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style="background-color:#f3f3f3;margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--50);padding-top:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);padding-right:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);padding-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);padding-left:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30)"> <p class="has-text-align-center has-shade-1-color has-text-color has-link-color has-tablet-gothic-semi-condensed-font-family has-golf-font-size wp-elements-fe2803af8151ffe492c08a9e7dd92ef7" style="margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;text-transform:uppercase"> Advertising </p> <div class="htlad-medrec"></div> </div> </div> <section class="wp-block-group alignwide pat-news-package-cat is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow" style="padding-top:var(--wp--preset--spacing--50)"> <div class="wp-block-gridible-responsive-spacer gridible-hidden--sm" style="height:32px" aria-hidden="true"></div> <div class="wp-block-group section-label has-primary-1-background-color has-background is-layout-flow 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has-tablet-gothic-semi-condensed-font-family"><a href="https://theonion.com/news/" rel="tag">News</a></div> <h3 style="font-style:normal;font-weight:400; margin-bottom:0px;" class="has-link-color wp-elements-0f48e05dfb26e6472651182d641f2a68 wp-block-post-title has-text-color has-primary-2-color has-delta-font-size has-rocky-condensed-font-family"><a href="https://theonion.com/sweating-rfk-jr-performs-self-surgery-to-extract-big-mac-from-stomach/" target="_self" >Sweating RFK Jr. Performs Self-Surgery To Extract Big Mac From Stomach</a></h3></div> </div> </article> </li><li class="wp-block-post post-1851674967 post type-post status-publish format-standard has-post-thumbnail hentry category-news tag-vol-60-issue-47 featured-post-secondary-post"> <article class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow" style="border-bottom-color:var(--wp--preset--color--shade-2);border-bottom-width:1px;margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40);padding-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40)"> <div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-container gridible-row gridible-row--flex gridible-row__all-start gridible-row__md-start gridible-row__lg-start gridible-row__all-reverse-row gridible-row__md-standard gridible-row__lg-standard"> <div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-column gridible-col gridible-col__5 gridible-col__md-5 gridible-col__lg-4"><figure style="aspect-ratio:3/2; margin-bottom:0px;" class="wp-block-post-featured-image"><a href="https://theonion.com/nazi-march-condemned-for-not-procuring-proper-permits/" target="_self" ><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="576" src="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Nazi_March_NIB_FU_SC.webp?w=1024" class="attachment-post-thumbnail size-post-thumbnail wp-post-image" alt="Nazi March Condemned For Not Procuring Proper Permits" style="width:100%;height:100%;object-fit:cover;" srcset="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Nazi_March_NIB_FU_SC.webp 2000w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Nazi_March_NIB_FU_SC.webp?resize=300,169 300w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Nazi_March_NIB_FU_SC.webp?resize=768,432 768w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Nazi_March_NIB_FU_SC.webp?resize=1024,576 1024w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Nazi_March_NIB_FU_SC.webp?resize=1536,864 1536w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></a></figure></div> <div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-column gridible-col gridible-col__7 gridible-col__md-7 gridible-col__lg-8"><div style="text-transform:none;margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30)" class="taxonomy-category has-link-color wp-elements-b1afa49c57eb9626c20829798c326913 wp-block-post-terms has-text-color has-primary-1-color has-foxtrot-font-size has-tablet-gothic-semi-condensed-font-family"><a href="https://theonion.com/news/" rel="tag">News</a></div> <h3 style="font-style:normal;font-weight:400; margin-bottom:0px;" class="has-link-color wp-elements-0f48e05dfb26e6472651182d641f2a68 wp-block-post-title has-text-color has-primary-2-color has-delta-font-size has-rocky-condensed-font-family"><a href="https://theonion.com/nazi-march-condemned-for-not-procuring-proper-permits/" target="_self" >Nazi March Condemned For Not Procuring Proper Permits</a></h3></div> </div> </article> </li><li class="wp-block-post post-1851674921 post type-post status-publish format-standard has-post-thumbnail hentry category-news tag-explainer tag-vol-60-issue-47"> <article class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow" style="border-bottom-color:var(--wp--preset--color--shade-2);border-bottom-width:1px;margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40);padding-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40)"> <div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-container gridible-row gridible-row--flex gridible-row__all-start gridible-row__md-start gridible-row__lg-start gridible-row__all-reverse-row gridible-row__md-standard gridible-row__lg-standard"> <div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-column gridible-col gridible-col__5 gridible-col__md-5 gridible-col__lg-4"><figure style="aspect-ratio:3/2; margin-bottom:0px;" class="wp-block-post-featured-image"><a href="https://theonion.com/what-to-know-about-the-4b-movement/" target="_self" ><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="576" src="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/4B_Movement_INFO-G-PH.jpg?w=1024" class="attachment-post-thumbnail size-post-thumbnail wp-post-image" alt="What To Know About The 4B Movement" style="width:100%;height:100%;object-fit:cover;" srcset="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/4B_Movement_INFO-G-PH.jpg 2000w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/4B_Movement_INFO-G-PH.jpg?resize=300,169 300w, 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gridible-col__lg-8"><div style="text-transform:none;margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30)" class="taxonomy-category has-link-color wp-elements-b1afa49c57eb9626c20829798c326913 wp-block-post-terms has-text-color has-primary-1-color has-foxtrot-font-size has-tablet-gothic-semi-condensed-font-family"><a href="https://theonion.com/local/" rel="tag">Local</a></div> <h3 style="font-style:normal;font-weight:400; margin-bottom:0px;" class="has-link-color wp-elements-0f48e05dfb26e6472651182d641f2a68 wp-block-post-title has-text-color has-primary-2-color has-delta-font-size has-rocky-condensed-font-family"><a href="https://theonion.com/mocktail-roofied/" target="_self" >Mocktail Roofied</a></h3></div> </div> </article> </li><li class="wp-block-post post-1851675009 post type-post status-publish format-standard has-post-thumbnail hentry category-local tag-news-in-photos tag-vol-60-issue-47 