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class="vector-toc-text"> <span class="vector-toc-numb">1.4</span> <span><i>Happy Days</i> (1933)</span> </div> </a> <ul id="toc-Happy_Days_(1933)-sublist" class="vector-toc-list"> </ul> </li> <li id="toc-I'm_a_Stranger_Here_Myself_(1938)" class="vector-toc-list-item vector-toc-level-2"> <a class="vector-toc-link" href="#I'm_a_Stranger_Here_Myself_(1938)"> <div class="vector-toc-text"> <span class="vector-toc-numb">1.5</span> <span><i>I'm a Stranger Here Myself</i> (1938)</span> </div> </a> <ul id="toc-I'm_a_Stranger_Here_Myself_(1938)-sublist" class="vector-toc-list"> <li id="toc-I_Have_It_On_Good_Authority" class="vector-toc-list-item vector-toc-level-3"> <a class="vector-toc-link" href="#I_Have_It_On_Good_Authority"> <div class="vector-toc-text"> <span class="vector-toc-numb">1.5.1</span> <span>I Have It On Good Authority</span> </div> </a> <ul id="toc-I_Have_It_On_Good_Authority-sublist" class="vector-toc-list"> </ul> </li> </ul> </li> <li id="toc-Good_Intentions_(1942)" class="vector-toc-list-item vector-toc-level-2"> <a class="vector-toc-link" href="#Good_Intentions_(1942)"> <div class="vector-toc-text"> <span class="vector-toc-numb">1.6</span> <span><i>Good Intentions</i> (1942)</span> </div> </a> <ul id="toc-Good_Intentions_(1942)-sublist" class="vector-toc-list"> <li id="toc-Seeing_Eye_to_Eye_is_Believing" class="vector-toc-list-item vector-toc-level-3"> <a class="vector-toc-link" href="#Seeing_Eye_to_Eye_is_Believing"> <div class="vector-toc-text"> <span class="vector-toc-numb">1.6.1</span> <span>Seeing Eye to Eye is Believing</span> </div> </a> <ul id="toc-Seeing_Eye_to_Eye_is_Believing-sublist" class="vector-toc-list"> </ul> </li> <li id="toc-So_Does_Everybody_Else,_Only_Not_So_Much" class="vector-toc-list-item vector-toc-level-3"> <a class="vector-toc-link" href="#So_Does_Everybody_Else,_Only_Not_So_Much"> <div class="vector-toc-text"> <span class="vector-toc-numb">1.6.2</span> <span>So Does Everybody Else, Only Not So Much</span> </div> </a> <ul id="toc-So_Does_Everybody_Else,_Only_Not_So_Much-sublist" class="vector-toc-list"> </ul> </li> </ul> </li> <li id="toc-Many_Long_Years_Ago_(1945)" class="vector-toc-list-item vector-toc-level-2"> <a class="vector-toc-link" href="#Many_Long_Years_Ago_(1945)"> <div class="vector-toc-text"> <span class="vector-toc-numb">1.7</span> <span><i>Many Long Years Ago</i> (1945)</span> </div> </a> <ul id="toc-Many_Long_Years_Ago_(1945)-sublist" class="vector-toc-list"> <li id="toc-A_Lady_Thinks_She_Is_Thirty" class="vector-toc-list-item vector-toc-level-3"> <a class="vector-toc-link" href="#A_Lady_Thinks_She_Is_Thirty"> <div class="vector-toc-text"> <span class="vector-toc-numb">1.7.1</span> <span>A Lady Thinks She Is Thirty</span> </div> </a> <ul id="toc-A_Lady_Thinks_She_Is_Thirty-sublist" class="vector-toc-list"> </ul> </li> <li id="toc-The_Tale_of_Custard_the_Dragon" class="vector-toc-list-item vector-toc-level-3"> <a class="vector-toc-link" href="#The_Tale_of_Custard_the_Dragon"> <div class="vector-toc-text"> <span class="vector-toc-numb">1.7.2</span> <span>The Tale of Custard the Dragon</span> </div> </a> <ul id="toc-The_Tale_of_Custard_the_Dragon-sublist" class="vector-toc-list"> </ul> </li> <li id="toc-Pretty_Halcyon_Days" class="vector-toc-list-item vector-toc-level-3"> <a class="vector-toc-link" href="#Pretty_Halcyon_Days"> <div class="vector-toc-text"> <span class="vector-toc-numb">1.7.3</span> <span>Pretty Halcyon Days</span> </div> </a> <ul id="toc-Pretty_Halcyon_Days-sublist" class="vector-toc-list"> </ul> </li> <li id="toc-Children's_Party" class="vector-toc-list-item vector-toc-level-3"> <a class="vector-toc-link" href="#Children's_Party"> <div class="vector-toc-text"> <span class="vector-toc-numb">1.7.4</span> <span>Children's Party</span> </div> </a> <ul id="toc-Children's_Party-sublist" class="vector-toc-list"> </ul> </li> <li id="toc-A_Watched_Example_Never_Boils" class="vector-toc-list-item vector-toc-level-3"> <a class="vector-toc-link" href="#A_Watched_Example_Never_Boils"> <div class="vector-toc-text"> <span class="vector-toc-numb">1.7.5</span> <span>A Watched Example Never Boils</span> </div> </a> <ul id="toc-A_Watched_Example_Never_Boils-sublist" class="vector-toc-list"> </ul> </li> <li id="toc-Song_To_Be_Sung_by_the_Father_of_Infant_Female_Children" class="vector-toc-list-item vector-toc-level-3"> <a class="vector-toc-link" href="#Song_To_Be_Sung_by_the_Father_of_Infant_Female_Children"> <div class="vector-toc-text"> <span class="vector-toc-numb">1.7.6</span> <span>Song To Be Sung by the Father of Infant Female Children</span> </div> </a> <ul id="toc-Song_To_Be_Sung_by_the_Father_of_Infant_Female_Children-sublist" class="vector-toc-list"> </ul> </li> </ul> </li> <li id="toc-Versus_(1949)" class="vector-toc-list-item vector-toc-level-2"> <a class="vector-toc-link" href="#Versus_(1949)"> <div class="vector-toc-text"> <span class="vector-toc-numb">1.8</span> <span><i>Versus</i> (1949)</span> </div> </a> <ul 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href="https://eo.wikiquote.org/wiki/Ogden_Nash" title="Ogden Nash – Esperanto" lang="eo" hreflang="eo" data-title="Ogden Nash" data-language-autonym="Esperanto" data-language-local-name="Esperanto" class="interlanguage-link-target"><span>Esperanto</span></a></li><li class="interlanguage-link interwiki-es mw-list-item"><a href="https://es.wikiquote.org/wiki/Ogden_Nash" title="Ogden Nash – Spanish" lang="es" hreflang="es" data-title="Ogden Nash" data-language-autonym="Español" data-language-local-name="Spanish" class="interlanguage-link-target"><span>Español</span></a></li><li class="interlanguage-link interwiki-et mw-list-item"><a href="https://et.wikiquote.org/wiki/Ogden_Nash" title="Ogden Nash – Estonian" lang="et" hreflang="et" data-title="Ogden Nash" data-language-autonym="Eesti" data-language-local-name="Estonian" class="interlanguage-link-target"><span>Eesti</span></a></li><li class="interlanguage-link interwiki-fi mw-list-item"><a href="https://fi.wikiquote.org/wiki/Ogden_Nash" title="Ogden Nash – Finnish" lang="fi" hreflang="fi" data-title="Ogden Nash" data-language-autonym="Suomi" data-language-local-name="Finnish" class="interlanguage-link-target"><span>Suomi</span></a></li><li class="interlanguage-link interwiki-it mw-list-item"><a href="https://it.wikiquote.org/wiki/Ogden_Nash" title="Ogden Nash – Italian" lang="it" hreflang="it" data-title="Ogden Nash" data-language-autonym="Italiano" data-language-local-name="Italian" class="interlanguage-link-target"><span>Italiano</span></a></li><li class="interlanguage-link interwiki-pl mw-list-item"><a href="https://pl.wikiquote.org/wiki/Ogden_Nash" title="Ogden Nash – Polish" lang="pl" hreflang="pl" data-title="Ogden Nash" data-language-autonym="Polski" data-language-local-name="Polish" class="interlanguage-link-target"><span>Polski</span></a></li><li class="interlanguage-link interwiki-pt mw-list-item"><a href="https://pt.wikiquote.org/wiki/Ogden_Nash" title="Ogden Nash – Portuguese" lang="pt" hreflang="pt" data-title="Ogden Nash" data-language-autonym="Português" data-language-local-name="Portuguese" class="interlanguage-link-target"><span>Português</span></a></li><li