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How to Get Over an Avoidant Partner: 11 Proven Ways to Cope
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ARTICLE</div> <div class="method_toc_item toc_method " id="" data-section=""> <a class="method_toc_item_a" href="#Recognize-the-attachment-styles-you-both-have."> <span class="method_toc_item_a_span">1</span> Recognize the attachment styles you both have. </a> </div> <div class="method_toc_item toc_method " id="" data-section=""> <a class="method_toc_item_a" href="#Pay-attention-to-how-your-body-feels."> <span class="method_toc_item_a_span">2</span> Pay attention to how your body feels. </a> </div> <div class="method_toc_item toc_method " id="" data-section=""> <a class="method_toc_item_a" href="#Resist-taking-the-blame-for-your-partner.E2.80.99s-behavior."> <span class="method_toc_item_a_span">3</span> Resist taking the blame for your partner’s behavior. </a> </div> <div class="method_toc_item toc_method toc_hidden " id="" data-section=""> <a class="method_toc_item_a" href="#Stop-seeing-your-partner-for-their-.E2.80.9Cpotential..E2.80.9D"> <span class="method_toc_item_a_span">4</span> Stop seeing your partner for their “potential.” </a> </div> <div class="method_toc_item toc_method toc_hidden " id="" data-section=""> <a class="method_toc_item_a" href="#Take-time-to-grieve-what-you.E2.80.99ve-lost."> <span class="method_toc_item_a_span">5</span> Take time to grieve what you’ve lost. </a> </div> <div class="method_toc_item toc_method toc_hidden " id="" data-section=""> <a class="method_toc_item_a" href="#Accept-that-the-relationship-doesn.E2.80.99t-have-to-work."> <span class="method_toc_item_a_span">6</span> Accept that the relationship doesn’t have to work. </a> </div> <div class="method_toc_item toc_method toc_hidden " id="" data-section=""> <a class="method_toc_item_a" href="#Acknowledge-the-patterns-you-have-in-relationships."> <span class="method_toc_item_a_span">7</span> Acknowledge the patterns you have in relationships. </a> </div> <div class="method_toc_item toc_method toc_hidden " id="" data-section=""> <a class="method_toc_item_a" href="#Describe-a-dynamic-that.E2.80.99s-healthy-for-you."> <span class="method_toc_item_a_span">8</span> Describe a dynamic that’s healthy for you. </a> </div> <div class="method_toc_item toc_method toc_hidden " id="" data-section=""> <a class="method_toc_item_a" href="#Focus-on-your-own-self-worth."> <span class="method_toc_item_a_span">9</span> Focus on your own self-worth. </a> </div> <div class="method_toc_item toc_method toc_hidden " id="" data-section=""> <a class="method_toc_item_a" href="#Focus-on-hobbies-and-friends-instead-of-the-relationship."> <span class="method_toc_item_a_span">10</span> Focus on hobbies and friends instead of the relationship. </a> </div> <div class="method_toc_item toc_method toc_hidden " id="" data-section=""> <a class="method_toc_item_a" href="#Commit-to-self-care-rather-than-to-.E2.80.9Cfixing.E2.80.9D-your-partner."> <span class="method_toc_item_a_span">11</span> Commit to self-care rather than to “fixing” your partner. </a> </div> <div class="method_toc_item toc_method toc_nav" id="toc_showmore" data-section=""> <a class="method_toc_item_a" href="#"> <span class="method_toc_item_a_span">+</span> Show 8 more... </a> </div> <div class="method_toc_item toc_method toc_nav" id="toc_showless" data-section=""> <a class="method_toc_item_a" href="#"> <span class="method_toc_item_a_span">-</span> Show less... </a> </div> <div class="toc_header">Other Sections</div> <div class="method_toc_item toc_post" id="summaryvideo_toc" data-section="#Video"> <a class="method_toc2_item_a" href="#Video"> Video<span>WATCH NOW</span> </a> </div> <div class="method_toc_item toc_post" id="rwh_toc" data-section="#relatedwikihows"> <a class="method_toc2_item_a" href="#relatedwikihows"> Related Articles </a> </div> <div class="method_toc_item toc_post" id="toc_ref" data-section="#References"> <a class="method_toc2_item_a" href="#References"> References </a> </div> </div> <div id="toc_line"></div> </div> </div> <div id="coauthor_byline" class="article_byline "> <div id="byline_info"> <span class=""> <b>Written by</b> <a href="/Author/Liana-Georgoulis-PsyD" class="coauthor_link coauthor_checkstar">Liana Georgoulis, PsyD</a> </span> <span class="coauthor_pipe">|</span> <b>Edited by</b> <a href="/Author/Madeleine-Flamiano" class="coauthor_link">Madeleine Flamiano</a> <p id="coauthor_byline_p"> <a href="#" class="byline_info_link hover_pop"> <span class="last_updated_highlighted">Last Updated: June 24, 2024</span> </a> <a href="#" class="eat_tag">Fact Checked</a> </p> </div> </div> <a class="small_pdf_link pdf_link disabled " href="#"> <img class="pdf_link-img" loading="lazy" src="/extensions/wikihow/socialstamp/images/icon-pdf.svg" alt="PDF download" width="150" height="150"> <span class="pdfText">Download Article</span> </a> <div id="mobile_tab_container"> <div class="mobile_tab "> <a href="#steps_1">ARTICLE</a> <div id="mobile_tab_line"></div> </div> <div class="mobile_tab video"> <a href="#Video">VIDEO</a> </div> </div> <div id="byline_hover" hidden> <div id="byline_hover_close">X</div> <div id="byline_hover_body"> <p> This article was written by <a href="/Author/Liana-Georgoulis-PsyD">Liana Georgoulis, PsyD</a> and by wikiHow staff writer, <a href="/Author/Madeleine-Flamiano">Madeleine Flamiano</a>. Dr. Liana Georgoulis is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist based in Los Angeles, California. She is the founder and clinical director of Coast Psychological Services. With over 12 years of experience, her mission is to provide clients with effective, well-studied, and established treatments that bring about significant improvements in her patients' lives. Her practice provides cognitive behavioral therapy and other evidence-based therapies for adolescents, adults, and couples. Additionally, she provides group therapy for social anxiety, social skills, and assertiveness training. Providing a space where clients feel understood and supported is essential to her work. Dr. Georgoulis also provides clinical supervision to post-doctoral fellows and psychological assistants. She received her PhD in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University and a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Los Angeles. <br><br> There are <a href="#References">13 references</a> cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. <br><br> This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources. <br><br> This article has been viewed 80,463 times. </p> </div> </div> <div class="mf-section-0" id="mf-section-0"> <p>When an avoidant partner pulls away, it's natural to miss them. Fortunately, there are many ways for you to cope with an avoidant partner's behavior and heal your heart. In this article, we'll share expert-backed information about why you're drawn to an avoidant partner and why they have a tendency to run away. We'll also provide tips about how to move on and focus on your own self-growth. Read on to get over an avoidant partner and prioritize yourself.<br><br>This article is based on an interview with our licensed clinical psychologist, Liana Georgoulis, Psy.D. <span id="wh-dialog-sample_55a5388e54b9ce21cbe0805eed2db66a"><a class="expert_interview_link sd_link" data-sample-title="wikiHow Expert Interview Transcript Liana Georgoulis, PsyD Part 2" data-sample-link="/Sample/wikiHow-Expert-Interview-Transcript-Liana-Georgoulis,-PsyD-Part-2" href="#wh-dialog-sample_55a5388e54b9ce21cbe0805eed2db66a" rel="nofollow">Check out the full interview here.</a></span> </p> </div> <div class="clearall"></div> <div class="wh_ad_inner w_label al_grey" data-service="adsense" data-instantload="1" data-slot="7672188889" data-width="728" data-height="120" data-smallslot="8943394577" data-smallheight="120" data-innerclass="full-width" data-full-width-intro="true" data-type="intro" data-small="1" data-medium="1" data-large="1" data-channels="9848412230,8788556287" 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data-mediumchannels="4066873649" data-pagetype="list" data-observerloading="1" data-sizes-array="[728, 90]" data-gptdisplaylate="1" data-pbadunits='{"appnexus":19512208,"pubmatic":"2946818","ix":"531046","amx":"d2lraWhvdy5jb20","rubicon":"1753134","shemedia":"2952570","openx":"541138162","triplelift":"Wikihow_engl_gam_all_728x90_Prebid","yahooAds":"8a96954f01747430358b365459b80331","yieldmo":"2508866731741487190","grid":168908,"medianet":"464704332","rise":"engl_gam_all_scrol","sharethrough":"YRwAUQ4n3r0xdDMH0TOrPfnH"}'><div id="scrollto_ad_1"></div></div> <script>WH.ads.addBodyAd('scrollto_ad_1')</script><h2 class="section-heading hidden" onclick="javascript:mfTempOpenSection(1)"> <div class="mw-ui-icon mw-ui-icon-element indicator"></div> <span class="mw-headline" id="Steps">Steps</span> </h2> <div class="mf-section-1 collapsible-block" id="mf-section-1"> <div class="section steps steps_first sticky hide_step_numbers"> <div class="headline_container block_header in-block subheadline"> <div class="altblock"><div> <span>1</span> </div> </div> <div class="headline_info"><h3><span class="mw-headline" id="Recognize-the-attachment-styles-you-both-have.">Recognize the attachment styles you both have.