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<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN" "https://www.w3.org/TR/1999/REC-html401-19991224/loose.dtd"><html> <head><title>We Are Not Ourselves: A Novel by Matthew Thomas | LibraryThing</title> <link rel="canonical" href="https://www.librarything.com/work/14458785/reviews/" /><meta name="twitter:card" content="summary" /> <meta name="twitter:site" content="LibraryThing" /> <meta name="twitter:title" content="Reviews: We Are Not Ourselves: A Novel by Matthew Thomas" /> <meta name="twitter:description" content="鈽呪槄鈽呪槄 I don't often give books a four-star rating unless they are really good. This one is. it is a quiet story, one that goes along, pulling you in and asking some big questions about who we are, and what makes us so, but does it in a subtle way. I am an admitted libramaniac, no sooner finishing one book than scanning my lists for the next one. Not that I am just after the conquest, I often will ponder a book in the process of reading it. It's just that there are so many to be read! And just not enough time. Well, it's the next day, and I am still thinking about this one. I have seen other reviews that said it was slow, or that it didn't keep them interested. I was the opposite. I kept reading the next chapter after I should have stopped for the evening because I just wanted it to keep on. Even after it ended, I wanted to know what was going to happen to the characters. Not wanting to give anything away, but towards the end, there is a letter from one character to another that should be read, if nothing else in the book is read. But then, if you hadn't read the rest of the book, it wouldn't mean nearly so much. I only wish that I had received a letter like that one." /> <meta name="twitter:image:src" content="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/B00GEEB2WG.01._SX250_SY250_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg" /> <meta property="og:title" content="kentm241's review of We Are Not Ourselves: A Novel by Matthew Thomas" /> <meta property="og:type" content="review" /> <meta property="og:url" content="https://www.librarything.com/work/14458785/reviews/268200750" /> <meta property="og:image" content="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/B00GEEB2WG.01._SX250_SY250_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg" /> <meta property="og:image:width" content="250" /> <meta property="og:image:height" content="250" /> <meta property="og:site_name" content="LibraryThing.com" /> <meta property="fb:app_id" content="79305890602" /> <meta property="og:description" content="鈽呪槄鈽呪槄 "I don't often give books a four-star rating unless they are really good. This one is. it is a quiet story, one that goes along, pulling you in and asking some big questions about who we are, and what makes us so, but does it in a subtle way. I am an admitted libramaniac, no sooner finishing one book than scanning my lists for the next one. Not that I am just after the conquest, I often will ponder a book in the process of reading it. It's just that there are so many to be read! And just not enough time. Well, it's the next day, and I am still thinking about this one. I have seen other reviews that said it was slow, or that it didn't keep them interested. I was the opposite. I kept reading the next chapter after I should have stopped for the evening because I just wanted it to keep on. Even after it ended, I wanted to know what was going to happen to the characters. Not wanting to give anything away, but towards the end, there is a letter from one character to another that should be read, if nothing else in the book is read. But then, if you hadn't read the rest of the book, it wouldn't mean nearly so much. I only wish that I had received a letter like that one."" /> <meta property="review:target" content="https://www.librarything.com/work/14458785/book/268200750" /> <META NAME="ROBOTS" CONTENT="NOINDEX,FOLLOW"> <META NAME="description" CONTENT="All about Reviews: We Are Not Ourselves: A Novel by Matthew Thomas. 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Your use of the site and services is subject to these policies and terms.</div></div></div> </div><div id="gbss"> <h1>Results from Google Books</h1> <p>Click on a thumbnail to go to Google Books.</p> <div id="gbss_content"></div> </div><div class="content reviews"><input type="hidden" name="cgtag_lb_title" value="CoverGuess Tags" id="cgtag_lb_title" class="" ><input type="hidden" name="work" value="14458785" id="work" class="" ><input type="hidden" name="book" value="268200750" id="book" class="" > <table class="wrapper" width="100%" border=0> <col width="160"> <col> <col width="210"> <tr> <td class="left"><div id="maincover" class="mainleftimage"><a href="#" onclick="si_info('asin_B00GEEB2WG'); return false;"><img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/fugue21/magnifier-left.png" class="icon"></a><a href=""><img width="180" id="mainCover" class="workCoverImage" srcset="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/B00GEEB2WG.01._SX360_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 2x, https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/B00GEEB2WG.01._SX540_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 3x" src="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/B00GEEB2WG.01._SX180_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg" alt="We Are Not Ourselves: A Novel by Matthew…" data-adaptive-background="1" ></a></div><div class="leftnav workleftnav alwaysblue noline"><ul><li class="first"><a href="/work/14458785/summary/268200750">Main page</a></li> <li class="gap"><a href="/work/14458785/workdetails/268200750">Work details</a></li> <li ><a href="/work/14458785/details/268200750">Book details</a></li> <li class="gap selected"><a href="/work/14458785/reviews/268200750">Reviews</a> <span class="count">(110)</span></li> <li ><a href="/work/14458785/recommendations/268200750">Recommendations</a></li> <li ><a href="/work/14458785/members/268200750">Members</a></li> <li ><a href="/work/14458785/descriptions/268200750">Descriptions</a></li> <li ><a href="/work/14458785/conversations/268200750">Conversations</a> <span class="count">(54)</span></li> <li ><a href="/work/14458785/commonknowledge/268200750">Common Knowledge</a></li> <li ><a href="/work/14458785/popularity/268200750">Popularity</a></li> <li ><a href="/work/14458785/covers/268200750">Cover images</a></li> <li ><a href="/work/14458785/editions/268200750">Editions</a></li></ul></div> </td> <td class="middle" id="middleColumn"> <div id="loading">Loading...</div><div class="headsummary"><h1>We Are Not Ourselves: A Novel <span class="date">(original 2014; edition 2014)</span></h1><h2>by <a href="/author/thomasmatthew-1">Matthew Thomas</a> (Author)<hr></h2></div><div class="wslcontainer"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="wsltable"><tr class="wslheader"><td width="18%" class="firstchild">Members</td><td width="18%">Reviews</td><td width="18%">Popularity</td><td width="22%">Average rating</td><td width="25%" class="lastchild">Mentions</td></tr><tr class="wslcontent"><td valign="middle" class="firstchild"><a href="/work/14458785/members">1,522</a></td><td valign="middle"><a href="/work/14458785/reviews">110</a></td><td valign="middle"><a href="/work/14458785/popularity">12,633</a></td><td valign="middle"><nobr><a href="/work/14458785/members"><img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/ss8.gif" style="margin-bottom: -2px;"></a> <span class="dark_hint">(3.83)</span></nobr></td><td valign="middle" class="lastchild"><a href="/work/14458785/conversations">54</a></td></tr></table></div><div id="u_0e38f242" class="quickedit light"><div class="nav"><span class="navInfoTitle" style="margin-left: .75em;">kentm241's review</span></div></div><div class="simpleSection" id="shareid" style="max-width: 100% !important;"><div class="bookReview"><div class="bookReview_content"><div id="brtext_268200750" class="commentText brslop"><div class="brev_cover"><a href="/work/0" data-workid="0" class="" ><img src="https://pics.cdn.librarything.com/picsizes/be/50/be50cb8a8dcd004597745414141426b41414141_v5.jpg" srcset="https://pics.cdn.librarything.com/picsizes/d2/ea/d2ea7476099ba1d597745414141444941414141_v5.jpg 2x, https://pics.cdn.librarything.com/picsizes/01/37/013749e2b880e21597745414141417341514141_v5.jpg 3x" class="bookReview_cover cover" /></a></div><div class="commentHeader"></div>I don't often give books a four-star rating unless they are really good. This