Western countries, largely among middle-class families. Divorce lawyers have reported an increase in birdnesting in places including the \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.petrellilaw.com\u002Fbird-nesting-possible\u002F\"\u003EUS\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.hogglawyers.com.au\u002Fblog\u002Fbird-nesting\"\u003EAustralia\u003C\u002Fa\u003E and \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.scheidingsprofs.nl\u002Fblog\u002Fbirdnesting-hoeveel-offer-jij-jezelf-op-voor-de-kinderen-na-een-scheiding\u002F\"\u003EThe Netherlands\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. A recent UK study by Coop Legal Services suggested that \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.co-oplegalservices.co.uk\u002Fmedia-centre\u002Fnews-jan-apr-2016\u002Fbirds-nest-custody-takes-off-in-the-uk\u002F\"\u003E11% of divorced or separated parents have tried it\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. In Sweden, where \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.tandfonline.com\u002Fdoi\u002Ffull\u002F10.1080\u002F10502556.2018.1454198\"\u003Eequally shared child custody has been commonplace\u003C\u002Fa\u003E for decades, some divorced parents have rotated homes as far back as the 1970s. (Official statistics are hard to come by, since there isn’t a tick box for this kind of living on census or residency surveys.) \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBjörling stayed in his mum’s spare room during his child-free time, while his ex rented a room in a shared house. Wealthier nesters may choose to buy individual apartments, invest in a shared second property or convert part of the main household into an off-duty annexe, says Dr Ann Buscho, a California-based therapist who has written a book about nesting. For many, it’s a “transitional or temporary arrangement”, but some of her clients have nested for years. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EYet as more families start to embrace the concept, experts are divided on its impact on both children and parents. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EWhat’s behind the birdnesting trend?\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBuscho says it’s important to understand the context behind the trend, including the influence of non-traditional celebrity parenting plans on millennial divorcees. Mad Men’s Anne Dudek and Matthew Heller \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.tmz.com\u002F2016\u002F03\u002F12\u002Fanne-dudek-divorce-child-custody\u002F\"\u003Ewent public about nesting\u003C\u002Fa\u003E after their divorce in 2016, and actor Gwyneth Paltrow is reported to have \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fnypost.com\u002F2016\u002F04\u002F28\u002Fis-birdnesting-the-stupidest-or-smartest-divorce-trend-yet\u002F\"\u003Estayed frequently\u003C\u002Fa\u003E at the home she used to share with musician Chris Martin, long after they broke up.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"infographic","imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","pullQuoteImageAlignment":"centre","videoImageAlign":"centre","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210804-birdnesting-the-divorce-trend-in-which-parents-rotate-homes-0"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":["p09r8k3s"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"Niklas Björling","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210804-birdnesting-the-divorce-trend-in-which-parents-rotate-homes-1"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003E“I think Gwyneth Paltrow’s ‘\u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fnews\u002Fblogs-magazine-monitor-26749152\"\u003Econscious uncoupling\u003C\u002Fa\u003E’ had a big effect here. They did a sort of modified nesting. And just the notion of divorcing with respect and more kindly, I think that had a big impact on people,” says Bushco. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ERecent TV programmes may also have had an impact. US TV show \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.imdb.com\u002Ftitle\u002Ftt6492236\u002F\"\u003ESplitting Up Together\u003C\u002Fa\u003E depicted a family nesting by using a garage as the parents’ off-duty home, and there’s been a nesting plot in financial drama series Billions. “There's just more awareness around the fact that it is an option available to people,” adds Ben Evans, a senior family law solicitor for Coop Legal Services in south-west England. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESome couples are also drawn to nesting because it can be a \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.ashtonslegal.co.uk\u002Finsights\u002Flegal-news\u002Frising-costs-of-divorce-encourage-couples-to-nest-together\u002F\"\u003Emore cost-effective solution\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, for example by cutting court fees or delaying taxes linked to house sales, according to Stephen Williams, a family law partner at another British firm, Ashtons Legal. But he believes the main driver is a more general increase in awareness about children’s mental health, which has led more parents to consider the potential of alternative custody arrangements. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“People have become far more savvy about needing to think about their children's development,” he says. “I think that is a really, really good progression, basically, because often those issues were pushed to the background, and it was the parents’ often problematic separations which came to the fore.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EIs birdnesting actually better for children?\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003E \u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWhatever the reasons ex-couples are getting into birdnesting, judging its effectiveness is tricky. Since it’s a fairly new trend in most places, there is no comparative data on the wellbeing of children in these kinds of families compared to other domestic set-ups. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBuscho has interviewed dozens of nesting families for her research, and did a 15-month stint of it with her ex-husband and three children in the 1990s. She strongly believes it’s healthier for children, by enabling them to retain existing routines and adapt more slowly to changes in the family. “If you ask the kids, they'll always tell you divorce is no fun. They don't know what it's like to divorce without nesting,” she says. “But what they will say is that our parents carried the burden of the divorce and we didn't have to.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThat’s a perspective shared by Linnea Andersdotter, who’s now 36. She lived in a birdnesting set-up in Stockholm for several years, after her parents separated when she was 11. “It felt like a very dramatic thing when they first let me know that they were going to split up, and when I found out I didn’t have to move, that really helped me not freak out about the situation,” she says. “I was kind of kept in a safe little bubble whilst they were sorting out the break-up thing.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210804-birdnesting-the-divorce-trend-in-which-parents-rotate-homes-2"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":["p09r8k5k"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"Eline Linde","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210804-birdnesting-the-divorce-trend-in-which-parents-rotate-homes-3"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EBut critics argue it can create a “halfway house” situation which doesn’t help children process the reality of their parents' separation. Eline Linde, who lived in a nesting household near Oslo when she was a teenager, says she found the experience “strange and confusing”. “I didn’t know if it was mum or dad’s house, or if they were working out if they were getting back together,” recalls the 28-year-old. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“I think we should really be careful about hyping the idea,” agrees Malin Bergström, a child psychologist and scientist at the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm. “This is a type of protecting children and sheltering them from reality, basically. I think that is a threat to mental health.” By contrast, she says “facing challenges together” with parents, such as moving out of the family home, can give children the tools “to become a resilient adult who can handle things in future”. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBergström also casts doubt on the assumption that birdnesting is less stressful for children than commuting between two parental homes. She was involved in several large studies by Centre for Health Equity Studies in Stockholm, which suggested there was \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.forskning.se\u002F2017\u002F01\u002F12\u002Fvaxelvist-boende-bast-for-skilsmassobarnen\u002F\"\u003Every little difference in the mental health of children in typical joint custody arrangements\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, compared with those who lived in a traditional nuclear family with two parents. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EWhat about the impact on parents?\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe impact of birdnesting on parents is also disputed. Family-law solicitor Ben Evans believes it works for some couples because it can help “buy them a bit of time and ease the pressure on them”. Both parties can mull over future steps, he argues, and avoid knee-jerk or costly decisions. Buscho says a nesting period also provides “breathing space” to help former partners figure out what they want their long-term co-parenting plan to look like, or could even facilitate a reconciliation.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210804-birdnesting-the-divorce-trend-in-which-parents-rotate-homes-4"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"You're stuck in some kind of bubble or something, you cannot do anything, you cannot go forward – Åse Levin","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210804-birdnesting-the-divorce-trend-in-which-parents-rotate-homes-5"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EBut Bergström argues that nesting can have a negative psychological impact on divorced parents, by stalling their ability to get over the break-up. “The natural urge after a divorce as a parent is to create your own life, to cope, to move on,” she argues. “And I think that birdnesting works against that urge.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EÅse Levin, a 50-year-old graphic designer from Stockholm, says that happened to her when she tried nesting for six months after she and her partner split. The pair bounced between the same one-bedroom rental when they were away from their two kids. “I know that both of us had real anxiety being in that apartment... you didn’t have your things, so it wasn’t a cosy place to go to,” she recalls. “You're stuck in some kind of bubble or something, you cannot do anything. You cannot go forward.” In the end, her partner stayed in their old apartment and her father helped her buy a small place within walking distance. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWhile nesting may cut down on changes in children’s lives, it also creates fresh logistical challenges for the adults, from figuring out new routines for household chores to navigating what happens if someone starts dating. “A client came home and found a used condom in the bedroom when she came on duty. That didn't go so well,” says Buscho. “There need to be very spelled-out agreements.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210804-birdnesting-the-divorce-trend-in-which-parents-rotate-homes-6"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":["p09r8k94"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"Bodil Schwinn","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210804-birdnesting-the-divorce-trend-in-which-parents-rotate-homes-7"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003E“You need to have a good relationship with your ex,” agrees Bodil Schwinn, from Sollentuna, Sweden, who says she’s enjoyed nesting for two years and is planning to maintain the arrangement for at least another 18 months. She and her former partner split the cost of a cleaner for the family home and restock the fridge on an ad-hoc basis. “We never discuss things like, ‘you bought meat’ or ‘you ate my meat or my cheese’, we just deal with it,” says Schwinn. She did draw the line at her ex’s new girlfriend sleeping in their shared bi-weekly bed, so they agreed to convert their home office into a new bedroom. “A lot of people think this is really weird, but I am fine with it. I'm just happy he's happy, and he found someone.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EThe future of nesting\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFamily lawyer Stephen Williams believes that birdnesting isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution, and says newly separated parents shouldn’t feel pressured to jump on the bandwagon. For a start, some couples will lack the financial resources or support networks to find alternative accommodation during ‘off-duty’ time. He also says it won’t be the right option if there’s still a high level of conflict, if one of the parents can’t commit to the arrangement or if it simply doesn’t feel like the right fit. “The way I see it is that birdnesting is just one of a number of positive interventions which might assist parents in caring for their children post-separation,” he says. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut supporters of the nesting trend hope it will become more commonplace. Buscho points out that co-parenting between divorced parents seemed radical in the 1950s but is now widely accepted as a positive option for many families, so observers shouldn’t dismiss birdnesting taking off, even if it currently seems like a niche idea. “My hope is that in the future, as the awareness grows of nesting, that it will become routine, that people will start their separation process with a nesting period of some months or even longer.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn Stockholm, Niklas Björling is enjoying a new chapter in a small rental apartment a short drive from his ex-partner, which he shares with his children every other week, and with his new girlfriend when they’re not around. Reflecting back on his nesting experience he says, “I don’t regret doing it... But you want to get fully free after a while.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210804-birdnesting-the-divorce-trend-in-which-parents-rotate-homes-8"}],"collection":["future\u002Fpremium-collection\u002Ffamily-tree"],"disableAdverts":false,"displayDate":"2021-08-06T00:00:00Z","embeddedCustomHtml":"","embeddedInfographicUrl":"","embeddedType":"infographic","headlineLong":"Birdnesting: The divorce trend where parents rotate homes","headlineShort":"Birdnesting: A better way to divorce?","image":["p09r8jp0"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"Father carries his daughter out of the house","isSyndicated":true,"latitude":"","longitude":"","mpsVideo":"","option":[{"Content":{"Description":"Apple News Publish: Select to publish, remove to unpublish. (Do not just delete or unpublish the story)","Name":"publish-applenews-system-1"},"Metadata":{"CreationDateTime":"2016-02-05T14:32:31.186819Z","Entity":"option","Guid":"13f4bc85-ae27-4a34-9397-0e6ad3619619","Id":"option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1","ModifiedDateTime":"2022-02-27T22:52:24.455144Z","Project":"wwverticals","Slug":"option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1"},"Urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:option:option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1","_id":"62b420921f4b7b5d34253c8b"}],"partner":null,"primaryVertical":"worklife","promoAlignment":"centre","promoAltText":"","promoImage":null,"relatedStories":["worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210623-why-its-ok-to-let-friendships-fade-out","worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210610-why-more-women-identify-as-sexually-fluid-than-men","worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20200121-why-promoted-women-are-more-likely-to-divorce"],"relatedTag":null,"summaryLong":"Millennial divorcees are increasingly keeping their kids in their former family home, while rotating in and out of the property themselves.","summaryShort":"The divorce trend where kids stay in the house and parents rotate","tag":["tag\u002Fhow-we-live"],"textToSpeech":false,"creationDateTime":"2021-08-05T22:02:22.015195Z","entity":"article","guid":"bd0157ea-8331-4090-8e0b-0784672a707c","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210804-birdnesting-the-divorce-trend-in-which-parents-rotate-homes","modifiedDateTime":"2022-02-25T07:12:29.622001Z","project":"wwverticals","slug":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210804-birdnesting-the-divorce-trend-in-which-parents-rotate-homes","cacheLastUpdated":1657503756257},"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211116-why-only-children-are-still-stereotyped-as-selfish-and-spoilt":{"urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:article:worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211116-why-only-children-are-still-stereotyped-as-selfish-and-spoilt","_id":"62b420771f4b7b575547d1e6","ambientVideo":"","articleType":"story","assetVideo":null,"author":[],"bodyIntro":"The negative traits attributed to the only child have been debunked time and again. Why do we cling still cling to the belief that only children are somehow ‘worse’?","businessUnit":"worldwide","cards":[{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EGrowing up as an only child, I was not lonely, nor did I want siblings, but I knew not to flaunt my only-child status. I understood that only children had certain known traits, and I felt compelled to prove that I wasn't the 'typical' singleton. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAs a young adult, when I got to know someone and revealed that I was an only child, I would relish hearing them say, “Oh, I wouldn’t have guessed”. I learned to supply reasons for why I’d ‘turned out OK’: a lower middle-class upbringing, which meant I couldn’t be spoilt; a non-traditional, single-parent family, which explained why I was considerate of others. Over the years, I made mental notes every time I heard a friend who was raised as an only provide their own reasons for why they weren’t the stereotypical only child. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe negative stereotypes surrounding single children have been around for ages: no matter their circumstances, they are spoilt, inflexible, shy, bossy and antisocial. And decades of thorough research suggest the common perceptions of only children have almost zero basis in reality. There is evidence – both scientific and behavioural – that only children, taken as a group, defy the traits others project onto them. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut ask a friend what a ‘typical only child’ is like, and you’ll hear the same thing: at best, they’re lonely and spoilt; at worst, they’ve been set up for failure by their parents. So why do these stereotypes endure? And, as the shape of families around the world continue to change, favouring fewer children, will they ever go away?\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EOnly child ‘traits’?\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe negative stereotypes associated with only children have a deep history, dating back to the Victorian era and the emergence of child psychology as an academic field of study.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn the late 1800s and early 1900s, a few psychologists published work that formed the foundation for the perception of only-children. Among them is the pioneering child-psychologist G Stanley Hall, who, along with his \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.tandfonline.com\u002Fdoi\u002Fabs\u002F10.1080\u002F08919402.1896.10532955?journalCode=vzps20\"\u003Eprotégées\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, published surveys that established the only child ‘traits’ we know and subscribe to today. In contemporary terms, doting parents who coddled and indulged their only children and turned them into hypersensitive and narcissistic adults. (Hall is often quoted saying \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fdaily.jstor.org\u002Fmyth-lonely-only-child\u002F\"\u003Ebeing an only child is a disease in itself\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.)\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"infographic","imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","pullQuoteImageAlignment":"centre","videoImageAlign":"centre","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211116-why-only-children-are-still-stereotyped-as-selfish-and-spoilt-0"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211116-why-only-children-are-still-stereotyped-as-selfish-and-spoilt-1"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"calloutBodyHtml":"\u003Cp\u003EThis story is part of BBC's \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Ffamily-tree\"\u003EFamily Tree\u003C\u002Fa\u003E series, which examines the issues and opportunities parents, children and families face today – and how they'll shape the world tomorrow. Coverage continues on \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Ffuture\u002Ffamily-tree\"\u003EBBC Future\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E","calloutTitle":"Family Tree","cardType":"CalloutBox","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211116-why-only-children-are-still-stereotyped-as-selfish-and-spoilt-2"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EAlso highly influential was Alfred Adler, a prominent Austrian psychotherapist and founder of the school of individual psychology. “Adler was the first psychologist to examine and thoroughly write about birth order and how family structure affects the development of children,” says Adriean Mancillas, US-based psychologist and author of Challenging the Stereotypes About Only Children: A Review of the Literature and Implications for Practice. “In \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fpep-web.org\u002Fbrowse\u002Fdocument\u002Fpsar.018.0465a\"\u003EAdler’s writings of his own case studies\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, he described the only children he treated clinically in an extremely negative light and asserted that only children were not only pampered, but that parents who chose not to have more children were inflicting psychological harm on their one child.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Default\"\u003EThese assertions caught on. They made sense at a time when families were larger, and having children was full of perils – a singleton would stand out as an oddity, their parents naturally overprotective of their sole offspring. “They were in a minority,” says Linda Blair, clinical psychologist, and an associate fellow of the British Psychological Society, and author of Birth Order: What Your Position In the Family Really Tells You About Your Character. “And whenever you’re in any mammal group and you’re in the minority, you get picked on.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn the ensuing decades, even as the size of families dropped in countries including the \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.pewresearch.org\u002Ffact-tank\u002F2019\u002F10\u002F01\u002Fthe-number-of-people-in-the-average-u-s-household-is-going-up-for-the-first-time-in-over-160-years\u002F\"\u003EUS\u003C\u002Fa\u003E and \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.ons.gov.uk\u002Fpeoplepopulationandcommunity\u002Fbirthsdeathsandmarriages\u002Fconceptionandfertilityrates\u002Fbulletins\u002Fchildbearingforwomenbornindifferentyearsenglandandwales\u002F2015-11-10\"\u003EUK\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, only children still weren’t the norm. The importance of the ‘nuclear family ideal’ – which generally included at least two children – became a dominant narrative. “Baked into our culture is the idea that the ideal family is a mom, dad and two kids. At least since the 50s, any deviation from that ideal jars people,” says Susan Newman, US-based social psychologist, parenting expert and author of The Case for the Only Child.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ETelevision shows like Leave It to Beaver epitomised the ideal of two parents and a few kids. At the same time, shows like Dennis the Menace – featuring a trouble-making cyclone of American boy without siblings – subtly reinforced the ‘problem’ of only children and their permissive, doting parents. Decades of media to follow reinforced – and continues to reinforce – similar ideals.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe images stuck: a family just wasn’t a family with only one kid, and a good kid couldn’t be an only child.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003E‘The reality doesn’t conform to the stereotypes’\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn the late 1980s, American researchers Toni Falbo and Denise Polit conducted a \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.researchgate.net\u002Fpublication\u002F232576074_Quantitative_Review_of_the_Only_Child_Literature_Research_Evidence_and_Theory_Development\"\u003Esweeping analysis\u003C\u002Fa\u003E of 141 studies about only children. They found that though only children “scored\" well in areas such as achievement, motivation and personal adjustment, overall, \"the review indicated that only children were comparable in most respects to their sibling counterparts”.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211116-why-only-children-are-still-stereotyped-as-selfish-and-spoilt-3"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"Baked into our culture is the idea that the ideal family is a mom, dad and two kids – Susan Newman","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211116-why-only-children-are-still-stereotyped-as-selfish-and-spoilt-4"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EIn other words, only children did not conform to the old notion that they were lonely, selfish and maladjusted.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“The reality doesn’t conform to the stereotypes of being over-indulged or lonely little emperors,” says Jing Xu, an affiliate assistant professor in anthropology at the University of Washington, US, and author of The Good Child: Moral Development in a Chinese Preschool. Xu’s work looks at how children develop into moral beings, given their family and education, specifically within the broader context of the “rapid social change in China”.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EXu conducted research at a preschool in an urban middle-class environment in Shanghai, where most students were only children. She found that the only children as young as two immediately picked up on the requirments of the collective environment: the discipline, the adult modes of socialising.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe flexibility of the only children “struck” her, she says. They were “quite savvy in figuring out who their friends were, who they wanted to make friends with and how to build their own small interpersonal networks.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EContrary to the stereotype of onlies being shy and socially awkward, Xu says they are naturally equipped to socialise. In fact, she adds, singletons might even be at an advantage to their peers with siblings, since, without siblings to rely on, they “have to learn to build friendships and share with other kids from other families”. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EResearch has tied growing up as an only child to many advantages and positive traits, in fact. Some studies have \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fsrcd.onlinelibrary.wiley.com\u002Fdoi\u002Fabs\u002F10.1111\u002Fj.1467-8624.1993.tb02893.x\"\u003Elinked only children with having superior verbal skills\u003C\u002Fa\u003E; others have concluded \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.jstor.org\u002Fstable\u002F352302?seq=1\"\u003Eonly children are more motivated and “personally adjusted”\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. Blair says personalised attention and resources from parents can make a positive impact on only children. “Money goes into it, [but also] you get their time, their rich language input and more ordered living than when there are several children.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThere are some negative associations as well. Mancillas points to research focusing on the wellbeing of only children, rather than the examination of birth order status within the family, and how they are impacted by growing up without siblings. “There is research showing that siblings can have a \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fpsycnet.apa.org\u002Frecord\u002F1998-02207-015\"\u003Ebuffering\u003C\u002Fa\u003E effect when there is parental dysfunction in the home, in which case having siblings tends to dilute the negative impact of such stressors,” she says.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211116-why-only-children-are-still-stereotyped-as-selfish-and-spoilt-5"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"portrait","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211116-why-only-children-are-still-stereotyped-as-selfish-and-spoilt-6"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EAdditionally, based on her own clinical experience, Blair says only children may have a harder time dealing with chaos, and have less of what she calls “street smarts”; without as much unsupervised time with peers – the kind baked into sibling relationships – the only child doesn’t develop the innate sense that tells them someone is about to make a surprising change in behaviour (like knock over their Legos, for example).\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EUltimately though, research shows us that being an only child doesn’t mean ‘turning out’ a certain way – good or bad. Importantly, stresses Blair, individual situations, including environment, parental values, connections to friends and extended family, are all factors that help form the personality traits of an only child. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“Only children are more like children with siblings than they are different,” says Susan Newman. “The tendency is for people to want to slot everybody into a category. Being an only child is just one more label that everybody is happy to tag onto somebody.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EHard to unlearn?\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EDespite all we now know, old perceptions around birth order endure. In particular, the myth of the only child is a hard one to unlearn. Blair believes this is because we can’t point to definitive, blanket traits that replace the stereotypes entirely. “It’s easier to stick with the same ideas if we don’t have absolute proof that defies what we already think,” she says. “There are all kinds of myths [about birth order]. They’re heuristics, we grab for one of them.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211116-why-only-children-are-still-stereotyped-as-selfish-and-spoilt-7"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EContrary to the stereotype of onlies being shy and socially awkward, researchers they are naturally equipped to socialise\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"Contrary to the stereotype of onlies being shy and socially awkward, researchers they are naturally equipped to socialise","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211116-why-only-children-are-still-stereotyped-as-selfish-and-spoilt-8"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EBut the shape of families is changing. Where multiple-child-families were once a given, many countries are \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.ft.com\u002Fcontent\u002F89dbabf8-b442-11e9-bec9-fdcab53d6959\"\u003Eincreasingly moving towards having one child\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. In the\u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.ons.gov.uk\u002Fpeoplepopulationandcommunity\u002Fbirthsdeathsandmarriages\u002Ffamilies\u002Fbulletins\u002Ffamiliesandhouseholds\u002F2017\"\u003E UK\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, 40% of families had only one child in 2017. That percentage was roughly the same for \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww12.statcan.gc.ca\u002Fcensus-recensement\u002F2011\u002Fas-sa\u002F98-312-x\u002F98-312-x2011001-eng.cfm\"\u003ECanada\u003C\u002Fa\u003E (38.6%) in 2011, though the country’s fertility rate saw a \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww150.statcan.gc.ca\u002Fn1\u002Fdaily-quotidien\u002F200929\u002Fdq200929e-eng.htm\"\u003Erecord low\u003C\u002Fa\u003E in 2019. As of 2015, \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.pewresearch.org\u002Fsocial-trends\u002F2015\u002F12\u002F17\u002F1-the-american-family-today\u002F\"\u003Ein the US it was around 23%.\u003C\u002Fa\u003E \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EOnly children are hardly in the minority anymore. If anything, they are edging toward becoming the new normal. Could this finally change the way we think about only-child stereotypes?\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThere are positive indicators. Currently, Newman is conducting a study on perceptions of only children, part of an ongoing Only Child Project, started in the 1990s. In her most recent wave of research, she noted a marked difference in the way people think and talk about onlies. “People are not apologetic anymore about having only one child,” she says. And rarely does she hear unsavoury comments about only children now – and those she does hear generally come from older generations, for whom these negative myths were more persuasive. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EMancillas, too, thinks we may be moving toward “gradual acceptance”. Though, she adds, this isn’t really the point. “Negative stereotypes do not serve any group of people well, regardless of a person’s values or preferences regarding family size.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211116-why-only-children-are-still-stereotyped-as-selfish-and-spoilt-9"}],"collection":[],"disableAdverts":false,"displayDate":"2021-11-16T15:14:08Z","embeddedCustomHtml":"","embeddedInfographicUrl":"","embeddedType":"infographic","headlineLong":"Why only children are still stereotyped as selfish and spoilt","headlineShort":"Why we think only children are spoilt","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"","isSyndicated":true,"latitude":"","longitude":"","mpsVideo":"","option":[],"partner":null,"primaryVertical":"worklife","promoAlignment":"centre","promoAltText":"","promoImage":null,"relatedStories":[],"relatedTag":null,"summaryLong":"The negative traits attributed to the only child have been debunked time and again. Why do we cling still cling to the belief that only children are somehow ‘worse’?","summaryShort":"Why do myths of the narcissistic, selfish, antisocial only child endure?","tag":[],"textToSpeech":false,"creationDateTime":"2021-11-15T20:58:01.991584Z","entity":"article","guid":"a3ec451a-3d4a-44dc-897e-1a44079c1140","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211116-why-only-children-are-still-stereotyped-as-selfish-and-spoilt","modifiedDateTime":"2022-02-25T07:18:03.362795Z","project":"wwverticals","slug":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211116-why-only-children-are-still-stereotyped-as-selfish-and-spoilt","cacheLastUpdated":1657503756258},"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211008-how-fertility-became-a-workplace-perk":{"urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:article:worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211008-how-fertility-became-a-workplace-perk","_id":"62b4205a1f4b7b2e6f257093","ambientVideo":"","articleType":"story","assetVideo":null,"author":[],"bodyIntro":"More companies are offering benefits that cover IVF, egg-freezing or surrogacy. Are these perks, which can be divisive, really the key to retaining staff?","businessUnit":"worldwide","cards":[{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EIn 2019, Caitlin, a 35-year-old living in New York City, was looking for a new job. Her contract as a content specialist was coming to an end, and Caitlin, who was a few months into IVF treatment, had a very specific idea about what she was looking for in her next role.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“I Googled ‘companies with the best fertility treatments’ and applied to roles at those companies,” she says. “I applied to the companies with the best fertility and family benefits, and those companies only. Any position offering less than what I considered to be top-tier coverage fell out of contention.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ECaitlin, who’s using one name for professional reasons, ended up interviewing at an accounting firm that would cover 100% of the cost of her treatments. The role was something of a career shift for her, but she had no doubt about accepting the job. “My mom thinks it was a miracle,” she says. “I started treatments shortly after I started my new job.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe company Caitlin joined is one of many now offering fertility-related benefits in a bid to attract new recruits. As companies \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fapnews.com\u002Farticle\u002Fhealth-coronavirus-pandemic-business-bb295afe6ec8d8b88b1b944f3eba7931\"\u003Estruggle to find enough workers\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, a \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.ft.com\u002Fcontent\u002F0f5d078a-662f-4943-a380-3881ce6f1114\"\u003Egrowing number\u003C\u002Fa\u003E of businesses are offering innovative perks to attract and retain staff, especially in the US. The need to remain competitive has become particularly crucial at a time when a reported 41% of staff across the globe are \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.microsoft.com\u002Fen-us\u002Fworklab\u002Fwork-trend-index\"\u003Econsidering quitting or changing their profession\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“Between 2019 and 2020 we’ve seen a 500% increase in employers adding family-building benefits,” says Peter Nieves, chief commercial officer for WINFertility, a US-based fertility benefits platform that partners with employers to provide family-planning perks. “Some employers are offering as much as a $200,000 limit to cover the cost of family-building.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFrom IVF to funded surrogacy, fertility-based perks are increasingly becoming something that workers expect from their employment packages. But will the trend towards family-planning benefits outlast the so-called Great Resignation? Experts seem to think so – and many believe that funding fertility care for their staff could aid diversity, boost employee engagement and foster a supportive workplace culture.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EMore than just a Covid-related craze\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe rise in fertility-based benefits isn’t just a post-Covid-19 phenomenon. For several years, major US technology companies have been trailblazers in terms of offering innovative family-planning perks.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn 2014, both \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.theguardian.com\u002Ftechnology\u002F2014\u002Foct\u002F15\u002Fapple-facebook-offer-freeze-eggs-female-employees\"\u003EApple and Facebook\u003C\u002Fa\u003E announced that they would fund up to $20,000 worth of egg-freezing in an effort to attract more women to their workforce. Elsewhere, Snapchat, Salesforce and Spotify are offering to \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20190906-the-workplaces-that-will-pay-for-surrogacy\"\u003Efund surrogacy\u003C\u002Fa\u003E for their employees, with some companies spending up to $80,000 to support staff through the process.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"infographic","imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","pullQuoteImageAlignment":"centre","videoImageAlign":"centre","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211008-how-fertility-became-a-workplace-perk-0"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"Two women looking at a sonogram scan","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211008-how-fertility-became-a-workplace-perk-1"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"calloutBodyHtml":"\u003Cp\u003EThis story is part of BBC's \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Ffamily-tree\"\u003EFamily Tree\u003C\u002Fa\u003E series, which examines the issues and opportunities parents, children and families face today – and how they'll shape the world tomorrow. Coverage continues on \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Ffuture\u002Ffamily-tree\"\u003EBBC Future\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E","calloutTitle":"Family Tree","cardType":"CalloutBox","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211008-how-fertility-became-a-workplace-perk-2"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EYet, while fertility perks were once viewed as the preserve of the tech sector, they are starting to be included in employment packages across other industries.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“There’s now a broad diversity among the industries represented, including retail, education, finance, entertainment and law,” says Nieves. “The fertility benefit is increasingly being redefined to meet a growing number of employees in need. Benefits such as preconception planning and education, ovulation trackers, paternity leave and emotional support for parents are all becoming increasingly common as employers look to offer well-rounded family planning programmes.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWhile universal healthcare services in in many European nations mean citizens are entitled to receive some fertility treatments free of charge, a lack of state support in the US leaves many individuals relying on employers for healthcare. That, combined with the fact that the US has some of the \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20190615-parental-leave-how-rich-countries-compare\"\u003Eworst parental-leave\u003C\u002Fa\u003E laws among rich countries, means creative and generous fertility packages can become the perfect way for companies to gain a competitive hiring advantage.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBetween 2015 and 2020, the number of larger employers in the US offering IVF coverage rose \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fresolve.org\u002Fabout-us\u002Fnews-and-press-releases\u002Fnew-study-shows-companies-can-offer-competitive-fertility-benefits-without-increase-in-cost\u002F\"\u003Efrom an estimated 24% to 27%,\u003C\u002Fa\u003E and in a similar time period the percentage of employers offering paid parental leave \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bizjournals.com\u002Fbizwomen\u002Fnews\u002Flatest-news\u002F2019\u002F02\u002F40-percent-of-employers-nowoffer-paid-parental.html?page=all\"\u003Egrew by 15%\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. Fifty-one percent of employers covering fertility treatment cited staying competitive and recruiting top talent as the key motivator for providing these perks.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EYet even outside the US, post-pandemic recruitment problems have also pushed major firms to offer fertility treatment benefits. In the UK, Natwest, Centrica, Clifford Chance and Cooley \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.ft.com\u002Fcontent\u002F0f5d078a-662f-4943-a380-3881ce6f1114\"\u003Eall launched\u003C\u002Fa\u003E schemes to cover up to £45,000 worth of fertility benefits in 2021. In Japan, the government announced that public employees would be given \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.japantimes.co.jp\u002Fnews\u002F2021\u002F08\u002F14\u002Fnational\u002Finfertility-treatment-paid-leave\u002F\"\u003Epaid leave to receive fertility treatments\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, while in Germany Qunomedical \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fsifted.eu\u002Farticles\u002Fstartups-need-better-perks\u002F\"\u003Erecently started\u003C\u002Fa\u003E to offer fertility benefits to its employees, claiming to be one of the first European start-ups to do so.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EAre fertility perks ‘enabling’ or ‘enclosing’ workers?\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EOne company that has introduced fertility benefits is Hootsuite, a social-media marketing company with offices across the globe. In late 2020, Tara Ataya, a chief people and diversity officer at Hootsuite, conducted a benefits review, which showed that in North America, fertility and family planning were top priorities for employees.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“We introduced coverage for fertility treatments and support for family planning within our benefits offerings, with a lifetime maximum of $12,000 for fertility treatments,” she says.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe feedback for the new fertility benefits scheme, which covers \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.verywellfamily.com\u002Fhow-much-does-ivf-cost-1960212\"\u003Ethe average cost\u003C\u002Fa\u003E of one round of IVF, was overwhelmingly positive. Hootsuite’s employee-engagement score leapt from 66% to 81%, and when workers were surveyed again in 2021 Ataya saw a 12% increase in individuals who agreed with the statement that “benefits were fair” within the company.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211008-how-fertility-became-a-workplace-perk-3"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"I believe employers are doubling down on benefits programmes that support their employees holistically – Tara Ataya","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211008-how-fertility-became-a-workplace-perk-4"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003E“When people feel that the organisation that they work for is not only willing to support them but will invest in them, then naturally, employee engagement increases,” Ataya explains. The company are now in the process of rolling out a global parental leave top-up policy, and are extending their enhanced benefits plan to their Canadian and Mexican offices.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EYet Ataya adds challenges remain when it comes to fertility-related benefits. She points out that historically, many employees have avoided disclosing that they are undergoing fertility treatments, fearing that this could negatively impact their career. Her concern is echoed by Caitlin, who initially kept quiet about her fertility journey, even when her employer’s benefits provider were covering her treatments.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“I didn’t want to disclose that I was undergoing fertility treatments before getting settled in and confident with my new team,” she recalls. “I spent a fortune on Ubers so that I could take calls en route to appointments. Once I had scheduled an implantation procedure, I told my boss.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFortunately, Caitlin’s manager was incredibly supportive. But Dr Lauren Kuykendall, an associate professor of industrial-organisational psychology at George Mason University, Virginia, US, points out that even though policies exist, employees might not always feel able to make use of them.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“Employees who utilise policies that enable them to spend more time away from work – such as parental leave and remote work – often worry that they will be perceived as less devoted to their job,” she says. “When offering these policies, organisations must also create a climate in which employees are not fearful of their utilisation.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EShe adds some policies that at first appear family-friendly can, in fact, have the opposite effect. “Egg-freezing allows employees to postpone having children, and thus decreases competing demands between work and family,” she says. “Employees who are considering having kids at an early career stage might fear that doing so will signal a lack of dedication to work, and offering egg freezing might exacerbate these fears. The policy itself could be interpreted as a suggestion that one should delay having children.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211008-how-fertility-became-a-workplace-perk-5"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"Pregnant woman","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211008-how-fertility-became-a-workplace-perk-6"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EKuykendall argues that it’s crucial to separate out so-called “enabling” benefits that allow employees to spend more time away from work (such as parental leave and IVF treatments) from “enclosing” benefits, which encourage more office time. Like \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20190215-three-trendy-workplace-perks-and-three-boring-ones-that-work\"\u003Elate-night food deliveries and in-house gyms\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, egg-freezing could be viewed as a perk that keeps employees tied to their desks.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“In this sense, egg-freezing benefits could function more as a family-unfriendly benefit that discourages some employees from having kids at the desired time than a family-friendly benefit that helps employees effectively manage work and family roles,” she says. “This is not to say that egg-freezing benefits are inherently problematic – just that organisations need to carefully consider the full range of possible consequences.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThere’s also the problem of how to make family-planning perks truly equitable. Amy Spurling, CEO of US-based employee-stipend platform Compt, points out that in companies that offer fertility perks, take-up is usually very low. She says some businesses have experienced “outcry” from workers who feel certain employees are favoured by fertility benefits programmes.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“In most companies that offer a specific perk take-up is, at most, 10%, and usually much, much less,” she points out. “HR departments have been tasked with figuring out how to make family benefits more equitable across their teams, regardless of whether you have a fertility issue or decide never to have children. Every employee has a family, but that may look very different across your employee base.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EThe future of fertility benefits\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAs more employers consider introducing or expanding fertility benefits, HR bosses like Ataya have a challenge on their hands. They must consider which perks will actually boost their workforce, without being divisive.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAtaya says new hires are increasingly asking about fertility benefits in interviews, and she believes that perks such as egg-freezing and IVF will become a key aspect of diversity and inclusion initiatives in future. She points out that fertility benefits can be particularly impactful for \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.wellandgood.com\u002Ffertility-treatment-disparities\u002F\"\u003EBIPOC\u003C\u002Fa\u003E and \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.guttmacher.org\u002Farticle\u002F2020\u002F11\u002Fnot-debate-lgbtq-people-need-and-deserve-tailored-sexual-and-reproductive-health\"\u003ELGBTQ+ employees\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, who can face \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.hrw.org\u002Freport\u002F2018\u002F07\u002F23\u002Fyou-dont-want-second-best\u002Fanti-lgbt-discrimination-us-health-care\"\u003Emedical discrimination\u003C\u002Fa\u003E and relatively \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.americanbar.org\u002Fgroups\u002Fcrsj\u002Fpublications\u002Fhuman_rights_magazine_home\u002Fthe-state-of-healthcare-in-the-united-states\u002Fracial-disparities-in-health-care\u002F\"\u003Epoor health outcomes\u003C\u002Fa\u003E when navigating fertility and sexual healthcare.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211008-how-fertility-became-a-workplace-perk-7"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"A company’s perks need to be inclusive and cover everyone, not exclusive and meeting the needs of a select few – Amy Spurling","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211008-how-fertility-became-a-workplace-perk-8"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003ELooking forward, Ataya also stresses the importance of using data to understand employee needs, and to create more flexible systems for equitable benefits. “I believe employers are doubling down on benefits programmes that support their employees holistically – to foster a strong company culture, boost productivity and mitigate costs,” she says. “Fertility and family-forming benefits accomplish all of that, while also providing employees with a benefit they truly value and that will positively impact their lives for years to come.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESpurling is less convinced, suggesting that rather than seeing a big push towards fertility-focused benefits we may be about to notice more customisable systems emerge that support all kinds of family. “We have seen a huge trend towards companies offering stipends, giving their employees the choice to use it towards fertility treatments, childcare or eldercare,” she says. “Our world has moved towards personalisation, and HR is rapidly coming round to the idea that a company’s perks need to be inclusive and cover everyone, not exclusive and meeting the needs of a select few.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFor Caitlin, however, the fertility treatments she received through her job ended up being completely life changing. Now, more than two years after she Googled companies with fertility perks, she lives in Connecticut with her husband and the twin babies she became pregnant with just six months into her new role. The coverage for fertility treatments not only helped her to become a parent, but also meant that she was able to preserve her savings to use as a down payment on the house where her children will grow up.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EShe believes fertility perks aren’t just about financial security. They also demonstrate a company has a supportive culture – something that has been important to her as a new parent. “A career change is inherently risky, but so is taking on a large debt, potentially right before all the other baby-related expenses,” she says. “The money that we saved is important. But a company that covers fertility benefits also shows that it values its employees.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211008-how-fertility-became-a-workplace-perk-9"}],"collection":[],"disableAdverts":false,"displayDate":"2021-10-18T00:00:00Z","embeddedCustomHtml":"","embeddedInfographicUrl":"","embeddedType":"infographic","headlineLong":"How fertility became a workplace perk","headlineShort":"How fertility became a workplace perk","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"Babies","isSyndicated":true,"latitude":"","longitude":"","mpsVideo":"","option":[],"partner":null,"primaryVertical":"worklife","promoAlignment":"centre","promoAltText":"","promoImage":null,"relatedStories":[],"relatedTag":null,"summaryLong":"More companies are offering benefits that cover IVF, egg-freezing or surrogacy. Are these perks, which can be divisive, really the key to retaining staff?","summaryShort":"Can family benefits like IVF and egg-freezing be the key to attracting workers?","tag":[],"textToSpeech":false,"creationDateTime":"2021-10-17T19:08:55.424812Z","entity":"article","guid":"6745fc40-3df8-4234-a38d-36aaad733d6d","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211008-how-fertility-became-a-workplace-perk","modifiedDateTime":"2022-02-25T07:16:08.603055Z","project":"wwverticals","slug":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211008-how-fertility-became-a-workplace-perk","cacheLastUpdated":1657503756258},"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211105-the-parents-who-track-their-children":{"urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:article:worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211105-the-parents-who-track-their-children","_id":"62b4205b1f4b7b291f0977a4","ambientVideo":"","articleType":"story","assetVideo":null,"author":["worklife\u002Fauthor\u002Fanna-jones"],"bodyIntro":"Child-tracking apps are growing. Although they help parents keep tabs, are they hurting families in in exchange for peace of mind?","businessUnit":"worldwide","cards":[{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EElaine Spector was anxious to hear whether her son had safely gotten back to his dorm in Texas, after a recent visit home. But rather than waiting for him to call or text, the Baltimore, US-based mum was carrying on with her day, and awaiting a reassuring ding from her phone.  \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThat’s because, like \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.businesswire.com\u002Fnews\u002Fhome\u002F20210727006162\u002Fen\u002FLife360-Surpasses-One-Million-Paying-Members-Valuing-the-Company-at-Over-1-Billion-for-the-First-Time\"\u003E32 million people\u003C\u002Fa\u003E around the world, Spector and her whole family have Life360 installed on their phones. The app keeps constant tabs on the whereabouts of her three children, letting her know when they’re on the move, when they’re safely home, if they’re somewhere they shouldn’t be and a whole host of other data. “They got to school, \u003Cem\u003Eding\u003C\u002Fem\u003E. They got home, \u003Cem\u003Eding\u003C\u002Fem\u003E,” says Spector, a patent attorney. “It’s just a way for us to know as a family where everybody is.”  \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe family have used the app for several years now, and Spector says while her younger children tend to turn off their locations at times, her oldest son has always been relaxed about using it. But even though he is now 18 and living across the country, she admits the idea of him removing the app and taking away those reassuring dings “makes me feel stressed”. “I don’t want to be the helicopter parent, but we’ve had this for a while, and there’s a part of me that’s hesitant to totally cut it off,” she says. “I like this subtle part of, ‘he’s safe and I don’t need to pester him’.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFamily-tracking apps have exploded in popularity over the past decade or so. A parent’s natural instinct to protect their children is a component of growth, of course – but these apps keep booming as many parents feel the world – both off and online – is inherently and increasingly dangerous. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"infographic","imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","pullQuoteImageAlignment":"centre","videoImageAlign":"centre","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211105-the-parents-who-track-their-children-0"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"I like this subtle part of, ‘he’s safe and I don’t need to pester him’ – Elaine Spector","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211105-the-parents-who-track-their-children-1"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EYet experts say parents wanting to use them should think very hard about how they’’ll do so, and how they’ll talk to their children about them. Apps are becoming ever more sophisticated in the data they're gathering, raising questions about personal security. And children raised being app-monitored are now reaching adulthood, leaving the parents with the quandary – when do you turn them off?  \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EGeofencing, speed monitoring and more\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWhile Life360 dominates the family tracking market – it’s currently the sixth most downloaded social media app on the iOS App store in both the UK and US – there is a vast array of software available, all offering parents varying degrees of monitoring. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EGhislaine Bombusa, head of digital at UK-based Internet Matters, which advises parents on internet safety, says there are essentially two types of tracking options. The choice between the two “depends on your type of parenting, in terms of how closely you want to monitor your child”. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe simplest are location-sharing apps, which come installed on phones like Find My Friends on iOS devices, or Google Family for Android. There are also third-party apps that enable users to gather a seemingly limitless range of data from connected phones. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAt the basic end, this includes features such as \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.lifewire.com\u002Fkeep-track-of-your-kids-with-geofences-2487397\"\u003Egeofencing\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, so an alert is sent when a phone leaves or enters a certain area. For parents with teen drivers, there’s also speed monitoring and crash detection – something Spector says she has found particularly useful. On the more extreme end of the market, apps like FindMyKids allow a parent to \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Ffindmykids.org\u002Fen\u002Fapp-for-tracking-a-childs-phone\"\u003Eremotely activate the microphone\u003C\u002Fa\u003E on their child’s phone and even record audio, while TeenSafe boasts a “\u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fteensafe.net\u002Fhidden-spy-app-for-android.html\"\u003Estealth mode\u003C\u002Fa\u003E” which, says the company, means the child will “never find out that their parents are tracking them”.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211105-the-parents-who-track-their-children-2"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":["p0b2fjbt"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"Life360 display showing a crash detection notification","imageOrientation":"portrait","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211105-the-parents-who-track-their-children-3"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"calloutBodyHtml":"\u003Cp\u003EThis story is part of BBC's \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Ffamily-tree\"\u003EFamily Tree\u003C\u002Fa\u003E series, which examines the issues and opportunities parents, children and families face today – and how they'll shape the world tomorrow. Coverage continues on \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Ffuture\u002Ffamily-tree\"\u003EBBC Future\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E","calloutTitle":"Family Tree","cardType":"CalloutBox","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211105-the-parents-who-track-their-children-4"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EBeyond physical tracking, apps can also manage a child's digital life, “whether it's what they're spending if you’ve got an allowance online, how they use gaming consoles, when they’re using it”, says Bombusa. Apps like OurPact allow a parent to \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fourpact.com\u002F\"\u003Esee screenshots\u003C\u002Fa\u003E of their child’s online interactions, while Bark actually \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bark.us\u002F?ref=RYNZ3QC&kbid=62750&request_ID=26c52d17-6b6c-4224-9d53-583c7b08197e\"\u003Escans their messages\u003C\u002Fa\u003E to alert parents to “concerning interactions”. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWhile Bombusa doesn’t believe\u003Cem\u003E all\u003C\u002Fem\u003E parents are now using such apps, she says their proliferation and the amount of investment in them is certainly indicative of high demand. One 2019 survey of parents and guardians in the UK found that \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.childcare.co.uk\u002Fnews\u002Ftracking\"\u003E40% were using some kind of GPS tracking\u003C\u002Fa\u003E on a daily basis. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd they are big business. Life360 alone has been \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.businesswire.com\u002Fnews\u002Fhome\u002F20210727006162\u002Fen\u002FLife360-Surpasses-One-Million-Paying-Members-Valuing-the-Company-at-Over-1-Billion-for-the-First-Time\"\u003Evalued at over $1bn\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, and operates in more than 140 countries. While many apps do have free options, most also offer the option of upgrading to paid accounts for additional features or to connect more devices. Circle for example, which monitors internet use, starts at $9.99 (£7.39) a month, and TeensSafe’s five-device plan is currently $99.99 a month. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EData versus trust\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ELocation tracking apps market themselves as essential parenting tools in a world full of danger. They rely on parents believing that as long as they know where their child is, they will be safer, or that kids will steer clear of risky behaviour if they know they're being watched. And there have certainly been cases in which parents have used tracking apps to \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.today.com\u002Fvideo\u002Fmother-credits-iphone-tracking-app-with-saving-teen-daughter-s-life-62082117641\"\u003Efind teenagers who have had an accident\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, or even \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.nbcnews.com\u002Fnews\u002Fus-news\u002Ffind-my-iphone-icloud-lead-cops-kidnapped-teen-n521486\"\u003Ebeen abducted\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut Sonia Livingstone, a professor in the department of media and communications at the London School of Economics and Political Science, believes there is in fact “zero evidence that any of these apps keep children safer”. \"I’ve never seen any and I look at \u003Cem\u003Eall\u003C\u002Fem\u003E the evidence,” she says. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAs an expert in children’s digital rights and safety, who has written several books about parenting in the digital age, Livingstone feels the extensive adoption of tracking apps is an understandable response to constant headlines about the “terrible dangers to our children”. But she argues that in the longer term, tracking apps can have \"unintended but also damaging consequences\", not least to the parent-child relationship.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211105-the-parents-who-track-their-children-5"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"I really do respect parents’ anxiety that leads them to think this could be a solution, and I really invite them to find a different one – Sonia Livingstone","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211105-the-parents-who-track-their-children-6"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EApp makers and advertisers may be keen to make parents believe getting an app is an act of parental love, she says, but \"\u003Cem\u003Ethe\u003C\u002Fem\u003E most important thing for development is that the child learns to trust the parent and the parents the child”. Relying on an app to find out where a child is or what they are looking at online, particularly without their knowledge, can seriously undermine that trust, she says, which might lead children to make riskier choices or get clever about evading detection. As well as the right to be safe, children do also have a right to privacy, particularly as they get older, says Livingstone.  \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EYou certainly don’t have to look far to find teenagers – and even older individuals – who feel their parents are encroaching on those rights, or are unwilling to let go of the digital reins. Particularly, Reddit is full of stories about young people who feel constrained by their parents’ anxious remote monitoring.  \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EOne \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.reddit.com\u002Fr\u002Finsaneparents\u002Fcomments\u002Ficpac3\u002Fthis_happened_back_in_march_my_mom_saw_my\u002F\"\u003Erecent post\u003C\u002Fa\u003E in the Insane Parents subreddit read: “My mom saw my location was turned off in Life360 and threatened to turn off my phone and also told me that I can’t drive the car anymore… Oh did I also mention that I’m 20 years old???” \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.reddit.com\u002Fr\u002FLife360\u002Fcomments\u002Fmx0xkk\u002Fmy_mom_made_mw_download_life360\u002F\"\u003EAnother\u003C\u002Fa\u003E in the Life360 subreddit, where users swap tips on how to evade monitoring, said they were 19, but their mum paid for their phone so was making them download the app. “I'm literally home all the time unless I'm at class, which she drives me to and from. Why does she feel the need to track my location when I'm only ever at two places?”  \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ELivingstone says there is indeed a real risk that parental monitoring “moves from being intrusive to abusive”. She argues it is “crucial to our autonomy and our personal integrity not to have our every private thought observed. That’s what private means.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211105-the-parents-who-track-their-children-7"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":["p0b2fjfn"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"A mum looks at her phone","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211105-the-parents-who-track-their-children-8"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EAn additional key concern for Livingstone is the “scary” amount of data that the tech companies behind these apps collect. While Life360 says it gives users “\u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.life360.com\u002Fblog\u002Funderstanding-how-life360-uses-and-protects-your-data\u002F\"\u003Efull control and transparency\u003C\u002Fa\u003E” over their information and that settings can be tweaked depending on individual’s preferences, many apps are quite open about sharing data with \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.zdnet.com\u002Farticle\u002Fallstate-partners-with-life360-app-to-leverage-driving-data\u002F\"\u003Eplaces like insurance companies\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. Livingstone believes there is a troubling lack of understanding, even among experts, about how data is used, or how it might be used in the future. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESpector says she isn’t worried “at all” about data collection, and believes the advantages far outweigh any concerns in that area. But Livingstone says parents need to think hard about not just the immediate risks, but how technology might develop over the next decade. Data gathered on a seven-year-old today could, theoretically, be fed into some “brilliant algorithm\" in the future, which discriminates against them based on their historic movements. