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Extravagant Weddings and Bar Mitzvahs Humiliate the Jewish Community | HuffPost Religion

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data-vars-subunit-type="component">News</a></h2><span></span><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--link" href="/news/us-news" data-vars-item-name="U.S. News" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/news/us-news" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="3" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">U.S. News</a><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--link" href="/news/world-news" data-vars-item-name="World News" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/news/world-news" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="4" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">World News</a><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--link" href="/impact/business" data-vars-item-name="Business" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/impact/business" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="5" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">Business</a><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--link" href="/impact/green" data-vars-item-name="Environment" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/impact/green" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="6" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">Environment</a><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--link" href="/section/health" data-vars-item-name="Health" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/section/health" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="7" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">Health</a><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--link" href="/impact/topic/social-justice" data-vars-item-name="Social Justice" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/impact/topic/social-justice" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="8" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">Social Justice</a><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--link" href="https://www.huffpost.com/news/crime" data-vars-item-name="Crime" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/news/crime" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="9" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">Crime</a></div><div class="left-nav__menu__group"><h2 class="left-nav__menu__item--heading"><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--heading" href="/news/politics" data-vars-item-name="Politics" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/news/politics" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="10" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">Politics</a></h2><span></span><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--link" href="/news/topic/joe-biden" data-vars-item-name="Joe Biden" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/news/topic/joe-biden" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="11" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">Joe Biden</a><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--link" href="/news/topic/us-congress" data-vars-item-name="Congress" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/news/topic/us-congress" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="12" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">Congress</a><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--link" href="/news/topic/extremism" data-vars-item-name="Extremism" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/news/topic/extremism" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="13" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">Extremism</a></div><div class="left-nav__menu__group"><h2 class="left-nav__menu__item--heading"><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--heading" href="/section/opinion" data-vars-item-name="Opinion" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/section/opinion" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="14" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">Opinion</a></h2><span></span></div><div class="left-nav__menu__group"><h2 class="left-nav__menu__item--heading"><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--heading" href="/entertainment/" data-vars-item-name="Entertainment" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/entertainment/" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="15" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">Entertainment</a></h2><span></span><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--link" href="/entertainment/arts" data-vars-item-name="Culture &amp; Arts" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/entertainment/arts" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="16" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">Culture &amp; Arts</a><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--link" href="/news/media" data-vars-item-name="Media" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/news/media" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="17" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">Media</a><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--link" href="/entertainment/celebrity" data-vars-item-name="Celebrity" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/entertainment/celebrity" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="18" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">Celebrity</a><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--link" href="/entertainment/tv" data-vars-item-name="TV &amp; Film" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/entertainment/tv" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="19" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">TV &amp; Film</a><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--link" href="https://www.huffpost.com/entertainment/books" data-vars-item-name="Books" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/entertainment/books" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="20" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">Books</a></div><div