one is. it is a quiet story, one that goes along, pulling you in and asking some big questions about who we are, and what makes us so, but does it in a subtle way. I am an admitted libramaniac, no sooner finishing one book than scanning my lists for the next one. Not that I am just after the conquest, I often will ponder a book in the process of reading it. It's just that there are so many to be read! And just not enough time. <br><br>Well, it's the next day, and I am still thinking about this one. I have seen other reviews that said it was slow, or that it didn't keep them interested. I was the opposite. I kept reading the next chapter after I should have stopped for the evening because I just wanted it to keep on. Even after it ended, I wanted to know what was going to happen to the characters. <br><br>Not wanting to give anything away, but towards the end, there is a letter from one character to another that should be read, if nothing else in the book is read. But then, if you hadn't read the rest of the book, it wouldn't mean nearly so much. I only wish that I had received a letter like that one. <span class="rating">( <img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/ss8.gif"> )</span></div><div id="rfd_268200750" class="reviewFlagDialogBox"></div><div class="commentFooter"><span class="reviewMods"><span class="reviewVoteInfo"><span class="reviewVoteCount" id="rvc_268200750"> </span> </span><span class="reviewFlags"> <img id="rfi1_268200750" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"> <img id="rfi2_268200750" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"><span id="rfrf_268200750"> </span></span></span> <span class="controlItems ci3"><a href="/profile/kentm241" target="_top">kentm241</a> | Jul 22, 2024 | <a href="/review/268200750"><img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/permalink.gif" width="16" height="7"></a></span> </div></div></div></div> <div id="u_6283c7c3" class="quickedit light"><div class="nav"><span class="navInfoTitle" style="margin-left: .75em;">All member reviews</span></div></div><div id="wp_reviews" class="simpleSection"><div class="workSection"><div class="review_showing_pages"></div><div id='mainreviews_reviewnav' class='reviewnav'><div class="languagepick"><b><a href="javascript:loadReviewsIntoContainer('',0,3,3,'wp_reviews',25,'','14458785','',false,'eng', 'profile');">English</a> (108)</b>  <a href="javascript:loadReviewsIntoContainer('',0,3,3,'wp_reviews',25,'','14458785','',false,'ita', 'profile');">Italian</a> (1)  <a href="javascript:loadReviewsIntoContainer('',0,3,3,'wp_reviews',25,'','14458785','',false,'nor', 'profile');">Norwegian</a> (1)  <a href="javascript:loadReviewsIntoContainer('',0,3,3,'wp_reviews',25,'','14458785','',false,'all', 'profile');">All languages</a> (110)</div><div class="right"><strong><a href="#" onclick="loadReviewsIntoContainer('',0,3,3,'wp_reviews',25,'','14458785','',false, null, 'profile');return false;">date<span class="sortArrow"> ▼</span></a></strong> | <a href="#" onclick="loadReviewsIntoContainer('',0,2,3,'wp_reviews',25,'','14458785','',false, null, 'profile'); return false;">votes</a></div>Showing 1-25 of 108 (<a href="#" onclick="loadReviewsIntoContainer('',25,0,3,'wp_reviews',25,'','14458785','', false, null, 'profile'); return false;">next</a> | <a href="#" onclick="loadReviewsIntoContainer('',0,0,3,'wp_reviews',10000,'','14458785','', false, null, 'profile'); return false;">show all</a>)</div><div class="bookReview"><div class="bookReview_content"><div id="brtext_268200750" class="commentText brslop"><div class="brev_cover"><a href="/work/14458785" data-workid="14458785" class="" ><img src="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX100_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg" srcset="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX200_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 2x, https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX300_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 3x" class="bookReview_cover cover" /></a></div><div class="commentHeader"></div>I don't often give books a four-star rating unless they are really good. This one is. it is a quiet story, one that goes along, pulling you in and asking some big questions about who we are, and what makes us so, but does it in a subtle way. I am an admitted libramaniac, no sooner finishing one book than scanning my lists for the next one. Not that I am just after the conquest, I often will ponder a book in the process of reading it. It's just that there are so many to be read! And just not enough time. <br><br>Well, it's the next day, and I am still thinking about this one. I have seen other reviews that said it was slow, or that it didn't keep them interested. I was the opposite. I kept reading the next chapter after I should have stopped for the evening because I just wanted it to keep on. Even after it ended, I wanted to know what was going to happen to the characters. <br><br>Not wanting to give anything away, but towards the end, there is a letter from one character to another that should be read, if nothing else in the book is read. But then, if you hadn't read the rest of the book, it wouldn't mean nearly so much. I only wish that I had received a letter like that one. <span class="rating">( <img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/ss8.gif"> )</span></div><div id="rfd_268200750" class="reviewFlagDialogBox"></div><div class="commentFooter"><span class="reviewMods"><span class="reviewVoteInfo"><span class="reviewVoteCount" id="rvc_268200750"> </span> </span><span class="reviewFlags"> <img id="rfi1_268200750" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"> <img id="rfi2_268200750" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"><span id="rfrf_268200750"> </span></span></span> <span class="controlItems ci3"><a href="/profile/kentm241" target="_top">kentm241</a> | Jul 22, 2024 | <a href="/review/268200750"><img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/permalink.gif" width="16" height="7"></a></span> </div></div></div><div class="bookReview"><div class="bookReview_content"><div id="brtext_268028438" class="commentText brslop"><div class="brev_cover"><a href="/work/14458785" data-workid="14458785" class="" ><img src="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX100_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg" srcset="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX200_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 2x, https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX300_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 3x" class="bookReview_cover cover" /></a></div><div class="commentHeader"></div>It took me a little while to get into it, as it's more character driven than plot driven. But beyond the heartbreaking story, Thomas explored ideas about the things we think that will make us happy, the ways we feel our time should be spent, and how much of ourselves do we owe to others.<br>The way all of these ideas are interwoven throughout the book is just genius. Loved it! <span class="rating">( <img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/ss10.gif"> )</span></div><div id="rfd_268028438" class="reviewFlagDialogBox"></div><div class="commentFooter"><span class="reviewMods"><span class="reviewVoteInfo"><span class="reviewVoteCount" id="rvc_268028438"> </span> </span><span class="reviewFlags"> <img id="rfi1_268028438" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"> <img id="rfi2_268028438" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"><span id="rfrf_268028438"> </span></span></span> <span class="controlItems ci3"><a href="/profile/my6boyzmom" target="_top">my6boyzmom</a> | Jul 20, 2024 | <a href="/review/268028438"><img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/permalink.gif" width="16" height="7"></a></span> </div></div></div><div class="bookReview"><div class="bookReview_content"><div id="brtext_264722225" class="commentText brslop"><div class="brev_cover"><a href="/work/14458785" data-workid="14458785" class="" ><img src="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX100_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg" srcset="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX200_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 2x, https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX300_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 3x" class="bookReview_cover cover" /></a></div><div class="commentHeader"></div><div class="birdnotice alwaysblue alert alert-default"><a href="/ner"><img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/er_tiny_logo2_20h.png" srcset="https://image.librarything.com/pics/er_tiny_logo2_20h@2x.png 2x, https://image.librarything.com/pics/er_tiny_logo2_20h@3x.png 3x" ></a>This review was written for <a href="/ner">LibraryThing Early Reviewers</a>.