Ashes: England v Australia - as it happened | Andy Bull and Rob Smyth | Sport

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Photograph: William West/AFP/Getty Images</p> </div> <p><strong>Preamble</strong> First things first: Fred's not playing. This is the right move, surely, but you have to wonder whether he agreed with it. I wouldn't fancy being the one telling him he's not playing. No news yet as to whether he'll be replaced by Steve Harmison, Ryan Sidebottom, Jonathan Trott or Andy Caddick. Don't rule out Graeme Swann being omitted as well. As for Flintoff's replacement, it looks like it will be Trott. <em>Jonathan Trott</em>. Who said a gobby, talented South African-born batsman would not play in the remainder of the series?</p><p>Talking of Fred, isn't it funny that we now call him Fred. Before it was Andrew, when he was a naughty boy/fat lad, or Freddie, when he was our favourite cartoon superhero. Now, for his last series, he's just Fred; our mate Fred. Good old Fred.</p><p><strong>England did not have the best night's sleep</strong>, as a fire alarm went off at their hotel at around 4.30am, forcing them out in the night air, swingers flapping in the cool breeze, for 20 minutes. Reports that a George Bush lookalike was seen fleeing the scene cackling maniacally are unconfirmed.</p><p><strong>Stat watch</strong> There have been results in <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://stats.cricinfo.com/ci/engine/ground/57092.html?class=1;orderby=start;orderbyad=reverse;template=results;type=aggregate;view=results">each of the last ten Tests at Headingley</a>. By contrast, the Oval is a road, so with the not unreasonable presumption of a draw there, that puts everything on this series. It almost feels too early to be at such a crucial point - Cardiff Sunday seems like yesterday - but that's where we are. One more victory and <em>England have won the Ashes</em>. Blimey.</p><p><strong>"So what's happening with the OBO T-shirt poll?"</strong> asks Melanie Brown. "I reckon the T-shirts should simply say 'Team Ingle/Bull/Booth/Smyth', and each one would have a gift pack appropriate to the writer: yours includes a can of gin-infused Relentless, a packet of Monster Munch and Now That's What I Call Music 8 in a Veronica Mars lunchbox." I shudder to think what Bull's would contain. Any thoughts? The poll will be with us soon, by the way.</p><p><strong>Matt Prior could be out of the Test!</strong> I've never known a build-up like this! Matt Prior suffered a back spasm playing football on a wet outfield - "it's been waiting to happen" fumes Beefy, who is in a majestic comedy funk - and now Paul Collingwood is practising with the gloves on! Where's Bob Taylor when you need him? Actually, Alec Stewart is at the ground. He's fit as a fiddle and probably still the best wicketkeeper-batsman in England. Get him in!</p><p>The reserve wicketkeeper on England's last Test tour, Tim Ambrose is, playing at Edgbaston, which is 145 minutes away according to Barry Glendenning/AA Route Planner, so what will probably happen is that Collingwood takes the gloves for the first session if Australia bat first. What a palaver!</p><p>This, of course, complicates England's selection further, because Ambrose - if he is picked - is not a Test No6. So that makes a debut for Jonathan Trott a lot more likely. That in turn may impact upon the selection of the bowlers, because there would be four rather than five. I can't keep up with this. Just to reiterate: what a palaver!</p><p><strong>Australia have brought in Stuart Clark</strong>, probably for Nathan Hauritz. That might be the worst news of all for England. That said, leaving out the spinner at Headingley has <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://www.cricinfo.com/ci/engine/match/63507.html">backfired ever so slightly in the past</a>. Michael Clarke is fit to play, but there is no news on Brett Lee yet. If the match is half as good as the build-up, it'll be the Test ever. I've never known foreplay like this, and I don't think I've ever felt the need to use so many exclamation marks!!!</p><p><strong>The toss is at 10.30am</strong>. That's when England will have to name their team, if they can find 11 breathing Englishmen/South Africans. Matt Prior isn't officially out of this game, but he looked in all sorts of trouble as he shambled off the field. I'd be amazed if he played.</p><p><strong>England have asked Australia to put the toss back to 10.40am, and Australia have agreed</strong>. "I love the idea of England's top half-dozen keepers having a Wacky Races-esque race to Headingley with the winner getting the gloves," says Sean Clayton. "Alternatively, giving Colly the gloves for the whole game as he's got a good batting average would be in keeping with Team England's opinion of wicketkeeping over the twenty years or so..."</p><p><strong>10.25am</strong> Prior is trying to do some catching practice, but he is moving gingerly to say the least. What a business! Apparently England wanted Bruce French, Prior's wicketkeeping coach, to take the gloves until another keeper arrived. French is 49 years old. He was also involved in the four-keepers farce of 1986. I feel 49 years old after the last half-hour. This is extraordinary.</p><p><strong>10.30am</strong>. Right, here's our <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/poll/2009/aug/07/obo-t-shirt">OBO T-shirt poll</a>. It's for a truly worthy cause; if you don't know the heartbreaking story of Laurie Engel, <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2005/dec/03/familyandrelationships.health">read this wonderful piece</a>.</p><p><strong>10.31am</strong> "Maybe they should have a penalty shootout to decide who should be wicket-keeper," writes Adam Walkden. "Eh?" I'd love if if they did, just to see the look on Beefy's face.</p><p><strong>Matt Prior plays!</strong> All that fuss about nothing. He's now having a quick net, and he still doesn't look great. You wouldn't be surprised if he broke down at some stage.</p><p><strong>10.33am</strong> While we wait to find out what on earth is going on, why not read <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2009/aug/07/ashes-england-cricket-team ">Barry Glendenning's Small Talk with Paul Collingwood</a>, in which he talks about booing Australians, the pointless of Tw*tter, and Lily Allen's crush on Graham Onions.</p><p><strong>10.35am</strong> As for, y'know, the <em>actual cricket</em>, Mike Atherton reckons it's a bat-first pitch, and one on which you'd want to play a spinner.</p><p><strong>Assorted Twitter links</strong> </p><p><a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://twitter.com/the_spin ">The Spin</a></p><p><a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://twitter.com/JimmyAnderson9 ">James Anderson</a>: put his daughter to bed, watched Gran Torino and had an early night last night <br/><a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://twitter.com/Swannyg66 "><br/>Graeme Swann</a>: didn't sleep very well last night because he had a nap yesterday afternoon, was disturbed by a fire alarm at 5am and wants to get an iPhone </p><p><a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://twitter.com/BumbleCricket">Bumble</a>: Passing off Beefy's gag about footballers warming up by playing cricket as his own and watched <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwvVh0_ZelI&feature=PlayList&p=B4058D3AFDB7D776&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=62">Japanese binocular football</a> yesterday afternoon after having a black pudding from Bury for his lunch</p><p>Surprisingly, <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://twitter.com/GeoffreyBoycott ">Geoffrey Boycott</a> hasn't really embraced Twitter, having failed to Tweet since 16 July</p><p><strong>England have won the toss and will bat first</strong>, which means Matt Prior will get another hour or so to recover. Ricky Ponting says he would have batted as well. The only change from Edgbaston is Steve Harmison for Andrew Flintoff, which means Prior at 6, Stuart Broad at 7 and Graeme Swann at 8. Let's hope Prior doesn't suffer any additional back knack. Australia make two changes: Clark for Hauritz and Haddin for Manou. I am very, very worried about what Stuart Clark might do to Cook, Bopara, Collingwood, Prior and my ticker.</p><p>This is the first time England have played a Test without Pietersen and Flintoff since the <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://www.cricinfo.com/ci/engine/match/64053.html ">Bangladesh tour of 2003-04</a>. Back then they had Rikki Clarke, Martin Saggers and Richard Johnson. Oh for such riches now. "Rikki Clarke's forgotten golden match - 55 from 144 balls, 7-4-7-2, 27 from 16 balls, 1-0-4-1," adds Bull. "Wickets taken = Rajin Saleh, Hannan Sarkar, Alok Kapali (nos 1,4 and 5). Bring back the gimp."</p><p><strong>The teams</strong></p><p><strong>England</strong> Strauss (c), Cook, Bopara, Bell, Collingwood, Prior (wk), Broad, Swann, Anderson, Harmison, Onions.</p><p><strong>Australia</strong> Watson, Katich, Ponting (c), Hussey, Clarke, North, Haddin (wk), Johnson, Siddle, Clark, Hilfenhaus.</p><p><strong>Any suggestions for Team Ingle/Booth/Bull/Smyth gift packs?</strong> Eh?</p><p><strong>After all that, I need a lie-down</strong>. See you in 10 minutes.</p><p><strong>1st over: England 2-0 (Strauss 2, Cook 0)</strong> What a start! Strauss was plumb LBW to a Hilfenhaus inswinger first ball - and Billy Bowden didn't give it! That is an incredible escape. In Billy Bowden's defence, it did seem as if there might have been an inside-edge, but in fact the noise was bat on boot. He was stone dead. "C'mon Billy" pleads Shane Warne, peculiarly choosing this moment to reveal a hitherto unexpressed love of PJ Harvey. Strauss scored two runs later in the over but I've no idea how as I was still reeling from that let-off. Astonishing stuff. "Team Smyth's gift pack should clearly include some snake venom or caustic soda," chirps Jonathan Wood. "Team Bull's should include cider and a fluffy gonk.</p><p><strong>2nd over: England 6-0 (Strauss 2, Cook 4)</strong> This is a surprise: Siddle, and not Clark, takes the new ball at the Grumbling Misanthrope Stand End. His second ball is a half-volley that Cook pings crisply through square leg for four. "Re: the gift packs," begins Richard O'Hagan. "Surely a pack of Dairylea S-ingles, a bottle of Yakult, a can of Relentless, 20 B&H and an overwhelming air of desperation should cover all the bases?" The desperation is for the others, right?</p><p><strong>3rd over: England 9-0 (Strauss 3, Cook 4)</strong> Two no-balls in that Hilfenhaus over, and then Strauss pulls a single. Shane Warne and Mike Atherton make the point that that decision from Bowden might have cost Australia more than one wicket. The extent to which England currently depend on the superb Strauss evokes the mid-90s burden on Atherton, and if Australia get into England's fragile middle order with the ball swinging, anything could happen. "Team Bull's gift pack should surely contain frozen lentil burgers and a pair of sandals," offers Neil Withers. It's Neil Withers' birthday, apparently, and he's celebrating it in a Glasgow hotel.</p><p><strong>WICKET! England 11-1 (Strauss c North b Siddle 3)</strong> What a catch! Strauss threw everything at a full, wide delivery from Siddle, and it flew high to the right of third slip, where North stuck out his right hand to take a stunning catch. Unbelievable reflexes and strength of hand, because his body was falling as his hand went up. And what a blow for England. Strauss's mind just wasn't clear after all the pre-match distractions - that was, in truth, a poor stroke. It's hard to blame him, though. If someone as cool as Strauss couldn't clear his mind, I doubt anybody else would have been able to.