How to Begin to Set Internal Boundaries | Psychology Today United Kingdom

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class="blog-entry--header"> <div class="blog-entry--header-first"> <div class="profile-card d-flex"> <div class="profile-card__photo"> <a href="/gb/contributors/carolyn-rubenstein-phd"> <img src="https://cdn2.psychologytoday.com/assets/styles/profile_teaser_small/public/field_user_blogger_photo/carolynrubenstein.jpg?itok=D1DtejxV" width="128" height="159" alt="Carolyn Rubenstein Ph.D." title="Carolyn Rubenstein Ph.D." loading="lazy" /> </a> </div> <div class="profile-card__profile-copy"> <div class="h3 profile-card__profile-name"> <a href="/gb/contributors/carolyn-rubenstein-phd" hreflang="en">Carolyn Rubenstein Ph.D.</a> </div> <div class="profile_card__blog-title"> <a href="/gb/blog/now-is-everything" hreflang="en">Now Is Everything</a> </div> </div> </div> </div> <div class="blog-entry--header-second"> <h6 class="blog-entry__topic--full text-uppercase-primary-large"> <a href="/gb/basics/cognition" hreflang="en-gb">Cognition</a> </h6> <h1 class="blog-entry__title--full"> How to Begin to Set Internal Boundaries </h1> <h2 class="blog-entry__subtitle--full"> Internal boundaries empower you to look at how you interact with yourself. </h2> <p class="blog-entry__date--full fine-print"> Posted <span class="blog_entry--date">May 7, 2021</span> <span class="blog_entry--full__review-info"> <span class="blog_entry--full__review-info-bar">|</span> <a href="/gb/docs/editorial-process" class="blog_entry--full__review-info-link"> <span class="blog_entry--full__review-info-icon"></span> <span class="blog_entry--full__review-info-text">Reviewed by Ekua Hagan</span> </a> </span> </p> <div class="pt-social-media blog-entry-divider"> <ul class="share-buttons"> <li> <a title="Share on Facebook" class="facebook-share-button open-dialog" target="_blank" data-lang="en" 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href="mailto:?subject=Psychology%20Today%3A%20How%20to%20Begin%20to%20Set%20Internal%20Boundaries&body=Hi%2C%0D%0A%0D%0AI%20thought%20you%27d%20be%20interested%20in%20this%20article%20on%20Psychology%20Today%3A%0D%0A%0D%0A%20How%20to%20Begin%20to%20Set%20Internal%20Boundaries%0D%0Ahttps%3A//www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/now-is-everything/202105/how-begin-set-internal-boundaries%3Feml%0D%0A%0D%0A%0D%0A---%0D%0AFind%20Counselling%3A%20https%3A//www.psychologytoday.com/gb&destination=node/1160894"> <div><img border="0" src="https://cdn2.psychologytoday.com/theme-assets/icons/icon-share-round-email-md.svg" alt="Share via Email" width="37" height="37" /><span class="visually-hidden">Email</span></div> </a> </div> </li> </ul> </div> </div> </div> <div class="blog-entry--body"> <div class="blog-entry--body-first"> <div class="d-none d-xl-block"> </div> </div> <div class="blog-entry--body-second"> <div class="blog_entry__key-points"> <h3 class="blog_entry__key-points-title">Key points</h3> <ul class="blog_entry__key-points-item-list"> <li class="blog_entry__key-points-item">Internal boundaries empower you to look at how you interact with yourself. </li> <li class="blog_entry__key-points-item">In order to maintain strong external boundaries, you need to establish a foundation for them through internal boundaries. </li> <li class="blog_entry__key-points-item">Learning to say "no" to yourself is just as important as learning to say "no" to others. </li> </ul> </div> <div class="field-name-body"> <div class="insertArea"> <div class="image-article-inline-half"> <div class="insert-inner"> <div class="insert-image"><img alt="Photo by Caleb Frith on Unsplash" height="213" src="https://cdn.psychologytoday.com/sites/default/files/styles/article-inline-half-caption/public/field_blog_entry_images/2021-05/caleb-frith-csuk6_jsmuc-unsplash.jpg?itok=UNFltvoe" title="Photo by Caleb Frith on Unsplash" width="320"></div> <div class="caption">Setting Internal Boundaries</div> <div class="subtext insertArea--origin">Source: Photo by Caleb Frith on Unsplash</div> </div> </div> </div> <p>When I first learned about internal <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/basics/boundaries" title="Psychology Today looks at boundaries" class="basics-link" hreflang="en-GB">boundaries</a>, my mind was blown. It made complete sense and yet I had completely neglected to honor, set, and enforce internal boundaries. So let鈥檚 dive together into the world of internal boundaries.</p> <p>They are different than external boundaries, which allow you to establish healthy limits in relationships with others and help you to regulate how you interact with the world around you. Instead, internal boundaries empower you to look at how you interact with yourself.</p> <div class="markup-replacement-slot markup-replacement-slot-0" data-slot-position="0"></div> <h2>Challenge negative thoughts </h2> <p>Thoughts are just thoughts. You can interpret them as facts or simply as just thoughts. By interpreting them as "just thoughts" you are able to challenge their validity. </p> <h2>Validate emotions without minimizing</h2> <p>Validate difficult emotions rather than ignoring them. You're allowed to feel and fully experience your range of emotions. </p> <div class="markup-replacement-slot markup-replacement-slot-1" data-slot-position="1"></div> <h2>Approach yourself with compassion, not criticism</h2> <p>When experiencing difficult emotions, try to resist criticizing yourself for having the difficult <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/basics/emotions" title="Psychology Today looks at emotion" class="basics-link" hreflang="en-GB">emotion</a>. For