</div>I started this review copy, but never read it! I feel so guilty because I received it as an Early Reviewer copy, and let years go by! Maybe it was the connection to Alzheimer's and dementia-related concerns having to do with my own family at the time, but I couldn't get into this book. Looking at the publisher's information again, it still sounds like the kind of sprawling family story I like to read, so maybe I will try it again.<br></div><div id="rfd_264722225" class="reviewFlagDialogBox"></div><div class="commentFooter"><span class="reviewMods"><span class="reviewVoteInfo"><span class="reviewVoteCount" id="rvc_264722225"> </span> </span><span class="reviewFlags"> <img id="rfi1_264722225" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"> <img id="rfi2_264722225" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"><span id="rfrf_264722225"> </span></span></span> <span class="controlItems ci3"><a href="/profile/baystateRA" target="_top">baystateRA</a> | May 27, 2024 | <a href="/review/264722225"><img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/permalink.gif" width="16" height="7"></a></span> </div></div></div><div class="bookReview"><div class="bookReview_content"><div id="brtext_233614322" class="commentText brslop"><div class="brev_cover"><a href="/work/14458785" data-workid="14458785" class="" ><img src="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX100_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg" srcset="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX200_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 2x, https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX300_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 3x" class="bookReview_cover cover" /></a></div><div class="commentHeader"></div>From what I read it was well written but it was so long and the didn鈥檛 hold my attention well enough for me to come back to. <span class="rating">( <img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/ss4.gif"> )</span></div><div id="rfd_233614322" class="reviewFlagDialogBox"></div><div class="commentFooter"><span class="reviewMods"><span class="reviewVoteInfo"><span class="reviewVoteCount" id="rvc_233614322"> </span> </span><span class="reviewFlags"> <img id="rfi1_233614322" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"> <img id="rfi2_233614322" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"><span id="rfrf_233614322"> </span></span></span> <span class="controlItems ci3"><a href="/profile/ShayPoolman" target="_top">ShayPoolman</a> | Apr 27, 2024 | <a href="/review/233614322"><img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/permalink.gif" width="16" height="7"></a></span> </div></div></div><div class="bookReview"><div class="bookReview_content"><div id="brtext_254134627" class="commentText brslop"><div class="brev_cover"><a href="/work/14458785" data-workid="14458785" class="" ><img src="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX100_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg" srcset="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX200_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 2x, https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX300_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 3x" class="bookReview_cover cover" /></a></div><div class="commentHeader"></div>Oh, the disappointment. Eileen Leary, smart and ambitious, wants to climb up and out of her disappointing childhood , having enough of both her parents weakness and their lot in life. She marries a man who, unfortunately, does not share her aspirations. All three, husband, wife, and their son, fall victim to their own tragic shortcomings, and become alienated from each other. Drastic circumstances force them to reconsider their lives.<br>Towards the end, I became tired. I can't imagine being in Eileen's place. I think she wore out as well, and finally learned to look outside of her own dreams of wealth and social status. <span class="rating">( <img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/ss8.gif"> )</span></div><div id="rfd_254134627" class="reviewFlagDialogBox"></div><div class="commentFooter"><span class="reviewMods"><span class="reviewVoteInfo"><span class="reviewVoteCount" id="rvc_254134627"> </span> </span><span class="reviewFlags"> <img id="rfi1_254134627" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"> <img id="rfi2_254134627" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"><span id="rfrf_254134627"> </span></span></span> <span class="controlItems ci3"><a href="/profile/juliechabon" target="_top">juliechabon</a> | Apr 5, 2024 | <a href="/review/254134627"><img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/permalink.gif" width="16" height="7"></a></span> </div></div></div><div class="bookReview"><div class="bookReview_content"><div id="brtext_249966249" class="commentText brslop"><div class="brev_cover"><a href="/work/14458785" data-workid="14458785" class="" ><img src="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX100_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg" srcset="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX200_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 2x, https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX300_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 3x" class="bookReview_cover cover" /></a></div><div class="commentHeader"></div>The writing and the characters were wonderful. I just loved this book, but I was in tears many times. I didn't know the main premise of the book when I read it,so I don't want to state it here. I thought about the book last night after I finished it to the point that it kept me awake. Be warned!<br>If I was in my 20s or 30s I don't think I would have liked this book much. Not enough perspective (just speaking for myself). The book is character driven and if someone really is into plot, this isn't your book. I will reread this book in a few years and see what else it has to say. <span class="rating">( <img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/ss10.gif"> )</span></div><div id="rfd_249966249" class="reviewFlagDialogBox"></div><div class="commentFooter"><span class="reviewMods"><span class="reviewVoteInfo"><span class="reviewVoteCount" id="rvc_249966249"> </span> </span><span class="reviewFlags"> <img id="rfi1_249966249" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"> <img id="rfi2_249966249" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"><span id="rfrf_249966249"> </span></span></span> <span class="controlItems ci3"><a href="/profile/Maryjane75" target="_top">Maryjane75</a> | Sep 30, 2023 | <a href="/review/249966249"><img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/permalink.gif" width="16" height="7"></a></span> </div></div></div><div class="bookReview"><div class="bookReview_content"><div id="brtext_219715033" class="commentText brslop"><div class="brev_cover"><a href="/work/14458785" data-workid="14458785" class="" ><img src="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX100_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg" srcset="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX200_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 2x, https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX300_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 3x" class="bookReview_cover cover" /></a></div><div class="commentHeader"></div>Oh, Eileen Leary wants the American Dream in a bad way. And to her, it's all embodied by the house for which she is willing to sacrifice almost everything. And, because she is able to keep the house, we are supposed to think that she did okay, our Eileen. <br><br>I understand that the house is supposed to be representative, but it seemed most of the time to represent materialism. I love a family saga but this one left me a bit flat. <span class="rating">( <img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/ss7.gif"> )</span></div><div id="rfd_219715033" class="reviewFlagDialogBox"></div><div class="commentFooter"><span class="reviewMods"><span class="reviewVoteInfo"><span class="reviewVoteCount" id="rvc_219715033"> </span> </span><span class="reviewFlags"> <img