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class="quoteDetails "> <a class="leftAlignedImage quoteAvatar " href="/author/show/29648.Chris_Rock"> <img alt="Chris Rock" src="https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1206659889i/29648._UY200_CR38,0,200,200_.jpg" /> </a> <div class="quoteText"> “You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Need I say more?” <br /> ― <span class="authorOrTitle"> Chris Rock </span> </div> <div class="quoteFooter"> <div class="greyText smallText left"> tags: <a href="/quotes/tag/comedy">comedy</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/everyday-life">everyday-life</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/funny">funny</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/humor">humor</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/observational-comedy">observational-comedy</a> </div> <div class="right"> <a class="smallText" title="View this quote" href="/quotes/124071-you-know-the-world-is-going-crazy-when-the-best">9441 likes</a> </div> </div> </div> <div class="action"> <a class="gr-button gr-button--small" rel="nofollow" href="/user/new">Like</a> </div> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div data-react-class="ReactComponents.NativeAd" data-react-props="{"adId":"","className":"googleNativeAd--quotesPage","isMobile":false,"isNewsfeed":false,"signedIn":false,"allowBehavioralTargeting":null,"trackingOptions":{"enableTracking":true,"adId":""}}"></div> <div class="quote mediumText "> <div class="quoteDetails "> <a class="leftAlignedImage quoteAvatar " href="/author/show/153394.Suzanne_Collins"> <img alt="Suzanne Collins" src="https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1630199330i/153394._UX200_CR0,33,200,200_.jpg" /> </a> <div class="quoteText"> “Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.” <br /> ― <span class="authorOrTitle"> Suzanne Collins, </span> <span id=quote_book_link_7260188> <a class="authorOrTitle" href="/work/quotes/8812783">Mockingjay</a> </span> </div> <div class="quoteFooter"> <div class="greyText smallText left"> tags: <a href="/quotes/tag/boggs">boggs</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/finnick">finnick</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/funny">funny</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/humour">humour</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/hunger-games">hunger-games</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/katniss">katniss</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/mockingjay">mockingjay</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/odair">odair</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/suzanne-collins">suzanne-collins</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/witty">witty</a> </div> <div class="right"> <a class="smallText" title="View this quote" href="/quotes/290828-well-don-t-expect-us-to-be-too-impressed-we-just">9214 likes</a> </div> </div> </div> <div class="action"> <a class="gr-button gr-button--small" rel="nofollow" href="/user/new">Like</a> </div> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div class="quote mediumText "> <div class="quoteDetails "> <a class="leftAlignedImage quoteAvatar " href="/author/show/2319780.Billy_Sunday"> <img alt="Billy Sunday" src="https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1251485051i/2319780._UX200_CR0,29,200,200_.jpg" /> </a> <div class="quoteText"> “Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.” <br /> ― <span class="authorOrTitle"> Billy Sunday, </span> <span id=quote_book_link_10759107> <a class="authorOrTitle" href="/work/quotes/15670447">"Billy" Sunday, the man and his message: with his own words which have won thousands for Christ</a> </span> </div> <div class="quoteFooter"> <div class="greyText smallText left"> tags: <a href="/quotes/tag/automobile">automobile</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/car">car</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/funny">funny</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/humor">humor</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/religious">religious</a> </div> <div class="right"> <a class="smallText" title="View this quote" href="/quotes/27312-going-to-church-doesn-t-make-you-a-christian-any-more">8944 likes</a> </div> </div> </div> <div class="action"> <a class="gr-button gr-button--small" rel="nofollow" href="/user/new">Like</a> </div> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div class="quote mediumText "> <div class="quoteDetails "> <a class="leftAlignedImage quoteAvatar " href="/author/show/22782.George_Carlin"> <img alt="George