Cornell sociologist offers advice on fraught family holidays

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field__items"> <div class="field__item"><h1> Cornell sociologist offers advice on fraught family holidays </h1> </div> </div> <div class="field field--name-node-post-date field--type-ds field--label-hidden field__items"> <div class="field__item"> <h3 class="byline date">November 18, 2024</h3> </div> </div> </div> </header><div class="col-sm-3 media-inquries-btn-wrapper"> <a href="#" class="btn btn-tertiary btn-sm btn-media-inquiries" data-toggle="#media-inquiry" role="button" aria-label="Media Inquiries">Media Inquiries <span class="icon icon-chevron-down"></span></a> </div> <div class="panel toggle clearfix" id="media-inquiry"> <div class="panel-body"> <div class="row"> <div class="row"> <div class="col-sm-12 pl-media-inquiries"> <div class="col-xs-6"> <h4>Media Contact</h4> <div class="taxonomy-term taxonomy-term--type-story-contacts taxonomy-term--view-mode-contact ds-1col clearfix"> <h5> Ellen Leventry </h5> <div class="field field--name-field-contact-email field--type-email field--label-hidden field__items"> <div class="field__item"><a href="mailto:eel2@cornell.edu">eel2@cornell.edu</a></div> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-contact-phone field--type-telephone field--label-hidden field__items"> <div class="field__item"><a href="tel:%28607%29793-1025">(607) 793-1025</a></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <div class="clearfix"></div> <div class="main"> <p><span>Managing expectations is the trick to maximizing family holiday enjoyment, says family sociologist </span><a href="https://www.human.cornell.edu/people/kap6"><span><strong>Karl Pillemer</strong></span></a><span>, a professor of human development at Cornell University. From talking politics to staying off-site, the author of “Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them”, says there is an incredible amount of media pressure pushing the notion that these events ought to be happy and harmonious. </span></p><hr class="tip-sheet--divider" /> <div class="field field--name-field-tip-sheet-quotes field--type-entity-reference field--label-hidden field__items"> <div class="expert-quote pl-curated-content accent accent-quote field__item"> <blockquote class="node node--type-quote node--view-mode-embed ds-1col clearfix blockquote-xs"> <div class="field field--name-field-author-expert field--type-entity-reference field--label-hidden field__items"> <div class="field__item"><cite class="taxonomy-term taxonomy-term--type-experts taxonomy-term--view-mode-default ds-1col clearfix"> <a href="https://www.human.cornell.edu/people/kap6" title="View Expert's Bio" target="_blank" class="bio-url" aria-hidden="true" tabindex="-1"> <img alt="" class="img-responsive img-circle" src="/sites/default/files/styles/expert_thumbnail/public/expert/portrait_kap6.jpg?itok=r1JQyYzK" width="60" height="60" loading="lazy" /> </a> <div class="cite-text vcenter"> <a href="https://www.human.cornell.edu/people/kap6" title="View Expert's Bio" target="_blank" class="bio-url"> <h3 class="blockquote-name"> Karl Pillemer </h3> </a> <p class="blockquote-title">Professor of psychology and of gerontology in medicine at Weill Cornell Medicine</p> </div> </cite> </div> </div> <q class="blockquote-xs"><p><p> </p><p><span><strong>Pillemer says:</strong></span></p><p><span>“There are endless commercials, specials, Lifetime movies, etc. about the wonderful aspects of holidays, and it’s very difficult for any family to live up to that. Remembering this can help ease stress and reduce tension.</span></p><p><span>“I’ve been able to come up with one rule for how families should handle political discussions—and it’s simple, but can be difficult to do. Ask yourself: is there any realistic possibility that we will have a reasonable discussion from opposing points of view, and then one of us may actually change our mind? If the answer is no, it’s much better for families to create a demilitarized zone around politics and avoid it. If a family member won’t stop haranguing you, walk away. Vote with your feet. </span></p><p><span>“From discussions around assisted living for older parents to a child’s choice of partner, we’re often tempted to have heavy conversations at the holidays when seeing people in-person. The advice of many of us who work in this area is to avoid those conversations, because they’re too emotionally charged for one visit—and they’re unlikely to work.