id="rfi1_219715033" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"> <img id="rfi2_219715033" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"><span id="rfrf_219715033"> </span></span></span> <span class="controlItems ci3"><a href="/profile/ParadisePorch" target="_top">ParadisePorch</a> | Jul 3, 2022 | <a href="/review/219715033"><img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/permalink.gif" width="16" height="7"></a></span> </div></div></div><div class="bookReview"><div class="bookReview_content"><div id="brtext_210568153" class="commentText brslop"><div class="brev_cover"><a href="/work/14458785" data-workid="14458785" class="" ><img src="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX100_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg" srcset="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX200_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 2x, https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX300_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 3x" class="bookReview_cover cover" /></a></div><div class="commentHeader"></div>Good book but sad too with all of life's little complications <span class="rating">( <img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/ss8.gif"> )</span></div><div id="rfd_210568153" class="reviewFlagDialogBox"></div><div class="commentFooter"><span class="reviewMods"><span class="reviewVoteInfo"><span class="reviewVoteCount" id="rvc_210568153"> </span> </span><span class="reviewFlags"> <img id="rfi1_210568153" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"> <img id="rfi2_210568153" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"><span id="rfrf_210568153"> </span></span></span> <span class="controlItems ci3"><a href="/profile/AlexM12345" target="_top">AlexM12345</a> | Jan 5, 2022 | <a href="/review/210568153"><img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/permalink.gif" width="16" height="7"></a></span> </div></div></div><div class="bookReview"><div class="bookReview_content"><div id="brtext_208133399" class="commentText brslop"><div class="brev_cover"><a href="/work/14458785" data-workid="14458785" class="" ><img src="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX100_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg" srcset="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX200_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 2x, https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX300_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 3x" class="bookReview_cover cover" /></a></div><div class="commentHeader"></div>It's a very, very LONG story (672 pages), about a family struggling with Alzheimer鈥檚 disease...and how a husband, wife and son struggle to cope with the overwhelming challenges they face and with a heartbreaking illness that grinds to its inevitable finish. By the time she meets Ed Leary, Eileen Tumulty has already decided what she wants out of life and that is to escape from the Woodside, Queens neighborhood where she grew up. We see her jump out of the skillet and into the fire so many times that it becomes almost unbearable for the reader. As the daughter of hard-working, but hard-drinking Irish parents in a loveless marriage, Eileen spent most of her childhood propping up her mother and running the household. Once married, Eileen鈥檚 dreams of an elegant home seem within reach. She is a successful nurse. Ed is a brilliant research scientist and she can already envision where his career path will take them. A baby boy, Connell, completes the picture. What Eileen doesn鈥檛 foresee is Ed鈥檚 stubborn resistance to change. He鈥檚 happy where he is, first as a tireless and hyper-focused researcher and then as a professor at a community college. The Eileen's family life is a story in itself...filled with complicated family dynamics and marital conflicts, then when Ed is diagnosed with Alzheimer鈥檚 disease, the Leary family changes into something very much 'something else". Once again, the burden falls on Eileen to step up and make key family decisions, including the most important one, how long to keep Ed at home. I didn't especially like the characters of Eileen or Connell. They seemed to be both undeveloped and unfeeling. Then there were the scenes in the nursing home that were moving and sometimes heartbreaking...giving the reader insight into the meaning of Ed鈥檚 increasingly limited ability to put his thoughts into understandable meanings to his words. I think the strongest and the most beautiful part of the book is Ed鈥檚 letter to Connell. While a reminder that there are no guarantees in life is nothing new...Ed has the best advice for his son: "What matters most right now is that you hear how much I want you to live your life and enjoy it. I don鈥檛 want you to be held back by what鈥檚 happened to me." <span class="rating">( <img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/ss7.gif"> )</span></div><div id="rfd_208133399" class="reviewFlagDialogBox"></div><div class="commentFooter"><span class="reviewMods"><span class="reviewVoteInfo"><span class="reviewVoteCount" id="rvc_208133399"> </span> </span><span class="reviewFlags"> <img id="rfi1_208133399" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"> <img id="rfi2_208133399" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"><span id="rfrf_208133399"> </span></span></span> <span class="controlItems ci3"><a href="/profile/Carol420" target="_top">Carol420</a> | Nov 6, 2021 | <a href="/review/208133399"><img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/permalink.gif" width="16" height="7"></a></span> </div></div></div><div class="bookReview"><div class="bookReview_content"><div id="brtext_204444518" class="commentText brslop"><div class="brev_cover"><a href="/work/14458785" data-workid="14458785" class="" ><img src="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX100_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg" srcset="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX200_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 2x, https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX300_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 3x" class="bookReview_cover cover" /></a></div><div class="commentHeader"></div>Wendy Sheanin rec</div><div id="rfd_204444518" class="reviewFlagDialogBox"></div><div class="commentFooter"><span class="reviewMods"><span class="reviewVoteInfo"><span class="reviewVoteCount" id="rvc_204444518"> </span> </span><span class="reviewFlags"> <img id="rfi1_204444518" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"> <img id="rfi2_204444518" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"><span id="rfrf_204444518"> </span></span></span> <span class="controlItems ci3"><a href="/profile/wordloversf" target="_top">wordloversf</a> | Aug 14, 2021 | <a href="/review/204444518"><img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/permalink.gif" width="16" height="7"></a></span> </div></div></div><div class="bookReview"><div class="bookReview_content"><div id="brtext_202912554" class="commentText brslop"><div class="brev_cover"><a href="/work/14458785" data-workid="14458785" class="" ><img src="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX100_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg" srcset="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX200_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 2x, https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX300_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 3x" class="bookReview_cover cover" /></a></div><div class="commentHeader"></div>I got an advance copy of this book and was thrilled! This is truly one of the great family sagas. There are certainly depressing elements to it but that is to be expected. I rarely give 5 stars to anything and as a matter of fact I rarely review books but the beauty of "We Are Not Ourselves" needs to be shouted from the rooftops. <span class="rating">( <img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/ss10.gif"> )</span></div><div id="rfd_202912554" class="reviewFlagDialogBox"></div><div class="commentFooter"><span class="reviewMods"><span class="reviewVoteInfo"><span class="reviewVoteCount" id="rvc_202912554"> </span> </span><span class="reviewFlags"> <img id="rfi1_202912554" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"> <img id="rfi2_202912554" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"><span id="rfrf_202912554"> </span></span></span> <span class="controlItems ci3"><a href="/profile/scoene" target="_top">scoene</a> | Jul 