class="interlanguage-link interwiki-ru mw-list-item"><a href="https://ru.wikiquote.org/wiki/%D0%9E%D0%B3%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BD_%D0%9D%D1%8D%D1%88" title="Огден Нэш – Russian" lang="ru" hreflang="ru" data-title="Огден Нэш" data-language-autonym="Русский" data-language-local-name="Russian" class="interlanguage-link-target"><span>Русский</span></a></li><li class="interlanguage-link interwiki-sk mw-list-item"><a href="https://sk.wikiquote.org/wiki/Ogden_Nash" title="Ogden Nash – Slovak" lang="sk" hreflang="sk" data-title="Ogden Nash" data-language-autonym="Slovenčina" data-language-local-name="Slovak" class="interlanguage-link-target"><span>Slovenčina</span></a></li><li class="interlanguage-link interwiki-sl mw-list-item"><a href="https://sl.wikiquote.org/wiki/Ogden_Nash" title="Ogden Nash – Slovenian" lang="sl" hreflang="sl" 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srcset="//upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/e/eb/Ogden_Nash_in_Los_Angeles%2C_1949.jpg/330px-Ogden_Nash_in_Los_Angeles%2C_1949.jpg 1.5x, //upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/e/eb/Ogden_Nash_in_Los_Angeles%2C_1949.jpg/440px-Ogden_Nash_in_Los_Angeles%2C_1949.jpg 2x" data-file-width="4839" data-file-height="4936" /></a><figcaption>Ogden Nash (1949)</figcaption></figure> <figure class="mw-default-size" typeof="mw:File/Thumb"><a href="/wiki/File:Ogden_Nash_Dagmar_Masquerade_Party_1955.jpg" class="mw-file-description"><img src="//upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/e/ea/Ogden_Nash_Dagmar_Masquerade_Party_1955.jpg/220px-Ogden_Nash_Dagmar_Masquerade_Party_1955.jpg" decoding="async" width="220" height="273" class="mw-file-element" srcset="//upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/e/ea/Ogden_Nash_Dagmar_Masquerade_Party_1955.jpg/330px-Ogden_Nash_Dagmar_Masquerade_Party_1955.jpg 1.5x, //upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/e/ea/Ogden_Nash_Dagmar_Masquerade_Party_1955.jpg/440px-Ogden_Nash_Dagmar_Masquerade_Party_1955.jpg 2x" data-file-width="743" data-file-height="921" /></a><figcaption>Photo of panelist Ogden Nash and Dagmar from the television game show Masquerade Party, 1955</figcaption></figure> <figure class="mw-halign-right" typeof="mw:File/Thumb"><a href="/wiki/File:Satellites_For_Sale_-_GPN-2000-001036.jpg" class="mw-file-description"><img src="//upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/2/22/Satellites_For_Sale_-_GPN-2000-001036.jpg/244px-Satellites_For_Sale_-_GPN-2000-001036.jpg" decoding="async" width="244" height="161" class="mw-file-element" srcset="//upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/2/22/Satellites_For_Sale_-_GPN-2000-001036.jpg/366px-Satellites_For_Sale_-_GPN-2000-001036.jpg 1.5x, //upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/2/22/Satellites_For_Sale_-_GPN-2000-001036.jpg/488px-Satellites_For_Sale_-_GPN-2000-001036.jpg 2x" data-file-width="3000" data-file-height="1985" /></a><figcaption>How are we to <a href="/wiki/Survive" class="mw-redirect" title="Survive">survive</a>? <a href="/wiki/Solemnity" title="Solemnity">Solemnity</a> is not the answer, any more than witless and irresponsible frivolity is. I think our best chance lies in <a href="/wiki/Humor" class="mw-redirect" title="Humor">humor</a>, which in this case means a wry <a href="/wiki/Acceptance" title="Acceptance">acceptance</a> of our predicament. We don't have to like it but we can at least recognize its ridiculous aspects, one of which is <a href="/wiki/Ourselves" class="mw-redirect" title="Ourselves">ourselves</a>.</figcaption></figure> <p><b><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ogden_Nash" class="extiw" title="w:Ogden Nash">Ogden Nash</a></b> (<a href="/wiki/19_August" class="mw-redirect" title="19 August">19 August</a> <a href="/wiki/1902" class="mw-disambig" title="1902">1902</a> – <a href="/wiki/19_May" class="mw-redirect" title="19 May">19 May</a> <a href="/wiki/1971" class="mw-disambig" title="1971">1971</a>) was an <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American" class="extiw" title="w:American">American</a> <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/poet" class="extiw" title="w:poet">poet</a>. </p> <meta property="mw:PageProp/toc" /> <div class="mw-heading mw-heading2"><h2 id="Quotes">Quotes</h2><span class="mw-editsection"><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">[</span><a href="/w/index.php?title=Ogden_Nash&action=edit&section=1" title="Edit section: Quotes"><span>edit</span></a><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">]</span></span></div> <ul><li><b>Candy <br /> Is Dandy <br /> But liquor <br /> Is quicker.</b> <ul><li>"Reflections on Ice-Breaking" in <i>Hard Lines</i> (1931); this statement is often misattributed to <a href="/wiki/Dorothy_Parker" title="Dorothy Parker">Dorothy Parker</a>.</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li>Oh, things are frequently what they seem,<br />And this is wisdom's crown:<br />Only the game fish swims upstream,<br />But the sensible fish swims down.</li></ul> <ul><li><ul><li>"When You Say That, Smile", as quoted in <i>Saturday Evening Post</i>, 16 September 1933</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li>Man is a victim of dope<br />In the incurable form of hope. <ul><li>"Good-by, Old Year, You Oaf or Why Don't They Pay the Bonus?" in <i>The Primrose Path</i> (1935).</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li>Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals? <ul><li>"Good-by, Old Year, You Oaf or Why Don't They Pay the Bonus?" in <i>The Primrose Path</i> (1935)</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li><b>Just when you think that at least the outlook is so black that it can grow no blacker, it worsens</b>,<br />And that is why I do not like the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons. <ul><li>"Everybody Tells Me Everything" in <i>The Face Is Familiar</i> (1940)</li></ul></li></ul> <figure class="mw-default-size mw-halign-right" typeof="mw:File/Thumb"><a href="/wiki/File:Basset-dogo_mixed.JPG" class="mw-file-description"><img src="//upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/8/8d/Basset-dogo_mixed.JPG/220px-Basset-dogo_mixed.JPG" decoding="async" width="220" height="165" class="mw-file-element" srcset="//upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/8/8d/Basset-dogo_mixed.JPG/330px-Basset-dogo_mixed.JPG 1.5x, //upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/8/8d/Basset-dogo_mixed.JPG/440px-Basset-dogo_mixed.JPG 2x" data-file-width="563" data-file-height="422" /></a><figcaption> A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.</figcaption></figure> <ul><li><b>A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.</b> <ul><li>"A Dog's Best Friend Is His Illiteracy" in <i>The Private Dining Room</i> (1953)</li> <li>Paraphrased variant: A door is that which a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li>I dreamt that my hair was kempt. <br />Then I dreamt that my true love unkempt it. <ul><li>"My Dream" in <i>You Can't Get There from Here</i> (1957)</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li>It is common knowledge to every schoolboy and even every Bachelor of Arts,<br />That all sin is divided into two parts.