Digested read: Chastened by Hephzibah Anderson | Books

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name="&lid={seriesNavigation}{Index}&lpos={seriesNavigation}{4}">Index</a> </div> </div> <div id="main-article-info"> <h1>Chastened by Hephzibah Anderson</h1> <p id="stand-first" class="stand-first-alone">Chatto & Windus £12.99</p> </div> <ul id="content-actions" class="strapped"> <li class="third-party-tool no-comments "> <a id="buzzlink" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090729213306/http://buzz.yahoo.com/buzz?publisherurn=the_guardian665&targetUrl=http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2009/jul/21/hephzibah-anderson-chastened-digested-read&summary=%3Cp%3E%27Keeping+my+chastity+was+not+easy%2C+but+my+editor+says+we+need+a+few+smutty+bits+or+even+he%27ll+lose+interest%27%3C%2Fp%3E&headline=Digested read: Chastened by Hephzibah Anderson |Books |The Guardian">Buzz up!</a> </li> <li class="third-party-tool"> <a id="digglink" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090729213306/http://digg.com/submit?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.guardian.co.uk%2Fbooks%2F2009%2Fjul%2F21%2Fhephzibah-anderson-chastened-digested-read&title=Digested+read%3A+Chastened+by+Hephzibah+Anderson">Digg it</a> </li> </ul> </div> <div id="content"> <ul class="article-attributes multi-pub"> <li> <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090729213306/http://www.guardian.co.uk/profile/johncrace"> <img class="contributor-pic-small" src="http://web.archive.org/web/20090729213306im_/http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2008/06/02/john_crace_140x140.jpg" width="60" height="60" alt="John Crace" title="Contributor picture"/> </a> </li> <li id="contrib-shift"><ul> <li class="byline"> <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090729213306/http://www.guardian.co.uk/profile/johncrace" name="&lid={contentTypeByline}{John Crace}&lpos={contentTypeByline}{1}">John Crace</a> </li> <li class="publication"> <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090729213306/http://www.guardian.co.uk/theguardian" name="&lid={contentTypeByline}{The Guardian}&lpos={contentTypeByline}{2}">The Guardian</a>, Tuesday 21 July 2009 </li> </ul></li> </ul> <div id="article-wrapper"> <div class="image"> <img src="http://web.archive.org/web/20090729213306im_/http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2009/7/20/1248108060178/Hephzibah-Anderson-Chaste-001.jpg" width="460" height="276" alt="Hephzibah Anderson Chastened Digested Read"/> <p class="caption">Illustration by Neal Fox</p> </div> <span class="inline embed embed-media"> <script type="text/javascript"> //<![CDATA[ //]]> </script> <noscript> <object classid="clsid:d27cdb6e-ae6d-11cf-96b8-444553540000" codebase="http://web.archive.org/web/20090729213306oe_/http://fpdownload.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=8,0,0,0" width="300" height="25" id="audioplayer" align="middle"> <param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"/> <param name="movie" value="http://static.guim.co.uk/static/77051/common/flash/guMiniPlayer.swf"/> <param name="FlashVars" value="linktext=Digested read podcast: Chastened by Hepzibah Anderson&publication_date=&file=http://download.guardian.co.uk/audio/kip/books/series/digestedreadpodcast/1248193760529/379/gdn.books.digestedread.hephzibahanderson.mp3&popupurl=http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/audio/2009/jul/21/digested-read-anderson?popup=true&popupheight=232&popupwidth=500&duration=339&audioid=350633501"/> <param name="quality" value="high"/> <param name="bgcolor" value="#ffffff"/> <param name="wmode" value="transparent"/> <embed src="http://web.archive.org/web/20090729213306oe_/http://static.guim.co.uk/static/77051/common/flash/guMiniPlayer.swf" quality="high" bgcolor="#ffffff" width="300" height="25" name="audioplayer" align="middle" allowscriptaccess="always" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" flashvars="linktext=Digested read podcast: Chastened by Hepzibah Anderson&publication_date=&file=http://download.guardian.co.uk/audio/kip/books/series/digestedreadpodcast/1248193760529/379/gdn.books.digestedread.hephzibahanderson.mp3&popupurl=http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/audio/2009/jul/21/digested-read-anderson?popup=true&popupheight=232&popupwidth=500&duration=339&audioid=350633501"/> </object> </noscript> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://web.archive.org/web/20090729213306js_/http://static.guim.co.uk/static/77051/common/scripts/eolas_workaround.js"></script> <div id="flash-player"> <script type="text/javascript"> insertAudioPlayer("300", "25", "http://web.archive.org/web/20090729213306/http://static.guim.co.uk/static/77051/common/flash/guMiniPlayer.swf", "linktext=Digested read podcast: Chastened by Hepzibah Anderson&publication_date=&file=http://download.guardian.co.uk/audio/kip/books/series/digestedreadpodcast/1248193760529/379/gdn.books.digestedread.hephzibahanderson.mp3&popupurl=http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/audio/2009/jul/21/digested-read-anderson?popup=true&popupheight=232&popupwidth=500&duration=339&audioid=350633501"); </script> </div> <span