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href="//web.archive.org/web/20210512204000/https://aax.amazon-adsystem.com/"><link rel="preconnect" href="//web.archive.org/web/20210512204000/https://aax.amazon-adsystem.com/" crossorigin><script src="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000js_/https://c.amazon-adsystem.com/aax2/apstag.js" async></script><script src="/web/20210512204000js_/https://www.glamour.com/hotzones/esi/glamour/prebid.min.js" async></script><script src="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000js_/https://js-sec.indexww.com/ht/p/183973-93942139695505.js" async></script><script></script><script type="application/ld+json">{"@context":"https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000/http://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","articleBody":"On the second floor of Demi Lovato’s new Los Angeles house is a space she lovingly calls the cloud room. A large puffy lamp stretches across the ceiling, flickering with neon light. A plush couch, vibrantly color-blocked, is paired with an electric-purple beanbag-like chair in the corner. The carpet is striped *and* rainbow. It’s a fiercely unique oasis, one the 28-year-old singer proudly shows off in her new YouTube documentary, [*Dancing With the Devil*](https://www.glamour.com/story/demi-lovato-doesnt-hold-back-in-the-first-trailer-for-her-new-docuseries). “I wanted something so out-there that no one has in their house,” she says.\n\nHad her life gone another way—the way she *thought* her life needed to go—the cloud room wouldn’t exist. “I almost designed this house for a straight couple,” Lovato tells me, referring to [her highly publicized relationship](https://www.glamour.com/story/demi-lovato-and-max-ehrich-a-complete-relationship-timeline) last year. “I’m not straight, but it was a hetero situation. This could have been a very normal-looking house.”\n\n\n\n[#image: /photos/6039332ca9376bcd7b8915b4]|||“If I look in the mirror and present the mirror with something I’m not, it will shatter.”|||\n\nIn a way, Lovato’s home represents her last three years. As *Dancing With the Devil*—out March 23—shows, the singer has mindfully deconstructed the systems in her life that weren’t working and rebuilt them. “I am now making choices—for the day, and then the future—about what it is I want and what’s going to make me the happiest,” she explains over Zoom, dressed down in a T-shirt, her bright pink hair hidden underneath an even brighter yellow cap.\n\nReaching this place of total independence took time. The work started in 2018, after Lovato suffered an overdose, was hospitalized, and reentered treatment for her [well-documented substance-abuse and eating-disorder issues](https://www.glamour.com/story/demi-lovato-history-with-substance-abuse). She’d been sober for six years, first seeking treatment in 2010, when most knew her from Disney Channel’s *Camp Rock* and *Sonny With a Chance.* As the years went on, Lovato found herself growing increasingly unhappy, which led to a relapse, then an overdose. She almost died.\n\n*Dancing With the Devil* covers this period in detail, with testimonies from Lovato, her loved ones, her doctors. No question goes unanswered. She talks about the medical side effects of her overdose for the first time, which include blind spots. Lovato tells me about a time when she went to pour a glass of sweet tea and missed the glass. On our Zoom, she says she can’t see my nose or mouth while looking at my eyes. She can no longer drive.\n\nLovato also has tinnitus, often associated with hearing loss, because of the overdose but says her music hasn’t been affected—a new album is coming this year. If anything, she thinks the music’s gotten better. Sitting in the backseat with headphones has given her more time to focus.\n\n\n\n[#image: /photos/6036986948c8248c729b8902]|||“I was trying on different identities that felt authentic to me but weren’t me.”|||\n\n“I’m the type of person that when you take something out of my life, something else just becomes more beautiful,” she says. “I think that when the universe shuts one door, it opens another or there’s a window to open. It just depends on your perspective and how you choose to look at it.”\n\nWhat caused Lovato’s overdose is nuanced, but ignoring her intuition in an industry that holds impossible standards for women clearly played a role. Lovato was good at playing the game, until she wasn’t. Her 2015 album, *Confident,* gave fans the sexed-up, glam icon they wanted. By 2017 she’d fully transformed into [“beast mode,”](https://sports.yahoo.com/news/demi-lovatos-morning-routine-beast-191612142.html) putting in hours at the gym and embracing society’s ideal of a perfect, sober pop star. A “skinny legend,” as toxic fans effused online.\n\n“I was trying on different identities that felt authentic to me but weren’t me,” she says. “The super-feminine pop star was an identity that sounded like it fit and looked like it fit, so I put it on like it fit.”\n\nIt didn’t. As Lovato preached recovery in her first YouTube documentary, *Simply Complicated* (2017), and achieved massive commercial success—“Sorry Not Sorry” was *everywhere*—her private life was different.\n\n“I was excited that I was in a comfortable place in my body to show more skin, but what I was doing to myself was so unhealthy,” she says. “It was from a place of, ‘I’ve worked really fucking hard on starving and following this diet, and I’m going to show off my body in this photo shoot because I deserve it.’” Her *Confident* era is now ironic in retrospect: “I wasn’t confident at all. I had a false confidence because I was conforming to everybody else’s ideals.”\n\nLovato’s life at that time was all about conforming, which exacerbated her eating disorder. On *The Ellen DeGeneres Show* last year, she shared how her hotel phone would be removed so she couldn’t order room service. On her birthday she had watermelon with fat-free whipped cream instead of cake.\n\n\n\n[#image: /photos/60369869123c4fd2af14d6f1]|||“I’m living one side of my life completely ‘legalizing’ and this other side following a program that’s telling me if I slip up, I’m going to die.”|||\n\n“To a large extent, she had nobody to turn to,” says Glenn Nordlinger, Lovato’s longtime business manager, who lived across the country. “She turned to food. She turned to drugs. When she was suffering, when she was having issues, if you don’t have that network in place, you find your escape hatch.”\n\nLovato tells me the night before *Simply Complicated* dropped, her anxiety prompted a trip to Taco Bell to binge and purge. (She drove herself—Postmates would have left a paper trail for her team.) When photographers caught her, one of her first thoughts was, My team knows I’m at Taco Bell. And then, The *whole world’s* going to see me at Taco Bell. She was flooded with “fast-food shame.”\n\nThere was public shaming in other areas of her life too. As Lovato’s inner circle policed her eating, the outside world policed virtually everything else. “My fans react when I color my hair,” she explains. “If they didn’t like it, I saw it.” She recalls one instance in 2014 when she dyed her hair pink, then shaved half her head; the overwhelming negative response crushed her. “It reignited that fear inside of me of being who I really am.”\n\nAll this pressure took a toll. In spring 2018 she relapsed and started using the substances that led to her overdose a few months later. “When I ignore and deny myself of my truth, I get angry and I overflow, and I make choices that are really bad for me,” she says. “If I look in the mirror and present the mirror with something I’m not, it will shatter.”\n\n+++feature-large\n\n[#clip: /clips/6036b7ed48c8248c729b8917]\n\n+++\n\nSo Lovato has spent the last two years picking up the pieces. She bought a new place, which her best friend, Matthew Scott Montgomery, says has been instrumental in her healing.\n\n“Getting out of her old house was a good thing for her,” he says. “There are a lot of dark memories there, and I think it was starting to feel like a prison because of all the intense monitoring that was happening. The last night she spent there was when she OD’ed, and I think leaving the energy of that place was helpful.”\n\nLovato also signed with new management and started meditating, which she believes can help her vision and hearing. She regularly consults with spiritual advisers. *Dancing With the Devil* outlines the specific precautions—mental, physical, and emotional—she has in place to make sure what happened three years ago doesn’t repeat.\n\n“Now if anything happens in her life that’s hard to deal with, she has this incredible network of people around her who can provide support for her,” Nordlinger says.\n\n*Balance* is a word that comes up frequently as she explains her philosophy toward life and recovery now. “It’s really interesting—finding that balance,” she says. “Once I really did find it, my whole life fell into place the way it was supposed to.”\n\nFor her eating disorder, balance comes in the form of “legalizing” food. The concept is similar to intuitive eating: She has what she wants, when she wants—without shame. Lovato’s now listening to her body and making decisions that support her well-being. That means ordering Taco Bell when she’s in the mood. “I love it,” she says, smiling.\n\nAnd on her birthday, that means having real cake—last year she had three. Montgomery recalls from that weekend, “I watched in real time as she realized that eating isn’t just something you have to do to survive. It can be a communal celebration.”\n\n\n\n[#image: /photos/60466abbcd6f49c09eeacec1]|||“Autonomy, for me, is what changed my life.”|||\n\nThe concept of balance has also informed the way she thinks about substances. Lovato says she is done with the stuff that caused her overdose, but telling herself she can never have a drink or smoke a little weed again is only setting herself up for failure.\n\nShe admits to me that taking such a dogmatic view—an “all-or-nothing world,” as she calls it—about sobriety confused her. She was making progress on the eating-disorder front by giving herself permission to eat without shame and felt she could be capable of doing the same with substances.\n\nLovato turned to her recovery case manager, Charles Cook, for advice. “I called him and was like, ‘Something’s not right. I'm living one side of my life completely legalizing and this other side following a program that’s telling me if I slip up, I’m going to die.’”\n\nCook asked Lovato what she wanted to do, to which she said, “I think I want to try this balance thing in the substance side of my life too.” Her team was worried, she says. “But they were like, ‘She deserves this opportunity to make that choice for herself.’ So I did.”\n\nThat last sentence is paramount: Lovato makes clear both in her documentary, and to me, this is a plan for *herself*—no one else. She doesn’t want people in recovery to hear her approach and think they should also drink in moderation or smoke a joint. “A one-size-fits-all solution does not work for everybody,” she says.\n\nCook echoes this sentiment in the doc: “Any path that is right for someone else does not mean that it is an effective, meaningful, safe path for you.”\n\n“What I’m encouraging people to do is just make choices for themselves,” Lovato reiterates during our conversation. “Autonomy, for me, is what changed my life.”\n\n\n\n[#image: /photos/6036985a48c8248c729b8900]|||“I hooked up with a girl and was like, ‘I like this a lot more.’ It felt better. It felt right.”|||\n\nThat’s autonomy in all areas, including her sexuality. Lovato is queer—“really queer,” she says—and enjoying fully exploring that side of herself. “I know who I am and what I am, but I’m just waiting until a specific timeline to come out to the world as what I am,” Lovato tells me. “I’m following my healers’ timeline, and I’m using this time to really study and educate myself on my journey and what I’m preparing to do.”\n\nLast fall Lovato cut her hair into a [pixie](https://www.glamour.com/story/demi-lovato-has-a-bright-pink-pixie-now), a symbolic shedding of the heteronormative box she was confined in for years. Her end goal is to completely shave her head.\n\n“When I started getting older, I started realizing how queer I really am,” Lovato says, beaming. “This past year I was engaged to a man, and when it didn’t work, I was like, This is a huge sign. I thought I was going to spend my life with someone. Now that I wasn’t going to, I felt this sense of relief that I could live my truth.”\n\nLike many single 20-somethings, she’s exploring this terrain through casual dating. And in this moment, Lovato says, she feels “too queer” to be with a cis man.\n\n“I hooked up with a girl and was like, ‘I like this a lot more.’ It felt better. It felt right,” she says. “Some of the guys I was hanging out with—when it would come time to be sexual or intimate, I would have this kind of visceral reaction. Like, ‘I just don’t want to put my mouth there.’ It wasn’t even based on the person it was with. I just found myself really appreciating the friendships of those people more than the romance, and I didn’t want the romance from anybody of the opposite sex.”\n\n\n\n[#image: /photos/60369864231a799357d8d6c3]|||“I was like, ‘Bitch, you should have trusted yourself.’”|||\n\nFrankly, it’s taken Lovato a minute to want romance in general. The new documentary tracks that aforementioned 2020 relationship from engagement to breakup; when things ended, Lovato found herself questioning if she’d ever be able to open up to someone else again.\n\n“Because I denied my intuition of all the red flags that had popped up, I had no one else to blame but myself,” she says. “So I was like, ‘How am I ever going to trust again?’ But really, I was like, ‘Bitch, you should have trusted yourself. If you had trusted yourself, you wouldn’t have ended up in this position.’”\n\nOnce Lovato stopped seeing herself as the victim of that situation, she was able to move forward. “My heart is pretty open,” she says. “I’m very much listening to my intuition, and that’s not to say my boundaries or my guard is up. It’s just saying my ears are perked a little higher and my eyes are open a little wider.”\n\nAs our 70-minute Zoom call ends, Lovato’s song “I Love Me” instantly pops into my head. “I wonder when ‘I love me’ is enough?” she asks herself over and over in the chorus, determined to find an answer. And it seems she’s found one—but it encompasses more than just loving herself. She’s now checking in with herself. Showing up for herself. Blocking out the noise and following her instincts.\n\nWhether it’s building her dream cloud room or reframing her approach to sobriety, Demi Lovato’s path is finally, completely her own. “Nothing people say or do is going to really change the way I live,” she says. For the first time ever, she’s home.\n\n*Christopher Rosa is the entertainment editor at* Glamour. *Follow him on* [*Twitter*](https://twitter.com/chrisrosa92?){: rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"} *and* [*Instagram*](https://www.instagram.com/chris.rosa92/?hl=en){: rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"}*.