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<!doctype html><html lang="en"><head><title data-rh="true">When Your Accent Fades, But Your Roots Never Do | by Neela 🌶️ | Middle-Pause | Oct, 2024 | Medium</title><meta data-rh="true" charset="utf-8"/><meta data-rh="true" name="viewport" content="width=device-width,minimum-scale=1,initial-scale=1,maximum-scale=1"/><meta data-rh="true" name="theme-color" content="#000000"/><meta data-rh="true" name="twitter:app:name:iphone" content="Medium"/><meta data-rh="true" name="twitter:app:id:iphone" content="828256236"/><meta data-rh="true" property="al:ios:app_name" content="Medium"/><meta data-rh="true" property="al:ios:app_store_id" content="828256236"/><meta data-rh="true" property="al:android:package" content="com.medium.reader"/><meta data-rh="true" property="fb:app_id" content="542599432471018"/><meta data-rh="true" property="og:site_name" content="Medium"/><meta data-rh="true" property="og:type" content="article"/><meta data-rh="true" property="article:published_time" content="2024-10-15T14:32:33.795Z"/><meta data-rh="true" name="title" content="When Your Accent Fades, But Your Roots Never Do | by Neela 🌶️ | Middle-Pause | Oct, 2024 | Medium"/><meta data-rh="true" property="og:title" content="When Your Accent Fades, But Your Roots Never Do"/><meta data-rh="true" property="al:android:url" content="medium://p/fe60e62dec78"/><meta data-rh="true" property="al:ios:url" content="medium://p/fe60e62dec78"/><meta data-rh="true" property="al:android:app_name" content="Medium"/><meta data-rh="true" name="description" content="The day my Trini accent faded was when a part of me died. 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ig ih ii ij ik il cq du">The battle for identity: from Trinidad to the USA</h2><div><div class="speechify-ignore ab cp"><div class="speechify-ignore bh l"><div class="im in io ip iq ab"><div><div class="ab ir"><div><div class="bm" aria-hidden="false"><a rel="noopener follow" href="/@neelasingh?source=post_page---byline--fe60e62dec78--------------------------------"><div class="l is it by iu iv"><div class="l fj"><img alt="Neela 🌶️" class="l fd by dd de cx" src="https://miro.medium.com/v2/resize:fill:88:88/1*8z6fMUOB0u60RUNSXADuSw.png" width="44" height="44" loading="lazy" data-testid="authorPhoto"/><div class="iw by l dd de fs n ix ft"></div></div></div></a></div></div><div class="iy ab fj"><div><div class="bm" aria-hidden="false"><a href="https://medium.com/middle-pause?source=post_page---byline--fe60e62dec78--------------------------------" rel="noopener follow"><div class="l iz ja by iu jb"><div class="l fj"><img alt="Middle-Pause" class="l fd by br jc cx" 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1400w" sizes="(min-resolution: 4dppx) and (max-width: 700px) 50vw, (-webkit-min-device-pixel-ratio: 4) and (max-width: 700px) 50vw, (min-resolution: 3dppx) and (max-width: 700px) 67vw, (-webkit-min-device-pixel-ratio: 3) and (max-width: 700px) 65vw, (min-resolution: 2.5dppx) and (max-width: 700px) 80vw, (-webkit-min-device-pixel-ratio: 2.5) and (max-width: 700px) 80vw, (min-resolution: 2dppx) and (max-width: 700px) 100vw, (-webkit-min-device-pixel-ratio: 2) and (max-width: 700px) 100vw, 700px" type="image/webp"/><source data-testid="og" srcSet="https://miro.medium.com/v2/resize:fit:640/1*AfqVkwbxrPdZ-kC9gSp9Aw.jpeg 640w, https://miro.medium.com/v2/resize:fit:720/1*AfqVkwbxrPdZ-kC9gSp9Aw.jpeg 720w, https://miro.medium.com/v2/resize:fit:750/1*AfqVkwbxrPdZ-kC9gSp9Aw.jpeg 750w, https://miro.medium.com/v2/resize:fit:786/1*AfqVkwbxrPdZ-kC9gSp9Aw.jpeg 786w, https://miro.medium.com/v2/resize:fit:828/1*AfqVkwbxrPdZ-kC9gSp9Aw.jpeg 828w, https://miro.medium.com/v2/resize:fit:1100/1*AfqVkwbxrPdZ-kC9gSp9Aw.jpeg 1100w, https://miro.medium.com/v2/resize:fit:1400/1*AfqVkwbxrPdZ-kC9gSp9Aw.jpeg 1400w" sizes="(min-resolution: 4dppx) and (max-width: 700px) 50vw, (-webkit-min-device-pixel-ratio: 4) and (max-width: 700px) 50vw, (min-resolution: 3dppx) and (max-width: 700px) 67vw, (-webkit-min-device-pixel-ratio: 3) and (max-width: 700px) 65vw, (min-resolution: 2.5dppx) and (max-width: 700px) 80vw, (-webkit-min-device-pixel-ratio: 2.5) and (max-width: 