class="caption"> <a name="&lid={inBodyAudio}{Link to this audio}&lpos={inBodyAudio}{1}" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090729213306/http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/audio/2009/jul/21/digested-read-anderson">Link to this audio</a> </span> </span><p>When you decide to give up sex and begin a year of chastity, it's not something that you rush to tell people. Unless you're a hack with literary pretensions who is struggling to think of an idea for a book. "Publishers can't get enough of upmarket women writing about their sex lives," said my agent. "And if we put a large photo of you on the jacket to prove you're not some kind of saddo who can't get a bloke and you keep fending off posh geezers left right and centre, we can't fail."<br/><br/>So why did I give up penetrative sex? Apart from giving myself something to write about, that is. The simple answer is that I'd reached my 30s and had sex with the creme de la creme of London and New York literary society but had never managed to experience the idealised Romantic Love of a Jane Austen heroine.</p> <div id="factbox"> <ol> <li class="inline major-heading"><b> Chastened</b></li> <li class="inline nudged"><b>: No More Sex In The City</b></li> <li>by Hephzibah Anderson</li> <li class="inline"> Chatto & Windus</li> <li class="picture"><img src="http://web.archive.org/web/20090729213306im_/http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Books/Pix/covers/2009/6/18/1245322597149/Chastened-by-Hephzibah-An-001.jpg" alt="" width="140" height="202"/></li> </ol> <ol class="sublist"> <li> <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090729213306/http://www.guardianbookshop.co.uk/BerteShopWeb/viewProduct.do?ISBN=9780701183660">Buy Chastened at the Guardian bookshop</a></li> </ol> </div> <p>My epiphany came when I saw my first boyfriend, Dan, buying an engagement ring in De Beers and remembered that my current boyfriend, Jake, was still living with his fiancee. The immortal lyrics of Foreigner had never seemed so poignant. "I want to know what love is," I sobbed. "I want you to show me." Simone de Beauvoir couldn't have put it better.</p><p>Having embarked upon my chaste adventure, I soon realised I had little to say, for there was limited mileage in endlessly repeating, "No sex, please, I'm writing a book" to any bloke I half fancied. So I did what everyone else does under these circumstances: I started writing my fascinating life story – how I'd been brought up in Norfolk, gone on to Cambridge – naturally – and quickly became a brilliant literary critic.</p><p>After a brief reminiscence of an amour, whom I shall call The Beau – how knowingly Bridget Jones – I date a man called Mark. He is almost as dull as me and I do not give him even a peck on the cheek. I go home triumphant that two months into my ordeal my chastity is intact. As long as I keep meeting men with as much self-regard and as little sense of humour as me, the next 10 months will be a breeze.</p><p>I would hate you to think this is yet another exploitative, raunchy read so beloved by lesser women writers. To prove it isn't, I'm going to include several digressions on profound issues such as clothes, in which I can drop references to Elizabeth Stuart Phelps and Philip Roth whose works I studied at Cambridge – did I mention I went to Cambridge? – to underline my seriousness of purpose.</p><p>Pinning down my type is not easy – though two arms, two legs, Oxbridge-educated and utterly self-absorbed just about covers it – but over the next six months I dated The Quiet Guy, The Man Next Door and countless others. Keeping my chastity was not easy, but my editor says we need a few smutty bits or even he'll lose interest, so I kissed Mr Vermilion passionately, our tongues darting, his hands loosening my etc etc until I said I had to go home.</p><p>Flowers have always been my downfall and when Jake reappeared with a bunch of dandelions, whispering "I might love you a little bit though not as much as my fiancee", my heart melted and I could feel my resolve weakening. Could it be that by skipping the easy bit of sex, I might reach the nirvana of love? No.</p><p>Bored with London, I moved to New York where my dating continued the repetitious pattern of before. "I can't do this," I said for the umpteenth time as The Pasha and I lay entwined on the bed. "Neither, can I," he replied, "for I too have embarked on a year of chastity." Disgusted that The Pasha wasn't even trying to get a book out of his vows, I fell headlong into the arms of N. How I yearned to be able to consummate the intensity of our love!</p><p>And so my year is up. What have I learned? Next to nothing it seems, because instead of ending up in bed with N, I went straight out and shagged a Famous Novelist in the Hamptons. 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