*\n\n###### Photographer: Amanda Charchian; stylist: Henna Koskinen; hair: Rena Calhoun; makeup: Rokael Lizama; manicure: Natalie Minerva; location: [Viceroy L’Ermitage Beverly Hills](https://www.viceroyhotelsandresorts.com/beverly-hills){: rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"}, [@viceroybevhills](https://www.instagram.com/viceroybevhills/?hl=en){: rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"}\n\n\n[#cneembed: script/video/60429862dc31e5580e8c1960.js]","articleSection":"entertainment","author":[{"@type":"Person","name":"Christopher Rosa","sameAs":"https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000/https://www.glamour.com/contributor/christopher-rosa"}],"dateModified":"2021-03-11T13:23:31.009-05:00","datePublished":"2021-03-11T08:00:00.000-05:00","headline":"Demi Lovato on the Cover of Glamour’s March Issue","image":["https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000/https://media.glamour.com/photos/60467616fa83a87f33c04df9/2:1/w_3200,h_1600,c_limit/GL_DemiLovato.jpg","https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000/https://media.glamour.com/photos/60467616fa83a87f33c04df9/3:2/w_2700,h_1800,c_limit/GL_DemiLovato.jpg","https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000/https://media.glamour.com/photos/60467616fa83a87f33c04df9/6:7/w_1542,h_1799,c_limit/GL_DemiLovato.jpg","https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000/https://media.glamour.com/photos/60467616fa83a87f33c04df9/64:25/w_3200,h_1250,c_limit/GL_DemiLovato.jpg","https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000/https://media.glamour.com/photos/60467616fa83a87f33c04df9/16:9/w_3200,h_1800,c_limit/GL_DemiLovato.jpg","https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000/https://media.glamour.com/photos/60467616fa83a87f33c04df9/4:3/w_2400,h_1800,c_limit/GL_DemiLovato.jpg","https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000/https://media.glamour.com/photos/60467616fa83a87f33c04df9/1:1/w_1800,h_1800,c_limit/GL_DemiLovato.jpg"],"keywords":["entertainment","demi lovato","cover story","cover star","cover stars","music","onecolumn","splitscreenimagerightfullbleed","inverted","web"],"thumbnailUrl":"https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000/https://media.glamour.com/photos/60467616fa83a87f33c04df9/1:1/w_1800,h_1800,c_limit/GL_DemiLovato.jpg","url":"https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000/https://www.glamour.com/story/demi-lovato-march-cover-shoot","isPartOf":{"@type":["CreativeWork","Product"],"name":"Glamour"},"isAccessibleForFree":true,"alternativeHeadline":"For years, Demi Lovato tried to be everything for everyone. Now she’s living for herself. She opens up on the cover of Glamour's March issue.","description":"For years, Demi Lovato tried to be everything for everyone. Now she’s living for herself. 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class="split-screen-content-header split-screen-content-header-theme-inverted article__content-header split-screen-content-header__image-alignment-center split-screen-content-header__lede-content-alignment-left"><div class="grid grid-items-2 grid-full-bleed grid-no-gap split-screen-content-header__main"><div class="grid--item split-screen-content-header__title-block grid-layout__span-6"><div data-testid="ContentHeaderRubric"><div class="sc-Jgsit cRnBnN rubric split-screen-content-header__rubric"><span class="sc-fyGvY hRwmuy">Cover Story</span></div></div><h1 class="split-screen-content-header__hed" data-testid="ContentHeaderHed">Demi Lovato Is Finally Home</h1><span class="split-screen-content-header__divider"></span><p class="split-screen-content-header__dek">Demi Lovato is many things to many people. A pop star, an advocate, a role model. And for years she tried to fulfill those roles—at the cost of her own happiness. But after her overdose in 2018 and spending the last two years figuring out what she really wants, the 28-year-old singer is more centered—and more herself—than ever. To put it simply, she’s home. </p><div data-testid="BylinesWrapper" class="sc-pNWdM sc-ktvWjP lfZoIg bylines split-screen-content-header__byline"><p class="sc-hKiEVl ljOTlQ byline bylines__byline" data-testid="BylineWrapper" itemprop="author" itemtype="http://schema.org/Person"><span class="sc-pNWdM sc-jrsJWt sc-dkiSSI lfZoIg eIvgjQ fiYFcC byline__preamble">By </span><span itemprop="name" class="sc-kHVIJG jNudlt"><span data-testid="BylineName" class="sc-exqIPC kfjRqU byline__name"><a class="sc-pNWdM sc-jrsJWt sc-kEqXSa sc-eiQWpL lfZoIg ePchtg HZNCW fHUBOu byline__name-link button" href="/web/20210512204000/https://www.glamour.com/contributor/christopher-rosa">Christopher Ros<span class="sc-cVJgsR ewjAsp link__last-letter-spacing">a</span></a></span></span></p><p class="sc-hKiEVl ljOTlQ byline bylines__byline" data-testid="BylineWrapper" itemprop="author" itemtype="http://schema.org/Person"><span class="sc-pNWdM sc-jrsJWt sc-dkiSSI lfZoIg eIvgjQ fiYFcC byline__preamble">Photography by </span><span itemprop="name" class="sc-kHVIJG jNudlt"><span data-testid="BylineName" class="sc-exqIPC kfjRqU byline__name"><a class="sc-pNWdM sc-jrsJWt sc-kEqXSa sc-eiQWpL lfZoIg ePchtg HZNCW fHUBOu byline__name-link button" href="/web/20210512204000/https://www.glamour.com/contributor/amanda-charchian">Amanda Charchia<span class="sc-cVJgsR ewjAsp link__last-letter-spacing">n</span></a></span></span></p><p class="sc-hKiEVl ljOTlQ byline bylines__byline" data-testid="BylineWrapper" itemprop="author" itemtype="http://schema.org/Person"><span class="sc-pNWdM sc-jrsJWt sc-dkiSSI lfZoIg eIvgjQ fiYFcC byline__preamble">Styled by </span><span itemprop="name" class="sc-kHVIJG jNudlt"><span data-testid="BylineName" class="sc-exqIPC kfjRqU byline__name"><a class="sc-pNWdM sc-jrsJWt sc-kEqXSa sc-eiQWpL lfZoIg ePchtg HZNCW fHUBOu byline__name-link button" href="/web/20210512204000/https://www.glamour.com/contributor/henna-koskinen">Henna Koskine<span class="sc-cVJgsR ewjAsp 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PIJDq"></div></div></aside></header></div><div class="content-background" data-attribute-verso-pattern="article-body"><div class=""><div class="article__chunks"><div class="grid grid-margins grid-items-0"><div class="grid--item body body__container article__body"><p>On the second floor of Demi Lovato’s new Los Angeles house is a space she lovingly calls the cloud room. A large puffy lamp stretches across the ceiling, flickering with neon light. A plush couch, vibrantly color-blocked, is paired with an electric-purple beanbag-like chair in the corner. The carpet is striped <em>and</em> rainbow. It’s a fiercely unique oasis, one the 28-year-old singer proudly shows off in her new YouTube documentary, <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000/https://www.glamour.com/story/demi-lovato-doesnt-hold-back-in-the-first-trailer-for-her-new-docuseries"><em>Dancing With the Devil</em></a>. “I wanted something so out-there that no one has in their house,” she says.</p><p>Had her life gone another way—the way she <em>thought</em> her life needed to go—the cloud room wouldn’t exist. “I almost designed this house for a straight couple,” Lovato tells me, referring to <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000/https://www.glamour.com/story/demi-lovato-and-max-ehrich-a-complete-relationship-timeline">her highly publicized relationship</a> last year. “I’m not straight, but it was a hetero situation. This could have been a very normal-looking house.”</p><div class="sc-iCoGMd eilRWe consumer-marketing-unit consumer-marketing-unit--article-mid-content" role="presentation" aria-hidden="true"><div class="consumer-marketing-unit__slot consumer-marketing-unit__slot--article-mid-content consumer-marketing-unit__slot--in-content"></div><div class="journey-unit"></div></div><figure class="sc-iuhXDa dIuxHm asset-embed"><div class="asset-embed__asset-container"><span class="responsive-asset sc-eCbnUT fElMzr asset-embed__responsive-asset responsive-asset--invisible"><picture class="sc-iwajpm gtWlEp sc-eCbnUT fElMzr asset-embed__responsive-asset responsive-image"><noscript><img alt="Demi Lovato March Cover" class="responsive-image__image" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000im_/https://media.glamour.com/photos/6039332ca9376bcd7b8915b4/master/w_1600%2Cc_limit/GL-DLCVR-0226.jpg" srcset="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000im_/https://media.glamour.com/photos/6039332ca9376bcd7b8915b4/master/w_1600%2Cc_limit/GL-DLCVR-0226.jpg 1600w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000im_/https://media.glamour.com/photos/6039332ca9376bcd7b8915b4/master/w_1280%2Cc_limit/GL-DLCVR-0226.jpg 1280w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000im_/https://media.glamour.com/photos/6039332ca9376bcd7b8915b4/master/w_1024%2Cc_limit/GL-DLCVR-0226.jpg 1024w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000im_/https://media.glamour.com/photos/6039332ca9376bcd7b8915b4/master/w_768%2Cc_limit/GL-DLCVR-0226.jpg 768w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000im_/https://media.glamour.com/photos/6039332ca9376bcd7b8915b4/master/w_640%2Cc_limit/GL-DLCVR-0226.jpg 640w" sizes="100vw"/></noscript></picture></span></div><figcaption class="sc-pNWdM sc-cxNHIi dicebs ejBPnX caption sc-irqbAE fRwMPv asset-embed__caption"><span class="sc-pNWdM sc-jrsJWt sc-lmgQwP lfZoIg kFBFBo jdWZjz caption__text"><p>“If I look in the mirror and present the mirror with something I’m not, it will shatter.”</p> </span><span class="sc-pNWdM sc-jrsJWt sc-iJCRrE lfZoIg faslDF gbrjTO caption__credit"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000/https://cna.st/affiliate-link/a7yg5mSSRkYmDPrheDmv9o9hTAh5yKqoR1643Ufbpykv9RbZvf1PekBw8GzCiZTnTjcWukz5osvYbZ1Vr7b8Ub6J3Cwro5HTANuwoixB4Bb69?cid=6039332ca9376bcd7b8915b4" rel="nofollow" target="_blank" isaffiliatelink="true">Henna x Apple Save</a> blazer. <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000/https://cna.st/affiliate-link/L8GY8TaoXy24Xq1sP2Ub2am6qfTzcUJpGuA9F8xsqSKH5QWfvxkUDS6BQ3MgVJxESnnudb2vFug7MvCaJR4Nz6KC6pVdeY7jCA7A8w322ThAroZ9jh8vuACsnRKuUvV8qvyb4ryWcktvYEQkN8gQS1TtMEXa2ZDKHPRX3UBgcEKxSYavWmUm5e8pcxZx2EQsoc6yypzZRC?cid=6039332ca9376bcd7b8915b4" rel="nofollow" target="_blank" isaffiliatelink="true">Jennifer Fisher</a> earrings. <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000/https://cna.st/affiliate-link/C8EegXATYdTipDRTjPMKDShXGW21K62CTuR3Rw3q8sMUhPTcn65TEMQRCnXkng1xDiu88ne6aAPSe2utuY1jqxst4k1VTYDoaCFUsshajA6Huck8?cid=6039332ca9376bcd7b8915b4" rel="nofollow" target="_blank" isaffiliatelink="true">Jennifer Fisher</a> ring. <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000/https://cna.st/affiliate-link/D65uPk3AGtvfvZgN63gEq46oaSQmwkGRDAYZZgfCFufReaB2cYbSqeGvwcBtVxirD8gsvNerXMTnqc1Dy5o57n3fGUXhYGjmiZGCYrUJF6GSHRGZ1a3PYQA4vMtk6EV3Mpz5JKwvzLNo3vLBbaTyMvPNMogx157m4CaCk34s2C2kmjRe3DxwJscXu1cN26eCaRsczo5uXCWmR77NyC3gSbkA2s6Lw8EW9AwehEYihA4dqxTvoSqda7aYM4YZfMPVLXyuYvHn9JbWeBy5LGL6Lrbok47L6tiUtaqLmdFJTzucAeegav1g81?cid=6039332ca9376bcd7b8915b4" rel="nofollow" target="_blank" isaffiliatelink="true">Mejuri</a> rings.</span></figcaption></figure><div class="sc-gtsrHT juhBur ad ad--in-content"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--in-content" data-node-id="utsoki"></div></div><p>In a way, Lovato’s home represents her last three years. As <em>Dancing With the Devil</em>—out March 23—shows, the singer has mindfully deconstructed the systems in her life that weren’t working and rebuilt them. “I am now making choices—for the day, and then the future—about what it is I want and what’s going to make me the happiest,” she explains over Zoom, dressed down in a T-shirt, her bright pink hair hidden underneath an even brighter yellow cap.</p><div class="sc-kGVuwA kyEhLJ"></div><p>Reaching this place of total independence took time. The work started in 2018, after Lovato suffered an overdose, was hospitalized, and reentered treatment for her <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000/https://www.glamour.com/story/demi-lovato-history-with-substance-abuse">well-documented substance-abuse and eating-disorder issues</a>. She’d been sober for six years, first seeking treatment in 2010, when most knew her from Disney Channel’s <em>Camp Rock</em> and <em>Sonny With a Chance.</em> As the years went on, Lovato found herself growing increasingly unhappy, which led to a relapse, then an overdose. She almost died.</p><p><em>Dancing With the Devil</em> covers this period in detail, with testimonies from Lovato, her loved ones, her doctors. No question goes unanswered. She talks about the medical side effects of her overdose for the first time, which include blind spots. Lovato tells me about a time when she went to pour a glass of sweet tea and missed the glass. On our Zoom, she says she can’t see my nose or mouth while looking at my eyes. She can no longer drive.</p><div data-attr-viewport-monitor="inline-recirc" class="inline-recirc-wrapper inline-recirc-observer-target-1 viewport-monitor-anchor"></div><p>Lovato also has tinnitus, often associated with hearing loss, because of the overdose but says her music hasn’t been affected—a new album is coming this year. If anything, she thinks the music’s gotten better. Sitting in the backseat with headphones has given her more time to focus.</p></div></div><div class="sc-pNWdM sc-hBMUJo lfZoIg wnuBm full-bleed-ad row-mid-content-ad"><div class="sc-gtsrHT juhBur ad ad--mid-content"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-content" data-node-id="l43l7l"></div></div></div><div class="grid grid-margins grid-items-0"><div class="grid--item body body__container article__body"><figure class="sc-iuhXDa dIuxHm asset-embed"><div class="asset-embed__asset-container"><span class="responsive-asset sc-eCbnUT fElMzr asset-embed__responsive-asset responsive-asset--invisible"><picture class="sc-iwajpm gtWlEp sc-eCbnUT fElMzr asset-embed__responsive-asset responsive-image"><noscript><img alt="Demi Lovato in a black dress" class="responsive-image__image" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000im_/https://media.glamour.com/photos/6036986948c8248c729b8902/master/w_1600%2Cc_limit/GL-DL-03.jpg" srcset="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000im_/https://media.glamour.com/photos/6036986948c8248c729b8902/master/w_1600%2Cc_limit/GL-DL-03.jpg 1600w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000im_/https://media.glamour.com/photos/6036986948c8248c729b8902/master/w_1280%2Cc_limit/GL-DL-03.jpg 1280w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000im_/https://media.glamour.com/photos/6036986948c8248c729b8902/master/w_1024%2Cc_limit/GL-DL-03.jpg 1024w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000im_/https://media.glamour.com/photos/6036986948c8248c729b8902/master/w_768%2Cc_limit/GL-DL-03.jpg 768w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000im_/https://media.glamour.com/photos/6036986948c8248c729b8902/master/w_640%2Cc_limit/GL-DL-03.jpg 640w" sizes="100vw"/></noscript></picture></span></div><figcaption class="sc-pNWdM sc-cxNHIi dicebs ejBPnX caption sc-irqbAE fRwMPv asset-embed__caption"><span class="sc-pNWdM sc-jrsJWt sc-lmgQwP lfZoIg kFBFBo jdWZjz caption__text"><p>“I was trying on different identities that felt authentic to me but weren’t me.”