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MyServiceNSW</a> </li> </ul> </div> </div> </div> </div> </header> <nav role="navigation" aria-label="Breadcrumbs" class="nsw-breadcrumbs"><div class="nsw-container"><ol itemscope itemtype="https://schema.org/BreadcrumbList"><li itemprop="itemListElement" itemscope itemtype="https://schema.org/ListItem"><a itemprop="item" href="/"><span itemprop="name">Home</span><meta itemprop="position" content="1" /></a></li><li itemprop="itemListElement" itemscope itemtype="https://schema.org/ListItem"><a itemprop="item" href="/family-and-relationships"><span itemprop="name">Family and relationships</span><meta itemprop="position" content="2" /></a></li><li itemprop="itemListElement" itemscope itemtype="https://schema.org/ListItem"><a itemprop="item" href="/family-and-relationships/coercive-control"><span itemprop="name">Coercive control</span><meta itemprop="position" content="3" /></a></li><li itemprop="itemListElement" itemscope itemtype="https://schema.org/ListItem"><a itemprop="item" class="current" href="/family-and-relationships/coercive-control/what-are-the-signs"><span itemprop="name">What are the signs?</span><meta itemprop="position" content="4" /></a></li></ol></div></nav> <main class="microsite microsite--brand-dark-purple-01 microsite--brand-light-teal-04 microsite--brand-supplementary-teal-02 microsite--brand-accent-purple-04 microsite--Coercive control"> <div data-drupal-messages-fallback class="hidden"></div> <a id="main-content" tabindex="-1"></a> <div id="block-content"> <article class="node node--campaign"> <section class="layout--edge-to-edge nsw-section nsw-section--no-padding"> <div > <div class="nsw-hero-banner nsw-hero-banner--light nsw-hero-banner--wide"> <div class="nsw-hero-banner__container"> <div class="nsw-hero-banner__wrapper"> <div class="nsw-hero-banner__content"> <h1>What are the signs of coercive control?</h1> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </section> <section class="layout--full nsw-section"> <div class="nsw-container"> <div class="nsw-grid"> <div class="nsw-col"> <div class="nsw-block"> <div class="node-content__element"><div data-analytics-component="links--three_columns" class="nsw-container"><div class="nsw-link-list--grid nsw-link-list--grid--three"><div class="nsw-link-list"><ul><li><a href="https://www.nsw.gov.au/coercive-control" class="is-external__list" data-analytics-component="links"><span class="is-external__target">Coercive control</span></a></li><li><a href="https://www.nsw.gov.au/family-and-relationships/coercive-control/what-is-it" class="is-external__list" data-analytics-component="links"><span class="is-external__target">What is it?</span></a></li><li><a href="https://www.nsw.gov.au/coercive-control-the-impacts" class="is-external__list" data-analytics-component="links"><span class="is-external__target">What are the impacts?</span></a></li><li><a href="https://www.nsw.gov.au/coercive-control-who-experiences" class="is-external__list" data-analytics-component="links"><span class="is-external__target">Who experiences it?</span></a></li><li><a href="https://www.nsw.gov.au/coercive-control-the-law" class="is-external__list" data-analytics-component="links"><span class="is-external__target">The law</span></a></li><li><a href="https://www.nsw.gov.au/coercive-control-get-help" class="is-external__list" data-analytics-component="links"><span class="is-external__target">Get help</span></a></li><li><a href="/family-and-relationships/coercive-control/stories" class="is-external__list" data-analytics-component="links" hreflang="en"><span class="is-external__target">Victim-survivor stories</span></a></li><li><a href="/family-and-relationships/coercive-control/languages" class="is-external__list" data-analytics-component="links" hreflang="en"><span class="is-external__target">Translated resources</span></a></li><li><a href="/family-and-relationships/coercive-control/real-lubly" class="is-external__list" data-analytics-component="links" hreflang="en"><span class="is-external__target">Real Lubly</span></a></li></ul></div></div></div></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </section> <section class="layout--full nsw-section page--highlight nsw-section--large"> <div class="nsw-container"> <div class="nsw-grid"> <div class="nsw-col"> <div class="nsw-block"> <div class="nsw-wysiwyg-content"> <p>Coercive control can be hard to spot because it often starts slowly or builds up over time.