</span></h3></div> <a class="large_pdf_link pdf_link disabled pdf_link_steps " href="#"> <img class="pdf_link-img" loading="lazy" src="/extensions/wikihow/socialstamp/images/icon-pdf.svg" alt="PDF download" width="150" height="150"> <span class="pdfText">Download Article</span> </a> </div> <div id="steps_1" class="section_text"> <ol class="steps_list_2"> <li id="step-id-00"> <a name="step_1_1" class="stepanchor"></a><div class="mwimg largeimage floatcenter " style="max-width:728px"><a href="#/Image:Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-1.jpg" class="image"><div class="content-spacer" style="padding-top:75%"> <img alt="If you have an avoidant partner, you probably have an “anxious” style." decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/a/ab/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-1.jpg/v4-728px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-1.jpg" data-firstimage="1" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="1410cc8cf98ebc10a05dfbd211a7c02d" onload="WH.performance.clearMarks('image1_rendered'); WH.performance.mark('image1_rendered');" data-src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/a/ab/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-1.jpg/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-1.jpg"><script>WH.shared.addScrollLoadItem('1410cc8cf98ebc10a05dfbd211a7c02d')</script> </div> <noscript><img alt="If you have an avoidant partner, you probably have an “anxious” style." src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/a/ab/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-1.jpg/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-1.jpg" decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/a/ab/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-1.jpg/v4-728px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-1.jpg" data-firstimage="1" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="1410cc8cf98ebc10a05dfbd211a7c02d" onload="WH.performance.clearMarks('image1_rendered'); WH.performance.mark('image1_rendered');"></noscript> <script>WH.performance.clearMarks('image1_rendered'); WH.performance.mark('image1_rendered');</script><div class="image_details" style="display:none;"><span style="display:none;">{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/a\/ab\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-1.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-1.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/a\/ab\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-1.jpg\/v4-728px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-1.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}</span></div></a></div><div class="step"> <b class="whb" aria-hidden="true">If you have an avoidant partner, you probably have an “anxious” style.</b><sup id="_ref-1" class="reference" aria-label="Link to Reference 1"><a href="#_note-1">[1]</a><span class="ts_popup " hidden id="ts_popup_1" style="display: none;"> <span class="ts_close">X</span> <span class="ts_name">Research source</span> <span class="ts_description"></span> <a href="#" class="ts_source" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noreferrer noopener"></a> </span> </sup> Do you feel that your partner avoids intimacy and demands space? Do you also notice that they dodge questions or outright refuse to discuss their feelings? If so, they probably have an “avoidant” attachment style. If you feel overwhelmed when your partner pushes you away and responsible when they leave you, then it’s likely you have an “anxious” attachment style.<sup id="_ref-2" class="reference" aria-label="Link to Reference 2"><a href="#_note-2">[2]</a><span class="ts_popup " hidden id="ts_popup_2" style="display: none;"> <span class="ts_close">X</span> <span class="ts_name">Research source</span> <span class="ts_description"></span> <a href="#" class="ts_source" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noreferrer noopener"></a> </span> </sup> <ul> <li>A partner with an <i>avoidant attachment style</i> also: <br> • Rejects people when they get too close. <br> • Finds it difficult to trust others. <br> • Fears anyone getting too close. <br> • Wants a lot of alone time. <br> • Believes that they don’t need anyone.</li> <li>If you have<i> an anxious attachment style</i>, you may: <br> • Want to hold onto others so they don’t leave. <br> • Feel sensitive about criticism. <br> • Think you need approval from other people. <br> • Struggle with feelings of jealousy. <br> • Have difficulty being alone. <br> • Fear rejection and abandonment.</li> </ul> <script>WH.performance.mark('step1_rendered');</script> </div> <div class="clearall"></div> </li> <div class="wh_ad_inner w_label al_grey dfpsmall dfpsmallmethod containerless_ad fluid" data-service="adsense" data-slot="7710650179" data-width="728" data-height="90" data-smallheight="250" data-type="method" data-small="1" data-channels="8788556287" data-smallservice="dfp" data-adunitpath="/10095428/engl/engl_gam_sma_meth0" data-size='[[300, 250],"fluid"]' data-apsload="1" data-prebidload="1" data-aps-timeout="800" data-containerless="1" data-fullwidthadsense="1" data-fluidsize="1" data-mediumchannels="2642708467,4066873649" data-smallchannels="5069754771,8156154280" data-aditudetarget="pb-slot-engl-meth" data-largechannels="2060152247,5763098696" data-insertslotvalue="1" data-pagetype="list" data-observerloading="1" data-sizes-array='[[300, 250],"fluid"]' data-gptdisplaylate="1" data-pbadunits='{"appnexus":29111279,"pubmatic":"4926794","ix":"944751","amx":"d2lraWhvdy5jb20","rubicon":"2756126","shemedia":"2952570","openx":"558892622","triplelift":"Wikihow_engl_gam_sma_meth0_300x250_Prebid","yieldmo":"3204666393567896410","grid":383057,"medianet":"521047606","rise":"engl_gam_sma_meth0","sharethrough":"xZq2HSiUJL1GRBHUi49ybeLd"}'><div id="mobilemethod_ad_1"></div></div> <div class="al_method">Advertisement</div> <script>WH.ads.addBodyAd('mobilemethod_ad_1')</script> </ol> <div class="clearall"></div> </div> </div> <div class="section steps sticky hide_step_numbers"> <div class="headline_container block_header in-block subheadline"> <div class="altblock"><div> <span>2</span> </div> </div> <div class="headline_info"><h3><span class="mw-headline" id="Pay-attention-to-how-your-body-feels.">Pay attention to how your body feels.</span></h3></div> <a class="large_pdf_link pdf_link disabled pdf_link_steps " href="#"> <img class="pdf_link-img" loading="lazy" src="/extensions/wikihow/socialstamp/images/icon-pdf.svg" alt="PDF download" width="150" height="150"> <span class="pdfText">Download Article</span> </a> </div> <div id="steps_2" class="section_text"> <ol class="steps_list_2"><li id="step-id-11"> <a name="step_2_1" class="stepanchor"></a><div class="mwimg largeimage floatcenter " style="max-width:728px"><a href="#/Image:Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-2.jpg" class="image"><div class="content-spacer" style="padding-top:75%"> <img alt="Check in with how the relationship impacts your health." decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/1/12/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-2.jpg/v4-728px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-2.jpg" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="a07afa76908060bd72c902cb31fb5fe1" data-src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/1/12/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-2.jpg/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-2.jpg"><script>WH.shared.addScrollLoadItem('a07afa76908060bd72c902cb31fb5fe1')</script> </div> <noscript><img alt="Check in with how the relationship impacts your health." src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/1/12/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-2.jpg/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-2.jpg" decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/1/12/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-2.jpg/v4-728px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-2.jpg" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="a07afa76908060bd72c902cb31fb5fe1"></noscript> <div class="image_details" style="display:none;"><span style="display:none;">{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/1\/12\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/1\/12\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-2.jpg\/v4-728px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}</span></div></a></div><div class="step"> <b class="whb" aria-hidden="true">Check in with how the relationship impacts your health.</b> You may be in “panic mode”—an anxious and confused state—when your avoidant partner is gone. Right now, go to a quiet place, take some deep breaths, and close your eyes. Focus on the sensations inside your body. For example, do you feel tightness in your jaw or tenseness in your shoulders? Once you’ve identified these physical cues, connect an emotion to them. Finally, list what you need to feel balanced again. Check out this sample process:<sup id="_ref-4" class="reference" aria-label="Link to Reference 4"><a href="#_note-4">[3]</a><span class="ts_popup " hidden id="ts_popup_4" style="display: none;"> <span class="ts_close">X</span> <span class="ts_name">Research source</span> <span class="ts_description"></span> <a href="#" class="ts_source" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noreferrer noopener"></a> </span> </sup> <ul> <li>“I feel a pain in my chest and shortness of breath right now.”</li> <li>“This happens every time I look down at the ‘read’ receipt. I feel sad he hasn’t replied.”</li> <li>“I need to spend time with my friends so I can feel wanted and valued.”</li> </ul> </div> <div class="clearall"></div> <div class="scrolltomarker" data-isstep="1"></div> </li></ol> <div class="clearall"></div> </div> </div> <div class="section steps sticky hide_step_numbers"> <div class="headline_container block_header in-block subheadline"> <div class="altblock"><div> <span>3</span> </div> </div> <div class="headline_info"> <span id="Resist-taking-the-blame-for-your-partner’s-behavior."></span><h3><span class="mw-headline" id="Resist-taking-the-blame-for-your-partner.E2.80.99s-behavior.">Resist taking the blame for your partner’s behavior.