Carlin" src="https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1664917557i/22782._UY200_CR0,0,200,200_.jpg" /> </a> <div class="quoteText"> “The planet is fine. The people are fucked.” <br /> ― <span class="authorOrTitle"> George Carlin </span> </div> <div class="quoteFooter"> <div class="greyText smallText left"> tags: <a href="/quotes/tag/funny">funny</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/humanity">humanity</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/humor">humor</a> </div> <div class="right"> <a class="smallText" title="View this quote" href="/quotes/140154-the-planet-is-fine-the-people-are-fucked">8821 likes</a> </div> </div> </div> <div class="action"> <a class="gr-button gr-button--small" rel="nofollow" href="/user/new">Like</a> </div> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div class="quote mediumText "> <div class="quoteDetails "> <a class="leftAlignedImage quoteAvatar " href="/author/show/271137.Phyllis_Diller"> <img alt="Phyllis Diller" src="https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1209492226i/271137._UX200_CR0,54,200,200_.jpg" /> </a> <div class="quoteText"> “Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.” <br /> ― <span class="authorOrTitle"> Phyllis Diller </span> </div> <div class="quoteFooter"> <div class="greyText smallText left"> tags: <a href="/quotes/tag/anger">anger</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/funny">funny</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/sleep">sleep</a> </div> <div class="right"> <a class="smallText" title="View this quote" href="/quotes/17092-never-go-to-bed-mad-stay-up-and-fight">8262 likes</a> </div> </div> </div> <div class="action"> <a class="gr-button gr-button--small" rel="nofollow" href="/user/new">Like</a> </div> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div class="quote mediumText "> <div class="quoteDetails "> <a class="leftAlignedImage quoteAvatar " href="/author/show/1244.Mark_Twain"> <img alt="Mark Twain" src="https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1322103868i/1244._UX200_CR0,40,200,200_.jpg" /> </a> <div class="quoteText"> “I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” <br /> ― <span class="authorOrTitle"> Mark Twain </span> </div> <div class="quoteFooter"> <div class="greyText smallText left"> tags: <a href="/quotes/tag/classic-insult">classic-insult</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/funeral">funeral</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/funny">funny</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/humor">humor</a> </div> <div class="right"> <a class="smallText" title="View this quote" href="/quotes/82196-i-did-not-attend-his-funeral-but-i-sent-a">7605 likes</a> </div> </div> </div> <div class="action"> <a class="gr-button gr-button--small" rel="nofollow" href="/user/new">Like</a> </div> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div class="quote mediumText "> <div class="quoteDetails "> <a class="leftAlignedImage quoteAvatar " href="/author/show/1406384.John_Green"> <img alt="John Green" src="https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1353452301i/1406384._UX200_CR0,49,200,200_.jpg" /> </a> <div class="quoteText"> “What the hell is that?" I laughed.<br />"It's my fox hat."<br />"Your fox hat?"<br />"Yeah, Pudge. My fox hat."<br />"Why are you wearing your fox hat?" I asked.<br />"Because no one can catch the motherfucking fox.” <br /> ― <span class="authorOrTitle"> John Green, </span> <span id=quote_book_link_99561> <a class="authorOrTitle" href="/work/quotes/919292">Looking for Alaska</a> </span> </div> <div class="quoteFooter"> <div class="greyText smallText left"> tags: <a href="/quotes/tag/funny">funny</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/humor">humor</a> </div> <div class="right"> <a class="smallText" title="View this quote" href="/quotes/34075-what-the-hell-is-that-i-laughed-it-s-my-fox">7014 likes</a> </div> </div> </div> <div class="action"> <a class="gr-button gr-button--small" rel="nofollow" href="/user/new">Like</a> </div> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div class="quote mediumText "> <div class="quoteDetails "> <div class="quoteText"> “Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.” <br /> ― <span class="authorOrTitle"> Ellen DeGeneres, </span> <span id=quote_book_link_11230081> <a class="authorOrTitle" href="/work/quotes/16156051">Seriously... I'm Kidding</a> </span> </div> <div class="quoteFooter"> <div class="greyText smallText left"> tags: <a href="/quotes/tag/funny">funny</a> </div> <div class="right"> <a class="smallText" title="View this quote" href="/quotes/515427-accept-who-you-are-unless-you-re-a-serial-killer">6963 likes</a> </div> </div> </div> <div class="action"> <a