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“No-one is looking forward in that way, so I think parents should really think very carefully about giving that access to anybody.”  \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EBoundaries and balance\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIf a parent does feel an app is the right approach for them, however, there are ways to minimise the risks Livingstone highlights. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBombusa says it’s essential that using an app is something parents and children do together, after an open conversation, and that the child knows it is not replacing their proper, trusting relationship. Make sure each party knows what the technology will do, why you want it, what boundaries you are setting and crucially, how the child is feeling about it, she adds. It’s also vital to adapt the use of the apps over time, as a child grows and needs more independence.  \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“I think it’s about the behaviour your child is showing. If they used it when they first got the phone and they followed the rules… there’s possibly a conversation about relinquishing some of those tracking devices. Or maybe saying, ‘OK, I’ll only track it when I feel like there’s a concern’, rather than all the time.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211105-the-parents-who-track-their-children-9"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":["p0b2fjl3"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"Learner driver in a car","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211105-the-parents-who-track-their-children-10"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003ELivingstone, however, worries that there are simply too many unknowns around what tracking apps are doing to children and their development to recommend their use. “We just don't know what it will be like for this generation of children to grow up in a world in which they’ve always been watched, always been tracked and never got lost and had to recover themselves,” she says. “I really do respect parents’ anxiety that leads them to think this could be a solution, and I really invite them to find a different one.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESpector is proud her family has the kind of “open dialogue” recommended by Bombusa, so she's never had to “police” her children's activities. But she admits it would be very hard to give up those regular dings from Life360, and the peace of mind she feels from being able to see where her children are. “I don’t think addicted is an inaccurate word, because I think about \u003Cem\u003Enot \u003C\u002Fem\u003Ehaving it and I feel it makes me feel stressed,” she says. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EHer oldest son is still happy to have the app for now, “because he knows I’m not stalking him or checking up on him”, she says. But she knows the time is coming when she'll lose the dings. “He would tell me if he didn’t want it and I would respect that. It would be hard, but it wouldn’t be the first hard thing we’d had to do as parents.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211105-the-parents-who-track-their-children-11"}],"collection":["worklife\u002Fpremium-collection\u002Ffamily-tree"],"disableAdverts":false,"displayDate":"2021-11-08T00:00:00Z","embeddedCustomHtml":"","embeddedInfographicUrl":"","embeddedType":"infographic","headlineLong":"The parents who track their children","headlineShort":"The parents who track their children","image":["p0b2fhk5"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"Women looking at their smartphones","isSyndicated":true,"latitude":"","longitude":"","mpsVideo":"","option":[{"Content":{"Description":"Apple News Publish: Select to publish, remove to unpublish. (Do not just delete or unpublish the story)","Name":"publish-applenews-system-1"},"Metadata":{"CreationDateTime":"2016-02-05T14:32:31.186819Z","Entity":"option","Guid":"13f4bc85-ae27-4a34-9397-0e6ad3619619","Id":"option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1","ModifiedDateTime":"2022-02-27T22:52:24.455144Z","Project":"wwverticals","Slug":"option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1"},"Urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:option:option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1","_id":"62b420921f4b7b5d34253c8b"}],"partner":null,"primaryVertical":"worklife","promoAlignment":"centre","promoAltText":"","promoImage":null,"relatedStories":["worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211005-is-modern-office-culture-unfair-to-non-parents","worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211102-are-competitive-parents-compensating-for-their-insecurities","worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211007-the-parents-who-dont-want-to-go-back-to-the-office"],"relatedTag":null,"summaryLong":"Child-tracking apps are growing. Although they help parents keep tabs, are they hurting families in in exchange for peace of mind?","summaryShort":"Why some parents have turned to family-tracking apps to keep tabs on their kids","tag":["tag\u002Fhow-we-live"],"textToSpeech":false,"creationDateTime":"2021-11-07T20:56:30.415179Z","entity":"article","guid":"a929f2c8-ee70-44a4-9a81-05738063f38c","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211105-the-parents-who-track-their-children","modifiedDateTime":"2022-02-25T07:17:28.289357Z","project":"wwverticals","slug":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211105-the-parents-who-track-their-children","cacheLastUpdated":1657503756259},"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211122-does-sibling-rivalry-ever-end":{"urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:article:worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211122-does-sibling-rivalry-ever-end","_id":"62b4205b1f4b7b2e471666a8","ambientVideo":"","articleType":"story","assetVideo":null,"author":["worklife\u002Fauthor\u002Fkate-morgan"],"bodyIntro":"Most siblings fight and compete among each other as children. But for some, the conflict never ends.","businessUnit":"worldwide","cards":[{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EWhen Roseanne was young, she says there was a lot of conflict between her and her twin brothers, who are nearly three years younger. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“They were very much a pair, their own team, so it was always two against one,” says Roseanne, a 46-year-old mum who lives in New Jersey, US. Some of that conflict endures, she says, even now, and it can occasionally feel like nothing has changed since childhood. “We were very, very different. We just seemed like we were in different worlds, and I think that’s part of the problem with my two [children] now.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ERoseanne has a 16-year-old son and a 14-year-old daughter who haven’t got along since they were in nursery school. “The bickering is exhausting,” she says. “For a long time, we’ve avoided doing much together as a family because we just don’t want to hear it. We can’t sit at the dinner table for 10 minutes without shots being flung. They’re each constantly worried about the other person, making comments, pushing each other’s buttons.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESiblings fight. Of course they do; as almost anyone who has a sibling knows, some kind of rivalry is common.  \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“Children have much less ability than adults do to reflect on what’s upsetting them or keep their impulses at bay. So, they fight a lot, as we all know,” says Dr Raymond Raad, co-founder of RIVIA Mind, a mental-health centre in New York City.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn many families, bickering among siblings is formative. It helps children learn to handle conflict and makes them better at interacting with others. For some, the rivalry lessens in adulthood, and becomes just something to laugh about at family parties.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"infographic","imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","pullQuoteImageAlignment":"centre","videoImageAlign":"centre","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211122-does-sibling-rivalry-ever-end-0"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":["p0b5nxv5"],"imageAlignment":"right","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211122-does-sibling-rivalry-ever-end-1"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"calloutBodyHtml":"\u003Cp\u003EThis story is part of BBC's \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Ffamily-tree\"\u003EFamily Tree\u003C\u002Fa\u003E series, which examines the issues and opportunities parents, children and families face today – and how they'll shape the world tomorrow. Coverage continues on \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Ffuture\u002Ffamily-tree\"\u003EBBC Future\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E","calloutTitle":"Family Tree","cardType":"CalloutBox","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211122-does-sibling-rivalry-ever-end-2"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EBut for others, it sticks around. A survey of 2,000 adults in the UK, completed as a promotional effort for the television show Succession (in which siblings are constantly trying to outdo each other), showed \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.studyfinds.org\u002Fsibling-rivalry-adults-compete\u002F\"\u003Emore than half of respondents \u003Cem\u003Estill\u003C\u002Fem\u003E feel they’re in competition with their siblings\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. Fifty-one percent of these adults report a lasting, competitive relationship with their siblings, and said they compete over everything from home ownership to who gets to host family get-togethers. Some experts agree these conflicts indeed drag on.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESibling rivalry may not seem surprising in childhood years. But many – like Roseanne – still feel the conflict, far after they’ve moved out of the same home as their siblings. Why does this competition stick – and can we ever get over it?\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EComparison and conflict\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“As human beings, we’re oriented towards comparison,” explains Shawn D Whitehead, a professor of human development and family studies at Utah State University, US. “Siblings provide a natural point of comparison. They’re in your home, growing up with you, generally within a few years of your age on average. They’re in the same environment and the same house, so they provide us a good comparative measure.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFor instance, it’s easy for siblings to compare their academic or athletic success, or jostle over who is the ‘favourite’ child, since siblings often have similar experiences (like attending the same schools). And the closer in age kids are, the more intense the rivalry can be.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThis natural inclination to compare ourselves to other people can be a major driver of sibling competition – especially, says Raad, because our siblings tend to be the people we spend the most time with during childhood, and subsequently know the most about.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211122-does-sibling-rivalry-ever-end-3"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"Siblings don’t necessarily ‘grow out’ of the desire for fairness","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211122-does-sibling-rivalry-ever-end-4"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EIt may seem ‘natural’ for siblings in the same environments performing the same hobbies to butt heads. Yet, siblings who aren’t competing at the same activities \u003Cem\u003Estill \u003C\u002Fem\u003Efind ways to compete, too.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWhitehead says some siblings \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fjournals.sagepub.com\u002Fdoi\u002F10.1177\u002F000306510705500405?url_ver=Z39.88-2003&rfr_id=ori%3Arid%3Acrossref.org&rfr_dat=cr_pub++0pubmed&\"\u003Etry to differentiate\u003C\u002Fa\u003E themselves in an effort to reduce competition – especially if they’re close in age to their siblings. “That would, in theory, reduce rivalry,” says Whitehead, “but the\u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fpubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\u002F11194252\u002F\"\u003E research\u003C\u002Fa\u003E is mixed.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThat chimes with Roseanne’s experience: both with her own brothers and her kids, she says being different is a major driver of conflict.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ERoseanne’s daughter is talented athletically, while her son is naturally gifted academically. Roseanne says since her daughter must work much harder to maintain good grades, their differences have become a constant point of contention between the siblings. “Many, many teachers and even some family members have always commented on how smart my son is,” says Roseanne. “I know it’s a pressure point for my daughter.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIt’s also common for competitiveness to intensify in the teen years, says Raad, as “parents or school or sports environments create an expectation that everything’s a competition”.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut even as siblings develop more individualised identities later in life, differences can continue to drive competition and conflict – especially with brothers and sisters who were raised in the same household, yet ended up very different from one another. Even as their paths diverge, says Raad, “that doesn’t mean they won’t fight about things later in life\u003Cstrong\u003E”.\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EThe fairness factor\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnother major driver of sibling rivalry is fairness, an idea that, Whitehead says, is deeply important to children.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“Parents are more likely to grant privileges to younger children sooner than they did the older kids,” he says. “As a parent, when you say to a 12-year-old, ‘you can stay up until 10’, then maybe the 10-year-old gets to do it too, because [parents] don’t want to fight.” When younger children get permission earlier than an older sibling did, “that can cause the older one to feel things are unfair. That creates conflict”, adds Whitehead.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211122-does-sibling-rivalry-ever-end-5"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":["p0b5nym9"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211122-does-sibling-rivalry-ever-end-6"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EAnd it turns out siblings don’t necessarily ‘grow out’ of the desire for fairness – instead, it’s still one of the factors that can drive sibling rivalry into adulthood, says Raad.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“When you look at people who have conflict, there seems to be an implicit thought that we come from the same place, the same family, so it’s only fair we’re similar and on-par,” he says. “The issues arise when there’s a feeling from one of the siblings that something’s unfair in their lives. There’s a perception that one of them is prettier, smarter, more successful – and it gives the other this feeling that the gene pool has been distributed unevenly.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn adulthood, the fairness question among siblings applies to things like professional success, how happy people are in their marriages and more, adds Raad. “Unlike with friends, where you can say, ‘oh, we’re so different, we come from such different places’, there’s this idea that siblings come from the same background, so something should be fair about where they end up.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EA gentle push\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESome rivalry among adult siblings isn’t necessarily all bad, however. More than a quarter of respondents to the OnePoll survey say they compete with their brothers and sisters over career goals, and for 15% of respondents, rivalry has motivated them in their careers. For nearly two in 10 of the adults, there’s a strong belief sibling rivalry has led them to achieve more in their lives. So, some minor rivalry may be healthy – and just natural.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIt isn’t a given that every group of siblings will compete for the rest of their lives, however. For many, the fighting fades as they become adults. The experts agree there’s no one reason sibling rivalry disappears in some families and persists in others. “The best predictor for your adult relationship is your childhood one, but there’s also room for change,” says Whitehead. A rivalry’s intensity can fade with space and distance, he says, so siblings who end up living far apart geographically, or who don’t see one another as often, may naturally butt heads less.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211122-does-sibling-rivalry-ever-end-7"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"The best predictor for your adult relationship is your childhood one, but there’s also room for change – Shawn D Whitehead","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211122-does-sibling-rivalry-ever-end-8"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EThe number of big shifts a family experiences can affect rivalries, too, he adds. “We see change around big events. Somebody gets married, has a child, loses a parent. Those can all help re-orient relationships.” When sibling groups have those big moments to bring them together, it can help mend fences. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut ultimately, Whitehead says, the determining factor for which families get over it – and which families don’t – is down to personality. “The sibling relationship is unique and multifaceted,” he says, “and there are often just as many differences within families as there are between them.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EExperts suggest parents can help young children reduce natural rivalry and insulate them against more serious later-in-life clashing, however. “Parents should be modelling problem-solving and social skills,” says Raad. ”You can have conflict in your house – that’s only healthy – but being able to model how you address that conflict without it escalating will help your kids later on.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EEncouraging siblings to form close relationships into adulthood – even if that means the occasional argument – can make a significant difference. “Those relationships truly last a lifetime,” says Whitehead. “Late in life, our siblings become even more important to us. When our parents are gone, they’re the last connection we have to our family of origin. Ultimately, siblings are left with each other.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“There was a lot of tension between me and my brothers in our house growing up,” says Roseanne. “But now, we’re together at family functions, we text and chat about my mom, that kind of stuff, and I’ve gotten close with at least one of my brothers – even though it took until much later in life.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211122-does-sibling-rivalry-ever-end-9"}],"collection":["worklife\u002Fpremium-collection\u002Ffamily-tree"],"disableAdverts":false,"displayDate":"2021-11-23T16:39:34Z","embeddedCustomHtml":"","embeddedInfographicUrl":"","embeddedType":"infographic","headlineLong":"Does sibling rivalry ever end?","headlineShort":"Why siblings bicker for life","image":["p0b5nx3n"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"","isSyndicated":true,"latitude":"","longitude":"","mpsVideo":"","option":[{"Content":{"Description":"Apple News Publish: Select to publish, remove to unpublish. (Do not just delete or unpublish the story)","Name":"publish-applenews-system-1"},"Metadata":{"CreationDateTime":"2016-02-05T14:32:31.186819Z","Entity":"option","Guid":"13f4bc85-ae27-4a34-9397-0e6ad3619619","Id":"option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1","ModifiedDateTime":"2022-02-27T22:52:24.455144Z","Project":"wwverticals","Slug":"option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1"},"Urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:option:option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1","_id":"62b420921f4b7b5d34253c8b"}],"partner":null,"primaryVertical":"worklife","promoAlignment":"centre","promoAltText":"","promoImage":null,"relatedStories":["worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211116-why-only-children-are-still-stereotyped-as-selfish-and-spoilt","worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211008-how-fertility-became-a-workplace-perk","worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211105-the-parents-who-track-their-children"],"relatedTag":null,"summaryLong":"Most siblings fight and compete among each other as children. But for some, the conflict never ends.","summaryShort":"The reasons sibling rivalry follows you well into adulthood","tag":["tag\u002Fhow-we-live"],"textToSpeech":false,"creationDateTime":"2021-11-22T22:53:05.582596Z","entity":"article","guid":"b0e699a6-737a-433e-b0ed-626b92de3dc7","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211122-does-sibling-rivalry-ever-end","modifiedDateTime":"2022-02-25T07:18:20.473927Z","project":"wwverticals","slug":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211122-does-sibling-rivalry-ever-end","cacheLastUpdated":1657503756277},"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211005-is-modern-office-culture-unfair-to-non-parents":{"urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:article:worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211005-is-modern-office-culture-unfair-to-non-parents","_id":"62b4205a1f4b7b32e639999d","ambientVideo":"","articleType":"story","assetVideo":null,"author":[],"bodyIntro":"Working parents are juggling a lot. But when non-parents have to work harder to compensate, tensions can arise.","businessUnit":"worldwide","cards":[{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003ELeo Ramirez’s passion job is editing Grubby Cat, a cat-care website. But his main job is very different: coordinating inspections for a crane company in Florida, US. It’s there that he sometimes feels frustrated as a 47-year-old employee without children. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“It’s a very family-oriented workplace,” he explains, with frequent social events like employee picnics and parties. These are supposed to be fun occasions, but they can be dispiriting for him. “My co-workers will make me feel guilted – unintentionally I am sure – into staying [at work] those days later than everyone else… while everyone else has that ‘excuse’ to be unable to make it in because they have families and kids to prepare with.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ERamirez reports that his colleagues say things like, “come on Leo, you know if you had kids or anything we would let you take the extra time you needed”. Yet when Ramirez and his lifelong best friend married earlier this year, his managers wouldn’t let him leave two hours early for last-minute wedding prep on the Friday before the wedding. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ERamirez is sympathetic to parents’ needs: “Me having to get my teeth worked on is never going to be as important as someone’s kid being hurt, I completely understand that.” He’s even happy to work on holidays so that his colleagues with kids can have uninterrupted family time at Christmas and Thanksgiving, for instance. But it can rankle that “I have been asked to pick up the ‘supervisor on call’ responsibility for others on multiple weekends when it should have been their turn to do so”. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EMany employees without kids have similar stories. They understand that it can be incredibly challenging for their colleagues to juggle paid work, parenting and other responsibilities – particularly \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20200401-how-to-work-from-home-with-your-kids-during-coronavirus\"\u003Eduring a global pandemic\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, and especially in places without strong governmental support for parents. But they don’t want to be taken for granted. Ultimately, it’s up to employers to ensure balanced workloads and respect for everyone’s work-life balance, so that \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.researchgate.net\u002Fpublication\u002F264703753_Fragmented_Sisters_The_Implications_of_Flexible_Working_Policies_for_Professional_Women%27s_Workplace_Relationships\"\u003Eresentment doesn’t fester\u003C\u002Fa\u003E among people based on their parenting status. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EMore child-free adults, but not necessarily more respect\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn many countries, the share of people without kids is growing. In England and Wales, for instance, women who turned 45 in 2018 were \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.ons.gov.uk\u002Fpeoplepopulationandcommunity\u002Fbirthsdeathsandmarriages\u002Fconceptionandfertilityrates\u002Fbulletins\u002Fchildbearingforwomenbornindifferentyearsenglandandwales\u002F2018\"\u003Etwice as likely\u003C\u002Fa\u003E not to have children as their mothers’ generation (19% vs. 9%). There’s a \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.pewresearch.org\u002Fsocial-trends\u002F2010\u002F06\u002F25\u002Fchildlessness-up-among-all-women-down-among-women-with-advanced-degrees\u002F\"\u003Esimilar pattern in the US\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. (It’s hard to come by comparable data for low-income countries, where most research has focused on involuntary infertility rather than choosing to be child-free.)\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"infographic","imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","pullQuoteImageAlignment":"centre","videoImageAlign":"centre","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211005-is-modern-office-culture-unfair-to-non-parents-0"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"Tired cook","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211005-is-modern-office-culture-unfair-to-non-parents-1"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"calloutBodyHtml":"\u003Cp\u003EThis story is part of BBC's \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Ffamily-tree\"\u003EFamily Tree\u003C\u002Fa\u003E series, which examines the issues and opportunities parents, children and families face today – and how they'll shape the world tomorrow. Coverage continues on \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Ffuture\u002Ffamily-tree\"\u003EBBC Future\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E","calloutTitle":"Family Tree","cardType":"CalloutBox","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211005-is-modern-office-culture-unfair-to-non-parents-2"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EDespite their growing numbers, and the obvious advantage of having more time to devote to their careers, people without children still feel they face certain barriers at work. Some report being \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.cbc.ca\u002Fnews\u002Fbusiness\u002Fchildless-employees-work-life-balance-1.4953036\"\u003Epromoted more slowly\u003C\u002Fa\u003E or \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20170814-how-to-say-no-at-work-when-you-dont-have-kids\"\u003Edenied raises\u003C\u002Fa\u003E because their managers think that only working parents needed extra money. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFlexible work policies have often been applied to parents first, such as the UK’s right to request permanent flexible work. “Historically, all of these provisions were for parents and carers initially. And some people don’t know that that’s changed,” says Krystal Wilkinson, a lecturer on human resources management at Manchester Metropolitan University in the UK, who focuses on family and wellbeing at work, and has researched employees who live alone. This unfamiliarity with the law can make non-parents reluctant to request flexibility or other changes at work. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ELike Ramirez, many non-parents may be expected to work awkward shifts and holidays, travel more, log overtime and change work locations, because of the assumption that they have fewer important personal commitments. A recent discrimination lawsuit that was \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.cityam.com\u002Fjudge-dismisses-lawyers-harassment-claim-warning-against-a-culture-of-hyper-sensitivity\u002F\"\u003Edismissed in August\u003C\u002Fa\u003E highlighted these issues. When a UK-based lawyer declined to relocate to her company’s Swiss head office, due to personal reasons, her manager responded, “What personal reasons? You are not married, you don’t have children and you do not have a boyfriend.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EManagers like this may be demanding toward non-parents but understanding toward parents, if they respect that working parents might have to leave work early to pick up the kids from school, or take time off when they can’t arrange childcare. But still, “the work has to be done. Someone’s got to pick it up”, says Wilkinson.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211005-is-modern-office-culture-unfair-to-non-parents-3"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"The implicit bias is that child-related reasons for being unavailable are more valid – Rachel","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211005-is-modern-office-culture-unfair-to-non-parents-4"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003ESometimes this expectation is explicit. But other times the messaging and shifting of workloads are more subtle. “It wasn’t even sometimes that they were explicitly asked to do it,” Wilkinson says of some of her solo-living interviewees. “It was like, ‘Well, somebody’s got to lock up the shop at the pharmacy at the end of the day, and she’s got the girl, so I just end up doing it’.”\u003Cstrong\u003E \u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EThe hidden pressures on non-parents working with parents\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003E \u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe smaller things can often take a toll on non-parents, who are often treated as if their hobbies, relationships and responsibilities are trivial, compared to being a parent. This can lead many employees without kids to hide or feel ashamed about their lives outside work – despite many women without children, especially, using their time outside work to \u003Ca href=\"http:\u002F\u002Fwrap.warwick.ac.uk\u002F132633\u002F1\u002FWRAP_Theses_Griffiths_2018.pdf\"\u003Evolunteer or care for others\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. Even simple comments presuming that most people have families can sting, making non-parents feel invisible. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ERachel, a 33-year-old creative director in Barcelona who doesn’t have kids, works for a remote ad agency where she feels non-parents have generally been expected to make themselves more available. “The workload imbalance was most obvious in our team’s availability and personal hours. I noticed subtle biases, like meetings ending on time for a parent to pick up their child from school but going over when a childless employee had an obligation,” explains Rachel, whose surname is being withheld for professional concerns. “The implicit bias is that child-related reasons for being unavailable are more valid.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EOne irony is that expecting non-parents to work long and late inhibits them from forming families, if that’s what they want. Wilkinson calls this “really, really problematic, especially for the people that were living alone but didn’t want to be living alone, and were trying to develop relationships, because that’s the stuff that gets in the way of being able to go on a date or to be developing partnerships”. It’s also hard on people undergoing complex fertility treatments, who might need flexibility for these but feel that their managers wouldn’t understand.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211005-is-modern-office-culture-unfair-to-non-parents-5"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"Man working late in the office","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211005-is-modern-office-culture-unfair-to-non-parents-6"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EOne result of slights both big and small may be \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fonlinelibrary.wiley.com\u002Fdoi\u002Ffull\u002F10.1111\u002F1748-8583.12181\"\u003E“family-friendly backlash”\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, or indignation at the perceived unfairness of workplace policies that favour parents. During the pandemic this backlash has been especially evident at tech companies like Facebook, where employees have been \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.nytimes.com\u002F2020\u002F09\u002F05\u002Ftechnology\u002Fparents-time-off-backlash.html\"\u003Etussling over policies\u003C\u002Fa\u003E such as generous leave for parents, and sometimes even naming-and-shaming working parents they believe are underperforming. But across sectors, people have been \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fqz.com\u002Fwork\u002F1946450\u002Fhow-to-help-working-parents-and-not-pit-them-against-co-workers\u002F\"\u003Egetting angrier\u003C\u002Fa\u003E about the parent\u002Fnon-parent divide. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EListening to those without kids\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIt can be challenging for employers to mediate between the \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fonlinelibrary.wiley.com\u002Fdoi\u002Ffull\u002F10.1111\u002F1748-8583.12181\"\u003Edifferent perceptions of fairness\u003C\u002Fa\u003E that come up between parents and non-parents. One option is to remove the pressure on staff to justify their need for time off. That’s why Rachel’s ad agency decided to remove explanations from employees’ out-of-office messages. She explains, “If you need to be offline from 3pm to 4pm, great! It shouldn’t matter if it’s to take your kid to the doctor or yourself to a dinner party.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ERowan Aust, a media researcher at the University of Huddersfield, UK, as well as co-director of Share My Telly Job (SMTJ), provides a counterpoint to this from her experience of the TV production industry, which demands long hours and short notice. Aust believes in “leaving loudly”: employees of all genders feeling comfortable leaving work at a reasonable hour without \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20201113-the-corporate-ideals-driving-secret-parenting\"\u003Ehiding their parenting status\u003C\u002Fa\u003E or, say, their exercise routines. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“It should be up to employers to provide an environment where people can leave and go to a yoga class,” says Aust – for example, with managers setting the tone from the top. “It has to be allowed through the company culture… it shouldn’t really be down to individuals.” Aust also points to the need for \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20170814-how-to-say-no-at-work-when-you-dont-have-kids\"\u003Ecollective action\u003C\u002Fa\u003E to challenge unfairness, whether that’s freelancers sharing rates or staff unionising.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211005-is-modern-office-culture-unfair-to-non-parents-7"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"I have been asked to pick up the ‘supervisor on call’ responsibility for others on multiple weekends when it should have been their turn to do so – Leo Ramirez","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211005-is-modern-office-culture-unfair-to-non-parents-8"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EGood managers don’t overwork their staff, whatever their family circumstances. They find alternatives to piling the work onto solo-living employees. “During the pandemic, there were organisations that have realised that the workload of everyone is going to go up,” points out Wilkinson. “So can we get more resources in? Can we get more bodies in? Or strip away any non-essential\u002Fnon-urgent work?”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“The tension is between non-parents and their employer,” she emphasises – not between non-parents and parents. “Consistently, in all my research, it’s not been the case that childless employees resent parental colleagues, they don’t think that parents deserve any less. They just think that their own psychological contract with the organisation is the issue.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIt may sound simplistic, but just listening properly is the beginning of everything. “This group are not being thought about,” Wilkinson says of workers without children, who are often grateful just to be asked about their experiences. As child-free cat-lover Ramirez comments, “It’s nice to vent about this for once without the fear of clashing with my co-workers about it.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“Maybe you can’t accommodate everything that they want, but kind of accommodate what you can and think about it and give them a reason if you can’t,” Wilkinson says of non-parents’ desire to be heard. “It’s about communications at the end of the day – and at the end, there seeming to be a fair process.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211005-is-modern-office-culture-unfair-to-non-parents-9"}],"collection":[],"disableAdverts":false,"displayDate":"2021-10-07T00:00:00Z","embeddedCustomHtml":"","embeddedInfographicUrl":"","embeddedType":"infographic","headlineLong":"Do companies lean harder on non-parents?","headlineShort":"Are non-parents expected to work more?","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"Man on phone at a restaurant","isSyndicated":true,"latitude":"","longitude":"","mpsVideo":"","option":[],"partner":null,"primaryVertical":"worklife","promoAlignment":"centre","promoAltText":"","promoImage":null,"relatedStories":[],"relatedTag":null,"summaryLong":"Working parents are juggling a lot. But when non-parents have to work harder to compensate, tensions can arise.","summaryShort":"Some workers without children say they must compensate for colleagues with kids","tag":[],"textToSpeech":false,"creationDateTime":"2021-10-06T20:09:14.495264Z","entity":"article","guid":"368c4071-ca22-445e-8dc6-8a84de6f5d9f","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211005-is-modern-office-culture-unfair-to-non-parents","modifiedDateTime":"2022-02-25T07:15:42.204709Z","project":"wwverticals","slug":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211005-is-modern-office-culture-unfair-to-non-parents","cacheLastUpdated":1657503756259},"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211102-are-competitive-parents-compensating-for-their-insecurities":{"urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:article:worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211102-are-competitive-parents-compensating-for-their-insecurities","_id":"62b4205b1f4b7b4601019a7a","ambientVideo":"","articleType":"story","assetVideo":null,"author":[],"bodyIntro":"In certain situations when our ego is threatened, we emphasise other achievements to compete. This could especially be the case for parents.","businessUnit":"worldwide","cards":[{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EIt’s hard to feel in the shadow of someone else’s accomplishments. Watching people excel above us can bruise our egos. In some cases, a coping mechanism for feeling small in the shadow of another person’s success is to point to a place in which we’ve personally excelled – competitively signal that we, too, are excelling, albeit in a different way.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EA recent study may help us understand why we underscore different achievements to stoke our own egos, and seek other types of validation. Researchers suggest that when we feel threatened in one arena, such as our professional roles, we seek to restore our standing via another arena, in a move called a ‘status pivot’. It’s a possible coping mechanism for vulnerability or inadequacy.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe researchers believe this type of ‘status pivoting’ can happen in all sorts of arenas – wealth, morality, etc. But one area they examined in their research was parenting. In the study, many participants who felt professionally trumped voluntarily ‘pivoted’ to emphasising their parenting prowess.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EOther researchers have shown that parenting is an extremely strong identity – parents often self-validate through pointing to their success as parents. So, if we indeed do compete by pointing to arenas in which we are highly successful, could this help us understand why so many parents broadcast their accomplishments in status-pivoting situations?\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EBest parent ever!\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“In today’s hyper-competitive and interconnected environment, upward comparisons are inescapable,” says Anat Keinan, associate professor of marketing at Boston University's Questrom School of Business and author of \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002F05800e9e-d151-4716-877e-6edc57674e73.filesusr.com\u002Fugd\u002F30fa88_adf59beb51d949338f54747cbdbe1e37.pdf\"\u003Ethe research\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. “Individuals often cope with status threat by pivot[ing] to domains in which they can signal achievements and feel superior.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"infographic","imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","pullQuoteImageAlignment":"centre","videoImageAlign":"centre","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211102-are-competitive-parents-compensating-for-their-insecurities-0"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"Women chatting in a restaurant","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211102-are-competitive-parents-compensating-for-their-insecurities-1"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EKeinan and co-authors Dafna Goor and Nailya Ordabayeva did several experiments to test this theory; one analysed 113 bumper stickers on 97 cars parked around the golf club in Crans-Montana, one of Switzerland’s largest and most luxurious resort towns. They posited that while owners of luxury cars were able to signal status by driving a conspicuously expensive car, owners of more mainstream vehicles might want to find alternative ways to display status, potentially via bumper stickers.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EConsistent with their hypothesis, analysis of the bumper stickers revealed 83.6% of owners of mainstream vehicles signalled status in alternative domains to wealth, compared to a mere 35% of luxury car owners. Bumper stickers on the mainstream vehicles related to extreme sports (such as paragliding or wrestling), athletic achievement through the iconic 26.2 sticker for marathon runners, vacation destinations, famous events like the FIFA World Cup and music festivals or spirituality and family-related stickers including children’s names and even 'baby on board' footstep stickers. Bumper stickers on the luxury cars mainly signalled success in wealth-related arenas, such as golf. Keinan explains we also look to unique non-vocational experiences or visiting exotic travel destinations to signal status and enhance self-worth.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut another area the researchers looked at was parenting.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThey recruited 502 working parents and divided them into two groups: ‘threat condition’ and ‘no threat condition’. Both groups read material explaining they were planning to attend their high-school reunion and would hypothetically look through a news bulletin reporting where their former classmates were now. Then, in the ‘threat condition’ group, participants also read that the bulletin featured one of their former classmates as the most successful professional of the year.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe participants were then presented with two phone covers to imagine displaying at the reunion: ‘Best job ever! Congrats on your success!’ and ‘Best mum\u002Fdad ever! So lucky you’re my mum\u002Fdad!’. They were asked to rate how displaying each phone cover at the reunion would make them feel about their life.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe threat group ranked the ‘best parent ever’ phone cover higher, preferring to highlight parenting achievements over professional success, in a context where one of their peers was already designated the most successful professional of the year. In other words, they felt that status pivoting using the ‘best parent ever’ phone cover would be a more effective method of restoring their status than trying to highlight their own professional success.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EKeinan explains that status pivoting to parenthood in the phone case study was a phenomenon observed across genders. Ultimately, it “depended on whether you view parenting as a central part of your identity and sense of self”, she says.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211102-are-competitive-parents-compensating-for-their-insecurities-2"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"When parents brag, they often trumpet specific things that are visible accomplishments that reflect well on them as the parent: their kids’ high marks, their athletic feats, the school they attend","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211102-are-competitive-parents-compensating-for-their-insecurities-3"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003ESeeking status\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EOf course, in this study situation, participants only had a choice between highlighting professional success or parenting achievements. But other experts say in real-world situations, parenting \u003Cem\u003Eis \u003C\u002Fem\u003Ean identity that people do seek validation from – and potentially status pivot to – even when their choices aren’t constrained in a research environment.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAccording to Keinan, we trade off across domains, and tend to believe status acquisition in one area has a trade-off in another, such as professional success coming at the cost of close family relations. With her co-authors, she found the trade-off most frequently emphasised “was that status and wealth are associated with sacrifices and trade-offs in family life, social life and personal relationships”. And when areas of our lives like wealth or our careers come under threat, we will likely pivot to the other areas that we’ve already identified as default costs, like two sides of the same coin.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThis is similar to what Hilary Levey Friedman, a sociologist and visiting assistant professor at Brown University, US, has observed, particularly among mums who left the workforce and no longer had their professional achievements to emphasise.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn researching her book about parenting, Playing to Win: Raising Children in a Competitive Culture, she interviewed “many highly credentialed parents, nearly all mothers, who leave the workforce to focus on family and place an enormous amount of attention and pressure on their children's academic achievement.” This, she says, becomes a status symbol for the mums – and even the entire family.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E \u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211102-are-competitive-parents-compensating-for-their-insecurities-4"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"Parent-teacher conference","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211102-are-competitive-parents-compensating-for-their-insecurities-5"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EAnd when parents brag, they often trumpet specific things that are visible accomplishments that reflect well on them as the parent: their kids’ high marks, their athletic feats, the school they attend. (Think of how many parents display stickers in cars when their children go to prestigious schools.)\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EParents rely on concrete accomplishments that show off not only their kids’ triumphs, but their own parenting skills – which are valuable achievements to point to when one-upping someone else during a status pivot. “Their children's performance becomes their own transferred success,” says Friedman.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ERoss Thompson, professor of psychology at the University of California, Davis, who specialises in parent-child relationships and social sciences, agrees that pointing to these tangibles is extremely common. That’s because, he says, many parents lose sight of the fact the signs that you’re good at raising your children aren’t often necessarily tangible deliverables that you can show off when competing with people – for example, “children who are happy or well-adjusted; who are caring and empathic, who are good friends to others”.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EUltimately, though, “parenting is an identity that people have, want to display and get rewarded for”, US-based psychologists Jay Van Bavel and Dominic Packer tell BBC Worklife together. “In fact, it might be the absolute most salient and important identity for many people.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThis research on status pivoting may help us understand why, when parents feel insecure in other domains, they often emphasise their parenting achievements.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EStill, although the draw to emphasise parental achievements may be strong in status-pivoting situations, it’s beneficial to remember “there is more than one way to feel successful, and there are alternative ways to fulfil one’s need for status”, says Keinan. “It’s not a bad idea to remind yourself of your other roles and things you care about.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cem\u003EThis story was updated from an earlier version to provide additional context for the study.\u003C\u002Fem\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211102-are-competitive-parents-compensating-for-their-insecurities-6"}],"collection":null,"disableAdverts":false,"displayDate":"2021-11-04T00:00:00Z","embeddedCustomHtml":"","embeddedInfographicUrl":"","embeddedType":"infographic","headlineLong":"How we 'status pivot' in ego-threatening situations","headlineShort":"How we 'pivot' to display social status","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"Football Dad","isSyndicated":true,"latitude":"","longitude":"","mpsVideo":"","option":[],"partner":null,"primaryVertical":"worklife","promoAlignment":"centre","promoAltText":"","promoImage":null,"relatedStories":[],"relatedTag":null,"summaryLong":"In certain situations when our ego is threatened, we emphasise other achievements to compete. This could especially be the case for parents.","summaryShort":"When our egos are threatened, we emphasise other successes to compete","tag":[],"textToSpeech":false,"creationDateTime":"2021-11-03T19:37:31.703955Z","entity":"article","guid":"0fe3f1b9-e16c-4011-b5fe-51064f46ca6c","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211102-are-competitive-parents-compensating-for-their-insecurities","modifiedDateTime":"2022-02-25T07:17:18.013207Z","project":"wwverticals","slug":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211102-are-competitive-parents-compensating-for-their-insecurities","cacheLastUpdated":1657503756259},"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211007-the-parents-who-dont-want-to-go-back-to-the-office":{"urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:article:worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211007-the-parents-who-dont-want-to-go-back-to-the-office","_id":"62b4205a1f4b7b2e6f257094","ambientVideo":"","articleType":"story","assetVideo":null,"author":[],"bodyIntro":"Some companies want workers back in the office. But parents, who combined remote work with spending more time with their children, are not happy.","businessUnit":"worldwide","cards":[{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EFor Ellen, a 36-year-old mother-of-one living in Westchester County, north of New York City, an article that appeared online in May 2021 changed everything. That week, one of the most powerful men in the finance industry told a conference that remote working didn’t work for “\u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.reuters.com\u002Farticle\u002Fus-jp-morgan-ceo-idUSKBN2CL1HQ\"\u003Ethose who want to hustle\u003C\u002Fa\u003E”, and signalled his intent to bring employees back to the office. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EEllen, who had spent her entire career working on Wall Street, almost choked on her coffee. “During the previous 18 months, I’d spent every single waking hour of the day doing nothing but hustle,” she explains. She was worried by what the comments implied for workers in her industry. “I didn’t want to go back to the office. I’d come to love working from home. I’d proved that it could work, and I didn’t want it to change.”  \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut it did. In the weeks that followed, a handful of major financial-services companies, including Ellen’s employer, called \u003Ca title=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.wsj.com\u002Farticles\u002Fjpmorgan-goldman-call-time-on-work-from-home-their-rivals-are-ready-to-pounce-11625563800\" href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.wsj.com\u002Farticles\u002Fjpmorgan-goldman-call-time-on-work-from-home-their-rivals-are-ready-to-pounce-11625563800\"\u003Etime on allowing employees to choose where to work\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.  \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBefore the pandemic, Ellen had rarely seen her three-year-old son during the week. But since Covid-19 hit, she had become accustomed to having lunch with him and being around for bath and bedtime – which meant readjusting to office working was “devastating”. “Through all the pain of the pandemic, the one huge upside was that I’d had a chance to really bond with him,” she says of her son. “I was working, and we have a nanny, but I was at home and the opportunity to hang out with him between Zoom meetings and calls was priceless.”  \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFor years, parents have been calling for more autonomy to decide where and when they work, and to construct their working week around opportunities to care for their children. In March 2020, the pandemic granted those requests for many, as people were sent home to do their jobs. But now, amid signs the pandemic may be coming under control, and as a cautious transition back to pre-pandemic habits gathers pace, many employers are asking employees to come back into the office full time.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"infographic","imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","pullQuoteImageAlignment":"centre","videoImageAlign":"centre","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211007-the-parents-who-dont-want-to-go-back-to-the-office-0"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"Family sharing a meal at home","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211007-the-parents-who-dont-want-to-go-back-to-the-office-1"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"calloutBodyHtml":"\u003Cp\u003EThis story is part of BBC's \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Ffamily-tree\"\u003EFamily Tree\u003C\u002Fa\u003E series, which examines the issues and opportunities parents, children and families face today – and how they'll shape the world tomorrow. Coverage continues on \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Ffuture\u002Ffamily-tree\"\u003EBBC Future\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E","calloutTitle":"Family Tree","cardType":"CalloutBox","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211007-the-parents-who-dont-want-to-go-back-to-the-office-2"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EGenerally, workers are split on how they feel about going back in person. Some applaud the social advantages of being back in the office, while others are recoiling at the prospect. But parents are fighting back particularly hard, especially those who work long hours.  \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWorkplace experts – as well as the parents themselves – are warning employees now greater flexibility is possible; more than that, they’ve proved they can do their jobs outside the office. That means if employers can’t accommodate parents’ desire to spend more time with their children, they risk a talent drain as workers seek out new roles at firms that can. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EA cross-industry problem \u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBeyond banking, one industry where the kick-back from parents has been particularly fierce is the legal world. Robert, a 43-year-old lawyer from the north of England, has a five-year-old son who is autistic.  \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“When hearings went from being in person to being video calls, it meant that I was able to cut out all of my travel and spent much more time with my family,” he explains. “I was able to support my wife, be a better husband and better father – particularly in the context of all the personal problems that having a child with special needs brings. Our whole family dynamic and bond was strengthened during the period, and [now that things are going back to in-person] I’m just really scared of that changing back and slipping away.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211007-the-parents-who-dont-want-to-go-back-to-the-office-3"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"Through all the pain of the pandemic, the one huge upside was that I’d had a chance to really bond with him – Ellen","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211007-the-parents-who-dont-want-to-go-back-to-the-office-4"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003ERobert says that for financial and other reasons he’s not thinking about changing jobs any time soon, but says that many lawyers he’s spoken to, most notably young parents, are thinking about quitting due to the personal cost of going back to the old way of working.  \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAccording to a May 2020 survey by PwC, parents of children under the age of 18 were \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.pwc.com\u002Fus\u002Fen\u002Flibrary\u002Fcovid-19\u002Femployees-anxious-about-returning-to-workplace-1.html\"\u003Emore reluctant to return to the workplace than non-parents\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, and of all respondents who said they were hesitant to go back, more than a fifth cited their responsibilities as a parent or caregiver. Additional PwC research in January 2021 showed that \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.pwc.com\u002Fus\u002Fen\u002Flibrary\u002Fcovid-19\u002Fus-remote-work-survey.html\"\u003Emore than half of employees would prefer to be remote at least three days a week\u003C\u002Fa\u003E once pandemic concerns subside. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211007-the-parents-who-dont-want-to-go-back-to-the-office-5"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"Mum and daughter working together","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211007-the-parents-who-dont-want-to-go-back-to-the-office-6"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EDan Cable, professor of organisational behaviour at London Business School, explains that in many cases, what’s frustrating so many people is that during the past 18 months, we’ve demonstrated just how well we can work remotely.   \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“Because we now know it often is possible [to work from home], it highlights the ‘wasted hours’ commuting and putting in face time in the office,” says Cable. “Highlighting this is probably most painful for those that work the most hours, since it puts a real premium on the conflict between, say work and family, or work and fitness, which people are able to balance better when saving the commute time and reinvesting it in these other activities.”  \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003E‘A longer-term view’\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESarah Russell, an employment lawyer at Fox Whitfield, based in Manchester, UK, cites a recent case suggesting that there is momentum building in the push by parents for more flexible work. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn September, Alice Thompson, a UK estate agent, made headlines when she \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fnews\u002Fbusiness-58473802\"\u003Ewon an £185,000 ($254,478) pay-out\u003C\u002Fa\u003E from her former employer, who had denied her request for flexible working hours to pick up her daughter from nursery. Thompson quit in December 2019 after her boss refused the request, according to an \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fassets.publishing.service.gov.uk\u002Fmedia\u002F61323241e90e070442fbdd27\u002FMs_A_Thompson__vs_Scancrown_Ltd_-_Trading_as_Manors.pdf\"\u003Eemployment tribunal\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ERussell says even though that case didn’t relate specifically to working from home or Covid-19, employers grappling with how to design the post-pandemic workplace should consider it a cautionary tale. “Arguing that there is a real business need for full-time office-based work will be very hard when many businesses have managed with staff full-time from home for 18 months without any apparent damage to their bottom line or reduced productivity,” she says.   \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut even where forcing everyone back into the office full time does not lead to immediate legal action, “it will lead to working parents voting with their feet”, she adds, particularly women. “Law firms have typically been recruiting 50:50 [women and men] at graduate entry level, but they’re reducing their pipeline of potential partners when large numbers of staff exit after maternity leave, because the working practices are incompatible with family life. Employers need to take a longer-term view.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211007-the-parents-who-dont-want-to-go-back-to-the-office-7"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"Man looking at his phone in the office","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211007-the-parents-who-dont-want-to-go-back-to-the-office-8"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EAsked about what companies can do to avoid a talent exodus linked to a disgruntled workforce or an exacerbation of gender inequality, Russell points to the model implemented by Baker McKenzie, the multinational law firm headquartered in Chicago, Illinois, and a handful of other legal companies. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBaker McKenzie has mandated a minimum of two days and a maximum of three days a week in the office for all UK workers. The idea behind doing so is to provide parents and caregivers with some of the flexibility they have become accustomed to during the pandemic, while also safeguarding against some of the potential downsides of a fully hybrid setup. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“This should help to prevent the outcome where men go back full-time and are visibly working long hours, whilst working mothers put in just as many hours at home, but aren’t physically in the room so the male employees bag the overwhelming share of the informal opportunities, promotion and bonuses,” explains Russell. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EForced change\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFinding a way forward is important, because there is already plenty of evidence that employees who feel that their companies aren’t accommodating their needs are willing to resign.  A recent survey from job-search site FlexJobs showed 58% of people who had been working remotely during the pandemic \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.flexjobs.com\u002Fblog\u002Fpost\u002Fmen-women-experience-remote-work-survey\u002F\"\u003Esaid that they would “absolutely” look for a new job\u003C\u002Fa\u003E if their employer did not allow them to continue working remotely.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211007-the-parents-who-dont-want-to-go-back-to-the-office-9"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"I was able to support my wife, be a better husband and better father – Robert","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211007-the-parents-who-dont-want-to-go-back-to-the-office-10"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EJulia Lamm, a partner within PwC’s Financial Services People and Organisation practice, says there’s a real risk that anxieties parents feel about going back into the office – including the fear that commuting parents could bring the virus home to their children – could feed into what’s become known as the ‘\u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210629-the-great-resignation-how-employers-drove-workers-to-quit\"\u003EGreat Resignation\u003C\u002Fa\u003E’ if employers don’t manage them effectively.  \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“There’s not one answer that works for everybody,” she says, when asked what employers should be doing to prevent parents from quitting. “But there’s power in looking at the work that each individual does on a day-to-day basis and deciding based on that what work arrangement is best for each person.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn a sign that some employers are catching on to the fact that workplaces can’t simply go back to exactly how they were pre-pandemic, \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.linkedin.com\u002Fpulse\u002Femployers-catch-remote-job-posts-rise-457-tech-media-lead-anders\u002F\"\u003Epostings for entirely remote positions have rocketed\u003C\u002Fa\u003E during the past 18 months, according to data from LinkedIn.  \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFor people like Ellen and Robert, however, this offers little comfort. Robert says that the legal profession presents a unique set of challenges when it comes to re-evaluating the parameters of how we work: much of the work associated with criminal trials, for example, can’t be done remotely because of safety and logistical concerns.  \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EEllen, meanwhile, says that it’s “unthinkable” that an industry like banking, in which so much value is still placed on face time, will change its culture and become significantly more flexible in the immediate future. But eventually, she says, it might have to. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“There are other industries, like tech, that are embracing at least some elements of the pandemic ways of working,” she says. As early as May 2020, Twitter announced its employees would be allowed to \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.washingtonpost.com\u002Ftechnology\u002F2020\u002F05\u002F12\u002Ftwitter-work-home\u002F\"\u003Ework from home forever\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. Ellen says there’s no real reason why bankers would not start looking for opportunities in other industries if they’re unhappy. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“The prestige of Wall Street is definitely one of the things that attracted me to my job in the first place and perhaps it’s one of the things that has helped me endure it for so long,” she admits. “But even prestige can only go so far. Eventually other considerations will take priority.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cem\u003EBBC Worklife has withheld Ellen and Robert’s surnames due to job-security concerns\u003C\u002Fem\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211007-the-parents-who-dont-want-to-go-back-to-the-office-11"}],"collection":[],"disableAdverts":false,"displayDate":"2021-10-12T00:00:00Z","embeddedCustomHtml":"","embeddedInfographicUrl":"","embeddedType":"infographic","headlineLong":"The parents who don't want to go back to the office","headlineShort":"The parents rejecting return-to-office","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"Father and child working together","isSyndicated":true,"latitude":"","longitude":"","mpsVideo":"","option":[],"partner":null,"primaryVertical":"worklife","promoAlignment":"centre","promoAltText":"","promoImage":null,"relatedStories":[],"relatedTag":null,"summaryLong":"Some companies want workers back in the office. But parents, who combined remote work with spending more time with their children, are not happy.","summaryShort":"Now they've shown they can work remotely, parents are questioning office recalls","tag":[],"textToSpeech":false,"creationDateTime":"2021-10-11T19:48:10.767872Z","entity":"article","guid":"a003a2db-2030-434e-8f09-6b8edb73e5d1","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211007-the-parents-who-dont-want-to-go-back-to-the-office","modifiedDateTime":"2022-02-25T07:15:52.715951Z","project":"wwverticals","slug":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211007-the-parents-who-dont-want-to-go-back-to-the-office","cacheLastUpdated":1657503756283},"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211201-family-estrangement-why-adults-are-cutting-off-their-parents":{"urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:article:worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211201-family-estrangement-why-adults-are-cutting-off-their-parents","_id":"62b4205b1f4b7b03f84bae63","ambientVideo":"","articleType":"story","assetVideo":null,"author":["worklife\u002Fauthor\u002Fmaddy-savage"],"bodyIntro":"Polarised politics and a growing awareness of how difficult relationships can impact our mental health are fuelling family estrangement, say psychologists.","businessUnit":"worldwide","cards":[{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cem\u003EAs we head into 2022, Worklife is running our best, most insightful and most essential stories from 2021. When you’re done with this article, check out our \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Fcolumns\u002Fbest-of-worklife-2021\u002F\"\u003Efull list of the year’s top stories\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. \u003C\u002Fem\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIt was a heated Skype conversation about race relations that led Scott to cut off all contact with his parents in 2019. His mother was angry he’d supported a civil rights activist on social media, he says; she said “a lot of really awful racist things”, while his seven-year-old son was in earshot.