example, you may notice yourself thinking, "Ugh, this shouldn't bother me. Why do I let it bother me so much?" If you recognize this thinking, say "Hi," and then redirect your focus to how you can give yourself compassion for the difficult feelings. You may want to remind yourself that "this feels hard and I deserve compassion." </p> <div class="markup-replacement-slot markup-replacement-slot-2" data-slot-position="2"></div> <h2>Pause to consider your response to emotional reactions</h2> <p>This is a big one. Take a time out and allow yourself some time to de-escalate before responding to intense emotional reactions. This may look like taking 10 minutes to yourself鈥攁way from the trigger鈥攂efore addressing what made you upset. </p> <h2>Say "no" to yourself when needed</h2> <div class="markup-replacement-slot markup-replacement-slot-3" data-slot-position="3"></div> <p>Yup, we need to say "no" to ourselves as well. For example, if you value time with your family鈥攜ou need to say "no" to spending extra time doing XYZ (away from time you committed to your family). Uphold your values and get stern with yourself when necessary.</p> <h2>Forgive yourself when you make a mistake</h2> <p>And most importantly, you're going to make mistakes. This means you're trying to embrace internal boundaries. Practice self-compassion鈥攏otice any mistakes and provide yourself with grace鈥攁llowing you to notice and move forward without becoming stuck. </p> <div class="markup-replacement-slot markup-replacement-slot-4" data-slot-position="4"></div> <p>Without strong internal boundaries, your external boundaries don鈥檛 stand a chance鈥攖hey exist on a wobbly foundation.</p> <div class="markup-replacement-slot markup-replacement-slot-last" data-slot-position="last"></div> </div> <div class="social-links-bottom"> <div class="pt-social-media blog-entry-divider"> <ul class="share-buttons"> <li> <a title="Share on Facebook" class="facebook-share-button open-dialog" target="_blank" data-lang="en" href="https://facebook.com/dialog/share?app_id=220580041311284&display=page&href=https%3A//www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/now-is-everything/202105/how-begin-set-internal-boundaries&redirect_uri=https%3A//www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/now-is-everything/202105/how-begin-set-internal-boundaries" onclick="window.open(this.href,'newWindow','toolbar=no,location=no,status=no,menubar=no,scrollbars=no,resizable=yes,width=640,height=480');return false;"> <div><img border="0" src="https://cdn2.psychologytoday.com/theme-assets/icons/icon-share-round-facebook-md.svg" alt="Share on Facebook" width="37" height="37" /><span class="visually-hidden">Share</span></div> </a> </li> <li> <a title="Share on Twitter" class="twitter-share-button open-dialog" target="_blank" data-lang="en" href="https://twitter.com/share?text=How%20to%20Begin%20to%20Set%20Internal%20Boundaries%20%7C%20Psychology%20Today&url=https%3A//www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/now-is-everything/202105/how-begin-set-internal-boundaries&related=PsychToday" onclick="window.open(this.href,'newWindow','toolbar=no,location=no,status=no,menubar=no,scrollbars=no,resizable=yes,width=640,height=480');return false;"> <div><img border="0" src="https://cdn2.psychologytoday.com/theme-assets/icons/icon-share-round-twitter-md.svg" alt="Share on Twitter" width="37" height="37" /><span class="visually-hidden">Tweet</span></div> </a> </li> <li> <a title="Share on LinkedIn" class="linkedin-share-button open-dialog" target="_blank" data-lang="en" href="https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A//www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/now-is-everything/202105/how-begin-set-internal-boundaries" onclick="window.open(this.href,'newWindow','toolbar=no,location=no,status=no,menubar=no,scrollbars=no,resizable=yes,width=640,height=480');return false;"> <div><img border="0" src="https://cdn2.psychologytoday.com/theme-assets/icons/icon-share-round-linkedin-md.svg" alt="Share on LinkedIn" width="37" height="37" /><span class="visually-hidden">Share</span></div> </a> </li> <li><div class="form-item-type-email js-form-item form-item js-form-type-email form-item- js-form-item- form-no-label"> <a title="Share via Email" class="email-share-button open-dialog" data-lang="en" href="mailto:?subject=Psychology%20Today%3A%20How%20to%20Begin%20to%20Set%20Internal%20Boundaries&body=Hi%2C%0D%0A%0D%0AI%20thought%20you%27d%20be%20interested%20in%20this%20article%20on%20Psychology%20Today%3A%0D%0A%0D%0A%20How%20to%20Begin%20to%20Set%20Internal%20Boundaries%0D%0Ahttps%3A//www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/now-is-everything/202105/how-begin-set-internal-boundaries%3Feml%0D%0A%0D%0A%0D%0A---%0D%0AFind%20Counselling%3A%20https%3A//www.psychologytoday.com/gb&destination=node/1160894"> <div><img border="0" src="https://cdn2.psychologytoday.com/theme-assets/icons/icon-share-round-email-md.svg" alt="Share via Email" width="37" height="37" /><span class="visually-hidden">Email</span></div> </a> </div> </li> </ul> </div> </div> </div> </div> </article> </div> <div class="pt-ad pt-ad--300x250 d-block d-none d-md-block d-lg-none block" id="block-adblock-20"> <div class="pt-ad--container pt-ad-show-text"> <div class="pt-ad--text"> <span>advertisement</span> </div> <div id="div-gpt-ad-1424993595349-0" class="pt-ad--content"> <script type="text/javascript"> if (window.googletag && googletag.apiReady) { googletag.cmd.push(function () { googletag.display('div-gpt-ad-1424993595349-0'); 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