featured-post-trending"> <article class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow" 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rel="tag">Local</a></div> <h3 style="font-style:normal;font-weight:400; margin-bottom:0px;" class="has-link-color wp-elements-0f48e05dfb26e6472651182d641f2a68 wp-block-post-title has-text-color has-primary-2-color has-delta-font-size has-rocky-condensed-font-family"><a href="https://theonion.com/announcement-of-fourth-child-contains-conspicuous-lack-of-exclamation-points/" target="_self" >Announcement Of Fourth Child Contains Conspicuous Lack Of Exclamation Points</a></h3></div> </div> </article> </li></ul></div> <div class="wp-block-buttons is-layout-flex wp-block-buttons-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-button has-custom-width wp-block-button__width-100 is-style-outline is-style-outline--5"><a class="wp-block-button__link wp-element-button" href="/local">Read More</a></div> </div> </div> </div> <hr class="wp-block-separator has-text-color has-shade-2-color has-alpha-channel-opacity has-shade-2-background-color has-background is-style-double" style="margin-top:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40);margin-bottom:0px"/> </section> <div class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow" style="padding-top:var(--wp--preset--spacing--50)"> <div class="wp-block-gridible-responsive-spacer gridible-hidden--sm gridible-hidden--md" style="height:32px" aria-hidden="true"></div> <div class="wp-block-group has-background is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow block-visibility-hide-medium-screen block-visibility-hide-small-screen" style="background-color:#f3f3f3;margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--50);padding-top:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);padding-right:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);padding-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);padding-left:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30)"> <p class="has-text-align-center has-shade-1-color has-text-color has-link-color has-tablet-gothic-semi-condensed-font-family has-golf-font-size wp-elements-fe2803af8151ffe492c08a9e7dd92ef7" style="margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;text-transform:uppercase"> Advertising </p> <div class="htlad-leaderboard"></div> </div> <div class="wp-block-group has-background is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow block-visibility-hide-large-screen" style="background-color:#f3f3f3;margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--50);padding-top:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);padding-right:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);padding-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);padding-left:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30)"> <p class="has-text-align-center has-shade-1-color has-text-color has-link-color has-tablet-gothic-semi-condensed-font-family has-golf-font-size wp-elements-fe2803af8151ffe492c08a9e7dd92ef7" style="margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;text-transform:uppercase"> Advertising </p> <div class="htlad-medrec"></div> </div> </div> <section class="wp-block-group alignwide pat-news-package-cat 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has-foxtrot-font-size has-tablet-gothic-semi-condensed-font-family"><a href="https://theonion.com/politics/" rel="tag">Politics</a></div> <h3 style="font-style:normal;font-weight:400; margin-bottom:0px;" class="has-link-color wp-elements-e896a7490fd683e9bade22141b930432 wp-block-post-title has-text-color has-primary-2-color has-delta-font-size has-rocky-condensed-font-family"><a href="https://theonion.com/trump-boys-get-weird-feeling-after-uncle-elon-shows-them-busty-anime-cat-girl/" target="_self" >Trump Boys Get Weird Feeling After Uncle Elon Shows Them Busty Anime Cat Girl</a></h3></article> </li></ul></div> </div> <div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-column gridible-col gridible-col__12 gridible-col__md-12 gridible-col__lg-6 pat-news-package-cat--center__middle"> <div class="wp-block-query is-layout-flow wp-block-query-is-layout-flow"><ul class="wp-block-post-template is-layout-flow wp-block-post-template-is-layout-flow"><li class="wp-block-post post-1851675109 post type-post status-publish format-standard has-post-thumbnail hentry category-politics tag-vol-60-issue-47 featured-post-secondary-post"> <article class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow"><figure style="aspect-ratio:4/3; margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40);" class="wp-block-post-featured-image"><a href="https://theonion.com/nancy-mace-introduces-bill-that-would-ban-trans-colleagues-from-congressional-gymnastics-team/" target="_self" ><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="576" src="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Nancy_Mace_NIB_G-PH.jpg?w=1024" class="attachment-post-thumbnail size-post-thumbnail wp-post-image" alt="Nancy Mace Introduces Bill That Would Ban Trans Colleagues From Congressional Gymnastics Team" style="width:100%;height:100%;object-fit:cover;" srcset="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Nancy_Mace_NIB_G-PH.jpg 2000w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Nancy_Mace_NIB_G-PH.jpg?resize=300,169 300w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Nancy_Mace_NIB_G-PH.jpg?resize=768,432 768w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Nancy_Mace_NIB_G-PH.jpg?resize=1024,576 1024w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Nancy_Mace_NIB_G-PH.jpg?resize=1536,864 1536w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></a></figure> <div style="margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30)" class="taxonomy-category wp-block-post-terms has-foxtrot-font-size"><a href="https://theonion.com/politics/" rel="tag">Politics</a></div> <h2 style="margin-bottom:0px;" class="has-link-color wp-elements-6d407f72afeb0ec6f30ec37eb658363c wp-block-post-title has-text-color has-primary-2-color has-bravo-font-size has-rocky-compressed-font-family"><a href="https://theonion.com/nancy-mace-introduces-bill-that-would-ban-trans-colleagues-from-congressional-gymnastics-team/" target="_self" >Nancy Mace Introduces Bill That Would Ban Trans Colleagues From Congressional Gymnastics Team</a></h2> </article> </li></ul></div> </div> <div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-column gridible-col gridible-col__12 gridible-col__md-6 gridible-col__lg-3 pat-news-package-cat-rail pat-news-package-cat--center__right"> <section class="wp-block-gridible-container alignfull is-layout-flow wp-block-gridible-container-is-layout-flow" style="padding-top:0;padding-bottom:0"> <div class="wp-block-group alignwide pat-member-cta has-fluid-spacing has-full-height is-vertical is-content-justification-stretch is-layout-flex wp-container-core-group-is-layout-62 wp-block-group-is-layout-flex has-background" style="padding-top:0;padding-right:0;padding-bottom:0;padding-left:0;background-image:url('https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/dingbat-background-pat.png');background-position:50% 