</span></p><p><span>“When families return for the holidays, everyone feels like they have to stay in the same house. If you can afford it, the ability to go to a hotel room or Airbnb—having that escape hatch—can really be worth it. People should also feel comfortable making their stay a little shorter.”</span></p></p></q> </blockquote> </div> </div> </div> <div class="base-info">Cornell University has television, ISDN and dedicated Skype/Google+ Hangout studios available for media interviews.</div> </main> </article> </div> </div> </div> </main> <div id="blueimp-gallery" class="blueimp-gallery blueimp-gallery-controls" data-use-bootstrap-modal="false" data-hide-page-scrollbars="false" data-toggle-slideshow-on-space="false" data-toggle-controls-on-return="false" data-enable-keyboard-navigation="false" tabindex="-1" role="dialog" aria-modal="true" aria-label="Gallery">  <div id="modal-start" class="slides" tabindex="-1"></div>  <h3 class="title">Gallery Heading</h3> <button class="prev" value="previous" aria-label="previous"><span class="icon icon-chevron-left"></span></button> <button class="next" value="next" aria-label="next"><span class="icon icon-chevron-right"></span></button> <button class="close" value="close" aria-label="close"><span class="icon icon-close"></span></button> <button class="play-pause" value="play/pause" aria-label="play/pause"></button> <ol class="indicator"></ol>  <div class="modal fade"> <div class="modal-dialog modal-lg"> <div class="modal-content"> <div class="modal-header"> <button type="button" value="close" class="close" aria-hidden="true" aria-label="close">×</button> </div> <div class="modal-body next"></div> <div class="modal-footer"> <button type="button" value="previous" class="btn btn-default pull-left prev" aria-label="previous"> <span class="glyphicon glyphicon-chevron-left"></span> Previous </button> <button type="button" value="next" class="btn btn-primary next" aria-label="next"> Next <span class="glyphicon glyphicon-chevron-right"></span> </button> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div>  <footer> <div class="container">  <div class="row"> <div> <div class="col-sm-4"> <h2>Links</h2> <ul class="no-bullet"> <li> <a href="/about" target="" rel="" data-drupal-link-system-path="node/267141">About the Chronicle</a> </li> <li> <a href="/media-relations" data-drupal-link-system-path="node/42">Media Relations Office</a> </li> <li> <a href="/sitemap" data-drupal-link-system-path="node/324793">Sitemap</a> </li> <li> <a href="/about/copyright" target="" rel="" data-drupal-link-system-path="node/267143">Copyright</a> </li> <li> <a href="http://news.cornell.edu/web-accessibility-assistance">Web Accessibility Assistance</a> </li> <li> <a href="https://universityrelations.cornell.edu/" target="_blank">University Relations</a> </li> </ul> </div> <div id="block-contactmr" class="col-sm-4"> <h2>Contact</h2> <div class="field field--name-body field--type-text-with-summary field--label-hidden field__items"> <div class="field__item"><address> <p>Media Relations<br /> 312 College Ave. · Cornell University<br /> Ithaca, NY 14850<br /> <a href="tel:+1607-255-6074">607-255-6074</a><br /> <a href="mailto:mediarelations@cornell.edu">mediarelations@cornell.edu</a><br /> @CornellMedia</p> </address> </div> </div> </div> <div class="col-sm-4"> <h2>SUBSCRIBE</h2> <ul class="no-bullet"> <li> <a href="/about/subscribe-newsletter" data-drupal-link-system-path="node/325252"><i class="fa fa-envelope" aria-hidden="true"></i> <span class="link-text">Daily and weekly newsletters</span></a> </li> <li> <a href="/rss-feeds" target="" rel="" data-drupal-link-system-path="node/267145"><i class="fa fa-rss" aria-hidden="true"></i> <span class="link-text">Feeds - 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Cornell sociologist offers advice on fraught family holidays | Cornell Chronicle