</p><p><strong>4th over: England 11-1 (Cook 5, Bopara 0)</strong> "Bowden's motivation is clear: you don't give people out first ball of a match. Simple as that," says David Sweet. "It would be like sending someone off or giving a penalty in the first minute. These things do not happen. So what if the written Laws don't mention this: EVERYONE (who counts) knows." I actually agree, but <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://stats.cricinfo.com/ci/content/records/283164.html">tell it to Jimmy Cook and Hannan Sarkar</a>.</p><p><strong>5th over: England 13-1 (Cook 7, Bopara 0)</strong> It's swinging, but only slightly, and Cook survives comfortably against Hilfenhaus. England really need something from him now.</p><p><strong>6th over: England 15-1 (Cook 8, Bopara 1)</strong> Bopara feels for his first ball, a peach of a leg-cutter from Siddle, and is beaten. He gets off the mark next ball with a <del>shot I missed because I was daydreaming about Curb Your Enthusiasm</del> single. Later in the over he is pinned in the breadbasket by a lifting off-cutter. Siddle is bowling well. As the Sky chaps point out, his length is a little fuller than it has been so far in the series. England just have to bat time until things get a little easier.</p><p>"You mention Athers," says Luciano Howard. "Where would you rate him in the pantheon? I really feel for the guy that his figures, his record as captain etc. are all where they are as he clearly is one of the most brilliant cricket thinkers around (I know this of course from listening to his commentary and reading his books). Shame he slipped on 99 and shame he had Team England: the naughty 90's to cope with. Still, there'll always be Jo'Burg." I reckon there was a potentially great (and I mean that in the proper sense of great) batsman in there, but a combination of a dodgy back and his team's lack of spine stopped it coming out. He had every orthodox shot, pretty much. In a positive, successful team I reckon he could have scored at a very decent lick, and at an average of around 45-47.</p><p><strong>WICKET! England 16-2 (Bopara c Hussey b Hilfenhaus 1)</strong> What a pathetic, feeble dismissal. Bopara simply hung the bat out at a nothing delivery, relatively short and wide of off stump, with the ball looping straight to a gleeful Hussey at gully. That looked <em>awful</em>.</p><p><strong>7th over: England 16-2 (Cook 9, Bell 0)</strong> Ladies and gentlemen, I give you <em>Ian Bell</em>. If ever he had the chance to justify his <del>existence</del> place, it's now. "This is going to be one of those days isn't it - England are going to get rolled over like a one night stand, leaving all of us with that horrible sense of shame," tubthumps Andrew Sanderson. "Everyone knows that they let themselves believe - why why why... what did we think would happen?"</p><p><strong>8th over: England 18-2 (Cook 11, Bell 0)</strong> Cook is radiating calm, which is a good job because nobody else is. He pushes Siddle through the covers for a couple. The Bopara wicket, incidentally, may well have come from an uncalled no-ball. It's very, very tight. But a) England can't really complain about the umpiring, can they and b) he wasn't going to last long, was he. "The Ingle gift pack," says Michael Hunt, "should have an analogy-ometer. Kind of like Ingle scrabble, you pull out a number of clauses beginning "as…" ("As threatening…", "as deep in the doodoo…", "…as meeting John Major down a dark alley" "…as Flintoff's beard") from a bag and have to arrange them on the board in a way that makes the slightest sense."</p><p><strong>9th over: England 22-2 (Cook 11, Bell 4)</strong> Bell gets off the mark with a beautiful cover drive for four off the bowling of Hilfenhaus. Pure class. This is his day, his year, his time. "I've got three tickets for the fifth day," says Alex Warwick. "I'll start the bidding at £5.</p><p><strong>10th over: England 23-2 (Cook 12, Bell 4)</strong> Cook is playing very solidly, and as a consequence Siddle goes around the wicket. Cook pushes a single into the off side. England aren't hanging on for dear life - far from it - but the ball is doing just enough to make things tricky. These are the sort of conditions in which you are never truly 'in'. "Think that gift set is sounding a litle cheap," says Emma John. "What, no Wes Anderson box set? Not even a second hand pre-rental copy of Donnie Darko: Director's Cut? Yes, the Dep Ed of OSM is indeed reduced to an intermittent ability to log on to the OBO, being as she's still in a caravan in Somerset, her car sunk in a field of glasto-style mud, and her iPhone refusing to pick up long wave. Considering I was at three days of the Lord's test, this is a crunching comedown." As you seem to be a metaphor for the on-field activity, can you please check in to the nearest Hilton within, say, the next 12 seconds? Even a shabby £20 B&B would be better than this.</p><p><strong>11th over: England 29-2 (Cook 18, Bell 4)</strong> The Cook and Bell/Cock and Bull story continues. Cook is beaten after a beautiful set-up from Hilfenhaus - straight one, straight one, straight one, then the fuller, wider delivery that draws Cook into the stroke. Brilliant bowling. Cook's response is a splendidly timed tuck off the pads through square leg for four. "How many more chances will Bopara get? Cook is apparently under pressure, despite playing one of the match winning innings at Lord's (had he scored 100 rather than 95, history would record it very differently). Bopara, meanwhile has top-scored 35 and has an average for the series lower than Jimmy Anderson." Quite simply, he has to go. An Ashes series is no time for passengers. Did England learn nothing from Ian Bell in 2005?</p><p><strong>12th over: England 33-2 (Cook 18, Bell 8)</strong> Here comes Mitchell Johnson, and hs very nearly strikes first ball. Bell stetches for a wide delivery and screws it dangerously close to the leaping Hussey at gully. It went for four but it was a poor stroke. "Careful on the drive at Headingley" warns Bumble. Then, inevitably, comes the inswiger as Bell flails around his front pad. There was a muted appeal for LBW but it was almost certainly swinging down leg and Asad Rauf said not out. Finally Bell reaches for a really wide delivery and is beaten.</p><p><strong>13th over: England 34-2 (Cook 18, Bell 8)</strong> Here comes the bogeyman: Stuart Clark. His first over is decent, with a little swing and seam. "The tragedy of Atherton's life (6th over) is not just slipping on 99, and Team England," says Nagarjun K. "He played almost exclusively in the 1990s - a decade which history will judge as the golden age of bowling. Almost every Test nation had wonderful attacks: Donald & Pollock, Ambrose & Walsh, Wasim & Waqar, McGrath & Gillespie... even Srinath & Prasad (1996), Streak & Brandes, Bond & Cairns and Vaas. Add Warne, Murli, Kumble, Mushtaq, Vettori et. al., and it's obvious Athers really had to earn his runs. I'd rate his average (37) marginally higher than Strauss' 45." I agree with that completely. It's the same reason why Michael Slater <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2007/may/30/cricket">deserves more praise than he gets</a>.</p><p><strong>14th over: England 38-2 (Cook 22, Bell 8)</strong> Cook has played extremely well in testing conditions: largely defensive, but no missing the opportunity to score, as he does with a pair of pleasantly pushed two - down the ground and then into the covers - in that Johnson over. England just need to bat time until lunch. "Why does everyone seem obsessed with 'cherries' this series?" writes Ben Hendy. "Sure, it's been used before, but now it's every other sentence. Is it Warne's influence? Are the other kids copying the new, cool kid on the block? Whatever, coming from Athers and Nasser it all sounds a little seedy..."</p><p><strong>Drinks break</strong> It would have been a maverick tactic - hell, that's how I roll - but I wonder whether England should have considered a substitute opener while Strauss cleared his head. It sounds ridiculous, but the fact is they have lost their best player for nothing and there's no guarantee that would have happened if he'd had even 20 extra minutes to settle himself. Shades of Mike Atherton after the Devon Malcolm fiasco in the <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://www.cricinfo.com/england/engine/match/63704.html">final Test of 1995-96</a>. They should have opened with Robin Smith then. "For the good of the England team, I'm planning to relocate to a pub to watch the afternoon session," hics Emma John. "Anyone know of a place with Sky in the Shepton Mallet/Castle Cary area?"</p><p><strong>15th over: England 38-2 (Cook 22, Bell 8)</strong> A maiden from Clark to Bell. They haven't shown his pace yet, and it'll be interesting to see whether he is in the low 80s (as I suspect) or the high 80s (as he was in the last Ashes). Either way, he is swinging and seaming it and ensuring that the batsmen don't even consider liberties, never mind take them. "Sean Ingle's gift pack should contain nothing but a little yellow towel," says Daniel Turner. "Although that might be *too* much of an in-joke for some here at Graun Towers, alas." I'm not sure whether I'm intrigued or more horrified than I've ever been about anything, ever.</p><p><strong>WICKET! England 39-3 (Bell c Haddin b Johnson 8)</strong> Oh, <em>Ian</em>. In fairness that was a cracking piece of bowling from Johnson, a vicious and straight bouncer that took the glove and flew through to Haddin. Bell just couldn't get on top of it, because the length and line of that delivery were perfect. It's 39 for three, and here comes England's 50 for three man, Paul Collingwood. I wonder how Matt Prior is feeling.</p><p><strong>16th over: England 39-3 (Cook 23, Collingwood 0)</strong> Collingwood <em>just </em>jabs down on a very good inswinger. Cracking over from Johnson. So, it's 1-1 going to the Oval. Who do we bring in? "Hi, Rob," says Sean Clayton. "Re. Cherrygate: it's Warne's malign influence on the Sky commentary box. Expect Nasser and Athers to attempt to grow micro-goatees on their chin-tips this weekend while Bumble gets into texting troubles..."</p><p><strong>17th over: England 40-3 (Cook 24, Collingwood 0)</strong> Clark toyed with Cook in 2006-07, mainly outside off stump from memory, but here he's trying to swing it back into him from over the wicket. Cook has played extremely well in the circumstances. Later in the over Clark has a hopelessly optimistic LBW shout Collingwood, another man he had fun with in 2006-07. It was going down leg. "Ian Bell, eff off," says Alex Perkins, except he didn't write 'eff'. "He's the one who deserves the boos." It was an extremely good delivery but, yeah, it did have the pungent whiff of the inevitable.</p><p><strong>18th over: England 41-3 (Cook 25, Collingwood 0)</strong> Johnson is starting to resemble the man who shattered stumps and bones in South Africa a few months ago, and Cook does well to get on top of a nasty lifter. Johnson has even had a Renton-from-Trainspotting haircut to show how tough he's feeling. "Jimmy Cook was my class teacher in year 6, and taught us maths – our school was conveniently right next to the Wanderers (where I had the dubious pleasure of seeing Athers and Jack Russell withstand Donald's assault)," says Richard Mansell. "We really loved him – he was a good egg. He took us for PE, of course. I'll always remember him saying of my marvellous batting: 'Like a rusty gate, Mansell, like a rusty gate'. Ah, memories!"</p><p><strong>WICKET! England 42-4 (Collingwood c Ponting b Clark 0)</strong> Clark picks up his bunny with the minimum of fuss. It was a beautiful delivery, a fullish outswinger that drew Collingwood forward, took the edge and flew low to Ponting at second slip. Clark has Collingwood when he wants him and how he wants him, and given that England's Nos 3 and 4 are complete clowns, that is a big problem for the remainder of the series.