0;background-size:10%;"> <div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-container gridible-row gridible-row--flex gridible-row__all-start gridible-row__md-start gridible-row__lg-start gridible-row__all-standard gridible-row__md-standard gridible-row__lg-standard" style="padding-top:0;padding-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--50)"> <div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-column gridible-col gridible-col__6 gridible-offset__3 gridible-col__md-8 gridible-offset__md-2 gridible-col__lg-6 gridible-offset__lg-3"> <hr class="wp-block-separator has-text-color has-shade-3-color has-alpha-channel-opacity has-shade-3-background-color has-background" style="margin-top:0;margin-bottom:0"/> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-container gridible-row gridible-row--flex gridible-row__all-start gridible-row__md-start gridible-row__lg-start gridible-row__all-standard gridible-row__md-standard gridible-row__lg-standard"> <div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-column gridible-col gridible-col__12 gridible-col__md-12 gridible-col__lg-12"> <h2 class="wp-block-heading has-text-align-center has-shade-3-color has-text-color has-link-color has-tablet-gothic-condensed-font-family has-charlie-font-size 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Get The Paper. Become A Member.</h2> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-container gridible-row gridible-row--flex gridible-row__all-start gridible-row__md-start gridible-row__lg-start gridible-row__all-standard gridible-row__md-standard gridible-row__lg-standard" style="padding-top:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40);padding-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40)"> <div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-column gridible-col gridible-col__6 gridible-offset__3 gridible-col__md-8 gridible-offset__md-2 gridible-col__lg-6 gridible-offset__lg-3"> <hr class="wp-block-separator aligncenter has-alpha-channel-opacity is-style-default"/> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-container gridible-row gridible-row--flex gridible-row__all-start gridible-row__md-start gridible-row__lg-start gridible-row__all-standard gridible-row__md-standard gridible-row__lg-standard" style="padding-top:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40);padding-bottom:0"> <div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-column gridible-col gridible-col__12 gridible-col__md-12 gridible-col__lg-12"> <div class="wp-block-buttons is-content-justification-center is-layout-flex wp-container-core-buttons-is-layout-5 wp-block-buttons-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-button has-custom-font-size is-style-outline has-echo-font-size is-style-outline--6" id="click-link-carousel-group-front-page-archive-membership"><a class="wp-block-button__link has-shade-3-color has-text-color has-link-color has-border-color has-shade-3-border-color wp-element-button" href="https://membership.theonion.com/?campaign=701a500001IErnxAAD" style="border-width:1px" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Join Today</a></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </section> <hr class="wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity" style="margin-top:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40);margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40)"/> <div class="wp-block-buttons is-layout-flex wp-block-buttons-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-button has-custom-width 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class="wp-block-gridible-grid-container gridible-row gridible-row--flex gridible-row__all-start gridible-row__md-normal gridible-row__lg-start gridible-row__all-reverse-column gridible-row__md-reverse-column gridible-row__lg-standard"> <div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-column gridible-col gridible-col__12 gridible-col__md-12 gridible-col__lg-4"> <h2 class="wp-block-heading has-primary-2-color has-text-color has-link-color has-tablet-gothic-semi-condensed-font-family has-charlie-font-size wp-elements-ac9ca578b9ef7430d7135a4982dd873b" id="h-unlock-the-onion-vault" style="margin-top:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40);margin-right:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40);margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40);font-style:normal;font-weight:700">Unlock ‘The Onion’ Vault</h2> <p class="has-primary-2-color has-text-color has-link-color has-tablet-gothic-semi-condensed-font-family has-echo-font-size wp-elements-67c6936bb8e1594be37051cc5db547b8" style="margin-right:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40)">Journey through 268 years of highly acclaimed, universally revered reporting. <em>The Onion</em>‘s archives comprise the most powerful and influential news coverage in human history.</p> <div class="wp-block-gridible-responsive-spacer gridible-hidden--sm gridible-hidden--md" style="height:32px" aria-hidden="true"></div> <div class="wp-block-gridible-responsive-spacer gridible-hidden--lg" style="height:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40)" aria-hidden="true"></div> <div class="wp-block-buttons is-layout-flex wp-block-buttons-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-button"><a class="wp-block-button__link wp-element-button" href="https://theonion.com/front-page-archive/" style="border-radius:0px">Explore More</a></div> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-column gridible-col gridible-col__12 gridible-col__md-7 gridible-col__lg-8 gridible-hidden--sm gridible-hidden--md"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full has-0-margin"><a href="https://theonion.com/front-page-archive/"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2316" height="1428" src="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/onion-archive-newspapers-img-4-1.png" alt="Historical front pages from The Onion's historical archive." class="wp-image-1851658796" srcset="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/onion-archive-newspapers-img-4-1.png 2316w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/onion-archive-newspapers-img-4-1.png?resize=300,185 300w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/onion-archive-newspapers-img-4-1.png?resize=768,474 768w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/onion-archive-newspapers-img-4-1.png?resize=1024,631 1024w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/onion-archive-newspapers-img-4-1.png?resize=1536,947 1536w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/onion-archive-newspapers-img-4-1.png?resize=2048,1263 2048w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 2316px) 100vw, 2316px" /></a></figure> 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loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="572" height="634" src="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/historical-front-page-2.