13, 2021 | <a href="/review/202912554"><img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/permalink.gif" width="16" height="7"></a></span> </div></div></div><div class="bookReview"><div class="bookReview_content"><div id="brtext_202755260" class="commentText brslop"><div class="brev_cover"><a href="/work/14458785" data-workid="14458785" class="" ><img src="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX100_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg" srcset="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX200_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 2x, https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX300_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 3x" class="bookReview_cover cover" /></a></div><div class="commentHeader"></div>I suppose I picked up this book because I never tire of reading well written tales of Irish America, and this one had gotten good reviews. We Are Not Ourselves is so much more than that, though, and is so good that I am slightly bereft to be done even though there were times when its pace seemed to verge on being too leisurely. This is definitely a case where slow and steady wins the race, and I look forward to reading more from first-time novelist Matthew Thomas. <span class="rating">( <img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/ss10.gif"> )</span></div><div id="rfd_202755260" class="reviewFlagDialogBox"></div><div class="commentFooter"><span class="reviewMods"><span class="reviewVoteInfo"><span class="reviewVoteCount" id="rvc_202755260"> </span> </span><span class="reviewFlags"> <img id="rfi1_202755260" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"> <img id="rfi2_202755260" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"><span id="rfrf_202755260"> </span></span></span> <span class="controlItems ci3"><a href="/profile/CaitlinMcC" target="_top">CaitlinMcC</a> | Jul 11, 2021 | <a href="/review/202755260"><img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/permalink.gif" width="16" height="7"></a></span> </div></div></div><div class="bookReview"><div class="bookReview_content"><div id="brtext_194797222" class="commentText brslop"><div class="brev_cover"><a href="/work/14458785" data-workid="14458785" class="" ><img src="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX100_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg" srcset="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX200_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 2x, https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX300_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 3x" class="bookReview_cover cover" /></a></div><div class="commentHeader"></div>I'm on the fence about this book. I see too many authors using lists of things as a literary convention. The subject matter was very difficult to read about so if the prose was lyrical it would have made a difference. I feel like I'm only on the fence because all of the acolades make me feel I should have enjoyed the book more. <span class="rating">( <img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/ss6.gif"> )</span></div><div id="rfd_194797222" class="reviewFlagDialogBox"></div><div class="commentFooter"><span class="reviewMods"><span class="reviewVoteInfo"><span class="reviewVoteCount" id="rvc_194797222"> </span> </span><span class="reviewFlags"> <img id="rfi1_194797222" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"> <img id="rfi2_194797222" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"><span id="rfrf_194797222"> </span></span></span> <span class="controlItems ci3"><a href="/profile/FurbyKirby" target="_top">FurbyKirby</a> | Jan 5, 2021 | <a href="/review/194797222"><img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/permalink.gif" width="16" height="7"></a></span> </div></div></div><div class="bookReview"><div class="bookReview_content"><div id="brtext_191372625" class="commentText brslop"><div class="brev_cover"><a href="/work/14458785" data-workid="14458785" class="" ><img src="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX100_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg" srcset="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX200_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 2x, https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX300_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 3x" class="bookReview_cover cover" /></a></div><div class="commentHeader"></div>Hmmm. This was an introspective book, which didn't necessarily lend itself to the audio format -- the narrator had a very subdued, somnolent voice and it began at the very beginning -- the childhood of the main character Eileen Leary (nee Tumulty)and while she grew up quickly amid challenging circumstances (Irish immigrant parents, alcoholic mother (recovering), parents died young-ish)and it gives the reader a really good understanding of Eileen, it still begs the question: what is the book about?? Well in Chapter 46(!)finally some meaningful action happens. Eileen's husband Ed (you get their courtship narrative and their marriage overview and their son Connell's birth and growth to age 14 or so)is diagnosed with Alzheimers. But that still isn't quite the point of the book. It is a beautiful explanation of the disease's effect on family and the individual himself, but it still seems ancillary to this story. "Where did helpfulness end and absurdity begin?" There's the look at what type of person you become when life throws curve balls your way, but that's still a problem, because Eileen and Connell, especially are not always likeable. There are several random incidents that rise and fall away: Eileen's dabbling with a faith healer, her work conflicts as a nurse, her relationship with Ed's home health caregiver, Sergei, and plenty of false starts for Connell. Dragging and a little frustrating. Overall, some lovely turns of phrase, but a sleeper. <span class="rating">( <img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/ss4.gif"> )</span></div><div id="rfd_191372625" class="reviewFlagDialogBox"></div><div class="commentFooter"><span class="reviewMods"><span class="reviewVoteInfo"><span class="reviewVoteCount" id="rvc_191372625"> </span> </span><span class="reviewFlags"> <img id="rfi1_191372625" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"> <img id="rfi2_191372625" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"><span id="rfrf_191372625"> </span></span></span> <span class="controlItems ci3"><a href="/profile/CarrieWuj" target="_top">CarrieWuj</a> | Oct 24, 2020 | <a href="/review/191372625"><img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/permalink.gif" width="16" height="7"></a></span> </div></div></div><div class="bookReview"><div class="bookReview_content"><div id="brtext_189565930" class="commentText brslop"><div class="brev_cover"><a href="/work/14458785" data-workid="14458785" class="" ><img src="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX100_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg" srcset="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX200_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 2x, https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX300_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 3x" class="bookReview_cover cover" /></a></div><div class="commentHeader"></div>This is a debut novel that I'm still thinking about. A bitter-sweet story of how the determination to reach the American Dream can blind to what is truly important. <span class="rating">( <img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/ss10.gif"> )</span></div><div id="rfd_189565930" class="reviewFlagDialogBox"></div><div class="commentFooter"><span class="reviewMods"><span class="reviewVoteInfo"><span class="reviewVoteCount" id="rvc_189565930"> </span> </span><span class="reviewFlags"> <img id="rfi1_189565930" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"> <img id="rfi2_189565930" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"><span id="rfrf_189565930"> </span></span></span> <span class="controlItems ci3"><a href="/profile/ShannonRose4" target="_top">ShannonRose4</a> | Sep 15, 2020 | <a href="/review/189565930"><img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/permalink.gif" width="16" height="7"></a></span> </div></div></div><div class="bookReview"><div class="bookReview_content"><div id="brtext_189223085" class="commentText brslop"><div class="brev_cover"><a href="/work/14458785" data-workid="14458785" class="" ><img