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Una storia che abbiamo sottoposto alla psicologa, come sempre, di commentare per noi.“L’ho scoperto dopo 15 anni di matrimonio: mia moglie Giulia una sera ha avuto una scappatella con un suo ex fidanzato di tanti anni fa. Non sono stato a frugare nei messaggi o nella sua vita privata: è stato lui a dirmelo, con aria di sfida. Pensava di ferirmi, sperava la lasciassi per avere campo libero, con lei”. Filippo S. ha 45 anni, vive a Firenze e ha un’attività commerciale.“Invece io sono stato zitto, non le ho detto nulla. Intanto perché dopo questo suo tradimento tra di noi le cose vanno meglio. E poi perché mi sentirei un ipocrita, a farle una scenata, visto che in passato l’ho tradita anche io. Con una collega”.Un matrimonio tra alti e bassi“Ho chiesto la mano di Giulia e l’ho voluta portare all’altare e sposarla perché sono stato sempre convinto che fosse la donna giusta per me. Lo penso ancora e l’ho pensato anche quando, cinque anni dopo le nozze, abbiamo avuto una forte crisi. Non riuscire ad avere un figlio ci ha distrutto; ci abbiamo provato tanto prima di sapere che lei, mia moglie, purtroppo non può portare a termine una gravidanza. Una batosta per entrambi cui abbiamo reagito in maniera diversa; per lei è diventato difficile avvicinarsi a me, si è chiusa a riccio, cadendo in depressione. Sono stati anni complicati, ma siamo riusciti alla fine ad affrontarli e alla fine ci siamo sentiti di nuovo uniti. Abbiamo iniziato a riprogettare la vita con la consapevolezza che saremmo rimasti una coppia. Non è stato facile, il tempo ci ha aiutato.Arrivati al decimo anniversario di nozze, sono io a vivere un grande momento di difficoltà. Viene a mancare mia madre, cui ero legatissimo, e non riesco a reagire al lutto. Man mano mi incupisco e mi isolo. Giulia capisce e mi ha accompagna da uno psicologo dove inizio una lunga terapia. Stavo meglio? Sì, eppure mi ritrovo a fare un errore: mi invaghisco di una collega. Bella, simpatica, sempre allegra. Mi sembrava di riuscire a respirare felicità quando le ero accanto. Non aspettavo altro che vederla, nella mia vita fatta di routine. Andiamo a letto assieme. È bello, ma dura poco; mi rendo conto che mettere in discussione il matrimonio con Giulia è una stupidaggine, così chiudo con lei e inizio a evitarla.Compare un uomo per parlarmi di mia moglie“Non so bene come siano andate le cose, perché non ho mai ascoltato la versione di mia moglie; lei non sa che io so. Per queto ho chiesto di firmare con un nome finto, nel raccontare la mia storia. Raffaele mi ha contattato solo qualche settimana su Facebook e ha chiesto di incontrami, presentandosi come “un ex di mia moglie”. Quando lo incontro dice però di essere il suo amante. Sarei potuto correre da Giulia e chiedere spiegazioni, ma ho preferito prima vederci chiaro con lui. Volevo raccogliere più informazioni possibili, mi sentivo ferito e credevo che saperne di più mi avrebbe dato un vantaggio per metterla alle strette e farmi confessare tutto. Poi però ho cambiato idea; lui mi dice che erano stati assieme, sì, ma solo una volta. Una notte di passione. Lei gli aveva chiesto di non vedersi più ma lui per solidarietà maschile aveva voluto informarmi. Chiaramente sperava che io la lasciassi. Mi dice anche che se il nostro matrimonio era in crisi, lui sarebbe stato disposto a prendersi cura di Giulia, che l’avrebbe resa felice. Sono tornato a casa e ho deciso che non le avrei detto nulla. So bene, io per primo, che si può avere un momento di debolezza. \nAssieme, nonostante i tradimenti Non so se per via della sbandata, o se per qualcos’altro, ma di fatto Giulia si è avvicinata di nuovo a me. Ci sentiamo uniti. Ho scelto il silenzio, due volte, per tutelare il nostro matrimonio”.