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1851658781" srcset="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/historical-front-page-2.png 572w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/historical-front-page-2.png?resize=271,300 271w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 572px) 100vw, 572px" /></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-cb-slide"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="572" height="634" src="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/historical-front-page-3.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1851658782" srcset="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/historical-front-page-3.png 572w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/historical-front-page-3.png?resize=271,300 271w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 572px) 100vw, 572px" /></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-cb-slide"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="572" height="634" src="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/historical-front-page-4.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1851658783" srcset="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/historical-front-page-4.png 572w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/historical-front-page-4.png?resize=271,300 271w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 572px) 100vw, 572px" /></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-cb-slide"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="572" height="634" src="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/historical-front-page-5.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1851658784" srcset="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/historical-front-page-5.png 572w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/historical-front-page-5.png?resize=271,300 271w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 572px) 100vw, 572px" /></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-cb-slide"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="572" height="634" src="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/historical-front-page-6.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1851658785" srcset="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/historical-front-page-6.png 572w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/historical-front-page-6.png?resize=271,300 271w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 572px) 100vw, 572px" /></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-cb-slide"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="572" height="634" src="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/historical-front-page-7.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1851658786" srcset="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/historical-front-page-7.png 572w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/historical-front-page-7.png?resize=271,300 271w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 572px) 100vw, 572px" /></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-cb-slide"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="572" height="634" src="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/historical-front-page-8.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1851658787" srcset="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/historical-front-page-8.png 572w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/historical-front-page-8.png?resize=271,300 271w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 572px) 100vw, 572px" /></figure> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-gridible-responsive-spacer gridible-hidden--lg" style="height:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40)" aria-hidden="true"></div> </div> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-gridible-responsive-spacer gridible-hidden--sm" style="height:16px" aria-hidden="true"></div> </div> <section class="wp-block-group alignwide pat-news-package-cat is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow" style="padding-top:var(--wp--preset--spacing--50)"> <div class="wp-block-gridible-responsive-spacer gridible-hidden--sm" style="height:32px" aria-hidden="true"></div> <div class="wp-block-group section-label has-primary-1-background-color has-background is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow" style="border-top-left-radius:8px;border-bottom-right-radius:8px;padding-top:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);padding-right:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40);padding-bottom:12px;padding-left:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40)"> <h2 class="wp-block-heading has-text-align-left has-shade-3-color has-text-color has-link-color has-tablet-gothic-semi-condensed-font-family has-echo-font-size wp-elements-be8cdbd13441aa37082858d1a3b65ed5" id="h-entertainment" style="margin-bottom:0px;font-style:normal;font-weight:600">Entertainment</h2> </div> <div class="wp-block-gridible-responsive-spacer" style="height:16px" aria-hidden="true"></div> <div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-container gridible-row gridible-row--flex gridible-row__all-start gridible-row__md-normal gridible-row__lg-normal gridible-row__all-standard gridible-row__md-standard gridible-row__lg-standard pat-news-package"> <div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-column gridible-col gridible-col__12 gridible-col__md-6 gridible-col__lg-7 pat-news-package-cat-feature"> <div class="wp-block-query is-layout-flow wp-block-query-is-layout-flow"><ul class="wp-block-post-template is-layout-flow wp-block-post-template-is-layout-flow"><li class="wp-block-post post-1851675076 post type-post status-publish format-standard has-post-thumbnail hentry category-entertainment tag-explainer tag-vol-60-issue-47"> <article class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow"><figure style="aspect-ratio:16/9; margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40);" class="wp-block-post-featured-image"><a href="https://theonion.com/the-onions-exclusive-interview-with-ariana-grande-and-cynthia-erivo/" target="_self" ><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="576" src="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Grande_Erivo_INFO-G-PH.jpg?w=1024" class="attachment-post-thumbnail size-post-thumbnail wp-post-image" alt="The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Ariana Grande And Cynthia Erivo" style="width:100%;height:100%;object-fit:cover;" srcset="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Grande_Erivo_INFO-G-PH.jpg 2000w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Grande_Erivo_INFO-G-PH.jpg?resize=300,169 300w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Grande_Erivo_INFO-G-PH.jpg?resize=768,432 768w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Grande_Erivo_INFO-G-PH.jpg?resize=1024,576 1024w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Grande_Erivo_INFO-G-PH.jpg?resize=1536,864 1536w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></a></figure> <div