CINXE.COM
Who Even Are You?
<!DOCTYPE html><html lang="en-gb"><head><meta charset="utf-8"> <meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1"> <title>Who Even Are You?</title> <link rel="preload" as="font" type="font/woff2" crossorigin="anonymous" href="/subfont/EB_Garamond-400-dabd4eaa2f.woff2"><link rel="preload" as="font" type="font/woff2" crossorigin="anonymous" href="/subfont/EB_Garamond-700-e828c64996.woff2"><link rel="preload" as="font" type="font/woff2" crossorigin="anonymous" href="/subfont/EB_Garamond-700i-686c55ee10.woff2"><link rel="preload" as="font" type="font/woff2" crossorigin="anonymous" href="/subfont/EB_Garamond-400i-9fdb8181ed.woff2"><style>@font-face{font-display:fallback;font-family:EB Garamond__subset;font-stretch:normal;font-style:normal;font-weight:400;src:url(/subfont/EB_Garamond-400-dabd4eaa2f.woff2) format("woff2");unicode-range:u+20-21,u+28-29,u+2c-2e,u+3a-3b,u+41-42,u+44,u+46-49,u+4c-4e,u+52-55,u+57,u+59-5b,u+5d,u+61-79,u+2014,u+2018-2019,u+201c-201d}@font-face{font-display:fallback;font-family:EB Garamond__subset;font-stretch:normal;font-style:normal;font-weight:700;src:url(/subfont/EB_Garamond-700-e828c64996.woff2) format("woff2");unicode-range:u+20-21,u+2c,u+3f,u+41-43,u+48-49,u+53-54,u+57,u+5b,u+5d,u+61-69,u+6b-70,u+72-77,u+79,u+a7,u+2019}@font-face{font-display:fallback;font-family:EB Garamond__subset;font-stretch:normal;font-style:italic;font-weight:700;src:url(/subfont/EB_Garamond-700i-686c55ee10.woff2) format("woff2");unicode-range:u+20,u+67-69,u+6e-6f,u+72,u+74,u+77}@font-face{font-display:fallback;font-family:EB Garamond__subset;font-stretch:normal;font-style:italic;font-weight:400;src:url(/subfont/EB_Garamond-400i-9fdb8181ed.woff2) format("woff2");unicode-range:u+20,u+68-69,u+73-74}</style> <style> * { box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0; padding: 0; } html { font: 20px/1.4 'EB Garamond__subset', Garamond, serif; font-display: fallback; color: #000; background: #fff; orphans: 2; widows: 2; } body { max-width: 30em; margin: 10vh auto; padding: 0 24px; } h1 { font: 42px/1.5 Didot, 'Playfair Display', Georgia, serif; font-display: swap; padding-bottom: 12px; } h2 { font: inherit; font-weight: bold; } h1, h2 { position: relative; page-break-after: avoid; } p { padding-bottom: 12px; } :link { text-decoration: underline; color: #15c; } .self-link { position: absolute; top: 0; left: -36px; width: 36px; height: 36px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; opacity: .5; color: inherit; border: none; } @media (max-width: 30em) { .self-link { display: none; } } </style> </head><body><h1>Who Even Are You?</h1> <p>Hi, I’m Sam. I realise many of you have known me by another name previously—but it’s time for a change.</p> <h2 id="why-change"><a href="#why-change" class="self-link">§</a> Why change?</h2> <p>I’m genderfluid.</p> <h2 id="wait-really"><a href="#wait-really" class="self-link">§</a> Wait, really?</h2> <p>Yes. Really.</p> <h2 id="i-dont-understand"><a href="#i-dont-understand" class="self-link">§</a> I don’t understand?</h2> <p>I’m neither a man nor a woman; I’m non-binary.</p> <p>But even that is really an oversimplification of how I experience my gender: it isn’t a fixed point in space; it fluctuates.</p> <p>For those whom the concept of genderfluidity is new, Zanne Nilsson wrote <a href="https://medium.com/th-ink/what-the-heck-is-genderfluid-part-1-dd0f8b120ea9">a good introduction</a> that might help explain things to some.</p> <h2 id="but-right-now"><a href="#but-right-now" class="self-link">§</a> But what’s your gender <em>right now</em>?</h2> <p>“[It’s] not possible to live twenty-four hours a day soaked in the immediate awareness of one’s sex. Gendered self-consciousness has, mercifully, a flickering nature.” — Denise Riley</p> <p>In short, at <em>this</em> specific point in time, my gender is likely undefined. Unless I have some specific need to define it, my gender is my gender; I don’t spend my time wondering about how exactly I identify: I just am.</p> <h2 id="what-do-i-call-you"><a href="#what-do-i-call-you" class="self-link">§</a> What do I call you?</h2> <p>Sam, by name. They, by pronouns. gsnedders in many places online.</p> <h2 id="how-are-you-gsnedders"><a href="#how-are-you-gsnedders" class="self-link">§</a>How are you still gsnedders?</h2> <p>My middle name starts with a ‘G’, obviously.</p> <h2 id="whats-your-middle-name"><a href="#whats-your-middle-name" class="self-link">§</a> So what is your middle name?</h2> <p>Grace.</p> <h2 id="can-i-call-you"><a href="#can-i-call-you" class="self-link">§</a> Can I keep calling you [<a href="https://www.justbconsulting.ca/post/what-s-a-deadname">deadname</a>]?</h2> <p>No.</p> <h2 id="but-no"><a href="#but-no" class="self-link">§</a> But I’ve known you as that for most of my life!</h2> <p>Still no.</p> <h2 id="ill-screw-up"><a href="#ill-screw-up" class="self-link">§</a> I’ll screw up!</h2> <p>Yeah, many people will. Screwing up, especially early on, isn’t surprising; what matters is how you respond to screwing up (or being told you have!), and whether you recognise the inappropriateness of calling me by a name that is no longer mine.</p> <h2 id="how-long"><a href="#how-long" class="self-link">§</a> How long have you known?</h2> <p>I’ve known I wasn’t a man since I was a pre-teen. As was the case with my sexuality, I was very confused by the presumed binary nature for a long time; I started identifying as genderfluid while at university, and this is the cumulation of that. If you want the longer version, feel free to ask when you next see me—though I do reserve the right to be concise.</p> <h2 id="past-name"><a href="#past-name" class="self-link">§</a> What should I call you when talking about your past?</h2> <p>Sam. In general, there’s a clear cultural trend that you should <a href="http://www.entirelyamelia.com/2014/06/10/amelia-teaches-trans-101-refer-trans-persons-past/">always use a person’s chosen name</a> when referring to them, regardless of what name they were known by at the time.</p> <h2 id="are-you-transitioning"><a href="#are-you-transitioning" class="self-link">§</a> Are you transitioning?</h2> <p>That’s an incredibly nebulous question. After all, there’s no singular answer as to what it <a href="https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/gender-identity/transgender/what-do-i-need-know-about-transitioning">means to transition</a>.</p> <p>Socially: this is in some ways me doing so. Medically: that is between me and my doctor. Legally: that is between me and government bureaucracy.</p> <p>It’s entirely plausible things will change (as a result of medical intervention in one form or another) in the future, but be assured I’m still gonna be the same person.</p> <h2 id="whats-changing"><a href="#whats-changing" class="self-link">§</a> Then what’s changing right now?</h2> <p>What I want. I’m going by a name I’m much more comfortable with and I’m hiding how I want to present much less.</p> </body></html>