<br />One kind of sin is called a sin of commission, and that is very important <br /> And it is what you are doing when you are doing something you oughtn't... <ul><li>"Portrait of the Artist as a Prematurely Old Man" in <i>The Family Album of Favorite Poems</i> (1959) edited by P. Edward Ernest</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li>It is the sin of omission, the second kind of sin,<br />That lays eggs under your skin. <ul><li>"Portrait of the Artist as a Prematurely Old Man" (1959)</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li>The moral is that it is probably better not to sin at all, but if<br />some kind of sin you must be pursuing,<br />Well, remember to do it by doing rather than by not doing. <ul><li>"Portrait of the Artist as a Prematurely Old Man" (1959)</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li><b>To keep your marriage brimming,<br /> With love in the loving cup,<br /> Whenever you're wrong, admit it;<br /> Whenever you're right, shut up.</b> <ul><li>"A Word to Husbands" in <i>Marriage Lines</i> (1964)</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li>Good wine needs no bush,<br />And perhaps products that people really want need no<br />hard-sell or soft-sell TV push.<br />Why not?<br />Look at pot. <ul><li>"Most Doctors Recommend or Yours For Fast Fast Fast Relief" in <i>The Old Dog Barks Backwards</i> (1972)</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li><b>Among other things I think humor is a shield, a weapon, a survival kit...</b> So here we are several billion of us, crowded into our global concentration camp for the duration. <b>How are we to survive? Solemnity is not the answer, any more than witless and irresponsible frivolity is. I think our best chance lies in humor, which in this case means a wry acceptance of our predicament. We don't have to like it but we can at least recognize its ridiculous aspects, one of which is ourselves.</b> <ul><li>Commencement address at his daughter Linell's boarding school, <a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/05/05/AR2005050501359_pf.html">as quoted</a> in <i>The Washington Post</i> (8 May 2005)</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li><b>Abracadabra, thus we learn, <br /> The more you create, the less you earn.</b> <br /> The less you earn, the more you're given, <br /> The less you lead, the more you're driven, <br /> The more destroyed, the more they feed, <br /> The more you pay, the more they need <br /> The more you earn, the less you keep, <br /> And now I lay me down to sleep. <br /> I pray the Lord my soul should take <br /> If the tax collector hasn't got it before I wake. <ul><li><a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="http://holyjoe.net/poetry/nash9.htm">"One From One Leaves Two"</a></li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li>Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave<br /> When they think that their children are naive. <ul><li>"Baby, What Makes the Sky Blue?"</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li>Behold the hippopotamus!<br />We laugh at how he looks to us,<br />And yet in moments dank and grim,<br />I wonder how we look to him. <ul><li><a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="http://www.cs.rice.edu/~ssiyer/minstrels/poems/848.html">"The Hippopotamus"</a></li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li>Any hound a porcupine nudges<br />Can't be blamed for harboring grudges.<br />I know one hound that laughed all winter<br />At a porcupine that sat on a splinter. <ul><li><a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/the-porcupine/">"The Porcupine"</a></li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li>Hark, hark! the lark<br />On windswept bark<br />Freezes against a sky of lead!<br />Now see him stop,<br />Take one small hop,<br />And suddenly keel over dead! <ul><li><i>The Lark</i></li></ul></li></ul> <div class="mw-heading mw-heading3"><h3 id=""Adventures_of_Isabel""><span id=".22Adventures_of_Isabel.22"></span><a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/adventures-of-isabel/">"Adventures of Isabel"</a></h3><span class="mw-editsection"><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">[</span><a href="/w/index.php?title=Ogden_Nash&action=edit&section=2" title="Edit section: "Adventures of Isabel""><span>edit</span></a><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">]</span></span></div> <ul><li>The bear said, Isabel, glad to meet you,<br />How do, Isabel, now I'll eat you!<br />Isabel, Isabel, didn't worry.<br />Isabel didn't scream or scurry.<br />She washed her hands, and she straightened her hair up,<br />Then Isabel quietly ate the bear up.</li></ul> <ul><li>Once in a night as black as pitch<br />Isabel met a wicked old witch.<br />the witch's face was cross and wrinkled,<br />The witch's gums with teeth were sprinkled.<br />Ho, ho, Isabel! the old witch crowed,<br />I'll turn you into an ugly toad!<br />Isabel, Isabel, didn't worry.<br />Isabel didn't scream or scurry.<br />She showed no rage and she showed no rancor,<br />But she turned the witch into milk, and drank her.</li></ul> <ul><li>The giant was hairy, the giant was horrid,<br />He had one eye in the middle of his forehead.</li></ul> <ul><li>She took those pills from the pill concocter,<br />And Isabel calmly cured the doctor.</li></ul> <div class="mw-heading mw-heading3"><h3 id="Smoot_Smites_Smut">Smoot Smites Smut</h3><span class="mw-editsection"><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">[</span><a href="/w/index.php?title=Ogden_Nash&action=edit&section=3" title="Edit section: Smoot Smites Smut"><span>edit</span></a><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">]</span></span></div> <ul><li><b><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reed_Smoot_(U._S._Senator)" class="extiw" title="w:Reed Smoot (U. S. Senator)">Senator Smoot</a> (Republican, Ut.) <br />Is planning a ban on smut. </b><br />Oh rooti-ti-toot for Smoot of Ut. <br />And his reverend occiput. <br />Smite, Smoot, smite for Ut., <br />Grit your molars and do your dut., <br />Gird up your l__ns, <br />Smite h_p and th_gh, <br />We'll all be Kansas <br />By and by.</li></ul> <ul><li><b>When smut's to be smitten <br />Smoot will smite <br />For G-d, for country, <br />And Fahrenheit.</b></li></ul> <ul><li>Senator Smoot is an institute <br />Not to be bribed with pelf; <br />He guards our homes from erotic tomes <br />By reading them all himself.</li></ul> <ul><li><b>Smite, Smoot, <br />Be rugged and rough, <br />Smut if smitten <br />Is front-page stuff.</b></li></ul> <div class="mw-heading mw-heading3"><h3 id="Free_Wheeling_(1931)"><span id="Free_Wheeling_.281931.29"></span><i>Free Wheeling</i> (1931)</h3><span class="mw-editsection"><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">[</span><a href="/w/index.php?title=Ogden_Nash&action=edit&section=4" title="Edit section: Free Wheeling (1931)"><span>edit</span></a><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">]</span></span></div> <ul><li>The cow is of the bovine ilk;<br />One end is moo, the other, milk. <ul><li>"The Cow".