style="margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30)" class="taxonomy-category wp-block-post-terms has-foxtrot-font-size"><a href="https://theonion.com/entertainment/" rel="tag">Entertainment</a></div> <h2 style="margin-bottom:0px;" class="has-link-color wp-elements-6d407f72afeb0ec6f30ec37eb658363c wp-block-post-title has-text-color has-primary-2-color has-bravo-font-size has-rocky-compressed-font-family"><a href="https://theonion.com/the-onions-exclusive-interview-with-ariana-grande-and-cynthia-erivo/" target="_self" >The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Ariana Grande And Cynthia Erivo</a></h2> </article> </li></ul></div> </div> <div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-column gridible-col gridible-col__12 gridible-col__md-6 gridible-col__lg-5 pat-news-package-cat-rail"> <div class="wp-block-query is-layout-flow wp-block-query-is-layout-flow"><ul class="wp-block-post-template is-layout-flow wp-block-post-template-is-layout-flow"><li class="wp-block-post post-1851674607 post type-post status-publish format-standard has-post-thumbnail hentry category-entertainment tag-vol-60-issue-45"> <article class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow 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Jake Paul Fight" style="width:100%;height:100%;object-fit:cover;" srcset="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Tyson_Paul_INFO-G-PH.png 2000w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Tyson_Paul_INFO-G-PH.png?resize=300,169 300w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Tyson_Paul_INFO-G-PH.png?resize=768,432 768w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Tyson_Paul_INFO-G-PH.png?resize=1024,576 1024w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Tyson_Paul_INFO-G-PH.png?resize=1536,864 1536w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></a></figure></div> <div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-column gridible-col gridible-col__7 gridible-col__md-7 gridible-col__lg-8"><div style="text-transform:none;margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30)" class="taxonomy-category has-link-color wp-elements-b1afa49c57eb9626c20829798c326913 wp-block-post-terms has-text-color has-primary-1-color has-foxtrot-font-size has-tablet-gothic-semi-condensed-font-family"><a href="https://theonion.com/entertainment/" rel="tag">Entertainment</a></div> <h3 style="font-style:normal;font-weight:400; margin-bottom:0px;" class="has-link-color wp-elements-0f48e05dfb26e6472651182d641f2a68 wp-block-post-title has-text-color has-primary-2-color has-delta-font-size has-rocky-condensed-font-family"><a href="https://theonion.com/rules-for-the-mike-tyson-vs-jake-paul-fight/" target="_self" >Rules For The Mike Tyson Vs. 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margin-bottom:0px;" class="has-link-color wp-elements-0f48e05dfb26e6472651182d641f2a68 wp-block-post-title has-text-color has-primary-2-color has-delta-font-size has-rocky-condensed-font-family"><a href="https://theonion.com/logan-paul-claims-prime-perfectly-healthy-for-average-9-foot-tall-400-pound-child/" target="_self" >Logan Paul Claims Prime Perfectly Healthy For Average 9-Foot-Tall, 400-Pound Child</a></h3></div> </div> </article> </li><li class="wp-block-post post-1851671471 post type-post status-publish format-standard has-post-thumbnail hentry category-entertainment tag-explainer tag-vol-60-issue-40"> <article class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow" style="border-bottom-color:var(--wp--preset--color--shade-2);border-bottom-width:1px;margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40);padding-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40)"> <div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-container gridible-row gridible-row--flex gridible-row__all-start gridible-row__md-start gridible-row__lg-start gridible-row__all-reverse-row gridible-row__md-standard gridible-row__lg-standard"> <div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-column gridible-col gridible-col__5 gridible-col__md-5 gridible-col__lg-4"><figure style="aspect-ratio:3/2; 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margin-bottom:0px;" class="has-link-color wp-elements-0f48e05dfb26e6472651182d641f2a68 wp-block-post-title has-text-color has-primary-2-color has-delta-font-size has-rocky-condensed-font-family"><a href="https://theonion.com/the-onions-exclusive-interview-with-joaquin-phoenix-and-lady-gaga/" target="_self" >The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Joaquin Phoenix And Lady Gaga</a></h3></div> </div> </article> </li></ul></div> <div class="wp-block-buttons is-layout-flex wp-block-buttons-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-button has-custom-width wp-block-button__width-100 is-style-outline is-style-outline--8"><a class="wp-block-button__link wp-element-button" href="/entertainment">Read More</a></div> </div> </div> </div> <hr class="wp-block-separator has-text-color has-shade-2-color has-alpha-channel-opacity has-shade-2-background-color has-background is-style-double" style="margin-top:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40);margin-bottom:0px"/> </section> <div class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow" style="padding-top:var(--wp--preset--spacing--50)"> <div class="wp-block-gridible-responsive-spacer gridible-hidden--sm gridible-hidden--md" style="height:32px" aria-hidden="true"></div> <div class="wp-block-group has-background is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow block-visibility-hide-medium-screen block-visibility-hide-small-screen" style="background-color:#f3f3f3;margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--50);padding-top:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);padding-right:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);padding-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);padding-left:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30)"> <p class="has-text-align-center has-shade-1-color has-text-color has-link-color has-tablet-gothic-semi-condensed-font-family has-golf-font-size wp-elements-fe2803af8151ffe492c08a9e7dd92ef7" style="margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;text-transform:uppercase"> Advertising </p> <div class="htlad-leaderboard"></div> </div> <div class="wp-block-group has-background is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow block-visibility-hide-large-screen" style="background-color:#f3f3f3;margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--50);padding-top:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);padding-right:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);padding-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);padding-left:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30)"> <p class="has-text-align-center has-shade-1-color has-text-color has-link-color has-tablet-gothic-semi-condensed-font-family has-golf-font-size wp-elements-fe2803af8151ffe492c08a9e7dd92ef7" style="margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;text-transform:uppercase"> Advertising </p> <div class="htlad-medrec"></div> </div> </div> <section class="wp-block-group alignwide is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow" style="padding-top:var(--wp--preset--spacing--50)"> <div class="wp-block-gridible-responsive-spacer gridible-hidden--sm gridible-hidden--md" style="height:32px" aria-hidden="true"></div> <div class="wp-block-group section-label has-primary-1-background-color has-background is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow" style="border-top-left-radius:8px;border-bottom-right-radius:8px;padding-top:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);padding-right:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40);padding-bottom:12px;padding-left:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40)"> <h2 class="wp-block-heading has-text-align-left has-shade-3-color has-text-color has-link-color has-tablet-gothic-semi-condensed-font-family has-echo-font-size wp-elements-0ee38f67d08c35e00059350c4fe75b46" id="h-sports" style="margin-bottom:0px;font-style:normal;font-weight:600">Sports</h2> </div> <div class="wp-block-gridible-responsive-spacer" style="height:16px" aria-hidden="true"></div> <div class="wp-block-query has-no-border-lg is-layout-flow wp-block-query-is-layout-flow"><ul class="columns-4 wp-block-post-template is-layout-grid wp-container-core-post-template-is-layout-20 wp-block-post-template-is-layout-grid"><li class="wp-block-post post-1851671915 post type-post status-publish format-standard has-post-thumbnail hentry category-sports tag-former-print-exclusive tag-vol-60-issue-42"> <figure style="aspect-ratio:3/2; 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margin-bottom:0px;" class="has-link-color wp-elements-8c045fc27162308addd59e6d5fbf329c wp-block-post-title has-text-color has-primary-2-color has-echo-font-size"><a href="https://theonion.com/mlb-loses-millions-of-stats-in-warehouse-fire-1851601587/" target="_self" >MLB Loses Millions of Stats In Warehouse Fire</a></h3> </li></ul></div> <hr class="wp-block-separator has-text-color has-shade-2-color has-alpha-channel-opacity has-shade-2-background-color has-background is-style-double" style="margin-top:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40);margin-bottom:0px"/> </section> <section class="wp-block-group alignwide is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow" style="padding-top:var(--wp--preset--spacing--50)"> <div class="wp-block-gridible-responsive-spacer gridible-hidden--sm gridible-hidden--md" style="height:32px" aria-hidden="true"></div> <div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-container gridible-row gridible-row--flex gridible-row__all-start gridible-row__md-normal gridible-row__lg-normal gridible-row__all-standard gridible-row__md-standard gridible-row__lg-standard pat-news-package pat-news-package--equal-heights"> <div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-column gridible-col gridible-col__12 gridible-col__md-12 gridible-col__lg-7"> <div class="wp-block-group section-label has-primary-1-background-color has-background is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow" style="border-top-left-radius:8px;border-bottom-right-radius:8px;padding-top:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);padding-right:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40);padding-bottom:12px;padding-left:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40)"> <h2 class="wp-block-heading has-text-align-left has-shade-3-color has-text-color has-link-color has-tablet-gothic-semi-condensed-font-family has-echo-font-size wp-elements-09aa24d9c40738688c9ad863c686928e" id="h-trending-news" style="margin-bottom:0px;font-style:normal;font-weight:600">Trending News</h2> </div> <div class="wp-block-gridible-responsive-spacer" style="height:16px" aria-hidden="true"></div> <div class="wp-block-query pat-news-pack-grid is-layout-flow wp-block-query-is-layout-flow"><ul class="columns-2 wp-block-post-template is-layout-grid wp-container-core-post-template-is-layout-21 wp-block-post-template-is-layout-grid"><li class="wp-block-post post-1851675009 post type-post status-publish format-standard has-post-thumbnail hentry category-local tag-news-in-photos tag-vol-60-issue-47 featured-post-trending"> <article class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow"><figure style="aspect-ratio:16/9; margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40);" class="wp-block-post-featured-image"><a href="https://theonion.com/announcement-of-fourth-child-contains-conspicuous-lack-of-exclamation-points/" target="_self" ><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="776" src="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Announcement_Of_SB_PH-S.jpg?w=1024" class="attachment-post-thumbnail size-post-thumbnail wp-post-image" alt="Announcement Of Fourth Child Contains Conspicuous Lack Of Exclamation Points" style="width:100%;height:100%;object-fit:cover;" srcset="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Announcement_Of_SB_PH-S.jpg 1484w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Announcement_Of_SB_PH-S.jpg?resize=300,227 300w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Announcement_Of_SB_PH-S.jpg?resize=768,582 768w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Announcement_Of_SB_PH-S.jpg?resize=1024,776 1024w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></a></figure> <h3 style="font-style:normal;font-weight:400; margin-bottom:0px;" class="has-link-color wp-elements-e343eec0e33ee92ef2dd7e8c5a85de9a wp-block-post-title has-text-color has-primary-2-color has-delta-font-size has-rocky-condensed-font-family"><a href="https://theonion.com/announcement-of-fourth-child-contains-conspicuous-lack-of-exclamation-points/" target="_self" >Announcement Of Fourth Child Contains Conspicuous Lack Of Exclamation Points</a></h3></article> </li><li class="wp-block-post post-1851674980 post type-post status-publish format-standard has-post-thumbnail hentry category-politics tag-donald-trump tag-elon-musk tag-vol-60-issue-47 featured-post-trending"> <article class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow"><figure style="aspect-ratio:16/9; margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40);" class="wp-block-post-featured-image"><a href="https://theonion.com/trump-locks-bathroom-door-so-elon-musk-cant-follow-him-in/" target="_self" ><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="576" src="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Trump_Locks_Bathroom_NIB_IHA_GR.webp?w=1024" class="attachment-post-thumbnail size-post-thumbnail wp-post-image" alt="Trump Locks Bathroom Door So Elon Musk Can’t Follow Him In" style="width:100%;height:100%;object-fit:cover;" srcset="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Trump_Locks_Bathroom_NIB_IHA_GR.webp 2000w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Trump_Locks_Bathroom_NIB_IHA_GR.webp?resize=300,169 300w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Trump_Locks_Bathroom_NIB_IHA_GR.webp?resize=768,432 