</p><p><strong>19th over: England 43-4 (Cook 25, Prior 0)</strong> Stuart Clark's figures are 4-2-2-1. "Is there a reverse F5 shortcut that can take OBO-ers back to an unsullied scorecard and the feeling of (relative) optimism this morning. F4 perhaps?" asks Tom Aldred. " More generally, though: Can we not knock it?" <em>Do I not like this</em>.</p><p><strong>20th over: England 50-4 (Cook 30, Prior 3)</strong> Johnson must surely test Prior's back with some short stuff. He does just that, and Prior fends the ball awkwardly past Katich at short leg. Cook then touches a classy boundary off his pads. "Is Bull in the building?" asks Alastair Morrison. "If so, for the sake of the Ashes, be gone to the Fox and Liver Rotter and leave Bull to try and repair the damage of yet another dreadful session for yourself. Where is the OBO T-shirt option for green and gold with your mug shot and the slogan "Fifth Column Aussie", because I and many more would vote for that. Gaaahhhhhh." What short memories you have. Only a few weeks ago I was being hailed as a national hero after batting all day at Cardiff.</p><p><strong>21st over: England 55-4 (Cook 30, Prior 8)</strong> Prior chases a wide, swinging delivery from Clark and edges it wide of gully for four. Clark's length has been absolutely brilliant for the conditions - everything either full or on the full side of good.</p><p><strong>22nd over: England 63-4 (Cook 30, Prior 16)</strong> Prior cuts Johnson up and over for four, and then edges another boundary through the slips! That would have been a straightforward catch for third slip. He has been extremely streaky so far; I don't know whether that's a consequence of his back knack. Meanwhile, <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/audio/2009/aug/07/ashes-cricket-headingley-crowd">this will change your life</a>.* "Is it too early to suggest you switch to OBOing the, er... OBO T-shirt poll?" pleads Jason Deans. "At least some england still have a chance of backing the winner in that contest..."</p><p>*It won't change your life; we just want the hits.</p><p><strong>WICKET! England 63-5 (Cook c Clarke b Clark 30)</strong> The magnificent Stuart Clark does it again! The length drew Cook forward, and the ball nibbled away off the seam just enough to take the edge. Michael Clarke at first slip did the rest with a smart low catch. Cook played really well in trying circumstances but Clark was ultimately too good for him. He has been sensational this morning; unbelievably good. Why on earth did Australia leave him out for the first three Tests?</p><p><strong>23rd over: England 67-5 (Prior 16, Broad 0)</strong> Here's Stuart Broad, <em>before lunch on the first day</em>. It's one thing batting at No8 when your runs are largely a bonus. It's another batting at No7 when your team is 63 for five. Clark beats him first ball with a beauty and then, strangely, swings one down the leg side for four byes. He definitely thinks he can get Broad with the inswinger.</p><p><strong>24rd over: England 72-5 (Prior 17, Broad 3)</strong> Johnson bowls a hideous off-side wide to Prior, and then Broad fences a seriously unpleasant lifter over the slips for a couple. "Watch your fuckin elbow mate" shrieks Haddin at Broad when he comes back for a second. They don't like Broad, do they? "Where do England go now at number 3?" asks <del>Rob Key</del> Timothy Collyer. "BopaROBKEYra has now failed twice against gooROBKEYd teams, Shah has trieROBKEYd and failed, Bell offers no reaROBKEYson for a recall thus far, VaugROBKEYhan has retired (and had loROBKEYst all form anyway). There's aROBKEY shocking paucBIGLADity of baBIGLADtting options." Eoin Morgan?</p><p><strong>WICKET! England 72-6 (Broad c Katich b Clark 3)</strong> This is marvellous bowling, absolutely marvellous. Clark was working Broad over with full inswingers, and after surviving a big shout for LBW Broad then clipped one off his pads and straight to Katich, deliberately placed for the shot at short square leg. There was a bit of doubt over the catch - Broad stood his ground at first - but I reckon that was clean. So that's the last ball before lunch, and Clark has figures of 6.5-3-7-3. He's such an accomplished practitioner: no fuss, no sledging, no bluster, just a magnificent adherence to the fundamentals. He has been devastatingly good today and, in batting conditions that are far from nightmarish, England are in an almighty hole. Andy Bull will try to help them get out of it in half an hour's time.</p><p><strong>LUNCH</strong></p> <span class="inline"> <img src="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150im_/http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Sport/Pix/pictures/2009/8/7/1249646810397/Stuart-Clarks-pitch-map-003.jpg" alt="Stuart Clark's pitch map" width="220" height="132"/> </a> <span class="caption" style="width: 220px;"> Stuart Clark's pitch map Photograph: guardian.co.uk </span> </span> <p> Umm... 6.5-3-7-3. Ouch.</p><p><strong>Afternoon everyone.</strong> Honestly, you go away for one Test, leaving a winning team behind you, and when you come back somehow Ian Bell is back being worked-over at no4 and Stuart Clark is tearing his way through the middle order with his 80mph away-swingers. In case you'd forgotten <strong>England won the toss and chose to bat</strong>. This is the second-worst performance the team have ever produced after making that decision. It is still a touch better than their all out for 52 against the Invincibles back in 1948.Stroaud</p><p><strong>I sense Andrew Stroud wrote a version of this email</strong> back during the first Test, and has been waiting for an opportunity to send it ever since: "Let's be honest, we've all been waiting for this to happen. I'm just grateful that: a) the Ashes dream has been kept alive for so long b) Clark wasn't picked until this match, otherwise the prognosis would surely be a lot worse."</p><p><strong>Don't panic</strong>. Yet. Just think what Jimmy Anderson might do on this pitch under these skies, so long as we get the Aussies in long before the close of play.</p><p><strong>"Are The Western Terrace allowed to boo off England?"</strong> asks Dan Botten.</p><p><strong>There's too many damn defeatists</strong> in my inbox. "I met an Aussie guy last night," relates Jon James, "and being the only other person I've met in Stockholm who likes cricket I agreed to go to the pub with him all day tomorrow to watch it. What excuse should I use to get out of it without it looking like I'm scared or a bad loser?" Ah just wait a little longer yet, till the close of play today at least. England's best chance is to sneak up to 175 and give themselves most of the final session to attack Australia. The sun is due to come out in Leeds tomorrow, and if England don't get three-or-four tonight, this match is going to get very ugly indeed.</p><p><strong>Failing that</strong> at least Chris Rose has a plan: "England need to do a Bobby Ewing, we should declare this morning a dream, wait for Freddie to emerge unscathed from the shower, and elect to bowl."</p><p><strong>Sky are showing a long feature about '05</strong>. What made that series so special was that the two sides were so closely matched in their excellence. This time around the contest is just as close, it's just that the two teams are a equally pale imitations of their former selves. But Australia have shown they're just as likely to produce a passage of play as inept and cack-handed as England's this morning.</p><p><strong>Lorne Guyland has the right idea:</strong> "As Geoffrey Boycott is fond of reminding us, you never really know what a par score is for any pitch until both teams have batted on it. We may find that England's 87 all out is actually slightly better than it looks now after Australia's innings." By-the-by the thing I was most gutted about missing when I was out in Rome was undoubtedly the on-air spat between Boycott and Hayden, which ended with Boycott walking out. Was anyone listening?</p><p><strong>Speaking of great things I missed </strong>I'm reliably told that when the teams were presented to the Queen at Lord's, the Duke of Edinburgh said to Tim Nielsen: "are you the scorer?"</p><p><strong>26th over: England 77-6 (Prior 22, Swann 0)</strong><br/>Clark finishes his over with a single additional ball, and Siddle then comes on from the other end. "Let's be optimistic" says Jamie Baldwin, "at least we haven't lost a wicket for 40 minutes..." Prior squeezes an edge through third man for four, drawing gasps of frustration from the field. "'Sneak up to 175?'" splutters Alex Warwick, inadvertently spraying his tea all over his computer screen as he does so, "My 85-year-old arthritic granddad walking on a piece of broken glass in tap-dancing shoes has more chance of sneaking up on a springbok, than England do of sneaking up to 175." Prior takes a single to leg to end the over.</p><p><strong>27th over: England 84-6 (Prior 29, Swann 0)</strong><br/>Clark rather waddles in to the wicket, and unleashes a sweet away-swinger on a good length. His next is too full and too wide though, allowing Prior to drive four runs away square. He threads the next ball through cover with a rather self-restrained drive. "Just why would you NOT pick an extra batsman?" grumbles Steve Hudson, "A bowler's pitch, a fragile batting line-up, missing your best batsman, one nil up in the fourth test of an Ashes series. What were they thinking?" Really? <em>Really?</em> You wanted to see an entirely untested journeyman county cricketer thrown in for his Test debut in the fourth match of an Ashes series with England defending a 1-0 lead? Does that really seem like a good idea?</p><p><strong>28th over: England 87-6 (Prior 29, Swann 0)</strong><br/><a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2009/aug/07/ashes-fourth-test-report-england-australia">Glutton for punishment are you?</a> Prior puts Swann on strike with a single, and Siddle responds with a barrage of predictable short balls. He oversteps for the sixth ball, gifting England an extra.</p><p><strong>29th over: England 91-6 (Prior 33, Swann 0)</strong><br/>Warne and Botham are talking nonsense about singing in the shower, over their shoulders Mikey Holding looks implausibly bored, as though the conversation of the two has reduced him to a state of sheer apathy. I'm told by Richard Green that Australia have also made a strong start in the TMS box this morning, Matthew Hayden opening the attack with the following brace of digs at Boycott: "Which stand is the Geoffrey Boycott stand?" and "If you listen closely, you can actaully hear the blades of grass asking Geoffrey for permission to grow." Who knew Hayden would add such value? Swann takes a single, and Prior then eases three more out to cover.</p><p><strong>WICKET! Swann 0 c Clarke b Siddle 30th over: England 92-7 (Prior 33, Harmison 0)</strong><br/>Oh. Swann edges to second slip. Siddle pushed him back with a string of short balls and then invited a loose drive with a fuller delivery. And here's Steve Harmison. He taps his first ball to backward square leg. Oh! Harmison stands tall and wears a bouncer on his helmet. Ouch. The ball deflected off his glove and ricocheted up into the brim of his helmet. Maybe it will do for him what it once did for Devon Malcolm.</p><p><strong>31st over: England 97-7 (Prior 35, Harmison 0)</strong><br/>"Are there no other credible all rounders out there who could have filled in for Flintoff?" asks Iain King, "There always used to be a few (Hollioake, Ealham, Mike Watkinson), and now that Swann is a number 8 batsman, I can't help but think we may have done better to have a slightly longer batting line up?" The only reason I've printed that is so I can mention <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://www.cricinfo.com/countycricket2009/content/current/player/21577.html">Peter Trego</a>, again, the finest all-rounder ever to have come out of Weston-Super-Mare.