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“There was very much a parental feeling like ‘you can’t say that in front of my child, that's not the way we're going to raise our kids’,” explains the father-of-two, who lives in Northern Europe. Scott says the final straw came when his father tried to defend his mother’s viewpoint in an email, which included a link to a white supremacist video. He was baffled his parents could not comprehend the reality of people being victimised because of their background, especially given his own family history. “‘This is insane – you're Jewish’, I said. ‘Many people in our family were killed in Auschwitz’.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIt wasn’t the first time Scott had experienced a clash in values with his parents. But it was the last time he chose to see or speak to them.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EDespite a lack of hard data, there is a growing perception among therapists, psychologists and sociologists that this kind of intentional parent-child ‘break-up’ is on the rise in western countries.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFormally known as ‘estrangement’, experts’ definitions of the concept differ slightly, but the term is broadly used for situations in which someone cuts off all communication with one or more relatives, a situation that continues for the long-term, even if those they’ve sought to split from try to re-establish a connection.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“The declaration of ‘I am done’ with a family member is a powerful and distinct phenomenon,” explains Karl Andrew Pillemer, professor of human development at Cornell University, US. “It is different from family feuds, from high-conflict situations and from relationships that are emotionally distant but still include contact.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"infographic","imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","pullQuoteImageAlignment":"centre","videoImageAlign":"centre","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211201-family-estrangement-why-adults-are-cutting-off-their-parents-0"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"The declaration of ‘I am done’ with a family member is a powerful and distinct phenomenon – Karl Andrew Pillemer","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211201-family-estrangement-why-adults-are-cutting-off-their-parents-1"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EAfter realising there were few major studies of family estrangement, he carried out a nationwide survey for his 2020 book Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them. The survey showed more than one in four Americans reported being estranged from another relative. Similar research for British estrangement charity Stand Alone \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.standalone.org.uk\u002Fabout\u002F\"\u003Esuggests the phenomenon affects one in five families in the UK\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, while academic researchers and therapists in \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.smh.com.au\u002Flifestyle\u002Flife-and-relationships\u002Fwe-aren-t-family-the-adults-divorcing-their-parents-20200907-p55t98.html\"\u003EAustralia\u003C\u002Fa\u003E and \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fbroadview.org\u002Ffamily-estrangement\u002F\"\u003ECanada\u003C\u002Fa\u003E also say they’re witnessing a “silent epidemic” of family break-ups.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EOn social media, there’s been a boom in online support groups for adult children who’ve chosen to be estranged, including one Scott is involved in, which has thousands of members. “Our numbers in the group have been rising steadily,” he says. “I think it’s becoming more and more common.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe fact that estrangement between parents and their adult children seems to be on the rise – or at least is increasingly discussed – seems to be down to a complex web of cultural and psychological factors. And the trend raises plenty of questions about its impact on both individuals and society.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EPast experiences and present values\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAlthough research is limited, most break-ups between a parent and a grown-up child tend to be initiated by the child, says Joshua Coleman, psychologist and author of The Rules of Estrangement: Why Adult Children Cut Ties and How to Heal the Conflict. One of the most common reasons for this is past or present \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.standalone.org.uk\u002Fwp-content\u002Fuploads\u002F2015\u002F12\u002FHiddenVoices.FinalReport.pdf\"\u003Eabuse\u003C\u002Fa\u003E by the parent, whether emotional, verbal, physical or sexual. \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.google.com\u002Furl?q=https:\u002F\u002Fjournals.sagepub.com\u002Fdoi\u002Fabs\u002F10.1177\u002F02654075211046305?journalCode%3Dspra&sa=D&source=docs&ust=1637244794712000&usg=AOvVaw0W0kn3ppJjZMZ2jWUtahBV\"\u003EDivorce\u003C\u002Fa\u003E is another frequent influence, with consequences ranging from the adult child “taking sides”, to new people coming into the family such as stepsiblings or stepparents, which can fuel divisions over both “financial and emotional resources”. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EClashes in values – as experienced by Scott and his parents – are also increasingly thought to play a role. A study published in October by Coleman and the University of Wisconsin, US, showed value-based disagreements were mentioned by \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fpsycnet.apa.org\u002Frecord\u002F2021-85856-001\"\u003Emore than one in three mothers of estranged children\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. Pillemer’s recent research has also \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.karlpillemer.com\u002Fbooks\u002Ffault-lines\u002F\"\u003Ehighlighted value differences\u003C\u002Fa\u003E as a “major factor” in estrangements, with conflicts resulting from “issues such as same sex-preference, religious differences or adopting alternative lifestyles”.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBoth experts believe at least part of the context for this is increased political and cultural polarisation in recent years. In the US, an Ipsos poll reported a \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.reuters.com\u002Farticle\u002Fus-usa-trump-relationships-insight\u002Ffrom-disputes-to-a-breakup-wounds-still-raw-after-u-s-election-idUSKBN15M13L\"\u003Erise in family rifts\u003C\u002Fa\u003E after the 2016 election, while research by academics at Stanford University in 2012 suggested a larger proportion of parents could be unhappy if their children \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Facademic.oup.com\u002Fpoq\u002Farticle-abstract\u002F76\u002F3\u002F405\u002F1894274\"\u003Emarried someone who supported a rival political party\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, which was far less true a decade earlier. A recent UK study found that one in 10 people had \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.independent.co.uk\u002Fnews\u002Fuk\u002Fpolitics\u002Fbrexit-family-friends-argument-remain-leave-eu-opinion-poll-bmg-survey-a9147456.html\"\u003Efallen out with a relative over Brexit\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. “These studies highlight the way that identity has become a far greater determinant of whom we choose to keep close or to let go,” says Coleman.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211201-family-estrangement-why-adults-are-cutting-off-their-parents-2"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":["p0b765ck"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211201-family-estrangement-why-adults-are-cutting-off-their-parents-3"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"calloutBodyHtml":"\u003Cp\u003EThis story is part of BBC's \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Ffamily-tree\"\u003EFamily Tree\u003C\u002Fa\u003E series, which examines the issues and opportunities parents, children and families face today – and how they'll shape the world tomorrow. Coverage continues on \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Ffuture\u002Ffamily-tree\"\u003EBBC Future\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E","calloutTitle":"Family Tree","cardType":"CalloutBox","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211201-family-estrangement-why-adults-are-cutting-off-their-parents-4"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EScott says he’s never discussed his voting preferences with his parents. But his decision to cut them off was partly influenced by his and his wife’s heightened awareness of social issues, including the Black Lives Matter movement and MeToo. He says other adult children in his online support group have fallen out due to value-based disagreements connected to the pandemic, from older parents refusing to get vaccinated to rows over conspiracy theories about the source of the virus.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EThe mental health factor\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EExperts believe our growing awareness of mental health, and how toxic or abusive family relationships can affect our wellbeing, is also impacting on estrangement.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“While there’s nothing especially modern about family conflict or a desire to feel insulated from it, conceptualising the estrangement of a family member as an expression of personal growth, as it is commonly done today, is almost certainly new,” says Coleman. “Deciding which people to keep in or out of one’s life has become an important strategy.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESam, who’s in her twenties and lives in the UK, says she grew up in a volatile household where both parents were heavy drinkers. She largely stopped speaking to her parents straight after leaving home for university, and says she cut ties for good after witnessing her father verbally abusing her six-year-old cousin at a funeral. Having therapy helped her recognise her own experiences as “more than just bad parenting” and process their psychological impact. “I came to understand that ‘abuse’ and ‘neglect’ were words that described my childhood. Just because I wasn't hit didn't mean I wasn't harmed.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EShe agrees with Coleman it’s “becoming more socially acceptable” to cut ties with family members. “Mental health is more talked about now so it’s easier to say, ‘These people are bad for my mental health’. I think, as well, people are getting more confident at drawing their own boundaries and saying ‘no’ to people.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EThe rise of individualism\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EColeman argues our increased focus on personal wellbeing has happened in parallel with other wider trends, such as a shift towards a more “individualistic culture”. Many of us are much less reliant on relatives than previous generations.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“Not needing a family member for support or because you plan to inherit the family farm means that who we choose to spend time with is based more on our identities and aspirations for growth than survival or necessity,” he explains. “Today, nothing ties an adult child to a parent beyond that adult child’s desire to have that relationship.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211201-family-estrangement-why-adults-are-cutting-off-their-parents-5"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"People are getting more confident at drawing their own boundaries and saying ‘no’ to people – Sam","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211201-family-estrangement-why-adults-are-cutting-off-their-parents-6"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EIncreased opportunities to live and work in different cities or even countries from our adult families can also help facilitate a parental break-up, simply by adding physical distance.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“It’s been much easier for me to move around than it would have been probably 20 years ago,” agrees Faizah, who is British with a South Asian background, and has avoided living in the same area as her family since 2014. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EShe says she cut ties with her parents because of “controlling” behaviours like preventing her from going to job interviews, wanting an influence on her friendships and putting pressure on her to get married straight after her studies. “They didn’t respect my boundaries,” she says. “I just want to have ownership over my own life and make my own choices.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EThe impact of estrangement\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThere are strong positives for many estranged adult children who’ve detached themselves from what they believe are damaging parental relationships. “The research shows that the majority of adult children say it was for the best,” says Coleman.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut while improved mental health and perceived increased freedom are common outcomes of estrangement, Pillemer argues the decision can also create feelings of instability, humiliation and stress.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“The intentional, active severing of personal ties differs from other kinds of loss,” he explains. “In addition, people lose the practical benefits of being part of a family: material support, for example, and the sense of belonging to a stable group of people who know one another well.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFeelings of loneliness and stigma seem to have been exacerbated for many estranged people during the pandemic. While the \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fnews\u002Ftechnology-52772428\"\u003E‘Zoom boom’\u003C\u002Fa\u003E enabled some families to feel closer and stay in touch more regularly, recent UK research suggests that adults with severed ties \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.cam.ac.uk\u002Fresearch\u002Fnews\u002Fstigma-of-broken-family-relationships-compounded-by-lockdown\"\u003Efelt even more aware of missing out\u003C\u002Fa\u003E on family life during lockdown. Other studies point to Christmas and religious festivals being \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Ftheconversation.com\u002Fchristmas-is-the-hardest-time-of-year-for-those-estranged-from-close-family-51699\"\u003Eespecially challenging periods for estranged relatives\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“I have my own family and my partner and my close friends, but nothing replaces those traditions you have with your parents,” agrees Faizah. Now in her thirties, she still finds the Muslim holiday Eid al-Fitr particularly tricky, even though she’s distanced herself from her parents’ religion. “It’s so tough. It’s so lonely... and I do miss my mum’s cooking.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211201-family-estrangement-why-adults-are-cutting-off-their-parents-7"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":["p0b765mt"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211201-family-estrangement-why-adults-are-cutting-off-their-parents-8"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EChoosing not to stay in touch with parents can have a knock-on effect on future family bonds and traditions, too. “For me, the biggest regret is my kids growing up without grandparents,” says Scott . “It’s preferable to [my parents] saying – gosh, I don’t know what – to them [but] I feel like my kids are missing out.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EOf course, all of this also has an impact on the parents who have, often unwillingly, been cut out of their children’s – and potentially grandchildren’s – lives. “Most parents are made miserable by it,” says Coleman. As well as losing their own footing in the traditional family unit, they typically “describe profound feelings of loss, shame and regret”.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EScott says his mother recently tried calling him. But he texted her saying he’d only consider re-establishing contact with his children if she recognised her comments had been “horribly racist” and apologised. So far, he says she hasn’t done that. “Even if all those things happened, I would always limit what I tell them about my life and certainly supervise any visits with the kids. Unfortunately, I don’t see any of that happening.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EAttempting to bridge rifts?\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWith political divisions centre-stage in many nations, as well as increasing individualism in cultures around the world, many experts believe the parent-child ‘break-up’ trend will stick around.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“My prediction is that it's either going to get worse or stay the same,” says Coleman. “Family relationships are going to be based much more on pursuing happiness and personal growth, and less on emphasising duty, obligation or responsibility.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EPillemer argues that we shouldn’t rule out attempting to bridge rifts, however, particularly those stemming from opposing politics or values (as opposed to abusive or damaging behaviours). \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“If the prior relationship was relatively close (or at least not conflictual), I think there is evidence that many family members can restore the relationship. It does involve, however, agreeing on a ‘demilitarised zone’ in which politics cannot be discussed,” he says.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211201-family-estrangement-why-adults-are-cutting-off-their-parents-9"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"It’s so tough. It’s so lonely... and I do miss my mum’s cooking – Faizah","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211201-family-estrangement-why-adults-are-cutting-off-their-parents-10"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EFor his book, he interviewed over 100 estranged people who had successfully reconciled, and found the process was actually framed by many as “an engine for personal growth”. “It is of course not for everyone, but for a number of people, bridging a rift, even if the relationship was imperfect, was a source of self-esteem and personal pride.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EHe argues that both more detailed longitudinal studies and clinical attention are needed to get the topic of estrangement further “out of the shadows and into the clear light of open discussion”. “We need researchers to find better solutions – both for people who want to reconcile, and for help in coping with people in permanent estrangements.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EScott welcomes the growing interest in adult break-ups. “I think it will help lots of people,” he says. “There is still a big stigma around estrangement. We see these questions in the group a lot: ‘What do you tell people?’ or ‘How do you bring it up when dating?\".\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut he’s unlikely to reconcile with his own parents, unless they recognise they’ve been racist. “The whole ‘blood is thicker than water’ - I mean, that's great if you have a cool family, but if you're saddled with toxic people, it's just not doable.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cem\u003EScott, Sam and Faizah are all using one name to protect their and their families’ privacy\u003C\u002Fem\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211201-family-estrangement-why-adults-are-cutting-off-their-parents-11"}],"collection":["worklife\u002Fpremium-collection\u002Ffamily-tree"],"disableAdverts":false,"displayDate":"2021-12-01T14:17:10Z","embeddedCustomHtml":"","embeddedInfographicUrl":"","embeddedType":"infographic","headlineLong":"Family estrangement: Why adults are cutting off their parents","headlineShort":"A silent epidemic of family break-ups?","image":["p0b76bbm"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"","isSyndicated":true,"latitude":"","longitude":"","mpsVideo":"","option":[{"Content":{"Description":"Apple News Publish: Select to publish, remove to unpublish. (Do not just delete or unpublish the story)","Name":"publish-applenews-system-1"},"Metadata":{"CreationDateTime":"2016-02-05T14:32:31.186819Z","Entity":"option","Guid":"13f4bc85-ae27-4a34-9397-0e6ad3619619","Id":"option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1","ModifiedDateTime":"2022-02-27T22:52:24.455144Z","Project":"wwverticals","Slug":"option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1"},"Urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:option:option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1","_id":"62b420921f4b7b5d34253c8b"}],"partner":null,"primaryVertical":"worklife","promoAlignment":"centre","promoAltText":"","promoImage":null,"relatedStories":["worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210804-birdnesting-the-divorce-trend-in-which-parents-rotate-homes","worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211122-does-sibling-rivalry-ever-end","worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211105-the-parents-who-track-their-children"],"relatedTag":null,"summaryLong":"Polarised politics and a growing awareness of how difficult relationships can impact our mental health are fuelling family estrangement, say psychologists.","summaryShort":"\"The declaration of 'I am done' with a family member is a powerful phenomenon\"","tag":["tag\u002Fhow-we-live"],"textToSpeech":false,"creationDateTime":"2021-11-30T20:52:32.641051Z","entity":"article","guid":"14a28f8d-afdb-46d0-8404-d7399a5f8d1a","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211201-family-estrangement-why-adults-are-cutting-off-their-parents","modifiedDateTime":"2022-02-25T07:18:42.697042Z","project":"wwverticals","slug":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211201-family-estrangement-why-adults-are-cutting-off-their-parents","cacheLastUpdated":1657503756276},"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220531-the-skyrocketing-rents-that-are-crippling-renters":{"urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:article:worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220531-the-skyrocketing-rents-that-are-crippling-renters","_id":"62b4205c1f4b7b27f0706938","ambientVideo":"","articleType":"story","assetVideo":null,"author":[],"bodyIntro":"In major cities across the globe, including New York City, rent prices have gone through the roof. It’s putting the squeeze on some renters in unmanageable ways.","businessUnit":"worldwide","cards":[{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EEarlier this year, 25-year-old Lauren Odioso was living with three roommates in a three-bedroom flat in northern Manhattan. But when the rent soared in April from $2,600 (£2,075) per month to $5,200, it was too much for the actress to afford.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\"My personal current monthly rent would have gone from $866 to $1,733 – almost a $900 increase. My first reaction was shock, and then immediately realising that renewing my lease here was not an option,\" she says. \"I felt pretty angry and helpless.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EOdioso, who bartended in addition to acting, and worked at Starbucks throughout Covid, says she \"was already struggling with money after working only service industry jobs throughout the pandemic, and with increased prices in utilities and everyday life in the city\". But in May, the financial burden became too much: she left New York altogether, and moved to the cheaper city of Cleveland, Ohio, where she now lives with her boyfriend.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFor months, \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bloomberg.com\u002Fnews\u002Farticles\u002F2021-09-15\u002Fnew-york-city-rents-landlords-jack-up-prices-70-in-lease-renewals-post-covid\"\u003ENew York City rents have exploded\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, after \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fnypost.com\u002F2021\u002F04\u002F23\u002Fnyc-rents-continue-to-hit-record-lows\u002F\"\u003Edipping to all-time lows\u003C\u002Fa\u003E amid the pandemic. This has left thousands of renters adrift – and many of them are barely able to financially survive. And this isn’t just limited to major metropolitan centres like New York City: across the US, \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.washingtonpost.com\u002Fbusiness\u002Finteractive\u002F2022\u002Frising-rent-prices\u002F\"\u003Erents rose a record 11.3% last year\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. The alarming trend is also \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.ft.com\u002Fcontent\u002Fda1cdab0-de47-4cce-8f35-4e3a7234530e\"\u003Eon the rise in many cities worldwide\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. The biggest problem? Experts and analysts fear it may only to get worse from here.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EDouble or nothing\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThere are several reasons why so many renters across the globe are facing a crisis of skyrocketing rent.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn New York, \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.independent.co.uk\u002Flife-style\u002Fmove-outside-london-countryside-kent-b2016275.html\"\u003ELondon\u003C\u002Fa\u003E and other cities, many apartments simply sat empty as renters ended leases to ride out lockdowns in more spacious suburbs; for example, New York's population \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fnews.cornell.edu\u002Fstories\u002F2022\u002F03\u002Fpandemic-prompted-exodus-new-york-city-gains-upstate\"\u003Eplunged more than 4%\u003C\u002Fa\u003E due to a pandemic exodus – \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.nytimes.com\u002F2021\u002F02\u002F04\u002Frealestate\u002Fhow-the-pandemic-blew-up-rents.html\"\u003Eforcing rents to plummet\u003C\u002Fa\u003E and leaving landlords scrambling. By late 2020 and early 2021, many in New York were showering prospective renters with perks, like slashed monthly rents, several months for free, waived broker fees or other bonuses.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"infographic","imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","pullQuoteImageAlignment":"centre","videoImageAlign":"centre","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220531-the-skyrocketing-rents-that-are-crippling-renters-0"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220531-the-skyrocketing-rents-that-are-crippling-renters-1"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EThis is how Shea Long, a software developer, found himself able to live without roommates by the time he turned 30. He moved into a one-bedroom in midtown Manhattan early last year, and paid $2,150 per month rent. He was aware he was getting a deal as part of a mass move by landlords to \u003Ca href=\"C:\\Users\\turitmw1\\Dropbox%20(BBC)\\CAPITAL\\2022%20STORIES\\06%20Jun\\Lufkin%20-%20sky%20high%20renters\\concessions%20were%20extremely%20common%20last%20year\"\u003Ediscount rents amid the pandemic\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, to keep tenants in place while many others fled the city at its Covid-19 peak.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThen, in April 2022, when he logged into the online payment portal like usual to submit rent, a message popped up: starting in June, he'll be paying $3,650 (£2,912).\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe new price tag of his rent is a reality he doesn’t want to swallow, of course – but Long feels he may have no choice but to stay, once he accounts for all the costs of moving, a new security deposit, first month's rent and more. He also wants to avoid the intense anxiety of trying to find a new place that's even available, as inventory is the lowest it's been in New York City \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.usatoday.com\u002Fstory\u002Fmoney\u002Fpersonalfinance\u002Freal-estate\u002F2022\u002F03\u002F23\u002Fnyc-rents-bidding-wars-low-inventory\u002F7125858001\u002F?gnt-cfr=1\"\u003Esince the 2008 financial crisis\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. \"It's not really worth it to go through all the stress\" if all those costs are barely cheaper than his 60% rent increase, he says. \"Right now, I'm considering getting a roommate again, because this is just eating into my 401(k)\" retirement savings.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ELong’s conundrum is one many New Yorkers are facing, since re-locating to a cheaper flat now isn’t as simple as browsing real-estate listings. Renters are often finding themselves financially and logistically unable to move from their flats if they want to stay in the city, putting them in unavoidable positions that are squeezing them beyond their means.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThis has also been the case for 29-year-old account manager Andy Ward, who moved into a Brooklyn studio last year and had been paying $2,100 per month, with one month free, as a pandemic incentive. But in April 2022, when Ward got an automated email asking him to e-sign his lease renewal agreement, he was greeted with news he now must pay an extra $400 each month.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESam Chandan, professor of finance at New York University in New York City, and director of its Center for Real Estate Finance Research, says the renters most feeling the squeeze are those in 'workforce housing', or \"the rents that are affordable and attainable for the teacher, the fireman, the policeman\". So, not only are they unable to stay in their current flat, they could be displaced out of the city altogether. And while big-city living \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Ftheconversation.com\u002Fcities-will-just-be-playgrounds-for-rich-if-poor-keep-being-pushed-to-suburbs-64708\"\u003Ehas always favoured the wealthy\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, some worry this crisis could force out working-class renters, potentially meaning only a certain privileged class of people will be able to live in major cities.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003E‘They’re not budging at all’\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThese rent spikes are unlike any a city like New York has seen, experts say. \"The pace of rent increases has really run ahead of anything that we've seen in recent memory,\" says Chandan. \"In many cases, rents have risen faster than the median family income.\"\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWhat's mostly driving that rise is that more people have flocked \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fcitymonitor.ai\u002Fhousing\u002Frenting\u002Ftheres-a-reason-why-pandemic-escapees-are-moving-back-to-london\"\u003Eback to cities in huge droves worldwide\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, explains Chandan; for instance, more people are moving to New York City now \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.curbed.com\u002F2021\u002F11\u002Fnew-york-moving-pandemic-report.html\"\u003Ethan they did before the pandemic\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. According to local government, office buildings and schools re-opening \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fcomptroller.nyc.gov\u002Freports\u002Fthe-pandemics-impact-on-nyc-migration-patterns\u002F\"\u003Eplayed a big role in people relocating\u003C\u002Fa\u003E to New York, as did the arts and entertainment scene, like Broadway, bouncing back.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220531-the-skyrocketing-rents-that-are-crippling-renters-2"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"If their current tenant isn’t able or willing to pay what the landlord is asking for, they know that someone out there will – Josh Clark","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220531-the-skyrocketing-rents-that-are-crippling-renters-3"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003E\"The pendulum has swung. We went from really robust rent growth prior to the pandemic, then to a drop-off and now a rebound.\" Rents have grown, inventory has shrunk and competition has stiffened. There simply aren't enough spaces to go around, and flats will go to the highest and fastest bidder.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.washingtonpost.com\u002Fbusiness\u002F2022\u002F02\u002F10\u002Frent-rising-inflation-housing\u002F\"\u003EInflation is also a factor\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, say experts, since this economic phenomenon drives up housing prices, which prevents would-be homeowners from buying a home. As a result, they keep renting, \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.forbes.com\u002Fsites\u002Frichardmcgahey\u002F2022\u002F03\u002F25\u002Finflation-soaring-rents-and-the-housing-crisis\u002F\"\u003Ewhich can keep rental inventory low and rents high\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd now, the usual tactics renters typically have at their disposal to strike deals with landlords don't really apply in this atmosphere.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\"Under normal circumstances, a landlord will always prefer to keep a trustworthy tenant rather than leave their unit vacant for weeks or months and go through the process of finding someone new, and potentially paying for a broker to help them,\" says Josh Clark, senior economist at Zillow, a US-based real estate listings company. But \"now, if their current tenant isn’t able or willing to pay what the landlord is asking for, they know that someone out there will. The extra legwork to find a new tenant is worth it.\"\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWhen Ward sought advice for how to manage his rent hike on a New York City Facebook group, he says the overwhelming advice was \"you have to haggle\". He did, but is not making headway with his landlords: \"they're not budging at all,” he says. When Ward asked why the rent was going up so much, he says \"the rationale I keep getting is just because, point blank, 'this is the marketplace standard'\".\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ELike Long, Ward has weighed the costs of moving versus the costs of staying, and he’s decided he has no choice but to stay put and swallow the price increase. \"I don't have the money to move\" right now, he says. \"I'm kind of trapped.\"\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E \u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220531-the-skyrocketing-rents-that-are-crippling-renters-4"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220531-the-skyrocketing-rents-that-are-crippling-renters-5"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EWhat's happening next\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd it seems like rents will just keep going up. US mortgage loan company Fannie Mae predicted in a March survey that 67% of renters in the US will \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.fanniemae.com\u002Fnewsroom\u002Ffannie-mae-news\u002Fmore-consumers-expect-mortgage-rates-and-home-prices-rise-even-further\"\u003Esee their rents keep rising in 2022\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ETo better protect renters, Chandan says more needs to be done on the policy level, although that's often an uphill climb: for instance, Berlin passed a law in 2020 that capped rents, yet Germany's high court \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.theguardian.com\u002Fcommentisfree\u002F2021\u002Fapr\u002F23\u002Fberlin-rent-cap-defeated-landlords-empty\"\u003Eswiftly struck it down a year later,\u003C\u002Fa\u003E deeming it unconstitutional.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut since he believes this is a supply and demand issue, Chandan adds another solution is to \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220505-the-office-spaces-transforming-into-luxury-apartments\"\u003Econvert all of that office space\u003C\u002Fa\u003E that's sat empty for two years into housing. While such a move is expensive and lengthy for cities like New York, researchers estimate it could create \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.thrillist.com\u002Fnews\u002Fnew-york\u002Fnyc-convert-office-buildings-into-apartments\"\u003Eas many 14,000 new apartments\u003C\u002Fa\u003E; the city had taken similar measures with emptied offices \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.cnbc.com\u002F2021\u002F09\u002F10\u002Fhow-lower-manhattan-turned-into-a-24\u002F7-community-after-9\u002F11-attacks.html\"\u003Ein Lower Manhattan in the years following 9\u002F11\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFor now, Odioso, now in her new home in Ohio, says many of the people she knows back in New York City who haven’t yet been hit with rent hikes are waiting for the other shoe to drop. \"Many of my friends and co-workers are going through the same thing,\" moving out of Manhattan or out of New York completely, she says. \"My friends who haven’t had to renew their leases yet are anxious to find out the damage.\"\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220531-the-skyrocketing-rents-that-are-crippling-renters-6"}],"collection":null,"disableAdverts":false,"displayDate":"2022-06-01T20:42:03Z","embeddedCustomHtml":"","embeddedInfographicUrl":"","embeddedType":"infographic","headlineLong":"The New Yorkers in crisis over skyrocketing rents","headlineShort":"'I felt pretty angry and helpless'","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"","isSyndicated":true,"latitude":"","longitude":"","mpsVideo":"","option":[],"partner":null,"primaryVertical":"worklife","promoAlignment":"centre","promoAltText":"","promoImage":[],"relatedStories":[],"relatedTag":null,"summaryLong":"In major cities across the globe, including New York City, rent prices have gone through the roof. It’s putting the squeeze on some renters in unmanageable ways.","summaryShort":"New Yorkers are feeling 'trapped' by rents that have doubled","tag":[],"textToSpeech":false,"creationDateTime":"2022-05-31T21:07:19.980462Z","entity":"article","guid":"ede1798d-3e16-4468-8bad-dc20b596e195","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220531-the-skyrocketing-rents-that-are-crippling-renters","modifiedDateTime":"2022-06-01T11:36:56.437875Z","project":"wwverticals","slug":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220531-the-skyrocketing-rents-that-are-crippling-renters","cacheLastUpdated":1657503756272},"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220505-the-office-spaces-transforming-into-luxury-apartments":{"urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:article:worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220505-the-office-spaces-transforming-into-luxury-apartments","_id":"62b4205c1f4b7b42ff6c93ae","ambientVideo":"","articleType":"story","assetVideo":null,"author":[],"bodyIntro":"As remote work has left many offices empty, developers are turning these spaces into private homes – hopefully reviving dying business districts as the same time.","businessUnit":"worldwide","cards":[{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EWhen The Wray opened in Washington, DC’s fashionable Foggy Bottom neighbourhood in May 2021, it was one of the buzziest real-estate projects of the year. Not only did the eight-storey apartment complex have bold Art Deco designs in its grand lobby, but also a rooftop terrace overlooking the DC skyline with fire pits and grills as well as a penthouse clubroom with a lounge and private meeting space. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFor residents of the neighbourhood, it was quite a surprise to see this World War Two-era building transformed into 158 luxury apartments. It was, after all, filled just two years earlier with foreign-policy makers dissecting diplomatic cables at offices run by the US State Department.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe Wray is just one of several work buildings in the Washington DC area that have been adapted into residential space. According to a recent report from rental listings site RentCafe, the US capital has \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.rentcafe.com\u002Fblog\u002Frental-market\u002Fmarket-snapshots\u002Fadaptive-reuse-apartments-2021\u002F\"\u003Econverted more offices to housing\u003C\u002Fa\u003E since the start of the pandemic than anywhere else in the nation, with 1,091 new units. Neighbouring city Alexandria, Virginia, meanwhile, is right behind with 955 new units. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EA decade ago, factories and hotels were the prime targets for adaptive reuse. Now, former offices comprise 41% of all US apartments converted during the past two years, according to RentCafe. They are also the most popular building type for future adaptive reuse projects, creating one-quarter of the 52,700 residential units expected to become available in the US in 2022 (a figure that’s up from 6,960 in 2012).\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ERemote-work and hybrid schemes have led companies to \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.gallup.com\u002Fworkplace\u002F357779\u002Fbet-desks-empty.aspx\"\u003Ereduce the footprint of their offices\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, lowering demand and increasing supply. Meanwhile, the heated housing market has left developers eager to transform ageing assets into prime residential real estate.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThis adaptive reuse has the potential to revitalise central business districts (CBDs), which have been devastated by the pandemic, as well as upend outdated assumptions about how to design cities. Yet the roadblocks – such as tax codes and zoning restrictions – are many, meaning it won’t always be an easy transition. Just as adapting homes into offices required major changes, so, too, will turning offices into homes.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"infographic","imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","pullQuoteImageAlignment":"centre","videoImageAlign":"centre","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220505-the-office-spaces-transforming-into-luxury-apartments-0"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220505-the-office-spaces-transforming-into-luxury-apartments-1"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003ENorth America’s dying downtowns\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe trend of turning ageing offices into residential buildings isn’t just happening in the US. For instance, the Greater Paris Investment Agency launched \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fbureaux-logements.com\u002Fhomepage-en\"\u003Ea design competition\u003C\u002Fa\u003E for office-to-housing conversions.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EYet, the need for such conversions is greatest in North America. In Asia, remote work hasn’t taken off to the same extent as in the West, leaving less office stock available for adaptive reuse. In Europe or Latin America, business districts were typically built outside historic centres, shielding the mixed-use downtown core from the biggest effects of changing workplace trends (even if Canary Wharf is empty, for example, central London still buzzes with life). On the contrary, North America has high concentrations of office buildings – many of which have outdated infrastructure and technology – located at the very heart of its cities.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ETracy Hadden Loh, a fellow at the Washington-based Brookings Institution, who researches commercial real-estate trends, says that if you look at the top 10 office markets in the US, you’ll find about 90% office space in the CBD.. “There’s basically nothing else there,” she explains. “So, when office workers started working from home, these CBDs emptied like a mining town out West after the gold ran dry.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EOffice occupancy was \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.brookings.edu\u002Fessay\u002Fthe-nature-of-office-work-is-shifting-and-so-must-downtowns\u002F\"\u003Etrending downwards\u003C\u002Fa\u003E in many markets long before the pandemic, as employers abandoned aging buildings constructed during a building boom in the 1980s and began to consume fewer square feet per worker. Cities have known this posed a threat to their downtowns for a while.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“This trend [of office to residential conversions] really started to pick up in 2019, and it gained acceptance right about the time of the pandemic,” says Doug Ressler, manager of business intelligence at Yardi Matrix, the real-estate data company that put together the RentCafe report. “Most conversions are happening in urban core areas where the housing demand is greatest and the ability to convert is, too.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220505-the-office-spaces-transforming-into-luxury-apartments-2"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"portrait","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220505-the-office-spaces-transforming-into-luxury-apartments-3"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EIn Calgary, bad offices make good residences\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThere is, perhaps, no city in the world that has taken on the challenge of converting outdated office stock into residential units as aggressively as Calgary in Canada.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“Calgary was, kind of in a bad way, ahead of the trend,” explains Steven Paynter, principal in the Toronto office of architectural design firm Gensler. The company worked with Calgary’s economic development group in summer 2020 to develop a plan to combat an office vacancy rate hovering around 32% – double that of Detroit’s when it declared bankruptcy in 2013. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“The pandemic was the line in the sand when they realised they weren’t going to bounce back unless they did something pretty invasive and forward-thinking,” says Paynter, noting that the city “had about six million square feet of office they wanted to take out of the market, and about 12 million square feet of total vacancy”.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EGensler worked with Calgary to develop a scorecard for converting offices to residential dwellings, looking at things like location (was it central and highly accessible?) and shape (narrow buildings with shorter core to window depths are easier to convert). Using these metrics, it found that about 35% of the buildings were top candidates for financially viable conversions.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ECalgary had a target of 50%. To achieve that, it created a cash incentive of CAD$75 ($58; £47) per square foot (up to a maximum of CAD$10m per property to make the economics easier for developers. It also took away the red tape on rezoning, cutting about 18 months off the lifecycle of projects from start to finish, according to Paynter. The result: new projects in development are expected to increase Calgary’s downtown population by about 24%. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003E“\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003EIt really is an opportunity to create a more modern city within the existing fabric of a downtown,” says Paynter. Gensler is now using the method developed in Calgary to score several US cities as well as to work with individual developers in major Chinese markets.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220505-the-office-spaces-transforming-into-luxury-apartments-4"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220505-the-office-spaces-transforming-into-luxury-apartments-5"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EThe effects of repopulating a CBD\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EChanges like the one underway in Calgary will be necessary to breathe new life into downtown sectors that have lain barren since the onset of the pandemic. A report from the Mastercard Economics Institute, the research division of the credit-card company, showed spending in small- and medium-sized businesses in CBDs – including coffee shops, dry-cleaners and corner stores – was \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.mastercard.com\u002Fnews\u002Fpress\u002F2021\u002Foctober\u002Fmastercard-economics-institute-u-k-u-s-and-australia-lead-in-new-small-business-formation-which-grew-32-year-over-year-globally\u002F\"\u003Edown 33% in 2021 compared to 2019 levels\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, while similar retailers in residential areas saw an 8% increase.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe pandemic has made it abundantly clear that variety within a CBD is a key determinant of its resilience. “It’s like an investment portfolio,” says Loh. “Central business districts need to diversify, in order to reduce their risk exposure to the future of work trends.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAdding more housing downtown can also help revive struggling public transit systems, which in almost all North American cities “are over-engineered to serve suburban to downtown work trips for white-collar workers”, says Loh, noting that remote and hybrid work have left buses and trains empty.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThough most office-to-residential conversions have been for higher-end units (often due to the \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fternercenter.berkeley.edu\u002Fwp-content\u002Fuploads\u002F2021\u002F11\u002FAdaptive-Reuse-November-2021.pdf\"\u003Elarge cost involved\u003C\u002Fa\u003E in making projects viable), there has been a push to use this opportunity to create more affordable housing. \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fla.urbanize.city\u002Fpost\u002Fhollywood-western-building-adaptive-reuse-affordable-housing\"\u003EThe Mayer Building\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, for example, is an Art Deco landmark in downtown Los Angeles that’s currently being converted into affordable housing with 79 income-restricted apartments.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“The people who need affordable housing are also the people who, for opportunity reasons, need to be in highly accessible locations that are well-served by transit,” says Loh. “So, there is a strong equity and location-efficiency argument for looking at affordable housing supply and adaptive reuse.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe final reason many cities are now looking to repurpose their office buildings is that construction contributes an estimated 11% to global carbon emissions, \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Farchitecture2030.org\u002Fwhy-the-building-sector\u002F\"\u003Eaccording to non-profit organisation Architecture 2030\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, and adaptive reuse can cut that by up to 80%. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWith environmental, financial and equity concerns all at play, this trend is only expected to accelerate now that cities around the world are emerging from the pandemic and assessing the health of their altered downtowns.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cem\u003EUpdate 11 May 2022: An innaccurate reference to a plan by the City of London was removed from this story.\u003C\u002Fem\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220505-the-office-spaces-transforming-into-luxury-apartments-6"}],"collection":null,"disableAdverts":false,"displayDate":"2022-05-11T16:18:53Z","embeddedCustomHtml":"","embeddedInfographicUrl":"","embeddedType":"infographic","headlineLong":"The office spaces transforming into luxury apartments","headlineShort":"The offices turning into luxury flats","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"","isSyndicated":true,"latitude":"","longitude":"","mpsVideo":"","option":[],"partner":null,"primaryVertical":"worklife","promoAlignment":"centre","promoAltText":"","promoImage":null,"relatedStories":[],"relatedTag":null,"summaryLong":"As remote work has left many offices empty, developers are turning these spaces into private homes – hopefully reviving dying business districts as the same time.","summaryShort":"Office buildings are ghost towns, so high-end apartments are taking their place","tag":[],"textToSpeech":false,"creationDateTime":"2022-05-10T19:55:55.637081Z","entity":"article","guid":"f4b6138e-c0ce-41d7-b418-1aad2305cb47","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220505-the-office-spaces-transforming-into-luxury-apartments","modifiedDateTime":"2022-05-11T12:37:03.614195Z","project":"wwverticals","slug":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220505-the-office-spaces-transforming-into-luxury-apartments","cacheLastUpdated":1657503756272},"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220613-gen-z-the-workers-who-want-it-all":{"urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:article:worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220613-gen-z-the-workers-who-want-it-all","_id":"62b4205c1f4b7b2e6f25709a","ambientVideo":"","articleType":"story","assetVideo":null,"author":[],"bodyIntro":"Work-life balance, fair pay and value alignment: today’s youngest workers want it all – and are willing to walk away if they don’t get it.","businessUnit":"worldwide","cards":[{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EClarissa Holleman had always felt like teaching was her calling. But just more than a year into her first job caring for children with special needs, the 24-year-old from Hinesville, Georgia, US, was burnt out from what she calls the “high stakes” and “compassion fatigue”. She had “no life” of her own outside work, and was struggling to see a future within the education field.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWhen Holleman started teaching in July 2020, all her classes were remote due to the pandemic. She felt both powerless and ill-supported to help the children she was caring for. “That kind of work environment is just crazy; you have no energy left at the end of the day,” says Holleman. On top of the anxiety and exhaustion she was experiencing, there were financial issues: she wasn’t being paid during school holidays. Holleman increasingly felt that the toll the job was taking on her life was no longer worth the sense of purpose it offered.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESo, in January 2022, after spending months \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220412-what-upskilling-means-for-the-future-of-work\"\u003Eupskilling\u003C\u002Fa\u003E via free LinkedIn courses, Holleman quit what had been her “dream career”. She’s now a tech recruiter at a millennial-run company, and although she doesn’t identify with her work as much anymore, she prefers it that way. Holleman has unlimited (and culturally permitted) paid time off, great work-life balance that allows for established hobbies and a better salary. “I definitely see myself staying there really long term,” she says.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFor decades, the cultural mandate in many Western countries has been hustle hard for your employer, and you’ll be rewarded. If the striving is for a job you love, the pay will be satisfaction. And if the job involves climbing the rungs of a corporate ladder, the pay will be, well, big bucks. Though different in motivation, both paths share the same narrative. As a result, work has become an obsession, \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210409-why-we-define-ourselves-by-our-jobs\"\u003Ean identity even\u003C\u002Fa\u003E; something workers traditionally felt lucky to have.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut increasingly, Generation Z workers like Holleman – those born between 1997 and 2012 – are insisting we write a new script for work. Having observed older workers experience \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20190610-how-to-tell-if-youve-got-pre-burnout\"\u003Eburnout\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, time poverty and economic insecurity at the grindstone, they’re demanding more from workplaces: bigger pay cheques, more time off, the flexibility to work remotely and greater social and \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220225-how-climate-change-is-re-shaping-the-way-gen-z-works\"\u003Eenvironmental responsibility\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. Many of \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.google.com\u002Furl?q=https:\u002F\u002Fwww.gallup.com\u002Fworkplace\u002F336275\u002Fthings-gen-millennials-expect-workplace.aspx&sa=D&source=docs&ust=1653765992322414&usg=AOvVaw3VWlrNhfj8ZGYawO185Rw9\"\u003Ethese values were \u003C\u002Fa\u003E\u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.gallup.com\u002Fworkplace\u002F336275\u002Fthings-gen-millennials-expect-workplace.aspx\"\u003Em\u003C\u002Fa\u003E\u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.google.com\u002Furl?q=https:\u002F\u002Fwww.gallup.com\u002Fworkplace\u002F336275\u002Fthings-gen-millennials-expect-workplace.aspx&sa=D&source=docs&ust=1653765992322414&usg=AOvVaw3VWlrNhfj8ZGYawO185Rw9\"\u003Eillennial preferences\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, but for Gen Zers, they’ve become expectations – and they’re willing to walk away from employers if their needs aren’t met.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAs a result of their war on work, \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220218-are-younger-generations-truly-weaker-than-older-ones\"\u003EGen Zers have been dubbed entitled or anti-capitalist\u003C\u002Fa\u003E\u003Cspan\u003E.\u003C\u002Fspan\u003E Yet they’re not; Gen Zers want it all – and are willing to work hard for the right employer. But if the juice isn’t worth the squeeze, they’ll leave and find other ways to make ends meet. Many have argued they’re simply a generation responding to the social movements of their time, and using lessons hard won by older workers to inform their career choices. And some even think the youngest in the labour force have potential to bring meaningful change to the workplace along the way.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"infographic","imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","pullQuoteImageAlignment":"centre","videoImageAlign":"centre","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220613-gen-z-the-workers-who-want-it-all-0"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220613-gen-z-the-workers-who-want-it-all-1"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003E‘Not for me’\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWhile there are, of course, Gen Zers aspiring to all sorts of lives, the \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fpress.careerbuilder.com\u002F2022-05-11-CareerBuilder-Data-Reveals-the-Majority-of-Americans-are-Seeking-New-Work-Right-Now\"\u003Etop priority for this cohort of workers as a whole is higher pay\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, according to a 2022 survey by US job site CareerBuilder. That goes for Gen Zers who haven’t yet entered the workforce, too: 77% of college seniors in a 2020 \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fresources.ripplematch.com\u002Fhubfs\u002FThe%20Gen%20Z%20Job%20Seeker%20-%202020%20Report.pdf\"\u003Ejob-seeker survey\u003C\u002Fa\u003E by recruitment platform RippleMatch said compensation would be the number one factor when evaluating offers.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThis represents a significant shift in values compared to millennials. According to a 2011 global survey by professional services network PwC, \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.pwc.com\u002Fco\u002Fes\u002Fpublicaciones\u002Fassets\u002Fmillennials-at-work.pdf\"\u003Emillennials entering the workplace valued career progression and personal development\u003C\u002Fa\u003E over financial reward. They were more attracted to employers who could help them climb their ladder of choice than those with the deepest pockets.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EStill, it makes sense that wages are in sharper focus now, says CareerBuilder CEO Susan Arthur. Gen Z is entering a workforce and economic landscape that is very different to before, she says. While young workers across generations tend to struggle financially early on in their careers, \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220520-why-gen-z-workers-are-already-so-burned-out\"\u003EGen Z faces particularly acute stressors\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, especially as \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220420-the-sky-high-cost-of-returning-to-the-office\"\u003Erising inflation\u003C\u002Fa\u003E \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.barrons.com\u002Farticles\u002Finflation-is-outpacing-wage-growth-but-theres-still-hope-for-workers-51652390878\"\u003Eoutpaces salary growth\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe pandemic has intensified economic precarity for all workers. \u003Cspan\u003E\u003C\u002Fspan\u003E\u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.pewresearch.org\u002Fpolitics\u002F2020\u002F03\u002F26\u002Fworries-about-coronavirus-surge-as-most-americans-expect-a-recession-or-worse\u002F\"\u003EHalf of American Gen Zers\u003C\u002Fa\u003E who are old enough to work witnessed someone in their household lose a job or take a pay cut due to the Covid-19 outbreak, according to the Pew Research Center. They’ve also watched older generations go through multiple recessions and end up with huge amounts of debt, says Elizabeth Michelle, a London-based psychologist and workplace engagement consultant. “So, Gen Z are looking at all of that and thinking, ‘Not for me; I’m not going to do that’.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut as much emphasis as there is on pay, Gen Zers are also looking to grow their careers at certain kinds of organisations. Mia Jones, a 23-year-old proposal writer from California, dreams of a workplace that’s “modern, transparent and entrepreneurial”. She values work-life balance, mental health benefits, the flexibility to work when and where she wants and companies that invest in developing workers in a diverse and inclusive environment.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EJones isn’t alone in her desire for a more humanistic type of labour. According to \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.talentlms.com\u002Fresearch\u002Fgen-z-workplace-statistics#what-matters-to-Gen-Z\"\u003E2022 research\u003C\u002Fa\u003E by workplace training company TalentLMs, 82% of Gen Zers surveyed want mental health days, 77% consider it important that their company supports diversity, equity and inclusion efforts, and 74% would opt for either hybrid or totally remote work. After an unsatisfactory salary, burnout and lack of work-life balance was the number one reason they’d quit. Where work used to be about what employees could offer companies, says Michelle, “now it’s all about what Gen Zers are expecting from work”.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220613-gen-z-the-workers-who-want-it-all-2"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"There is nothing wrong with just focusing on existing and enjoying life. You do not have to define yourself by your job – Mia Jones, 23","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220613-gen-z-the-workers-who-want-it-all-3"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EMillennials also yearned for flexibility and balance, but they were more \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.pwc.com\u002Fco\u002Fes\u002Fpublicaciones\u002Fassets\u002Fmillennials-at-work.pdf\"\u003Ewilling to sacrifice corporate social responsibility\u003C\u002Fa\u003E \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.pwc.com\u002Fco\u002Fes\u002Fpublicaciones\u002Fassets\u002Fmillennials-at-work.pdf\"\u003Efor companies they admired as consumers\u003C\u002Fa\u003E; the ones that aligned with their passions and were perceived as prestigious places to work. In 2008, 86% said they’d consider leaving an employer whose values no longer met their expectations, but by 2011, that figure had plummeted to just 56%.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EJones, on the other hand, rejects the idea that an employer – reputable or otherwise – should dictate her identity. While she appreciates the skills she’s learned at work, she finds meaning and purpose outside employment, through art, making music and going to yoga. “There is nothing wrong with just focusing on existing and enjoying life,” she says. “You do not have to define yourself by your job.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003E‘I’m a huge advocate for taking the leap’\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWith both salary and work-life balance front and centre, Gen Zers also come with another stand-out characteristic: they are the cohort most likely to quit if they’re unsatisfied at work. One \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bankrate.com\u002Fpersonal-finance\u002Fjob-seekers-survey-august-2021\u002F\"\u003E2021 study\u003C\u002Fa\u003E by consumer financial services company Bankrate found that 77% of the Gen Zers surveyed were on the hunt for a new job. Of millennials at the same stage in their careers, \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.pwc.com\u002Fco\u002Fes\u002Fpublicaciones\u002Fassets\u002Fmillennials-at-work.pdf\"\u003Eonly 38% of those surveyed in 2011\u003C\u002Fa\u003E said they were on the lookout for opportunities. And Gen Zers already \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.careerbuilder.com\u002Fadvice\u002Fhow-long-should-you-stay-in-a-job\"\u003Espend less time in a role than millennials\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, according to CareerBuilder.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EQuitting or changing careers might seem likely to nudge higher salaries further out of reach, but research finds that’s not the case. In comparison to those who stay put, the UK’s Office for National Statistics found higher wages were \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.ons.gov.uk\u002Feconomy\u002Fnationalaccounts\u002Fuksectoraccounts\u002Fcompendium\u002Feconomicreview\u002Fapril2019\u002Fanalysisofjobchangersandstayers\"\u003Ea key perk of job hopping\u003C\u002Fa\u003E\u003Cspan\u003E for all workers\u003C\u002Fspan\u003E.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESince switching from education to tech, Holleman's making more now than she did as a teacher. It’s not that she expected a bigger teaching salary right out of college, but in the district where she worked, Holleman would have had to wait three years for any sort of pay rise. And within her first six months as a tech recruiter her salary has already jumped by USD$10,000 (£8,000). “I’m a huge advocate for taking the leap if your mental health is suffering,” she says. “I mean, I could always go back to teaching.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EHow a workplace operates also factors into whether younger workers stay or go. Gen Zers and millennials hold many of the same workplace values, says Michelle, but Gen Z seems to have more willingness to act on them – something she suspects is born of the knowledge that there are endless other ways to earn a living now, thanks to the internet. “It takes a lot less for them to leave than it did for previous generations,” she explains. Gen Zers want to see companies follow through on their mission statements, particularly in regard to social and environmental values, and if they aren’t “practising what they’re preaching, Gen Z will hold them accountable”.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220613-gen-z-the-workers-who-want-it-all-4"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220613-gen-z-the-workers-who-want-it-all-5"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EBeth Kennedy has witnessed this phenomenon in her workplace first-hand. Gen Zers are assertive when it comes to establishing work-life boundaries and upholding ethical standards, says the 32-year-old, who runs a marketing agency in New York City, and employs younger workers. They’re “thoughtful, compassionate and hardworking”, she explains, and they’ll call out policies and behaviours they disagree with. While millennials “were taught, and believed, that you needed to be always available for work, Gen Zers don't subscribe to that”.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EGiven the context of their lives, Gen Z attitudes make sense, says Kathleen Gerson, a professor of sociology, arts and science at New York University. Born into a digitally connected world, they are acutely aware of the social justice and environmental movements as well as the new-found ways of working, that are shaking up the status quo. They’re also, adds Gerson, entering a job market that – despite endless new tech-enabled career opportunities – been growing less stable and more amorphous since the 1950s.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ETrust and loyalty between employers and workers has eroded, and Gen Zers have internalised that insecurity, says Gerson. What may seem like entitled behaviour – quitting and demanding changes at work – is actually employers failing to meet the demands of modern life. Gen Zers just “want decent pay for doing work they enjoy, and the respect that allows them to have a life outside of their jobs”, says Gerson.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003ECatalyst of change?\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EGen Z is erupting into the workforce at a time of major upheaval. In the wake of the pandemic, we’re experiencing something of a power struggle between workplaces and their employees, explains Gerson, as workers push for better conditions and many companies resist their efforts. Naturally, conversations around flexibility, work-life balance and social and environmental justice are louder than ever.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe youngest workers are entering the labour market with a set of demands and the determination to act on them. Still, despite their efforts, the news is not all positive; Gerson is concerned Gen Zers are applying individual solutions to collective problems. Workers quitting or speaking up, she says, are moves that are less likely to convince employers to make changes than government legislation or union pressure that mandates benefits like higher wages and more time off. Especially, she says, considering mobility largely depends on privilege; hourly workers and those with less corporate experience have very little leverage to job hop or assert boundaries that could prevent work encroaching on life.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220613-gen-z-the-workers-who-want-it-all-6"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"Gen Zers are “thoughtful, compassionate and hardworking” and they’ll call out policies and behaviours they disagree with – Beth Kennedy","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220613-gen-z-the-workers-who-want-it-all-7"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EPlus, Gen Z workers like Jones are already \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220520-why-gen-z-workers-are-already-so-burned-out\"\u003Ereporting burnout\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, suggesting the hustle culture and financial burden that plagued generations before them is still taking a toll. Despite focusing on her life outside work, Jones finds her job overwhelming. “I'm dealing with a lot of stress I didn't even think to prepare myself for; navigating corporate dynamics, no structure and little support,” she says.  “I often feel overworked, underpaid and angry.” Still, she holds out hope that her generation’s vision for a new kind of labour could eventually manifest.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EDespite her caveats, Gerson, who describes herself as “a short-term pessimist but a long-term optimist” about these workplace shifts, is hopeful Gen Z can catalyse change. The needle is more likely to move, she says, as millennials with similar values to Gen Z increasingly take on leadership roles and companies pressed to attract and retain talent are forced to yield to some worker demands – but she cautions that it will likely take some time before all workers benefit.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EKennedy, who has already implemented Gen Z-driven policies in her own workplace, is adamant the youngest workers are already succeeding in their quest, however. No one is expected to be contactable outside set hours, meetings feel more collaborative and inclusive, and she’s aspiring to introduce a \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fnews\u002Fbusiness-57724779\"\u003Efour-day workweek\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. Gen Zers are asking the tough questions, says Kennedy, “and workplaces are being forced to have broader discussions and make shifts when they don't have good answers”.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn Hinesville, Holleman is thriving in her new role. Her millennial boss is understanding and flexible. The work feels meaningful, but she doesn’t think a whole lot about it while she’s not on the clock. And outside the office, she’s a Miss Georgia candidate and has plenty of time for hobbies. “I’m able to just live my life now,” she says.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220613-gen-z-the-workers-who-want-it-all-8"}],"collection":null,"disableAdverts":false,"displayDate":"2022-06-14T14:19:39Z","embeddedCustomHtml":"","embeddedInfographicUrl":"","embeddedType":"infographic","headlineLong":"Gen Z: The workers who want it all","headlineShort":"Why Gen Z workers want it all","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"","isSyndicated":true,"latitude":"","longitude":"","mpsVideo":"","option":[],"partner":null,"primaryVertical":"worklife","promoAlignment":"centre","promoAltText":"","promoImage":null,"relatedStories":[],"relatedTag":null,"summaryLong":"Work-life balance, fair pay and value alignment: today’s youngest workers want it all – and are willing to walk away if they don’t get it.","summaryShort":"The youngest in the labour market have a slew of demands","tag":[],"textToSpeech":false,"creationDateTime":"2022-06-13T19:56:36.463032Z","entity":"article","guid":"4c05e9fe-190e-4afb-9a72-17eb572ebb7e","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220613-gen-z-the-workers-who-want-it-all","modifiedDateTime":"2022-06-17T10:34:10.32356Z","project":"wwverticals","slug":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220613-gen-z-the-workers-who-want-it-all","cacheLastUpdated":1657503756272},"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220622-the-young-singaporeans-striking-out-on-their-own":{"urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:article:worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220622-the-young-singaporeans-striking-out-on-their-own","_id":"62b4c6a71f4b7b5d675797b6","ambientVideo":"","articleType":"story","assetVideo":null,"author":["worklife\u002Fauthor\u002Fsamantha-huiqi-yow"],"bodyIntro":"Most young, single Singaporeans live with their parents. But some are moving into their own places as social norms evolve.","businessUnit":"worldwide","cards":[{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EWhen Alan, a civil servant, decided to move out of his family home in Singapore, it still took the 27-year-old another month to broach the topic with his parents. He feared they would not understand or, worse, get upset. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAfter all, Alan’s home was a pleasant place. The family’s three-bedroom condominium, where his younger brother also lived, wasn’t far from the city-state’s central business district (CBD), where many of his favourite haunts were. There was homemade dinner on the table each night, and his laundry was always done for him. “There wasn’t a push factor, just pull factors,” he says. “I’d lived with my parents my whole life, so I just wanted to experience what it’s like being by myself, you know?” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn the West, leaving home is just another milestone in adulthood. Yet in most Asian societies it is not as culturally accepted; moving out is sometimes perceived as showing disrespect to your parents. In Singapore, living at home until marriage is common practice; an estimated \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.theedgemarkets.com\u002Farticle\u002Fsingapore%E2%80%99s-millennials-are-escaping-their-parents-night-airbnb\"\u003E97%\u003C\u002Fa\u003E of unmarried individuals between the ages of 15 and 34 lived with their parents in 2013. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWhile the trend is in part driven by ingrained ideas of filial piety, it’s also linked to government policies on accommodation for young people. Most Singaporeans – \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.hdb.gov.sg\u002Fabout-us\u002Four-role\u002Fpublic-housing-a-singapore-icon\"\u003Emore than 80% as of 2022\u003C\u002Fa\u003E  – live in public housing units, apartments subsidised by the state that are known as HDBs (after the Housing Development Board). About 90% of those who live in HDBs own their home. But crucially, only married heterosexual couples – Singapore does not recognise same-sex marriages – and single individuals older than 35 can buy these public housing units. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThose who can’t buy HDBs can rent (or indeed buy) via the private property market – but costs are much higher. Calculations by research firm ValueChampion show the average price per square foot of a private-sector condominium \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.valuechampion.sg\u002Faverage-cost-housing-singapore\"\u003Eis more than triple that of an HDB unit.\u003C\u002Fa\u003E These cost constraints, says Dr Chua Beng Huat, a professor of sociology at National University of Singapore (NUS), “effectively keep most young, unmarried people living at home with their parents”. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EYet Alan, who now rents a flat in Hougang, a neighbourhood in north-east Singapore away from the CBD, with two friends from junior college, is among a growing number of millennial and Gen Z Singaporeans bucking the long-time cultural norm. Some young people, for various reasons, are deciding that the price of independence is worth it – and striking out on their own. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003E‘Literal space to grow into an adult’\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn recent years, Singapore’s renting culture, previously mostly limited to expatriates, has taken root among locals. Despite \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.edgeprop.sg\u002Fproperty-news\u002Fanalysis-where-residential-rents-heading\"\u003Eclimbing rental prices\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, the number of single Singaporean residents under 35 living alone or away from their parents \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.kgieworld.sg\u002Fsecurities\u002Fresources\u002Fck\u002Ffiles\u002Fdocs\u002Fresearch\u002FLHN%20(LHN%20SP)_Initiation_OUTPERFORM_KGI%20Singapore%2020210928.pdf\"\u003Emore than doubled\u003C\u002Fa\u003E from 2015 to 2020. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EMany more may be thinking about moving. One 2021 survey by local real estate portal PropertyGuru showed \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.propertyguru.com.sg\u002Fproperty-guides\u002Fpropertyguru-consumer-sentiment-study-h1-2021-41426\"\u003Eseven in 10 respondents between the ages of 22 and 39 were considering moving out\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. “Once you pass a certain age, it can become uncomfortable [to live with your parents] because the freedom of what you can do at home is restricted,” says Chua. Coupled with a lack of privacy, it’s a “difficult position” for an adult to be in.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"infographic","imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","pullQuoteImageAlignment":"centre","videoImageAlign":"centre","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220622-the-young-singaporeans-striking-out-on-their-own-0"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":["p0cgch8c"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"Brenda Tan","imageOrientation":"portrait","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220622-the-young-singaporeans-striking-out-on-their-own-1"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003ELike Alan, Brenda Tan didn’t feel a push factor when she moved out of her family home at 22 – but she certainly wanted more independence. She’d spent time in shared university dormitories and lived with housemates during a semester abroad in New York, but felt that the next step should be a solo space. “[Living with your parents can feel like] everything is on autopilot and done for you,” the content creator said in a \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.youtube.com\u002Fwatch?v=SzEO7I4nKXI&t\"\u003Evideo\u003C\u002Fa\u003E that chronicled her move into a studio apartment. “You’re not fully taking control of your space, or your diet sometimes… you just eat what’s on the table.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBeing on her own has allowed Tan, now 26, to take ownership of every aspect of her life, from choosing her preferred brands of household items to being able to work more creatively. “Moving out has made me grow up in a way that I truly enjoy. I feel like I’ve blossomed into myself. I have the literal space to grow into an adult.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EOf course, challenges linked to living with parents have always existed, as have young people’s aspirations for independence. But Chua believes the fact that the youngest generations are, on average, better educated, and thus higher earners, than previous generations plays a significant role. \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.singstat.gov.sg\u002F-\u002Fmedia\u002Ffiles\u002Fpublications\u002Fcop2020\u002Fsr1\u002Fcop2020sr1.ashx\"\u003ECensus data from 2020\u003C\u002Fa\u003E shows that 57% of residents between 25 and 34 were university graduates, up from \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.singstat.gov.sg\u002F-\u002Fmedia\u002Ffiles\u002Fpublications\u002Fcop2010\u002Fcensus_2010_release1\u002Fcop2010sr1.pdf\"\u003E46.5%\u003C\u002Fa\u003E a decade ago, which already nearly doubled from \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.singstat.gov.sg\u002F-\u002Fmedia\u002Ffiles\u002Fpublications\u002Fcop2010\u002Fcensus_2010_release1\u002Fcop2010sr1.pdf\"\u003E24.4%\u003C\u002Fa\u003E in 2000. Improved earning power, and perhaps changing spending priorities, have made it easier for young Singaporeans to move out and pay rent. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnother factor is that Singaporeans are \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.channelnewsasia.com\u002Fsingapore\u002Ffewer-marriages-more-divorces-2019-singapore-singstat-714411\"\u003Egetting married later\u003C\u002Fa\u003E in life. “Previously, many, if not most, of this age group would’ve been married,” says Chua, meaning that they would have qualified to buy an HDB. This is increasingly not the case, yet single young adults are also less willing to wait until marriage for a taste of independence. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThis doesn’t mean filial piety is eroding, argues Chua. If anything, it’s the way of showing it that’s changing. Fellow NUS sociologist Dr Tan Ern Ser agrees, saying that while young people “have their own preferred lifestyle, which involves moving out of their parental home to live on their own or some other arrangements”, it doesn’t mean they care less about their parents. In fact, “living away from parents could be experienced as less stifling, and may paradoxically strengthen the parent-adult child bond”. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EFor some, push factors\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWhile many of the nest-fleers will be independence-seekers like Alan and Brenda Tan, William Tan, an estate agent, has seen a rise in renting among one particular group: the LGBTQ community. Tan says that while the majority of potential tenants in the past were expatriates, he’s observed a shift. A \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.facebook.com\u002Fgroups\u002F283409552932808\u002F\"\u003EFacebook group\u003C\u002Fa\u003E he set up for LGBTQ-friendly listings is seeing more requests from young Singaporeans.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220622-the-young-singaporeans-striking-out-on-their-own-2"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"I have the literal space to grow into an adult – Brenda Tan","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220622-the-young-singaporeans-striking-out-on-their-own-3"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EIt’s hardly surprising; since housing policies greatly restrict options for the community, renting is more or less the only choice for under-35s seeking their own place. While Singapore’s society has made strides in destigmatising homosexuality, conservative values held by many still make it hard for some to be out. A \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Flkyspp.nus.edu.sg\u002Fips\u002Fnews\u002Fdetails\u002Fips-working-paper-no.-34-religion-morality-and-conservatism-in-singapore\"\u003E2018 survey\u003C\u002Fa\u003E found that six in 10 respondents believe gay marriage is always, or almost always, wrong. \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.todayonline.com\u002Fsingapore\u002Ftoday-youth-survey-high-overall-acceptance-lgbtq-people-among-youth-family-members-harder-to-accept\"\u003EAnother survey\u003C\u002Fa\u003E found that Singapore’s youth were less accepting of family members being in a same-sex relationship than friends or colleagues. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ETan believes that Covid-19 likely accelerated the desire to move out for many LGBTQ young people. “There possibly was a lot of conflict happening [in homes] because of the last two years working remotely,” he says. In his experience, “a lot of them [in the community] are trying to move out for their mental health, because maybe they come from a very toxic or unfriendly home environment”. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EPush factors like a poor home environment are of course not limited to young people in the LGBTQ community. For those living in smaller-sized houses, or needing to share a bedroom, home can feel like a pressure cooker. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EJia lives in a two-bedroom HDB flat with her parents and older sister. After graduating from university amid the pandemic, she quickly found a trainee job. But working remotely was a “nightmare”. Her sister was doing the same and their online meetings sometimes clashed, resulting in a distracting environment. Her parents, she admits, are not on the best of terms – and being stuck indoors for long periods during lockdown meant verbal arguments grew frequent. “I can’t escape the noise because it’s a small space,” she says. “Sometimes I’d be speaking on a call and my parents would be shouting in the background.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EJia mulled over moving out countless times. The thought of a quieter work and living space was tempting, but in the end practicality won out. For now, she’s decided that she’d rather save the bulk of her salary than spend it on rent. There was also another reason holding her back: “I think I would’ve felt super guilty leaving my parents behind.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThis doesn’t mean she rules the possibility out, especially since converting her traineeship into a full-time role now earns her about 50% more. But, ultimately, the deciding factor is still her parents. “Now that we’re all out of the house more, everyone’s in a better mood, it’s bearable,” she says. “But if things [between them] get really bad again like two years ago, I think I’m going to put myself first this time.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220622-the-young-singaporeans-striking-out-on-their-own-4"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":["p0cgchkv"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"HDBs in Singapore","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220622-the-young-singaporeans-striking-out-on-their-own-5"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003E‘Best money I’ve ever spent’\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESingapore has built a successful housing model – one that’s \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bloomberg.com\u002Fnews\u002Farticles\u002F2020-07-08\u002Fbehind-the-design-of-singapore-s-low-cost-housing?sref=lgADY7dy\"\u003Ewidely and frequently praised\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. But, as recent subtle shifts show, the needs and aspirations of some young people may be changing. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ETweaking the public housing rules to make more low-cost accommodation available to young people could provide relief for many, especially marginalised groups. NUS sociologist Tan Ern Ser suggests the public housing board could consider renting out unsold flats or building specially designed rental flats “to cater to young people who are assessed to need their own space”, arguing that current policies should “consider accommodating emerging patterns of preferred living arrangements among young Singaporeans… and seek to accommodate even those who fall outside the rules”. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EUntil then, if current trends continue, young Singaporeans leaving the nest to rent will become less taboo and more mainstream, driven by a prioritisation of their independence and wellbeing, and enabled by rising disposable incomes. Changing attitudes around what it means to be filial will also help young adults to leave their family homes. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBrenda Tan certainly doesn’t regret her decision – in fact, she feels surer about it than ever. Looking back, the pros she has experienced aren’t rooted just in a sense of freedom, but a sense of responsibility. “It’s the best money I’ve ever spent,” she says. “Living alone lets me recalibrate my emotions. That has been invaluable for me.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAlan echoes the sentiment, even though his parents weren’t happy with his decision. “I think they took it personally, as if I was saying I hated living with them,” he recalls. They tried to dissuade him – but gave up when Alan’s resolve was clear. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESince moving out, his costs have risen significantly. He still gives his parents a monthly “allowance” of $287 (S$400, £237), something he’s done since earning his first full-time paycheck. He also pays more bills than before – such as groceries, utilities and his insurance payments which were all previously covered by his parents – as well as paying rent on his own shared place. But he considers the additional expenses a worthy trade-off for the independence he’s gained. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“I’m so much more in control of my life now,” he says. “You can’t put a price on that.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cem\u003EAlan and Jia are using one name only for privacy reasons\u003C\u002Fem\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220622-the-young-singaporeans-striking-out-on-their-own-6"}],"collection":["worklife\u002Fpremium-collection\u002Ffamily-tree"],"disableAdverts":false,"displayDate":"2022-06-24T00:00:00Z","embeddedCustomHtml":"","embeddedInfographicUrl":"","embeddedType":"infographic","headlineLong":"The young Singaporeans striking out on their own","headlineShort":"The young Singaporeans leaving the nest","image":["p0cgcg7m"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"Young man facing the Singapore skyline","isSyndicated":true,"latitude":"","longitude":"","mpsVideo":"","option":[{"Content":{"Description":"Apple News Publish: Select to publish, remove to unpublish. (Do not just delete or unpublish the story)","Name":"publish-applenews-system-1"},"Metadata":{"CreationDateTime":"2016-02-05T14:32:31.186819Z","Entity":"option","Guid":"13f4bc85-ae27-4a34-9397-0e6ad3619619","Id":"option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1","ModifiedDateTime":"2022-02-27T22:52:24.455144Z","Project":"wwverticals","Slug":"option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1"},"Urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:option:option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1","_id":"62b420921f4b7b5d34253c8b"}],"partner":null,"primaryVertical":"worklife","promoAlignment":"centre","promoAltText":"Brenda Tan","promoImage":["p0cgcj2q"],"relatedStories":["worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220531-the-skyrocketing-rents-that-are-crippling-renters","worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220505-the-office-spaces-transforming-into-luxury-apartments","worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220613-gen-z-the-workers-who-want-it-all"],"relatedTag":null,"summaryLong":"Most young, single Singaporeans live with their parents. But some are moving into their own places as social norms evolve.","summaryShort":"Young singletons barely move out in this city-state – but some are bucking norms","tag":["tag\u002Fhow-we-live"],"textToSpeech":false,"creationDateTime":"2022-06-23T20:01:25.504373Z","entity":"article","guid":"cf63ddc5-baba-4d9b-96c9-752a4908fbba","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220622-the-young-singaporeans-striking-out-on-their-own","modifiedDateTime":"2022-06-23T20:01:25.504373Z","project":"wwverticals","slug":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220622-the-young-singaporeans-striking-out-on-their-own","cacheLastUpdated":1657503756272},"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220414-the-parents-creating-new-last-names-for-their-children":{"urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:article:worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220414-the-parents-creating-new-last-names-for-their-children","_id":"62b4205c1f4b7b1d9a3424e1","ambientVideo":"","articleType":"story","assetVideo":null,"author":["worklife\u002Fauthor\u002Fkatie-bishop"],"bodyIntro":"A child taking the father’s surname by default? For many parents, it’s no longer such a simple choice.","businessUnit":"worldwide","cards":[{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EWhen Nerea Safari, 38, became a parent for the second time, she knew she wanted to do things differently. Her first child, by then a teenager, took their father’s last name. But she had other ideas for her new-born daughter. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“There were two first names that I really liked, and I couldn’t choose between them when looking to name my youngest daughter,” she said. “So, I decided to use one of the names as a surname.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFor Safari, the decision to create a new surname was an easy one. She ended up choosing the surname ‘Kimani’, which has Kenyan origins. Safari, who is British but has Kenyan heritage, says the name was a perfect way of honouring her family history; she loved the fact that the word means ‘warrior’. Her partner was relaxed about the idea, and she feels strongly that as society changes, so too should the way we think about what we pass on to our children.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWithin her family, she adds, the decision wasn’t a particularly strange one. Her own surname was also created for her; she feels having a different surname from her parents gives her a strong sense of identity.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAlthough Safari is far from the only parent going against convention in this way, her decision is still something of a rarity. A reported \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.theatlantic.com\u002Ffamily\u002Farchive\u002F2021\u002F10\u002Fpatrilineal-surnames\u002F620507\u002F\"\u003E96% of heterosexual married couples\u003C\u002Fa\u003E in the US still give their child the father’s name, and in the UK – where Safari lives – \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fyougov.co.uk\u002Ftopics\u002Flifestyle\u002Farticles-reports\u002F2016\u002F09\u002F13\u002Fsix-ten-women-would-like-take-their-spouses-\"\u003Earound 90% of straight women\u003C\u002Fa\u003E still \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20200921-why-do-women-still-change-their-names\"\u003Etake their husband’s name\u003C\u002Fa\u003E when they marry, many of whom pass it onto their child. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EStill, there’s no longer a wholly default option when it comes to picking a surname. Some parents are taking new routes – whether that means hyphenating parents’ surnames, naming a child after just one of the parents or coming up with a new name altogether. But these creative approaches are not always without hiccups.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"infographic","imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","pullQuoteImageAlignment":"centre","videoImageAlign":"centre","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220414-the-parents-creating-new-last-names-for-their-children-0"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":["p0c19wcy"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"portrait","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220414-the-parents-creating-new-last-names-for-their-children-1"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EBucking convention\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFor most of Western history, parents didn’t have to give much thought to a child’s surname – women would take their male partner’s name when they married, and this would then be passed onto their offspring. But the fact most people still choose to follow the patriarchal tradition suggests how deeply rooted this social norm is.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“Defaults are powerful,” says Matt Wallaert, an applied behavioural scientist, who studies how pressures like identity change people’s behaviour. “I doubt that every child that has their father’s surname does so because their parents carefully considered the action – they simply did what was cognitively easiest.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EHowever, the changing landscape of families is increasingly disrupting this ‘default’ setting. \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Farchive-yaleglobal.yale.edu\u002Fcontent\u002Fout-wedlock-births-rise-worldwide\"\u003EMore children than ever\u003C\u002Fa\u003E are being born outside marriage or to single parents, and \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.nytimes.com\u002F2015\u002F06\u002F28\u002Fupshot\u002Fabout-the-maiden-name-analysis.html\"\u003Emore women\u003C\u002Fa\u003E are choosing not to take their spouse’s name.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAdditionally, “even our systems are now better set up to include more naming options than in the past”, says Michelle Janning, a professor of sociology at Whitman College in Washington, US, with a specialisation in family and gender studies. For instance, women used to have difficulty traveling internationally with a child who had a different last name – but today, this isn’t a barrier.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThese evolutions have meant many parents are considering bucking convention. But if parents go their own route, they must take important decisions that can be deeply emotional in nature. This is particularly true in non-traditional family units, where there isn’t a standard convention to follow.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThis is the case for Barcelona-based Danny McLoughin, originally from Glasgow, who is in a same-sex relationship. The 30-year-old and his fiancé have already agreed they aren’t comfortable taking the other’s name because they already contend with “ignorant” questions about “who is the man and who is the woman” in the relationship; he feels following heteronormative traditions would play into these stereotypes. This means that there’s no straightforward answer regarding which of their names any future offspring would adopt.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220414-the-parents-creating-new-last-names-for-their-children-2"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":["p0c19v3g"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220414-the-parents-creating-new-last-names-for-their-children-3"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"calloutBodyHtml":"\u003Cp\u003EThis story is part of BBC's \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Ffamily-tree\"\u003EFamily Tree\u003C\u002Fa\u003E series, which examines the issues and opportunities parents, children and families face today – and how they'll shape the world tomorrow. Find more on \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Ffuture\u002Ffamily-tree\"\u003EBBC Future\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E","calloutTitle":"Family Tree","cardType":"CalloutBox","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220414-the-parents-creating-new-last-names-for-their-children-4"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EThere’s also the added complication of his fiancé’s surname. Because he already has two last names (Sanchez Medina), McLoughin feels like the option to double-barrel is off the table, as it would ultimately result in a triple-barrelled name.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EHe and his partner have been going back-and-forth for some time about how they will name future offspring, and are yet to reach agreement. “One potential solution is creating a whole new surname,” he says. “We’ve considered going for McSanchez and combining the two names.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003ECultural considerations\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003E \u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnother factor driving a broader range of naming traditions is the increasing ethnic and cultural changes in Western nations.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“We’re seeing increased diversity of family structures that stem from various global locations where practices differ from Judeo-Christian patriarchal practices,” says Janning. In other words, an uptick in cross-cultural relationships is another key driver in changing naming choices in the Western world, she says.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn the case of McLoughin’s fiancé, his ‘Sanchez Medina’ surname is a combination of his father’s first name and mother’s surname, which is Latino cultural convention. For him and McLoughin, this has factored into the couple’s naming calculus, as it doesn’t leave a clear and straightforward naming route for them to follow.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWhile some parents choose to preserve cultural traditions in naming, others take a different route, opting for a more anglicised spelling or entirely different version of their surname to pass down the family. This can particularly be the case for parents whose children will grow up in a country different to their own. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“[Choosing a different name] is a common story in a lot of the US’s immigration history, and is often viewed as a way for people to assimilate themselves or present themselves in a favourable way in a new place where they may be seeking employment or social status,” says Janning. “This has softened a bit, but contemporary examples still exist.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003E‘Snowflakes in a blizzard’\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIt might be becoming increasingly common to choose an unconventional surname for a child, but taking this route is still not without complications.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBehavioural scientist Wallaert put his research into practice when naming his now six-year-old son. He and his wife decided that because he had two nephews who shared his surname, while she is an only child, it made sense to use her surname so the family name continued. His surname is complicated to spell and pronounce, he adds, whereas her surname – ‘Sugar’ – is much more straightforward.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220414-the-parents-creating-new-last-names-for-their-children-5"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":["p0c19w6n"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220414-the-parents-creating-new-last-names-for-their-children-6"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EBut when the couple, who are based in the US, tried to register their son’s name, they found the reaction “strange” – the hospital couldn’t figure out why a married couple would want to name the child after the mother. “They had all sorts of processes for what to do when the father wasn’t in the picture, but I was the one doing the registration, which really tripped them up,” he says.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAlthough choosing to go against patriarchal naming tradition is still an uncommon choice, as more people do so, it’s possible even these new ways of naming could rapidly evolve in a variety of different directions over the next few decades. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFor instance, will children begin to carry triple-, or even quadruple-barrelled surnames, or will double-barrelled-named parents be pushed to make different choices to avoid a wave of lengthy surnames? And will people with newly invented surnames feel less of a strong historical tie to their own names, and therefore be less motivated to pass it on to their child?\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“This doesn’t even begin to approach families that aren’t a married man and woman,” says Wallaert. “What about two dads? Two mums? \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220128-the-millennials-choosing-friends-as-sperm-donors\"\u003EDonors\u003C\u002Fa\u003E? Surrogates? People have been figuring how to deal with this on their own terms, and as that continues, new cultural norms will emerge.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe business of picking a surname could be set to get even more complicated, but Wallaert argues at its core, naming has always had some key functions, and humans will continue to find ways to project these important facets of our identity, even when conventions change.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“As humans we are snowflakes in a blizzard. We have a deep-seated need to feel unique but also to feel connected to others,” he says. “Traditionally, we’ve used our first names to express our uniqueness and our last name to express our tribe. Whatever comes, it is those two core needs that we’ll likely continue to honour.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220414-the-parents-creating-new-last-names-for-their-children-7"}],"collection":["worklife\u002Fpremium-collection\u002Ffamily-tree"],"disableAdverts":false,"displayDate":"2022-04-20T13:36:58Z","embeddedCustomHtml":"","embeddedInfographicUrl":"","embeddedType":"infographic","headlineLong":"The parents creating new last names for their children","headlineShort":"The parents inventing new surnames","image":["p0c19x45"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"","isSyndicated":true,"latitude":"","longitude":"","mpsVideo":"","option":[{"Content":{"Description":"Apple News Publish: Select to publish, remove to unpublish. (Do not just delete or unpublish the story)","Name":"publish-applenews-system-1"},"Metadata":{"CreationDateTime":"2016-02-05T14:32:31.186819Z","Entity":"option","Guid":"13f4bc85-ae27-4a34-9397-0e6ad3619619","Id":"option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1","ModifiedDateTime":"2022-02-27T22:52:24.455144Z","Project":"wwverticals","Slug":"option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1"},"Urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:option:option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1","_id":"62b420921f4b7b5d34253c8b"}],"partner":null,"primaryVertical":"worklife","promoAlignment":"centre","promoAltText":"","promoImage":null,"relatedStories":["worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220302-why-uncommon-baby-names-are-surging","worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220128-the-millennials-choosing-friends-as-sperm-donors","worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220119-is-having-a-favourite-child-really-a-bad-thing"],"relatedTag":null,"summaryLong":"A child taking the father’s surname by default? For many parents, it’s no longer such a simple choice.","summaryShort":"A baby taking the father's last name? It's not that simple anymore","tag":["tag\u002Fhow-we-live"],"textToSpeech":false,"creationDateTime":"2022-04-19T19:51:06.97287Z","entity":"article","guid":"4e7fab4a-1133-46f8-aa32-051a1af4315d","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220414-the-parents-creating-new-last-names-for-their-children","modifiedDateTime":"2022-05-24T12:23:41.291794Z","project":"wwverticals","slug":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220414-the-parents-creating-new-last-names-for-their-children","cacheLastUpdated":1657503756274},"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220128-the-millennials-choosing-friends-as-sperm-donors":{"urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:article:worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220128-the-millennials-choosing-friends-as-sperm-donors","_id":"62b4205b1f4b7b2e6d6bc9e8","ambientVideo":"","articleType":"story","assetVideo":null,"author":[],"bodyIntro":"Many LGBTQ couples are opting to start families with donations from friends or acquaintances – a choice helping to re-define modern family structures.","businessUnit":"worldwide","cards":[{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EWhen Alice, now 39, first started thinking about having a child solo, the idea of using a sperm bank “felt so strange”. She didn’t know how to pick from the list of potential donors, whose attributes ranged far and wide: bass players, English university majors and men with blue eyes. To Alice, choosing a close friend as a donor “felt simpler and richer”.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EToday, Alice’s daughter, whose biological father is a friend Alice lived with during graduate school, is three years old. “He was the obvious choice,” Alice says of her donor. “I honestly don’t have that many cis male friends that I’m really close to.” Over brunch, she asked him if he would be open to donating his sperm, and he gamely said yes. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EAlice remains in close touch with her donor and his partner, whom Alice and her own partner refer to as their daughter’s “uncle” and “aunt”. “I liked the idea of my kid getting to have some relationship with the [donor],” says California-based Alice. It also presented the “possibility for broader community and queer familial structures”.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EDuring the past several years, the gap between LGBTQ and non-LGBTQ people planning to expand their families is shrinking. According to 2018 data from the US-based LGBTQ Family Building Survey, \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.familyequality.org\u002Fresources\u002Flgbtq-family-building-survey\u002F\"\u003E48% of LGBTQ millennials have made the decision to increase their family size\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, versus 55% of non-LGBTQ millennials. In contrast to past numbers, nearly 70% of non-LGBTQ individuals older than 55 have children, compared to just 28% of LGBTQ people in that age group.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EFor certain LGBTQ couples who can’t have biological children together, sperm donations have become increasingly attractive. Australian data from 2018, for example, indicates \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.newlifeivf.com.au\u002Fsperm-donors-the-hidden-heros-behind-many-of-todays-families\u002F\"\u003Ethat single women and lesbian couples made up 85% of sperm donor recipients\u003C\u002Fa\u003E that year. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Default\"\u003EMany queer couples seeking sperm want the experience to be personal, which means choosing to know who the sperm donor is. \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.newlifeivf.com.au\u002Fsperm-donors-the-hidden-heros-behind-many-of-todays-families\u002F\"\u003ESeveral reasons drive this choice\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, such as knowing about the future child’s biological parents, being in touch with them for medical questions and creating an extended family. While this is possible if a couple \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.familyequality.org\u002Fresources\u002Fchoosing-between-a-known-and-unknown-sperm-donor\u002F\"\u003Egoes through a sperm bank\u003C\u002Fa\u003E or other type of connection service, choosing a friend or personal relation for the donation is\u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.familyequality.org\u002Fresources\u002Fbuilding-lgbtq-families-price-parenthood\u002F\"\u003E less costly\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.  \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Default\"\u003ERegardless, these choices require a careful, deliberate thought process that involves emotional, financial and legal considerations that affect not just the lives of the parents and donors, but also those of their future children.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"infographic","imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","pullQuoteImageAlignment":"centre","videoImageAlign":"centre","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220128-the-millennials-choosing-friends-as-sperm-donors-0"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220128-the-millennials-choosing-friends-as-sperm-donors-1"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"calloutBodyHtml":"\u003Cp\u003EThis story is part of BBC's \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Ffamily-tree\"\u003EFamily Tree\u003C\u002Fa\u003E series, which examines the issues and opportunities parents, children and families face today – and how they'll shape the world tomorrow. Coverage continues on \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Ffuture\u002Ffamily-tree\"\u003EBBC Future\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E","calloutTitle":"Family Tree","cardType":"CalloutBox","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220128-the-millennials-choosing-friends-as-sperm-donors-2"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EChanging shape of families\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EWhile plenty of services exist today to help LGBTQ couples conceive via sperm donation, that was not the case when Lisa Schuman, founder of the Center for Family Building, started working in the industry more than 20 years ago in New York.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EAmong the leading organizations at the time – like the American Society for Reproductive Medicine and the American Fertility Association – there weren’t “any queer people being represented at all”, she says. Many queer couples she spoke with would consider adoption as the primary option for starting a family. “They really didn't understand that there were many other options for them,” says Schuman.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003ESchuman started a workshop for LGBTQ parents looking to start families at the Gay and Lesbian Center in New York City, through which she could teach them about options other than adoption. Early on, she recalls, only about five people would show up per session. “I just kept doing it,” she says. About a decade later, a lecture she hosted for prospective lesbian parents attracted 100 people. “The legalization of gay marriage [in 2015] helped a lot,” she says. Through efforts like Schuman’s, LGBTQ families got to learn more about their family-building options.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EStill, while there are anecdotal accounts of growing interest, it’s difficult to find data on how many LGBTQ couples opt to use friends or family members as donors, as opposed to donors found through sperm banks.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003ELaura Goldberger has spent two decades as a psychotherapist running groups for LGBTQ parents trying to conceive. Goldberger says about half the couples they speak with opt for a donor they already know, versus one found through an outside service or sperm bank – that rate has remained the same throughout their experience. Schuman, however, says she’s been seeing “more and more” future parents opt for friend or family member donations throughout the past several years.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EA ‘wonderful, gentle presence’\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EAlice’s choice wasn’t just obvious to her because the sperm bank route felt alienating – she also knew immediately whom she would ask to donate. She and her male friend were part of the same community, having worked on a political project together and attended the same graduate school. She trusted him deeply.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220128-the-millennials-choosing-friends-as-sperm-donors-3"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"Over brunch, Alice asked him if he would be open to donating his sperm, and he gamely said yes","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220128-the-millennials-choosing-friends-as-sperm-donors-4"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003E“I knew that our community would hold us both to being responsible with the ways in which we were forming a queer family,” she says, acknowledging that their relationship did not exist in a vacuum, but rather that their mutual friends would help ensure they maintained healthy communication. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EAlice and her donor friend also had numerous, lengthy conversations about their expectations, spanning his family’s medical history, what his role would and wouldn’t consist of as the donor and how his family would be involved in the child’s life. They also had a conference call with his parents and sister to help clear up misunderstandings about the donor-child relationship they’d decided on. “I was glad we had the conversation,” she says. “They've been a wonderful, gentle presence throughout [the child’s life].”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003ENavigating ‘ruthless’ conversations\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EOf course, even with the closest friends, unexpected problems can arise with something so sensitive and impactful as a new human life. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003E“Everybody thinks, we've got this down, everything's going to be fine – we're best friends,” says Schuman. “But people go into marriages with the same idea, thinking they're going to be together forever, and it doesn't always happen.” Schuman stresses the importance of counselling pre-donation to make sure the recipient, their partner (if they have one) and the donor are all on the same page.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220128-the-millennials-choosing-friends-as-sperm-donors-5"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220128-the-millennials-choosing-friends-as-sperm-donors-6"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003ECommunication is key, echoes Erika Tranfield, 41, founder and director of Pride Angel, a service based in the Northwest UK through which recipients can connect with sperm donors they don’t already know, but want to meet and speak with before beginning the donation process. Tranfield says it can be hard to broach “ruthless” and uncomfortable questions, like beliefs on religion and child discipline, that are important to ask a potential donor when that donor is already your friend, she says. To avoid those tough conversations with friends, Tranfield founded Pride Angel in 2009, partly to find her own donor with her now ex-wife. Today, roughly 25,000 sperm recipients use Pride Angel each in the UK, US and Europe.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003ETranfield and her then-wife wanted to meet their donor, and ensure he was someone who wouldn’t want to co-parent or share financial responsibilities, but would be open to seeing the child’s school reports or popping by on Christmas. To ensure this was how the relationship would play out, Tranfield, her then-wife, and the donor signed a “letter of intent” specifying the limits of their relationship. This was not a legal agreement.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003ELesbian couples from the US who spoke with BBC Worklife were more likely to say they signed notarized agreements ahead of the donation or ones drawn up by lawyers. Rosslyn, 40, and Laura, 37, a married couple in California, say they worked with a lawyer who specializes in queer conception to create an agreement with their donor, Laura’s good friend from college (he offered after Laura told him about their struggles finding a donor). The agreement stated that the donor would relinquish all parental rights, but he’s still a friend of the family, as is his current partner. Rosslyn and Laura's two daughters, now ages five and two, simply call him by his first name.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EOther legal processes might include the non-gestational parent (who doesn’t carry the child) legally adopting to gain parental rights, which Alice’s partner plans do with their child (who already calls Alice’s partner “mom”). For Rosslyn and Laura, this cost roughly $2,000 (£1,480) per child. Other costs went to conception. For instance, they paid about $300 for one session with a midwife specializing in at-home conception for their first child. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EThe cost of conception can be considerably higher when going through a sperm bank. For New York-based married couple Elizabeth, 32, and Joy, 36, using a sperm bank has cost about $6,000 so far. Some of this covered medical co-pays and shipping for the sperm, but most went to the vials, five of which cost about $5,300. It costs $200 to thaw the frozen vials pre-IUI (intrauterine insemination), which they plan to do soon.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EThough the process is pricey, the couple ultimately decided on a previously unknown donor, whose identity they learned through the sperm bank, because of the complications that could arise from seeking donation from someone already in their lives.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220128-the-millennials-choosing-friends-as-sperm-donors-7"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"I knew that our community would hold us both to being responsible with the ways in which we were forming a queer family – Alice","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220128-the-millennials-choosing-friends-as-sperm-donors-8"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003E“They can say until they’re blue in the face that they can watch their biological child grow up in front of their eyes and not have that parental connection,” says Elizabeth, but she worries that could change with the birth of the child. Since Elizabeth plans to carry the child, they also considered using Joy’s brother as the donor.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003E“Originally, the idea of having my own blood being able to donate was intriguing,” says Joy, but ultimately decided against it because of the reasons Elizabeth cited. “I come from a big Italian family, and they are literally always around,” Joy adds. She and Elizabeth didn’t want to deal with all the conversations that might come up between the child and various family members about the child’s conception. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EExpanding family building options\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EOver time, LGBTQ couples and potential parents have gotten more information and resources to help them make choices about how to build their families. While plenty \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.census.gov\u002Flibrary\u002Fstories\u002F2020\u002F09\u002Ffifteen-percent-of-same-sex-couples-have-children-in-their-household.html\"\u003Estill adopt\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, many are choosing to ask close friends to donate sperm, like Alice, Rosslyn and Laura, while others prefer connecting with donors through services like Pride Angel or sperm banks.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003ERegardless of the decision these families ultimately make, the fact that the donor option is now so visibly on the table in general has expanded their possibilities. Unlike when Schuman first started working in the fertility space, couples of all types are now presented with a variety of ways to create families, whether that includes a donor friend, a known donor who stops by just on holidays or someone who stays out of the children’s lives completely. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EFor Rosslyn and Laura, the kind of extended family they might form with their donor’s partner and future children remains up in the air. Her kids and the donor’s children “will make up their own narrative about how they feel towards each other, like what they get to call themselves… and the biological link they have to [the donor] as they grow older,” says Rosslyn. “But right now, it’s all honky dory.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003E\u003Cem\u003EAlice, Elizabeth and Joy’s names have been changed to protect their privacy; Rosslyn and Laura are withholding surnames for the same reason.\u003C\u002Fem\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220128-the-millennials-choosing-friends-as-sperm-donors-9"}],"collection":[],"disableAdverts":true,"displayDate":"2022-02-01T16:01:13Z","embeddedCustomHtml":"","embeddedInfographicUrl":"","embeddedType":"infographic","headlineLong":"The millennials choosing friends as sperm donors","headlineShort":"A 'new' kind of nuclear family","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"","isSyndicated":true,"latitude":"","longitude":"","mpsVideo":"","option":[],"partner":null,"primaryVertical":"worklife","promoAlignment":"centre","promoAltText":"","promoImage":null,"relatedStories":[],"relatedTag":null,"summaryLong":"Many LGBTQ couples are opting to start families with donations from friends or acquaintances – a choice helping to re-define modern family structures.","summaryShort":"Couples are opting to start families with sperm donations from people they know","tag":[],"textToSpeech":false,"creationDateTime":"2022-01-31T22:53:16.895877Z","entity":"article","guid":"2de846b3-b70b-4fc9-8142-f1da538df589","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220128-the-millennials-choosing-friends-as-sperm-donors","modifiedDateTime":"2022-02-25T07:21:37.711998Z","project":"wwverticals","slug":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220128-the-millennials-choosing-friends-as-sperm-donors","cacheLastUpdated":1657503756277},"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220208-the-adult-boomerang-kids-moving-home-to-their-parents":{"urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:article:worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220208-the-adult-boomerang-kids-moving-home-to-their-parents","_id":"62b4205b1f4b7b2e703b8d67","ambientVideo":"","articleType":"story","assetVideo":null,"author":[],"bodyIntro":"With costs of living increasing, a ‘boomerang’ period of moving back in with parents could be the norm, not the exception, for people in their 20s and 30s.","businessUnit":"worldwide","cards":[{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp class=\"BodyA\"\u003EIn early March 2020, Sheridan Block, 30, had just finished a year abroad in Marseilles, France, as a volunteer English teacher to refugees. She flew home to Jacksonville, Florida, to spend time with her maternal grandparents – her grandfather was recovering from health issues at the time. Her plan was to stay a few months to help care for them while also saving money, paying off some student debt and credit card bills before returning abroad.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyA\"\u003EThen, the pandemic hit. “It was kind of a spiral,” says Block.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyA\"\u003EIn exchange for living rent-free, she helped drive her grandparents to appointments, ran errands, cooked and did chores around the house. She ended up staying nearly two years. “I was able to save enough money to pay off all those debts that I had, to finance a car and then ultimately to move out,” she explains. It was beneficial financially, she says, and good to be close to family, but it required her to adjust her ideas of what adulthood should look like.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyA\"\u003EBlock is among a growing group of ‘boomerang kids’ – adult children who return to their parents or grandparents’ homes after moving out. This group of adults is on the rise – and not just because of the pandemic. In July 2020, \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.pewresearch.org\u002Ffact-tank\u002F2020\u002F09\u002F04\u002Fa-majority-of-young-adults-in-the-u-s-live-with-their-parents-for-the-first-time-since-the-great-depression\u002F\"\u003E52% of young adults in the US resided with one or both of their parents\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, according to a Pew Research Center analysis – the highest percentage the United States has seen since the end of the Great Depression, in 1940. In the UK, the proportion of \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.lboro.ac.uk\u002Fnews-events\u002Fnews\u002F2020\u002Foctober\u002Flow-income-families-feel-pinch-gen-z-return-home\u002F\"\u003Esingle, child-free 20-to-34-year-olds living with their parents went up 55%\u003C\u002Fa\u003E between 2008 to 2017, according to research from Loughborough University.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyA\"\u003EIn Western cultures particularly, moving away from home has traditionally been considered a crucial step in becoming an independent adult. But as the number of boomerang kids continues to rise in countries such as the US, UK and Canada, this may be set to change – and with it, our notion of what the stages of adult independence look like.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyA\"\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EAn upward boom\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyA\"\u003EWhen she moved in with her grandparents, Block noticed she was far from alone among her peers.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyA\"\u003E“I found that a lot of friends, and even some dates I went on, were kind of in the same boat,” she says. “I had met one guy [on a date] who moved from San Francisco back in with his mom in Jacksonville. That’s just a reality now, to do whatever you’ve got to do to save money.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"infographic","imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","pullQuoteImageAlignment":"centre","videoImageAlign":"centre","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220208-the-adult-boomerang-kids-moving-home-to-their-parents-0"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"portrait","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220208-the-adult-boomerang-kids-moving-home-to-their-parents-1"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"calloutBodyHtml":"\u003Cp\u003EThis story is part of BBC's \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Ffamily-tree\"\u003EFamily Tree\u003C\u002Fa\u003E series, which examines the issues and opportunities parents, children and families face today – and how they'll shape the world tomorrow. Coverage continues on \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Ffuture\u002Ffamily-tree\"\u003EBBC Future\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E","calloutTitle":"Family Tree","cardType":"CalloutBox","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220208-the-adult-boomerang-kids-moving-home-to-their-parents-2"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp class=\"BodyA\"\u003EThere are many reasons for young people to move back home, says Joanne Hipplewith, family therapist at the Institute for Family Therapy in London. The primary reason is the high cost of living in major cities, though \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fs2.q4cdn.com\u002F437609071\u002Ffiles\u002Fdoc_news\u002Fresearch\u002F2019\u002FBoomerang-Generation-Returning-to-the-Nest.pdf\"\u003Euniversity tuition\u003C\u002Fa\u003E is another factor in the US and UK.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyA\"\u003E“There is a trend to staying at home longer, because everything is so expensive,” says Hipplewith. Staying home, for many, means financial support from family as they prepare for advanced degrees or starting a career. And it’s becoming increasingly normal: “[Young people are] prepared to go back home,\" says Hipplewith. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyA\"\u003EThough the ‘boomerang’ stage has been on the rise for \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.pewresearch.org\u002Fsocial-trends\u002F2012\u002F03\u002F15\u002Fwho-are-the-boomerang-kids\u002F\"\u003Eat least the last decade\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, the pandemic has added a few new contributing factors: many who planned to go away for college could not –  university campuses closed across the world – and others who might have otherwise moved for a job after college delayed leaving home because in-office work has not been available.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyA\"\u003EFor many, the boomerang phase is temporary. But it still may last many months – or even years, like it did for Block – to enable boomerangers to pay off student debt, save for a down payment or establish themselves in a career without concurrently worrying about high rents, tuition and student debt.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyA\"\u003E“It’s temporal – a one-year, two-year or five-year plan,\" says Jenna S Abetz, associate professor of communication at the College of Charleston, US. “This is just a transition chapter.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyA\"\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003ERedefining the milestones of adulthood\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyA\"\u003EFor many, a return home after living away – or directly after university – can feel like a regression and loss of recently won independence. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyA\"\u003E“You learn to become an adult [in university],” says Hipplewith. “You have friends. You’re doing what you want to do. So, it can be really quite devastating because you’re coming back under someone else’s rules.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220208-the-adult-boomerang-kids-moving-home-to-their-parents-3"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"I expected something very different from adulthood – Sheridan Block","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220208-the-adult-boomerang-kids-moving-home-to-their-parents-4"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp class=\"BodyA\"\u003EBoomeranging forces adults in their 20s and 30s to face assumptions about independence, and this can come with anxiety. Beyond feeling they ‘regressed’ by moving home, many adult children returning home experience a trickle-down effect to other life milestones. Abetz says that 20- and 30-somethings living with their parents are getting married later and also delaying having children, which can leave them feeling even more “behind”.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyA\"\u003E“I expected something very different from adulthood,” agrees Block. By her 30s, she says, she had once thought she’d have a successful career, own a home, be married and have a family, along with a solid savings and retirement plan. “Unfortunately, that didn’t happen,” she says. At times, living with her grandparents made her feel “like a failure not having those adulthood dreams checked off”. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyA\"\u003EStill, there are benefits to boomeranging, say experts. Many of these adults are finding an increased ability to do work they find meaningful, rather than take a job that simply pays the bills, says Abetz. During Covid-19, this has also meant some boomerangers have been able to choose jobs with lower risk factors, though this is largely \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.clevelandfed.org\u002Fen\u002Fnewsroom-and-events\u002Fpublications\u002Feconomic-commentary\u002F2021-economic-commentaries\u002Fec-202121-boomerang-kids-in-the-pandemic.aspx\"\u003Edependent\u003C\u002Fa\u003E on their socioeconomic situation.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyA\"\u003ESocially, boomerang kids also have an opportunity to strengthen relationships with their parents at a time when they typically would have been establishing ties with new friends. It’s an unexpected “opportunity for mutual support and closeness with families,” says Abetz, that could lead to boomerang kids developing strong family support networks in the long-term. “Parents sometimes like to have kids back home for a little while,” says Abetz. \"They view that as a special time they wouldn’t necessarily have gotten.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220208-the-adult-boomerang-kids-moving-home-to-their-parents-5"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"right","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220208-the-adult-boomerang-kids-moving-home-to-their-parents-6"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp class=\"BodyA\"\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EAnother new normal\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyA\"\u003EAbetz and Hipplewith both believe this is not just a pandemic-induced trend, and foresee an increasing number of adults bunking with parents as costs of living continue to rise. In the future, after moving away for university or college, says Abetz, life paths may be a little “less linear. It might be back and forth. It might be, after college, you’ll be home for six months or a couple of years”.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyA\"\u003EHipplewith hopes that as boomerang stages become more common in Western cultures, young adults will feel less pressure to conform to societal expectations of going to university, moving out and finding a job. Hipplewith encourages young people to view a return to home, or remaining home, as \"informed decision-making”. She says, “Let’s move away or de-link becoming an adult with the act of moving away.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyA\"\u003EAnd some research indicates \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fs2.q4cdn.com\u002F437609071\u002Ffiles\u002Fdoc_news\u002Fresearch\u002F2019\u002FBoomerang-Generation-Returning-to-the-Nest.pdf\"\u003Eperceptions have already begun to change.\u003C\u002Fa\u003E Block agrees boomerang moves are a new reality for her generation, and one that can potentially re-frame an unhelpful mindset.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyA\"\u003E“When I was traveling, my friends from other countries, especially those where family is super close, like in Asia, would say how funny it was that Americans are so obsessed with moving out at 18. Even my grandma, who is from the Philippines, would make comments about it,” she says. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyA\"\u003E“I think my generation is learning to be OK with the idea that not everyone’s path is meant to look the same, and success is all about perception,” continues Block. “Adulthood is really just being old enough to have responsibilities and pay bills; that doesn’t go away if you move in with parents again.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220208-the-adult-boomerang-kids-moving-home-to-their-parents-7"}],"collection":[],"disableAdverts":false,"displayDate":"2022-02-10T21:14:48Z","embeddedCustomHtml":"","embeddedInfographicUrl":"","embeddedType":"infographic","headlineLong":"The adult 'boomerang kids' moving home to their parents","headlineShort":"The 'boomerang kids' returning home","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"","isSyndicated":true,"latitude":"","longitude":"","mpsVideo":"","option":[],"partner":null,"primaryVertical":"worklife","promoAlignment":"centre","promoAltText":"","promoImage":[],"relatedStories":[],"relatedTag":null,"summaryLong":"With costs of living increasing, a ‘boomerang’ period of moving back in with parents could be the norm, not the exception, for people in their 20s and 30s.","summaryShort":"Adult children are moving back in with their parents in record numbers","tag":[],"textToSpeech":false,"creationDateTime":"2022-02-10T01:31:12.232163Z","entity":"article","guid":"83511bff-14dc-42ac-9e58-4817d695ea43","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220208-the-adult-boomerang-kids-moving-home-to-their-parents","modifiedDateTime":"2022-02-25T07:22:18.360942Z","project":"wwverticals","slug":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220208-the-adult-boomerang-kids-moving-home-to-their-parents","cacheLastUpdated":1657503756276},"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220615-the-rise-of-digital-nomad-families":{"urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:article:worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220615-the-rise-of-digital-nomad-families","_id":"62b4205c1f4b7b29297fd8a4","ambientVideo":"","articleType":"story","assetVideo":null,"author":["worklife\u002Fauthor\u002Fmarylou-costa"],"bodyIntro":"Digital nomads used to be 20-somethings in beach bars. But now some families are taking the plunge, working and learning as they explore new places.","businessUnit":"worldwide","cards":[{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EThe idea that travel offers valuable, formative experiences is widely accepted. Until recently, though, long road or overseas trips were generally seen as for younger adults before they ‘settled down’, or older adults who had raised their families. The digital nomad experience particularly came with a stereotype: 20-something backpackers, plugged into their laptops at beach bars. But now things are changing, as more families take to the road.