768w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Trump_Locks_Bathroom_NIB_IHA_GR.webp?resize=1024,576 1024w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Trump_Locks_Bathroom_NIB_IHA_GR.webp?resize=1536,864 1536w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></a></figure> <h3 style="font-style:normal;font-weight:400; margin-bottom:0px;" class="has-link-color wp-elements-e343eec0e33ee92ef2dd7e8c5a85de9a wp-block-post-title has-text-color has-primary-2-color has-delta-font-size has-rocky-condensed-font-family"><a href="https://theonion.com/trump-locks-bathroom-door-so-elon-musk-cant-follow-him-in/" target="_self" >Trump Locks Bathroom Door So Elon Musk Can’t Follow Him In</a></h3></article> </li><li class="wp-block-post post-1851674972 post type-post status-publish format-standard has-post-thumbnail hentry category-news tag-vol-60-issue-47 featured-post-trending"> <article class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow"><figure style="aspect-ratio:16/9; margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40);" class="wp-block-post-featured-image"><a href="https://theonion.com/sweating-rfk-jr-performs-self-surgery-to-extract-big-mac-from-stomach/" target="_self" ><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="576" src="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/RFK_Jr_Cuts_NIB_IHA-GR.jpg?w=1024" class="attachment-post-thumbnail size-post-thumbnail wp-post-image" alt="Sweating RFK Jr. Performs Self-Surgery To Extract Big Mac From Stomach" style="width:100%;height:100%;object-fit:cover;" srcset="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/RFK_Jr_Cuts_NIB_IHA-GR.jpg 2000w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/RFK_Jr_Cuts_NIB_IHA-GR.jpg?resize=300,169 300w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/RFK_Jr_Cuts_NIB_IHA-GR.jpg?resize=768,432 768w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/RFK_Jr_Cuts_NIB_IHA-GR.jpg?resize=1024,576 1024w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/RFK_Jr_Cuts_NIB_IHA-GR.jpg?resize=1536,864 1536w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></a></figure> <h3 style="font-style:normal;font-weight:400; margin-bottom:0px;" class="has-link-color wp-elements-e343eec0e33ee92ef2dd7e8c5a85de9a wp-block-post-title has-text-color has-primary-2-color has-delta-font-size has-rocky-condensed-font-family"><a href="https://theonion.com/sweating-rfk-jr-performs-self-surgery-to-extract-big-mac-from-stomach/" target="_self" >Sweating RFK Jr. Performs Self-Surgery To Extract Big Mac From Stomach</a></h3></article> </li><li class="wp-block-post post-1851674963 post type-post status-publish format-standard has-post-thumbnail hentry category-politics tag-joe-biden tag-vol-60-issue-47 featured-post-trending"> <article class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow"><figure style="aspect-ratio:16/9; margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40);" class="wp-block-post-featured-image"><a href="https://theonion.com/biden-authorizes-ukraine-to-use-long-range-weapons-on-him/" target="_self" ><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="576" src="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Biden_Authorizes_NIB_IHA_GR.webp?w=1024" class="attachment-post-thumbnail size-post-thumbnail wp-post-image" alt="Biden Authorizes Ukraine To Use Long-Range Weapons On Him" style="width:100%;height:100%;object-fit:cover;" srcset="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Biden_Authorizes_NIB_IHA_GR.webp 2000w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Biden_Authorizes_NIB_IHA_GR.webp?resize=300,169 300w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Biden_Authorizes_NIB_IHA_GR.webp?resize=768,432 768w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Biden_Authorizes_NIB_IHA_GR.webp?resize=1024,576 1024w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Biden_Authorizes_NIB_IHA_GR.webp?resize=1536,864 1536w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></a></figure> <h3 style="font-style:normal;font-weight:400; margin-bottom:0px;" class="has-link-color wp-elements-e343eec0e33ee92ef2dd7e8c5a85de9a wp-block-post-title has-text-color has-primary-2-color has-delta-font-size has-rocky-condensed-font-family"><a href="https://theonion.com/biden-authorizes-ukraine-to-use-long-range-weapons-on-him/" target="_self" >Biden Authorizes Ukraine To Use Long-Range Weapons On Him</a></h3></article> </li></ul></div> <hr class="wp-block-separator has-text-color has-shade-2-color has-alpha-channel-opacity has-shade-2-background-color has-background is-style-double" style="margin-bottom:0px"/> <div class="wp-block-gridible-responsive-spacer gridible-hidden--lg" style="height:32px" aria-hidden="true"></div> </div> <div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-column gridible-col gridible-col__12 gridible-col__md-12 gridible-col__lg-5"> <div class="wp-block-group has-full-height is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow"> <div class="wp-block-group section-label has-primary-1-background-color has-background is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow" style="border-top-left-radius:8px;border-bottom-right-radius:8px;padding-top:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);padding-right:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40);padding-bottom:12px;padding-left:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40)"> <h2 class="wp-block-heading has-text-align-left has-shade-3-color has-text-color has-link-color has-tablet-gothic-semi-condensed-font-family has-echo-font-size wp-elements-19db831315615b6ddb9b229afeabca87" id="h-opinion" style="margin-bottom:0px;font-style:normal;font-weight:600">Opinion</h2> </div> <div class="wp-block-gridible-responsive-spacer" style="height:16px" aria-hidden="true"></div> <div class="wp-block-query is-layout-flow wp-block-query-is-layout-flow"><ul class="wp-block-post-template is-layout-flow wp-block-post-template-is-layout-flow"><li class="wp-block-post post-1851674137 post type-post status-publish format-standard has-post-thumbnail hentry category-cartoons tag-vol-60-issue-45"> <section class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow"> <div class="wp-block-group has-primary-2-background-color has-background is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow" style="margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40);padding-top:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);padding-right:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);padding-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);padding-left:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30)"><figure style="aspect-ratio:3/2; margin-bottom:0px;" class="wp-block-post-featured-image"><a href="https://theonion.com/stars-and-strips/" target="_self" ><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="717" src="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/KellyStarsAndStrips.jpg?w=1024" class="attachment-post-thumbnail size-post-thumbnail wp-post-image" alt="Stars And Strips" style="width:100%;height:100%;object-fit:cover;" srcset="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/KellyStarsAndStrips.jpg 