\n\n“Filippo si riconnette con le sue priorità emotive e, nello scegliere ancora una volta il suo matrimonio, rinsalda il legame. Tuttavia, credo debba discuterne apertamente con Giulia”\n“La storia di Filippo è un’interessante fotografia, davvero nitida, del funzionamento di una coppia. C’è molta verità nel suo racconto perché ripercorre fasi che spesso le coppie si trovano ad affrontare lungo il loro cammino, fatto di alti e di bassi, di crisi e di avvicinamenti, di ferite e riparazioni”, spiega la dott.ssa Maria Claudia Biscione, psicologa, psicoterapeuta e sessuologa. “Filippo sembra non perdere mai di vista il focus: ovvero il rapporto con la moglie. In tutta la narrazione riesce sempre a comunicare quanto lui e Giulia siano la strada principale, mentre i vari episodi accaduti sembrano strade secondarie che provano a distoglierli dal cammino senza, però, mai fargli perdere l’orientamento. Credo che questo sia il motivo portante per cui, a fronte della scoperta di un tradimento, Filippo riesca a guardarsi dentro, a riflettere sul suo legame con una onestà intellettuale, a tal punto da decidere di lasciar perdere l’ego ferito, la delusione e il risentimento, per guardare all’unico obiettivo che ancora per lui conta: rimanere con Giulia. Sappiamo bene quanto, nelle relazioni, spesso siano proprio gli inciampi, quando non distruggono, a rinsaldare il rapporto. E Filippo descrive bene i vari momenti, negli anni, in cui entrambi hanno messo duramente alla prova i propri sentimenti perché costretti a gestire dei dolori grandi come l’infertilità o la perdita di una madre. In queste crisi profonde che li ha visti depressi e distanti hanno, però, saputo riconnettersi l’uno con l’altra e stabilire nuovi equilibri a cui aggrapparsi con forza. Pur nella difficoltà non hanno mai smesso di tendersi una mano e acchiapparsi reciprocamente dal baratro in cui stavano cadendo. Quando poi Filippo si invaghisce della sua collega, andandoci a letto, ammaliato dal respirare la sua felicità, non cede alla tentazione del percorso più facile: avviare una storia parallela e leggera. Pur avendone probabilmente voglia, si riconnette con le sue priorità emotive e, nello scegliere ancora una volta il suo matrimonio, riesce a portare una nuova linfa al suo legame con la moglie. In questo passaggio di scelta e comprensione sul dove voler impiegare risorse ed energie emotive, c’è la competenza che servirà poi a Filippo per comprendere il tradimento di Giulia. Per quanto l’amante faccia di tutto per innescare competizione, suscitando rabbia, Filippo rimane saldo, riesce a non farsi travolgere dall’emotività, a non far entrare l’estraneo nella loro intimità, ma si concentra sulla fiducia di ciò che lui conosce del suo rapporto con Giulia e di Giulia stessa. Comprende perché conosce e intuisce le motivazioni che hanno spinto sua moglie a tradirlo. Vede, nel chiudere di lei con l’ex immediatamente dopo un incontro, di fatto, la risposta di cui ha bisogno per sapere che stanno ancora entrambi procedendo insieme nello stesso percorso. Credo che la coppia si sia dimostrata, negli anni, di avere tutte le potenzialità utili a reggere a lungo. Mi chiedo, pertanto, solo, se sia giusto che Filippo sia il solo depositario di tutta questa comprensione e se non possa valere la pena, invece, discuterne apertamente con Giulia per ripartire allineati, trasparenti e coscienti della profondità del loro legame”.", "articleSection": "Moda e Beauty", "isPartOf": { "@type": [ "CreativeWork", "Product" ] } } </script> <meta name="vf-comments" value="active">  <meta property="article:content_tier" content="locked"> <script> facet="False"; </script> <script> var ad_content = "false"; </script>   <link href="//www.repstatic.it" rel="preconnect"> <link href="//oasjs.kataweb.it" rel="preconnect"> <link href="//scripts.kataweb.it" rel="preconnect" crossorigin> <link href="//login.kataweb.it" rel="preconnect"> <link href="//secure-it.imrworldwide.com" rel="preconnect"> <link href="//www.googletagservices.com" rel="preconnect"> <link href="//connect.facebook.net" rel="preconnect" crossorigin> <link href="//a.gedidigital.it" rel="preconnect"> <link 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<img src="https://www.repstatic.it/content/contenthub/img/2025/02/14/095858168-190d884f-889d-4900-9125-bcfe6ae09330.jpg" alt="Foto di Vinicius "amnx" Amano su Unsplash"> <noscript> <img src="https://www.repstatic.it/content/contenthub/img/2025/02/14/095858168-190d884f-889d-4900-9125-bcfe6ae09330.jpg" alt="Foto di Vinicius "amnx" Amano su Unsplash"> </noscript> </picture> <figcaption>Foto di Vinicius "amnx" Amano su Unsplash </figcaption> </figure> <div class="story__summary"><p>Un uomo lo contatta e si presenta come l’amante di sua moglie, Giulia. Filippo decide però di non dirle nulla – lei, a oggi, non sa che lui sa – perché convinto sia stato uno “scivolone”, come il suo, in un percorso di vita in cui hanno sempre saputo riconnettersi l’uno con l’altra e stabilire nuovi equilibri. La psicologa plaude la capacità di connettersi alle sue priorità emotive, ma suggerisce di aprire un dialogo con Giulia.</p> <p></p> <p><em>Se volete raccontare la vostra storia perché venga pubblicata, previa valutazione della redazione, potete scrivere una mail a tradimenti@gedi.it</em></p></div> </div> </header> <div class="story__toolbar"> <time datetime="2025-02-15T23:40:00Z" class="story__date">16 Febbraio 2025 alle 00:40</time> <span class="story__toolbar__reading-time"><svg class="r-icon-time"><use href="#r-icon-time"></use></svg> 4 minuti di lettura</span> </div> <div class="bottom-wrapper"> <div id="advHook-Middle1"></div> <div class="main-content "> <div class="story__wrapper">   <div id="gs-social-sharebutton-float"> <div class="social-share-sticky"> <button id="commentsTriggerTop" class="comments-trigger"><svg class="r-icon-comment"><use href="#r-icon-comment"></use></svg></button> <ul class="gd-social-share"> <li><a href="#" data-share="facebook"><svg><use href="#social-icon-facebook"></use></svg></a></li> <li><a href="#" data-share="twitter"><svg><use href="#social-icon-twitter"></use></svg></a></li> <li><a href="#" data-share="email"><svg><use href="#social-icon-email"></use></svg></a></li> <li><a href="#" data-share="linkedin"><svg><use href="#social-icon-linkedin"></use></svg></a></li> <li><a href="#" data-share="pinterest"><svg><use href="#social-icon-pinterest"></use></svg></a></li> <li class="gd-social-share__whatsapp"><a href="#" data-share="whatsapp"><svg><use href="#social-icon-whatsapp"></use></svg></a></li> </ul> </div> </div> <div class="viafoura"><vf-tray class="vf-tray--modal-override"></vf-tray></div>  <div class="story__content" id="article-body">   <div class="story__text"> <p>La storia di questa settimana dà voce a un uomo che si dice tradito e racconta di aver scelto di non affrontare la moglie, dopo aver saputo che lei l’aveva tradito, perché, a sua volta, l’aveva tradita in passato. Una storia che abbiamo sottoposto alla psicologa, come sempre, di commentare per noi.<br><br>“L’ho scoperto dopo 15 anni di matrimonio: mia moglie Giulia una sera ha avuto una <em>scappatella</em> con un suo ex fidanzato di tanti anni fa. Non sono stato a frugare nei messaggi o nella sua vita privata: è stato lui a dirmelo, con aria di sfida. Pensava di ferirmi, sperava la lasciassi per avere campo libero, con lei”. <strong>Filippo S. ha 45 anni, vive a Firenze e ha un’attività commerciale.