</span></h3> </div> <a class="large_pdf_link pdf_link disabled pdf_link_steps " href="#"> <img class="pdf_link-img" loading="lazy" src="/extensions/wikihow/socialstamp/images/icon-pdf.svg" alt="PDF download" width="150" height="150"> <span class="pdfText">Download Article</span> </a> </div> <div id="steps_3" class="section_text"> <ol class="steps_list_2"> <li id="step-id-22"> <a name="step_3_1" class="stepanchor"></a><div class="mwimg largeimage floatcenter " style="max-width:728px"><a href="#/Image:Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-3.jpg" class="image"><div class="content-spacer" style="padding-top:75%"> <img alt="If they said you caused them to leave, recognize leaving was their choice." decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/8/81/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-3.jpg/v4-728px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-3.jpg" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="9ca379cfa4b05d8eebdea12c812b0691" data-src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/8/81/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-3.jpg/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-3.jpg"><script>WH.shared.addScrollLoadItem('9ca379cfa4b05d8eebdea12c812b0691')</script> </div> <noscript><img alt="If they said you caused them to leave, recognize leaving was their choice." src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/8/81/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-3.jpg/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-3.jpg" decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/8/81/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-3.jpg/v4-728px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-3.jpg" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="9ca379cfa4b05d8eebdea12c812b0691"></noscript> <div class="image_details" style="display:none;"><span style="display:none;">{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/8\/81\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/8\/81\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-3.jpg\/v4-728px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}</span></div></a></div><div class="step"> <b class="whb" aria-hidden="true">If they said you caused them to leave, recognize leaving was their choice.</b> Since avoidant partners have a habit of finding fault in their significant others, block out any of their accusations. Maybe your partner claims you’re “needy” or they suggest you just don’t meet all their high standards.<sup id="_ref-5" class="reference" aria-label="Link to Reference 5"><a href="#_note-5">[4]</a><span class="ts_popup " hidden id="ts_popup_5" style="display: none;"> <span class="ts_close">X</span> <span class="ts_name">Research source</span> <span class="ts_description"></span> <a href="#" class="ts_source" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noreferrer noopener"></a> </span> </sup> If they say you’re the source of all conflict or tension, refuse to take it personally. Your avoidant partner needs to engage in self-reflection and acknowledge that they have a pattern of pushing people away.<sup id="_ref-7" class="reference" aria-label="Link to Reference 7"><a href="#_note-7">[5]</a><span class="ts_popup " hidden id="ts_popup_7" style="display: none;"> <span class="ts_close">X</span> <span class="ts_name">Research source</span> <span class="ts_description"></span> <a href="#" class="ts_source" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noreferrer noopener"></a> </span> </sup> <ul> <li>When an avoidant partner criticizes you, they’re impulsively lashing out.</li> <li>Their abusive behavior and tendency to minimize you still isn’t okay.</li> <li>If they talk about what’s “wrong” with you, they’re actually feeling insecure about themselves.</li> <li>Unless they cope with their fears, they’ll run away from anyone they’re with.</li> <li>You aren’t at fault for their desire for distance or their resistance to communication.</li> </ul> </div> <div class="clearall"></div> </li> <div class="wh_ad_inner w_label al_grey dfpsmall dfpsmallmethod containerless_ad fluid" data-service="adsense" data-slot="7710650179" data-width="728" data-height="90" data-smallheight="250" data-type="method" data-small="1" data-channels="8788556287" data-smallservice="dfp" data-adunitpath="/10095428/engl/engl_gam_sma_meth0" data-size='[[300, 250],"fluid"]' data-apsload="1" data-prebidload="1" data-aps-timeout="800" data-containerless="1" data-fullwidthadsense="1" data-fluidsize="1" data-mediumchannels="2642708467,4066873649" data-smallchannels="5069754771,8156154280" data-aditudetarget="pb-slot-engl-meth" data-largechannels="2060152247,5763098696" data-insertslotvalue="2" data-pagetype="list" data-observerloading="1" data-sizes-array='[[300, 250],"fluid"]' data-gptdisplaylate="1" data-pbadunits='{"appnexus":29111279,"pubmatic":"4926794","ix":"944751","amx":"d2lraWhvdy5jb20","rubicon":"2756126","shemedia":"2952570","openx":"558892622","triplelift":"Wikihow_engl_gam_sma_meth0_300x250_Prebid","yieldmo":"3204666393567896410","grid":383057,"medianet":"521047606","rise":"engl_gam_sma_meth0","sharethrough":"xZq2HSiUJL1GRBHUi49ybeLd"}'><div id="mobilemethod_ad_3"></div></div> <div class="al_method">Advertisement</div> <script>WH.ads.addBodyAd('mobilemethod_ad_3')</script> </ol> <div class="clearall"></div> </div> </div> <div class="section steps sticky hide_step_numbers"> <div class="headline_container block_header in-block subheadline"> <div class="altblock"><div> <span>4</span> </div> </div> <div class="headline_info"> <span id="Stop-seeing-your-partner-for-their-“potential.”"></span><h3><span class="mw-headline" id="Stop-seeing-your-partner-for-their-.E2.80.9Cpotential..E2.80.9D">Stop seeing your partner for their “potential.”</span></h3> </div> <a class="large_pdf_link pdf_link disabled pdf_link_steps " href="#"> <img class="pdf_link-img" loading="lazy" src="/extensions/wikihow/socialstamp/images/icon-pdf.svg" alt="PDF download" width="150" height="150"> <span class="pdfText">Download Article</span> </a> </div> <div id="steps_4" class="section_text"> <ol class="steps_list_2"><li id="step-id-33"> <a name="step_4_1" class="stepanchor"></a><div class="mwimg largeimage floatcenter " style="max-width:728px"><a href="#/Image:Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-4.jpg" class="image"><div class="content-spacer" style="padding-top:75%"> <img alt="Recognize who they are now instead of who they could be." decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/c/c2/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-4.jpg/v4-728px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-4.jpg" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="2bb394adcb97c027f1df5fa374a3208a" data-src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/c/c2/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-4.jpg/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-4.jpg"><script>WH.shared.addScrollLoadItem('2bb394adcb97c027f1df5fa374a3208a')</script> </div> <noscript><img alt="Recognize who they are now instead of who they could be." src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/c/c2/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-4.jpg/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-4.jpg" decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/c/c2/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-4.jpg/v4-728px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-4.jpg" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="2bb394adcb97c027f1df5fa374a3208a"></noscript> <div class="image_details" style="display:none;"><span style="display:none;">{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/c\/c2\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/c\/c2\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-4.jpg\/v4-728px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}</span></div></a></div><div class="step"> <b class="whb" aria-hidden="true">Recognize who they are now instead of who they could be.</b> Resist idealizing your avoidant partner and holding out for who they can become. If they’re currently someone who ignores your feelings and doesn’t support you, acknowledge their impact on your life. Make a list of habits they have and the consequences of their actions. Here’s an example of that process:<sup id="_ref-9" class="reference" aria-label="Link to Reference 9"><a href="#_note-9">[6]</a><span class="ts_popup " hidden id="ts_popup_9" style="display: none;"> <span class="ts_close">X</span> <span class="ts_name">Research source</span> <span class="ts_description"></span> <a href="#" class="ts_source" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"></a> </span> </sup> <ul> <li>“I thought they’d be caring one day, but the fact is, they’re really cold and callous.”</li> <li>“They’re never available. When I ask to talk, they tell me to handle everything on my own.”</li> <li>“Right now, they’re not showing me the love I need. They drift away from me almost every week.”</li> </ul> </div> <div class="clearall"></div> <div class="scrolltomarker" data-isstep="1"></div> </li></ol> <div class="clearall"></div> </div> </div> <div class="section steps sticky hide_step_numbers"> <div class="headline_container block_header in-block subheadline"> <div class="altblock"><div> <span>5</span> </div> </div> <div class="headline_info"> <span id="Take-time-to-grieve-what-you’ve-lost."></span><h3><span class="mw-headline" id="Take-time-to-grieve-what-you.E2.80.99ve-lost.">Take time to grieve what you’ve lost.</span></h3> </div> <a class="large_pdf_link pdf_link disabled pdf_link_steps " href="#"> <img class="pdf_link-img" loading="lazy" src="/extensions/wikihow/socialstamp/images/icon-pdf.svg" alt="PDF download" width="150" height="150"> <span class="pdfText">Download Article</span> </a> </div> <div id="steps_5" class="section_text"> <ol class="steps_list_2"> <li id="step-id-44"> <a name="step_5_1" class="stepanchor"></a><div class="mwimg largeimage floatcenter " style="max-width:728px"><a href="#/Image:Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-5.jpg" class="image"><div class="content-spacer" style="padding-top:75%"> <img alt="Let yourself fully experience your feelings so you can let go." decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/a/a6/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-5.jpg/v4-728px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-5.jpg" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="2a5a4a86d6cacec57fbc13d6fbf5fb02" data-src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/a/a6/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-5.jpg/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-5.jpg"><script>WH.shared.addScrollLoadItem('2a5a4a86d6cacec57fbc13d6fbf5fb02')</script> </div> <noscript><img alt="Let yourself fully experience your feelings so you can let go." src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/a/a6/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-5.jpg/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-5.jpg" decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/a/a6/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-5.jpg/v4-728px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-5.jpg" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="2a5a4a86d6cacec57fbc13d6fbf5fb02"></noscript> <div class="image_details" style="display:none;"><span style="display:none;">{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/a\/a6\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-5.