3270w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/KellyStarsAndStrips.jpg?resize=300,210 300w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/KellyStarsAndStrips.jpg?resize=768,538 768w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/KellyStarsAndStrips.jpg?resize=1024,717 1024w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/KellyStarsAndStrips.jpg?resize=1536,1075 1536w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/KellyStarsAndStrips.jpg?resize=2048,1434 2048w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></a></figure></div> <h3 style="font-style:normal;font-weight:400; padding-bottom:0;margin-bottom:0px;" class="has-link-color wp-elements-bf999a866a798afb1c30d30d89121a94 wp-block-post-title has-text-color has-primary-2-color has-delta-font-size"><a href="https://theonion.com/stars-and-strips/" target="_self" >Stars And Strips</a></h3> <hr class="wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity" style="margin-top:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40);margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40)"/> </section> </li></ul></div> <div class="wp-block-group pat-news-package-list is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow" style="margin-top:0;margin-bottom:0;padding-top:0;padding-right:0;padding-bottom:0;padding-left:0"> <div class="wp-block-query is-layout-flow wp-block-query-is-layout-flow"><ul class="wp-block-post-template is-layout-flow wp-block-post-template-is-layout-flow"><li class="wp-block-post post-1851675162 post type-post status-publish format-standard has-post-thumbnail hentry category-american-voices tag-donald-trump tag-government tag-matt-gaetz tag-vol-60-issue-47"> <article class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow" style="margin-bottom:0px"><div class="taxonomy-category wp-block-post-terms"><a href="https://theonion.com/opinion/american-voices/" rel="tag">American Voices</a></div> <h3 style="font-style:normal;font-weight:400; margin-bottom:0px;" class="wp-block-post-title has-delta-font-size"><a href="https://theonion.com/matt-gaetz-withdraws-as-trumps-attorney-general-pick/" target="_self" >Matt Gaetz Withdraws As Trump’s Attorney General Pick</a></h3> <hr class="wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity" style="margin-top:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40);margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40)"/> </article> </li></ul></div> </div> <div class="wp-block-buttons is-layout-flex wp-block-buttons-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-button has-custom-width wp-block-button__width-100 is-style-outline is-style-outline--9"><a class="wp-block-button__link wp-element-button" href="/opinion">Read More</a></div> </div> <div class="wp-block-gridible-responsive-spacer" style="height:16px" aria-hidden="true"></div> <hr class="wp-block-separator has-text-color has-shade-2-color has-alpha-channel-opacity has-shade-2-background-color has-background is-style-double" style="margin-bottom:0px"/> </div> </div> </div> </section> </div></div> </main> <footer class="wp-block-template-part"> <div class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow"> <div class="wp-block-gridible-responsive-spacer gridible-hidden--sm" style="height:var(--wp--preset--spacing--60)" aria-hidden="true"></div> <div class="wp-block-gridible-responsive-spacer gridible-hidden--md gridible-hidden--lg" style="height:var(--wp--preset--spacing--50)" aria-hidden="true"></div> </div> <div class="wp-block-gridible-container alignfull has-global-padding onion-part-footer has-primary-2-background-color has-background is-layout-constrained wp-block-gridible-container-is-layout-constrained" style="padding-top:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40);padding-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--50)"> <div class="wp-block-group alignwide onion-part-footer-top is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow"> <div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-container alignwide gridible-row gridible-row--flex gridible-row__all-start gridible-row__md-start gridible-row__lg-start gridible-row__all-standard gridible-row__md-standard gridible-row__lg-standard"> <div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-column gridible-col gridible-col__12 gridible-col__md-12 gridible-col__lg-12"> <figure class="wp-block-image aligncenter size-large onion-part-footer-site-logo"><a href="/"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="786" height="131" src="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/site-logo-white-2.svg" alt="" class="wp-image-174"/></a></figure> <div class="wp-block-gridible-responsive-spacer" style="height:var(--wp--preset--spacing--50)" aria-hidden="true"></div> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-container alignwide gridible-row gridible-row--flex gridible-row__all-start gridible-row__md-normal gridible-row__lg-normal gridible-row__all-standard gridible-row__md-standard gridible-row__lg-standard"> <div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-column gridible-col gridible-col__12 gridible-col__md-12 gridible-col__lg-5 onion-part-footer-top__left"> <div class="wp-block-group onion-part-footer-horoscope is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow"> <p class="has-shade-3-color has-text-color has-link-color has-tablet-gothic-semi-condensed-font-family has-foxtrot-font-size wp-elements-789133b74dd660dfbc43456b0abce875" style="font-style:normal;font-weight:700;text-transform:uppercase">Your Horoscope — Today’s Birthday</p> <div class="wp-block-query is-layout-flow wp-block-query-is-layout-flow"><ul class="wp-block-post-template is-layout-flow wp-block-post-template-is-layout-flow"><li class="wp-block-post post-1500 theonion_horoscope type-theonion_horoscope status-publish has-post-thumbnail hentry"> <div class="wp-block-group is-content-justification-left is-nowrap is-layout-flex wp-container-core-group-is-layout-91 wp-block-group-is-layout-flex"><figure style="aspect-ratio:1;height:80px;" class="wp-block-post-featured-image wp-duotone-ffffff-ffffff-10"><img width="240" height="240" src="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/08/sagittarius-1.png?w=240" class="attachment-post-thumbnail size-post-thumbnail wp-post-image" alt="" style="width:100%;height:100%;object-fit:contain;" decoding="async" loading="lazy" srcset="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/08/sagittarius-1.png 240w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/08/sagittarius-1.png?resize=150,150 150w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 240px) 100vw, 240px" /></figure> <div class="wp-elements-48bd461785ec17e5e39715680292c720 wp-block-theonion-horoscope-summary has-text-color has-shade-3-color"> <p class="wp-block-theonion-horoscope-summary__title">Sagittarius</p> <p class="wp-block-theonion-horoscope-summary__date">(November 22 to December 21): </p> <p class="wp-block-theonion-horoscope-summary__excerpt">You’re going out in that? 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