</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li>The song of canaries<br />Never varies,<br />And when they're moulting<br />They're pretty revolting. <ul><li>"The Canary"</li></ul></li></ul> <div class="mw-heading mw-heading3"><h3 id="Happy_Days_(1933)"><span id="Happy_Days_.281933.29"></span><i>Happy Days</i> (1933)</h3><span class="mw-editsection"><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">[</span><a href="/w/index.php?title=Ogden_Nash&action=edit&section=5" title="Edit section: Happy Days (1933)"><span>edit</span></a><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">]</span></span></div> <ul><li><b>Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, <br /> And that's what parents were created for.</b> <ul><li>"The Parent"; paraphrased variants: <br /> Children aren't happy without something to ignore, and that's what parents were created for.<br /> Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li>I can't say that I feel particularly one way or the other towards bell-boys,<br />But I do admit that I haven't much use for the it's-just-as-well boys,<br />The cheery souls who drop around after every catastrophe and think they are taking the curse off<br />By telling you about somebody who is even worse off.<br />No matter how deep and dark your pit, how dank your shroud,<br />Their heads are heroically unbloody and unbowed. <ul><li>"Look for the Silver Lining"</li></ul></li></ul> <div class="mw-heading mw-heading3"><h3 id="I'm_a_Stranger_Here_Myself_(1938)"><span id="I.27m_a_Stranger_Here_Myself_.281938.29"></span><i>I'm a Stranger Here Myself</i> (1938)</h3><span class="mw-editsection"><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">[</span><a href="/w/index.php?title=Ogden_Nash&action=edit&section=6" title="Edit section: I'm a Stranger Here Myself (1938)"><span>edit</span></a><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">]</span></span></div> <figure class="mw-default-size" typeof="mw:File/Thumb"><a href="/wiki/File:Ankh_Rainbow_Heart.svg" class="mw-file-description"><img src="//upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/c/c5/Ankh_Rainbow_Heart.svg/220px-Ankh_Rainbow_Heart.svg.png" decoding="async" width="220" height="220" class="mw-file-element" srcset="//upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/c/c5/Ankh_Rainbow_Heart.svg/330px-Ankh_Rainbow_Heart.svg.png 1.5x, //upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/c/c5/Ankh_Rainbow_Heart.svg/440px-Ankh_Rainbow_Heart.svg.png 2x" data-file-width="600" data-file-height="600" /></a><figcaption>The most exciting <a href="/wiki/Happiness" title="Happiness">happiness</a> is the happiness generated by <a href="/wiki/Forces" class="mw-redirect" title="Forces">forces</a> beyond your <a href="/wiki/Control" title="Control">control</a>.</figcaption></figure> <ul><li><b>The most exciting <a href="/wiki/Happiness" title="Happiness">happiness</a> is the happiness generated by <a href="/wiki/Forces" class="mw-redirect" title="Forces">forces</a> beyond your <a href="/wiki/Control" title="Control">control</a>.</b> <ul><li>"The Anatomy of Happiness"</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li>Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind. <ul><li>"A Clean Conscience Never Relaxes"</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li>I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it. <ul><li>"A Clean Conscience Never Relaxes"</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li>One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence. <ul><li>"A Clean Conscience Never Relaxes"</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li>Most bankers dwell in marble halls,<br />Which they get to dwell in because they encourage deposits and discourage withdrawals,<br /><b>And particularly because they all observe one rule which woe betides the banker who fails to heed it,<br />Which is you must never lend any money to anybody unless they don't need it.</b> <ul><li>"Bankers Are Just Like Anybody Else, Except Richer"</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li>Every Englishman is convinced of one thing, viz.:<br /> That to be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is. <ul><li>"England Expects"</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li>How easy for those who do not bulge<br />To not overindulge! <ul><li>"A Necessary Dirge"</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li>Whether elected or appointed<br />He considers himself the Lord's annointed,<br />And indeed the ointment lingers on him<br />So thick you can't get your fingers on him. <ul><li>"The Politician"</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li>Camped on a tropic riverside,<br />One day he missed his loving bride.<br />She had, the guide informed him later,<br />Been eaten by an alligator.<br />Professor Twist could not but smile.<br />"You mean," he said, "a crocodile." <ul><li>"The Purist"</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li>There is one thing that ought to be taught in all the colleges,<br />Which is that people ought to be taught not to go around always making apologies. <ul><li>"Just Keep Quiet and Nobody Will Notice"</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li>So I think there is one rule every host and hostess ought to keep with the comb and nail file and bicarbonate and aromatic spirits on a handy shelf,<br />Which is don't spoil the denouement by telling the guests everything is terrible, but let them have the thrill of finding it out for themselves. <ul><li>"Just Keep Quiet and Nobody Will Notice"</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li><b>Listen, buds, it's March twenty first;<br />Don't you know enough to burst?</b><br />Come on, birds, unlock your throats!<br />Come on, gardeners, shed your coats! <ul><li><a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="http://books.google.com/books?id=bkFLAAAAIAAJ&q=%22Listen+buds+it's+March+twenty+first+don't+you+know+enough+to+burst%22&pg=PA138#v=onepage"><i>Spring Song</i></a></li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li>Oh, sometimes I sit around and think, what would you do if you were up a dark alley and there was Caesar Borgia,<br />And he was coming torgia… <ul><li>"How Now, Sirrah? Oh, Anyhow"</li></ul></li></ul> <div class="mw-heading mw-heading4"><h4 id="I_Have_It_On_Good_Authority">I Have It On Good Authority</h4><span class="mw-editsection"><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">[</span><a href="/w/index.php?title=Ogden_Nash&action=edit&section=7" title="Edit section: I Have It On Good Authority"><span>edit</span></a><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">]</span></span></div> <ul><li><b>There are two kinds of people who blow through life like a breeze, <br />And one kind is gossipers, and the other kind is gossipees, <br />And they certainly annoy each other, <br />But they certainly enjoy each other</b>, <br />Yes, they pretend to flout each other, <br />But they couldn't do without each other...