class="gr-button gr-button--small" rel="nofollow" href="/user/new">Like</a> </div> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div class="quote mediumText "> <div class="quoteDetails "> <a class="leftAlignedImage quoteAvatar " href="/author/show/82952.Marilyn_Monroe"> <img alt="Marilyn Monroe" src="https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1436929110i/82952._UX200_CR0,57,200,200_.jpg" /> </a> <div class="quoteText"> “It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.” <br /> ― <span class="authorOrTitle"> Marilyn Monroe </span> </div> <div class="quoteFooter"> <div class="greyText smallText left"> tags: <a href="/quotes/tag/dirty">dirty</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/funny">funny</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/logo">logo</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/sex">sex</a> </div> <div class="right"> <a class="smallText" title="View this quote" href="/quotes/47738-it-s-not-true-that-i-had-nothing-on-i-had">6869 likes</a> </div> </div> </div> <div class="action"> <a class="gr-button gr-button--small" rel="nofollow" href="/user/new">Like</a> </div> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div class="quote mediumText "> <div class="quoteDetails "> <a class="leftAlignedImage quoteAvatar " href="/author/show/36746.Lemony_Snicket"> <img alt="Lemony Snicket" src="https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1199734355i/36746._UX200_CR0,44,200,200_.jpg" /> </a> <div class="quoteText"> “Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.” <br /> ― <span class="authorOrTitle"> Lemony Snicket, </span> <span id=quote_book_link_80678> <a class="authorOrTitle" href="/work/quotes/77898">Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid</a> </span> </div> <div class="quoteFooter"> <div class="greyText smallText left"> tags: <a href="/quotes/tag/funny">funny</a> </div> <div class="right"> <a class="smallText" title="View this quote" href="/quotes/34999-everyone-should-be-able-to-do-one-card-trick-tell">6428 likes</a> </div> </div> </div> <div class="action"> <a class="gr-button gr-button--small" rel="nofollow" href="/user/new">Like</a> </div> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div class="quote mediumText "> <div class="quoteDetails "> <a class="leftAlignedImage quoteAvatar " href="/author/show/1406384.John_Green"> <img alt="John Green" src="https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1353452301i/1406384._UX200_CR0,49,200,200_.jpg" /> </a> <div class="quoteText"> “They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.” <br /> ― <span class="authorOrTitle"> John Green, </span> <span id=quote_book_link_99561> <a class="authorOrTitle" href="/work/quotes/919292">Looking for Alaska</a> </span> </div> <div class="quoteFooter"> <div class="greyText smallText left"> tags: <a href="/quotes/tag/awesomeness">awesomeness</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/funny">funny</a> </div> <div class="right"> <a class="smallText" title="View this quote" href="/quotes/105049-they-love-their-hair-because-they-re-not-smart-enough-to">6245 likes</a> </div> </div> </div> <div class="action"> <a class="gr-button gr-button--small" rel="nofollow" href="/user/new">Like</a> </div> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div class="quote mediumText "> <div class="quoteDetails "> <a class="leftAlignedImage quoteAvatar " href="/author/show/19058.Cathy_Guisewite"> <img alt="Cathy Guisewite" src="https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1213820999i/19058.jpg" /> </a> <div class="quoteText"> “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” <br /> ― <span class="authorOrTitle"> Cathy Guiswite </span> </div> <div class="quoteFooter"> <div class="greyText smallText left"> tags: <a href="/quotes/tag/eyes">eyes</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/funny">funny</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/lemons">lemons</a> </div> <div class="right"> <a class="smallText" title="View this quote" href="/quotes/58237-when-life-gives-you-lemons-squirt-someone-in-the-eye">5193 likes</a> </div> </div> </div> <div class="action"> <a class="gr-button gr-button--small" rel="nofollow" href="/user/new">Like</a> </div> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div class="quote mediumText "> <div class="quoteDetails "> <a class="leftAlignedImage quoteAvatar " href="/author/show/9810.Albert_Einstein"> <img alt="Albert Einstein" src="https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1429114964i/9810._UX200_CR0,14,200,200_.jpg" /> </a> <div class="quoteText"> “Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.” <br /> ― <span class="authorOrTitle"> Albert Einstein </span> </div> <div class="quoteFooter"> <div class="greyText smallText left"> tags: <a href="/quotes/tag/funny">funny</a> </div> <div class="right"> <a class="smallText" title="View this quote" href="/quotes/16479-once-you-can-accept-the-universe-as-matter-expanding-into">5190 likes</a> </div> </div> </div> <div class="action"> <a class="gr-button gr-button--small" rel="nofollow" href="/user/new">Like</a> </div> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div class="quote mediumText "> <div class="quoteDetails "> <a class="leftAlignedImage quoteAvatar " href="/author/show/1406384.John_Green"> <img alt="John Green" src="https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1353452301i/1406384._UX200_CR0,49,200,200_.jpg" /> </a> <div class="quoteText"> “It's not because I want to make out with her."<br />Hold on." He grabbed a pencil and scrawled excitedly at the paper as if he'd just made a mathematical breakthrough and then looked back up at me. "I just did some calculations, and I've been able to determine that you're full of shit” <br /> ― <span class="authorOrTitle"> John Green, </span> <span id=quote_book_link_99561> <a class="authorOrTitle" href="/work/quotes/919292">Looking for Alaska</a> </span> </div> <div class="quoteFooter"> <div class="greyText smallText left"> tags: <a href="/quotes/tag/funny">funny</a> </div> <div class="right"> <a class="smallText" title="View this quote" href="/quotes/26550-it-s-not-because-i-want-to-make-out-with-her">4102 likes</a> </div> </div> </div> <div class="action"> <a class="gr-button gr-button--small" rel="nofollow" href="/user/new">Like</a> </div> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div class="quote mediumText "> <div class="quoteDetails "> <a class="leftAlignedImage quoteAvatar " href="/author/show/4575289.Leigh_Bardugo"> <img alt="Leigh Bardugo" src="https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1534446099i/4575289._UX200_CR0,77,200,200_.jpg" /> </a> <div class="quoteText"> “Jesper knocked his head against the hull and cast his eyes heavenward. “Fine. But if Pekka Rollins kills us all, I’m going to get Wylan’s ghost to teach my ghost how to play the flute just so that I can annoy the hell out of your ghost.”<br />Brekker’s lips quirked. “I’ll just hire Matthias’ ghost to kick your ghost’s ass.”<br />“My ghost won’t associate with your ghost,” Matthias said primly, and then wondered if the sea air was rotting his brain.” <br /> ― <span class="authorOrTitle"> Leigh Bardugo, </span> <span id=quote_book_link_23437156> <a class="authorOrTitle" href="/work/quotes/42077459">Six of Crows</a> </span> </div> <div class="quoteFooter"> <div class="greyText smallText left"> tags: <a href="/quotes/tag/funny">funny</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/ghost">ghost</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/jesper">jesper</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/six-of-crows">six-of-crows</a> </div> <div class="right"> <a class="smallText" title="View this quote" href="/quotes/7247721-jesper-knocked-his-head-against-the-hull-and-cast-his">4086 likes</a> </div> </div> </div> <div class="action"> <a class="gr-button gr-button--small" rel="nofollow" href="/user/new">Like</a> </div> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div class="quote mediumText "> <div class="quoteDetails "> <a class="leftAlignedImage quoteAvatar " href="/author/show/19838.Jerry_Seinfeld"> <img alt="Jerry Seinfeld" src="https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1206678597i/19838._CR0,54,200,200_.jpg" /> </a> <div class="quoteText"> “If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?” <br /> ― <span class="authorOrTitle"> Jerry Seinfeld </span> </div> <div class="quoteFooter"> <div class="greyText smallText left"> tags: <a href="/quotes/tag/books">books</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/funny">funny</a> </div> <div class="right"> <a class="smallText" title="View this quote" href="/quotes/14378-if-a-book-about-failures-doesn-t-sell-is-it-a">4038 likes</a> </div> </div> </div> <div class="action"> <a class="gr-button gr-button--small" rel="nofollow" href="/user/new">Like</a> </div> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div class="quote mediumText "> <div class="quoteDetails "> <a class="leftAlignedImage quoteAvatar " href="/author/show/78470.Rodney_Dangerfield"> <img alt="Rodney Dangerfield" src="https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1208829061i/78470._UX200_CR0,34,200,200_.jpg" /> </a> <div class="quoteText"> “I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.” <br /> ― <span class="authorOrTitle"> Rodney Dangerfield </span> </div> <div class="quoteFooter"> <div class="greyText