</strong><br>“Invece io sono stato zitto, non le ho detto nulla. Intanto perché dopo questo suo tradimento tra di noi le cose vanno meglio. E poi perché mi sentirei un ipocrita, a farle una scenata, visto che in passato l’ho tradita anche io. Con una collega”.<br><br><b>Un matrimonio tra alti e bassi</b><br>“Ho chiesto la mano di Giulia e l’ho voluta portare all’altare e sposarla perché sono stato sempre convinto che fosse la donna giusta per me. Lo penso ancora e l’ho pensato anche quando, cinque anni dopo le nozze, abbiamo avuto una forte crisi. Non riuscire ad avere un figlio ci ha distrutto; ci abbiamo provato tanto prima di sapere che lei, mia moglie, purtroppo non può portare a termine una gravidanza. Una batosta per entrambi cui abbiamo reagito in maniera diversa; per lei è diventato difficile avvicinarsi a me, si è chiusa a riccio, cadendo in depressione. Sono stati anni complicati, ma siamo riusciti alla fine ad affrontarli e alla fine ci siamo sentiti di nuovo uniti. Abbiamo iniziato a riprogettare la vita con la consapevolezza che saremmo rimasti una coppia. Non è stato facile, il tempo ci ha aiutato.<br>Arrivati al decimo anniversario di nozze, sono io a vivere un grande momento di difficoltà. Viene a mancare mia madre, cui ero legatissimo, e non riesco a reagire al lutto. Man mano mi incupisco e mi isolo. Giulia capisce e mi ha accompagna da uno psicologo dove inizio una lunga terapia. Stavo meglio? Sì, eppure mi ritrovo a fare un errore: mi invaghisco di una collega. Bella, simpatica, sempre allegra. Mi sembrava di riuscire a respirare felicità quando le ero accanto. Non aspettavo altro che vederla, nella mia vita fatta di routine. Andiamo a letto assieme. È bello, ma dura poco; mi rendo conto che mettere in discussione il matrimonio con Giulia è una stupidaggine, così chiudo con lei e inizio a evitarla.<br><br><b>Compare un uomo per parlarmi di mia moglie</b><br>“Non so bene come siano andate le cose, perché non ho mai ascoltato la versione di mia moglie; lei non sa che io so. Per queto ho chiesto di firmare con un nome finto, nel raccontare la mia storia. Raffaele mi ha contattato solo qualche settimana su Facebook e ha chiesto di incontrami, presentandosi come “un ex di mia moglie”. Quando lo incontro dice però di essere il suo amante. Sarei potuto correre da Giulia e chiedere spiegazioni, ma ho preferito prima vederci chiaro con lui. Volevo raccogliere più informazioni possibili, mi sentivo ferito e credevo che saperne di più mi avrebbe dato un vantaggio per metterla alle strette e farmi confessare tutto. Poi però ho cambiato idea; lui mi dice che erano stati assieme, sì, ma solo una volta. <em>Una notte di passione. </em>Lei gli aveva chiesto di non vedersi più ma lui <em>per solidarietà maschile</em> aveva voluto informarmi. Chiaramente sperava che io la lasciassi. Mi dice anche che se il nostro matrimonio era in crisi, lui sarebbe stato disposto a prendersi cura di Giulia, che l’avrebbe resa felice. Sono tornato a casa e ho deciso che non le avrei detto nulla. So bene, io per primo, che si può avere un momento di debolezza.<br> </p> <p><strong>Assieme, nonostante i tradimenti </strong><br>Non so se per via della sbandata, o se per qualcos’altro, ma di fatto Giulia si è avvicinata di nuovo a me. Ci sentiamo uniti. Ho scelto il silenzio, due volte, per tutelare il nostro matrimonio”.</p> <p></p><div id="adv-Bottom"></div> <h2>“Filippo si riconnette con le sue priorità emotive e, nello scegliere ancora una volta il suo matrimonio, rinsalda il legame. Tuttavia, credo debba discuterne apertamente con Giulia”</h2> <p>“La storia di Filippo è un’interessante fotografia, davvero nitida, del funzionamento di una coppia. C’è molta verità nel suo racconto perché ripercorre fasi che spesso le coppie si trovano ad affrontare lungo il loro cammino, fatto di alti e di bassi, di crisi e di avvicinamenti, di ferite e riparazioni”, spiega la <strong>dott.ssa Maria Claudia Biscione, psicologa, psicoterapeuta e sessuologa.