</p> </span><span class="sc-pNWdM sc-jrsJWt sc-iJCRrE lfZoIg faslDF gbrjTO caption__credit"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000/https://cna.st/affiliate-link/21ph1kqPR7kvazrQjGKzdMGXk4oiy6DCW8xMRhhSgCTSrMmybVdAdDZjWQmZfZYdZQu1ss5JAGi2ZgAEJNTcbsqXT1XxoejzWSoCbHqfqw1LHAMna8FpUQWAwzoMwFkDFVQTMPS2TNE9NC8o?cid=6036986948c8248c729b8902" rel="nofollow" target="_blank" isaffiliatelink="true">Monot</a> dress. <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000/https://cna.st/affiliate-link/2rvbHH828PKbNCvBdbtL1aBwmEmNEEBeC9KBCnVqJBq4x56MYFJRc3oScV34zvGCDsQMXo5ARSMXGNMwokTxKCNrKsCAkS5o5w4yf6XHAUjbwvRGk9PMAQZZ9R?cid=6036986948c8248c729b8902" rel="nofollow" target="_blank" isaffiliatelink="true">Alighieri</a> earrings. <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000/https://cna.st/affiliate-link/C8EegXATYdTipDRTjPMKDShXGW21K62CTuR3Rw3q8sMUhPTcn65TEMQRCnXkng1xDiu88ne6aAPSe2utuY1jqxst4k1VTYDoaCFUsshajA6Huck8?cid=6036986948c8248c729b8902" rel="nofollow" target="_blank" isaffiliatelink="true">Jennifer Fisher</a> ring.</span></figcaption></figure><div id="stylitics-marker"></div><p>“I’m the type of person that when you take something out of my life, something else just becomes more beautiful,” she says. “I think that when the universe shuts one door, it opens another or there’s a window to open. It just depends on your perspective and how you choose to look at it.”</p><p>What caused Lovato’s overdose is nuanced, but ignoring her intuition in an industry that holds impossible standards for women clearly played a role. Lovato was good at playing the game, until she wasn’t. Her 2015 album, <em>Confident,</em> gave fans the sexed-up, glam icon they wanted. By 2017 she’d fully transformed into <a class="external-link" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLink","outgoingURL":"https://sports.yahoo.com/news/demi-lovatos-morning-routine-beast-191612142.html"}" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000/https://sports.yahoo.com/news/demi-lovatos-morning-routine-beast-191612142.html" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">“beast mode,”</a> putting in hours at the gym and embracing society’s ideal of a perfect, sober pop star. A “skinny legend,” as toxic fans effused online.</p><p>“I was trying on different identities that felt authentic to me but weren’t me,” she says. “The super-feminine pop star was an identity that sounded like it fit and looked like it fit, so I put it on like it fit.”</p><p>It didn’t. As Lovato preached recovery in her first YouTube documentary, <em>Simply Complicated</em> (2017), and achieved massive commercial success—“Sorry Not Sorry” was <em>everywhere</em>—her private life was different.</p><p>“I was excited that I was in a comfortable place in my body to show more skin, but what I was doing to myself was so unhealthy,” she says. “It was from a place of, ‘I’ve worked really fucking hard on starving and following this diet, and I’m going to show off my body in this photo shoot because I deserve it.’” Her <em>Confident</em> era is now ironic in retrospect: “I wasn’t confident at all. I had a false confidence because I was conforming to everybody else’s ideals.”</p><p>Lovato’s life at that time was all about conforming, which exacerbated her eating disorder. On <em>The Ellen DeGeneres Show</em> last year, she shared how her hotel phone would be removed so she couldn’t order room service. On her birthday she had watermelon with fat-free whipped cream instead of cake.</p><figure class="sc-iuhXDa dIuxHm asset-embed"><div class="asset-embed__asset-container"><span class="responsive-asset sc-eCbnUT fElMzr asset-embed__responsive-asset responsive-asset--invisible"><picture class="sc-iwajpm gtWlEp sc-eCbnUT fElMzr asset-embed__responsive-asset responsive-image"><noscript><img alt="Demi Lovato in a black sequin outfit" class="responsive-image__image" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000im_/https://media.glamour.com/photos/60369869123c4fd2af14d6f1/master/w_1600%2Cc_limit/GL-DL-06.jpg" srcset="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000im_/https://media.glamour.com/photos/60369869123c4fd2af14d6f1/master/w_1600%2Cc_limit/GL-DL-06.jpg 1600w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000im_/https://media.glamour.com/photos/60369869123c4fd2af14d6f1/master/w_1280%2Cc_limit/GL-DL-06.jpg 1280w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000im_/https://media.glamour.com/photos/60369869123c4fd2af14d6f1/master/w_1024%2Cc_limit/GL-DL-06.jpg 1024w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000im_/https://media.glamour.com/photos/60369869123c4fd2af14d6f1/master/w_768%2Cc_limit/GL-DL-06.jpg 768w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000im_/https://media.glamour.com/photos/60369869123c4fd2af14d6f1/master/w_640%2Cc_limit/GL-DL-06.jpg 640w" sizes="100vw"/></noscript></picture></span></div><figcaption class="sc-pNWdM sc-cxNHIi dicebs ejBPnX caption sc-irqbAE fRwMPv asset-embed__caption"><span class="sc-pNWdM sc-jrsJWt sc-lmgQwP lfZoIg kFBFBo jdWZjz caption__text"><p>“I’m living one side of my life completely ‘legalizing’ and this other side following a program that’s telling me if I slip up, I’m going to die.”</p> </span><span class="sc-pNWdM sc-jrsJWt sc-iJCRrE lfZoIg faslDF gbrjTO caption__credit"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000/https://cna.st/affiliate-link/c6EAXKRfBZxR3xuyYfZ3rJnVtCnWsbuhJjFdixDttn8EgteonjHspVhDj1fLdkk8U2uVTqEGE9YyTm1LAX855dVBCATizaxbBSP7ghJoA2MCvQD8gdFojKCtSXZnHWbFAfLr2WUVDQEkMnKzXiapbS6mQJ2fNsRXdjZXRTihfBC6Q5e66iuu?cid=60369869123c4fd2af14d6f1" rel="nofollow" target="_blank" isaffiliatelink="true">Junya Watanabe Comme des Garçons</a> jacket. <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000/https://cna.st/affiliate-link/C8EegXATYdTipDRTjPMKDShXGW21K62CTuR3Rw3q8sMUhPTcn65mzGoq3qsYk9UHE7WqaSCJBY7pPcrJ5WTWfumQ9LAtmnB986z1B7KkXqjxMTjt?cid=60369869123c4fd2af14d6f1" rel="nofollow" target="_blank" isaffiliatelink="true">Faris</a> earrings. <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000/https://cna.st/affiliate-link/2NgESoWeXD6hCmG9N7QPkEH8ioteSrBZn6hiTwZTLE63u7qkArxs4eKQf6eqpFdJdHG3ZaEyoPkQPtwYgzjddoW6AxGPjEeh8yz67b3iGCoTS7Nz6LPu7foazsbvoaM78VYPB?cid=60369869123c4fd2af14d6f1" rel="nofollow" target="_blank" isaffiliatelink="true">Dinosaur Designs</a> ring. <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000/https://cna.st/affiliate-link/C8EegXATYdTipDRTjPMKDShXGW21K62CTuR3Rw3q8sMUhPTcn65TEMQRCnXkng1xDiu88ne6aAPSe2utuY1jqxst4k1VTYDoaCFUsshajA6Huck8?cid=60369869123c4fd2af14d6f1" rel="nofollow" target="_blank" isaffiliatelink="true">Jennifer Fisher</a> ring.</span></figcaption></figure></div></div><div class="sc-pNWdM sc-hBMUJo lfZoIg wnuBm full-bleed-ad row-mid-content-ad"><div class="sc-gtsrHT juhBur ad ad--mid-content"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-content" data-node-id="vqwnrq"></div></div></div><div class="grid grid-margins grid-items-0"><div class="grid--item body body__container article__body"><p>“To a large extent, she had nobody to turn to,” says Glenn Nordlinger, Lovato’s longtime business manager, who lived across the country. “She turned to food. She turned to drugs. When she was suffering, when she was having issues, if you don’t have that network in place, you find your escape hatch.”</p><div data-attr-viewport-monitor="inline-recirc" class="inline-recirc-wrapper inline-recirc-observer-target-2 viewport-monitor-anchor"></div><p>Lovato tells me the night before <em>Simply Complicated</em> dropped, her anxiety prompted a trip to Taco Bell to binge and purge. (She drove herself—Postmates would have left a paper trail for her team.) When photographers caught her, one of her first thoughts was, My team knows I’m at Taco Bell. And then, The <em>whole world’s</em> going to see me at Taco Bell. She was flooded with “fast-food shame.”</p><p>There was public shaming in other areas of her life too. As Lovato’s inner circle policed her eating, the outside world policed virtually everything else. “My fans react when I color my hair,” she explains. “If they didn’t like it, I saw it.” She recalls one instance in 2014 when she dyed her hair pink, then shaved half her head; the overwhelming negative response crushed her. “It reignited that fear inside of me of being who I really am.”</p><p>All this pressure took a toll. In spring 2018 she relapsed and started using the substances that led to her overdose a few months later. “When I ignore and deny myself of my truth, I get angry and I overflow, and I make choices that are really bad for me,” she says. “If I look in the mirror and present the mirror with something I’m not, it will shatter.”</p></div></div><div class="sc-pNWdM sc-hBMUJo lfZoIg wnuBm"><div class="body body__grid-container"><div class="callout callout--feature-large"><figure class="sc-iuhXDa dIuxHm asset-embed"><div class="asset-embed__asset-container"><span class="responsive-asset sc-eCbnUT fElMzr asset-embed__responsive-asset responsive-asset--invisible"><div class="responsive-clip sc-eCbnUT fElMzr asset-embed__responsive-asset"><noscript><video aria-label="Demi Lovato on the Cover of Glamours March Issue" autoplay="" class="responsive-clip__video" loop="" muted="" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000im_/https://media.glamour.com/clips/6036b7ed48c8248c729b8917/720p/pass/DL-Embed-01.mp4"></video></noscript></div></span></div></figure></div></div></div><div class="grid grid-margins grid-items-0"><div class="grid--item body body__container article__body"><p>So Lovato has spent the last two years picking up the pieces. She bought a new place, which her best friend, Matthew Scott Montgomery, says has been instrumental in her healing.</p><p>“Getting out of her old house was a good thing for her,” he says. “There are a lot of dark memories there, and I think it was starting to feel like a prison because of all the intense monitoring that was happening. The last night she spent there was when she OD’ed, and I think leaving the energy of that place was helpful.”</p><p>Lovato also signed with new management and started meditating, which she believes can help her vision and hearing. She regularly consults with spiritual advisers. <em>Dancing With the Devil</em> outlines the specific precautions—mental, physical, and emotional—she has in place to make sure what happened three years ago doesn’t repeat.</p><p>“Now if anything happens in her life that’s hard to deal with, she has this incredible network of people around her who can provide support for her,” Nordlinger says.</p><p><em>Balance</em> is a word that comes up frequently as she explains her philosophy toward life and recovery now. “It’s really interesting—finding that balance,” she says. “Once I really did find it, my whole life fell into place the way it was supposed to.”</p><div data-attr-viewport-monitor="inline-recirc" class="inline-recirc-wrapper inline-recirc-observer-target-3 viewport-monitor-anchor"></div><p>For her eating disorder, balance comes in the form of “legalizing” food. The concept is similar to intuitive eating: She has what she wants, when she wants—without shame. Lovato’s now listening to her body and making decisions that support her well-being. That means ordering Taco Bell when she’s in the mood. “I love it,” she says, smiling.</p><p>And on her birthday, that means having real cake—last year she had three. Montgomery recalls from that weekend, “I watched in real time as she realized that eating isn’t just something you have to do to survive. It can be a communal celebration.”</p><figure class="sc-iuhXDa dIuxHm asset-embed"><div class="asset-embed__asset-container"><span class="responsive-asset sc-eCbnUT fElMzr asset-embed__responsive-asset responsive-asset--invisible"><picture class="sc-iwajpm gtWlEp sc-eCbnUT fElMzr asset-embed__responsive-asset responsive-image"><noscript><img alt="Demi Lovato on the Cover" class="responsive-image__image" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000im_/https://media.glamour.com/photos/60466abbcd6f49c09eeacec1/master/w_1600%2Cc_limit/GL-DL-01.jpg" srcset="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000im_/https://media.glamour.com/photos/60466abbcd6f49c09eeacec1/master/w_1600%2Cc_limit/GL-DL-01.jpg 1600w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000im_/https://media.glamour.com/photos/60466abbcd6f49c09eeacec1/master/w_1280%2Cc_limit/GL-DL-01.jpg 1280w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000im_/https://media.glamour.com/photos/60466abbcd6f49c09eeacec1/master/w_1024%2Cc_limit/GL-DL-01.jpg 1024w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000im_/https://media.glamour.com/photos/60466abbcd6f49c09eeacec1/master/w_768%2Cc_limit/GL-DL-01.jpg 768w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000im_/https://media.glamour.com/photos/60466abbcd6f49c09eeacec1/master/w_640%2Cc_limit/GL-DL-01.jpg 640w" sizes="100vw"/></noscript></picture></span></div><figcaption class="sc-pNWdM sc-cxNHIi dicebs ejBPnX caption sc-irqbAE fRwMPv asset-embed__caption"><span class="sc-pNWdM sc-jrsJWt sc-lmgQwP lfZoIg kFBFBo jdWZjz caption__text"><p>“Autonomy, for me, is what changed my life.”</p> </span><span class="sc-pNWdM sc-jrsJWt sc-iJCRrE lfZoIg faslDF gbrjTO caption__credit"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000/https://cna.st/affiliate-link/dFXfBmxeUoMhFmiLTN8bpqZwB68RXEwQsYCYXtbbxWnkdew2nMTVA99cj1x3ec83GYeGfpVTzAHYd2tSz9adEj7wkCGQDTWSisVXRsV74zE3LnLy9ZFLgWcfMhaz?cid=60466abbcd6f49c09eeacec1" rel="nofollow" target="_blank" isaffiliatelink="true">Apple Save</a> top. <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000/https://cna.st/affiliate-link/C8EegXATYdTipDRTjPMKDShXGW21K62CTuR3Rw3q8sMUhPTcn65mzGoq3qsYk9UHE7WqaSCJBY7pPcrJ5WTWfumQ9LAtmnB9CXQ7sGFy7SRaxXmQ?cid=60466abbcd6f49c09eeacec1" rel="nofollow" target="_blank" isaffiliatelink="true">Faris</a> earrings.</span></figcaption></figure></div></div><div class="sc-pNWdM sc-hBMUJo lfZoIg wnuBm full-bleed-ad row-mid-content-ad"><div class="sc-gtsrHT juhBur ad ad--mid-content"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-content" data-node-id="w1y552"></div></div></div><div class="grid grid-margins grid-items-0"><div class="grid--item body body__container article__body"><p>The concept of balance has also informed the way she thinks about substances. Lovato says she is done with the stuff that caused her overdose, but telling herself she can never have a drink or smoke a little weed again is only setting herself up for failure.</p><p>She admits to me that taking such a dogmatic view—an “all-or-nothing world,” as she calls it—about sobriety confused her. She was making progress on the eating-disorder front by giving herself permission to eat without shame and felt she could be capable of doing the same with substances.