smallText left"> tags: <a href="/quotes/tag/crime">crime</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/funny">funny</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/humour">humour</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/neighborhoods">neighborhoods</a> </div> <div class="right"> <a class="smallText" title="View this quote" href="/quotes/14371-i-came-from-a-real-tough-neighborhood-once-a-guy">3729 likes</a> </div> </div> </div> <div class="action"> <a class="gr-button gr-button--small" rel="nofollow" href="/user/new">Like</a> </div> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div class="quote mediumText "> <div class="quoteDetails "> <a class="leftAlignedImage quoteAvatar " href="/author/show/223411.Golda_Meir"> <img alt="Golda Meir" src="https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1267489010i/223411._UX200_CR0,31,200,200_.jpg" /> </a> <div class="quoteText"> “Don't be so humble - you are not that great.” <br /> ― <span class="authorOrTitle"> Golda Meir </span> </div> <div class="quoteFooter"> <div class="greyText smallText left"> tags: <a href="/quotes/tag/funny">funny</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/golda">golda</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/meir">meir</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/true">true</a> </div> <div class="right"> <a class="smallText" title="View this quote" href="/quotes/20537-don-t-be-so-humble---you-are-not-that-great">3537 likes</a> </div> </div> </div> <div class="action"> <a class="gr-button gr-button--small" rel="nofollow" href="/user/new">Like</a> </div> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div class="quote mediumText "> <div class="quoteDetails "> <a class="leftAlignedImage quoteAvatar " href="/author/show/150038.Cassandra_Clare"> <img alt="Cassandra Clare" src="https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1689347318i/150038._UX200_CR0,33,200,200_.jpg" /> </a> <div class="quoteText"> “I thought I'd lie on the floor and writhe in pain for a while," he grunted, "It relaxes me."<br />"It does? Oh - you're being sarcastic. That's a good sign probably.” <br /> ― <span class="authorOrTitle"> Cassandra Clare, </span> <span id=quote_book_link_1582996> <a class="authorOrTitle" href="/work/quotes/1575860">City of Ashes</a> </span> </div> <div class="quoteFooter"> <div class="greyText smallText left"> tags: <a href="/quotes/tag/funny">funny</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/humor">humor</a> </div> <div class="right"> <a class="smallText" title="View this quote" href="/quotes/203117-i-thought-i-d-lie-on-the-floor-and-writhe-in">3169 likes</a> </div> </div> </div> <div class="action"> <a class="gr-button gr-button--small" rel="nofollow" href="/user/new">Like</a> </div> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div class="quote mediumText "> <div class="quoteDetails "> <a class="leftAlignedImage quoteAvatar " href="/author/show/153394.Suzanne_Collins"> <img alt="Suzanne Collins" src="https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1630199330i/153394._UX200_CR0,33,200,200_.jpg" /> </a> <div class="quoteText"> “I'm going to wake Peeta," I say.<br />"No, wait," says Finnick. "Let's do it together. Put our faces right in front of his."<br />Well, there's so little opportunity for fun left in my life, I agree. We position ourselves on either side of Peeta, lean over until our faces are inches frim his nose, and give him a shake. "Peeta. Peeta, wake up," I say in a soft, singsong voice.<br />His eyelids flutter open and then he jumps like we've stabbed him. "Aa!"<br />Finnick and I fall back in the sand, laughing our heads off. Every time we try to stop, we look at Peeta's attempt to maintain a disdainful expression and it sets us off again.” <br /> ― <span class="authorOrTitle"> Suzanne Collins, </span> <span id=quote_book_link_6148028> <a class="authorOrTitle" href="/work/quotes/6171458">Catching Fire</a> </span> </div> <div class="quoteFooter"> <div class="greyText smallText left"> tags: <a href="/quotes/tag/funny">funny</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/humor">humor</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/prank">prank</a> </div> <div class="right"> <a class="smallText" title="View this quote" href="/quotes/220709-i-m-going-to-wake-peeta-i-say-no-wait-says">3060 likes</a> </div> </div> </div> <div class="action"> <a class="gr-button gr-button--small" rel="nofollow" href="/user/new">Like</a> </div> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div class="quote mediumText "> <div class="quoteDetails "> <a class="leftAlignedImage quoteAvatar " href="/author/show/435477.Shel_Silverstein"> <img alt="Shel Silverstein" src="https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1690710827i/435477._UX200_CR0,101,200,200_.jpg" /> </a> <div class="quoteText"> “I cannot go to school today"<br />Said little Peggy Ann McKay.