</li></ul> <ul><li>Another good thing about gossip is that it is within everybody's reach, <br />And it is much more interesting than any other form of speech, <br />Because suppose you eschew gossip and just say <br />Mr. Smith is in love with his wife. <br />Why that disposes the Smiths as a topic of conversation for the rest of their life, <br />But suppose you say with a smile, that poor little Mrs. Smith thinks her husband is in love with her, he must be very clever, <br />Why then you can enjoyably talk about the Smiths forever.</li></ul> <ul><li>And I also say Pooh for sweetness and light, <br />And if you want to get the most out of life, why the thing to do is to be a gossiper by day and gossipee by night.</li></ul> <div class="mw-heading mw-heading3"><h3 id="Good_Intentions_(1942)"><span id="Good_Intentions_.281942.29"></span><i>Good Intentions</i> (1942)</h3><span class="mw-editsection"><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">[</span><a href="/w/index.php?title=Ogden_Nash&action=edit&section=8" title="Edit section: Good Intentions (1942)"><span>edit</span></a><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">]</span></span></div> <ul><li>Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed<br />    the floor. <ul><li><a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="http://books.google.com/books?id=zixbAAAAMAAJ&q=%22Life+is+not+having+been+told+that+the+man+has+just+waxed+the+floor%22&pg=PA5#v=onepage">"You and Me and P. B. Shelley"</a></li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li><b>God in his wisdom made the fly <br /> And then forgot to tell us why.</b> <ul><li>"The Fly"</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li><b>Some primal termite knocked on wood <br />And tasted it, and found it good!</b> <br />And that is why your Cousin May <br />Fell through the parlor floor today. <ul><li>"The Termite"</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li>The further through life I drift<br />The more obvious it becomes that I am lacking in thrift. <ul><li>"A Penny Saved Is Impossible"</li></ul></li></ul> <div class="mw-heading mw-heading4"><h4 id="Seeing_Eye_to_Eye_is_Believing">Seeing Eye to Eye is Believing</h4><span class="mw-editsection"><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">[</span><a href="/w/index.php?title=Ogden_Nash&action=edit&section=9" title="Edit section: Seeing Eye to Eye is Believing"><span>edit</span></a><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">]</span></span></div> <ul><li><b>I <a href="/wiki/Believe" class="mw-redirect" title="Believe">believe</a> that <a href="/wiki/People" class="mw-redirect" title="People">people</a> believe what they believe they believe.</b></li></ul> <ul><li>When people reject a <a href="/wiki/Truth" title="Truth">truth</a> or an untruth it is not because it is a truth or an untruth that they reject it.<br />No, if it isn't in accord with their beliefs in the first place they simply say, "Nothing doing," and refuse to inspect it.</li></ul> <ul><li>These are enlightened days in which you can get hot water and cold water out of the same spigot,<br />And everybody has something about which they are proud to be broad-minded but they also have other things about which you would be wasting your breath if you tried to convince them that they were a bigot.</li></ul> <ul><li>And <b>I have no desire to get ugly,<br />But I cannot help mentioning that the door of a bigoted mind opens outwards so that the only result of the pressure of facts upon it is to close it more snugly.</b></li></ul> <ul><li><b>Naturally I am not pointing a finger at me,<br />But I must admit that I find Mr. Ickes or any other<br />speaker far more convincing when I agree with<br />him than when I disagree.</b></li></ul> <div class="mw-heading mw-heading4"><h4 id="So_Does_Everybody_Else,_Only_Not_So_Much"><span id="So_Does_Everybody_Else.2C_Only_Not_So_Much"></span>So Does Everybody Else, Only Not So Much</h4><span class="mw-editsection"><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">[</span><a href="/w/index.php?title=Ogden_Nash&action=edit&section=10" title="Edit section: So Does Everybody Else, Only Not So Much"><span>edit</span></a><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">]</span></span></div> <ul><li>O all ye exorcizers come and exorcize now, and ye clergymen draw nigh and clerge,<br />For I wish to be purged of an urge.<br />It is an irksome urge, compounded of nettles and glue,<br />And it is turning all my friends back into acquaintances, and all my acquaintances into people who look the other way when I heave into view.</li></ul> <ul><li>It is an indication that my mental buttery is butterless and my mental larder lardless,<br />And it consists not of "Stop me if you've heard this one," but of "I know you've heard this one because I told it to you myself, but I'm going to tell it to you again regardless..."</li></ul> <ul><li>And what really turns my corpuscles to ice,<br />I carry around clippings and read them to people twice.<br />And I know what I am doing while I am doing it and I don't want to do it but I can't help doing it and I am just another Ancient Mariner,<br /><b>And the prospects for my future social life couldn't possibly be barrener.<br />Did I tell you that the prospects for my future social life couldn't be barrener?</b></li></ul> <div class="mw-heading mw-heading3"><h3 id="Many_Long_Years_Ago_(1945)"><span id="Many_Long_Years_Ago_.281945.29"></span><i>Many Long Years Ago</i> (1945)</h3><span class="mw-editsection"><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">[</span><a href="/w/index.php?title=Ogden_Nash&action=edit&section=11" title="Edit section: Many Long Years Ago (1945)"><span>edit</span></a><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">]</span></span></div> <ul><li><b>Don't Cry Darling, It's Blood All Right</b> <ul><li>Title of poem.</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li>Purity <br />Is obscurity. <ul><li>"Reflection On A Wicked World"</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li>The <a href="/wiki/Turtle" class="mw-redirect" title="Turtle">turtle</a> trapped 'twixt plated decks <br /> Doth practically conceal its sex <br /> I think it clever of the turtle <br /> In such a fix to be so fertile. <ul><li>"The Turtle"</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li>I think that I shall never see <br /> A billboard lovely as a tree. <br /> Indeed, unless the billboards fall, <br /> I'll never see a tree at all. <ul><li>"Song of the Open Road" — this poem is a parody of "Trees" by <a href="/wiki/Joyce_Kilmer" title="Joyce Kilmer">Joyce Kilmer</a></li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li>When called by a panther,<br />Don't anther. <ul><li>"The Panther"</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li><b>People expect old men to die, <br />They do not really mourn old men.