</p><p>Coercive and controlling behaviours can be subtle, and the abuser often tries to hide what they are doing from others.</p></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </section> <section class="layout--halves nsw-section nsw-section--brand-supplementary nsw-section--large nsw-section--invert"> <div class="nsw-container"> <div class="nsw-grid"> <div class="nsw-col-12 nsw-col nsw-layout__heading"> <div class="nsw-block"> <div class="nsw-wysiwyg-content"> <h2>The signs of abuse</h2><p>These are just some examples of coercive and controlling behaviours. Coercive control can involve any ongoing and repeated pattern of behaviour which hurts, scares, or isolates another person to control them.</p></div> </div> </div> <div class="nsw-col nsw-col-sm-6"> <div class="nsw-block"> <div class="nsw-block nsw-accordion js-accordion"> <div class="nsw-accordion__toggle"> <button type="button">Expand all</button> <button type="button" disabled="">Collapse all</button> </div> <div class="nsw-accordion__title is-excluded">Emotional abuse</div><div class="nsw-accordion__content"><div class="nsw-wysiwyg-content"><p>Deliberately harming a person’s mental health or emotional wellbeing. </p><p>This may include:</p><ul><li>constantly putting a person down, shaming and humiliating them, making them doubt themselves or their abilities</li><li>using tactics that pressure or punish the other person, for example by withholding affection, giving the ‘silent treatment’ or ignoring them</li><li>denying, changing or manipulating the truth of a situation to make the other person doubt their memories, perceptions and experiences. This is known as gaslightling</li><li>using grand gestures, excessive or over-the-top gifts, compliments, and affection to manipulate or trap the other person. This is called love bombing.</li></ul></div></div><div class="nsw-accordion__title is-excluded">Shaming, degrading or humiliating</div><div class="nsw-accordion__content"><div class="nsw-wysiwyg-content"><p>Doing things, or making someone do things, to take away their dignity and self-respect, or make them feel ashamed.</p><p>This may include:</p><ul><li>making hurtful or humiliating posts on social media about the other person or from their account</li><li>belittling someone or making jokes at their expense to harm their self-esteem and dignity</li><li>shaming someone in their community, family or social group by sharing private information about them</li><li>doing things to take away someone’s dignity like forcing them to sleep outside or making them beg for things they need, like food, money or medication.</li></ul></div></div><div class="nsw-accordion__title is-excluded">Violence and intimidation</div><div class="nsw-accordion__content"><div class="nsw-wysiwyg-content"><p>Using violence or the threat of violence to hurt, control or intimidate someone, so they feel afraid.</p><p>This may include:</p><ul><li>physically hurting a person in any way, including pushing, shaking, slapping, kicking, punching or choking them</li><li>threatening to physically hurt a person</li><li>throwing or breaking things, punching walls, or driving recklessly to make someone feel unsafe or scared, even if they are not physically hurt.</li></ul></div></div><div class="nsw-accordion__title is-excluded">Making threats</div><div class="nsw-accordion__content"><div class="nsw-wysiwyg-content"><p>Threatening someone to make them behave a certain way or comply with demands.</p><p>This may include:</p><ul><li>threatening self-harm as a way of controlling or manipulating the other person</li><li>threatening to make false reports to child protection services or the police</li><li>using someone’s visa or immigration status to threaten them or make them afraid</li><li>threatening to damage someone’s reputation in their community, family, social group, or at work</li><li><span><span><span>threatening to disclose information about a person’s sexuality, gender, body or HIV status.</span></span></span></li></ul></div></div><div class="nsw-accordion__title is-excluded">Social isolation</div><div class="nsw-accordion__content"><div class="nsw-wysiwyg-content"><p>Isolating a person from friends, family, and community, and limiting their ability to build connections.