</p><p>Lovato turned to her recovery case manager, Charles Cook, for advice. “I called him and was like, ‘Something’s not right. I'm living one side of my life completely legalizing and this other side following a program that’s telling me if I slip up, I’m going to die.’”</p><p>Cook asked Lovato what she wanted to do, to which she said, “I think I want to try this balance thing in the substance side of my life too.” Her team was worried, she says. “But they were like, ‘She deserves this opportunity to make that choice for herself.’ So I did.”</p><p>That last sentence is paramount: Lovato makes clear both in her documentary, and to me, this is a plan for <em>herself</em>—no one else. She doesn’t want people in recovery to hear her approach and think they should also drink in moderation or smoke a joint. “A one-size-fits-all solution does not work for everybody,” she says.</p><p>Cook echoes this sentiment in the doc: “Any path that is right for someone else does not mean that it is an effective, meaningful, safe path for you.”</p><div data-attr-viewport-monitor="inline-recirc" class="inline-recirc-wrapper inline-recirc-observer-target-4 viewport-monitor-anchor"></div><p>“What I’m encouraging people to do is just make choices for themselves,” Lovato reiterates during our conversation. “Autonomy, for me, is what changed my life.”</p><figure class="sc-iuhXDa dIuxHm asset-embed"><div class="asset-embed__asset-container"><span class="responsive-asset sc-eCbnUT fElMzr asset-embed__responsive-asset responsive-asset--invisible"><picture class="sc-iwajpm gtWlEp sc-eCbnUT fElMzr asset-embed__responsive-asset responsive-image"><noscript><img alt="Demi Lovato on the Glamour cover" class="responsive-image__image" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000im_/https://media.glamour.com/photos/6036985a48c8248c729b8900/master/w_1600%2Cc_limit/GL-DL-02.jpg" srcset="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000im_/https://media.glamour.com/photos/6036985a48c8248c729b8900/master/w_1600%2Cc_limit/GL-DL-02.jpg 1600w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000im_/https://media.glamour.com/photos/6036985a48c8248c729b8900/master/w_1280%2Cc_limit/GL-DL-02.jpg 1280w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000im_/https://media.glamour.com/photos/6036985a48c8248c729b8900/master/w_1024%2Cc_limit/GL-DL-02.jpg 1024w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000im_/https://media.glamour.com/photos/6036985a48c8248c729b8900/master/w_768%2Cc_limit/GL-DL-02.jpg 768w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000im_/https://media.glamour.com/photos/6036985a48c8248c729b8900/master/w_640%2Cc_limit/GL-DL-02.jpg 640w" sizes="100vw"/></noscript></picture></span></div><figcaption class="sc-pNWdM sc-cxNHIi dicebs ejBPnX caption sc-irqbAE fRwMPv asset-embed__caption"><span class="sc-pNWdM sc-jrsJWt sc-lmgQwP lfZoIg kFBFBo jdWZjz caption__text"><p>“I hooked up with a girl and was like, ‘I like this a lot more.’ It felt better. It felt right.”</p> </span><span class="sc-pNWdM sc-jrsJWt sc-iJCRrE lfZoIg faslDF gbrjTO caption__credit"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000/https://cna.st/affiliate-link/xXAuEUCDmnf5hMs8gutP3bfR6LN2aUsvPkqApndWsMth2WnrMdiTYCwcNKr7wQTaHCMm928v?cid=6036985a48c8248c729b8900" rel="nofollow" target="_blank" isaffiliatelink="true">Laquan Smith</a> dress. <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000/https://cna.st/affiliate-link/2NgESoWeXD6hCmG9N7QPkEH8ioteSrBZn6hiTwZTLE63u7qkArxs4eKQf6eqpFdJdHG3ZaEyoPkQPtwYgzjddoW6AxGPjEeh8yz67b3iGCoTS7Nz6LPu7foazsbvoaM78VYPB?cid=6036985a48c8248c729b8900" rel="nofollow" target="_blank" isaffiliatelink="true">Dinosaur Designs</a> ring. <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000/https://cna.st/affiliate-link/C8EegXATYdTipDRTjPMKDShXGW21K62CTuR3Rw3q8sMUhPTcn65mzGoq3qsYk9UHE7WqaSCJBY7pPcrJ5WTWfumQ9LAtmnB986z1B7KkXqjxMTjt?cid=6036985a48c8248c729b8900" rel="nofollow" target="_blank" isaffiliatelink="true">Faris</a> earrings. <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000/https://cna.st/affiliate-link/C8EegXATYdTipDRTjPMKDShXGW21K62CTuR3Rw3q8sMUhPTcn65TEMQRCnXkng1xDiu88ne6aAPSe2utuY1jqxst4k1VTYDoaCFUsshajA6Huck8?cid=6036985a48c8248c729b8900" rel="nofollow" target="_blank" isaffiliatelink="true">Jennifer Fisher</a> ring.</span></figcaption></figure><p>That’s autonomy in all areas, including her sexuality. Lovato is queer—“really queer,” she says—and enjoying fully exploring that side of herself. “I know who I am and what I am, but I’m just waiting until a specific timeline to come out to the world as what I am,” Lovato tells me. “I’m following my healers’ timeline, and I’m using this time to really study and educate myself on my journey and what I’m preparing to do.”</p><p>Last fall Lovato cut her hair into a <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000/https://www.glamour.com/story/demi-lovato-has-a-bright-pink-pixie-now">pixie</a>, a symbolic shedding of the heteronormative box she was confined in for years. Her end goal is to completely shave her head.</p></div></div><div class="sc-pNWdM sc-hBMUJo lfZoIg wnuBm full-bleed-ad row-mid-content-ad"><div class="sc-gtsrHT juhBur ad ad--mid-content"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-content" data-node-id="mcgj82"></div></div></div><div class="grid grid-margins grid-items-0"><div class="grid--item body body__container article__body"><p>“When I started getting older, I started realizing how queer I really am,” Lovato says, beaming. “This past year I was engaged to a man, and when it didn’t work, I was like, This is a huge sign. I thought I was going to spend my life with someone. Now that I wasn’t going to, I felt this sense of relief that I could live my truth.”</p><p>Like many single 20-somethings, she’s exploring this terrain through casual dating. And in this moment, Lovato says, she feels “too queer” to be with a cis man.</p><p>“I hooked up with a girl and was like, ‘I like this a lot more.’ It felt better. It felt right,” she says. “Some of the guys I was hanging out with—when it would come time to be sexual or intimate, I would have this kind of visceral reaction. Like, ‘I just don’t want to put my mouth there.’ It wasn’t even based on the person it was with. I just found myself really appreciating the friendships of those people more than the romance, and I didn’t want the romance from anybody of the opposite sex.”</p><figure class="sc-iuhXDa dIuxHm asset-embed"><div class="asset-embed__asset-container"><span class="responsive-asset sc-eCbnUT fElMzr asset-embed__responsive-asset responsive-asset--invisible"><picture class="sc-iwajpm gtWlEp sc-eCbnUT fElMzr asset-embed__responsive-asset responsive-image"><noscript><img alt="Demi Lovato in a tan jacket" class="responsive-image__image" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000im_/https://media.glamour.com/photos/60369864231a799357d8d6c3/master/w_1600%2Cc_limit/GL-DL-04.jpg" srcset="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000im_/https://media.glamour.com/photos/60369864231a799357d8d6c3/master/w_1600%2Cc_limit/GL-DL-04.jpg 1600w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000im_/https://media.glamour.com/photos/60369864231a799357d8d6c3/master/w_1280%2Cc_limit/GL-DL-04.jpg 1280w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000im_/https://media.glamour.com/photos/60369864231a799357d8d6c3/master/w_1024%2Cc_limit/GL-DL-04.jpg 1024w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000im_/https://media.glamour.com/photos/60369864231a799357d8d6c3/master/w_768%2Cc_limit/GL-DL-04.jpg 768w, https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000im_/https://media.glamour.com/photos/60369864231a799357d8d6c3/master/w_640%2Cc_limit/GL-DL-04.jpg 640w" sizes="100vw"/></noscript></picture></span></div><figcaption class="sc-pNWdM sc-cxNHIi dicebs ejBPnX caption sc-irqbAE fRwMPv asset-embed__caption"><span class="sc-pNWdM sc-jrsJWt sc-lmgQwP lfZoIg kFBFBo jdWZjz caption__text"><p>“I was like, ‘Bitch, you should have trusted yourself.’”</p> </span><span class="sc-pNWdM sc-jrsJWt sc-iJCRrE lfZoIg faslDF gbrjTO caption__credit"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000/https://cna.st/affiliate-link/LpomLkhbPBYKCgH3QjiuKKrad22mftyxfNCi9Nv2yzSskSyNCSvRy3BbYV5Fo4Cj5BfAGrrzAasfb4TWSDuxR8sXURvYRWJ8Hu3zuGGs9V6ZZ333iGsBFk28RwNvHyEhe61ZCFr2JpYdjybhnjLd2a8E9Ln8gjMfdDHM8cGsLUxKZ4hiwaKUR7Gq6d2cHByATjKpFcyZJ47xt2qgWmaXVrkG7XjRg46X9z3VGYxhtRuK6bQF3aXmsGGWtiT88vX9SNh8AcCWsCgtcjnZFXD3qB8ELRkDtn82XnEcZRD1nV8jZ3enRvgmzrYtSVSFXnMZMiFCZRDwFdNnkD66ZdRyrB73nkkkVBuVqS949zTaz4Lqq6ntrU8teUw9czLpJBiEVc9Zq6oeiQ8PgUjJ2GgXZsXZLiMciuynK8TrkFqv89BhJFHp5ygh2fn1LSuLNTEUQbu8kQwBG9Mxrsaoew2tHjyRPQaThWDSh4ou4UWX73b1UBBawZxeG8G7TpLR6ZQ6cpu9WKZL6nMHJJghMSAarB9zJb8LvayKiP1xW2NpjxLQqs42fMFhJGVFS2ZKG9PQqJeC2DfjDza115dk5VSen3G9aq8gCjfMYDe5ZFcawbdupv68shsXqmUXGrCS7pcHfFC8VLBUKaY2ENw9ZUuUgpwRSbcZeV2pe6KsT1pjJay7MPdp9bniv6eGug5KHMXjPQ8K3JMXQNAVg7cqWpen4UKZUnaa8Jb3a7M4scdsbWsnYaRasqEJS3aM7zpVhuqB54oZVd6BE9bM9BNDyH7GZZASpwEYtta6L7qAcXCGQZJkJxagaBYNNu?cid=60369864231a799357d8d6c3" rel="nofollow" target="_blank" isaffiliatelink="true">Proenza</a> jacket. <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000/https://cna.st/affiliate-link/21ph1kqPR7kvazrQjGKzdMGXk4oiy6DCW8xMRhhSgCTSrMmybVd8v3ArPUaYT2wVW3JyS7VV9MXUsEVfpkUnb6wC11eKbZd8Txicx4V9DEC6Y5SEWLGShmjYCczvwXHoHSRZdgLuYqXLkdAr?cid=60369864231a799357d8d6c3" rel="nofollow" target="_blank" isaffiliatelink="true">Jennifer Fisher</a> earrings. <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000/https://cna.st/affiliate-link/3yb785111Ep73kdQifV8Bm1zumU3RmBydMTk5S2ggKRpMiE4GoRGSJuqe9fFAHhd8F68JYRcCgsGqSagzcnTyojB3DFX85ahyHpp3YTwmKFsM3EfPn4UHDtht4PYitXqutCJUqWAZeCpXeiZcjZx8Nd1VA8vKUvDoB7pSe2CqS5V5iaajqd6p8FoWDPwmNUPc8WM94bwMn3MHxqBmVjkn9aCjmyFaEwx5deVqsF4LvSzGPkgR1JdDZ7rqBhxdXrUKB4CinLXAK3JmGeJzzJJzPq8a5oZX4nhpys4jsMDqLHUy1c4ttK2K9hDTrWUTVKHAcEDk4fiq3ppzXmTD3EEP8XNpcSCiMZ3N4kjMGZDa73aBxJKk23MXyRhjKMGmfMEDXP63JUthMqfBJf8Vr31KH6nFCMxpB3esMLLQbGZm7A3DxGJcoP88VRZCKY3pmYE8brUYmTqXQJkp95pwvVmTEb1sW9LBQhf1TBb2XWB6d8xprqAf33oQNquwtV?cid=60369864231a799357d8d6c3" rel="nofollow" target="_blank" isaffiliatelink="true">The M Jewelers</a> ring. <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000/https://cna.st/affiliate-link/C8EegXATYdTipDRTjPMKDShXGW21K62CTuR3Rw3q8sMUhPTcn65TEMQRCnXkng1xDiu88ne6aAPSe2utuY1jqxst4k1VTYDoaCFUsshajA6Huck8?cid=60369864231a799357d8d6c3" rel="nofollow" target="_blank" isaffiliatelink="true">Jennifer Fisher</a> ring.</span></figcaption></figure><p>Frankly, it’s taken Lovato a minute to want romance in general. The new documentary tracks that aforementioned 2020 relationship from engagement to breakup; when things ended, Lovato found herself questioning if she’d ever be able to open up to someone else again.</p><p>“Because I denied my intuition of all the red flags that had popped up, I had no one else to blame but myself,” she says. “So I was like, ‘How am I ever going to trust again?’ But really, I was like, ‘Bitch, you should have trusted yourself. If you had trusted yourself, you wouldn’t have ended up in this position.’”</p><div data-attr-viewport-monitor="inline-recirc" class="inline-recirc-wrapper inline-recirc-observer-target-5 viewport-monitor-anchor"></div><p>Once Lovato stopped seeing herself as the victim of that situation, she was able to move forward. “My heart is pretty open,” she says. “I’m very much listening to my intuition, and that’s not to say my boundaries or my guard is up. It’s just saying my ears are perked a little higher and my eyes are open a little wider.”</p><p>As our 70-minute Zoom call ends, Lovato’s song “I Love Me” instantly pops into my head. “I wonder when ‘I love me’ is enough?” she asks herself over and over in the chorus, determined to find an answer. And it seems she’s found one—but it encompasses more than just loving herself. She’s now checking in with herself. Showing up for herself. Blocking out the noise and following her instincts.</p><p>Whether it’s building her dream cloud room or reframing her approach to sobriety, Demi Lovato’s path is finally, completely her own. “Nothing people say or do is going to really change the way I live,” she says. For the first time ever, she’s home.</p><p><em>Christopher Rosa is the entertainment editor at</em> Glamour. <em>Follow him on</em> <a class="external-link" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLink","outgoingURL":"https://twitter.com/chrisrosa92?"}" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000/https://twitter.com/chrisrosa92" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><em>Twitter</em></a> <em>and</em> <a class="external-link" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLink","outgoingURL":"https://www.instagram.com/chris.rosa92/?hl=en"}" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20210512204000/https://www.instagram.com/chris.rosa92/?hl=en" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><em>Instagram</em></a><em>.</em></p><div role="heading" aria-level="6" class="heading-h6">Photographer: Amanda Charchian; stylist: Henna Koskinen; hair: Rena Calhoun; makeup: Rokael Lizama; manicure: Natalie Minerva; location: <a class="external-link" 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It’s a fiercely unique oasis, one the 28-year-old singer proudly shows off in her new YouTube documentary, [*Dancing With the Devil*](https:\u002F\u002Fwww.glamour.com\u002Fstory\u002Fdemi-lovato-doesnt-hold-back-in-the-first-trailer-for-her-new-docuseries). “I wanted something so out-there that no one has in their house,” she says.\n\nHad her life gone another way—the way she *thought* her life needed to go—the cloud room wouldn’t exist. “I almost designed this house for a straight couple,” Lovato tells me, referring to [her highly publicized relationship](https:\u002F\u002Fwww.glamour.com\u002Fstory\u002Fdemi-lovato-and-max-ehrich-a-complete-relationship-timeline) last year. “I’m not straight, but it was a hetero situation. This could have been a very normal-looking house.”\n\n\n\n[#image: \u002Fphotos\u002F6039332ca9376bcd7b8915b4]|||“If I look in the mirror and present the mirror with something I’m not, it will shatter.”|||\n\nIn a way, Lovato’s home represents her last three years. As *Dancing With the Devil*—out March 23—shows, the singer has mindfully deconstructed the systems in her life that weren’t working and rebuilt them. “I am now making choices—for the day, and then the future—about what it is I want and what’s going to make me the happiest,” she explains over Zoom, dressed down in a T-shirt, her bright pink hair hidden underneath an even brighter yellow cap.\n\nReaching this place of total independence took time. The work started in 2018, after Lovato suffered an overdose, was hospitalized, and reentered treatment for her [well-documented substance-abuse and eating-disorder issues](https:\u002F\u002Fwww.glamour.com\u002Fstory\u002Fdemi-lovato-history-with-substance-abuse). She’d been sober for six years, first seeking treatment in 2010, when most knew her from Disney Channel’s *Camp Rock* and *Sonny With a Chance.* As the years went on, Lovato found herself growing increasingly unhappy, which led to a relapse, then an overdose. She almost died.