src="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX100_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg" srcset="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX200_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 2x, https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX300_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 3x" class="bookReview_cover cover" /></a></div><div class="commentHeader"></div>I am sorry that I did not write about this book right after I finished it. I would have been able to say something more useful then. I just don't remember details, or my thoughts at the time I was reading it. I do remember that I liked it. It's a good one to settle into, make a part of your life for a short while. <span class="rating">( <img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/ss8.gif"> )</span></div><div id="rfd_189223085" class="reviewFlagDialogBox"></div><div class="commentFooter"><span class="reviewMods"><span class="reviewVoteInfo"><span class="reviewVoteCount" id="rvc_189223085"> </span> </span><span class="reviewFlags"> <img id="rfi1_189223085" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"> <img id="rfi2_189223085" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"><span id="rfrf_189223085"> </span></span></span> <span class="controlItems ci3"><a href="/profile/slojudy" target="_top">slojudy</a> | Sep 8, 2020 | <a href="/review/189223085"><img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/permalink.gif" width="16" height="7"></a></span> </div></div></div><div class="bookReview"><div class="bookReview_content"><div id="brtext_172552834" class="commentText brslop"><div class="brev_cover"><a href="/work/14458785" data-workid="14458785" class="" ><img src="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX100_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg" srcset="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX200_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 2x, https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX300_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 3x" class="bookReview_cover cover" /></a></div><div class="commentHeader"></div>(Really 3.5). An epic story of an Irish family. Though it spans the last five decades of the twentieth century, there is very little mention of momentous events from those years - save a brief mention of John F. Kennedy's assassination, an important event in this Irish Catholic family. Instead we see the day-to-day life of Eileen and Ed Leary and their son, Connell - the striving of Eileen for the betterment of her family, the passion of Ed for science and teaching, Connell's troubles as an adolescent and young adult, a move from Queens to the suburbs, money worries. The novel bogs down in places, especially at the beginning. About a third into the book we begin to see events taking place that lead to momentous changes in all their lives. It's a story of an ordinary family grappling with forces beyond their control. But it's also a poignant love story. <span class="rating">( <img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/ss6.gif"> )</span></div><div id="rfd_172552834" class="reviewFlagDialogBox"></div><div class="commentFooter"><span class="reviewMods"><span class="reviewVoteInfo"><span class="reviewVoteCount" id="rvc_172552834"> </span> </span><span class="reviewFlags"> <img id="rfi1_172552834" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"> <img id="rfi2_172552834" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"><span id="rfrf_172552834"> </span></span></span> <span class="controlItems ci3"><a href="/profile/steller0707" target="_top">steller0707</a> | Aug 25, 2019 | <a href="/review/172552834"><img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/permalink.gif" width="16" height="7"></a></span> </div></div></div><div class="bookReview"><div class="bookReview_content"><div id="brtext_159071159" class="commentText brslop"><div class="brev_cover"><a href="/work/14458785" data-workid="14458785" class="" ><img src="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX100_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg" srcset="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX200_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 2x, https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX300_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 3x" class="bookReview_cover cover" /></a></div><div class="commentHeader"></div>A spot-on portrayal of Alzheimer's and what it can do to a family. It brought back many memories of my grandad who died in 1960. Back in those days, no one ever said Alzheimer's, but today he'd be called a textbook case. Grandad, like Ed in this book, dearly loved baseball. His loss of interest in it was the first sign that, perhaps, something was wrong. Then he got forgetful, disoriented, unpredictable and given to flying into rages. The end was horrible. He was totally disoriented to place and time, but wandered at all hours of the day and night. The local cops came to know him well. This family is familiar too. Eileen grew up in an alcoholic/dysfunctional family and was forced to mature quickly. But she turned into a much more shallow person, interested in "moving up" more than anything, and then goes into deep denial when she learns Ed's diagnosis. You might think, as a nurse, she'd know what this diagnosis means and the financial devastation it can bring. Instead she reacts by buying an expensive house "as is", which needs a lot of work. When she does not feel accepted by her more affluent neighbors, she buys herself a mink coat. As Ed's condition gets worse, she continues to leave him alone during the day or in the care of her teenage son who is quickly overwhelmed with the tremendous responsibility.<br>I find this to be totally true to life, yet depressing as Ed gets worse and worse. Like a train wreck, you don't want to look at it but can't help doing so. But stick with it and you will recognize many people you know. Perhaps even yourself. <span class="rating">( <img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/ss8.gif"> )</span></div><div id="rfd_159071159" class="reviewFlagDialogBox"></div><div class="commentFooter"><span class="reviewMods"><span class="reviewVoteInfo"><span class="reviewVoteCount" id="rvc_159071159"> </span> </span><span class="reviewFlags"> <img id="rfi1_159071159" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"> <img id="rfi2_159071159" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"><span id="rfrf_159071159"> </span></span></span> <span class="controlItems ci3"><a href="/profile/translynx" target="_top">translynx</a> | Aug 5, 2018 | <a href="/review/159071159"><img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/permalink.gif" width="16" height="7"></a></span> </div></div></div><div class="bookReview"><div class="bookReview_content"><div id="brtext_148087742" class="commentText brslop"><div class="brev_cover"><a href="/work/14458785" data-workid="14458785" class="" ><img src="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX100_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg" srcset="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX200_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 2x, https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX300_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 3x" class="bookReview_cover cover" /></a></div><div class="commentHeader"></div>This review of WE ARE NOT OURSELVES is a test of my writing skill: how can I speak highly enough about this book? It鈥檚 not a mystery/thriller, usually the genre that can be riveting, yet I was stuck on this book. I even skipped dinner for it and read late into the night.<br><br>But this is not a feel-good book, either. From about the halfway point, every page is emotional. You won鈥檛 want to rush through a single one.<br><br>Yes, you can say that WE ARE NOT OURSELVES is about an Irish-American woman from the time she was a little girl. The book begins by painting the background of Eileen. But I could not tell its purpose and was afraid, at first, that the entire book would be nothing but incidences about her life.<br> <br>That type of book does not tell a story. Rather, it is a book of short stories connected by a character(s).<br><br>WE ARE NOT OURSELVES more than redeems itself as Eileen grows and begins her own family. You will see later how necessary is is that you know that background.