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFor Joel Young, 38, it’s the idea of gifting his children with heightened cultural awareness along with a different kind of learning experience that informs his lifestyle. Young, a voice actor who runs his own production company remotely, and his wife Jenna, 39, spend up to six months of the year travelling around the US in a motorhome with their three home-schooled sons, aged between eight and 14.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“Jenna and I both grew up in rural Ohio, in farming communities. I didn’t go on an airplane until I was 17. We wish we had seen and experienced more before making critical life choices,” Young says. “We want our kids to have the benefit of seeing it all … It just leads to a better level of decision making.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe Youngs are part of a growing demographic of parents who chose to travel for long periods with their children. A recent study by Lonely Planet and freelance platform Fiverr points to the \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.lonelyplanet.com\u002Fnews\u002Fremote-work-and-travel-trends\"\u003Eemergence of the “anywhere worker”\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, a new breed of digital nomad who, rather than being a freelancer, tends to have a stable knowledge-work job that allows them to base themselves wherever they want. Of the 1,400 people from 67 nationalities surveyed, 54% identified as anywhere workers – and 70% of those were parents who took their children with them on their travels.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“The families I know who could function nomadically were fewer pre-pandemic,” says Lonely Planet destinations editor Sarah Stocking. But two key changes have moved the needle: many more people can work flexibly now, plus parents have greater experience of non-traditional learning. “The pandemic showed a lot of parents what remote learning could look like, both good and bad, and how homeschooling could function,” says Stocking. “[It] also showed people how they could use tools differently to support their families.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EParents who embrace a travel-filled lifestyle believe their children have much to gain – whether that’s exposure to new languages and cultures, important skills like resilience and adaptability, or simply an appetite for adventure. Yet experts warn children might also stand to lose out in terms of the community and continuity that come with growing up in one place. As remote work frees up more families to explore new options, understanding the potential pitfalls of a travelling lifestyle can be key to harnessing its benefits.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"infographic","imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","pullQuoteImageAlignment":"centre","videoImageAlign":"centre","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220615-the-rise-of-digital-nomad-families-0"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":["p0cf1805"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220615-the-rise-of-digital-nomad-families-1"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003E‘Learning never stops’\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe Youngs have just returned from a 1,500-mile (2,424-km) road trip from their home in Cincinnati, Ohio, to Yellowstone National Park in Montana, taking in the Rocky Mountains and national parks in Utah. Jenna plans itineraries that integrate learning opportunities for the boys. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThey believe their children are learning more on the road than they would in a classroom. “It’s easier to make learning a natural part of life when you’re seeing new things, versus seeing the same thing every day,” says Joel. “We’re trying to equip them to see opportunities and skills within themselves and say, ‘Someone will pay me to do this, because I’m good at it. Let me build a business around it’.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ETravelling teacher Lucy Alexandra Spencer, also a UK-based director at tutoring firm Education Boutique, has accompanied families on lengthy trips. She agrees that real-life learning comes with benefits. “One of the reasons you’re doing this is to give children freedom of thinking,” she says. “It’s about helping children to realise how open the world is and how many different opportunities are out there. It also makes you realise learning never stops.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESome nomadic families also believe that it is never too early for travel-based learning to start. Sarah Hawley and her husband Joe were dedicated travellers before their son Luka, now 14 months, arrived, and they’ve been keen to bring their love of travel into their family dynamic.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220615-the-rise-of-digital-nomad-families-2"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"One of the reasons you’re doing this is to give children freedom of thinking – Lucy Alexandra Spencer","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220615-the-rise-of-digital-nomad-families-3"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EHawley, a 41-year-old Australian who co-founded remote-jobs platform Growmotely in 2020, and Joe, 34, a former NFL player who now runs his own personal growth consultancy, split their time between homes in Austin and Colorado. They spend up to two months at a time touring the US in their camper; they plan to hit the road again for a month in July, before spending August in Australia and Bali. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ETime on the road, they hope, will help to instil a sense of curiosity as well as emotional adaptability in their young son. They would like to help him develop cross-cultural understanding through learning that “there are so many different ways of being and doing things”.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EFinding friends and structure\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EYet while the Youngs and the Hawleys paint a picture of an idyllic lifestyle where cultural exploration meets adventure, experts suggest that spending months on the road as a family comes with caveats – and that digital nomad parents need to be aware of possible downsides.  \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EChild development expert Dr Jody LeVos warns that a lack of routine and a wider support network can be detrimental to children, even as they’re immersed in culturally diverse experiences.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“Young children especially typically crave a sense of familiarity. Creating that can be a challenge if time zones, physical environment and social contacts are changing,” says California-based LeVos, who is also chief learning officer at children’s learning specialists BEGiN. Spencer, the tutoring firm director, points out that school age children will require at least one parent to dedicate themselves full-time to their education, or to work with a travelling teacher, to avoid falling behind.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220615-the-rise-of-digital-nomad-families-4"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":["p0cf188t"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220615-the-rise-of-digital-nomad-families-5"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EBoth the Hawleys and the Youngs say they are mindful of these factors. The Hawleys’ nanny often joins them on their trips, but when she doesn’t, Sarah and Joe split their days into childcare and work shifts. “Even if we’re in another location, we still might be going to bed at 8 p.m. and having a semblance of ritual and routine,” says Hawley.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn the long-term they are examining home-schooling options for Luka, and they plan to manage continuity by staying close with a community of friends who also travel. “We spend time at different friends’ houses, and some of our friends travel with us as well, because pretty much our whole network also works remotely,” says Hawley.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd while the Youngs also spend time with friends on the road to maintain a sense of community, they’re mindful of what’s on offer at home, and in the future, as their children get older. Lessons are more structured; the children follow a comparable curriculum to their classroom counterparts which should leave them eligible for standardised college entry tests.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAs the kids have grown, the Youngs have also decided to cap each trip at around two months, making a point to get back in time for each son’s respective sport season. “Our kids are at that age now where they're developing more lasting friendships and wanting to do things like hanging out with those friends all the time. Being on the road three or four months at a time makes that really hard. So, we've transitioned to shorter chunks of travel, to give more freedom and flexibility to the kids,” explains Young.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003E‘Big shifts’\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ELonely Planet’s Stocking believes there will be more intersection between families and slower forms of travel – whether a road trip, a multi-nation tour or, as Stocking tried, basing her family in a region for a few months to explore more widely.  \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“Thinking of travelling with my own family feels like a lot sometimes. It's a lot to research and a lot to plan. But when we realised we had these huge stretches of time in the summer when we could choose a place and sink into living life there while maintaining the schedules that work for us, it changed everything,” she says.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAs the Youngs and the Hawleys illustrate, how long families sustain travelling lifestyles and the way they structure them depend on the family’s particular aspirations. But Hawley believes that as more people question structures that define work and education, different kinds of family lifestyles will become increasingly normalised. “We are seeing big shifts, and it's exciting,” she says.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220615-the-rise-of-digital-nomad-families-6"}],"collection":["worklife\u002Fpremium-collection\u002Ffamily-tree"],"disableAdverts":false,"displayDate":"2022-06-16T12:31:25Z","embeddedCustomHtml":"","embeddedInfographicUrl":"","embeddedType":"infographic","headlineLong":"The rise of digital nomad families","headlineShort":"The rise of digital nomad families","image":["p0cf181q"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"","isSyndicated":true,"latitude":"","longitude":"","mpsVideo":"","option":[{"Content":{"Description":"Apple News Publish: Select to publish, remove to unpublish. (Do not just delete or unpublish the story)","Name":"publish-applenews-system-1"},"Metadata":{"CreationDateTime":"2016-02-05T14:32:31.186819Z","Entity":"option","Guid":"13f4bc85-ae27-4a34-9397-0e6ad3619619","Id":"option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1","ModifiedDateTime":"2022-02-27T22:52:24.455144Z","Project":"wwverticals","Slug":"option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1"},"Urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:option:option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1","_id":"62b420921f4b7b5d34253c8b"}],"partner":null,"primaryVertical":"worklife","promoAlignment":"centre","promoAltText":"","promoImage":null,"relatedStories":["worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220414-the-parents-creating-new-last-names-for-their-children","worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220128-the-millennials-choosing-friends-as-sperm-donors","worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220208-the-adult-boomerang-kids-moving-home-to-their-parents"],"relatedTag":null,"summaryLong":"Digital nomads used to be 20-somethings in beach bars. But now some families are taking the plunge, working and learning as they explore new places.","summaryShort":"\"We want our kids to have the benefit of seeing it all\"","tag":["tag\u002Fhow-we-live"],"textToSpeech":false,"creationDateTime":"2022-06-15T19:58:37.078713Z","entity":"article","guid":"9d2410c7-ec01-4d46-b899-286f482acb52","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220615-the-rise-of-digital-nomad-families","modifiedDateTime":"2022-06-15T19:58:37.078713Z","project":"wwverticals","slug":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220615-the-rise-of-digital-nomad-families","cacheLastUpdated":1657503756273},"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220317-the-unshakeable-stigma-of-mothers-who-leave-their-children":{"urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:article:worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220317-the-unshakeable-stigma-of-mothers-who-leave-their-children","_id":"62b4205b1f4b7b2e703b8d65","ambientVideo":"","articleType":"story","assetVideo":null,"author":["worklife\u002Fauthor\u002Fmaddy-savage"],"bodyIntro":"When mums leave their kids with family or partners, they are often viewed as deeply flawed, despite gains in gender equity. Will this ever change?","businessUnit":"worldwide","cards":[{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EQuitting a job because she doesn’t like it, leaving a city that no longer suits her needs or ending a relationship with someone she’s no longer in love with – in recent decades, Western society has championed women who make these kinds of empowering choices. But what if the choice she makes is to leave her kids?\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EDespite improving gender equality, mothers who make the difficult decision to live apart from their children are often anything but celebrated.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“Even if both parents are doing a brilliant job of raising happy, healthy kids, [if] they happen to live away from their mum, the women are still vilified,” says Melissa, who lives an hour and a half drive from her two children, and administers an online support group for women in similar situations. “[These] mothers are spoken of as if they are defective, like something deep within their core is broken.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe recent Netflix production of \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fculture\u002Farticle\u002F20211215-film-review-the-lost-daughter\"\u003EThe Lost Daughter\u003C\u002Fa\u003E has shined a light on this kind of response to mothers who live separately from their kids. The film, based on the novel of the same name by Elena Ferrante, zooms in on actress \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fnews\u002Fentertainment-arts-59636673\"\u003EOlivia Coleman playing the role of a mother who leaves her children\u003C\u002Fa\u003E with her husband for three years to pursue her own career goals. Both she and others frame her decision as selfish, which contrasts with a father in the movie who has also left his children (played by Ed Harris), seemingly without much judgement.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThough in real life parents of all genders have walked away from their children for centuries, there is some anecdotal evidence to suggest that mums leaving might be on the rise. Melissa says membership of the online support group she administers is in its hundreds and growing steadily. And therapists like Reennee Singh, a spokesperson for the UK Council for Psychotherapy (UKCP), say they are noticing a “slight shift” towards more mothers choosing to relinquish live-in parenting.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EData from the \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.slaterheelis.co.uk\u002Fdivorce-family-law-category\u002Frise-in-single-dad-families\u002F\"\u003EUK\u003C\u002Fa\u003E and the \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.pewresearch.org\u002Fsocial-trends\u002F2013\u002F07\u002F02\u002Fthe-rise-of-single-fathers\"\u003EUS\u003C\u002Fa\u003E also suggests a rise in the proportion of single-father households, though this doesn’t distinguish between families where children still spend a significant portion of time with their mothers – or don’t – or how such childcare arrangements were decided.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"infographic","imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","pullQuoteImageAlignment":"centre","videoImageAlign":"centre","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220317-the-unshakeable-stigma-of-mothers-who-leave-their-children-0"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"My children had a father and extended family who loved them, routines and a home. Leaving was about saving myself. Once you hit rock bottom, you have to get creative – Natalie","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220317-the-unshakeable-stigma-of-mothers-who-leave-their-children-1"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EWhatever the exact figures, the issue of women – rather than men – leaving the family unit still creates a lot of debate in Western cultures. For example, one of the tensions in the film The Lost Daughter (hinted at in the title), is the question: has a daughter been abandoned by her mum, or, conversely, is the mum who leaves her daughters the \"lost one,” underlining that there continues to be deep emotional response to this behaviour. In many ways this may seem surprising, given the tidal wave of societal and media support for gender equity in other parts of society. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“Blended families, same sex parents – we’ve accepted these to a greater extent than we have working mothers who are parenting at a distance,” says Tom Buchanan, a professor of sociology at Mount Royal University in Calgary, Canada. “There’s a cultural lag.” And, say experts, this may not change anytime soon.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EThe reasons for leaving home\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAcademics and therapists following the “slight shift” towards more mothers choosing to live apart from children say there is a wide spectrum of reasons why this may be happening.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESome leave to take up jobs, assignments or study opportunities in different cities, either while remaining in a relationship with their children’s father or after a separation. “Times have changed sufficiently for women to feel more comfortable and entitled to pursue their own careers, their own interests,” says Singh, “even if that means living away from [the family] home.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EOther women decide it’s preferable for their children to reside with their father after a break-up for practical or financial reasons. “The children were living in a lovely home on a farm in the country and they were in good schools with lovely friends,” says Melissa. “I didn’t know how I was going to afford to house [them]”. By leaving her kids with their father, she was able to re-establish her career as a freelancer in the media, and move to a cheaper neighbourhood closer to her extended family. “I was pretty run down by what went on in the marriage, too, and needed time to recover.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220317-the-unshakeable-stigma-of-mothers-who-leave-their-children-2"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":["p0bvzs28"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220317-the-unshakeable-stigma-of-mothers-who-leave-their-children-3"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EElsewhere along the spectrum of choice there are mothers who leave home for a different kind of lifestyle or relationship.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“I just felt trapped, completely trapped in a situation,” says Katy, a teacher who left her five children with their father in 2018 and moved to a different part of Europe. “I got married when I was 22, I had my first child at 25 and then it was ‘boom, boom, boom’ – child after child after child. And although they were what I wanted at the time, I don't feel like I actually got to do anything that was for me.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAt the far end of the choice continuum are mothers fleeing toxic relationships. For this group, leaving their children behind may be something of a last resort to overcome serious mental health issues and move forward with their lives.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThat was the case for Natalie from Australia, who became severely depressed while she was living abroad with her ex-husband. She says the dynamic between them wasn’t healthy, but that he was a great caregiver to their children, so she ended up moving back to her home country without them.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“My children had a father and extended family who loved them, routines and a home. Leaving was about saving myself,” she says. “Once you hit rock bottom, you have to get creative.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESingh believes rising public awareness of wellbeing is feeding into mothers' decisions to leave the family nest, in contrast to previous generations, where women often felt they had to put up with existing domestic arrangements. For example, contemporary self-help books and podcasts about separations or self-care can offer comfort and validation to those who’ve made the difficult decision to live apart from their children. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EHowever, Singh warns some of this literature only exists because of ongoing stereotypes about motherhood, and she’s concerned some women may feel they need to use discourses about wellbeing “to warrant or legitimise what they are doing”. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“If society was more equal and more fair, then they might not have to rely so much on the literature to feel comfortable with the decisions that they make. I try and help women to become stronger and more grounded in their choices and, you know, think, ‘oh, well, society can say ‘whatever’, but this is what I want to do at this point’,” she argues. “Sometimes this option is the only one that presents itself to them… [so it’s] also just helping to give them permission to leave and feeling that that's OK.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EA persistent stigma\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe freedom to leave hasn’t resulted in freedom from judgement. Women – especially in the West – still tend to face negative reactions from friends, family and wider society for the unconventional decision to live apart from their children, whatever the reasons behind it.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“The common theme in the [online] group is how surprised the women were by the confines of what society [still] expected of them,” says Melissa. She says even members who live apart from their children to pursue career paths in the military or for the sake of postgraduate studies have shared experiences of being “vilified” for their choices. New acquaintances will often ask members, “‘what do you mean your kids don’t live with you? What sort of mother doesn’t want to be with her own children?’”, she says. “Like it’s a simple choice that only the mother can possibly make.  Like fathers have no input or say or responsibility at all”.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220317-the-unshakeable-stigma-of-mothers-who-leave-their-children-4"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"New acquaintances will often ask, ‘what do you mean your kids don’t live with you? What sort of mother doesn’t want to be with her own children?’ – Melissa","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220317-the-unshakeable-stigma-of-mothers-who-leave-their-children-5"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EAccording to Singh, this is largely because discourses and expectations about motherhood haven’t shifted at the same pace as women’s progress in other areas. In other words, women are still expected to play the role of a nurturer, regardless of other external circumstances. “There’s still some stigma attached to women sort of abandoning their duties and responsibilities,” she says. “It's got a lot to do with history, cultural ideas and gendered relationships.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EShe points out that this narrative is particularly common in Western individualistic cultures, in contrast to more collective societies. “In the Philippines or in India, it's quite common for women to go and earn money in a different country and send it back home while their children are being looked after by the extended family or by grandparents.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFor women in these Western cultures who fly the family nest to pursue a specific lifestyle or relationship, the stigma is often even more acute than for those who leave for practical or career-related reasons. Katy says many of her relatives didn’t speak to her for months, even though the decision for her children to remain in the family home instead of going with her was, she says, made mutually with their father. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“A man can do this and have no contact with their child, and it's acceptable,” says Katy. “But if a woman does it – and I still have contact with my children – people do think I'm a bad mother, [that] I’ve abandoned them. I thought I was doing the best for them,” she says, stating that if she’d stayed, her exhaustion and unhappiness would only have escalated. “I didn't realise at the time all the consequences, all the judgements I would get.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFour years after her move, Katy says some friends and family members still perceive her as “a bad mother” and blame any challenges her children experience on her decision to leave.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESharing her story with new friends hasn’t helped ease the burden; several people she became close to distanced themselves from her after learning about her past, so now she avoids talking about her children at all. “It’s difficult because for every day you think ‘yeah, actually what I did took a lot of guts’, then somebody will make a comment, and it just puts you back down to thinking you’re the worst person in the world.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EMelissa says women who admit domestic abuse was a factor in them leaving – even if they believed their former partner would not hurt their children – face “perhaps the cruellest” judgements from others. “In domestic violence, women barely get out alive, let alone with their mental health intact,” she says. Yet this cohort of mothers will still be asked by both strangers and people they know “how could you do it?” or “are the kids OK with it?”. “Very rarely do people ask ‘how are you?’ ‘are you ok?’,” says Melissa.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220317-the-unshakeable-stigma-of-mothers-who-leave-their-children-6"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":["p0bvzsrk"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220317-the-unshakeable-stigma-of-mothers-who-leave-their-children-7"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"calloutBodyHtml":"\u003Cp\u003EThis story is part of BBC's \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Ffamily-tree\"\u003EFamily Tree\u003C\u002Fa\u003E series, which examines the issues and opportunities parents, children and families face today – and how they'll shape the world tomorrow. Find more on \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Ffuture\u002Ffamily-tree\"\u003EBBC Future\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E","calloutTitle":"Family Tree","cardType":"CalloutBox","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220317-the-unshakeable-stigma-of-mothers-who-leave-their-children-8"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EViews of fatherhood contribute to mothers’ burdens  \u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EHistorically, fathers who leave the family home have been much more accepted in both society and in popular culture than mothers, agrees Buchanan. He cites veteran US singer Bruce Springsteen’s track Hungry Heart, which begins with the lyrics “Got a wife and kids in Baltimore, Jack, I went out for a ride and I never went back”.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EPart of this acceptance is down to societal stereotyping of men as well as women: fathers have traditionally been viewed as less capable caregivers than mothers. It’s also about the value that is attributed to unpaid domestic work like childcare, in comparison to salaried jobs, argues Buchanan. This has fed the narrative that it’s more acceptable for men to leave home if they’re contributing financially, whereas women are seen to be abandoning their domestic duties. “Fathers are more likely to just perceive [paid] market work as ‘work’. And until that changes, I think you're going to see a lot of pressures on women,” he argues. “Fathers need to embrace and address and challenge the stigma that they are only the ‘breadwinners’, not necessarily the ‘parents’.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBuchanan believes that despite all this, today’s walk-away dads are “not un-stigmatised completely” and “probably don’t have a great reputation”. However, he accepts there is a “different level of stigma” for women who leave their families under these sorts of circumstances. “When it happens in a mothering situation, it becomes a huge deal and it becomes gendered.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESingh adds social stigmas can even play a role in how children respond to their mother’s decision to move out of the family home. She’s worked with a lot of adult clients who witnessed parental infidelity growing up, and says people tend to judge mothers who leave more harshly than fathers, and find “it's hard to forgive them, even later on in life”.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EManaging from afar\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ENatalie describes her connection with her children as “very close” and says they speak several times a week, text regularly and visit one another. “The quality time we have when we are together is magical and normal. We pack in a lot of fun, and I'm there to manage dramas and homework, too.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBy contrast, Katy says she’s found it challenging to maintain regular contact with some of her five children, and has a particularly fragile relationship with her eldest daughter. Yet, while the pandemic has made it trickier for her children to visit, she says she has been able to offer them the kind of quality family time that was challenging when she was juggling live-in parenting with anti-social working hours.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220317-the-unshakeable-stigma-of-mothers-who-leave-their-children-9"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"It’s difficult because for every day you think ‘yeah, actually what I did took a lot of guts’, then somebody will make a comment, and it just puts you back down to thinking you’re the worst person in the world – Katy","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220317-the-unshakeable-stigma-of-mothers-who-leave-their-children-10"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003E“We go to the beach, we go out, have picnics in the park together… things like that,” says Katy. “I don't regret my decision. I did what I felt I had to do at the time. I do regret that I put the children through that because I think for them it's been hard. I would like one day for my children to grow up and look at me as in like ‘well, my mum wasn't happy, but she didn't just put up with the situation. She did something about it’.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn the online support group, many women regularly share feelings of guilt, social isolation and ostracisation, says Melissa, because it’s difficult to discuss what they are going through with others. “The most common remark made by new members of our group is how incredibly lonely they have been. They say finding our group helps because they feel understood and not demonised by their circumstances.” She believes wider societal attitudes need to change, with a better understanding that “the women who leave… love their children as much as mothers who live more traditional lives.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EA more accepting society?\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003E \u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWhether society will eventually become more accepting of mothers who live apart from their children remains a matter of debate.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBuchanan believes things will improve, but only in certain circumstances. “If it’s a career-oriented move, then I think that’s something that we will move past, in terms of stigmatising,” he says. This, he argues, will be a side effect of a more general improvement in gender equity in the home and in the workplace, with fathers becoming increasingly involved at home and more women in leadership positions. “Stepping away from a family just because they wanted to pursue something different – I think that's always going to be stigmatised.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“I don't think things will change very much in the future,” agrees Melissa, the support-group administrator. Ten years since moving out of her family home, she says she’s seen little progress in societal attitudes towards live-apart mothers like her.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ENatalie, however, is more hopeful that women who leave the home for non-career related reasons will find their choices more “normalised” in future “with enough education and awareness”. But for this to happen, she says society also needs to become more open to the idea of fathers being equally equipped caregivers. This kind of shift, argues Singh, also needs to sit alongside a broader, more respectful acceptance of the full range of options open to modern working women, beyond traditional models of domesticity.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“Whether having children later in life, not having children at all, having children and then for somebody else to be the primary carer of their children, there's a lot of work for us as women to do, just to feel more comfortable with the fact that there are choices available nowadays,” she argues. “It’s fine to choose something a bit different… each of these choices comes with a cost.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cem\u003EMelissa, Katy and Natalie’s surnames have been withheld to protect them and their family’s privacy\u003C\u002Fem\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220317-the-unshakeable-stigma-of-mothers-who-leave-their-children-11"}],"collection":["worklife\u002Fpremium-collection\u002Ffamily-tree"],"disableAdverts":false,"displayDate":"2022-03-22T13:03:00Z","embeddedCustomHtml":"","embeddedInfographicUrl":"","embeddedType":"infographic","headlineLong":"The unshakeable stigma of mothers who leave their children","headlineShort":"The mums who leave their kids","image":["p0bvzryz"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"","isSyndicated":true,"latitude":"","longitude":"","mpsVideo":"","option":[{"Content":{"Description":"Apple News Publish: Select to publish, remove to unpublish. (Do not just delete or unpublish the story)","Name":"publish-applenews-system-1"},"Metadata":{"CreationDateTime":"2016-02-05T14:32:31.186819Z","Entity":"option","Guid":"13f4bc85-ae27-4a34-9397-0e6ad3619619","Id":"option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1","ModifiedDateTime":"2022-02-27T22:52:24.455144Z","Project":"wwverticals","Slug":"option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1"},"Urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:option:option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1","_id":"62b420921f4b7b5d34253c8b"}],"partner":null,"primaryVertical":"worklife","promoAlignment":"centre","promoAltText":"","promoImage":null,"relatedStories":["worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211201-family-estrangement-why-adults-are-cutting-off-their-parents","worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211215-is-parenting-scarier-than-ever","worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220128-the-millennials-choosing-friends-as-sperm-donors"],"relatedTag":null,"summaryLong":"When mums leave their kids with family or partners, they are often viewed as deeply flawed, despite gains in gender equity. Will this ever change?","summaryShort":"\"Mothers are spoken of as if they are defective, like something is broken\"","tag":["tag\u002Fhow-we-live"],"textToSpeech":false,"creationDateTime":"2022-03-22T00:50:19.654894Z","entity":"article","guid":"588b2639-6361-4578-9a97-8095a5283cdf","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220317-the-unshakeable-stigma-of-mothers-who-leave-their-children","modifiedDateTime":"2022-05-24T12:24:57.704566Z","project":"wwverticals","slug":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220317-the-unshakeable-stigma-of-mothers-who-leave-their-children","cacheLastUpdated":1657503756276},"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220601-male-postnatal-depression-why-men-struggle-in-silence":{"urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:article:worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220601-male-postnatal-depression-why-men-struggle-in-silence","_id":"62b4205c1f4b7b32e953cc4e","ambientVideo":"","articleType":"story","assetVideo":null,"author":["worklife\u002Fauthor\u002Famanda-ruggeri"],"bodyIntro":"Many mothers grapple with mental health challenges after the birth of a child. But fathers experience PND, too – and may be slipping through the cracks.","businessUnit":"worldwide","cards":[{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EFor David Levine, the watershed moment came when he imagined he had shaken his baby. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIt was 2013, and his son was two weeks old. He had put him down on a mat \"maybe slightly rougher than I should have\", says Levine today. At the time, unable to think straight, he was convinced he'd done worse. As a paediatrician, he knew shaking a baby \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.mayoclinic.org\u002Fdiseases-conditions\u002Fshaken-baby-syndrome\u002Fsymptoms-causes\u002Fsyc-20366619\"\u003Ecould cause brain injury, even death\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. He was horrified.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ELevine's anger and frustration had been building since his son's birth. Like many newborns, the baby took time to adjust to the outside world. But to Levine, it seemed like he cried constantly. \"I took it personally, like I'm failing, I'm not doing my job here,\" he says. \"I also started feeling like it was directed at me – that my son was crying because he did not like me.\"\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ELevine loved children. Since he had begun his career as a paediatrician in New Jersey, US, he'd heard one thing over and over from parents: \"You're going to make such a good father someday.\" He had been excited when his wife became pregnant and gave birth. When she had challenges with breastfeeding, and he could use his medical background to help incorporate formula, he felt useful.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut then his role shifted. He didn't need to be a physician; he needed to be a father. And when the practical tasks of parenthood – like getting his son to stop crying – proved to be a challenge, he thought it was his fault. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\"That's when things started to spiral,\" he says. He belittled and yelled at his son. He started to see graphic images of committing violence to his child and himself. And he didn't see how things would get better. \"I would tell my wife that this was the end of our life,\" he says. \"All I could envision was the cycle of hell that was going to be our lives.\"\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn his practise, he screened mothers for postnatal depression (PND) – a depressive illness that sets in within a year of giving birth (often referred to as ‘postpartum depression’ or ‘PPD’ in the US). It's \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.rcpsych.ac.uk\u002Fmental-health\u002Fproblems-disorders\u002Fpost-natal-depression\"\u003Eusually seen as a female condition\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. Could it exist for fathers, too? If so, Levine hadn't heard of it.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EHe wasn't alone. PND, a \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.tommys.org\u002Fpregnancy-information\u002Fim-pregnant\u002Fmental-health-wellbeing\u002Fpostnatal-depression-pnd\"\u003Emental-health condition which can include feeling persistently low\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, apathetic or \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Flinkinghub.elsevier.com\u002Fretrieve\u002Fpii\u002FS0002937819307471\"\u003Eeven suicidal\u003C\u002Fa\u003E in the first year after birth, is a well-established phenomenon in women – even if it is one that still remains \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.cdc.gov\u002Fmmwr\u002Fvolumes\u002F66\u002Fwr\u002Fmm6606a1.htm\"\u003Eunderdiagnosed\u003C\u002Fa\u003E and \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fmaternalmentalhealthalliance.org\u002Fnews\u002Fmums-unable-access-essential-perinatal-mental-health-care-in-pandemic\u002F\"\u003Eundertreated\u003C\u002Fa\u003E \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.theguardian.com\u002Fglobal-development\u002F2021\u002Fnov\u002F23\u002Fhelp-for-postnatal-depression-psychosis-india-mental-health\"\u003Earound the world\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, sometimes with \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fedition.cnn.com\u002F2022\u002F05\u002F04\u002Fuk\u002Fas-equals-post-partum-depression-intl-cmd\u002Findex.html\"\u003Etragic\u003C\u002Fa\u003E \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fnews.cuanschutz.edu\u002Fnews-stories\u002Fsuicide-drug-overdose-top-killers-of-new-mothers-in-colorado\"\u003Econsequences\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWhat's less well known, even to those in the medical field, is that men can get PND, too.  \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut many of the resources that can help prevent, diagnose and treat PND – from the screening questionnaires that doctors use, to support networks like parenting groups – have been built for women. Even the symptoms that people commonly associate with PND tend to pertain more to women than men. Add on the stigma men can feel around expressing mental-health challenges, and experts say that we aren't just missing mothers with PND. Millions of depressed fathers also could be falling through the cracks.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"infographic","imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","pullQuoteImageAlignment":"centre","videoImageAlign":"centre","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220601-male-postnatal-depression-why-men-struggle-in-silence-0"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":["p0cb8ppm"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220601-male-postnatal-depression-why-men-struggle-in-silence-1"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EHidden disease\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\"Although there has been rising community awareness about mental illnesses, such as postnatal depression in women, it’s a phenomenon that's much less recognised in men,\" says Grant Blashki, the lead clinical advisor of Australian mental health organisation \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.beyondblue.org.au\u002F\"\u003EBeyond Blue\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EYet it's been estimated that \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fpubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\u002F20483973\u002F\"\u003Earound 10% of fathers are depressed in the first year\u003C\u002Fa\u003E after birth, a rate twice as high as in the general male population. Some research has indicated that \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fonlinelibrary.wiley.com\u002Fdoi\u002Fabs\u002F10.1111\u002Fj.1471-6712.2010.00856.x\"\u003E10% could be too low\u003C\u002Fa\u003E; in the three- to six-month period after birth, \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fjamanetwork.com\u002Fjournals\u002Fjama\u002Farticle-abstract\u002F185905\"\u003Earound one in four fathers exhibit symptoms of depression\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. And a review published in June 2022, which looked at nearly 30,000 couples from 15 countries, found that in 3 in 100 families, both the \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fjamanetwork.com\u002Fjournals\u002Fjamanetworkopen\u002Ffullarticle\u002F2793548\"\u003Emother and father experienced postnatal depression at the same time\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. That would mean that, in the US alone, more than 100,000 babies would experience both parents dealing with PND simultaneously.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EMany fathers will also get generalised anxiety, OCD and PTSD, says Daniel Singley, a counselling psychologist in San Diego, California who specialises in men's issues.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut relatively few of these men will reach out – or even believe they have a problem to begin with. “In my practise, it’s interesting that – even if your background is highly educated, or a health professional – there are still high levels of stigma about mental health illness amongst men,” says Blashki. “And this can result in denial or poor help-seeking, or a sense that you should just sort it out yourself.\"\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EGenerally, men tend to eschew medical care more than women. In Canada, for example, researchers have found that \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\u002Fpmc\u002Farticles\u002Fpmc4145701\u002F\"\u003Earound eight in 10 men won't seek medical care\u003C\u002Fa\u003E until their partner convinces them to go. But it's also largely due to feelings of embarrassment or shame about being a man – especially a father – with depression. \"[Men] really, really don't want to seek mental-health help, because it's stigmatised and feminised. And they really, really don't want to do it during the perinatal period,\" says Singley.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn heterosexual childbearing couples, he continues, the message usually given to a dad is that pregnancy and birth are a woman's realm. Fathers can be excluded from prenatal appointments, classes or even the labour itself. When they are present, they're often told that their only job is to be supportive, no matter what anxieties or fears they, too, may be feeling. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThis messaging activates the masculine stereotype of \"protect, provide\", says Singley, and it overlooks a key element: fathers need to support mothers, but they \u003Cem\u003Ealso \u003C\u002Fem\u003Eneed support. \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fbmcpregnancychildbirth.biomedcentral.com\u002Farticles\u002F10.1186\u002Fs12884-021-03947-7\"\u003EAs one dad told researchers\u003C\u002Fa\u003E in a recent UK study, \"Looking back, the institutions, family and myself focussed [sic] on how I would support my wife and the emphasis was on me staying strong.\"\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003E‘We’re supposed to be the rock’\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThen, of course, there is the pressure of masculine stereotypes. If fathers are expected to be strong and supportive, who are they if they are depressed? \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn the same UK study, another participant said he \"felt like a failure, no true man\". Another asked: \"What sort of man gets depressed after they've had a baby?\" Some were even hard on themselves about receiving treatment; one man who was given leave from work because of his mental-health diagnosis said that when this made it difficult to establish a new routine with the baby, it made his depression worse \"as I felt like I wasn't just failing with fatherhood, but husbandhood\". Others mentioned worrying their partners would leave them.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220601-male-postnatal-depression-why-men-struggle-in-silence-2"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"We're supposed to be the rock for our spouses. I didn't have anybody to talk to about this. And I genuinely felt that if I told her, she would leave me – David Levine","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220601-male-postnatal-depression-why-men-struggle-in-silence-3"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003E\"There are still many myths prevalent around mental illness as a sign of weakness or something that a man should just be able to sort out himself,\" agrees Blashki. \"These sorts of myths can be amplified by a sense that the man ought to be the strong one during this big time of transition for the mother and baby.\"\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ELevine, for his part, didn't open up to his wife about just how bad his PND was until about a year later, when – after speaking to a patient about PPD, who then passed his name on – he was invited to talk about his experience on the Charlie Rose talk show in the US.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\"She didn't know that I was depressed. She didn't know that I had certain feelings towards our son. And also, she didn't know that part of the reason I never told her was because I thought that she would think less of me,\" he says. \"Men don't talk about their feelings, right? We're supposed to be the rock for our spouses. I didn't have anybody to talk to about this. And I genuinely felt that if I told her, she would leave me. And my wife is a wonderful person.\"\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EThe women’s realm\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAn additional obstacle is that postnatal depression often is associated primarily with women. Consequentially, it is less likely that a man – or the people around him, including medical professionals – recognise PND for what it is.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIt is true birthing parents are more likely to get depression in the postnatal period than their partners (\u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fpubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\u002F20483973\u002F\"\u003Eone review found an average of around 24% for mothers\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, compared to 10% for fathers); it’s also the case that part of why some mothers get PND is because of the hormone changes in the brain that happen on giving birth. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe symptoms also tend to be different in men versus women. While the common image of PND might be a mother who is weepy and unable to get out of bed, \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fpubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\u002F27654090\u002F\"\u003Efathers with PND are more likely to engage in avoidant or escapist behaviours\u003C\u002Fa\u003E – working longer hours, say, or spending more time on their phone. They are more likely to abuse substances or alcohol, and to be indecisive, irritable or self-critical. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\"Sometimes [men] show what we call a 'masked male depressive presentation', that looks a bit different than typically the way we think about depression,\" says Singley. \"There might be a tendency to somaticise\", or feel physical symptoms instead of emotional ones, like stomach pains or migraines.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESome people say that fathers aren't experiencing 'true' PND, but rather general depression – a thought process exacerbated by the fact that fathers are more likely to get depressed postnatally if they have had depression before.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220601-male-postnatal-depression-why-men-struggle-in-silence-4"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":["p0cb8nq5"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220601-male-postnatal-depression-why-men-struggle-in-silence-5"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EWhile there is some truth to this, it's misleading, says Michael Wells, an associate professor in the Department of Women's and Children's Health at the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm, Sweden, and a \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fstaff.ki.se\u002Fpeople\u002Fmichael-wells\"\u003Eresearcher of postnatal care and male PND\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. Fathers are indeed more prone to postnatal depression if they've had depression in the past. But so are mothers. \"It's not hormones alone,\" he says.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ENot only that, but recent research has found that \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fec.europa.eu\u002Fresearch-and-innovation\u002Fen\u002Fhorizon-magazine\u002Fnew-fathers-may-undergo-hormonal-neural-and-behavioural-changes\"\u003Efathers' hormones also change\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\u002Fpmc\u002Farticles\u002FPMC5313241\u002F\"\u003Eas early as the prenatal period\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\u002Fpmc\u002Farticles\u002FPMC2922346\u002F\"\u003EFathers' testosterone levels decrease during their partner's pregnancy\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, for example, while oestrogen increases towards the end of pregnancy. There is some evidence that paternal PND might be related.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EPhysiological causes aside, both mothers and involved fathers encounter a number of changes after a baby is born: \"adjusting to the new baby, changes to the relationship, changes to the couple’s sex life, new responsibilities, coping with the partner’s stress and financial pressures,\" says Beyond Blue's Blashki. \"More generally it can be a time of reflection on one’s identity, and many men may worry about the responsibility required to look after a baby.\"\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220601-male-postnatal-depression-why-men-struggle-in-silence-6"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"calloutBodyHtml":"\u003Cp\u003EThis article is part of the BBC’s \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Ffamily-tree\"\u003EFamily Tree\u003C\u002Fa\u003E series. Explore more in-depth coverage on parents and babies from BBC Future, including the \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Ffuture\u002Farticle\u002F20190424-the-hidden-trauma-of-childbirth\"\u003Ehidden trauma of childbirth\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, and Amanda Ruggeri’s two-part series on the \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Ffuture\u002Farticle\u002F20220322-how-sleep-training-affects-babies\"\u003Escience of baby sleep\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E","calloutTitle":"Family Tree","cardType":"CalloutBox","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220601-male-postnatal-depression-why-men-struggle-in-silence-7"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EParticular risk factors also can make some fathers more prone to PND. One is their partner's mental health; the \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fpubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\u002F20599275\u002F\"\u003Erisk of the father developing PND is more than five times higher if the mother has it\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. (And if the father has PND, \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.annualreviews.org\u002Fdoi\u002F10.1146\u002Fannurev-clinpsy-050212-185612\"\u003Ethe mother is more likely to get it too\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.) Other risk factors include \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fonlinelibrary.wiley.com\u002Fdoi\u002Fabs\u002F10.1111\u002Fj.1442-2018.2010.00513.x\"\u003Elack of job stability, the pregnancy being unintended\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fpubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\u002F20599275\u002F\"\u003Epoor relationship satisfaction, having a lack of information about pregnancy and birth, less social support\u003C\u002Fa\u003E\u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.sciencedirect.com\u002Fscience\u002Farticle\u002Fabs\u002Fpii\u002FS0165032716305134\"\u003E,\u003C\u002Fa\u003E \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.sciencedirect.com\u002Fscience\u002Farticle\u002Fabs\u002Fpii\u002FS0165032716305134\"\u003Esleep deprivation\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, and \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.sciencedirect.com\u002Fscience\u002Farticle\u002Fabs\u002Fpii\u002FS0165032716305134\"\u003Ehaving unrealistic expectations of fatherhood\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. (Interestingly, while we normally associate PND with new parents, research co-authored by Wells has found that \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.sciencedirect.com\u002Fscience\u002Farticle\u002Fpii\u002FS0165032720329487?dgcid=rss_sd_all\"\u003Eit isn't just first-time fathers who are at risk of PND\u003C\u002Fa\u003E; many fathers with other children get PND, too.)\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut the fact that even someone like Levine – who had a stable job and marriage, no prior history of mental health issues, and plenty of medical knowledge about pregnancy and infants – could fall into PND so hard, and fast, shows it can affect anyone. For his part, Levine believes his PND was exacerbated by not fully comprehending just how tough parenting could be, or what was normal newborn behaviour. He didn't realise that \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Ffuture\u002Farticle\u002F20220131-the-science-of-safe-and-healthy-baby-sleep#:~:text=She%20points%20out%20that%20it,19%20hours%20might%20be%20appropriate.\"\u003Emany infants simply wake frequently\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, or cry a lot. He put the blame on himself.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003E‘My personality changed’\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EMuch of this sounds familiar to Mark Williams of \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.reachingoutpmh.co.uk\u002F\"\u003EFathers Reaching Out\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, a fathers' support group in the UK, which has since become a \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.reachingoutpmh.co.uk\u002Ffathers-reaching-out-lobby-group\u002F\"\u003Elobbying organisation\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWhen his baby was born in 2004, Williams, who lives in Wales, was self-employed. He expected to be back to work after two weeks. But nothing went as planned. First, his wife's birth was traumatic. \"I had a panic attack in the labour ward, and then the doctor said my wife was going to theatre\" for an unexpected C-section, he says. While she was there, no-one told him what was happening. He thought his wife and baby were going to die.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFrom that traumatic incident, Williams was dropped into the challenges of life with a newborn, all while feeling pressure to get back to his work with \"no money and a mortgage to pay\". His wife had severe postnatal depression herself.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\"I started to use alcohol, avoiding situations. My personality changed,\" he says. He felt angry and aggressive. Once, he punched the sofa so hard, he broke his hand.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EHe found out about male PND through a chance conversation with someone who went to his gym: both of their wives had PND and, it turned out, both of them were feeling low, too. When Williams looked to see what kinds of groups were out there for fathers, like there were for mothers, he came up empty.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220601-male-postnatal-depression-why-men-struggle-in-silence-8"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"I talked to one nurse and asked her, 'Are you screening dads?' She said, 'No, fathers can't get depressed' – Mark Williams","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220601-male-postnatal-depression-why-men-struggle-in-silence-9"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EOver the years, he was able to overcome his depression with cognitive behavioural therapy, medication and more support. He also received a diagnosis of ADHD. But he wanted to make sure that if other fathers moved past the stigma of male PND and asked for help, there would be help for them to find. \"There was nothing back then. Nobody was really talking about it,\" he says.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn 2010, he started Fathers Reaching Out, which connected fathers and offered mental health support and advice. (The organisation has since dissolved, becoming a lobbying group instead, due to \"a lack of funding\", says Williams). He quickly heard not only from fathers, but also their partners. \"Mums were saying 'My husband is really struggling, his behaviour has changed since the pregnancy and baby's been born',\" he says.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWilliams devoted himself not only to supporting other fathers, but also campaigning. He spoke at conferences, worked with academics, wrote a book, founded \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.postpartum.net\u002Fnews\u002Fifmhd\u002F\"\u003EInternational Fathers’ Mental Health Day\u003C\u002Fa\u003E and lobbied the UK government to offer fathers mental health checks if their partner was suffering a mental health condition – which was successful. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAwareness of mental health in general, and male PND in particular, has improved, he says. But not enough. \"It's a lot better, but it's still so unrecognised,\" he says. \"There's no mention of fathers in the \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.nice.org.uk\u002F\"\u003ENICE guidelines\u003C\u002Fa\u003E\", the national recommendations for health and care in England. \"The WHO only has information \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.who.int\u002Fnews\u002Fitem\u002F30-03-2022-who-urges-quality-care-for-women-and-newborns-in-critical-first-weeks-after-childbirth\"\u003Eon mums\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, not on dads. It needs a big national push – or someone like a celebrity to come out and really push this forward.\"\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAn additional problem, says Wells, is that because PND has been seen as a female mental-health disorder for so long, the screening tools health professionals use – most commonly a questionnaire a patient might be asked to fill out at an appointment – were made for women. This means doctors are less likely to catch those crucial male manifestations of PND, and diagnose them accordingly.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd even some medical professionals still think PND is a female issue, says researcher Wells. Recently, he says, \"I talked to one nurse and asked her, 'Are you screening dads?' She said, 'No, fathers can't get depressed',\" he says. \"In her mind, it was all hormonal, and it had to do with giving birth. Therefore, dads couldn't get it.\"\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EHelping fathers\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe price of not getting help can be high. Men in Western countries are \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.who.int\u002Fteams\u002Fmental-health-and-substance-use\u002Fdata-research\u002Fsuicide-data\"\u003Efour times as likely to kill themselves\u003C\u002Fa\u003E as women (not, of course, because of PND alone). There also is the effect on families. \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fpsycnet.apa.org\u002Frecord\u002F2005-07052-001\"\u003EFathers have a critical role to play in their infants' early development\u003C\u002Fa\u003E; one study found that if a child's father was depressed in their first year of life, \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fpubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\u002F22171866\u002F\"\u003Ethe child was more likely to have more behavioural difficulties and poorer development\u003C\u002Fa\u003E and wellbeing at four to five years of age, for example.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EOne solution to helping catch and address PND, say experts, is to include non-birthing parents, and prioritise their mental health in addition to that of mothers, from the get-go. Wells, for example, has found in his research that when fathers receive more support from midwives, nurses, and their partners, \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.sciencedirect.com\u002Fscience\u002Farticle\u002Fpii\u002FS0165032720329487\"\u003Ethey are much less likely to develop depression\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220601-male-postnatal-depression-why-men-struggle-in-silence-10"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":["p0cb8n4k"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220601-male-postnatal-depression-why-men-struggle-in-silence-11"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003E\"The non-birth parent is not addressed, often, by the physicians or by the nurses,\" says Levine. \"You start these families off with the idea that the birth parent is the most important one, and the non-birth parent is secondary. And that's not true. My wife did not experience postpartum depression; I did. But my postpartum depression could have triggered postpartum depression or anxiety in her. Or, had she gotten it, there was a 50% chance that I would have gotten it. And nobody's telling anybody these things. Paediatricians, who are the only doctors who usually see both parents at any time, are not screening these families.\"\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESingley adds it’s also important to make clear to fathers that they \u003Cem\u003Ewill \u003C\u002Fem\u003Eneed support. That support can look like reaching out to friends who are dads. Or it can look like fathers' groups, where men gather to chat about the challenges of parenthood. As well as happening in communities, these can also be held online, like those run by the US's \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.postpartum.net\u002Fget-help\u002Fhelp-for-dads\u002F\"\u003EPostpartum Support International\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, or the UK support group \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fpandasfoundation.org.uk\u002Fhow-we-can-support-you\u002Fonline-support-groups\u002F\"\u003EPandas\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut this also requires men to open up. Only by talking about mental-health challenges can we destigmatise it, helping ensure that men who need help get it, all say Levine, Singley, Wells and others.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBetter parental leave – and a changed workplace culture where dads who take parental leave are applauded, not stigmatised – would also make a difference, they add. Non-birth parents may not be recovering physically from labour, but they, too, need time to adjust. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EPaternal leave also can allow fathers to feel more empowered and involved, which can protect against postnatal depression. When Levine's son turned three months old, he took paternity leave. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\"Those three and a half weeks of me being home with him made a huge impact on me because I was his sole caregiver, I was responsible for him and I gained confidence in my abilities as a parent,\" he says. \"From having to feed him to get him dressed, take him in the car and meet my wife in the city or drive to my parents or go see a friend for lunch – I started to realise I could do these things. And that made such a big impact on my self-esteem.\"\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EEschewing the ‘Great Lie’\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EMore broadly, people also need to be more honest about parenting, says Levine.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EHe often tells people about what he calls the “Great Lie”: the idea that you can have it all. You can work full-time, parent full-time and everything will look like it does in the shiny images of perfect nurseries and smiling babies you see on social media. People often think of this in terms of mothers. But it can also be true of men, who may have an additional, gendered pressure to provide for their families financially.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\"Then, when it doesn't look the way you thought it was supposed to look, you pathologise it and you say, ‘It must be me. I must be the one who’s screwing this up. Because my whole life I’ve seen people handling it’,” he says. \"There shouldn't be a shame in just saying, ‘Yeah, parenting is hard. Parenting is fun. But parenting is hard, especially in the beginning'.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFor Levine, the fear of admitting he was struggling meant it took a few more weeks – and encouragement from his wife – for him to seek help. He spoke to a therapist where he worked. A postnatal depression specialist who understood men could get PND, she'd never been sought out by a male patient before, she told him. He began doing cognitive behavioural therapy. With the aid of a night nurse for the baby, he started sleeping better.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIt wasn't all \"sunshine and butterflies\", though, he adds. When his second child was born four years later, he experienced PND again. But this time, he recognised the symptoms.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ENow on the board of an organisation called \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.postpartum.net\u002F\"\u003EPostnatal Support International\u003C\u002Fa\u003E since 2018, where he will be vice chair from July, Levine will be speaking about male PND at this year's convention for the American Academy of Pediatrics. He tells every parent who comes in with a new baby about his experience. His mission is to destigmatise male PND.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EHe remains acutely aware things could have gone differently. \"When I went through this, if I wasn't a paediatrician, if I didn't work where I worked, it's possible that I wouldn't be talking to you right now,\" he says today. \"Because something really terrible might have happened.\"\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E--\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cem\u003EIf you think that you, or someone you know, may be experiencing postnatal depression, the following organisations may be able to help.