</p><p><strong>WICKET! Harmison 0 c Haddin b Siddle (32nd over: England 98-8 (Prior 35, Anderson 0)</strong><br/>Australia produce a desultory appeal for caught behind as Prior swings and misses with a wild hook shot. He takes a single and Harmison is then dismissed, caught behind, that's his sixth duck in his last seven first class innings, or so Botham tells us. That's his twentieth Test duck, which brings him equal with Mike Atherton.</p><p><strong>33rd over: England 100-8 (Prior 37, Anderson 1)</strong><br/>Here's Hilfenhaus. Just under an hour in to the OBO, my optimism has entirely evaporated. "How much worse could the untested journeyman county pro do than the tested journeyman county <del>clowns</del> pros we insist on letting bat at 3 and 4?" asks Andy Smith, "I'm hereby starting the Michael Carberry for England bandwagon." Smyth has just been rattling on about a recall for Ramprakash for the final Test... Anderson scoots a single to mark yet another innings without succumbing for a duck. England's 100 raises forlorn applause from the Headingley crowd.</p><p><strong>WICKET! Anderson 3 c Haddin b Siddle (34th over: England 102-9 Prior 37, Onions 0)</strong><br/>Anderson hops up onto his tiptoes and taps two runs away past point. Curses. And then he is out, caught behind after gloving a superb bouncer from Siddle, who has taken three for 11 since lunch. Glenn Titmuss is two steps ahead, and has already found us a scapegoat: "Just got back from my lunch break and seen the damage on the English score board. Oh dear. Can we blame this cricketing calamity on Lily Allen de-stabilising comments about Mr Onions?.. I mean its not like I've got a thousand reason to dislike her already?"</p><p><strong>WICKET! Onions 0 c Katich b Siddle (England 102, Prior 37)</strong><br/>It's all over. This sorry mess is all over. Siddle bounces Onions, who gloves the ball up to Katich at short leg. Only two of England's batsmen made it past eight.</p><p><strong>What a shambles</strong>.</p><div class="embed inline"> <table class="in-article sortable" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0"> <caption> <h2>OBO stats</h2> </caption> <thead> <tr> <td id="table-cell-2260--1-0"> </td> <th id="table-cell-2260--1-1" scope="col" class="left"> <div>Avge per England wicket</div> </th> <th id="table-cell-2260--1-2" scope="col" class="last left"> <div>Avge per Australia wicket</div> </th> </tr> </thead> <tbody> <tr> <td id="table-cell-2260-0-0" class="left"> Bull </td> <td id="table-cell-2260-0-1" class="left"> 46.5 </td> <td id="table-cell-2260-0-2" class="last left"> 69.17 </td> </tr> <tr class="odd"> <td id="table-cell-2260-1-0" class="left"> Ingle </td> <td id="table-cell-2260-1-1" class="left"> 57 runs for no wickets </td> <td id="table-cell-2260-1-2" class="last left"> 15.11 </td> </tr> <tr> <td id="table-cell-2260-2-0" class="left"> Ronay </td> <td id="table-cell-2260-2-1" class="left"> n/a </td> <td id="table-cell-2260-2-2" class="last left"> 121 runs for no wickets </td> </tr> <tr class="odd"> <td id="table-cell-2260-3-0" class="left"> Smyth </td> <td id="table-cell-2260-3-1" class="left"> 32 </td> <td id="table-cell-2260-3-2" class="last left"> 39.63 </td> </tr> </tbody> </table> </div><p><strong>Smyth has worked out some statistics for your delectation</strong>. In short, we need Ingle back in the padded leather OBO seat quicksmart.</p><p><strong>Australia 87 all out anyone?</strong></p><p><strong>"Am I alone in finding this collapse strangely comforting?"</strong> asks Richard Grady, "It's now a proper English summer - crap weather, warm beer, skittles and an England batting collapse. All is right with the world."</p><p><strong>1st over: Australia 10-0 (Watson 10, Katich 0)</strong><br/>Australia's first ball of the first innings should have had Strauss out LBW. England's first ball of the second innings is short and wide and cut for four by Watson. The second delivery is markedly better, being a fraction less short and a fraction less wide. It is still goes for four though. He tucks the fourth ball away to leg for two and that makes it an ominous ten runs from the opening over. Smyth has just wagered me a tenner that Australia will pass 500 in this innings. I like those apples.</p><p><strong>WICKET! Katich 0 c Bopara b Harmison (2nd over: Australia 14-1 Watson 10, Ponting 0)</strong><br/>Well this is key - Steve Harmison is carrying a lot of weight on his shoulders right here, can he cope? Strauss has a forward short leg in place. The first ball is on the money, and shoots up at Katich's elbow. The second though is bunged down the leg side for four byes. <strong>GOTTIM!</strong> Harmison has Katich caught around the corner by Bopara, fending off a bouncer. Ponting walks out to one of the most resoundingly loud chorus of boos I've heard outside of the pantomime. Harmison's first ball at Ponting is a brute, jagging through the gate and over off stump. Ponting swings wildly at the sixth ball and misses altogether. Little beads of sweat are starting to trickle down Rob Smyth's brow, as it's dawning on him that he's going to hand over ten of his hard-earned pounds before the match is over.</p><p><strong>3rd over: Australia 18-1 (Watson 14, Ponting 0)</strong><br/>"I notice that Extras was 3rd top scorer with a rather impressive 17," says Chris Pearce, "Surely this solves are 'who should bat at 3' question?" Anderson is finding some swing here, bringing the ball back in towards Watson's off stump. He overdoes it though, and pitches his fourth ball on middle stump. Watson whips it away to fine leg for four.</p><p><strong>4th over: Australia 23-1 (Watson 14, Ponting 4)</strong><br/>Harmison allows Ponting too much room, and he duly watches the ball disappear away for four through cover point by way of consequence. "Can you refer to anything Smyth has as 'hard earned?'" asks Andrew Sanderson. Erm... his reputation?</p><p><strong>5th over: Australia 29-1 (Watson 18, Ponting 4)</strong><br/>"Is it worth noting that Watson had a better score after two balls <br/>than eight England batsmen managed?" Yes John Foster. Yes it is. "Is this light at the end of the tunnel?" asks Mark Bradley after Harmison's wicket. "Or is it just the train coming to mash us into the ground when Australia finish the day for 450-2?" Watson, who in the pantheon of Australian opening batsmen is frankly a bit of a punk whose technique is a bit of an embarrassment to his predecessors, knocks four more runs to leg.</p><p><strong>6th over: Australia 40-1 (Watson 18, Ponting 14)</strong><br/>Ponting thrashes a four through backward square leg as Harmison <del>drips</del> drops short. That was a nauseatingly authoritative shot. He flicks two more through mid-wicket from the next delivery. He deliberately uppercuts the next delivery over slip for four more. He flicks a single to leg from the sixth ball, making it 11 from the over. "You say Smyth's 'hard earned pounds'," says Alastair Morrison, "surely you meant 'fifth column ill gotten gains'".</p><p><strong>7th over: Australia 57-1 (Watson 20, Ponting 31)</strong><br/>Ahm... Onions' first ball is picked up and deposited over mid-wicket for six by Ponting. And his second is slipped through fine leg for four. That's Australia's fifty then, from all of 38 balls. Oh my. This is looking very very bad for England. Ponting leans back and whacks a murderous pull through mid-wicket for four. Just the 17 runs from Onions first over then.</p><p><strong>8th over: Australia 57-1 (Watson 20, Ponting 31)</strong><br/>"I can't help but think how much more depressing this whole affair (England playing like they have rice paper bats and the Australians like we are bowling with a tennis ball) if this was Thursday and not Friday" suggests Keir Greenaway. True that. I'm pretty much already thinking about going to the pub this evening and forgetting all about this miserable shambles.</p><p><strong>9th over: Australia 61-1 (Watson 24, Ponting 31)</strong><br/>Onions beats Watson with a jaffa, which produces a girly squeal of surprise from Watson. Anyone who wants to send me theraputic pictures of rainbows unicorns, that'd be much appreciated. Onions beats Watson's outside edge again, and is then thrashed for four through cover. Somebody get this clown out. He's an insult to opening batsmen everywhere. He's now clobbered 24 from 23 deliveries.</p><p><strong>10th over: Australia 62-1 (Watson 24, Ponting 33)</strong><br/>"Australia have clattered 11 boundaries in nine overs so far," Athers tells us, "one more than England managed in their entire innings." Ponting does his best to run himself out with an idiotic single, but at cover Ian Bell fluffs his throw and misses the stumps. It's no good throwing your head back and sighing now Ian.</p><p><strong>11th over: Australia 62-1 (Watson 24, Ponting 33)</strong><br/>Onions beats Ponting's outside edge this time, the ball just shaving away off the pitch and sliding by the outside edge. <strong>Is that out?</strong> No. England appeal for a caught behind, but the ball took the shirt not the bat, and umpire Rauf was not about to be fooled into thinking otherwise. Pete Manning is in the horns of a dilemma: "I've got tickets for Monday and been really looking forward to the match for ages (it's the wife's first cricket match and she's like a kid at Christmas). In the last hour I've started hoping that the Aussies can put on a massive total by Saturday Tea and then skittle England out by end of play on Sunday so at least I can get my money back. I don't know how I'm going to explain to the wife what's going on, it'll be like taking a bone off a puppy."</p><p><strong>12th over: Australia 62-1 (Watson 24, Ponting 33)</strong><br/>Watson is saved from being trapped LBW by a big snick off his inside edge. The next ball is unplayable, pitching on leg and cutting back towards middle, hitting Watson viciously on the 'hip'. Hip being a euphemism for box. Box being a euphemism for, oh use your imagination.</p><p><strong>13th over: Australia 63-1 (Watson 24, Ponting 33)</strong><br/>Ponting wallops a dismissive single out to leg, Strauss seems to shrink at slip, his face hidden behind his hands, underneath his hat and sunglasses. "Taking 'the wife'?" scoffs Natalie Potts, "How generous to have allowed her away from the sink and ironing board to watch cricket."</p><p><strong>14th over: Australia 68-1 (Watson 24, Ponting 39)</strong><br/>Anderson is back into the attack, with a bit of a limp on. Ponting carts his first ball back away for four through mid-wicket. David Simpson has some advice for Pete Manning: "he and his wife might want to give <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://www.kettlewell.info/scarecrow.cfm">the Kettlewell Scarecrow Festival a go</a>, it kicks off tomorrow and should provide ample opportunity to admire a bunch of stiffs standing around in a field looking helpless."</p><p><strong>15th over: Australia 69-1 (Watson 24, Ponting 39)</strong><br/>This has been a truly dreadful session of play for England, redeemed only a by a single delivery from Steve Harmison. Here's Finbar Anslow, "Maybe Pete Manning mistook the article and really meant to say 'taking a wife' thus leaving the others to do the ironing etc." And that thankfully means that this misery is over.</p><p><strong>You'll excuse me if I don't say anything else</strong>, except to mask the sound of my sobs. Smyth will be back here in ten minutes or so to try and make you feel better about things.</p><p><strong>TEA</strong></p><p><strong>Preamble</strong>. Hello again. Just think how innocently we shambled to work this morning, a little spring in our step as our thoughts turned to what might unfold at Headingley. And now <em>this</em>. With the possible exception of Geoff Marsh and Mark Taylor batting all day at Trent Bridge in 1989, I can't remember a more depressing first day. Actually forget 1989; the series was gone then. This is shocking.