<br><br>You will also see that WE ARE NOT OURSELVES is about much more than Eileen. She and her family face what so many families are confronted with. And no one does it perfectly.<br><br>I鈥檓 afraid to say more than that. To describe it further would take away from the anticipation you need to feel to appreciate WE ARE NOT OURSELVES as much as I do. So, please, don鈥檛 read any other reviews, not even the book flap. <span class="rating">( <img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/ss10.gif"> )</span></div><div id="rfd_148087742" class="reviewFlagDialogBox"></div><div class="commentFooter"><span class="reviewMods"><span class="reviewVoteInfo"><span class="reviewVoteCount" id="rvc_148087742"> </span> </span><span class="reviewFlags"> <img id="rfi1_148087742" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"> <img id="rfi2_148087742" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"><span id="rfrf_148087742"> </span></span></span> <span class="controlItems ci3"><a href="/profile/techeditor" target="_top">techeditor</a> | Nov 18, 2017 | <a href="/review/148087742"><img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/permalink.gif" width="16" height="7"></a></span> </div></div></div><div class="bookReview"><div class="bookReview_content"><div id="brtext_146703945" class="commentText brslop"><div class="brev_cover"><a href="/work/14458785" data-workid="14458785" class="" ><img src="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX100_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg" srcset="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX200_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 2x, https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX300_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 3x" class="bookReview_cover cover" /></a></div><div class="commentHeader"></div>I am not usually stopped by depressing books, but I need something more escapist than this now. I got halfway through the audiobook (aka over 10 hours) and decided that the basic premises of the book (you can never fully financially plan for life, you can never know what your health will be, you can never know the kind of person you will become) were not what I needed at the moment. Thanks so much, January! Perhaps I will resume later.</div><div id="rfd_146703945" class="reviewFlagDialogBox"></div><div class="commentFooter"><span class="reviewMods"><span class="reviewVoteInfo"><span class="reviewVoteCount" id="rvc_146703945"> </span> </span><span class="reviewFlags"> <img id="rfi1_146703945" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"> <img id="rfi2_146703945" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"><span id="rfrf_146703945"> </span></span></span> <span class="controlItems ci3"><a href="/profile/Abbey_Harlow" target="_top">Abbey_Harlow</a> | Oct 5, 2017 | <a href="/review/146703945"><img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/permalink.gif" width="16" height="7"></a></span> </div></div></div><div class="bookReview"><div class="bookReview_content"><div id="brtext_145879897" class="commentText brslop"><div class="brev_cover"><a href="/work/14458785" data-workid="14458785" class="" ><img src="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX100_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg" srcset="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX200_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 2x, https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX300_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 3x" class="bookReview_cover cover" /></a></div><div class="commentHeader"></div>Would have benefited from a good editor. <span class="rating">( <img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/ss5.gif"> )</span></div><div id="rfd_145879897" class="reviewFlagDialogBox"></div><div class="commentFooter"><span class="reviewMods"><span class="reviewVoteInfo"><span class="reviewVoteCount" id="rvc_145879897"> </span> </span><span class="reviewFlags"> <img id="rfi1_145879897" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"> <img id="rfi2_145879897" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"><span id="rfrf_145879897"> </span></span></span> <span class="controlItems ci3"><a href="/profile/thiscatsabroad" target="_top">thiscatsabroad</a> | Sep 10, 2017 | <a href="/review/145879897"><img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/permalink.gif" width="16" height="7"></a></span> </div></div></div><div class="bookReview"><div class="bookReview_content"><div id="brtext_145204384" class="commentText brslop"><div class="brev_cover"><a href="/work/14458785" data-workid="14458785" class="" ><img src="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX100_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg" srcset="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX200_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 2x, https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX300_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 3x" class="bookReview_cover cover" /></a></div><div class="commentHeader"></div>I am so conflicted about this book. The writing was extraordinarily good however it was a book I struggled to finish. Perhaps it was just too much, too long, too everything. <span class="rating">( <img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/ss6.gif"> )</span></div><div id="rfd_145204384" class="reviewFlagDialogBox"></div><div class="commentFooter"><span class="reviewMods"><span class="reviewVoteInfo"><span class="reviewVoteCount" id="rvc_145204384"> </span> </span><span class="reviewFlags"> <img id="rfi1_145204384" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"> <img id="rfi2_145204384" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"><span id="rfrf_145204384"> </span></span></span> <span class="controlItems ci3"><a href="/profile/kimkimkim" target="_top">kimkimkim</a> | Aug 21, 2017 | <a href="/review/145204384"><img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/permalink.gif" width="16" height="7"></a></span> </div></div></div><div class="bookReview"><div class="bookReview_content"><div id="brtext_140870623" class="commentText brslop"><div class="brev_cover"><a href="/work/14458785" data-workid="14458785" class="" ><img src="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX100_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg" srcset="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX200_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 2x, https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX300_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 3x" class="bookReview_cover cover" /></a></div><div class="commentHeader"></div>A very, very long, mostly boring, book about Eileen and her family. Lots of unnecessary words in here.. as if the author had a field day with a thesaurus. I began to hate the book about halfway through. I'm happy it's done <span class="rating">( <img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/ss4.gif"> )</span></div><div id="rfd_140870623" class="reviewFlagDialogBox"></div><div class="commentFooter"><span class="reviewMods"><span class="reviewVoteInfo"><span class="reviewVoteCount" id="rvc_140870623"> </span> </span><span class="reviewFlags"> <img id="rfi1_140870623" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"> <img id="rfi2_140870623" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"><span id="rfrf_140870623"> </span></span></span> <span class="controlItems ci3"><a href="/profile/jenn88" target="_top">jenn88</a> | Apr 25, 2017 | <a href="/review/140870623"><img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/permalink.gif" width="16" height="7"></a></span> </div></div></div><div class="bookReview"><div class="bookReview_content"><div id="brtext_138885995" class="commentText brslop"><div class="brev_cover"><a href="/work/14458785" data-workid="14458785" class="" ><img src="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX100_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg" srcset="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX200_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 2x, https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX300_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 3x" class="bookReview_cover cover" /></a></div><div class="commentHeader"></div>I like family sagas. I love bildungsromans. This novel is a little of both, and it was to a certain extent satisfying: from the first criterion, because it spans 4 generations (looking forward in the future towards a 5th) and deals with the ups and downs, ins and outs, of daily life. For the second criterion, the life of the protagonist, her dreams, her schemes, her obstacles, and goals, and finally her growth, it also satisfied. <br><br>My problem, overall, with the novel is that it falls into a third category as well, one which I despise: what I've termed "vic lit" ("vic" for "victim"), a subcategory of chick lit. I'm not talking about books where the hero(ine) faces a challenge and lives through and learns from it, but rather one where the (usually female -- someone's wife or daughter) protagonist becomes a victim of a family member's foibles, crimes, and/or death (see: "The Pilot's Wife," "The Night Guest," et al). You know, the one where the husband dies and the widow has to rebuild her life, or the one where the husband cheats and she has to rebuild her life, or the one where the husband leaves her and she has to rebuild her life.... <br><br>These character are usually also victims of the author's need to pile on the indignities and hurts, making us and the character wallow in the tragedies life throws at us. Ugh.