\n\n*Dancing With the Devil* covers this period in detail, with testimonies from Lovato, her loved ones, her doctors. No question goes unanswered. She talks about the medical side effects of her overdose for the first time, which include blind spots. Lovato tells me about a time when she went to pour a glass of sweet tea and missed the glass. On our Zoom, she says she can’t see my nose or mouth while looking at my eyes. She can no longer drive.\n\nLovato also has tinnitus, often associated with hearing loss, because of the overdose but says her music hasn’t been affected—a new album is coming this year. If anything, she thinks the music’s gotten better. Sitting in the backseat with headphones has given her more time to focus.\n\n\n\n[#image: \u002Fphotos\u002F6036986948c8248c729b8902]|||“I was trying on different identities that felt authentic to me but weren’t me.”|||\n\n“I’m the type of person that when you take something out of my life, something else just becomes more beautiful,” she says. “I think that when the universe shuts one door, it opens another or there’s a window to open. It just depends on your perspective and how you choose to look at it.”\n\nWhat caused Lovato’s overdose is nuanced, but ignoring her intuition in an industry that holds impossible standards for women clearly played a role. Lovato was good at playing the game, until she wasn’t. Her 2015 album, *Confident,* gave fans the sexed-up, glam icon they wanted. By 2017 she’d fully transformed into [“beast mode,”](https:\u002F\u002Fsports.yahoo.com\u002Fnews\u002Fdemi-lovatos-morning-routine-beast-191612142.html) putting in hours at the gym and embracing society’s ideal of a perfect, sober pop star. A “skinny legend,” as toxic fans effused online.\n\n“I was trying on different identities that felt authentic to me but weren’t me,” she says. “The super-feminine pop star was an identity that sounded like it fit and looked like it fit, so I put it on like it fit.”\n\nIt didn’t. As Lovato preached recovery in her first YouTube documentary, *Simply Complicated* (2017), and achieved massive commercial success—“Sorry Not Sorry” was *everywhere*—her private life was different.\n\n“I was excited that I was in a comfortable place in my body to show more skin, but what I was doing to myself was so unhealthy,” she says. “It was from a place of, ‘I’ve worked really fucking hard on starving and following this diet, and I’m going to show off my body in this photo shoot because I deserve it.’” Her *Confident* era is now ironic in retrospect: “I wasn’t confident at all. I had a false confidence because I was conforming to everybody else’s ideals.”\n\nLovato’s life at that time was all about conforming, which exacerbated her eating disorder. On *The Ellen DeGeneres Show* last year, she shared how her hotel phone would be removed so she couldn’t order room service. On her birthday she had watermelon with fat-free whipped cream instead of cake.\n\n\n\n[#image: \u002Fphotos\u002F60369869123c4fd2af14d6f1]|||“I’m living one side of my life completely ‘legalizing’ and this other side following a program that’s telling me if I slip up, I’m going to die.”|||\n\n“To a large extent, she had nobody to turn to,” says Glenn Nordlinger, Lovato’s longtime business manager, who lived across the country. “She turned to food. She turned to drugs. When she was suffering, when she was having issues, if you don’t have that network in place, you find your escape hatch.”\n\nLovato tells me the night before *Simply Complicated* dropped, her anxiety prompted a trip to Taco Bell to binge and purge. (She drove herself—Postmates would have left a paper trail for her team.) When photographers caught her, one of her first thoughts was, My team knows I’m at Taco Bell. And then, The *whole world’s* going to see me at Taco Bell. She was flooded with “fast-food shame.”\n\nThere was public shaming in other areas of her life too. As Lovato’s inner circle policed her eating, the outside world policed virtually everything else. “My fans react when I color my hair,” she explains. “If they didn’t like it, I saw it.” She recalls one instance in 2014 when she dyed her hair pink, then shaved half her head; the overwhelming negative response crushed her. “It reignited that fear inside of me of being who I really am.”\n\nAll this pressure took a toll. In spring 2018 she relapsed and started using the substances that led to her overdose a few months later. “When I ignore and deny myself of my truth, I get angry and I overflow, and I make choices that are really bad for me,” she says. “If I look in the mirror and present the mirror with something I’m not, it will shatter.”\n\n+++feature-large\n\n[#clip: \u002Fclips\u002F6036b7ed48c8248c729b8917]\n\n+++\n\nSo Lovato has spent the last two years picking up the pieces. She bought a new place, which her best friend, Matthew Scott Montgomery, says has been instrumental in her healing.\n\n“Getting out of her old house was a good thing for her,” he says. “There are a lot of dark memories there, and I think it was starting to feel like a prison because of all the intense monitoring that was happening. The last night she spent there was when she OD’ed, and I think leaving the energy of that place was helpful.”\n\nLovato also signed with new management and started meditating, which she believes can help her vision and hearing. She regularly consults with spiritual advisers. *Dancing With the Devil* outlines the specific precautions—mental, physical, and emotional—she has in place to make sure what happened three years ago doesn’t repeat.\n\n“Now if anything happens in her life that’s hard to deal with, she has this incredible network of people around her who can provide support for her,” Nordlinger says.\n\n*Balance* is a word that comes up frequently as she explains her philosophy toward life and recovery now. “It’s really interesting—finding that balance,” she says. “Once I really did find it, my whole life fell into place the way it was supposed to.”\n\nFor her eating disorder, balance comes in the form of “legalizing” food. The concept is similar to intuitive eating: She has what she wants, when she wants—without shame. Lovato’s now listening to her body and making decisions that support her well-being. That means ordering Taco Bell when she’s in the mood. “I love it,” she says, smiling.\n\nAnd on her birthday, that means having real cake—last year she had three. Montgomery recalls from that weekend, “I watched in real time as she realized that eating isn’t just something you have to do to survive. It can be a communal celebration.”\n\n\n\n[#image: \u002Fphotos\u002F60466abbcd6f49c09eeacec1]|||“Autonomy, for me, is what changed my life.”|||\n\nThe concept of balance has also informed the way she thinks about substances. Lovato says she is done with the stuff that caused her overdose, but telling herself she can never have a drink or smoke a little weed again is only setting herself up for failure.\n\nShe admits to me that taking such a dogmatic view—an “all-or-nothing world,” as she calls it—about sobriety confused her. She was making progress on the eating-disorder front by giving herself permission to eat without shame and felt she could be capable of doing the same with substances.\n\nLovato turned to her recovery case manager, Charles Cook, for advice. “I called him and was like, ‘Something’s not right. I'm living one side of my life completely legalizing and this other side following a program that’s telling me if I slip up, I’m going to die.’”\n\nCook asked Lovato what she wanted to do, to which she said, “I think I want to try this balance thing in the substance side of my life too.” Her team was worried, she says. “But they were like, ‘She deserves this opportunity to make that choice for herself.’ So I did.”\n\nThat last sentence is paramount: Lovato makes clear both in her documentary, and to me, this is a plan for *herself*—no one else. She doesn’t want people in recovery to hear her approach and think they should also drink in moderation or smoke a joint. “A one-size-fits-all solution does not work for everybody,” she says.\n\nCook echoes this sentiment in the doc: “Any path that is right for someone else does not mean that it is an effective, meaningful, safe path for you.”\n\n“What I’m encouraging people to do is just make choices for themselves,” Lovato reiterates during our conversation. “Autonomy, for me, is what changed my life.”\n\n\n\n[#image: \u002Fphotos\u002F6036985a48c8248c729b8900]|||“I hooked up with a girl and was like, ‘I like this a lot more.’ It felt better. It felt right.”|||\n\nThat’s autonomy in all areas, including her sexuality. Lovato is queer—“really queer,” she says—and enjoying fully exploring that side of herself. “I know who I am and what I am, but I’m just waiting until a specific timeline to come out to the world as what I am,” Lovato tells me. “I’m following my healers’ timeline, and I’m using this time to really study and educate myself on my journey and what I’m preparing to do.”\n\nLast fall Lovato cut her hair into a [pixie](https:\u002F\u002Fwww.glamour.com\u002Fstory\u002Fdemi-lovato-has-a-bright-pink-pixie-now), a symbolic shedding of the heteronormative box she was confined in for years. Her end goal is to completely shave her head.\n\n“When I started getting older, I started realizing how queer I really am,” Lovato says, beaming. “This past year I was engaged to a man, and when it didn’t work, I was like, This is a huge sign. I thought I was going to spend my life with someone. Now that I wasn’t going to, I felt this sense of relief that I could live my truth.”\n\nLike many single 20-somethings, she’s exploring this terrain through casual dating. And in this moment, Lovato says, she feels “too queer” to be with a cis man.\n\n“I hooked up with a girl and was like, ‘I like this a lot more.’ It felt better. It felt right,” she says. “Some of the guys I was hanging out with—when it would come time to be sexual or intimate, I would have this kind of visceral reaction. Like, ‘I just don’t want to put my mouth there.’ It wasn’t even based on the person it was with. I just found myself really appreciating the friendships of those people more than the romance, and I didn’t want the romance from anybody of the opposite sex.”\n\n\n\n[#image: \u002Fphotos\u002F60369864231a799357d8d6c3]|||“I was like, ‘Bitch, you should have trusted yourself.’”|||\n\nFrankly, it’s taken Lovato a minute to want romance in general. The new documentary tracks that aforementioned 2020 relationship from engagement to breakup; when things ended, Lovato found herself questioning if she’d ever be able to open up to someone else again.\n\n“Because I denied my intuition of all the red flags that had popped up, I had no one else to blame but myself,” she says. “So I was like, ‘How am I ever going to trust again?’ But really, I was like, ‘Bitch, you should have trusted yourself. If you had trusted yourself, you wouldn’t have ended up in this position.’”\n\nOnce Lovato stopped seeing herself as the victim of that situation, she was able to move forward. “My heart is pretty open,” she says. “I’m very much listening to my intuition, and that’s not to say my boundaries or my guard is up. It’s just saying my ears are perked a little higher and my eyes are open a little wider.”\n\nAs our 70-minute Zoom call ends, Lovato’s song “I Love Me” instantly pops into my head. “I wonder when ‘I love me’ is enough?” she asks herself over and over in the chorus, determined to find an answer. And it seems she’s found one—but it encompasses more than just loving herself. She’s now checking in with herself. Showing up for herself. Blocking out the noise and following her instincts.\n\nWhether it’s building her dream cloud room or reframing her approach to sobriety, Demi Lovato’s path is finally, completely her own. “Nothing people say or do is going to really change the way I live,” she says. For the first time ever, she’s home.\n\n*Christopher Rosa is the entertainment editor at* Glamour. *Follow him on* [*Twitter*](https:\u002F\u002Ftwitter.com\u002Fchrisrosa92?){: rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"} *and* [*Instagram*](https:\u002F\u002Fwww.instagram.com\u002Fchris.rosa92\u002F?hl=en){: rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"}*.*\n\n###### Photographer: Amanda Charchian; stylist: Henna Koskinen; hair: Rena Calhoun; makeup: Rokael Lizama; manicure: Natalie Minerva; location: [Viceroy L’Ermitage Beverly Hills](https:\u002F\u002Fwww.viceroyhotelsandresorts.com\u002Fbeverly-hills){: rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"}, [@viceroybevhills](https:\u002F\u002Fwww.instagram.com\u002Fviceroybevhills\u002F?hl=en){: rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"}\n\n\n[#cneembed: script\u002Fvideo\u002F60429862dc31e5580e8c1960.js]","articleSection":"entertainment","author":[{"@type":"Person","name":"Christopher Rosa","sameAs":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fwww.glamour.com\u002Fcontributor\u002Fchristopher-rosa"}],"dateModified":"2021-03-11T13:23:31.009-05:00","datePublished":"2021-03-11T08:00:00.000-05:00","headline":"Demi Lovato on the Cover of Glamour’s March Issue","image":["https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F60467616fa83a87f33c04df9\u002F2:1\u002Fw_3200,h_1600,c_limit\u002FGL_DemiLovato.jpg","https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F60467616fa83a87f33c04df9\u002F3:2\u002Fw_2700,h_1800,c_limit\u002FGL_DemiLovato.jpg","https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F60467616fa83a87f33c04df9\u002F6:7\u002Fw_1542,h_1799,c_limit\u002FGL_DemiLovato.jpg","https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F60467616fa83a87f33c04df9\u002F64:25\u002Fw_3200,h_1250,c_limit\u002FGL_DemiLovato.jpg","https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F60467616fa83a87f33c04df9\u002F16:9\u002Fw_3200,h_1800,c_limit\u002FGL_DemiLovato.jpg","https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F60467616fa83a87f33c04df9\u002F4:3\u002Fw_2400,h_1800,c_limit\u002FGL_DemiLovato.jpg","https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F60467616fa83a87f33c04df9\u002F1:1\u002Fw_1800,h_1800,c_limit\u002FGL_DemiLovato.jpg"],"keywords":["entertainment","demi lovato","cover story","cover star","cover stars","music","onecolumn","splitscreenimagerightfullbleed","inverted","web"],"thumbnailUrl":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F60467616fa83a87f33c04df9\u002F1:1\u002Fw_1800,h_1800,c_limit\u002FGL_DemiLovato.jpg","url":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fwww.glamour.com\u002Fstory\u002Fdemi-lovato-march-cover-shoot","isPartOf":{"@type":["CreativeWork","Product"],"name":"Glamour"},"isAccessibleForFree":true,"alternativeHeadline":"For years, Demi Lovato tried to be everything for everyone. 