<br />"I have the measles and the mumps,<br />A gash, a rash and purple bumps.<br /><br />My mouth is wet, my throat is dry.<br />I'm going blind in my right eye.<br />My tonsils are as big as rocks,<br />I've counted sixteen chicken pox.<br /><br />And there's one more - that's seventeen,<br />And don't you think my face looks green?<br />My leg is cut, my eyes are blue,<br />It might be the instamatic flu.<br /><br />I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,<br />I'm sure that my left leg is broke.<br />My hip hurts when I move my chin,<br />My belly button's caving in.<br /><br />My back is wrenched, my ankle's sprained,<br />My 'pendix pains each time it rains.<br />My toes are cold, my toes are numb,<br /><br />I have a sliver in my thumb.<br /><br />My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,<br />I hardly whisper when I speak.<br />My tongue is filling up my mouth,<br /><br />I think my hair is falling out.<br /><br />My elbow's bent, my spine ain't straight,<br />My temperature is one-o-eight.<br />My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,<br /><br />There's a hole inside my ear.<br /><br />I have a hangnail, and my heart is ...<br />What? What's that? What's that you say?<br />You say today is .............. Saturday?<br /><br />G'bye, I'm going out to play!” <br /> ― <span class="authorOrTitle"> Shel Silverstein </span> </div> <div class="quoteFooter"> <div class="greyText smallText left"> tags: <a href="/quotes/tag/children">children</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/funny">funny</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/poem">poem</a> </div> <div class="right"> <a class="smallText" title="View this quote" href="/quotes/106417-i-cannot-go-to-school-today-said-little-peggy-ann">2997 likes</a> </div> </div> </div> <div class="action"> <a class="gr-button gr-button--small" rel="nofollow" href="/user/new">Like</a> </div> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div class="quote mediumText "> <div class="quoteDetails "> <a class="leftAlignedImage quoteAvatar " href="/author/show/79014.Yogi_Berra"> <img alt="Yogi Berra" src="https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1315253191i/79014._UY200_CR2,0,200,200_.jpg" /> </a> <div class="quoteText"> “Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.” <br /> ― <span class="authorOrTitle"> Yogi Berra, </span> <span id=quote_book_link_808155> <a class="authorOrTitle" href="/work/quotes/794096">When You Come to a Fork in the Road, Take It!: Inspiration and Wisdom from One of Baseball's Greatest Heroes</a> </span> </div> <div class="quoteFooter"> <div class="greyText smallText left"> tags: <a href="/quotes/tag/funny">funny</a> </div> <div class="right"> <a class="smallText" title="View this quote" href="/quotes/17097-always-go-to-other-people-s-funerals-otherwise-they-won-t-come">2995 likes</a> </div> </div> </div> <div class="action"> <a class="gr-button gr-button--small" rel="nofollow" href="/user/new">Like</a> </div> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div class="quote mediumText "> <div class="quoteDetails "> <a class="leftAlignedImage quoteAvatar " href="/author/show/3537.Bill_Cosby"> <img alt="Bill Cosby" src="https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1198544055i/3537._UX200_CR0,9,200,200_.jpg" /> </a> <div class="quoteText"> “A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice.” <br /> ― <span class="authorOrTitle"> Bill Cosby </span> </div> <div class="quoteFooter"> <div class="greyText smallText left"> tags: <a href="/quotes/tag/funny">funny</a> </div> <div class="right"> <a class="smallText" title="View this quote" href="/quotes/105516-a-word-to-the-wise-ain-t-necessary-it-s-the-stupid">2958 likes</a> </div> </div> </div> <div class="action"> <a class="gr-button gr-button--small" rel="nofollow" href="/user/new">Like</a> </div> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div class="quote mediumText "> <div class="quoteDetails "> <a class="leftAlignedImage quoteAvatar " href="/author/show/29970.Lawrence_Ferlinghetti"> <img alt="Lawrence Ferlinghetti" src="https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1705016475i/29970._UX200_CR0,13,200,200_.jpg" /> </a> <div class="quoteText"> “If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.” <br /> ― <span class="authorOrTitle"> Lawrence Ferlinghetti </span> </div> <div class="quoteFooter"> <div class="greyText smallText left"> tags: <a