</p><p>This may include:</p><ul><li>making jealous accusations whenever the person communicates or spends time with friends or family</li><li>insisting on going with the other person when they spend time with friends or family and creating tension or discomfort to damage the relationship</li><li>controlling someone’s communications by taking away or monitoring the use of their phone or the internet</li><li>preventing someone from participating in their community.</li></ul></div></div><div class="nsw-accordion__title is-excluded">Limiting freedom or controlling choices</div><div class="nsw-accordion__content"><div class="nsw-wysiwyg-content"><p>Controlling someone’s day-to-day choices or doing things to take away their freedom and independence.</p><p>This may include:</p><ul><li>making rules a person must follow and threatening punishment if they break the rules. This may include rules about how much they exercise, what they can eat, or what they can wear</li><li><p>denying a person access to basic needs including food, clothing, sleep, toilet or medical care</p></li><li><p>taking away or not allowing a person to have disability supports, aides and equipment they need</p></li><li>preventing a person from leaving the house or going out alone</li><li>preventing a person from visiting their home country</li><li>stopping someone from expressing their gender or sexuality.</li></ul></div></div><div class="nsw-accordion__title is-excluded">Financial abuse</div><div class="nsw-accordion__content"><div class="nsw-wysiwyg-content"><p>Controlling or limiting someone’s access to money or their ability to make money, or building up debts in their name. </p><p>This may include:</p><ul><li>providing a small allowance and strictly monitoring what a person spends</li><li>not allowing an adult to have a bank account as a way to restrict their access to money and financial independence</li><li>stopping someone from working outside the home and earning their own money, so they are financially dependent</li><li>maxing out credit cards in another person's name or taking out loans in their name.</li></ul></div></div> </div> </div> </div> <div class="nsw-col nsw-col-sm-6"> <div class="nsw-block"> <div class="nsw-block nsw-accordion js-accordion"> <div class="nsw-accordion__toggle"> <button type="button">Expand all</button> <button type="button" disabled="">Collapse all</button> </div> <div class="nsw-accordion__title is-excluded">Harassing, monitoring and stalking</div><div class="nsw-accordion__content"><div class="nsw-wysiwyg-content"><p>Monitoring or tracking a person’s activities, communications or movements, by physically following them or using technology, or harassing them in any other way.</p><p>This may include:</p><ul><li>texting or calling excessively and demanding the other person reply immediately</li><li>accessing a person's emails, text messages and social media to monitor their activities, relationships, behaviour and location</li><li>monitoring a person's location, for example through tracking apps on their phone or attached to their vehicle,or hiding cameras or listening devices in their car or home.</li></ul></div></div><div class="nsw-accordion__title is-excluded">Cultural and spiritual abuse</div><div class="nsw-accordion__content"><div class="nsw-wysiwyg-content"><p>Stopping someone from making or keeping connections with their culture, spirituality or community.</p><p>This may include:</p><ul><li>belittling someone’s spiritual or cultural beliefs or practices</li><li>stopping someone from participating in cultural or spiritual events and ceremonies</li><li>not allowing someone to speak their cultural language</li><li>stopping someone from making connections or remaining connected to their spiritual or cultural community.</li></ul></div></div><div class="nsw-accordion__title is-excluded">Sexual abuse</div><div class="nsw-accordion__content"><div class="nsw-wysiwyg-content"><p><span><span>Pressuring, tricking, threatening, or forcing someone into any type of sexual activity.