class="left-nav__menu__group"><h2 class="left-nav__menu__item--heading"><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--heading" href="/life/" data-vars-item-name="Life" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/life/" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="21" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">Life</a></h2><span></span><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--link" href="/life/style" data-vars-item-name="Style &amp; Beauty" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/life/style" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="22" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">Style &amp; Beauty</a><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--link" href="/life/taste" data-vars-item-name="Food &amp; Drink" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/life/taste" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="23" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">Food &amp; Drink</a><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--link" href="/life/parents" data-vars-item-name="Parenting" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/life/parents" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="24" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">Parenting</a><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--link" href="/life/travel" data-vars-item-name="Travel" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/life/travel" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="25" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">Travel</a><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--link" href="/life/healthy-living" data-vars-item-name="Wellness" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/life/healthy-living" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="26" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">Wellness</a><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--link" href="/life/relationships" data-vars-item-name="Relationships" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/life/relationships" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="27" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">Relationships</a><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--link" href="/life/money" data-vars-item-name="Money" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/life/money" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="28" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">Money</a><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--link" href="/life/huffpost-home" data-vars-item-name="Home &amp; Living" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/life/huffpost-home" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="29" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">Home &amp; Living</a><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--link" href="/life/worklife" data-vars-item-name="Work/Life" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/life/worklife" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="30" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">Work/Life</a><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--link" href="/life/huffpost-shopping" data-vars-item-name="Shopping" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/life/huffpost-shopping" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="31" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">Shopping</a></div><div class="left-nav__menu__group"><h2 class="left-nav__menu__item--heading"><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--heading" href="/voices/" data-vars-item-name="Voices" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/voices/" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="32" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">Voices</a></h2><span></span><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--link" href="/voices/black-voices" data-vars-item-name="Black Voices" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/voices/black-voices" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="33" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">Black Voices</a><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--link" href="/voices/queer-voices" data-vars-item-name="Queer Voices" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/voices/queer-voices" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="34" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">Queer Voices</a><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--link" href="/voices/latino-voices" data-vars-item-name="Latino Voices" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/voices/latino-voices" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="35" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">Latino Voices</a><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--link" href="https://www.huffpost.com/voices/indigenous-voices" data-vars-item-name="Indigenous Voices" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/voices/indigenous-voices" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="36" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">Indigenous Voices</a><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--link" href="/voices/asian-voices" data-vars-item-name="Asian Voices" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/voices/asian-voices" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="37" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">Asian Voices</a><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--link" href="/voices/womens-voices" data-vars-item-name="Women&#x27;s Voices" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/voices/womens-voices" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="38" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">Women&#x27;s Voices</a></div><div class="left-nav__menu__group"><h2 