</b> <br />Old men are different. People look <br />At them with eyes that wonder when... <br /><b>People watch with unshocked eyes; <br />But the old men know when an old man dies.</b> <ul><li>"Old Men"</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li>Passivity can be a provoking modus operandi;<br />Consider the Empire and Gandhi. <ul><li>"I Never Even Suggested It"</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li>It is my duty, gentlemen, to inform you that women are dictators<br />all, and I recommend to you this moral:<br />In real life it takes only one to make a quarrel. <ul><li>"I Never Even Suggested It"</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li>People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it,<br />And I wish I could afford to gather all such people into a gloomy castle on the Danube and hire half a dozen capable Draculas to haunt it.<br /><b>I dont' mind their having a lot of money, and I don't care how they employ it,<br />But I do think that they damn well ought to admit they enjoy it.</b> <ul><li>"The Terrible People"</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li><b>Perhaps indeed the possession of wealth is constantly distressing,<br />But I should be quite willing to assume every curse of wealth if I could at the same time assume every blessing.</b><br />The only incurable troubles of the rich are the troubles that money can't cure,<br />Which is a kind of trouble that is even more troublesome if you are poor.<br />Certainly there are lots of things in life that money won't buy, but it's very funny —<br />Have you ever tried to buy them without money? <ul><li>"The Terrible People"</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li><b>If you don't want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.</b> <ul><li>"More About People"</li></ul></li></ul> <div class="mw-heading mw-heading4"><h4 id="A_Lady_Thinks_She_Is_Thirty">A Lady Thinks She Is Thirty</h4><span class="mw-editsection"><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">[</span><a href="/w/index.php?title=Ogden_Nash&action=edit&section=12" title="Edit section: A Lady Thinks She Is Thirty"><span>edit</span></a><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">]</span></span></div> <ul><li><b>Miranda in Miranda's sight <br />Is old and gray and dirty; <br />Twenty-nine she was last night; <br />This morning she is thirty.</b></li></ul> <ul><li>Silly girl, silver girl, <br />Draw the mirror toward you; <br /><b>Time who makes the years to whirl <br />Adorned as he adored you.</b></li></ul> <ul><li>Time is timelessness for you; <br />Calendars for the human; <br />What's a year, or thirty, to <br />Loveliness made woman?</li></ul> <ul><li>Oh, Night will not see thirty again, <br />Yet soft her wing, Miranda; <br />Pick up your glass and tell me, then — <br />How old is Spring, Miranda?</li></ul> <figure class="mw-default-size mw-halign-right" typeof="mw:File/Thumb"><a href="/wiki/File:Dragon-fountain.jpg" class="mw-file-description"><img src="//upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/b/bd/Dragon-fountain.jpg/220px-Dragon-fountain.jpg" decoding="async" width="220" height="165" class="mw-file-element" srcset="//upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/b/bd/Dragon-fountain.jpg/330px-Dragon-fountain.jpg 1.5x, //upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/b/bd/Dragon-fountain.jpg/440px-Dragon-fountain.jpg 2x" data-file-width="1280" data-file-height="960" /></a><figcaption>But the dragon was a coward, and she called him Custard.</figcaption></figure> <div class="mw-heading mw-heading4"><h4 id="The_Tale_of_Custard_the_Dragon">The Tale of Custard the Dragon</h4><span class="mw-editsection"><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">[</span><a href="/w/index.php?title=Ogden_Nash&action=edit&section=13" title="Edit section: The Tale of Custard the Dragon"><span>edit</span></a><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">]</span></span></div> <ul><li><b>Belinda lived in a little white house,<br />With a little black kitten and a little gray mouse,<br />And a little yellow dog and a little red wagon,<br />And a realio, trulio, little pet dragon.</b></li></ul> <ul><li>Now the name of the little black kitten was Ink,<br />And the little gray mouse, she called him Blink,<br />And the little yellow dog was sharp as Mustard,<br />But the dragon was a coward, and she called him Custard.</li></ul> <ul><li>Belinda was as brave as a barrel full of bears,<br />And Ink and Blink chased lions down the stairs,<br />Mustard was as brave as a tiger in a rage,<br />But Custard cried for a nice safe cage.</li></ul> <ul><li>The pirate gaped at Belinda's dragon,<br />And gulped some grog from his pocket flagon,<br />He fired two bullets, but they didn't hit,<br />And Custard gobbled him, every bit.</li></ul> <figure class="mw-default-size mw-halign-right" typeof="mw:File/Thumb"><a href="/wiki/File:Man_sitting_under_beach_umbrella.JPG" class="mw-file-description"><img src="//upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/3/31/Man_sitting_under_beach_umbrella.JPG/220px-Man_sitting_under_beach_umbrella.JPG" decoding="async" width="220" height="334" class="mw-file-element" srcset="//upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/3/31/Man_sitting_under_beach_umbrella.JPG/330px-Man_sitting_under_beach_umbrella.JPG 1.5x, //upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/3/31/Man_sitting_under_beach_umbrella.JPG/440px-Man_sitting_under_beach_umbrella.JPG 2x" data-file-width="2177" data-file-height="3305" /></a><figcaption>How pleasant to sit on the beach,<br />On the beach, on the sand, in the sun...</figcaption></figure> <div class="mw-heading mw-heading4"><h4 id="Pretty_Halcyon_Days">Pretty Halcyon Days</h4><span class="mw-editsection"><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">[</span><a href="/w/index.php?title=Ogden_Nash&action=edit&section=14" title="Edit section: Pretty Halcyon Days"><span>edit</span></a><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">]</span></span></div> <ul><li><b>How pleasant to sit on the beach,<br />On the beach, on the sand, in the sun,<br />With ocean galore within reach,<br />And nothing at all to be done!</b>.</li></ul> <ul><li>To lave in the wave,<br />Majestic and chilly,<br />Tomorrow I crave;<br />But today it is silly.<br />It is pleasant to look at the ocean;<br />Tomorrow, perhaps, I shall swim in it.</li></ul> <ul><li>Leave the earth to the strong and athletic,<br />And the sea to adventure upon.<br />But the sun and the sand<br />No contractor can copy;<br />We lie in the land<br />Of the lotus and poppy;<br />We vegetate, calm and aesthetic,<br />On the beach, on the sand, in the sun.</li></ul> <div class="mw-heading mw-heading4"><h4 id="Children's_Party"><span id="Children.27s_Party"></span>Children's Party</h4><span class="mw-editsection"><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">[</span><a href="/w/index.php?title=Ogden_Nash&action=edit&section=15" title="Edit section: Children's Party"><span>edit</span></a><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">]</span></span></div> <ul><li><b>May I join you in the doghouse, Rover?