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the second floor of Demi Lovato’s new Los Angeles house is a space she lovingly calls the cloud room. A large puffy lamp stretches across the ceiling, flickering with neon light. A plush couch, vibrantly color-blocked, is paired with an electric-purple beanbag-like chair in the corner. The carpet is striped ",["em","and"]," rainbow. It’s a fiercely unique oasis, one the 28-year-old singer proudly shows off in her new YouTube documentary, ",["a",{"href":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fwww.glamour.com\u002Fstory\u002Fdemi-lovato-doesnt-hold-back-in-the-first-trailer-for-her-new-docuseries","isExternal":false},["em","Dancing With the Devil"]],". “I wanted something so out-there that no one has in their house,” she says."],["p","Had her life gone another way—the way she ",["em","thought"]," her life needed to go—the cloud room wouldn’t exist. “I almost designed this house for a straight couple,” Lovato tells me, referring to ",["a",{"href":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fwww.glamour.com\u002Fstory\u002Fdemi-lovato-and-max-ehrich-a-complete-relationship-timeline","isExternal":false},"her highly publicized relationship"]," last year. “I’m not straight, but it was a hetero situation. This could have been a very normal-looking house.”"],["cm-unit"],["inline-embed",{"props":{"dangerousCaption":"\u003Cp\u003E“If I look in the mirror and present the mirror with something I’m not, it will shatter.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n","dangerousCredit":"\u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fcna.st\u002Faffiliate-link\u002Fa7yg5mSSRkYmDPrheDmv9o9hTAh5yKqoR1643Ufbpykv9RbZvf1PekBw8GzCiZTnTjcWukz5osvYbZ1Vr7b8Ub6J3Cwro5HTANuwoixB4Bb69?cid=6039332ca9376bcd7b8915b4\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\" isAffiliateLink=\"true\"\u003EHenna x Apple Save\u003C\u002Fa\u003E blazer. \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fcna.st\u002Faffiliate-link\u002FL8GY8TaoXy24Xq1sP2Ub2am6qfTzcUJpGuA9F8xsqSKH5QWfvxkUDS6BQ3MgVJxESnnudb2vFug7MvCaJR4Nz6KC6pVdeY7jCA7A8w322ThAroZ9jh8vuACsnRKuUvV8qvyb4ryWcktvYEQkN8gQS1TtMEXa2ZDKHPRX3UBgcEKxSYavWmUm5e8pcxZx2EQsoc6yypzZRC?cid=6039332ca9376bcd7b8915b4\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\" isAffiliateLink=\"true\"\u003EJennifer Fisher\u003C\u002Fa\u003E earrings. \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fcna.st\u002Faffiliate-link\u002FC8EegXATYdTipDRTjPMKDShXGW21K62CTuR3Rw3q8sMUhPTcn65TEMQRCnXkng1xDiu88ne6aAPSe2utuY1jqxst4k1VTYDoaCFUsshajA6Huck8?cid=6039332ca9376bcd7b8915b4\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\" isAffiliateLink=\"true\"\u003EJennifer Fisher\u003C\u002Fa\u003E ring. \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fcna.st\u002Faffiliate-link\u002FD65uPk3AGtvfvZgN63gEq46oaSQmwkGRDAYZZgfCFufReaB2cYbSqeGvwcBtVxirD8gsvNerXMTnqc1Dy5o57n3fGUXhYGjmiZGCYrUJF6GSHRGZ1a3PYQA4vMtk6EV3Mpz5JKwvzLNo3vLBbaTyMvPNMogx157m4CaCk34s2C2kmjRe3DxwJscXu1cN26eCaRsczo5uXCWmR77NyC3gSbkA2s6Lw8EW9AwehEYihA4dqxTvoSqda7aYM4YZfMPVLXyuYvHn9JbWeBy5LGL6Lrbok47L6tiUtaqLmdFJTzucAeegav1g81?cid=6039332ca9376bcd7b8915b4\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\" isAffiliateLink=\"true\"\u003EMejuri\u003C\u002Fa\u003E rings.","image":{"id":"6039332ca9376bcd7b8915b4","altText":"Demi Lovato March Cover","contentType":"photo","sources":{"sm":{"width":640,"url":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F6039332ca9376bcd7b8915b4\u002Fmaster\u002Fw_640,c_limit\u002FGL-DLCVR-0226.jpg","height":800},"md":{"width":768,"url":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F6039332ca9376bcd7b8915b4\u002Fmaster\u002Fw_768,c_limit\u002FGL-DLCVR-0226.jpg","height":960},"lg":{"width":1024,"url":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F6039332ca9376bcd7b8915b4\u002Fmaster\u002Fw_1024,c_limit\u002FGL-DLCVR-0226.jpg","height":1280},"xl":{"width":1280,"url":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F6039332ca9376bcd7b8915b4\u002Fmaster\u002Fw_1280,c_limit\u002FGL-DLCVR-0226.jpg","height":1600},"xxl":{"width":1600,"url":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F6039332ca9376bcd7b8915b4\u002Fmaster\u002Fw_1600,c_limit\u002FGL-DLCVR-0226.jpg","height":2000}}}},"ref":"6039332ca9376bcd7b8915b4","type":"image"}],["native-ad",{"position":"in-content","shouldDisplayLabel":true,"hideLabelOnInitialRender":true}],["p","In a way, Lovato’s home represents her last three years. As ",["em","Dancing With the Devil"],"—out March 23—shows, the singer has mindfully deconstructed the systems in her life that weren’t working and rebuilt them. “I am now making choices—for the day, and then the future—about what it is I want and what’s going to make me the happiest,” she explains over Zoom, dressed down in a T-shirt, her bright pink hair hidden underneath an even brighter yellow cap."],["inline-embed",{"type":"cneinterlude","props":{"brand":"glamour","embeddedVideos":["60429862dc31e5580e8c1960"],"hasExcludedEmbed":false,"playerBase":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fplayer.cnevids.com","isRailEligible":false,"isRightRail":false}}],["p","Reaching this place of total independence took time. The work started in 2018, after Lovato suffered an overdose, was hospitalized, and reentered treatment for her ",["a",{"href":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fwww.glamour.com\u002Fstory\u002Fdemi-lovato-history-with-substance-abuse","isExternal":false},"well-documented substance-abuse and eating-disorder issues"],". She’d been sober for six years, first seeking treatment in 2010, when most knew her from Disney Channel’s ",["em","Camp Rock"]," and ",["em","Sonny With a Chance."]," As the years went on, Lovato found herself growing increasingly unhappy, which led to a relapse, then an overdose. She almost died."],["p",["em","Dancing With the Devil"]," covers this period in detail, with testimonies from Lovato, her loved ones, her doctors. No question goes unanswered. She talks about the medical side effects of her overdose for the first time, which include blind spots. Lovato tells me about a time when she went to pour a glass of sweet tea and missed the glass. On our Zoom, she says she can’t see my nose or mouth while looking at my eyes. She can no longer drive."],["p","Lovato also has tinnitus, often associated with hearing loss, because of the overdose but says her music hasn’t been affected—a new album is coming this year. If anything, she thinks the music’s gotten better. Sitting in the backseat with headphones has given her more time to focus."],["ad",{"position":"mid-content"}],["inline-embed",{"props":{"dangerousCaption":"\u003Cp\u003E“I was trying on different identities that felt authentic to me but weren’t me.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n","dangerousCredit":"\u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fcna.st\u002Faffiliate-link\u002F21ph1kqPR7kvazrQjGKzdMGXk4oiy6DCW8xMRhhSgCTSrMmybVdAdDZjWQmZfZYdZQu1ss5JAGi2ZgAEJNTcbsqXT1XxoejzWSoCbHqfqw1LHAMna8FpUQWAwzoMwFkDFVQTMPS2TNE9NC8o?cid=6036986948c8248c729b8902\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\" isAffiliateLink=\"true\"\u003EMonot\u003C\u002Fa\u003E dress. \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fcna.st\u002Faffiliate-link\u002F2rvbHH828PKbNCvBdbtL1aBwmEmNEEBeC9KBCnVqJBq4x56MYFJRc3oScV34zvGCDsQMXo5ARSMXGNMwokTxKCNrKsCAkS5o5w4yf6XHAUjbwvRGk9PMAQZZ9R?cid=6036986948c8248c729b8902\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\" isAffiliateLink=\"true\"\u003EAlighieri\u003C\u002Fa\u003E earrings. \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fcna.st\u002Faffiliate-link\u002FC8EegXATYdTipDRTjPMKDShXGW21K62CTuR3Rw3q8sMUhPTcn65TEMQRCnXkng1xDiu88ne6aAPSe2utuY1jqxst4k1VTYDoaCFUsshajA6Huck8?cid=6036986948c8248c729b8902\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\" isAffiliateLink=\"true\"\u003EJennifer Fisher\u003C\u002Fa\u003E ring.","image":{"id":"6036986948c8248c729b8902","altText":"Demi Lovato in a black dress","contentType":"photo","sources":{"sm":{"width":640,"url":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F6036986948c8248c729b8902\u002Fmaster\u002Fw_640,c_limit\u002FGL-DL-03.jpg","height":800},"md":{"width":768,"url":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F6036986948c8248c729b8902\u002Fmaster\u002Fw_768,c_limit\u002FGL-DL-03.jpg","height":960},"lg":{"width":1024,"url":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F6036986948c8248c729b8902\u002Fmaster\u002Fw_1024,c_limit\u002FGL-DL-03.jpg","height":1280},"xl":{"width":1280,"url":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F6036986948c8248c729b8902\u002Fmaster\u002Fw_1280,c_limit\u002FGL-DL-03.jpg","height":1600},"xxl":{"width":1600,"url":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F6036986948c8248c729b8902\u002Fmaster\u002Fw_1600,c_limit\u002FGL-DL-03.jpg","height":2000}}}},"ref":"6036986948c8248c729b8902","type":"image"}],["div",{"id":"stylitics-marker"}],["p","“I’m the type of person that when you take something out of my life, something else just becomes more beautiful,” she says. “I think that when the universe shuts one door, it opens another or there’s a window to open. It just depends on your perspective and how you choose to look at it.”"],["p","What caused Lovato’s overdose is nuanced, but ignoring her intuition in an industry that holds impossible standards for women clearly played a role. Lovato was good at playing the game, until she wasn’t. Her 2015 album, ",["em","Confident,"]," gave fans the sexed-up, glam icon they wanted. By 2017 she’d fully transformed into ",["a",{"href":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fsports.yahoo.com\u002Fnews\u002Fdemi-lovatos-morning-routine-beast-191612142.html","isExternal":true},"“beast mode,”"]," putting in hours at the gym and embracing society’s ideal of a perfect, sober pop star. A “skinny legend,” as toxic fans effused online."],["p","“I was trying on different identities that felt authentic to me but weren’t me,” she says. “The super-feminine pop star was an identity that sounded like it fit and looked like it fit, so I put it on like it fit.”"],["p","It didn’t. As Lovato preached recovery in her first YouTube documentary, ",["em","Simply Complicated"]," (2017), and achieved massive commercial success—“Sorry Not Sorry” was ",["em","everywhere"],"—her private life was different."],["p","“I was excited that I was in a comfortable place in my body to show more skin, but what I was doing to myself was so unhealthy,” she says. “It was from a place of, ‘I’ve worked really fucking hard on starving and following this diet, and I’m going to show off my body in this photo shoot because I deserve it.’” Her ",["em","Confident"]," era is now ironic in retrospect: “I wasn’t confident at all. I had a false confidence because I was conforming to everybody else’s ideals.”"],["p","Lovato’s life at that time was all about conforming, which exacerbated her eating disorder. On ",["em","The Ellen DeGeneres Show"]," last year, she shared how her hotel phone would be removed so she couldn’t order room service. On her birthday she had watermelon with fat-free whipped cream instead of cake."],["inline-embed",{"props":{"dangerousCaption":"\u003Cp\u003E“I’m living one side of my life completely ‘legalizing’ and this other side following a program that’s telling me if I slip up, I’m going to die.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n","dangerousCredit":"\u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fcna.st\u002Faffiliate-link\u002Fc6EAXKRfBZxR3xuyYfZ3rJnVtCnWsbuhJjFdixDttn8EgteonjHspVhDj1fLdkk8U2uVTqEGE9YyTm1LAX855dVBCATizaxbBSP7ghJoA2MCvQD8gdFojKCtSXZnHWbFAfLr2WUVDQEkMnKzXiapbS6mQJ2fNsRXdjZXRTihfBC6Q5e66iuu?cid=60369869123c4fd2af14d6f1\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\" isAffiliateLink=\"true\"\u003EJunya Watanabe Comme des Garçons\u003C\u002Fa\u003E jacket. \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fcna.st\u002Faffiliate-link\u002FC8EegXATYdTipDRTjPMKDShXGW21K62CTuR3Rw3q8sMUhPTcn65mzGoq3qsYk9UHE7WqaSCJBY7pPcrJ5WTWfumQ9LAtmnB986z1B7KkXqjxMTjt?cid=60369869123c4fd2af14d6f1\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\" isAffiliateLink=\"true\"\u003EFaris\u003C\u002Fa\u003E earrings. \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fcna.st\u002Faffiliate-link\u002F2NgESoWeXD6hCmG9N7QPkEH8ioteSrBZn6hiTwZTLE63u7qkArxs4eKQf6eqpFdJdHG3ZaEyoPkQPtwYgzjddoW6AxGPjEeh8yz67b3iGCoTS7Nz6LPu7foazsbvoaM78VYPB?cid=60369869123c4fd2af14d6f1\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\" isAffiliateLink=\"true\"\u003EDinosaur Designs\u003C\u002Fa\u003E ring. \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fcna.st\u002Faffiliate-link\u002FC8EegXATYdTipDRTjPMKDShXGW21K62CTuR3Rw3q8sMUhPTcn65TEMQRCnXkng1xDiu88ne6aAPSe2utuY1jqxst4k1VTYDoaCFUsshajA6Huck8?cid=60369869123c4fd2af14d6f1\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\" isAffiliateLink=\"true\"\u003EJennifer Fisher\u003C\u002Fa\u003E ring.","image":{"id":"60369869123c4fd2af14d6f1","altText":"Demi Lovato in a black sequin outfit","contentType":"photo","sources":{"sm":{"width":640,"url":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F60369869123c4fd2af14d6f1\u002Fmaster\u002Fw_640,c_limit\u002FGL-DL-06.jpg","height":800},"md":{"width":768,"url":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F60369869123c4fd2af14d6f1\u002Fmaster\u002Fw_768,c_limit\u002FGL-DL-06.jpg","height":960},"lg":{"width":1024,"url":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F60369869123c4fd2af14d6f1\u002Fmaster\u002Fw_1024,c_limit\u002FGL-DL-06.jpg","height":1280},"xl":{"width":1280,"url":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F60369869123c4fd2af14d6f1\u002Fmaster\u002Fw_1280,c_limit\u002FGL-DL-06.jpg","height":1600},"xxl":{"width":1600,"url":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F60369869123c4fd2af14d6f1\u002Fmaster\u002Fw_1600,c_limit\u002FGL-DL-06.jpg","height":2000}}}},"ref":"60369869123c4fd2af14d6f1","type":"image"}],["ad",{"position":"mid-content"}],["p","“To a large extent, she had nobody to turn to,” says Glenn Nordlinger, Lovato’s longtime business manager, who lived across the country. “She turned to food. She turned to drugs. When she was suffering, when she was having issues, if you don’t have that network in place, you find your escape hatch.”"],["p","Lovato tells me the night before ",["em","Simply Complicated"]," dropped, her anxiety prompted a trip to Taco Bell to binge and purge. (She drove herself—Postmates would have left a paper trail for her team.) When photographers caught her, one of her first thoughts was, My team knows I’m at Taco Bell. And then, The ",["em","whole world’s"]," going to see me at Taco Bell. She was flooded with “fast-food shame.”"],["p","There was public shaming in other areas of her life too. As Lovato’s inner circle policed her eating, the outside world policed virtually everything else. “My fans react when I color my hair,” she explains. “If they didn’t like it, I saw it.” She recalls one instance in 2014 when she dyed her hair pink, then shaved half her head; the overwhelming negative response crushed her. “It reignited that fear inside of me of being who I really am.”"],["p","All this pressure took a toll. In spring 2018 she relapsed and started using the substances that led to her overdose a few months later. “When I ignore and deny myself of my truth, I get angry and I