class="left-nav__menu__item--heading"><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--heading" href="/section/huffpost-personal" data-vars-item-name="HuffPost Personal" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/section/huffpost-personal" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="39" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">HuffPost Personal</a></h2><span></span></div><div class="left-nav__menu__group"><h2 class="left-nav__menu__item--heading"><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--heading" href="https://www.huffpost.com/games" data-vars-item-name="NEW: Games" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/games" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="40" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">NEW: Games</a></h2><span></span></div><div class="left-nav__menu__group"><h2 class="left-nav__menu__item--heading"><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--heading" href="/horoscopes" data-vars-item-name="Horoscopes" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/horoscopes" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="41" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">Horoscopes</a></h2><span></span></div><div class="left-nav__menu__group"><h2 class="left-nav__menu__item--heading"><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--heading" href="https://www.huffpost.com/section/video" data-vars-item-name="Video" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/section/video" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="42" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">Video</a></h2><span></span></div><div class="left-nav__menu__group"><h2 class="left-nav__menu__item--heading"><span class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--heading">From Our Partners</span></h2><span></span><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--link" href="https://www.huffpost.com/life/travel" data-vars-item-name="Well Traveled" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/life/travel" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="44" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">Well Traveled</a><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--link" href="https://www.huffpost.com/life/topic/the-good-life" data-vars-item-name="The Good Life" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/life/topic/the-good-life" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="45" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">The Good Life</a><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--link" href="https://www.huffpost.com/life/topic/a-new-view" data-vars-item-name="A New View" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/life/topic/a-new-view" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="46" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">A New View</a></div><div class="left-nav__menu__group"><h2 class="left-nav__menu__item--heading"><a class="left-nav__menu__item left-nav__menu__item--linked left-nav__menu__item--heading" href="/newsletters" data-vars-item-name="Newsletters" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="site_header" data-vars-unit-type="nav_bar" data-vars-target-content-id="/newsletters" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="47" data-vars-subunit-name="hamburger_nav" data-vars-subunit-type="component">Newsletters</a></h2><span></span></div><div class="left-nav__menu__group"><h2 class="left-nav__menu__item--heading"><span 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data-vars-unit-name="5bb7fd64e4b0159c28b6284b" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_head" data-vars-target-content-id="/topic/jews" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="1" data-vars-subunit-name="tags" data-vars-subunit-type="package">jews</a><a class="entry__tag js-entry-link cet-internal-link" href="https://www.huffpost.com/topic/judaism" data-vars-item-name="Jewish values" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5bb7fd64e4b0159c28b6284b" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_head" data-vars-target-content-id="/topic/judaism" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="2" data-vars-subunit-name="tags" data-vars-subunit-type="package">Jewish values</a></div></div><h1 class="headline">Extravagant Weddings and Bar Mitzvahs Humiliate the Jewish Community</h1></div><div class="dek">How ironic that a people who have survived forced baptisms are now drowning in an ocean of profligacy. Rabbis should be thundering from the pulpit that extravagant weddings are an abrogation of Jewish values.</div><div class="bottom-header js-cet-subunit"><div class="bottom-header__left"><div class="entry__byline"><div class="author-list "><div class="entry__byline__author">By <a class="js-entry-link cet-internal-link" href="https://www.huffpost.com/author/rabbi-shmuley-boteach" aria-label="By Rabbi Shmuley Boteach" data-vars-item-name="Rabbi Shmuley Boteach" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5bb7fd64e4b0159c28b6284b" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_head" data-vars-target-content-id="/author/rabbi-shmuley-boteach" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="0" data-vars-subunit-name="author" data-vars-subunit-type="component"><span aria-hidden="true">Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, Contributor<div class="social-buttons js-cet-subunit"><div class="social-buttons__icons"></div></div></span><p class="entry__byline__mini-bio">Rabbi Shmuley, &quot;America&#x27;s Rabbi,&quot; is the international best-selling author of 30 books and an award-winning TV host and columnist.</p></a></div></div></div><div class="entry__author-bios"><div class="entry__author-bios__item">Rabbi Shmuley, &quot;America&#x27;s Rabbi,&quot; is the international best-selling author of 30 books and an award-winning TV host and columnist.</div></div><div class="timestamp"><time dateTime="2010-08-23T16:22:45-0400" aria-label="Published on August 23, 2010 04:22PM EDT"><span aria-hidden="true">Aug 23, 2010, 04:22 PM EDT</span></time><div class="js-react-hydrator" data-component-name="UpdatedTimestamp" data-component-id="966" data-component-props="{&quot;showSeparator&quot;:true}"><div class="updated-timestamp"></div></div></div><div class="contributor-disclaimer">This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. 