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-5.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/a\/a6\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-5.jpg\/v4-728px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-5.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}</span></div></a></div><div class="step"> <b class="whb" aria-hidden="true">Let yourself fully experience your feelings so you can let go.</b> If you’ve come to terms with the fact that your avoidant partner isn’t healthy for you, remember that it’s still normal to feel sad. Allow all your emotions to run their course instead of avoiding or escaping them. Cry, eat comfort food, and lean on your friends. When you go through a withdrawal from an emotional dependence on your avoidant partner, your craving for their companionship will eventually fade.<sup id="_ref-10" class="reference" aria-label="Link to Reference 10"><a href="#_note-10">[7]</a><span class="ts_popup " hidden id="ts_popup_10" style="display: none;"> <span class="ts_close">X</span> <span class="ts_name">Research source</span> <span class="ts_description"></span> <a href="#" class="ts_source" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noreferrer noopener"></a> </span> </sup> <ul> <li>If you’ve broken up, resist reaching out to an avoidant person—that way, you won’t continue a cycle of emotional dependency.</li> <li>Practicing mindfulness meditation every day for 15-20 minutes can help you get over emotional dependency or obsessive thinking. </li> <li>Mourning a relationship is uncomfortable, but you’ll heal and feel lighter once you go through your full process of grief.</li> <li>You’ll be wiser and stronger after you go through all the stages of grief.</li> </ul> </div> <div class="clearall"></div> </li> <div class="wh_ad_inner w_label al_grey dfpsmall dfpsmallmethod containerless_ad fluid" data-service="adsense" data-slot="7710650179" data-width="728" data-height="90" data-smallheight="250" data-type="method" data-small="1" data-channels="8788556287" data-smallservice="dfp" data-adunitpath="/10095428/engl/engl_gam_sma_meth0" data-size='[[300, 250],"fluid"]' data-apsload="1" data-prebidload="1" data-aps-timeout="800" data-containerless="1" data-fullwidthadsense="1" data-fluidsize="1" data-mediumchannels="2642708467,4066873649" data-smallchannels="5069754771,8156154280" data-aditudetarget="pb-slot-engl-meth" data-largechannels="2060152247,5763098696" data-insertslotvalue="3" data-pagetype="list" data-observerloading="1" data-sizes-array='[[300, 250],"fluid"]' data-gptdisplaylate="1" data-pbadunits='{"appnexus":29111279,"pubmatic":"4926794","ix":"944751","amx":"d2lraWhvdy5jb20","rubicon":"2756126","shemedia":"2952570","openx":"558892622","triplelift":"Wikihow_engl_gam_sma_meth0_300x250_Prebid","yieldmo":"3204666393567896410","grid":383057,"medianet":"521047606","rise":"engl_gam_sma_meth0","sharethrough":"xZq2HSiUJL1GRBHUi49ybeLd"}'><div id="mobilemethod_ad_5"></div></div> <div class="al_method">Advertisement</div> <script>WH.ads.addBodyAd('mobilemethod_ad_5')</script> </ol> <div class="clearall"></div> </div> </div> <div class="section steps sticky hide_step_numbers"> <div class="headline_container block_header in-block subheadline"> <div class="altblock"><div> <span>6</span> </div> </div> <div class="headline_info"> <span id="Accept-that-the-relationship-doesn’t-have-to-work."></span><h3><span class="mw-headline" id="Accept-that-the-relationship-doesn.E2.80.99t-have-to-work.">Accept that the relationship doesn’t have to work.</span></h3> </div> <a class="large_pdf_link pdf_link disabled pdf_link_steps " href="#"> <img class="pdf_link-img" loading="lazy" src="/extensions/wikihow/socialstamp/images/icon-pdf.svg" alt="PDF download" width="150" height="150"> <span class="pdfText">Download Article</span> </a> </div> <div id="steps_6" class="section_text"> <ol class="steps_list_2"><li id="step-id-55"> <a name="step_6_1" class="stepanchor"></a><div class="mwimg largeimage floatcenter " style="max-width:728px"><a href="#/Image:Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-6.jpg" class="image"><div class="content-spacer" style="padding-top:75%"> <img alt="Even if you let go, you still have a bright future ahead of you." decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/0/09/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-6.jpg/v4-728px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-6.jpg" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="09bd96452c172780e9d12944a0f79edf" data-src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/0/09/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-6.jpg/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-6.jpg"><script>WH.shared.addScrollLoadItem('09bd96452c172780e9d12944a0f79edf')</script> </div> <noscript><img alt="Even if you let go, you still have a bright future ahead of you." src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/0/09/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-6.jpg/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-6.jpg" decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/0/09/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-6.jpg/v4-728px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-6.jpg" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="09bd96452c172780e9d12944a0f79edf"></noscript> <div class="image_details" style="display:none;"><span style="display:none;">{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/0\/09\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-6.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-6.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/0\/09\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-6.jpg\/v4-728px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-6.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}</span></div></a></div><div class="step"> <b class="whb" aria-hidden="true">Even if you let go, you still have a bright future ahead of you.</b> Instead of fixating on what you could have done differently, embrace change. If you decide that you and your avoidant partner aren’t a match because they can’t be emotionally available, then celebrate freedom from a dysfunctional dynamic. Realize that you didn’t lose out on love—you made room for a new relationship based on trust, respect, and support. Try motivating yourself with words like:<sup id="_ref-12" class="reference" aria-label="Link to Reference 12"><a href="#_note-12">[8]</a><span class="ts_popup " hidden id="ts_popup_12" style="display: none;"> <span class="ts_close">X</span> <span class="ts_name">Research source</span> <span class="ts_description"></span> <a href="#" class="ts_source" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noreferrer noopener"></a> </span> </sup> <ul> <li>“If this relationship didn’t end, I wouldn’t have a chance to reflect on my own needs.”</li> <li>“Now that we’re not in touch, I can focus on my art and my social life.”</li> <li>“We both just made a choice to part ways. There’s a better future in store for me.”</li> </ul> </div> <div class="clearall"></div> <div class="scrolltomarker" data-isstep="1"></div> </li></ol> <div class="clearall"></div> </div> </div> <div class="section steps sticky hide_step_numbers"> <div class="headline_container block_header in-block subheadline"> <div class="altblock"><div> <span>7</span> </div> </div> <div class="headline_info"><h3><span class="mw-headline" id="Acknowledge-the-patterns-you-have-in-relationships.">Acknowledge the patterns you have in relationships.</span></h3></div> <a class="large_pdf_link pdf_link disabled pdf_link_steps " href="#"> <img class="pdf_link-img" loading="lazy" src="/extensions/wikihow/socialstamp/images/icon-pdf.svg" alt="PDF download" width="150" height="150"> <span class="pdfText">Download Article</span> </a> </div> <div id="steps_7" class="section_text"> <ol class="steps_list_2"> <li id="step-id-66"> <a name="step_7_1" class="stepanchor"></a><div class="mwimg largeimage floatcenter " style="max-width:728px"><a href="#/Image:Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-7.jpg" class="image"><div class="content-spacer" style="padding-top:75%"> <img alt="Ask yourself if you have a habit of chasing after partners." decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/b/b2/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-7.jpg/v4-728px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-7.jpg" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="a4fec4cfc1b91237effb322956316efe" data-src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/b/b2/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-7.jpg/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-7.jpg"><script>WH.shared.addScrollLoadItem('a4fec4cfc1b91237effb322956316efe')</script> </div> <noscript><img alt="Ask yourself if you have a habit of chasing after partners." src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/b/b2/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-7.jpg/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-7.jpg" decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/b/b2/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-7.jpg/v4-728px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-7.jpg" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="a4fec4cfc1b91237effb322956316efe"></noscript> <div class="image_details" style="display:none;"><span style="display:none;">{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/b\/b2\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-7.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-7.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/b\/b2\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-7.jpg\/v4-728px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-7.