overflow, and I make choices that are really bad for me,” she says. “If I look in the mirror and present the mirror with something I’m not, it will shatter.”"],["inline-embed",{"props":{"name":"feature-large","attrs":{},"childTypes":["clip"]},"ref":"","type":"callout:feature-large"},["inline-embed",{"props":{"dangerousCaption":"","dangerousCredit":"","image":{"id":"6036b7ed48c8248c729b8917","altText":"Demi Lovato on the Cover of Glamours March Issue","contentType":"clip","sources":{"640w":{"height":360,"width":640,"url":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fclips\u002F6036b7ed48c8248c729b8917\u002F360p\u002Fpass\u002FDL-Embed-01.mp4"},"1920w":{"height":1080,"width":1920,"url":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fclips\u002F6036b7ed48c8248c729b8917\u002F1080p\u002Fpass\u002FDL-Embed-01.mp4"},"1280w":{"height":720,"width":1280,"url":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fclips\u002F6036b7ed48c8248c729b8917\u002F720p\u002Fpass\u002FDL-Embed-01.mp4"}}}},"ref":"6036b7ed48c8248c729b8917","type":"clip"}]],["p","So Lovato has spent the last two years picking up the pieces. She bought a new place, which her best friend, Matthew Scott Montgomery, says has been instrumental in her healing."],["p","“Getting out of her old house was a good thing for her,” he says. “There are a lot of dark memories there, and I think it was starting to feel like a prison because of all the intense monitoring that was happening. The last night she spent there was when she OD’ed, and I think leaving the energy of that place was helpful.”"],["p","Lovato also signed with new management and started meditating, which she believes can help her vision and hearing. She regularly consults with spiritual advisers. ",["em","Dancing With the Devil"]," outlines the specific precautions—mental, physical, and emotional—she has in place to make sure what happened three years ago doesn’t repeat."],["p","“Now if anything happens in her life that’s hard to deal with, she has this incredible network of people around her who can provide support for her,” Nordlinger says."],["p",["em","Balance"]," is a word that comes up frequently as she explains her philosophy toward life and recovery now. “It’s really interesting—finding that balance,” she says. “Once I really did find it, my whole life fell into place the way it was supposed to.”"],["p","For her eating disorder, balance comes in the form of “legalizing” food. The concept is similar to intuitive eating: She has what she wants, when she wants—without shame. Lovato’s now listening to her body and making decisions that support her well-being. That means ordering Taco Bell when she’s in the mood. “I love it,” she says, smiling."],["p","And on her birthday, that means having real cake—last year she had three. Montgomery recalls from that weekend, “I watched in real time as she realized that eating isn’t just something you have to do to survive. It can be a communal celebration.”"],["inline-embed",{"props":{"dangerousCaption":"\u003Cp\u003E“Autonomy, for me, is what changed my life.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n","dangerousCredit":"\u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fcna.st\u002Faffiliate-link\u002FdFXfBmxeUoMhFmiLTN8bpqZwB68RXEwQsYCYXtbbxWnkdew2nMTVA99cj1x3ec83GYeGfpVTzAHYd2tSz9adEj7wkCGQDTWSisVXRsV74zE3LnLy9ZFLgWcfMhaz?cid=60466abbcd6f49c09eeacec1\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\" isAffiliateLink=\"true\"\u003EApple Save\u003C\u002Fa\u003E top. \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fcna.st\u002Faffiliate-link\u002FC8EegXATYdTipDRTjPMKDShXGW21K62CTuR3Rw3q8sMUhPTcn65mzGoq3qsYk9UHE7WqaSCJBY7pPcrJ5WTWfumQ9LAtmnB9CXQ7sGFy7SRaxXmQ?cid=60466abbcd6f49c09eeacec1\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\" isAffiliateLink=\"true\"\u003EFaris\u003C\u002Fa\u003E earrings.","image":{"id":"60466abbcd6f49c09eeacec1","altText":"Demi Lovato on the Cover","contentType":"photo","sources":{"sm":{"width":640,"url":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F60466abbcd6f49c09eeacec1\u002Fmaster\u002Fw_640,c_limit\u002FGL-DL-01.jpg","height":800},"md":{"width":768,"url":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F60466abbcd6f49c09eeacec1\u002Fmaster\u002Fw_768,c_limit\u002FGL-DL-01.jpg","height":960},"lg":{"width":1024,"url":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F60466abbcd6f49c09eeacec1\u002Fmaster\u002Fw_1024,c_limit\u002FGL-DL-01.jpg","height":1280},"xl":{"width":1280,"url":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F60466abbcd6f49c09eeacec1\u002Fmaster\u002Fw_1280,c_limit\u002FGL-DL-01.jpg","height":1600},"xxl":{"width":1600,"url":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F60466abbcd6f49c09eeacec1\u002Fmaster\u002Fw_1600,c_limit\u002FGL-DL-01.jpg","height":2000}}}},"ref":"60466abbcd6f49c09eeacec1","type":"image"}],["ad",{"position":"mid-content"}],["p","The concept of balance has also informed the way she thinks about substances. Lovato says she is done with the stuff that caused her overdose, but telling herself she can never have a drink or smoke a little weed again is only setting herself up for failure."],["p","She admits to me that taking such a dogmatic view—an “all-or-nothing world,” as she calls it—about sobriety confused her. She was making progress on the eating-disorder front by giving herself permission to eat without shame and felt she could be capable of doing the same with substances."],["p","Lovato turned to her recovery case manager, Charles Cook, for advice. “I called him and was like, ‘Something’s not right. I'm living one side of my life completely legalizing and this other side following a program that’s telling me if I slip up, I’m going to die.’”"],["p","Cook asked Lovato what she wanted to do, to which she said, “I think I want to try this balance thing in the substance side of my life too.” Her team was worried, she says. “But they were like, ‘She deserves this opportunity to make that choice for herself.’ So I did.”"],["p","That last sentence is paramount: Lovato makes clear both in her documentary, and to me, this is a plan for ",["em","herself"],"—no one else. She doesn’t want people in recovery to hear her approach and think they should also drink in moderation or smoke a joint. “A one-size-fits-all solution does not work for everybody,” she says."],["p","Cook echoes this sentiment in the doc: “Any path that is right for someone else does not mean that it is an effective, meaningful, safe path for you.”"],["p","“What I’m encouraging people to do is just make choices for themselves,” Lovato reiterates during our conversation. “Autonomy, for me, is what changed my life.”"],["inline-embed",{"props":{"dangerousCaption":"\u003Cp\u003E“I hooked up with a girl and was like, ‘I like this a lot more.’ It felt better. It felt right.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n","dangerousCredit":"\u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fcna.st\u002Faffiliate-link\u002FxXAuEUCDmnf5hMs8gutP3bfR6LN2aUsvPkqApndWsMth2WnrMdiTYCwcNKr7wQTaHCMm928v?cid=6036985a48c8248c729b8900\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\" isAffiliateLink=\"true\"\u003ELaquan Smith\u003C\u002Fa\u003E dress. \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fcna.st\u002Faffiliate-link\u002F2NgESoWeXD6hCmG9N7QPkEH8ioteSrBZn6hiTwZTLE63u7qkArxs4eKQf6eqpFdJdHG3ZaEyoPkQPtwYgzjddoW6AxGPjEeh8yz67b3iGCoTS7Nz6LPu7foazsbvoaM78VYPB?cid=6036985a48c8248c729b8900\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\" isAffiliateLink=\"true\"\u003EDinosaur Designs\u003C\u002Fa\u003E ring. \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fcna.st\u002Faffiliate-link\u002FC8EegXATYdTipDRTjPMKDShXGW21K62CTuR3Rw3q8sMUhPTcn65mzGoq3qsYk9UHE7WqaSCJBY7pPcrJ5WTWfumQ9LAtmnB986z1B7KkXqjxMTjt?cid=6036985a48c8248c729b8900\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\" isAffiliateLink=\"true\"\u003EFaris\u003C\u002Fa\u003E earrings. \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fcna.st\u002Faffiliate-link\u002FC8EegXATYdTipDRTjPMKDShXGW21K62CTuR3Rw3q8sMUhPTcn65TEMQRCnXkng1xDiu88ne6aAPSe2utuY1jqxst4k1VTYDoaCFUsshajA6Huck8?cid=6036985a48c8248c729b8900\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\" isAffiliateLink=\"true\"\u003EJennifer Fisher\u003C\u002Fa\u003E ring.","image":{"id":"6036985a48c8248c729b8900","altText":"Demi Lovato on the Glamour cover","contentType":"photo","sources":{"sm":{"width":640,"url":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F6036985a48c8248c729b8900\u002Fmaster\u002Fw_640,c_limit\u002FGL-DL-02.jpg","height":800},"md":{"width":768,"url":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F6036985a48c8248c729b8900\u002Fmaster\u002Fw_768,c_limit\u002FGL-DL-02.jpg","height":960},"lg":{"width":1024,"url":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F6036985a48c8248c729b8900\u002Fmaster\u002Fw_1024,c_limit\u002FGL-DL-02.jpg","height":1280},"xl":{"width":1280,"url":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F6036985a48c8248c729b8900\u002Fmaster\u002Fw_1280,c_limit\u002FGL-DL-02.jpg","height":1600},"xxl":{"width":1600,"url":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F6036985a48c8248c729b8900\u002Fmaster\u002Fw_1600,c_limit\u002FGL-DL-02.jpg","height":2000}}}},"ref":"6036985a48c8248c729b8900","type":"image"}],["p","That’s autonomy in all areas, including her sexuality. Lovato is queer—“really queer,” she says—and enjoying fully exploring that side of herself. “I know who I am and what I am, but I’m just waiting until a specific timeline to come out to the world as what I am,” Lovato tells me. “I’m following my healers’ timeline, and I’m using this time to really study and educate myself on my journey and what I’m preparing to do.”"],["p","Last fall Lovato cut her hair into a ",["a",{"href":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fwww.glamour.com\u002Fstory\u002Fdemi-lovato-has-a-bright-pink-pixie-now","isExternal":false},"pixie"],", a symbolic shedding of the heteronormative box she was confined in for years. Her end goal is to completely shave her head."],["ad",{"position":"mid-content"}],["p","“When I started getting older, I started realizing how queer I really am,” Lovato says, beaming. “This past year I was engaged to a man, and when it didn’t work, I was like, This is a huge sign. I thought I was going to spend my life with someone. Now that I wasn’t going to, I felt this sense of relief that I could live my truth.”"],["p","Like many single 20-somethings, she’s exploring this terrain through casual dating. And in this moment, Lovato says, she feels “too queer” to be with a cis man."],["p","“I hooked up with a girl and was like, ‘I like this a lot more.’ It felt better. It felt right,” she says. “Some of the guys I was hanging out with—when it would come time to be sexual or intimate, I would have this kind of visceral reaction. Like, ‘I just don’t want to put my mouth there.’ It wasn’t even based on the person it was with. I just found myself really appreciating the friendships of those people more than the romance, and I didn’t want the romance from anybody of the opposite sex.”"],["inline-embed",{"props":{"dangerousCaption":"\u003Cp\u003E“I was like, ‘Bitch, you should have trusted yourself.’”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n","dangerousCredit":"\u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fcna.st\u002Faffiliate-link\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?cid=60369864231a799357d8d6c3\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\" isAffiliateLink=\"true\"\u003EProenza\u003C\u002Fa\u003E jacket. \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fcna.st\u002Faffiliate-link\u002F21ph1kqPR7kvazrQjGKzdMGXk4oiy6DCW8xMRhhSgCTSrMmybVd8v3ArPUaYT2wVW3JyS7VV9MXUsEVfpkUnb6wC11eKbZd8Txicx4V9DEC6Y5SEWLGShmjYCczvwXHoHSRZdgLuYqXLkdAr?cid=60369864231a799357d8d6c3\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\" isAffiliateLink=\"true\"\u003EJennifer Fisher\u003C\u002Fa\u003E earrings. \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fcna.st\u002Faffiliate-link\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?cid=60369864231a799357d8d6c3\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\" isAffiliateLink=\"true\"\u003EThe M Jewelers\u003C\u002Fa\u003E ring. \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fcna.st\u002Faffiliate-link\u002FC8EegXATYdTipDRTjPMKDShXGW21K62CTuR3Rw3q8sMUhPTcn65TEMQRCnXkng1xDiu88ne6aAPSe2utuY1jqxst4k1VTYDoaCFUsshajA6Huck8?cid=60369864231a799357d8d6c3\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\" isAffiliateLink=\"true\"\u003EJennifer Fisher\u003C\u002Fa\u003E ring.","image":{"id":"60369864231a799357d8d6c3","altText":"Demi Lovato in a tan jacket","contentType":"photo","sources":{"sm":{"width":640,"url":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F60369864231a799357d8d6c3\u002Fmaster\u002Fw_640,c_limit\u002FGL-DL-04.jpg","height":800},"md":{"width":768,"url":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F60369864231a799357d8d6c3\u002Fmaster\u002Fw_768,c_limit\u002FGL-DL-04.jpg","height":960},"lg":{"width":1024,"url":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F60369864231a799357d8d6c3\u002Fmaster\u002Fw_1024,c_limit\u002FGL-DL-04.jpg","height":1280},"xl":{"width":1280,"url":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F60369864231a799357d8d6c3\u002Fmaster\u002Fw_1280,c_limit\u002FGL-DL-04.jpg","height":1600},"xxl":{"width":1600,"url":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F60369864231a799357d8d6c3\u002Fmaster\u002Fw_1600,c_limit\u002FGL-DL-04.jpg","height":2000}}}},"ref":"60369864231a799357d8d6c3","type":"image"}],["p","Frankly, it’s taken Lovato a minute to want romance in general. The new documentary tracks that aforementioned 2020 relationship from engagement to breakup; when things ended, Lovato found herself questioning if she’d ever be able to open up to someone else again."],["p","“Because I denied my intuition of all the red flags that had popped up, I had no one else to blame but myself,” she says. “So I was like, ‘How am I ever going to trust again?’ But really, I was like, ‘Bitch, you should have trusted yourself. If you had trusted yourself, you wouldn’t have ended up in this position.’”"],["p","Once Lovato stopped seeing herself as the victim of that situation, she was able to move forward. “My heart is pretty open,” she says. “I’m very much listening to my intuition, and that’s not to say my boundaries or my guard is up. It’s just saying my ears are perked a little higher and my eyes are open a little wider.”"],["p","As our 70-minute Zoom call ends, Lovato’s song “I Love Me” instantly pops into my head. “I wonder when ‘I love me’ is enough?” she asks herself over and over in the chorus, determined to find an answer. And it seems she’s found one—but it encompasses more than just loving herself. She’s now checking in with herself. Showing up for herself. Blocking out the noise and following her instincts."],["p","Whether it’s building her dream cloud room or reframing her approach to sobriety, Demi Lovato’s path is finally, completely her own. “Nothing people say or do is going to really change the way I live,” she says. For the first time ever, she’s home."],["p",["em","Christopher Rosa is the entertainment editor at"]," Glamour. ",["em","Follow him on"]," ",["a",{"href":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Ftwitter.com\u002Fchrisrosa92?","rel":"nofollow","target":"_blank","isExternal":true},["em","Twitter"]]," ",["em","and"]," ",["a",{"href":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fwww.instagram.com\u002Fchris.rosa92\u002F?hl=en","rel":"nofollow","target":"_blank","isExternal":true},["em","Instagram"]],["em","."]],["div",{"class":"heading-h6","role":"heading","aria-level":"6"},"Photographer: Amanda Charchian; stylist: Henna Koskinen; hair: Rena Calhoun; makeup: Rokael Lizama; manicure: Natalie Minerva; location: ",["a",{"href":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fwww.viceroyhotelsandresorts.com\u002Fbeverly-hills","rel":"nofollow","target":"_blank","isExternal":true},"Viceroy L’Ermitage Beverly Hills"],", ",["a",{"href":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fwww.instagram.com\u002Fviceroybevhills\u002F?hl=en","rel":"nofollow","target":"_blank","isExternal":true},"@viceroybevhills"]],["inline-embed",{"props":{"dangerousCaption":"","height":"","scriptUrl":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fplayer.cnevids.com\u002Fscript\u002Fvideo\u002F60429862dc31e5580e8c1960.js","width":""},"ref":"","type":"cneembed"}]],"affiliateDisclaimer":"All products are independently selected by our editors. If you buy something, we may earn an affiliate commission.","coralComments":{"enableComments":false,"coralHostName":"no coral host configured"},"showBookmark":false,"featureFlags":{"enableAccounts":true,"enableAnalytics":true,"enableDropcap":false,"enableEntitlementProxy":false,"enableEntitlementValidation":false,"enableEntitlementGrantLogic":false,"enableGoogleAmp":true,"enablePayment":false,"enableRecipeRatings":false,"enableStyliticsMarker":true,"enableVideoHomePage":false,"recentWorkTeaser":"rubric-only","bundleTeaser":"rubric-or-channel","contentTeaser":"rubric-or-channel","tagTeaser":"rubric-only","preferCollectionGrid":true,"overrideBodyContentHeadings":true,"enableSponsoredContentInRelated":false,"personalizeInlineRecirc":true,"personalizeRecircList":true,"personalizeRecircMostPopular":true,"shouldUsePromoImageInRecommendations":true,"videoPersistable":false,"google":{"swgEnabled":false,"signInEnabled":false},"featureOnboarding":{}},"hasTruncationOnMobile":false,"hasProduct":false,"headerProps":{"affiliateDisclaimer":"All products are independently selected by our editors. If you buy something, we may earn an affiliate commission.","sponsoredContentHeaderProps":null,"contentHeaderCategories":{"hasCategoryEyebrow":false},"contentSponsorNames":[],"contributors":{"author":{"items":[{"dangerousBio":null,"dangerousTitle":"\u003Ca href=\"\u002Fcontributor\u002Fchristopher-rosa\"\u003EChristopher Rosa\u003C\u002Fa\u003E","name":"Christopher Rosa","socialMedia":[{"label":"Follow Christopher Rosa on Twitter","handle":"@chrisrosa92","network":"twitter"}],"url":"\u002Fcontributor\u002Fchristopher-rosa"}]},"photographer":{"items":[{"dangerousBio":null,"dangerousTitle":"Untitled \u002F Anna Moeslein \u002F March 8, 2021 2:09 PM","name":"Amanda Charchian","socialMedia":[],"url":"\u002Fcontributor\u002Famanda-charchian"}]},"stylist":{"items":[{"dangerousBio":null,"dangerousTitle":null,"name":"Henna Koskinen","socialMedia":[],"url":"\u002Fcontributor\u002Fhenna-koskinen"}]}},"dangerousDek":"Demi Lovato is many things to many people. A pop star, an advocate, a role model. And for years she tried to fulfill those roles—at the cost of her own happiness. But after her overdose in 2018 and spending the last two years figuring out what she really wants, the 28-year-old singer is more centered—and more herself—than ever. To put it simply, she’s home. ","dangerousHed":"Demi Lovato Is Finally Home","hidePublishDate":false,"lede":{"altText":"Demi Lovato on the cover of Glamour","caption":"","contentType":"photo","credit":"","id":"603698584b44a9f9f3f58b7b","sources":{"sm":{"aspectRatio":"1:1","width":360,"url":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F603698584b44a9f9f3f58b7b\u002F1:1\u002Fw_360,c_limit\u002FGL-DL-01.jpg"},"md":{"aspectRatio":"1:1","width":1024,"url":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F603698584b44a9f9f3f58b7b\u002F1:1\u002Fw_1024,c_limit\u002FGL-DL-01.jpg"},"lg":{"aspectRatio":"master","width":1280,"url":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F603698584b44a9f9f3f58b7b\u002Fmaster\u002Fw_1280,c_limit\u002FGL-DL-01.jpg","height":1600},"xl":{"aspectRatio":"master","width":1280,"url":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F603698584b44a9f9f3f58b7b\u002Fmaster\u002Fw_1280,c_limit\u002FGL-DL-01.jpg","height":1600},"xxl":{"aspectRatio":"master","width":2560,"url":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fmedia.glamour.com\u002Fphotos\u002F603698584b44a9f9f3f58b7b\u002Fmaster\u002Fw_2560,c_limit\u002FGL-DL-01.jpg","height":3200}},"restrictCropping":true,"masterAspectRatio":"5000:6250"},"publishDate":"March 11, 2021","rubric":{"name":"Cover Story"},"showIssueCopyByDate":false,"socialMedia":{"showBookmark":false,"links":[{"network":"facebook","behavior":"popup","url":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fwww.facebook.com\u002Fdialog\u002Ffeed?&display=popup&caption=Demi%20Lovato%20Is%20Finally%20Home&app_id=101358874221&link=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.glamour.com%2Fstory%2Fdemi-lovato-march-cover-shoot%3Futm_source%3Dfacebook%26utm_medium%3Dsocial%26utm_campaign%3Donsite-share%26utm_brand%3Dglamour%26utm_social-type%3Dearned","label":"Share on Facebook"},{"network":"twitter","url":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Ftwitter.com\u002Fintent\u002Ftweet\u002F?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.glamour.com%2Fstory%2Fdemi-lovato-march-cover-shoot%3Futm_source%3Dtwitter%26utm_medium%3Dsocial%26utm_campaign%3Donsite-share%26utm_brand%3Dglamour%26utm_social-type%3Dearned&text=Demi%20Lovato%20Is%20Finally%20Home&via=glamourmag","label":"Share on Twitter"},{"network":"email","url":"mailto:?subject=Demi%20Lovato%20Is%20Finally%20Home&body=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.glamour.com%2Fstory%2Fdemi-lovato-march-cover-shoot%3Futm_source%3Donsite-share%26utm_medium%3Demail%26utm_campaign%3Donsite-share%26utm_brand%3Dglamour","label":"Share via Email"}]},"socialTitle":"Demi Lovato Is Finally Home","socialDescription":"For years Demi Lovato tried to be everything for everyone—and it almost killed her. Now, at 28 years old, she’s living for one person only: herself."},"hideAffiliateDisclaimer":false,"interactiveOverride":{"markup":null,"behavior":null},"isAffiliateLinksDisabled":false,"isHeroAdVisible":true,"isLicensedPartner":false,"hasNewsletterInBody":false,"lang":"en","licensedPartnerLink":null,"relatedVideo":{"showRelatedVideo":false,"brand":"glamour","related":null,"pageSize":4},"interlude":{"brand":"glamour","humanName":"Glamour","playerBase":"https:\u002F\u002Fweb.archive.org\u002Fweb\u002F20210512204000\u002Fhttps:\u002F\u002Fplayer.cnevids.com","strategy":{"enabled":true,"target":{"method":"default"},"embed":{"method":"default"}},"isRailEligible":false,"embeddedVideos":["60429862dc31e5580e8c1960"],"hasExcludedEmbed":false},"hideContributorBio":true,"badge":null,"tagCloud":{"tags":[{"id":"5b0588a3c6f7b451a54925b2","tag":"demi lovato","url":"\u002Fabout\u002Fdemi-lovato"},{"id":"5b0588b88d74440bbb4e5537","tag":"cover 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href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fcna.st\u002Faffiliate-link\u002F2NgESoWeXD6hCmG9N7QPkEH8ioteSrBZn6hiTwZTLE63u7qkArxs4eKQf6eqpFdJdHG3ZaEyoPkQPtwYgzjddoW6AxGPjEeh8yz67b3iGCoTS7Nz6LPu7foazsbvoaM78VYPB?cid=60369869123c4fd2af14d6f1\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\" isAffiliateLink=\"true\"\u003EDinosaur Designs\u003C\u002Fa\u003E ring. \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fcna.st\u002Faffiliate-link\u002FC8EegXATYdTipDRTjPMKDShXGW21K62CTuR3Rw3q8sMUhPTcn65TEMQRCnXkng1xDiu88ne6aAPSe2utuY1jqxst4k1VTYDoaCFUsshajA6Huck8?cid=60369869123c4fd2af14d6f1\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\" isAffiliateLink=\"true\"\u003EJennifer Fisher\u003C\u002Fa\u003E ring.","id":"60369869123c4fd2af14d6f1","altText":"Demi Lovato in a black sequin 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for me, is what changed my life.”\u003C\u002Fp\u003E\n","dangerousCredit":"\u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fcna.st\u002Faffiliate-link\u002FdFXfBmxeUoMhFmiLTN8bpqZwB68RXEwQsYCYXtbbxWnkdew2nMTVA99cj1x3ec83GYeGfpVTzAHYd2tSz9adEj7wkCGQDTWSisVXRsV74zE3LnLy9ZFLgWcfMhaz?cid=60466abbcd6f49c09eeacec1\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\" isAffiliateLink=\"true\"\u003EApple Save\u003C\u002Fa\u003E top. \u003Ca href=\"https:\u002F\u002Fcna.st\u002Faffiliate-link\u002FC8EegXATYdTipDRTjPMKDShXGW21K62CTuR3Rw3q8sMUhPTcn65mzGoq3qsYk9UHE7WqaSCJBY7pPcrJ5WTWfumQ9LAtmnB9CXQ7sGFy7SRaxXmQ?cid=60466abbcd6f49c09eeacec1\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\" isAffiliateLink=\"true\"\u003EFaris\u003C\u002Fa\u003E earrings.","id":"60466abbcd6f49c09eeacec1","altText":"Demi Lovato on the 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r=this;function i(n){var r=this;n=void 0!==n?n:t.next(e),defineReadOnlyProperties$1(this,{id:e+"_"+n,slotCount:n}),this.getAdUnitPath=function(){return getAdUnitPath(r,c)},freeze$1(this)}this.getRenderBlock=function(){return{top:".cns--"+n}},this.getSizesArray=function(){var e=c.getSlotAttribute("data-slot-size");return e?JSON.parse(e):[1,1]},this.getSizeMapFromAttributes=function(e){try{if(!c.getSlotAttribute("data-size-mapping"))return;JSON.parse(c.getSlotAttribute("data-size-mapping")).forEach(function(t){var n=t.viewport,r=t.slot;e.addSize(n,r)})}catch(e){}},this.getKvPairsAttribute=function(){return c.getSlotAttribute("data-kv-pairs")},this.getTargetingFromAttributes=function(){var e=r.getKvPairsAttribute();return e&&keyValueArraysToMap(JSON.parse(e))||{}},this.getOutOfPageAttribute=function(){return!!c.getSlotAttribute("data-is-out-of-page")},this.getSizeMapping=function(){var e=window.googletag.sizeMapping();return 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INCLUDES="includes";_export(_export.P+_export.F*_failsIsRegexp(INCLUDES),"String",{includes:function(e){return!!~_stringContext(this,e,INCLUDES).indexOf(e,arguments.length>1?arguments[1]:void 0)}});var eval2=eval;function getText(e){for(var t="",n=e.childNodes,r=0;r<n.length;r++){var i=n[r];8!==i.nodeType&&(t+=1!==i.nodeType?i.nodeValue:getText(i))}return t}function setMeta(e,t,n){var r=getText(n[t]);return{index:t,isOdd:!!(t%2),isEven:!(t%2),isFirst:0===t,isLast:t===e-1,characterCount:r.split("").length,wordCount:r.split(" ").length}}function isValidComplexInjection(e){return"string"==typeof e.el&&"number"==typeof e.every&&("object"==typeof e.in&&"string"==typeof e.in.el||"string"==typeof e.in)}var insertionMethodMap={top:"prepend",bottom:"append",after:"after"};function normalizeMethod(e){return insertionMethodMap[e]||e}var insertionMethods={before:function(e){return e.previousSibling},above:function(e){return e.previousSibling},after:function(e){return 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t=0;t<shouldAddSlotConditions.length;t++){var n="shouldAddSlot."+shouldAddSlotConditions[t].name;if(shouldAddSlotConditions[t].check(e)){var r=void 0;try{r=shouldAddSlotConditions[t].fn(e)}catch(t){debug(n+".conditionThrew",{ex:t,facts:e})}if(!r)return debug(n+".conditionNotMet",e),r;debug(n+".conditionFalse",e)}else debug(n+".checkFailed",e)}return!0}function getParentSelector(e){return"string"==typeof e?e:e.el}function getEvalResult(e){if(e)try{return eval2("("+e+")")}catch(e){error("seriesInjection",e)}}function getDomNodesForInjectionBlock(e){var t=0,n=0,r=find$1(getParentSelector(e.in));if(!r)return[];for(var i=findAll(r,e.el),o=i.length,a=getEvalResult(e.when),s=[],c=0;c<o;c++){var u=i[c],l=setMeta(o,c,i);t+=l.characterCount,n+=l.wordCount,l.accumulatedCharacterCount=t,l.accumulatedWordCount=n,shouldAddSlot({index:c,domNode:u,meta:l,customConditionFn:a,injectionBlock:e})&&s.push(u)}return s}function getCandidateElementsFromRenderBlock(e){return Object.keys(e).reduce(function(t,n){var r,i=e[n];return"string"==typeof i?r=findAll(i):isValidComplexInjection(i)?r=getDomNodesForInjectionBlock(i):(r=[],error("invalid",i)),n=normalizeMethod(n),(r=r.filter(function(e){return!alreadyExists(e,n)}))&&r.length&&(t[n]=r),t},{})}var PromiseLock=function(){var e;return function(t){return function(){for(var n=arguments.length,r=new Array(n),i=0;i<n;i++)r[i]=arguments[i];if(e){var o=e.then(function(){return t.apply(void 0,r)});return e=o.then(function(){}),o}return e=t.apply(void 0,r)}}};function createContainerEl(e,t,n){var r=createElement("div",{id:e+"_"+t});return addClasses(r,["cns-ads-container"]),setStyle(r,{margin:"0px auto",boxSizing:"content-box"}),n&&setElementData(r,n),r}function createAdDivs(e,t,n,r){var i="cns-ads-slot-type-",o=e.replace(new 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t=e.slotTypeDefinition,n=e.pageTargeting,r=e.slotTargeting,i=e.reactReady,o=e.oopHasRendered,a=e.excludedPositions,s=!!r,c=targetingRule(t.requiredTargeting,r,n),u=reactRule(t.shouldWaitForReact,i),l=t.shouldWaitForOOP,f=t.position,d=a.has(f),g=s&&c&&u&&!d&&!(l&&!o);return debug("canRequest."+t.slotName+"."+g,{slotTypeDefinition:t,pageTargeting:n,slotTargeting:r,reactReady:i,oopHasRendered:o,excludedPositions:a}),g}var handleMoatYieldIntelligenceReady=function(e){try{window.moatPrebidApi.setMoatTargetingForAllSlots()}catch(t){return e({moatYieldIntelligenceUnavailable:!0})}return e({moatYieldIntelligenceLoaded:!0})},moatYieldIntelligence={load:function(){return new Promise(function(e){window.moatYieldReady=function(){handleMoatYieldIntelligenceReady(e)}})},slotDataAvailable:function(){try{return!!window.moatPrebidApi.slotDataAvailable()}catch(e){return!1}},setMoatTargetingForSlot:function(e){window.moatPrebidApi.setMoatTargetingForSlot(e)}};function UnassumingInsert(e,t,n,r){window.googletag=window.googletag||{};var i=window.googletag,o=t.withTargeting,a=r.getSingleInstance().getPageDefinition().isVerso,s=new InjectRefreshDisplayInjectionStrategy(o,r,n,a),c=new Set,u=!1,l=!1;var f,d,g=(new PromiseLock)(function(e){var t=e.getSingleInstance().getPageDefinition();return o(["service"],{pageDefinition:t},function(n){if(n)return applyTargeting(i.pubads(),n),Promise.all(t.slotNames.map(function(r){var a,f,d,g,p=e.getSingleInstance().getSlotTypeDefinition(r);return f=function(e,r){return o(["slot"],{pageTargeting:n,slotTypeDefinition:p,reactReady:l,el:e},function(o){if(o)if(canRequest({slotTypeDefinition:p,pageTargeting:n,slotTargeting:o,reactReady:l,oopHasRendered:u,excludedPositions:c})){var a=e.dataset.nodeId,f=p.getSlotDefinition(void 0,void 0,Object.assign({},a&&{"node-id":a})),d=f.isOutOfPage;t.useDataAttributes&&(d=p.getOutOfPageAttribute());var g=function(e,t){return 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