</strong> “Filippo sembra non perdere mai di vista il focus: ovvero il rapporto con la moglie. In tutta la narrazione riesce sempre a comunicare quanto lui e Giulia siano la strada principale, mentre i vari episodi accaduti sembrano strade secondarie che provano a distoglierli dal cammino senza, però, mai fargli perdere l’orientamento. Credo che questo sia il motivo portante per cui, a fronte della scoperta di un tradimento, Filippo riesca a guardarsi dentro, a riflettere sul suo legame con una onestà intellettuale, a tal punto da decidere di lasciar perdere l’ego ferito, la delusione e il risentimento, per guardare all’unico obiettivo che ancora per lui conta: rimanere con Giulia. Sappiamo bene quanto, nelle relazioni, spesso siano proprio gli inciampi, quando non distruggono, a rinsaldare il rapporto. E Filippo descrive bene i vari momenti, negli anni, in cui entrambi hanno messo duramente alla prova i propri sentimenti perché costretti a gestire dei dolori grandi come l’infertilità o la perdita di una madre. In queste crisi profonde che li ha visti depressi e distanti hanno, però, saputo riconnettersi l’uno con l’altra e stabilire nuovi equilibri a cui aggrapparsi con forza. Pur nella difficoltà non hanno mai smesso di tendersi una mano e acchiapparsi reciprocamente dal baratro in cui stavano cadendo. Quando poi Filippo si invaghisce della sua collega, andandoci a letto, ammaliato dal <em>respirare la sua felicità</em>, non cede alla tentazione del percorso più facile: avviare una storia parallela e leggera. Pur avendone probabilmente voglia, <strong>si riconnette con le sue priorità emotive e, nello scegliere ancora una volta il suo matrimonio,</strong> riesce a portare una nuova linfa al suo legame con la moglie. In questo passaggio di scelta e comprensione sul dove voler impiegare risorse ed energie emotive, c’è la competenza che servirà poi a Filippo per comprendere il tradimento di Giulia. Per quanto l’amante faccia di tutto per innescare competizione, suscitando rabbia, Filippo rimane saldo, riesce a non farsi travolgere dall’emotività, a <strong>non far entrare l’estraneo nella loro intimità</strong>, ma si concentra sulla fiducia di ciò che lui conosce del suo rapporto con Giulia e di Giulia stessa. Comprende perché conosce e intuisce le motivazioni che hanno spinto sua moglie a tradirlo. Vede, nel chiudere di lei con l’ex immediatamente dopo un incontro, di fatto, la risposta di cui ha bisogno per sapere che stanno ancora entrambi procedendo insieme nello stesso percorso. <strong>Credo che la coppia si sia dimostrata, negli anni, di avere tutte le potenzialità utili a reggere a lungo.</strong> Mi chiedo, pertanto, solo, se sia giusto che Filippo sia il solo depositario di tutta questa comprensione e se non possa valere la pena, invece, <strong>discuterne apertamente con Giulia</strong> per ripartire allineati, trasparenti e coscienti della profondità del loro legame”.</p> </div>   <aside class="story__tags"> <h5 class="story__tags__label">Argomenti</h5> <ul class="story__tags__list"> <li><a class="type-topic" href="https://www.repubblica.it/moda-e-beauty/argomenti/coppia">coppia</a></li> </ul> </aside> </div> <script type="text/javascript"> if (!window.Zephr) window.Zephr = {}; if (!window.Zephr.outcomes) window.Zephr.outcomes = {}; window.Zephr.outcomes['rep_article'] = { featureLabel: 'rep_article', outcomeId: 'transformation/28', outcomeLabel: 'a_a_free' }; 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