</span></span></p><p>This may include:</p><ul><li><span><span>making rules or demands about when someone must have sex with them or the types of sexual activities they must perform</span></span></li><li><span><span>forcing someone to participate in any type of sexual activity</span></span></li><li><span><span>taking photos or videos of someone naked or engaging in sexual activity, with or without their consent, and using them to threaten or humiliate them.  </span></span></li></ul></div></div><div class="nsw-accordion__title is-excluded">Reproductive abuse</div><div class="nsw-accordion__content"><div class="nsw-wysiwyg-content"><p><span><span><span><span>Controlling someone’s reproductive choices or reproductive healthcare.</span></span></span></span></p><p>This may include:</p><ul><li><span><span><span><span><span>restricting access to or forcing someone to use birth control, such as condoms, birth control pills or contraceptive implants</span></span></span></span></span></li><li><span><span><span><span><span>forcing someone to get pregnant, keep a pregnancy or get an abortion against their will to hurt, trap or control them</span></span></span></span></span></li><li><span><span><span><span><span>limiting or controlling access to pre-natal or post-natal care by restricting access to money, transport or support services.</span></span></span></span></span></li></ul></div></div><div class="nsw-accordion__title is-excluded">Child abuse</div><div class="nsw-accordion__content"><div class="nsw-wysiwyg-content"><p><span><span>In the context of coercive control, child abuse includes:</span></span></p><ul><li><span><span>using a parent or caregiver’s emotional bond with a child to control or intimidate them</span></span></li><li><span><span>abusing the parent or caregiver in front of the child so they see, hear and experience the abuse </span></span></li><li><span><span>other forms of abusive behaviour aimed at the child directly, including threats, humiliation, monitoring, and physical abuse of the child.</span></span></li></ul><p>This may include:</p><ul><li><span><span>not allowing a parent or caregiver to provide care to a child, including medical treatment, disability support, food, clothing or emotional support</span></span></li><li><span><span>belittling, criticising, shaming, humiliating, threatening or hurting a parent or caregiver in front of their child or to the child</span></span></li><li><span><span>asking a child to monitor or spy on their parent or caregiver, or making them participate in the abuse of the parent.</span></span></li></ul></div></div><div class="nsw-accordion__title is-excluded">Systems abuse</div><div class="nsw-accordion__content"><div class="nsw-wysiwyg-content"><p>Using systems, services and processes to threaten, manipulate or control another person.</p><p>This may include:</p><ul><li><span><span>making false reports to the police, child protective services, health services or immigration services to harass, intimidate, discredit or control the other person</span></span></li><li><span><span>making another person scared or distrustful of support services so they are less likely to reach out for support</span></span></li><li><span lang="EN-US"><span>exploiting a person’s disability or medical condition to make decisions about their care, without their consent, to disempower, control, discredit or humiliate them.   </span></span></li></ul></div></div><div class="nsw-accordion__title is-excluded">Animal abuse</div><div class="nsw-accordion__content"><div class="nsw-wysiwyg-content"><p>In the context of coercive control, animal abuse involves using the emotional bond a person has with an animal to intimidate or control the person. </p><p>This may include:</p><ul><li>intentionally letting a person’s pet out of the house or yard</li><li>selling or giving away a person’s pet without their permission</li><li>hurting or threatening to hurt someone’s pet</li><li>killing or threatening to kill someone’s pet. </li></ul></div></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </section> <section class="layout--full nsw-section"> <div class="nsw-container"> <div class="nsw-grid"> <div class="nsw-col"> <div class="nsw-block"> <div class="nsw-wysiwyg-content"> <p>While there are some patterns and behaviours to look out for, each person’s experience is unique. If you think you or someone you know is experiencing coercive control, find out how to <a data-entity-substitution="canonical" data-entity-type="linky" data-entity-uuid="7b4ce604-60de-418e-bd60-a45f1b3e3779" href="https://www.nsw.gov.au/coercive-control-get-help" title="Get help (https://www.nsw.gov.au/coercive-control-get-help)">get help</a>.