</p><p>England simply have no way back from here. For the next three days or so they just have to stand there and take it, and then take it some more. Thank goodness there is a 10-day break before the fifth Test, because the scars from this game will take some healing. Still, at least Bull owes me a tenner!</p><p>So what's your team for the Oval? At the moment, I'd go with Strauss, Cook, Ramprakash, Bell, Collingwood, Prior, Flintoff, Swann, Anderson, Harmison, Sidebottom.</p><p><strong>One interesting thing about Headingley</strong>, apart from the fact that a side has reached the magic 500 mark in five of the last six Tests here, is that even though it is a result ground - ten in the last ten - those results <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://stats.cricinfo.com/ci/engine/ground/57092.html?class=1;orderby=start;orderbyad=reverse;template=results;type=aggregate;view=results">tend to be crushing victories</a>. I can't begin to explain this, but it's interesting nonetheless.</p><p><strong>To cheer you up further</strong>, Ricky Ponting averages 128 in Tests on this ground. Still, <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://stats.cricinfo.com/ci/engine/stats/index.html?class=1;filter=advanced;ground=179;orderby=batting_average;template=results;type=batting">he's no Steve Waugh</a>.</p><p><strong>Anyone want to join oure <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://guardian.pickthescore.co.uk/">Pick The Score</a> OBO League</strong>? Send me an email if so, with 'Pick This, Toaster' as the subject, and I'll send you an invite.</p><p><strong>16th over: Australia 73-1 (Watson 25, Ponting 42)</strong> James Anderson, Attack Leader, will start after tea. He bowled pathetically before tea, but he may not be fully fit: he was constantly stretching something in his leg. Ponting drives a full, swinging delivery through the covers for three. There are still 39 overs left today, and I am considering allowing a solitary tear to dribble down my cheek. "This is worse than Adelaide," says Andy Smith. It's not though, is it. Nothing will ever top that. It was the most thrilling trauma we'll ever experience.</p><p><strong>17th over: Australia 74-1 (Watson 25, Ponting 42)</strong> Stuart Broad replaces Graham Onions and his first ball keeps low and beats Ponting on the inside. Uneven bounce on day one and England facing the prospect of batting with a first-innings deficit of 4,000,001? Blimey. It's a decent, disciplined over from Broad. I think he is starting to accept that his role is a defensive one. "Ten days isn't nearly long enough to get over this," says Tom Hopkins. "The only thing left is to bathe in Essence of South Australian City and try to decide where this fits in the pantheon of Ashes pain. It's a new twist for me, sucker us into thinking that this might just be easy then apply the thumbscrews. I was even thinking yesterday that 1-0 and lots of rain would be a slightly unsatisfactory way of winning. How naïve."</p><p><strong>18th over: Australia 77-1 (Watson 25, Ponting 45)</strong> Anderson has Ponting falling over an inswinger in vaguely familiar fashion, but it was swinging miles down leg. Billy Bowden, for some reason, calls dead ball when it flies to fine leg and Australia run a leg bye. I can't understand that, as Ponting was clearly playing a shot. When England win this Test by one run the Aussies will be furious. Anderson is getting some appreciable inswing, though, and that will encourage England. I suppose their target is to bowl Australia out for 250 and then invoke the spirit of <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://www.cricinfo.com/england/engine/match/64117.html">Durban 2004</a>. More probably, however, Robbie's £10 up! "Disappointing to see Charlie Brooker celebrating getting Cook's wicket in that picture," says Tom Bowtell, forcing me to spit a bit of my coffee down my shirt.</p><p><strong>19th over: Australia 82-1 (Watson 27, Ponting 48)</strong> The sprawling Watson survives a run-out referral to the third umpire. Broad did really well to hit the stumps in his follow through, but Watson slid and was comfortably home. Australia are taking runs at will now. Having slapped England repeatedly about the person for the first half of the day, now they are slowly putting them to sleep. This is going to be an almighty thrashing. "I have been saying for weeks - ever since day five at Lord's in fact - that I would be happy for it to rain until after August 24," says Richard O'Hagan. "Would anyone listen? Nope. All I got was accusations of being negative. Well, I bet none of you are laughing now, eh?" My main concern is the fact that the average score at The Oval this season is 977. A bore draw to end the series would be really depressing. Far better a result pitch and Australia eviscerate us again, eh?</p><p><strong>20th over: Australia 86-1 (Watson 27, Ponting 53)</strong> Anderson's first ball is cut to the fence with frankly scary authority by Ricky Ponting. That takes him to a sensational fifty from 63 balls, one that is met in part by boos. Grow up. England have fed him with some desperately poor bowling, but my goodness he's played well. He has that look in his eye; that look which says, 'I'll get to 150 and then I'll consider a false shot'. "You forgot to add my Granny to your team for the Oval," says Gemma Harris. "She's 89, relatively frail and a little on the batty side but still she's got to stand a chance of doing slightly better than this feeble lot! Where's the spirit of '81!!??" In the dashboard of my knackered DeLorean.</p><p><strong>21st over: Australia 92-1 (Watson 27, Ponting 58)</strong> England get a little excited just before Prior drops Ponting, but it wasn't a chance: it came off his hip. Ponting then cuts yet a<em>nother</em> short delivery for four. This really is depressing. You expect England to be out of a Test match by Friday afternoon, but usually they start on a Thursday. This is a new low. "I realise we're all clutching at straws now but Ramprakash?" sniffs Phil Sawyer. "Sorry, but I still don't think he's mentally strong enough for test cricket. Look at how the cracks started to appear again once he'd hit his 99th century and was looking for his 100th. And that was only from the pressure of reaching a personal landmark. Drop him into a Test that England must win to regain the Ashes after a demoralising defeat (which is all this can be now). I reckon he'd fall apart faster than a piece of flatpack put together by me." You might well be right, but I think that at 1-1 with one to play in an Ashes series, the medium- and long-term go completely out the window. It comes down to this simple question: who is the most likely to score runs on a flat Oval deck batting at No3? And of all the candidates, I reckon that man is Ramprakash.</p><p><strong>22nd over: Australia 100-1 (Watson 29, Ponting 63)</strong> The exasperating thing here is that it <em>is</em> swinging; very much so. But England's length has been unfathomably short. In fact there's another short delivery from Anderson, and Ponting goes back to punch it through the covers for four more. What a fantastic shot. This is a devastating performance from a true champion. "Coffee?" sniffs Louise Wright. "Surely you're onto Temporary Happiness Facilitator by now?" If I could get away with it, Louise; if I could get away with it. Actually I suppose England have done pubs up and down the land a favour today, because I know where I'm heading straight after this shambles.</p><p><strong>23rd over: Australia 103-1 (Watson 32, Ponting 63)</strong> Watson, who has played second fiddle to the imperious Ponting very impressively, squeezes Broad deliberately to third man for three. Those runs put Australia in the lead - <em>at 4.31pm on the first day</em>. The next few days are going to be absolutely desperate. If I hadn't just announced the idea on the OBO, I'd consider a sly sicky for the weekend. We really are entering a world of pain. <em>A world of pain.</em> "Re: your solitary tear," begins Thomas De Vecchi. "If and when it appears, I can picture the scene at OBO Towers. A chorus of 'Nothing Compares To You' in the mode of Sinead O'Connor, whilst gazing at a photo of the boy Flintoff? Tell me I'm wrong." You are, but only in the identity of the person in the photo. It's a supposed fat lad, but it's not Freddie.</p><p><strong>24th over: Australia 115-1 (Watson 44, Ponting 63)</strong> Harmison replaces Anderson, and his first over is a tight one: it goes for just 12. The first ball is clattered through midwicket for four by Watson; it was a rancid loosener, to be sure, but Watson gave it some serious humpty. And he does exactly the same two balls later! Those are two wonderfully authoritative shots. Make that three, because Harmison bangs another delivery in short and wide, Watson slaps it square on the off side for four to bring up the century partnership. I wonder how many Test openers have scored half-centuries in their first three innings? "Bring back Hick, Ramprakash and Trescothick for the Oval," says Steve Baldock. "The three auras!"</p><p><strong>25th over: Australia 117-1 (Watson 44, Ponting 65)</strong> Clearly this England team believe in collective responsibility. At 2pm it seemed certain the batsmen would take the blame for today, but the bowlers have diligently performed with equal and arguably greater ineptitude. Did they even watch Stuart Clark bowl this morning? "I started the day feeling pretty chipper and chirpy," says Lorne Guyland. "I'm now seething with rage, disgust and impotent frustration. I open myself up to the possibility of this happening for five days at a time on average 12 times a year. That means that my emotional well-being is dictated for almost a sixth of the year by 11 dickheads I don't know hitting and throwing a ball. Is this living?"</p><p><strong>26th over: Australia 127-1 (Watson 49, Ponting 70)</strong> Watson uppercuts Harmison deliberately for four; that's another really good shot. I reckon he has a genuine future in this position. He can look slightly rustic but the basics are all there. After he takes a single to move to 49, Ponting leans into another square-drive that scoots slightly off the edge and away for four. That's a much better length from Harmison, though. "Yes it's horrific, but isn't this what inexperienced sides do?" says Gary Naylor. "Australia and England have both suffered from inconsistency throughout this series, but now that the Aus selectors have cast aside their hubristic denial of the plain fact that experience of English conditions matters, England have it all to do at The Oval. Who's to say that the spirit of Edgbaston 2005 won't be revived with 400+ on day one and Geraint Jones taking the winning catch?"</p><p><strong>27th over: Australia 131-1 (Watson 49, Ponting 74)</strong> Ponting slaps Broad over gully for four, aided by a poor piece of fielding from the hapless Bopara, who touched the ball even though his foot was basically wrapped around the boundary rope. Australia are motoring along at five an over in this session. "Is there a slight chance that Australia might be so cock-a-hoop they take the piss and accidentally bat themselves out of the game by declaring on 823 for five sometime on Monday afternoon?" wonders Dan Maggs. At this rate of scoring they'll have 823 by teatime tomorrow, which would give them enough time to complete a two-day innings victory.</p><p><strong>WICKET! Australia 133-2 (Watson LBW b Onions 51)</strong> Watson falls the ball after reaching his fifty. It was all very straightforward: he simply played round a straight one and was absolutely plumb. Ian Bell would have been proud to call that dismissal his own. Watson played really well but he'll be annoyed with himself for failing to build on a half-century for the third time in as many innings.