\u003C\u002Fem\u003E\u003Cem\u003E \u003C\u002Fem\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn the UK, \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fpandasfoundation.org.uk\u002F\"\u003EPandas\u003C\u002Fa\u003E runs fathers' groups and offers support by email, text and phone. Their helpline can be reached at 0808 1961 776.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn the US, \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.postpartum.net\u002F\"\u003EPostpartum International\u003C\u002Fa\u003E has a directory of perinatal mental health professionals, local volunteers and support groups. Their helpline is 1 800 944 4773.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn Australia, \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fhealthyfamilies.beyondblue.org.au\u002Fpregnancy-and-new-parents\u002Fdadvice-for-new-dads\"\u003EBeyond Blue\u003C\u002Fa\u003E offers resources on male PND, including a screening questionnaire for fathers. Their helpline is 1300 224 636.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220601-male-postnatal-depression-why-men-struggle-in-silence-12"}],"collection":["worklife\u002Fpremium-collection\u002Ffamily-tree"],"disableAdverts":false,"displayDate":"2022-06-06T14:27:44Z","embeddedCustomHtml":"","embeddedInfographicUrl":"","embeddedType":"infographic","headlineLong":"Male postnatal depression: Why men struggle in silence","headlineShort":"The depression men shrug off","image":["p0cb8lsh"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"","isSyndicated":true,"latitude":"","longitude":"","mpsVideo":"","option":[{"Content":{"Description":"Apple News Publish: Select to publish, remove to unpublish. (Do not just delete or unpublish the story)","Name":"publish-applenews-system-1"},"Metadata":{"CreationDateTime":"2016-02-05T14:32:31.186819Z","Entity":"option","Guid":"13f4bc85-ae27-4a34-9397-0e6ad3619619","Id":"option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1","ModifiedDateTime":"2022-02-27T22:52:24.455144Z","Project":"wwverticals","Slug":"option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1"},"Urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:option:option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1","_id":"62b420921f4b7b5d34253c8b"}],"partner":null,"primaryVertical":"worklife","promoAlignment":"centre","promoAltText":"","promoImage":null,"relatedStories":["worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220317-the-unshakeable-stigma-of-mothers-who-leave-their-children","worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220128-the-millennials-choosing-friends-as-sperm-donors","worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211201-family-estrangement-why-adults-are-cutting-off-their-parents"],"relatedTag":null,"summaryLong":"Many mothers grapple with mental health challenges after the birth of a child. But fathers experience PND, too – and may be slipping through the cracks.","summaryShort":"\"What sort of man gets depressed after they've had a baby?\"","tag":["tag\u002Fhow-we-live"],"textToSpeech":false,"creationDateTime":"2022-06-05T19:53:25.158635Z","entity":"article","guid":"17c5f5a7-73fb-461b-9b81-2732aff4d51a","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220601-male-postnatal-depression-why-men-struggle-in-silence","modifiedDateTime":"2022-06-28T12:16:31.141872Z","project":"wwverticals","slug":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220601-male-postnatal-depression-why-men-struggle-in-silence","cacheLastUpdated":1657503756273},"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220302-why-uncommon-baby-names-are-surging":{"urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:article:worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220302-why-uncommon-baby-names-are-surging","_id":"62b4205b1f4b7b42eb465637","ambientVideo":"","articleType":"story","assetVideo":null,"author":["worklife\u002Fauthor\u002Faysha-imtiaz"],"bodyIntro":"Uncommon baby names are rising across the globe, even in more traditional societies. Why are parents increasingly determined to make children's names ‘unique’?","businessUnit":"worldwide","cards":[{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EMy first visit to Pakistan dismantled any precious notions I had about my name’s uniqueness. While a rare curiosity in California, here, it seemed I met an Aysha, Ayesha or Aisha at every corner. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“It’s like you opened a baby name book and didn’t even look past ‘A’,” I’d tell my parents, vowing that when I had kids, I’d choose something out-of-this-world. And so I did, naming my daughter Sidrat-ul-Muntaha, after an enigmatic lote tree believed to mark \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.islamquest.net\u002Fen\u002Farchive\u002Ffa6139\"\u003Ethe utmost boundary in the seventh heaven\u003C\u002Fa\u003E – literally the point of extremity none can pass. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBaby naming is an emotionally charged process. Parents worry about the long-term impact of a child’s name, and feel they need to do the best job at setting up a child for success. That’s because we know names matter; our given name \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fjournals.sagepub.com\u002Fdoi\u002Fabs\u002F10.1177\u002F070674378002500206\"\u003Eforges our identity\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fpsycnet.apa.org\u002FdoiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Fpspa0000076\"\u003Einfluences name stereotypes\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, may dictate \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fpsyarxiv.com\u002Fxeag2\u002F\"\u003Ethe types of jobs we pursue\u003C\u002Fa\u003E and even \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fpsyarxiv.com\u002F53j86\u002F\"\u003Epredict career achievements\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe trends around how parents choose names for their children are a product of our evolving cultures; they shift as aspirations for children shift. Research shows today’s rising popularity of unique baby names reflects a move from collectivism to individualistic societies, and provides important contextual clues about whom parents want their children to be. Globally, it seems, parents increasingly value unique names to help children stand out, instead of fit in.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EFrom tradition to expression\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn previous centuries, tradition-driven name conformity was the presiding impulse, explains Laura Wattenberg, founder of namerology.com and author of The Baby Name Wizard\u003Cem\u003E.\u003C\u002Fem\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“Parents simply did what had always been done,” she says, pointing out that in England, John and William, for example, were top boy names from the 1200s to 1930s. “According to [statistics] compiled by economist Douglas Galbi, in the 1600s, the top three names for boys and girls accounted for fully half of [England’s] population,” she explains. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThis is because naming conventions were founded in religious and ancestral ties. For example, scriptural names were popular, and English Puritans sometimes named their children after moral attributes, such as Faith or Mercy.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"infographic","imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","pullQuoteImageAlignment":"centre","videoImageAlign":"centre","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220302-why-uncommon-baby-names-are-surging-0"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":["p0bqzs48"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220302-why-uncommon-baby-names-are-surging-1"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"calloutBodyHtml":"\u003Cp\u003EThis story is part of BBC's \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Ffamily-tree\"\u003EFamily Tree\u003C\u002Fa\u003E series, which examines the issues and opportunities parents, children and families face today – and how they'll shape the world tomorrow. Find more on \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Ffuture\u002Ffamily-tree\"\u003EBBC Future\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E","calloutTitle":"Family Tree","cardType":"CalloutBox","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220302-why-uncommon-baby-names-are-surging-2"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003ESimilarly, Muslims in Arab and South Asian countries extolled religiosity. Traditional Muslim names include eminent historical figures in Islam (such as Muhammad, after the Holy Prophet PBUH, his contemporaries, the Umm-ul-Momineen or his wives – including Hazrat Aisha RA – and Islamic state caliphs). Often, \u003Ca href=\"http:\u002F\u002Fjournal.psc.edu.pk\u002Findex.php\u002Fpp\u002Farticle\u002Fview\u002F172\u002F171\"\u003Enames underscored religious devotion\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, such as any of the 99 names of Allah with the preceding word ‘Abdul’, meaning servant of. \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.councilscienceeditors.org\u002Fwp-content\u002Fuploads\u002Fv28n1p020-021.pdf\"\u003EUniquely regulated Arab naming traditions\u003C\u002Fa\u003E also had lineage entrenched, with names frequently prefaced by words such as ‘Bint-e-’ (daughter of), ‘Umm-e-’ (mother of), ‘Abu’ (father of) or ‘Ibn’ (son of).\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EDepending on the pace at which different regions developed, not all these traditions endured. Weakening cultural ties and more mobile populations around the Industrial Revolution made young parents’ choices less dictated by extended family and local customs in the Western world, explains Wattenberg. “Names increasingly became a mode of self-expression… the whole culture moved toward greater celebration of personal freedom and individuality.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EPrior research has established the \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fjournals.sagepub.com\u002Fdoi\u002F10.1177\u002F1948550609349515\"\u003Esteady decrease in common names in the US\u003C\u002Fa\u003E from the 1950s, especially from 1983, and a recent macro-level study \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fjournals.linguisticsociety.org\u002Fproceedings\u002Findex.php\u002FPLSA\u002Farticle\u002Fview\u002F4741\u002F4354\"\u003Eanalysing 348 million American baby names across 137 years (1880 to 2017)\u003C\u002Fa\u003E showed Baby Boomers increased the number of novel names per thousand people four-fold for boys and 2.75 times for girls.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“The Baby Boomers were the first parents who wanted to be cool, and who wanted their children to be cool as well,” says Pamela Redmond, whose 1988 book Beyond Jennifer & Jason examined the cohort as the first generation to reject many of the ethnic and religious naming conventions of the past.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd with an amplified desire for distinctiveness thanks to the rise of the internet in the 1990s, millennials took it a step further. “[These parents] became used to the model of a username – your unique identifier in a social system,” says Wattenberg. “Parents would type a full name they were considering into a search engine and worry because it was ‘taken’. The 1990s also brought a new, surprisingly powerful wrinkle: baby name statistics … Annual rankings of popular names made people feel competitive. But instead of wanting to be number one, everybody wanted to avoid the top of the charts.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EToday, parents signal their style and values with names, explains Redmond, who is also the CEO of Nameberry, a name-consulting business that provides parents with guidance on how to choose a new name. “We hear a lot of parents saying they want to give their sons gender-neutral names to signal feminist values, or honour family in a way that’s in step with current styles – so grandpa Arthur may get honoured by giving your son the middle name Bear, Arthur’s meaning.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003E‘A valid indicator of individualism’\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EEven Japan, which has been a traditional, collectivist society for centuries, is showing a shift away from naming traditions. According to a 2021 study analysing 8,000 baby names between 2004 and 2018, the \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.sciencedirect.com\u002Fscience\u002Farticle\u002Fpii\u002FS2666518221000437\"\u003Erate of unique names is increasing in Japan\u003C\u002Fa\u003E – and it’s an indicator of rising individualism.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EStudy author Yuji Ogihara, from the Institute of Arts and Sciences, Tokyo University of Science, defined ‘unique names’ as ones with low frequency (one per 1,000 names) among the baby cohort. The names didn’t necessarily sound different to more common ones; complexity in Japanese names (stemming from the use of Chinese characters with multiple readings) \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.frontiersin.org\u002Farticles\u002F10.3389\u002Ffcomm.2021.631907\u002Ffull\"\u003Emeans uniqueness can be attained in different ways\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. For example, one name can have \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.nature.com\u002Farticles\u002Fs41599-021-00810-0\"\u003Emultiple different readings\u003C\u002Fa\u003E — at least 18 for the boy’s name 大翔, which can be read as Hiroto, Daisho and Sora amongst others, and 14 for the girl’s name 結愛, like Yua, Yunari or Meia.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220302-why-uncommon-baby-names-are-surging-3"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"The Baby Boomers were the first parents who wanted to be cool, and who wanted their children to be cool as well – Pamela Redmond","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220302-why-uncommon-baby-names-are-surging-4"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003ESo, parents might choose unique variations of a name by abbreviating common readings of Chinese characters, choosing less common characters or reading them with foreign pronunciation corresponding to semantic meaning. For instance, 月 (meaning ‘moon’) is usually read as ‘tsuki’ or ‘zuki’, but is uniquely read ‘runa’, corresponding to the Latin word ‘luna’ for moon, explains Ogihara.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“The index of baby names has been confirmed to be a valid indicator of individualism,” he continues. “Empirical evidence shows that common names are less frequently given to babies in more individualistic nations”, such as the United States, Canada and New Zealand. Noticing the paucity of similar research in Japan, his work seeks to address the phenomenon in more than an anecdotal context and root it in societal shifts. In other research, Ogihara \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fjournals.sagepub.com\u002Fdoi\u002F10.1177\u002F0022022118781504\"\u003Econtextualised this trend as part of other 'indices of individualism'\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, such as Japan’s rising marriage-to-divorce ratio, and the decrease in three-generation households over 60 years. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EOverall, the trend of parents reconceptualising interpretation, pronunciation or spelling to seek novelty in names while staying relatively within the ambit of the predominant naming conventions is a powerful impulse. In Pakistan, for example, while religiosity still prevails, more acts of worship are standing in as names, such as Azaan (call to prayer) or Ayat (a Quranic verse), instead of historically important names of the prophets, suggesting that parents are thinking more laterally to find names that are still religious, but not common.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn Japan, Yukiko Uchida, professor of social and cultural psychology at Kyoto University, Japan, roots the rise of more unusual names in multiple factors that eroded people’s trust in a collective society. She cites \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fbooks.google.com.pk\u002Fbooks?hl=en&lr=&id=HfRk-bBLiZAC&oi=fnd&pg=PA77&dq=Japan+economy+decline+2000&ots=ctjLAvKjff&sig=RxdxHDu_8uA3NvdLUw2LulHrN60&redir_esc=y#v=onepage&q=Japan%20economy%20decline%202000&f=false\"\u003EJapan's economic decline\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, debate over demographic issues and \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.sciencedirect.com\u002Fscience\u002Farticle\u002Fpii\u002FS0922142502000178\"\u003Ethe aging population\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, and the emergence of \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.frontiersin.org\u002Farticles\u002F10.3389\u002Ffpsyg.2011.00207\u002Ffull\"\u003Eproblems such as social withdrawal\u003C\u002Fa\u003E and \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.frontiersin.org\u002Farticles\u002F10.3389\u002Ffpsyg.2015.01117\u002Ffull\"\u003ENEETs\u003C\u002Fa\u003E [individuals Not in Education, Employment or Training]. This, she says, led to a sense that people increasingly had to “survive with their own uniqueness, not rely on traditional group belongingness”.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220302-why-uncommon-baby-names-are-surging-5"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":["p0bqzs9w"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220302-why-uncommon-baby-names-are-surging-6"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EStudies from China also show unique baby names are one of many ways to \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.frontiersin.org\u002Farticles\u002F10.3389\u002Ffpsyg.2018.00554\u002Ffull\"\u003Efulfil rising NFU (Need For Uniqueness)\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, which is a product of increasing autonomy and freedom, paired with \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.frontiersin.org\u002Farticles\u002F10.3389\u002Ffpsyg.2014.01066\u002Ffull\"\u003Edeclining perceived importance of traditional Chinese cultural practices and collectivism\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAdditionally, research around the rate at which unique baby girl names are rising in Japan gives insight into parental aspirations. One of Ogihara’s most compelling findings is that gender is a factor in cultural naming practises; in Japan, unique names have increased more rapidly for girls than boys. The Chinese NFU study, meanwhile, revealed girl names were more unique than boy names at one point in time, a finding consistent with \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fpubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\u002F21196534\u002F\"\u003Eprior research revealing girls were less likely to receive popular names\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. Whether the gender difference is measured at one point in time or mapped out as a rate of increase, in the context of traditionally conformist cultures such as China and Japan, it represents a quiet hope of parents for their daughters to be more unique than their sons.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EPreviously, parents in Japan may have named their daughters to conform and be “interdependent, ordinary and concerned with group harmony to fit into society”, explains Ogihara. Now, “more parents hope for their daughters [to] become more independent, unique and autonomous to fit into changing societal norms and expectations. Thus, it’s assumed they [give them more] unique names”. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EDominant parenting aspirations\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAs these trends play out, should we expect a continuing boom of original, uncommon names?\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EUchida predicts that in Japan, the trend towards unusual names will ultimately hit a ceiling. After all, there’s a limit to the number of \u003Cem\u003Ekanji\u003C\u002Fem\u003E (characters) that can be used in names, she points out, and social stigmas do persist.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220302-why-uncommon-baby-names-are-surging-7"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"Popular means well-liked – and highly distinctive names can be polarising – Laura Wattenberg","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220302-why-uncommon-baby-names-are-surging-8"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003E“After the increase in the number of ‘kira-kira’ names (eccentric and unique names) in Japan, a stigma was attached… such as ‘coming from a low class’. Conversely, names that are too traditional tend to be avoided because of being ‘old-fashioned’, so I think there will be a continuing [but not increasing] trend in favour of names that are reasonably stylish and moderately unique.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd chasing unique names may not always be the answer or ticket to success parents want it to be, anyway. “Parents have the instinct that choosing a distinctive name will give their child an advantage in life. It’s a loving impulse, but in practical terms it’s not clear that it works that way,” says Wattenberg, because after all, “Popular means well-liked – and highly distinctive names can be polarising. People may point to successful celebrities with unusual names, but for every Madonna and Beyoncé there’s a Michael Jackson, Emma Thompson, Sam Smith and Elizabeth Taylor,” she concludes.  \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EUltimately, for parents, giving a child a name is an act of love, influenced both by personal dreams and cultural transmission of values. “Parents come to us for help in finding a name that's tailored perfectly to them, more than one that's different from anyone else,” says Redmond.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EUchida agrees. “Rather than ‘standing out’ in a group or ‘becoming a star’, I think it’s a more modest desire for their kids to live their own life.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cem\u003EAysha Imtiaz is a freelance journalist and elementary school language arts teacher in Karachi, Pakistan.\u003C\u002Fem\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220302-why-uncommon-baby-names-are-surging-9"}],"collection":["worklife\u002Fpremium-collection\u002Ffamily-tree"],"disableAdverts":false,"displayDate":"2022-03-07T17:47:26Z","embeddedCustomHtml":"","embeddedInfographicUrl":"","embeddedType":"infographic","headlineLong":"Why uncommon baby names are surging","headlineShort":"Why unique baby names are surging","image":["p0bqzrwg"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"","isSyndicated":true,"latitude":"","longitude":"","mpsVideo":"","option":[{"Content":{"Description":"Apple News Publish: Select to publish, remove to unpublish. (Do not just delete or unpublish the story)","Name":"publish-applenews-system-1"},"Metadata":{"CreationDateTime":"2016-02-05T14:32:31.186819Z","Entity":"option","Guid":"13f4bc85-ae27-4a34-9397-0e6ad3619619","Id":"option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1","ModifiedDateTime":"2022-02-27T22:52:24.455144Z","Project":"wwverticals","Slug":"option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1"},"Urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:option:option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1","_id":"62b420921f4b7b5d34253c8b"}],"partner":null,"primaryVertical":"worklife","promoAlignment":"centre","promoAltText":"","promoImage":null,"relatedStories":["worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220119-is-having-a-favourite-child-really-a-bad-thing","worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211215-is-parenting-scarier-than-ever","worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211122-does-sibling-rivalry-ever-end"],"relatedTag":null,"summaryLong":"Uncommon baby names are rising across the globe, even in more traditional societies. Why are parents increasingly determined to make children's names ‘unique’?","summaryShort":"Uncommon names are rising, even in more traditional societies","tag":["tag\u002Fhow-we-live"],"textToSpeech":false,"creationDateTime":"2022-03-06T21:07:42.642715Z","entity":"article","guid":"ab72e392-29b7-4dd9-8b40-a1e2b0abe27e","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220302-why-uncommon-baby-names-are-surging","modifiedDateTime":"2022-03-06T21:07:42.642715Z","project":"wwverticals","slug":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220302-why-uncommon-baby-names-are-surging","cacheLastUpdated":1657503756277},"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220119-is-having-a-favourite-child-really-a-bad-thing":{"urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:article:worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220119-is-having-a-favourite-child-really-a-bad-thing","_id":"62b4205b1f4b7b29297fd89f","ambientVideo":"","articleType":"story","assetVideo":null,"author":[],"bodyIntro":"Although it may be uncomfortable to admit, many parents play favourites among their children. Is that 'bad' parenting?","businessUnit":"worldwide","cards":[{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp class=\"BodyB\"\u003EJoanna knew she had a favourite child from the moment her second son was born. The Kent, UK-based mum says she loves both of her children, but her youngest child just “gets” her in a way that her first-born doesn’t.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyB\"\u003EWhen Joanna’s first baby was delivered, he was rushed away from her due to a health concern, and she couldn’t see him for 24 hours. Missing this valuable bonding period was, she believes, the start of a long-lasting preference for her second son, whom she was able to spend time with immediately after he was born.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyB\"\u003E“To sum our relationships up: I have to make an appointment to speak to my eldest,” says Joanna, whose full name is being withheld to protect her children. “With my youngest, I could call him at 0230 and he’d drive miles to meet me. My youngest is the nicest guy on the planet. He’s caring, generous, courteous and friendly. He’s the kind of person who would help anyone out.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyB\"\u003EThough she battled her feelings for years, Joanna says now she’s in a place of acceptance. “I could write a book on why I love one more than the other,” she says. “It’s been hard, but I haven’t got any guilt.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyB\"\u003EUnlike Joanna, most parents’ favouritism is subtle and goes undiscussed. Having a favourite child might be the greatest taboo of parenthood, yet research shows that the majority of parents do indeed have a favourite.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyB\"\u003EWith plenty of evidence to suggest that being the least-favoured child can fundamentally shape the personality and lead to intense \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211122-does-sibling-rivalry-ever-end\"\u003Esibling rivalries\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, it’s no wonder that parents might worry about letting their preferences slip. Yet research also shows that most kids can’t tell who their parents’ favourite child really is. The real issue, then, is how parents manage their children’s perception of favouritism.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyC\"\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EPlaying favourites\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyC\"\u003E“Not every parent has a favourite child, but many do,” says Jessica Griffin, an associate professor of psychiatry and paediatrics at the University of Massachusetts Medical School, US. “Data suggests that mothers, in particular, show favouritism to children who have similar values to them and that engage more with family, over qualities such as being highly ambitious or career driven.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"infographic","imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","pullQuoteImageAlignment":"centre","videoImageAlign":"centre","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220119-is-having-a-favourite-child-really-a-bad-thing-0"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220119-is-having-a-favourite-child-really-a-bad-thing-1"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp class=\"BodyC\"\u003ERegardless of the reason, some research shows many parents almost certainly do have favourites – whether they admit to it or not. In one study, up to 74% of mothers and 70% of fathers in the UK have been shown to \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fpubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\u002F16402879\u002F\"\u003Eexhibit preferential treatment towards one child\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyC\"\u003EYet for most, the topic remains off-limits. In other research, when parents were surveyed, \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fyougov.co.uk\u002Ftopics\u002Frelationships\u002Farticles-reports\u002F2020\u002F03\u002F02\u002Fone-10-parents-admit-having-favourite-child\"\u003Ejust 10% admitted\u003C\u002Fa\u003E to having a favourite child, suggesting that for most mothers and fathers, feelings of favouritism remain a tightly held family secret.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyC\"\u003EWhen parents do admit to having a preferred child, research suggests birth order plays an important part in who they favour. According to the same YouGov survey, parents who admitted having a favourite child showed an overwhelming preference towards the baby of the family, with 62% of parents who have two children opting for their youngest. Forty-three percent of parents with three or more children prefer their last-born, with a third selecting a middle child and just 19% leaning towards their eldest.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyC\"\u003EDr Vijayeti Sinh is a clinical psychologist at Mount Sinai Hospital in New York City. She says that a favouritism towards a youngest child is often to do with the social and emotional skills associated with birth order – as parents gain more practice in child-rearing, they have a better idea of how they want to shape their offspring’s childhood, and what attributes are most important to pass on.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220119-is-having-a-favourite-child-really-a-bad-thing-2"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"I could write a book on why I love one more than the other. It’s been hard, but I haven’t got any guilt – Joanna","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220119-is-having-a-favourite-child-really-a-bad-thing-3"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp class=\"BodyC\"\u003E“Parents tend to favour a child that is most like them, reminds them of themselves, or represents what they view as a success of parenting,” she says. “Younger children are most likely to have been raised by a parent who, over time and experience, is more confident and skilled in their child-raising.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyC\"\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003E‘Bad’ parenting?\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Default\"\u003EThough parents do often have a favourite, many are racked with guilt, knowing that showing a preference will have a long-lasting impact on their child’s sense of self-worth. The concern is not entirely unfounded.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Default\"\u003E“Children who grow up in families where they feel that they are treated unfairly may experience a deep sense of unworthiness,” says Sinh. “They might feel that they are unlovable in some way, or do not possess the special traits and characteristics needed to be loved by others. Feeling like the black sheep of the family can lead to fears and insecurities – children might become self-protective and try to be overly nice and agreeable around others.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220119-is-having-a-favourite-child-really-a-bad-thing-4"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220119-is-having-a-favourite-child-really-a-bad-thing-5"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp class=\"BodyB\"\u003EBut for most parents, their worries are misplaced. Evidence suggests that unless preferential treatment is very extreme, most children are not impacted by being the least favourite child.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyB\"\u003E“Sometimes parents are blatantly obvious in their demonstration of love and affection,” says Sinh. “But when parents are mindful and thoughtful and do their best to ensure that any feelings of closeness or likeability factor aren’t plain and clear, then children don’t feel unworthy of their parents’ love and support.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyB\"\u003EIn fact, in most cases children might not even know that their parents prefer their sibling in the first place. In one study, when people who stated that their parents had a favourite child were probed, a staggering \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fyougov.co.uk\u002Ftopics\u002Frelationships\u002Farticles-reports\u002F2020\u002F03\u002F02\u002Fone-10-parents-admit-having-favourite-child\"\u003Efour out of five\u003C\u002Fa\u003E claimed that their sibling was favoured over them – a seemingly improbable statistic. Other studies have shown that children incorrectly identify who the favourite child is \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.purdue.edu\u002Fnewsroom\u002Freleases\u002F2020\u002FQ2\u002Fthink-youre-moms-favorite-a-purdue-social-scientist-says-think-again..html\"\u003Emore than 60% of the time\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyB\"\u003EOf course, it’s possible that parents are doing a much better job of disguising their preferences than you would expect. Or – as Griffin suggests – we’re simply very bad at guessing who the favourite child really is.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyB\"\u003E“Although you might think that children instinctively know whether their parent has a favourite child and who that child is, the data is surprising,” she says. “Children might assume that the first-born or the ‘baby’ of the family is the favourite, or the child who is an overachiever in the family and causes less parenting stress. Whereas in actuality, the parent might have different and varied reasons for the favouritism – such as favouring the child who struggles the most, or the child that is most similar to them.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220119-is-having-a-favourite-child-really-a-bad-thing-6"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"In the majority of cases, children have no idea which sibling their parent or parents prefer","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220119-is-having-a-favourite-child-really-a-bad-thing-7"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp class=\"BodyB\"\u003EGriffin argues that it’s perfectly OK – and even expected – for parents to have favourites, and that parents shouldn’t feel guilty if they find themselves feeling closer to one child over another. She says that although children who believe they are the least-favoured child tend to have lower self-esteem and higher rates of depression, in the majority of cases, children have no idea which sibling their parent or parents prefer.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyB\"\u003EPerhaps who the favourite child really is isn’t so important after all.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyB\"\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003ENo less love\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyB\"\u003EGriffin has found that the favourite-child conundrum has shown up in both her professional and personal lives: her three children constantly joke about who the ‘favourite’ child must be.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyB\"\u003EAlthough she recommends parents or children who find that favouritism is affecting their relationships or mental health should speak to a paediatrician or mental health provider, she believes most imbalances can be addressed with simple tactics that demonstrate care and attention.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyB\"\u003EGriffin says that although parents might not readily admit to favouritism, they certainly won’t be alone if they find themselves feeling closer to one child over another. Most mothers and fathers have favourites – and that’s OK.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"BodyB\"\u003E“There are going to be days when we prefer to be around one child over another, for a number of different reasons,” she says. “The important thing to remember is that having a favourite child does not mean that you love your other children less.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220119-is-having-a-favourite-child-really-a-bad-thing-8"}],"collection":[],"disableAdverts":false,"displayDate":"2022-01-20T13:46:12Z","embeddedCustomHtml":"","embeddedInfographicUrl":"","embeddedType":"infographic","headlineLong":"Is having a favourite child really a bad thing?","headlineShort":"Why many parents have a favourite child","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"","isSyndicated":true,"latitude":"","longitude":"","mpsVideo":"","option":[],"partner":null,"primaryVertical":"worklife","promoAlignment":"centre","promoAltText":"","promoImage":null,"relatedStories":[],"relatedTag":null,"summaryLong":"Although it may be uncomfortable to admit, many parents play favourites among their children. Is that 'bad' parenting?","summaryShort":"\"I could write a book on why I love one more than the other\"","tag":[],"textToSpeech":false,"creationDateTime":"2022-01-19T21:03:13.203898Z","entity":"article","guid":"4c670543-d576-4c65-bd76-91c1ae4e9ee3","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220119-is-having-a-favourite-child-really-a-bad-thing","modifiedDateTime":"2022-02-25T07:20:59.828594Z","project":"wwverticals","slug":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220119-is-having-a-favourite-child-really-a-bad-thing","cacheLastUpdated":1657503756277},"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220301-does-solo-polyamory-mean-having-it-all":{"urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:article:worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220301-does-solo-polyamory-mean-having-it-all","_id":"62b4205b1f4b7b2e3a3f4664","ambientVideo":"","articleType":"story","assetVideo":null,"author":[],"bodyIntro":"With no ‘primary partner’ and a potential for multiple meaningful relationships, solo polyamorists are hopping off the heteronormative “relationship escalator”.","businessUnit":"worldwide","cards":[{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EAfter Chris, 35, came out as bisexual three years ago, he decided that he “didn’t necessarily want to live a heteronormative life”. “I wanted to be able to date men and women simultaneously for my whole life,” says Chris, who is withholding his surname for privacy. “I felt like monogamy would deny me something of myself.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EDuring the pandemic, Chris moved into an intentional, sex-positive community in Brooklyn, New York – a “safe space” where he could further explore his relationship with sex and sexuality. Through that community, he discovered a course called Open Smarter, which guided students through navigating various types of \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210326-ethical-non-monogamy-the-rise-of-multi-partner-relationships\"\u003Eethically non-monogamous relationships\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. That’s where he first heard the term ‘solo polyamory’. He quickly felt like it fit his dating style.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAt its core, solo polyamory refers to people who are open to dating or engaging in multiple meaningful relationships without having a ‘primary partner’: one person to whom they’re committed above all other partners. Instead, the solo polyamorist might see themselves as their own primary partner, eschewing typical relationship goals, like merging finances or homes with a partner, and getting married and having children. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESolo polyamorists represent a small portion of polyamorists in general, many of whom tend to have or aim to have a primary partner, says Philadelphia-based sex educator and therapist Liz Powell, 39, so it’s inherently difficult to figure out what percentage of the overall population is engaging in relationships this way. However, some studies show younger generations are more likely to have entered into some kind of non-monogamous relationship than older generations. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EPer a 2020 YouGov survey of 1,300 US adults, \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Ftoday.yougov.com\u002Ftopics\u002Frelationships\u002Farticles-reports\u002F2020\u002F01\u002F31\u002Fmillennials-monogamy-poly-poll-survey-data\"\u003E43% of millennials said that their ideal relationship would be non-monogamous\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, while just 30% of Gen X said the same. Overall, research from 2016 synthesising two different US studies showed 20% of respondents \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.tandfonline.com\u002Fdoi\u002Fabs\u002F10.1080\u002F0092623X.2016.1178675\"\u003Eengaged in a consensually non-monogamous relationship\u003C\u002Fa\u003E at some point. But these studies don’t break down those numbers by specific types of non-monogamous relationships, so it’s impossible to say how many of those surveyed identify with solo polyamory.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESince solo polyamorists are a minority identity, misconceptions about their lifestyles abound. From people who equate solo polyamory to monogamists dating around until they find “the one”, to those who consider it a selfish or greedy move, like “having your cake and eating it, too”, there’s a tendency to overlook the term’s more nuanced definition. Ultimately, it boils down to stepping off what’s known as the heteronormative “relationship escalator”, and opting for an alternative way to engage in romantic and sexual partnerships.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"infographic","imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","pullQuoteImageAlignment":"centre","videoImageAlign":"centre","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220301-does-solo-polyamory-mean-having-it-all-0"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220301-does-solo-polyamory-mean-having-it-all-1"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EThe “relationship escalator”\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe term solo polyamory gained popularity with the blog Solopoly.net, written by journalist Amy Gahran, under the pen name Aggie Sez. Her first blog post, published in 2012, was titled, “\u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fsolopoly.net\u002F2012\u002F11\u002F29\u002Friding-the-relationship-escalator-or-not\u002F\"\u003ERiding the relationship escalator (or not)\u003C\u002Fa\u003E”. About five years later, she wrote a book on the subject, Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator: Uncommon Love and Life.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EGahran defines this ‘escalator’ as “the default set of societal customs for the proper conduct of intimate relationships” – in other words, relationships that hit, or aim to hit, traditional life markers, like moving in with a partner, merging finances, getting engaged, getting married and having children.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“We have these normalised benchmarks or signs that a relationship is serious,” says California-based Rachel Krantz, 34, author of Open: An Uncensored Memoir of Love, Liberation, and Non-Monogamy – A Polyamory Memoir. “Solo polyamorous people tend to avoid intertwining their life in that way with someone else.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThough the definition may seem narrow, there are plenty of ways to be ‘solo poly’. Solo polyamorous folks tend to be allosexual, says Colorado-based Elisabeth Sheff, author of books including The Polyamorists Next Door, meaning they tend to experience sexual desire – but some are \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210507-asexuality-the-ascent-of-the-invisible-sexual-orientation\"\u003Easexual\u003C\u002Fa\u003E and maintain multiple, non-sexual relationships. They also tend to “value their independence”, adds Sheff, but some have very important, non-romantic relationships in their lives that they put first. “The single parent who prioritises their children over all other relationships could be solo poly,” says Sheff, as could someone who’s the caretaker of a person with a disability.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESolo polyamory also doesn’t have to be forever. One could identify as solo poly today, but still wind up entering a more traditional relationship with a shared home or finances in the future – it doesn’t have to be a fixed identity to be valid, says New York-based sex researcher and consultant Zhana Vrangalova.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EChris, in fact, expresses interest in one day finding a primary partner, but says in the meantime being solo poly “allows me to date, have experiences with people, get to know a lot of different people, and have some of my needs met”. It’s similar to when he was dating around monogamously, he adds, “except now I’ve put a label on it to communicate to people what my intentions are”.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220301-does-solo-polyamory-mean-having-it-all-2"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"I don't like that heteronormative structure of marriage. I want to rebel against that – Chris","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220301-does-solo-polyamory-mean-having-it-all-3"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EVrangalova, who’s originally from Macedonia, teaches the Open Smarter course that Chris attended in New York. She estimates about two-thirds of her class are people in relationships, and slightly more than half of those are in monogamous relationships but “trying to figure out if some version of non-monogamy would be right for them”. The rest are either already exploring various forms of non-monogamy and seeking out more skills to help them better navigate those relationships, or they’re single and looking for relationships.  \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESolo polyamory is not right for everyone. Vrangalova has her students take personality quizzes to help them determine the relationship style(s) that might work best for them. These quizzes ask questions like “how much adventure and novelty” respondents need, or how much security they require in their relationships. Solo polyamorists, says Vrangalova, “usually don't need a lot of relational security”.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EHowever, just because someone who identifies as solo poly may not need the same level of security as someone in a long-term, monogamous partnership, this doesn’t mean they can’t or won’t form deep, lasting bonds with partners. To foster trusting relationships with her partners, sex-educator Powell, who identifies as solo poly, says they’re very upfront with potential partners about their wants and needs. “I'm not going to not ask for [what I want in a relationship] just because I’m worried that you're going to say no,” they say. “If people say no, they say no, and we figure out where to go from there.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EThe antidote to “couple privilege”?\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EA lot of the stigmas surrounding solo polyamory come from a general lack of understanding of why someone might not want a so-called “serious”, traditional relationship. Stereotypes of solo poly people include them being “selfish, avoidant or [messed] up in various ways”, says Vrangalova. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFurthermore, solo polyamory is marked by its lack of adherence to relationship benchmarks like marriage and children – which also serve as benchmarks of adulthood. “The people we consider to be ‘adults’ are married with kids, sharing houses, sharing finances,” says Powell. “Whereas ‘wayward adults’, like myself, who live alone, unmarried, are examples of everything wrong with society.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EOf course, adults can very successfully live on their own and be self-sufficient. For those who identify as solo poly, it also doesn’t mean they “don’t care about people”, says Sheff. “They just don't want to organise their life centrally around a romantic partner.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220301-does-solo-polyamory-mean-having-it-all-4"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220301-does-solo-polyamory-mean-having-it-all-5"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EThese prejudices exist alongside another societal force known as “\u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.shape.com\u002Flifestyle\u002Fsex-and-love\u002Fcouple-privilege\"\u003Ecouple privilege\u003C\u002Fa\u003E”. This wide-reaching phrase refers both to the advantages couples have in society over singles (like the financial benefits of marriage and couplehood) and the attitude that, for instance, in a polyamorous relationship, the success of the primary couple must be prioritised. All other partners’ actions must be taken with preserving that primary relationship in mind.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThese stigmas and societal expectations can present roadblocks for people who identify as solo poly. When Powell was in a polyamorous relationship in Savannah, Georgia, US, around 2014, they tried to find a non-monogamy-affirming therapist, to no avail. That prompted them to fill the void, and Powell opened their own private practice targeting people who identified as non-monogamous, queer, kinky and\u002For trans.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EEven in psychology circles, there remains a dearth of knowledge about polyamory, let alone solo polyamory. Sheff is part of \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.apa.org\u002Fabout\u002Fdivision\u002Fdiv44\"\u003EDivision 44\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, a subgroup of the American Psychological Association working to develop educational materials about polyamory for counsellors and therapists.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EMore than just dating around\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EUltimately, solo polyamory is much more than a way to date multiple partners while living alone. It’s a rejection of heteronormative relationship standards.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“For me, a lot of solo polyamory has been about finding ways that I centre my own autonomy, the autonomy of others and genuinely question which things I want in a relationship, rather than assuming that every relationship was going to follow the escalator,” says Powell.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EChris was similarly attracted to the solo poly label because it let him think about and approach relationships differently. He says the relationship pathways he grew up with didn’t make sense for him; before gay marriage was legalised in the US, he was having sexual relationships with people he knew he’d never be able to wed. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EToday, Chris says he wouldn’t 100% rule out the prospect of marriage, but he’s not exactly a fan of the institution. “As a queer, bisexual person, I don't like that heteronormative structure of marriage,” he says. “I want to rebel against that.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220301-does-solo-polyamory-mean-having-it-all-6"}],"collection":[],"disableAdverts":false,"displayDate":"2022-03-04T14:24:34Z","embeddedCustomHtml":"","embeddedInfographicUrl":"","embeddedType":"infographic","headlineLong":"Does 'solo polyamory' mean having it all?","headlineShort":"The rise of 'solo polyamory'","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"","isSyndicated":true,"latitude":"","longitude":"","mpsVideo":"","option":[],"partner":null,"primaryVertical":"worklife","promoAlignment":"centre","promoAltText":"","promoImage":[],"relatedStories":[],"relatedTag":null,"summaryLong":"With no ‘primary partner’ and a potential for multiple meaningful relationships, solo polyamorists are hopping off the heteronormative “relationship escalator”.","summaryShort":"\"I felt like monogamy would deny me something of myself\"","tag":[],"textToSpeech":false,"creationDateTime":"2022-03-04T00:10:10.711226Z","entity":"article","guid":"0c079474-739f-4053-8486-6f73cec2fdcc","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220301-does-solo-polyamory-mean-having-it-all","modifiedDateTime":"2022-03-04T13:10:51.246094Z","project":"wwverticals","slug":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220301-does-solo-polyamory-mean-having-it-all","cacheLastUpdated":1657503756275},"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220204-why-people-still-believe-in-the-soulmate-myth":{"urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:article:worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220204-why-people-still-believe-in-the-soulmate-myth","_id":"62b4205b1f4b7b27f0706934","ambientVideo":"","articleType":"story","assetVideo":null,"author":[],"bodyIntro":"The allure of ‘The One’ stretches across time and cultures. Why do some people continue to believe in finding the perfect person?","businessUnit":"worldwide","cards":[{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EHannah Miller says she’s always believed in soulmates. She remembers being a child, hearing that seahorses have one partner forever. She loved the idea there might be just one person for her, too.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWhen she was 10, she was introduced to Sam, a friend of her sister’s, at a group outing to a theme park. She remembers him holding her hand on the scariest rides and her sister teasing her, saying she and Sam were going to get married. “It’s a bit embarrassing, but I did fall head over heels that day,” says Miller, 45, from Birmingham, UK. “I went on the school bus on Monday and told all my friends about the older boy who held my hand.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EShe didn’t cross paths with the boy from the theme park again until she was 18, but once she did, things moved quickly. Weeks later, Sam told Hannah that he was falling in love with her, and the two were married just before her 20th birthday. “Commitment felt like it came easily – this was it, we were meant to be together, so why wait,” she says. “We knew that there was no reason not to get married, because we were soulmates.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAn astonishing number of people \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Ftoday.yougov.com\u002Ftopics\u002Frelationships\u002Farticles-reports\u002F2021\u002F02\u002F10\u002Fsoulmates-poll-survey-data\"\u003Ebelieve in soulmates\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, according to one 2021 survey; the idea of ‘The One’ carries across many other cultures, too. There are many reasons why people are hopeful that \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220124-why-people-arent-as-picky-in-love-as-they-think\"\u003Etheir perfect person\u003C\u002Fa\u003E is out there, and during the last 50 years, the idea has only increased in popularity. Experts believe that whether or not we believe in soulmates is deeply rooted in our personal circumstances and psychology – but it’s possible that those hoping to find a pre-destined partner might be dooming their relationships from the start.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EA brief history of soulmates\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe Greek philosopher Plato wrote that humans once had four arms, four legs and two faces. He explained that Zeus split us in half as a punishment for our pride, and we were destined to walk the Earth searching for our other half.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EOur understanding of love and relationships might have evolved since 385 BCE, when Plato penned Symposium, but the idea of having an ‘other half’ still endures for many, and has lasted across numerous cultures throughout history. Some Hindu traditions hold the idea that people have a karmic connection with certain souls; in Yiddish, there is a term for an ideal or predestined marriage partner – your ‘bashert’ – which loosely translates to destiny. Thirteenth-century Persian poet and Islamic scholar Rumi posed the idea that lovers do not finally meet, but that they are somehow in each other all along. And from Romeo and Juliet to Heathcliff and Cathy, Western literature is replete with examples of lovers who were meant to be together.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"infographic","imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","pullQuoteImageAlignment":"centre","videoImageAlign":"centre","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220204-why-people-still-believe-in-the-soulmate-myth-0"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"portrait","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220204-why-people-still-believe-in-the-soulmate-myth-1"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EBut although the concept of a soulmate might have existed for thousands of years, the actual term was probably only introduced in the 19th Century. Its first recorded use is in 1822, in a letter written by poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge. “To be happy in Married Life...  you must have a Soul-mate,” he wrote. Coleridge’s own love life was unhappy – he married mostly due to social pressures and spent most of the union apart from his wife, before they eventually separated for good.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EYet despite Coleridge’s inability to find a true soulmate, the idea persisted, rocketing in popularity, especially in recent decades. Brad Wilcox, a professor of sociology and director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia, US, notes  a rise in the appeal of soulmates since the 1970s, when the advent of what he calls the “me decade” and a culture of individualism shifted our approach to relationships.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“People are now more likely to look for relationships that make them happy and fulfilled,” he says. “It’s also facilitated by unprecedented prosperity in the West, which made people less dependent on marriage for economic survival. There was a shift from a pragmatic approach to marriage to a more expressive, soulmate model of marriage where people’s expectations are more psychological and less material.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EThe enduring nature of the soulmate myth\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThere are plenty of reasons to be sceptical about the idea of a perfect person being predestined for you. After all, most people don’t stray far when finding their partner, with the majority of Americans marrying someone \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Ftime.com\u002F4705099\u002Fmarriage-wedding-states\u002F\"\u003Efrom the same state\u003C\u002Fa\u003E as them, and 43% marrying \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.businessinsider.com\u002F28-people-marry-attended-same-college-2013-10?r=US&IR=T\"\u003Esomeone\u003C\u002Fa\u003E who they went to high school or college with.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EOn a planet of nearly eight billion people, it’s quite a coincidence that so many peoples’ soulmates are just in the next classroom. Yet the idea of a soulmate has persisted across numerous societies and time periods – what is it about the concept of The One that people find so irresistible?\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBradley Onishi, an associate professor of religion at Skidmore College, US, has used his background in the history of ideas to try and understand the enduring nature of soulmate mythology. He believes that there is something innate in our desire to believe in soulmates.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220204-why-people-still-believe-in-the-soulmate-myth-2"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"The soulmate myth promises that amidst the dizzying and often confusing landscape of dating apps there is one match out there that will make sense of it all – Bradley Onishi","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220204-why-people-still-believe-in-the-soulmate-myth-3"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003E“The soulmate myth promises fulfilment,” says Onishi. “It says that the isolation and loneliness that are so often part of the human experience are only temporary – that someday there will be a happily ever after in which we are united with The One who understands us at every level, protects us from harm and gives our life overwhelming significance.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EHe points out that, for many of us, believing in a soulmate is a way of constructing a cohesive narrative from the oftentimes chaotic and unpredictable experience of looking for love. “The soulmate myth is really good at taking all the bad first dates, the breakups, the dashed hopes and disappointments and putting them into a story that says ‘someday all of this will fall into place’,” he says.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThis is particularly true when it comes to \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220124-why-people-arent-as-picky-in-love-as-they-think\"\u003Emodern dating\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, perhaps explaining how the soulmate idea has evolved over time. In recent years, the term ‘twin flame’ has \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Ftrends.google.com\u002Ftrends\u002Fexplore?date=today%205-y&geo=US&q=twin%20flame\"\u003Esurged in popularity\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, a more spiritual way of understanding the idea that there might be someone that you are simply supposed to be with.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“We live in a time of overwhelming uncertainty – politically, environmentally and socially,” explains Onishi. “The soulmate myth promises that amidst the dizzying and often confusing landscape of dating apps there is one match out there that will make sense of it all. It promises an anchor to modern life that many find appealing.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EPractical expectations?\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EPractically, looking for a soulmate may not be the best approach, however. “Soulmate marriages are more fragile because feelings fluctuate,” Wilcox says. “Having a less soulmate-based approach is linked to more stability.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EResearch into hundreds of relationships has showed having an \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fcios.org\u002FEJCPUBLIC\u002F017\u002F3\u002F01735.HTML\"\u003Eexpectation of finding a soulmate actually leads to dysfunctional patterns of behaviour\u003C\u002Fa\u003E and even makes you \u003Ca href=\"http:\u002F\u002Fwww.people.vcu.edu\u002F~jldavis\u002Freadings\u002FKnee_1998_implicit_theories.pdf\"\u003Emore likely to\u003C\u002Fa\u003E breakup with your partner. This is because people who believe in soulmates tend to have what is known as a \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.scienceofpeople.com\u002Fsoulmate\u002F\"\u003E‘destiny’ mindset\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. Since they are holding out for a perfect person, they are more likely to doubt their relationship, or view a hiccup in the road as a dealbreaker – perhaps this just wasn’t their person after all.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220204-why-people-still-believe-in-the-soulmate-myth-4"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220204-why-people-still-believe-in-the-soulmate-myth-5"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EOn the other hand, soulmate sceptics tend to have a ‘growth’ mindset. They believe that relationships take work and compromise, and are motivated to find solutions to problems.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“An expectation that something will be instantly and everlastingly perfect only leads to disappointment and resentment, because this simply isn’t realistic,” says Ruth Micallef, a specialist BACP-registered counsellor who works with many patients experiencing relationship struggles. “Some of the most successful relationships are couples who have spent years supporting each other through all of the personal changes that they are going through, and never expect each other to be ‘perfect’ or ‘everything’.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe idea of finding your soulmate might be a balm after a bad date, or create a sense of structure and narrative to your own love story. But ultimately, actually believing that you’ve found your soulmate might not be a good thing – and experts say that you certainly shouldn’t worry about looking for one.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“None of us is perfect – not you, and not your future mate,” says Wilcox. “So, focus on the non-negotiables – the virtues that will sustain a good marriage, shared values and some common interests. But don’t expect to check every box in a future spouse, unless you wish to be a permanent bachelor or bachelorette.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EYet for some, believing in the soulmate myth simply seems to work. Hannah has now been married to Sam for 23 years, and the pair have three children together.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“It might well be the thing I am most proud of,” she says of her relationship. “So much of life is uncertain, but I can say with confidence that we have grown up together, and will continue to grow old together, forever soulmates.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220204-why-people-still-believe-in-the-soulmate-myth-6"}],"collection":[],"disableAdverts":false,"displayDate":"2022-02-14T17:25:27Z","embeddedCustomHtml":"","embeddedInfographicUrl":"","embeddedType":"infographic","headlineLong":"Why people still believe in the 'soulmate myth'","headlineShort":"Why people believe in the soulmate myth","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"","isSyndicated":true,"latitude":"","longitude":"","mpsVideo":"","option":[],"partner":null,"primaryVertical":"worklife","promoAlignment":"centre","promoAltText":"","promoImage":[],"relatedStories":[],"relatedTag":null,"summaryLong":"The allure of ‘The One’ stretches across time and cultures. Why do some people continue to believe in finding the perfect person?","summaryShort":"Why is it so hard to accept there may not be just one perfect person for you?","tag":[],"textToSpeech":false,"creationDateTime":"2022-02-13T20:45:34.295123Z","entity":"article","guid":"756789db-9ca0-48b9-bca0-90ab0c9fc937","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220204-why-people-still-believe-in-the-soulmate-myth","modifiedDateTime":"2022-02-25T07:22:03.538835Z","project":"wwverticals","slug":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220204-why-people-still-believe-in-the-soulmate-myth","cacheLastUpdated":1657503756275},"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220401-plps-platonic-life-partnerships":{"urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:article:worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220401-plps-platonic-life-partnerships","_id":"62b4205c1f4b7b45af392e4b","ambientVideo":"","articleType":"story","assetVideo":null,"author":["worklife\u002Fauthor\u002Fjessica-klein"],"bodyIntro":"Do all primary-partner relationships have to be romantic and sexual? People choosing platonic life partnerships say a resounding no.","businessUnit":"worldwide","cards":[{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EDeena Lilygren, a mother in her 40s, has been living with her best friend Maggie Brown for years in Kentucky, US. During the time they’ve been co-habiting, Brown met her future husband. He moved in with the pair of best friends, proposed to Brown, they got married and eventually, all three of them bought a house together.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWhen he moved in with them – and again when he proposed – Brown told him she and Deena “were a package deal”, says Lilygren. “She wanted to be sure he didn’t have the expectation that so many people seem to have – that marriage is the time when you let go of your friends.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBrown and Lilygren have a relationship that goes beyond most friendships. Lilygren considers them “platonic life partners”, meaning they are each other’s primary partners – the way people often relate to spouses or romantic partners, only romance and sex don’t factor into their relationship.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBarely uttered in the past, the phrase ‘platonic life partners’ has been popularised lately by two women in their 20s from Singapore, April Lee and Renee Wong. The pair discuss their platonic life partnership (PLP) \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.tiktok.com\u002F@psychottie?lang=en\"\u003Eon TikTok\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, where Lee has more than 51,000 followers. They cemented their friendship as a PLP when Wong moved from Singapore to Los Angeles to live with Lee in September 2021. As Lee put it in a \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.refinery29.com\u002Fen-us\u002F2022\u002F02\u002F10854249\u002Fplatonic-life-partners-tiktok-explained\"\u003Epiece about their partnership for Refinery29\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, they were not just best friends but “supportive financial partners”, helped each other reach their life goals more effectively and wanted to be together not just temporarily as roommates, but for the long haul.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe popularity of their story elicited a string of coverage on this type of committed friendship, including among men. But relationships like these aren’t wholesale new – in some cases, they \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.theatlantic.com\u002Ffamily\u002Farchive\u002F2020\u002F10\u002Fpeople-who-prioritize-friendship-over-romance\u002F616779\u002F\"\u003Ehave roots back to the 18th Century\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. While some of those were certainly queer relationships in disguise, it’s quite possible many were just like Lee and Wong – the term ‘PLP’ just wasn’t around to describe them. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFor some who are currently in PLPs, like Lilygren, the phrase is an important way to not just define their living situations, but also stress the value of non-romantic partnerships. “As a culture, we really devalue friendship when compared to relationships like marriage – we're expected to have transient, secondary friendships that become marginalised when one friend gets married,” says Lilygren, “and there really isn't a word for a friend who is a partner in life.” ‘PLP’ fills that void.