<br />I wish to retire till the party's over.</b></li></ul> <ul><li>I've earned repose to heal the ravages<br />Of these angelic-looking savages.<br />Oh, progeny playing by itself<br />Is a lonely little elf,<br />But progeny in roistering batches<br />Would drive St. Francis from here to Natchez.</li></ul> <ul><li>Their joy needs another woe's to cushion it,<br />Say a puddle, and someone littler to push in it.<br />They observe with glee the ballistic results<br />Of ice cream with spoons for catapults,<br />And inform the assembly with tears and glares<br />That everyone's presents are better than theirs.<br />Oh, little women and little men,<br />Someday I hope to love you again,<br />But not till after the party's over,<br />So give me the key to the doghouse, Rover</li></ul> <figure class="mw-default-size mw-halign-right" typeof="mw:File/Thumb"><a href="/wiki/File:Lightning_cloud_to_cloud_(aka).jpg" class="mw-file-description"><img src="//upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/1/17/Lightning_cloud_to_cloud_%28aka%29.jpg/220px-Lightning_cloud_to_cloud_%28aka%29.jpg" decoding="async" width="220" height="124" class="mw-file-element" srcset="//upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/1/17/Lightning_cloud_to_cloud_%28aka%29.jpg/330px-Lightning_cloud_to_cloud_%28aka%29.jpg 1.5x, //upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/1/17/Lightning_cloud_to_cloud_%28aka%29.jpg/440px-Lightning_cloud_to_cloud_%28aka%29.jpg 2x" data-file-width="2000" data-file-height="1130" /></a><figcaption>We love the kindly wind and hail,<br />The jolly thunderbolt,<br />We watch in glee the fairy trail<br />Of ampere, watt, and volt...</figcaption></figure> <div class="mw-heading mw-heading4"><h4 id="A_Watched_Example_Never_Boils">A Watched Example Never Boils</h4><span class="mw-editsection"><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">[</span><a href="/w/index.php?title=Ogden_Nash&action=edit&section=16" title="Edit section: A Watched Example Never Boils"><span>edit</span></a><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">]</span></span></div> <ul><li><b>The weather is so very mild<br />That some would call it warm.<br />Good gracious, aren't we lucky, child?<br />Here comes a thunderstorm.</b></li></ul> <ul><li>The sky is now indelible ink,<br />The branches reft asunder;<br />But you and I we do not shrink;<br />We love the lovely <a href="/wiki/Thunder" title="Thunder">thunder</a>.</li></ul> <ul><li>The garden is a raging sea, <br />The hurricane is snarling;<br />Oh, happy you and happy me!<br />Isn't the lightning darling?</li></ul> <ul><li>Fear not the thunder, little one.<br />It's weather, simply weather;<br />It's friendly giants full of fun<br />Clapping their hands together.</li></ul> <ul><li>I hope of lightning our supply <br />Will never be exhausted;<br />You know it's lanterns in the sky<br />For angels who are losted.</li></ul> <ul><li>We love the kindly wind and hail,<br />The jolly thunderbolt,<br />We watch in glee the fairy trail<br />Of ampere, watt, and volt.</li></ul> <ul><li><b>Oh, than to enjoy a storm like this<br />There's nothing I would rather, <br />Don't dive between the blankets, Miss!<br />Or else leave room for Father.</b></li></ul> <div class="mw-heading mw-heading4"><h4 id="Song_To_Be_Sung_by_the_Father_of_Infant_Female_Children">Song To Be Sung by the Father of Infant Female Children</h4><span class="mw-editsection"><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">[</span><a href="/w/index.php?title=Ogden_Nash&action=edit&section=17" title="Edit section: Song To Be Sung by the Father of Infant Female Children"><span>edit</span></a><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">]</span></span></div> <ul><li><b>My heart leaps up when I behold<br />A rainbow in the sky;<br />Contrariwise, my blood runs cold<br />When little boys go by.</b><br />For little boys as little boys,<br />No special hate I carry,<br />But now and then they grow to men,<br />And when they do, they marry.<br />No matter how they tarry,<br />Eventually they marry.<br />And, swine among the pearls,<br />They marry little girls.</li></ul> <ul><li>A fig for embryo Lohengrins!<br />I'll open all his safety pins,<br /><b>I'll pepper his powder, and salt his bottle,<br />And give him readings from Aristotle.<br />Sand for his spinach I'll gladly bring,<br />And Tabasco sauce for his teething ring.<br />Then perhaps he'll struggle through fire and water<br />To marry somebody else's daughter.</b></li></ul> <div class="mw-heading mw-heading3"><h3 id="Versus_(1949)"><span id="Versus_.281949.29"></span><i>Versus</i> (1949)</h3><span class="mw-editsection"><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">[</span><a href="/w/index.php?title=Ogden_Nash&action=edit&section=18" title="Edit section: Versus (1949)"><span>edit</span></a><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">]</span></span></div> <figure class="mw-default-size mw-halign-right" typeof="mw:File/Thumb"><a href="/wiki/File:Poecilia_reticulata_01.jpg" class="mw-file-description"><img src="//upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/8/8d/Poecilia_reticulata_01.jpg/220px-Poecilia_reticulata_01.jpg" decoding="async" width="220" height="91" class="mw-file-element" srcset="//upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/8/8d/Poecilia_reticulata_01.jpg/330px-Poecilia_reticulata_01.jpg 1.5x, //upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/8/8d/Poecilia_reticulata_01.jpg/440px-Poecilia_reticulata_01.jpg 2x" data-file-width="541" data-file-height="224" /></a><figcaption> Swans have cygnets, <br />Seals have puppies, <br />But guppies just have little guppies. </figcaption></figure> <ul><li><b>Whales have calves, <br /> Cats have kittens <br /> Bears have Cubs, <br /> Bats have bittens, <br /> Swans have cygnets, <br /> Seals have puppies, <br /> But guppies just have little guppies.</b> <ul><li>"The Guppy"</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li><b>A young person is a person with nothing to learn<br />One who already knows that ice does not chill and fire does not burn...</b><br />It knows it can spend six hours in the sun on its first<br />day at the beach without ending up a skinless beet,<br />And it knows it can walk barefoot through the barn<br />without running a nail in its feet. . . .<br />Meanwhile psychologists grow rich<br />Writing that the young are ones' should not<br />undermine the self-confidence of which. <ul><li>"Fortunately"</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li><b>First</b><br />Let the rockets flash and the cannon thunder,<br />This child is a marvel, a matchless wonder.<br />A staggering child, a child astounding,<br />Dazzling, diaperless, dumfounding,<br />Stupendous, miraculous, unsurpassed,<br />A child to stagger and flabbergast,<br />Bright as a button, sharp as a thorn,<br />And the only perfect one ever born.<br /><b>Second</b><br />Arrived this evening at half-past nine.<br />Everybody is doing fine.<br />Is it a boy, or quite the reverse?