<br><br>So too with Eileen Leary. This novel felt less like the author was interested in Eileen and more in presenting a naturalist message of the determinism of social realities and heredity, as well as making a statement about the inevitability but also (therefore also?) the fatality of The American Dream.<br><br>In short, the book is too damned depressing. No spoilers, but after a while, especially in the latter section where Eileen has to deal with the tremendous psychological, emotional and monetary burdens the author throws at her, you just. Want. It. To. Stop. And extra points (ugh again) for making the book close not on the brighter future of the final generation going forward, but on one full of fear and anxiety and looking backwards.<br><br>One more word: Matthew Thomas can REALLY write. Some phrases sing off the page; his metaphors are apt; there are sentences that are so beautiful it hurts. <span class="rating">( <img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/ss4.gif"> )</span></div><div id="rfd_138885995" class="reviewFlagDialogBox"></div><div class="commentFooter"><span class="reviewMods"><span class="reviewVoteInfo"><span class="reviewVoteCount" id="rvc_138885995"> </span> </span><span class="reviewFlags"> <img id="rfi1_138885995" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"> <img id="rfi2_138885995" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"><span id="rfrf_138885995"> </span></span></span> <span class="controlItems ci3"><a href="/profile/ChayaLovesToRead" target="_top">ChayaLovesToRead</a> | Feb 28, 2017 | <a href="/review/138885995"><img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/permalink.gif" width="16" height="7"></a></span> </div></div></div><div class="bookReview"><div class="bookReview_content"><div id="brtext_138276906" class="commentText brslop"><div class="brev_cover"><a href="/work/14458785" data-workid="14458785" class="" ><img src="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX100_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg" srcset="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX200_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 2x, https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/P/147675666X.01._SX300_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg 3x" class="bookReview_cover cover" /></a></div><div class="commentHeader"></div>This novel is about a family and how it copes in good times and bad. Eileen Tumulty dreamed of a better life than the one that her Irish immigrant parents had. She spends her time taking care of them through drunken bouts and fights. Her father was the man everyone went to for advice on anything and who could help you out if you needed a job. He worked at a beer factory delivering beer barrels. Her mother worked cleaned schools and such places for a pittance. She took care of the house and watched them slowly die. Eileen goes to nursing school and gets her masters degree in order to one day be in management. She doesn't really want to go into nursing, but there were few jobs available to women in the early sixties, and besides she already knows how to be a nurse by taking care of her parents.<br><br>When Eileen meets Ed Leary, a Ph.D. student studying science, she is wary as she has been disappointed so many times by the hook ups her friends set up for her. But Ed is different. He is highly intelligent and could be the man to make all her dreams come true. Ed, however, when offered a job by a pharmaceutical company after graduating turns down the lucrative offer in order to teach at a community college, Eileen starts to worry if her dreams of a home of her own will come true. They live in a glorified apartment that you could call a house in Queens, that is shared by the owners who live on the other two floors. After a miscarriage, they have a son, Collen, who becomes quite close to his father with their shared love of baseball. Collen, however, is being bullied at school and refuses to defend himself, even though he has the strength too because he doesn't want to get in trouble and ruin his chances of getting into a good school.<br><br>When the neighborhood starts to become dangerous with gangs and foreigners and all of Eileen's friends have already left for the suburbs, she begins to dream of living in Bronxville and begins the process of convincing Ed to move which he is dead set against. But Ed is starting to change. He turns down a job as Dean of the college because he isn't ready to stop teaching those who really need it or doing his lab experiments. Soon Ed starts to come home and put his headphones on and listen to his classical record collection. He also becomes angry at the drop of a hat over the simplest things. A riff forms between him and his family and Eileen begins to wonder if Ed is just having a mid-life crisis or whether he is losing his mind.<br><br>Ed surprisingly gives in to moving once Eileen finds a house, one that needs a lot of work. Ed insists on doing the work himself and makes a mess of it, so Eileen has to call in professionals. Ed is slowly getting worse and Eileen and Collen have no idea what is going on with him. When she finally takes him to a doctor and gets a diagnosis, their lives change forever. Ed has a year and a half to go to retire with full benefits and Eileen is determined to get him through this. Collen is pretty useless. He goes to college in Chicago in order to not have to go home. He doesn't want to deal with his life back home.<br><br>This book will break your heart as Eileen has to give up on her some of her dreams and watch her husband slowly leave her. You will want to smack Collen a little bit for being a selfish immature boy who can't be bothered to help his parents. But he is a boy and lives to regret the things he didn't do. At the heart of this novel is a regular family trying to cope with the unknowns of life and how they have dreams that can't always come true, no matter how hard you try.<br><br>Quotes<br>She tried to imagine what it would feel like to have always been alone. She decided that being alone to begin with would be easier than being left alone. Everything would be easier than that.<br>---Matthew Thomas (We Are Not Ourselves p7)<br>The real world was so messy, the light imperfect, the paint chipped, the happiness only partial.<br>-- Matthew Thomas (We Are Not Ourselves p 77)<br>The point wasn鈥檛 always to do what you want. The point was to do what you did and to do it well. <br>-- Matthew Thomas (We Are Not Ourselves p 554) <span class="rating">( <img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/ss8.gif"> )</span></div><div id="rfd_138276906" class="reviewFlagDialogBox"></div><div class="commentFooter"><span class="reviewMods"><span class="reviewVoteInfo"><span class="reviewVoteCount" id="rvc_138276906"> </span> </span><span class="reviewFlags"> <img id="rfi1_138276906" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"> <img id="rfi2_138276906" src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/flag-trans.gif"><span id="rfrf_138276906"> </span></span></span> <span class="controlItems ci3"><a href="/profile/nicolewbrown" target="_top">nicolewbrown</a> | Jan 27, 2017 | <a href="/review/138276906"><img src="https://image.librarything.com/pics/permalink.gif" width="16" height="7"></a></span> </div></div></div><div class='reviewnav'><div class="right"><strong><a href="#" 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