</p><p><strong>28th over: Australia 133-2 (Ponting 74, Hussey 0)</strong> If England can keep Australia's lead down to 200, <del>they will still find a way to lose by an innings, the useless shower of sh</del> you never know what might happen.</p><p><strong>WICKET! Australia 140-3 (Ponting LBW b Broad 78)</strong> Another one gone! Ponting fell over a full, straight delivery from Broad, who was so certain it was out that he didn't bother to appeal, instead running straight down the pitch in triumph. Hawkeye had it hitting leg and that's a very fair decision, even though it took him an age to raise the finger. That's good bowling from Broad, and the end of a quite sensational innings.</p><p><strong>29th over: Australia 140-3 (Hussey 0, Clarke 0)</strong> Amazing what happens when you pitch it up. "What are some reasons for the exclusion of Stuart Clark from the previous Tests?" asks Bob, who in failing to add a surname now has me thinking all sorts of dark thoughts about Bob from Twin Peaks. "The only one I can think of is long term planning, along with a touch of arrogance. Australia wanted to blood the young quicks and they thought that they could do that while still retaining the Ashes." I think a big part of it was showing loyalty to a seam attack that, lest we forget, bowled them to a stunning victory in South Africa. I can understand that, but they should have brought him in for Edgbaston at the very latest.</p><p><strong>30th over: Australia 147-3 (Hussey 6, Clarke 1)</strong> Hussey gets off the mark with a classy, urgent cover-drive for four off Onions. Clarke is then beaten by a beauty. "Bull's gift box would contain a lock of his hair, or maybe some beard trimmings," says Andy Plowman. "He's got plenty of it and he looks like the sort that would."</p><p><strong>WICKET! Australia 151-4 (Hussey LBW b Broad 10)</strong> Another full delivery, another wicket. Having been cut for four, Broad went round the wiket and struck with his first ball from the new angle. It was speared in from wide on the crease and slammed into the pad as Hussey played all around it. It looked plumb, although Hawkeye only had it shaving leg, and Hussey stomped off in a busy funk. No matter, it's another wicket, and if I hadn't lost a tenner to Bull I'd be happy about that fact.</p><p><strong>31st over: Australia 152-4 (Clarke 1, North 1)</strong> The last three wickets have been very, very similar: full, straight and pinning the batsman in front as he plays around his pad. Next stop, rocket science. "Look we have to be careful here," says James Sparling. "We don't want to be batting again tonight."</p><p><strong>32nd over: Australia 156-4 (Clarke 1, North 1)</strong> "Can we bring Martin Bicknell back for the Oval Test too?" says Gemma Wood. "Please? I would willing swap the brain cells I am currently bathing in beer for his consistency. It could be Eng/SA at the Oval in 2003 all over again." Wasn't that just the <em>happiest</em> Test?</p><p><strong>33rd over: Australia 156-4 (Clarke 1, North 1)</strong> Clarke leaves a delivery from Broad that doesn't miss off stump by much. Then Broad spears one down the leg side. "This is where I get frustrated by the England bowlers," says Beefy. "Instead of bowling line and length, they try to make something happen." Which is fair enough, coming from a man who adhered rigidly to line and length throughout his career, especially when his nip had gone, and didn't try to buy wickets with all manner of magical long hops.</p><p><strong>34th over: Australia 165-4 (Clarke 9, North 2)</strong> <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lara_Bingle">Mr Lara Bingle</a> uses his wrists to help an errant delivery from Not Mr Lily Allen on its way to fine leg and then drives the next ball through extra cover for four. He has matured into a scarily good batsman. "Partly due to my own, myriad failings, my family and I are leaving our home in the tropical paradise of Hawaii next week," says Mac Millings. "However, I'm not even close to being ready, and to top things off, a <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://www.wunderground.com/tropical/tracking/ep200908_5day.html#a_topad">hurricane is coming to get me</a>. But reading the OBO, I am reminded why I love the England cricket team so very much. No matter how pathetically sorry I feel for myself, I can always rest assured that there are at least XI people in the world more incompetent than me."</p><p><strong>35th over: Australia 165-4 (Clarke 9, North 2)</strong> Broad goes around the wicket to North, who plays out a maiden. "Two new batsmen and a swinging ball," notes Richard Mansell. "Good teams take advantage of these situations; bad ones allow their opponents to rebuild." I take your point, but I reckon England have bowled pretty well to these two. Sometimes good batsmen are allowed to reach the heights of nine and two not out respectively without it being indicative of bad bowling.</p><p><strong>36th over: Australia 168-4 (Clarke 11, North 2)</strong> Only a big inside-edge saves Clarke from being plumb LBW to Onions. "Just thinking about the three-card trick mighty Bickers bowled to Rudolph at The Oval in 2003 gives me goose-bumps," says Peter Williams, who may or may not need to get out more. "Outswinger, Outswinger, Inswinger, gone. All that and a golf school too, god love 'im." That was a beautiful over; <em>every</em>body knew it was coming, except poor old Rudolph. That's definitely one of the great feelgood home Tests, along with the Oval 1991 and that one at the Oval a few years ago. 2005?</p><p><strong>37th over: Australia 168-4 (Clarke 11, North 2)</strong> There are 18 overs left, but play can only go on until 630. This is Broad's 11th over on the spin since tea, and it's been his best spell of the series by a reasonable distance. That's another maiden and his figures are 11-4-29-2. Given that everybody else is going for at least 4.40 per over, that's very good. "England might be bowling well, but we don't have Sky, only lousy OBO, and judging by your reporting of overs 33 and 34, England could be bowling better," says Richard Mansell. "So put that in your pipe and smoke it!" <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdpsDQgW5_s">I don't smoke</a>.</p><p><strong>38th over: Australia 169-4 (Clarke 12, North 2)</strong> Harmison is getting loose. Not in a sexual sense; he's just getting ready to bowl, and hopefully he'll improve on his previous spell: 2-0-22-0. For now it's Onions, loping in purposefully, but Clarke is solid in defence and pulls a single. One more wicket tonight and England will sleep fairly soundly given how bad things looked an hour ago.</p><p><strong>39th over: Australia 170-4 (Clarke 13, North 2)</strong> Harmison replaces Broad and bowls a very disciplined, bat-jarring first over to Clarke. Harmison's figures are a peculiar 9-3-38-1: a third of the overs are maidens, but he's going at more than four an over. Go figure, or, given that this is the riddle wrapped inside an enigma wrapped inside a slab of modern masculinity that is Stephen Harmison, don't bother trying to figure. "Still with you," says Louise Wright. "Here for another half hour. Want beer but won't be able to get to pub till 7.45 at earliest. May have to get can for train. Am not sophisticated grown-up I would like to be. May even dabble in Super T." I prefer gin in a tin, ideally from Marks & Spencer. That's high-class alcoholism, is that.</p><p><strong>40th over: Australia 178-4 (Clarke 21, North 2)</strong> James Anderson comes on for Onions. He clearly isn't fit, having pulled something when he got off the mark earlier in the day, and his first over back is absolute filth. The first ball is short, wide and despatched to the fence by Clarke; the third ball is incredibly wide and toe-ended for four more. "<a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://www.cricinfo.com/england/engine/match/64042.html">The Oval Test 2003 </a>is possibly my second favourite Test," says Richard Kemp. "Thorpe's comeback 100, Freddie's batting on the Sunday morning, Harmison delivering on his potential, Bicknell and the perfect conclusion for Alec Stewart. It all seemed more fun then, and the team was more likeable. No Bell or Bopara to bring down the mood. <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://www.cricinfo.com/england/engine/match/63651.html">Oval 1994</a> has to be the best though." Ah, yes. How could I forget? From the moment Gough and Daffy smeared Donald all over the place on the Friday evening, that was the most devastating performance I've ever seen from an England team in any sport. It was a staggering performance.</p><p><strong>41st over: Australia 179-4 (Clarke 21, North 3)</strong> Strauss is off the field, replaced by Yorkshire's Joe Sayers. North just manages to glove a nasty lifter from Harmison down in front of him, but he was not comfortable in doing so. Not much else happens. "As the latest man to attract the attentions of Lily Allen, Graham Onions now sits proudly alongside such other touchstones of female desire as a Chemical Brother and James Corden," says Dan Smith. "How is he handling this rapid ascent to aspirational manhood?" Jealousy is a terrible thing, Smith.</p><p><strong>42nd over: Australia 179-4 (Clarke 21, North 3)</strong> Strauss is back on the field and back standing at first slip looking ever so slightly clueless. Anderson continues and has a strangled shout for LBW against North from a delivery that pitched outside leg. He is getting it to swing very nicely now, and that's a maiden to North, but he still doesn't look quite right.</p><p><strong>43rd over: Australia 185-4 (Clarke 27, North 3)</strong> The umpires aren't happy with England's bowlers regularly going off the field. Broad, just back on, pleads his case to Asad Rauf and on we go. Harmison drops short and Clarke cuts him in front of square for four more. <em>How. Many. Times.</em> The next ball is an outrageous jaffa, fuller of length and not so much seaming as growling past Clarke's forward push. That was unplayable - and so were the next two deliveries, but only because they were miles wide of leg and off stump respectively. Stephen Harmison's career in miniature. "OK, I've tried (obviously not very) witty emails to get a mention on my birthday, but to no avail," says Caro Cowan. "It's not been a great day so far given the cricket and the fact that the postal strikes mean I've received no birthday post (being the only time of year one receives post that isn't bills). As a dedicated OBO-ette surely I deserve a better day than this and a small hello will help. And annoy my colleague Matt who has so far failed to get a mention, other than this one." OBOette 1-0 OBOer.</p><p><strong>44th over: Australia 185-4 (Clarke 27, North 3)</strong> North is having an easy time against Anderson, leaving around 65 per cent of the deliveries on line. At a time like this, when players are batting for the close, it's so important to make them play. He does later in the over with a very good swinging yorker, but for the most part that was anodyne stuff.</p><p><strong>45th over: Australia 188-4 (Clarke 30, North 3)</strong> Clarke ducks into a bouncer from Harmison that rams him right on the helmet. That was a really firm blow. There is no macho indifference from England, as there was when Harmison struck Ricky Ponting in the face in 2005; they all converge to enquire as to Clarke's health. He looks fine, but he's getting treatment and a new helmet. Three balls later he gets the hurry-up from a beautifully straight bouncer, with the ball looping to Matt Prior. England were certain he was out, but Asad Rauf said no. Replays show that it was definitely out - it actually hit a protruding piece of Clarke's <em>inner</em> glove - but you can understand why the umpire wasn't sure. Clarke salts the wound with a cover-driven three next ball.