<br />You can call in the morning and ask the nurse. <ul><li>"First Child . . . Second Child"</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li>Being a father<br />Is quite a bother,<br />But I like it, rather. <ul><li>"Soliloquy in Circles"</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li><b>Your hair may be brushed, but your mind's untidy,<br />You've had about seven hours' sleep since Friday,<br />No wonder you feel that lost sensation;<br />You're sunk from a riot of relaxation.</b> <ul><li>"We'll All Feel Better By Wednesday"</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li>Indoors or out, no one relaxes<br />In March, that month of wind and taxes,<br />The wind will presently disappear,<br />The taxes last us all the year. <ul><li>"Thar She Blows"</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li><b>Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else...</b> <ul><li>"Let's Not Climb the Washington Monument Tonight"</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li><b>Life has a tendency to obfuscate and bewilder,<br />Such as fating us to spend the first part of our lives<br />being embarrassed by our parents and the last part<br />being embarrassed by our childer.</b> <ul><li>"What I Know About Life"</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li>O Adolescence, O Adolescence<br />I wince before thine incandescence . . .<br />When anxious elders swarm about<br />Crying "Where are you going?", thou answerest "Out," . . .<br />Strewn! All is lost and nothing found<br />Lord, how thou leavest things around! . . . <ul><li>"Tarkington, Thou Should'st Be Living in This Hour"</li></ul></li></ul> <div class="mw-heading mw-heading4"><h4 id="Possessions_are_Nine_Points_of_Conversation">Possessions are Nine Points of Conversation</h4><span class="mw-editsection"><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">[</span><a href="/w/index.php?title=Ogden_Nash&action=edit&section=19" title="Edit section: Possessions are Nine Points of Conversation"><span>edit</span></a><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">]</span></span></div> <ul><li>Some people, and it doesn't matter whether they are paupers or millionaires,<br />Think that anything they have is the best in the world just because it is theirs.</li></ul> <ul><li>Other people, and it doesn't matter if they are Scandinavians or Celts,<br />Think that anything is better than theirs just because it belongs to somebody else.</li></ul> <ul><li><b>I think that comparisons are truly odious, I do not approve of this constant proud or envious to-do;<br />And furthermore, dear friends, I think that you and yours are delightful and I also think that me and mine are delightful too.</b></li></ul> <p><br /></p><div style="padding: .5em; border: 1px solid black; background-color: #FFE7CC;"> <div class="mw-heading mw-heading2"><h2 id="Misattributed">Misattributed</h2><span class="mw-editsection"><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">[</span><a href="/w/index.php?title=Ogden_Nash&action=edit&section=20" title="Edit section: Misattributed"><span>edit</span></a><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">]</span></span></div> <ul><li>Adam<br />Had 'em. <ul><li>This poem has <i>widely</i> been credited to Nash as a poem with the title "Fleas", but is actually the work of <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strickland_Gillilan" class="extiw" title="w:Strickland Gillilan">Strickland Gillilan</a> and was originally titled "Lines on the Antiquity of Microbes." <a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="http://www.fun-with-words.com/shortest_poem.html">It has been dated to at least 1927</a>, as published in the <i>Mt Rainier Nature News Notes</i> (1 July 1927).</li></ul></li></ul> <ul><li>A wonderful bird is a pelican, <br /> His bill will hold more than his belican. <br /> He can take in his beak <br /> Food enough for a week; <br /> But I'm damned if I see how the helican. <ul><li>"The Pelican" (1910) by Dixon Lanier Merritt is another poem often misattributed to Nash.</li></ul></li></ul> </div> <div class="mw-heading mw-heading2"><h2 id="External_links">External links</h2><span class="mw-editsection"><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">[</span><a href="/w/index.php?title=Ogden_Nash&action=edit&section=21" title="Edit section: External links"><span>edit</span></a><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">]</span></span></div> <div class="noprint" style="clear: right; border: solid #aaa 1px; margin: 0 0 1em 1em; font-size: 90%; background: #f9f9f9; width: 250px; padding: 4px; spacing: 0px; text-align: left; float: right;"> <div style="float: left;"><figure class="mw-halign-none" typeof="mw:File"><a href="/wiki/File:Wikipedia-logo-v2.svg" class="mw-file-description" title="Wikipedia"><img alt="Wikipedia" src="//upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/8/80/Wikipedia-logo-v2.svg/50px-Wikipedia-logo-v2.svg.png" decoding="async" width="50" height="46" class="mw-file-element" srcset="//upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/8/80/Wikipedia-logo-v2.svg/75px-Wikipedia-logo-v2.svg.png 1.5x, //upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/8/80/Wikipedia-logo-v2.svg/100px-Wikipedia-logo-v2.svg.png 2x" data-file-width="103" data-file-height="94" /></a><figcaption>Wikipedia</figcaption></figure></div> <div style="margin-left: 60px;"><a href="/wiki/Wikipedia" title="Wikipedia">Wikipedia</a> has an article about: <div style="margin-left: 10px;"><i><b><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ogden_Nash" class="extiw" title="wikipedia:Ogden Nash">Ogden Nash</a></b></i></div> </div> </div> <ul><li><a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="http://www.hrc.utexas.edu/research/fa/nash.bio.html">Brief biography</a> at the University of Texas, Austin.</li> <li><a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="http://www.americanpoems.com/poets/nash/">Brief biography</a> at American Poems (apparently, none of the links to individual poems there still work)</li> <li><a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="http://www.kyrene.k12.az.us/schools/brisas/sunda/poets/nash.htm">Tribute page</a></li> <li><a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="http://www.westegg.com/nash/">Selected poems</a></li> <li><a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="http://www.aenet.org/poems/ognash2.htm">Selected poems</a></li> <li><a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="http://saragrahi.org/Header%20Links/Poems/Seeing%20Eye%20to%20Eye%20is%20Believing%20by%20Ogden%20Nash.htm">"Seeing Eye to Eye Is Believing"</a></li> <li><a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="http://gardenofsong.com/kidzpage/kids/nash.html">Kidzpage of Verse by Nash</a></li> <li><a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcfour/audiointerviews/profilepages/nasho1.shtml">Audio interviews</a> at BBC</li></ul>    </div><noscript><img src="https://login.wikimedia.org/wiki/Special:CentralAutoLogin/start?type=1x1&useformat=desktop" alt="" width="1" height="1" style="border: none; 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