href="/quotes/tag/beatnik">beatnik</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/cynical">cynical</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/funny">funny</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/humour">humour</a> </div> <div class="right"> <a class="smallText" title="View this quote" href="/quotes/181293-if-you-re-too-open-minded-your-brains-will-fall-out">2880 likes</a> </div> </div> </div> <div class="action"> <a class="gr-button gr-button--small" rel="nofollow" href="/user/new">Like</a> </div> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div class="quote mediumText "> <div class="quoteDetails "> <a class="leftAlignedImage quoteAvatar " href="/author/show/137902.Richelle_Mead"> <img alt="Richelle Mead" src="https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1270374609i/137902._UX200_CR0,39,200,200_.jpg" /> </a> <div class="quoteText"> “Did you see that dress?” "I saw the dress.” "Did you like it?” He didn't answer. I took that as a yes. "Am I going to endanger my reputation if I wear it to the dance?” When he spoke, I could barely hear him. "You'll endanger the school.” I smiled and fell asleep.” <br /> ― <span class="authorOrTitle"> Richelle Mead, </span> <span id=quote_book_link_345627> <a class="authorOrTitle" href="/work/quotes/335933">Vampire Academy</a> </span> </div> <div class="quoteFooter"> <div class="greyText smallText left"> tags: <a href="/quotes/tag/funny">funny</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/sweet">sweet</a> </div> <div class="right"> <a class="smallText" title="View this quote" href="/quotes/156092-did-you-see-that-dress-i-saw-the-dress-did">2814 likes</a> </div> </div> </div> <div class="action"> <a class="gr-button gr-button--small" rel="nofollow" href="/user/new">Like</a> </div> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div class="quote mediumText "> <div class="quoteDetails "> <a class="leftAlignedImage quoteAvatar " href="/author/show/1406384.John_Green"> <img alt="John Green" src="https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1353452301i/1406384._UX200_CR0,49,200,200_.jpg" /> </a> <div class="quoteText"> “Headline?" he asked.<br />"'Swing Set Needs Home,'" I said.<br />"'Desperately Lonely Swing Set Needs Loving Home,'" he said.<br />"'Lonely, Vaguely Pedophilic Swing Set Seeks the Butts of Children,'" I said.” <br /> ― <span class="authorOrTitle"> John Green, </span> <span id=quote_book_link_11870085> <a class="authorOrTitle" href="/work/quotes/16827462">The Fault in Our Stars</a> </span> </div> <div class="quoteFooter"> <div class="greyText smallText left"> tags: <a href="/quotes/tag/funny">funny</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/humor">humor</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/humour">humour</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/internet">internet</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/john-green">john-green</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/pedophile">pedophile</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/pedophilia">pedophilia</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/tfios">tfios</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/the-fault-in-our-stars">the-fault-in-our-stars</a> </div> <div class="right"> <a class="smallText" title="View this quote" href="/quotes/490661-headline-he-asked-swing-set-needs-home-i-said-desperately">2808 likes</a> </div> </div> </div> <div class="action"> <a class="gr-button gr-button--small" rel="nofollow" href="/user/new">Like</a> </div> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div class="quote mediumText "> <div class="quoteDetails "> <a class="leftAlignedImage quoteAvatar " href="/author/show/15872.Rick_Riordan"> <img alt="Rick Riordan" src="https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1679846356i/15872._UX200_CR0,0,200,200_.jpg" /> </a> <div class="quoteText"> “Um...is that thing <i>tame</i>?" Frank said.<br />The horse whinnied angrily.<br />"I don't think so," Percy guessed. "He just said, <i>'I will trample you to death, silly Chinese Canadian baby man'.</i>” <br /> ― <span class="authorOrTitle"> Rick Riordan, </span> <span id=quote_book_link_9520360> <a class="authorOrTitle" href="/work/quotes/14406312">The Son of Neptune</a> </span> </div> <div class="quoteFooter"> <div class="greyText smallText left"> tags: <a href="/quotes/tag/funny">funny</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/silly-chinese-canadian-baby-man">silly-chinese-canadian-baby-man</a> </div> <div class="right"> <a class="smallText" title="View this quote" href="/quotes/444024-um-is-that-thing-tame-frank-said-the-horse-whinnied-angrily">2803 likes</a> </div> </div> </div> <div class="action"> <a class="gr-button gr-button--small" rel="nofollow" href="/user/new">Like</a> </div> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div class="quote mediumText "> <div class="quoteDetails "> <a class="leftAlignedImage quoteAvatar " href="/author/show/15872.Rick_Riordan"> <img alt="Rick Riordan" src="https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1679846356i/15872._UX200_CR0,0,200,200_.jpg" /> </a> <div class="quoteText"> “Can you surf really well, then?"