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id="entry-body"><span id="percent-trigger"></span><section class="entry__content-list js-entry-content js-cet-subunit"><div class="primary-cli cli cli-text "><p>How embarrassing.</p></div><div class="primary-cli cli cli-text "><p>Last Sunday the <em>Los Angeles Times</em> ran an article about extravagant Jewish-Iranian weddings in California that expose our community as a bunch of shallow, boastful, materialists who think the purpose of a marriage ceremony is to tell your friends how much money you have. Some of the details quoted in the article, confirmed to me by people who actually attended, included a bride placed in a glass coffin to be opened by her half-masked "Phantom of the Opera" bridegroom. The coffin did not open for an hour, and the wedding was nearly ruined by a shaken and tearful bride gasping for breath. But the coffin, on that occasion, was a telling symbol of the utter death of Jewish values that such ridiculous extravagances betray.</p></div><div class="primary-cli cli cli-text "><p>The article further cites the regularity of film crews at these weddings consisting of five or more cameramen with "a 25-foot crane over the dance floor." In television this is called a jib, and to give you an idea of how expensive they are, I can tell you that through the first season of <em>Shalom in the Home</em>'s multi-million dollar budget, we couldn't afford one.</p></div><div class="primary-cli cli cli-text "><p>Strangely enough, the article then quotes a Rabbi from Sinai Temple in Los Angeles, with thousands of Iranian-Jewish members, who "makes a point of not judging -- and even sees virtue in the enormous family gatherings."</p></div><div class="cli cli-advertisement advertisement-holder"><div class="advertisement-sticky-wrapper"><div class="advertisement__label">Advertisement</div><div class="advertisement"><div id="ad-inline-1" class="ad-entry_paragraph_1 ad-spot--gam ad-spot--gam-inline-1"></div> <script type="text/javascript"> HPGam.cmd.push(function(){ return HPGam.render("inline-1", "entry_paragraph_1", false, false); }); </script> </div></div></div><div class="primary-cli cli cli-text "><p>Give me a break. Is there really a point to Rabbinic leadership if it does not come with value judgments? Do we in the Jewish community not -- rightly, I might add -- lecture our Muslim brothers and sisters that they must weed out violent extremists lest their religion be brought into utter disrepute? And while murder in the name of G-d is much more serious than shopping in the name of excessiveness, there can be no question that keeping up with the Schwartz's has become a cancer that threatens to kill off the flickering Jewish soul. How ironic that a people who have for centuries survived forced baptisms are now drowning in an ocean of profligacy.</p></div><div class="primary-cli cli cli-text "><p>American Jews often exhibit the worst tendencies of immigrant communities, endeavoring their best to show how they not just landed but arrived. Security is defined not in terms of spiritual virtue and nobility of purpose but stocks and bonds and money in the bank. And what's the point of having it if your friends are ignorant of your success? The whole reason you made the money in the first place was to show off. So go ahead. Smoke 'em if you got 'em. And what better opportunity then at the public celebrations of a Bar or Bat Mitzvah or wedding where, at no extra cost, you can utterly vulgarize the spirituality of the occasion by transforming it into a showcase of material consumption and excess.</p></div><div class="primary-cli cli cli-text "><p>I remember growing up in Miami Beach and the over-the-top, utterly ridiculous Bar Mitzvahs that were de rigueur. One in the late '70s featured Darth Vader and R2D2 greetings guests as they arrived at the reception. To be sure, it was memorable seeing C3PO in a tails and Chewbacca's beard complimented with a Hassidic hat, but one wondered, apart from its celestial setting, what Star Wars had to do with the spirituality of the moment. On another occasion, I arrived to see a full ice sculpture of the Bar Mitzvah boy, which perfectly suited the freezing cold religious aspect.</p></div><div class="primary-cli cli cli-text "><p>A wealthy Jewish businessman shared a story with me of how he instills values in his children. His twelve-year-old son had come to him and said, "Dad, I want a famous sports star at my Bar Mitzvah. Let's get Eli Manning." So the father replied, "Son, you have to have manners. You don't tell your father to get Eli Manning. You ask him politely." Apparently it never dawned on the dad that his son had aped his own shallow materialism and had, already at 12, become an insecure braggart.</p></div><div class="cli cli-advertisement advertisement-holder"><div class="advertisement-sticky-wrapper"><div class="advertisement__label">Advertisement</div><div class="advertisement"><div id="ad-inline-2" class="ad-entry_paragraph_3 ad-spot--gam ad-spot--gam-inline-2"></div> <script type="text/javascript"> HPGam.cmd.push(function(){ return HPGam.render("inline-2", "entry_paragraph_3", false, false); }); </script> </div></div></div><div class="primary-cli cli cli-text "><p>A remedy is needed. Rabbis should be thundering from the pulpit that extravagant weddings are not only a betrayal of a sense of personal inadequacy, but are an abrogation of Jewish values. You're so rich? Then impress your friends by giving the money to charity. Rather than focus on the twenty-piece orchestra for your son's bar mitzvah, take him to twenty classes where he can learn about Abraham and Sara, Moses and Pharaoh, David and Goliath, and the glory of Solomon's Temple Give him an inner identity, based on values and character, rather than a shallow external identity based on money and objects.