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}</span></div></a></div><div class="step"> <b class="whb" aria-hidden="true">Ask yourself if you have a habit of chasing after partners.</b> Is your avoidant partner’s behavior unusual to you, or have you seen it before? When you express your devotion and excitement, do your partners get restless? Do they “ghost” you or break things off? Are you usually the person who puts the most effort into a relationship? Maybe you’re the only one who opens up about your emotions or expectations. If so, you might be caught up in the “anxious-avoidant” dance.<sup id="_ref-13" class="reference trusted" aria-label="Link to Reference 13"><a href="#_note-13">[9]</a><span class="ts_popup trustedsource" hidden id="ts_popup_13" style="display: none;"> <span class="ts_close">X</span> <a class="ts_trustworthy" href="/wikiHow:Delivering-a-Trustworthy-Experience">Trustworthy Source</a> <span class="ts_name">HelpGuide</span> <span class="ts_description">Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.</span> <a href="#" class="ts_source" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Go to source</a> </span> </sup> <ul> <li>The “anxious avoidant” dance is also known as the “anxious-avoidant trap.”</li> <li>The term describes a toxic relationship where an anxious partner and an avoidant partner fight because they have different needs.</li> <li>As an anxious partner, you feel drained because you want more validation.</li> <li>You’re more likely to fight for your avoidant partner’s attention.</li> <li>Your avoidant partner may be concerned that you’re trying to control them.</li> <li>They might withdraw and ignore you so they’ll feel a sense of power again.</li> </ul> </div> <div class="clearall"></div> </li> <div class="wh_ad_inner w_label al_grey dfpsmall dfpsmallmethod containerless_ad fluid" data-service="adsense" data-slot="7710650179" data-width="728" data-height="90" data-smallheight="250" data-type="method" data-small="1" data-channels="8788556287" data-smallservice="dfp" data-adunitpath="/10095428/engl/engl_gam_sma_meth0" data-size='[[300, 250],"fluid"]' data-apsload="1" data-prebidload="1" data-aps-timeout="800" data-containerless="1" data-fullwidthadsense="1" data-fluidsize="1" data-mediumchannels="2642708467,4066873649" data-smallchannels="5069754771,8156154280" data-aditudetarget="pb-slot-engl-meth" data-largechannels="2060152247,5763098696" data-insertslotvalue="4" data-pagetype="list" data-observerloading="1" data-sizes-array='[[300, 250],"fluid"]' data-gptdisplaylate="1" data-pbadunits='{"appnexus":29111279,"pubmatic":"4926794","ix":"944751","amx":"d2lraWhvdy5jb20","rubicon":"2756126","shemedia":"2952570","openx":"558892622","triplelift":"Wikihow_engl_gam_sma_meth0_300x250_Prebid","yieldmo":"3204666393567896410","grid":383057,"medianet":"521047606","rise":"engl_gam_sma_meth0","sharethrough":"xZq2HSiUJL1GRBHUi49ybeLd"}'><div id="mobilemethod_ad_7"></div></div> <div class="al_method">Advertisement</div> <script>WH.ads.addBodyAd('mobilemethod_ad_7')</script> </ol> <div class="clearall"></div> </div> </div> <div class="section steps sticky hide_step_numbers"> <div class="headline_container block_header in-block subheadline"> <div class="altblock"><div> <span>8</span> </div> </div> <div class="headline_info"> <span id="Describe-a-dynamic-that’s-healthy-for-you."></span><h3><span class="mw-headline" id="Describe-a-dynamic-that.E2.80.99s-healthy-for-you.">Describe a dynamic that’s healthy for you.</span></h3> </div> <a class="large_pdf_link pdf_link disabled pdf_link_steps " href="#"> <img class="pdf_link-img" loading="lazy" src="/extensions/wikihow/socialstamp/images/icon-pdf.svg" alt="PDF download" width="150" height="150"> <span class="pdfText">Download Article</span> </a> </div> <div id="steps_8" class="section_text"> <ol class="steps_list_2"><li id="step-id-77"> <a name="step_8_1" class="stepanchor"></a><div class="mwimg largeimage floatcenter " style="max-width:728px"><a href="#/Image:Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-8.jpg" class="image"><div class="content-spacer" style="padding-top:75%"> <img alt="Identify what you want and need so you know what to seek out." decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/1/19/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-8.jpg/v4-728px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-8.jpg" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="c35e2dca393a998438d94269f79756a4" data-src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/1/19/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-8.jpg/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-8.jpg"><script>WH.shared.addScrollLoadItem('c35e2dca393a998438d94269f79756a4')</script> </div> <noscript><img alt="Identify what you want and need so you know what to seek out." src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/1/19/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-8.jpg/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-8.jpg" decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/1/19/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-8.jpg/v4-728px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-8.jpg" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="c35e2dca393a998438d94269f79756a4"></noscript> <div class="image_details" style="display:none;"><span style="display:none;">{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/1\/19\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-8.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-8.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/1\/19\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-8.jpg\/v4-728px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-8.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}</span></div></a></div><div class="step"> <b class="whb" aria-hidden="true">Identify what you want and need so you know what to seek out.</b> After you’ve processed your breakup with an avoidant partner and identified “red flags”—or warning signs—focus on the “green flags” that prove a relationship is nourishing and rewarding. Make a list of your top priorities and your expectations once you let someone in your heart again. Here’s a sample for inspiration:<sup id="_ref-14" class="reference" aria-label="Link to Reference 14"><a href="#_note-14">[14]</a><span class="ts_popup " hidden id="ts_popup_14" style="display: none;"> <span class="ts_close">X</span> <span class="ts_name">Research source</span> <span class="ts_description">nm.org/healthbeat/healthy-tips/5-benefits-of-healthy-relationships</span> </span> </sup> <ul> <li>“I need my future partner to trust me and accept my love.”</li> <li>“We both will need to focus on our own identities and passions.”</li> <li>“We’ll need to listen to one another and try our best to understand each other.”</li> </ul> </div> <div class="clearall"></div> <div class="scrolltomarker" data-isstep="1"></div> </li></ol> <div class="clearall"></div> </div> </div> <div class="section steps sticky hide_step_numbers"> <div class="headline_container block_header in-block subheadline"> <div class="altblock"><div> <span>9</span> </div> </div> <div class="headline_info"><h3><span class="mw-headline" id="Focus-on-your-own-self-worth.">Focus on your own self-worth.</span></h3></div> <a class="large_pdf_link pdf_link disabled pdf_link_steps " href="#"> <img class="pdf_link-img" loading="lazy" src="/extensions/wikihow/socialstamp/images/icon-pdf.svg" alt="PDF download" width="150" height="150"> <span class="pdfText">Download Article</span> </a> </div> <div id="steps_9" class="section_text"> <ol class="steps_list_2"> <li id="step-id-88"> <a name="step_9_1" class="stepanchor"></a><div class="mwimg largeimage floatcenter " style="max-width:728px"><a href="#/Image:Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-9.jpg" class="image"><div class="content-spacer" style="padding-top:75%"> <img alt="You’ll see that your value doesn’t depend on pleasing others." decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/e/e7/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-9.jpg/v4-728px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-9.jpg" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="96af29cbf092a953b039ba52a7868839" data-src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/e/e7/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-9.jpg/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-9.jpg"><script>WH.shared.addScrollLoadItem('96af29cbf092a953b039ba52a7868839')</script> </div> <noscript><img alt="You’ll see that your value doesn’t depend on pleasing others." src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/e/e7/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-9.jpg/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-9.jpg" decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/e/e7/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-9.jpg/v4-728px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-9.jpg" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="96af29cbf092a953b039ba52a7868839"></noscript> <div class="image_details" style="display:none;"><span style="display:none;">{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/e\/e7\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-9.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-9.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/e\/e7\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-9.jpg\/v4-728px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-9.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}</span></div></a></div><div class="step"> <b class="whb" aria-hidden="true">You’ll see that your value doesn’t depend on pleasing others.</b> If you have an anxious attachment style, it’s likely that you have traits of codependency. You may suffer from low self-esteem and self-worth. <a href="/Love-Yourself" title="Love Yourself"> Right now, prioritize loving yourself</a>. Ignore any negative messages you heard in your relationship. Instead, pay attention to your skills, talents, gifts, and values. Once you celebrate yourself, it’ll be easier to get over an avoidant partner.