<br />I looked at Grover, who was trying hard not to laugh.<br />"Jeez, Nico," I said. "I've never really tried."<br />He went on asking questions. Did I fight a lot with Thalia, since she was a daughter of Zeus? (I didn't answer that one.) If Annabeth's mother was Athena, the goddess of wisdom, then why didn't Annabeth know better than to fall off a cliff? (I tried not to strangle Nico for asking that one.) Was Annabeth my girlfriend? (At this point, I was ready to stick the kid in a meat-flavored sack and throw him to the wolves.)” <br /> ― <span class="authorOrTitle"> Rick Riordan </span> </div> <div class="quoteFooter"> <div class="greyText smallText left"> tags: <a href="/quotes/tag/annabeth-chase">annabeth-chase</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/athena">athena</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/funny">funny</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/humor">humor</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/myth">myth</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/mythology">mythology</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/olympians">olympians</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/percy-jackson">percy-jackson</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/posiedon">posiedon</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/the-lightning-thief">the-lightning-thief</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/zeus">zeus</a> </div> <div class="right"> <a class="smallText" title="View this quote" href="/quotes/168680-can-you-surf-really-well-then-i-looked-at-grover">2748 likes</a> </div> </div> </div> <div class="action"> <a class="gr-button gr-button--small" rel="nofollow" href="/user/new">Like</a> </div> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div class="quote mediumText "> <div class="quoteDetails "> <div class="quoteText"> “I’ve been fighting to be who I am all my life. What’s the point of being who I am, if I can’t have the person who was worth all the fighting for?” <br /> ― <span class="authorOrTitle"> Stephanie Lennox, </span> <span id=quote_book_link_8986660> <a class="authorOrTitle" href="/work/quotes/13863828">I Don't Remember You</a> </span> </div> <div class="quoteFooter"> <div class="greyText smallText left"> tags: <a href="/quotes/tag/fighting">fighting</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/funny">funny</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/humour">humour</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/husband">husband</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/inspirational">inspirational</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/love">love</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/lover">lover</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/relationships">relationships</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/romance">romance</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/spiritual">spiritual</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/sweet">sweet</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/wife">wife</a> </div> <div class="right"> <a class="smallText" title="View this quote" href="/quotes/360880-i-ve-been-fighting-to-be-who-i-am-all-my">2689 likes</a> </div> </div> </div> <div class="action"> <a class="gr-button gr-button--small" rel="nofollow" href="/user/new">Like</a> </div> <br class="clear"/> </div> <div class="quote mediumText "> <div class="quoteDetails "> <a class="leftAlignedImage quoteAvatar " href="/author/show/132444.Will_Rogers"> <img alt="Will Rogers" src="https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1250044478i/132444._UX200_CR0,23,200,200_.jpg" /> </a> <div class="quoteText"> “Never miss a good chance to shut up.” <br /> ― <span class="authorOrTitle"> Will Rogers </span> </div> <div class="quoteFooter"> <div class="greyText smallText left"> tags: <a href="/quotes/tag/advice">advice</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/funny">funny</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/reticence">reticence</a>, <a href="/quotes/tag/silence">silence</a> </div> <div class="right"> <a class="smallText" title="View this quote" 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