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"infographic","imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","pullQuoteImageAlignment":"centre","videoImageAlign":"centre","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220401-plps-platonic-life-partnerships-0"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":["p0by5nrc"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"portrait","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220401-plps-platonic-life-partnerships-1"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003E‘Boston Marriages’\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFrom colonial times up until about 1850, people entered life partnerships – marriages – for “pragmatic” reasons, says Eli Finkel, professor at Northwestern University, Illinois, US, and author of The All-Or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work. “The distinct functions of marriage during this era revolved around basic survival – literally things like food, clothing and shelter,” he says. For women – who were kept out of the workforce and unable to make a living independently – having a husband was key to getting by. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThis changed for many in places like the US and Britain by the late 1800s, however. There, middle class women could attend college, paving the way for them to enter the workforce, explains US-based LGBTQ historian Lillian Faderman. Women no longer had to rely on husbands for income, and some chose to live with other women instead.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAround this time, the term ‘Boston Marriage’ popped up to describe “two women living together in a long-term, committed relationship”, says Faderman. (While she adds that no one knows for sure where the term came from, some suspect it could have originated with the 1866 Henry James novel The Bostonians, which featured a possibly romantic relationship between two women.) “Whether those were lesbian relationships or how many of those were lesbian relationships… we’ll never know,” she says, “because that sort of thing was not committed to paper – people didn’t talk openly about sex between women.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E \u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220401-plps-platonic-life-partnerships-2"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"calloutBodyHtml":"\u003Cp\u003EThis story is part of BBC's \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Ffamily-tree\"\u003EFamily Tree\u003C\u002Fa\u003E series, which examines the issues and opportunities parents, children and families face today – and how they'll shape the world tomorrow. Coverage continues on \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Ffuture\u002Ffamily-tree\"\u003EBBC Future\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E","calloutTitle":"Family Tree","cardType":"CalloutBox","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220401-plps-platonic-life-partnerships-3"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003E \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWhat was committed to paper were the musings of Eleanor Butler, half a couple known as the \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.britishmuseum.org\u002Fcollection\u002Fdesire-love-and-identity\u002Fladies-llangollen\"\u003ELadies of Llangollen\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, two wealthy women who had the financial resources in the late 1700s to run away from their families in Ireland and live together in what was often referred to as a “romantic friendship”. Butler referred to her life partner and cohabitator, Sarah Ponsonby, as her “beloved”, and detailed their days together in her diary, but never mentioned a sexual relationship.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAlthough it remains impossible to know the true nature of these historical relationships, as \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.theatlantic.com\u002Ffamily\u002Farchive\u002F2020\u002F10\u002Fpeople-who-prioritize-friendship-over-romance\u002F616779\u002F\"\u003Ehistorians suggest\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, such “romantic friendships” were common enough at the time that it’s quite possible some were non-sexual, serving as the precursors to the PLPs of today.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003E‘It feels inextricable’\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFrom the mid-1800s up through the 1960s, Finkel says marriage had left the “pragmatic era” and landed in the “love-based era”, meaning people formed lifelong partnerships for love and intimacy, rather than survival. Industrialisation brought young people to cities, making them, “for the first time ever… geographically and economically independent of their families”, says Finkel. With this freedom came an emphasis on “emotional fulfilment” in lifetime matches.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220401-plps-platonic-life-partnerships-4"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"I definitely don't see a time ever living apart from Maggie – Deena Lilygren","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220401-plps-platonic-life-partnerships-5"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EThe 1960s, he adds, brought another shift in what people largely looked for in life partners in the Western world. “Love and intimacy remain necessary, but they’re no longer sufficient,” he says. Marriages today also must “afford the ability for people to be authentic and pursue personal growth”.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn other words, marriages and life partnerships have evolved to a point at which many expect their significant other to be their everything, fulfilling multiple roles including sexual partner, cohabitator, co-parent, emotional support system and financial partner, among other things. That can be a lot to ask of one person, and “many relationships are buckling under the strain”, adds Finkel.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EPLPs offer an alternative way to engage in long-term relationships. A platonic partner isn’t expected to fulfil sexual and romantic needs, and those with a PLP don’t see their romantic partners as their primary emotional support system. Some merge finances with their PLP, as many might expect from a married couple, and others don’t, or do partially. Lilygren and Brown don't have joint checking accounts, says Lilygren, “but at this point, we've all gone in together on so many items for the house, including furniture, that it feels inextricable”.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EOverall, entering a PLP has a lot in common with entering a marriage. Some even do \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.thecut.com\u002F2022\u002F02\u002Fplatonic-life-partners.html\"\u003Eget married\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, in part for the legal rights that come with the arrangement (like ensuring their partners will be considered their ‘next of kin’), or to show their commitment to each other to family members and friends who may not otherwise understand. The practical discussions about how to share a life \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.refinery29.com\u002Fen-us\u002F2022\u002F02\u002F10854249\u002Fplatonic-life-partners-tiktok-explained\"\u003Estill apply\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, along with added negotiations about how to incorporate each member’s romantic partners into the relationship and\u002For living arrangement.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220401-plps-platonic-life-partnerships-6"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":["p0by5p38"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220401-plps-platonic-life-partnerships-7"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EPeople who aren’t familiar with PLPs often struggle with the idea two people can share such deep intimacy and not have a sexual relationship. It took Florida-based Jay and Krystle, who \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.thecut.com\u002F2022\u002F02\u002Fplatonic-life-partners.html\"\u003Etalked about their PLP to The Cut\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, going viral on TikTok about their relationship for their family and friends to finally grasp that they were totally platonic, in spite of their marriage. For Lilygren, \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.huffpost.com\u002Fentry\u002Fbought-a-house-with-best-friend_n_5d518718e4b0cfeed1a124c6\"\u003Ewriting about her relationship with Brown\u003C\u002Fa\u003E is what ultimately helped explain the trio’s arrangement to Brown and her husband’s families.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“They started taking us more seriously as a family unit, which is beautiful,” says Lilygren. But the article also received some backlash. “There were a lot of negative comments online because people cannot imagine that our situation isn't sexual, which is too bad.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThese days, while stigma against those who identify as LGBTQ+ hasn’t been eradicated, and some queer couples haven’t come out or don’t publicly identify that way, it's less likely that people living with platonic partners are doing so to conceal romance. Increased acceptance of queer sexual orientations has made it easier for many people to be in openly queer relationships. Instead, as more young people talk publicly about their decisions to enter PLPs, they’re spreading the word that it’s an option for lifelong partnership. Lilygren wrote openly about dating women in her HuffPost article, and her PLP is married to a man. They plan to stay platonically devoted for the long run. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“I definitely don't see a time ever living apart from Maggie,” says Lilygren. “I've been seeing someone for two years now, and while I'm committed to our relationship, my living arrangement makes me happy, and I don't want to do anything to disrupt it.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220401-plps-platonic-life-partnerships-8"}],"collection":["worklife\u002Fpremium-collection\u002Ffamily-tree"],"disableAdverts":false,"displayDate":"2022-04-01T15:48:56Z","embeddedCustomHtml":"","embeddedInfographicUrl":"","embeddedType":"infographic","headlineLong":"PLPs: The platonic partnerships that pair up friends for life","headlineShort":"The rise of platonic life partnerships","image":["p0by5nsv"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"","isSyndicated":true,"latitude":"","longitude":"","mpsVideo":"","option":[{"Content":{"Description":"Apple News Publish: Select to publish, remove to unpublish. (Do not just delete or unpublish the story)","Name":"publish-applenews-system-1"},"Metadata":{"CreationDateTime":"2016-02-05T14:32:31.186819Z","Entity":"option","Guid":"13f4bc85-ae27-4a34-9397-0e6ad3619619","Id":"option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1","ModifiedDateTime":"2022-02-27T22:52:24.455144Z","Project":"wwverticals","Slug":"option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1"},"Urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:option:option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1","_id":"62b420921f4b7b5d34253c8b"}],"partner":null,"primaryVertical":"worklife","promoAlignment":"centre","promoAltText":"","promoImage":["p0by5p38"],"relatedStories":["worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220128-the-millennials-choosing-friends-as-sperm-donors","worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220301-does-solo-polyamory-mean-having-it-all","worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220204-why-people-still-believe-in-the-soulmate-myth"],"relatedTag":null,"summaryLong":"Do all primary-partner relationships have to be romantic and sexual? People choosing platonic life partnerships say a resounding no.","summaryShort":"Some people are partnering up permanently as just friends, no sex involved","tag":["tag\u002Fhow-we-live"],"textToSpeech":false,"creationDateTime":"2022-03-31T20:42:31.649428Z","entity":"article","guid":"76165564-b35c-47fc-bf5f-281a99e998d6","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220401-plps-platonic-life-partnerships","modifiedDateTime":"2022-04-01T11:42:34.663369Z","project":"wwverticals","slug":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220401-plps-platonic-life-partnerships","cacheLastUpdated":1657503756275},"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220218-are-younger-generations-truly-weaker-than-older-ones":{"urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:article:worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220218-are-younger-generations-truly-weaker-than-older-ones","_id":"62b4209d1f4b7b6f7522a3e4","ambientVideo":"","articleType":"story","assetVideo":null,"author":[],"bodyIntro":"Younger cohorts are often stereotyped as being lazy, entitled or self-obsessed – and have been for centuries. Is there something to this perception?","businessUnit":"worldwide","cards":[{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EFrom being branded ‘snowflakes’ to being accused of prioritising buying avocados over houses, younger generations are enduringly maligned as somehow weaker, less hard-working or less resilient than their older counterparts. This isn’t a new phenomenon; after all, people have complained about ‘kids these days’ for decades. But is there really any truth in the idea that millennials and Gen Z are weaker than Boomers or Gen X?\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EEvidence shows newer generations do, indeed, measure highly on traits that their older counterparts might consider as a sign of weakness. Yet experts also believe that Baby Boomers (born roughly between 1946 and 1964) and Gen X (born between 1965 and 1980) might be judging the generations that succeed them much too harshly, and measuring them against standards that have long ceased to be the norm.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EGenerational context could be key to narrowing divides between decades – yet looking down on young adults is such a long-established and innate instinct that it might be impossible to undo.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EMyth versus reality\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EPeople have complained about younger generations for \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20171003-proof-that-people-have-always-complained-about-young-adults\"\u003Ethousands of years\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. In fact, looking down on the generation that comes after you could simply be human nature. “The tendency for adults to disparage the character of youth has been happening for centuries,” says Peter O’Connor, a professor of management at Queensland Institute of Technology, Australia.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EHe points out the stereotype remains alive and well, with research showing thousands of Americans believe that \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.science.org\u002Fdoi\u002Fpdf\u002F10.1126\u002Fsciadv.aav5916\"\u003E‘kids these days’ lack\u003C\u002Fa\u003E positive qualities that participants associate with older generations. But this wasn’t necessarily because the youths of today actually did lack these qualities – the researchers argued that this was because we project our current selves onto our past selves. By doing this, older people are unconsciously comparing who they are today to today’s young people, giving an impression that today’s youth is somehow on the decline, no matter the decade we’re living in.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EIn early February, British property guru Kirstie Allsopp \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.newstatesman.com\u002Fcomment\u002F2022\u002F02\u002Fkirstie-allsopp-victim-blaming-young-for-broken-housing-market\"\u003Eincited rage\u003C\u002Fa\u003E after saying it was young people’s own fault they couldn’t afford to buy a home. Allsopp, who \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.thetimes.co.uk\u002Farticle\u002Fof-course-young-people-can-afford-a-home-just-move-somewhere-cheaper-says-kirstie-allsopp-dpt9q3v3c\"\u003Epurchased her own first house with family help in the 90s\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, suggested today’s wannabe-buyers spent too much money on ‘luxuries’, such as Netflix and gym memberships, instead of saving for a deposit.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"infographic","imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","pullQuoteImageAlignment":"centre","videoImageAlign":"centre","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220218-are-younger-generations-truly-weaker-than-older-ones-0"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220218-are-younger-generations-truly-weaker-than-older-ones-1"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EAllsopp’s words were the latest in a string of high-profile remarks about how young people today aren’t prepared to make the same sacrifices that older generations did, or aren’t as tough as their parents or grandparents once were.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EIn 2017, Australian real estate mogul Tim Gurner similarly suggested youngsters spent too much money \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.theguardian.com\u002Flifeandstyle\u002F2017\u002Fmay\u002F15\u002Faustralian-millionaire-millennials-avocado-toast-house\"\u003Eon avocado toast\u003C\u002Fa\u003E instead of homes (in spite of house prices in many parts of Australia \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.moneyquest.com.au\u002Fnews\u002Fhouse-prices-in-australia-last-ten-years\u002F\"\u003Edoubling in the last ten years\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, while wages have \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.abc.net.au\u002Fnews\u002F2018-11-01\u002Ffact-check-have-wages-grown-steadily-over-the-past-decade\u002F10447492\"\u003Eonly risen\u003C\u002Fa\u003E by 30%). In 2016, the phrase “Generation Snowflake” was added to the Collin’s English Dictionary to describe adults born from 1980 to 1994 who were ‘less resilient and more prone to taking offence than previous generations’. And think-pieces are \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.nytimes.com\u002F2021\u002F10\u002F28\u002Fbusiness\u002Fgen-z-workplace-culture.html\"\u003Ealready emerging\u003C\u002Fa\u003E about the Gen Zers refusing to work \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20200317-the-evolution-of-the-modern-workday\"\u003Enine-to-five\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, or questioning why they \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210729-why-younger-workers-want-hybrid-work-most\"\u003Eneed to be in the office\u003C\u002Fa\u003E full-time – an echo of the ‘entitled millennial’ trope \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Ftime.com\u002F247\u002Fmillennials-the-me-me-me-generation\u002F\"\u003Eof the 2010s\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, which is only just beginning to fade from view.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EAn outdated standard\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EOlder generations might still suspect they’re hardier than today’s youth – but can this even be measured?\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003ESome experts think so. One 2010 study that examined millennials graduating university between 2004 and 2008 showed that they had \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.researchgate.net\u002Fpublication\u002F230683045_Comparing_Millennials_to_pre-1987_students_and_with_one_another\"\u003Emore traits associated with low resilience\u003C\u002Fa\u003E than people who graduated before 1987. Other research has demonstrated that \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fpsycnet.apa.org\u002Frecord\u002F2006-21634-012\"\u003Eneuroticism\u003C\u002Fa\u003E and \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fonlinelibrary.wiley.com\u002Fdoi\u002Fabs\u002F10.1002\u002Fkpm.298\"\u003Ea need for recognition\u003C\u002Fa\u003E have increased in younger generations, while one 2012 study suggested that youth are \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.apa.org\u002Fnews\u002Fpress\u002Freleases\u002F2012\u002F03\u002Ffame-giving\"\u003Emore self-centered\u003C\u002Fa\u003E than they were in the past.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EYet for many experts, these measures don’t point to younger generations being weaker than older ones. Instead, they are simply ways of judging a generation shaped by a modern and technologically-focused society by the standards of decades ago. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003E“Prior generations were taught to repress instead of express, but for newer generations it’s the other way around,” says Dr Carl Nassar, a mental health professional at LifeStance Health, who regularly works with adolescents and families struggling with generational divides. “That’s caused a perceptual rift, with older generations seeing this expression as a sign of weakness, because they were taught that vulnerability is a weakness and not strength.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003ENassar believes that the trope of younger generations being weaker is largely anecdotal, and is based on a mismatch between how different generations express their problems, which could skew data on how resilient they really are. This is an idea echoed by Jennifer Robison, a senior editor at US analytics and polling company Gallup.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220218-are-younger-generations-truly-weaker-than-older-ones-2"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"The tendency for adults to disparage the character of youth has been happening for centuries – Peter O’Connor","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220218-are-younger-generations-truly-weaker-than-older-ones-3"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003E“Gen X and Boomers have troubles, too, but voicing them feels unprofessional,” she says. “So, what appears to be needy or ‘snowflake-y’ in the young may actually just be the social norm of transparency.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EThe oft-cited idea that millennials and Gen Z act in selfish ways that prevent them from getting on the property ladder is one example of how difficult it is to judge a generation by a decades-old standard. Homeowning Boomers, who were in early adulthood in a period of \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.mckinsey.com\u002Ffeatured-insights\u002Femployment-and-growth\u002Ftalkin-bout-my-generation\"\u003Ewidespread economic prosperity\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, probably remember scrimping and saving to buy their first house. Now enjoying the \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.theguardian.com\u002Fmoney\u002F2015\u002Faug\u002F04\u002Fhomeownership-the-generation-that-had-it-so-good\"\u003Espoils of homeownership\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, they begin to believe that young people who are unable to do the same are weaker than them. This ignores the problem of \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.co.uk\u002Fnews\u002Fbusiness-59906222#:~:text=Prices%2520increased%2520by%25209.8%2525%2520during,a%252012.5%2525%2520rise%2520in%25202004.\"\u003Erocketing house prices\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.oecd.org\u002Femployment\u002Frising-employment-overshadowed-by-unprecedented-wage-stagnation.htm\"\u003Estagnating wages\u003C\u002Fa\u003E and the rise of \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20170918-how-the-gig-economy-creates-job-insecurity\"\u003Einsecure work\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, all of which prevents people getting mortgages.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003ESimilarly, older generations might point to the fact that Gen Z are \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.apa.org\u002Fmonitor\u002F2019\u002F01\u002Fgen-z\"\u003Ethe most depressed and anxious generation\u003C\u002Fa\u003E as a sign of their lack of resilience, forgetting that this is a generation coming to adulthood during a global pandemic, in a period of \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.co.uk\u002Fprogrammes\u002Farticles\u002F2yzhfv4DvqVp5nZyxBD8G23\u002Fwho-feels-lonely-the-results-of-the-world-s-largest-loneliness-study\"\u003Eunprecedented loneliness\u003C\u002Fa\u003E and widespread \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.co.uk\u002Fnews\u002Fbusiness-59946302\"\u003Eeconomic insecurity\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. The different generations, and the challenges that they face, are not comparable.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003E“The reality is that Gen Z is coming of age facing a variety of challenges that other generations have not faced at the same life stage, most notably the Covid-19 pandemic and the always-on pressure of social media directly to their smartphone,” says Jason Dorsey, president of the Center for Generational Kinetics, a generations research firm based in Austin, Texas. “Add in the mental-health challenges of social distancing and isolation during the pandemic, distance-learning challenges and all the formative elements of young adulthood, and it's easy to see why the generation is feeling like it’s a challenging time.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220218-are-younger-generations-truly-weaker-than-older-ones-4"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220218-are-younger-generations-truly-weaker-than-older-ones-5"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EA product of their time\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EEach generations’ actions and beliefs are shaped by their own unique problems and challenges. Boomers and Gen X might have grown up without the convenience of smartphones, but they also didn’t have to battle with the complexities of growing up online – likely prompting the need for recognition and self-centered traits uncovered in some studies.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003ESimilarly, older generations might not have had the same access to education as younger generations, but they were also more likely to \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.pewresearch.org\u002Fsocial-trends\u002F2014\u002F02\u002F11\u002Fthe-rising-cost-of-not-going-to-college\u002F\"\u003Eobtain a middle-class job\u003C\u002Fa\u003E without a college degree, and aren’t saddled with crippling levels of \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Feu.usatoday.com\u002Fstory\u002Fmoney\u002Fpersonalfinance\u002F2021\u002F08\u002F19\u002Fstudent-debt-one-third-americans-cant-cope-financial-shock\u002F8177533002\u002F\"\u003Estudent debt\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EAnd, on the other side of things, Gen Zers might believe that their parents’ or grandparents’ generation did not fight hard enough against social issues, such as climate change and financial inequality (an argument which prompted the viral rise of \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.nytimes.com\u002F2019\u002F10\u002F29\u002Fstyle\u002Fok-boomer.html\"\u003E‘OK Boomer’\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, a phrase intended to disparage their older counterparts).\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220218-are-younger-generations-truly-weaker-than-older-ones-6"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"Prior generations were taught to repress instead of express, but for newer generations it’s the other way around – Carl Nassar","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220218-are-younger-generations-truly-weaker-than-older-ones-7"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EYet they also may forget that many of them had to battle against other societal problems, such as starker forms of sexism and racial inequality. After all, when some older Boomers were in early adulthood, women still had to get a man to co-sign a credit application to buy a house in many countries, and interracial marriages were still banned in some US states – laws that people had to fight hard to overturn.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EThe truth is older generations have been accusing their predecessors of being lazy, entitled and self-obsessed for centuries. We seem almost compelled to judge people who grew up in a different time to us – and the ability to share memes poking fun at overly-woke Gen Zers or wealth-hoarding Boomers only deepens divides.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EDorsey believes that there is a way around this – but that generational context is key to debunking the persisting weakness myth.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003E“It’s awareness of what these different generations have gone through, why they are the way they are,” he says. “The best way to get older generations to stop dumping on younger generations is to create a dialogue that simply does not exist right now. Instead of having candid conversations across multiple generations, we have viral memes that say younger people are snowflakes and older people are dinosaurs. But the truth is that we’re all human.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003E\u003Cem\u003EAdditional reporting by Bryan Lufkin\u003C\u002Fem\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220218-are-younger-generations-truly-weaker-than-older-ones-8"}],"collection":null,"disableAdverts":false,"displayDate":"2022-02-23T15:34:58Z","embeddedCustomHtml":"","embeddedInfographicUrl":"","embeddedType":"infographic","headlineLong":"Are younger generations truly weaker than older ones?","headlineShort":"Are 'kids these days' truly weaker?","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"","isSyndicated":true,"latitude":"","longitude":"","mpsVideo":"","option":[],"partner":null,"primaryVertical":"worklife","promoAlignment":"centre","promoAltText":"","promoImage":null,"relatedStories":[],"relatedTag":null,"summaryLong":"Younger cohorts are often stereotyped as being lazy, entitled or self-obsessed – and have been for centuries. Is there something to this perception?","summaryShort":"Addressing the common perception of 'entitled' millennials and 'woke' Gen Z","tag":[],"textToSpeech":false,"creationDateTime":"2022-02-22T20:58:11.548246Z","entity":"article","guid":"387d0bc6-f566-483e-a780-1c1f202d2fd6","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220218-are-younger-generations-truly-weaker-than-older-ones","modifiedDateTime":"2022-02-25T07:22:39.447143Z","project":"wwverticals","slug":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220218-are-younger-generations-truly-weaker-than-older-ones","cacheLastUpdated":1657503756276},"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211215-is-parenting-scarier-than-ever":{"urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:article:worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211215-is-parenting-scarier-than-ever","_id":"62b4205b1f4b7b4601019a76","ambientVideo":"","articleType":"story","assetVideo":null,"author":[],"bodyIntro":"In an uncertain world, young people are grappling with the question: to have children or not?","businessUnit":"worldwide","cards":[{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EWhen 37-year-old Heather Marcoux was expecting her son several years ago, she and her husband assumed it’d be the first of multiple pregnancies.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“We certainly thought we’d have more than one,” says Marcoux, who lives in Alberta, Canada. But today, the parents are very clear that their now-primary-school-aged son will never have a sibling. “We can offer our one child a pretty good standard of living,” she says. “But if we added any more kids, it would go down significantly.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIt’s in part a financial decision; even with Marcoux and her husband’s incomes combined, childcare is a struggle, and saving in any significant way is impossible. But it also has to do with a lack of support and doubt about the future.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“I feel like another child would be a burden we just could not handle,” says Marcoux. “Nobody wants to think of their growing family as a burden. That’s messed up to even say. But some days we just think it feels so impossible what we’re trying to do with one. How could we make [our day-to-day lives] work with more? Some family members are disappointed by our choice, but the world is just different now.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Finteractives.prb.org\u002F2021-wpds\u002Fspecial-focus-area\u002Fspecial-focus-on-global-fertility\u002F\"\u003Eglobal birth rate is falling\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. That’s not necessarily news; it’s been on the decline since 1950, according to data collected by Washington, DC-based non-profit Population Reference Bureau. But the decline in more recent years has been especially stark: in 2021, the global fertility rate is 2.3 births per woman; in 1990, it was 3.2. A new Pew Research Center survey found that a growing percentage of childless US adults ages 18 to 49 intend to remain that way. In every single European nation, \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.statista.com\u002Fstatistics\u002F612074\u002Ffertility-rates-in-european-countries\u002F\"\u003Efertility in 2021\u003C\u002Fa\u003E was below the 2.1 births per woman generally considered the “rate of replacement” for a population. In a number of those countries, birth rates hit record lows.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIt’s not hard to imagine why young people are hesitating to have large families. Financial stability is more difficult to achieve than ever. One in 10 non-retired Americans say their \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.pewresearch.org\u002Fsocial-trends\u002F2021\u002F03\u002F05\u002Fa-year-into-the-pandemic-long-term-financial-impact-weighs-heavily-on-many-americans\u002F\"\u003Efinances may never recover from the pandemic\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, and significant \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.politico.eu\u002Farticle\u002Feurope-ecb-next-nightmare-inflation\u002F\"\u003Einflation could be looming\u003C\u002Fa\u003E in Europe. In many places, \u003Ca href=\"http:\u002F\u002Fwww.demographia.com\u002Fdhi.pdf\"\u003Ehome ownership is all but a pipe dream\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. Political and civil unrest is rampant across the world, and climate is in crisis. It’s easy to adopt a dismal view of the future.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“The central explanation is the rise of uncertainty,” Daniele Vignoli, professor of demography at the University of Florence, said in his \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.youtube.com\u002Fwatch?v=7XUCZApzleU&ab_channel=MaxWeberProgramme\"\u003Ekeynote\u003C\u002Fa\u003E address at a research workshop hosted on Zoom by the European University Institute. “The increasing speed, dynamics and volatility” of change on numerous fronts, he explains, “make it increasingly difficult for individuals to predict their future”.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"infographic","imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","pullQuoteImageAlignment":"centre","videoImageAlign":"centre","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211215-is-parenting-scarier-than-ever-0"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211215-is-parenting-scarier-than-ever-1"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EAnd while the global unemployment rate rebounded post-recession, it hasn’t rebounded evenly across industries and levels. “There’s been a decline of good jobs for people in lower and middle-income households – union jobs, construction, manufacturing – those jobs were not coming back, and they’re stable, good jobs for people with lower levels of education,” says Gemmill. A 2019 US study showed the loss of certain jobs, including manufacturing, had \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Flink.springer.com\u002Farticle\u002F10.1007\u002Fs13524-019-00790-6\"\u003Ea greater impact than overall unemployment on total fertility rate\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EGemmill adds the rise of gig work and shift work – jobs that don’t generally come with family benefits, like childcare or healthcare in privatised countries – also creates questions around future stability, and influences decision-making around parenting.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211215-is-parenting-scarier-than-ever-2"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"Some family members are disappointed by our choice, but the world is just different now – Heather Marcoux","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211215-is-parenting-scarier-than-ever-3"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EAnd economic uncertainty extends past employment, to housing uncertainty. A recent study by researchers at the Centre for Population Change at the University of Southampton, UK, showed the usual assumption that people would own a home before having children – one that was backed up by data until about 2012 – \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fread.dukeupress.edu\u002Fdemography\u002Farticle\u002F58\u002F5\u002F1843\u002F174259\u002FThe-Changing-Association-Between-Homeownership-and\"\u003Eno longer holds true\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. In fact, financial realities may now mean young people have to choose between owning a home or having one or more children.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“This disconnection between owning a home and becoming a parent has significant implications for parenthood in general,” said lead researcher Professor Ann Berrington in a press release. “If it is the case, as we propose, that homeownership is increasingly competing with the costs of having children, then it is likely that those who do manage to buy a home might well postpone or even forego having children.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EMarcoux says the pressures of paying a mortgage and maintaining a home are part of the reason she won’t have more children. It’s scary, she says, to think that something catastrophic could happen and throw the family into financial crisis. On top of that, adds Marcoux, she worries that she isn’t providing enough for her son.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211215-is-parenting-scarier-than-ever-4"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211215-is-parenting-scarier-than-ever-5"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003E‘Community has really eroded’\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFor would-be parents, these financial concerns can be compounded by worries over political and civil unrest, both local and global – fears that can be further exacerbated by the constant presence of media in our lives, which can amplify conflict and division.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd while wars and political issues have been a reality for nearly every generation, everywhere, parents today arguably face a world that seems much scarier than that of their own parents or grandparents. Despite higher-than-ever life expectancy, improved technology and access to modern healthcare, omnipresent media means we’re more hyper-aware of all the world’s terrifying goings-on, from food shortages to school shootings.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EData from the most recent \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.visionofhumanity.org\u002Fwp-content\u002Fuploads\u002F2021\u002F06\u002FGPI-2021-web-1.pdf\"\u003EGlobal Peace Index\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, an annual report compiled by the Sydney-based Institute for Economics & Peace, shows civil unrest has more than doubled in the world over the past decade, with a significant spike in 2020 alone, when it increased globally by 10%.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EForty years of data across nations that experienced civil conflict shows fertility rates typically fall by up to one-third during periods of instability. People have fewer children, says Gemmill, when they’re terrified by what their progeny might have to contend with.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EMarcoux also feels divisiveness impacts people at the neighbourhood level, too. There’s a lack of community, she says, that makes parenting a lot harder – and lonelier – than it used to be. “When I was a kid in the early 1990s, all the moms on the block were stay-at-home-moms. Everybody was always around, you knew your neighbours and you had community support,” she says.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E \u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211215-is-parenting-scarier-than-ever-6"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EThis story is part of BBC's \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Ffamily-tree\"\u003EFamily Tree\u003C\u002Fa\u003E series, which examines the issues and opportunities parents, children and families face today – and how they'll shape the world tomorrow. Coverage continues on \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Ffuture\u002Ffamily-tree\"\u003EBBC Future\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"calloutBodyHtml":"\u003Cp\u003EThis story is part of BBC's \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Ffamily-tree\"\u003EFamily Tree\u003C\u002Fa\u003E series, which examines the issues and opportunities parents, children and families face today – and how they'll shape the world tomorrow. Find more on \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Ffuture\u002Ffamily-tree\"\u003EBBC Future\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E","calloutTitle":"Family Tree","cardType":"CalloutBox","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211215-is-parenting-scarier-than-ever-7"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EMarcoux says she doesn’t feel that support, and being isolated in her own community adds to the fears of modern parenting. In one 2018 study, two-thirds of US millennials surveyed reported \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.studyfinds.org\u002Fsurvey-most-millennials-feel-disconnected-community\u002F\"\u003Efeeling disconnected from their communities\u003C\u002Fa\u003E – unfortunate findings, considering social ties are one of the \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.health.harvard.edu\u002Fstaying-healthy\u002Fthe-health-benefits-of-strong-relationships\"\u003Estrongest predictors\u003C\u002Fa\u003E of happiness.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“We don’t even know our neighbours. I think community has really eroded,” says Marcoux. “And now, especially, the political issues are really coming to the fore and \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211201-family-estrangement-why-adults-are-cutting-off-their-parents\"\u003Esome people are losing relationships\u003C\u002Fa\u003E with people we might’ve counted on in the past, because our beliefs, morals and ethics are just not compatible.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EA climate of uncertainty\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn the Pew Research survey, when people who said they were unlikely to have children in the future were asked why, 5% cited environmental reasons. A 2019 poll by Business Insider showed close to a third of Americans, including nearly 40% of those aged 18 to 29, thought couples should “\u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.businessinsider.com\u002Fmillennials-americans-worry-about-kids-children-climate-change-poll-2019-3\"\u003Econsider the negative effects of climate change\u003C\u002Fa\u003E when deciding whether or not to have children”.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIt's not just that a growing population increases humanity’s carbon footprint. Marcoux says she fears the next generation will suffer with the worst effects of climate change, and she worries about the version of the Earth her child and potential grandchildren will inherit. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EShe says the climate crisis only reinforces her choice to keep her son an only child. “Why would I bring another child into the mix when I sometimes think about the future and am just terrified for him? I do lay awake at night thinking about what his future will be like,” she says. “This is another thing my husband and I talk about nonstop. He wonders, did we make the right choice? Are we burdening our child with having to deal with the consequences? Were we being selfish?”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThey’re questions plaguing entire generations as they decide how many children to have, or whether to have any at all, in the face of increasingly desperate reports about the state of the planet.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211215-is-parenting-scarier-than-ever-8"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"portrait","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211215-is-parenting-scarier-than-ever-9"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003E“It didn't occur to me that the climate’s tipping point might present itself during my own ovarian prime time,” \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.sierraclub.org\u002Fsierra\u002F2019-6-november-december\u002Ffeature\u002Fhave-or-not-have-children-age-climate-change?src=longreads\"\u003Ewrites Sierra adventure editor Katie O’Reilly\u003C\u002Fa\u003E in a 2019 piece for the magazine about grappling with the choice to pursue motherhood as an environmental journalist in the era of climate crisis. “It's become impossible to ignore the fact that things are looking increasingly grim for my generation's offspring. How could I look my hypothetical child in the eye and acknowledge that I willingly brought them into a chaotic, increasingly uninhabitable world, that I \u003Cem\u003Eknew\u003C\u002Fem\u003E all their favourite picture-book animals were going extinct?”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EAn uncertain optimism \u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAs I write this, my own first child squirms and hiccups inside me. I’ve had a blessedly uncomplicated pregnancy, physically speaking, but mentally and emotionally, I’m knee-deep in murky, mixed-up feelings about impending parenthood.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI thought that, at 31, I’d be in a different place financially. My student loans aren’t paid off, and, barring major legislative action, I’ll likely keep carrying them around until my kid is in kindergarten, at least. I live in rural Pennsylvania, US, where the cost of living is low and I have easy access to healthy, affordable local food. But my home is rented, I’m far from my family, and while I have a loving community of neighbours, it’s tough to shake the feeling of impermanence. I am anxious about birthing a child into a pandemic, and into a country where the political peace feels – to me – tenuous. I am anxious about so many things.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EOverpowering the fear is a deep, visceral excitement and an unmistakable optimism. I can’t wait to walk with my child in the natural world, battered though it may be, pointing out the preciousness of the Appalachian hardwood trees and the moths and mussels, and the deep snow on the ski hill. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI tell myself we’ll simply do our best to familiarise – not scare – our baby with the world’s problems, and then empower them to believe they can help right the ship. Parenthood is terrifying, but feels like exactly the right choice for me. Somehow, it seems, both things can be true.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211215-is-parenting-scarier-than-ever-10"}],"collection":[],"disableAdverts":false,"displayDate":"2021-12-16T13:38:42Z","embeddedCustomHtml":"","embeddedInfographicUrl":"","embeddedType":"infographic","headlineLong":"Is parenting scarier than ever?","headlineShort":"Why parenting is so scary now","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"","isSyndicated":true,"latitude":"","longitude":"","mpsVideo":"","option":[],"partner":null,"primaryVertical":"worklife","promoAlignment":"centre","promoAltText":"","promoImage":[],"relatedStories":[],"relatedTag":null,"summaryLong":"In an uncertain world, young people are grappling with the question: to have children or not?","summaryShort":"\"It feels like we did everything right, and still nothing worked out\"","tag":[],"textToSpeech":false,"creationDateTime":"2021-12-15T20:55:18.932159Z","entity":"article","guid":"5b679b05-3ed6-4071-b172-e1c4346df183","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211215-is-parenting-scarier-than-ever","modifiedDateTime":"2022-02-25T07:19:55.819894Z","project":"wwverticals","slug":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211215-is-parenting-scarier-than-ever","cacheLastUpdated":1657503756277},"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220324-kgoy-kids-getting-older-younger":{"urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:article:worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220324-kgoy-kids-getting-older-younger","_id":"62b4205b1f4b7b45b26c550d","ambientVideo":"","articleType":"story","assetVideo":null,"author":["worklife\u002Fauthor\u002Fkatie-bishop"],"bodyIntro":"Social media, pampering parents, increased pressure to succeed – ‘kids these days’ deal with a lot. But is it making them grow up faster or slower than previous generations?","businessUnit":"worldwide","cards":[{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EKids these days don’t get to be kids anymore, say the adults who remember a childhood free from the rules, oversight and digital pressures today’s young people navigate. In some ways, it may be true. The \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.pandasecurity.com\u002Fen\u002Fmediacenter\u002Fpanda-security\u002Fwhen-should-kids-get-smartphones\u002F\"\u003Eaverage parent\u003C\u002Fa\u003E allows their child a smartphone at age 10, opening up a world inaccessible to previous generations, with \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20190220-how-can-a-distracted-generation-learn-anything\"\u003Eunlimited access\u003C\u002Fa\u003E to news, social media and other privileges previously reserved for adults, forcing them into emotional maturity before they reach adulthood. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThere’s a term for it: ‘KGOY’ or ‘kids getting older younger’, meaning children are more savvy than previous generations.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ERooted in marketing, the idea is because of KGOY, kids have greater brand awareness, so products should be advertised to children rather than their parents. The theory has been around since the noughties, and ever since, experts have attempted to prove out the early demise of childhood by pointing to causes ranging from the age at which they get a smartphone, to the fact that kids are now watching \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.campaignlive.co.uk\u002Farticle\u002Fanalysis-experts-divided-kgoy-factor\u002F172244\"\u003Emore adult television programmes\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, to the problem of \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.co.uk\u002Fnews\u002Feducation-21670962\"\u003Eteenage girls being pressured\u003C\u002Fa\u003E to think about their appearance due to greater exposure to beauty ideals on social media.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EYet though many worry that kids may seem to be growing up too quickly, there’s also evidence that they could, in fact, be maturing more slowly. Gen Z are consistently reaching traditional markers of adulthood such as finishing education and leaving home \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.theatlantic.com\u002Ffamily\u002Farchive\u002F2021\u002F04\u002Freal-reason-young-adults-seem-slow-grow\u002F618733\u002F\"\u003Elater than previous generations\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, and \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fsrcd.onlinelibrary.wiley.com\u002Fdoi\u002F10.1111\u002Fcdev.12930\"\u003Estudies have shown\u003C\u002Fa\u003E that teenagers are engaging in ‘adult’ activities such as \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220104-are-gen-z-more-pragmatic-about-love-and-sex\"\u003Ehaving sex\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, dating, drinking alcohol, going out without their parents and driving much later than previous generations.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ETechnology may be exposing kids to more, making them intellectually savvier. Yet whether they are actually growing up more quickly may be a matter of perspective. It may also be time to update what we think of as the milestones of maturation, and what it really means to grow up fast.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"infographic","imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","pullQuoteImageAlignment":"centre","videoImageAlign":"centre","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220324-kgoy-kids-getting-older-younger-0"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":["p0bww6f9"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220324-kgoy-kids-getting-older-younger-1"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"calloutBodyHtml":"\u003Cp\u003EThis story is part of BBC's \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Ffamily-tree\"\u003EFamily Tree\u003C\u002Fa\u003E series, which examines the issues and opportunities parents, children and families face today – and how they'll shape the world tomorrow. Find more on \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Ffuture\u002Ffamily-tree\"\u003EBBC Future\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E","calloutTitle":"Family Tree","cardType":"CalloutBox","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220324-kgoy-kids-getting-older-younger-2"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EWhat is childhood?\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ETo understand how we measure growing up, it’s important to think about what most people mean by “childhood” and “adulthood”. Excluding biological measures such as when children hit puberty, our understanding of childhood is largely a social construction. People have different views of what it means depending on when and where they’ve grown up, making it difficult to measure or quantify.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn most countries, people are considered adults from the age of 18, but this varies. In Japan, you are legally a child \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.oecd.org\u002Fels\u002Ffamily\u002FPF_1_8_Age_threshold_Childhood_to_Adulthood.pdf\"\u003Euntil you are 20\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, while in other countries such as Iran, individuals \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.youthpolicy.org\u002Ffactsheets\u002Fcountry\u002Firan\u002F\"\u003Eas young as nine years old\u003C\u002Fa\u003E can be treated as adults in law. Definitions of childhood have also varied historically: in the 19th Century, it was common for children under the age of 10 to work, and the idea of being a “teenager” didn’t really exist until the 1940s. Before then, adolescents were simply seen to transition straight from childhood to adulthood. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EHow, then, do we understand the idea of growing up more quickly – and is it really the case? “The basic stages of children’s development aren’t changing,” says Shelley Pasnik, senior vice president and director of the Center for Children and Technology, a research group based at the Education Development Center, New York. “The external world is constantly shifting, but children’s cognitive and emotional milestones stay the same.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd Pasnik points out, it’s difficult to measure and quantify the idea of “growing up” in a social and cultural sense. There are so many cross-cultural, linguistic and developmental aspects to childhood that it’s almost impossible to pinpoint any one thing as being the primary influence on how quickly children grow and age.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThere’s also evidence \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.economist.com\u002Fscience-and-technology\u002F2000\u002F06\u002F22\u002Fa-rose-tinted-view-of-childhood\"\u003Epeople tend to idealise their own childhood\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, imagining it as a more carefree and happy time. It’s possible adults who complain that children today are maturing more rapidly may well be comparing them to a skewed and nostalgic view of their own youth that doesn’t quite compare to reality.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003E‘Media-delivered ideas’\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“What has changed is [kids’] exposure to information,” says Pasnik, “through video platforms to caregiver phones; social media platforms and interactive speakers with unlimited capacity to push content.” Children are now constantly getting what Pasnik calls “media-delivered ideas” – content aimed at adults and viewed mostly over the internet – much sooner than previous generations. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“There is increased exposure to violent or sexual content at a younger age, which causes a desensitisation and normalisation, because children’s brains aren’t fully developed to process this in a way that an adult brain can,” says Dr Willough Jenkins, an inpatient director of psychiatry at Rady Children’s Hospital, San Diego. “Of course, part of the exposure is to other people, too. Children can communicate with strangers without supervision, which leads to an increased risk of cyberbullying or adult conversations that they are not equipped to handle.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220324-kgoy-kids-getting-older-younger-3"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"There is increased exposure to violent or sexual content at a younger age, which causes a desensitisation and normalisation – Willough Jenkins","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220324-kgoy-kids-getting-older-younger-4"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EAll of this, says Pasnik, can lead to children confronting adult realities before they are developmentally ready to do so – something that is often interpreted as ‘growing up too quickly’.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EJenkins is quick to point out, however, that technology is neither bad nor good, and that there’s plenty of scaremongering around youth’s \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20180307-survival-tips-for-the-social-media-generation\"\u003Eincreased access to social media\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. It’s an oft-cited anecdote that in previous generations parents worried about their children watching television, and now social media has become the new societal ill for people to fear.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn fact, exposure to content not available to previous generations can be a good thing. Technology enables children to independently seek knowledge and to think critically, due to their access to a wider range of sources. For children in remote areas, the ability to find more knowledge and social connections outside their immediate family can be invaluable, as can accessing support and community for minority groups.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EOr staying young longer?\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ETechnology is far from the only social force affecting how children develop, and at what pace. Over the past few decades, parenting has become \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20200225-the-parenting-style-sweeping-europe\"\u003Emore intensive\u003C\u002Fa\u003E \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Facademic.oup.com\u002Fsf\u002Farticle-abstract\u002F98\u002F1\u002F31\u002F5257458?login=false\"\u003Ein the US\u003C\u002Fa\u003E and many other countries, and children today can expect more structured play, extracurricular activities and \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211105-the-parents-who-track-their-children\"\u003Eparental supervision\u003C\u002Fa\u003E than previous generations. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe topic of how this affects children is hotly debated – one argument is that heightened expectations placed on children to optimise their time in adult-like ways lead to unnecessary stress (and a loss of an important, carefree stage of childhood), while another argument is that they lead to a generation of pampered young adults unable to think for themselves (and a prolonged and unhealthy childhood).\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220324-kgoy-kids-getting-older-younger-5"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":["p0bww671"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220324-kgoy-kids-getting-older-younger-6"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003E“There’s been quite a bit of discussion especially in recent years, about children’s lives becoming more institutionalised and controlled,” says William Corsaro, a professor emeritus of sociology at Indiana University. He points to hovering parents and children’s involvement in extracurricular activities and lessons outside school, and to “overstated” fears about children’s safety and lower birth rates (meaning fewer at-home playmates) as factors that make children mature more slowly.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThis theory is echoed by Jean Twenge in her 2017 book iGen. Based on a survey of 11 million US-based young people, Twenge argued that kids born after 1995 are, contrary to much popular wisdom, growing up more slowly, engaging in milestones traditionally considered “adult” far later than their older counterparts.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThis is, in part, because smartphones allow children to socialise from their own home, making them less likely to engage in activities such as drinking with peers or sex, but she also points to an evolutionary idea known as ‘life history theory’, which classifies maturation of species into “slow” and “fast” strategies – the safer the environment, the more slowly they have to mature. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EToday, in an age of low birth-rates and high life-expectancies, children tend to be closer to their parents and grow up in a safer environment, and thus can mature more slowly. This means that they aren’t pushed towards independence in the same way that children growing up in a fast maturation environment – what previous generations experienced – might be.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220324-kgoy-kids-getting-older-younger-7"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"In an age of low birth-rates and high life-expectancies, children tend to be closer to their parents and grow up in a safer environment, and thus can mature more slowly","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220324-kgoy-kids-getting-older-younger-8"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EAlthough something of a wildcard, the pandemic also seems to be exacerbating this trend. Children stayed at home instead of going to school, weren’t able to travel to attend university and were furloughed from the jobs that offered a first taste of independence. By most traditional measures they were unable to grow up at the rate that children just a few years ahead of them had done – yet by other measures they were exposed to uncomfortable truths and social responsibilities such as mask-wearing that forced them to confront the adult world more quickly.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EA matter of perspective\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThough evidence indicates that in a cultural and social sense children aren’t growing up any more quickly than they ever have, this may be to do with how we understand what it means to grow up. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EViewed one way, children really are growing up more slowly, seemingly kept young by a socially distanced and digital world where their parents are their closest real-life companions. Viewed another way, children are simply showing how it looks to mature in today’s world. In fact it could be easy to argue that a broader view of life outside a hometown and local friendship circles given by technology, or an ability to navigate an online world, is just as valid a set of milestones and markers of growing up as having sex, drinking, driving and moving out of the family home. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EUltimately there are many factors that influence the rate at which children mature, and the circumstances are highly individual. Our understanding of where childhood ends and adulthood begins – and the line that separates them – is blurry, and subjective. Society isn’t static – it’s constantly evolving, and so what childhood looks and feels like is constantly evolving too. Getting ‘older’ might seem more complicated these days, but kids don’t know the difference, just as their parents didn’t know a life without the internet or television or telephones – or whatever it was their own parents worried was making them grow up too fast or slow.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cem\u003EAdditional reporting by Jessica Gross\u003C\u002Fem\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220324-kgoy-kids-getting-older-younger-9"}],"collection":["worklife\u002Fpremium-collection\u002Ffamily-tree"],"disableAdverts":false,"displayDate":"2022-03-24T15:25:07Z","embeddedCustomHtml":"","embeddedInfographicUrl":"","embeddedType":"infographic","headlineLong":"Kids getting older younger: Are children growing up too fast?","headlineShort":"Are children overexposed or pampered?","image":["p0bww62g"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"","isSyndicated":true,"latitude":"","longitude":"","mpsVideo":"","option":[{"Content":{"Description":"Apple News Publish: Select to publish, remove to unpublish. (Do not just delete or unpublish the story)","Name":"publish-applenews-system-1"},"Metadata":{"CreationDateTime":"2016-02-05T14:32:31.186819Z","Entity":"option","Guid":"13f4bc85-ae27-4a34-9397-0e6ad3619619","Id":"option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1","ModifiedDateTime":"2022-02-27T22:52:24.455144Z","Project":"wwverticals","Slug":"option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1"},"Urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:option:option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1","_id":"62b420921f4b7b5d34253c8b"}],"partner":null,"primaryVertical":"worklife","promoAlignment":"centre","promoAltText":"","promoImage":null,"relatedStories":["worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220218-are-younger-generations-truly-weaker-than-older-ones","worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220208-the-adult-boomerang-kids-moving-home-to-their-parents","worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211215-is-parenting-scarier-than-ever"],"relatedTag":null,"summaryLong":"Social media, pampering parents, increased pressure to succeed – ‘kids these days’ deal with a lot. But is it making them grow up faster or slower than previous generations?","summaryShort":"What social media and protective parents mean for 'kids these days'","tag":["tag\u002Fhow-we-live"],"textToSpeech":false,"creationDateTime":"2022-03-23T23:57:11.040747Z","entity":"article","guid":"fab04e49-41e6-439f-b59a-31f0ba4ad378","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220324-kgoy-kids-getting-older-younger","modifiedDateTime":"2022-05-24T12:24:29.239725Z","project":"wwverticals","slug":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220324-kgoy-kids-getting-older-younger","cacheLastUpdated":1657503756275},"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220215-could-on-site-childcare-lure-parents-back-to-the-workplace":{"urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:article:worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220215-could-on-site-childcare-lure-parents-back-to-the-workplace","_id":"62b4205b1f4b7b2942657452","ambientVideo":"","articleType":"story","assetVideo":null,"author":["worklife\u002Fauthor\u002Fali-francis"],"bodyIntro":"On-site childcare can cut down on parental stress, up worker engagement and help keep mums in the labour market. Why doesn't everyone offer it?","businessUnit":"worldwide","cards":[{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EAfter almost nine months working remotely due to the pandemic, Jessika, a 35-year-old living in Asheville, North Carolina, US, has been called back to the office – and she has no idea how she’s going to manage childcare.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EShe’s seven-and-a-half months pregnant and has a five-year-old daughter in Kindergarten. Her soon-to-be new-born is on seven different year-long waiting lists for local childcare centres, and her husband, a beer brewer, can’t work from home. Before her April due date, Jessika and her husband have to figure out who can watch the baby while they’re at work.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EIt’s important Jessika keeps her job as an impact associate at a private health trust, since she is the primary breadwinner in the family. “Mine is the income we can’t lose,” she says. What she wants is employer-sponsored on-site childcare. A dedicated space for her baby at the office would give her a way to breastfeed during the day, reduce her out-of-pocket expenses and cut down on extra commuting. Jessika says this set-up would radically reduce her stress, while allowing her to feel excited about going back to the office.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003E“It’s hard to even fathom,” she says, but on-site childcare is “the dream”.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EAs employees \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210629-the-great-resignation-how-employers-drove-workers-to-quit\"\u003Econtinue to quit jobs en masse in search of better ones\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, employers are scrambling to retain talent and fill empty seats. This has given many workers \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.npr.org\u002Fsections\u002Fmoney\u002F2022\u002F01\u002F25\u002F1075115539\u002Fthe-great-resignation-more-like-the-great-renegotiation\"\u003Eleverage over both existing and prospective employers\u003C\u002Fa\u003E to \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210924-are-office-perks-obsolete\"\u003Enegotiate benefits\u003C\u002Fa\u003E that better suit their priorities, many of which were reshuffled amid the pandemic.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003ELooking after kids has been particularly difficult to navigate over the last two years, due to school and day-care closures. Among the slew of possible family benefits is a growing demand for on-site childcare – an employer-sponsored day-care centre located in the workplace.