<sup id="_ref-16" class="reference" aria-label="Link to Reference 16"><a href="#_note-16">[11]</a><span class="ts_popup " hidden id="ts_popup_16" style="display: none;"> <span class="ts_close">X</span> <span class="ts_name">Research source</span> <span class="ts_description"></span> <a href="#" class="ts_source" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noreferrer noopener"></a> </span> </sup> <ul> <li>Try out affirmations, or positive self-talk like: “I am extremely empathetic and compassionate.”</li> <li>Set boundaries to honor yourself like: “I won’t allow myself to be devalued or disrespected.”</li> <li>Talk about your principles with words like: “I believe in kindness and patience.”</li> <li>Be clear about your priorities with a comment like: “My time is precious. Right now, I’m focused on my own growth.”</li> </ul> </div> <div class="clearall"></div> </li> <div class="wh_ad_inner w_label al_grey dfpsmall dfpsmallmethod containerless_ad fluid" data-service="adsense" data-slot="7710650179" data-width="728" data-height="90" data-smallheight="250" data-type="method" data-small="1" data-channels="8788556287" data-smallservice="dfp" data-adunitpath="/10095428/engl/engl_gam_sma_meth0" data-size='[[300, 250],"fluid"]' data-apsload="1" data-prebidload="1" data-aps-timeout="800" data-containerless="1" data-fullwidthadsense="1" data-fluidsize="1" data-mediumchannels="2642708467,4066873649" data-smallchannels="5069754771,8156154280" data-aditudetarget="pb-slot-engl-meth" data-largechannels="2060152247,5763098696" data-insertslotvalue="5" data-pagetype="list" data-observerloading="1" data-sizes-array='[[300, 250],"fluid"]' data-gptdisplaylate="1" data-pbadunits='{"appnexus":29111279,"pubmatic":"4926794","ix":"944751","amx":"d2lraWhvdy5jb20","rubicon":"2756126","shemedia":"2952570","openx":"558892622","triplelift":"Wikihow_engl_gam_sma_meth0_300x250_Prebid","yieldmo":"3204666393567896410","grid":383057,"medianet":"521047606","rise":"engl_gam_sma_meth0","sharethrough":"xZq2HSiUJL1GRBHUi49ybeLd"}'><div id="mobilemethod_ad_9"></div></div> <div class="al_method">Advertisement</div> <script>WH.ads.addBodyAd('mobilemethod_ad_9')</script> </ol> <div class="clearall"></div> </div> </div> <div class="section steps sticky hide_step_numbers"> <div class="headline_container block_header in-block subheadline"> <div class="altblock"><div> <span>10</span> </div> </div> <div class="headline_info"><h3><span class="mw-headline" id="Focus-on-hobbies-and-friends-instead-of-the-relationship.">Focus on hobbies and friends instead of the relationship.</span></h3></div> <a class="large_pdf_link pdf_link disabled pdf_link_steps " href="#"> <img class="pdf_link-img" loading="lazy" src="/extensions/wikihow/socialstamp/images/icon-pdf.svg" alt="PDF download" width="150" height="150"> <span class="pdfText">Download Article</span> </a> </div> <div id="steps_10" class="section_text"> <ol class="steps_list_2"><li id="step-id-99"> <a name="step_10_1" class="stepanchor"></a><div class="mwimg largeimage floatcenter " style="max-width:728px"><a href="#/Image:Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-10.jpg" class="image"><div class="content-spacer" style="padding-top:75%"> <img alt="Train yourself not to see your partner as “everything” in your life." decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/d/d9/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-10.jpg/v4-728px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-10.jpg" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="5afe2778a09d5688e846322cc272433c" data-src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/d/d9/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-10.jpg/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-10.jpg"><script>WH.shared.addScrollLoadItem('5afe2778a09d5688e846322cc272433c')</script> </div> <noscript><img alt="Train yourself not to see your partner as “everything” in your life." src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/d/d9/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-10.jpg/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-10.jpg" decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/d/d9/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-10.jpg/v4-728px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-10.jpg" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="5afe2778a09d5688e846322cc272433c"></noscript> <div class="image_details" style="display:none;"><span style="display:none;">{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/d\/d9\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-10.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-10.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/d\/d9\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-10.jpg\/v4-728px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-10.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}</span></div></a></div><div class="step"> <b class="whb" aria-hidden="true">Train yourself not to see your partner as “everything” in your life.</b> <a href="/Tell-if-You-Are-Codependent" title="Tell if You Are Codependent"> Avoid “codependency,”</a> a type of relationship addiction that involves thinking only about your avoidant partner and what they need. Redirect your attention to yourself. <a href="/Find-Your-Passion" title="Find Your Passion"> Develop interests</a> and <a href="/Set-Goals-and-Achieve-Them" title="Set Goals and Achieve Them"> set goals</a> that speak to you. Here are other strategies to strengthen your relationship with yourself:<sup id="_ref-17" class="reference trusted" aria-label="Link to Reference 17"><a href="#_note-17">[12]</a><span class="ts_popup trustedsource" hidden id="ts_popup_17" style="display: none;"> <span class="ts_close">X</span> <a class="ts_trustworthy" href="/wikiHow:Delivering-a-Trustworthy-Experience">Trustworthy Source</a> <span class="ts_name">HelpGuide</span> <span class="ts_description">Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.</span> <a href="#" class="ts_source" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noreferrer noopener">Go to source</a> </span> </sup> <ul> <li>Replace activities you picked up to bond with your partner. For example, if you don't like tennis but salsa interests you, sign up for dance classes.</li> <li>List out goals that only have to do with your own aspirations and future success. For instance, you might want to become the best salesperson in your region.</li> <li>Hang out with people who aren’t mutual friends with your avoidant partner.</li> <li>When you’re with your support group, talk about topics other than your love life.</li> </ul> </div> <div class="clearall"></div> <div class="scrolltomarker" data-isstep="1"></div> </li></ol> <div class="clearall"></div> </div> </div> <div class="section steps sticky hide_step_numbers"> <div class="headline_container block_header in-block subheadline"> <div class="altblock"><div> <span>11</span> </div> </div> <div class="headline_info"> <span id="Commit-to-self-care-rather-than-to-“fixing”-your-partner."></span><h3><span class="mw-headline" id="Commit-to-self-care-rather-than-to-.E2.80.9Cfixing.E2.80.9D-your-partner.">Commit to self-care rather than to “fixing” your partner.</span></h3> </div> <a class="large_pdf_link pdf_link disabled pdf_link_steps " href="#"> <img class="pdf_link-img" loading="lazy" src="/extensions/wikihow/socialstamp/images/icon-pdf.svg" alt="PDF download" width="150" height="150"> <span class="pdfText">Download Article</span> </a> </div> <div id="steps_11" class="section_text"> <ol class="steps_list_2"> <li class="final_li" id="step-id-1010"> <a name="step_11_1" class="stepanchor"></a><div class="mwimg largeimage floatcenter " style="max-width:728px"><a href="#/Image:Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-11.jpg" class="image"><div class="content-spacer" style="padding-top:75%"> <img alt="Break the cycle of giving an avoidant person all your energy." decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/9/9c/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-11.jpg/v4-728px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-11.jpg" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="712344bc380e49647a19ff85de620c76" data-src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/9/9c/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-11.jpg/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-11.jpg"><script>WH.shared.addScrollLoadItem('712344bc380e49647a19ff85de620c76')</script> </div> <noscript><img alt="Break the cycle of giving an avoidant person all your energy." src="https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/9/9c/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-11.jpg/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-11.jpg" decoding="async" class="whcdn content-fill" data-srclarge="/images/thumb/9/9c/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-11.jpg/v4-728px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-11.jpg" data-width="460" data-height="345" id="712344bc380e49647a19ff85de620c76"></noscript> <div class="image_details" style="display:none;"><span style="display:none;">{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/9\/9c\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-11.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-11.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/9\/9c\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-11.jpg\/v4-728px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-11.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}</span></div></a></div><div class="step"> <b class="whb" aria-hidden="true">Break the cycle of giving an avoidant person all your energy.</b> Release yourself from the role of a “people pleaser”—someone who chooses to prioritize others over themselves—and pour all your energy into yourself. To regulate your moods, exercise, eat well, and get good sleep. Also journal about your feelings, seek out support, and practice self-acceptance. Make your own healing journey your new project. You’ll experience the joy of personal freedom.