</p></div><div class="primary-cli cli cli-text "><p>So why aren't the Rabbis giving sermons about gross materialism that wraps itself, in the memorable phrase of Matt Taibbi, like a "vampire squid," around the Jewish conscience? Because they are about as likely to criticize their own congregants as Romeo is to renounce Juliet. But what's the point of being the head of a congregation if you're not also the leader of a community?</p></div><div class="primary-cli cli cli-text "><p>The story goes that in Israel, a few decades ago, the Gerer Rebbe, head of one of the largest Hassidic sects and seeking to stop a destructive game of material one-upmanship, enacted an edict that none of his followers can have a wedding with more than 200 guests, still large by some measures. One of his wealthiest followers and supporters approached him and said, "Rebbe, surely this does not apply to me. I'm a very rich man," to which the great Rabbi responded, "Very well, then. If you're so rich, go buy yourself a new Rabbi."</p></div><div id="support-huffpost-entry" class="cli support-huffpost-mid-article primary-cli cli cli-text cli-support-huffpost"><div class="cli-support-huffpost__content-wrapper"><h4 class="cli-support-huffpost__title">We Need Your Support</h4><div class="cli-support-huffpost__container"><div class="cli-support-huffpost__message-container"><div class="cli-support-huffpost__message support-huffpost-control"><p>Other news outlets have retreated behind paywalls. 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Support HuffPost by <a href="/member" class="js-entry-link" data-vars-item-name="creating a free account" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="main" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="/member" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-subunit-name="article_body" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="2">creating a free account</a> and log in while you read.</p></div><div class="cli-support-huffpost__message variation contributor-once-variation"><p>You&#x27;ve supported HuffPost before, and we&#x27;ll be honest — <a href="https://www.huffpost.com/membership" class="cli-support-huffpost__message__link js-entry-link" data-vars-item-name="we could use your help again" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="main" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="/membership" data-vars-target-content-type="utility" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-subunit-name="article_body" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="1">we could use your help again</a>. We view our mission to provide free, fair news as critically important in this crucial moment, and we can&#x27;t do it without you.</p><p>Whether you give once or many more times, we appreciate your contribution to keeping our journalism free for all.</p></div><div class="cli-support-huffpost__message variation contributor-canceled-variation"><p>You&#x27;ve supported HuffPost before, and we&#x27;ll be honest — <a href="https://www.huffpost.com/membership" class="cli-support-huffpost__message__link js-entry-link" data-vars-item-name="we could use your help again" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="main" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="/membership" data-vars-target-content-type="utility" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-subunit-name="article_body" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="1">we could use your help again</a>. We view our mission to provide free, fair news as critically important in this crucial moment, and we can&#x27;t do it without you.</p><p>Whether you give just one more time or sign up again to contribute regularly, we appreciate you playing a part in keeping our journalism free for all.</p></div></div><a class="js-entry-link cli-support-huffpost__support-button accent-button" href="https://www.huffpost.com/membership" data-vars-item-name-overwritable="support-huffpost" data-vars-item-name="Support HuffPost" data-vars-item-type="button" data-vars-unit-name="main" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="/membership" data-vars-target-content-type="utility" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-subunit-name="article_body" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="0">Support HuffPost</a><p class="support-huffpost-login">Already contributed? <a class="js-entry-link" href="https://login.huffpost.com/login?dest=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.huffpost.com%2Fentry%2Fextravagant-weddings-and_b_691579%3Fhp_auth_done%3D1" data-vars-item-name="Log in to hide these messages" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5bb7fd64e4b0159c28b6284b" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="/login" data-vars-target-content-type="utility" data-vars-type="web_internal_link">Log in to hide these messages.</a></p></div></div></div><div class="primary-cli cli cli-text "><p>Yes, some things in life can be put on a credit card. But rabbis who preach values and can't be bought? Priceless.</p></div><div class="primary-cli cli cli-text "><p><em>Rabbi Shmuley Boteach hosts</em> The Shmuley Show <em>on 77 WABC in NYC. He is the founder of This World: The Values Network, and is the author, most recently, of </em>Renewal: A Guide to the Values-Filled Life.<em> Follow him on Twitter @RabbiShmuley.<br></em><br></p></div></section><h2 class="entry__tags-title">Related</h2><section class="entry__tags js-cet-subunit "><a class="entry__tag js-entry-link cet-internal-link" href="https://www.huffpost.com/topic/religion-and-beliefs" data-vars-item-name="religion" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5bb7fd64e4b0159c28b6284b" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="/topic/religion-and-beliefs" data-vars-target-content-type="feed" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-position-in-subunit="0" data-vars-subunit-name="tags" data-vars-subunit-type="package">religion</a><a class="entry__tag js-entry-link cet-internal-link" href="https://www.huffpost.com/topic/jews" data-vars-item-name="jews" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5bb7fd64e4b0159c28b6284b" 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