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"infographic","imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","pullQuoteImageAlignment":"centre","videoImageAlign":"centre","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220215-could-on-site-childcare-lure-parents-back-to-the-workplace-0"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":["p0bp9c36"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220215-could-on-site-childcare-lure-parents-back-to-the-workplace-1"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"calloutBodyHtml":"\u003Cp\u003EThis story is part of BBC's \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Ffamily-tree\"\u003EFamily Tree\u003C\u002Fa\u003E series, which examines the issues and opportunities parents, children and families face today – and how they'll shape the world tomorrow. Coverage continues on \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Ffuture\u002Ffamily-tree\"\u003EBBC Future\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E","calloutTitle":"Family Tree","cardType":"CalloutBox","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220215-could-on-site-childcare-lure-parents-back-to-the-workplace-2"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EAlthough Jessika’s employer is not currently planning on introducing the benefit, increasingly, \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.npr.org\u002F2022\u002F01\u002F04\u002F1064124004\u002Fchild-care-is-getting-more-support-from-some-private-companies?t=1641302812889\"\u003Esome companies are considering\u003C\u002Fa\u003E – and \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.npr.org\u002F2022\u002F01\u002F04\u002F1064124004\u002Fchild-care-is-getting-more-support-from-some-private-companies?t=1641302812889\"\u003Eeven opting in\u003C\u002Fa\u003E – to make her dream a reality. “Now that employers are calling their employees back to the office, we are seeing an uptick in interest for on-site childcare services,” says Stephen Kramer, CEO of US-based childcare provider Bright Horizons.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003ENew childcare services could have multiple positive effects, like keeping more working parents with their current employers; enabling primary caregivers of all types who stepped away from the workforce a path to returning; and better positioning companies to retain and attract new talent in a contracted labour market. Now, the question is: will employers heed the writing on the wall and roll out on-site childcare or is it still a pipe dream?\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EA perk that matters most for parents\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003ENo matter what their employment situation is – remote, hybrid or in-office – working parents have to manage childcare. “It’s absolutely the most important thing on their minds right now,” says Sarah Damaske, an associate professor of sociology, labour and employment relations and women’s studies at Pennsylvania State University, US. This is particularly the case for those with younger kids. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EHistorically, especially in the US, where \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.nytimes.com\u002F2021\u002F10\u002F06\u002Fupshot\u002Fchild-care-biden.html\"\u003Ethere aren’t public options\u003C\u002Fa\u003E for kids under five, parents have largely had to arrange care on their own. And securing a place for children has only become more difficult during the pandemic, with childcare centres forced to close in droves due to capacity limits and a haemorrhaging of workers. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003ENow parents want expanded childcare benefits, says Abakar Saidov, CEO of London-based recruitment platform Beamery. In a September 2021 survey of 5,000 UK and US professionals (at least 56% of them parents), Beamery found \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fbeamery.com\u002Fresources\u002Flatest-content\u002Fbeamery-talent-index-third-edition\"\u003Ethe desire for employer-sponsored care benefits\u003C\u002Fa\u003E outranked “gym memberships, mental wellbeing programs, and even enhanced parental leave pay”. And, according to a 2021 survey commissioned by New York City-based childcare provider Vivvi, \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fvivvi.com\u002Fblog\u002Ffamily\u002Farticles\u002F__working_parents_survey\"\u003E40% of respondents were considering looking for a new job or even leaving the workplace altogether\u003C\u002Fa\u003E if they couldn't access reliable options.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EThe value of employer-sponsored childcare is well documented. A 2010 Bright Horizons survey of 3,100 parents who had access to on-site facilities showed that they were \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.brighthorizons.com\u002F~\u002Fmedia\u002Fbaaef6571dc04ae4802d735ec39b6745.pdf\"\u003Eable to concentrate better at work, were more likely to remain at a job, and could more effectively balance their work and family commitments\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.  Though these findings are not new, the pandemic has brought them into sharp focus, says Kramer: “In order to be engaged and productive in their jobs, parents need their children to be well cared for.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220215-could-on-site-childcare-lure-parents-back-to-the-workplace-3"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"In order to be engaged and productive in their jobs, parents need their children to be well cared for – Stephen Kramer","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220215-could-on-site-childcare-lure-parents-back-to-the-workplace-4"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EAnother important way that on-site facilities help reduce parental stress is by cutting down on cost and commute. They “don’t have to drive all over for it”, says Damaske, and it “feels safe” because their kids are nearby.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EAnd perhaps most importantly, employer-provided on-site facilities can help reduce the burden parents face when trying to find quality care – and quality care that they can actually afford – a factor that has contributed to \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.census.gov\u002Flibrary\u002Fstories\u002F2021\u002F03\u002Fmoms-work-and-the-pandemic.html\"\u003Emothers dropping out of the workforce\u003C\u002Fa\u003E in record numbers during the pandemic. “One of the things that parents report is that, when childcare is easily accessible and they know it’s high quality, it keeps them, especially mums, in the labour market,” says Damaske. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EA benefit for employers as well\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EEmployers who are currently scrambling to hire and retain talent also stand to gain, Kramer says, by using the benefit to recruit workers, draw employees back to the office and keep their current staff from leaving.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EThese kinds of results don't just apply to full-time salaried workers, either. Damaske says on-site childcare is a move that’s especially impactful when it’s available to workers in all kinds of employment arrangements. Saidov adds accessible, on-site childcare allows hiring managers to consider \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.zenefits.com\u002Fworkest\u002Fworkplace-daycare-growing-in-popularity\u002F\"\u003Ea larger talent pool\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, one that ordinarily might not be able to apply due to childcare costs and obligations.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EDixie Benca has seen these positive effects in action at her restaurant, McGee's Scot-Irish Pub, in South Carolina, US. After struggling to hire back part-time hourly workers when the pandemic forced her to shut shop for three months, Benca – whose own son is almost three – introduced on-site childcare in July 2021. Now, the business is fully staffed, with applicants on a waiting list for new job openings. Benca checks in with her team regularly, and says that for the parents using the program, “not one of them has even considered going somewhere else to work since they’ve been here.”.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EShe’s also noticed the staff taking advantage of this perk seem more productive, because they’re not worried about what’s going on at home. And when something inevitably does happen, they don’t necessarily need to leave work mid-shift. “One child got a bloody nose recently,” says Benca. “Mom went into [the nursery] to handle it, and in 10 minutes she was back to work.”   \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EFor rural families, \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.ffyf.org\u002Ffamilies-in-rural-communities-face-acute-child-care-challenges\u002F%252523:~:text=Families%25252520in%25252520Rural%25252520Communities%25252520Face%25252520Acute%25252520Child%25252520Care%25252520Challenges,-October%2525252013%2525252C%252525202021&text=Access%25252520to%25252520high%2525252Dquality%25252520child,to%25252520formal%25252520child%25252520care%25252520facilities.\"\u003Ethe need for childcare is particularly acute\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. The reduction in capacity most day-cares are experiencing is only exacerbating a supply and demand issue that existed in many communities prior to the pandemic, says Kramer – not only do they face the challenge of locating operating care centres, but they also typically have to drive far out of their way to use them.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220215-could-on-site-childcare-lure-parents-back-to-the-workplace-5"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":["p0bp9cmj"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220215-could-on-site-childcare-lure-parents-back-to-the-workplace-6"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EAt manufacturing company AriensCo in Brillion, Wisconsin, US, at least 60% of the 1,300 production workers drive in from out of town for their shifts, says Executive Vice President of Administration Steve Servais. Like \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fnewmfgalliance.org\u002Fwp-content\u002Fuploads\u002F2020\u002F12\u002FVitality-Study-12-8-2020.pdf\"\u003Emany in their sector\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, AriensCo is struggling with hiring and employee turnover. As an incentive to keep them coming to work, the company built its Brillion Early Learning Center less than a mile from the factory in September last year – open from 0445 until 1830 so that production workers on first and second shifts are covered. Services are available to employees at a 50% subsidy and at full cost to the public. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EThe facility has been such a success for parents on staff – who Servais says are notably more energised and engaged with the company – and the wider Brillion community that they’re already considering expansion. “The building was designed in a kind of L-shape format so we could build off the wings if we needed to,” he says. And as AriensCo’s internal employee waiting list grows “that starts to become an easy decision”, especially as the company is actively looking to recruit at least 200 employees across various different roles. “[On-site childcare] is absolutely a differentiator for us,” says Servais.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003ENot a perfect solution (yet)\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EWhile some companies have begun to offer on-site childcare, many may baulk at the cost and debate the benefit to parents working remotely.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003ELike off-site childcare centres, company-run day-cares (larger than a certain size, determined by state or local governments) must be licensed, insured and staffed with trained caretakers. AriensCo partnered with childcare provider KinderCare to handle most of the operations behind their multi-million-dollar facility, and have had to budget $500,000 (£370,000) annually to cover employee subsidies – costs that could be untenable for many smaller businesses.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220215-could-on-site-childcare-lure-parents-back-to-the-workplace-7"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"One child got a bloody nose recently – mom went into [the nursery] to handle it, and in 10 minutes she was back to work – Dixie Benca","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220215-could-on-site-childcare-lure-parents-back-to-the-workplace-8"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EFor others, establishing and maintaining these facilities doesn’t yet make sense from a logistical standpoint, especially when \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220113-why-a-wide-scale-return-to-the-office-is-a-myth\"\u003Ereturn-to-office dates are still in flux\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, and some workers may not return at all. Flexible benefits – like paid access to online care-finder platforms, subsidised back-up care (for when babysitters cancel or private day-cares close) and cash allowances to parents – might make more sense for many offices right now, says Saidov.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EWhile on-site childcare would certainly ease the transition for parents returning to the office or re-entering the labour market, says Damaske, it’s not a standalone solution. “The problem is tied up in the need for more paid parental and family leave, and more sick days,” too, she says. “As long as there are going to be exposures [from Covid-19 and other illnesses], even in-business childcare centres are going to have to close. Then what happens?”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EStill, Kramer argues on-site childcare is worth the financial investment regardless of return-to-office plans. At Bright Horizons, he’s seeing both employers with in-office and remote staff offer the benefit. “The fact is, all working parents need childcare,” he says, even if they’re at home for part of the week. And employers need to make sure that “over the long term, they’re solving for those challenges”.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003E‘It’s solved the childcare problem in spades’\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EIf workers continue to leave jobs en masse, employers dragging their feet over on-site childcare might be forced to reconsider adding the perk as part of an overall recruiting, retention and return-to-office tool, says Saidov. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003ELooking to the future, Kramer believes on-site childcare is going to become more commonplace. “Employees’ expectations have changed,” he says, and company leaders should really be “thinking about how they can create a more sustainable work environment” going forward. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EBenca also hopes more companies can find a way to work the cost of childcare into their business plans, like she has. “It’s certainly better financially than to continue to lose good workers,” she says. And while her on-site nursery hasn’t fixed every pandemic struggle the pub has faced, “it’s solved the childcare problem in spades”. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EIn Asheville, Jessika is focusing on the positives: a job she loves, a flexible and understanding boss, and a new baby on the way. Once that day comes, however, her family is going to have to make some tough decisions. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003E“I just keep hoping that we'll get lucky, and that [the baby] will get off the waiting lists for day-care,” she says. “My husband and I have been trying to figure out what would happen if not; maybe he does quit his job.” But if on-site childcare were to become a reality, she’d opt in – “100%, without hesitation”.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220215-could-on-site-childcare-lure-parents-back-to-the-workplace-9"}],"collection":["worklife\u002Fpremium-collection\u002Ffamily-tree"],"disableAdverts":false,"displayDate":"2022-02-17T19:48:24Z","embeddedCustomHtml":"","embeddedInfographicUrl":"","embeddedType":"infographic","headlineLong":"Could on-site childcare lure parents back to the workplace?","headlineShort":"The number one perk for working parents","image":["p0bp99q9"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"","isSyndicated":true,"latitude":"","longitude":"","mpsVideo":"","option":[{"Content":{"Description":"Apple News Publish: Select to publish, remove to unpublish. (Do not just delete or unpublish the story)","Name":"publish-applenews-system-1"},"Metadata":{"CreationDateTime":"2016-02-05T14:32:31.186819Z","Entity":"option","Guid":"13f4bc85-ae27-4a34-9397-0e6ad3619619","Id":"option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1","ModifiedDateTime":"2022-02-27T22:52:24.455144Z","Project":"wwverticals","Slug":"option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1"},"Urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:option:option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1","_id":"62b420921f4b7b5d34253c8b"}],"partner":null,"primaryVertical":"worklife","promoAlignment":"centre","promoAltText":"","promoImage":null,"relatedStories":["worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211007-the-parents-who-dont-want-to-go-back-to-the-office","worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220121-the-parental-shame-that-haunts-working-parents","worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220114-why-ending-illegal-pregnancy-discrimination-is-so-hard"],"relatedTag":null,"summaryLong":"On-site childcare can cut down on parental stress, up worker engagement and help keep mums in the labour market. Why doesn't everyone offer it?","summaryShort":"The pandemic has shifted priorities – and parents are pushing for more","tag":["tag\u002Fhow-we-work"],"textToSpeech":false,"creationDateTime":"2022-02-16T23:28:39.341763Z","entity":"article","guid":"cfa83aee-2e3e-44ba-8592-2681aafe3d1d","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220215-could-on-site-childcare-lure-parents-back-to-the-workplace","modifiedDateTime":"2022-02-25T07:22:29.2885Z","project":"wwverticals","slug":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220215-could-on-site-childcare-lure-parents-back-to-the-workplace","cacheLastUpdated":1657503756278},"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220121-the-parental-shame-that-haunts-working-parents":{"urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:article:worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220121-the-parental-shame-that-haunts-working-parents","_id":"62b4205b1f4b7b431777a6d1","ambientVideo":"","articleType":"story","assetVideo":null,"author":[],"bodyIntro":"Juggling work and family pressures is hard – and when parents are ashamed of how they’re managing the “impossible balancing act”, research shows their careers suffer.","businessUnit":"worldwide","cards":[{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EShame is a familiar feeling for Gill, a careers expert from the UK, who works long hours.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EShe often finds herself battling guilt when she’s rushing the bedtime routine to get back to her computer, or when a work commitment means she’s late picking her children up from school. “I can’t bear the look on my children’s face when they are one of the last to be collected,” she says, adding that she has to actively suppress the negative feelings so they don’t impact her work. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWorking parents often feel inadequate. Working mothers in particular often lament the struggles of balancing career demands with their desire to be a present parent. Yet, new research suggests these negative feelings can directly impact careers; parents who report feelings of shame also tend to be less productive in the workplace. That’s because when they feel bad about their parenting, they withdraw from the activity that they feel is the cause, potentially hampering career development, or even causing some to leave the workforce.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAt a time when resignations – particularly \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.theguardian.com\u002Fcommentisfree\u002F2021\u002Fnov\u002F19\u002Fgreat-resignation-mothers-forced-to-leave-jobs\"\u003Eamong working women\u003C\u002Fa\u003E – are at \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211214-great-resignation-into-great-reshuffle\"\u003Erecord highs\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, understanding the link between parental shame and performance at work is important. Taking time to evaluate how we normalise and support the balancing act so many caregivers contend with could not only improve the lives of parents, but also help keep women in the workforce in a time of unprecedented economic upheaval.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003E‘Parental identity threat’\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EParents, particularly female caregivers, have long been encouraged to formulate identities that combine work with parenthood. The idea of ‘having it all’ rose to prominence in the 1980s, as women entered the workforce en masse.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut in recent years, experts have pushed back on the idea that individuals can effectively and happily manage a thriving work, home and family life simultaneously; they point out that this is an impossibly high standard for women to strive towards. Today, there’s broader acceptance of the challenges of combining professional and family roles – yet many parents still feel pressure to do better.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"infographic","imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","pullQuoteImageAlignment":"centre","videoImageAlign":"centre","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220121-the-parental-shame-that-haunts-working-parents-0"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220121-the-parental-shame-that-haunts-working-parents-1"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"calloutBodyHtml":"\u003Cp\u003EThis story is part of BBC's \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Ffamily-tree\"\u003EFamily Tree\u003C\u002Fa\u003E series, which examines the issues and opportunities parents, children and families face today – and how they'll shape the world tomorrow. Coverage continues on \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Ffuture\u002Ffamily-tree\"\u003EBBC Future\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E","calloutTitle":"Family Tree","cardType":"CalloutBox","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220121-the-parental-shame-that-haunts-working-parents-2"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EFor Cynthia Wang, personal experience sparked an interest in studying parental shame. Wang, a clinical professor of management and organisations at Northwestern University, US, and her research team – all professionals based at universities in the UK and US – were also parents. Although they cherished their careers and children, they all felt under significant pressure to be both the perfect parent and the perfect employee.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWang and her co-authors decided to examine what happened when working parents felt they were falling short of social expectations to juggle family and home well. They asked \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fpapers.ssrn.com\u002Fsol3\u002Fpapers.cfm?abstract_id=3882213\"\u003Ehundreds of working parents\u003C\u002Fa\u003E to complete an online survey assessing their emotional stability and ability to handle stressful situations before the workday began. Next, they were asked to rate how strongly they agreed with statements such as ‘my role as a parent was looked at in a negative way’. Wang and her team were looking for something that they termed “parental identity threat”, which describes the way that parents feel when their role as caregiver is challenged by career demands, and balancing the two becomes untenable.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“Parental identity threat is something that happens at work that makes you question whether you’re a good parent,” she explains. “For example, a co-worker might ask who is taking care of your kid when you are working late, or perhaps your child’s school asks for more volunteers to chaperone a field trip but you can’t attend because it is during working hours. These instances can make parents feel shame.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAfter they finished the working day, the same parents were asked to report whether they had felt ashamed, embarrassed or humiliated in instances where their parental identity was threatened, as well as how productive they had been at work that day. The research showed that when parents experienced high levels of parental identity threat, they also reported higher levels of shame and lower levels of productivity.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220121-the-parental-shame-that-haunts-working-parents-3"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"When parents experienced high levels of parental identity threat, they also reported higher levels of shame and lower levels of productivity","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220121-the-parental-shame-that-haunts-working-parents-4"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003E“When parents criticise themselves in terms of their parenting, the result is a withdrawal from situations that prompt these feelings of shame – namely, pulling away from their work responsibilities,” says Wang. “By distancing themselves from work, employees attempt to manage shame by signalling that they will not allow work to adversely affect their parenting duties. That way, they can’t be judged as being more devoted to work than to their children.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003E‘The thing that she’s going to remember is how much I worked’\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFor many working parents, the pandemic exacerbated existing challenges by \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20200401-how-to-work-from-home-with-your-kids-during-coronavirus\"\u003Eblurring the boundaries\u003C\u002Fa\u003E between parenting time and the working day.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ETake Angela, a US-based mother of one, who works as a consultant. During the pandemic, she struggled with stress when her work and home lives collided. “We had Zoom classes at the same time that my husband was doing meetings,” she says. “I would get messages from the teacher saying, ‘We can hear you on conference calls during class’. We have a small house, so there was truly no quiet space.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe conflict between educating her daughter at home and responding to her clients’ needs exacerbated already existing feelings of guilt. Angela says she’s trying to do better by her daughter, setting boundaries to devote more time to family tasks. But even as she misses work deadlines to prioritise her family, Angela still worries her daughter will look back on her childhood as a time when her parents were constantly focused on their jobs. “I worry that of all of the things that I do for [my daughter], and all of the ways that I’m present in her life, the thing that she’s going to remember is how much I worked.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EChristy Pruitt-Haynes, a US-based HR Consultant at the NeuroLeadership Institute, says many parents Angela’s pandemic struggles.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“Many people used to use leaving the office as a signal that the work day was over, and it was time to transition to parent mode,” she says. “When your workplace and your home are the same location, it is difficult to make those mental shifts between the employee and parent identities. Overall, we found that during the pandemic parents worked longer hours and had increased parenting needs, and struggled to find a balance.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EAnother layer of shame\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFor some, feeling shame about parenting might only have a temporary impact on productivity. But if negative emotions become deeply embedded into the working day, parents might find themselves making more significant withdrawals from office life. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“Those who feel guilt are less likely to contribute in meetings or volunteer for new projects and initiatives,” says Naomi Murphy, a professor of psychology at Nottingham Trent University, UK, whose research focuses on parental shame. “It can also impact on their relationships with colleagues, making them irritable and defensive.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220121-the-parental-shame-that-haunts-working-parents-5"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220121-the-parental-shame-that-haunts-working-parents-6"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EAt worst, the effect of parental shame on work performance could lead to much higher staff turnover as \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210629-the-great-resignation-how-employers-drove-workers-to-quit\"\u003Eunhappy workers quit\u003C\u002Fa\u003E – something that impacts the shape of the workforce and the \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20200630-how-covid-19-is-changing-womens-lives\"\u003Erole of women\u003C\u002Fa\u003E. Data suggests that in mid-2020, \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.theguardian.com\u002Fcommentisfree\u002F2021\u002Fnov\u002F19\u002Fgreat-resignation-mothers-forced-to-leave-jobs\"\u003Elabour market participation among women dropped to its lowest rate in 30 years\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, and that a third of women in the US workforce scaled back or left their jobs between March 2020 and August 2021. A global survey showed that the \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww2.deloitte.com\u002Fglobal\u002Fen\u002Fpages\u002Fabout-deloitte\u002Farticles\u002Fwomen-at-work-global-outlook.html?id=gx:2pm:3dp:4women_at_work(womenatwork,_gender_survey):GC1000011:6abt:20210519:forbes\"\u003Eprimary force pushing women to leave their jobs was increased responsibilities at work\u003C\u002Fa\u003E as a result of the pandemic, and the difficulties of carrying these out whilst also shouldering the majority of \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20210518-the-hidden-load-how-thinking-of-everything-holds-mums-back\"\u003Ehousehold responsibilities\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.\u003Cstrong\u003E \u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe start of the return to the office has also brought another layer of shame, says Melissa Huey, an assistant professor of psychology at the New York Institute of Technology.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“Realising the amount of time that is lost to careers, rather than being spent with children, can be disheartening. As a result, workplace productivity suffers, and everyday tasks suddenly feel meaningless or less important than they were before the pandemic. These feelings of guilt, coupled with the burnout that many are experiencing, may be one reason that we are now seeing workers quitting their jobs in record numbers.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003ENormalising the struggle\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EMurphy believes making the workplace a better environment for those balancing careers with childcare should become a priority for employers.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220121-the-parental-shame-that-haunts-working-parents-7"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"During the pandemic, parents worked longer hours and had increased parenting needs, and struggled to find a balance – Christy Pruitt-Haynes","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220121-the-parental-shame-that-haunts-working-parents-8"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003E“Acknowledging that shame and guilt are a normal part of parenthood can go a long way,” she says. “Employers should be opening up conversations to acknowledge that their employee is managing more complex life circumstances at the moment, and putting this in the context of a range of life events that have to be juggled by different people at different points in time, like bereavement, health concerns or ageing parents. Most people become parents or experience one or more of those circumstances at some point, and will understand what an employee struggling with guilt is going through.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ENorthwestern University researcher Wang says finding strong support networks or emotionally stable mentors can be a helpful way for workers to reduce feelings of parental shame, but that there is also a lot of work to do around reframing the idea of shame.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E“Society places a lot of pressure on working parents to be ‘perfect’,” she says. “I think that understanding that no parent or employee is perfect can be helpful. Research shows that when individuals who face a stressful task are told that their negative emotions aren’t harmful, but are in face beneficial, they exhibit less shame and even perform better on the task.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EPruitt-Haynes adds workplaces must give workers permission to talk about real-life problems, and the “seemingly impossible balancing act” between being a parent and employee. “We tend to feel shame when we think that we have done something wrong. If a company acknowledges that it is normal to feel pulled in two directions, then an employee won’t feel so bad. They will simply feel normal.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220121-the-parental-shame-that-haunts-working-parents-9"}],"collection":[],"disableAdverts":false,"displayDate":"2022-01-25T14:31:35Z","embeddedCustomHtml":"","embeddedInfographicUrl":"","embeddedType":"infographic","headlineLong":"The parental shame that haunts working parents","headlineShort":"The dark power of 'parental shame'","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"","isSyndicated":true,"latitude":"","longitude":"","mpsVideo":"","option":[],"partner":null,"primaryVertical":"worklife","promoAlignment":"centre","promoAltText":"","promoImage":null,"relatedStories":[],"relatedTag":null,"summaryLong":"Juggling work and family pressures is hard – and when parents are ashamed of how they’re managing the “impossible balancing act”, research shows their careers suffer.","summaryShort":"When working parents feel scrutinised, their careers take a substantial hit","tag":[],"textToSpeech":false,"creationDateTime":"2022-01-24T20:50:00.503265Z","entity":"article","guid":"04014eca-17b7-4cf8-b1d8-e723aeadfdc0","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220121-the-parental-shame-that-haunts-working-parents","modifiedDateTime":"2022-02-25T07:21:15.829184Z","project":"wwverticals","slug":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220121-the-parental-shame-that-haunts-working-parents","cacheLastUpdated":1657503756283},"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220218-how-home-working-could-be-changing-childrens-futures":{"urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:article:worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220218-how-home-working-could-be-changing-childrens-futures","_id":"62b4205b1f4b7b32ea2ca052","ambientVideo":"","articleType":"story","assetVideo":null,"author":["worklife\u002Fauthor\u002Fmeredith-turits"],"bodyIntro":"In an era of remote and hybrid work, children are witnessing their parents working more than ever. Is this having a negative effect on kids?","businessUnit":"worldwide","cards":[{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EI work a lot. In part due to my own (not-so-balanced) habits, and also because I work with teams across the globe, I admittedly don’t turn off as much as I should. I worry my son notices.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EHe’s only two, but he sees me on my devices far more often than I’d like – and perhaps far more regularly than he should. Often, right after he wakes up, I’m on my computer; during his dinner, I sometimes find myself checking my work phone, splitting my attention. He’s already learned to say, “Mommy’s working”, and knows to ask Daddy for a snack or to play when I am head down. And with hybrid work becoming the default, he’ll see me at those devices more often than he would if I were entirely office-based.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EParents have worked in front of children for centuries. But as the pandemic has radically altered how we work, ushering in remote set-ups for many employees, some parents – particularly knowledge-workers – are finding their work habits increasingly on display in front of their children in a new way. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EResearch has already shown that adults’ attitudes and practises can influence a child’s relationship with how they work in the future as well as how they develop – so now, when many working parents aren’t in offices as before, could these effects be exacerbated?\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EExperts say increased exposure to work can have downsides both for children’s development as well as how they perceive the role of a job in a parent’s life. But there may be hidden upsides, too – and things parents can do to amplify the good over the bad.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003E‘Your priority is work’\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EResearch conducted in the past decade has shown parents’ attitudes and behaviours around work can have an impact on their children.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EIn 2017, Ioana Lupu, associate professor at ESSEC Business School, France, published findings on whether children go on to imitate their parents’ work habits in the future. Looking at employees for top law firms in London, Lupu found \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fhbr.org\u002F2017\u002F10\u002Fyour-feelings-about-work-life-balance-are-shaped-by-what-you-saw-your-parents-do\"\u003Ea substantial number of workers mimicked the patterns of their parents\u003C\u002Fa\u003E; for instance, those whose parents worked long hours or were breadwinners were likely to replicate that in their own working lives as adults, whether consciously or subconsciously.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"infographic","imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","pullQuoteImageAlignment":"centre","videoImageAlign":"centre","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220218-how-home-working-could-be-changing-childrens-futures-0"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":["p0bpyd0z"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220218-how-home-working-could-be-changing-childrens-futures-1"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"calloutBodyHtml":"\u003Cp\u003EThis story is part of BBC's \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Ffamily-tree\"\u003EFamily Tree\u003C\u002Fa\u003E series, which examines the issues and opportunities parents, children and families face today – and how they'll shape the world tomorrow. Coverage continues on \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Ffuture\u002Ffamily-tree\"\u003EBBC Future\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E","calloutTitle":"Family Tree","cardType":"CalloutBox","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220218-how-home-working-could-be-changing-childrens-futures-2"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EAdditional research from Stewart Friedman, author of Total Leadership and organisational psychologist at the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania, US, \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fhbr.org\u002F2018\u002F11\u002Fhow-our-careers-affect-our-children\"\u003Eshowed children often suffered emotionally\u003C\u002Fa\u003E when their fathers particularly were very psychologically engaged in their careers. Further, fathers’ split attention due to engagement with their devices also had adverse emotional and even physical impacts. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EThese studies were conducted pre-pandemic, when parents were often in offices. Now that parents are working in front of children more, due to remote-work set-ups, both researchers believe these effects could be intensified.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EToday’s conditions are like ‘take your child to work day’, but every single day, says Friedman – and, he believes, it’s problematic. For some portions of the day, children will be in front of devices or with a book, while a parent’s attention is diverted. When kids see a parent work, they may believe they are doing other tasks with people who matter more. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003E“You're taking your most precious asset, which is your attention and you’re diverting it from the most important person in the world to you … They feel it,” says Friedman.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EFriedman believes young children may especially experience consequences when parents are “psychologically removed from family life while being physically present”. Lupu agrees, especially with the uptick in device use outside standard working hours.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003E“By definition, these devices are quite absorbing,” she says. “You may say, ‘I’ll just take five minutes to answer this email, and I’ll be with you – but that rarely happens.” Children, who crave attention, can have negative emotional reactions when parents divert their gaze, she says. “This translates into, ‘I'm not as important right now’, which can be super detrimental, if they’re exposed to that much more than they were.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003ELupu adds that often, children internalise the way parents prioritise work. “Kids tend to think that the activities we spend the most time on are the most important,” she says. “They could easily say, because you are spending so much time on your work and so little time with me, it means your priority is work.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220218-how-home-working-could-be-changing-childrens-futures-3"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"You're taking your most precious asset, which is your attention and you’re diverting it from the most important person in the world to you – Stewart Friedman","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220218-how-home-working-could-be-changing-childrens-futures-4"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EAnd the increased blurring of boundaries between work can be “chaotic”, adds Sara Harkness, professor of human development and family sciences at the University of Connecticut, US. “It becomes stressful for parents, but also for children,” she says.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EThese fuzzy boundaries mean delineations between when parents are able to engage and when they aren’t are unclear. Pre-pandemic, children had spaces when they did not expect parents’ attention, such as school or extra-curricular activities; they also understood that a parent in the office or commuting wasn’t actively available to them. “Now with work happening at home,” says Lupu, “some parents may be present physically, but not mentally.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EFriedman also notes the effect of “spill-over”. When parents have negative interactions to work in front of children, kids may feel that they are the source of distress. If they see a parent anxious and enraged, he says, they may become confused and worried about the cause. “[They may] say, did I do something wrong? … They start feeling insecure.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EThere is a gendered component to some of these effects, adds Lupu, wherein negative influence may be more acute from mothers, due to the ingrained expectation that generally women do more housework and care than fathers, so children expect them to be available for tasks like housework and childrearing. Although some fathers are engaging with care more due to home-working, it’s generally more ‘accepted’ for men to draw hard lines in which they are not providing attention to children. However, cautions Friedman, “fathers do not get a ‘free pass’”, as they still have significant influence on how work affects family relationships.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EPositive precedents\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EWorking in front of children is not all downside, however. Experts say certain elements of remote work as well as parent behaviour in a home-working situation can be beneficial for a child’s development.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EFor instance, although spill-over can be detrimental when the display of emotion is negative, the inverse can happen, too, says Friedman. If children observe parents engaging positively with work, using the workplace to display their values or showing that they’re using their “particular gifts and passions for doing good”, this can set a positive precedent for how children form their relationships with work in the future. Children may not make these associations immediately, he says, but over time, the observations can be significant.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003E“It can be so valuable and important for kids to be present and see their parents navigating the values and engagement in their work,” agrees Kim Ferguson, dean of graduate and professional studies at Sarah Lawrence College in New York. A child observing a parent’s positive work ethic can also be a strong influence throughout their life, at multiple stages, adds Tricia Hanley, director of Sarah Lawrence College’s Child Development Institute.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220218-how-home-working-could-be-changing-childrens-futures-5"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":["p0bpycxc"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220218-how-home-working-could-be-changing-childrens-futures-6"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EAdditionally, the rise of remote and hybrid work has also coincided with increased flexibility. This comes with an upside, says Harkness, especially when working parents can be present for lunch, attend an extra-curricular event or even give a child a snack when they’re hungry – something a structured 9-to-5 office job hasn’t traditionally afforded. “This sets a precedent that you can be involved in your child’s life, even if you’re also working.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003E‘Mom murmuring in the closet’\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EAs work has shifted, boundaries have become increasingly difficult to draw – but finding a way to pencil in these hard lines may be the key to mitigating negative effects.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003ELupu calls this approach “segmentation” – creating “rules and routines around space and time” when parents and children are together. This could mean designating a physical space for work, if possible – “a place where when Mommy is there, Mommy’s working”. Friedman agrees: “It creates that buffer, that private space. That’s why I’m all for people even working in closets… [Children] might hear Mom murmuring [from] the closet, but it’s because she needs to be in private now”, and when she’s done, she will come out and engage.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EA large component of segmentation is also creating boundaries around device use after a certain time, so parents can devote full attention to children.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003ELupu says creating routines is paramount; in ways, putting these structures in place mimics the hard boundaries between work and care that kids had pre-pandemic, due to scheduled activities, like school.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EAdditionally, Friedman, Lupu, Ferguson and Hanley all agree parents need to actively initiate conversations about these changes and new behaviours, whether their children seem too young to internalise these environmental cues, or if they’re old enough to be explicitly conscious of parents’ patterns.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003E“It’s important to talk to [children] about the different types of work they do, what attention it involves, why it’s valuable and important and why they do it,” says Ferguson. “It’s fine if why they do it is to make money for the family to eat – but then talk and say, ‘I don’t enjoy my work, but this is why I do it’ or ‘I do enjoy this part of it’.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220218-how-home-working-could-be-changing-childrens-futures-7"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"It can be so valuable and important for kids to be present and see their parents navigating the values and engagement in their work – Kim Ferguson","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220218-how-home-working-could-be-changing-childrens-futures-8"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EFor children of all ages, Ferguson adds parents should also communicate why they’re making short- and long-term decisions about work: for instance, letting a child know to play quietly because they are in an important meeting.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EHowever, each expert stressed that remote work isn’t ‘dooming’ kids, especially because each child has their own personality and way of processing what they see. Lupu says that although many people in her research parroted their parents’ working habits, some respondents were actively pushing back against poorly modelled behaviour, and choosing to approach work in a different, healthier way.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EFerguson says the best thing parents can do is understand this newfound set-up will become the norm, at least for now, and the key is finding ways to make it work for their particular environment. The issue is so new, though, that there’s not a lot of guidance around \u003Cem\u003Ehow \u003C\u002Fem\u003Eto do this, and Hanley notes parents may face different issues, depending on gender, family structure and socioeconomic status.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"Body\"\u003EUltimately, though, it doesn’t matter whether parents are at home or in the office – children mould themselves in their caretakers’ attitudes, actions and decisions. Communication and boundaries aren’t just meant for remote employees – these precedents set up a model for how kids will build their relationships with work in the future, and shape whom they become, years down the line.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220218-how-home-working-could-be-changing-childrens-futures-9"}],"collection":["worklife\u002Fpremium-collection\u002Ffamily-tree"],"disableAdverts":false,"displayDate":"2022-02-24T15:41:50Z","embeddedCustomHtml":"","embeddedInfographicUrl":"","embeddedType":"infographic","headlineLong":"How remote working could be changing children’s futures","headlineShort":"Is remote work hurting children?","image":["p0bpyct6"],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageAltText":"","isSyndicated":true,"latitude":"","longitude":"","mpsVideo":"","option":[{"Content":{"Description":"Apple News Publish: Select to publish, remove to unpublish. (Do not just delete or unpublish the story)","Name":"publish-applenews-system-1"},"Metadata":{"CreationDateTime":"2016-02-05T14:32:31.186819Z","Entity":"option","Guid":"13f4bc85-ae27-4a34-9397-0e6ad3619619","Id":"option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1","ModifiedDateTime":"2022-02-27T22:52:24.455144Z","Project":"wwverticals","Slug":"option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1"},"Urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:option:option\u002Fpublish-applenews-system-1","_id":"62b420921f4b7b5d34253c8b"}],"partner":null,"primaryVertical":"worklife","promoAlignment":"centre","promoAltText":"","promoImage":null,"relatedStories":["worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220215-could-on-site-childcare-lure-parents-back-to-the-workplace","worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220121-the-parental-shame-that-haunts-working-parents","worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211007-the-parents-who-dont-want-to-go-back-to-the-office"],"relatedTag":null,"summaryLong":"In an era of remote and hybrid work, children are witnessing their parents working more than ever. Is this having a negative effect on kids?","summaryShort":"What happens when kids see parents work so much more","tag":["tag\u002Fhow-we-work"],"textToSpeech":false,"creationDateTime":"2022-02-23T22:01:57.863912Z","entity":"article","guid":"5ca15573-07d3-4268-ad83-0388f45a36c9","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220218-how-home-working-could-be-changing-childrens-futures","modifiedDateTime":"2022-02-25T07:22:44.912014Z","project":"wwverticals","slug":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220218-how-home-working-could-be-changing-childrens-futures","cacheLastUpdated":1657503756278},"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220114-why-ending-illegal-pregnancy-discrimination-is-so-hard":{"urn":"urn:pubpipe:wwverticals:article:worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220114-why-ending-illegal-pregnancy-discrimination-is-so-hard","_id":"62b420861f4b7b575547d20c","ambientVideo":"","articleType":"story","assetVideo":null,"author":[],"bodyIntro":"Even though it’s illegal in many nations, employers continue to demote, penalise or fire pregnant employees – often risking their health or their careers.","businessUnit":"worldwide","cards":[{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EIn 2018, Annika moved to a new job at a bank in Germany, to lead a risk management team. Six weeks later, she told the company she was pregnant. She offered to continue working up until she gave birth, even though she was legally entitled to go on paid leave well before then.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EShe reports her manager quickly switching from pleasant to harsh. She says he started to question her competence, and complained to other colleagues about her pregnancy. “I slowly started to lose my nerve because the atmosphere became rather poisoned, and I really started to question myself.” \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWhen he started talking about firing her, she found a lawyer. This led to a year’s worth of negotiations about a severance package. “The company was hoping I would quit by myself,” Annika, now 34, explains. “During my pregnancy I was pretty scared of the financial impact of getting fired and the impact on my career. I had a pretty bad nervous breakdown and couldn’t stop crying for three months.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EDiscrimination due to pregnancy – like Annika experienced – is sadly common around the world. Even though it’s illegal in many nations, employers continue to demote, penalise or fire employees around the period of pregnancy. The discrimination can be overt or subtle, and in many cases structures and frameworks created to help women tackle it end up letting them down. This can have resounding psychological and financial impacts, in addition to the damage inflicted on their professional lives.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003ESpiralling ‘out of control’\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EDiscrimination based on pregnancy can occur before, during and after pregnancy, including during periods of parental leave (if available). It can take a variety of forms. A currently or recently pregnant employee might be fired (which remains legally permissible in \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fblogs.worldbank.org\u002Fdevelopmenttalk\u002F38-countries-women-can-still-be-fired-being-pregnant\"\u003Enearly 40 countries\u003C\u002Fa\u003E), kept from promotion, moved into a lower-paying role or required to work under hazardous conditions. Pregnant workers may not even get a foot in the door; an extreme case is \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.ilo.org\u002Fbeirut\u002Fmedia-centre\u002Ffs\u002FWCMS_820027\u002Flang--en\u002Findex.htm\"\u003Eneeding to take a pregnancy test before getting hired\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThere are also subtler ways employers may be letting down pregnant workers. A company may be excluding pregnant staff from training and other opportunities. Or it might be permitting a culture of disrespect and negativity towards pregnant employees – sometimes with the intent of driving them to quit. Many pregnant or recently pregnant workers suspect that they’re the first ones to be targeted for redundancy, although this can be hard to prove.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"infographic","imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","pullQuoteImageAlignment":"centre","videoImageAlign":"centre","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220114-why-ending-illegal-pregnancy-discrimination-is-so-hard-0"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220114-why-ending-illegal-pregnancy-discrimination-is-so-hard-1"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"calloutBodyHtml":"\u003Cp\u003EThis story is part of BBC's \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Ffamily-tree\"\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EFamily Tree\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fa\u003E series, which examines the issues and opportunities parents, children and families face today – and how they'll shape the world tomorrow. Find more on \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Ffuture\u002Ffamily-tree\"\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EBBC Future\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fa\u003E.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E","calloutTitle":"Family Tree","cardType":"CalloutBox","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220114-why-ending-illegal-pregnancy-discrimination-is-so-hard-2"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EA particular form of pregnancy discrimination is when employers fail to accommodate reasonable needs, particularly in physically demanding jobs. These accommodations could be incredibly simple, explains Elizabeth Gedmark, vice president of A Better Balance, which advocates for worker justice in the US, and operates a helpline for workers experiencing pregnancy discrimination. She highlights one case that involved a pregnant retail worker whose boss refused to allow her to carry a water bottle. “She collapsed on the job because she was so dehydrated,” says Gedmark. “It almost sounds unreal … But in a lot of industries, for example retail, there actually are policies against something like carrying a water bottle on the retail floor.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EReasonable pregnancy accommodations could extend to white-collar workers as well, such as being allowed to work from home to reduce Covid-19 risks, or being permitted time off to attend antenatal appointments. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EComprehensive statistics are lacking, but estimates that do exist suggest pregnancy discrimination is rampant. In the UK, 11% of mothers surveyed in 2015 reported \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.equalityhumanrights.com\u002Fen\u002Fmanaging-pregnancy-and-maternity-workplace\u002Fpregnancy-and-maternity-discrimination-research-findings\"\u003Ebeing dismissed or pushed out of their jobs\u003C\u002Fa\u003E; many more had received negative comments related to pregnancy. In Japan, a May 2020 survey showed \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fonlinelibrary.wiley.com\u002Fdoi\u002F10.1002\u002F1348-9585.12196\"\u003Eone-quarter of pregnant employees had experienced \u003Cem\u003Ematahara\u003C\u002Fem\u003E\u003C\u002Fa\u003E (short for ‘maternity harassment’, a Japanese term borrowing from English).\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EGedmark says that in the US, low-wage working women of colour disproportionately bear the brunt of pregnancy-related ill treatment. And the pandemic has laid bare the plight of \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.abetterbalance.org\u002Fpress-release-new-report-shows-how-federal-law-is-failing-pregnant-workers-during-beyond-pandemic\"\u003Eexpectant and new parents\u003C\u002Fa\u003E in low-wage work, especially in countries with poor protections for parents. \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.abetterbalance.org\u002Fresources\u002F2021-issue-brief-the-pandemic-and-the-pregnant-workers-fairness-act\u002F\"\u003EWorkers continue to be forced off the job, or required to work under unsafe conditions,\u003C\u002Fa\u003E when they just need simple accommodations to ensure healthy pregnancies while working.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220114-why-ending-illegal-pregnancy-discrimination-is-so-hard-3"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"I feel betrayed that the company took advantage of my situation – Megumi","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220114-why-ending-illegal-pregnancy-discrimination-is-so-hard-4"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EThe consequences of being pushed out of the workforce by pregnancy can be acute. “When a pregnant worker is pushed out because of a denial of reasonable accommodation, the financial impacts can start there and can spiral out of control,” says Gedmark. “We have seen folks become homeless, we have seen folks lose their health benefits… during pregnancy, which is very, very dangerous.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd, as with \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211113-the-long-lasting-effects-of-workplace-sexual-harassment\"\u003Eother forms of workplace discrimination\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, the financial consequences can also be long-lasting. “If you have even a period of months or… a year where you’re out of the workforce and are going into debt, then that means you’re not able to obtain seniority and greater benefits.” Among other things, this affects the ability to pay for education or save for retirement.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003ELegal protections?\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EMany employers remain unaware or unconcerned with laws protecting pregnant staff. Enforcement of violations is \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.diplomaticourier.com\u002Fposts\u002Fmatahara-an-issue-with-a-larger-context\"\u003Eoften weak\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, and employees themselves may not know what their rights are related to pregnancy. Even in countries with relatively strong protections for pregnancy and maternity, very few people who experience this type of discrimination end up going to court – \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fpregnantthenscrewed.com\u002Fbig-helpline-wins\u002F\"\u003Efewer than 1% in the UK\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, according to charity Pregnant Then Screwed. Many are worried about employer retaliation as well as long-lasting effects on their careers.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EYet strong laws against pregnancy discrimination are clearly necessary.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFor a decade now, A Better Balance and other organisations have been campaigning for the \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.abetterbalance.org\u002Four-issues\u002Fpregnant-workers-fairness\u002F\"\u003EPregnant Workers Fairness Act\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, to fill the gap in protections for pregnant workers. The US already has the Pregnancy Discrimination Act, but under this the legal bar for determining pregnancy discrimination is set very high. Essentially, according to A Better Balance, pregnant employees have to prove that someone in a comparable situation has already been accommodated similarly. \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.abetterbalance.org\u002Fresources\u002F2021-issue-brief-the-pandemic-and-the-pregnant-workers-fairness-act\u002F\"\u003ERoughly 2\u002F3 of workers who file cases\u003C\u002Fa\u003E for accommodation under the existing act ultimately lose their cases. Gedmark says the Pregnant Workers Fairness Act, which is now waiting for a vote in the US Senate, is about “providing the affirmative treatment that pregnant workers would need”.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn Japan, Matahara Net, which supports victims of pregnancy discrimination, is one of the organisations that successfully campaigned for an amendment to the Childcare and Nursing Care Leave Law, which expanded the range of situations where workers could obtain childcare leave. “As a result, the numbers of cases that employers clearly violate the law is decreasing, and the number of women who continue to work after childbirth is gradually increasing,” explains Matahara Net vice president Naoko Sasaki. Sasaki herself was fired after childbirth and felt let down by the Labour Bureau when she sought its support with dispute resolution. “However, harassment of people with work-style restrictions continues.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220114-why-ending-illegal-pregnancy-discrimination-is-so-hard-5"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"Image","iFrameType":"","image":[],"imageAlignment":"centre","imageOrientation":"landscape","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220114-why-ending-illegal-pregnancy-discrimination-is-so-hard-6"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EThe legal situation continues to evolve in other middle- and high-income countries. In South Africa, a court opined in 2000 that \u003Ca href=\"http:\u002F\u002Fwww.scielo.org.za\u002Fscielo.php?script=sci_arttext&pid=S1682-58532020000300008\"\u003Epregnancy discrimination might be justifiable for a “rapidly expanding economy”\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, yet subsequent cases have tackled the right of pregnant employees to be temporarily assigned to non-hazardous jobs of roughly similar stature.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIt can be especially difficult to challenge unfair practices when workers are informally employed, working in \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Feu.cincinnati.com\u002Fstory\u002Fopinion\u002F2021\u002F11\u002F23\u002Fopinion-put-stop-pregnancy-discrimination-nontraditional-jobs\u002F8654577002\u002F\"\u003Eindustries with few women\u003C\u002Fa\u003E or working across countries.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EMegumi, a Japanese national, knows this all too well. When she got pregnant in 2021, she was optimistic. Employed by a Japanese company overseas, she hoped that her good relationship with her manager, as well as local legal protections around pregnancy, would stand her in good stead. \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThat ended up being far from the case. Megumi, now 33, obtained permission from her company to temporarily move back to Japan to give birth. The company asked her to continue doing some work during her maternity leave, both before and after giving birth, even though it was technically illegal under local law, as is the termination of a pregnant employee’s contract. Then, a month and a half after her old contract expired, the firm told Megumi they were restructuring, and her contract wouldn’t be renewed. Her manager abruptly changed from polite to aggressive. Aspects of the cross-border legal situation remain difficult to disentangle.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EMegumi and the company are continuing to negotiate. Megumi has email and other records of higher-ups committing to her continued employment, but she’s worried that if she exerts too much pressure, she’ll be blacklisted from the small industry. She feels vulnerable as an international employee dependent on employers for work permits. And her family is struggling with going from two salaries down to one. “I feel betrayed that the company took advantage of my situation,” Megumi says.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EThe emotional toll\u003C\u002Fstrong\u003E\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EClearly, experiencing unfair treatment due to pregnancy can be very draining. But it can also be exhausting trying to prove this discrimination, whether to an employer, a labour board or loved ones.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220114-why-ending-illegal-pregnancy-discrimination-is-so-hard-7"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[]},"cardType":"PullQuote","iFrameType":"","pullQuote":"It took some time to really believe that I was subjected to pregnancy discrimination and not just bad at my job – Annika","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220114-why-ending-illegal-pregnancy-discrimination-is-so-hard-8"},{"bodyHtml":{"assets":[],"html":"\u003Cp\u003EIn Annika’s case, she was relatively fortunate in that she could pay her lawyer from her severance package. Yet despite being a professional with means and knowledge of her rights, who was living in a country with stronger parental protections than most, she still had to endure a year of legal struggles for fair treatment. And even though she’s now back at a company where she used to work, receiving pay rises and bonuses, the mental impact has lingered. “It took some time to really believe that I was subjected to pregnancy discrimination and not just bad at my job.”  \u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"pf0\"\u003EMegumi, who is unsure of her next steps as she continues to negotiate with the company that cut her loose, can’t afford to think too far ahead. On hearing her story, friends and family have shared similar stories of being pushed out of jobs and companies due to becoming mothers. They tell her that she should just let it go.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"pf0\"\u003EOn the other hand, the fact that around the world, there’s more discussion about the phenomenon of pregnancy discrimination may be cause for cautious optimism. Megumi believes that in Japan, gendered workplace harassment, including pregnancy discrimination, has reduced considerably in the last decade. “I’m in the middle of the change,” she feels.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n\u003Cp class=\"pf0\"\u003EFor the millions of workers about to bring new life into the world \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fwww.bbc.com\u002Fworklife\u002Farticle\u002F20211215-is-parenting-scarier-than-ever\"\u003Eduring an uncertain time\u003C\u002Fa\u003E, the change can’t come soon enough.\u003C\u002Fp\u003E"},"cardType":"Body","iFrameType":"","id":"worklife\u002Farticle\u002F20220114-why-ending-illegal-pregnancy-discrimination-is-so-hard-9"}],"collection":[],"disableAdverts":false,"displayDate":"2022-01-17T15:00:49Z","embeddedCustomHtml":"","embeddedInfographicUrl":"","embeddedType":"infographic","headlineLong":"Why ending illegal pregnancy discrimination is so hard","headlineShort":"How pregnancy hostility can end 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