<sup id="_ref-19" class="reference" aria-label="Link to Reference 19"><a href="#_note-19">[13]</a><span class="ts_popup " hidden id="ts_popup_19" style="display: none;"> <span class="ts_close">X</span> <span class="ts_name">Research source</span> <span class="ts_description"></span> <a href="#" class="ts_source" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noreferrer noopener"></a> </span> </sup> <ul> <li>Consider speaking to a counselor so you can talk about an anxious attachment style.</li> <li>As you gain more confidence in yourself, you’ll develop a “secure” attachment style.You’ll recognize that you’re an amazing partner.</li> <li>You’ll also build connections with people who truly appreciate you.</li> <li>Remember that when you’re happy and healthy, you’ll seek out partners who honor and respect you.</li> </ul> </div> <div class="clearall"></div> </li> <div class="wh_ad_inner w_label al_grey dfpsmall dfpsmallmethod containerless_ad fluid" 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Dr. Liana Georgoulis is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist based in Los Angeles, California. She is the founder and clinical director of Coast Psychological Services. With over 12 years of experience, her mission is to provide clients with effective, well-studied, and established treatments that bring about significant improvements in her patients' lives. Her practice provides cognitive behavioral therapy and other evidence-based therapies for adolescents, adults, and couples. Additionally, she provides group therapy for social anxiety, social skills, and assertiveness training. Providing a space where clients feel understood and supported is essential to her work. Dr. Georgoulis also provides clinical supervision to post-doctoral fellows and psychological assistants. She received her PhD in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University and a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Los Angeles. 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data-service="dfp" data-adunitpath="/10095428/engl/engl_gam_lgm_rght2" data-size="[300, 250]" data-prebidload="1" data-apsload="1" data-refreshable="1" data-viewablerefresh="1" data-first-refresh-time="30000" data-refresh-time="28000" data-aps-timeout="800" data-width="300" data-height="250" data-innerclass="w_label al_grey rightrail_ad rightraildouble_ad" data-type="rightrail" data-large="1" data-channels="8788556287" data-rightrailmore="1" data-rrtarget="none" data-aditudetarget="pb-slot-engl-rght-2" data-largechannels="2060152247,5763098696" data-smallchannels="8156154280" data-mediumchannels="4066873649" data-pagetype="list" data-observerloading="1" data-sizes-array="[300, 250]" data-gptdisplaylate="1" 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blockthrough"></div></div><script>WH.ads.addBodyAd('rightrail18_ad_1')</script></div></div></div><br class="clearall"></div><br class="clearall"><script type="application/ld+json">{ "@context": "http:\/\/schema.org", "@type": "Article", "headline": "How to Get Over an Avoidant Partner: 11 Proven Ways to Cope", "name": "How to Get Over an Avoidant Partner: 11 Proven Ways to Cope", "mainEntityOfPage": { "@type": "WebPage", "id": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner" }, "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/9\/9c\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-11.jpg\/v4-1200px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-11.jpg", "width": 1200, "height": 900 }, "author": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Liana Georgoulis, PsyD", "sameAs": [ "https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/in\/dr-liana-georgoulis-61236245\/", "https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/DoctorLianaG" ] }, "datePublished": "2022-04-20", "dateModified": "2024-06-24", "publisher": { "@context": "http:\/\/schema.org", "@type": "Organization", "name": "wikiHow", "url": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/skins\/owl\/images\/wikihow_logo_nobg_60.png", "width": 326, "height": 60 }, "sameAs": [ "https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/wikiHow\/", "https:\/\/twitter.com\/wikiHow", "https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/wikihow\/", "https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/company\/wikihow\/", "https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/user\/WikiHow" ] }, "description": "When an avoidant partner pulls away, it's natural to miss them. Fortunately, there are many ways for you to cope with an avoidant partner's behavior and heal your heart. In this article, we'll share expert-backed information about why..." }</script><script type="application/ld+json">{ "@context": "http:\/\/schema.org", "@type": "HowTo", "headline": "How to Get Over an Avoidant Partner: 11 Proven Ways to Cope", "name": "How to Get Over an Avoidant Partner: 11 Proven Ways to Cope", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/9\/9c\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-11.jpg\/v4-1200px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-11.jpg", "width": 1200, "height": 900 }, "author": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Liana Georgoulis, PsyD", "sameAs": [ "https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/in\/dr-liana-georgoulis-61236245\/", "https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/DoctorLianaG" ] }, "datePublished": "2022-04-20", "dateModified": "2024-06-24", "publisher": { "@context": "http:\/\/schema.org", "@type": "Organization", "name": "wikiHow", "url": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/skins\/owl\/images\/wikihow_logo_nobg_60.png", "width": 326, "height": 60 }, "sameAs": [ "https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/wikiHow\/", "https:\/\/twitter.com\/wikiHow", "https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/wikihow\/", "https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/company\/wikihow\/", "https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/user\/WikiHow" ] }, "step": [ { "@type": "HowToSection", "name": "Recognize the attachment styles you both have.", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "HowToStep", "text": "If you have an avoidant partner, you probably have an \u201canxious\u201d style. Do you feel that your partner avoids intimacy and demands space? Do you also notice that they dodge questions or outright refuse to discuss their feelings? If so, they probably have an \u201cavoidant\u201d attachment style. If you feel overwhelmed when your partner pushes you away and responsible when they leave you, then it\u2019s likely you have an \u201canxious\u201d attachment style.\n\nA partner with an avoidant attachment style also: \u2022 Rejects people when they get too close. \u2022 Finds it difficult to trust others. \u2022 Fears anyone getting too close. \u2022 Wants a lot of alone time. \u2022 Believes that they don\u2019t need anyone.\nIf you have an anxious attachment style, you may: \u2022 Want to hold onto others so they don\u2019t leave. \u2022 Feel sensitive about criticism. \u2022 Think you need approval from other people. \u2022 Struggle with feelings of jealousy. \u2022 Have difficulty being alone. \u2022 Fear rejection and abandonment.", "image": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/a\/ab\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-1.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-1.jpg", "url": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner#step-id-00" } ] }, { "@type": "HowToSection", "name": "Pay attention to how your body feels.", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "HowToStep", "text": "Check in with how the relationship impacts your health. You may be in \u201cpanic mode\u201d\u2014an anxious and confused state\u2014when your avoidant partner is gone. Right now, go to a quiet place, take some deep breaths, and close your eyes. Focus on the sensations inside your body. For example, do you feel tightness in your jaw or tenseness in your shoulders? Once you\u2019ve identified these physical cues, connect an emotion to them. Finally, list what you need to feel balanced again. Check out this sample process:\n\n\u201cI feel a pain in my chest and shortness of breath right now.\u201d\n\u201cThis happens every time I look down at the \u2018read\u2019 receipt. I feel sad he hasn\u2019t replied.\u201d\n\u201cI need to spend time with my friends so I can feel wanted and valued.\u201d", "image": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/1\/12\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-2.jpg", "url": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner#step-id-11" } ] }, { "@type": "HowToSection", "name": "Resist taking the blame for your partner\u2019s behavior.", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "HowToStep", "text": "If they said you caused them to leave, recognize leaving was their choice. Since avoidant partners have a habit of finding fault in their significant others, block out any of their accusations. Maybe your partner claims you\u2019re \u201cneedy\u201d or they suggest you just don\u2019t meet all their high standards. If they say you\u2019re the source of all conflict or tension, refuse to take it personally. Your avoidant partner needs to engage in self-reflection and acknowledge that they have a pattern of pushing people away.\n\nWhen an avoidant partner criticizes you, they\u2019re impulsively lashing out.\nTheir abusive behavior and tendency to minimize you still isn\u2019t okay.\nIf they talk about what\u2019s \u201cwrong\u201d with you, they\u2019re actually feeling insecure about themselves.\nUnless they cope with their fears, they\u2019ll run away from anyone they\u2019re with.\nYou aren\u2019t at fault for their desire for distance or their resistance to communication.", "image": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/8\/81\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-3.jpg", "url": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner#step-id-22" } ] }, { "@type": "HowToSection", "name": "Stop seeing your partner for their \u201cpotential.