</p></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </section> <section class="layout--full nsw-section nsw-section--brand-light nsw-section--large"> <div class="nsw-container"> <div class="nsw-grid"> <div class="nsw-col"> <div class="nsw-block"> <div class="nsw-wysiwyg-content"> <blockquote>“He would come in to work all the time, if I was 10 minutes late from work he would ask why. I had to eventually leave my employment, was sick all the time and mentally exhausted. I wasn’t allowed to have my own opinion, everything I said was wrong or stupid.”<sup>1</sup><cite>Victim-survivor.</cite></blockquote></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </section> <section class="layout--full nsw-section"> <div class="nsw-container"> <div class="nsw-grid"> <div class="nsw-col"> <div class="nsw-block text-center"> <a href="/family-and-relationships/coercive-control/what-are-the-impacts" class="nsw-button nsw-button--dark">Learn about the impacts of coercive control</a> </div> </div> </div> </div> </section> <section class="layout--full nsw-section"> <div class="nsw-container"> <div class="nsw-grid"> <div class="nsw-col"> <div class="nsw-block"> <div class="dcs-show-hide"><div class="dcs-show-hide__toggles"><a role="button" class="dcs-show-hide__toggle dcs-show-hide__toggle--active" href="#" data-analytics-component="show-content" data-id="" aria-hidden="false"><span>Show References</span><span class="dcs-show-hide__toggle-icon dcs-icons material-icons nsw-material-icons notranslate" aria-hidden="true" tab-index="-1">keyboard_arrow_down</span></a><a role="button" class="dcs-show-hide__toggle" href="#" data-analytics-component="hide-content" data-id="" aria-hidden="true"><span>Hide References</span><span class="dcs-show-hide__toggle-icon dcs-icons material-icons nsw-material-icons notranslate" aria-hidden="true" tab-index="-1">keyboard_arrow_up</span></a></div><div class="dcs-show-hide__content" data-id="" aria-hidden="true"><div class="nsw-wysiwyg-content"><p>1. State of Victoria, Royal Commission into Family Violence: Report and recommendations, Vol I, Parl Paper No 132 (2014–16). p19.</p></div></div></div></div> </div> </div> </div> </section> <section class="layout--edge-to-edge nsw-section nsw-section--no-padding"> <div > <div class="floating-bar"> <div class="call-to-action"> <div class="nsw-container"> <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/weather" target=_self class="nsw-button nsw-button--danger js-clear-last-entry-link">Quick exit</a> <p class="call-to-action__contextual-text"> Call 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) for 24/7 support </p> </div> </div> </div> </div> </section> </article> </div> <a class="nsw-direction-link dcs-top-link dcs-top-link--hidden" href="#top"> <span class="nsw-direction-link__text"> Top <span class="sr-only">of page</span> </span> <span class="dcs-icons material-icons nsw-material-icons notranslate" aria-hidden="true" tab-index="-1">north</span> </a> </main> <footer class="nsw-footer page__footer"> <div id="block-agencyattribution" class="nsw-block"> <div class="dcs-agency-attribution"> <div class="nsw-container"> <div class="text">This page is managed by</div> <div class="logo"> <img src="/themes/custom/dcs_theme/favicons/sets/standard/logo.svg" alt="" /> <span class="owner">Department of Communities and Justice</span> </div> </div> </div> </div> <div id="block-onegovquickfeedblock" class="page__section--feedback"> <div class="thumbs"> <div class="thumbs-container"> <div class="thumbs__widget" id="onegov-quickfeed-container"></div> <div class="thumbs__description">Your rating will help us improve the website.</div> </div> </div> <script type="text/javascript"> window.addEventListener('DOMContentLoaded', function() { (function() { if (quickFeed !== undefined) { quickFeed.init({ placeholder: 'onegov-quickfeed-container', commentForThumbsUp: true, label: 'Was this page helpful?', environment: 'production', sourceApplication: 'NSW GOV Website' }); 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