</p><p><strong>46th over: Australia 191-4 (Clarke 33, North 3)</strong> Clarke cover-drives three more from a weary Anderson's first ball, and then North continues to bat for the close by leaving everything. "Is it me or is Onions the guy off the Magners pear cider advert?" says Mark Mashiter. "Shouldn't he know that he needs to give it to them straight then?"</p><p><strong>47th over: Australia 196-4 (Clarke 34, North 7)</strong> North edges Harmison streakily for four, the final act of an eventful day. There were only 83 overs, due mainly to a combination of falling wickets and the complete absence of spin, but in that time we saw 298 runs and 14 wickets. Australia end the day well in control, leading by 94 runs, and England must surely clean them up in a hurry tomorrow morning if they are to have a chance of winning this match. Thanks for your emails; see you in the morning.</p> </div> </div> <div id="related"> <ul id="article-toolbox-side"> <li class="printable"><a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2009/aug/07/ashes-england-australia-live-report/print" rel="nofollow" id="printlink" class="printable rollover" title="Link to a printer-friendly version" name="&lid={pageToolbox}{Printer-friendly version}&lpos={pageToolbox}{1}"><img src="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150im_/http://static.guim.co.uk/static/77210/common/images/icon_print.gif" alt="Print this" class="trail-icon"/><span>Printable version</span></a></li> <li><a class="rollover sendlink" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://www.guardian.co.uk/email/351317801" title="Opens an email form" name="&lid={pageToolbox}{Email a friend}&lpos={pageToolbox}{2}"><img src="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150im_/http://static.guim.co.uk/static/77210/common/images/icon_email-friend.gif" 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alt="Technorati"></a></p></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <iframe allowtransparency="true" src="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150if_/http://ff.connextra.com/BlueSquare/selector/client?client=BlueSquare&placement=Guardian_300x312_Football_Cricket" width="300" height="312" scrolling="no" frameborder="no" style="border-width:0; margin-bottom: 7px;"></iframe> <div class="capsule bookshop-books sponsored-features commercial"> <h3>Free P&P at the Guardian bookshop</h3> <ul class="books"> <li class="odd"> <div class="book-cover"> <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://www.guardianbookshop.co.uk/BerteShopWeb/viewProduct.do?ISBN=9780852651087" name="&lid={bookshop}{Knowledge|picture|Sport}&lpos={bookshop}{1}"> <img src="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150im_/http://static.guim.co.uk//thirdparty/bookshop/sportA/9780852651087.jpg" alt="Knowledge" height="100"/> </a> </div> <div class="book-text"> <ul> <li><a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://www.guardianbookshop.co.uk/BerteShopWeb/viewProduct.do?ISBN=9780852651087" name="&lid={bookshop}{Knowledge|link|Sport}&lpos={bookshop}{2}">Knowledge</a></li> <li class="book-price">£8.99 with free UK delivery</li> </ul> </div> </li> <li> <div class="book-cover"> <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://www.guardianbookshop.co.uk/BerteShopWeb/viewProduct.do?ISBN=9780852651223" name="&lid={bookshop}{Wild Swim|picture|Sport}&lpos={bookshop}{3}"> <img src="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150im_/http://static.guim.co.uk//thirdparty/bookshop/sportA/9780852651223.jpg" alt="Wild Swim" height="100"/> </a> </div> <div class="book-text"> <ul> <li><a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://www.guardianbookshop.co.uk/BerteShopWeb/viewProduct.do?ISBN=9780852651223" name="&lid={bookshop}{Wild Swim|link|Sport}&lpos={bookshop}{4}">Wild Swim</a></li> <li class="book-price">£12.99 with free UK delivery</li> </ul> </div> </li> </ul> <ul class="vertical-links"> <li> <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://www.guardianbookshop.co.uk/BerteShopWeb/showSubCategories.do?categoryCode=520" name="&lid={bookshop}{Browse more sports books}&lpos={trail}{5}" style="display: inline;">Browse more sports books</a> </li> <li> <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://www.guardian.co.uk/buybooks" name="&lid={bookshop}{Buy books}&lpos={trail}{6}" style="display: inline;">Buy books from the Guardian Bookshop</a> </li> </ul> </div> <div class="capsule" id="auto-trader-search"> <script src="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150js_/http://www.autotrader.co.uk/CARS/common/_make_model.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> //<![CDATA[ function get_makes() { var dropDown; selectedIndex = 0; dropDown = document.atsearch.make; if (dropDown) { dropDown.length = 0; for(index=0; index<make_d.length; index++) { dropDown[index] = new Option(make_d[index],make_v[index]); if (make_d[index]=="MAKE" || make_d[index]=="MAKE") { dropDown[index] = new Option(make_d[index],""); } if (make_d[index]=="ANY MAKE") { dropDown[index] = new Option(make_d[index],"ANY"); } } dropDown.options[selectedIndex].selected = true; } } function get_range(ranges) { selectedIndex = 0; var dropDown; dropDown = document.atsearch.model; if (dropDown) { dropDown.length = 0; for(index=0; index<ranges.length; index++) { dropDown[index] = new Option(ranges[index],ranges[index]); if (ranges[index]=="Model" || ranges[index]=="MODEL") { dropDown[index] = new Option(ranges[index],""); } if (ranges[index]=="ANY MODEL") { dropDown[index] = new Option(ranges[index],"ANY"); } else if (ranges[index].toUpperCase() == "ANY MODEL" && req_model == "ANY") { selectedIndex = index; } } dropDown.options[selectedIndex].selected = true; } } function validate_postcode(){ if (document.getElementById("postcode_input").value != "") { document.atsearch.submit() }else { document.getElementById("postcode_validation_msg").style.visibility = "visible"; } } function disableEnterKey(e) { var key; if(window.event) key = window.event.keyCode; //IE else key = e.which; //firefox return (key != 13); } //]]> </script> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150js_/http://nvs.autotrader.co.uk/js/NewCarMakesModels.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150js_/http://www.autotrader.co.uk/TOPMARQUES/common/_newcars.js"></script> <h3>Find a car</h3> <div id="car-toggle"> <ul class="tab-toggle"> <li> <a href="#used-cars">Used cars<b></b></a> </li> <li> <a href="#new-cars" class="inactive">New cars<b></b></a> </li> </ul> <div id="car-panes"> <div id="used-cars" class="car-tabs car-toggle-pane"> <form action="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://atsearch.autotrader.co.uk/www/cars_search.jsp" name="atsearch" method="get"> <fieldset class="first"> <legend>Used vehicle search</legend> <a class="autotrader-link" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://www.autotrader.co.uk/" name="&lid={autoTraderSearch}{Powered by AutoTrader}&lpos={autoTraderSearch}{1}"><img src="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150im_/http://static.guim.co.uk/static/77210/common/images/powered-autotrader.gif" alt="Powered by AutoTrader"/></a> <input type="hidden" name="channel" value="CARS"/> <input type="hidden" name="locale" value="GUARDIAN.CARS.1"/> <input type="hidden" name="bqsCampaign" value="guardian-search"/> <input type="hidden" name="modelexact" value="1"/> <p> <select name="make" onchange="get_range(_model[this.selectedIndex]);" class="full"> </select> </p> <p> <select name="model" class="full"> </select> </p> <p> <label for="used_min_pr">From: </label> <select name="min_pr" id="used_min_pr"> <option value="0">Min price</option> <option value="500">£500</option> <option value="1000">£1000</option> <option value="2000">£2000</option> <option value="3000">£3000</option> <option value="4000">£4000</option> <option value="5000">£5000</option> <option value="6000">£6000</option> <option value="7000">£7000</option> <option value="8000">£8000</option> <option value="9000">£9000</option> <option value="10000">£10000</option> <option value="12500">£12500</option> <option value="15000">£15000</option> <option value="17500">£17500</option> <option value="20000">£20000</option> <option value="25000">£25000</option> <option value="30000">£30000</option> <option value="40000">£40000</option> <option value="50000">£50000</option> </select> <label for="used_max_pr">To: </label> <select name="max_pr" id="used_max_pr"> <option value="0">Max price</option> <option value="500">£500</option> <option value="1000">£1000</option> <option value="2000">£2000</option> <option value="3000">£3000</option> <option value="4000">£4000</option> <option value="5000">£5000</option> <option value="6000">£6000</option> <option value="7000">£7000</option> <option value="8000">£8000</option> <option value="9000">£9000</option> <option value="10000">£10000</option> <option value="12500">£12500</option> <option value="15000">£15000</option> <option value="17500">£17500</option> <option value="20000">£20000</option> <option value="25000">£25000</option> <option value="30000">£30000</option> <option value="40000">£40000</option> <option value="50000">£50000</option> </select> </p> </fieldset> <fieldset> <legend>Your details:</legend> <label for"postcode">Enter full postcode</label> <p><input id="postcode_input" type="text" name="postcode" size="14" onkeypress="return disableEnterKey(event)"/> <select name="max_records"> <option value="50">Show 50 results</option> <option value="100">Show 100 results</option> <option value="150">Show 150 results</option> <option value="200">Show 200 results</option> </select> </p> <span id="postcode_validation_msg" style="color:Red ;visibility: hidden">Postcode Required</span> </fieldset> <fieldset> <legend>Sellers details:</legend> <select name="source" class="half"> <option value="0">All</option> <option value="1">Private</option> <option value="2">Trade</option> </select> <select name="miles" class="half"> <option value="1">1 mile</option> <option value="10">10 miles</option> <option value="20">20 miles</option> <option value="30">30 miles</option> <option value="40">40 miles</option> <option value="60">60 miles</option> <option value="100">100 miles</option> <option value="200">200 miles</option> <option value="1500">National</option> </select> </fieldset> <fieldset> <legend>Sort results by:</legend> <input type="radio" value="4" name="sort" id="sort-distance"/> <label for="sort-distance">Distance</label><br/> <input type="radio" value="3" name="sort" id="sort-asc"/> <label for="sort-asc">Price (ascending)</label><br/> <input type="radio" value="5" name="sort" id="sort-desc"/> <label for="sort-desc">Price (descending)</label> </fieldset> <input type="button" value="Search" onclick="validate_postcode();"/> </form> </div> <div id="new-cars" class="car-tabs car-toggle-pane initially-off"> <form name="newqSearch" id="newqSearch" action="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://nvs.autotrader.co.uk/www/cars_search" onsubmit="return checkNewSearchParams();"> <input type="hidden" name="creator" value=""/> <input type="hidden" name="pagesize" value="20"/> <input type="hidden" name="modelexact" value="1"/> <input type="hidden" name="searchtype" value="new"/> <fieldset class="first"> <legend>New vehicle search</legend> <a class="autotrader-link" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://www.autotrader.co.uk/" name="&lid={autoTraderSearch}{Powered by AutoTrader}&lpos={autoTraderSearch}{2}"><img src="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150im_/http://static.guim.co.uk/static/77210/common/images/powered-autotrader.gif" alt="Powered by AutoTrader"/></a> <p> <select