\u201d", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "HowToStep", "text": "Recognize who they are now instead of who they could be. Resist idealizing your avoidant partner and holding out for who they can become. If they\u2019re currently someone who ignores your feelings and doesn\u2019t support you, acknowledge their impact on your life. Make a list of habits they have and the consequences of their actions. Here\u2019s an example of that process:\n\n\u201cI thought they\u2019d be caring one day, but the fact is, they\u2019re really cold and callous.\u201d\n\u201cThey\u2019re never available. When I ask to talk, they tell me to handle everything on my own.\u201d\n\u201cRight now, they\u2019re not showing me the love I need. They drift away from me almost every week.\u201d", "image": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/c\/c2\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-4.jpg", "url": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner#step-id-33" } ] }, { "@type": "HowToSection", "name": "Take time to grieve what you\u2019ve lost.", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "HowToStep", "text": "Let yourself fully experience your feelings so you can let go. If you\u2019ve come to terms with the fact that your avoidant partner isn\u2019t healthy for you, remember that it\u2019s still normal to feel sad. Allow all your emotions to run their course instead of avoiding or escaping them. Cry, eat comfort food, and lean on your friends. When you go through a withdrawal from an emotional dependence on your avoidant partner, your craving for their companionship will eventually fade.\n\nIf you\u2019ve broken up, resist reaching out to an avoidant person\u2014that way, you won\u2019t continue a cycle of emotional dependency.\nPracticing mindfulness meditation every day for 15-20 minutes can help you get over emotional dependency or obsessive thinking.\n\nMourning a relationship is uncomfortable, but you\u2019ll heal and feel lighter once you go through your full process of grief.\nYou\u2019ll be wiser and stronger after you go through all the stages of grief.", "image": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/a\/a6\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-5.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-5.jpg", "url": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner#step-id-44" } ] }, { "@type": "HowToSection", "name": "Accept that the relationship doesn\u2019t have to work.", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "HowToStep", "text": "Even if you let go, you still have a bright future ahead of you. Instead of fixating on what you could have done differently, embrace change. If you decide that you and your avoidant partner aren\u2019t a match because they can\u2019t be emotionally available, then celebrate freedom from a dysfunctional dynamic. Realize that you didn\u2019t lose out on love\u2014you made room for a new relationship based on trust, respect, and support. Try motivating yourself with words like:\n\n\u201cIf this relationship didn\u2019t end, I wouldn\u2019t have a chance to reflect on my own needs.\u201d\n\u201cNow that we\u2019re not in touch, I can focus on my art and my social life.\u201d\n\u201cWe both just made a choice to part ways. There\u2019s a better future in store for me.\u201d", "image": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/0\/09\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-6.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-6.jpg", "url": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner#step-id-55" } ] }, { "@type": "HowToSection", "name": "Acknowledge the patterns you have in relationships.", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "HowToStep", "text": "Ask yourself if you have a habit of chasing after partners. Is your avoidant partner\u2019s behavior unusual to you, or have you seen it before? When you express your devotion and excitement, do your partners get restless? Do they \u201cghost\u201d you or break things off? Are you usually the person who puts the most effort into a relationship? Maybe you\u2019re the only one who opens up about your emotions or expectations. If so, you might be caught up in the \u201canxious-avoidant\u201d dance.\n\nThe \u201canxious avoidant\u201d dance is also known as the \u201canxious-avoidant trap.\u201d\nThe term describes a toxic relationship where an anxious partner and an avoidant partner fight because they have different needs.\nAs an anxious partner, you feel drained because you want more validation.\nYou\u2019re more likely to fight for your avoidant partner\u2019s attention.\nYour avoidant partner may be concerned that you\u2019re trying to control them.\nThey might withdraw and ignore you so they\u2019ll feel a sense of power again.", "image": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/b\/b2\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-7.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-7.jpg", "url": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner#step-id-66" } ] }, { "@type": "HowToSection", "name": "Describe a dynamic that\u2019s healthy for you.", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "HowToStep", "text": "Identify what you want and need so you know what to seek out. After you\u2019ve processed your breakup with an avoidant partner and identified \u201cred flags\u201d\u2014or warning signs\u2014focus on the \u201cgreen flags\u201d that prove a relationship is nourishing and rewarding. Make a list of your top priorities and your expectations once you let someone in your heart again. Here\u2019s a sample for inspiration:\n\n\u201cI need my future partner to trust me and accept my love.\u201d\n\u201cWe both will need to focus on our own identities and passions.\u201d\n\u201cWe\u2019ll need to listen to one another and try our best to understand each other.\u201d", "image": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/1\/19\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-8.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-8.jpg", "url": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner#step-id-77" } ] }, { "@type": "HowToSection", "name": "Focus on your own self-worth.", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "HowToStep", "text": "You\u2019ll see that your value doesn\u2019t depend on pleasing others. If you have an anxious attachment style, it\u2019s likely that you have traits of codependency. You may suffer from low self-esteem and self-worth. Right now, prioritize loving yourself. Ignore any negative messages you heard in your relationship. Instead, pay attention to your skills, talents, gifts, and values. Once you celebrate yourself, it\u2019ll be easier to get over an avoidant partner.\n\nTry out affirmations, or positive self-talk like: \u201cI am extremely empathetic and compassionate.\u201d\nSet boundaries to honor yourself like: \u201cI won\u2019t allow myself to be devalued or disrespected.\u201d\nTalk about your principles with words like: \u201cI believe in kindness and patience.\u201d\nBe clear about your priorities with a comment like: \u201cMy time is precious. Right now, I\u2019m focused on my own growth.\u201d", "image": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/e\/e7\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-9.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-9.jpg", "url": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner#step-id-88" } ] }, { "@type": "HowToSection", "name": "Focus on hobbies and friends instead of the relationship.", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "HowToStep", "text": "Train yourself not to see your partner as \u201ceverything\u201d in your life. Avoid \u201ccodependency,\u201d a type of relationship addiction that involves thinking only about your avoidant partner and what they need. Redirect your attention to yourself. Develop interests and set goals that speak to you. Here are other strategies to strengthen your relationship with yourself:\n\nReplace activities you picked up to bond with your partner. For example, if you don't like tennis but salsa interests you, sign up for dance classes.\nList out goals that only have to do with your own aspirations and future success. For instance, you might want to become the best salesperson in your region.\nHang out with people who aren\u2019t mutual friends with your avoidant partner.\nWhen you\u2019re with your support group, talk about topics other than your love life.", "image": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/d\/d9\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-10.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-10.jpg", "url": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner#step-id-99" } ] }, { "@type": "HowToSection", "name": "Commit to self-care rather than to \u201cfixing\u201d your partner.", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "HowToStep", "text": "Break the cycle of giving an avoidant person all your energy. Release yourself from the role of a \u201cpeople pleaser\u201d\u2014someone who chooses to prioritize others over themselves\u2014and pour all your energy into yourself. To regulate your moods, exercise, eat well, and get good sleep. Also journal about your feelings, seek out support, and practice self-acceptance. Make your own healing journey your new project. You\u2019ll experience the joy of personal freedom.\n\nConsider speaking to a counselor so you can talk about an anxious attachment style.\nAs you gain more confidence in yourself, you\u2019ll develop a \u201csecure\u201d attachment style.You\u2019ll recognize that you\u2019re an amazing partner.\nYou\u2019ll also build connections with people who truly appreciate you.\nRemember that when you\u2019re happy and healthy, you\u2019ll seek out partners who honor and respect you.", "image": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/9\/9c\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-11.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner-Step-11.jpg", "url": "https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Get-over-an-Avoidant-Partner#step-id-1010" } ] } ], "description": "When an avoidant partner pulls away, it's natural to miss them. Fortunately, there are many ways for you to cope with an avoidant partner's behavior and heal your heart. 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