700px) 80vw, (min-resolution: 2dppx) and (max-width: 700px) 100vw, (-webkit-min-device-pixel-ratio: 2) and (max-width: 700px) 100vw, 700px"/><img alt="A West Indian woman with black hair wearing a black t-shirt and orange short pants. She stands on the beach with a grey backpack on her shoulders. Mountains and coconut trees loom in the background. The national flag of Trinidad & Tobago is featured prominently on a cart filled with handmade jewelry." class="bh mw oc c" width="700" height="931" loading="eager"/></picture></div></div><figcaption class="od ff oe np nq of og bf b bg z du">image of the author — Trinidad & Tobago February 2020</figcaption></figure><p id="cefe" class="pw-post-body-paragraph oh oi hd oj b hx ok ol om ia on oo op oq or os ot ou ov ow ox oy oz pa pb pc gw bk">The day my Trini accent faded was when a part of me died. It was 2005, two years after I migrated to America from Trinidad. I was on the phone with my cousin back home, laughing about family gossip, when she suddenly went quiet.</p><p id="60f5" class="pw-post-body-paragraph oh oi hd oj b hx ok ol om ia on oo op oq or os ot ou ov ow ox oy oz pa pb pc gw bk"><em class="pd">“Girl, you sound like a Yankee now,” </em>she said, a mix of amusement and accusation in her voice.</p><p id="dc57" class="pw-post-body-paragraph oh oi hd oj b hx ok ol om ia on oo op oq or os ot ou ov ow ox oy oz pa pb pc gw bk">I wanted to protest, to prove her wrong by slipping into the lilting cadence of home, peppering my speech with <em class="pd">“l</em><a class="af pe" href="https://matadornetwork.com/read/slang-you-should-learn-before-visiting-trinidad-and-tobago-audio/#:~:text=Explanation:%20%E2%80%9CLime%E2%80%9D%20is%20a,we%20limin'?%E2%80%9D%20=%20%E2%80%9C" rel="noopener ugc nofollow" target="_blank"><em class="pd">ime</em></a><em class="pd">” </em>and <em class="pd">“</em><a class="af pe" href="https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Appendix:Glossary_of_Trinidadian_English" rel="noopener ugc nofollow" target="_blank"><em class="pd">gyul</em></a><em class="pd">” </em>and <em class="pd">“</em><a class="af pe" href="https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=sweet+hand" rel="noopener ugc nofollow" target="_blank"><em class="pd">sweet hand</em></a><em class="pd">.”</em> But the words felt clumsy on my tongue, like trying to dance to a rhythm I’d forgotten.</p><p id="753e" class="pw-post-body-paragraph oh oi hd oj b hx ok ol om ia on oo op oq or os ot ou ov ow ox oy oz pa pb pc gw bk">That night, I stood in front of my bathroom mirror, trying to coax my old voice back. <em class="pd">“</em><a class="af pe" href="https://cguillaumme.caribsurf.net/dictionary.html" rel="noopener ugc nofollow" target="_blank"><em class="pd">Wha’ happening</em></a><em class="pd">?”</em> I said to my reflection, cringing at how forced it sounded.</p><p id="b7de" class="pw-post-body-paragraph oh oi hd oj b hx ok ol om ia on oo op oq or os ot ou ov ow ox oy oz pa pb pc gw bk">I thought about how my coworkers’ eyes would flicker when I mentioned Trinidad, as if trying to place it on a mental map and failing. I thought about how often I’d been mistaken for South Asian, Mexican, or <em class="pd">“maybe Brazilian?” </em>— anything but what I actually was.</p><p id="7881" class="pw-post-body-paragraph oh oi hd oj b hx ok ol om ia on oo op oq or os ot ou ov ow ox oy oz pa pb pc gw bk">I realized then that my accent wasn’t all I was losing.</p><p id="1327" class="pw-post-body-paragraph oh oi hd oj b hx ok ol om ia on oo op oq or os ot ou ov ow ox oy oz pa pb pc gw bk">It was like watching my sense of identity fade, caught between the vibrant, multicultural world I grew up…</p></div></div></div></div></section></div></div></article></div><div class="l"></div><footer class="pf pg ph pi pj pk pl pm gv ab q pn jb c"><div class="l ae"><div class="ab cb"><div class="ci bh fz ga gb gc"><div class="ab cp po"><div class="ab q lo"><div class="pp l"><span class="l pq pr ps e d"><div class="ab q lo lp"><div class="pw-multi-vote-icon fj gt lq lr ls"><span><a class="af ag ah ai aj ak al am an ao ap aq ar as 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