name="make" onchange="get_new_range(_new_model[this.selectedIndex]);" id="makes" class="full"> </select> </p> <p> <select name="model" id="models" class="full"> </select> </p> <p> <label for="new_min_pr">From: </label> <select name="min_pr" id="new_min_pr"> <option value="0">Min price</option> <option value="4000">£4,000</option> <option value="5000">£5,000</option> <option value="6000">£6,000</option> <option value="7000">£7,000</option> <option value="8000">£8,000</option> <option value="10000">£10,000</option> <option value="15000">£15,000</option> <option value="20000">£20,000</option> <option value="25000">£25,000</option> <option value="30000">£30,000</option> <option value="40000">£40,000</option> <option value="50000">£50,000</option> <option value="60000">£60,000</option> <option value="75000">£75,000</option> <option value="100000">£100,000</option> <option value="125000">£125,000</option> <option value="150000">£150,000</option> <option value="200000">£200,000</option> <option value="300000">£300,000</option> <option value="400000">£400,000</option> <option value="500000">£500,000</option> <option value="1000000">£1,000,000</option> </select> <label for="new_max_pr">To: </label> <select name="max_pr" id="new_max_pr"> <option value="0">Max price</option> <option value="4000">£4,000</option> <option value="5000">£5,000</option> <option value="6000">£6,000</option> <option value="7000">£7,000</option> <option value="8000">£8,000</option> <option value="10000">£10,000</option> <option value="15000">£15,000</option> <option value="20000">£20,000</option> <option value="25000">£25,000</option> <option value="30000">£30,000</option> <option value="40000">£40,000</option> <option value="50000">£50,000</option> <option value="60000">£60,000</option> <option value="75000">£75,000</option> <option value="100000">£100,000</option> <option value="125000">£125,000</option> <option value="150000">£150,000</option> <option value="200000">£200,000</option> <option value="300000">£300,000</option> <option value="400000">£400,000</option> <option value="500000">£500,000</option> <option value="1000000">£1,000,000</option> </select> </p> </fieldset> <fieldset> <p> <select id="doors" name="doors" class="full"> <option value="0">Any Doors</option> <option value="2">2 Doors</option> <option value="3">3 Doors</option> <option value="4">4 Doors</option> <option value="5">5 Doors</option> </select> </p> <p> <select id="fuelid" name="fuelid" class="full"> <option value="0">Any Fuel</option> <option value="1">Petrol</option> <option value="2">Diesel</option> <option value="3">LPG</option> <option value="4">Other</option> </select> </p> <p> <select id="bodyid" name="bodyid" class="full"> <option value="0">Any Body Style</option> <option value="4">Convertible</option> <option value="6">Coupe</option> <option value="3">Estate</option> <option value="1">Hatchback</option> <option value="5">MPV</option> <option value="2">Saloon</option> <option value="7">4x4</option> </select> </p> <p> <select id="transmissionid" name="transmissionid" class="full"> <option value="0">Any Transmission</option> <option value="1">Manual</option> <option value="2">Automatic</option> <option value="3">Semi-Automatic</option> </select> </p> </fieldset> <fieldset> <input value="Y" name="preReg" id="preReg" type="checkbox"/> <label for="preReg">Include pre-registered vehicles</label> </fieldset> <p> <input type="submit" value="Search"> </p> </form> </div> <script type="text/javascript"> //<![CDATA[ var num=0; // number of times doLists has been called var interval = null; function doLists() { num++; if (num < 100) { if (typeof get_makes == 'function' && typeof get_range =='function' && typeof _model=='object' && typeof make_v=='object' && typeof make_d=='object') { get_makes(); get_range(_model[0]); clearInterval(interval); } } else { clearInterval(interval); } } interval=setInterval("doLists()", 100); doNewLists('',''); //]]> </script> </div> </div> </div> <div id="sponsored-features" class="capsule sponsored-features commercial"> <script type="text/javascript"> //<![CDATA[ function showSponsoredFeatures() { var sponsoredFeatureComponent = document.getElementById('sponsored-features'); if(sponsoredFeatureComponent) { sponsoredFeatureComponent.style.display = 'block'; } } //]]> </script> <ul class="trail trailblock tri"> <li class="major-heading"> <h3>Sponsored features</h3> </li> <li class="normal image odd"> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150js_/http://ads.guardian.co.uk/js.ng/spacedesc=sponsoredfeature1&comfolder=cricket&keywords=%2CAshes%2CEngland%2Bcricket%2Bteam%2CAustralia%2Bcricket%2Bteam%2CCricket%2CSport%2COver%2Bby%2Bover%2Breports%2C&site=Sport&bandwidth=broadband&url=%252Fsport%252F2009%252Faug%252F07%252Fashes-england-australia-live-report&rand=747690142&system=article&blockVideoAds=false"></script> </li> <li class="normal image"> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150js_/http://ads.guardian.co.uk/js.ng/spacedesc=sponsoredfeature2&comfolder=cricket&keywords=%2CAshes%2CEngland%2Bcricket%2Bteam%2CAustralia%2Bcricket%2Bteam%2CCricket%2CSport%2COver%2Bby%2Bover%2Breports%2C&site=Sport&bandwidth=broadband&url=%252Fsport%252F2009%252Faug%252F07%252Fashes-england-australia-live-report&rand=-1955452078&system=article&blockVideoAds=false"></script> </li> </ul> </div> <div id="global-jobs" class="capsule jobsbox"> <h3><a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://jobs.guardian.co.uk/?gusrc=gu_jobs_box_Sport&link=Sport_jbx_logo" name="&lid={rules/jobsBox}{Guardian Jobs}&lpos={rules/jobsBox}{1}"><img src="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150im_/http://static.guim.co.uk/static/77210/common/images/guardianjobs.gif" alt="Guardian Jobs"/></a></h3> <ul class="tab-toggle javascript-on"> <li id="global-jobs-1-link"> <a href="#global-jobs-1" class="active">UK<b></b></a> </li> <li id="global-jobs-2-link"> <a href="#global-jobs-2" class="inactive">USA<b></b></a> </li> </ul> <div class="pane-wrapper"> <div id="global-jobs-1" class="global-jobs-pane tab-toggle-pane"> <h3 class="js-hider">UK</h3> <div class="capsule jobsbox"> <form action="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://jobs.guardian.co.uk/searchjobs/" onsubmit="return doSearchAllSubmitUK( this );"> <fieldset> <input type="text" class="text plain-search" id="freetext-searchalljobs" name="freetext" value="Search all jobs" onfocus="this.value='';"/> <input type="hidden" name="keyword" id="keyword-searchalljobs" value=""/> <input type="submit" class="submit" name="go" value="Go"/> <input type="hidden" name="gusrc" value="gu_jobs_box_Sport"/> <input type="hidden" name="link" value="Sport_jbx_go"/> </fieldset> </form> <p class="find-a-job"> <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://jobs.guardian.co.uk/?gusrc=gu_jobs_box_Sport&link=Sport_jbx_brsesec" name="&lid={jobsBox}{Browse all jobs}&lpos={jobsBox}{1}">Browse all jobs</a> </p> <ul class="jobs"> <li class="odd"><h4> <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://jobs.guardian.co.uk/job/861745/chemistry-teacher--west-london?RSSSearch=0&gusrc=gu_jobs_box_Sport&link=Sport_jbx_vac" name="&lid={jobsBox}{Chemistry Teacher - West London|Sport}&lpos={jobsBox}{2}">Chemistry Teacher - West London</a></h4> <p><span class="employer">prospero teaching.</span> <span class="location">west london.</span> <span class="wage">Top daily rates-up to £170 p/d.</span> </p> </li> <li><h4> <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://jobs.guardian.co.uk/job/897598/change-manager?RSSSearch=0&gusrc=gu_jobs_box_Sport&link=Sport_jbx_vac" name="&lid={jobsBox}{Change Manager|Sport}&lpos={jobsBox}{3}">Change Manager</a></h4> <p><span class="employer">morgan hunt.</span> <span class="location">london.</span> <span class="wage">£36000 - £43300 per annum + pension.</span> </p> </li> <li class="odd"><h4> <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://jobs.guardian.co.uk/job/895857/employment-advisors-ref-4577?RSSSearch=0&gusrc=gu_jobs_box_Sport&link=Sport_jbx_vac" name="&lid={jobsBox}{4577)|Sport}&lpos={jobsBox}{4}">4577)</a></h4> <p><span class="employer">city & islington college.</span> <span class="location">holloway road, london n7.</span> <span class="wage">£28,440 to £30,088 ILW.</span> </p> </li> </ul> <script type="text/javascript"> //<![CDATA[ function doSearchAllSubmitUK( form ) { var jobsSectionToSearch = ''; var freeText = ''; var searchTextField = document.getElementById( 'freetext-searchalljobs' ); var keywordElem = document.getElementById( 'keyword-searchalljobs' ); var isSectionSearch = function() { return jobsSectionToSearch != ''; } var textIsModified = function() { if( isSectionSearch() ) { return ( searchTextField.value != 'Search all ' + freeText + ' jobs' ); } return ( searchTextField.value != 'Search all jobs' ); } if( !textIsModified() ) { keywordElem.value = ''; if( isSectionSearch() ) { form.action = 'http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://jobs.guardian.co.uk/jobs/null'; return true; } form.action = 'http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://jobs.guardian.co.uk/'; return true; } keywordElem.value = searchTextField.value; if (isExternalSystemOn("hbx")) { _hbLink( '{jobsbox-searchalljobs}', '{jobsbox-searchalljobs}{1}' ); } return true; } //]]> </script> </div> </div> <div id="global-jobs-2" class="global-jobs-pane tab-toggle-pane initially-off"> <h3 class="js-hider">USA</h3> <div class="capsule jobsbox"> <form action="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://www.guardianjobs.com/" onsubmit="return doSearchAllSubmitUSA( this );"> <fieldset> <input type="text" class="text plain-search" id="freetext-searchalljobs" name="q" value="Search all jobs" onfocus="this.value='';"/> <input type="hidden" name="keyword" id="keyword-searchalljobs" value=""/> <input type="submit" class="submit" name="go" value="Go"/> <input type="hidden" name="gusrc" value="gu_jobs_box_Sport"/> <input type="hidden" name="link" value="Sport_jbx_go"/> </fieldset> </form> <p class="find-a-job"> <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://jobs.guardian.co.uk/?gusrc=gu_jobs_box_Sport&link=Sport_jbx_brsesec" name="&lid={jobsBox}{Browse all jobs}&lpos={jobsBox}{1}">Browse all jobs</a> </p> <textarea id="jobs-box-usa-textarea" style="display:none;"> {for result in results} <li> <h4> <a href="${result.url}">${result.jobtitle}</a> </h4> <p> <span class="description">${ result.snippet }</span> <span class="location">${ result.state }</span> </p> </li> {/for} </textarea> <script type="text/javascript"> //<![CDATA[ var userip = '67.202.59.141'; var country = 'usa'; var isUSA = (country.toLowerCase() == 'usa') ? true : false; var jobsBoxView = new guardian.r2.JobsBoxView('jobs-box-usa', 'jobs-box-usa-textarea'); var jobsBoxService = new guardian.r2.JobsBoxService('', userip); /* category, location */ var jobsBoxController = new guardian.r2.JobsBoxController(jobsBoxView, jobsBoxService, isUSA); //view, service, locationIsUSA //]]> </script> <ul id="jobs-box-usa" class="jobs"> <li class="javascript-on">Loading jobs...</li> </ul> <p class="attribution javascript-on"><a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://www.indeed.com/">jobs</a> by <a title="Job Search" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150/http://www.indeed.com/"><img alt="Indeed job search" src="http://web.archive.org/web/20090809014150im_/http://static.guim.co.uk/static/77210/common/images/icon_usjobs.gif" width="54" height="19"/></a></p> <script type="text/javascript"> //<![CDATA[ function doSearchAllSubmitUSA( form ) { var jobsSectionToSearch = ''; var freeText = ''; var searchTextField = document.getElementById( 'freetext-searchalljobs' ); var keywordElem = document.getElementById( 'keyword-searchalljobs' ); var isSectionSearch = function() { return jobsSectionToSearch != ''; } var textIsModified = 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